I’m 38. Never married. No kids. Been in serious relationships. I’m single. What Preach was saying is spot on. Def get that “lonely” feeling sitting at my house By myself. I make $200,000 a year. I worked my ass off to get where I’m at. But for what…what’s the point if you don’t have anyone to share it with.
As appose to getting married with kids and losing it all because she felt like it. That's arguably worse (for a guy) that not marrying/hooking up. Edit: At least in the west
I finally found my forever person in my early 30's. We are having our first child and I couldn't be happier! Everyone that has known me says "you seem happier than ever", and they're right! I went through my, "I don't need a man" stage and always had a chip on my shoulder. I not only need my man, I want him! Men and women complete each other, it's not happenstance.
Looking at its complexity, most people would rather be alone than with the wrong person. The wrong person can ruin your happiness, finances & overall outcome. Don’t get married to JUST be married.
Thank you that's where the term comes from I can do bad by myself. It's not that you don't want anyone it's just you'd be better off alone than in a shitty and toxic relationship.
Problem is females are unrealistic about who the 'wrong' person is. We got 'average at best' bchs chasing way higher than they're worth, telling guys in their range they're 'wrong' 😂 Shoutout RIP to KS
If you're in a toxic relationship, then it's true that you'll probably be happier single. Don't assume that a relationship will make you happier just because it's a relationship. I was thirty and still single, and I was by and large ok-ish with it and definitely enjoyed some of the perks - and I was very glad to not be going through a train wreck divorce like some of my friends were. But still, when I hit my early thirties, I found a good man and got married. And I am far happier now.
It makes sense. Yet in this society, they have have made loving yourself so much more complicated than it has to be. Finding yourself now means putting yourself in some specific box and trying to be different just to be different. Earlier generations were more practical and understood duty was a part relationships. To love one's self, the first thing one has to accept is the reality of the things you don't have control over such as what you are biologically and where you came from. Sadly we live in a society where delusion is king and most of those in this culture want to be special without doing anything to be special. This is wreaking havoc on relationships as a whole and not making it easier for the young ones with common sense. It's become so much about "I" less about "we" when relationships are of any concern these days. You do have to love yourself in order to learn to love someone else anyway. As has been stated another way, two half people don't make a whole person in a relationship. The disfunction will still be there.
When you stop being "happy" you'll divorce his ass and take all his shit with you. People who marry for "happiness" always destroy the marriage eventually. Marriage is a duty like being a parent, not entertainment.
@Carla Hemeon as a 50 year old married father of 5 supporting the entire family as an engineer I know exactly what I'm talking about. I know female nature to near perfection. You'll see.
We are better of without UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. Standards should be raised for relationships, we all need loving, communicating, supportive partners.
Reasonable standards should be raised. I agree completely with your stance, but the problem is that people aren't often capable to decide whether they are in an unhealthy relationship. Theory doesn't always match practice. So when you raise your standards, make sure that they are standards that actually matter in a relationship and not what your ideal partner should look/be like.
I'm a healthcare worker, and during the pandemic it was so stressful and traumatizing losing so many patients, to a point we were packing 4 dead bodies in one day. Every time I came home from work, my husband gave me hugs and cuddled with me for hours while watching my favorite movie to cheer me up. It's really wonderful to have someone to come home to that loves you unconditionally. I can't imagine why someone would rather be alone. Growing old is very lonely, trust me, I've seen people die alone cuase they have no one, it's very sad.
better than having family vulture over your corpse and estate. try family law, you’ll understand why every lawyer is a rampant alcoholic and keeps a loaded gun in their drawer. i’d rather die alone, on my terms than have to deal with other people.
Because men don't get unconditional love? That must be nice for y'all, but I'm still trying to see what the benefits are for men to get into relationships.
@@FlutterSwag she has a point. We're evolved for communal living, and we're very atomized right now. It works for some but it's an unrealistic expectation for all of us to be ok with being alone. It's not the default.
I had a quick conversation with my acupuncturist about this today. She asked what was wrong with being single. I get the impression she is fine with it. Of course, it's different for everyone, but for me, I want a partner (friend, teammate, confidant, lover, protector...) to share my life with. I also love the freedom to move with no conversation. I'd gladly get over the latter when he appears in my life though. For now, it is what it is and I thank God that I think for myself. I don't buy into groupthink. Most of these "relationship/life coaches/gurus" are inexperienced and don't know their ass from a hole in the ground imo. 🤷🏾♀️
I'm not gonna lie, I'm one of those guys that say "I'm good alone." I isolate myself a lot, and I'm recognizing that it actually has a damaging effect mentally because you're just alone with your own thoughts all the time. Simultaneously though, I'm deathly afraid of getting into a relationship because I just feel inherently inadequate as a person. If that makes sense.
You’ll have to get over that if you want a partner. It’s tough but you’ll just have to do it. Start small, build yourself up physically and mentally, become more social and develop people skills. Prioritise your well being as well. All the best
@Laci Johnson the thing is, I don't even particularly want a partner. The commitment aspect of it scares the shit out of me. I've never hankered a relationship. Like preach said: "would be nice" but I'm just the type that isn't crazy to get in one. Working on myself is a must though.
@Ana light I think you're exactly right. I'm not a dude who's really attracted to romantically intimate relationships. I've never really sought after getting a girlfriend for that exact reason. I don't find the idea of having a girlfriend to be useless though because it is quite alluring to have a significant other you could confide in.
@The Eze Nri Arinze maybe so, I definitely do have issues. Because I actually prefer being alone. Because I just inherently feel like a burden, I also just dislike socializing in general.
My daughter asked me, what lesson have you learned, in my 54yrs on this earth. This is what I said. "People are always in the pursuit of Happiness, happiness is a feeling. Feelings don't last, feelings go as quick as they came, sadness is a feeling also, sadness comes and goes. What we all should be in search of is Contentment, and so when happiness comes we can enjoy it and live in the happiness. Same goes for sadness, when it comes, we can deal with it a wee bit better. Stop chasing a feeling" That's the best lesson to learn from my first 54yrs on this earth, wonder what my second lesson will be , in the next half.
Yeah happiness isn't easy to measure. I'm sure there are people who like drinking themselves to death and are happy and there are workaholics that are happy.
what's the right man?? Unicorn!! With so much option, most of you feel men are just tools!! Let these slaves do the dirty jobs while most of us can sit in cozy air conditioned rooms and "work" which doesn't involve in maintaining the infrastructure but we can dictate everything cause we don't really have to do any real hard labor cause slaves will always Symp...
Agreed. Better to be alone than with the wrong partner. The problem though is that what most people choose to value as the right partner tends to focus on externals rather than qualities that complement you and the qualities you bring to the table as well. The right partner is not always the richest or the most physically attractive. For me, the right partner is the man I married because he is steady, thoughtful, hard-working, and does what is right rather than just what is profitable. He has a strong character and encourages me to be the best version of myself and he calms me down when my emotional stability is thrown off by externals. In turn, I give him room to express himself more directly, to treat him with appreciation and respect, and to encourage him when he isn't sure about himself. I know that any man less taciturn and sober would not have either the patience or the temperament to handle my energy or upbringing. And any other women less direct or observant would devalue a man and see him as weak because he is quiet and contemplative. We don't have a lot of money but we are on the same page with our resources and we live comfortably enough. And we have a beautiful little boy and we have love in our home of lasting duration and endurance so long as we keep walking together and helping build qualities as a team.
Alright, I'm 24 years old. Got into the whole feminism discourse when I was 16, obviously. When I hit 22, I had a huge shift in the way I see the world. I'm watching articles come out of women saying that Cosmopolitan was lying to women back in the 70s! I'm currently not in a relationship, and I believe in, shocker, partnership and monogamy. I want kids in the future too. But I'm not going to put off looking for a partner because "muh career". At the end of the day, no boss, no corporation, no paycheck is going to be on your deathbed next to you. Hopefully your family will be. It's hard for that to happen when you don't have one. Edit: looks like I triggered some folks in the comments lmao so let me clear some shit up. (1) Yes I still want women to have rights. Duh. (2) Not every woman will get married, that’s fine. Not every marriage will result in children. That’s also fine. (3) I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. But it is *my* choice to want to pursue a husband to have children with. My dad left when I was a young teen. I don’t want to deprive my kids of a father, so I have made the *personal decision* not to pursue women even though I’m attracted to them. (4) Women can have jobs and a family. Same way men can have jobs and a family. But when you pursue a *career* , your family is part of the sacrifice. Men do it all the time - work long hours and come home to spend an hour with the kids, and we hear stories of how kids feel neglected. It’s the *same* when mom does it, but for some reason, we empower her for doing so these days. I’ll still work, because I want to. But I won’t be abandoning my future children to daycares from the moment they’re born because I prefer working. Children deserve present parents. (5) Some of y’all are so butthurt in the comments that you don’t realize that yes, there *is* a propaganda to tell young women that they don’t need a man. Instead, they should be spending money. Literally. Buy clothes, buy drinks, buy vacations, buy nice cars, you name it. And it’s not like those things are bad. But they don’t want to empower you. They want to empower you to spend money on their products. (6) I’m no longer a feminist by 4th-wave feminism standards. If you call yourself a feminist that is up to you and you can do what you want. But don’t be out here avoiding accountability.
And just like Cosmopolitan was lying, how do we know if these articles or "findings" aren't lying as well? What proof do they have and are they doing it with integrity?
Agreed sister! I luckily never got too much into feminism. I believe in the happiness a great Partner and future children can give me rather then more money. I can work but I will always prioritize Family
Nah, that's a fallacy! Only women play the 'victim card' on almost every societal issue. Very few men have had a crazy ex gf experience, most men avoid those kind of girls.
Its crazy the strange looks I got when I said I don't hate my ex. He's a good guy, we were just incompatible. We ran into each other a year later and he admitted he got the same reaction about me.
Truth is neither side wants to admit that we need each other, both feminism and the "manosphere" have gone too far to the point we're basically hating each other rather than coming together as a unit. You have toxic men and you have toxic women, both sides need to stop generalizing genders as a whole. I used to consume alot of red pill content from different creators and it put me in a really dark place. I literally felt bitter and resentful towards all women to the point I didn't even want to talk to or approach any. It made me extremely lonely and unhappy. Once I started clicking "do not recommend" and "not interested" on all these red pill creators, it's really helped improve my mindset and self esteem.
I would argue that, though there are definitely parts of the manosphere that are misogynistic, a lot of it is necessary. Like fresh and fit are both clowns but all those chicks they bring on should be avoided like the plague. That's information that is needed for young men. Everything else though I agree.
I completely agree 👍 whilst they do have some valid points in manosphere, sadly the energy is not from a good place but anger, range and contempt. I did the same, unsubscribed, no recommendation either. I felt much better but then I went to the Bible which healed and delivered me from ideology of feminism I didn't even know I had subscribed to. Got a new and good relationship with my Dad now and learning to respect men. 🙏
I'm a single guy with a good career and I'm happy as can be. I can buy what I want and travel whenever I want with nothing to really stop me or hold me down. Sure, it is a bit lonely because I think it's human nature to want companionship. It is nice to have someone to share experiences with outside of platonic friendships. However, dating over 30 has been really weird. I think a lot of people are just so set in their ways and have way too many expectations by this age. Especially since I am not looking for someone to support me, my approach to dating is just finding someone I can get along with well and have similar interests. On the other side of this, women I go on dates with all feel like they're just looking for a personal ATM and it's so obvious most of the time. Some can't even bother to hide their disinterest, especially the ones that want want to free dinner.
"Men and women have to bridge this gap, because we only have each other." This right here. We really do need each other, cause we all bring something to the table.
"We will make multiple videos whining about women who won't lower their standards and aren't miserable without men while largley ignoring MGTOW and Red/Black-Pill males saying the same thing".
@@ng38477 they literally make videos about the mgtows and red pulled weirdos all the time you clearly don't watch aba and preach enough if you don't think they criticize equally
The thing with me is that I would rather be lonely than be with someone who makes me miserable. I would LOVE to be in a healthy relationship, but I’m not sacrificing my sanity to be with anybody, which is why I’m single. Not lonely, but single. It takes time to find the right person, and I’m okay with that 🙂
I promise you, it happen for you. It happened for me and I'll be getting married in a few months. I never thought I see the day. You got patience and God will bless you ☝️
Exactly! I was in a horrible relationship before I found my husband. I had to rethink my whole life. Rebuild my confidence and self love. It took me two years to find myself.
5:11 "The same way Redpill people say a bunch of that stuff to these young men and it's empowering to them... this is the other side of the delusion" - Aba No, Aba, the RP is advocating the truth, for men to get their money up as a factor to gain leverage and advantage in dating, to have options in getting girls (No delusions here, only facts). The Feminist hate group however, is brainwashing women to get their money up so they don't need men to be happy, at the end of the day made women more miserable (That's the delusion).
Everyone wants fulfilling connection, but not everyone finds it. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically equate to happiness. Being alone doesn't automatically equate to misery. Men are not disposable just because they are men, and women do have needs but can find ways to have those needs fulfilled if she is unable to find the right man. I'm tired of these debates. Everyone should just go to therapy and figure out how to make the most out of their own situations.
This is the best response I've seen so far. I'm honestly tired of this whole debate. Just work on yourself. As someone once said, "It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else." If you are miserable with yourself a relationship is not gonna make you happy. Just do whatever works for you and leave other people to their own choices.
I couldn't agree more with this original post. That it is about working on the self, working through and understanding past traumas, while finding or having the partner sharing similar values and mindset in order to have a (healthy) relationship.
I got mommy issues. My mother raised me to be the perfect bait for narcissist people, so I worked on myself. If everyone did more introspective thinking, then we would be able to attract better quality people. Then the actual terrible people that are left can just be miserable together, win win.
I wouldn't say I have mommy issues but I'm the same. Bait is the perfect word for it, it's like if a momma zebra broke her child's legs so the Lions would eat him instead. It took years to kind of see reality and make the changes and build the self esteem to stand up for myself.
I saw my grandma the other day and she lives alone and it made me so sad. I asked her “Grandma, how are you?” And she goes, “Im done….” I obviously was like wym? She goes “Im done. I just am here…. Doing nothing. Waiting for other ppl to come. Im done. Im ready to go”. She is just completely lonely. Loneliness is very intense.
I knew a woman in her late 60s who would walk around solemnly and would tell anyone willing to listen about how upset she was that she could never find a husband and how she didn't have children. It was very sad.
That is not sad…when you get to a certain age you transition from life to death; due to aging. It is in fact normal for single or coupled older people.
If you want to be single, be single. If you don't want to be single then put in effort to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Not sure why stuff like this needs a think piece. EDIT: I was speaking genenerally. Not specifying toward aba and preach or the other creator. Sorry for the confusion.
Content, clicks, views and a lot of money in aba/preach's pockets. I've seen content creators in 10 months go from 500 to 700,000 views just by following the same principles.
Because the misinformation in the article is being repeated and regurgitated by people advocating for unhealthy relational practices. Toxic Misandry is just as destructive to our social health as Toxic Misogyny. Especially in the black community.
Maybe, and I am assuming here, because loneliness is a disease and it is spreading like wildfire. If you want to be forever single so be it, but you need to know what that implicates.
As a data analyst, I remember reading textbooks on applied statistics that would use examples from different fields of study to teach you. One thing I distinctly remember was how the best book of them all actually took the time to explain improper external validation, which is RAMPANT in the social sciences, and occurs when people generalize the findings of their study across a broader context incorrectly. It used the social sciences as the running example of what not to do.
@@pikapi6993 Applied Statistics, 2nd edition, by Rebecca M Warner Edit: to everyone liking this just be warned that it is Not meant for casual reading. This is a book that should be used to build these skills for a career involving statistics/analytics/research and to serve as a reference to help keep your future work sound. Just saying this also because I wouldn’t want people to see it and feel discouraged. Anyone can learn this book w hard work and persistence 😁
Is there anything in that study about aromantic people? I’m genuinely curious because I’ve always been happier single. I have no desire to be partnered. Not because of trauma or because I don’t find value in men. I just don’t have romantic interests. I have a great family and wonderful friends but I do kind of wonder what my senior citizen years will look like.
If you're looking for articles on relationships to decide what you "should" do to be happy you're already heading down the wrong path. I feel like at a certain point in your life you gotta figure out who YOU are and decide whats best for YOU. Sometimes you're not in the majority of people that these studies describe.
she didnt look it up to decide she was curious and found it .her vid is long as hell talking about different studies she found and trying to make sense of them
That gender war shit is beyond goofy. We need each other. PEOPLE need other people. Man, man or woman, woman. Doesn't matter. People need partnership both emotionally and practically. I'm turning 35 this week. I've lived the majority of my life without my wife. I don't "NEED" her to survive in the purest sense of the term. However, I do need/want her and would very much prefer not to do this shit alone.
Facts. Deep down everyone is seeking companionship in some form or another. There may exist people who are satisfied just with close friendships but I think most people need a dedicated partner in order to feel truly happy
@@lidiagizaw3828 attention and we really don't know him not all man bring mOneY you see when a woman is not married in there 60s or 50s there most likely a cat woman because she needs affection and love to and attention from the animals
After my last relationship I was single for a very good reason. Not feminism, not "I don't need no partner", but because I wasn't able to like myself even a little bit. I was scared to death to die alone but I needed to figure shit out. And I did. Therapy and all included. Now I'm in a relationship and I can confidently say: I am able to be happy alone. Alone, not lonely. I was like 80% completed and I can totally live with that. But now with my girlfriend: It's finally 90% (I still need therapy that's the last 10% but you get what I'm trying to say). It's okay to be single, it's okay to be in a relationship. Do what you have to do in order to be the most happy you can be. Sometimes, just like in my case, that includes being independent and single for a while. It's okay :)
Relationships can be pretty tough you also find things about yourself. I wish there was an answer to people who suffer from mental illnesses that feel like if they enter a relationship they’ll be lost if the girl left them… I don’t think there’s an answer for being happy being alone
- I tried the relationship thing for majority of my adulthood - using every method you could think of: blind dates, online dating, speed dating, match-ups by friends and relatives, meeting people on my own ... ... nothing!!! Now that I'm 40, I'm tired and just want to be left the hell alone, lol. It's just emotionally EXHAUSTING!!
Not trying to be rude but if you’ve gone through all of that you should look inwards and realise you are the problem I’m assuming your a woman from the way you type but it’s the same man or woman if you’ve been through that many people it’s you!!! I’m not tryin go to attack you but it’s just a thought as 19yo male that’s just my two cents women, ik for a fact men have 3 boxes for women, would sleep with but wouldn’t marry, wouldn’t touch with a 10ft pole and marriage material , for me only 2 exist marriage material and wouldn’t touch, usually women who are marriage material are usually married young to some what older guys
"They think that because they talk about their emotions they're more emotionally intelligent". I damn near licked off metaphorical shots sitting at my desk. More than once I've played a game called "Can we have a direct conversation?". I'm surprised by how often the answer turns out to be no.
@@purplegirl8036 You can process your own emotions, but when it comes to forsaking your own emotions to see perpective in the context of logic from someone else operating from a place of emotion. Yeah, you guys arent great at that part.
Be careful what you wish for 😅 women are already collecting cheques. Lots of them doing physical and weapons training. When your cheque and physique isn't as valuable anymore, what do you have left?
That quote reeks of bitterness as well as a coping mechanism to rationalize their bad choices in the men they date and/or how they view men in general.
I just have a fear of ending up with the wrong person or being a single parent, then realizing that i may have been better off alone. We shouldnt base our choices on other ppls lives, but theres way too many divorced couples or people who remain married but HATE each other. I've had ppl tell me to stay single. But I'd love to find someone but I'm scared to death I'll regret it.
If you choose a person for his/her values and has integrity, you don’t have to be scared about that. I know that if my relationship doesn’t work, our kids will have two good parents who respect each other because we share the same family values. (Sorry English is not my first language)
I wish people who get divorced or hate their spouses were more honest about what traits they both had to lead them to that position. Probably the inability to see their own faults, admit to it and respect one another enough to help each other during rough patches is why they ended up like that..
all my brothers are divorced and even my high school sweethearts are divorced. one of them married a man she started dating after she and I broke up and had two kids. he is MIA. they all told me I did the right thing for not marrying. my landlord the other day told me i was also wise for not marrying. he and I also agreed that the grass is greener, at 42 and done fucking strangers and living in a capitalist society, marriage is looking more appealing than ever
That fear is completely understandable, but you must choose wisely... You really have to take into account the things you can't stand forever and what you can.... And leaving the relationship early on if you see red flags is crucial.
I met my wife at 17, I'm now 41 and we have been married for 21 years. I am a better person with her in my life, she is my world, my rock. She has helped me through my depression and supported me when I lost my job just before the pandemic. We are happier together. In my darkest moment, when i was suicidal, she told me that she didn't want to lose me, she wished she could fix it for me but that she also wouldn't hold it against me if I did take my own life as she lso didn't want me to suffer anymore. That both broke and melted my heart.
Lovely a women who can he a man's rock. Instead of the mandatory jargon of "women need a rock , they need a MAAAAN!!!!" . Bruh in reality it doesent matter , some women are better at being emotionally strong amd leaders than and towards their spouse, even if it isn't that deep or to that extent, its nice that you have experiences this My dude regardless, of someone who can be there like that !
As a woman who married young at 20 and has been madly in love with the same man for almost 10 years now, I can agree that when you find that person, you are 1000x's happier and a better you for it. Women and men need each other. We are social beings that do our best when we have lifelong companionship, like a spouse. Also want to say, as a woman I have seen WAY to many in my gender abuse their men, my own mother included. When I got married, I swore to myself that I would NEVER do 2 things: raise a hand to my husband and say the words "I hate you" to my husband. Some things you just can't take back and are unacceptable in a loving relationship, and those 2 for me are it. In 10 years, I have never hit, kick, smack, pinch, etc, said I hate you, or raised my voice at my husband. Our arguments have never ended in yelling and have always ended in one of us biting the bullet and apologizing, giving a hug and kiss, and moving forward better and stronger than we started. Any woman or man who hits their spouse or anyone for that matter is weak, a coward, and clearly has the emotional intelligence of a mad toddler.
Women don't need men? Tell that to the one chick on The Talk or whichever day time talk show that was. She was all "girl power" until she got a man. Then suddenly she's bawling her eyes out because she's not lonely anymore. Look, if you truly believe you don't need an SO in life, that's cool. But there's also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. You don't have to put on a song and dance for everybody pretending you're good when you're not. Edit: My comment wasn't meant to generalize women. It was to point out that the people who tend to scream the loudest about "not needing a man/woman" are usually the most insecure about being single. Men do it too. Also, it's come to my attention the show I brought up is actually called The Real and the woman I used for my example is Loni Love.
Personally, I ride this weird mixture of well socialized, but heavily preferring true isolation. I enjoy keeping in touch with good friends a few times a year, going out regularly with social circles, etc, but I need a hell of a lot of alone time to recharge & be back on my A-game. I'd love a partner someday, but I am truly content with being alone. A lot of people who say that are just coping, but I've met other men & women who it obviously was true for as well. I don't wish to live deep into my old age. I'd rather serve who I can while I can & then dip before I need that same care. My real point is that we notice this severe lack of cohesion between the sexes now because our social circles & safety nets have completely evaporated. There's not a sense of community in the west anymore. There's a reason that as we've seen the % of people calling themselves religious falling, we also see an uptick in church attendees. It's the sense of community & togetherness that's been lost in the streets. Very few people actually care about anyone's struggles. Everyone is too absorbed with themselves & it's a travesty. In a way we've lost a part of our humanity.
But this is one dimensional, you act as if every person whose single by choice or celibate must most certainly be putting on a show as if no one could truly enjoy that lifestyle? Feeling loney, at times, is infact a universal experience - people with boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and large families or friends have been loney at some point or another. It's the fact that you people fear loneliness and do your best to avoid it even if it means being in toxic or unhappy relationship that at the root do no-one any good.
I've been single a long time. Like many guys, for roughly the last 10 years, I've heard the "girl power", "I don't need a man", and "men are trash" sorts of things A WHOLE LOT. I've been shamed for having never been in a relationship, at age 30, several times, or shamed for inexperience in other things several times as well. Personally, I'd rather give relationships a chance, but with how things have been in the dating scene, it's easy to stay away. The tough part is how women have treated guys (and seeing some guys be absolute jerks to ladies), while also not becoming bitter. Preach's point at 7:12 - I'm good alone - heard that a lot too. Way too many people have been hurt and need to do soul searching and get past whatever trauma they have. Society did an awful job of telling people they needed to be alone, and those same people internalized it and took the wrong things from that. I will genuinely be alright, no matter what happens in my own love life. I can admit my own mistakes throughout my journey, and some of those things were indeed because of me. It took me a long time to realize that part, and some of that stuff, I'm still learning now. Preach is right, the loneliness can really suck. But society has changing to do.
I'm 20, i went to go and work for this film producer lady, loaded, owns 9 different properties, rents them out, shoots commercials for all the top companies, i do event planning and i got lucky to land her for an event through my cousin who is her PA. Rocked up at the place, stunning, asked my cousin is she married he said no but she wishes she was because she is extremely lonely at times. She's in her 50s and to find someone then is hard af. I looked at her success and thought this is amazing, i hope to live such a life but the only downside was that she was truly alone and that hurt inside even for me, i hope she does find someone amd whether we like it or not everyone needs someone
That last part about emotional accountability and introspection really speaks volumes. I'm in my mid 20s and I am almost hypervigilant of my thoughts, actions, and just ways I can be better. I don't think this is because of my sex or age and I don't know how prevalent this desire for self improvement is. But I just get miffed when I hear female friends complaining about ex(s). Like I've only been in 1 relationship and I try to recognize how I've messed up and how my ex messed up at times. I try to have as realistic as possible outlook on it so I can be better next time, how to be better in my next relationship. I have friends that will literally, with a straight face say that every single one of their ex's were creeps or jerks or abusive gaslighters or something. Now not all women are like this but this lack of introspection is appalling. Of course I don't wanna victim blame and some women are actually abused, but you gotta be honest to see if a) you were in fact a victim or exaggerating/wrong, and b) what did you do that put you in that position? I just can't stand to hear, Dylan was terrible so I stayed in that relationship and when we broke up, I dated Zach who was also terrible, but eventually broke up and dated Jim who was a jerk. It's like bruh, take some dam accountability.
As single woman I would love to have a partner but I’d rather be single than with the wrong person. Being single is a great time to find yourself and achieve things without distraction but it can get lonely. We need each other in the long run.
in a way youre right and thats how i used to think as well. in a truly equal society women should mature and spend some time alone and get comfortable with being "by themselves". but nature isnt equal. nor is it fair. i think unless both parties are willing to make huge compromises, a "modern" equal relationship cannot work. the mating strategy of women is almost the opposite of the mens. you can force yourself to go against your instincts but you will just end up in a relationship thats a constant struggle. im sure some couples will succeed but the gross majority will not. nevermind when children enter the equation. in my opinion feminism/equality is a huge illusion.
Yeah I'm male and agree. Some people are reading that as waiting for someone perfect but I don't think thats what you're saying. I know alot of men and women with someone they hate because they're afraid of being alone. Better to be single than with someone you can't stand.
This whole topic makes me so sad cause it's so true. Everyone is so afraid of getting hurt by the other side... and dating apps and all this bullshit really does not help, we all have grass is greener syndrome.
It won’t change, we never work together for anything. Before large families aloud us to be exposed to and understand the opposite sex, but that’s rare now. Tell me truly, how many men have been socialized to children? Hell the education system hates boys and drugs them into obedience and developmental disability. I used to helped troubled kids and tactile education helped so much. Letting them play out the words in a book made them want to read. I even used to help my fellow nursing students by dancing and slapping myself wherever that bone or muscle was. The girls laughed, but more importantly they remembered
27 year old guy here, never dated but I never understood this resentment towards the ladies. People ask me why I'm not dating, I tell em I'm just lazy. It takes effort to do these things. I'm not gonna go around blaming ladies for bettering themselves and having careers and high standards. It makes sense, all power to them.
@@sepulcher8263 Sorta. In the workplace I'm the social person. I'm good at making small talk. Once I'm home though, I only speak to like 3 people outside my family.
The resentment comes from the experience of rejection. If you are not participating then you ain't directly being rejected. A&P cover a lot of the unrealistic expectations there are in the gender war on social media. One example is how much a man needs to make to not be considered "broke". The degree in which the resentment gets expressed is a concern. Resentment is natural, whether it is expressed in a healthy way is another thing.
Nah it's fine let them think that way, people who think this way are not attractive to me personally in any way So I'm fine if she ejects herself, makes no difference to me, hope she's happy
@@torachan23 I understand what you're saying. And you're right for the most part. But sometimes you have to let certain people self-destruct on their own. Because you cannot fix them. Nor will they allow anyone to correct them. Whether it is correct to do so, or not. All one has to do is observe the collective history of all that has taken place within the last two generations to see how well speaking the truth in love works. As I have said before, and I will say again. There is nothing more unwelcome than the truth to those who don't want to hear it.
I think the reason or the discourse surrounding this (I.e. “fuck women, stay single” or “fuck men, stay single”) is because we are all lied to about dating and marriage. So many of us have came into the dating scene or marriage with unrealistic expectations of the person that we want and/or with which has tainted our point of view. Being with a person you love is beautiful, but it’s work nonetheless for the receiver and the person giving. The same way you have to deal with a person and everything they bring, they have to deal with yours as well. It’s not easy, but it’s a beautiful and bloody process kinda like childbirth.
I suggest everyone take a deep dive into the marriage statistics and happiness index. Form my findings I came to conclude that just over 90% of marriages are bad in the long run. Roughly 50% end up in divorce. Roughly 40% end up with one or both cheating, fighting, sexless, General unhappiness etc etc. Just under 10% are happy and successful in the long run. Of that 10% around 75% were both virgin's when they met, add an extra 5% for both religious. That's what I found, check out some stats for yourself. For me it seems like a bad idea to couple up in a marriage at 36 and a couple of notches under my belt.
Feminism brainwashed women into thinking they're equal and better. Society brainwashed men into thinking they need to be good little slaves for them. Females bought what was sold like suckers and ruined relationships and the men started waking up and adapting. Time for the shitshow future, cant wait to see it 🤡🌎
@@CornChippy First, I don’t believe marriage is for everyone. Secondly, stats and data are good (whether they swing in your favor or not), but you can’t just treat your life as a statistic because you’ll end up just self sabotaging or fighting your whole life to prove “everyone” wrong. I personally don’t care for marriage because I’m not religious, and neither do I believe in traditionalist. I more so believe in functionality. So, if being single and fucking is what works for you, then keep doing it.
A comment I found on reddit once and keep in my notes app: I think there is a tendency for women to underaccount for how much emotional labor they generate. Honestly, I'm not inclined to put a whole lot of thought into this question. The question itself so heavily loaded, its terms and premises rooted in a feminist discourse men aren't meaningfully able to participate in, that there really isn't much anyone can say, except to either agree in whole or in part, niggling over minor details. For example, you write: "I've seen this in younger relationships where women will ask their partners to open up to them but their partners won't be willing to put the emotional work in, instead preferring to ignore that stuff." Yes, I know. This belief is all the rage right now. Poor women trying to get their men to open up about their emotions, but they just won't. Too stubborn. Too emotionally underdeveloped. Must be all the male-power fantasy media they consume. Here's an unfortunate reality: Women, in general, have very little patience for men's emotions that don't suit their needs. Our emotions aren't really concerned over, except insofar as they affect women. Literally nobody cares if we're sad, depressed, feeling hopeless, defeated, anxious, confused, uncertain, unsure of ourselves, and so forth unless it affects them, in which case it's usually a problem for them. Nobody wants to hear it. Typically it just upsets them because we are less valuable as emotional outlets for their own feelings, less firm rocks in a turbulent sea, or whatever other purposes our emotions may be recruited for. Men's emotions are not *for us*, as they are constantly being hijacked for someone else's needs. Sometimes these are broad social goals, but mostly these are the needs of a domestic partner. To ensure men remain useful emotional receptacles, we are punished our entire lives for demonstrating emotion beyond a narrow band of acceptability, typically situational: e.g., we're supposed to be courageous when that is what is required of us, angry when that is what is required of us, loving when that is what is required, and so forth. Anything else is routinely, often brutally shamed. Now your instinct here is to come up with something about how it's men who are punishing other men for being emotional (i.e. the ol' "don't be a pussy"). However, this is a myth. First of all, when men call each other "pussies" (qua *coward*) or some variant, it's typically to spur action, not punish emotion. Secondly, men share a great deal more emotional content with each other than women think they do. Other men are almost always the safer choice, because---and here's the secret---women are far more punishing of men's emotions than we are. We may not be crying on each other shoulders, but other men are usually our only avenue for discussing and exploring our own emotions without fear of judgement. This is a lesson we learn many times: *Displaying any emotion except for the one which is demanded of us almost always results in a worsening of the situation, isolation, and shaming.* Displaying *unwanted* emotion is how you get friendzoned by your own girlfriend or wife. Hell, a man's flagging self-confidence is practically permission to cheat. Angry when that isn't what's desired? Enjoy being labeled "toxic." Not angry enough when we are to be someone's striking edge or meat shield? Not a *man* at all. Romantic interest in a woman is unrequited? Creep. A woman's romantic interest is unrequited? He's cold, doesn't know what's best for him, not interested in commitment, boyish, can't express himself, etc. I've written more than I anticipated, and I realize that the preponderance of it doesn't address my initial claim--namely the emotional make-work women generate. The connection is that our emotions are co-opted by women in order to serve their interests. Nobody cares if we prefer the white napkins to the taupe; the point is that we must demonstrate a sufficient level of care and engagement in the question in order to reassure an insecure women of our commitment to the relationship, which in our minds have nothing to do with each other. Our emotions, your needs. Well, sometimes you don't get what you want.
I've noticed the loneliest people love to promote being lonely, underneath the disguise of "empowerment". I genuinely hate the direction society is going.
i’d argue not being codependent on a woman or a man is empowering. some people don’t know how to be alone, and they create this idea they always need to be in a relationship. it’s an addiction problem.
i’d say, no matter what gender you are; if you’ve been conditioned with unhealthy patterns in childhood (like for example people pleasing while completely neglecting your own needs) a marriage actually can be unhealthy depending on who you attract. I think if the relationship has a healthy balance of give and take and both sides are able to self-reflect, it can be more fulfilling than being single. Probably what matters, in the end, is whether you have a connection to other people no matter if it’s a relationship or friendship. Friendships are highly underrated nowadays.
Relationships are complex. I think the issue is that people are more focused on what's in it for them versus what are they bringing to the relationship. It's on both sides, this isn't just a man or woman problem. When I got into a relationship I found there was a lot new territory of conflicts I had never considered like how to argue fairly, problems with in-laws, spending time with friends, career choices, parenting, etc. I think my biggest mental shift came when I read about, instead of looking at what is wrong with my partner, and what is it that I can do to improve the relationship. Initially it was a little one sided with me doing more of the shifting, but my partner saw all the effort I was putting into the relationship and she started coming around and reading some of the things I was reading and introducing me to new readings. Another one that always stuck with me, most problems aren't solvable, but you can always change how to react to the problems. I think people should overall find partners with the same values and goals in life, but from there be flexible, be humble, be willing to learn and think about what they can do to change versus trying to change their partners.
I was in an extremely toxic relationship. I got with this person because I was afraid of being alone. When I got out I stayed single. Now I am in my 40's and I am tired of doing it alone. To old for the "Single ladies" and to single for the "Married with children". The loneliness and depression is real.
No such thing as "too old to be a single lady". The issue is you probally look your age. Sure no one wants someone in their 40's who act like they are over the hill. Just be yourself.
i like being single amd just do situationships no headaches stress free. So i can't relate although in my younger yrs i did a bit but nope i just don't see a need for relationships that is gone. So i can't relate with the men out there who need a partner or want one. If i wanted one ill just go across seas if i ever get to that point. Will not be in the west especially after the things i have seen.
This gender war is getting old as hell. Being alone doesn't necessarily equal lonely. You can be partnered, STILL be lonely, have your needs neglected & that truly sucks more. With hobbies & things to enjoy, the brain doesn't even really go there all that often. There are fleeting moments, sure, BUT no one is screwing with my calm or my safety. When I think about the alternative of being used, mistreated or treated like I'm mildly ret@rded for having a vag, it fades. Would it be nice to have a partner? Sure... HOWEVER, when looking at all the anger & bitter baggage ppl are running around with that they refuse to address, the toxicity & mind games normalized left & right, I'd rather not. I don't hate men... from what I see & hear, they'll be quick to hate & accuse me of this, that & the other for existing. No thank you! If a happy, honest, loyal, mature, self-aware, decent man comes along, cool. If not? Well, I guess I'll die alone... might as well accept it now & find ways to be happy with what I have instead of being bitter about it.
Well said. It's up to the individuals when it comes to making a relationship work. This whole argument is nonsense to me but I find debates like this entertaining so that's why I'm here. Some people are happier without the difficulties that comes with even the best relationships. Ultimately it's a preference because no one is biologically dependant on another
Hear hear. And it gets worse with as generations get younger. There’s no shame in these toxic mindsets anymore. It’s cute and cool. It’s so sad that to be alone means to be at peace
Her original video wasn’t even about gender war, that just how Aba and preach edited it and framed everything. Her video goes a lot deeper and has empathy for what men go through and everyone as a whole. Go watch the original it’s 3 months old and hold up still.
I’m a single childless woman and I’ve been in relationships and have dated (not slept dated) around a lot.. it was always so stressful and I felt like the majority of those men didn’t want anything serious but only to mess around.. my first relationship lasted 4 years till he left for the military and decided to leave me for another woman. The second man I dated said “you’re perfect but I don’t think I can fall in love with you.” The third man just didn’t know what he wanted and I couldn’t live in uncertainty. All the other men just tried to treat me like an item very few actually considered how I felt. I want to try and date again but every time I think about it I just get stressed cause I would have to put myself in situations that I don’t want to be in. I’m sure one day I’ll find a man who will meet me in the middle but right now I’m ok being alone. That’s just me tho and how I feel. I’m alone but I’m not lonely
It's comments like these that remind me that issues with dating are mostly universal experiences and not sex/gender related because I also suffered from meeting someone who just didn't know what they wanted and just left me in uncertainty. Yet again the joke's on me for not realizing the cognitive dissonance...
@@somepenguin508 but you also have to understand how women think. A women who has failed relationships will advertise relationships to women as nothing but a waste of time and failure. Why would a lonely women promote love?
Im gonna be honest, Im a woman who has literally told men we cant have a relationship without sex. Ive dealt with men who are similar to you and it just ended up feeling like a friendship.
What's funny is that people forget that humans are social creatures. Its literally in our DNA..there's a reason solitary confinement is such a brutal form of punishment(which should be illegal)
@@jonathanhendrix2925 You seem to have a degree of almost racist like attitudes toward violence. More like you dislike the idea that someone of a lower class can have more utility and economic movement than you'd like so You dislike such behavior since its something you find threatening toward your status
I care for the elderly and I've seen it all ways... I've cared for married couples who never had children and simply enjoyed each other throughout life. I've cared for women who never married and never had children who were fulfilled. I've cared for widows/widowers who loved their spouse so much that they never remarried. I've cared for married couples who had children and they hate one another lol.
Same, I work at a care home and the one's I've seen re-marry (this is just from what I've seen) are in such toxic relationships that seem fine on the outside. I'd rather be alone than with someone toxic just for the sake of it. If you can maintain and build fullfilling relationships outside of a romantic one it is truly possible to be happy. Some of the elderly make friends at the care home, people they see every day. Some are close with their family / children and friends from younger days. Some are deeply into some hobbies that makes them happy. I think it's more so your middle aged folks that are this type of lonely to seek for another marriage than the elderly, they have reached another point in life.
One side of the spectrum: you are probably more miserable when you are with a man because you got to deal with someone else’s trauma, bad habits, and flaws Other side: this can also apply to men with women, men with men, and women with women. When you are with someone no matter who it is, you will experience some sort of stress because it’s stressful having to deal with other people period. So yeah
@@holographicwing I've had that ex, but it gets worse. Some men won't even bathe...even after putting the controller down long enough to have sex. Then have a tantrum about you giving up on keeping the dishes clean. If I wanted to clean the poo of someone's balls I could work in elder care and skip paying for a second person to live and eat, thanks. What the care giver gets out of this is...not worth the stress. When people act like they are ENTITLED to a person that puts up with a grown adult behaving like a 3 year old...life is less miserable without the large toddler.
The women who claim that they're "strong, independent, and don't need no man" also expect men to approach, take the initiative, ask/pay for dates, and pay the bills 🤣 The epitome of wanting your cake and eating it too.
It's a massive hypocrisy because women complaining about men displaying toxic or hegemonic masculinity are selecting those types of men. You can't expect men to be breadwinners but also want to earn as much as them
It is the fourth year I've been living alone and I gotta say this is a hell of experience. When I broke up with my girlfriend (our relationship was sorta toxic tho and it was my first ever dating/relations experience) all my friends met their girls and they are with them up to this day. Back in the day I was thinking that my homies is all I got but I was so wrong. When people set up their own lives y'all spend much less time chilling, and that hurts. I suffer everyday being alone accompanied by my cat only, I had traumatizing experience and afraid of getting hurt again, I understand that shit and still I crave for another person in my life. That circle is terrible, I end up catching feelings for all my female friends and they ditched me since we are friends and shit. Nobody ever told me that being lonely is so exhausting terrible and sad experience. But on the positive note I got a cool job tho. I don't know I wear this burden on my chest for so long just wanted to speak this out...
start working on your confidence ...hit the gym , pursue a hobby, and start building a brand for yourself. scared in getting into a new relationship is a reciepe for disaster in future relationship, i would seek professional help.
It’s good that you are expressing yourself man, don’t bottle it in. And a word to help you through this time, detach yourself mentally from your last relationship, the next time love comes around it can genuinely be better than the last time. Patience is a virtue, focus on purpose
@@gto11520 thank you for advice! I already have a bunch of hobbies and one turned a full time job, I still tryna seek for something new tho Yeah I understand that being afraid of getting into a new relationship can turn out disastrous experience I've been working on that for a long time even made some improvements
@@innerstand. thank you! I've detached myself from the previous relationship a long time ago but still that shattered my ability to open up unfortunately
We've seen countless of times that people don't exactly know what makes them happy. Sure, it's a persons decision at the end of the day. But being alone at a certain age when you can't find a husband/wife and make kids anymore and then realising that you're unhappy is even worse. I respect your stance of course and I agree with. But some people don't understand that you got a 100 years to figure that out.
@@lookatthis666 that's true. And of course ppl find other ways to live out their happiness. We change over time so what makes you happy at 20 won't always be the case at 40. Takes a lot of self reflection and sometimes therapy to figure ish out
@@rikadew That's very true. However, when you are 40 you won't have the same oppurtunities to make you happy. Some people take too long to work on themselves and find themselves unhappy and not being capable of being happy.
The article itself is stupid, because if there's lonely men, there's most certainly lonely women. Plus as we've constantly have seen there's a lot of women who complain and say "where are all the good men", so I don't want to hear it.
The only other explanation is that women are ok with sharing men, with being treated as only booty calls, & short term flings with a relatively small portion of men. Now if that article comes out & women co-sign it than good for them.
The article said they are more single lonely men than single woman. It didn't say that women are not single it just said that when men are single they have intendancy to be more lonely than single woman.
“Higher dating standards” these days just seems like covertly saying “I’m completely unreasonable and uncompromising.” People are putting each other on blast for every little mistake, irk, miscommunication, or issue however slight. Young people are all “block him” and “ghost her” in a heartbeat, forgetting that they too are imperfect and make mistakes, that it would be ludicrous to expect nothing to ever go wrong in a relationship.
Lol. There are a lot of people who complain about "high standards" and I ask, what are the standards. "My girlfriend wants me to help with cooking and washing dishes." Yes some standards are high but a lot of the time it's just someone complaining about having to pull their weight.
@@eliarevaloI never heard any man complaining about cooking rice and cleaning up 😂😂😂😭😭 where you live on the internet. The problem is a stay at home mom expecting a man who work 40 - 60 hours to come home and cook and clean like. Like women you been home all day and you can’t do that.
Narcissists aren’t diagnosed and are unreported because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. Even if it means saving their marriage/relationship they refuse to seek external help
I'm a single woman and very happy too. But I'm not single because of some dumb feminist ideas like " I'm an independent woman, I don't need no man", I have just always known I would not get married and have kids. Some people are meant to follow a different path in life, and there have always been some men and women who are like this. There can be a lot of good reasons why people choose to stay single, and they also shouldn't be judged for it, because you don't know what has happened in their lives.
That's cool at least you are not insufferable, I have no issues with women who choose to remain single but for some reason most women nowadays seem to have an issue with men, it's weird, imagine being angry at half the population. You are the type that I would not even mind it if you got married, the women who are like I don't need no man should keep away from men, they're SOUR and will being no femininity or love.
@@Penterror I think the exact same thing in reverse. I really like hearing opinions like this, because it dispels my own biases to know that somewhere a man has felt the exact same thing.
@@bromance3496 isn’t it kinda funny how we have this issues in North America in general and the rest of the world have wars, hunger, poverty and are just trying to survive and we take all that for granted and fight about this issues.
I wouldn’t trade my husband for all the fortunes in the world. I became the best version of a woman I could ever be all because of him. He completes me and his presence is very very much needed and appreciated.
I'm 52, no kids, never married, and am definitely more emotionally stable and content with my life than my married counterparts whose kids ignore them and husbands cheating blah blah blah... They come to my place for the serenity, and cry at my kitchen table while I sip my tea and thank fuck I never married. PSA: Don't mistake solitude for loneliness. It's not even close to the same thing. The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in a relationship.
The reality of the matter is, there are pros and cons to every lifestyle, it's just not socially acceptable to say while married that your husband is your problem or to say that you regret having children.
You didn’t have the luck to have a great man . Not all married people are miserable like your friends or family members. They got bad partner or they destroy their own relationship with the bad attitude and decisions. I know and im around very happy couple and I am also very happy in my marriage. Hell no, I dont want to be single… nope nope nope. I was single, im married now… i know the difference and I choose “marriage”😊. Good for you if you are happy
Unless you remained celibate for decades, you're not an exception. Some women pride themselves for not "needing men" while having dates stay at their homes and cuddle with them. The fact is, having a family is a long term investment, I see many women being fed up with their children and wishing for time alone when they are young, and then once everyone become older and children leave the house, these women start complaining that they don't call or visit enough. 52 years old is still an active age, you can remain at home by yourself but you know that if you want, you can still go out there and travel, meet new active people, date, host your friends and extended family, etc. But what will happen when you'll get way older ? When you won't be physically fit to hang out in clubs and events, when your friends and family will be as tired and incapacitated as you to visit, when you'll be really sick and no one will be fully available to be by your side for an extended period of time ? I'm not saying people should absolutely get married and have children, there are people who are better off without, but solitude is only attractive when we know we can exit from it anytime we want.
I trully believe i dated a covert narcissist before and the therapist we went to for one session peeped it straight away BUT looking into it i was like wait 🤔 "what sort of person do they go for?" it was AMAZING! I was able to delve into my MANY shortcomings, trauma and the role I played in sustaining that relationship. I was a willing participant in that mess. It taught me a lot!!!!!
@@lowlowseesee thank you. It's easy to think your a victim initially but we to look at the whole picture. We all have a part to play. If we find out the the why we can heal move on and stop doing it or at least be aware and be more careful
The thing people forget about studies is that literally anyone can do them... that's why sophomore students in research focused fields usually start years in preparation for their doctorates and what have you. The key to these studies is peer review. One source, even if it's legitimate, doesn't make it a fact, it needs to be supported by the gamut of related fields. It absolutely drives me insane when people become married to one off studies.
@@TomikaKelly I guess I'll just toss out my doctorate. On a serious note, show me what you've done. Put your money where your mouth is. Kind of interesting how in my experience psychologists talk to biologists and neurologists, etc, to focus their studies...but apparently we're all doing it wrong, so show me how to do it right.
I honestly think people way over exaggerate the misery of being single. It’s really not that bad y’all. I understand a loving relationship can make people very happy but being single also isn’t going to lead to a miserable existence. We can find ways to be happy and content regardless of our relationship status.
People who are really that miserable as a single person need to figure out why that is and love themselves more. It's all based on your mindset and outlook on life. Plus it makes you desperate and no one likes to date desperate people. Being single is really not a death sentence. Also, being single currently doesn't mean you're going to die alone? You can still find someone, but still appreciate what you already have instead of looking for it in a partner. Basically what I'm saying is that having a desire for romance and company is completely normal, we're social creatures after all. But also try to be comfortable and happy on your own and don't look for another person to complete you. You are complete in yourself and want to be with someone who's also complete on their own.
I'm physically disabled and I know "Disability" is a big taboo. I never had a serious relationship all throughout high school, now I'm pushing my twenties. Women want the picture perfect guy who is physically able and fit all your impossible standards. I know how it is to have people look at you funny. I still don't see myself dating anywhere near future We're all broken girls, even you. I've been living on my own in my apartment for years. As strong willed as I am, being on your own, by yourself, it's a lonely ass world people. There will be people who die alone cause we have to be so judgemental towards others.
Listen I used to agree with you. But then I saw a picture of a dude who was nothing but a head and torso getting married. Are there a lot of shallow people out here. Yes. But you only need to find one that isnt.
I'm in the same boat, physical wise. Loooots of health problems, often need help with physical care when I get flares. Realistically, who would want me as a partner? (especially since I'm probably ace on top of it, so they wouldn't even be getting any sexy time). At least I have a big family. Could be worse
I remember in my teens and my 20s I was blinded by this entire “f men, I can do the same thing they do, I don’t need a man etc..” the minute I met my husband that went out of the window… 😂😂😂😂😂 I couldn’t wait for him to put a ring on it, in addition the thought of being one day mother to a boy and having him live in a society where they are not valued and told “they are not needed, all men are sh t,” it really made me reflect on the bs agenda being pushed. We are all having a human experience and both men and women need each other. We are different, we think different but we compliment each other as we should.
If you are one day mother to a girl remember that being mother to a girl and having her live in a society where she not valued and told her only value is cooking and bearing offspring
@@jonbanks653 the value of a woman is way more than that...and im very sorry for you if the men in your life have given you that impression, this is quiet sad
The PEW study isn't the burn she thinks it is. The pew study isn't suggesting men do worse without women, it's saying men doing worse don't get women. Basically if you want a partner as a man the best route is to make more money. Makes women seem shallow more than anything else.
You are so right. She is falling into the trap of "correlation is causation" believing that being with women _causes_ men to be better off. In reality there is probably a skew in the data because women tend to gravitate towards men who are already well off. (There are exceptions of course for couples who marry young and dumb and grow more well off together.)
That's not shallow. Women bear children. Children require resources. That's logic. Men tend to care more about looks than anything else, that's shallow.
I think you guys need to pull your socks up. Its not the first time I've heard someone say you guys misrepresented them and took them out of context just to emphasize your point.
Tbh being a single man in my opinion is fun as hell cause I don’t got to worry about someone putting me in stress over their insecurities and I get to do what the hell I want.
Still remember slipping in the bathroom and hitting my back. I lay on the floor thinking that if I hurt my spine I'd die here all alone because my phone was next to my bed. Honestly being alone can be terrifying at times, we all need someone there to support us through the ups and downs of life. Thinking you'll be happy by yourself is just idiotic. As we all age it becomes more and more apparent how important it is to have a bit of support.
Completely agree. As someone who spends a lot of his time alone. It’s not great but it’s not terrible. I just except the possibility that despite trying to make genuine connections with not just women but people in general the only person I’ll ever truly have is me.
That can happen if you are married too... spouse is in business trip, and the kids are out of the house. My dad died alone surrounded by machines and he was married with kids and grandkids... yet still the dying alone.
Sigh this is so depressing 🤣 people can be sad in the WRONG relationship. People need people, while I’m happily single, I would prefer to have a partner I can relate to and am compatible with. We gotta do better.
Preach, the reason why a lonely person keeps saying that they are good are because they are trying to convince themselves. The thing is, what's the alternative? Accept that you're miserable? Go down the drain and become a shell ? Who'd want you then ? I'm good alone, but it would be nice to have someone is the best we lonely people have.
Pretty much. Plus men have pretty low standards universally. A lot of women fit. In your same position a woman wouldn't date the women most dudes date, if not only for financial reasons.
@@christineperez7562 One lie feminism preaches is that men are the pigs with muh "unrealistic standards." They piss and moan so much about this and think they are actually the victims but for fact being a man in the dating world, the standards for you are higher..but none of my feminist professors at my university will ever say this.
“Women benefit being alone” lol. I’d like to say other studies done would disagree with this. Not only that but a lot of women that are alone that regret this decision.
Can you list the study names rather than provide links, as they often cause the comment to be shadow banned. Just so the replier here can get his questions answered. Also I assume it’s just a general rule of thumb that humans need one another because we’re tribal and social beings, of course exceptions apply.
I feel like these studies substitute being more stressed with happiness. Like as a dad am I more stressed now than before I was a dad sure. But I'm way happier now.
Actually a lot of woman who is alone doesn't regret their decision unless they have a child. Also, woman that are in relationship have short life than woman who isn't in a relationship, and men who is in a relationship has long life the men who isn't in a relationship.
Ultimately, for both men and women, just know whatever decision you do make for whatever life you want to live, you're the one that has to live with it. Be honest with yourself and you'll probably be at more peace with your decision later down the line whether you chose to seek a relationship or live in solitude. Know your nature, know yourself, and decide what works for you. Pretty simple. Being an introvert who's always enjoyed solitude, I was pretty indifferent about whether I was with someone or not. Still am. Someone just so happened to find me that respects my space and who I am and over time, I don't think I could be happier with anyone else. If she were to leave, it's okay - I'd wish her well. I've never made my happiness anyone else's responsibility or reliant on anything//anyone outside of myself. I accept the outcomes of my decisions and ultimately that's what puts me at peace.
i’m 25. maybe I got red pilled at some point, but i’ve found i’m happier alone than having to deal with a relationship in this day and age. the expectations are insane and the competition is just as intense. it adds so much stress to my life. i’d rather not play
I redpilled myself without the help of the internet, being sorrounded by women who hit themselves against walls with a clear doorway irritated me to no end as a young adult.
That's kinda where I'm at now at 26. I dont have any animosity toward women, and I do want someone sometimes. But then I watch stuff like this or come across drama from some other couple irl and then just think "nah I'm good". Honestly not sure what to do.
@@EarlHollander first fuck off, secondly, i do plan to get a woman in the future but on my terms, as my finances arent family ready. Im not intrested in the black pill as i find it counter productive.
My thing is, why even try to convince the women who say "I don't need a man, I'm better off without them!" If they think like that. Would you want someone who hates the opposite sex and thinks all men are 🗑? Same with women. Do you want to date a guy who only values you if you're not "used up"? I say let these people wave their red flags high. The keepers don't think in absolutes.
@skull the guy I like has openly admitted to being with around 70 women. It's not a plus to me but it's not a minus either. He seems more selective now. We're all human and people can get tired of certain lifestyles. STDs can be tested for and you go from there. Thanks for calling me a c*nt though, lol. You sound like a real winner.
@skull not everyone cares about body count like you do. Clearly you're the only one with a non functioning brain if you're just going to assume I have a double standard without knowing me at all whatsoever. You get an F- for logic brother 👎
What's wrong with wanting a woman who isn't promiscuous. Don't take it personally (since you can't un-fk yourself). Guys have a simple preference While the women actually hate them. It's a wacky comparison. If you engage in hookup culture It's up to you to pay the consequences. No men of value take promiscuous women seriously (including born again virgins)
“When you have information that confirms a truth that’s convenient for you or aligns with your world views you just run with it” been trying to not do this for so long…
Don't be so hard on yourself for it. Everyone does it constantly. To fully assess every new idea, piece of information, or conversation that comes our way is a limitless pursuit. There's a balance to it all. Learn to recognize when you do it & accept that it might be complete horseshit til you do some digging & thinking.
I truly cannot understand people who don't learn from toxic encounters. Back in my teens I was quite toxic. My then best friend told me that she hates my behavior. I got better at managing it. It's not like I was perfect, but I managed it better after a while. My intention wasn't to hurt her. However I still did it, but I didn't realize it. Honestly, I really chuckled and felt called out when Aba said "Every women dated a narcisisst". That was true for me too, he saw it like that too, lol.. But in all honesty, I also contributed to a lot of toxicity. I saw the red flags before the relationship even started, but I somehow thought that "He would change".. Which is absolutely fucking stupid. Going into a relationship wanting someone to change? Why tf did you even start a relationship with this person to begin with then? If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. Learned the hard lesson though, lmao. But it gave me a valuable lesson and I'm actually thankful for that. It showed me my boundaries. When I got cheated on it was absolutely difficult to deal with, but 2 years later I'm extremely glad it happened. If it wasn't for this relationship, who knows when I had learned this lesson? Now I'm engaged to a loving partner. We discuss so much stuff. I have never once insulted my fiance during an argument (I used to do that a lot in my past relationship because I was extremely frustrated due to not feeling heard). After we argue, we try to figure out why the argument happened. Communication (on both sides) is so damn important. If I didn't have the toxic relationship, I probably wouldn't have started dating my now fiance. I understand feeling addicted to toxic relationships.. but in the long run, nothing is better than a healthy relationship. Feeling safe and valued is so good.
If lonely, single men are on the rise, wouldn’t that mean there’s even more lonely, single women? Hook ups don’t mean you aren’t lonely. They mean you aren’t alone.
@@malrofo yeah, but they aren’t together. Sharing (even unknowingly) means that time also has to be shared. Can’t come over because he’s with the other/main. Now she’s sitting over there lonely.
Speaking in the part where she speaks on the rise of lonely men, I think a large part of why this seems so appealing to women is because it makes it seem less like they don’t play a hand in how they contributed to this issue. Like the video Courtney Ryan did highlighted just a sample of all the women who expect this “high value man” to take care of them so they can live life easy, and yet there are many young women falling for the glamour of the luxury folks show off on social media. It’s not even just a feminism thing, I think it’s a problem of wanting something but not wanting to put in the work.
Well its either rejoice that men are lonely or turn their hatred toward each other for having to compete for a small % of men, & get used in the process. Women who are unattractive or could not hold onto or get the guy they wanted have always been the loudest voices for feminism. Case in point: the woman in this video.
Khadija dropped a response video to this, figured I'd duplicate my comment: I watch both channels. I get both sides. The problem is in the investment of the narratives (wether/not women are better off) and not the goal (unite the sexes). If the gendersphere cared about the unity part we'd see more collaborative discussion than we do. I think both Aba and Khadija are pretty thoughtful in their respective perspectives, but the barrier of bias is so high in the audience we can't see the common ground. Truth is, they're both making good points and might actually agree on some parts but she's focused on Aba's cis/het generalizations and Aba is focused on tearing down a narrative by any means.
Actually seeing the audience response is so interesting. Just the different communication styles. Aba & Preach commentors are very straightforward about their feelings about her video and her followers use language and acronyms that I literally don't know what they mean in their response to A&P video.
@@Aaron-kj8dv case and point of that aba and preach bias. Straightforward and being ignorant of terms that better explain parts of the issue aren’t inherently better. I think they’re as important as each other and the bias and ego on ur side and on theirs is what the original commenter probably means
I would contend that it also is to do with trying to marry feminist discourse as a paradigm upon all societal aspects rather than the larger historical/sociological and political systemic level. The dissemination of these ideas in the social realm. The real life stuff that cishet men and women actually do and generations have grown up accepting. Is something aba and preach have a paradigm focused on of which expands their narrative based on material dating/gender political trends.
When I was younger, when I would start dating girls, we'd both be pretty excited about it, but we could take it or leave it to be honest. HOWEVER, the past couple of years, Every time I start dating a new young woman, I swear it's like we can both feel a huge relief that we found each other in this cesspool of lonely people who don't know how to dig their way out. I have friends who feel like they're in a warzone and can't even open themselves up to a conversation with a woman. It sucks.
I've been single for 4 years. I've gone out with guys and I've actively chosen to not bother at all with anyone. It is awesome. Sometimes it fucking sucks. But I know it is a choice I made and it is my responsibility to live with it. Never once do I delude myself into thinking 'being single is a treat!'. Why are people afraid of admitting that to themselves? Maybe the reason is because it's not really their decision after all. Also, why does either being single or taken have to be the end all and be all. Neither is perfect at all times.
Amen. You have a well grounded perspective. I think inherently we all know deep down that humans are social animals. When you look at what solitary confinement does to the mind, it's no shocker that a healthy relationship is always beneficial to us & permanent solitude leads to despair.
Great take. I don’t think anybody wants to be single or alone if they really had a choice, but sometimes finding the right person to be with and making things work isn’t that simple or easy, and that’s just life. Sometimes being single and lonely is better than being with somebody who you don’t really want to invest in or isn’t actually right for you. It is what it is, and sometimes it means you need to reflect on what you’re doing to keep yourself alone but it can also often just be luck. It’s not a death sentence to be alone, either.
Some..... mmmhmm yeah Some....Okay who are you trying to fool yourself? How long has women don't take accountability been a Stereotype? Mhmmm The bible has something to mention about that so over 8k in years and here we are with stats, figures, economic structures and clear obvious aspect about our culture and just recently coming out of the amber herd trials and your comment is SOME women nah Nah I can't believe you didn't do the SOME women thing like all the other Sister hood girls you all say the same Crap at the Same time Believe women not ALL women Some yeah yeah we herd your bs before
Feel like they ain't even watch the whole video I watched her whole video a long time ago its like some dudes just hear what they want to hear so they can start talking again despite not having the full picture.
Facts, im a firm believer all of this doubling down on single life is just people coping. That vast majority of my happiness stems from my wife and kids
@inherblues7261 because at the end of the day hoping from person to person is empty. It works fine when ur younger, but eventually that feeling fades for the vast majority of people. Wanting someone by ur side for the long haul just comes with age. Even the most free spirited people will have a point where they want something more
Okay, as a 31 year old unmarried, without kids and not looking to be in a relationship, I can agree that I'm very happy alone, BUT, it not because I'm like: " I don't need a man" " I'm an independent woman 🙄" or feminist shit. It's because I'm genuinely not a people person, I've tried so many times to be in a relationship where I can live with someone or living separately but to be honest I couldn't do it, and I'm fully aware that is a me issue. I do admit I get lonely sometimes, I just go out for a bit have fun and comeback home. There are some people that enjoy being alone, I'm one of them, but I will never say it's because I don't need a man or a partner in general. And I wouldn't say I'm doing better by myself, there are so many expenses that I have to cover alone and I realize it could be a huge weight off my shoulders with someone else but, I've tried...and realized I can't live with another person. Just saying it depends on the person 🤷
@@tobiaslawrence8928 I'm the same. As a guy truthfully once I get home I don't wanna be bothered by no one, if people ask me to hang out I do it without question and after that I want to be alone. Plus I've seen too many men and who who at this point are desperate to be in a relationship, like they can't handle being alone. I don't get it personally.
I just think ppl just haven't found the right person. I'm cool with anyone an a very chill person that like romantic themes to please a person but woman doesn't find me attractive or I'm not really into certain woman on how they act.
Omg thank you for mentioning the whole narcissism bit. So many women use this word all the time, I’m a woman myself. But that word has been overused by my kind. Not everyone is a narcissist. It’s kind of lost its meaning.
I didn’t find the love of my life until I was almost 40. Dated plenty of women and they just didn’t fit for the long term. We just have to go through the process of learning ourselves. But once you find the person who matches your energy perfectly you then realise how much you really needed them. But you both have to reach the stage where you’re ready to grow WITH them…but that growth is then accelerated due to the support of someone who truly has your best interest at heart at all times. It’s possible.
I’m so happy that someone said this! I’m 21 and I really wish that more people in this generation thought this way. I’m truly happy being celibate and single while I work on my growth and career at THIS point in my life! Because I grew up in a traumatic household, I know that I have to do the work to understand and love myself before I bring a man into the picture. UNLESS we are willing to grow together! Happiness is ever changing as we age and grow so it will look so drastically different throughout life. Dating can be fun but right now happiness looks like self love, communication, growth, and understanding. I’m confident I’ll find someone I’m compatible for and I’ll be equipped to love endlessly😊 for now I’ll just be loving me!
I’m 38. Never married. No kids. Been in serious relationships. I’m single. What Preach was saying is spot on. Def get that “lonely” feeling sitting at my house By myself. I make $200,000 a year. I worked my ass off to get where I’m at. But for what…what’s the point if you don’t have anyone to share it with.
Wait till u find the wrong person
If your a man in the US making over 70k and you single it's cause you choose to be. Women have flashlights on at 3 pm looking for you, trust me
As appose to getting married with kids and losing it all because she felt like it. That's arguably worse (for a guy) that not marrying/hooking up.
Edit: At least in the west
Men make the world but women make the world go around.
@@reffa2858 Mother Nature says otherwise
I finally found my forever person in my early 30's. We are having our first child and I couldn't be happier! Everyone that has known me says "you seem happier than ever", and they're right! I went through my, "I don't need a man" stage and always had a chip on my shoulder. I not only need my man, I want him! Men and women complete each other, it's not happenstance.
This!!!!
W
Glad you're out of that phase and achieved happiness.
Pin of W
Congrats, you’re one of the pins on this channel with a positive connotation 😅
Looking at its complexity, most people would rather be alone than with the wrong person. The wrong person can ruin your happiness, finances & overall outcome. Don’t get married to JUST be married.
I agree with this.. As much as it can definitely suck to be alone, it is far worse and even more lonely to be stuck with the wrong person.
Right on the money.
Exactly
Thank you that's where the term comes from I can do bad by myself. It's not that you don't want anyone it's just you'd be better off alone than in a shitty and toxic relationship.
Problem is females are unrealistic about who the 'wrong' person is.
We got 'average at best' bchs chasing way higher than they're worth, telling guys in their range they're 'wrong' 😂
Shoutout RIP to KS
If you're in a toxic relationship, then it's true that you'll probably be happier single. Don't assume that a relationship will make you happier just because it's a relationship. I was thirty and still single, and I was by and large ok-ish with it and definitely enjoyed some of the perks - and I was very glad to not be going through a train wreck divorce like some of my friends were. But still, when I hit my early thirties, I found a good man and got married. And I am far happier now.
Yeah that's the key, it's understanding yourself and working through your faults before you start dating
It makes sense. Yet in this society, they have have made loving yourself so much more complicated than it has to be. Finding yourself now means putting yourself in some specific box and trying to be different just to be different. Earlier generations were more practical and understood duty was a part relationships. To love one's self, the first thing one has to accept is the reality of the things you don't have control over such as what you are biologically and where you came from. Sadly we live in a society where delusion is king and most of those in this culture want to be special without doing anything to be special. This is wreaking havoc on relationships as a whole and not making it easier for the young ones with common sense. It's become so much about "I" less about "we" when relationships are of any concern these days. You do have to love yourself in order to learn to love someone else anyway. As has been stated another way, two half people don't make a whole person in a relationship. The disfunction will still be there.
When you stop being "happy" you'll divorce his ass and take all his shit with you.
People who marry for "happiness" always destroy the marriage eventually.
Marriage is a duty like being a parent, not entertainment.
@@TURBOBEATZZZ That's a sad view. I wish your life hadn't led you to that conclusion. May you find what you're looking for.
@Carla Hemeon as a 50 year old married father of 5 supporting the entire family as an engineer I know exactly what I'm talking about. I know female nature to near perfection. You'll see.
We are better of without UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.
Standards should be raised for relationships, we all need loving, communicating, supportive partners.
EXACTLY. Id rather be in a good relationship than alone…but I’d rather be alone than in an abusive relationship
The point everyone missed (Including me💀)
... and that was Khadija's video ... they edited it to seem one note.
👏👏👏
Reasonable standards should be raised. I agree completely with your stance, but the problem is that people aren't often capable to decide whether they are in an unhealthy relationship. Theory doesn't always match practice. So when you raise your standards, make sure that they are standards that actually matter in a relationship and not what your ideal partner should look/be like.
I'm a healthcare worker, and during the pandemic it was so stressful and traumatizing losing so many patients, to a point we were packing 4 dead bodies in one day. Every time I came home from work, my husband gave me hugs and cuddled with me for hours while watching my favorite movie to cheer me up. It's really wonderful to have someone to come home to that loves you unconditionally. I can't imagine why someone would rather be alone. Growing old is very lonely, trust me, I've seen people die alone cuase they have no one, it's very sad.
better than having family vulture over your corpse and estate. try family law, you’ll understand why every lawyer is a rampant alcoholic and keeps a loaded gun in their drawer. i’d rather die alone, on my terms than have to deal with other people.
Because men don't get unconditional love? That must be nice for y'all, but I'm still trying to see what the benefits are for men to get into relationships.
❤
Some people have very good reasons for choosing to stay single, just because you can't understand it does not make it wrong.
If you can't be alone then you aren't mentally strong enough
You can be married, with children, and still be lonely. This should really be a broader conversation around community and intimacy.
exactly
If you cant be happy alone theres more going on you havent addressed
That's sounds like a you problem.
@@curtishancock432 this sound passive aggressive as hell lol
@@FlutterSwag she has a point. We're evolved for communal living, and we're very atomized right now. It works for some but it's an unrealistic expectation for all of us to be ok with being alone. It's not the default.
I had a quick conversation with my acupuncturist about this today. She asked what was wrong with being single. I get the impression she is fine with it. Of course, it's different for everyone, but for me, I want a partner (friend, teammate, confidant, lover, protector...) to share my life with. I also love the freedom to move with no conversation. I'd gladly get over the latter when he appears in my life though. For now, it is what it is and I thank God that I think for myself. I don't buy into groupthink. Most of these "relationship/life coaches/gurus" are inexperienced and don't know their ass from a hole in the ground imo. 🤷🏾♀️
ah yes moving with no conversation, never heard it put that way but thats me. one of the main reasons im alone all the time lol
Better go find that man. He ain’t gonna appear at you door
You have to put in the work to get your man manifesting is BS. ~ You gotta get up, get out, and get something~ Outkast
That's the impression we give but we always say the good stuff out loud and keep what bothers us to ourselves.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm one of those guys that say "I'm good alone." I isolate myself a lot, and I'm recognizing that it actually has a damaging effect mentally because you're just alone with your own thoughts all the time. Simultaneously though, I'm deathly afraid of getting into a relationship because I just feel inherently inadequate as a person. If that makes sense.
You’ll have to get over that if you want a partner. It’s tough but you’ll just have to do it.
Start small, build yourself up physically and mentally, become more social and develop people skills. Prioritise your well being as well.
All the best
@Laci Johnson the thing is, I don't even particularly want a partner. The commitment aspect of it scares the shit out of me. I've never hankered a relationship. Like preach said: "would be nice" but I'm just the type that isn't crazy to get in one.
Working on myself is a must though.
@Ana light I think you're exactly right. I'm not a dude who's really attracted to romantically intimate relationships. I've never really sought after getting a girlfriend for that exact reason. I don't find the idea of having a girlfriend to be useless though because it is quite alluring to have a significant other you could confide in.
That mental damage isn't from you being alone, you have deeper issues that you need to work on.
@The Eze Nri Arinze maybe so, I definitely do have issues. Because I actually prefer being alone. Because I just inherently feel like a burden, I also just dislike socializing in general.
My daughter asked me, what lesson have you learned, in my 54yrs on this earth. This is what I said.
"People are always in the pursuit of Happiness, happiness is a feeling. Feelings don't last, feelings go as quick as they came, sadness is a feeling also, sadness comes and goes. What we all should be in search of is Contentment, and so when happiness comes we can enjoy it and live in the happiness. Same goes for sadness, when it comes, we can deal with it a wee bit better. Stop chasing a feeling"
That's the best lesson to learn from my first 54yrs on this earth, wonder what my second lesson will be , in the next half.
Thank you 🙏🏽 this is really good advice.
Spoken like a true Sensei 🙏🦾
I sing off the same hymn sheet, sweetheart 😉👌
@@mrsmart5221
Thank you 😊💜
@@stephanybeltran7083
Thank you 😊
Also wtf is a "happiness expert"
My question exactly 😂
Yeah happiness isn't easy to measure. I'm sure there are people who like drinking themselves to death and are happy and there are workaholics that are happy.
An expert who's actually a apprentice on something that can't be measured because happiness starts within yourself
The same as a therapist the same as the people who do all other stats that men use
It's a educated retard
It’s not about simply being married. It’s about being married to the person who is right for you.
empty words, no substance.
what's the right man?? Unicorn!! With so much option, most of you feel men are just tools!! Let these slaves do the dirty jobs while most of us can sit in cozy air conditioned rooms and "work" which doesn't involve in maintaining the infrastructure but we can dictate everything cause we don't really have to do any real hard labor cause slaves will always Symp...
@@appollo1826 she is right. Your comment describe yourself and your comment itself.
Agreed. Better to be alone than with the wrong partner. The problem though is that what most people choose to value as the right partner tends to focus on externals rather than qualities that complement you and the qualities you bring to the table as well. The right partner is not always the richest or the most physically attractive. For me, the right partner is the man I married because he is steady, thoughtful, hard-working, and does what is right rather than just what is profitable. He has a strong character and encourages me to be the best version of myself and he calms me down when my emotional stability is thrown off by externals. In turn, I give him room to express himself more directly, to treat him with appreciation and respect, and to encourage him when he isn't sure about himself. I know that any man less taciturn and sober would not have either the patience or the temperament to handle my energy or upbringing. And any other women less direct or observant would devalue a man and see him as weak because he is quiet and contemplative. We don't have a lot of money but we are on the same page with our resources and we live comfortably enough. And we have a beautiful little boy and we have love in our home of lasting duration and endurance so long as we keep walking together and helping build qualities as a team.
@@appollo1826 The hell? What more substance are you even looking for?
Alright, I'm 24 years old. Got into the whole feminism discourse when I was 16, obviously. When I hit 22, I had a huge shift in the way I see the world. I'm watching articles come out of women saying that Cosmopolitan was lying to women back in the 70s! I'm currently not in a relationship, and I believe in, shocker, partnership and monogamy. I want kids in the future too. But I'm not going to put off looking for a partner because "muh career". At the end of the day, no boss, no corporation, no paycheck is going to be on your deathbed next to you. Hopefully your family will be. It's hard for that to happen when you don't have one.
Edit: looks like I triggered some folks in the comments lmao so let me clear some shit up.
(1) Yes I still want women to have rights. Duh.
(2) Not every woman will get married, that’s fine. Not every marriage will result in children. That’s also fine.
(3) I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. But it is *my* choice to want to pursue a husband to have children with. My dad left when I was a young teen. I don’t want to deprive my kids of a father, so I have made the *personal decision* not to pursue women even though I’m attracted to them.
(4) Women can have jobs and a family. Same way men can have jobs and a family. But when you pursue a *career* , your family is part of the sacrifice. Men do it all the time - work long hours and come home to spend an hour with the kids, and we hear stories of how kids feel neglected. It’s the *same* when mom does it, but for some reason, we empower her for doing so these days. I’ll still work, because I want to. But I won’t be abandoning my future children to daycares from the moment they’re born because I prefer working. Children deserve present parents.
(5) Some of y’all are so butthurt in the comments that you don’t realize that yes, there *is* a propaganda to tell young women that they don’t need a man. Instead, they should be spending money. Literally. Buy clothes, buy drinks, buy vacations, buy nice cars, you name it. And it’s not like those things are bad. But they don’t want to empower you. They want to empower you to spend money on their products.
(6) I’m no longer a feminist by 4th-wave feminism standards. If you call yourself a feminist that is up to you and you can do what you want. But don’t be out here avoiding accountability.
I’m glad u woke up
good for you making a choice about that. it's a pretty shitty catch 22
based
And just like Cosmopolitan was lying, how do we know if these articles or "findings" aren't lying as well? What proof do they have and are they doing it with integrity?
Agreed sister! I luckily never got too much into feminism.
I believe in the happiness a great Partner and future children can give me rather then more money.
I can work but I will always prioritize Family
Every woman's ex is a narcissist and every man's ex was "crazy". People make themselves the victim all the time in retrospect.
Like children almost
Most women are lying. Most men are not.
Dude what you said is true. I can't 😢
Nah, that's a fallacy! Only women play the 'victim card' on almost every societal issue. Very few men have had a crazy ex gf experience, most men avoid those kind of girls.
Its crazy the strange looks I got when I said I don't hate my ex. He's a good guy, we were just incompatible. We ran into each other a year later and he admitted he got the same reaction about me.
Truth is neither side wants to admit that we need each other, both feminism and the "manosphere" have gone too far to the point we're basically hating each other rather than coming together as a unit. You have toxic men and you have toxic women, both sides need to stop generalizing genders as a whole.
I used to consume alot of red pill content from different creators and it put me in a really dark place. I literally felt bitter and resentful towards all women to the point I didn't even want to talk to or approach any. It made me extremely lonely and unhappy.
Once I started clicking "do not recommend" and "not interested" on all these red pill creators, it's really helped improve my mindset and self esteem.
In happy you were able to achieve balance!
I would argue that, though there are definitely parts of the manosphere that are misogynistic, a lot of it is necessary. Like fresh and fit are both clowns but all those chicks they bring on should be avoided like the plague. That's information that is needed for young men. Everything else though I agree.
Men never say they don't need women lol. They say w0men are hoes and entitled
I completely agree 👍 whilst they do have some valid points in manosphere, sadly the energy is not from a good place but anger, range and contempt. I did the same, unsubscribed, no recommendation either. I felt much better but then I went to the Bible which healed and delivered me from ideology of feminism I didn't even know I had subscribed to. Got a new and good relationship with my Dad now and learning to respect men. 🙏
The manosphere didn’t take anything too far, the manosphere is trynna help man and women. Feminism is the only thing trynna get us to hate each other
I'm a single guy with a good career and I'm happy as can be. I can buy what I want and travel whenever I want with nothing to really stop me or hold me down. Sure, it is a bit lonely because I think it's human nature to want companionship. It is nice to have someone to share experiences with outside of platonic friendships. However, dating over 30 has been really weird. I think a lot of people are just so set in their ways and have way too many expectations by this age. Especially since I am not looking for someone to support me, my approach to dating is just finding someone I can get along with well and have similar interests. On the other side of this, women I go on dates with all feel like they're just looking for a personal ATM and it's so obvious most of the time. Some can't even bother to hide their disinterest, especially the ones that want want to free dinner.
Amen
Fuck young hoes G🤟🏿
Date younger women bro.
Don't date women over 30.
Women in their 20s make for better partners.
"Men and women have to bridge this gap, because we only have each other." This right here. We really do need each other, cause we all bring something to the table.
"We will make multiple videos whining about women who won't lower their standards and aren't miserable without men while largley ignoring MGTOW and Red/Black-Pill males saying the same thing".
@@ng38477 they literally make videos about the mgtows and red pulled weirdos all the time you clearly don't watch aba and preach enough if you don't think they criticize equally
@@ng38477 And you don't think these unwanted women talking about they need a 7'2 9 figure earner is coping with the fact they aren't that wanted?
@skull sound argument
The thing with me is that I would rather be lonely than be with someone who makes me miserable. I would LOVE to be in a healthy relationship, but I’m not sacrificing my sanity to be with anybody, which is why I’m single. Not lonely, but single. It takes time to find the right person, and I’m okay with that 🙂
exactly
I promise you, it happen for you. It happened for me and I'll be getting married in a few months. I never thought I see the day. You got patience and God will bless you ☝️
Exactly! I was in a horrible relationship before I found my husband. I had to rethink my whole life. Rebuild my confidence and self love. It took me two years to find myself.
Pfft, okay.
5:11 "The same way Redpill people say a bunch of that stuff to these young men and it's empowering to them... this is the other side of the delusion" - Aba
No, Aba, the RP is advocating the truth, for men to get their money up as a factor to gain leverage and advantage in dating, to have options in getting girls (No delusions here, only facts).
The Feminist hate group however, is brainwashing women to get their money up so they don't need men to be happy, at the end of the day made women more miserable (That's the delusion).
Everyone wants fulfilling connection, but not everyone finds it. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically equate to happiness. Being alone doesn't automatically equate to misery. Men are not disposable just because they are men, and women do have needs but can find ways to have those needs fulfilled if she is unable to find the right man.
I'm tired of these debates. Everyone should just go to therapy and figure out how to make the most out of their own situations.
This comment made the most sense!!! Thank you!
therapy is not going to help trust me
This is the best response I've seen so far. I'm honestly tired of this whole debate. Just work on yourself. As someone once said, "It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else." If you are miserable with yourself a relationship is not gonna make you happy. Just do whatever works for you and leave other people to their own choices.
I love this
I couldn't agree more with this original post. That it is about working on the self, working through and understanding past traumas, while finding or having the partner sharing similar values and mindset in order to have a (healthy) relationship.
I got mommy issues. My mother raised me to be the perfect bait for narcissist people, so I worked on myself. If everyone did more introspective thinking, then we would be able to attract better quality people. Then the actual terrible people that are left can just be miserable together, win win.
I wouldn't say I have mommy issues but I'm the same. Bait is the perfect word for it, it's like if a momma zebra broke her child's legs so the Lions would eat him instead. It took years to kind of see reality and make the changes and build the self esteem to stand up for myself.
I saw my grandma the other day and she lives alone and it made me so sad. I asked her “Grandma, how are you?” And she goes, “Im done….” I obviously was like wym? She goes “Im done. I just am here…. Doing nothing. Waiting for other ppl to come. Im done. Im ready to go”. She is just completely lonely. Loneliness is very intense.
I knew a woman in her late 60s who would walk around solemnly and would tell anyone willing to listen about how upset she was that she could never find a husband and how she didn't have children. It was very sad.
@@anonymousdonor SCOREBOARD! SCOREBOARD!
Ps
Im joking
That's so sad.
That is not sad…when you get to a certain age you transition from life to death; due to aging. It is in fact normal for single or coupled older people.
my grandma was the sameway smh alotta women are headed down this path
If you want to be single, be single. If you don't want to be single then put in effort to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Not sure why stuff like this needs a think piece.
EDIT: I was speaking genenerally. Not specifying toward aba and preach or the other creator. Sorry for the confusion.
Content, clicks, views and a lot of money in aba/preach's pockets. I've seen content creators in 10 months go from 500 to 700,000 views just by following the same principles.
Because the misinformation in the article is being repeated and regurgitated by people advocating for unhealthy relational practices. Toxic Misandry is just as destructive to our social health as Toxic Misogyny. Especially in the black community.
Because women...couldn t live with their own failures. Where did that bring them?...
Thank you. So many people make life more difficult than it has to be.
Maybe, and I am assuming here, because loneliness is a disease and it is spreading like wildfire. If you want to be forever single so be it, but you need to know what that implicates.
As a data analyst, I remember reading textbooks on applied statistics that would use examples from different fields of study to teach you. One thing I distinctly remember was how the best book of them all actually took the time to explain improper external validation, which is RAMPANT in the social sciences, and occurs when people generalize the findings of their study across a broader context incorrectly. It used the social sciences as the running example of what not to do.
Which one is it? I would love to read it, too.
@@pikapi6993 Applied Statistics, 2nd edition, by Rebecca M Warner
Edit: to everyone liking this just be warned that it is Not meant for casual reading. This is a book that should be used to build these skills for a career involving statistics/analytics/research and to serve as a reference to help keep your future work sound. Just saying this also because I wouldn’t want people to see it and feel discouraged. Anyone can learn this book w hard work and persistence 😁
@@ronswanson1410 yo I’m gonna need to read this. Thx for the info
@@XxcrimsonarrowxX No problem!
Is there anything in that study about aromantic people? I’m genuinely curious because I’ve always been happier single. I have no desire to be partnered. Not because of trauma or because I don’t find value in men. I just don’t have romantic interests. I have a great family and wonderful friends but I do kind of wonder what my senior citizen years will look like.
the only time I've ever felt lonely is in a relationship
If you're looking for articles on relationships to decide what you "should" do to be happy you're already heading down the wrong path. I feel like at a certain point in your life you gotta figure out who YOU are and decide whats best for YOU. Sometimes you're not in the majority of people that these studies describe.
Why go outside and experience life when I can live my life based on things I read online.
Yes, thank you. Some people are meant to follow a different path in life, and there is nothing wrong with that.
she didnt look it up to decide she was curious and found it .her vid is long as hell talking about different studies she found and trying to make sense of them
Either they're clueless about themselves or want an excuse to blame someone else if they fk up. "I was lied/conditioned to believe" type of bs.
That gender war shit is beyond goofy. We need each other. PEOPLE need other people. Man, man or woman, woman. Doesn't matter. People need partnership both emotionally and practically. I'm turning 35 this week. I've lived the majority of my life without my wife. I don't "NEED" her to survive in the purest sense of the term. However, I do need/want her and would very much prefer not to do this shit alone.
‼️‼️
bruh she gives u emotional support for majority of men what do u give beside money?
Facts. Deep down everyone is seeking companionship in some form or another. There may exist people who are satisfied just with close friendships but I think most people need a dedicated partner in order to feel truly happy
Good for you but we really don't need each other at all.
@@lidiagizaw3828 attention and we really don't know him not all man bring mOneY you see when a woman is not married in there 60s or 50s there most likely a cat woman because she needs affection and love to and attention from the animals
After my last relationship I was single for a very good reason. Not feminism, not "I don't need no partner", but because I wasn't able to like myself even a little bit. I was scared to death to die alone but I needed to figure shit out. And I did. Therapy and all included. Now I'm in a relationship and I can confidently say: I am able to be happy alone. Alone, not lonely. I was like 80% completed and I can totally live with that. But now with my girlfriend: It's finally 90% (I still need therapy that's the last 10% but you get what I'm trying to say). It's okay to be single, it's okay to be in a relationship. Do what you have to do in order to be the most happy you can be. Sometimes, just like in my case, that includes being independent and single for a while. It's okay :)
Relationships can be pretty tough you also find things about yourself. I wish there was an answer to people who suffer from mental illnesses that feel like if they enter a relationship they’ll be lost if the girl left them… I don’t think there’s an answer for being happy being alone
Currently in this phase of my life. Thanks for the inspiration.
Being single is better than being stuck in a marriage with some crazy, horrible woman
- I tried the relationship thing for majority of my adulthood - using every method you could think of: blind dates, online dating, speed dating, match-ups by friends and relatives, meeting people on my own ... ... nothing!!! Now that I'm 40, I'm tired and just want to be left the hell alone, lol. It's just emotionally EXHAUSTING!!
I hear ya just a few questions if you don’t mind.. what’s your career, health, & hobbies like?
Not trying to be rude but if you’ve gone through all of that you should look inwards and realise you are the problem I’m assuming your a woman from the way you type but it’s the same man or woman if you’ve been through that many people it’s you!!! I’m not tryin go to attack you but it’s just a thought as 19yo male that’s just my two cents women, ik for a fact men have 3 boxes for women, would sleep with but wouldn’t marry, wouldn’t touch with a 10ft pole and marriage material , for me only 2 exist marriage material and wouldn’t touch, usually women who are marriage material are usually married young to some what older guys
"They think that because they talk about their emotions they're more emotionally intelligent". I damn near licked off metaphorical shots sitting at my desk. More than once I've played a game called "Can we have a direct conversation?". I'm surprised by how often the answer turns out to be no.
These bots got jokes.
@@leonidas0242 nah fr they hustling 😭
Well technically scientifically we do have more neurons to process more emotions and thoughts. That’s why you guys can never win an argument.
@@purplegirl8036 You can process your own emotions, but when it comes to forsaking your own emotions to see perpective in the context of logic from someone else operating from a place of emotion. Yeah, you guys arent great at that part.
@@purplegirl8036 What you consider winning is 90% of the time guys just choosing to stop engaging.
I wish women kept this same energy whenever the check came or they hear a bump downstairs in the middle of the night
Be careful what you wish for 😅 women are already collecting cheques. Lots of them doing physical and weapons training. When your cheque and physique isn't as valuable anymore, what do you have left?
There’s some men that say they don’t need/want women. This is just the other side of that coin.
@@FountainOfYoot Peace and quiet.
@@FountainOfYoot 😂
@@torachan23 well, I guess my response was flawed. I assumed that you may want to have some form of companionship in your life. Apologies.
That quote reeks of bitterness as well as a coping mechanism to rationalize their bad choices in the men they date and/or how they view men in general.
Women are never wrong.
@@torachan23 Actually she is a lesbian. So, No.
@@torachan23 the fuck?
@@deborahfrederick916 we could tell buddy she look like Paskal Siakam💯💯
Or, as in the case of that particular woman, coping with the fact that the men she wants don't register her as existing in this temporal plane.
I just have a fear of ending up with the wrong person or being a single parent, then realizing that i may have been better off alone. We shouldnt base our choices on other ppls lives, but theres way too many divorced couples or people who remain married but HATE each other. I've had ppl tell me to stay single. But I'd love to find someone but I'm scared to death I'll regret it.
If you choose a person for his/her values and has integrity, you don’t have to be scared about that. I know that if my relationship doesn’t work, our kids will have two good parents who respect each other because we share the same family values. (Sorry English is not my first language)
I wish people who get divorced or hate their spouses were more honest about what traits they both had to lead them to that position. Probably the inability to see their own faults, admit to it and respect one another enough to help each other during rough patches is why they ended up like that..
all my brothers are divorced and even my high school sweethearts are divorced. one of them married a man she started dating after she and I broke up and had two kids. he is MIA. they all told me I did the right thing for not marrying. my landlord the other day told me i was also wise for not marrying. he and I also agreed that the grass is greener, at 42 and done fucking strangers and living in a capitalist society, marriage is looking more appealing than ever
That fear is completely understandable, but you must choose wisely... You really have to take into account the things you can't stand forever and what you can.... And leaving the relationship early on if you see red flags is crucial.
@@yugensea5616 Completely agree, your English was great, better than most English speakers on most of these comments.
I met my wife at 17, I'm now 41 and we have been married for 21 years. I am a better person with her in my life, she is my world, my rock. She has helped me through my depression and supported me when I lost my job just before the pandemic. We are happier together.
In my darkest moment, when i was suicidal, she told me that she didn't want to lose me, she wished she could fix it for me but that she also wouldn't hold it against me if I did take my own life as she lso didn't want me to suffer anymore. That both broke and melted my heart.
Lovely a women who can he a man's rock. Instead of the mandatory jargon of "women need a rock , they need a MAAAAN!!!!" . Bruh in reality it doesent matter , some women are better at being emotionally strong amd leaders than and towards their spouse, even if it isn't that deep or to that extent, its nice that you have experiences this My dude regardless, of someone who can be there like that !
As a woman who married young at 20 and has been madly in love with the same man for almost 10 years now, I can agree that when you find that person, you are 1000x's happier and a better you for it. Women and men need each other. We are social beings that do our best when we have lifelong companionship, like a spouse. Also want to say, as a woman I have seen WAY to many in my gender abuse their men, my own mother included. When I got married, I swore to myself that I would NEVER do 2 things: raise a hand to my husband and say the words "I hate you" to my husband. Some things you just can't take back and are unacceptable in a loving relationship, and those 2 for me are it. In 10 years, I have never hit, kick, smack, pinch, etc, said I hate you, or raised my voice at my husband. Our arguments have never ended in yelling and have always ended in one of us biting the bullet and apologizing, giving a hug and kiss, and moving forward better and stronger than we started. Any woman or man who hits their spouse or anyone for that matter is weak, a coward, and clearly has the emotional intelligence of a mad toddler.
Your personal experience doesn’t negate facts or scientific research
@@veeee3247 what... does that mean? It still shows people need each other with this data, history and the Science of the Human psychology.
To me this sounds like YOU'RE the wife in the relationship, and you're her little pet project.
Women don't need men? Tell that to the one chick on The Talk or whichever day time talk show that was. She was all "girl power" until she got a man. Then suddenly she's bawling her eyes out because she's not lonely anymore.
Look, if you truly believe you don't need an SO in life, that's cool. But there's also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. You don't have to put on a song and dance for everybody pretending you're good when you're not.
Edit: My comment wasn't meant to generalize women. It was to point out that the people who tend to scream the loudest about "not needing a man/woman" are usually the most insecure about being single. Men do it too.
Also, it's come to my attention the show I brought up is actually called The Real and the woman I used for my example is Loni Love.
Facts
You watch “The Talk” 🥹🤣
Personally, I ride this weird mixture of well socialized, but heavily preferring true isolation. I enjoy keeping in touch with good friends a few times a year, going out regularly with social circles, etc, but I need a hell of a lot of alone time to recharge & be back on my A-game.
I'd love a partner someday, but I am truly content with being alone. A lot of people who say that are just coping, but I've met other men & women who it obviously was true for as well. I don't wish to live deep into my old age. I'd rather serve who I can while I can & then dip before I need that same care.
My real point is that we notice this severe lack of cohesion between the sexes now because our social circles & safety nets have completely evaporated. There's not a sense of community in the west anymore. There's a reason that as we've seen the % of people calling themselves religious falling, we also see an uptick in church attendees. It's the sense of community & togetherness that's been lost in the streets. Very few people actually care about anyone's struggles. Everyone is too absorbed with themselves & it's a travesty. In a way we've lost a part of our humanity.
@@sallyhemings2295 ew fuck no. It's a fairly popular clip that came out a few years ago. A&P covered it awhile back as well.
But this is one dimensional, you act as if every person whose single by choice or celibate must most certainly be putting on a show as if no one could truly enjoy that lifestyle? Feeling loney, at times, is infact a universal experience - people with boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and large families or friends have been loney at some point or another. It's the fact that you people fear loneliness and do your best to avoid it even if it means being in toxic or unhappy relationship that at the root do no-one any good.
I've been single a long time. Like many guys, for roughly the last 10 years, I've heard the "girl power", "I don't need a man", and "men are trash" sorts of things A WHOLE LOT. I've been shamed for having never been in a relationship, at age 30, several times, or shamed for inexperience in other things several times as well.
Personally, I'd rather give relationships a chance, but with how things have been in the dating scene, it's easy to stay away. The tough part is how women have treated guys (and seeing some guys be absolute jerks to ladies), while also not becoming bitter. Preach's point at 7:12 - I'm good alone - heard that a lot too.
Way too many people have been hurt and need to do soul searching and get past whatever trauma they have. Society did an awful job of telling people they needed to be alone, and those same people internalized it and took the wrong things from that.
I will genuinely be alright, no matter what happens in my own love life. I can admit my own mistakes throughout my journey, and some of those things were indeed because of me. It took me a long time to realize that part, and some of that stuff, I'm still learning now.
Preach is right, the loneliness can really suck. But society has changing to do.
I'm 20, i went to go and work for this film producer lady, loaded, owns 9 different properties, rents them out, shoots commercials for all the top companies, i do event planning and i got lucky to land her for an event through my cousin who is her PA. Rocked up at the place, stunning, asked my cousin is she married he said no but she wishes she was because she is extremely lonely at times. She's in her 50s and to find someone then is hard af. I looked at her success and thought this is amazing, i hope to live such a life but the only downside was that she was truly alone and that hurt inside even for me, i hope she does find someone amd whether we like it or not everyone needs someone
That last part about emotional accountability and introspection really speaks volumes. I'm in my mid 20s and I am almost hypervigilant of my thoughts, actions, and just ways I can be better. I don't think this is because of my sex or age and I don't know how prevalent this desire for self improvement is. But I just get miffed when I hear female friends complaining about ex(s). Like I've only been in 1 relationship and I try to recognize how I've messed up and how my ex messed up at times. I try to have as realistic as possible outlook on it so I can be better next time, how to be better in my next relationship. I have friends that will literally, with a straight face say that every single one of their ex's were creeps or jerks or abusive gaslighters or something. Now not all women are like this but this lack of introspection is appalling. Of course I don't wanna victim blame and some women are actually abused, but you gotta be honest to see if a) you were in fact a victim or exaggerating/wrong, and b) what did you do that put you in that position? I just can't stand to hear, Dylan was terrible so I stayed in that relationship and when we broke up, I dated Zach who was also terrible, but eventually broke up and dated Jim who was a jerk. It's like bruh, take some dam accountability.
As single woman I would love to have a partner but I’d rather be single than with the wrong person. Being single is a great time to find yourself and achieve things without distraction but it can get lonely. We need each other in the long run.
'wrong person'
a.k.a.
not chad 😂
You probably don't even have the insight to even evaluate where you stand on the market.
😂😂😂😂i knew i would see the " find myself" comment
in a way youre right and thats how i used to think as well. in a truly equal society women should mature and spend some time alone and get comfortable with being "by themselves". but nature isnt equal. nor is it fair. i think unless both parties are willing to make huge compromises, a "modern" equal relationship cannot work. the mating strategy of women is almost the opposite of the mens. you can force yourself to go against your instincts but you will just end up in a relationship thats a constant struggle. im sure some couples will succeed but the gross majority will not. nevermind when children enter the equation. in my opinion feminism/equality is a huge illusion.
Yeah I'm male and agree. Some people are reading that as waiting for someone perfect but I don't think thats what you're saying.
I know alot of men and women with someone they hate because they're afraid of being alone. Better to be single than with someone you can't stand.
The same for single men.
This whole topic makes me so sad cause it's so true. Everyone is so afraid of getting hurt by the other side... and dating apps and all this bullshit really does not help, we all have grass is greener syndrome.
It won’t change, we never work together for anything. Before large families aloud us to be exposed to and understand the opposite sex, but that’s rare now. Tell me truly, how many men have been socialized to children? Hell the education system hates boys and drugs them into obedience and developmental disability. I used to helped troubled kids and tactile education helped so much. Letting them play out the words in a book made them want to read. I even used to help my fellow nursing students by dancing and slapping myself wherever that bone or muscle was. The girls laughed, but more importantly they remembered
27 year old guy here, never dated but I never understood this resentment towards the ladies. People ask me why I'm not dating, I tell em I'm just lazy. It takes effort to do these things. I'm not gonna go around blaming ladies for bettering themselves and having careers and high standards. It makes sense, all power to them.
OMG.....YOU ARE LITERALLY ME!!! Are you also an introvert as well?
@@sepulcher8263 Sorta. In the workplace I'm the social person. I'm good at making small talk. Once I'm home though, I only speak to like 3 people outside my family.
relatable
The resentment comes from the experience of rejection. If you are not participating then you ain't directly being rejected. A&P cover a lot of the unrealistic expectations there are in the gender war on social media. One example is how much a man needs to make to not be considered "broke". The degree in which the resentment gets expressed is a concern. Resentment is natural, whether it is expressed in a healthy way is another thing.
So, what makes you think men give a damn about why women do what they do. What does that make men expendable, it's delusional
Nah it's fine let them think that way, people who think this way are not attractive to me personally in any way
So I'm fine if she ejects herself, makes no difference to me, hope she's happy
I’m glad time cannot be rewinded
But not calling them out allows their toxic views on men to spread, and more men to get caught in the crossfire
@@torachan23 Sad thing is if you call them out you're seen as a misogynist or an incel or they'll say "you just hate women". You can't win at all.
@@torachan23 Na, things tend to balance itself out. it would eventually balance out
@@torachan23 I understand what you're saying. And you're right for the most part. But sometimes you have to let certain people self-destruct on their own. Because you cannot fix them. Nor will they allow anyone to correct them. Whether it is correct to do so, or not. All one has to do is observe the collective history of all that has taken place within the last two generations to see how well speaking the truth in love works. As I have said before, and I will say again. There is nothing more unwelcome than the truth to those who don't want to hear it.
I think the reason or the discourse surrounding this (I.e. “fuck women, stay single” or “fuck men, stay single”) is because we are all lied to about dating and marriage. So many of us have came into the dating scene or marriage with unrealistic expectations of the person that we want and/or with which has tainted our point of view. Being with a person you love is beautiful, but it’s work nonetheless for the receiver and the person giving. The same way you have to deal with a person and everything they bring, they have to deal with yours as well. It’s not easy, but it’s a beautiful and bloody process kinda like childbirth.
This generation want instant gratification and being in a long term relationship doesn’t provide that constant dopamine hit everyone is looking for.
I suggest everyone take a deep dive into the marriage statistics and happiness index. Form my findings I came to conclude that just over 90% of marriages are bad in the long run.
Roughly 50% end up in divorce. Roughly 40% end up with one or both cheating, fighting, sexless, General unhappiness etc etc. Just under 10% are happy and successful in the long run. Of that 10% around 75% were both virgin's when they met, add an extra 5% for both religious.
That's what I found, check out some stats for yourself.
For me it seems like a bad idea to couple up in a marriage at 36 and a couple of notches under my belt.
Feminism brainwashed women into thinking they're equal and better.
Society brainwashed men into thinking they need to be good little slaves for them.
Females bought what was sold like suckers and ruined relationships and the men started waking up and adapting.
Time for the shitshow future, cant wait to see it 🤡🌎
@@CornChippy First, I don’t believe marriage is for everyone. Secondly, stats and data are good (whether they swing in your favor or not), but you can’t just treat your life as a statistic because you’ll end up just self sabotaging or fighting your whole life to prove “everyone” wrong. I personally don’t care for marriage because I’m not religious, and neither do I believe in traditionalist. I more so believe in functionality. So, if being single and fucking is what works for you, then keep doing it.
Not only that, but so many people going into relationships broken and getting mad at the other person for not making them whole.
A comment I found on reddit once and keep in my notes app:
I think there is a tendency for women to underaccount for how much emotional labor they generate.
Honestly, I'm not inclined to put a whole lot of thought into this question. The question itself so heavily loaded, its terms and premises rooted in a feminist discourse men aren't meaningfully able to participate in, that there really isn't much anyone can say, except to either agree in whole or in part, niggling over minor details.
For example, you write: "I've seen this in younger relationships where women will ask their partners to open up to them but their partners won't be willing to put the emotional work in, instead preferring to ignore that stuff."
Yes, I know. This belief is all the rage right now. Poor women trying to get their men to open up about their emotions, but they just won't. Too stubborn. Too emotionally underdeveloped. Must be all the male-power fantasy media they consume. Here's an unfortunate reality: Women, in general, have very little patience for men's emotions that don't suit their needs. Our emotions aren't really concerned over, except insofar as they affect women. Literally nobody cares if we're sad, depressed, feeling hopeless, defeated, anxious, confused, uncertain, unsure of ourselves, and so forth unless it affects them, in which case it's usually a problem for them. Nobody wants to hear it. Typically it just upsets them because we are less valuable as emotional outlets for their own feelings, less firm rocks in a turbulent sea, or whatever other purposes our emotions may be recruited for. Men's emotions are not *for us*, as they are constantly being hijacked for someone else's needs. Sometimes these are broad social goals, but mostly these are the needs of a domestic partner. To ensure men remain useful emotional receptacles, we are punished our entire lives for demonstrating emotion beyond a narrow band of acceptability, typically situational: e.g., we're supposed to be courageous when that is what is required of us, angry when that is what is required of us, loving when that is what is required, and so forth. Anything else is routinely, often brutally shamed.
Now your instinct here is to come up with something about how it's men who are punishing other men for being emotional (i.e. the ol' "don't be a pussy"). However, this is a myth. First of all, when men call each other "pussies" (qua *coward*) or some variant, it's typically to spur action, not punish emotion. Secondly, men share a great deal more emotional content with each other than women think they do. Other men are almost always the safer choice, because---and here's the secret---women are far more punishing of men's emotions than we are. We may not be crying on each other shoulders, but other men are usually our only avenue for discussing and exploring our own emotions without fear of judgement. This is a lesson we learn many times: *Displaying any emotion except for the one which is demanded of us almost always results in a worsening of the situation, isolation, and shaming.* Displaying *unwanted* emotion is how you get friendzoned by your own girlfriend or wife. Hell, a man's flagging self-confidence is practically permission to cheat. Angry when that isn't what's desired? Enjoy being labeled "toxic." Not angry enough when we are to be someone's striking edge or meat shield? Not a *man* at all. Romantic interest in a woman is unrequited? Creep. A woman's romantic interest is unrequited? He's cold, doesn't know what's best for him, not interested in commitment, boyish, can't express himself, etc.
I've written more than I anticipated, and I realize that the preponderance of it doesn't address my initial claim--namely the emotional make-work women generate. The connection is that our emotions are co-opted by women in order to serve their interests. Nobody cares if we prefer the white napkins to the taupe; the point is that we must demonstrate a sufficient level of care and engagement in the question in order to reassure an insecure women of our commitment to the relationship, which in our minds have nothing to do with each other. Our emotions, your needs. Well, sometimes you don't get what you want.
well said!
What was the question?
I agree 100%
atd
Being bilingual and trying to express this…. Thank you, i will keep this in my notes now.
Bro I'm tired of this. I'm 22 and I'm just tired.
I'm 5 years older than you and I hate that you are already feeling what im feeling at my age mate.
Well then follow her advice and stop giving a fuck, in 10 years she’ll regret it
You're only 22 and already you're thinking like this?? My how times have changed.
@@teddybeer6206 We got a lot of problems that we have to deal with that we shouldn't be dealing with. of course we're tired.
@@champ7139 but...being tired of women at only 22 years old...is that how messed things have gotten???
I've noticed the loneliest people love to promote being lonely, underneath the disguise of "empowerment". I genuinely hate the direction society is going.
misery loves company
i’d argue not being codependent on a woman or a man is empowering. some people don’t know how to be alone, and they create this idea they always need to be in a relationship. it’s an addiction problem.
i’d say, no matter what gender you are; if you’ve been conditioned with unhealthy patterns in childhood (like for example people pleasing while completely neglecting your own needs) a marriage actually can be unhealthy depending on who you attract. I think if the relationship has a healthy balance of give and take and both sides are able to self-reflect, it can be more fulfilling than being single. Probably what matters, in the end, is whether you have a connection to other people no matter if it’s a relationship or friendship. Friendships are highly underrated nowadays.
"Friendships are highly underrated nowadays."
Oh, very much agreed.
Relationships are complex. I think the issue is that people are more focused on what's in it for them versus what are they bringing to the relationship. It's on both sides, this isn't just a man or woman problem. When I got into a relationship I found there was a lot new territory of conflicts I had never considered like how to argue fairly, problems with in-laws, spending time with friends, career choices, parenting, etc. I think my biggest mental shift came when I read about, instead of looking at what is wrong with my partner, and what is it that I can do to improve the relationship. Initially it was a little one sided with me doing more of the shifting, but my partner saw all the effort I was putting into the relationship and she started coming around and reading some of the things I was reading and introducing me to new readings. Another one that always stuck with me, most problems aren't solvable, but you can always change how to react to the problems. I think people should overall find partners with the same values and goals in life, but from there be flexible, be humble, be willing to learn and think about what they can do to change versus trying to change their partners.
I was in an extremely toxic relationship. I got with this person because I was afraid of being alone. When I got out I stayed single. Now I am in my 40's and I am tired of doing it alone. To old for the "Single ladies" and to single for the "Married with children". The loneliness and depression is real.
Get on out there! Being in your 40’s is not nearly old enough to be tapping out.
I feel for you. Warn other women about getting with Chads and Tyrones.
No such thing as "too old to be a single lady". The issue is you probally look your age. Sure no one wants someone in their 40's who act like they are over the hill. Just be yourself.
i like being single amd just do situationships no headaches stress free. So i can't relate although in my younger yrs i did a bit but nope i just don't see a need for relationships that is gone. So i can't relate with the men out there who need a partner or want one. If i wanted one ill just go across seas if i ever get to that point. Will not be in the west especially after the things i have seen.
I totally understand.
This gender war is getting old as hell. Being alone doesn't necessarily equal lonely. You can be partnered, STILL be lonely, have your needs neglected & that truly sucks more. With hobbies & things to enjoy, the brain doesn't even really go there all that often. There are fleeting moments, sure, BUT no one is screwing with my calm or my safety. When I think about the alternative of being used, mistreated or treated like I'm mildly ret@rded for having a vag, it fades. Would it be nice to have a partner? Sure... HOWEVER, when looking at all the anger & bitter baggage ppl are running around with that they refuse to address, the toxicity & mind games normalized left & right, I'd rather not. I don't hate men... from what I see & hear, they'll be quick to hate & accuse me of this, that & the other for existing. No thank you! If a happy, honest, loyal, mature, self-aware, decent man comes along, cool. If not? Well, I guess I'll die alone... might as well accept it now & find ways to be happy with what I have instead of being bitter about it.
YES YES YES!!!
Well said. It's up to the individuals when it comes to making a relationship work. This whole argument is nonsense to me but I find debates like this entertaining so that's why I'm here. Some people are happier without the difficulties that comes with even the best relationships. Ultimately it's a preference because no one is biologically dependant on another
Everyone dies alone.
Hear hear. And it gets worse with as generations get younger. There’s no shame in these toxic mindsets anymore. It’s cute and cool. It’s so sad that to be alone means to be at peace
Her original video wasn’t even about gender war, that just how Aba and preach edited it and framed everything. Her video goes a lot deeper and has empathy for what men go through and everyone as a whole. Go watch the original it’s 3 months old and hold up still.
I’m a single childless woman and I’ve been in relationships and have dated (not slept dated) around a lot.. it was always so stressful and I felt like the majority of those men didn’t want anything serious but only to mess around.. my first relationship lasted 4 years till he left for the military and decided to leave me for another woman. The second man I dated said “you’re perfect but I don’t think I can fall in love with you.” The third man just didn’t know what he wanted and I couldn’t live in uncertainty. All the other men just tried to treat me like an item very few actually considered how I felt. I want to try and date again but every time I think about it I just get stressed cause I would have to put myself in situations that I don’t want to be in. I’m sure one day I’ll find a man who will meet me in the middle but right now I’m ok being alone. That’s just me tho and how I feel. I’m alone but I’m not lonely
Well said
It's comments like these that remind me that issues with dating are mostly universal experiences and not sex/gender related because I also suffered from meeting someone who just didn't know what they wanted and just left me in uncertainty. Yet again the joke's on me for not realizing the cognitive dissonance...
I have a strong feeling your always the victim in your fairytale.
@@somepenguin508 but you also have to understand how women think. A women who has failed relationships will advertise relationships to women as nothing but a waste of time and failure. Why would a lonely women promote love?
Im gonna be honest, Im a woman who has literally told men we cant have a relationship without sex. Ive dealt with men who are similar to you and it just ended up feeling like a friendship.
What's funny is that people forget that humans are social creatures. Its literally in our DNA..there's a reason solitary confinement is such a brutal form of punishment(which should be illegal)
then my life is a crime scene
@@jackhhun2698 😆
Nah if you the Mcstabby fighty type you can be all by yourself nuff said
@@jonathanhendrix2925 You seem to have a degree of almost racist like attitudes toward violence. More like you dislike the idea that someone of a lower class can have more utility and economic movement than you'd like so You dislike such behavior since its something you find threatening toward your status
I care for the elderly and I've seen it all ways... I've cared for married couples who never had children and simply enjoyed each other throughout life. I've cared for women who never married and never had children who were fulfilled. I've cared for widows/widowers who loved their spouse so much that they never remarried. I've cared for married couples who had children and they hate one another lol.
Same, I work at a care home and the one's I've seen re-marry (this is just from what I've seen) are in such toxic relationships that seem fine on the outside. I'd rather be alone than with someone toxic just for the sake of it. If you can maintain and build fullfilling relationships outside of a romantic one it is truly possible to be happy.
Some of the elderly make friends at the care home, people they see every day. Some are close with their family / children and friends from younger days. Some are deeply into some hobbies that makes them happy. I think it's more so your middle aged folks that are this type of lonely to seek for another marriage than the elderly, they have reached another point in life.
One side of the spectrum: you are probably more miserable when you are with a man because you got to deal with someone else’s trauma, bad habits, and flaws
Other side: this can also apply to men with women, men with men, and women with women. When you are with someone no matter who it is, you will experience some sort of stress because it’s stressful having to deal with other people period. So yeah
@@holographicwing lots of people make money playing video games, like ALOT of money
@@DnDM- yes some do, but its a very small subsection just like pro sports players
@@FlutterSwag of course, play video games also happens to be a hobby of many. Although for some people it’s seen as a red flag and/or unhealthy.
@@holographicwing I've had that ex, but it gets worse. Some men won't even bathe...even after putting the controller down long enough to have sex. Then have a tantrum about you giving up on keeping the dishes clean. If I wanted to clean the poo of someone's balls I could work in elder care and skip paying for a second person to live and eat, thanks. What the care giver gets out of this is...not worth the stress. When people act like they are ENTITLED to a person that puts up with a grown adult behaving like a 3 year old...life is less miserable without the large toddler.
@@noxlumen2711 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
The women who claim that they're "strong, independent, and don't need no man" also expect men to approach, take the initiative, ask/pay for dates, and pay the bills 🤣
The epitome of wanting your cake and eating it too.
Honestly, all of these chicks say "we don't need men" but most definitely want men to pursue them and take care of them.
Not true for this type of women.
And bash guys for goin overseas
It's a massive hypocrisy because women complaining about men displaying toxic or hegemonic masculinity are selecting those types of men. You can't expect men to be breadwinners but also want to earn as much as them
They’re confused, not strong.
Id rather be miserable by myself than miserable with a creature that was designed to live a miserable existence
It is the fourth year I've been living alone and I gotta say this is a hell of experience. When I broke up with my girlfriend (our relationship was sorta toxic tho and it was my first ever dating/relations experience) all my friends met their girls and they are with them up to this day.
Back in the day I was thinking that my homies is all I got but I was so wrong. When people set up their own lives y'all spend much less time chilling, and that hurts.
I suffer everyday being alone accompanied by my cat only, I had traumatizing experience and afraid of getting hurt again, I understand that shit and still I crave for another person in my life. That circle is terrible, I end up catching feelings for all my female friends and they ditched me since we are friends and shit.
Nobody ever told me that being lonely is so exhausting terrible and sad experience.
But on the positive note I got a cool job tho.
I don't know I wear this burden on my chest for so long just wanted to speak this out...
start working on your confidence ...hit the gym , pursue a hobby, and start building a brand for yourself. scared in getting into a new relationship is a reciepe for disaster in future relationship, i would seek professional help.
It’s good that you are expressing yourself man, don’t bottle it in. And a word to help you through this time, detach yourself mentally from your last relationship, the next time love comes around it can genuinely be better than the last time. Patience is a virtue, focus on purpose
@@gto11520 thank you for advice!
I already have a bunch of hobbies and one turned a full time job, I still tryna seek for something new tho
Yeah I understand that being afraid of getting into a new relationship can turn out disastrous experience I've been working on that for a long time even made some improvements
@@innerstand. thank you!
I've detached myself from the previous relationship a long time ago but still that shattered my ability to open up unfortunately
If you're happy, you're happy. Be with the man or woman that makes you happy. or be alone if you want to. That's my stance. Do what makes you happy ❤️
We've seen countless of times that people don't exactly know what makes them happy. Sure, it's a persons decision at the end of the day. But being alone at a certain age when you can't find a husband/wife and make kids anymore and then realising that you're unhappy is even worse. I respect your stance of course and I agree with. But some people don't understand that you got a 100 years to figure that out.
@@lookatthis666 that's true. And of course ppl find other ways to live out their happiness. We change over time so what makes you happy at 20 won't always be the case at 40. Takes a lot of self reflection and sometimes therapy to figure ish out
@@rikadew That's very true. However, when you are 40 you won't have the same oppurtunities to make you happy. Some people take too long to work on themselves and find themselves unhappy and not being capable of being happy.
@@lookatthis666 sad truth
The article itself is stupid, because if there's lonely men, there's most certainly lonely women. Plus as we've constantly have seen there's a lot of women who complain and say "where are all the good men", so I don't want to hear it.
The article is women themself. Petty even when they still have their way, but still so miserable they just want to give it company
Exactly. I dont understsand how paper like this was even published when on the ground level its just straight up biased af.
The only other explanation is that women are ok with sharing men, with being treated as only booty calls, & short term flings with a relatively small portion of men. Now if that article comes out & women co-sign it than good for them.
The article said they are more single lonely men than single woman. It didn't say that women are not single it just said that when men are single they have intendancy to be more lonely than single woman.
@@unlimited971 Actually the article was written by a man
“Higher dating standards” these days just seems like covertly saying “I’m completely unreasonable and uncompromising.” People are putting each other on blast for every little mistake, irk, miscommunication, or issue however slight. Young people are all “block him” and “ghost her” in a heartbeat, forgetting that they too are imperfect and make mistakes, that it would be ludicrous to expect nothing to ever go wrong in a relationship.
Lol. There are a lot of people who complain about "high standards" and I ask, what are the standards. "My girlfriend wants me to help with cooking and washing dishes."
Yes some standards are high but a lot of the time it's just someone complaining about having to pull their weight.
Killjoys make some noise
@@eliarevaloI never heard any man complaining about cooking rice and cleaning up 😂😂😂😭😭 where you live on the internet. The problem is a stay at home mom expecting a man who work 40 - 60 hours to come home and cook and clean like. Like women you been home all day and you can’t do that.
Narcissists aren’t diagnosed and are unreported because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. Even if it means saving their marriage/relationship they refuse to seek external help
Facts
And narcissism is also a spectrum. We all have narcissistic tendencies some are just more than others
I'm a single woman and very happy too. But I'm not single because of some dumb feminist ideas like " I'm an independent woman, I don't need no man", I have just always known I would not get married and have kids. Some people are meant to follow a different path in life, and there have always been some men and women who are like this. There can be a lot of good reasons why people choose to stay single, and they also shouldn't be judged for it, because you don't know what has happened in their lives.
That's cool at least you are not insufferable, I have no issues with women who choose to remain single but for some reason most women nowadays seem to have an issue with men, it's weird, imagine being angry at half the population.
You are the type that I would not even mind it if you got married, the women who are like I don't need no man should keep away from men, they're SOUR and will being no femininity or love.
The funny thing is that women think only women can live like this. Women think that men NEED them
Exactly, it's an exception, not a rule
@@Penterror I think the exact same thing in reverse. I really like hearing opinions like this, because it dispels my own biases to know that somewhere a man has felt the exact same thing.
@@bromance3496 isn’t it kinda funny how we have this issues in North America in general and the rest of the world have wars, hunger, poverty and are just trying to survive and we take all that for granted and fight about this issues.
We all need each other, and if we do it right, everyone benefits.
Only to procreate.
The last part about the talking vs understanding emotions thing is sooooo real
I was checking my notifications if there were any uploads. Y’all came in just on time!
I wouldn’t trade my husband for all the fortunes in the world. I became the best version of a woman I could ever be all because of him. He completes me and his presence is very very much needed and appreciated.
I'm 52, no kids, never married, and am definitely more emotionally stable and content with my life than my married counterparts whose kids ignore them and husbands cheating blah blah blah...
They come to my place for the serenity, and cry at my kitchen table while I sip my tea and thank fuck I never married.
PSA: Don't mistake solitude for loneliness. It's not even close to the same thing.
The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in a relationship.
The reality of the matter is, there are pros and cons to every lifestyle, it's just not socially acceptable to say while married that your husband is your problem or to say that you regret having children.
You didn’t have the luck to have a great man . Not all married people are miserable like your friends or family members. They got bad partner or they destroy their own relationship with the bad attitude and decisions.
I know and im around very happy couple and I am also very happy in my marriage. Hell no, I dont want to be single… nope nope nope. I was single, im married now… i know the difference and I choose “marriage”😊. Good for you if you are happy
Unless you remained celibate for decades, you're not an exception. Some women pride themselves for not "needing men" while having dates stay at their homes and cuddle with them. The fact is, having a family is a long term investment, I see many women being fed up with their children and wishing for time alone when they are young, and then once everyone become older and children leave the house, these women start complaining that they don't call or visit enough. 52 years old is still an active age, you can remain at home by yourself but you know that if you want, you can still go out there and travel, meet new active people, date, host your friends and extended family, etc. But what will happen when you'll get way older ? When you won't be physically fit to hang out in clubs and events, when your friends and family will be as tired and incapacitated as you to visit, when you'll be really sick and no one will be fully available to be by your side for an extended period of time ? I'm not saying people should absolutely get married and have children, there are people who are better off without, but solitude is only attractive when we know we can exit from it anytime we want.
The expectation or the rule which one do you think you are?
You sound bitter
I trully believe i dated a covert narcissist before and the therapist we went to for one session peeped it straight away BUT looking into it i was like wait 🤔 "what sort of person do they go for?" it was AMAZING! I was able to delve into my MANY shortcomings, trauma and the role I played in sustaining that relationship. I was a willing participant in that mess. It taught me a lot!!!!!
congratulations!!
@@lowlowseesee thank you. It's easy to think your a victim initially but we to look at the whole picture. We all have a part to play. If we find out the the why we can heal move on and stop doing it or at least be aware and be more careful
The thing people forget about studies is that literally anyone can do them... that's why sophomore students in research focused fields usually start years in preparation for their doctorates and what have you. The key to these studies is peer review. One source, even if it's legitimate, doesn't make it a fact, it needs to be supported by the gamut of related fields. It absolutely drives me insane when people become married to one off studies.
Lol, as someone who has conducted and produced research that has been published worldwide for wold renown insitutuons, this is NOT true.
@@TomikaKelly what have you done studies on? honest question, i dont like studying so your name is unfamiliar
@@TomikaKelly im a monkey
Ooh true
@@TomikaKelly I guess I'll just toss out my doctorate. On a serious note, show me what you've done. Put your money where your mouth is. Kind of interesting how in my experience psychologists talk to biologists and neurologists, etc, to focus their studies...but apparently we're all doing it wrong, so show me how to do it right.
I honestly think people way over exaggerate the misery of being single. It’s really not that bad y’all. I understand a loving relationship can make people very happy but being single also isn’t going to lead to a miserable existence. We can find ways to be happy and content regardless of our relationship status.
How old are you?
Bs. It sucks.
People who are really that miserable as a single person need to figure out why that is and love themselves more. It's all based on your mindset and outlook on life. Plus it makes you desperate and no one likes to date desperate people. Being single is really not a death sentence. Also, being single currently doesn't mean you're going to die alone? You can still find someone, but still appreciate what you already have instead of looking for it in a partner.
Basically what I'm saying is that having a desire for romance and company is completely normal, we're social creatures after all.
But also try to be comfortable and happy on your own and don't look for another person to complete you. You are complete in yourself and want to be with someone who's also complete on their own.
@@practiceyourartnot old enough.
I agree being single is amazing and I have older family members that can attest to that they are 70+ and are happy than ever.
I'm physically disabled and I know "Disability" is a big taboo. I never had a serious relationship all throughout high school, now I'm pushing my twenties. Women want the picture perfect guy who is physically able and fit all your impossible standards. I know how it is to have people look at you funny. I still don't see myself dating anywhere near future We're all broken girls, even you. I've been living on my own in my apartment for years. As strong willed as I am, being on your own, by yourself, it's a lonely ass world people. There will be people who die alone cause we have to be so judgemental towards others.
Listen I used to agree with you. But then I saw a picture of a dude who was nothing but a head and torso getting married.
Are there a lot of shallow people out here. Yes.
But you only need to find one that isnt.
Be close with ur family and close friends, u don't have to have a relationship that's mostly fake nowadays.
Dude We are women ie more social and can get a dude if we wanted to
It’s going to be hard searching for that one, but she’s out there, just be yourself when u meet her
I'm in the same boat, physical wise. Loooots of health problems, often need help with physical care when I get flares. Realistically, who would want me as a partner? (especially since I'm probably ace on top of it, so they wouldn't even be getting any sexy time). At least I have a big family. Could be worse
If you're unhappy alone I don't think someone can make you happy.
I remember in my teens and my 20s I was blinded by this entire “f men, I can do the same thing they do, I don’t need a man etc..” the minute I met my husband that went out of the window… 😂😂😂😂😂 I couldn’t wait for him to put a ring on it, in addition the thought of being one day mother to a boy and having him live in a society where they are not valued and told “they are not needed, all men are sh t,” it really made me reflect on the bs agenda being pushed. We are all having a human experience and both men and women need each other. We are different, we think different but we compliment each other as we should.
Ying and Yang, literally everything is this life is about balance.
💯 💯 💯
are you as loud about the latter part of your life,or you left those who mislead in the dark?
If you are one day mother to a girl remember that being mother to a girl and having her live in a society where she not valued and told her only value is cooking and bearing offspring
@@jonbanks653 the value of a woman is way more than that...and im very sorry for you if the men in your life have given you that impression, this is quiet sad
The PEW study isn't the burn she thinks it is. The pew study isn't suggesting men do worse without women, it's saying men doing worse don't get women. Basically if you want a partner as a man the best route is to make more money. Makes women seem shallow more than anything else.
True lol, but of course people choose to interpret statistics in a way that only reaffirms their current beliefs.
You are so right. She is falling into the trap of "correlation is causation" believing that being with women _causes_ men to be better off. In reality there is probably a skew in the data because women tend to gravitate towards men who are already well off. (There are exceptions of course for couples who marry young and dumb and grow more well off together.)
😎😂hmmm
That's not shallow. Women bear children. Children require resources. That's logic. Men tend to care more about looks than anything else, that's shallow.
@@Chambermenz nature doesn't have an effect on why men care about looks?
I think you guys need to pull your socks up. Its not the first time I've heard someone say you guys misrepresented them and took them out of context just to emphasize your point.
Tbh being a single man in my opinion is fun as hell cause I don’t got to worry about someone putting me in stress over their insecurities and I get to do what the hell I want.
"the bar is in hell" unfortunately that's been overwhelmingly my experience. But I'm discovering in what way I contribute to that.
Still remember slipping in the bathroom and hitting my back. I lay on the floor thinking that if I hurt my spine I'd die here all alone because my phone was next to my bed. Honestly being alone can be terrifying at times, we all need someone there to support us through the ups and downs of life. Thinking you'll be happy by yourself is just idiotic. As we all age it becomes more and more apparent how important it is to have a bit of support.
Completely agree. As someone who spends a lot of his time alone. It’s not great but it’s not terrible. I just except the possibility that despite trying to make genuine connections with not just women but people in general the only person I’ll ever truly have is me.
I disagree. If you weren't happy alone you won't be happy with others.
@@W.T.F599 That's not true for everyone though.
That can happen if you are married too... spouse is in business trip, and the kids are out of the house. My dad died alone surrounded by machines and he was married with kids and grandkids... yet still the dying alone.
@@LadyCoyKoi Facts!
Sigh this is so depressing 🤣 people can be sad in the WRONG relationship. People need people, while I’m happily single, I would prefer to have a partner I can relate to and am compatible with. We gotta do better.
Preach, the reason why a lonely person keeps saying that they are good are because they are trying to convince themselves. The thing is, what's the alternative? Accept that you're miserable? Go down the drain and become a shell ? Who'd want you then ?
I'm good alone, but it would be nice to have someone is the best we lonely people have.
💯
💯x💯
“Because of higher dating standards..” is another word for unrealistic expectations. The internet commoditized relationships
Pretty much. Plus men have pretty low standards universally. A lot of women fit. In your same position a woman wouldn't date the women most dudes date, if not only for financial reasons.
High dating standards ="broke bad boy with terrible credit and no car."
Not really some men and woman don't even have basic standards.
@@christineperez7562 One lie feminism preaches is that men are the pigs with muh "unrealistic standards."
They piss and moan so much about this and think they are actually the victims but for fact being a man in the dating world, the standards for you are higher..but none of my feminist professors at my university will ever say this.
@@chanze555 as long as they are hot
“Women benefit being alone” lol. I’d like to say other studies done would disagree with this. Not only that but a lot of women that are alone that regret this decision.
Any links to those studies?
Can you list the study names rather than provide links, as they often cause the comment to be shadow banned. Just so the replier here can get his questions answered.
Also I assume it’s just a general rule of thumb that humans need one another because we’re tribal and social beings, of course exceptions apply.
I feel like these studies substitute being more stressed with happiness. Like as a dad am I more stressed now than before I was a dad sure. But I'm way happier now.
Actually a lot of woman who is alone doesn't regret their decision unless they have a child. Also, woman that are in relationship have short life than woman who isn't in a relationship, and men who is in a relationship has long life the men who isn't in a relationship.
@@Allyourneedsmet Does "google" not work on your smart device?
Ultimately, for both men and women, just know whatever decision you do make for whatever life you want to live, you're the one that has to live with it. Be honest with yourself and you'll probably be at more peace with your decision later down the line whether you chose to seek a relationship or live in solitude.
Know your nature, know yourself, and decide what works for you. Pretty simple.
Being an introvert who's always enjoyed solitude, I was pretty indifferent about whether I was with someone or not. Still am. Someone just so happened to find me that respects my space and who I am and over time, I don't think I could be happier with anyone else. If she were to leave, it's okay - I'd wish her well. I've never made my happiness anyone else's responsibility or reliant on anything//anyone outside of myself. I accept the outcomes of my decisions and ultimately that's what puts me at peace.
i’m 25. maybe I got red pilled at some point, but i’ve found i’m happier alone than having to deal with a relationship in this day and age. the expectations are insane and the competition is just as intense. it adds so much stress to my life. i’d rather not play
I redpilled myself without the help of the internet, being sorrounded by women who hit themselves against walls with a clear doorway irritated me to no end as a young adult.
That's kinda where I'm at now at 26. I dont have any animosity toward women, and I do want someone sometimes. But then I watch stuff like this or come across drama from some other couple irl and then just think "nah I'm good". Honestly not sure what to do.
@@subbinbacktoallsubbs5272 Man up and find a woman, you will be miserable when you are 40 and there is still no woman to come home to.
@@EarlHollander first fuck off, secondly, i do plan to get a woman in the future but on my terms, as my finances arent family ready.
Im not intrested in the black pill as i find it counter productive.
@@EarlHollander or- hear me out, we just wait for an AI smart enough to pass the turing test and build a robot.
My thing is, why even try to convince the women who say "I don't need a man, I'm better off without them!" If they think like that. Would you want someone who hates the opposite sex and thinks all men are 🗑? Same with women. Do you want to date a guy who only values you if you're not "used up"? I say let these people wave their red flags high. The keepers don't think in absolutes.
You're right, especially a lesbian. They're not going to change her or her viewers ideas
Agreed!
@skull the guy I like has openly admitted to being with around 70 women. It's not a plus to me but it's not a minus either. He seems more selective now. We're all human and people can get tired of certain lifestyles. STDs can be tested for and you go from there. Thanks for calling me a c*nt though, lol. You sound like a real winner.
@skull not everyone cares about body count like you do. Clearly you're the only one with a non functioning brain if you're just going to assume I have a double standard without knowing me at all whatsoever. You get an F- for logic brother 👎
What's wrong with wanting a woman who isn't promiscuous.
Don't take it personally (since you can't un-fk yourself).
Guys have a simple preference
While the women actually hate them.
It's a wacky comparison.
If you engage in hookup culture It's up to you to pay the consequences.
No men of value take promiscuous women seriously (including born again virgins)
“When you have information that confirms a truth that’s convenient for you or aligns with your world views you just run with it” been trying to not do this for so long…
Don't be so hard on yourself for it. Everyone does it constantly. To fully assess every new idea, piece of information, or conversation that comes our way is a limitless pursuit. There's a balance to it all. Learn to recognize when you do it & accept that it might be complete horseshit til you do some digging & thinking.
Aba is eloquent. Man's out here making good points too. Keep up the strong work you two.
I truly cannot understand people who don't learn from toxic encounters. Back in my teens I was quite toxic. My then best friend told me that she hates my behavior. I got better at managing it. It's not like I was perfect, but I managed it better after a while. My intention wasn't to hurt her. However I still did it, but I didn't realize it.
Honestly, I really chuckled and felt called out when Aba said "Every women dated a narcisisst". That was true for me too, he saw it like that too, lol.. But in all honesty, I also contributed to a lot of toxicity. I saw the red flags before the relationship even started, but I somehow thought that "He would change".. Which is absolutely fucking stupid.
Going into a relationship wanting someone to change? Why tf did you even start a relationship with this person to begin with then? If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. Learned the hard lesson though, lmao. But it gave me a valuable lesson and I'm actually thankful for that. It showed me my boundaries. When I got cheated on it was absolutely difficult to deal with, but 2 years later I'm extremely glad it happened. If it wasn't for this relationship, who knows when I had learned this lesson?
Now I'm engaged to a loving partner. We discuss so much stuff. I have never once insulted my fiance during an argument (I used to do that a lot in my past relationship because I was extremely frustrated due to not feeling heard). After we argue, we try to figure out why the argument happened. Communication (on both sides) is so damn important.
If I didn't have the toxic relationship, I probably wouldn't have started dating my now fiance. I understand feeling addicted to toxic relationships.. but in the long run, nothing is better than a healthy relationship. Feeling safe and valued is so good.
I look forward to watching Aba N Preach, thanks for keeping it real guys!!
If lonely, single men are on the rise, wouldn’t that mean there’s even more lonely, single women? Hook ups don’t mean you aren’t lonely. They mean you aren’t alone.
Not really. Women are sharing guys now, not sure if they know or not
@@malrofo yeah, but they aren’t together. Sharing (even unknowingly) means that time also has to be shared. Can’t come over because he’s with the other/main. Now she’s sitting over there lonely.
Being single takes a huge toll on men compared to women.
@@naydd9459 not really, historically 60% of the earth's male population died without procreating. The other 39% will learn to live with it soon.
@@naydd9459 I disagree completely
Speaking in the part where she speaks on the rise of lonely men, I think a large part of why this seems so appealing to women is because it makes it seem less like they don’t play a hand in how they contributed to this issue. Like the video Courtney Ryan did highlighted just a sample of all the women who expect this “high value man” to take care of them so they can live life easy, and yet there are many young women falling for the glamour of the luxury folks show off on social media. It’s not even just a feminism thing, I think it’s a problem of wanting something but not wanting to put in the work.
So love doesn't exist
Love is basically glorified prostitution. Men want sex so women want money.
Well what a depressing way to look at love.
Well its either rejoice that men are lonely or turn their hatred toward each other for having to compete for a small % of men, & get used in the process. Women who are unattractive or could not hold onto or get the guy they wanted have always been the loudest voices for feminism. Case in point: the woman in this video.
@@metalheadjake3339 I didn’t say love doesn’t exist.
Khadija dropped a response video to this, figured I'd duplicate my comment:
I watch both channels. I get both sides.
The problem is in the investment of the narratives (wether/not women are better off) and not the goal (unite the sexes).
If the gendersphere cared about the unity part we'd see more collaborative discussion than we do. I think both Aba and Khadija are pretty thoughtful in their respective perspectives, but the barrier of bias is so high in the audience we can't see the common ground.
Truth is, they're both making good points and might actually agree on some parts but she's focused on Aba's cis/het generalizations and Aba is focused on tearing down a narrative by any means.
Actually seeing the audience response is so interesting. Just the different communication styles. Aba & Preach commentors are very straightforward about their feelings about her video and her followers use language and acronyms that I literally don't know what they mean in their response to A&P video.
@@Aaron-kj8dv 💯
@@Aaron-kj8dv case and point of that aba and preach bias. Straightforward and being ignorant of terms that better explain parts of the issue aren’t inherently better. I think they’re as important as each other and the bias and ego on ur side and on theirs is what the original commenter probably means
I would contend that it also is to do with trying to marry feminist discourse as a paradigm upon all societal aspects rather than the larger historical/sociological and political systemic level. The dissemination of these ideas in the social realm. The real life stuff that cishet men and women actually do and generations have grown up accepting. Is something aba and preach have a paradigm focused on of which expands their narrative based on material dating/gender political trends.
Preach said it best in a previous video: "Lonliness is really lonely, loneliness is really friggin lonely." Man (and woman) was not made to be alone.
When I was younger, when I would start dating girls, we'd both be pretty excited about it, but we could take it or leave it to be honest.
HOWEVER, the past couple of years,
Every time I start dating a new young woman, I swear it's like we can both feel a huge relief that we found each other in this cesspool of lonely people who don't know how to dig their way out.
I have friends who feel like they're in a warzone and can't even open themselves up to a conversation with a woman. It sucks.
I've been single for 4 years. I've gone out with guys and I've actively chosen to not bother at all with anyone. It is awesome. Sometimes it fucking sucks. But I know it is a choice I made and it is my responsibility to live with it. Never once do I delude myself into thinking 'being single is a treat!'. Why are people afraid of admitting that to themselves? Maybe the reason is because it's not really their decision after all.
Also, why does either being single or taken have to be the end all and be all. Neither is perfect at all times.
Amen. You have a well grounded perspective. I think inherently we all know deep down that humans are social animals. When you look at what solitary confinement does to the mind, it's no shocker that a healthy relationship is always beneficial to us & permanent solitude leads to despair.
Great take. I don’t think anybody wants to be single or alone if they really had a choice, but sometimes finding the right person to be with and making things work isn’t that simple or easy, and that’s just life. Sometimes being single and lonely is better than being with somebody who you don’t really want to invest in or isn’t actually right for you. It is what it is, and sometimes it means you need to reflect on what you’re doing to keep yourself alone but it can also often just be luck. It’s not a death sentence to be alone, either.
Aye, Whatever suits for you.
Well said
Not everybody feels like you..some people don't want marriage or romance..it's just facts!
I watched the whole vid she made some good points… she also took some accountability on how some woman have been unruly these past few years.
@Dee yeah she wasn’t bitter about it. Very light and bubbly. I actually subscribed to her
Some?
Whats her name
Some..... mmmhmm yeah Some....Okay who are you trying to fool yourself? How long has women don't take accountability been a Stereotype? Mhmmm The bible has something to mention about that so over 8k in years and here we are with stats, figures, economic structures and clear obvious aspect about our culture and just recently coming out of the amber herd trials and your comment is SOME women nah Nah I can't believe you didn't do the SOME women thing like all the other Sister hood girls you all say the same Crap at the Same time Believe women not ALL women Some yeah yeah we herd your bs before
Feel like they ain't even watch the whole video I watched her whole video a long time ago its like some dudes just hear what they want to hear so they can start talking again despite not having the full picture.
We got the point, she is a narcissist
Preach didn’t…as was said in the beginning Aba edited it down and showed it to preach. Preach is simply reacting based of the info presented to him.
@@PCSPITTER4NY 💀
@@myopinionsdontmatterbutimm3473 they should've watched the whole thing 🤷🏼♀️
@@kaylahbkitty9691 ☠
Honestly, partnership with the right person for you is always better.
Facts, im a firm believer all of this doubling down on single life is just people coping. That vast majority of my happiness stems from my wife and kids
@inherblues7261 because at the end of the day hoping from person to person is empty. It works fine when ur younger, but eventually that feeling fades for the vast majority of people. Wanting someone by ur side for the long haul just comes with age. Even the most free spirited people will have a point where they want something more
Operative word being...the right person... ❤️
Okay, as a 31 year old unmarried, without kids and not looking to be in a relationship, I can agree that I'm very happy alone, BUT, it not because I'm like: " I don't need a man" " I'm an independent woman 🙄" or feminist shit. It's because I'm genuinely not a people person, I've tried so many times to be in a relationship where I can live with someone or living separately but to be honest I couldn't do it, and I'm fully aware that is a me issue. I do admit I get lonely sometimes, I just go out for a bit have fun and comeback home. There are some people that enjoy being alone, I'm one of them, but I will never say it's because I don't need a man or a partner in general.
And I wouldn't say I'm doing better by myself, there are so many expenses that I have to cover alone and I realize it could be a huge weight off my shoulders with someone else but, I've tried...and realized I can't live with another person.
Just saying it depends on the person 🤷
That's your truth and you spoke it. Some people don't understand that some people prefer to be alone which is good.
@@tobiaslawrence8928 I'm the same. As a guy truthfully once I get home I don't wanna be bothered by no one, if people ask me to hang out I do it without question and after that I want to be alone. Plus I've seen too many men and who who at this point are desperate to be in a relationship, like they can't handle being alone. I don't get it personally.
lonely women get pets, men shoot up schools.
get it?
i got it
Say it louder for the people on the back please!!! People are different!!!
I just think ppl just haven't found the right person. I'm cool with anyone an a very chill person that like romantic themes to please a person but woman doesn't find me attractive or I'm not really into certain woman on how they act.
Omg thank you for mentioning the whole narcissism bit. So many women use this word all the time, I’m a woman myself. But that word has been overused by my kind. Not everyone is a narcissist. It’s kind of lost its meaning.
Can you add "incel" and "misogynist" to that? These three words are constantly thrown out and have lost any meaning they had.
@@thealgorithmluvsu3788 incel? Yeah. Misogynist? No
I didn’t find the love of my life until I was almost 40. Dated plenty of women and they just didn’t fit for the long term. We just have to go through the process of learning ourselves. But once you find the person who matches your energy perfectly you then realise how much you really needed them. But you both have to reach the stage where you’re ready to grow WITH them…but that growth is then accelerated due to the support of someone who truly has your best interest at heart at all times. It’s possible.
I’m so happy that someone said this! I’m 21 and I really wish that more people in this generation thought this way. I’m truly happy being celibate and single while I work on my growth and career at THIS point in my life! Because I grew up in a traumatic household, I know that I have to do the work to understand and love myself before I bring a man into the picture. UNLESS we are willing to grow together! Happiness is ever changing as we age and grow so it will look so drastically different throughout life. Dating can be fun but right now happiness looks like self love, communication, growth, and understanding. I’m confident I’ll find someone I’m compatible for and I’ll be equipped to love endlessly😊 for now I’ll just be loving me!