Hello you savages. Get access to every episode 10 hours before UA-cam by subscribing for free on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Believe Your Needs Are Important 08:40 How to Make Your Needs a Priority 18:22 Rewriting Deeply-Set Patterns 26:05 Preventing a Critical Inner Voice 35:43 Believing the Story You Tell Yourself 45:13 Men Need to Step Outside of the Cycle 55:25 Having a Puritan View of Hard Work 1:03:10 The Cause of Nice Guy Syndrome 1:09:07 What it Really Means to Be an Alpha 1:21:29 Do Women Need to Be More Receptive? 1:36:41 How to Successfully Use Online Dating 1:47:55 Dating After Breaking Up or Divorcing 1:54:40 The Downsides of a Casual Sex Culture 1:58:17 Where to Find Dr Glover
As a former nice guy. You gotta be direct as possible. Do not beat around the bush. Be clear with what you desire. The more clear you are, the more likely you are to attract what you're looking for. Self-fulfilling prophecies can be both positive and negative. Edit: You have to tell people what you want. If they give it to you, great. If they don't, that's also great. You just have to move on. Be direct, if they don't respond how you'd like, be respectful, and move on. It's not a bad thing to move on from someone when they cannot give what you want.
I’ve found this to be true. It filters out the people who are not compatible with yourself. Essentially dating wise, if you’re upfront and say “I want this”
Exactly. And if they say theyre one way and act another, just tell them and break it off and move on. As a man, theyll always respect that over being their doormat
@@Savvynomad225the guy in the mirror. Then you figure out better problems that offer more lasting solutions than the wageslave rat race. Then with your actionable steps you scale up and start looking for running mates, be it a romantic or a business partner. You can never escape problems, besides life would be boring and meaningless without challenges. But you can figure out how to pivot to have better problems.
@@Savvynomad225 ohh boy. If I came back with that response, Marcus Aurelius himself would rise from the grave and slap me in the back of the head with a bakery shovel. Now sass aside, yeah life can be unfair often. And if you are here lurking in Chris's comments you're already on the right path looking for answers. Some stuff is beyond our control, but our attitude regarding them is always in our own control. Getting pissed about unchangables only serves to eat up your valuable time and energy. Now I can't make taxes go away, but let's imagine how proud and relaxed you would be if you can make enough to feel financially safe even after state thievery? Feels good right? Now thread back what are the necessary steps from your current position to get there, then let's start doing. Disclaimer: I don't try to be a smartass here, only a student of the principles I preach no master, my life is definitely a hot mess. It's always easier said than done, but it's still worth the fight. :)
Hi five from an ex people-pleaser! It’s a hard habit to break especially if you’re naturally caring but people will run all over you and not respect you if you are never truly yourself and acknowledge when you have needs/standards that need to be met. I’m not a doormat anymore and it feels great!
As a man I've always attracted more women minding my own business. I don't even approach women anymore. Advice I have for younger guys. Don't watch porn or look at hot women on twitch/youtube. Life changing advice
Women don't approach men though in 90% of cases so if you don't do anything as a guy won't get anything pretty simple equation, don't care how attractive a guy is he still has to make the moves most women will do is smile & make themselves available rest is up to guys, & let's be honest any woman that's making herself super available for a guy isn't the most sought after women most guys want it's 5's 6's or worse.
I was a classic nice guy. People would see things in me that I fundamentally did not believe. And recently I’ve been coming out of my nice guy behavior. STOP FOCUSING on how tired you are or depressed you are. You’re USING that as an excuse to isolate, blame, whatever it may be. When you’re in public, stop assuming “I’m so awkward” and think “everything is cool”. NOTICE and USE your body language as a TOOL. So.. walk slow. Walk even slower than you think slow is. Assume that YOU can fill OTHER PEOPLES cups. STOP expecting people to fill your cup. YOU can do it. And once you’ve EXPERIENCED some of these things, you’ll realize “Wow, I can actually build on that”. Then you’re on your way. One other thing: Treat your living space like a hotel. You sleep at a hotel and get ready. Other than that, you’re out and about. You need to be out there. I know that’s scary because you feel like people will be looking at you and through you, but trust me, YOU are making that up. And because you’re putting it on yourself, you’re making it true.
@@VeritatisQ Trust me. I like being at home too. You don't have to be out ALL the time, but definitely be pushing yourself to be out there a little more. Start small with going for a walk, going to the store (even if you don't buy anything), etc. Make sure that you're paying attention EXTERNALLY. You'll notice that you want to think about yourself. But think more about what you're seeing. Notice people and their aura / energy. Just be observant of things in general. This will make you more aware of existence and such.
I get here because the thumbnail says "stop dating your mum" I stay because of a guy that looks like the villain of 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2'
The quote is: "How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself and in no instance bypass the discriminations of reason? - Epictetus Great podcast.
His book “no more mr nice guy” changed my life. Should be required reading for any man. That and “when I say no I feel guilty” although this one is harder to get through. I reread his book every few years and get something new out of it each time.
Coming straight out with it. This episode is WAY better than I was expecting. Hugely information dense. Talking about how to think. This is the kind of content that I find useful. Will be rewatching this. Probably a lot of times.
100% train yourself to be good at reading social cues and then you'll know how to observe the signs that a woman is interested in you. Don't give attention to women who don't value you or people in general. Actually this shouldn't just be about dating, it's about life. Obviously this doesn't mean get upset at people who show you signs that they dislike you, it just helps you to know who values you and ultimately who you want in your life.
Loved what he said about starting to give to yourself - the examples of buying something for himself once he bought for someone else was great because it's a conscious pattern he set up for himself. Love that.
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back.
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being.
You may not want advice from women. But I was in your place when I was 21. There was no internet then. I wrote down why I loved him. And what was wrong, why we didn't stay together. And I kid you not within a month I met the perfect man, and we have both been happy together (except when we were sad. Happy ever after is a joke. Friends and family still die) for nearly 40 years.
This might be the best guest so far! Dr. Glover doesn't play ideological favorites, and he's a very genuinely based man. :D His two books are exceptionally valuable.
In situations where I've dated men who openly tell me from the beginning that they just want "casual" Deep down I'm always telling myself or rather hoping... that although I heard him my brain say..."but once he gets to know me maybe that will change if we are great together" "He might fall in love with me if im amazing". My head and heart ALWAYS over rides the fact that he said... "I just want casual" With this last situationship that I kept saying yes to. It carried on and off for 3 and a half years. It's was a total waste of my time and heart and I've learned a HUGE leason from it. And I own big time that I kept saying "yes" to basically alot of sex with a small friendship and nothing deeper... it left me empty. I will, WILL NOT do that to me again.
Long ago I knew a man like that. He was ten years older than I, and quite wealthy. He wined and dined me. He made me feel like a princess. And then he wouldn't phone for two days. He broke my heart. It was the 80s and we believed in listening to audio tapes. I bought one called Find Your Perfect Partner. It involved writing down what you wanted in a man and the type of relationship you wanted, I wanted marriage, a house and children. I kid you not within weeks I met my perfect man. And we've been married for nearly forty years. PS. This perfect partner stuff is so childish. No matter how wonderful your partner. Friends and family will die, economic times will change, children will fight with each other, etc etc
I was about done with the idea of love so I did something casual with a man. I felt like I got attached but I was actually going through alot. (Being moms caregiver, her slowly dying, trying to figure out what to do with a too big run down house) and he was a distraction. Anyway he lied to me a lot and now years later he's calling me wanting me to give something real a chance and I'm so thoroughly done with men I haven't let one touch me in 3 years. I say all that to say he will likely regret treating you like you were one of many. They play with good women and then they end up with a bad woman who plays the game better than they do and they get beaten and wanna crawl back to you. Never let them
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” came to me at a time of my lowest self-worth and volatility. I was 26 when I read it and it completely triggered my ego and transformed my perspective. Extremely grateful for this book and Dr. Robert Glover’s honest experience and solution.
This guy said something g I resonate with a lot. Going back and ruminating on previous mistakes does you no good. That’s basically my opinion on 90% of psycho therapy…. Flat out, not good for you, makes the problems worse, and inhibits moving forward.
Yes, that really resonated with me also. My first thought was when I heard Jim Kwik say, “what you focus on, examds.” Or I also thought about the Native American story of the two wolves inside you, the good and the bad. The one that grows the strongest is the one you feed the most. Tony Robbins also talks about this when he describes our “story”… Change comes in your life via strategy, story, and state. Our story that we tell ourselves is super powerful as it either will hold us back forever while we make endless excuses, or it can motivate us to be hungry for change and growth.
I put down a book I just started reading, opened UA-cam and saw this pop up as a recommended watch, only to hear Robert recommend the book I just put down… never heard of the book either, just from the friend that recommended it and now hearing about it here
About habits change: I recall reading that rather than just 21 days, there is a range: more like 21 to 200 days. It makes sense if you think about it as they are discussing habits and comfort levels and homeostasis even if you take a new action to override the Old if you’ve had the old actions a long time it could take more time with the new action to fully overwrite it. I am reading Dr. Glover’s book a second time and joined a men’s group. Like him I had family and religious pressures and conditioning to just be nice, put others ahead of you, disregard your needs and wants, etc. I am digging out, learning and growing, rising towards my best self, but it takes time, intention, new actions, mindset change, and you need a good support system. Have an awesome day and week. Take new steps to rise to greatness. 💪
They get the Biblical maxim wrong too. It's not put yourself last, its 'love your neighbor as yourself ' if you don't love yourself, it will manifest as using other people as a surrogate for loving yourself a la the woman at the well. This ends well for no one.
Please expand on that, I just read the story with the woman at the well but, I can't see how she used other people as a surrogate for loving herself, it didn’t seem like she cared if Jesus was there or not
@@anomie1998 The woman at the well is a narrative on two levels. It's about Samaria and the woman simultaneously. Remember the Samaritans were basically a remnant of the corrupt northern half of Israel that intermarried with gentiles. They were basically defiled Israelites who, through their promiscuity attempted to appear faithfully devoted by proximity to mere idols. In the same way the woman was defiled and attempted to keep the appearance of faithfully devoted by means of men. The true love of a Christian is supposed to be Christ. People who are full of that love can love people and use things. People who have a deficit of love use people and love things (idolatry). You could say in human terms the woman at the well is a codependent when our dependency should be on Christ. For only he is the only God that will die for you. Your idols won't. Even a good man makes a bad God.
Wow. This conversation landed somewhere between a throat punch and a hug! Mr. Williamson you are rocking the podcast world. Mr. Glover you are pushing the limits of the human condition. Thank-you both.
25:16 - I've done the thing with working out in like, 23-28 days- BUT I absolutely understand this sentiment. I've also heard "28 days to 'start' a habit... 60 days to 'form' a habit... 90 days to 'solidify' a habit...". All the results I've experienced, read, and heard point to 90 days being a definite measurement for... 'something'. It is said "you can/will hide your true self for the 1st 90 days of a relationship...". But, ultimately, the 1-3 times I've had the "21 days" timeline work for me, I give the credit to my motivation for action versus/toward the goal of the actions. Or, my initial motivation was external, but once I internalized the progress as being for myself, then I continued the activity to further results. One of my favorite quote is "The only escape a man has from his own self is to see a new self reflected in some woman's eyes." This isn't locked down to just "romance" or "women", but seeing the vision of what you must become to achieve this goal reflected by the evidence that you MAY BE that version of you- That is often fuel that "I CAN do it!" And once you accept that, to redirect the love or desire for that thing toward yourself, is the ultimate self-stoking cycle against your self's entropy. I'm grateful to have a little fuel from happening upon Chris Williamson and his guest's discussions. I am repetitively consuming this input in the hopes I can Reshape myself to become who I want to be that is also the best me. Thank you!
So, who are the “brothers” having sex with? 🙄 Is everyone having sex with the same woman so that when you finally grow up and get married, YOU can get a virgin? Yes, the hook-up culture is awful, but is awful for both sides, NOT just the women. It damages both men and women.
These comments are funny because they imply all these women would remain chaste if a guy didn’t sleep around and that women see, virgin partners rather than what they actually do, avoid them.
@randalldraco3822 haha what? Oh sweetie no. Actually, according to anthropologists, both men and women should sleep around when young, then settle down when older. Perhistoric humans slept around so much that none of the men knew whose child was whose. This led to everyone caring for all of the children. Thats that village. Monogamy didnt come around until agriculture became widespread. Men no longer had the village, so they were now farming and only had their own resources. This meant he had to make damn sure those kids were his because if not, no one is coming to help him. The fact is we are primates, and now im only an ecologist, so what would i know, but last time i was studying other great ape species, i didnt notice any monogamy. Now maybe im just a crackpot scientist, but im pretty sure no species of prinate is monogamous.
They may be referring to a controversial book by the name “Sex at Dawn” which makes some claims similar to what they commented: Promiscuity was the norm among early humans; as a result of men not knowing which children were theirs everyone chipped in to parent; agriculture was the beginning of the end for free-sex communes, I mean, hunter-gatherer villages. Some professors used the book in class, legitimizing it, when the authors were wholly incompetent in their research and heavily biased in their findings. Google “Sex at Dusk”, it’s a critic of the first book that details how far off it is from the truth, and how it’s just pushing an agenda.
When we approach women without being focused on our goal of securing a particular outcome, it's easier to build a connection with them. Even if the outcome wasn't what we hoped for, we built a connection with them and that's the joy of life.
Robert Glover looks like like Jacque Fresco in a younger generation, and they're both role models to me ❤ Thank you for your healthy perspective and impact 🙏
Chasing the hot woman = approval seeking., pounding on closed doors, making her the Alpha. In this case men exploit the beauty of that woman to signal to other men their „status“. Which is the status of a approval seeking guy. I think he is spot on with the mother analogy. Choose a woman who chooses you! Go through the open door. And learn to live alone before you enter a relationship. If you can’t stand hearing your own heartbeat you can’t be in a relationship.
I'll admit that the ''walking through open doors'' approach does work better because I've never taken the risk to do a cold approach, the few girls I've dated had all given me a sign that they were interested beforehand and, looking back on it, I don't really feel good about it because it made me feel like a predator choosing the easiest prey, I'd get into her just because I knew that she was into me first. Also, the girls/women that will too easily give you strong signs of interest might not be the healthiest, I've learned that at my own expense, there has to be some elegance to it.
I met my wife online four years ago. I sent her a message because I thought she was cute and she messaged me about three months later by then I have forgotten about her. Lol we dated for three years and then I married her happily married for a year now.
Your insights about women's experiences were spot on. Couldn't have loved this episode more, unless you gave specific examples of modern handkerchief dropping. Spell it out. What do I need to do?
Chris: "I'm now back to the dating scene, which is scary and the whole new world for me". An athletic looking Brit with 2 million subscribers that has just moved to US is trying to sound humble :D
Having lots of options is paradoxically harder than having few. If you can be with anyone then how do you choose to be with any one person in particular. Look at the dumpster fire celebrity marriages. Cheating, divorce, bitter legal battles - it’s nowhere near as cool as people think.
Different kind of hard. He's doing well for himself and has set a certain standard for his life. I can't imagine there are too many women who can come close to matching it and being a good complement for him. Plus he's gotta worry about gold diggers and groupies. Never fun.
@@Gaspar40disagree completely. This is only true if you’re not self reflective nor have wisdom or value systems you’re grounded in. And no surprise most fleeting celebrities are shallow and usually lack wisdom and discernment.
It’s all about enlightened self interest ! Doesn’t mean don’t help people but that I can better help others when I take care of myself first . When the airplane ✈️ loses cabin pressure you’re supposed to put on your oxygen mask on before your child .
6:28 uhhh no.. maybe in the early 2000’s but the last few school shooters have have been mixed race and a trans person.. idk if this bodes well for the ep but inaccurate broad strokes doesn’t seem like the best thing to use when your trying to preach.
@@brianmeen2158 well yeah, there’s a right way and wrong way. Like I’ve done both, was stuck wallowing from 4-25 before I figured out to use it to create a better man. If all your self hate makes you crumble then it’s terrible; but if you learn to use it as a motivator then it’s not as bad.
I really appreciate his last point, because that’s part of the reason dating is so scary these days. People will have absolutely no feelings for you, but date you for long periods of time just for the sex because who knows when is the next time they’ll get it, because they really don’t put themselves out there.
Another great episode with him, thank you Chris! I find the title awkward though. It is maybe just my impression but the title makes it seem as if there would be a surplus of high quality women that lack their high quality male counterpart. This idea or notion is apparent in a lot of content these days and it puts the blame on men. So if all men would just level up, the bidirectional supply would meet the demand. Looking at my social circle and the people I know/knew from uni and work, I feel like both genders are both equally changelled to be quality partners and I wouldn't say that either side is in a nicer position then the other. Everybody likes to point at the cavedweller with cheetodust on his chest who watches porn and plays games all day. Nobody seems to admit that a neurotic, avoidant and manipulative 30yo female lawyer who is emotionally immature, has her mother do the cleaning and laundry, who has an alcoholproblem and who is deep into astrology and tarot-cards is equally undateable. "Adult-Failure-ism" has a female archetype just aswell.
I think because Chris and most of his guests are men, they tend to give advice to men, not women. I agree that women have just as many issues, and I'd like some advice too, but it seems like the whole genre of philosophy and self-improvement podcasts is by men for men. Or maybe it's just that women's podcasts seem so extreme to me.
Focus on how she treats you, her personality & her qualities which make for a great wife/partner. Do not focus only her beauty. This is high level info here. I hope young men are paying attention to Dr. Glover.
I’m just gonna be honest and say that there is a time for isolation. I’m not talking about hedonistic isolation, or becoming socially awkward. Still talk to your friends and aqauintances. But sometimes you need to level up your situation. And you need focus for that. And you can’t be going out spending money with those friends that you know are gonna ask you to go out drinking and to try and find girls. Don’t be a nice guy. And assert your needs. But sometimes, you NEED to ASSERT your NEED to focus and better your situation. So that you can be more magnetic and confident to attract the women you want to attract. And to have the freedom to go out and not have to worry about bills, or finances. “Stay down to come up” that simple. Yin and yang.
I have never met my father, my mother told me that my father passed her when she was very pregnant, when I was 20, that I was never wanted, she ruined my teenage years, I have an extra 3 to 5 years I've always had to behave like a gentleman, but that didn't do anything for me
_Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._* - J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
@@amuroray9115You can accept that men want sexual variety and that’s simple male nature or divorce them. Do you see another option from your point of view?
@@matthewnorris203 then they shouldn’t get married. That way, they’re free to sleep around. Divorces are common though, so it looks like that’s already taken care of.
@@matthewnorris203then dont commit to marriage. Drop the andrew tate shit bro. If you dont wanna be with a woman don’t be with her. If you cheat and reduce that to “men want variety” you’re acting like a child not a man.
As a millennial, we didn't grow up with the internet. High speed internet, Social media, UA-cam, all of it was in its infancy when we were in high school. Netflix mailing DVDs was the big thing back then, not streaming.
Love all his perspectives on being outcome-agnostic, and just exercising healthy openness. I've seen this in a female friend of mine, she will talk to AAAAAAAANYONE, and I was always very envious of how she did that because, talkative as I am, I'm also awkward as fuck, but I eventually realised the only way to not be envious was to exercise this approach myself. It's been a mixed bag, and I certainly haven't been as consistent as I like, but hearing this makes me wanna give it that little bit more effort
Advice to women if you're looking for a partner, take your damn earphones out in public! It's a red light in the heads of men if they're thinking about approaching. They may have to raise their voice or just get in your line of vision which is - quoting even further from the podcast - scary, or mostly awkward. 😂
Hello you savages. Get access to every episode 10 hours before UA-cam by subscribing for free on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw Here's the timestamps:
00:00 Believe Your Needs Are Important
08:40 How to Make Your Needs a Priority
18:22 Rewriting Deeply-Set Patterns
26:05 Preventing a Critical Inner Voice
35:43 Believing the Story You Tell Yourself
45:13 Men Need to Step Outside of the Cycle
55:25 Having a Puritan View of Hard Work
1:03:10 The Cause of Nice Guy Syndrome
1:09:07 What it Really Means to Be an Alpha
1:21:29 Do Women Need to Be More Receptive?
1:36:41 How to Successfully Use Online Dating
1:47:55 Dating After Breaking Up or Divorcing
1:54:40 The Downsides of a Casual Sex Culture
1:58:17 Where to Find Dr Glover
hiiiiiiiii
The best😅
😊😊4x10 44
Virtual handkerchief 🤓
As a former nice guy. You gotta be direct as possible. Do not beat around the bush. Be clear with what you desire. The more clear you are, the more likely you are to attract what you're looking for. Self-fulfilling prophecies can be both positive and negative.
Edit: You have to tell people what you want. If they give it to you, great. If they don't, that's also great. You just have to move on. Be direct, if they don't respond how you'd like, be respectful, and move on. It's not a bad thing to move on from someone when they cannot give what you want.
I’ve found this to be true. It filters out the people who are not compatible with yourself. Essentially dating wise, if you’re upfront and say “I want this”
Exactly. And if they say theyre one way and act another, just tell them and break it off and move on. As a man, theyll always respect that over being their doormat
@@Savvynomad225the guy in the mirror. Then you figure out better problems that offer more lasting solutions than the wageslave rat race. Then with your actionable steps you scale up and start looking for running mates, be it a romantic or a business partner.
You can never escape problems, besides life would be boring and meaningless without challenges. But you can figure out how to pivot to have better problems.
@@Savvynomad225 ohh boy. If I came back with that response, Marcus Aurelius himself would rise from the grave and slap me in the back of the head with a bakery shovel.
Now sass aside, yeah life can be unfair often. And if you are here lurking in Chris's comments you're already on the right path looking for answers.
Some stuff is beyond our control, but our attitude regarding them is always in our own control. Getting pissed about unchangables only serves to eat up your valuable time and energy.
Now I can't make taxes go away, but let's imagine how proud and relaxed you would be if you can make enough to feel financially safe even after state thievery? Feels good right? Now thread back what are the necessary steps from your current position to get there, then let's start doing.
Disclaimer: I don't try to be a smartass here, only a student of the principles I preach no master, my life is definitely a hot mess. It's always easier said than done, but it's still worth the fight. :)
Hi five from an ex people-pleaser! It’s a hard habit to break especially if you’re naturally caring but people will run all over you and not respect you if you are never truly yourself and acknowledge when you have needs/standards that need to be met.
I’m not a doormat anymore and it feels great!
As a man I've always attracted more women minding my own business. I don't even approach women anymore. Advice I have for younger guys. Don't watch porn or look at hot women on twitch/youtube. Life changing advice
Nobody should ever stop watching porn
@@wojiaobill why do you believe that?
@@wojiaobill who let bro cook?
@@wojiaobill Get him out of the kitchen
Women don't approach men though in 90% of cases so if you don't do anything as a guy won't get anything pretty simple equation, don't care how attractive a guy is he still has to make the moves most women will do is smile & make themselves available rest is up to guys, & let's be honest any woman that's making herself super available for a guy isn't the most sought after women most guys want it's 5's 6's or worse.
I have loved iyanla vanzant's quote for years. "My cup runneth over. What's in the cup is for me, and what runs over I have to give to everyone else."
Stupid quote , what runs over is not yours to give to anybody anymore. You had the choice before you overpoured yourself
@@ExploderMaster18Well how's he gonna not give it away, our cup is already full lol
In other words, we must be full in order to give to others.
BS,..what runeth over is still mine.
I was a classic nice guy. People would see things in me that I fundamentally did not believe. And recently I’ve been coming out of my nice guy behavior. STOP FOCUSING on how tired you are or depressed you are. You’re USING that as an excuse to isolate, blame, whatever it may be. When you’re in public, stop assuming “I’m so awkward” and think “everything is cool”. NOTICE and USE your body language as a TOOL. So.. walk slow. Walk even slower than you think slow is. Assume that YOU can fill OTHER PEOPLES cups. STOP expecting people to fill your cup. YOU can do it. And once you’ve EXPERIENCED some of these things, you’ll realize “Wow, I can actually build on that”. Then you’re on your way. One other thing: Treat your living space like a hotel. You sleep at a hotel and get ready. Other than that, you’re out and about. You need to be out there. I know that’s scary because you feel like people will be looking at you and through you, but trust me, YOU are making that up. And because you’re putting it on yourself, you’re making it true.
This comment deserves more upvotes.
Man, I like being at home, but this seems like good advice
@@VeritatisQ Trust me. I like being at home too. You don't have to be out ALL the time, but definitely be pushing yourself to be out there a little more. Start small with going for a walk, going to the store (even if you don't buy anything), etc. Make sure that you're paying attention EXTERNALLY. You'll notice that you want to think about yourself. But think more about what you're seeing. Notice people and their aura / energy. Just be observant of things in general. This will make you more aware of existence and such.
Best comment !
I will copy and share what you wrote 👍👌
I get here because the thumbnail says "stop dating your mum" I stay because of a guy that looks like the villain of 'cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2'
😂😂😂
lmfao
Villain guy was slangin them meatballs behind the scenes
That "villain" is the goat of men
@@zingking0132bearded like a goat too
The quote is:
"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself and in no instance bypass the discriminations of reason?
- Epictetus
Great podcast.
One my favourite guests ever, his book changed my life
You should check out integration Nation. It's a life changer
calming voice
he wrote a book?
No more mr nice guy. You can listen to it on UA-cam
This man has changed so many lives and is on point. If you get triggered, it highlights what you need to work on.
A father should have done this for each child. We wouldnt need men like him to teach us if it would work naturally.
We are those fathers, whether we're fathers of our own children or not. This is the generation that gets to spread the wisdom @@norbucso
His book “no more mr nice guy” changed my life. Should be required reading for any man. That and “when I say no I feel guilty” although this one is harder to get through.
I reread his book every few years and get something new out of it each time.
Love this guest - he comes across as so authentic- a breath of fresh air.
Coming straight out with it.
This episode is WAY better than I was expecting.
Hugely information dense.
Talking about how to think.
This is the kind of content that I find useful.
Will be rewatching this. Probably a lot of times.
100% train yourself to be good at reading social cues and then you'll know how to observe the signs that a woman is interested in you. Don't give attention to women who don't value you or people in general. Actually this shouldn't just be about dating, it's about life. Obviously this doesn't mean get upset at people who show you signs that they dislike you, it just helps you to know who values you and ultimately who you want in your life.
Loved what he said about starting to give to yourself - the examples of buying something for himself once he bought for someone else was great because it's a conscious pattern he set up for himself. Love that.
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back.
Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being.
Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.
You may not want advice from women. But I was in your place when I was 21. There was no internet then. I wrote down why I loved him. And what was wrong, why we didn't stay together. And I kid you not within a month I met the perfect man, and we have both been happy together (except when we were sad. Happy ever after is a joke. Friends and family still die) for nearly 40 years.
This might be the best guest so far! Dr. Glover doesn't play ideological favorites, and he's a very genuinely based man. :D His two books are exceptionally valuable.
In situations where I've dated men who openly tell me from the beginning that they just want "casual" Deep down I'm always telling myself or rather hoping... that although I heard him my brain say..."but once he gets to know me maybe that will change if we are great together" "He might fall in love with me if im amazing". My head and heart ALWAYS over rides the fact that he said... "I just want casual" With this last situationship that I kept saying yes to. It carried on and off for 3 and a half years. It's was a total waste of my time and heart and I've learned a HUGE leason from it. And I own big time that I kept saying "yes" to basically alot of sex with a small friendship and nothing deeper... it left me empty. I will, WILL NOT do that to me again.
Decenter men and develop self. You will bring peace and contentment into your life.
Long ago I knew a man like that. He was ten years older than I, and quite wealthy. He wined and dined me. He made me feel like a princess. And then he wouldn't phone for two days. He broke my heart.
It was the 80s and we believed in listening to audio tapes. I bought one called Find Your Perfect Partner. It involved writing down what you wanted in a man and the type of relationship you wanted, I wanted marriage, a house and children. I kid you not within weeks I met my perfect man. And we've been married for nearly forty years.
PS. This perfect partner stuff is so childish. No matter how wonderful your partner. Friends and family will die, economic times will change, children will fight with each other, etc etc
It also seems sort of ass-backwards to have sex first and then attempt to connect on another level. Dating is really an odd artifice.
Females discovering traditional rules in modern times be like-
I was about done with the idea of love so I did something casual with a man. I felt like I got attached but I was actually going through alot. (Being moms caregiver, her slowly dying, trying to figure out what to do with a too big run down house) and he was a distraction. Anyway he lied to me a lot and now years later he's calling me wanting me to give something real a chance and I'm so thoroughly done with men I haven't let one touch me in 3 years. I say all that to say he will likely regret treating you like you were one of many. They play with good women and then they end up with a bad woman who plays the game better than they do and they get beaten and wanna crawl back to you. Never let them
“No More Mr. Nice Guy” came to me at a time of my lowest self-worth and volatility. I was 26 when I read it and it completely triggered my ego and transformed my perspective. Extremely grateful for this book and Dr. Robert Glover’s honest experience and solution.
This guy said something g I resonate with a lot. Going back and ruminating on previous mistakes does you no good. That’s basically my opinion on 90% of psycho therapy…. Flat out, not good for you, makes the problems worse, and inhibits moving forward.
Yes, that really resonated with me also. My first thought was when I heard Jim Kwik say, “what you focus on, examds.”
Or I also thought about the Native American story of the two wolves inside you, the good and the bad. The one that grows the strongest is the one you feed the most.
Tony Robbins also talks about this when he describes our “story”…
Change comes in your life via strategy, story, and state. Our story that we tell ourselves is super powerful as it either will hold us back forever while we make endless excuses, or it can motivate us to be hungry for change and growth.
Mr. Glover has helped me in soo many ways along with Coach Corey Wayne. I’m a stronger, clearer man because of their work. Thank you!
I put down a book I just started reading, opened UA-cam and saw this pop up as a recommended watch, only to hear Robert recommend the book I just put down… never heard of the book either, just from the friend that recommended it and now hearing about it here
I read his book „no more Mr nice guy“ and it’s so good!
The mindsets glover presents have legit changed my life. Great insight and podcast
This was one of your best episodes Chris. Congrats. And Dr. Glover is a sage. Love it.
About habits change: I recall reading that rather than just 21 days, there is a range: more like 21 to 200 days.
It makes sense if you think about it as they are discussing habits and comfort levels and homeostasis even if you take a new action to override the Old if you’ve had the old actions a long time it could take more time with the new action to fully overwrite it.
I am reading Dr. Glover’s book a second time and joined a men’s group. Like him I had family and religious pressures and conditioning to just be nice, put others ahead of you, disregard your needs and wants, etc.
I am digging out, learning and growing, rising towards my best self, but it takes time, intention, new actions, mindset change, and you need a good support system.
Have an awesome day and week. Take new steps to rise to greatness. 💪
They get the Biblical maxim wrong too. It's not put yourself last, its 'love your neighbor as yourself ' if you don't love yourself, it will manifest as using other people as a surrogate for loving yourself a la the woman at the well. This ends well for no one.
Please expand on that, I just read the story with the woman at the well but, I can't see how she used other people as a surrogate for loving herself, it didn’t seem like she cared if Jesus was there or not
@@anomie1998 The woman at the well is a narrative on two levels. It's about Samaria and the woman simultaneously. Remember the Samaritans were basically a remnant of the corrupt northern half of Israel that intermarried with gentiles. They were basically defiled Israelites who, through their promiscuity attempted to appear faithfully devoted by proximity to mere idols. In the same way the woman was defiled and attempted to keep the appearance of faithfully devoted by means of men. The true love of a Christian is supposed to be Christ. People who are full of that love can love people and use things. People who have a deficit of love use people and love things (idolatry). You could say in human terms the woman at the well is a codependent when our dependency should be on Christ. For only he is the only God that will die for you. Your idols won't. Even a good man makes a bad God.
Wow. This conversation landed somewhere between a throat punch and a hug! Mr. Williamson you are rocking the podcast world. Mr. Glover you are pushing the limits of the human condition. Thank-you both.
One of the OG’s of the OG’s! I appreciate your work Dr Glover!
We needed another episode with him, thanks Chris!
25:16 - I've done the thing with working out in like, 23-28 days- BUT I absolutely understand this sentiment.
I've also heard "28 days to 'start' a habit... 60 days to 'form' a habit... 90 days to 'solidify' a habit...".
All the results I've experienced, read, and heard point to 90 days being a definite measurement for... 'something'. It is said "you can/will hide your true self for the 1st 90 days of a relationship...".
But, ultimately, the 1-3 times I've had the "21 days" timeline work for me, I give the credit to my motivation for action versus/toward the goal of the actions.
Or, my initial motivation was external, but once I internalized the progress as being for myself, then I continued the activity to further results.
One of my favorite quote is "The only escape a man has from his own self is to see a new self reflected in some woman's eyes." This isn't locked down to just "romance" or "women", but seeing the vision of what you must become to achieve this goal reflected by the evidence that you MAY BE that version of you- That is often fuel that "I CAN do it!" And once you accept that, to redirect the love or desire for that thing toward yourself, is the ultimate self-stoking cycle against your self's entropy.
I'm grateful to have a little fuel from happening upon Chris Williamson and his guest's discussions. I am repetitively consuming this input in the hopes I can Reshape myself to become who I want to be that is also the best me.
Thank you!
So, who are the “brothers” having sex with? 🙄 Is everyone having sex with the same woman so that when you finally grow up and get married, YOU can get a virgin?
Yes, the hook-up culture is awful, but is awful for both sides, NOT just the women. It damages both men and women.
These comments are funny because they imply all these women would remain chaste if a guy didn’t sleep around and that women see, virgin partners rather than what they actually do, avoid them.
@randalldraco3822 haha what? Oh sweetie no. Actually, according to anthropologists, both men and women should sleep around when young, then settle down when older. Perhistoric humans slept around so much that none of the men knew whose child was whose. This led to everyone caring for all of the children. Thats that village. Monogamy didnt come around until agriculture became widespread. Men no longer had the village, so they were now farming and only had their own resources. This meant he had to make damn sure those kids were his because if not, no one is coming to help him. The fact is we are primates, and now im only an ecologist, so what would i know, but last time i was studying other great ape species, i didnt notice any monogamy. Now maybe im just a crackpot scientist, but im pretty sure no species of prinate is monogamous.
I didn't understand a single one of these comments.
Honestly.
What are you people saying?
Is this some kind of code?
@@carolallison9685 please name these “anthropologists” who claim this.
They may be referring to a controversial book by the name “Sex at Dawn” which makes some claims similar to what they commented: Promiscuity was the norm among early humans; as a result of men not knowing which children were theirs everyone chipped in to parent; agriculture was the beginning of the end for free-sex communes, I mean, hunter-gatherer villages. Some professors used the book in class, legitimizing it, when the authors were wholly incompetent in their research and heavily biased in their findings. Google “Sex at Dusk”, it’s a critic of the first book that details how far off it is from the truth, and how it’s just pushing an agenda.
What a fun guest, i enjoyed all his stories and lessons.I could listen for hours. Again, Communication is key for any relationship.
¡Gracias!
I love how Dc GLover put finally the real deal with hardwork and frame it for what really is not like all pseudos entrpreneurs.
Yes, not just blindly work hard which sounds like bash your head of the wall
Smart work is working on what really matters , on improving yourself everyday , even if just by 1%. Kudos to you 👏.
When we approach women without being focused on our goal of securing a particular outcome, it's easier to build a connection with them. Even if the outcome wasn't what we hoped for, we built a connection with them and that's the joy of life.
This is a really mature take on dating life.
Robert Glover looks like like Jacque Fresco in a younger generation, and they're both role models to me ❤ Thank you for your healthy perspective and impact 🙏
One of my favourite episodes from this show. No More Mr Nice Guy is a really good book from Robert
Chasing the hot woman = approval seeking., pounding on closed doors, making her the Alpha.
In this case men exploit the beauty of that woman to signal to other men their „status“. Which is the status of a approval seeking guy. I think he is spot on with the mother analogy.
Choose a woman who chooses you! Go through the open door. And learn to live alone before you enter a relationship. If you can’t stand hearing your own heartbeat you can’t be in a relationship.
I'll admit that the ''walking through open doors'' approach does work better because I've never taken the risk to do a cold approach, the few girls I've dated had all given me a sign that they were interested beforehand and, looking back on it, I don't really feel good about it because it made me feel like a predator choosing the easiest prey, I'd get into her just because I knew that she was into me first. Also, the girls/women that will too easily give you strong signs of interest might not be the healthiest, I've learned that at my own expense, there has to be some elegance to it.
I met my wife online four years ago. I sent her a message because I thought she was cute and she messaged me about three months later by then I have forgotten about her. Lol we dated for three years and then I married her happily married for a year now.
This is a really great interview, loved every minute of it ❤️
This is the kind of video I've been looking for, this actually makes my issues make sense
57:50 you know what’s twisted right took me out 😂😂
this episode was SOO freacking helpful and digestable. thank you Chris for having the Dr. Glover
Just finished this guy’s audiobook. It was really good
Your insights about women's experiences were spot on. Couldn't have loved this episode more, unless you gave specific examples of modern handkerchief dropping. Spell it out. What do I need to do?
Chris: "I'm now back to the dating scene, which is scary and the whole new world for me". An athletic looking Brit with 2 million subscribers that has just moved to US is trying to sound humble :D
Honestly if he fails then we know society is done for 😅
Having lots of options is paradoxically harder than having few. If you can be with anyone then how do you choose to be with any one person in particular. Look at the dumpster fire celebrity marriages. Cheating, divorce, bitter legal battles - it’s nowhere near as cool as people think.
Different kind of hard. He's doing well for himself and has set a certain standard for his life. I can't imagine there are too many women who can come close to matching it and being a good complement for him. Plus he's gotta worry about gold diggers and groupies. Never fun.
@@Gaspar40disagree completely. This is only true if you’re not self reflective nor have wisdom or value systems you’re grounded in. And no surprise most fleeting celebrities are shallow and usually lack wisdom and discernment.
Dr Glover is the best. Glad you had him in again Chris, love this episode
Robert is fantastic !
You are fantastic
Thank you so much Chris for bringing him back in person. His book was very helpful to me at a challenging time of my life.
Thank you Master Roshi
Great Podcast! Terrrible ending point. It was getting so gooood, why end it thereee brother!!?? hahahaha Legends anyway
Glover's book is one of the best books on the matter. He goes beyond the superficial RP talking points.
16:51 had to pause and reflect after that one
30:36 yuuuuup.
1:10:08-1:20:24 great segment
It’s all about enlightened self interest ! Doesn’t mean don’t help people but that I can better help others when I take care of myself first . When the airplane ✈️ loses cabin pressure you’re supposed to put on your oxygen mask on before your child .
6:28 uhhh no.. maybe in the early 2000’s but the last few school shooters have have been mixed race and a trans person.. idk if this bodes well for the ep but inaccurate broad strokes doesn’t seem like the best thing to use when your trying to preach.
There’s been three trans-identifying school shooters in recent years, Aurora CO, Moscow ID , Nashville TN
🙄
He was clearly speaking in general terms. Don’t nit pick like that it’s a friggin 2h pod cast
@@lukemacon1Exactly. It's making a mountain out of a molehill
I feel like self loathing is a double edge sword. It ruins a lot but it’s also the only thing that’s ever made me improve parts of myself.
@@brianmeen2158 well yeah, there’s a right way and wrong way. Like I’ve done both, was stuck wallowing from 4-25 before I figured out to use it to create a better man.
If all your self hate makes you crumble then it’s terrible; but if you learn to use it as a motivator then it’s not as bad.
This was full of little quotes that would make great possible episode titles. I really enjoyed this one 👌🏽
Thank you Chris! As always amazing!
I love Dr. Glover ❤
I really appreciate his last point, because that’s part of the reason dating is so scary these days. People will have absolutely no feelings for you, but date you for long periods of time just for the sex because who knows when is the next time they’ll get it, because they really don’t put themselves out there.
Just discovered this. Great format, great info!
Another great episode with him, thank you Chris!
I find the title awkward though. It is maybe just my impression but the title makes it seem as if there would be a surplus of high quality women that lack their high quality male counterpart. This idea or notion is apparent in a lot of content these days and it puts the blame on men. So if all men would just level up, the bidirectional supply would meet the demand. Looking at my social circle and the people I know/knew from uni and work, I feel like both genders are both equally changelled to be quality partners and I wouldn't say that either side is in a nicer position then the other. Everybody likes to point at the cavedweller with cheetodust on his chest who watches porn and plays games all day. Nobody seems to admit that a neurotic, avoidant and manipulative 30yo female lawyer who is emotionally immature, has her mother do the cleaning and laundry, who has an alcoholproblem and who is deep into astrology and tarot-cards is equally undateable. "Adult-Failure-ism" has a female archetype just aswell.
I think because Chris and most of his guests are men, they tend to give advice to men, not women. I agree that women have just as many issues, and I'd like some advice too, but it seems like the whole genre of philosophy and self-improvement podcasts is by men for men. Or maybe it's just that women's podcasts seem so extreme to me.
@@Sub0Kate There are some good podcasts marketed to women but they do terrible numbers which is probably why they don't hit your feed.
A king doesn't become a king by marring a queen, a king becomes a king by conquesting a kingdom
Being detached to the world’s any fathomable form makes you insurmountably powerful man.
1. Looks
2. Then Robert Glovers Advice
Always good to see Dr. Robert Glover!
Thank you Chris, its so wonderful to listen to your deep, interesting discussions.
Literally me. I do everything myself. The thought of doing things with other people grosses me out.
Every time I listen to this podcast (it's about the 3rd time so far), I keep thinking about that movie with Jim Carrey - "YES MAN!"😅
Intrinsic dignity, comes from your self-judgement based on your own value, not the value of someone else’s.
Yesss another one Dr Glover!! Everybody should read his book! Changed my life
Focus on how she treats you, her personality & her qualities which make for a great wife/partner.
Do not focus only her beauty.
This is high level info here.
I hope young men are paying attention to Dr. Glover.
Such a great episode - thank you both for taking the time to put this out.
One of my favorites ever -- awesome chat
Isolation is not always hedonistic and fearful. Sometimes it’s a stage for growth. I’d hope Robert could understand that.
I’m just gonna be honest and say that there is a time for isolation. I’m not talking about hedonistic isolation, or becoming socially awkward. Still talk to your friends and aqauintances. But sometimes you need to level up your situation. And you need focus for that. And you can’t be going out spending money with those friends that you know are gonna ask you to go out drinking and to try and find girls. Don’t be a nice guy. And assert your needs. But sometimes, you NEED to ASSERT your NEED to focus and better your situation. So that you can be more magnetic and confident to attract the women you want to attract. And to have the freedom to go out and not have to worry about bills, or finances. “Stay down to come up” that simple. Yin and yang.
Doing a great job with your interviews thanks
Scott Peck's is number 7. Top 3 are think and grow rich 👍🏻, win friends and influence 👍🏻 and the secret 👎🏻
I'm valuable I'm loveable my needs are important
I have never met my father, my mother told me that my father passed her when she was very pregnant, when I was 20, that I was never wanted, she ruined my teenage years, I have an extra 3 to 5 years I've always had to behave like a gentleman, but that didn't do anything for me
_Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._*
- J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊
What is your solution to the men who cheat on their wives?
I agree with him.
@@amuroray9115You can accept that men want sexual variety and that’s simple male nature or divorce them. Do you see another option from your point of view?
@@matthewnorris203 then they shouldn’t get married. That way, they’re free to sleep around. Divorces are common though, so it looks like that’s already taken care of.
@@matthewnorris203then dont commit to marriage. Drop the andrew tate shit bro. If you dont wanna be with a woman don’t be with her. If you cheat and reduce that to “men want variety” you’re acting like a child not a man.
Wise, Insightful!! Good Show 👍
As a millennial, we didn't grow up with the internet. High speed internet, Social media, UA-cam, all of it was in its infancy when we were in high school. Netflix mailing DVDs was the big thing back then, not streaming.
Reading Mr. Nice Guy Done some years ago was an epiphany...and it took me to some dark places.
I wasn't who I thought I was.
Chris interviewed him before, and it was a fantastic episode. Is this a new interview?
Look at that. I learned something today
Say YES. 😊
"I was able to get it better, therefore anyone can be as lucky as I am!!"
Read his book last month. It gives you a lot to think about.
Another solid episode…… wow 💙
Love all his perspectives on being outcome-agnostic, and just exercising healthy openness. I've seen this in a female friend of mine, she will talk to AAAAAAAANYONE, and I was always very envious of how she did that because, talkative as I am, I'm also awkward as fuck, but I eventually realised the only way to not be envious was to exercise this approach myself. It's been a mixed bag, and I certainly haven't been as consistent as I like, but hearing this makes me wanna give it that little bit more effort
Advice to women if you're looking for a partner, take your damn earphones out in public! It's a red light in the heads of men if they're thinking about approaching. They may have to raise their voice or just get in your line of vision which is - quoting even further from the podcast - scary, or mostly awkward. 😂
They have their headphones in so they don't have to talk to guys (presumably) like you
How do you find people who would be willing to have a cooperative reciprocal relationship?
I’m exhausted just hearing him talk about The amount of socializing he does just to socialize… screw that. I’ll die alone.
Chris is back on the dating scene? Watch out for that black pill!
Great interview 👍
Big love to Chris
I hate glover’s delivery but his message is spot on.
Amazing talk!