Love your content, Ash! You’re always a class act. Thank you for the reminders. I’m inspired to keep my personal standards high, no matter what others around me choose to do.
Disclosure: I have shaken hands without standing and now recognise that this is wrong. Your observation is noted and this once again demonstrates that life improvement is indeed a journey. Thank you, sir.
Great stuff, Ash. A note on verbal communication: If you are going to be spending any amount of time in a country where English is not spoken, make a serious effort to learn the local language. If you travel or do business in France or Mexico, then develop a reasonable proficiency in French or Spanish. We are so lucky these days to have tools at our disposal that make independent language learning accessible. You don't have to achieve mastery of the language. But in my experience people will greatly appreciate the respect that you've shown by making the effort.
Twice the listening, half the talking... live by that one single rule, turn it into a life skill, and you won't go far wrong. I was taught this at an early age, and soon realised that what we say can have a profound effect on someone's day or life! Do this and you won't go far wrong! You'll be amazed at the amount of folk who do things the wrong way round as well!
I very rarely swear at work, in fact one day I did and a colleague said "I've never heard you swear before". I the workplace, I never have an opinion on religion, politics or pass comment on people. One thing I missed during the pandemic was a handshake. This is an excellent video which should be shown in all schools.
@@Solaar_Punk You never know who is listening. I heard of a company being bought out and the MD of the smaller company gave it the big-un to staff and was effing an Jeffing whilst doing so. Unbeknown, his new CEO in attendance is a rather conservative chap who frowns upon such "bants". Observers said it was embarrassing.
100% agree with the second point (and I apologise for what maybe a long comment), I was unfortunate enough to live my first 10 years in a farming community in Norfolk (yes that accent) then the next 15 years in South East London, Why is that bad I hear you ask? Well, I ended up sounding like Ali G with a slight farmers twang. I moved to Scotland in my mid 20s to help with my Grandads farm and my Grandad noticed that I was having real trouble communicating with the locals, having in some cases needing to repeat myself as much as 10 times because of the slang ridden way I used to talk, but in general, I could understand many of the thick Scottish accents without any trouble and got on really well with pretty much everyone. My Grandad (quite well spoken, some may say posh, dapper well connected man himself) pulled some strings and out of his own pocket hired (a friend from the pub) who used to teach at Eton & Oxford among many subjects including Elocution. After about a year, about 5 hours a week on basically removing all slang and speaking with authority (i'm guessing a similar education given to new public speakers), I started to notice that I no longer needed to repeat myself. I didn't notice the change within myself that much until I moved back to London about 6 years later and quite a few people noted that I sound alot like the actor Benedict Cumberbatch, not only did I find that flattering, as I like the actor I also found, with a better grasp of the English language (as well simply being better dressed casually) had opened many doors for me in just making a good first impression when it really matters. I'm a strong believer of this very simple philosophy, if you want society to treat you like a chav, dress and act like one, if you want society to treat you like a gentleman... Fill un the gap.
You are absolutely correct, Ash, when you talk about the importance of developing a wide vocabulary and speaking with elegance and precision. It does make a genuine difference because people will judge you on the way you speak just as they will on the way you dress. You express yourself beautifully, Ash, and even though I knew you were ex-military and ex-police, it never quite occurred to me that you were not university educated. -Take it as a compliment.
Your posts are always good. I too enlisted in the military (US) right after high school and it took some time to develop some professional/gentlemanly skills. I have great respect for these traits now.
Excellent advice as always Ash. I'm flabbergasted at the number of people unable to actively listen; instead, they just wait for a point to interject. It's frustrating in the extreme.
Brilliant advice once again Ash. I would add that I have encountered trades people who have shaken my hand very nicely, to give me the false impression that they were upright and honest, when indeed. some of the best workers I have encountered see that as an unnecessary affectation. What I’m basically saying is that applying a lot of the techniques you mention can give a false impression of who you actually are.
Perhaps one more rule: if you're going ABROAD and you have no command of the foreign language: just learn a few basic things and idioms. It will be appreciated by your opposite, that you made the effort.
The general British arrogance to not speaking the language when abroad makes me cringe. Not attempting the basics words is discourteous. A true gentleman is worldy open minded and willing to try.
Hi Ash, Your content is absolutely fantastic. I came across you only 10-days ago when searching for, of all things, how to fold a shirt. Your 'how to iron a shirt' video was in the content list. I am 'ex-job' also and know how to iron a shirt (my mum taught me this too) but I loved the style of your presentation - the cut of your jib. I decided there and then to adopt your approach. My wife and I were in a neighbouring town yesterday and I was wearing a freshly ironed shirt and trousers, waistcoat and freshly polished Chelsea / trader boots. Two gentlemen complemented me on my appearance ! I have me own style but this has never happened before. Amazing. Thank you. 🙏
Handshakes are always difficult for me because I have limited peripheral vision. I can shake your hand OR I can look you in the eyes, but I can’t do both.
I get passionate about health topics and like to talk about it a lot. Sometimes I get carried away with people. My wife tells me it gets out of hand. Hard to not do this.
Mr, Ash, excellent video. I did not know your were in Law enforcement. I should have known as an observer of human behavior , which is probably why I watch your videos. I try to keep calm when ambushed by folks in a conversation, Recently I lost my cool with a chap who has a long history of being adversarial with no one standing up to him. I unloaded and now feel that he got one over on me. I shall not apologize , as it was time for someone had to stop this behavior , yet I feel as let let so many constituents down. I am of course human. I thank you for your kind words, The Sheriff of Ulster in the States. JJF
Ash - As a man of integrity, How do you navigate honesty in your life, in situations where people ask your opinion, or where you don’t like a partners friend for example? Do you hold back and not risk any offence for an easy life, or as you get older do you find it best to speak the truth even when you know the person won’t appreciate your answer right away? - thanks, Mark
@@nuancedbro9373 I think honesty and discretion can sit together comfortably. I would not endorse the individual, but you do need half an eye on your future relationship.
You are so right Ash. Although my mother tongue is Greek, I'm more eloquent in English because I have been a big reader of books written in English, not Greek. My higher education was also in English. I'm embarrassed to say that when I converse in Greek and am at a loss for words, I use an English word to complete the thought. This sometimes annoys people.
Love it Ash, it's always nice to be reminded of the simple things. For me, I think eye contact, a good handshake and listening. Another is preferably never being the first one through a door, I'd much prefer holding it open for others within reason of course, unless it is checking for safety or discomfort, then I am happy to go first.
My worst handshake was at a book signing for a musician whose work I really enjoy. They kept the marker pen in their hand and I felt I couldnt apply any pressure at all to the handshake. Well below what I would normally do. I was crestfallen !! Great video Ash. Cheers from Derbyshire
My boots are usually polished if that counts, I only wear boots unless I'm going for a run. Military length and a pair of work style boots, both are polished. Aunt taught me, she used to polish my uncle's boots occasionally when he was in the army.
I really like your videos, Ash. Thank you for your sound and practical advice. This is quite reassuring to hear in this day and age. If I may add; I agree that being articulate and an effective communicator is important. From experience, I've encountered some - many - who can actually find this challenging, and at times 'threatening.' I attempt to adjust my communication at times to people who may respond like this. Also, I've encountered people who respond verbally aggressively to 'ordinary' reasonable dialogue and conversation, which puzzles me. Have you any advice on this?
Ash, This was a useful and fun subject to listen to today. Living through life's lessons in dealing in social situations can be challenging. Good suggestions!
I’m a 64 year old man, and I was blessed with parents that taught me the social graces at an early age. I went on to great schools who reinforced and refined those social graces, and I worked in some of the most prestigious establishments in the World where those social graces helped to propel me to great social status and fascinating company. Somehow though over the last several years I started to notice I was becoming an old curmudgeon, swearing more often and occasionally raising my voice. All very uncharacteristic of my younger self. I must return to cultivating the dignified man I once was because that’s the man I knew had more self respect. My Mother, if still alive absolutely abhorred the F-word, so I have through the majority of my life rarely used it. Ashamed I have been using it more frequently of late. I’m attempting self-censor in respect for my late Mother and to regain my self respect. Love your videos.
Don't beat yourself up about your life journey - we all have a few rough edges to knock off as we make our way to Chap Nirvana. It is all about the journey and not the destination!
I am glad you mentioned the handshaker who crushes your hand. Happened to me on Tuesday, they think it’s clever and it is an attempt to show superiority.
Loving this! I fully understand the importance offering a firm handshake with eye contact and a smile….however, what is one to do if they receive a hand that resembles a bag of soggy spaghetti and feeble display of manners? I went to a concert the other week and afterwards was introduced to the lead performer. I’ve never felt such a limp hand and experienced such a poor display of an introduction. It took everything in me to not be instantly turned off from continuing the “conversation”.
A subject which has troubled me much in the past. Over the years. Ash and viewers, what does one when in conversation with another, very decent, distinguished inspiring older man who is a retired professor but a "talker": very knowledgable in many areas, a manly, calming, sweet and respectful voice, open-minded and quick-witted, has excellent command of the language, rich vocabulary, colorful and vivid expression BUT the same older man persistently speaks for 95 percent (or more) of the conversation. And when I very briefly speak, just a few seconds in, he already is nervous to reply and continue with his long-form "monologues". We all know the situation, especially with some older humans, acting as kids, with little self-awareness of their spatiotemporal presence , speech and acts. I do not want to be rude or disrespectful to him. Though it is annoying to be repressed when in dialogue which feels and is, more of a monlogue, at 95% his speech during a total of 3 times and more than six hours of "conversation". He is both deeply inspiring and a mentor to listen to and irrititating to not be let fair, proper and enough time to express my own views. 60/40, 70/30, heavens even 80/20 on his favour would have been acceptable. A very generous 4/1 ratio. Everytine, I enjoy listening to him but soon I feel intellectually and physically disrespected, though it must not be on purpose. He obviously has loneliness issues (lives alone on a rural setting, with some pets for some years now), he evidently needs to express himself. I can be brutally direct and honest, so I have refrained to address the matter. How does a gentleman goes about to tackle these kinds of situations with similar people ? How do I become a gentle force for his elevation of situational awareness and growth ? Dialogue exists for people to improve their understanding of themselves and others. And to evolve as beings. I feel as a failure, for I have not come up with a way to assist him, to mirror himself on me, as any intellectual man should be a force for betterment and growth. Any perspective is welcome.
@@TheChapsGuide You, Sir Ash, are always a scholar and a Gentleman. Indeed, such matter should be elaborated with a video, yet it would have been demanding on my part to express that desire. A Person's Time, Energy and Presence are too valuable to have asked such a task of you, Sir. Much appreciated, your prompt reply and your desire to do so, if possible. I wish you a lovely weekend.
Great advice as always Ash. This maybe slightly off topic but I really find myself getting quite upset by the (what I find to be) the obnoxious behaviour of individuals (usually sub 25 years old) playing content on their phones at full volume on public transport. No one else seems to mind so i have to start to wonder - is it just me!? Maybe I'm just getting old 😊?
I love all your videos, your demeanor and personality, and the fact that you're approaching English men's style and etiquette with a more country flair. Cheers.
A fine collection of suggestions! A couple of notes from me, I'm a bit over a decade your junior, so take with a grain of salt: Handshaking - I have stopped doing so when everybody stopped during the pandemic, but I continue to do the "stand up, klick heels, bow slightly" hyper "reactionary" routine, but of course I never scorn an offered hand, that would be dreadfully discourteous - and of course every greeting demands standing up. Language - oh I *do* agree in the strongest of terms! Granted, English is my second language only, L2 so to speak, but while this may excuse the occasional stumble into German grammar, the presence of the English language is thus that a constant refinement of ones language skills is strongly indicated and advisable. (my Latin though is abysmal, I *read* the language and my French is pathetic, so... yeah, not a language genius...) Short addendum: your command of language is as polished as a foreigner can asses! (Of course I might not teach it currently but I'm an English teacher by training.😇) Smile... nah... you offer a short flash of a smile *at most* here anyway before returning to "proper"... you know... the dour Germans.😅 Thanks for such an interesting little video and looking forwards to the next one! Best regards Raoul G. Kunz
Ash, might you consider covering the reason gentleman should remove hats and sunglasses indoors in your next segment? I see SO many men strutting around indoors wearing hats, thinking that they are looking sophisticated. The lack of etiquette in this destroys the impression of class, no matter what they are wearing.
There's a problem with closed (yes or no), and open questions in regards to politeness! "Could you tell me the way to the train station?" "Do you know what time it is?" - The only logical answers would he yes or no. I wonder if there is a way to be both polite and gramatically correct. Because, I think, expecting others to reply in bad grammar is not very "gentlemanly" 😉
A bit outdated and may be misconstrued in this woke, modern world. I would leave it at the handshake, unless there is a close relationship with the lady in question.
Not sure about the non use of swearing, even Stephen Fry advocates it and states "the sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or of a lack of verbal interest is just fucking lunatic "
Consider yourself to be fortunate. You do not live in North America (Canada) with the obnoxious influence of our neighbours to the south. The regular use of the word "nother" drives me up the wall. People in public washrooms that believe the wash basins and soap are there as decoration. Passengers on cruise ships showing up at the dining room in the evening wearing shorts and t-shirts. (Thankfully this is where the cruise lines draw the line.) I believe that every gentleman or Chap should start the day with a shave, tooth brush, and if you still have hair a comb or brush. I used to keep worn clothes to wear while doing chores around the house or doing lawn work. Those days are gone. Tattered clothing becomes rags or goes into the recycling bin. As a retiree I do house and yard work in jeans or shorts and a polo shirt in warmer weather and will add a Barbour jacket on cooler days. If heading off to the shops a collard shirt is mandatory and I find that even when wearing that Barbour jacket a tie elevates the outfit even while wearing jeans. The old adage that a man should dress to fit the job he desires continues through retirement. I do not have to be the best dressed man but I don't have to be the worst dressed either.
First of all: I love your country and (most of) the people I've met there! And congrats to your retierement. I'm not quite there yet, two more years to go 😢 Yes to the tie and Barbour (or any other casual) jacket! It's a slight hint of "Yes, I do care how I dress". With a sports coat or suit jacket, I'm a bit more likely to leave the tie at home if I dress casually. But if a lot of my outfit is casual to start with, like chinos or jeans, V-neck jumper, cardigan... a tie it is! Greetings from Germany
The better your conversation, the broader your vocabulary, the more you can think. You cannot think about something if you do not have the words to describe it. And when you are listening, it is best to just listen. Try to to spend half you effort thinking about you reply, what you are going to say next. And be aware if the person speaking wants advice or just to have you listen. If the latter, then take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth, as we say. Let all you do be done in love.
Listen twice as much more than you speak when talking with a mime. If you are convicted of a crime, you should end with a sentence. Never offer a clammy hand shake, offer an oyster handshake. Do not place your boxer shorts on your head while playing the xylophone on a trampoline. Never vacation in Bournemouth, and don't study French letters, dispose of them discretely. Dressing is always a factor when ordering a salad. Remember when in a restaurant, they also wait who stand and serve.
Sadly good shoes are rarely affordable, but buying preowned can take the sting out of a purchase. Try the Loake 1880 range for a good, reasonably priced collection
Try the second tier of Northampton shoemakers, like Barker, Sanders & Sanders, NPS Solovair, Wildsmith, Loake (1880), Grenson, Herring. As they are not so well known, they are not so sought after. Or try one of the Italian or Spanish brands.
Top tips Ash, Top tips. I remember being "ambushed" by a handshake once, we both acknowledged it was rubbish and did it again properly. From thence forward i have always ensured i do not repeat my error. When it comes to language, i have, i believe a good command of English. Being steeped in the Military world my language at work can be "colourful" which i can turn off mostly. What grips me is people saying "Pacific" instead of Specific 🤬 On being the best dressed man in the room 🤔. Try and be the best/ most suitably dressed man in any situation; dinner, bbq, in the field, work or on the hill. Strive to be the best we can be. Looking forward to the next 5 points. 🫡
"Imagine what would James Bond wear...!"
Great advice!
It's nice to know that one of the 73K subscribers to the channel is Ash's mother
I've been on the receiving end of several metacarpal grinding handshakes myself! I put it down to egotism.
Love your content, Ash! You’re always a class act. Thank you for the reminders. I’m inspired to keep my personal standards high, no matter what others around me choose to do.
Disclosure: I have shaken hands without standing and now recognise that this is wrong. Your observation is noted and this once again demonstrates that life improvement is indeed a journey. Thank you, sir.
Spot on. Dress well, speak well, and others will emulate your example.
Great starter list, good refresher and reminder for us gentlemen no matter the age!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Great stuff, Ash.
A note on verbal communication: If you are going to be spending any amount of time in a country where English is not spoken, make a serious effort to learn the local language. If you travel or do business in France or Mexico, then develop a reasonable proficiency in French or Spanish. We are so lucky these days to have tools at our disposal that make independent language learning accessible. You don't have to achieve mastery of the language. But in my experience people will greatly appreciate the respect that you've shown by making the effort.
Ash, Sean Connery once wore a one piece Terry onesie !! 🤣🤣
You can still buy one from Orlebar Brown 007 Range.
A hard outfit to pull off
I believe that was in the opening scenes of “Goldfinger.” At the pool at the Fountainebleu in Miami.
It’s all about paying attention.
My mom always said, “Good grooming, grammar, and gracious will take you far.”
Twice the listening, half the talking... live by that one single rule, turn it into a life skill, and you won't go far wrong. I was taught this at an early age, and soon realised that what we say can have a profound effect on someone's day or life! Do this and you won't go far wrong! You'll be amazed at the amount of folk who do things the wrong way round as well!
I very rarely swear at work, in fact one day I did and a colleague said "I've never heard you swear before". I the workplace, I never have an opinion on religion, politics or pass comment on people.
One thing I missed during the pandemic was a handshake.
This is an excellent video which should be shown in all schools.
I have a high-up boss that drops the F-bomb and I feel sorry for him because it makes him looks daft.
@@Solaar_Punk You never know who is listening. I heard of a company being bought out and the MD of the smaller company gave it the big-un to staff and was effing an Jeffing whilst doing so. Unbeknown, his new CEO in attendance is a rather conservative chap who frowns upon such "bants". Observers said it was embarrassing.
100% agree with the second point (and I apologise for what maybe a long comment), I was unfortunate enough to live my first 10 years in a farming community in Norfolk (yes that accent) then the next 15 years in South East London, Why is that bad I hear you ask? Well, I ended up sounding like Ali G with a slight farmers twang. I moved to Scotland in my mid 20s to help with my Grandads farm and my Grandad noticed that I was having real trouble communicating with the locals, having in some cases needing to repeat myself as much as 10 times because of the slang ridden way I used to talk, but in general, I could understand many of the thick Scottish accents without any trouble and got on really well with pretty much everyone. My Grandad (quite well spoken, some may say posh, dapper well connected man himself) pulled some strings and out of his own pocket hired (a friend from the pub) who used to teach at Eton & Oxford among many subjects including Elocution. After about a year, about 5 hours a week on basically removing all slang and speaking with authority (i'm guessing a similar education given to new public speakers), I started to notice that I no longer needed to repeat myself. I didn't notice the change within myself that much until I moved back to London about 6 years later and quite a few people noted that I sound alot like the actor Benedict Cumberbatch, not only did I find that flattering, as I like the actor I also found, with a better grasp of the English language (as well simply being better dressed casually) had opened many doors for me in just making a good first impression when it really matters. I'm a strong believer of this very simple philosophy, if you want society to treat you like a chav, dress and act like one, if you want society to treat you like a gentleman... Fill un the gap.
You are absolutely correct, Ash, when you talk about the importance of developing a wide vocabulary and speaking with elegance and precision. It does make a genuine difference because people will judge you on the way you speak just as they will on the way you dress.
You express yourself beautifully, Ash, and even though I knew you were ex-military and ex-police, it never quite occurred to me that you were not university educated. -Take it as a compliment.
Very good rules. Thankfully, I knew most of this, but much if this and other videos I wish I knew 25-30 years ago. Thank you for these videos.
Your posts are always good. I too enlisted in the military (US) right after high school and it took some time to develop some professional/gentlemanly skills. I have great respect for these traits now.
Excellent advice as always Ash. I'm flabbergasted at the number of people unable to actively listen; instead, they just wait for a point to interject. It's frustrating in the extreme.
Brilliant advice once again Ash. I would add that I have encountered trades people who have shaken my hand very nicely, to give me the false impression that they were upright and honest, when indeed. some of the best workers I have encountered see that as an unnecessary affectation. What I’m basically saying is that applying a lot of the techniques you mention can give a false impression of who you actually are.
Luckily watching alot of 60s/70s TV programs in the 90s filled in any etiquette-gaps my parents missed. That sounds weird, but it's absolutely true.
Love these videos. Thanks you, Ash.
Perhaps one more rule: if you're going ABROAD and you have no command of the foreign language: just learn a few basic things and idioms. It will be appreciated by your opposite, that you made the effort.
I lived in Europe for 5 years and your statement is true.
The general British arrogance to not speaking the language when abroad makes me cringe. Not attempting the basics words is discourteous. A true gentleman is worldy open minded and willing to try.
As my grandfather always said, manners speak more about your self and your family than money, formal education etc
Love the point about shaking hands while sitting down. This has always driven me mad.
Excellent video--and great advice--Ash. Thank you.
Hi Ash,
Your content is absolutely fantastic. I came across you only 10-days ago when searching for, of all things, how to fold a shirt. Your 'how to iron a shirt' video was in the content list. I am 'ex-job' also and know how to iron a shirt (my mum taught me this too) but I loved the style of your presentation - the cut of your jib. I decided there and then to adopt your approach.
My wife and I were in a neighbouring town yesterday and I was wearing a freshly ironed shirt and trousers, waistcoat and freshly polished Chelsea / trader boots. Two gentlemen complemented me on my appearance ! I have me own style but this has never happened before. Amazing. Thank you. 🙏
Welcome to the world of the Chap.
Handshakes are always difficult for me because I have limited peripheral vision. I can shake your hand OR I can look you in the eyes, but I can’t do both.
I get passionate about health topics and like to talk about it a lot. Sometimes I get carried away with people. My wife tells me it gets out of hand. Hard to not do this.
The ‘modern gentlemen’ - in the UK that seems to be a very very small number and dwindling pretty fast! Enjoying your videos !
Mr, Ash, excellent video. I did not know your were in Law enforcement. I should have known as an observer of human behavior , which is probably why I watch your videos. I try to keep calm when ambushed by folks in a conversation, Recently I lost my cool with a chap who has a long history of being adversarial with no one standing up to him. I unloaded and now feel that he got one over on me. I shall not apologize , as it was time for someone had to stop this behavior , yet I feel as let let so many constituents down. I am of course human. I thank you for your kind words, The Sheriff of Ulster in the States. JJF
F**%in bril$%$ant! - an erudite and illuminating presentation 🙂 Thanks very much.
Ash - As a man of integrity, How do you navigate honesty in your life, in situations where people ask your opinion, or where you don’t like a partners friend for example? Do you hold back and not risk any offence for an easy life, or as you get older do you find it best to speak the truth even when you know the person won’t appreciate your answer right away? - thanks, Mark
@@nuancedbro9373 I think honesty and discretion can sit together comfortably. I would not endorse the individual, but you do need half an eye on your future relationship.
"what would James Bond wear?" is a question I ask myself at least five times a week
You are so right Ash. Although my mother tongue is Greek, I'm more eloquent in English because I have been a big reader of books written in English, not Greek. My higher education was also in English. I'm embarrassed to say that when I converse in Greek and am at a loss for words, I use an English word to complete the thought. This sometimes annoys people.
Love it Ash, it's always nice to be reminded of the simple things. For me, I think eye contact, a good handshake and listening.
Another is preferably never being the first one through a door, I'd much prefer holding it open for others within reason of course, unless it is checking for safety or discomfort, then I am happy to go first.
My worst handshake was at a book signing for a musician whose work I really enjoy. They kept the marker pen in their hand and I felt I couldnt apply any pressure at all to the handshake. Well below what I would normally do. I was crestfallen !! Great video Ash. Cheers from Derbyshire
😂I laughed when you said your mother enjoys the use of bad language. Great video.
I know what open questions are Ash as I work in Sales.
Its part of the training we teach , but I learned it when I was at Uni. Nursing.
My boots are usually polished if that counts, I only wear boots unless I'm going for a run. Military length and a pair of work style boots, both are polished. Aunt taught me, she used to polish my uncle's boots occasionally when he was in the army.
I really like your videos, Ash. Thank you for your sound and practical advice. This is quite reassuring to hear in this day and age. If I may add; I agree that being articulate and an effective communicator is important. From experience, I've encountered some - many - who can actually find this challenging, and at times 'threatening.' I attempt to adjust my communication at times to people who may respond like this. Also, I've encountered people who respond verbally aggressively to 'ordinary' reasonable dialogue and conversation, which puzzles me. Have you any advice on this?
Ash, This was a useful and fun subject to listen to today. Living through life's lessons in dealing in social situations can be challenging. Good suggestions!
I’m a 64 year old man, and I was blessed with parents that taught me the social graces at an early age. I went on to great schools who reinforced and refined those social graces, and I worked in some of the most prestigious establishments in the World where those social graces helped to propel me to great social status and fascinating company. Somehow though over the last several years I started to notice I was becoming an old curmudgeon, swearing more often and occasionally raising my voice. All very uncharacteristic of my younger self. I must return to cultivating the dignified man I once was because that’s the man I knew had more self respect. My Mother, if still alive absolutely abhorred the F-word, so I have through the majority of my life rarely used it. Ashamed I have been using it more frequently of late. I’m attempting self-censor in respect for my late Mother and to regain my self respect. Love your videos.
Don't beat yourself up about your life journey - we all have a few rough edges to knock off as we make our way to Chap Nirvana. It is all about the journey and not the destination!
I am glad you mentioned the handshaker who crushes your hand. Happened to me on Tuesday, they think it’s clever and it is an attempt to show superiority.
A warning sign that this person will try to take advantage of those around them.
Loving this! I fully understand the importance offering a firm handshake with eye contact and a smile….however, what is one to do if they receive a hand that resembles a bag of soggy spaghetti and feeble display of manners?
I went to a concert the other week and afterwards was introduced to the lead performer. I’ve never felt such a limp hand and experienced such a poor display of an introduction. It took everything in me to not be instantly turned off from continuing the “conversation”.
How disappointing for you. Never meet your heroes they say! At least you gave a good handshake and lived up to your standards.
Great tips. I think I have been following most of them.
Looking forward to the follow-up video.
A subject which has troubled me much in the past. Over the years.
Ash and viewers, what does one when in conversation with another, very decent, distinguished inspiring older man who is a retired professor but a "talker":
very knowledgable in many areas, a manly, calming, sweet and respectful voice, open-minded and quick-witted, has excellent command of the language, rich vocabulary, colorful and vivid expression BUT the same older man persistently speaks for 95 percent (or more) of the conversation. And when I very briefly speak, just a few seconds in, he already is nervous to reply and continue with his long-form "monologues".
We all know the situation, especially with some older humans, acting as kids,
with little self-awareness of their spatiotemporal presence , speech and acts.
I do not want to be rude or disrespectful to him.
Though it is annoying to be repressed when in dialogue which feels and is,
more of a monlogue, at 95% his speech during a total of 3 times and more than six hours of "conversation".
He is both deeply inspiring and a mentor to listen to and irrititating to not be let fair, proper and enough time to express my own views. 60/40, 70/30, heavens even 80/20 on his favour would have been acceptable. A very generous 4/1 ratio.
Everytine, I enjoy listening to him but soon I feel intellectually and physically disrespected,
though it must not be on purpose.
He obviously has loneliness issues (lives alone on a rural setting, with some pets for some years now),
he evidently needs to express himself.
I can be brutally direct and honest, so I have refrained to address the matter.
How does a gentleman goes about to tackle these kinds of situations with similar people ?
How do I become a gentle force for his elevation of situational awareness and growth ?
Dialogue exists for people to improve their understanding of themselves and others.
And to evolve as beings.
I feel as a failure, for I have not come up with a way to assist him,
to mirror himself on me,
as any intellectual man should be a force for betterment and growth.
Any perspective is welcome.
A very good question sir and one which merits a proper response - Perhaps, if you permit, I will offer an elaborate response in a future video?
@@TheChapsGuide You, Sir Ash, are always a scholar and a Gentleman. Indeed, such matter should be elaborated with a video, yet it would have been demanding on my part to express that desire. A Person's Time, Energy and Presence are too valuable to have asked such a task of you, Sir. Much appreciated, your prompt reply and your desire to do so, if possible. I wish you a lovely weekend.
Great advice as always Ash. This maybe slightly off topic but I really find myself getting quite upset by the (what I find to be) the obnoxious behaviour of individuals (usually sub 25 years old) playing content on their phones at full volume on public transport. No one else seems to mind so i have to start to wonder - is it just me!? Maybe I'm just getting old 😊?
No, you're not getting old. You're just not wearing ear plugs or headphones - another of the so-called modern "achievements" 😌
I love all your videos, your demeanor and personality, and the fact that you're approaching English men's style and etiquette with a more country flair. Cheers.
Glad you like them!
A fine collection of suggestions!
A couple of notes from me, I'm a bit over a decade your junior, so take with a grain of salt:
Handshaking - I have stopped doing so when everybody stopped during the pandemic, but I continue to do the "stand up, klick heels, bow slightly" hyper "reactionary" routine, but of course I never scorn an offered hand, that would be dreadfully discourteous - and of course every greeting demands standing up.
Language - oh I *do* agree in the strongest of terms! Granted, English is my second language only, L2 so to speak, but while this may excuse the occasional stumble into German grammar, the presence of the English language is thus that a constant refinement of ones language skills is strongly indicated and advisable.
(my Latin though is abysmal, I *read* the language and my French is pathetic, so... yeah, not a language genius...)
Short addendum: your command of language is as polished as a foreigner can asses! (Of course I might not teach it currently but I'm an English teacher by training.😇)
Smile... nah... you offer a short flash of a smile *at most* here anyway before returning to "proper"... you know... the dour Germans.😅
Thanks for such an interesting little video and looking forwards to the next one!
Best regards
Raoul G. Kunz
Ash, might you consider covering the reason gentleman should remove hats and sunglasses indoors in your next segment? I see SO many men strutting around indoors wearing hats, thinking that they are looking sophisticated. The lack of etiquette in this destroys the impression of class, no matter what they are wearing.
Thank You for the Video 😀
Great advice Ash
Yes you 💯 right
Thanks
There's a problem with closed (yes or no), and open questions in regards to politeness! "Could you tell me the way to the train station?" "Do you know what time it is?" - The only logical answers would he yes or no. I wonder if there is a way to be both polite and gramatically correct. Because, I think, expecting others to reply in bad grammar is not very "gentlemanly" 😉
Great video, thank you. I wish more content like this. What do you think of the gesture of a man kissing womens hand (lips not actually touching)?
A bit outdated and may be misconstrued in this woke, modern world. I would leave it at the handshake, unless there is a close relationship with the lady in question.
Not sure about the non use of swearing, even Stephen Fry advocates it and states "the sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or of a lack of verbal interest is just fucking lunatic "
Ash, i have no seen you where a pin on your lapel several times but i cannot clearly view. Please share what it represents. Thankyou
Late upload here for it
Consider yourself to be fortunate. You do not live in North America (Canada) with the obnoxious influence of our neighbours to the south. The regular use of the word "nother" drives me up the wall. People in public washrooms that believe the wash basins and soap are there as decoration. Passengers on cruise ships showing up at the dining room in the evening wearing shorts and t-shirts. (Thankfully this is where the cruise lines draw the line.) I believe that every gentleman or Chap should start the day with a shave, tooth brush, and if you still have hair a comb or brush. I used to keep worn clothes to wear while doing chores around the house or doing lawn work. Those days are gone. Tattered clothing becomes rags or goes into the recycling bin. As a retiree I do house and yard work in jeans or shorts and a polo shirt in warmer weather and will add a Barbour jacket on cooler days. If heading off to the shops a collard shirt is mandatory and I find that even when wearing that Barbour jacket a tie elevates the outfit even while wearing jeans. The old adage that a man should dress to fit the job he desires continues through retirement. I do not have to be the best dressed man but I don't have to be the worst dressed either.
Who in the world would want to live in Canada? 😮 Snobby French you can keep.
Bravo sir!!!
First of all: I love your country and (most of) the people I've met there! And congrats to your retierement. I'm not quite there yet, two more years to go 😢
Yes to the tie and Barbour (or any other casual) jacket! It's a slight hint of "Yes, I do care how I dress". With a sports coat or suit jacket, I'm a bit more likely to leave the tie at home if I dress casually. But if a lot of my outfit is casual to start with, like chinos or jeans, V-neck jumper, cardigan... a tie it is!
Greetings from Germany
I think we might have been twins separated at birth 😂agree with all your observations in your post
I am doing my part to restore dignity south of your border
Why do so many people look away when they shake hands? I see it happe very often.
Cant disagree with anything!! During the pandemic the fist bump became popular. I greatly missed the handshake.
Exactly.
The better your conversation, the broader your vocabulary, the more you can think. You cannot think about something if you do not have the words to describe it.
And when you are listening, it is best to just listen. Try to to spend half you effort thinking about you reply, what you are going to say next. And be aware if the person speaking wants advice or just to have you listen. If the latter, then take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth, as we say.
Let all you do be done in love.
Listen twice as much more than you speak when talking with a mime. If you are convicted of a crime, you should end with a sentence. Never offer a clammy hand shake, offer an oyster handshake. Do not place your boxer shorts on your head while
playing the xylophone on a trampoline. Never vacation in Bournemouth, and don't study French letters, dispose of them discretely. Dressing is always a factor when ordering a salad. Remember when in a restaurant, they also wait who stand and serve.
Any advice to find affordable classical shoe shop with online market.
Sadly good shoes are rarely affordable, but buying preowned can take the sting out of a purchase. Try the Loake 1880 range for a good, reasonably priced collection
Try the second tier of Northampton shoemakers, like Barker, Sanders & Sanders, NPS Solovair, Wildsmith, Loake (1880), Grenson, Herring. As they are not so well known, they are not so sought after. Or try one of the Italian or Spanish brands.
I gather you're Welsh. Good advice but being Welsh you can be forgiven for not being a bit more brief !
I love your videos but you talk a little too much for me. I am more about visual when it comes to clothing.
Top tips Ash, Top tips.
I remember being "ambushed" by a handshake once, we both acknowledged it was rubbish and did it again properly. From thence forward i have always ensured i do not repeat my error.
When it comes to language, i have, i believe a good command of English. Being steeped in the Military world my language at work can be "colourful" which i can turn off mostly. What grips me is people saying "Pacific" instead of Specific 🤬
On being the best dressed man in the room 🤔. Try and be the best/ most suitably dressed man in any situation; dinner, bbq, in the field, work or on the hill.
Strive to be the best we can be.
Looking forward to the next 5 points.
🫡