Retirement | Don McMillan Comedy
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- Опубліковано 10 лют 2025
- DON'T LAUGH
#standupcomedy #presentation #agt #notgood
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🤓Don’s Bio🤓
America's #1 Nerdy Comedian
What do you get when you cross an Engineer with a stand-up comedian? You get Don McMillan. This former chip designer has been doing his one-of-a-kind, PowerPoint-Driven comedy show for audiences for over 20 years. In his show packed with graphs & charts, Don will show you the funny side of your world that has been sitting right in front of you - you are just too busy working to notice. Don graduated from Stanford University with a Master’s Degree in Electrical Engineering. He then went to work at AT&T Bell Labs where he was part of the team that designed the world’s first 32-bit microprocessor. He then moved to Silicon Valley where he helped launch the start-up company, VLSI Technology. Then after 15 years in the tech world, Don quit his job to become a stand-up comedian. That year he won $100,000 as the Comedy Grand Champion on “Star Search”. Don’s been seen on “The Tonight Show”, “HBO”, and the “Comedy Central”. These days, Don spends most of his time writing and performing customized corporate comedy shows for companies like Google, Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, Ford Motors, and Exxon/Mobil. Don has performed more than 800 corporate shows in the last 20 years and he was named the #1 Corporate Comedian by the CBS Business Network.
“Can’t come in today, I have to attend my own funeral”
"That's fine. But be back to work first thing in the morning."
“You get someone else to cover your shift?”
Can't go to my funeral today, have to go work
This is not enough time for a notice and is unacceptable. This will NOT be an accused absence, and if you do not come in today, we will have to a serious talk about your future with our company when you get back.
Boss: “Hmm, I mean we’ll see how that week is going.”
“In 2008 I was one year from retirement. It’s 2020 and I’m now only one year from retirement”
"one year" vs "ONLY one year"
Hmm, seems like progress to me.
marketing, basically (Our product is better than that other, exactly the same, product! lol)
Say hi to Martin Riggs at work tomorrow
-ACK!
At least you're not one day from retirement.
DAMN. A whole new take on the "Only 2 days from retirement meme."
The guy who was just months from retirement in 2008 at age 63.9 was still working in 2022 at 77.9.
Statistics are fun
@@henrybierman8431but there for sure is one or a few dudes that is true for... like.. well my dad... what is he.. 77... granted, he only work 50% now.. so it might not count.
He could have retired in 2010 at age 65.9
You could say in 2008 he could be 62 and your statement would be true
We have been robbed.
yep! the math aint mathin'!
Another way to read that chart is "You only get to retire if you were born during or before the year 1944."
My grandfather was born in
'47 and retired when he was in his late 40s with a full pension due to some hard work (and an incredible amount of luck). He's been retired for nearly thirty years, and his is the last generation in my family that'll likely retire before the age of 70.
"Sorry boss, I've been dead for 3 years"
"You're still coming in tomorrow right?"
Ahahahahahahaha
As a matter of fact majority of Russian men do not receive their pensions because they die before the official retirement age….
The phrase "I'm dying to retire" will have a whole new meaning.
😂😂😂
Yeah, now it means that you need another excuse to retire.
Not suicide, just early retirement
"Nonono, you're gonna work 3 more years... at least! Then we will bury you back in. Now finish those reports (for yesterday)."
More like "I'm retiring to die"
Company: "Is Johnson in his way in?"
Employee: "Johnson passed away last night of a heartattack."
Company: "Well, he has a meeting at 11 am, and we can't afford not to have him here. Have the coroner drop him off by 10:30."
This reminds me of a skit by VLDL
@@lordzombieboyBro, I watched that video like 30 seconds ago!
Frankenstein his as of you have to
@kurtsudheim825 -- I was thinking more along the lines of Weekend at Bernies, corporate edition.
Boss later: "Johnson, the company is not happy with your performance. And do something about the smell!"
That's some "I'm laughing so I don't have time to cry" kinda humor
😂😂
Yeah, been at it for a while now...
That line is perfectly one to one. Every year that goes by the retirement age goes up by one. This is like the scenes and catch-22 where as soon as he comes back from the last mission needed to rotate home, they've increased the number of missions required.
It's not accurate at all, average age of retirement is 65 for men in the us, it was 62 in 1991.
@@noahrayburn1918 You are confusing the time in which you can retire and start taking out social security without penalties, with the data the chart is showing, which is age that people stop working. Social security is no longer enough to sustain people without large savings.
Love the catch-22 reference
Can confirm. It’s 2024 and I died about 5 years ago, boss just called and asked if I’ll be able to come in today
This aged ... Accurately
This aged like…. Honey? I feel so lost.
This aged... without retirement money
This aged like a teenager.
Exactly what you expect and exactly as depressing.
8yrs later and its spot on WOW
I am the green line.
According to the chart, whoever was going to retire in 2008 had to wait until 2022
You won't wait. Whoever haven't retire now, may never retired. Unless, you are the 10% or something.
I suppose it’s the average age of new retirees in that year. In which case, it seems a lot of 64 year olds in 08 couldn’t make it over the line.
It's because the chart is a lie...
you can also be making above average income and retire earlier. this chart entirely depends on how much you are making.
That was my grandpa though. He had to leave retirement and start to work again because he couldn't pay his bills
at 75 your ashes will be put in a hourglass so you can show the time for the next 3 years.
Savage 😂
@@dang730 there is a joke...my mother in law never did anything her whole life... so her ashes are now in the hourglass showing the time.
cue media articles "Why not retiring is actually good for you!"
I've already accepted that I'm going to be working until I drop dead
when you get too old to work, shotgun is your retirement
You may want to look into savings/investing. You don't need to be wealthy to retire. I talked my buddy who makes like 25/30k into saving like 3/4% and a couple years later he has more money (in an account he's instructed NOT too touch) then he's ever seen before. Hopefully in another 30 years that account will pay off and combined with social security, he'll be good to go.
spend less
@@psycomuttyou seriously expect social security will still exist?
@@ToraoTakabewhy work to that point when you can just do it earlier then
"Zombie workforce, 2022"
Called it mate!
Well at least the president is for once going with the trend :)
@mrnice4434 Wow, the powerful really are just like us! ✨
He's a real man of the people.
Though I've only recently become a zombie worker, I would say that, on average, 2022 seems correct.
the woke at job look pretty much like that, no services, no brain, only crying and shouting
"Where's John?"
"He passed away yesterday."
"That's unfortunate. Tell him this is coming out of his check unless he uses his PTO, and if it happens again he's fired."
That “Nobody wants to work anymore” energy
*looks at urn*
"Yeah, he got fired, alright."
it's not a bug, nor an accident.
It's a FEATURE!
When the retirement age was ORIGINALLY set, it was at 2 years AFTER the average age of death. (I'm not saying it is right)
@@ymeynot0405 I was going to say something similar. We were never meant to retire en masse.
@@eternalrage6548
Yea, the age of 65 was when the average death of men was 63. The only expect something like 46% of people to ever collect a dime.
@@ymeynot0405 Precisely.
I think it was something like for every retiree there were 300ish workers paying into the system.
This made sense for a time where most jobs were physical in some manner.
Now most jobs aren't physical anymore it's not about physical decay but mental acuity, ergo later or no retirement.
@@Roggor said:
"Now most jobs aren't physical anymore"
I disagree. Most of the jobs you think about wanting aren't physical, but most jobs still are physical jobs that breakdown your body.
62 in 2008 must've been tough, hearing every 2 years it's gone up again.
Honestly all this made me think of is a dystopia where death is banned and you have to work enough to pay to die.
That's terrifying
What a horrible life. Hey John, I see you didn't reach the quota this year. We will have to extend you work life by 10. John 267 years old.... JUST PLZ LET ME DIE!.
That could be the basis for a cool movie if done right
oh man, that would backfire so incredibly hard. think of how many people would just go "oh, i'm invincible now?" and start acting out their most violent fantasies on those in power.
Stellaris has a civic specifically for this, so you can create a mega corporation that resurrects its workers with reanimators.
This guy predicted it all...happy 2024 guys
😢 I'll be 90 buy the time I'll retire
as a zombie, i can say thus is accurate
Révolution
Sad people like to live beyond their means at the expense of early retirement
@@samdumaquis2033personal responsibility. I retired in my 40s
Corporations: "why is everyone Quite Dying?"
🤷🤷🤷
Salad word this is sentence.
@@ComicGladiator I think they meant quiet dying in reference to quiet quitting
@@azearaazymoto461They'd have to be quite quiet at quitting to quit that way.
Government: increases social security age 3 times, increase tax rates by 2000%.
His seriousness why stating there was nothing funny about the real chart had me cracking up!
According to the graph, nobody retires anymore after 2014. There was a 1 year window in 2013, but that was the last chance of freedom for the elderly.
Necromancy will be the top college major in the next 5 years
Another thing is that some people's age is PARALLEL to the retirement age graph, and that means that they will never retire looking into the theoretical continuation of the graph
what's more is all people's age is parallel to this graph :)
Its an average not a law
All by design.
Seriously though if you're 30 now, when do you think you'll retire? Probably not.
What's even more impressive is the fact that the numbers used in the graph are just made up and actually don't reflect reality, and the average returement age has only increased from 62 for men in 1992 to 65 for men in 2021. Crazy how that works
Saint Peter don't you call me cause I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store.
TEF 16 tons.. That song rocks... "A mind that's weak, but a back that's strong."
@@jonathanbair523 "Some people think a man is made out of mud. A poor man's made out of muscle and blood... muscle and blood, and skin and bones, a mind that's weak and a back that's strong..."
@@BowlCrossy Ya load sixteen tons, and whaddya get? Another day older and you’re deeper in debt! Saint Peter, don’tcha call me ‘cause I can’t go; I owe my soul to the company store…
We saw Don doing standup in 94, good to see he's still at it.
"Yo bro clock in"
Bro: 💀
Hey! Who turned out the lights!
That's the plot of RoboCop 😂
When the retirement age was ORIGINALLY set, it was at 2 years AFTER the average age of death. (I'm not saying it is right) But, don't act like that graph wasn't the original plan.
@ymeynot0405 I'd like to point out that the average age of death was brought down by high infant mortality rates.
To make this easier to understand, say you had someone live to 100 and someone die at 2 the average life span becomes '51'
@@MadParrot88
What the HELL did you read into my statement? You just put some hostility and anxiety into a neutral statement.
Yes, I know how an average works.
What the hell does that have to do with my position on political policies?
As far as my math... all I said was that the majority of people would never retire. That is a true statement when the retirement age is set 2 years after the average age of death.
Now I don't know if those two years are 1% or 20% of the total difference. But it is still over 50%.
@@ymeynot0405what in gods name is wrong with you
@@DiscoMouse said:
"what in gods name is wrong with you"
Would you care to be more specific?
It is hard to address a question with out any specificity.
So I could say, I have a broken pinky toe, but I don't think that is what you are asking.
"Zombie workforce by 2022" was oddly prophetic
Funny how he did not notice this: in 2008 people retired at 64. In 2022 (14 years later) people retired at 78 (14 years later). So... in short, after 2004 nobody got to retire anymore!
Also 2008 was the time of the great financial crisis. Notice how that is the only time people benefitted but is labeled as a crisis in history.
Nah. That's the average age of retirement. It means the average person that age retired.
In 2008, the average 64 year old retired. In 2022, the average 72 year old retired.
@@FreeloadingBird2584very similar to how Donald Trump printed more money than ever was printed in history in a single year and doubled the entire net worth of billionaires and completely messed our economy up and made inflation skyrocket because inflation comes from countries printing more money than their GDP. Say man that lost 70,000 jobs and added billions of dollars to our debt, another $6.4 Trillion in the next decade just for a billionaires tax cuts and loopholes.
Voting read only is against everyone's best interest and voting blue is the only way to go especially when you have the option between a decent president and an orange painted sociopath that has already done much plans for do everything possible to destroy this country, it's democracy, it's power & credibility on the world stage
@@JTP1999from people I Actually Know- id estimate it at 65-66. Some people retire at 45(cops & many other lazy govt jobs), teachers usually by 60-65 max. There is also people that just never wound up doing anything good or saving money or investing and they will work into their 70s because they weren't smart enough to retire. And at the same time we have people on the right almost 40% of this country that somehow thinks they're going to college makes you stupid and that people that dropped out of high school are somehow the most intelligent. They're the same people that vote against their own interests and think that a sociopath that has never cared about a single person other than his own teenage daughter when he was sleeping with her at least, and that thinks he should be able to murder anybody because he can (his words), and sits on a golden toilet when he's not wearing diapers- is somehow a man of the people😅
@@bobmcfierson2163more like people are becoming less financially literate as people get more money, causing them to come out of retirement because they ran out of money in retirement
Awesome presentation and very insightful. Respect sir
Canadian, semi retired at 56, built a house, fully retired at 59. Life expectancy 83.
*voicemail the day after the funeral* "hey you need to call in, you'll be getting written up for not showing. you better have a doctor's note"
"My loving family, when I die, tack a copy of my death certificate to my coffin."
I don't know if you're paraphrasing the incident, but this has actually happened. 😂😢
That three-year difference is called “congress”
Yep, I'm going to expire rather than retire.
This aged like wine. A wine nobody wants to see and everyone hates, but still wine.
"Zombie workforce by 2022." Well, kinda, but we're not dead.
I think is a good refresher to *live now* and not wait for retirement to go and have fun and travel and do what you like to do. Here in my country it was a commercial with a baddass motor biker, all covered in leather and with helmet on his head, stopping the chopper and getting the helmet down, revealing a grandpa who just retired. I was a kid back then, not sure why that stick with me, but now I understand;)
Who else is watching this in 2024 as an 80 year old not yet retired?
All are dead
I am watching it in 2024 and am 45 and now I will have to work until I am 96.
My uncle just visited me yesterday... He is 84 years old and still has to go to work...😭
Watching this in 2024 as a gainfully employed zombie.
im 29 . retired has never entered my mind
This is the premise behind the necroid megacorps in stellaris. Eternal employment, you die you get reanimated you keep working.
Wait. Retirement age increases by 2 xears every 2 years?
So nobody is retiring?
Exactly, that's why the US (as an economy) is so rich, it makes its citizens work their entire life, collects taxes along the way and inflation eats any savings or salary increases they were hoping to retire on. It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Edit : God this comment seems to have attracted a lot of Economics "geniuses".
you just gave 95$billion to ukraine and israel. Thats 9 times the defense budget of my country.
@@unai_asecas9070 That's a quarter of a percent of the US GDP, that's quite cheap for helping a country defend itself from a foreign military invasion.
@@Soken50
right now its more to make ukraine hold until november so that Biden doesnt lose the elections automatically. Money from your pocket is going to arms manufacturesrs and it will be back in Bidens hands for his campaign. Its the anty-monroe doctrine. Im curious to know what media you see. Do you have ukrainian friends? do you speak ukrainian? do you know why the conflict broke out?
@@Soken50 for some reason half my comments disappear. Anyway, the money that USA just gave is to make them hold until November so that Biden has a chance to win the election. He professes the anti-Monroe doctrine: money from the US taxpayer goes to arms manufacturers and back to the Biden administration in donations.
I have forgot how awesome your charts were!😂
The "you will die and have to work three more years" joke flew over peope's heads hahaha
I mean... When it was set at 65 ages ago, only about 50% of Americans even lived to age 65 (based on period life tables from 1930)
If we control for infant mortality by using life expectancy at age 10, then it's closer to 56%, but still.
For those who DID live to age 65, only about 56% lived to age 75.
As a 20 year-old entering the workforce, you literally had less than a 1-in-3 chance of enjoying a retirement that lasted at least 10 years.
It was always meant to be an illusory promise.
But even throughout history most people never had any shot at anything remotely resembling retirement either.
Retirement for the working class is a new concept.
@@elise85391 fair enough, but so is sanitation, refrigeration, transportation any more advanced than horseback riding, any long-distance communication other than snail mail, people living past 80 (50% today), the 40 hour work week, corporations... The fact that something was done a certain way 200+ years ago is a poor reason for it to be done today.
@@generic_account_name I didn’t say that’s the way it should be, I was just pointing out that the working class working until they died isn’t new.
And now that we have all of these modern innovations and conveniences we’ve made things a lot more specialized and complicated. Therefore, we need more and more people working to keep up with all of the new innovations that are being introduced
In France we had it at 60 Years old thanks to the leftists and communists that got in government because they were the Résistance, it was great, but macron and people like him are selling us out to Blackrock
Prinz Otto von Bismarck (the Prussian prime minister who invented Social Security) intended it to get the extremely old and decrepit out of the workforce. If you are not doing manual labor, he did not expect you to need to retire.
A working stiff 😂
The funny part is that the retirement age went from 67 to 70 in the span of 2012 to 2014. Those poor souls that had to come out of retirement
Also by the looks of it, the same exact people are getting retired every year
It's worse, it is an average. So half retire more than 3 years later in that two year period and half retire less than 3 years later. So in theory, at the edge of the bell curve there is someone who'se retirement age is 250.
to think that i have to work for 50 more years is making me rethink things heavily
Imagine being 63 in 2012 and seeing retirement race you to the finish line.
Yeah, I saw that coming, as soon as I saw 78, I was thinking "wait, the life expectancy of men is around that age"
Well, it was. Now it's down to 75.
@@prophetzarquon No it's not. It dipped during COVID close to 76 but recovered the year after. It was back between 77.5 for 2022.
That's in the US - which has a much shorter life expectancy (men or women) than most other developed countries.
Of course, most other developed countries have universal health care.
That’s going away soon or you’ll be pushed to accept euthanasia.
You saw that coming? The stats used for the graph are literally made up and don't portray reality. Look up actual retirement age stats (men retire on average at age 65 as of 2021) instead of forming opinions based on comedy youtube shorts.
Now just imagine being 62 in 2008.
If each year the retirement age increases by a year, the bottom half of income earners get to retire...never!
Just how Ben Shapiro likes it
How all neo liberals like it
"the bottom half of income earners get to retire...never"
That's... accurate
which is nearly twice the rate of our forefathers
@@henrybierman8431 I honestly don’t know is this is a dig at fiscal conservatives or jews
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you do what you love for a living.
So flipping accurate. Starting in 2008 retirement age is accelerating at twice the rate of aging. Meaning, you will never get to retire.
So, basically our two presidential options are men that are already dead AND passed retirement. Great
Only from the neck up...
The sad part is the vast majority of voters selected these two to represent us.
@@darkeyezethe vast majority of primary voters which is the vast minority of the general population
Despite the programming, you DO have more than two options. Even here in Canada with three major parties, people will try to convince you that a vote for anything other than A or B will lead to
@@darkeyeze because everybody tries to guilt anyone who dares to vote outside the two party system. Saying: You're wasting your votes.
Like, no. Maybe if we stopped all believing we had to choose between the two, we could've produced some better candidates.
Naw, brother. The Zombie Workforce thing started YEARS ago. The only reason anyone knows I'm still alive is because I don't work in an office. Some of my coworkers die two or three times a week and come back because they need the money and the company needs experienced workers. In an office, it's hard to tell who's alive and who's a zombie just pretending to be alive. For reference, I point you to Milton in Office Space. He was dead for years and nobody figured it out.
Oh, great ... I'll have to work for a few more years after death ...
Just to afford the funeral and cremation expenses.
My grandparents planned and paid for their funerals in the 80s. They died in like 2005 and 2020 (not from COVID though). They got them for a steal compared to what they were charging for funerals in 2020 though.
Sounds like outer worlds
Good thing I don't rely on the government and can retire whenever I want to.
The system is working exactly as intended. I predict within the next 5 years we're gonna have articles going on about "Maybe retirement is LAME and DUMB and we should all just stop thinking about it immediately"
He was so close to retirement 😔
"Even in death, I serve the Omnissiah"
-40k
Only in death does duty end
@@agpt102 When one day they invent the technology to bring people back from death, even in death you will serve (they turn people into servitors)
He’s a prophet. In 2020 we began to worry about zombies in the workforce.
“The greatest nation”😂
Very good 😂
Working overtime has a double meaning now.
Zombie workforce... Sounds like Stellaris.
There's a reason why when old ppl tell me "you need to plan ahead for retirement" I sometimes respond with "there will be no retirement for me". I don't believe that we will have any of those privileges if society doesn't undergo some fundamental changes.
That's late stage capitalism for you. It's like a bubble that keeps expanding and expanding until it pops and those without golden parachutes plummet to the rocks below.
Main problem is that people have too few children for this Ponzi scheme to keep working.
Boss be like: "I know his funeral was yesterday, but he's still coming in right?"
This is like the same - not just generation, but the same *year* of people across the entire graph
1. 2016 life expectancy for men in the U.S. was actually 78.5 years
2. The average retirement age was never 70, it's currently around 64. However, this is not the average age that people start taking their Social Security benefits, which is higher - many people live off their savings for the first few years of retirement to increase their benefit
3. Average length of retirement is getting longer - for men it was 12.8 in 1970 and 18.6 in 2020
Thanks for the context. This looked fishy to me.
"...zombie work force by 2022." 🤣🤣
I dunno I should cry or laugh on this....
This is f*cking hillarious
"THE TIME MACHINE WORKED"
"Ok but when are we"
"Lets ask that guy. HEY YOU THERE WHEN ARE WE"
"two years from retirement"
"I have no idea when we are"
Shockingly accurate tbh
That's because it's not a joke?
Sad but true! 😂
With that extrapolation, you would never retire as your age rises at the same rate as the rise of the retirement age. Also, retirement at 65 was originally from life expectancy. It's all a big scam.
And our life expectancy isn't going up anymore. But at least until the Baby Boomer generation is mostly gone, there's no way they could lower the age of retirement or for medicare. Gen X is significantly smaller, so *maybe* it would put less of a strain on social security.
Retirement portfolios actually extract a miniscule amount of dividends, compared to executive pay & investment management.
Boomers keep getting blamed, but by the numbers it's clearly the investment capital industry driving us under.
@@prophetzarquon, who's running investment capital? Name one firm or hedge ran by someone under the age of, and I generously ask, even the age of 42?
Ergo, I am being advised to stop blaming the boomers, and instead am convinced that I should be blaming the boomers instead.
Nah dude if im not retired at 65 I'm quitting
Why wait?
Lmao you think youre going to be living a magical life at 65? Or 60? Or 55? Or 50?
Quitting......your job, right? Right?
Me: *Dies*
Boss: I'm short-staffed. I'm gonna need you to come in this weekend.
The concept of "average" is hard not only for comedians, but also for a large part of the population.
Is definitely not hard for this comedian. He is purposefully using it to create the joke....
@@le0t0rr3z Hilarious.
Suddenly I see less issue with not being likely to live past 50
Working till the grave
75 life expectancy! That's low for a first world country
Usa is only a first world country for the rich. No healthcare if you are not rich. Have probably many stress related health issues working so many hours just to live paycheck to paycheck. You can probably buy more real food in 3.world countries. I watched a documentary and they said you can not even buy vegetables in the stores in some towns in USA. Crazy!
Based on what I've heard about the American diet it ain't bad
Corn syrup moment
We ain't even first world anymore, everybody just agreed to ignore it at the big kids table (world leader meets)
@@IronianKnight Given WHY we have some of our problems, I'd say that it's still safe to call the U.S. a first-world country.
the retirement age is going up at the same rate we are
"IT'S AAAALLLL PART OF THE PLAAAAN". 😱
.
It's 2024 and I just retired at 62. Of course my wife is still working making $80k
Oh, you thought this was just incidental? Sweet summer’s child…
Then 2023 happened and that number is now about 96....
I definitely feel like a zombie at work. And I've only been in the workforce for six months.
I often joke that my retirement party will be held at a funeral parlor, which is just me laughing to keep from crying because it's not actually a joke.
Coming at you live from May 21st 2024, he wasn't fucking lying😂
"Dead?! No excuse for laying off work!" -- Time Bandits
You know you're in trouble when the "Retirement Age per Year" graph goes up faster than the "My Age per Year" graph.
He got the zombie workforce part spot on.
imagine being 60 at the start and everytime you think you reached the end, the number goes up again 😂
Great. So I'm going to work until i die
I believe I once said: “retirement age is going to reach 200 years eventually”
This seems to be the case
I saw you on AGT!
Here's a other thing. If you where 63 in 2008 and planning on retiring, you would be 77 in 2022. Still a year away from retirement.
2010 : 65
2020 : 76
differences of 10 : 11
I guess men can never retired.