I'm...speechless. Traps are placed directly in front of trees blocking your entire screen and any hint of the trap's presence. Enemies will see you without warning from off the screen. Health pickups will more than likely kill you. The controls are a mess. Environmental feedback is nonexistent Usually even with the worst of the worst games there's at least one thing that shows a semblance of good design. FREAKING AIR CONTROL had some semblance of a tutorial. I mean don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Air Control was a better game (If it can be called that), but when it came to explaining the logic that was required to play the game, it did a better job. Air Control was a mess, but this is almost...eloquent in its awfulness. It's like it's sunk lower than chaos and incompetence and found some kind of negative order so its bad decisions come together in a way that's almost...poetic. Like they complement each other in a cohesive manner as to ensure the player has the worst experience possible. It's literally the ultimate shitty game. I wouldn't be surprised if that hostage voice over was actually a recording of what was left of the hollow husk one of the QA testers, lying in the fetal position in a padded room, making inane ramblings from reliving the horror after they played this game. And I'm being generous in assuming this game had QA testers...
Jere Aho It certainly made me feel better about that one student project I made... Also, I just checked the store page, and apparently it has 2D *and* 3D gameplay! Now I'm even more curious...
I was in Afghanistan on Christmas day 2007 working on a freezing cold flightline.... and I honestly have to say, that I think that was a more enjoyable experience than playing this game would have been!
Yeah jermas reaction was this "what the fuck was that!? Was that just a big brick clay just hit the bridge? Why did you put the explosion animation *hard laughter*"
You know those television shows where the episode features a "the videya games" as designed by people who don't actually know anything about video games think a video game is? This is that.
Oh my various gods Jim, of course that was a real language! Have you not heard of the Huggedy Buggedy people of North-Southern Asia?! This game is the only game on the market that gives my proud race the respect it deserves! Just because our language sounds like 'huggedy buggedy huggedy' does not make us any less legitimate than those foreign devils, with their oil and their guns and their complete multi-faceted language that can talk about more than just farming and lying in hammocks... I'll let it slide this time Jim. Just please educate yourself before you open your mouth on something you don't understand. In the words of my people, 'huged bu hug bug dy buggedy' (may the curds of your womb forever bear strong, yet palatable cheese).
So why is our man blowing up the bridge when you can clearly just walk right past it by wading about a foot in the water it covers, like he does *while he's blowing up the bridge*?
Юлиан Бродняк (I mean, I love the N64 a lot, don't get me wrong. Even all these years later, with the hindsight that the controllers were impossible to hold and the 3D graphics were mostly dismal, even compared to its contemporaries. It's very much "my" console - I grew up with it, it holds a very special place in my heart. But wow, third-party shit was so utterly worthless.)
What with the "Is this a hate crime?" in the video title I misread it as ALPHA ZION and thought this was one of those awful games Stormfront put out. It certainly looks like this is just as lousy to play.
Kinda funny how the road goes into the water, the bridge abruptly ajar to the left about 10 feet. Then on the other end, it meets up just fine with the new road. Also, what kind of road maintenance crew allows bushes to grow up regularly in the middle of the road? Is this their first jungle cartel base or something? :P
I think the audio clip from the hostage saying "Please" is from Blood Omen 1. It sounds just like the people chained to the wall saying "Please, help me kind sir."
Ushio01 God, I am starting to hate Steam so much. Been buying from GOG. Sucks that the majority of my library is already on Steam, before they became shite.
What was the point of blowing the bridge up if you can just walk through the water to the other side? It must not be that deep so one can assume cars could make it as well.
At 6:33 that dudes health was at 108%. Either his guy turned into a super version of a human or the developer/programmer had no idea that more than 100% isn't quite right...
Easily my favourite of these. I'm in tears. But as bad as it is, I kind of want to play it and I'd really love to know what comes after them fantastic logs.
It still is bottom of the barrel. The area of the barrel that we consider "the bottom" has merely grown in height to account for the additional layers of shit that have caked themselves onto the barrel.
it's not racist if you don't specify which country they're from... the voice sounds like a recording played backwards, if that's the case i wonder what it says
60% positive Steam reviews. It's their magnum opus compared to the Steam reviews of their other gems. Somehow they also got the contract to make Flatout 3. Freaky-deaky Dutch.
Tea Ceremony Thank you Grammar Police Officer of the Grammar on the internet I am now validating your comment so you can feel self worth if you keep it up you might get a COOKIE
Except LocoRoco isn't supposed to take place in a real country with real humans. It's Columbia, the language would most likely be Spanish. It's pretty fucking easy to get audio of someone saying "Gracias"
This is in fact the language of my people. It translates loosely to: "Oh may the spirits shower many banana flap-jacks upon you for stabbing me free somehow, plastic Rambo-person" I could be mistaken. They're using a very primitive dialect...
Nono Since when is it racist to have a made-up language in a video game? Sure, they could have used Spanish-- it would have been more realistic. But it's not racist to use a fake language in a video game that's not even serious in the first place.
It's racist when you set your game in a REAL country and then have the people of the country go "HOOGITYBOOGITYBOO". Because you don't need to make up a "fake" language for COLUMBIA.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Clearly the hostages were so elated at being rescued they forgot how to form a coherent sentence.
They were elated because they were finally free to run in search of a better game.
I'm...speechless.
Traps are placed directly in front of trees blocking your entire screen and any hint of the trap's presence.
Enemies will see you without warning from off the screen.
Health pickups will more than likely kill you.
The controls are a mess.
Environmental feedback is nonexistent
Usually even with the worst of the worst games there's at least one thing that shows a semblance of good design. FREAKING AIR CONTROL had some semblance of a tutorial. I mean don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Air Control was a better game (If it can be called that), but when it came to explaining the logic that was required to play the game, it did a better job. Air Control was a mess, but this is almost...eloquent in its awfulness. It's like it's sunk lower than chaos and incompetence and found some kind of negative order so its bad decisions come together in a way that's almost...poetic. Like they complement each other in a cohesive manner as to ensure the player has the worst experience possible. It's literally the ultimate shitty game.
I wouldn't be surprised if that hostage voice over was actually a recording of what was left of the hollow husk one of the QA testers, lying in the fetal position in a padded room, making inane ramblings from reliving the horror after they played this game. And I'm being generous in assuming this game had QA testers...
QA testers? Dude, whoever's behind this can't even _spell_ QA.
InnerPartisan That was hilarious, never heard that one before :)
Maybe it was made to make every other game developer in the World feel better about themselves? I mean.. it's possible, in a insane kinda way.
Jere Aho It certainly made me feel better about that one student project I made...
Also, I just checked the store page, and apparently it has 2D *and* 3D gameplay! Now I'm even more curious...
TheCookiezPlz So this is the new Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from the NES...
I'm colombian, I can confirm the "help" dudes are just some guy mumbling "ubidiubidiubidi"
Ah, so they're referencing Keenan Thompson in the Good Burger movie then?
They make the Sims' dialogue sound intricate and realistic lol.
Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb
I was in Afghanistan on Christmas day 2007 working on a freezing cold flightline.... and I honestly have to say, that I think that was a more enjoyable experience than playing this game would have been!
I come back to this quite often for the hostage jibberish and Jim's laugh.
this is one of those games somebody is playing in a cutaway shot from a daytime tv show...
6:28 "Why is this game?"
I had a good, long chuckle at that.
Did anyone else rewind at 9:50? A giant block takes out the bridge, not an explosion! Like one of the cubes that appears when an object isnt found
Yeah jermas reaction was this "what the fuck was that!? Was that just a big brick clay just hit the bridge? Why did you put the explosion animation *hard laughter*"
The protagonist from Air Control's time in the army.
Alpha Zylon Box:
"This game is incredible!" Jim Sterling
"It's very simple." - Jim Sterling
Completely lost it at the 10 minute mark when the game turned into fucking Crash Bandicoot.
Wasn't "Fucking Crash Bandicoot" an old furry-targeted Flash game?
VecTron5 5-star rating on Newgrounds.
And yet Crash Bandicoot somehow has better graphics than this.
All I can say about this:
Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb!
You know those television shows where the episode features a "the videya games" as designed by people who don't actually know anything about video games think a video game is? This is that.
I think JonTron said it best: "I have seen game... this is not game."
+cyanmanta Worse vocabulary than the soldiers in this video :P
+Retro Walkthroughs that's intentional m8
Le Petit Croissant Have I mentioned it wasn't intentional? No, I didn't. That's even worse when people intentionally make themselves dumber.
Alright
+Retro Walkthroughs Dumber isn't a word, so... isn't that a laugh.
Jerma985 did this game in January, for those like me who were suffering unexplainable PTSD.
Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb
Oh my various gods Jim, of course that was a real language! Have you not heard of the Huggedy Buggedy people of North-Southern Asia?! This game is the only game on the market that gives my proud race the respect it deserves!
Just because our language sounds like 'huggedy buggedy huggedy' does not make us any less legitimate than those foreign devils, with their oil and their guns and their complete multi-faceted language that can talk about more than just farming and lying in hammocks...
I'll let it slide this time Jim. Just please educate yourself before you open your mouth on something you don't understand.
In the words of my people, 'huged bu hug bug dy buggedy' (may the curds of your womb forever bear strong, yet palatable cheese).
I love you.
With a video title like that, you know this is going to be good.
I just love how the tree just happens to fall at precisely the right time
This is possibly my favourite video yet, what a masterpiece of unadulterated shit.
PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.
+KarbonKopy Mendigudduguddugurib!
Metal Gear Solid VI looks pretty good.
So why is our man blowing up the bridge when you can clearly just walk right past it by wading about a foot in the water it covers, like he does *while he's blowing up the bridge*?
***** All I've done by asking this question is expose my total lack of drug transport knowledge.
Ah, all the quality of a third-party N64 title.
no, atleast the N64 had SOME quality control, even for third party.
Юлиан Бродняк I don't know how long its been since you've played an N64 game. I was actually being generous.
Юлиан Бродняк (I mean, I love the N64 a lot, don't get me wrong. Even all these years later, with the hindsight that the controllers were impossible to hold and the 3D graphics were mostly dismal, even compared to its contemporaries. It's very much "my" console - I grew up with it, it holds a very special place in my heart. But wow, third-party shit was so utterly worthless.)
Andy McAwesome
erg. I hate those controllers, were they made for people with three hands, or prehensile genitalia? *gags in disgust*
What with the "Is this a hate crime?" in the video title I misread it as ALPHA ZION and thought this was one of those awful games Stormfront put out. It certainly looks like this is just as lousy to play.
I think this game could only be less fun if it kicks you in the nuts everytime you take a hit.
I can only apologise but I pretty much pissed myself laughing from beginning to end. Absolutely brilliant.
Ha, the top review for this game on the Steam store page is by Lowtax.
Hostage store must have had a white suit sale on.
3:21 Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb!
Yup, Lowtax definitely translated it that way!
Kinda funny how the road goes into the water, the bridge abruptly ajar to the left about 10 feet. Then on the other end, it meets up just fine with the new road. Also, what kind of road maintenance crew allows bushes to grow up regularly in the middle of the road? Is this their first jungle cartel base or something? :P
+Dilandau Albatou they use the bushes to hide their drugs...
much better question: why are all the "hostages" dressed in white without any stains?
GAME OF THE YEAR!! 8.5 ON MEGA-CRITIC!!
IGN: 9/10. :)
I sometimes watch these vids with the auto generated captions. They translated" fuck me" as " club today"
+Mike White It also translated 'what the fuck i'm gonna say' as 'fuck'em gonna slutty yes'
+General Dreagon LP's I think whoever programmed it is responsible for the English translation of zero wing
Mike White Whoever it is, he shouldn't stop. It's hilarious.
I think the audio clip from the hostage saying "Please" is from Blood Omen 1. It sounds just like the people chained to the wall saying "Please, help me kind sir."
Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb.
If this was a middle school final project it would be it would be impressive
I suddenly have this crushing urge to play Codename: Viper.
looks great, where can i buy this?
Steam for currently 15% off so only $50.99!
It's actually only $4.24 USD...but that is still too much IMHO
Ushio01
God, I am starting to hate Steam so much. Been buying from GOG. Sucks that the majority of my library is already on Steam, before they became shite.
just do some research before you buy a game
no big deal in my opinion
•rtcuno•
Yeah, but this crap is inundating Steam to the point that it becomes a headache to even look at the 'new' release section.
I lost it when you got crushed by the log
Christ, Jim, you have waaaaay more patience than I do. I'd have given up halfway to where you managed to get.
What's truly hilarious is how this looks like something you might buy off Steam Green Light.
What was the point of blowing the bridge up if you can just walk through the water to the other side? It must not be that deep so one can assume cars could make it as well.
I legitimately cant even right now. I simply cant.
At 6:33 that dudes health was at 108%. Either his guy turned into a super version of a human or the developer/programmer had no idea that more than 100% isn't quite right...
2:28 I think you just answered your own question there, Jimothy
I'm fairly sure I heard the mumbling soundclip from the freed prisoners before. Not sure where, though.
Easily my favourite of these. I'm in tears. But as bad as it is, I kind of want to play it and I'd really love to know what comes after them fantastic logs.
Anyone else watching in 2018, reminiscing about the days when this sort of stuff was considered bottom of the barrel?
It still is bottom of the barrel. The area of the barrel that we consider "the bottom" has merely grown in height to account for the additional layers of shit that have caked themselves onto the barrel.
@@dnothstylez WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BARREL
The "please" sounds exactly like the one off Blood Omen.
All I hear the hostages saying are FLEAS, FLEAS, FLEAS, and gibbirish
I think the hostages say "i-am-really-grateful-you-took-care-of-me".
Other than that, they should rename this one 'Omega Trash'.
"I wonder where the right place is". Whole video was funny but this bit cracked me up.
Xmas Day 2007 I was playing this new game called Mass Effect. Good times :)
I had gotten these two new games called Bioshock and Assassin's Creed
Wet Rellk You guys are making me tear up...those were good days... :')
The graphics are literally Reboot: The Game
"Why this game?" pretty much sums up the whole video.
Can't wait for the end of the year and Jim's list of the 50 Worst games of 2014
Oogedyboogedyboogedyboog
PLEASE
You must stream this Jim!
OH MY GOD!!!! I PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!
I'm so sorry for you
We were little kids, even tho this game is terrible it brings back nostalgia.
Draxter GameZ How old it is, then?
Omg so this is the game that Lowtax was playing the "Manganuchatrelokunutateladebud" shit in it.
Is that the Ning Nang Nong? If you listen very carefully, I swear you can hear the trees go bong...
This is game of the century material.
And whoever was involved in it... Love it
The "Please" sounds like luigi from the old mario cartoons Super Mario World(SMW)Cartoon Show:Mama Luigi
Remember those beautiful days when Ibn Battuta was the worst game released in 2014?
You see it's actually French, this part of the world actually speaks alot of French. He said "thank you for saving me". I promise, I'm a French major.
Nah, that's in Haitian Creole you see
I know French but it doesn't sound like anything I've heard before. Then again I've never heard Creole.
It's not Haitian Creole
I am aware. It was a joke
Harrison Stewart Oh, I wasn't lol
this is the best video so far :)
What a fascinating game! It tugs at my laughstrings.
You can still be the proud owner of this game, as it's still on Steam for $4.99.
it's not racist if you don't specify which country they're from... the voice sounds like a recording played backwards, if that's the case i wonder what it says
What is this far cry 3?
60% positive Steam reviews. It's their magnum opus compared to the Steam reviews of their other gems.
Somehow they also got the contract to make Flatout 3. Freaky-deaky Dutch.
Metal Gear Fluid - Slow-worm Eater
I laughed so hard on the buble bugle mugle he sead x_D oh god !
The hell is that language lol ?
That was the funniest god damn thing I've seen all day.
Steam still needs some GOD DAMN quality control.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaa...s a second time since the first one was pulled for editing.
Its like an even shittier version of Rush'n Attack
apparently that is in fact a real language
Not sure what's worse, this or Air Control.
I'm investing ten thousand millions on these talended developers right away!
"yagayahugaheegayuhugaheegaya"
This is like one of those unfair rage games, but somehow even more shit. Mind-boggling, I know.
Soutouts to AGDQ 2016
Jerma985 played this a while back. He does a lot of Bargain Bin nonsense.
subbed , this is awesome XD
Wow what's the budget for this game $2.50?
6:47
ANYBODY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE GUY *INSIDE THE FUCKING WALL*!?
Please...please....please....
If every generation gets the games they deserve what did you do Jim?
*deserve
Tea Ceremony Thank you Grammar Police Officer of the Grammar on the internet I am now validating your comment so you can feel self worth
if you keep it up you might get a COOKIE
craig thomas
Grammar and spelling are not synonymous. I wish the undereducated denizens of the internet would learn this.
lolwut
Your comment is lessened by the fact that it's a run-on sentence.
lolwut And for your information even though I used the wrong word it was not misspelt so it was a grammar mistake .
It's like someone ported a shitty nes game to unity.
Manganoochatrelacanootratreladeb, the language of the Trelish.
This is so piss poor in every single way possible and it's for sale on Steam? They're charging REAL money for this?
It's really not that racist. Just someone not understanding foreign language so words need to be made up. Kind of like Locoroco.
Except LocoRoco isn't supposed to take place in a real country with real humans. It's Columbia, the language would most likely be Spanish. It's pretty fucking easy to get audio of someone saying "Gracias"
People are lately using the term "offensive" haphazardly.
This is in fact the language of my people. It translates loosely to: "Oh may the spirits shower many banana flap-jacks upon you for stabbing me free somehow, plastic Rambo-person"
I could be mistaken. They're using a very primitive dialect...
Nono Since when is it racist to have a made-up language in a video game? Sure, they could have used Spanish-- it would have been more realistic. But it's not racist to use a fake language in a video game that's not even serious in the first place.
It's racist when you set your game in a REAL country and then have the people of the country go "HOOGITYBOOGITYBOO". Because you don't need to make up a "fake" language for COLUMBIA.
So... I take it you weren't paid to promote this game then?
GOTY!!!... Of yestermillenia.
What is this ffucking game!? My eyes have diabetes
Its still getting worse... how is that even possible?
They even spelled cartel incorrectly!
"unstoppeable"
Please
Please
Please
Let me get what I want, this time
Suing my parents right now. First reactions, they do not care for it.