➡️ For more clips and tips on living in Denmark and follow us on social media: What Are You Doing in Denmark podcast: Instagram: instagram.com/waydidpod UA-cam: ua-cam.com/play/PLFCSH6KqKooZmSx1GJu9CWZYjX8esjl2F.html 🔥 Derek Hartman: Instagram: instagram.com/robetrotting UA-cam: ua-cam.com/users/robetrotting TikTok: tiktok.com/@robetrotting Facebook: facebook.com/robetrotting 🔥 Annie Samples: Instagram: instagram.com/annieineventyrland TikTok: tiktok.com/@annieineventyrland Expat Insider Survey: www.internations.org/expat-insider/ 🎧 Listen to What Are You Doing in Denmark anywhere you get your podcasts: feeds.acast.com/public/shows/what-are-you-doing-in-denmark
One night in the bar of the hotel I was staying in during a visit to Copenhagen, I was reading Berlingske. The bar staff, that I'd got to know over previous stays, were intrigued as to why the Scotsman was reading a Danish paper. I explained that half my family is Danish and I read it pretty fluently but find speaking it hard. We got chatting, and I mentioned I was a university professor. After last orders, one of the young waitresses came over and said 'you're a professor, can I ask your advice about something?'. She was having difficulty deciding on which degree course to choose. I sat and listened and gave her my opinion (despite probably having had one too many Tuborgs). On the next trip, in the same hotel, I asked one of her colleagues what she had decided. She told me what her friend had chosen, and then said 'you changed her life that evening with your advice'. I had such a warm and fuzzy feeling. That was perhaps the ultimate (and perfect) mix of peach and coconut. It always comes down to making that individual connection.
As a Dane it can be hard to get new friends even when you move city. I moved to a new city with my husband and didn't know anyone. It was when we had a baby on the way, I started to meet new people and after our daughter was born, I got into a mom-group and that was when I started to get friends in the city that I live in. I do believe that most Danes want to talk to and might want to become friends with people from outside the country, but many hold back - we don't want to be "too much" and don't want to overstep some boundaries (at least that is how I feel).
I love seeing danes from your point of view 🥰 Love your channel 🤩As a Dane I don’t completely agree, but I know that you have to explain things to give a common idea of how Danish people are. I don’t believe everyone is like that. I have found that even though a lot of Danish people learn English in school and is capable of speaking English. You have to remember it’s school English, so unless they have studied further or have lived abroad. Many can be uncomfortable in leading a conversation in English. I think some Danish people can be pretty shy about that. And then you always have to remember that Denmark is not Copenhagen. It is quite funny whenever I visit Copenhagen and I need to get directions the first 20 people I ask are all tourists or foreigners visiting or living in Copenhagen. And I sometimes have to switch over to english to get directions. I think the other parts of Denmark has an outlook on how copenhagen people are switched off, always in a hurry, shallow, superficial, self-centred and do not smile or talk to people on the street. I know not all people in copenhagen are like that, but usually the ones we meet when we are there are like that. And with good reason, because we are on holiday and they are getting to or from work, a meeting or whatever and we are in their way. At the sidewalk, in cycle lane, at the train, at the bus, on the street, in the queues and in the coffee shops. I love ❤ speaking English and people know that so I always get seated next to English-speaking people at every event I am invited to. And I love it I love meeting new people I love speaking English so it’s a win-win. But on the downside I don’t get to talk to anybody else at the party or whatever event it is especially if it’s a sitting down dining experience. 🤗
i now live just west of CPH, where riding side by side on bikes is not much possible as there are always someone who rings the bell to pass if you tried - but i grew up in "rural" Herning. There we could easily ride side by side (talking) for the most of the trip and when you heard the bell of others i felt more like i was a bother than they where and ofc made a single file til the people passed and we could go side by side again. To me the bell have always been to bring awareness of me being at the lane either wising to pass or letting you know I'm passing - but in CPH i never use it, because ofc there are others we where just 20 ppl at the intersection before and we are more or less the same 20 ppl at the next intersection - so I either comply with the speed of the others or hassle my way through, just to be overtaken at the next red light because ofc Birgitte is gonna go just in front of me at the red light (not staying behind the hard white line, but behind the crosswalk) instead of w8ing behind, and then i have to overtake her again, and again... I now have an electric bike, that increases the chance that i am gonna pass a green light that Birgitte doesn't make, however, up ahead is her sistester doing the same =P My commute is almost 10km from Hvidovre to Frederiksberg, so the hassle is not as much as it could be if i where to go to the city center =)
Jeg har nu cyklet i 19 år i København, og det er min erfaring, at de farligste cyklister er *visse* unge kvinder (eller Birgitte, som du siger) på Nørrebro, Vesterbro og Indre By. Enten kender de ikke trafikreglerne, eller også er de bare i deres egen boble. Især det med at se sig over skulderen inden man overhaler (for at se om man kører ud foran nogen) er et stort problem for dem. Kommer de fra en sidevej, kører de også direkte ud foran én. Jeg ser dem også tit cykle _imod_ kørselsretningen på cykelstien (spøgelsescyklist👻), eller glo på deres mobiltelefon og slingre, nogle gange begge dele på én gang. 🤪 Der er også masser af kvinder der godt kan finde ud af at cykle, men de er som regel over 30. Giv agt.
This of course isn't set in stone but Danes generally find it really awkward to speak English, especially if it's in a group setting where everyone has to break out their "school Danglish" because of one person. A lot of conversation and joking around won't flow as naturally when switching languages and if they feel like the whole group convo for the whole night has to be had in English because of one person then maybe it'll be less awkward to not invite that person. I find that much more likely than a question of space. Learning the language makes a huge difference even when you're in a country where people speak relatively good English. I say this as someone who's more comfortable with English than most other Danes and it's often led to me becoming friends with foreigners who other people around me found it too awkward to talk to. It's also just generally hard to make new friends in Denmark, including for us Danes.
I don't get it. I have a circle of close friends which consists of 15 people. Including me, 3 are Danes. We have three Peruvians, two Lithuanians, two Spanish girls, a Polish girl, two Germans, on Canadian and one Italian. All with good jobs etc. I hate to say this, but I don't think it's hard. I have met a lot of people who don't seem willing to change a bit so that it leaves room for how Danes do things. It's stupid that people coming from Spain won't adjust in relation dinner time for example. We have a tendency to plan as well. So if we invite for something which is a month out, don't be the one who say, I don't want to plan that far out - that's what we do! I have had and have so many Expat friends, and I have met a lot of people who struggle because they don't make an effort. Maybe it's easier to not make an effort in other paces, but not here. I will also point something else out here. Your friend there did something that is not smart to do. I don't personally care that much about handball, but many Danes do. When I moved to the US way back when, I would not get into a social setting and blurt out that football, baseball or basketball was silly. That's shooting yourself in the foot. I think both baseball and football is extremely boring, few things are as boring, but when there was an invite to a Sunday afternoon of bbq and sports, I was there. And frankly, if it takes you years to adjust to the Danish culture of planning, maybe it's time to move on. Finally, in that group of friend, there are none who don't do Danish classes. What interest you show in the place you are, matters a lot.
Many interesting considerations. I really enjoyed watching this Robe/Trotting show about the complexities of cross-cultural friendships. Both preformers are incredibly likeable people, but it hurt for a second when Annie called our Handball "silly". In this lies a very significant cultural lack of cultural understanding, which is essential to learn if you want to create friendships. Never disparage the culture you want to be a part of! We have an example of a female Member of Parliament who was on a diplomatic trip to New Zealand. She expressed that she found the indigenous people's welcoming ceremony "silly". The Danes rose up in revolt against this politician. She was a guest with bad manners and that not only gives her a mark on the forehead, but the whole of Denmark. Culture is our nerve, our mother, our point of view from which our world proceeds. So the guest's sensitive respect will eventually result in true friendships. And then you can tease each other with each other's "sillyness". Just saying!
Hi Derek, Great episode again. I don't know do you remember that we talked about this peach vs. coconut culture thing back in last November at the CoHo open house event. The only thing that I didn't know that it is based on a scientific study or paper. I love that you picked that example because I think it helps understand how Danes work in personal relationships and those who are not accustomed yet won't get it as personal that Danes like to keep a certain distance.
Denmark is small but it can feel very big, when living out side the big city's. Cause then all the childhood friend moved away for school, and the new friends you got later on at school, moved away for jobs, and when it takes time to meet up, friendships, can run out after awhile. I have friends I have not spoken to for years. I think it is different when in Copenhagen, because the schools and jobs are all there. The transportation is there, also after 16.00 (4pm). And in general, Danes have just as many problems finding new friends. Every few years, it is taken back up in the media, how people are feeling lonesome. It is a problem, as it is not normal for Danes to go out, and hang out with strangers, without a specific purpose. Out here in the minor towns, people do not stay in one place all there life. Well some do, but most move around, to get closer to jobs. To find affordable housing. And transportation out here, just gets worse and worse, as they shut down bus routes, to save money. So, I get you. You are not alone. Not that it helps, or makes it better in any way. Good episode ❤
@@OctoPie-k7n eh... It's alright. But it's either too sunny or too rainy or too hot or too cold. That is always something wrong with it worth complaining about.
I came here from New Zealand and married a Dane. I also learned danish fairly quickly- it took 9 months and then I was fluent and working as a registered nurse. I had 3 kids when I came 25 years ago and had 1 more a few years after arriving. I think it was easier for me because I married a Danish guy and had kids. Also being able to speak danish quickly made a big difference. Also we lived in Svendborg. I think Danes are not as welcoming as other countries and often have a set friend group from their childhood
@@RobeTrotting yeah but I think I found it easier because he was a captain on a ship so away a lot of the time. I found I just had to learn since I was alone a lot. Plus i needed to know what kids were saying. I never really spoke danish with husband or his family as they preferred talking English as they had travelled a lot
I had only two friends in school- I was the odd one out that got beaten up, until I got hard, very hard. But since then I have made many, even though I have moved eight times in as many years. But after what I was through in school (and also on some occasion later with women that screwed me up); I have learned that being honest and open is the best. Nothing can hurt me more than I already was, few things can be worse than what I was already through. And three years in Greenland (where you smile at people on the street and greet them- cause you are probably related and certainly know each other), I smile and say good morning to strangers in the morning (I already smiled, especially at beautiful women), and look people in the eye (I always did, though at one point it was as a challenge, and to show that I was ready if they tried anything). I think I might be peach outside and coconut inside ;-) And I find it very pleasant, but also that it scares a lot of people.
The ability to converse in English does not mean an ability to project your inner self into speech. I’ve met MANY monolingual people and they usually don’t have a concept of this. They have no other frame of reference. Like the lady said “I don’t expect them to cater for me” but that’s not true. You do expect them to and that expectation not being met is what causes the feelings of distress. Many particularly monolingual Americans don’t have the concept of being functionally bilingual but not bi cultural. You’re not assessing how vast the difference between you and a Danish speaker actually is because you’re both speaking English. Once you can understand the local context for instance You go on a danish language meme page and you get the jokes that’s when you’re truly speaking the same language and that takes time. Other cultures aren’t as insular so it’s not needed but in Scandinavia you’ll never really get in, until you get it. That’s why I think any Scandinavian country will be close to last on making friends for a long time. Oh and that part of we have small apartments is complete bs. If you had been someone’s boyfriend it would have been no problem. But it’s hard for us to admit that because it makes us have to examine that in fact it’s an emotional reason not a question of space
Nice video :) please keep making these; the atmosphere you guys (and gals) create is so ✨hyggelig✨ and genuine. - got to the complementing/superficial chat and realised i should speak my mind. Especially when it's something positive :) -
The bell on a bicycle is used to make people in your path aware that you are passing them. It stems from when there were no bike lanes or sidewalks and you would pass pedestrians on your bike.
As a Dane, I have moved around Jutland a lot, and can only say that it is very different how you are received. Whether it is a big city or a small town. I've always found it easy to make new friends, but at one point I moved to a city and it was just impossible 🤷🏼♀️ Then I finally got one to talk to and we talked about it. She hadn't thought about it before, but they only saw the parents of their children's friends. So it's not friendships from childhood, but friendships because of the children. It was surprising and made sense. I don't have kids, so it's hard to find something to talk about when you have small Kids. Now I'm older, and people my age mostly have big children, so now they can talk about other things again 😉 But otherwise you just have to have a dog 🐕 There you can easily get into conversation with people, and can make fantastic friendships, with people who want to say hello to the dog 🐕
I'm not proud that we are *last* , nr 53, on that list.😶🌫 You two are so sweet, and defended our weirdness. It's not that we don't *want* to small talk, we are just not good at it. 😉As you said, we do talk a lot about the weather, it can't be helped. Another topic that noone can be hurt by: Food. (Consider us _introverted hobbits_ ) PS to Derek: I like your sweatshirt!
I think it’s hard to make friends no matter where you move to in the world and if you do not speak the language quite well. I think it’s as had for Dane’s and everyone else if you move to a foreign country. When I moved to London it’s was easier as I speak better English than writing. But still i had to work hard to get friends. Now I live in Spain and the only people I know is foreigners like me, people from Sweden, Norway, England, Germany. The Spanish speaks not much English and I speak very little Spanish so it’s difficult and the Spanish people do not always have the patience to wait for me to get 3-4 words out 😅😅 so they end up speaking English as good as they can.
I've never heard an American thinking that it's commonplace to have a pledge of allegiance - it's a relic of the post-Civil War period, which maybe helps to understand the reason it was introduced, and it's not required.
Never heard of that. And when I lived in the US, it was really dependant on where you were if it mattered or not. When I lived in Texas, yes, it was a thing. When I lived in San Fran and Seattle, nobody cared.
As A Dane and a person from Jutland i can promise you , that if a Dane gives you a compliment ... They mean it. There is a little rivalry between the different part of the country, and in Jutland compliments can go as "That wasn't half bad" meaning its F... good ;)
I love a peach-coconut smoothie! 🥰 And by the way a peach culture doesn't make you feel lonely, because it's normal to chit chat and being friendly with strangers! In my opnion.
I mean... I am sorta a peach, I am outwardly friendly seemingly soft, but I am quite private and while I have no problem talking about the deepest darkest parts of myself or life in general with a perfect stranger, I don't have any close friends in the U.S. as a kid I did, but not anymore everything I have heard so far in this video sounds really nice to be honest, social events are so fuckin exhausting for me, so not having that pressure to go after being invited would be super fuckin welcome and on the odd occasion that I am invited it would make it all the easier to say yes and actually mean it. I have only ever had maybe one close friend at any given time in my life, I have a small group of what I would consider acquaintances at one time as well, so it really sounds like I'd fit in well. It also wouldn't hurt that I would move with my partner, who is also my closest friend.
The private thing is VERY MUCH Copenhagen.. and Copenhagen adjacent. My first time on the S-Train after moving to the greater Copenhagen area was a culture shock beyond belief.
My friends in Denmark are mostly Non-Danes, yet I have a few danish frinends as well, maybe 50/50. But I do think that they are not what you would necesarily call "the Norm" when it comes to danish people. I think some danes have this air of supiriority to them, which makes them a bit closed minded when it comes to other people, expecially when they are not Danish as well.
Just join a club. Whatever you are into knitting, bike riding or whatever you can think of there is club for it. And if there isn't, it's fairly easy to start your own and there is even a possibility of public funding.
The language barrier is actually a problem. I speak English quite fluently, but it still fries my brain to do it for hours/days at a time. If your friendships could be held in Danish, I think it would be easier for you to make friends - in a Danish speaking country.
Im from Denmark and i have to say that i dont really see why we have that label... I think its all about how you aproach a dane .. do it the right way and i think we are the same as everybody else??
From the report (linked in the description): "Finding Friends looks at if expats have a personal support network, if they’re happy with their social life, and if making local friends is easy." 53 countries were in the survey and there's more detail on the methodology of the survey there as well.
I wouldn't call Copenhagen small. There's like 20 US cities, that are larger and ten of those, only a bit larger (under 1 million population). US cities probably feel bigger, because of skyscrapers, so by having one dense area of the city. I've seen many Americans calling Copenhagen a town, but they wouldn't call Seattle, Denver, Washington, Las Vegas, Boston, Detroit, Milwaukee, Memphis etc. for towns and tgey are about the same size as Copenhagen.
We don't consider acquaintances or colleagues as friends. They're friendly, but not friends. You've been living there for 8 years and don't speak the language? Shame on you! Expecting a group to change to your language is disrespectfull. The apparent "nordic aloofness" just expresses privacy, respect and efficiency. The Swedes even have a special name for small talk: kallprat ("cold talk") or dödprat ("dead talk"). I think it explains the concept very well.
Peach cultures are very frustrating coming from a coconut culture- you think you have made friends, and woops you didn't. Very emotionally distressing. I mean If your are naturally bad a reading people and thus super dependent on cultural cues it's probably harder than for most. It takes a while to learn
I could see that being a let down and hurtful, it really can cut both ways. We don't always know what cues we're sending to someone who doesn't approach socializing the same way.
I think a very major hurdle for foreigners to really get their heads around is the fact that Danes are the 'I'm free on a friday in about 8 weeks' kind of friend. We plan most, if not all of our weekends and are rarely spontaneous (and when we are it's mostly a beer or a coffee for an hour or two before having to leave for an engagement that's been in our calender for over three months). This makes it super hard for non-Danes to feel like there's anywhere to get a foothold. It's awkward making plans with someone you barely know for a meetup months into the future. The really droll and unsatisfying answer is that you've got to put in the time, far more than you'd expect, and you've got to be in regular prolonged contact (like work, extra curriculars/hobbies or classes/education) beforehand. I'm a Dane and I didn't properly hang out with my uni friends at one of their appartments until we were 8 months into our degree, before that we'd mostly been hanging out together at lunchtimes and going for drinks after class every second friday. Now we're a tightknit group of people who meet up regularly. But yeah, 8 months of regular contact for any of that to even be remotely possible.
hehehe... the weather is not really small tank, it's more about talking shit about it... we have a saying here "u are going to like the summer, it's a nice 2 weeks" and "if u dont like the weather, just wait 5min" or "there's no bad weather, just bad clothing"
Well yes it might be tough, BUT you can be sure that the friends you do make , will be genuine ( in general) thers always the odd one out 🙂 it's certainly not always because of small apartments, it's also different interests i have friends i watch football with, i have friends i watch movies with aso aso and some of them overlap , but not all
Yeah, I don't think people seek out "non-genuine friends" anywhere though and I don't find people to be more genuine in Denmark. If it's hard to make friends, it's hard to settle in a new place no matter what the longevity of the friendship truly is and sometimes you just need friendliness from people until you find those deeper friends, which probably makes people feel like it's harder to connect.
about the feeling awkward not speaking "good enough" danish, forgettaboutit ;) just prattle the danish you can, suppliment with some english words, when you get stuck, and we will love you for trying to make the effort... and everyone over the age of 20 will speak fluent danglish, we where raised on the julekalender... bobob
Even danes cant find friends. If you have lived the same place for ever, you went to kindergarten, school and highschool then maybe but only maybe you have a friend possibility.
i saw a guy at my work place he called his mother to transfer him 60 danish crown because last weekend he bought his mom a pizza and I was in shock for 2 days, Danes are like this how can you find friend here ??
Hi. This is not hate. My cousin is canada. Born and raised. Never spoke a danish Word til he got here. He has allways insisted that i didn't talk english to him. What your or our ploblem is that you expect us takling english and that way yall never learn danish.
As a dane that has moved around a bit in Denmark, I have given up making danish friends. Complete waste of time, it's impossible 👎 Egoism is thriving in Denmark 👎 But that is my perspective based on experience.
It's not the language. I speak really good Danish. When I go to social gatherings I feel many times left out, like I don't fit in. People know you are American and I think they put you in a box and stereotype who you are. I have been here for 20+ years. Having said that. I still love living here and would never want to move back to the US.
Go ahead and practice your Danish at those gatherings. Forget about seeming childish and having everything explained to you. If you don't do so, you will never integrate.
Copenhagen is not the best place to make friends. Too busy place, too many people. I have more friends that are from other places. Same with my sister. But mostly, take part in local things, even outside copenhagen people speaks english. Sure there are people who will have troubles, if they tries to improve others methods of working. Yes, we do take time to befriend, if you want more than Just a superficial friendship.
@@RobeTrotting Know most Danes can be hard on the outside, and yes we have friends from childhood and so on. My sister and her friends, are more open to "new" People, than my generation (16 1/2 years apart) witch make me an "old woman" but we started learning english as second languag early. Our mother, did not Lern it early, think she only had one or two years. Many from My generation, if not using it, tend to forget it, they might understand you, but have it harder to speak it. I have a lot of internationale friends, and english is for me, easier, than duch or greak, even I do uderstand a lot of duch. Danes are soften up, more and more, but yes Janteloven, still exist fully. 😂 But things do seems to get better.
See that's where you make a mistake. You may not say that, but I'm sure people around can sense that's how you feel. When ever you move to a new place, I have lived in several places, DON'T make fun of, or put a notion out that the culture is weird or wrong. That is a sure-fire way to alienate yourself.
I have lived here 26 years and have plenty of friends so I don’t have a problem. I love everything about Denmark, and have spoken danish for 25 years and worked here. Still think flag thing is weird
I call BS 🤣 ! I´m Danish 🇩🇰 and have no problem with inviting new outside friends into my life ! But we Danes need to feel a Vibe and Trust, before we do ! if you seem superficial, we´re gonna push you away! We need truth, before we give trust. I was both a Danish and American Military brat and had no problem making friends when my Mom and I moved back to DK 8 years later. Many many Moons ago I met one of my closest friends in Sønderborg (South Jutland), He was from Texas ! That was some 30 years ago ! We´re friends to this day, and he, his Wife and Daughter have become friends among my other friends, that I didn't grow up with. You can easily make friends here, if they trust you and you have something in common. You get, what you give! And like on every where else on Earth.., we Danes can also be real A..holes 😒 ! A..holes aside! Most of us Love ❤ having you here and making DK your home 👍 !
I have been living in Denmark since 2022. My wife is Danish. I am American. I have to say that Danes and Danish culture is just rude by English/American standards. For a place that's supposedly "happiest in the world" you will rarely find someone smile or be friendly. They want you to get an "education" for every job from waiter to toilet scrubber. Everything is controlled by the government. When my mother in law is dead I will be on the first plane back to the United States. I don't blame the Danes though. The weather sucks, it's dark 6months out of the year, and the food is as bland as the fashion. I refuse to assimilate to the many shades of gray.
@williamjones4716 there is so much alcohol here. Seeing 15 year olds buying cases of beer is really strange. Seeing my mother in law smirk and laugh and say "they're having fun" is even weirder. They seem to be convinced that they're doing everything right and the rest of the world is just stupid for not doing what they're told. A truly bizarre place.
Maybe it is easier to understand what happens about making of new friends, if you who are immigrants from the USA, do imagine that someone from for example Moldavia, moves to your city in the USA without knowing a word of English and he thinks the reception is unfriendly and strange, so he concludes that it is really difficult to make friends with Americans. Maybe he offers to speak broken Russian or a little German with you, and alas, you are still not comfortable with the choices. I'm sure that there are many understandable obstacles to learning Danish, it being a difficult language to pronounce and all, but learning Danish is the right path to integrate, no need of becoming obsessed with getting rid of your accent. Just aim for understanding and getting understood: not speaking too fast to give an impression of fluency, as it is not helpful at all. And when speaking with Danes not used to your variant of English, speak slowly and avoid slang and abbreviations, it makes it more comfortable for those who are not speaking English as their mother-tongue. Often US-Americans come across as rather unaware of their lack of cross-cultural flexibility.
The survey was of all internationals living in Denmark, not just Americans and probably including some from Moldova. Deflecting to negative stereotypes of Americans doesn’t invalidate the experiences of the internationals who live in Denmark and responded to that survey.
@@RobeTrottingTruth is that it was two immigrants from the USA who discussed the survey and I referred to that discussion. I didn't refer to you as expats, to set you apart from other immigrants. And I discussed the issue with good intentions to contribute to understanding of what is needed for integration - and hence finding friends. If you stay in the country just for a few seasons, and Danes look at friendships as lifelong, thinking of yourselves as expats, already that is underlining of your short term stay, then there is a gap to overcome. Do you often get the question: "for how long have you lived here?" That is in disguise about an evaluation of your language skill in Danish, as it secretly should be in the Danes' view - they think it tells a lot about you, if your Danish is crap after five years. It should be good they think. After 10 years you can still have an accent, but you are supposed to be able to take part in any discussion. Of course the evaluation differs, but one conclusion about your Danish skill might be that you prefer to set yourself apart not actually wanting to blend in, not caring to make the effort. I think it is not the intention of the one who doesn't learn Danish. There can be other prejudiced conclusions, too, that was not meant to be drawn. If the hosts of the video had been Arabic or Russian or any others, my comments would have been similar, about the attitudes to learning Danish and being expats, and not finding friends. No better way to show the willingness to become friends with Danes than learning their language to a deep level.
You are the most authentically Danish commenter on this entire thread. Although I don't agree with your first comparison (Denmark is not the USA, and Danish is not the ligua franca of the entire world) your explanation is still very valid, even though it might be irritating for IMMIGRANTS. I absolutely LOVE that you called them by the name immigrant, because that is what they are. I cringe so hard when I hear the word expat, and because it shouts superiority, they are the immigrants who think that the rules don't apply to them (and let's be honest, they might be right, as so many people are fooled by them) and deserve special treatment: like finding friends, without speaking the language or conforming to Danish conformity. They do have some advantage thanks to popular culture and their money, but then they are butthurt when that advantage is not guaranteed at all times.
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One night in the bar of the hotel I was staying in during a visit to Copenhagen, I was reading Berlingske. The bar staff, that I'd got to know over previous stays, were intrigued as to why the Scotsman was reading a Danish paper. I explained that half my family is Danish and I read it pretty fluently but find speaking it hard. We got chatting, and I mentioned I was a university professor. After last orders, one of the young waitresses came over and said 'you're a professor, can I ask your advice about something?'. She was having difficulty deciding on which degree course to choose. I sat and listened and gave her my opinion (despite probably having had one too many Tuborgs). On the next trip, in the same hotel, I asked one of her colleagues what she had decided. She told me what her friend had chosen, and then said 'you changed her life that evening with your advice'. I had such a warm and fuzzy feeling. That was perhaps the ultimate (and perfect) mix of peach and coconut. It always comes down to making that individual connection.
What a sweet story 😃
That is heartwarming. Next time, you need to try some actual beer though.
@@PalleRasmussen Hahahaha......Yes....Actually I think it was Jakobsen IPA that I was having.
As a Dane it can be hard to get new friends even when you move city. I moved to a new city with my husband and didn't know anyone. It was when we had a baby on the way, I started to meet new people and after our daughter was born, I got into a mom-group and that was when I started to get friends in the city that I live in.
I do believe that most Danes want to talk to and might want to become friends with people from outside the country, but many hold back - we don't want to be "too much" and don't want to overstep some boundaries (at least that is how I feel).
I love seeing danes from your point of view 🥰 Love your channel 🤩As a Dane I don’t completely agree, but I know that you have to explain things to give a common idea of how Danish people are. I don’t believe everyone is like that. I have found that even though a lot of Danish people learn English in school and is capable of speaking English. You have to remember it’s school English, so unless they have studied further or have lived abroad. Many can be uncomfortable in leading a conversation in English. I think some Danish people can be pretty shy about that. And then you always have to remember that Denmark is not Copenhagen. It is quite funny whenever I visit Copenhagen and I need to get directions the first 20 people I ask are all tourists or foreigners visiting or living in Copenhagen. And I sometimes have to switch over to english to get directions. I think the other parts of Denmark has an outlook on how copenhagen people are switched off, always in a hurry, shallow, superficial, self-centred and do not smile or talk to people on the street. I know not all people in copenhagen are like that, but usually the ones we meet when we are there are like that. And with good reason, because we are on holiday and they are getting to or from work, a meeting or whatever and we are in their way. At the sidewalk, in cycle lane, at the train, at the bus, on the street, in the queues and in the coffee shops.
I love ❤ speaking English and people know that so I always get seated next to English-speaking people at every event I am invited to. And I love it I love meeting new people I love speaking English so it’s a win-win. But on the downside I don’t get to talk to anybody else at the party or whatever event it is especially if it’s a sitting down dining experience. 🤗
New friends will often have to fit in to existing friend groups, so it could take some time for us, to make sure you do just that.
Definitely true
i now live just west of CPH, where riding side by side on bikes is not much possible as there are always someone who rings the bell to pass if you tried - but i grew up in "rural" Herning. There we could easily ride side by side (talking) for the most of the trip and when you heard the bell of others i felt more like i was a bother than they where and ofc made a single file til the people passed and we could go side by side again. To me the bell have always been to bring awareness of me being at the lane either wising to pass or letting you know I'm passing - but in CPH i never use it, because ofc there are others we where just 20 ppl at the intersection before and we are more or less the same 20 ppl at the next intersection - so I either comply with the speed of the others or hassle my way through, just to be overtaken at the next red light because ofc Birgitte is gonna go just in front of me at the red light (not staying behind the hard white line, but behind the crosswalk) instead of w8ing behind, and then i have to overtake her again, and again... I now have an electric bike, that increases the chance that i am gonna pass a green light that Birgitte doesn't make, however, up ahead is her sistester doing the same =P
My commute is almost 10km from Hvidovre to Frederiksberg, so the hassle is not as much as it could be if i where to go to the city center =)
Jeg har nu cyklet i 19 år i København, og det er min erfaring, at de farligste cyklister er *visse* unge kvinder (eller Birgitte, som du siger) på Nørrebro, Vesterbro og Indre By. Enten kender de ikke trafikreglerne, eller også er de bare i deres egen boble. Især det med at se sig over skulderen inden man overhaler (for at se om man kører ud foran nogen) er et stort problem for dem. Kommer de fra en sidevej, kører de også direkte ud foran én. Jeg ser dem også tit cykle _imod_ kørselsretningen på cykelstien (spøgelsescyklist👻), eller glo på deres mobiltelefon og slingre, nogle gange begge dele på én gang. 🤪 Der er også masser af kvinder der godt kan finde ud af at cykle, men de er som regel over 30.
Giv agt.
This of course isn't set in stone but Danes generally find it really awkward to speak English, especially if it's in a group setting where everyone has to break out their "school Danglish" because of one person. A lot of conversation and joking around won't flow as naturally when switching languages and if they feel like the whole group convo for the whole night has to be had in English because of one person then maybe it'll be less awkward to not invite that person. I find that much more likely than a question of space. Learning the language makes a huge difference even when you're in a country where people speak relatively good English. I say this as someone who's more comfortable with English than most other Danes and it's often led to me becoming friends with foreigners who other people around me found it too awkward to talk to. It's also just generally hard to make new friends in Denmark, including for us Danes.
You Are very welcome at my place. I could tell you stories! Best of luck. We Are actually quite friendly here. And we like speaking english.
I don't get it.
I have a circle of close friends which consists of 15 people.
Including me, 3 are Danes. We have three Peruvians, two Lithuanians, two Spanish girls, a Polish girl, two Germans, on Canadian and one Italian. All with good jobs etc.
I hate to say this, but I don't think it's hard. I have met a lot of people who don't seem willing to change a bit so that it leaves room for how Danes do things.
It's stupid that people coming from Spain won't adjust in relation dinner time for example.
We have a tendency to plan as well. So if we invite for something which is a month out, don't be the one who say, I don't want to plan that far out - that's what we do!
I have had and have so many Expat friends, and I have met a lot of people who struggle because they don't make an effort. Maybe it's easier to not make an effort in other paces, but not here.
I will also point something else out here. Your friend there did something that is not smart to do. I don't personally care that much about handball, but many Danes do. When I moved to the US way back when, I would not get into a social setting and blurt out that football, baseball or basketball was silly. That's shooting yourself in the foot. I think both baseball and football is extremely boring, few things are as boring, but when there was an invite to a Sunday afternoon of bbq and sports, I was there.
And frankly, if it takes you years to adjust to the Danish culture of planning, maybe it's time to move on.
Finally, in that group of friend, there are none who don't do Danish classes. What interest you show in the place you are, matters a lot.
Many interesting considerations. I really enjoyed watching this Robe/Trotting show about the complexities of cross-cultural friendships. Both preformers are incredibly likeable people, but it hurt for a second when Annie called our Handball "silly". In this lies a very significant cultural lack of cultural understanding, which is essential to learn if you want to create friendships. Never disparage the culture you want to be a part of! We have an example of a female Member of Parliament who was on a diplomatic trip to New Zealand. She expressed that she found the indigenous people's welcoming ceremony "silly". The Danes rose up in revolt against this politician. She was a guest with bad manners and that not only gives her a mark on the forehead, but the whole of Denmark. Culture is our nerve, our mother, our point of view from which our world proceeds. So the guest's sensitive respect will eventually result in true friendships. And then you can tease each other with each other's "sillyness". Just saying!
Hi Derek,
Great episode again. I don't know do you remember that we talked about this peach vs. coconut culture thing back in last November at the CoHo open house event. The only thing that I didn't know that it is based on a scientific study or paper. I love that you picked that example because I think it helps understand how Danes work in personal relationships and those who are not accustomed yet won't get it as personal that Danes like to keep a certain distance.
Denmark is small but it can feel very big, when living out side the big city's. Cause then all the childhood friend moved away for school, and the new friends you got later on at school, moved away for jobs, and when it takes time to meet up, friendships, can run out after awhile. I have friends I have not spoken to for years. I think it is different when in Copenhagen, because the schools and jobs are all there. The transportation is there, also after 16.00 (4pm). And in general, Danes have just as many problems finding new friends. Every few years, it is taken back up in the media, how people are feeling lonesome. It is a problem, as it is not normal for Danes to go out, and hang out with strangers, without a specific purpose. Out here in the minor towns, people do not stay in one place all there life. Well some do, but most move around, to get closer to jobs. To find affordable housing. And transportation out here, just gets worse and worse, as they shut down bus routes, to save money. So, I get you. You are not alone. Not that it helps, or makes it better in any way. Good episode ❤
I think to Danes the weather belongs in the complaining category, more than the small-talk category, which makes it acceptable :p
Yep. That's not small talk. We piss and moan about the weather. It's a way to let off steam.
How bad is the weather in Denmark?
@@OctoPie-k7n I refer you to "The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" wherein it is determined that Denmark has 117 different kinds of rain.
@@OctoPie-k7n eh... It's alright.
But it's either too sunny or too rainy or too hot or too cold.
That is always something wrong with it worth complaining about.
@@missa2855 that's reasonable
I came here from New Zealand and married a Dane. I also learned danish fairly quickly- it took 9 months and then I was fluent and working as a registered nurse. I had 3 kids when I came 25 years ago and had 1 more a few years after arriving. I think it was easier for me because I married a Danish guy and had kids. Also being able to speak danish quickly made a big difference. Also we lived in Svendborg. I think Danes are not as welcoming as other countries and often have a set friend group from their childhood
It's so much easier to learn Danish when you have a native speaker at your disposal LOL
@@RobeTrotting yeah but I think I found it easier because he was a captain on a ship so away a lot of the time. I found I just had to learn since I was alone a lot. Plus i needed to know what kids were saying. I never really spoke danish with husband or his family as they preferred talking English as they had travelled a lot
I had only two friends in school- I was the odd one out that got beaten up, until I got hard, very hard. But since then I have made many, even though I have moved eight times in as many years. But after what I was through in school (and also on some occasion later with women that screwed me up); I have learned that being honest and open is the best. Nothing can hurt me more than I already was, few things can be worse than what I was already through. And three years in Greenland (where you smile at people on the street and greet them- cause you are probably related and certainly know each other), I smile and say good morning to strangers in the morning (I already smiled, especially at beautiful women), and look people in the eye (I always did, though at one point it was as a challenge, and to show that I was ready if they tried anything). I think I might be peach outside and coconut inside ;-) And I find it very pleasant, but also that it scares a lot of people.
Someone has to be 53rd. Denmark taking one for the team.
😂
The ability to converse in English does not mean an ability to project your inner self into speech. I’ve met MANY monolingual people and they usually don’t have a concept of this. They have no other frame of reference. Like the lady said “I don’t expect them to cater for me” but that’s not true. You do expect them to and that expectation not being met is what causes the feelings of distress.
Many particularly monolingual Americans don’t have the concept of being functionally bilingual but not bi cultural.
You’re not assessing how vast the difference between you and a Danish speaker actually is because you’re both speaking English.
Once you can understand the local context for instance You go on a danish language meme page and you get the jokes that’s when you’re truly speaking the same language and that takes time. Other cultures aren’t as insular so it’s not needed but in Scandinavia you’ll never really get in, until you get it.
That’s why I think any Scandinavian country will be close to last on making friends for a long time.
Oh and that part of we have small apartments is complete bs. If you had been someone’s boyfriend it would have been no problem. But it’s hard for us to admit that because it makes us have to examine that in fact it’s an emotional reason not a question of space
Nice video :) please keep making these; the atmosphere you guys (and gals) create is so ✨hyggelig✨ and genuine.
- got to the complementing/superficial chat and realised i should speak my mind. Especially when it's something positive :) -
The bell on a bicycle is used to make people in your path aware that you are passing them.
It stems from when there were no bike lanes or sidewalks and you would pass pedestrians on your bike.
As a Dane, I have moved around Jutland a lot, and can only say that it is very different how you are received. Whether it is a big city or a small town.
I've always found it easy to make new friends, but at one point I moved to a city and it was just impossible 🤷🏼♀️
Then I finally got one to talk to and we talked about it. She hadn't thought about it before, but they only saw the parents of their children's friends.
So it's not friendships from childhood, but friendships because of the children. It was surprising and made sense.
I don't have kids, so it's hard to find something to talk about when you have small Kids.
Now I'm older, and people my age mostly have big children, so now they can talk about other things again 😉
But otherwise you just have to have a dog 🐕
There you can easily get into conversation with people, and can make fantastic friendships, with people who want to say hello to the dog 🐕
I'm not proud that we are *last* , nr 53, on that list.😶🌫
You two are so sweet, and defended our weirdness. It's not that we don't *want* to small talk, we are just not good at it. 😉As you said, we do talk a lot about the weather, it can't be helped. Another topic that noone can be hurt by: Food. (Consider us _introverted hobbits_ ) PS to Derek: I like your sweatshirt!
I think it’s hard to make friends no matter where you move to in the world and if you do not speak the language quite well. I think it’s as had for Dane’s and everyone else if you move to a foreign country. When I moved to London it’s was easier as I speak better English than writing. But still i had to work hard to get friends. Now I live in Spain and the only people I know is foreigners like me, people from Sweden, Norway, England, Germany. The Spanish speaks not much English and I speak very little Spanish so it’s difficult and the Spanish people do not always have the patience to wait for me to get 3-4 words out 😅😅 so they end up speaking English as good as they can.
Many Americans think Europeans swears Pledge of Allegiance to the flag. Even though Danes love Dannebrog, this pledge seems way too medieval.
I've never heard an American thinking that it's commonplace to have a pledge of allegiance - it's a relic of the post-Civil War period, which maybe helps to understand the reason it was introduced, and it's not required.
Never heard anyone think that Danes pledged allegiance to their flag
Never heard of that. And when I lived in the US, it was really dependant on where you were if it mattered or not. When I lived in Texas, yes, it was a thing. When I lived in San Fran and Seattle, nobody cared.
Openness is key, yours that is.
Then go exercise in sports clubs, they eventually open up to you
I love the peach and coconut analogy!!!
As A Dane and a person from Jutland i can promise you , that if a Dane gives you a compliment ... They mean it. There is a little rivalry between the different part of the country, and in Jutland compliments can go as "That wasn't half bad" meaning its F... good ;)
I love a peach-coconut smoothie! 🥰 And by the way a peach culture doesn't make you feel lonely, because it's normal to chit chat and being friendly with strangers! In my opnion.
I mean... I am sorta a peach, I am outwardly friendly seemingly soft, but I am quite private and while I have no problem talking about the deepest darkest parts of myself or life in general with a perfect stranger, I don't have any close friends in the U.S. as a kid I did, but not anymore everything I have heard so far in this video sounds really nice to be honest, social events are so fuckin exhausting for me, so not having that pressure to go after being invited would be super fuckin welcome and on the odd occasion that I am invited it would make it all the easier to say yes and actually mean it. I have only ever had maybe one close friend at any given time in my life, I have a small group of what I would consider acquaintances at one time as well, so it really sounds like I'd fit in well. It also wouldn't hurt that I would move with my partner, who is also my closest friend.
The private thing is VERY MUCH Copenhagen.. and Copenhagen adjacent.
My first time on the S-Train after moving to the greater Copenhagen area was a culture shock beyond belief.
Is it as hard if you move to a smaller town or village? Cities are just everyone is closed off, and don't want to know.
Copenhagen is not a small city!
More correctly it is many small Village build together
It's hard to make friends with foreigners!
You know from the very start, that eventually they'll leave you.
And it's going to hurt like hell!!
My friends in Denmark are mostly Non-Danes, yet I have a few danish frinends as well, maybe 50/50. But I do think that they are not what you would necesarily call "the Norm" when it comes to danish people. I think some danes have this air of supiriority to them, which makes them a bit closed minded when it comes to other people, expecially when they are not Danish as well.
Some Danes definitely have a “danish bubble” and a little nationalism, but I’m glad you found some Danish friends that don’t fall in that category 😃
Just join a club. Whatever you are into knitting, bike riding or whatever you can think of there is club for it. And if there isn't, it's fairly easy to start your own and there is even a possibility of public funding.
The language barrier is actually a problem. I speak English quite fluently, but it still fries my brain to do it for hours/days at a time. If your friendships could be held in Danish, I think it would be easier for you to make friends - in a Danish speaking country.
Im from Denmark and i have to say that i dont really see why we have that label... I think its all about how you aproach a dane .. do it the right way and i think we are the same as everybody else??
I think both of you are becoming Danish, judging by how often you say “hundred procent.” 😎
😂
Most Danes don't mind switching to English, but you won't make any real friends in Denmark without speaking Danish.
We both have - internationals and Danish. So that’s not true.
How is a friend defined in this survey?
In how many countries have the panel, in the survey, tried to make friends?
From the report (linked in the description): "Finding Friends looks at if expats have a personal support network, if they’re happy with their social life, and if making local friends is easy."
53 countries were in the survey and there's more detail on the methodology of the survey there as well.
Maybe if did NOT say " THAT THING " about the Danish Flag things would go better for you
I have been living in Denmark since 2002 and I don’t have a single Danish friend.
I wouldn't call Copenhagen small. There's like 20 US cities, that are larger and ten of those, only a bit larger (under 1 million population).
US cities probably feel bigger, because of skyscrapers, so by having one dense area of the city.
I've seen many Americans calling Copenhagen a town, but they wouldn't call Seattle, Denver, Washington, Las Vegas, Boston, Detroit, Milwaukee, Memphis etc. for towns and tgey are about the same size as Copenhagen.
We don't consider acquaintances or colleagues as friends. They're friendly, but not friends. You've been living there for 8 years and don't speak the language? Shame on you! Expecting a group to change to your language is disrespectfull. The apparent "nordic aloofness" just expresses privacy, respect and efficiency. The Swedes even have a special name for small talk: kallprat ("cold talk") or dödprat ("dead talk"). I think it explains the concept very well.
Peach cultures are very frustrating coming from a coconut culture- you think you have made friends, and woops you didn't. Very emotionally distressing. I mean If your are naturally bad a reading people and thus super dependent on cultural cues it's probably harder than for most. It takes a while to learn
I could see that being a let down and hurtful, it really can cut both ways. We don't always know what cues we're sending to someone who doesn't approach socializing the same way.
I think a very major hurdle for foreigners to really get their heads around is the fact that Danes are the 'I'm free on a friday in about 8 weeks' kind of friend. We plan most, if not all of our weekends and are rarely spontaneous (and when we are it's mostly a beer or a coffee for an hour or two before having to leave for an engagement that's been in our calender for over three months). This makes it super hard for non-Danes to feel like there's anywhere to get a foothold. It's awkward making plans with someone you barely know for a meetup months into the future.
The really droll and unsatisfying answer is that you've got to put in the time, far more than you'd expect, and you've got to be in regular prolonged contact (like work, extra curriculars/hobbies or classes/education) beforehand. I'm a Dane and I didn't properly hang out with my uni friends at one of their appartments until we were 8 months into our degree, before that we'd mostly been hanging out together at lunchtimes and going for drinks after class every second friday. Now we're a tightknit group of people who meet up regularly. But yeah, 8 months of regular contact for any of that to even be remotely possible.
hehehe... the weather is not really small tank, it's more about talking shit about it... we have a saying here "u are going to like the summer, it's a nice 2 weeks" and "if u dont like the weather, just wait 5min" or "there's no bad weather, just bad clothing"
Well yes it might be tough, BUT you can be sure that the friends you do make , will be genuine ( in general) thers always the odd one out 🙂 it's certainly not always because of small apartments, it's also different interests i have friends i watch football with, i have friends i watch movies with aso aso and some of them overlap , but not all
Yeah, I don't think people seek out "non-genuine friends" anywhere though and I don't find people to be more genuine in Denmark. If it's hard to make friends, it's hard to settle in a new place no matter what the longevity of the friendship truly is and sometimes you just need friendliness from people until you find those deeper friends, which probably makes people feel like it's harder to connect.
about the feeling awkward not speaking "good enough" danish, forgettaboutit ;)
just prattle the danish you can, suppliment with some english words, when you get stuck, and we will love you for trying to make the effort...
and everyone over the age of 20 will speak fluent danglish, we where raised on the julekalender... bobob
Thank you for getting 🎵 It's hard to be a Nissemand 🎶 stuck in my head now LOL
Even danes cant find friends. If you have lived the same place for ever, you went to kindergarten, school and highschool then maybe but only maybe you have a friend possibility.
i saw a guy at my work place he called his mother to transfer him 60 danish crown because last weekend he bought his mom a pizza and I was in shock for 2 days, Danes are like this how can you find friend here ??
Hi. This is not hate. My cousin is canada. Born and raised. Never spoke a danish Word til he got here. He has allways insisted that i didn't talk english to him. What your or our ploblem is that you expect us takling english and that way yall never learn danish.
Ok
As a dane that has moved around a bit in Denmark, I have given up making danish friends.
Complete waste of time, it's impossible 👎
Egoism is thriving in Denmark 👎
But that is my perspective based on experience.
It's not the language. I speak really good Danish. When I go to social gatherings I feel many times left out, like I don't fit in. People know you are American and I think they put you in a box and stereotype who you are. I have been here for 20+ years. Having said that. I still love living here and would never want to move back to the US.
A lot of danes don't know what to do with compliments
Go ahead and practice your Danish at those gatherings. Forget about seeming childish and having everything explained to you. If you don't do so, you will never integrate.
As a dane you can easily make freinds here. On another note DONT TOUCH ME!
Copenhagen is not the best place to make friends. Too busy place, too many people.
I have more friends that are from other places. Same with my sister.
But mostly, take part in local things, even outside copenhagen people speaks english.
Sure there are people who will have troubles, if they tries to improve others methods of working.
Yes, we do take time to befriend, if you want more than Just a superficial friendship.
Well it was a country report, not a city report, but of course most global jobs besides LEGO would bring people to the Copenhagen area.
@@RobeTrotting Know most Danes can be hard on the outside, and yes we have friends from childhood and so on. My sister and her friends, are more open to "new" People, than my generation (16 1/2 years apart) witch make me an "old woman" but we started learning english as second languag early.
Our mother, did not Lern it early, think she only had one or two years.
Many from My generation, if not using it, tend to forget it, they might understand you, but have it harder to speak it. I have a lot of internationale friends, and english is for me, easier, than duch or greak, even I do uderstand a lot of duch.
Danes are soften up, more and more, but yes Janteloven, still exist fully. 😂
But things do seems to get better.
Totally agree the flag thing is weird
See that's where you make a mistake. You may not say that, but I'm sure people around can sense that's how you feel. When ever you move to a new place, I have lived in several places, DON'T make fun of, or put a notion out that the culture is weird or wrong. That is a sure-fire way to alienate yourself.
I have lived here 26 years and have plenty of friends so I don’t have a problem. I love everything about Denmark, and have spoken danish for 25 years and worked here. Still think flag thing is weird
I call BS 🤣 ! I´m Danish 🇩🇰 and have no problem with inviting new outside friends into my life !
But we Danes need to feel a Vibe and Trust, before we do ! if you seem superficial, we´re gonna push you away! We need truth, before we give trust.
I was both a Danish and American Military brat and had no problem making friends when my Mom and I moved back to DK 8 years later.
Many many Moons ago I met one of my closest friends in Sønderborg (South Jutland),
He was from Texas ! That was some 30 years ago ! We´re friends to this day, and he, his Wife and Daughter have become friends among my other friends, that I didn't grow up with.
You can easily make friends here, if they trust you and you have something in common. You get, what you give! And like on every where else on Earth.., we Danes can also be real A..holes 😒 ! A..holes aside! Most of us Love ❤ having you here and making DK your home 👍 !
I have been living in Denmark since 2022. My wife is Danish. I am American. I have to say that Danes and Danish culture is just rude by English/American standards. For a place that's supposedly "happiest in the world" you will rarely find someone smile or be friendly. They want you to get an "education" for every job from waiter to toilet scrubber. Everything is controlled by the government.
When my mother in law is dead I will be on the first plane back to the United States.
I don't blame the Danes though. The weather sucks, it's dark 6months out of the year, and the food is as bland as the fashion. I refuse to assimilate to the many shades of gray.
@williamjones4716 there is so much alcohol here. Seeing 15 year olds buying cases of beer is really strange. Seeing my mother in law smirk and laugh and say "they're having fun" is even weirder. They seem to be convinced that they're doing everything right and the rest of the world is just stupid for not doing what they're told. A truly bizarre place.
Maybe it is easier to understand what happens about making of new friends, if you who are immigrants from the USA, do imagine that someone from for example Moldavia, moves to your city in the USA without knowing a word of English and he thinks the reception is unfriendly and strange, so he concludes that it is really difficult to make friends with Americans. Maybe he offers to speak broken Russian or a little German with you, and alas, you are still not comfortable with the choices.
I'm sure that there are many understandable obstacles to learning Danish, it being a difficult language to pronounce and all, but learning Danish is the right path to integrate, no need of becoming obsessed with getting rid of your accent. Just aim for understanding and getting understood: not speaking too fast to give an impression of fluency, as it is not helpful at all. And when speaking with Danes not used to your variant of English, speak slowly and avoid slang and abbreviations, it makes it more comfortable for those who are not speaking English as their mother-tongue. Often US-Americans come across as rather unaware of their lack of cross-cultural flexibility.
The survey was of all internationals living in Denmark, not just Americans and probably including some from Moldova. Deflecting to negative stereotypes of Americans doesn’t invalidate the experiences of the internationals who live in Denmark and responded to that survey.
@@RobeTrottingTruth is that it was two immigrants from the USA who discussed the survey and I referred to that discussion. I didn't refer to you as expats, to set you apart from other immigrants. And I discussed the issue with good intentions to contribute to understanding of what is needed for integration - and hence finding friends. If you stay in the country just for a few seasons, and Danes look at friendships as lifelong, thinking of yourselves as expats, already that is underlining of your short term stay, then there is a gap to overcome. Do you often get the question: "for how long have you lived here?" That is in disguise about an evaluation of your language skill in Danish, as it secretly should be in the Danes' view - they think it tells a lot about you, if your Danish is crap after five years. It should be good they think. After 10 years you can still have an accent, but you are supposed to be able to take part in any discussion. Of course the evaluation differs, but one conclusion about your Danish skill might be that you prefer to set yourself apart not actually wanting to blend in, not caring to make the effort. I think it is not the intention of the one who doesn't learn Danish. There can be other prejudiced conclusions, too, that was not meant to be drawn. If the hosts of the video had been Arabic or Russian or any others, my comments would have been similar, about the attitudes to learning Danish and being expats, and not finding friends. No better way to show the willingness to become friends with Danes than learning their language to a deep level.
You are the most authentically Danish commenter on this entire thread. Although I don't agree with your first comparison (Denmark is not the USA, and Danish is not the ligua franca of the entire world) your explanation is still very valid, even though it might be irritating for IMMIGRANTS.
I absolutely LOVE that you called them by the name immigrant, because that is what they are. I cringe so hard when I hear the word expat, and because it shouts superiority, they are the immigrants who think that the rules don't apply to them (and let's be honest, they might be right, as so many people are fooled by them) and deserve special treatment: like finding friends, without speaking the language or conforming to Danish conformity. They do have some advantage thanks to popular culture and their money, but then they are butthurt when that advantage is not guaranteed at all times.
Here is an advice.
LEARN THE LANGUAGE AND SPEAK DANISH
I don’t think you were the intended audience for this video
BUT THANKS FOR THAT LOVELY ADVICE
I do hope that's not an Albanian peach . . .
I find in this discussion Amy trying to hard and fake .
She is a cercuit breaker, only listening to her own next answers..That do not her to be anyone i will know
Spot on.
K. I. S. S. København