8 Things I Learned From Decluttering With Hoarder Parents
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- In this video I share 8 things I learned from decluttering with hoarder parents. I also share an update on why there hasn't been any new videos and my thoughts on the whole journey. I hope this is helpful for someone who' trying to help their family declutter so you can approach it in the best way possible!
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You have been very patient with your parents (and siblings). I can understand how you would be burned out. But I think even your parents must admit that it's much easier for them to access the things they need in that garage now, as well as the other areas inside the house that you helped them declutter. For your dad's tools, maybe you could ask him what the general categories of tools in his garage are. Then you could get some sturdy cardboard boxes or totes and label each one with the name of a category. Explain to him that you just want to help put the tools into categories so they're easier for him to find, the way you did with the beverages. When he's ready to sort, line up the labeled boxes on the driveway and drop the tools into them as he tells you which category they fall in. When you say "let me help you sort your tools," he may not be able to picture what that means. Many hoarders have poor spacial perception.
Thanks so much! Yes, I love that idea I'm taking note of what you said I think that's the best way to approach it 💝
Great job at explaining the other side . If you grew up with too much, it’s a challenge to know what “not enough “ feels like.
Your dad may see our younger lifestyles as wasteful when we have lost so many skills that the older generation had. We see so much crap, but honestly these guys can find/make/repair/save us with skills we minimized.
Mariela you did such a great job, so did your family. You taught me so much! I am definitely like your parents, but you've help me to start my decluttering. I still have a lot to do, waiting for the Vegas heat to go away, but because of you I'm ready to finish my attachment problems that reside in my garage. You are such a wonderful daughter. I appreciate your videos, I've learned a lot and they've motivated me to clear my space. I definitely don't want to leave this mess to my children.
thanks so much! i think that's my ultimate goal just helping someone to get started with decluttering. ah yes that heat makes it so hard to do anything! I appreciate you watching! I'd love to help you with your stuff. If you have any interest in my help and are comfortable with being featured here send me an 💝
This video definitely resonates with me. I have a parent who is a hoarder and I've tried to supportively help, but my parent keeps bringing in new stuff. When my parent needed surgery, I had to sleep on the loveseat because the guest bedroom that has a queen size bed was too full of stuff for me to stay. I've tried and tried over time with little progress. I finally resorted to telling my parent to let me know when they're ready & if that ever happens, I'll be happy to help. Sadly, I've stopped going to visit often because I feel like I'm suffocating in their space.
Thank you for sharing. Maybe one day and your help would be greatly appreciated by your parent. I feel the same way sometimes where I don't like to visit as often I took a step back over the summer and it was the best thing to do!
I have felt so frustrated for you! But, you've learned so much about the process and your parents. This is actually helping me understand more about my sister's journey with her clutter. In the meantime, brava to you for your continued patience. Thank you for sharing.
I know so many people did too! I have no regrets! I'm so glad to hear that, I just want to help people and hope it resonates with them. Thank you for watching!
If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't have even bothered. My relationship with minimalism has changed a lot over time because of me deciding to become roommates with my best friend who's a pack rat. Her clutter is manageable, but because of her issues with working memory and executive functioning (she has ADHD), I find that decluttering should only be prioritized when both of us have the time and energy to do so. I've also learned early on that it's okay to have a "maybe" pile, and while I don't donate as many things to Goodwill as I used to, I still find it helpful to wait and find other ways to get rid of or re-purpose what isn't being used, or to even just give the items I don't want to other friends or family members. With all of that said, what you've tried accomplishing is admirable. I respect you for wanting to help your parents, but realistically in this case, you can't fix or help what other people fail to see or address in their own lives.
You have done a wonderful job. Great information and happy you shared. ❤
Thanks so much! I appreciate that!
I have given up trying to declutter everyone else and just try to address the issues in my life.
I gotta do this lol
Oh my gosh, Mariela you are such a saint! Bless your heart. The impact that hoarding has on families is so immense. It's discouraging, it's painstakingly slow, and SO frustrating. You fooled me! I perceived you to be full of patience, understanding, and kindess. I think we all realized that reaching this goal seemed to be hindered by your parent's mindset and illness. Seeing the inside of the house and unused brand new items taking up real estate while old and run down items were still being used really speaks to a hoarding illness and mentality. The brain is something that never ceases to amaze me. I am PROUD of your efforts, and for the reflections on this whole project. I think it's probably time to re-visit your Mom's kitchen, eh? I think finishing areas in thier home could make for great new content. Decluttering is a journey!
Thanks so much! Yes it really is a journey. I am proud too we have made immense change! Yes, the kitchen could use another pass thru and we might be tackling the bedroom next which is exciting!
When you started the garage video series, I figured there'd be a video at the end of it all that said "Why I gave up". lol
Seriously, I don't declutter other peoples' stuff unless they want the help. Their headspace doesn't equate less stuff with a better life.
haha yes I learned that too but I have no regrets there was lots of change made and I don't think it'll be as bad as it was in the beginning.
Aw-w-w, Meriela. This video made me so sad. Although progress on the garage was slow and intermittant, it did look much better than at the beginning of the project. Sorry about the pushback and lack of interest from Mom and Dad. Hopefully you can convince Dad that you just want to help him organize his tools which represents a large financial investment. Even if there are no more garage videos, I just want to say that I enjoyed the ones you made. I also enjoyed the in-house de-cluttering videos. Good luck to you and your family.
thank you! I hope so too. I'm getting lots of great feedback on how to approach my dad with his tools so it's worth giving it a shot but not just yet. Thank you for being here and watching!
Hey Mariela!
I have been with you from the beginning of this garage decluttering and it has been the most satisfying one I have ever seen. It was so realistic.
Please remember how much progress you have made and it was not for nothing.
In the beginning of this video, showing where the garage started, was eye opening. Things were stacked so high and now there is much less. And it didn’t happen on its own. It required a lot of time and effort as you have mentioned and I hope you know that is amazing. So much has already left the garage to never come back again.
I can imagine your frustration for all the reasons you mentioned.
I really like the idea of approaching your dad with the organization of his tools and tell him from the start of the conversation, that you don’t want to remove or declutter anything. Just organize. I like the idea of several labeled boxes for him to sort, as the other commenter suggested. Best of luck to you. I will be here.
I remember you wanted to help others in your community. I hope that still works out for you. Maybe ask a few friends to help you out with teaching your viewers the process of decluttering their homes. 😊
Yes you've been here all along and I appreciate you so much! Yes, although there have been setbacks we made immense change. I hope approaching with an organization point of view will help move things along then.
I do! I have tried reaching out only to find some people don't like the idea about being on camera which can make it a bit difficult but I hope I find someone to help soon in the meantime I'll revisit other areas in their home if they're open to it! 💝
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Those are tough lessons to learn. We’d probably all like to see the completely cleaned and organized, but they have see the value and join that process for lasting change. Even if there were 2 or 3 metal racks, 4 feet between them, across the garage so that they knew and could use everything they had, that would help, but your right, if they don’t want that, it won’t help to demand it of them. Would it help to show them pictures of possible organization so they can start thinking of how useful that would be?
They really are. I think racks would make a drastic difference! Yes I thought about making a presentation almost of different photos of what it could potentially look like!
@@MarielaMerino Good luck! I hope that works. 👍🏻
It’s been a very slow process for me and my mom’s garage. I keep having to remind myself we at least no longer have furniture stacked to the door rails! 😂 My moms biggest frustration is never knowing where things are, so I’m trying to use that for her motivation - let’s organize and if you want to get rid of something along the way, great!
haha it really is such a slow process! I love that you're using that as motivation it can really encourage her to make the changes!
It must be so frustrating for you to put so much effort, time and energy into these declutters only to come back and find the place filled up again. We as your viewers value all your hard work and I really hope your dad will have a change of heart in the future and will be open to letting more things go. Hang in there 🩷
yes it gets so discouraging but I have no regrets! thank you for watching I appreciate every single view 💝
You did your best Mariela, the most important thing is that you tried to help them & it came from a place of love & care. I've been through a similar situation myself & however well meaning our help & advice is, very often it's not asked for from those people we so desperately want to help. We can't see/understand their perspective on their belongings until later & it says a lot about your character that you can reflect & realise that maybe you could have approached or handled things in a different way. You also have empathy for their feelings towards their belongings even if you don't understand their reasoning. I think you're doing the right thing taking a step back to both look after yourself & give them the space to decide what they want to do with their stuff going forward ❤️
I agree 1000 percent with you! thank you, I think I am too taking a breather from the garage has been needed but I'm hoping we can revisit with my mom in other areas in the home! 💝
The problem is, that your parents do not take the opportunity to go through this progress with you. One day you will find yourself standing alone in front of this huge mountain of clutter. I have already been through this and found nothing worse than not having the time to grieve at the moment of loss because I had to take care of all the things left behind. I very much hope that your parents will accept offers of therapy and chance the situation while they still can. I wish you lots of power, you are very strong!
that's just one part under an umbrella of problems. thank you for sharing your experience I can't imagine what you went thru. I hope too!
@MarielaMerino my husband had hoarding tendencies, probably related to adhd. He found himself having to clear out his parents huge house and his business yard at almost the same time. It's virtually cured him overnight! He does realise now there were things that got junked because he was in a hurry.
I had to manage the sale of my parents estate from interstate and even though we'd got a lot out, I know that a lot of nice things went in the dumpster.
My adult stepson, who would be managing things if the worst happened, is a minimalist. I saw how he powered through when helping with his grandmothers, and its put a fire under me regarding Swedish death cleaning. I don't want him to chuck out my family heirlooms because the younger son is still a child. Quite frankly if things are left a mess I don't blame step son for chucking things out. So it's up to me to leave things organised for him.
I know hoarding is a disorder but if it was necessary to be done, your parents would have to find a way.
I earnestly hope for your sake they sort it out. It seems to be a very common experience for certain generations, going by comments online.
At least the silver lining of what you've done is you have some idea what's in there, which may help if it ends up being you who has to do it.
Suitcase Designer has some very helpful ideas on decluttering and organising spaces. If someone is finding it hard to let go of things she concentrates on "quick wins" to give the person an instant impact kind of feeling. It makes them want to see results in other spaces too. Good luck but I don't envy you the job in front of you :)
yes I love her channel and the quick wins is what I want to focus on next time I approach my parents for a future declutter. haha thank you!
I just binged this series. You were such a big help!! I wish they would’ve been more willing to declutter but I understand we are all different. To me clutter stresses me out and I can’t live like that but that’s me. You should be proud of yourself and what you did accomplish! ❤
Hi Mariela, I understand where you are coming from. I have been trying to convince my parents as well to declutter their bedroom. There are so many things to go through in there, but they keep pushing the date of when that will happen. It does get frustrating because I want to help them achieve a clean environment in their bedroom so they’re able to enjoy it, but they just don’t seem to want to budge. Hopefully they will consider to do it and I’ll definitely use these helpful steps when starting. You did such a great job working to declutter your parents garage and you’ve done so well inside of their home as well. You’ve been so helpful with also helping your sister. you do amazing work❤
It's nice knowing that I'm not alone. That's how I feel too. Their bedroom is also a mess too but I actually convinced my mom to declutter her own things but my dad isn't ready yet. Thank you very much! ❤
Love your heart! Subscribed ❤. Hi from Okinawa Japan
Welcome!!
You've done a wonderful job, and very admirable that you've helped your family as much as you have. It's a huge job to sort through a garage especially a full one. The progress you made is a step in the right direction. It's so much better now than it was when you started. It's hard to change someone's mind set.
Hopefully you'll be able to keep whittling away at it, every little bit helps. You're a good kid!
Thank you so much!
Mariela, those of us who have been with you all along could see it, and I’m glad you’ve pulled back for your own mental and emotional health. You learned a lot and nobody could be more respectful and helpful than you. Hoarding is a very different beast to just having too much clutter. All the lessons can be brought with you to future projects.
Thanks so much! Yes I agree
It's clear that you care about your parents and are doing your best to help them. 💖
My parents are hoarders too and have been throughout my whole life, I get it. I used to try to help them be better organized (when they wanted it) but over time their home has gotten worse. It took me many years to learn that there's no magic combination of words that would get them to change their minds. They don't see a problem with their hoarding, heck, they don't even recognize it as hoarding! so they have no motivation to do things differently.
I saw a video recently by Jen Lefforge titled "Swedish Death Cleaning, 5 Lessons from cleaning out Mom's house" where she talks about how she regrets spending time with her mother arguing about her stuff. She would rather have spent that time doing things together they both enjoyed before her mom passed away.
If my parents want my help to declutter then I'll gladly give it. But in the meantime we can spend time together not arguing about it. I have also set boundaries, they know I won't go into certain rooms because it stresses me out too much.
Thank you for sharing! You're right, there's no words to get them to change their minds. I need to see that video it sounds like it's something I need to hear. Boundaries are so important too!
I've been on a 3 year journey decluttering my garage.
The way I approach my husband is that I say, "Can we spend 20 mins to sort through some things in the garage? I don't really want to spend all afternoon doing this. Only 20 mins." This approach has really helped me. Because it does get very overwhelming and draining for everyone involved.
What has really helped me is that I take the approach of catergorising as the progress of decluttering may take many passes.
When I asked my husband to go through our electrical box, I said to him, only focus on the definate keeps and what is the definate declutter, don't worry about the maybe items, we can keep themm for now. This took the pressure off, and decisions were made quickly. We will go through the box next year for the next pass of decluttering.
When there is a lot of stuff to get through, focus on the definite keeps and catergorising. You'll make much more progress this way.
I love this, I think I can approach my dad this way with his tools. Thank you :)
@MarielaMerino if you are going to do this with your dad, invest in strong stackable crates, not bins with lids. This will help him as he will probably bring more stuff home he can then easily put the items in the right crate. If you have the items in bins with lids, it will be too hard for him and you to keep the items categorised. Then, label the crates. Your dad will love this! Buy different sized crates from a store where it will be easy for credits and returns if you have bought extra items for the initial sorting.
Cardboard boxes make garages look untidy. Stackable crates that then will fit into a shelving unit would be great. Do the research for the crates and shelving units that will work together. So, do the crates first, then the shelving unit.
One step at a time. You will make progress in no time.❤️🙋♀️🇦🇺
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