The Saga of OP Who Invited Her Mother (Who Cheated on OP’s Father and Abandoned Her) to Her Weddi...
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- Опубліковано 26 лип 2024
- 00:00 1st story:
I [22F] am getting married soon. My mom had an affair 5 years ago and destroyed our family. We are slowly rebuilding a relationship but it's not close. Dad just told me if she's at the wedding he can't come. Help me! (u/woozlefangirl on r/relationships)
24:48 2nd story:
WIBTA for not attending my twin brothers surprise birthday dinner when I was only invited as a guest? (u/_somethingorrather in r/AmItheAsshole and his own page)
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Op deleted a lot of her comments cause in one of them it turns out the father paid for the wedding
Also, I hope Steve cheats on op
Also paid for her degrees
@@alexray1711 meanwhile she acts like the mother is the greatest thing since sliced bread
Daammn. Op truly is an entitled spoiled karen. How ironic she said her dad is the spoiled one.
@@chetzu961 he also paid for all her schooling, and in another she said she preferred her mother growing up as her favorite
If it came out that OP ended up cheating on Steve I wouldn't be surprised at all.
"My mom doesn't mind being near my dad"
JFC, OP. Of course she doesn't. She's not the one who got cheated on.
And she NEVER loved or cared about Op's dad so of course she doesn't mind. He's nothing to her.
That's like OP saying that her Dad "lost his wife".
Exactly!
this made me want to say, "you are your mothers daughter. you don't care about your dad either."
Your dumb op your moms fine with your dad cause shes the one that cheated and got what she wanted
OP: If I had to pick between parents I’d pick my dad
OP when it comes down to it: *Picks mom & belittles the way dad feels*
Right
OP: If forces beyond our control meant I was literally forced to pick, I would choose my dad.
OP when dad is the one forcing her to spend her graduation and wedding micromanaging his physical proximity to his ex-wife, while putting no work into his own emotional regulation: *Realizes it was unfair of her parents to put her in this situation, and that it isn't unreasonable to ask her dad to make a friend look out for his ex-wife for him for one day, so that she can enjoy her own wedding*
@@Anna-vd7hu you do know the dad was the one paying for everything in ops life, and the only thing he asks is that the mother isn't near him, that's a fair deal, op is picking her mother's happiness over her fathers
@@tonemaster4608 I'm glad you've never experienced passive-aggressive manipulation and abuse. That shit is soul destroying. The father needs to take responsibility for his own emotions; he could ask for accommodations, but instead he's making an ultimatum. Putting the responsibility for managing his emotions on his daughter is textbook emotional abuse, and he's using it to punish her for loving her own damn mom.
You will note that she said that before she went to therapy and unpacked how abusive her dad was being.
Lol I bet Steve will be singing a diffent tune when op inevitably cheats on him
the way she views divorce kinda just tells you she fully supports what her mom did because "affair is the only way out of marriage for them."
can tell the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. that poor man she's marrying....
This woman was essentially forced into a marriage to a passive aggressive man she never pretended to love. I think cheaters are scum but this woman was trapped by family and religion.
@@AnemoneEnemyAre you just making up sh*t? In which part did she admit she wasn't loving her fiancé? Or do you mean the mother? Which makes it even worse since she was the one who cheated on her spouse and destroyed the whole family...
OP has no idea how precious time is, it’s the one resource that can’t be bought or acquired through any means. So when you find out someone has wasted 10-15 years of your precious time that you could have spent with someone else its devastating and it’s understandable that you won’t want to be cordial with such a person.
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S1: 5 years to a young person is a lifetime. 5 years to an elder is a blink of an eye. Hope maturity enlightens OP.
Plus, this person mentioned that the mom abandoned her then they went to court. so in all of that, the mom still left to go be with the other guy and dad just filed for custody
Omg there is so much truth in that statement.
given everything she said in the story, I seriously doubt she will mature. I am willing to bet in a few years, she'll post about divorcing her husband to be with another guy and getting mad when people compare her to her mother
How does OP go to therapy and somehow end up blaming all of her problems on someone else
Is everyone missing the part where she tried to talk to the dad and he blamed her for...being alive? Sure, the mom was in the wrong, but people who don't have divorced parents don't understand just how common it is for parents to play telephone with their kids and then get angry with the kid. And it's something they talk about heavily in parenting classes.
Her "problems" are literally just her dad refusing to be around her mother lol what does this question even mean? OP doesn't have any personal problems other than the usual emotional whirlwind children of broken families are inflicted with
OP is the AH, how can you just "get over" your family breaking and the love of your life cheats and destroys you mentally???
That was an extremely devastating event in his life and he can't just get over it.
There's some pain that just is so polarizing it changes you forever no matter how much therapy you get
She was selfish and destroyed her marriage and destroyed all the trust he had in other people
It sounds like she was forced into the marriage. The whole you'll learn to love me thing was messed up.
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs pressured maybe. Forced is a huge stretch
They're from some fuckass backward conservative country in a culty religion and the wife never loved him and he knew that. It was a sham of a marriage with what sounds like an insufferable man. Not ok to cheat still obviously, but it's not some poor guy being blindsided by the love of his life.
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs It sounds like she's scraping the bottom of the barrel for excuses. If the whole "their marriage is their marriage and my mom is my mom" thing can be applied to the cheating then it should also apply to this should it not? If their marriage should have no effect on her relationship with her mother then it should also not have an effect on her relationship with her father.
So mom gets a pass for causing literally ALL of this for cheating and breaking up her family and two marriages-but let’s blame the victim here for having a reasonable boundary of “I don’t want to be near the person who destroyed my heart/home/life/family”. You don’t get to set a time frame on someone else’s healing. Some people literally DIE of broken hearts when the love of their life cheats or leaves. We have two family members who killed themselves when that happened. Some people CANNOT “just move on already”. They just CAN’T, not “won’t”. Some broken hearts never mend, and they never get out of that dark place emotionally. OP better hope to hell that she never finds out first hand how all this feels. She clearly lacks empathy, feels entitled, and she is demanding. Of COURSE her mother is going to play it extremely safe around her children after what she did. If she doesn’t she’ll never see them again. So let’s not glamorize how agreeable she is right now after the fact that she nearly lost everybody by doing a very bad and selfish thing. She is simply because she has to be, or else. But honestly OP victim blaming and putting all her rage on her dad makes her the A hole here too. I guess that entitled apple didn’t fall from the entitled maternal tree. There’s nothing more entitled and cruel than to ruin someone else marriage and to also think you can have your own old life too-including everyone in it. The balls of that are just WOW. But the dad saying the kids are to blame for him having to have any contact is both a) true and b) extremely damaging to his kids. It was wrong to use that against them. It can be both true and a terrible thing to say at the same time.
Funny thing is, if they had just respected dad's boundary and not invited the one who destroyed every single aspect of his life and shredded his ability to trust and love, that never would have been said.
Your comment made me think of that one story where OP's parents divorced because his mom cheated and his sister wanted to invite the affair partner (now their stepdad) to walk her down the aisle alongside their bio dad and the bio dad got so pissed that he effectively disowned her for the rest of his life. I mean, he refused any and all contact with her all the way until he died. Even on his death bed, the dad still refused to see or talk to the sister and he died resenting her. The first time the sister got to see the bio dad since her wedding was when he was being laid to rest.
@@hurricanev6 yeah you’re right. It can be so hard to walk that line between not damaging your kids AND respecting your own needs in life. There’s so many grey areas that happen throughout that and there’s often no winners in that. The thing is that no matter how old kids get-they usually all want their moms. As a former foster parent and someone who raised a couple of non foster kids who needed safe homes anyway-I can tell you that it never gets easier for them. Doesn’t matter how sh-t a mom is in most cases-everyone wishes they had a loving relationship with their own mother. I’m in my early forties and even I wish I had that. Never gonna happen, but you know 😂. It’s dam- hard not to want “mom” no matter how old you get. I had foster kids from the worst situations sometimes and there wasn’t one of them happy to be in foster care no matter how good I treated them or what they got that was better here. People try hard to navigate back to their own people if at all possible. So anyway the point is that the dad isn’t wrong to feel the way he feels, he can’t help it. But it was going to happen eventually that those kids wanted their mom back to some degree regardless of his pain. They can’t help that either-it’s like a natural born instinct not many people can get over unless they eventually tire of the constant abuse from a bad mom. I remember lying to the principal when he asked me where the bruises came from all over me that other students reported seeing on me in gym class. I lied to protect my mother-who was the one beating me like that. And to protect myself from being taken from her. Good or bad-that was my mom, the only one I have. It didn’t help that she accurately described what foster care would be like and it wasn’t pretty. (It’s not. The system is super messed up). So basically it was always going to happen at some point that the life events of those people would overlap in time due to those kids. It’s usually unavoidable at some point. But gosh dang-that girl was a nightmare about it and I can’t fault the father for needing to protect himself from further harm either. This is a “everybody loses” scenario. No one gets what they want or need. Daughter wins her mom and loses her father. Father loses his daughter. Wife threw everything away over a side piece that didn’t work out (karma 😂). Brother is caught in the middle. So so stupid-all of this. Totally avoidable if mom had kept her crotch on her own partner even if it was dull. She fuqed around and found out and caused this whole thing. Stupid woman.
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Amazing how the OP thinks you can "get over" being betrayed, cheated on and so ruthlessly destroyed in your marriage
And her acting like he’s childish for being upset still - yeah he’s the only one that was cheated on
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Let's wait til her own SO cheats on her
Yea the mom is guilty of one of the most selfish acts but as the op’s fiancé said she has shown remorse. The dad has done nothing but act selfish
That was rude of OP, but you’re forgetting the part where OP’s dad pressured her mother into marriage, and she couldn’t divorce. Ofc cheating is wrong, but it’s not like they had a consensual marriage to begin with. Both are assholes
S1: Massive YTA for OP. “My mom has no issue being around my dad” Yeah, her affair kind of already told us how little she cared about your father. If she was a semi-decent human she would have abstained from events because she didn’t want to further hurt the man she already betrayed.
“Both of my parents have done bad thing”. Like? Surely not just the comments you view as passive aggression. You’re seriously not conflating that with an affair, right? So what has your father done besides be a stellar dad to you growing up and an outstanding husband to your selfish mother, by your own admission?
“The university was very understanding” Yeah, because divorced people not wanting to be near one another is not an uncommon thing.
“It’s been 5 years, he needs to move on.” Ah yes, 5 whole years. The lifespan of a small rodent. It has been so very long. Seriously?
Your dad is not forcing your hand. He just doesn’t want to spend hours in an intimate environment with the woman who broke his heart. He still said he would find some way to make it work even if that means only being there at the beginning and end. But it’s not good enough for you unless everything goes your way. Sounding a lot like your mother right now.
OP is mindnumbingly selfish, and I wonder from where she gets it. She’s a petulant child evidenced by her aggressively arguing that she’s not too young to get married before anyone has even said anything with regards to that. Her fiance even had to tell her to log off because she was so upset with her first post not going her way.
Also the dad is the one paying for everything, including the wedding
@@tonemaster4608 I don't know what's worse; the fact that he paid for her college only for her to turn around and invite her mother to the graduation or the fact he's paying for the wedding and now she's straight up uninviting him from the wedding he literally paid for, in lieu of her mom who cheated and destroyed their family. And she's trying to manipulate the narrative now and claim her father is manipulating her with his emotions (if his emotions have an effect on her that's considered manipulation so apparently exhibiting emotions is now abusive) and re-writing history to paint her father as an abuser and her mother as this innocent victim who had no choice BUT to cheat on him and ruin their family. Really it's his fault for having a heart!
Well, that was a lot of minimizing.
My prediction: OP gets divorced at some point because she “makes a mistake.”
I'm thinking the same thing, too. Plus, when OP and her husband Steve have a kid on the way, and Steve cheats on her, he'll have to ready herself to be a single mother.⚠️
And I hope her dad takes Steve's side in the divorce
@@danacarter9147What is wrong with you people? That is her mother. She wants a relationship with her mother. The mother has suffered enough. We do wrong when the day come! Nobody knows what the mother was going through in her marriage.Gramted, she was wrong, but when will it end! The father should not try to alienate the children from their mother 21:44 !
@@lynettephillip2412A «mother» or «father» who betrays in the worst way possible, is no mother or father.
@@Vavagutt Meaning that they should not be forgiven? We all need forgiveness at some time!!
Story 1: OP is literally the worst person alive for trying to downplay betrayal of that kind.
She deserved every critique she got in that reddit thread.
I agree. She’s pure evil.
Lol please don’t have children, either of you
And neither with you @@tshorlacher
@@tshorlacheryo it’s op hi op
@Huehue-qf1ri Hey everyone I found the Andrew Tate fans!
S1
Honey, cheating is not a "mistake"
For your to call it ; "2 humans who made a mistake"
No it's not.
While your father may be in the wrong for not seeking help and going to therapy about this, he has every right to be upset.
You don't understand how hurt he is and you clearly won't unless you get cheated on like that and get completely destroyed.
Everyone in this story needs a therapy, but OP is being inconsiderate and is downplaying the cheating.
Actually the worst part is that the father is the one to have paid for the wedding
Hope she doesn't needed to be cheated on to make her understand her father's pain
@@tonemaster4608 she is calling him selfish and childish for refusing to attend, but he literally paid for the wedding and didn't say he wants the money back or so.
He just said he is not attending if she is there.
@@heidihlm4707 I hope so, i truly wish she never experience this feeling.
@@Russell8ii57 do you think she waited till after the money went through, or did she straight up insult him as soon as it was spent
I hate OP. She lacks all empathy and compassion, putting her own pride over her father’s well-being. The fact that she rejects all criticism of her actions shows she’s just like her mother.
Her mother is not remorseful - every day she stays with her affair partner disproves all claims of remorse. She isn’t a good parent either - a good parent would not blow up their family like she did. You CAN NOT be a bad partner but good parent.
Not gonna lie. OP would be an idiot to choose her mother. If my thoughts are correct, and she indeed is more like her mother than she'd like to admit, having such a bad influence around would literally making her a laughing stock if it ever came out that she herself was a cheater.
Is everyone missing the part where she tried to talk to the dad and he blamed her for...being alive? Sure, the mom was in the wrong, but people who don't have divorced parents don't understand just how common it is for parents to play telephone with their kids and then get angry with the kid. And it's something they talk about heavily in parenting classes.
Definitely going to agree that the mother is not remorseful here. OP doesn't mention anything in her post about how her mom tried to make amends with her and her brother in the 5 years post-divorce. The first time there's even a mention about an apology is after she extended the wedding invitation and the mom just had gotten what she wanted.
Also, what kind of therapist tries to gaslight the own patient into the point to see the dad as the bad guy in this instance?
You can't be a good parent and a bad spouse, it's an oxymoron. She wasn't a good mom the moment she cheated and destroyed the family bond altogether.
@@southernflight5078Because she forgives her mother?
Wait so the mother of story 1 op never loved her dad, but agreed to marry him? Jesus, what a shit show. I would be pissed too if I got strung along only to be cheated on.
Not to mention it is kinda a slap to the Dad's face to invite the ex who destroyed his marriage to a wedding.
The worst part is the dad is the one who paid for it
Bruh... Can't wait for OP get cheated on and be told to get over it
Like another reply from another comment said, she's too much like her mother. She'll be the cheater.
More like she'll be the one to cheat
She deserve steve to do the mom route since it happens to everyone and she should just get over it
Story 1.
It's from 2016, she never updated, im going to assume this blew up in her face.
Assuming this took place in India, OP inviting her cheating mother to her wedding would have brought shame to her and her husband's family. I dont understand the culture but The social circles would assume she is a cheater as well, and her father not being there would double the shame.
Personally, if a parent cheated I would disown them. You can't sit there and see someone break down into a broken person and not disown the faulting party.
Well, she has made her decision, she has to live with it. I hope her father finds peace and learns to love again but if he was me it would never happen.
i dont think this took place in india
There was a reason why she didn’t update. Apparently she let it slip in the comments that her dad was paying for the wedding and all of Reddit turned on her. Because it didn’t go her way, she deleted it and is most likely the reason why she never updated because she hid that key detail.
Indians have huge weddings not small weddings and receptions
@@sumeshkumar2097 the thing about how their society treats marriage is what makes me assume it was in India. All society shins cheating, for good reason, but not as much as in places like India.
Also, it feels like OP's mom and dad were in an arranged marriage. He learned to love her, and she regretted it. People in arranged marriages tend to develop fondness for each other, assuming both people are normal and not abusers.
When society forces you to be married and stay married people end up happier than if given all the freedoms the rest of the world has. Maybe it is like a rat in a cage not knowing the rest of the world exists, but to that rat he is happy even if to us it feels like he is a prisoner.
@@drfovea4083 well yes they do. But with her father not funding, which he originally was, if she would have no choice. Plus if you look at their diction you can break down that she intended to have a larger wedding but was settling for a smaller one.
Story 1: OP is an AH. her father is not boycotting the wedding, he is simply stating that he won't go if she does. He is not rallying the family not to attend, he is nbot badmouthing the mother, he is just saying "I won't go". And I agree with the statement that parent's doesn't need to sacrifice everithing for their family.
And while I understand a lot of what OP is saying, what turned my judgement to AH is the line "my mother can stand my father"... Well, yeah, she is the one who cheated on him, not the other way around.
And the father was the one to pay for everything, including the wedding
The mom was trying to make ammends. The dad is a coward and acting like a big baby.
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs then the daughter should not have taken his money for the wedding or anything else she needed after she turned 18 why does she?
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs That's true, however is unreasonable for OP to demand her father to be there. Se should rebuild her relationship with her mother, I agree with that, but basically forcing the dad to see her mother is kind selfish. And while I agree the father is dragging the situation I still think it's unreasonable for her to state that he should get over it because her mother got over it, I guess that's the part that ticked me off, if not for that line I guess I would be more in the OP's side, but that line made me think she is an AH
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs the mom never paid for a thing in ops life, and the dad was paying for the wedding, mother ruined her marriage for something that isn't going to last that long
OP needs to grow up before her father realizes how awful his daughter is and cuts her off. Yes, its OP's wedding, but its not for OP to decide when her father moves on and to tell him to "suck it up". He doesn't have to be around the woman who betrayed him. Yes, he was being a bit of a jerk for some of things he said, but something has to honestly be wrong with you to still be around a parent who broke up your family.
Her dad was paying for it 💀💀💀
I hope OP doesn't experience what her Dad went through. OP is the AH.
Nah, knowing her, she'd be the one cheating
I would say she will be the cheater. Poor Steve for not seeing the flags in the Wind 😢
She said she wanted both parents and didnt want one to not come, so she gives the other an ultimatum knowing he womt come. Sounds like you just really really wanted your mom there and you didnt care if your dad was there or not. There is definitely picking one over the other in that situation lmao
No surprise because the story started with her saying that she suspected her dad wasn't coming and that she was resigned to that outcome.
In ops deleted comments, she actually preferred her mother most
Plus the dad paid for everything and then made the dad out to be the victim she deleted that reply too after reddit tore her a new one
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Is everyone missing the part where she tried to talk to the dad and he blamed her for...being alive? Sure, the mom was in the wrong, but people who don't have divorced parents don't understand just how common it is for parents to play telephone with their kids and then get angry with the kid. And it's something they talk about heavily in parenting classes.
Story 2 had an update. Bro talked with the girl that organized the party and she admited to have a crush on him, and told him she thought that making a party with him as the sole focus would make him get interest in her; he told her that if she really liked him she wouldn't never do that since both brothers have a strong bond, he said that he wasn't interested in a girl trying to minimize people and cut contact with her
Chad move
OP talks about her religion being so prevalent. Even saying that is part of the reason for her getting married so young. So what does her religion say as to how OP should be treating her Mom.
Also her statement to her reaction to being cheated on, how she would handle it shows her immaturity.
What all this comes down to is that OP loves and cares more for her Mom than she does her Dad.
Many, dare I say most hardcore religion fiends are hypocrites who change up the rules on the fly when it's most convenient for them. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about infidelity in the church.
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Story 1: op is the ah. She is a horrible person.
For me cheaters are the scum of the earth, i woud not associate with such vile people. But if i was OP i wouldn't try to actively hurt his kids and the ex's relationship. Tho i would never see the ex as nothing more than trash she seems to have been a good mother albeit a horrible wife.
I understand what you mean but if you love your kids, you want to set a good example
She did not.
One thing to separate or divorce and then date someone but to cheat?
I wouldn't say that makes her a good mother
I would say the opposite because a good mother doesn't hurt your kids like this
I don't think he actively hurt his kids. He never prevent them from having contact with their mom, did he? They decided by themselves to keep her at distance. All dad ever did was ask to not let him be near her again.
I've been cheated on by my ex fiancee. If someone invited her somewhere and told me to just suck it up, I'd go scorched earth on them! Keep up with these videos dude, this are perfect to listen to when I'm at work or cleaning my house just remember to take a breather too okay dude? ❤
Op when your husband cheats and leaves you for a younger model please remember KARMA is catching up with you
Okay OP needs to understand she can't have her cake and eat it too
Yes, she can have a relationship with her mom and dad needs to make his peace with that, but 'he gets dejected everytime she comes up in conversation''....and why does she come up in conversations? And OP resents her dad for not getting out of his funk? Girl resent the woman who put him there.
If I wrong someone it doesnt matter if I move on and am okay because, and say it with me, IM NOT THE VICTIM ITS NOT FOR ME TO DECIDE.
If OP ever gets cheated on, she better make a new account, because with how casually she treats cheating with her 'it happens to many people so move on' attitude....she kinda forfeits sympathy
Edit: Yes dad's also being hella immature, but I don't like how OPs has absolutely zero empathy
Apparently the dad paid for everything including the wedding and her advanced degrees and only after did OP start making the dad out to be the bad guy she let it slip in a reply before she deleted the post/account after reddit tore her a new one
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Story 1: 'You lost a wife, but I didnt lose a mom' is so literally awful. OPs dad need help? Yes. But OP doesnt want to help him, she wants to have a wedding. She goes on and on about how marriage is holy, how her mom's life is in shambles and her dad is broken, but in the end, its about HER WEDDING. Honestly, good for her for forgiving her mom, that takes a graciois soul, but choosing sides comes with consequences.
No matter what you are going through, you cannot take it out on your kids. That's the problem here. He's taking his pain out on the kids.
@@alorarhodes1568 He's not, she's being a idiot
@@alorarhodes1568 no not really, OP acted like trash
@@engiturtle65No he's forcing his kids to choose instead of moving on.
@@TheReasonableLiberal-hn2rs he literally has every right to not wanna be around the person who cheated on him, do you lack basic intelligence?
Girl really blaming everything on her dad.
Story 1: She's saying that if Steve cheats on her she won't "pick her pain over her kids". Honestly, would Steve think the same if she cheats on them. I wouldn't be surprised if she followed the pattern, cause her lack of care for others emotions is kinda foreshadowing. Even if say, he cheats or she cheats and they stay together, both of them will live in their pain- much worse than the pain that OP's dad is going through, because he no longer lives with the woman who betrayed him.
Story 1: So OOP's Dad gets publicly shamed by cheating wife and her daughter just told him to shut the hell up about it? I guess men feelings are valid until they bother someone.
Men's feelings only matter if its for someone else's benefit; otherwise, we're told to STFU and "suck it up"
Ty frfr
no that's not what happened, and this situation is not as black and white as people want it to be. cheaters are scum, yes. but parents that stress out and project on their children also suck so... its difficult dynamics
I have read this story before honestly f*ck the dad.
Yes he was cheated on and he has the right to feel how he feels about it.
But he does NOT have the right to use his hurt to indirectly control people by making them feel sorry for him.
@@VioletLolitaPop27 op is a ah get over it
I'm not 100% but I think the first story cut off the part where are the father was the one paying for the wedding and people shifted on her.
They shifted hard to the point the OP deleted her comments and every reply that was tearing her a new one
Oh yo wait really? Gah damn. This whole story feels weird. Missing parts and selfish people. Might delete a few comments cause this looks way more messy than a regular reddit story 💀
I would dip out if I was the fiance. There's a really good chance OP will be a cheater too.
Does OP not know what boycotting means? The dad wouldn't be boycotting by not going. He's not punishing her or protesting her, he's simply doing what is best for him by avoiding his cheating ex
Story 1: worst-case scenario, the mother is the worse of the two. Even if the dad is bad, the mom’s worse for actively cheating, with countless stories showing how badly shattered relationships can be toward the innocent.
The mom was essentially bullied into a marriage she didn't want, hated her husband because he was a passive aggressive dbag. I'm sure the mom would have divorced if she thought it was an option. Religion and family is a powerful social tool
@@AnemoneEnemy
I never said the dad was innocent. Yeah, the situation sucks, but sometimes one option is better than the other.
No. Steve would not cheat on her. SHE IS the one who is going to cheat on her husband. apple doesn't fall far from the tree
yes, OP literally showing she is the spitting image of her mother.
Nice, cheaters get a free pass and sympathy, while the cheated has to suck it up and move on😂😂
What amazing values our society has😂😂😂😂
OP: Why doesn't he go to a therapist?
Also OP's therapist: *spends time manipulating OP that her father is the villain, not the cheating mom.*
OP's an idiot. Hope she, her fiance, and her brother never has to experience getting cheated on.
That's not a therapist. At this point, OP is just going to a yes woman.
I bet op made him out to be the bad guy
To a certain extent he is.. the op has gone way beyond what is needed to the point of tears just because the dad couldn't see her. As far as the story goes it sounds like the dad hadn't gotten a therapist, correct me if I'm wrong ofc.
Both are selfish in ways that aren't black and white.
Instead of fixing the problem that was clearly affecting the op and trying to heal he continued to push further.
At what point does someone stop becoming a victim and instead the person who becomes a problem?
It isn’t only the therapist, the Reddit comments were very supportive of the OP and they also made the dad out as the bad guy
@@StephaneTheard it's because op deleted many of her comments and banned many people that didn't side with her
Story 1: As someone who was cheated on after i yeara of marriage, i underatand the father.
And no, you dont "get over it", you just live with the betrayal and abuse.
Birds of same feathers flock together. OP clearly shares the same morale like her mother hence her continuous reasoning that cheating is not so bad after all. She clearly inherited that cheater gene from her mom.
Yeah, also, i really hate the phrase "good mom but bad partner"
If you are a good mom, you wont cheat and traumatize your whole family, you cannot be a good mom without being a good partner
i'm so confused by what the mom meant saying the dad supposedly knew she didn't love him but saying she'd "learn to" ??? was that a lie? idk why nobodys acknowledging that i'm so curious for answers about that part
Standard arranged wedding psychology: They were married for economic and social reasons, likely at their own parents insistance. Their emotions were considered second by their families even if they were considered *at all* .
Oh thank God I had noticed that too and got really concerned, legit changed what I was thinking because it sounds so.. creepy?
story 1 - so OP learns how to hate her father because she couldn't control father's action.
I understand the hurt of the dad. Op needs to mature and I hate how she says “it’s getting ridiculous” and “he needs to get over it”. However if the dad really said he wished the kids weren’t there so he can get over the mom is cruel. I’m a child of divorce resulting from an affair, I would never ever tell my mom “to get over it”. It’s been almost 10 years and my mom is still hurt.
Story 1 I hope op never gets cheated on like her dad did. If she does perhaps she will understand how devastated he is. But also the dad is an ah for refusing to work on himself and become the perpetual victim even going to the length of blaming his offspring that he can't move on. It's not that he can't he doesn't want to
What ultimatum he is allowed to not come if the woman that betrayed him is gonna be there,
It's weird that op thinks cause she got over it,
magically her dad should too, when that's not how that works
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She rebuilt a relationship with her mom while watching her dad stuck with his mental and emotional trauma.
Chances are OP will end up being the cheater, cheaters want other cheaters around because it's someone who won't tell them they're the problem.
@@kayne2889 this. She is too much like her mother and nothing like her father. But her fiancé kinda deserve it when he ignored all these red flags OP is waving.
I remember this post. She got called out as apparently in the comments she outted that dad paid for everything and her advanced degrees. She took his cash then made him out to be the villain.
It's times like these I feel so glad I don't have someone like OP in my life. This is the most entitled person I've ever met. I hope she never goes through what her father did. It's so easy to tell someone to "suck it up" when they didn't stand in their shos
After reading through this yes I agree with the Dad you're not close with your mom OP so why is she there in the first place I rather have the people I care about at my wedding than the person I am not close with.
OMG that twin story. Sort of like not inviting a spouse to an anniversary
"If steve cheated, i would be devasted so i dont blame my dad"
Proceeds to embarrass her dad in every way possible
Story 1: "He has not sought out help" Gee I wonder why? Maybe because so many 'therapists' will tell a guy he has to suck it up and be a man, that he cannot feel hurt and betrayed or even the old 'well what did you do wrong to make her cheat?' My mentor went through heck with therapists when his wife cheated on him and even gave him a std as a parting gift before she took his car and house in the divorce. Even I was on the receiving end of the 'suck it up' brand of therapy when I was on the verge of self minecrafting.
YES!!!
OP's mom has no problem with Dad because Dad is the one who got cheated on, divorced, was never loved by his spouse, is going through depression, and is put off being in a relationship.
That being said, I do think the Dad needs to be a little more agreeable for the sake of his children, at the very least.
People like OP are doomed to be cheated on or cheat. I hope she can "get over it" as soon as it happens. You can see how unprepared for marriage she is.
You dont need enemies when you kids like that..
See, with people like whomever is around Op's dad, they will never understand what it's like to be betrayed. That's why they Op and her husband can talk the way they talk. The man has one hard boundary and that just not to be near the pos that ruined his life. Op is an entitled brat and honestly is a fine example of why men don't want to get married or be near women longer than they have to
S1 WTH who do you think paid for things, she basically took away her dad's AGENCY. Damn other relationships have gone NC for less.
What is wrong with her if she loves her father. The mother could have divorced her father before she had
Her affair. It's that simple. At least he
Has his son, so he has him
S1. JFC, OP! Cheating Is NOT A “Mistake” It’s A Choice. It’s Pathetic That Your Trying To Justify It. She Never Loved You’re Dad, And She Never Loved YOU! You’re Just As Bad As Your Mom! Why Do You Treat Your Dad Like That? Why Do You Even THINK It’s Okay To Act Like This To Someone Who Loves You Unconditionally?! I Feel Bad For Your Husband, Your Probably Going To Do The Same Thing Your Mom Did.
Story 1: Offer your father a compromise. If he can accept his cheating ex-wife at the reception, he gets to be a witness when OP and her fiancée go to the courthouse. That’s something he can have that his ex can’t. If he can stomach being a room with 48 people a cheating ex-wife, he gets the ultimate privilege.
This only work with kids.
Be careful Steve….the cheating Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She’s shown who she is by choosing her loser mother. Have fun being cheated on.
Steve also do not care about OP's father feeling. Steve will probably cheats on her.
S1 - OP is a raging narc. all about ME ME ME ME. ITS MY DAY. ME ME ME. Bet she'll ruin her own marriage later on. I wont b e surprise if she turn into a cheater herself.
Story 1: OP is a narcissist. There isn’t “getting over” what the egg donor did to OP’s dad. Her mother is a vile person. OP is vile too for expecting her dad to just play happy family with her egg donor.
Im glad to see people disagreeing with the op
If my father or mother ever did this not only would they not be at my wedding but they would never hear from me again as id go nc as soon as possible
OP can try to act like she understands her dad all she wants but in the end she’s lying because she knows she only digs her own grave if she was completely honest. Luckily OP is an idiot and has shown she’s rotten to the core in that she was willing to destroy her relationship with her father just to have her mother someone who she isn’t close to, to show up to her wedding.
The cherry on top is to try to act like she’s the victim in all this because she “had to walk on eggshells around him” every time her mom was brought up. That’s all that’s needed to know she’s rotten to the core and has absolutely no amount of empathy and doesn’t believe what her mother did was serious, since to any normal person it’s not walking on eggshells as they’d all be beyond pissed except OP apparently. For anyone with a person like that run for the hills, as they’ve shown they believe that cheating isn’t a big deal and would most likely be willing to cheat down the road.
Story 2 I have a hard time believing OPs brother is this dense. Like, really? That party didn't seem off to you? Your brother was invited as a guest, but decided not to attend, and you didn't call to see what was up? I think OP is more attached to his brother or cares more for his brother than his brother does him. I'm also guessing his brother knows why the friends don't like OP and just isn't saying and didn't really want him there either. Glad Op had a few loyal friends and his girlfriend. But I also think that Op needs a little distance from his twin. And I mean different friend circles, hobbies, interests, etc. They already work together. Just my opinion.
Your opinion makes a lot of sense, OP should have thought about that....
S1: I am calling it. in a few years, OP is gonna be posting about how her dad refuses to contact her and she doesn't know why. guy found out his ex never loved him, cheated on him, hoped his kids would help him through it, and gets told by his daughter to just get over it. man has a right to be angry at the world when women can do things like this with no consequences
Story One: OP sucks so bad. Five years after being together for at least 15 years is not a “long time”.
I get being frustrated, especially with the graduation arrangements (that was the only thing I think the dad was wrong about) but he doesn’t have to tolerate a cheater in his life.
She really holds so much animosity towards her dad for not getting over it since the cheater “just made a mistake”. According to OP, the mom brought shame upon the family by cheating. The mom should’ve divorced. In this culture, she would’ve faced consequences regardless but she didn’t. Why? Because the mom wanted her cake (the affair) and to eat it too (keeping her reputation). That’s way too grimy to be a “mistake”.
💯👍🏿
This is why I keep saying it's hard to be a man. You can be cheated on by your wife and your daughter will still invite her to the wedding even though you yourself did nothing wrong and was a good husband and a good man and be told to get over your ex wife affair. This makes me want pray to God to never have a daughter because this is just awful for the dad.
Betrayal in any form is such a massive wound that does not just heal in a premeditated time.
I was betrayed by my ex boyfriend. Currently, I am in love with the most wonderful man on Earth, and yet, thinking of my ex hurts do much, I still cry trying to understand how he could love me so much and yet betray me in such a way, leaving me practically su1c1d4l.
My boyfriend knows I love him more than life itself, he knows there is no love left for my ex. Its been three years, and yet he does not blame me, neither is he jelous or insecure.
He sees me sad and just holds me.
The pain from betrayal destroys your soul in such a way that time becomes meaningless
Why is it that every single story on Reddit about cheating is the same? The family of the victim will support them and shun the cheating spouse....AT FIRST!! But after a couple of years everyone expects the person who was cheated on to get over it and forgive the cheater. After all, the cheater is being so nice and willing to move on, why cant he?!? BECAUSE HE WAS CHEATED ON NOT HER!!! DUH!! That is one of those sins that is UNFORGIVABLE FOREVER not just for a couple of years!! So now OP wants to forgive her Mom but in order to do that she has to make her Dad sound like the bad guy. So she's throwing Dad under the bus because "its been 5 years already!! Get over it!!". And if he doesnt then hes being passive aggressive! Tell me you are throwing your Dad under the bus without telling me youre throwing him under the bus!!
If your mom is shunned by everyone that you're having at the wedding why are you ready to die on the hill of inviting her?
I could she the point of people on the dad side if he had just been the first he had to be in "her" vicinity but he did compromise before I think a wedding is cause to do it again. No need to even acknowledge the cheater but daughter should come first.
That was a graduation. A huge hall. They were at opposite ends of the hall. Her reception is a small one. Small venue. There's a world of difference in the 2.
💯👍🏿
If I was Steve I would rethink the whole wedding if she views cheating in this way
This is such a difficult position to be in. OP is young and still loves her mom despite the cheating. To be fair, the mom is following the boundaries OP has set about P not coming to events (which is good, because the audacity of P wanting to be included is so unhinged). That being said, the dad is putting his feelings above his child’s milestones. It is terrible to get cheated on by the mother of your children, but like it or not, she will always be their mom. There was a custody battle, but the kids told the judge they wanted to only live with their dad, so it is not like OP’s mom abandoned them. OP’s dad should focus on OP, not on his ex’s presence. The mom promised to stay clear of him. Like OP said, is he going to pull this when the grandkids arrive?
OP, I just have one thing to say to you.. I hope life delivers everything you deserve.
I wonder if the daughter would feel the same way if she got cheated on and her son or daughter had forgiven the father and then got invited to their wedding, let's see how much she could "Get over it" on seeing the person who destroyed everything , but I'm sure she would be just fine, right? Wrong. The father can take as long as he wants if he wants cause the mom wasn't the one cheated on, so who cares, right. Daughter is a total AH.
To say you understand his pain is foolish and arrogant, op literally hasnt lived long enough to understand that kind of pain.
Just because you get your heart broken and family destroyed, life keeps moving with or without you. OPs dad needs to move on. Forgiveness isn't the same thing as Forgetting.
Man the first story is something.
At first I was clearly on the dads side, but the more was said, the more I was not. It is understandable he is still hurt, and it is easy for the mother to be more open, since she did the wrong thing, BUT a couple of things I learned over the years - women despises "nice" guys, how do I know? I was one. I used to think it was "so unfair" and to an extent it still is. But it is not the niceness itself that is the problem, it is weakness. the "I can't live without you's" may seem flattering at first, but it gets to be too much over time. Like their whole existence depends on you, and that is too big of a burden to lay upon someone else, and honestly quite cowardly, you are supposed to take care of yourself and your own happiness.
So yes the father was right to be sad/mad/angry/hurt, BUT he needed to start therapy immediatly.
Imagine this scenario: The wife cheated, the father began therapy and kept a strong face throughout. The kids can obviously tell he is sad, but they admire him for being strong. During the years, he gets stronger mentally and emotionally, his kids admire him for that, and love him because he was their rock through all of this.
-In this scenario I am convinced that she wouldn't invite the mother to the wedding, and the father would insist on her doing it because it would mean the world to both the daugther and mother. That strenght would resonate like a beacon and the father would be the hero.
(and in all likelyhood, the mother would see this transformation and regret leaving him in the first place.)
Wether your father manipulated consciously or through weakness, it is bad. He would feel so much better with himself if he moved towards the strong version of himself he have buried in him!
Either way, this is not something for the child to fix, it is the parents job.
People who want cheaters around, only do because they know that person will back them up and tell them what they want to hear when they inevitably end up cheating.
op os an ah she takes her father for granted. just like her mother. the apple falls close to the tree.
Obviously this goofy ungrateful daughter doesn't know the hurt her father is in and what he sacrifice for her and her cheater of a mother. Hopefully like a lot of these comments said Steve doesn't cheat on her cuz she's going to feel what the dad's feeling 😬 get out of here with that. Goofy talk get over it 😡
Everyone is so dislikable in this story.
OP's mom because of obvious reasons, OP's dad because he enjoys being the victim and not dealing properly with his issues (sorry, I understand he suffered a lot, but just swallowing in his misery without doing nothing will drive people away), OP because she could have approached the situation with her dad in a more kinder way instead of just exploding and telling him to "get over it" (gosh I hate this phrase, especially when you're not the one who got hurt), and OP's brother because he is starting to think like OP.
Steve sounded at the beginning like the more rational character but by the end he also thinks people just should suck it up and move on when they have been deeply wounded
Op sucks so much in this story so much tbh. Saw in the comments her dad payed for her wedding. Shes ridiculous.
There is no timeline for healing
Sometimes it takes people 20 years to get past things and heal but sometimes they never do
It's about time she became sympathetic and started caring for her dad
Yeah she's not hurting cuz SHES THE ONE WHO CHEATED
It's gonna happen to her and let's see what's she says then😂
If OP has her husband cheat on her because “he never really loved her”,
(And you KNOW a dad fully knows that fact about mommy) how about she tells us all
How she “just gets over it”.
Good luck with that one.
I remember hearing story 2 before and my thought was OP should have told his brother that he wouldn't be going to someone else's birthday party on his birthday but it does have a happy ending though so moot but still would've been good line.
Dad needs to grow up and not make your wedding about him. It's not hard to just ignore her at the wedding.
Op: yeah my mom cheated but my dad was dumb enough to think she could grow to love him so he’s just as bad a person
So many people in the comments clearly can’t relate to the situation. Well, I can. The situation is almost exactly like that of my parents, and my dad often acts like the dad in this does when he was talking with OP and saying awful things about the kids’ existence and that the mom had “poisoned” OP. This is manipulative behavior and makes me sick. Being cheated on doesn’t give you an excuse to make your kids miserable. You don’t need to get over it, and honestly, you shouldn’t get over it, but even my parents can, at this point, both be there for their kids when it really matters. It’s ok to be hurt. It’s not ok to manipulate your child and make your problems with your ex theirs. Parents are still parents after divorce. The only difference between OP’s situation and mine is that I was much much younger when my parents divorced, so the following behavior from my dad was more unforgivable, but then again the OP said they were getting married pretty young. My sister and I were both intimately involved in the divorce drama by my dad, which just felt so icky and messed me up pretty good. And before anyone says anything, I make sure to avoid making my dad interact with my mom and her family as much as possible because he has a right to hate them, and in that aspect I’m totally on his side. But long story short, DONT INVOLVE YOUR KIDS IN YOUR DIVORCE DRAMA ITLL MESS THEM UP AND THEY WILL NOT APPRECIATE IT
Thank you. Been searching to see if anyone on here isn't some self righteous judger of what OP1 did. All these comments here are so blinded about the struggles OP1 had to juggle at her graduation.
OP will know how his father feels when her husband cheated on him
Well damn, the comments here are damning OP 1 but the comments on Reddit mostly praise her.
You kidding she deleted one or two of her comments she got absolutely destroyed once they found out that her dad was the one who payed for everything
While i agree the father should have agreed to have the mother there. The OP is minimizing the shit out of the Mom behaviour, and making the Dad be manipulative because he is depressed for spending 15 years with a cheater that never loved him? She says as if they have done equally bad things at the end, but the Dad didnt do anything 1% as shitty.
Something about the way OP in story 1 talks makes me think that she is a person I would want to associate with
As a side note, it was revealed by many commentators in a recent deleted Reddit comment from the op that it was the dad who was paying for the wedding. Something tells me that the wedding didn't happen and if it did it wasn't with Daddy's money. Another possibility is that everything went through the dad didn't go to the wedding and this just destroyed their relationship. Either way between father and daughter and maybe between brother and sister the relationship was destroyed.
OP had chosen a side and that side is a cheater. She will likely cheat on Steve in the future but hopefully Steve who have the same view as OP cheat on her first.
I just can’t stand OP1… if the roles were reversed, the dad would have been shunned for life… what a bad person and daughter OP is😢
while the dad is certainly acting like an inmature child, op cannot force another person to move on while belittling them and thinks its ok
both of them suck and the mother also sucks, she should have divorced and thats it, there is no excuse or reason to cheat, if she had divorced without cheating the community that abandoned her rightly so, woulndt have done so
10:43 but your mom's opinion doesn't matter in the slightest in this situation (or ever IMHO)...
I just know OP from story 1 is gonna cheat sooner or later. Poor Steve.
Don't feel bad for Steve because Steve also agree with OP. This mean Steve will likely to cheat on OP as well.