That body response of panic and fear over a "simple" conversation of me setting boundaries really surprised me and I still didn't understand it...until this part of the video, 19:39. Thank you for that clarification!
yea that was a good one but the whole segment was important (with the context). Which would also be one of my biggest complaints about this video and any other: "true narcissists"
Being married to a covert narcissist is a private hell like no other. People outside the marriage cannot even fathom what we experience. This is not just “marriage is hard” that I was told for almost 30 years. There is literally no way to explain this form of abuse to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. The only way to heal is to get out. This video is one of the best concise explanations I’ve seen. Everything is spot on. Watch out Christian women. We are taught to be exactly who the narc wants. The Christian church is a perfect place for these wolves to hide. Trust me.
My ex had enough self awareness to be afraid others would think he abused me when we were together. Then I left him. Soon after came the self-centered website about his good deeds for everyone to see. Feeding the homeless, starting a benefit for children’s cancer, pictures of him being surrounded by orphans that he paid to send to school. Yep, one way in public - the complete opposite in private.
My mother was always extremely careful to only scream at me in private or in front of my father. It took years for it to finally happen with my spouse as a witness.
You hit the nail on the head. Remember you can't save them you can't heal them you can't rescue them They'd only try to bring you down to their level of self hate, irrate sulking unhappy critical minds and then discard you You can only save yourself by leaving
*My ex of 11 years in a nutshell-* 1. Never take accountability, never apologize, always deflect, play blame game, victim card, manipulate, gaslight and in the end grudgingly give apology. 2. Every concern and issue is an attack on him and I'm always the enemy that he needs protection from. His rage and hurtful words will carry out all the conversations instead of love and empathy. 3. Always repeat the destructive and toxic cycle. Never change. Say sorry and repeat till eternity. I'm drained fighting the same fight for years. His ego was the most important thing for him. He can lose me but not his ego but obviously won't admit. 4. Never prioritise me. Help and be nice to everyone even strangers. But be mean, disrespectful, thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate, careless and outright horrible to me. 5. Words would never match with actions. Promises will never be delivered. Everything becomes a lie. 6. Behave like an immature, dumb and innocent 5 year old the whole time you're fighting. Like he has no clue what the hell am I fighting about hence frustrating and draining me. But when a third person gets involved, he becomes his mature and understanding self again and I look like a crying, yelling maniac. 7. Always trying to win the fight. Even if he has to bring in irrelevant facts or straight up idiotic things just to win. How do you reason with unreasonable? 8. Entitlement and superiority complex. Feeling entitled to my love, care, respect, affection but not giving 1% of it back. Killing me with his antics then feeling bad and expecting me to console him and take care of him while getting no reassurance or care myself. 9. No matter the circumstances but demanding my care but always leaving me alone to fight my hardest battles. Then talking about how other people are rude and unkind to him. And getting mad when I point out the hypocrisy and double standards. And also warning me to not use his hypocrisy and cruelty against him. 10. Calling me selfish, dramatic for fighting for small things, saying my fighting makes him walk on eggshells around me, saying I'm always complaining but never fixing anything, never thinking before uttering cruel words, always talking in circles making me lose my mind, controlling my reactions, if can't control then punishing me with his cruel words for ever standing up for myself. And he claimed that he loved me more than anything in this world. I think he genuinely believed that he loved me even though I felt like he truly hated me with this kind of behaviour. I think he just loved the way I loved him and he loved the benefits of a stable relationship. Who knows. He left me broken and a shell of a person I used to be once. I've trying to breakup since 2 years and finally cut contact yesterday. Hoping he doesn't come back.
You’ve just literally explained my entire marriage with my husband for the last 34 years. Exact! I use to be so fun loving and full of life. I’ve lost all of my zest for life. I feel robbed of “me”. I have developed over the years horrible fears, anxiety and depression because I could never cope but always tried. I have been in survival mode for so long. I don’t even know how to live normally anymore. I want to leave him so much but I’m so full of fear as to how to financially afford it. He has been so controlling that I don’t even know how to do anything for myself anymore. I feel like I’m drowning everyday and don’t know how to save myself. Going to be 60 years old and I’m so ashamed that I stayed. I want to have some kind of happiness before I die. I’m so scared!
If you are financially able it is best to value yourself & the universe will send someone kind to you. Just go slow so you can vet that they aren’t another narcissist bc we seem to attract them over and over! You are SO strong & brave. You are SO valued and respected by the universe. You deserve all positive treatment. If possible I highly recommend therapy or self help books to break the cycle of new behaviors etc you have learned as coping mechanisms so next relationship has less baggage. After 25 yrs with my second husband I recently began to be self aware what I project on him & change some of my behaviors. Like often asking “are you mad at me?” So I can prepare and not have it dropped on me Ike a bomb. Even though he doesn’t display any narcissistic traits I keep on guard from past abuse. All my love & positive energies to you!
I *f i n a l l y decided six days ago to finally walk away from a man who ultimately made me feel sad. Due to childhood and past trauma, he had fearful avoidant attachment style and I finally realized he was a covert narcissist. When you truly love someoneyou want to help them but in the end it’s also important to know when to walk away or they only end up dragging you down. Loving someone should never require you to lose your own sense of self-worth or happiness. The last straw was he forgot my birthday and when I finally admitted to him that it hurt my feelings, he shut down and didn’t even reply. I realized everything would always be about HIM, HIS feelings, his fears, his fragile ego. No one should put up with this. There’s no way to have a happy, balanced relationship with a partner like this. The sad thing is, I know he really DID love me. And I loved him, too. That is what is heartbreaking. But his feelings/words and his actions never aligned. And I came to the sad realization he was incapable of seeing how selfish his actions and choices were. Everyone can heal and change…but they have to WANT it and put in the hard work. Not everyone is capable of that. I don’t feel anger towards him. But I wish I had never met him and lost 13 months of my life with him that I can never get back.
@@thakurpriyankarana if you are the one who broke it off, there is prob a 100% chance that they will come back. (unless they have found another supply). So it's super important to 100% ignore. If you get a text - don't respond, not even to say "leave me alone". Just ignore the text. If you get a call, don't answer if you recognize his number. If you don't recognize the number and it turns out to be him, don't engage. If he shows up where you live, don't open the door. Don't talk to him through the door. As I saw in another youtube video. If the narc can't make you love him, he'd just be just as happy to make you hate him. So be boring and he will move on.
In some ways I disagree with the notion that the term is overused. The statistic is literally based on diagnosis rates alone, but narcs don't get diagnosed because they believe everyone else is the problem, not them. I have seen the same lovebomb, devalue, discard pattern with different people, its like they have all read the same playbook. I would say its probably more like 10% if not higher.
Same. I've always thought that same sentiment. I 100% don't think it's over used. Tons are narcissists, but, few are getting a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis from a licensed medical professional.
They don't seek treatment because NoThInG iS wRoNg WiTh ThEm. (🤮) According to professionals, they have a DISORDER if they realize something they're doing is having a negative impact on their lives. You can ABSOLUTELY be a narcissist without having a disorder because you can do all the horrible things without them and/or you believing those horrible things are having a negative impact on your life. This guy is flat wrong, respectfully. And we absolutely can be calling people narcissists because that doesn't mean they have a disorder.
Lundy Bancroft goes over the entire playbook in Why Does He Do That? If anyone is interested. I love that book, super helpful ❤ oh and its free to read online too
"They're the only one you're having a problem with." BOOM! Every 3-4 days... As soon as you start to build yourself back up or show ANY sign of being happy...it starts.
When I started realizing the problems I was having were only ones my sister had with me, I was able to start imagining a future in which I was not anyone's problem. Breakthrough! I don't fault myself for the decades I saw myself through that lens. Earliest memories in my childhood I was the little train that couldn't, lucky to have a "caring" family willing to put up with me inadequate me. Wow!
Yes! It's that thing about j being joyful or happy. They can't share in that love and excitement, have to beat you down til you feel miserable, then grateful to feel a little better...
It became clockwork for me where when it was about that time, I can sense it’s about to happen again. I start to get PTSD and boom. Out of no where. The whole thing resets. It was every few weeks.
@@teachertraceeMany of the narcissists I know are in long term marriages. Either their partner is oblivious or else not prepared to go through divorce after 30 years.
and it is stil - probably - a very low number, given how they are rarely formally diagnosed since they never think they are the problem so they dont seek mental health professionals, I shiver thinking how big the number could actually be
Two things I learned as a therapist, who studies personality disorders . There needs to be 1. mutual respect and 2. mutual reciprocity in your relationships . If these don’t exist then relationship is not going to work . PwNPD can not reciprocate empathy or understand you are separate with needs , wants and desires as your own . They can NOT reciprocate because they can not understand others matter. Pwnpd are missing object constancy and whole object relations . Therefore , they can’t bond or be respectful of a bond . So if mutual respect and mutual reciprocity is missing . Run ❤
I am 40 years married to this. I knew something was wrong after the honeymoon. I kept researching personality disorders. I would think maybe when the kids are older he’ll show up. Or when they leave home. I kept moving the goalpost. It was only a few years ago that the light came on in a big way. Once you know, you know! There’s so much I could say here. Thanks for your content and getting this out there.
I knew DURING the honeymoon. God I'm glad that marriage is over. This is why parents need to love and care for their children. So they grow up to choose good partners.
It's crazy that narcissists will target people who are young and impressionable, not just because they're like trophies, but because they have no experience on what healthy communication is and what laying down healthy boundaries looks like. It's easier to manipulate and gaslight them.
Yepp. My husband may have thought this way without even realizing it, now he's kicking himself because I'm half his age and turned out to be smarter than I ever should have been, honestly.. I see everything now and he can't stand it, I'm also too strong now and that doesn't benefit him= more tantrums and withdraw
I, sadly, am the opposite. My fiance, and mother of my only child, is 11 years younger than I am, and shes the narcissist. Ive spent 5 years trying to help her grow, encourage positive change and self improvement, only to have her leave me 3 seperate times after crying my eyes out and telling her I feel like there's no room for my emotions in our relationship. And worse is being smart enough to see all the red flags, but feeling like shes actually my soulmate.. I can predict her words, I can feel her emotions even across the phone, I can accurately tell her exactly what shes feeling, tell her what the outcome of her actions will be, and I full-well know that this will sound absolutely self absorbed and nutso, but I can actually predict the future with her. All of that is so ephemeral, and supernatural, and theres no words to describe how sure I am I was supposed to be with her. But everything is a fight. Theres no accountability. Its always my fault. My therapist recently told me that based off everything I told her, I was being 'reactively abusive' for years, and despite her trying to calm me down and reassure me that it being reactive means its normally uncharacteristic behavior, I could only latch on to me being abusive *at all*. Ive spent 5 years not setting healthy boundaries and becoming co-dependant on someone who Im not fully convinced loves herself anymore. So please, if you respect yourselves, please dont do what I did. You are a wonderful person, if youre reading this, and you deserve someone who helps your spirit soar instead of casting it down to the earth.
I was with a neglectful narcissist. He wasn't abusive, he just never noticed me. It felt like I was a plant barely getting watered, starved of nutrition starved of my needs. I'm glad I experienced that so I could know what I truly wanted. After I left I found an amazing man.
I am married to a covert narcissist. It’s a hard life. I have survived by finding a way to agree with him and then do as I please and periodically running away on a vacation. Too much is at stake to divorce. I think very video was spot on. Thank you for making it.
Yeaa I won’t deal with dishonesty, especially at that level and also being in a marriage while not being in a marriage. As you said, it’s a hard life and no where, incl the Bible, does it purport to withstand that.
This was so caring and meaningful,thank you. I am afraid I got stuck in the type of relation you describe. A huge 2 month lovebombing full of intimacy, deep talks, feeling of connection and being prioritized and loved. And then, a sudden shift that made me feel confused,unworthy,unloved,wrong. Like falling from paradise for some unclear fault. Too needy, too sensitive, too much expectation, gaslighting even if he is the one who pushed to get into a relationship and quite fast. Well, it has been two weeks now since I decided to prioritize myself. I got back to running, my passion that I had neglected. I am painting watercolors again. I am feeding myself all those delicate and delicious meals I would cook for him even when I was ewhausted. I am reading novels, under cozy blankets with essential oils spreading delicious scent ( "oh, reading novels is such a waste of time,when there are so many philosopher and great books to read, and bu the way, that lavender oil is making me nauseous!!"). I am going to the beach and do yoga, and it feels like paradise. I am keeping my house tidy and it is so reconforting because lately I was so stressed and tired and exhausted I could not keep it the way I like it. I am doing méditation and breathing techniques that I always used to do, they are so much helpful. I am journaling. I am putting make up and two drops of perfume to go to work. I am allowing myself to spend money for things that make me happy: art material, flowers,books, online courses, donating to my dog shelter ( " you should spend your money wisely,how can you be so consumistic"?). I am soaking my feet in warm water after work,and taking ten minutes just relaxing, no phone,no music. I am listening to the same Chopin nocturnes we used to dance to, but walking my dog along the river,and feeding the otters, and the night makes a wonderful companion. I am wearing my baggy jeans and my doctor martens unapologetically ( "people stare at you in the streets, you dress like a teenager") and if someone stares at me, I wanna think it is because I rock my jeans. I am planning my spanish summer holidays, and considering that the plan was "we rent a house in the woods and spend 20 days there", I promise I will have a cup of sangria on a spanish beach and make big cheers I escaped 20 days in Hansel &Gretel's house. Take care of yourself,people. Big hugs to everybody, if you are watching this video it surely isn't the best period of your life, but... We learn,we grow,we bleed and we get beautiful scars. ;-)
@@shereemcmahon2285 thank you for taking time reading my words, I am in glad if ot was even a little bit helpful. English is not my native language,so I apologize in advance if something I may say sounds not correct or incorrect in manners. It has been a month since my previous comment. My ex partner tried to contact me, but I have gray rocked him.Just answer politely but unemotionally, it worked. The idea of him coming back for dévotion, admiration, sex or whatever he was milking from me used to make me anxious. Now I know I simply have to Not engage, be blind and deaf like Ulisses with the mermaids. I am doing fine,making new friends,visiting beautiful places, earning good money because I am more focused, being healthy because I make time to take care of myself. I hope you will find peace and serenity, I promise you it is possible. Start with small things. Buy yourself a plant and keep it alive, my grandma said it is a good way to take care of ourselves :-) Blessing and hugs from Italy. If you feel like,let us know how you are doing.
@@aspegel5281 hi there! I had forgotten this comment,but it feels so good that you commented so I see it again. Here you have un update,a few months later! Am doing fine! Running has bene a game changer, I have met really nice people and discovered beautiful places, not to mention I am in the best shape I have ever been. Work, friendships, social life, alone time, everything is unfolding quite nicely.Last year in the beginning of December I was in the lovebombing phase with Mr. Narciso, and today, 1 year after, 2nd december 2024 I am running in the sun on a beautiful beach and feeling whole,strong and proud.
I’ve never heard this articulated before ‘narcissism is a dominant-submissive relationship’ if you’re not submissive to them they’ll move on. I find this really enlightening and true to my experience. Covert narcs dominate with their sob story.
Yes me too. I actually tend to frame it more as a power dynamic. I’ve asserted myself plenty of times to no avail or to only escalate the abuse.. Looking back, it’s important to assess the power dynamic. If they clearly have alot more power & have power over you. The best thing is to pretend to be submissive, while you quietly work on getting the hell away from them.
@@kellycarter6940well if you are married, you’re beyond the initial relationship phase. I guess it’s those early stages where they might decide it’s not worth the effort. But Control is a form of dominance, control can be exerted in a variety of ways including covertly
Amazing! I spent 30 yrs. with a covert narc and thought for so long there had to be something wrong with me. Nothing made sense! And then one day I stumbled across the definition of covert narcissism and my world changed! It was like the universe was saying, Janet, you’ve suffered enough! Thank you for your outstanding videos. I’m sure you are helping so many people!
It is amazing when that puzzle piece clicks in and you can finally see the true picture. My Mother is covert narc. So much damage. So much shame -- for just existing. 😢 Free now but wow...
I had someone say to me "does the label really matter? Look at their actions, whether they're a narcissist, Cluster B, or just an assh*le, they're still toxic and abusive"
My story is the same. I have left an abusive narcissistic 32 year marriage. I felt confused and anxious all of the time. Then, I had health problems. One horrible day, I curled up in a fetal position and cried out to God, for help. When I awakened, my computer was turned on and the subject matter was covert narcissism. I had never heard of it. As I read it, I cried. It was reassuring to know, that I wasn’t crazy. There was a problem.
I'm almost married for 25 years to a narcissist(ic person) liked by everyone, great with other people's kids, amazing first months. Gradually and slowly things changed, but there was always a pausable explanation on his side and I continued believing him until 2 years ago when I accidentally stumbled upon a video about covert narcissist. Immediately all made sense for me. A lot of the examples given were so accurate as if they were taken from my life! Since then I'm trying to get away. Now, it seems to happen. He met a new victim, 18 years younger than me. He had a lot of sexual realationships with others but now he wants me to leave, because he wants to build a new home. No one in his family knows him the way I do, because of his extreme talent to turn lies into truths. They all believe him and put the blame on me. Let's wait and see how long it takes before this new victim realizes who he really is
She is very happy now in heaven. May she R.I.P. I have gone through the same thing but thank God I learned it was not me. The happiest day of my life will be when I leave this nasty world.
I never understood Stockholm Syndrome until I spent most of my adult life in two relationships that exactly followed this pattern. Now I understand and am so proud of myself that for 9 years I educated myself, made a plan and finally found a way to action it. I am free. Exhausted and financially destroyed, but free.
I'm not laughing at you babe I'm laughing with you I finally shut that one down by answering its impossible to be laughing with me you pr!ck because IM NOT LAUGHING of course that only gave me small comfort the only thing that really worked was running for my life
My ex-boyfriend turned into a monster during my pregnancy. He would wake me up to argue while my body was working overtime at growing a human. I cried in agony. I kicked him out years later. I waited too long, and it got to a point where he would threaten to end my life or wish me dead 2-3 times a week. Since he was kicked out in early 2019, I have healed and grown. My neighbors even complimented me on how I glow. I feel free to make my own decisions. I earn and spend my own money. I self love like never before. And I haven't dated since I want my next relationship to be a different kind.
It so hard to not link for that underlying agenda isn't it but with therapy and time I finally found someone who just wants to love me and be loved its still hard not to ovetthink every word he says but he knows of my past and.....glory be....he wants to help me heal just take your time, heal love will find you. You are not crazy you are strong you can make it on your own you are not alone there are many many of us on this boat. ❤🎉
I'm in my second marriage to a narcissist and have listened to a LOT of narcissists podcasts. Yours was the simplest yet most complete description of the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist. Women who are highly empathic need to know that they are targets for a narcissist and your warning signs of what a narcissist will do and say is important for them to know. In fact, I wish you would elaborate even more on the initial love-bombing traits and the counter boundaries that women need to develop which can help her discern the difference betwen truely loving men versus controlling and manipulative men. Hard to tell the difference with love-bombing. My husband had a stroke and so I am now a caregiver to a narcissist.... and through the abuse I have had to LEARN to stand up for myself. Your description of how we believe that we can fix them, be the peacemaker and the understanding one is SO accurate... and is the prescription for the demise of our own self-love. One of the best things you said was TAKE YOUR TIME! When I am able to exit this sham of a marriage, I am going to be SUPER careful in establishing boundaries that not only protect me, but that establish who the new me actually is. I am going to go slowly enough in any new relationship so that I see the different facets of the other person's character. Great overview! Please don't hesitate to dive deeper into love-bombing traits and the protective boundaries that women can establish. So many of us never even knew about boundaries... so enumerating and giving examples of some would be immensely helpful in preventing women from another narcissistic relationship.
Having been through the love bombing phase too, can see it for what it is. Pretend! But back then to my wounded child parts the lure of a narc’s attention seemed real and desirable. Healing helps see the hooks they/ we/I use. ❤
You just described my experience. I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for 34 years! Ugh. You end up questioning EVERYTHING, what's real, who you are, who they are. It's crazy-making.
Oh Jimmy where were you 30 years ago? Thankfully I did learn all of those lessons and am now married to a man who treats me with love, respect and kindness. Excellent advice for anyone in a toxic relationship. Thank you x
This 100% happened to me. I always considered myself a kind and intelligent person and I would have never believed that I could have fallen for this. The man at the beginning was nothing resembling the man at the end of the relationship. I was turned on without warning any any time- from small things like going bed shopping together and him suddenly looking at me telling me that I was irresponsible with money because I didn't have an exact budget in mind to public embarrassment and being left alone at events like concerts. The worst part isn't what he did to me though honestly, it's what I did to myself. I turned on my own mind, feelings, and interpretation of events. I was never more alone in my whole life. I left him and of course, he told his family that I was abusive. That killed me, but as I've learned so sadly with this man- there is a price for freedom and peace and this will never be right or fair.
It hit home when you said they are the smartest person in the room....my ex (who I definitely believe is a narcissist) would actually get angry with me if I wanted to go to the doctor with a health issue, because he was a nurse (and I am too) and HE should know what's wrong with me medically....the doctors are just stupid according to him and HE is smarter than them. I would even tell him I appreciate that he wants to help me, and even appreciate his advice, and that MAYBE he's right, but that I would feel better getting a second opinion from someone who is an actual doctor, as doctors have different and more in depth training than nurses. It was like starting world war 3 just to question his judgement....🤯
My ex husband wouldn't let me go to the doctor alone because he was afraid I'd tell them he was abusing me or that they would see the damage he'd inflicted on me. Never let a man tell you that you can't see a doctor. You can go without telling him. You don't need his permission.
I dated someone only for almost 3 months and the moment the peices started to come together I got out quick. It took him only 1 month to show his true colours and he overestimated how much value I placed on being bonded by being intimate and a relationship vs my own desire for happiness. The moment the flag was as red as they could be I didnt fight I just blocked him and walked away. I think one way to protect yourself is to actually seek out safe people. Even if you dont end up together they can be a good frame of reference of how someone should treat you. I had an amazing partner that I was with for a few years and although consequences that were partially outside of our control led to things ending I know now how I should be treated and loved because of him. I didnt receive that kind of love growing up with a narcassist as a mother. And now I will never tolerate less I dont even tolerate my own mother why would I do so for some strange man child. But now that I notice im attracting narcassists taking a step back to work on myself❤
This hits the nail on the head. I realized early in the year that I’ve been drawn in by narcissists my whole life from my mom to my son’s father to numerous relationships since. I’m glad to FINALLY be aware of what’s going on. I’m an empath and they love to feed on that. Never again!
I feel blindsided because I never saw it coming. I finally called it quits after a violent outburst in the car in which he chose to pound his steering wheel with his fists instead of me, 6 inches away. Everything you’ve described is spot on. It all happened. So screwy 😭 I am so grateful I broke it off.
Excellent video. The trick is to be aware of love bombing in the early days, and red flags. Look at her past, that is your future. If in doubt, back out. Do not be in a hurry to commit, and if committed, get out asap. Your physical and mental health are at great risk. Leaving is like getting out of jail.
Yes when I left, he laid a huge guilt trip on me when I left. By that time I was mostly immune to his tactics but a small part of me still felt like I was abandoning him. I bought myself a ring to remind myself to be true to myself. The fear when setting boundaries is very real even with people who are safe.
Excellent comprehensive explanation of the entire spectrum exhibited by narcissists…..horrible insidious beings who slowly steal your Soul and keep you traumatized…the only way to deal is to RUN and go No-Contact, move and restart your Life. So sad these beings of lower dimensional frequencies even exist Reclaim your Life Force and GET AWAY!!! Good luck🙏❤️
I don’t agree it’s sad. It’s a frequency that exists and that we came across personally to heal. I 💯 take responsibility for healing what attracted me to them. ❤
Jimmy, I am still healing from divorcing an abusive narcissist. I have no plans on dating any time soon. But, your videos really, truly help me mentally prepare for getting back out there. Thank you 😊
Me too! I never married him thank god (rip next victim because I’m willing to bet he’ll marry them pretty fast so it’s harder to leave). I do not want another relationship, and I’m certainly not ready for one. But I’d love to actually feel loved for once. To have a relationship where someone doesn’t look me in the face and tell me “if you died, I’d only wait about a month to start sleeping around again.” And then when I got upset he would say “what, were you expecting me to just stay sad the rest of my life?” 7 years of hell. He was so sweet when we met (in high school) and I was struggling badly with my mental health. I was a cutter for years. He asked me out 3 years into our friendship and I felt like he was a safe, funny, respectful guy. I said yes. The red flags showed up pretty soon. Staring at other girls while we were on dates together, bad friends (drugs/alcohol), an abusive father and a mother who abandoned him for drugs but would come around when she needed money. I tried to feel secure but he was always flirting with other girls and I would catch him talking to them. It spiraled my mental health even further and I relapsed. But he was so kind, he listened to me, watched my stupid shows with me. Did a ton with me. Then the abuse started happening. He would hold me down during fights and yell at me. He’d abuse my cat. But he’d turn around and tell me because I was so stressful, it was my fault. I believed him for a very long time. I felt guilty for cutting. I cut because I felt like I deserved it. If I felt like I let someone down, I’d hurt myself. I was a cutter before we met, during our entire friendship, and was one when he asked me out and he knew this. I told him “you know I was diagnosed with borderline pd, mdd, and anxiety right?”. He knew I had major trust issues, he knew I had a severe fear of abandonment. He knew I had no self-esteem and crippling self-worth issues. But he would turn around and do things that would trigger my abandonment fears (he cheated for years, openly or secretly and I’d find hidden accounts). He looked me in the face for years and told me “if I was cheating you’d never find out”. Of course if he comes home and tells me that he got a girls number but not to worry that would make me upset. But if I got upset he would tell me “wow, your so sensitive. If you’re so unhappy then leave. You’re the reason I treat you bad. You over react. You’re crazy. It was just a joke. Wow, you can’t take a single joke can you.” Etc. etc. He r*ped me, tortured my pets, and cheated while I was pregnant with our child. He pushed and pushed me, then when I finally exploded. He would sit back and just act so calm and cold. He’d stonewall me. Tell me I’m insane and no one else would love me. I’d then cry and beg for him to please forgive me. Finally he would start being a bit kinder for a day or two. Then he would start being shady and saying nasty, perverted jokes, and telling me about all the girls he’d sleep with that we knew. He always pushed me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. If I refused then it was just a joke, sometimes he wouldn’t listen to me if I said no or fought back. I wasn’t perfect. But I haven’t cut for the last 3 years. I tried so hard to not react. I really tried my best. I truly believed if I could just be prettier, if I could loose weight, if I could be the cool girlfriend who let him do whatever he wanted, I’d I let him sexually degrade me, then he’d love me and start being nice again. I took my cat and our toddler and left. I had to call the police. He confessed and is facing 5 felonies. I haven’t felt like I have BPD since then. I haven’t felt hopeless. I don’t have wild mood swings. I’m in therapy and my therapist says I’d have to be rediagnosed with BPD and so far she doesn’t think I qualify for it! Now it’s just the abandonment issues that is our only concern! The other thing I need to work on is accepting I was abused. It’s like I’m brainwashed. I read my journals and Reddit posts on all he said and did to me, I read all the replies telling me I was severely abused and r*ped. But it’s hard to accept that it happened and that I did not deserve it. I had really bad memory problems. I think I lived in a fog or dissociation of some kind for so long that I have problems even remembering things. I opened up to my therapist that I felt like I didn’t have the right to call what he did to me, how he abused me, abuse because he never hit or cursed at me. Edit: he would whistle or make that noise you do at cats to call for me. When I’d answer him, he’d laugh. He always told his friends when he did this in front of them, “see, you just have to learn how to train your women like I did mine.” It would make me feel so little.
Good for you. It’s easy to look at the flip side and not have empathy for every party. You also deserve dignity and fair treatment and your desire to be better is so admirable and good.
maybe you are not a narcissist because it is almost impossible for a narcissist to feel that he is narcissistic, they build their false self since childhood as a self-defense mechanism, so it is impossible for them to destroy their self-defense (false self = their narcissistic personality)
I have been married to a narcissist for 39 years. I left last January. Although he exhibits most of the characteristics that you describe, I don’t think he is as intentional or self aware as it seems like you are describing. I heard someone describe a narcissist as someone who has a hole in the bottom of their soul’s bucket. They desperately want to be loved and valued but the hole drains it out. When we first began a relationship he really thought I was the one who would fill his bucket, but no matter how much I loved and valued him, the hole remained and his bucket drained. His behaviors come from his desperate search for someone to fill his bucket and punishing anyone, especially me, when we don’t. He doesn’t know why he is doing what he is doing. He doesn’t love bomb me intentionally, in his mind he genuinely thinks I am his answer, the one who will give him what he needs. Every new boss, every new relationship is his desperate attempt to fill his empty soul, but all of us, everyone of us fail. No one can fill his hole. He hurts us because he is desperate for love and acceptance. His actions are not conscious. This is in no way meant to justify or excuse his behavior. But I don’t think he knows why he acts like he does. He is not as conniving or methodical as it sounds. But the damage is the same. He will use you up and then blame you for not doing enough. In his mind everyone has failed him because everyone has. We have not filled his hole. We cannot. We are not God.
My husband sounds exactly the same as you described yours. I left mine 5 months ago after 37 years of marriage. I found out that most narcissists are unaware of their narcissism and that's why most of them never get diagnosed because it's always everyone else's fault and never their problem. They are unaware of their behaviour and how it hurts others. I discovered that my husband is probably a middle mid range narcissist and that type is unaware it's only the higher greater narcs that are fully aware of themselves and what their horrible behaviour does to others.
You are a kind person. You give people the benefit of the doubt. But does it matter why? What really matters is how they treat you not why this mistreat you.
I have been practicing for 4 decades. Your understanding is perfect. More often, it is an instinctive reaction; they are blind and lacking self awareness; constantly striving to fill a void.
Every single word you spoke here is true. Thank you. I'm in a relationship now with a wonderful man who validates me, listens, and recognizes his own mistakes and fixing them. But, after a lifetime of being controlled and manipulated, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop and then realizing I've made yet another mistake by trusting a narcissist. It's a daily struggle. Only time will tell.❤
Your ability to articulate this experience has blown me away. Thanks for giving words to such a terrible experience where I thought I was completely alone in this world and felt so much shame for triggering his intense reactions when he was so charming to everyone else. You're doing such admirable work, thank you for making these videos!
Jimmy I can’t tell you how much I needed this. I even self-diagnosed myself with emotional regulation disorder as a result of the emotional neglect and abuse and stayed for 3 years later. He’s even turned it around and called me the narcissist to avoid being accountable. I deserve better and I’m responsible for the treatment I continue to tolerate.
Listen to your intuition. I knew there was something so off but I kept listening to him and giving him the benefit of the doubt. These relationships are so insidious with how the abuse slowly creeps in and suddenly the mask falls off. It’s scary but also, the signs were there. I ignored them because there was a part of me that wanted to be loved. Thats why it’s so heartbreaking when we find out they can’t love and it was all an illusion.
Your video was straight to the point. I couldn't describe it more accurately. I was 24 years with a narcissist. Now free and happy. Loved the last part of the video. Very positive and so true 😃
I wanted to leave him a long time ago but it was impossible for many reasons. Sometimes you stay bc you don't have any other options. Basically you are trapped.
I needed this. 6 yrs divorced from a narcissist, diagnosed by a psychologist. 21 yrs of abuse. Plus a narc-mom who was also physically abusive. I have not healed. Nobody has told me I deserve better until now. Thank you.
I'm sorry you suffered that trauma and abuse. I hope you are doing better now, physically and mentally. You are absolutely worthy of being treated better, worthy of unconditional love, and you deserve to be reminded of that as often as you need to hear it ❤ Therapy / counseling can be helpful, if your insurance covers it.
You deserve better. You deserve better from yourself too. You are the one able to truly love yourself and not let others define you. Keep your locus of control internally focused not externally.
@KJ-lb4tj I have been working on that. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, so we must love ourselves to do that. As I am finding myself, I am liking what I find for the most-part.
Yes, this is what makes me feel so unsure for 30 years. 7 of those years I was happy. I need someone to watch when we are together to see if he is or not. He can be so lovelyy, kind and thoughtful. Yet he doesn't want to do anything with me and has sabotaged relationships, we don't socialise yet he loves being loved by everyone? He always wants to take the credit for everything. I do call him out though. Universe give me strength to see the truth. I don't think I can tell anyone as they wouldn't believe me.
@@jenniferrbh8252in the end the only opinion that matters is yours. I have been there, and it is isolating when no one understands. You will find others who have been through the same experience
@@jenniferrbh8252No, people will not believe you. Narcs are MASTERS OF MANIPULATION. They know how to manipulate other people with their flattery. I never realized how insecure most people are to fall for all that false flattery.
I like that you address the narcissistic behavior rather than worrying about the label or diagnosis. Very helpful. Wish I knew this years ago. I spent 20 years with a N & am still healing 30 years after! I did remarry after 20 years alone to the sweetest man on Earth. He’s gone now. I was lucky. One of my daughters has had repeated relationships with N.s. She is the sweetest, most generous lady! I sent this to her. Thank you‼️
I cried watching this video, everything you said was my life from childhood through 30 years of marriage. Married to a malignant narcissist who became an alcoholic almost killed me, I was terrified of what he would do if I tried to leave with my three children. Eventually I was the one who was discarded in the coldest way possible, over text. It’s been 10 years of a healing journey and reinventing myself. He died suddenly and all I could think of at the time was “It’s finally over”. In the past year since he’s been gone my adult children and I are much happier and healthier because the ongoing toxic energy no longer exists to cause stress and ongoing chaos. Sometimes, I remember the beginning when life looked full of possibilties but eventually all that changed. Still…….
True narcissism is actually scarse. But many people are self-centred, toxic, abusive, or have some personality disorder. Some are just enotionally immature. Let us also hear more about them. Thank you for pointing out that we cannot just go around labelling anyone narcissistic.
How is this all so spot on? I started having seizures from the immense stress I was under while in a relationship with a narcissist. I’m saving this video cause I’ll be watching it over and over again
whenever he acted out he said it was because I ‘pushed his buttons’. on purpose. This is not something I ever did. But I realised now that just as he always accused me of cheating because that was what he did, he said i pushed his buttons because that was what he actually did to me, deliberately. He would pick a fight about something random when he had done something bad, just to distract me. The mind games were unbelievable
This was very helpful! I was married for 28 years to someone who never honored me. He finally left & moved in with another woman. In the past year they, too, were having problems. I now see how important it is to be careful who you choose to marry. Make sure they want to invest in you with real love. Choose someone who proves to you that they will be good to you for the long haul! Choose someone who consistently shows you how much they care about you. You know you are a high priority to them. Your teachings are a blessing, Jimmy! Thank you!
Attempting to co-parent with a covert narcissist is another next level of hell. I am so grateful to my local Veteran Center for access to an absolutely WONDERFUL counselor who is helping my daughter and I navigate my-ex's relentless mind games. He can't get to me anymore so no he's trying to use her. It's disgusting and exhausting. Edit: As hard as it is being a single parent and dealing a different kind of madness after separation, it's 100x easier than still being in that relationship with the daily mind games and berating.
Coverts are the worst! I miss the grandiose one bc he was so stuck on himself that it was humorous at times. Coverts will mind-screw you into oblivion. 😢
This video came to my life just when I needed. First time in my life met a man with such trait. I was emotionally drained and started to wonder if anything wrong with me trying to fix and communicate with him. I start to write down my boundaries and remind myself that I am normal.
I've been on this hamster wheel. The provoking fights and would keep it going for 5-8 hours depriving me of sleep. The insanity of it. I divorced 5 years ago and I still feel the horror. This is a horrid personality disorder.
I am thinking about how I would feel if my daughter stayed with a partner like my narcissistic partner. I felt fear then started to cry. Thank you Jimmy for that reflection and clarification. So sad
Right on target! Soooo helpful! I have been a narcissist magnet my whole life! This gives me courage not to keep repeating the same things! Thank you!!
Excellent talk. This is exactly what I’m going through. I’ve recently learned the he doesn’t care about me (after 23 years of marriage) and that my needs matter. These revelations have been life changing and empowering. Thank you, Jimmy. ❤
This was way too accurate and it made me uncomfortable to listen to. I am so grateful for this resourse as a tool for becoming better equipped on the dating scene when i re-enter.. and you've explained everything so well I'm still fresh in my healing phase, left the relationship about 7 months ago & still can feel it in my body that I'm still in fight or flight. I knew something wasn't right in the relationship. The frequent gas lighting was obvious to me but I didn't know what a covert narcissist was so I didn't have a name or explanation for the other stuff, I just thought it was me ..... complete self abandonment for 3.5 years, .... still coming back to myself
So agree with what you say. I have found it very difficult to face what it is in me that saw every red flag, and understood each one (mostly passive aggressive behaviour) yet stayed in the relationship. Abandoning him was the issue... I dreamed of rejecting someone who wanted me and how difficult it was
Your video was helpful to never get trapped being a relationship like this ever again. I have learned to listen to my intuition when something isn't right about a situation or a person. It's smarter & more safe to walk away from such a horrible individual before they can take away your light
I loved your short about Narassism that essentially explained boundaries. The boundaries aren't to control them; it's to avoid unnecessary drama. You don't need to lie or entirely cut them off, but distance and space is healthy!
Your sincerity, clarity and care is transmitted SO much in your videos.Thank you for using your platform to inform and create awareness around this topic. I've found your channel so helpful!!!!
Some times you go through exactly what you expect, your boundaries, what love means to you and then they tell you "that was when we were dating, we're married now". I never thought anyone could love bomb that long... I was completely blindsided.
@@rrobinson1776 sorry you went through that. I did as well. Some people are really good liars even to themselves which makes it hard to spot bc they fully feel justified. We have to test people to know the truth. Trust has to be earned.
Can I just say thank you for all of the videos and shorts that you post? So many of us have never had the luxury of seeing what healthy, loving communication looks like. It’s much easier to translate examples than information. You’ve had a huge impact on my life. Thank you!
Thank you Jimmy. For those of us who know narc abuse well, its hard to break it all down clearly as the abuse affects the psychology in such a way as you doubt and gaslight yourself. So this exerpt of your work and offering, is such a huge and healing gift. thank you
Wow 😮 you’ve explained this subject the best way I’ve ever heard previously. Thank you 🙏🏻 You described my lifetime of narcissistic abuse by my parents and spouses. I need to listen to this everyday for awhile.
Your videos are so deeply helpful. I went from being with the more aggressive type narcissist to then thinking that my boyfriend was not a narcissist, because he was quiet and spoke. Kindly, boy was, I surprised after the love bombing phase wore off that he, too, was a narcissist, but of the covert variety. I have come to a place at age 51, that I feel that I may not even be in a relationship again, since I don’t know how not to be the giver and have not yet found someone who is equally as generous and interested in working through conflict versus ignoring me. I know I am worthy of it of love, but I feel at this point that I have given up. And that is OK. Thank you for affirming my experiences, and my childhood was exactly what my partners were unfortunately
Thank you for your video. You have made the most sense about narcissistic personalities and people who had a narcissistic family structure. I have stayed out relationships for the last 30 years. Now, I realize now even more I don't have to be perfect to deserve love.
You are amazing! Every topic you cover is helping me thru a really difficult time in my life. I left my husband of 37 years on Dec 28th of last year. I was unemployed (he begged me to quit my job), I was suicidal, I was overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally exhausted and on so unhappy that I didnt know where to turn. I cant begin to tell you how much your videos have helped me take back myself and my power. I have a great support system and a therapists that wrote her thesis on the narcessitic person. I have done so much research, reading and watching videos about the disorder but your information is just so easy to understand and apply to my lifr. Thank you Thank you. Be proud of what you do, because this is one life that you have saved.
You've just helped me in finding closure with a guy I dated for three months. At one point he told me he had control issues, I felt bad for him and I mistakenly believed I caused them. I confused submission with a willingness to compromise at this point. When he quickly found someone else and left after I asked to slow down and talk about our needs and wants within a relationship, I realized it wasn't about my readiness to compromise but rather my unwillingness to submit. Your perspective reinforced that understanding, and I now view the breakup as a positive outcome, as I was able to stand up for myself. Thanks for helping me navigate through this!
I've known several narcissists who are very, very good at apologizing. They only do this when they're trying to keep you from leaving, or they want something else, but they'll cry and beg for forgiveness and grace, owning that everything was their fault, they just need time to work on their bad behavior, they need your help to keep changing, blah blah blah. Important to recognize this behavior because giving them multiple chances only gives them more opportunity to keep you trapped.
All I can say is Wow! And Thank you. I was intuitively guided to pick your video. I just feel like you and I were sat in a room together and when I looked in your eyes it felt like you were channeling something higher that was speaking through you (sorry this sounds so sycophantic, just telling you my experience) You then proceeded to basically describe me and my relationships, I then had a strong release of emotions that viscerally felt like me as a youngster. I have been crying and releasing for about 25 mins so far. It’s like a cascading feeling when you hear someone speak your life. I did take that tremble invoking stand, and after many years on my healing journey, pulled the trigger on my 30 year marriage to a narc, just as you described and yes my mother was the narc in my childhood, plus other traumas of a serious nature. Anyway just sitting here writing this to thank you and give the feedback and appreciation for the effort you make to help distribute information of such an intense nature in a very digestible way, for me anyway. Love the comedy way you use too. God bless you thank you, you’re efforts have certainly been successful for me today in this moment and for that I am grateful brother x
I really needed to see this today. I kept giving someone more and more chances because I would tell myself we had some "good" moments together until I realized the "good" moments were just times where I didn't have to do as much work to keep him from becoming upset at me. That even in those moments I wasn't truly happy or free to be myself. And even then, I still struggled to end it because the fear of him turning anything I said around to make him the victim to our few mutual friends, the fear of his anger at me finally cutting him out. I finally reached a breaking point and I still know I can't do it alone but luckily, I have a therapy appointment where I am going to ask my therapist for her advice on how to finally cut him out of my life and be able to move on and heal from that relationship. Watching this today helped me realize this was the right decision and that as much as a part of me still misses the person he pretended to be when we first met, he'll never be that person and staying is just hurting me more and enabling him to continue treating me this way. Thank you for the videos you're making!
This is one of the best videos on narcissists ever! Thank you! This describes the last 18 years of my life. It's been beyond confusing, but knowing these things has helped me make sense of why things are the way they are. Doesn't make it easy, but it does help clarify.
I had a friend who opned my eyes to self love. This helped me in the breakup with my ex. The next thing I suspected was that my ex saw how my family treated me and learned what treatment I took and what I could or "should" get. That started me looking hard at my family dynamics and I've learned a lot. I know this vid is about romantic realtions but I'd just like to point out a lot of family can have these very traits (even without them being a true narcissist) and that will affect what you think you deserve and then that affects who you will date. A lot of these traits are reminding me of family memebers.
For a long time I’ve been unable to process or talk about a past relationship and the way I was treated. Your videos have given me perspective and the right words to finally talk about what happened, express my feelings and boundaries, and make healthy adjustments to my life and the ways I interact with others.
J. I’m old enough to be your mom! But, I’m amazed by the wisdom you share because I’ve lived it in real life! I’m still living it. Every word here is the truth I still walk in,…everyday. I never knew any of this. I wish this info had been available years ago. I’m glad it’s easily accessible for people now. Your ability to explain all of this is truly a gift. Please keep sharing!! You are saving hearts!!!❤️ and so much more. You are saving lives, protecting children and offering a path to healing for responsible adults!
It took me 19 years to figure all of this out after I've blamed my issues on why we can't fix conflict, I realized he's never going to stop, I am just feeding his "monster "...now it still happening but with weeks if stonewalling to the point of him draining the debit account to not speaking for days except minimal answering. A very lonely life still to this day.
It's amazing how alike they all are.... about 10 minutes in i started crying feeling like you had been watching a movie of my relationship. This was so kindly and lovingly done. With all my heart, thank you 💜
Jimmy, could you please make and share a video on post-separation abuse? It's often after the survivor discards the narcissist and goes no contact with him/her that the narcissist's vindictive, revengeful, dominating, controlling and abusive behavior gets amplified on steroids. They harass, stalk, extort, blackmail the survivor, and run a smear campaign against the survivor. Survivors must protect him/herself from potential physical harm and defamation of character by the narcissist. They can develop depression and anxiety and it's essential to have friends and family who validate their experience and support them. It's also important to file a complaint about post-separation abuse to law enforcement.
an effective way is to not interact with the narc. Surround yourself with friends who either have no connections with the narc or respect to not talk about you to the narc. Even better, don't post anything in social media under your name for the narc to follow for some months so they get bored and move on
YUP!!!!! BEEN THERE, AND LIVED THIS FOR 10 YEARS. IT IS PURE HELL. ITS A MIRACLE I GOT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. ITS A MIRACLE I STILL HAVE MY SANITY. IT HAS TAKEN A HUGE TOLE ON MY PHYSICAL HEALTH THOUGH. NARCISSIST ABUSE IS REAL. EVEN IF IT ALL MENTAL, EMOTIONAL AND PHYCOLOGICAL. IT IS UNSEEN BUT VERY, VERY REAL. THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS VIDEO. IT IS EXCELLENT.
I just love the way you explain the narcissistic behaviour...so detailed but simple and easy to understand..I'm that empath who hated conflicts, hated fights, likes to keep the peace and I've been living with a narc.partner for 20 yrs 😮our kids are almost grown but i still find it hard to leave..a few years ago I started to put boundaries on stuff that made me uncomfortable like having any sexual contact after he's cheated , no longer giving him money after he lied & stole from me ...& even gambled family money at one point..it's not been easy but the few boundaries I've placed help me keep my sanity...no more arguments & heated exchanges and it's a big step to finally accepting that I can finally leave without any fear...😢
This is one of the best videos I've seen on this subject (out of hundreds). I'm so glad these destructive, malicious people are being exposed. 37 years I've been married to a covert narcissist. I knew something wasn't right but couldn't quite figure it out until a few years ago. Thank you for helping people avoid this whirlpool of misery.
Jimmy..you are truly a gift in this space. What a perfect and complete encapsulation of this subject. I hope you continue to be supported on this channel so your talent is perpetuated and more people can be guided, educated and healed. So appreciate what you offer.
"We can't boundary them into loving and respecting us." Mic drop.
That body response of panic and fear over a "simple" conversation of me setting boundaries really surprised me and I still didn't understand it...until this part of the video, 19:39. Thank you for that clarification!
yea that was a good one but the whole segment was important (with the context). Which would also be one of my biggest complaints about this video and any other: "true narcissists"
💯
😢 true
@@sorshae.elsberndi can relate to that. How crazy it is!
"You can't heal in the environment that made you sick." BARS ✨
RIGHT
@LeMiao:
Agreed
Exactly.
Well said.
Word
Bars bars barsss!!!!
Street Angel, House Devil.
That's the Covert Narcissist.
Being married to a covert narcissist is a private hell like no other. People outside the marriage cannot even fathom what we experience. This is not just “marriage is hard” that I was told for almost 30 years. There is literally no way to explain this form of abuse to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. The only way to heal is to get out. This video is one of the best concise explanations I’ve seen. Everything is spot on. Watch out Christian women. We are taught to be exactly who the narc wants. The Christian church is a perfect place for these wolves to hide. Trust me.
I know many many many people like this. People will be absolutely shocked at how they really are when others aren’t watching
My ex had enough self awareness to be afraid others would think he abused me when we were together. Then I left him. Soon after came the self-centered website about his good deeds for everyone to see. Feeding the homeless, starting a benefit for children’s cancer, pictures of him being surrounded by orphans that he paid to send to school.
Yep, one way in public - the complete opposite in private.
Truth
My mother was always extremely careful to only scream at me in private or in front of my father. It took years for it to finally happen with my spouse as a witness.
You hit the nail on the head. Remember
you can't save them
you can't heal them
you can't rescue them
They'd only try to bring you down to their level of self hate, irrate sulking unhappy critical minds
and then discard you
You can only save yourself by leaving
Spot on, run as fast as you can.
*My ex of 11 years in a nutshell-*
1. Never take accountability, never apologize, always deflect, play blame game, victim card, manipulate, gaslight and in the end grudgingly give apology.
2. Every concern and issue is an attack on him and I'm always the enemy that he needs protection from. His rage and hurtful words will carry out all the conversations instead of love and empathy.
3. Always repeat the destructive and toxic cycle. Never change. Say sorry and repeat till eternity. I'm drained fighting the same fight for years. His ego was the most important thing for him. He can lose me but not his ego but obviously won't admit.
4. Never prioritise me. Help and be nice to everyone even strangers. But be mean, disrespectful, thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate, careless and outright horrible to me.
5. Words would never match with actions. Promises will never be delivered. Everything becomes a lie.
6. Behave like an immature, dumb and innocent 5 year old the whole time you're fighting. Like he has no clue what the hell am I fighting about hence frustrating and draining me. But when a third person gets involved, he becomes his mature and understanding self again and I look like a crying, yelling maniac.
7. Always trying to win the fight. Even if he has to bring in irrelevant facts or straight up idiotic things just to win. How do you reason with unreasonable?
8. Entitlement and superiority complex. Feeling entitled to my love, care, respect, affection but not giving 1% of it back. Killing me with his antics then feeling bad and expecting me to console him and take care of him while getting no reassurance or care myself.
9. No matter the circumstances but demanding my care but always leaving me alone to fight my hardest battles. Then talking about how other people are rude and unkind to him. And getting mad when I point out the hypocrisy and double standards. And also warning me to not use his hypocrisy and cruelty against him.
10. Calling me selfish, dramatic for fighting for small things, saying my fighting makes him walk on eggshells around me, saying I'm always complaining but never fixing anything, never thinking before uttering cruel words, always talking in circles making me lose my mind, controlling my reactions, if can't control then punishing me with his cruel words for ever standing up for myself.
And he claimed that he loved me more than anything in this world. I think he genuinely believed that he loved me even though I felt like he truly hated me with this kind of behaviour. I think he just loved the way I loved him and he loved the benefits of a stable relationship. Who knows. He left me broken and a shell of a person I used to be once. I've trying to breakup since 2 years and finally cut contact yesterday. Hoping he doesn't come back.
You’ve just literally explained my entire marriage with my husband for the last 34 years. Exact! I use to be so fun loving and full of life. I’ve lost all of my zest for life. I feel robbed of “me”. I have developed over the years horrible fears, anxiety and depression because I could never cope but always tried. I have been in survival mode for so long. I don’t even know how to live normally anymore. I want to leave him so much but I’m so full of fear as to how to financially afford it. He has been so controlling that I don’t even know how to do anything for myself anymore. I feel like I’m drowning everyday and don’t know how to save myself. Going to be 60 years old and I’m so ashamed that I stayed. I want to have some kind of happiness before I die. I’m so scared!
You perfectly described my ex as wel. Block him otherwise he will weasel his way back in.
If you are financially able it is best to value yourself & the universe will send someone kind to you. Just go slow so you can vet that they aren’t another narcissist bc we seem to attract them over and over! You are SO strong & brave. You are SO valued and respected by the universe. You deserve all positive treatment. If possible I highly recommend therapy or self help books to break the cycle of new behaviors etc you have learned as coping mechanisms so next relationship has less baggage. After 25 yrs with my second husband I recently began to be self aware what I project on him & change some of my behaviors. Like often asking “are you mad at me?” So I can prepare and not have it dropped on me Ike a bomb. Even though he doesn’t display any narcissistic traits I keep on guard from past abuse. All my love & positive energies to you!
I *f i n a l l y decided six days ago to finally walk away from a man who ultimately made me feel sad. Due to childhood and past trauma, he had fearful avoidant attachment style and I finally realized he was a covert narcissist. When you truly love someoneyou want to help them but in the end it’s also important to know when to walk away or they only end up dragging you down. Loving someone should never require you to lose your own sense of self-worth or happiness. The last straw was he forgot my birthday and when I finally admitted to him that it hurt my feelings, he shut down and didn’t even reply. I realized everything would always be about HIM, HIS feelings, his fears, his fragile ego. No one should put up with this. There’s no way to have a happy, balanced relationship with a partner like this. The sad thing is, I know he really DID love me. And I loved him, too. That is what is heartbreaking. But his feelings/words and his actions never aligned. And I came to the sad realization he was incapable of seeing how selfish his actions and choices were. Everyone can heal and change…but they have to WANT it and put in the hard work. Not everyone is capable of that. I don’t feel anger towards him. But I wish I had never met him and lost 13 months of my life with him that I can never get back.
@@thakurpriyankarana if you are the one who broke it off, there is prob a 100% chance that they will come back. (unless they have found another supply).
So it's super important to 100% ignore. If you get a text - don't respond, not even to say "leave me alone". Just ignore the text. If you get a call, don't answer if you recognize his number. If you don't recognize the number and it turns out to be him, don't engage. If he shows up where you live, don't open the door. Don't talk to him through the door.
As I saw in another youtube video. If the narc can't make you love him, he'd just be just as happy to make you hate him. So be boring and he will move on.
Teared up when you said our bodies will be terrified when we start setting boundaries because it's so true
Me too!😢
In some ways I disagree with the notion that the term is overused. The statistic is literally based on diagnosis rates alone, but narcs don't get diagnosed because they believe everyone else is the problem, not them. I have seen the same lovebomb, devalue, discard pattern with different people, its like they have all read the same playbook. I would say its probably more like 10% if not higher.
They are under diagnosed b/c they do not seek treatment.
Same. I've always thought that same sentiment. I 100% don't think it's over used. Tons are narcissists, but, few are getting a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis from a licensed medical professional.
They don't seek treatment because NoThInG iS wRoNg WiTh ThEm. (🤮)
According to professionals, they have a DISORDER if they realize something they're doing is having a negative impact on their lives. You can ABSOLUTELY be a narcissist without having a disorder because you can do all the horrible things without them and/or you believing those horrible things are having a negative impact on your life.
This guy is flat wrong, respectfully. And we absolutely can be calling people narcissists because that doesn't mean they have a disorder.
I would say 20% or more are narcissists
Lundy Bancroft goes over the entire playbook in Why Does He Do That? If anyone is interested. I love that book, super helpful ❤ oh and its free to read online too
"They're the only one you're having a problem with."
BOOM! Every 3-4 days... As soon as you start to build yourself back up or show ANY sign of being happy...it starts.
When I started realizing the problems I was having were only ones my sister had with me, I was able to start imagining a future in which I was not anyone's problem. Breakthrough! I don't fault myself for the decades I saw myself through that lens. Earliest memories in my childhood I was the little train that couldn't, lucky to have a "caring" family willing to put up with me inadequate me. Wow!
Yes! It's that thing about j being joyful or happy. They can't share in that love and excitement, have to beat you down til you feel miserable, then grateful to feel a little better...
It became clockwork for me where when it was about that time, I can sense it’s about to happen again. I start to get PTSD and boom. Out of no where. The whole thing resets. It was every few weeks.
Yes!!!Every 3-4 days ! He explodes for any reason .as if his mask could not hold more time . Why !?
One in 20 is a LOT. They’re all over the place. It’s frightening when you realize how smart some of them are.
And they’re concentrated in the single population. Healthy individuals are usually in healthy relationships.
@@teachertraceeMany of the narcissists I know are in long term marriages. Either their partner is oblivious or else not prepared to go through divorce after 30 years.
and it is stil - probably - a very low number, given how they are rarely formally diagnosed since they never think they are the problem so they dont seek mental health professionals, I shiver thinking how big the number could actually be
Truly frightening. They're too smart.
@@Shweta_beewhat makes them too smart?
Two things I learned as a therapist, who studies personality disorders . There needs to be 1. mutual respect and 2. mutual reciprocity in your relationships . If these don’t exist then relationship is not going to work . PwNPD can not reciprocate empathy or understand you are separate with needs , wants and desires as your own . They can NOT reciprocate because they can not understand others matter. Pwnpd are missing object constancy and whole object relations . Therefore , they can’t bond or be respectful of a bond . So if mutual respect and mutual reciprocity is missing .
Run ❤
NPD don't *value* anyone's separateness, wants or needs.
I am 40 years married to this. I knew something was wrong after the honeymoon. I kept researching personality disorders. I would think maybe when the kids are older he’ll show up. Or when they leave home. I kept moving the goalpost. It was only a few years ago that the light came on in a big way. Once you know, you know! There’s so much I could say here. Thanks for your content and getting this out there.
So.... have you left?
When you know you know 💯
You are so good!🎉
I knew DURING the honeymoon. God I'm glad that marriage is over. This is why parents need to love and care for their children. So they grow up to choose good partners.
I hope you've found peace. 37 years for me. I've detached, I don't spend more than 5 minutes a day in their presence while I plan my exit. Stay safe.
“Our partners should never make us feel worse about ourselves.” Thank you, I needed that reminder
It's crazy that narcissists will target people who are young and impressionable, not just because they're like trophies, but because they have no experience on what healthy communication is and what laying down healthy boundaries looks like. It's easier to manipulate and gaslight them.
Yepp. My husband may have thought this way without even realizing it, now he's kicking himself because I'm half his age and turned out to be smarter than I ever should have been, honestly.. I see everything now and he can't stand it, I'm also too strong now and that doesn't benefit him= more tantrums and withdraw
No wonder startups and corporates love hiring young people
I, sadly, am the opposite. My fiance, and mother of my only child, is 11 years younger than I am, and shes the narcissist. Ive spent 5 years trying to help her grow, encourage positive change and self improvement, only to have her leave me 3 seperate times after crying my eyes out and telling her I feel like there's no room for my emotions in our relationship.
And worse is being smart enough to see all the red flags, but feeling like shes actually my soulmate..
I can predict her words, I can feel her emotions even across the phone, I can accurately tell her exactly what shes feeling, tell her what the outcome of her actions will be, and I full-well know that this will sound absolutely self absorbed and nutso, but I can actually predict the future with her.
All of that is so ephemeral, and supernatural, and theres no words to describe how sure I am I was supposed to be with her.
But everything is a fight. Theres no accountability. Its always my fault. My therapist recently told me that based off everything I told her, I was being 'reactively abusive' for years, and despite her trying to calm me down and reassure me that it being reactive means its normally uncharacteristic behavior, I could only latch on to me being abusive *at all*.
Ive spent 5 years not setting healthy boundaries and becoming co-dependant on someone who Im not fully convinced loves herself anymore.
So please, if you respect yourselves, please dont do what I did. You are a wonderful person, if youre reading this, and you deserve someone who helps your spirit soar instead of casting it down to the earth.
@@BatshtPassionate I hope this is true it brings me joy and make me laugh.
@@TraehderettahSOmg unreal, poor you.
I was with a neglectful narcissist. He wasn't abusive, he just never noticed me. It felt like I was a plant barely getting watered, starved of nutrition starved of my needs. I'm glad I experienced that so I could know what I truly wanted. After I left I found an amazing man.
I am married to a covert narcissist. It’s a hard life. I have survived by finding a way to agree with him and then do as I please and periodically running away on a vacation. Too much is at stake to divorce. I think very video was spot on. Thank you for making it.
Have you heard of grey rocking A podcast a couple gives examples of how to deal with this it is excellent also
Feel you.
Same
Yeaa I won’t deal with dishonesty, especially at that level and also being in a marriage while not being in a marriage. As you said, it’s a hard life and no where, incl the Bible, does it purport to withstand that.
@@Lee345Jeamen and I lost everything but so worth it!
"they are a walking double standard". Love that phrase! 👍
Grace for them the law and no grace for you
“ Become that type of person, then find that type of person “
❤❤❤
Bam! Right on.
This was so caring and meaningful,thank you.
I am afraid I got stuck in the type of relation you describe. A huge 2 month lovebombing full of intimacy, deep talks, feeling of connection and being prioritized and loved. And then, a sudden shift that made me feel confused,unworthy,unloved,wrong. Like falling from paradise for some unclear fault. Too needy, too sensitive, too much expectation, gaslighting even if he is the one who pushed to get into a relationship and quite fast. Well, it has been two weeks now since I decided to prioritize myself. I got back to running, my passion that I had neglected. I am painting watercolors again. I am feeding myself all those delicate and delicious meals I would cook for him even when I was ewhausted. I am reading novels, under cozy blankets with essential oils spreading delicious scent ( "oh, reading novels is such a waste of time,when there are so many philosopher and great books to read, and bu the way, that lavender oil is making me nauseous!!"). I am going to the beach and do yoga, and it feels like paradise. I am keeping my house tidy and it is so reconforting because lately I was so stressed and tired and exhausted I could not keep it the way I like it. I am doing méditation and breathing techniques that I always used to do, they are so much helpful. I am journaling. I am putting make up and two drops of perfume to go to work. I am allowing myself to spend money for things that make me happy: art material, flowers,books, online courses, donating to my dog shelter ( " you should spend your money wisely,how can you be so consumistic"?). I am soaking my feet in warm water after work,and taking ten minutes just relaxing, no phone,no music. I am listening to the same Chopin nocturnes we used to dance to, but walking my dog along the river,and feeding the otters, and the night makes a wonderful companion.
I am wearing my baggy jeans and my doctor martens unapologetically ( "people stare at you in the streets, you dress like a teenager") and if someone stares at me, I wanna think it is because I rock my jeans.
I am planning my spanish summer holidays, and considering that the plan was "we rent a house in the woods and spend 20 days there", I promise I will have a cup of sangria on a spanish beach and make big cheers I escaped 20 days in Hansel &Gretel's house.
Take care of yourself,people.
Big hugs to everybody, if you are watching this video it surely isn't the best period of your life, but...
We learn,we grow,we bleed and we get beautiful scars. ;-)
Thank you so very much for your comment! It is exactly what I need to do after 42 years of being broken. I’m so thankful for messages like this. ❤
@@shereemcmahon2285 thank you for taking time reading my words, I am in glad if ot was even a little bit helpful. English is not my native language,so I apologize in advance if something I may say sounds not correct or incorrect in manners. It has been a month since my previous comment. My ex partner tried to contact me, but I have gray rocked him.Just answer politely but unemotionally, it worked. The idea of him coming back for dévotion, admiration, sex or whatever he was milking from me used to make me anxious. Now I know I simply have to Not engage, be blind and deaf like Ulisses with the mermaids.
I am doing fine,making new friends,visiting beautiful places, earning good money because I am more focused, being healthy because I make time to take care of myself. I hope you will find peace and serenity, I promise you it is possible. Start with small things. Buy yourself a plant and keep it alive, my grandma said it is a good way to take care of ourselves :-)
Blessing and hugs from Italy. If you feel like,let us know how you are doing.
I love all of this self love!!! It's beautiful! This is exactly what you're supposed to do to heal.
@@aspegel5281 hi there! I had forgotten this comment,but it feels so good that you commented so I see it again. Here you have un update,a few months later! Am doing fine! Running has bene a game changer, I have met really nice people and discovered beautiful places, not to mention I am in the best shape I have ever been. Work, friendships, social life, alone time, everything is unfolding quite nicely.Last year in the beginning of December I was in the lovebombing phase with Mr. Narciso, and today, 1 year after, 2nd december 2024 I am running in the sun on a beautiful beach and feeling whole,strong and proud.
I’ve never heard this articulated before ‘narcissism is a dominant-submissive relationship’ if you’re not submissive to them they’ll move on.
I find this really enlightening and true to my experience.
Covert narcs dominate with their sob story.
Thank God for those types who move on if you're not submissive.
I've met the types that will do anything to bully me into submission.
Yes me too. I actually tend to frame it more as a power dynamic. I’ve asserted myself plenty of times to no avail or to only escalate the abuse..
Looking back, it’s important to assess the power dynamic. If they clearly have alot more power & have power over you. The best thing is to pretend to be submissive, while you quietly work on getting the hell away from them.
@@annastone5624precisely how I finally got out.
My husband hasn’t moved on. I’m not submissive and call him out but he drains me running in circles
@@kellycarter6940well if you are married, you’re beyond the initial relationship phase. I guess it’s those early stages where they might decide it’s not worth the effort.
But Control is a form of dominance, control can be exerted in a variety of ways including covertly
Amazing! I spent 30 yrs. with a covert narc and thought for so long there had to be something wrong with me. Nothing made sense! And then one day I stumbled across the definition of covert narcissism and my world changed! It was like the universe was saying, Janet, you’ve suffered enough! Thank you for your outstanding videos. I’m sure you are helping so many people!
It is amazing when that puzzle piece clicks in and you can finally see the true picture. My Mother is covert narc. So much damage. So much shame -- for just existing. 😢
Free now but wow...
I had someone say to me "does the label really matter? Look at their actions, whether they're a narcissist, Cluster B, or just an assh*le, they're still toxic and abusive"
@@danyellemilligan690exactly dont waste time trying to label the toxin just get away from it
My story is the same. I have left an abusive narcissistic 32 year marriage. I felt confused and anxious all of the time. Then, I had health problems. One horrible day, I curled up in a fetal position and cried out to God, for help. When I awakened, my computer was turned on and the subject matter was covert narcissism. I had never heard of it. As I read it, I cried. It was reassuring to know, that I wasn’t crazy. There was a problem.
I'm almost married for 25 years to a narcissist(ic person) liked by everyone, great with other people's kids, amazing first months. Gradually and slowly things changed, but there was always a pausable explanation on his side and I continued believing him until 2 years ago when I accidentally stumbled upon a video about covert narcissist. Immediately all made sense for me. A lot of the examples given were so accurate as if they were taken from my life! Since then I'm trying to get away. Now, it seems to happen. He met a new victim, 18 years younger than me. He had a lot of sexual realationships with others but now he wants me to leave, because he wants to build a new home. No one in his family knows him the way I do, because of his extreme talent to turn lies into truths. They all believe him and put the blame on me. Let's wait and see how long it takes before this new victim realizes who he really is
It's a shame my Mum died believing all the lies about all the problems being her fault, and feeling like a bad person when she really wasn't.
Wow. Pray for her ❤️🙏
❤
She is very happy now in heaven. May she R.I.P. I have gone through the same thing but thank God I learned it was not me. The happiest day of my life will be when I leave this nasty world.
I never understood Stockholm Syndrome until I spent most of my adult life in two relationships that exactly followed this pattern. Now I understand and am so proud of myself that for 9 years I educated myself, made a plan and finally found a way to action it. I am free. Exhausted and financially destroyed, but free.
The "it was a joke don't be so uptight " is so nerve wrecking
And it never ends! Constant chipping away at your self-esteem under the guise of joking.
I told him I am uptight about his stupid jokes and walked away from him.
Exactly!
I'm not laughing at you babe I'm laughing with you
I finally shut that one down by answering its impossible to be laughing with me you pr!ck because IM NOT LAUGHING of course that only gave me small comfort the only thing that really worked was running for my life
Just as nerve wrecking as the other person saying “every joke has a truth in it” when it was just a joke 😂
"You never heal in the same environment that made you sick"
My ex-boyfriend turned into a monster during my pregnancy. He would wake me up to argue while my body was working overtime at growing a human. I cried in agony. I kicked him out years later. I waited too long, and it got to a point where he would threaten to end my life or wish me dead 2-3 times a week. Since he was kicked out in early 2019, I have healed and grown. My neighbors even complimented me on how I glow. I feel free to make my own decisions. I earn and spend my own money. I self love like never before. And I haven't dated since I want my next relationship to be a different kind.
It so hard to not link for that underlying agenda isn't it but with therapy and time I finally found someone who just wants to love me and be loved its still hard not to ovetthink every word he says but he knows of my past and.....glory be....he wants to help me heal just take your time, heal love will find you. You are not crazy you are strong you can make it on your own you are not alone there are many many of us on this boat. ❤🎉
I'm in my second marriage to a narcissist and have listened to a LOT of narcissists podcasts. Yours was the simplest yet most complete description of the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist. Women who are highly empathic need to know that they are targets for a narcissist and your warning signs of what a narcissist will do and say is important for them to know. In fact, I wish you would elaborate even more on the initial love-bombing traits and the counter boundaries that women need to develop which can help her discern the difference betwen truely loving men versus controlling and manipulative men. Hard to tell the difference with love-bombing. My husband had a stroke and so I am now a caregiver to a narcissist.... and through the abuse I have had to LEARN to stand up for myself. Your description of how we believe that we can fix them, be the peacemaker and the understanding one is SO accurate... and is the prescription for the demise of our own self-love. One of the best things you said was TAKE YOUR TIME! When I am able to exit this sham of a marriage, I am going to be SUPER careful in establishing boundaries that not only protect me, but that establish who the new me actually is. I am going to go slowly enough in any new relationship so that I see the different facets of the other person's character. Great overview! Please don't hesitate to dive deeper into love-bombing traits and the protective boundaries that women can establish. So many of us never even knew about boundaries... so enumerating and giving examples of some would be immensely helpful in preventing women from another narcissistic relationship.
Divorce!
Having been through the love bombing phase too, can see it for what it is. Pretend! But back then to my wounded child parts the lure of a narc’s attention seemed real and desirable. Healing helps see the hooks they/ we/I use. ❤
You just described my experience. I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for 34 years! Ugh. You end up questioning EVERYTHING, what's real, who you are, who they are. It's crazy-making.
Oh Jimmy where were you 30 years ago? Thankfully I did learn all of those lessons and am now married to a man who treats me with love, respect and kindness. Excellent advice for anyone in a toxic relationship. Thank you x
Thank you. Raised by 2, married one, divorced. That false persona is so convincing to others, I bought in for a long time not acknowledging the harm.
Sorry to hear that. Growing up with them sets you up for future narcs bc it feels 'normal'. 😢
Deeply grateful for the knowledge that sets us free. ❤
This 100% happened to me. I always considered myself a kind and intelligent person and I would have never believed that I could have fallen for this. The man at the beginning was nothing resembling the man at the end of the relationship. I was turned on without warning any any time- from small things like going bed shopping together and him suddenly looking at me telling me that I was irresponsible with money because I didn't have an exact budget in mind to public embarrassment and being left alone at events like concerts. The worst part isn't what he did to me though honestly, it's what I did to myself. I turned on my own mind, feelings, and interpretation of events. I was never more alone in my whole life. I left him and of course, he told his family that I was abusive. That killed me, but as I've learned so sadly with this man- there is a price for freedom and peace and this will never be right or fair.
It hit home when you said they are the smartest person in the room....my ex (who I definitely believe is a narcissist) would actually get angry with me if I wanted to go to the doctor with a health issue, because he was a nurse (and I am too) and HE should know what's wrong with me medically....the doctors are just stupid according to him and HE is smarter than them. I would even tell him I appreciate that he wants to help me, and even appreciate his advice, and that MAYBE he's right, but that I would feel better getting a second opinion from someone who is an actual doctor, as doctors have different and more in depth training than nurses. It was like starting world war 3 just to question his judgement....🤯
An "actual" doctor probably struck a cord lol
My ex husband wouldn't let me go to the doctor alone because he was afraid I'd tell them he was abusing me or that they would see the damage he'd inflicted on me. Never let a man tell you that you can't see a doctor. You can go without telling him. You don't need his permission.
I love when you say, "remember, when was the last time they...". Spot on.
I dated someone only for almost 3 months and the moment the peices started to come together I got out quick. It took him only 1 month to show his true colours and he overestimated how much value I placed on being bonded by being intimate and a relationship vs my own desire for happiness. The moment the flag was as red as they could be I didnt fight I just blocked him and walked away. I think one way to protect yourself is to actually seek out safe people. Even if you dont end up together they can be a good frame of reference of how someone should treat you. I had an amazing partner that I was with for a few years and although consequences that were partially outside of our control led to things ending I know now how I should be treated and loved because of him. I didnt receive that kind of love growing up with a narcassist as a mother. And now I will never tolerate less I dont even tolerate my own mother why would I do so for some strange man child. But now that I notice im attracting narcassists taking a step back to work on myself❤
This hits the nail on the head. I realized early in the year that I’ve been drawn in by narcissists my whole life from my mom to my son’s father to numerous relationships since. I’m glad to FINALLY be aware of what’s going on. I’m an empath and they love to feed on that. Never again!
Similar story. My life had too many narcissists. I’m moving on, creating boundaries whenever I can. 😊
I feel blindsided because I never saw it coming. I finally called it quits after a violent outburst in the car in which he chose to pound his steering wheel with his fists instead of me, 6 inches away. Everything you’ve described is spot on. It all happened. So screwy 😭
I am so grateful I broke it off.
Excellent video.
The trick is to be aware of love bombing in the early days, and red flags.
Look at her past, that is your future. If in doubt, back out.
Do not be in a hurry to commit, and if committed, get out asap.
Your physical and mental health are at great risk.
Leaving is like getting out of jail.
Yes when I left, he laid a huge guilt trip on me when I left. By that time I was mostly immune to his tactics but a small part of me still felt like I was abandoning him.
I bought myself a ring to remind myself to be true to myself. The fear when setting boundaries is very real even with people who are safe.
Excellent comprehensive explanation of the entire spectrum exhibited by narcissists…..horrible insidious beings who slowly steal your Soul and keep you traumatized…the only way to deal is to RUN and go No-Contact, move and restart your Life.
So sad these beings of lower dimensional frequencies even exist
Reclaim your Life Force and GET AWAY!!!
Good luck🙏❤️
I couldn’t agree more….maybe even as high as 15% in USA
I don’t agree it’s sad. It’s a frequency that exists and that we came across personally to heal. I 💯 take responsibility for healing what attracted me to them. ❤
Jimmy, I am still healing from divorcing an abusive narcissist. I have no plans on dating any time soon. But, your videos really, truly help me mentally prepare for getting back out there. Thank you 😊
Take some time, grab water and tea. Watch some good movie or show clear things off.
I'm 8 years single after marriage to a narcissist. I'm so afraid to choose badly again.
Me too! I never married him thank god (rip next victim because I’m willing to bet he’ll marry them pretty fast so it’s harder to leave).
I do not want another relationship, and I’m certainly not ready for one. But I’d love to actually feel loved for once. To have a relationship where someone doesn’t look me in the face and tell me “if you died, I’d only wait about a month to start sleeping around again.” And then when I got upset he would say “what, were you expecting me to just stay sad the rest of my life?”
7 years of hell.
He was so sweet when we met (in high school) and I was struggling badly with my mental health. I was a cutter for years. He asked me out 3 years into our friendship and I felt like he was a safe, funny, respectful guy. I said yes. The red flags showed up pretty soon. Staring at other girls while we were on dates together, bad friends (drugs/alcohol), an abusive father and a mother who abandoned him for drugs but would come around when she needed money.
I tried to feel secure but he was always flirting with other girls and I would catch him talking to them. It spiraled my mental health even further and I relapsed. But he was so kind, he listened to me, watched my stupid shows with me. Did a ton with me.
Then the abuse started happening. He would hold me down during fights and yell at me. He’d abuse my cat. But he’d turn around and tell me because I was so stressful, it was my fault. I believed him for a very long time.
I felt guilty for cutting. I cut because I felt like I deserved it. If I felt like I let someone down, I’d hurt myself. I was a cutter before we met, during our entire friendship, and was one when he asked me out and he knew this. I told him “you know I was diagnosed with borderline pd, mdd, and anxiety right?”.
He knew I had major trust issues, he knew I had a severe fear of abandonment. He knew I had no self-esteem and crippling self-worth issues. But he would turn around and do things that would trigger my abandonment fears (he cheated for years, openly or secretly and I’d find hidden accounts). He looked me in the face for years and told me “if I was cheating you’d never find out”.
Of course if he comes home and tells me that he got a girls number but not to worry that would make me upset. But if I got upset he would tell me “wow, your so sensitive. If you’re so unhappy then leave. You’re the reason I treat you bad. You over react. You’re crazy. It was just a joke. Wow, you can’t take a single joke can you.” Etc. etc.
He r*ped me, tortured my pets, and cheated while I was pregnant with our child. He pushed and pushed me, then when I finally exploded. He would sit back and just act so calm and cold. He’d stonewall me. Tell me I’m insane and no one else would love me.
I’d then cry and beg for him to please forgive me. Finally he would start being a bit kinder for a day or two. Then he would start being shady and saying nasty, perverted jokes, and telling me about all the girls he’d sleep with that we knew.
He always pushed me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. If I refused then it was just a joke, sometimes he wouldn’t listen to me if I said no or fought back.
I wasn’t perfect. But I haven’t cut for the last 3 years. I tried so hard to not react. I really tried my best. I truly believed if I could just be prettier, if I could loose weight, if I could be the cool girlfriend who let him do whatever he wanted, I’d I let him sexually degrade me, then he’d love me and start being nice again.
I took my cat and our toddler and left. I had to call the police. He confessed and is facing 5 felonies.
I haven’t felt like I have BPD since then. I haven’t felt hopeless. I don’t have wild mood swings. I’m in therapy and my therapist says I’d have to be rediagnosed with BPD and so far she doesn’t think I qualify for it! Now it’s just the abandonment issues that is our only concern!
The other thing I need to work on is accepting I was abused. It’s like I’m brainwashed. I read my journals and Reddit posts on all he said and did to me, I read all the replies telling me I was severely abused and r*ped.
But it’s hard to accept that it happened and that I did not deserve it. I had really bad memory problems. I think I lived in a fog or dissociation of some kind for so long that I have problems even remembering things.
I opened up to my therapist that I felt like I didn’t have the right to call what he did to me, how he abused me, abuse because he never hit or cursed at me.
Edit: he would whistle or make that noise you do at cats to call for me. When I’d answer him, he’d laugh. He always told his friends when he did this in front of them, “see, you just have to learn how to train your women like I did mine.” It would make me feel so little.
@@littlepip4014:( I’m so sorry. Sending you all the healing and I’m so so so proud of you for getting away.
@@Mmmmkaaay Sam Vaknin's videos will help you.
Watching this as a narcissist who wants to work on myself. Thank you for this video.
Good for you. It’s easy to look at the flip side and not have empathy for every party. You also deserve dignity and fair treatment and your desire to be better is so admirable and good.
@tenniey...
Great to hear!
@sarita...
I fully agree 👍
You do not need to control other people in order to be loved. Make this your mantra or sth. Remember that!!
maybe you are not a narcissist because it is almost impossible for a narcissist to feel that he is narcissistic, they build their false self since childhood as a self-defense mechanism, so it is impossible for them to destroy their self-defense (false self = their narcissistic personality)
I have been married to a narcissist for 39 years. I left last January. Although he exhibits most of the characteristics that you describe, I don’t think he is as intentional or self aware as it seems like you are describing. I heard someone describe a narcissist as someone who has a hole in the bottom of their soul’s bucket. They desperately want to be loved and valued but the hole drains it out. When we first began a relationship he really thought I was the one who would fill his bucket, but no matter how much I loved and valued him, the hole remained and his bucket drained. His behaviors come from his desperate search for someone to fill his bucket and punishing anyone, especially me, when we don’t. He doesn’t know why he is doing what he is doing. He doesn’t love bomb me intentionally, in his mind he genuinely thinks I am his answer, the one who will give him what he needs. Every new boss, every new relationship is his desperate attempt to fill his empty soul, but all of us, everyone of us fail. No one can fill his hole.
He hurts us because he is desperate for love and acceptance. His actions are not conscious. This is in no way meant to justify or excuse his behavior. But I don’t think he knows why he acts like he does. He is not as conniving or methodical as it sounds. But the damage is the same. He will use you up and then blame you for not doing enough. In his mind everyone has failed him because everyone has. We have not filled his hole. We cannot. We are not God.
Denial is choice too
My husband sounds exactly the same as you described yours. I left mine 5 months ago after 37 years of marriage. I found out that most narcissists are unaware of their narcissism and that's why most of them never get diagnosed because it's always everyone else's fault and never their problem. They are unaware of their behaviour and how it hurts others. I discovered that my husband is probably a middle mid range narcissist and that type is unaware it's only the higher greater narcs that are fully aware of themselves and what their horrible behaviour does to others.
You are a kind person. You give people the benefit of the doubt. But does it matter why? What really matters is how they treat you not why this mistreat you.
I have been practicing for 4 decades. Your understanding is perfect. More often, it is an instinctive reaction; they are blind and lacking self awareness; constantly striving to fill a void.
This is a refreshing perspective. Narcissists want a companion in their suffering. You don’t have to accompany them. That’s the choice.
Every single word you spoke here is true. Thank you. I'm in a relationship now with a wonderful man who validates me, listens, and recognizes his own mistakes and fixing them. But, after a lifetime of being controlled and manipulated, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop and then realizing I've made yet another mistake by trusting a narcissist. It's a daily struggle. Only time will tell.❤
Your ability to articulate this experience has blown me away. Thanks for giving words to such a terrible experience where I thought I was completely alone in this world and felt so much shame for triggering his intense reactions when he was so charming to everyone else. You're doing such admirable work, thank you for making these videos!
Agreed! Check out dr Sam Vaknin too.
Agreed!!
I thought so too!!!!!!
💯
This had me in tears. It takes a long time to recover from the damages narcissistic people inflict on their partners. Thank you for making this video.
Jimmy I can’t tell you how much I needed this. I even self-diagnosed myself with emotional regulation disorder as a result of the emotional neglect and abuse and stayed for 3 years later. He’s even turned it around and called me the narcissist to avoid being accountable. I deserve better and I’m responsible for the treatment I continue to tolerate.
Don't be hard on yourself. There is trauma bond involved. This requires work to break.
Listen to your intuition. I knew there was something so off but I kept listening to him and giving him the benefit of the doubt. These relationships are so insidious with how the abuse slowly creeps in and suddenly the mask falls off. It’s scary but also, the signs were there. I ignored them because there was a part of me that wanted to be loved. Thats why it’s so heartbreaking when we find out they can’t love and it was all an illusion.
Your video was straight to the point. I couldn't describe it more accurately. I was 24 years with a narcissist. Now free and happy. Loved the last part of the video. Very positive and so true 😃
did you always get told, "24 yrs is a lot to waste, it's worth working through it" ? I have hit my limit, and that's what I get told.
I wanted to leave him a long time ago but it was impossible for many reasons. Sometimes you stay bc you don't have any other options. Basically you are trapped.
Better to be abandoned than treated like a doormat.
I needed this. 6 yrs divorced from a narcissist, diagnosed by a psychologist. 21 yrs of abuse. Plus a narc-mom who was also physically abusive. I have not healed. Nobody has told me I deserve better until now. Thank you.
I'm sorry you suffered that trauma and abuse. I hope you are doing better now, physically and mentally. You are absolutely worthy of being treated better, worthy of unconditional love, and you deserve to be reminded of that as often as you need to hear it ❤ Therapy / counseling can be helpful, if your insurance covers it.
You deserve better. You deserve better from yourself too. You are the one able to truly love yourself and not let others define you. Keep your locus of control internally focused not externally.
@mattrogers6646 thank you. I am making daily progress with God's help.
@KJ-lb4tj I have been working on that. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, so we must love ourselves to do that. As I am finding myself, I am liking what I find for the most-part.
I ended up crying while recognizing that I am the perfect magnet for narcissists. I really need to work on my self.
So isolateing. Everyone thinks he's the nicest guy ever.
It’s so hard!!!
Yes, this is what makes me feel so unsure for 30 years. 7 of those years I was happy. I need someone to watch when we are together to see if he is or not. He can be so lovelyy, kind and thoughtful. Yet he doesn't want to do anything with me and has sabotaged relationships, we don't socialise yet he loves being loved by everyone? He always wants to take the credit for everything. I do call him out though. Universe give me strength to see the truth. I don't think I can tell anyone as they wouldn't believe me.
@@jenniferrbh8252in the end the only opinion that matters is yours. I have been there, and it is isolating when no one understands. You will find others who have been through the same experience
@@jenniferrbh8252No, people will not believe you. Narcs are MASTERS OF MANIPULATION. They know how to manipulate other people with their flattery. I never realized how insecure most people are to fall for all that false flattery.
I like that you address the narcissistic behavior rather than worrying about the label or diagnosis. Very helpful. Wish I knew this years ago. I spent 20 years with a N & am still healing 30 years after! I did remarry after 20 years alone to the sweetest man on Earth. He’s gone now. I was lucky. One of my daughters has had repeated relationships with N.s. She is the sweetest, most generous lady! I sent this to her. Thank you‼️
I cried watching this video, everything you said was my life from childhood through 30 years of marriage. Married to a malignant narcissist who became an alcoholic almost killed me, I was terrified of what he would do if I tried to leave with my three children. Eventually I was the one who was discarded in the coldest way possible, over text. It’s been 10 years of a healing journey and reinventing myself. He died suddenly and all I could think of at the time was “It’s finally over”. In the past year since he’s been gone my adult children and I are much happier and healthier because the ongoing toxic energy no longer exists to cause stress and ongoing chaos. Sometimes, I remember the beginning when life looked full of possibilties but eventually all that changed. Still…….
True narcissism is actually scarse. But many people are self-centred, toxic, abusive, or have some personality disorder. Some are just enotionally immature. Let us also hear more about them. Thank you for pointing out that we cannot just go around labelling anyone narcissistic.
☝️ Sounds like you're trying to gaslight us. Hmm... 🤔
How is this all so spot on? I started having seizures from the immense stress I was under while in a relationship with a narcissist. I’m saving this video cause I’ll be watching it over and over again
Listen...this video described my life for the past 3 years. Almost had me in tears. Video is depressing and comforting at the same time.
They impact you health in determental ways, they feel good if they can destroy you.
whenever he acted out he said it was because I ‘pushed his buttons’. on purpose. This is not something I ever did. But I realised now that just as he always accused me of cheating because that was what he did, he said i pushed his buttons because that was what he actually did to me, deliberately. He would pick a fight about something random when he had done something bad, just to distract me. The mind games were unbelievable
This was very helpful! I was married for 28 years to someone who never honored me. He finally left & moved in with another woman. In the past year they, too, were having problems. I now see how important it is to be careful who you choose to marry. Make sure they want to invest in you with real love. Choose someone who proves to you that they will be good to you for the long haul! Choose someone who consistently shows you how much they care about you. You know you are a high priority to them. Your teachings are a blessing, Jimmy! Thank you!
You are amazing in explaining whole narcissistic hell and manipulation. Thank you for this!!!
Attempting to co-parent with a covert narcissist is another next level of hell. I am so grateful to my local Veteran Center for access to an absolutely WONDERFUL counselor who is helping my daughter and I navigate my-ex's relentless mind games. He can't get to me anymore so no he's trying to use her. It's disgusting and exhausting.
Edit: As hard as it is being a single parent and dealing a different kind of madness after separation, it's 100x easier than still being in that relationship with the daily mind games and berating.
Coverts are the worst! I miss the grandiose one bc he was so stuck on himself that it was humorous at times. Coverts will mind-screw you into oblivion. 😢
So glad you have a counsellor that actually gets and has knowledge of narcissistic people.
This video came to my life just when I needed. First time in my life met a man with such trait. I was emotionally drained and started to wonder if anything wrong with me trying to fix and communicate with him. I start to write down my boundaries and remind myself that I am normal.
I've been on this hamster wheel. The provoking fights and would keep it going for 5-8 hours depriving me of sleep. The insanity of it. I divorced 5 years ago and I still feel the horror. This is a horrid personality disorder.
And then after all that chaos they sleep like a baby.
@@SamStone1964so true... no remorse.
I am thinking about how I would feel if my daughter stayed with a partner like my narcissistic partner. I felt fear then started to cry. Thank you Jimmy for that reflection and clarification. So sad
Right on target!
Soooo helpful!
I have been a narcissist magnet my whole life!
This gives me courage not to keep repeating the same things!
Thank you!!
This is thee most compassionately delivered talk on narcissism I’ve ever seen… I feel sooooo seen 💗💗💗💗
Excellent talk. This is exactly what I’m going through. I’ve recently learned the he doesn’t care about me (after 23 years of marriage) and that my needs matter. These revelations have been life changing and empowering. Thank you, Jimmy. ❤
Going through the same atm, after 17 yrs.
Same...after 20 years. It just hit me and its so bloody obvious, HOW did I not see it ?
This was way too accurate and it made me uncomfortable to listen to. I am so grateful for this resourse as a tool for becoming better equipped on the dating scene when i re-enter.. and you've explained everything so well
I'm still fresh in my healing phase, left the relationship about 7 months ago & still can feel it in my body that I'm still in fight or flight. I knew something wasn't right in the relationship. The frequent gas lighting was obvious to me but I didn't know what a covert narcissist was so I didn't have a name or explanation for the other stuff, I just thought it was me ..... complete self abandonment for 3.5 years, .... still coming back to myself
So agree with what you say. I have found it very difficult to face what it is in me that saw every red flag, and understood each one (mostly passive aggressive behaviour) yet stayed in the relationship. Abandoning him was the issue... I dreamed of rejecting someone who wanted me and how difficult it was
Your video was helpful to never get trapped being a relationship like this ever again. I have learned to listen to my intuition when something isn't right about a situation or a person. It's smarter & more safe to walk away from such a horrible individual before they can take away your light
I loved your short about Narassism that essentially explained boundaries. The boundaries aren't to control them; it's to avoid unnecessary drama. You don't need to lie or entirely cut them off, but distance and space is healthy!
Your sincerity, clarity and care is transmitted SO much in your videos.Thank you for using your platform to inform and create awareness around this topic. I've found your channel so helpful!!!!
This means so much!
I asked my narc husband to stop cursing all the time. He said I'm not cursing at you, it's just the way I talk. If you hear this run!
Some times you go through exactly what you expect, your boundaries, what love means to you and then they tell you "that was when we were dating, we're married now". I never thought anyone could love bomb that long... I was completely blindsided.
Were there any red flags while you were dating that you can see now?
There were a few points of skepticism, but nothing that stood out as a red flag.
@@rrobinson1776 sorry you went through that. I did as well. Some people are really good liars even to themselves which makes it hard to spot bc they fully feel justified. We have to test people to know the truth.
Trust has to be earned.
Thanks!
Every word blessed my heart. I needed this message today, this morning. This was perfectly timed. Thank you for everything you said. I am healing
Can I just say thank you for all of the videos and shorts that you post? So many of us have never had the luxury of seeing what healthy, loving communication looks like. It’s much easier to translate examples than information. You’ve had a huge impact on my life. Thank you!
Thank you Jimmy. For those of us who know narc abuse well, its hard to break it all down clearly as the abuse affects the psychology in such a way as you doubt and gaslight yourself. So this exerpt of your work and offering, is such a huge and healing gift. thank you
Wow 😮 you’ve explained this subject the best way I’ve ever heard previously. Thank you 🙏🏻
You described my lifetime of narcissistic abuse by my parents and spouses. I need to listen to this everyday for awhile.
Your videos are so deeply helpful. I went from being with the more aggressive type narcissist to then thinking that my boyfriend was not a narcissist, because he was quiet and spoke. Kindly, boy was, I surprised after the love bombing phase wore off that he, too, was a narcissist, but of the covert variety. I have come to a place at age 51, that I feel that I may not even be in a relationship again, since I don’t know how not to be the giver and have not yet found someone who is equally as generous and interested in working through conflict versus ignoring me. I know I am worthy of it of love, but I feel at this point that I have given up. And that is OK. Thank you for affirming my experiences, and my childhood was exactly what my partners were unfortunately
You stay single till you find that person even if it means staying single for the rest of your life.
@@SamStone1964 👍🥰
Thank you for your video. You have made the most sense about narcissistic personalities and people who had a narcissistic family structure. I have stayed out relationships for the last 30 years. Now, I realize now even more I don't have to be perfect to deserve love.
You should only be discarded! You would be fortunate to be discarded by a narcissist. Some stay around forever, doing their damage.
😢
Praying to be discarded.
The discard is the biggest compliment!
I am thinking that too. If you are discarded by them, believe me, you are a fortunate. But it’s rare, Unless they get their another supply.
If my narcissist ex boyfriend didn't discard me I don't think I would have had the strength to leave him.
You are amazing! Every topic you cover is helping me thru a really difficult time in my life. I left my husband of 37 years on Dec 28th of last year. I was unemployed (he begged me to quit my job), I was suicidal, I was overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally exhausted and on so unhappy that I didnt know where to turn. I cant begin to tell you how much your videos have helped me take back myself and my power. I have a great support system and a therapists that wrote her thesis on the narcessitic person. I have done so much research, reading and watching videos about the disorder but your information is just so easy to understand and apply to my lifr. Thank you Thank you. Be proud of what you do, because this is one life that you have saved.
You've just helped me in finding closure with a guy I dated for three months. At one point he told me he had control issues, I felt bad for him and I mistakenly believed I caused them. I confused submission with a willingness to compromise at this point. When he quickly found someone else and left after I asked to slow down and talk about our needs and wants within a relationship, I realized it wasn't about my readiness to compromise but rather my unwillingness to submit. Your perspective reinforced that understanding, and I now view the breakup as a positive outcome, as I was able to stand up for myself. Thanks for helping me navigate through this!
I've known several narcissists who are very, very good at apologizing.
They only do this when they're trying to keep you from leaving, or they want something else, but they'll cry and beg for forgiveness and grace, owning that everything was their fault, they just need time to work on their bad behavior, they need your help to keep changing, blah blah blah.
Important to recognize this behavior because giving them multiple chances only gives them more opportunity to keep you trapped.
All I can say is Wow! And Thank you. I was intuitively guided to pick your video.
I just feel like you and I were sat in a room together and when I looked in your eyes it felt like you were channeling something higher that was speaking through you (sorry this sounds so sycophantic, just telling you my experience)
You then proceeded to basically describe me and my relationships, I then had a strong release of emotions that viscerally felt like me as a youngster. I have been crying and releasing for about 25 mins so far.
It’s like a cascading feeling when you hear someone speak your life. I did take that tremble invoking stand, and after many years on my healing journey, pulled the trigger on my 30 year marriage to a narc, just as you described and yes my mother was the narc in my childhood, plus other traumas of a serious nature.
Anyway just sitting here writing this to thank you and give the feedback and appreciation for the effort you make to help distribute information of such an intense nature in a very digestible way, for me anyway.
Love the comedy way you use too. God bless you thank you, you’re efforts have certainly been successful for me today in this moment and for that I am grateful brother x
I really needed to see this today. I kept giving someone more and more chances because I would tell myself we had some "good" moments together until I realized the "good" moments were just times where I didn't have to do as much work to keep him from becoming upset at me. That even in those moments I wasn't truly happy or free to be myself. And even then, I still struggled to end it because the fear of him turning anything I said around to make him the victim to our few mutual friends, the fear of his anger at me finally cutting him out. I finally reached a breaking point and I still know I can't do it alone but luckily, I have a therapy appointment where I am going to ask my therapist for her advice on how to finally cut him out of my life and be able to move on and heal from that relationship.
Watching this today helped me realize this was the right decision and that as much as a part of me still misses the person he pretended to be when we first met, he'll never be that person and staying is just hurting me more and enabling him to continue treating me this way. Thank you for the videos you're making!
This is one of the best videos on narcissists ever! Thank you! This describes the last 18 years of my life. It's been beyond confusing, but knowing these things has helped me make sense of why things are the way they are. Doesn't make it easy, but it does help clarify.
I had a friend who opned my eyes to self love. This helped me in the breakup with my ex. The next thing I suspected was that my ex saw how my family treated me and learned what treatment I took and what I could or "should" get. That started me looking hard at my family dynamics and I've learned a lot.
I know this vid is about romantic realtions but I'd just like to point out a lot of family can have these very traits (even without them being a true narcissist) and that will affect what you think you deserve and then that affects who you will date. A lot of these traits are reminding me of family memebers.
Yes unfortunately we will often allow ourselves to be in a relationship with someone who recreates our dysfunctional childhood chaos.
I feel like you are 100% on point! I lived it
For a long time I’ve been unable to process or talk about a past relationship and the way I was treated. Your videos have given me perspective and the right words to finally talk about what happened, express my feelings and boundaries, and make healthy adjustments to my life and the ways I interact with others.
J. I’m old enough to be your mom! But, I’m amazed by the wisdom you share because I’ve lived it in real life! I’m still living it. Every word here is the truth I still walk in,…everyday. I never knew any of this.
I wish this info had been available years ago. I’m glad it’s easily accessible for people now. Your ability to explain all of this is truly a gift. Please keep sharing!! You are saving hearts!!!❤️ and so much more. You are saving lives, protecting children and offering a path to healing for responsible adults!
It took me 19 years to figure all of this out after I've blamed my issues on why we can't fix conflict, I realized he's never going to stop, I am just feeding his "monster "...now it still happening but with weeks if stonewalling to the point of him draining the debit account to not speaking for days except minimal answering. A very lonely life still to this day.
It's amazing how alike they all are.... about 10 minutes in i started crying feeling like you had been watching a movie of my relationship.
This was so kindly and lovingly done. With all my heart, thank you 💜
Jimmy, could you please make and share a video on post-separation abuse? It's often after the survivor discards the narcissist and goes no contact with him/her that the narcissist's vindictive, revengeful, dominating, controlling and abusive behavior gets amplified on steroids. They harass, stalk, extort, blackmail the survivor, and run a smear campaign against the survivor. Survivors must protect him/herself from potential physical harm and defamation of character by the narcissist. They can develop depression and anxiety and it's essential to have friends and family who validate their experience and support them. It's also important to file a complaint about post-separation abuse to law enforcement.
Yes this!!! In my experience a lot more dangerous and taxing to my mental health because supposedly “I’m free now”.
an effective way is to not interact with the narc. Surround yourself with friends who either have no connections with the narc or respect to not talk about you to the narc. Even better, don't post anything in social media under your name for the narc to follow for some months so they get bored and move on
YUP!!!!! BEEN THERE, AND LIVED THIS FOR 10 YEARS. IT IS PURE HELL. ITS A MIRACLE I GOT OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. ITS A MIRACLE I STILL HAVE MY SANITY. IT HAS TAKEN A HUGE TOLE ON MY PHYSICAL HEALTH THOUGH. NARCISSIST ABUSE IS REAL. EVEN IF IT ALL MENTAL, EMOTIONAL AND PHYCOLOGICAL. IT IS UNSEEN BUT VERY, VERY REAL. THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS VIDEO. IT IS EXCELLENT.
I just love the way you explain the narcissistic behaviour...so detailed but simple and easy to understand..I'm that empath who hated conflicts, hated fights, likes to keep the peace and I've been living with a narc.partner for 20 yrs 😮our kids are almost grown but i still find it hard to leave..a few years ago I started to put boundaries on stuff that made me uncomfortable like having any sexual contact after he's cheated , no longer giving him money after he lied & stole from me ...& even gambled family money at one point..it's not been easy but the few boundaries I've placed help me keep my sanity...no more arguments & heated exchanges and it's a big step to finally accepting that I can finally leave without any fear...😢
This is one of the best videos I've seen on this subject (out of hundreds). I'm so glad these destructive, malicious people are being exposed. 37 years I've been married to a covert narcissist. I knew something wasn't right but couldn't quite figure it out until a few years ago. Thank you for helping people avoid this whirlpool of misery.
I can't thank you enough for all the help you give people. I'm so grateful. God bless you.
This means a lot to me Anneliese!
We keep praying. Watch their moves & behaviour. Very easy to spot one if they are in our circle for a number of years.
Jimmy..you are truly a gift in this space. What a perfect and complete encapsulation of this subject. I hope you continue to be supported on this channel so your talent is perpetuated and more people can be guided, educated and healed. So appreciate what you offer.
The neglect is the worse part.
This summarizes what’s taken me 18 years of horrible relationships and healing to internalize