My most detailed anxiety video so far! - 3 Steps to Help a Child With Anxiety When Nothing’s Working | Full Guide - ua-cam.com/video/rLIYaKyxkSI/v-deo.html I hope this video and the strategies in it are truly helpful to you!
1. Put yourself in their shoes 2. Spend time with them in the new situation 3. Pick something that can go into the situation with the child 4. Have a plan for yourself
Hi I just wanted to comment and say your previous video to this one helped me right away. The information about discussing and validating their feelings was what helped. I have a 2 year old son (almost 27m) Whois only with me, no friends, family or daycare/babysitters. He is very attached, and has separation anxiety. He cried a lot yesterday and threw a fit when I left him for the kid watch at our ymca. The day before he was fine there, because it’s been a while since he came and e remembered there’s a lot of toys there to play with. The next day (yesterday) he realized that I was going to leave and he did not handle it well. I went last night and watched/listened to your video, not really confident that the advice would be applicable to a younger toddler that doesn’t quite understand things like a 3 or 4 year old would. I went ahead and tried anyway, and talked to him about his feelings about the kid box/kid watch area, and not just about what to expect in the situation (lol Ihad done previously-“mommy will be back, you stay here while mommy exercises,etc”). Today (and I think I mentioned last night during his bath time) I took your advice about talking about his feelings he may have (“I know you might feel a little nervous/scared/worried about the toy area (at the ymca) and I know you might feel like you miss mommy- but don’t be scared, mommy is going to come back after gym/exercise/work out”). I told him when we got closer to the gym, and then once we got inside, I showed him where my room was, And where his room Was and that we are close by. I also told him to be happy and tell th lady his name, ask her name, etc, no crying. Well ll long story ,I’m typing this on my phone while I’m on the elliptical machine, with a calm kid in the kid/toy area! So thank you! If things regress I will update but hopefully all goes well! I will post this on the first video that helped me. And hey I went ahead and subscribed as a thank you’
I loved reading your comment 😊 Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your experience. It's such a great feeling when you find something that feels right for your situation and family, and that also helps everyone involved feel more confident and calm. I also think when we tune into how our kids are feeling, it helps us have more empathy and be less reactive in the moment. And this in turn helps kids know (even without words) that they are safe and loved.
And also, thank you for sharing what was helpful for you on both videos. Your comments, likes, and subscribing all help the video reach more families who could also find them helpful. 🥰
My daughter attends preschool two days a week, for at least 6 weeks now. She was fine the first two days and now experiences separation upset and becomes upset during the day at times. She says it's because she misses me. We have tired a comfort toy, a calendar of her week (so she knows what days we will be together), sticker reward chart, I tried staying to settle her in and she only got worse when it was time for me to leave. She's starting to preempt the anxiety sometimes days before and will often cry. I'm not sure what I else I can do (she's three, almost four).
Thanks for your comment. This can be so tough for both parents and kids. It is common at that age, and there are things you can do to help it go more smoothly. You could check out the other videos in my anxiety playlists. I have a Masterclass on separation anxiety too. You can find the info for it at: childbehaviorclinic.com/masterclasses/child-separation-anxiety-course-for-parents/
Hi @kimtuua7286, I read your comment and I am going through the same scenario, its been a year since your comment, did you see any improvements? What tips did you use to make it better? Help an anxious mom here.
@@israchaudhry9813 I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but just continuing on with these strategies and time seemed to be the most helpful. I would also show her photos of preschool the day leading up to remind her of the teachers and her friends. I think time and building her confidence were the main things though. Sorry I know how heart breaking it is 😣
Would it be traumatizing for a kid with separation anxiety to spend a week away from his parents to be at the beach with his older brother, aunt and uncle? I am an aunt and I have a great relationship with my two nephews ages 6 and 4. The younger one is experiencing separation anxiety and still sleeps in the bed with his parents. He will occasionally stay the night with his grandparents but we have never been allowed to see how he does staying with me and my husband. We always have great days with the kids and often have to give big hugs when their parents won’t let them come home with us. The kids don’t have routines or structure in their daily lives but we hope that with extended time with aunt and uncle they have enjoy little windows into a calmer lifestyle. The older kid seems to have really responded to our influence and has not problems staying the night with us but we don’t want to limit his opportunities to spend time with us or exclude his younger brother because of his anxiety. Thank you for the time and effort in your videos! I’ve shared them with my family on multiple occasions!!
Hi! Thanks for the video, I’m struggling with my 20 month old at daycare. He has been going since he was 5 months old, with no issues, then we took a long summer break that he spent with family in Italy and Spain, and now that we are back in the country we live in (the Netherlands) he hasn’t adjusted to going back. This has been going on for three weeks now, every day I get get called to ask to pick him up because he’s angry and sad and refusing food and only wants to sleep or be held. This is very unlike him, I can leave him with babysitters or Nannies and he is totally fine, and he’s normally very sociable and connects with people he doesn’t know very well. So clearly daycare is giving him bad anxiety, and we’re trying all your tips, he’s fine while I am with him at daycare, but the moment I tell him I’m leaving and will pick him up soon, he becomes very distressed. Do we just keep at it? Do you have any other recommendations for us?
Hi Maria - thanks for watching and your question. When they’re so young and we notice a change that seems so unlike them, it’s heart breaking. I think the choice to keep at it or try something else is a personal one and depends on what works for you and your family. A few things I’d wonder about for kids in this situation - Does the reaction change if another parent/caregiver does drops off? Are there any caregivers at daycare that he connects with more and could spend more of the day with? How long is he there and sad/angry before he gets picked up? Is there anything about the daycare environment that’s changed or that’s become more overwhelming for him? What could he take with him to ease the time there, like a picture of you, a scheduled check-in phone call/FaceTime, or a different special reminder item?
My daughter turns 2 in august (it’s July) and I can’t even step out the room without her crying and looking for me. We are on vacation right now, so some of it is due to being in a new environment, but I feel extremely stressed and overwhelmed from not having time to myself this summer. I’ll try a stuffed animal, because I’m exhausted. I wish she could at least sit in a room with my grandmother, but she just cries and cries
I have an amazing 16-month-old little grandson. He loves playing with Grammy but when it comes to bedtime all he wants is daddy and his baba. My son has told me he could even stay up. But he’s so tired he just wants his baba and his dada. He just started doing this the last month as now he realizes and connects Who his parents actually are. I know he loves me but he wants his routine of daddy holding him and rocking him for bed. What should I do??? I did buy a pillow and had a picture put on this throw pillow. And I have introduced it to him and my grandson loves it he walks around kissing it all the time. any suggestions would be so welcome! I really do not look forward to him crying himself to sleep and being all stuffy……😞😞😞
It’s tough when they’re too young to fully communicate. Since little ones are so dependent on their caregivers, it’s normal from them to have trouble when away from them. Usually with some consistency and things that are familiar/comforting, it gets better with less familiar caregivers over time. Hang in there. ❤️
Hi thank you. Have you had any moms you’ve helped personally that had a 2 year old son with a lot of SA, and they had no family, friends, babysitters/caretakers nearby? If you had examples of how they overcame that?
Sure, there are definitely families and situations where kids don’t have many (or any) experiences outside of their primary caregivers. In those cases, the practice around separating more easily would be wherever the anxiety comes up - like school/daycare, being in a separate room from a parent at home, bedtime, etc. The principles and approach are still the same. It just wouldn’t be when staying with family or a babysitter. Does that get at what you’re asking?
We are on week 8 of daycare my son just turned two this month. He had pictures of us and we tried a stuffed animal - he carried it around all day with the picture. But unfortunately I have to be at work at 7 and the daycare opens at 630am and I have another child to drop at his before school Program. I have less than 5 minutes. I’m out of ideas, I’m so sad I see him upset on the cameras all day long. It’s not his personality at all. They are kind of him and do all the right things there. I’m just out of ideas.
I know, it can really tug at your heart when they're struggling. And it's hard when their verbal skills are still developing. When kids continue to stay upset for long periods of time, it's a good idea to double check something else isn't making it harder for them, like being sick, too tired, hungry, overstimulated, etc. Starting a daily special time practice may also be helpful. There is a playlist of videos on that, if you haven't seen them yet. I also have a separation anxiety masterclass that offers more support. Hang in there. Around age 2 can be a really tough separation phase. 💚
Would this method work on a 7 year old? He had a incident with his teacher, and since he’s ok when he’s in school not getting in the door is a nightmare. Screaming and hanging on me and repeating over and over please take me home! We switched his teacher and he’s still doing it 😫
I think all the things mentioned in the video - shifting your mindset and imagining yourself in their shoes, helping their bodies warm up to the situation, and working on your own reactions - can be helpful no matter what the age. It’s also important to remember that kids will cling to their safe people and space (usually their parents) when something is stressful or unpleasant. They’re hard-wired to do that. So the meltdown and difficulty getting into school may not just be about separating. It could still be related to the incident you mentioned, and there might be something lingering about that that’s making it harder.
Hi Doctor! Thank you for all this valuable information. I am going through a hard time with my little one. She is 19 months old and she started to develop an incredible separation anxiety from me. I can’t event go to the bathroom, she wants me to hold her and cuddle her all the time and there is something else that started 3 days ago and I don’t know what to do. Me and my partner are going crazy. She refuses to sleep in her own crib (worth mentioning that she sleeps separate in her crib since she is 7 months old) and always fell asleep independently with no problem at all. Now when she sees the crib she is screaming and refusing to sleep. She becomes over tired and still will not sleep in her crib. She wants to sleep only in my or my partner arms rocking her. Do you have any advise related to this? Thank you so much!
Hi! I'm not able to give personalized feedback via UA-cam. But I know these changes in behavior can be so challenging and frustrating. Sometimes it's just a tough phase and sometimes it's something more than that. Talking with your family's medical doctor is a good place to start since they can give you more individualized recommendations. I have a whole separation anxiety playlist that might be helpful as well. You can find it here: ua-cam.com/play/PLpLVuNZkXPoPwYyI_gji6DYU2uM_Qqn0b.html
As a father and grandfather to many kids now, this tidbit is not medical or professional advice but anecdotal experience sharing. She's at a stage to know what she can get away with. Since you guys have given her what she wants, i.e., sleeping with you, she knows she can insist on that from you going forward. In fact, she knows if she throws enough fuss, you will give her what she wants. So, it's better to be loving AND FIRM. Put her back into her crib and let her cry herself to sleep. It might take a few sleepless nights, but she will figure it out. They are way smarter than we give them credit for. It's simply a battle of the will.
It’s not because of the pandemic. It’s because of the overwrought, authoritarian, and destructive reaction to the pandemic. Never should have happened.
That’s ok! The stuffed animal just represents the idea of something that helps them feel safe. It should be personalized - and just one of many things to try. I’d love to hear what you try and how it goes!
My most detailed anxiety video so far! - 3 Steps to Help a Child With Anxiety When Nothing’s Working | Full Guide - ua-cam.com/video/rLIYaKyxkSI/v-deo.html
I hope this video and the strategies in it are truly helpful to you!
1. Put yourself in their shoes
2. Spend time with them in the new situation
3. Pick something that can go into the situation with the child
4. Have a plan for yourself
Hi I just wanted to comment and say your previous video to this one helped me right away. The information about discussing and validating their feelings was what helped.
I have a 2 year old son (almost 27m) Whois only with me, no friends, family or daycare/babysitters. He is very attached, and has separation anxiety.
He cried a lot yesterday and threw a fit when I left him for the kid watch at our ymca. The day before he was fine there, because it’s been a while since he came and e remembered there’s a lot of toys there to play with. The next day (yesterday) he realized that I was going to leave and he did not handle it well. I went last night and watched/listened to your video, not really confident that the advice would be applicable to a younger toddler that doesn’t quite understand things like a
3 or 4 year old would. I went ahead and tried anyway, and talked to him about his feelings about the kid box/kid watch area, and not just about what to expect in the situation (lol Ihad done previously-“mommy will be back, you stay here while mommy exercises,etc”). Today (and I think I mentioned last night during his bath time) I took your advice about talking about his feelings he may have (“I know you might feel a little nervous/scared/worried about the toy area (at the ymca) and I know you might feel like you miss mommy- but don’t be scared, mommy is going to come back after gym/exercise/work out”). I told him when we got closer to the gym, and then once we got inside, I showed him where my room was,
And where his room
Was and that we are close by. I also told him to be happy and tell th lady his name, ask her name, etc, no crying. Well ll long story ,I’m typing this on my phone while I’m on the elliptical machine, with a calm kid in the kid/toy area! So thank you!
If things regress I will update but hopefully all goes well! I will post this on the first video that helped me. And hey I went ahead and subscribed as a thank you’
I loved reading your comment 😊 Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your experience. It's such a great feeling when you find something that feels right for your situation and family, and that also helps everyone involved feel more confident and calm. I also think when we tune into how our kids are feeling, it helps us have more empathy and be less reactive in the moment. And this in turn helps kids know (even without words) that they are safe and loved.
And also, thank you for sharing what was helpful for you on both videos. Your comments, likes, and subscribing all help the video reach more families who could also find them helpful. 🥰
My daughter attends preschool two days a week, for at least 6 weeks now. She was fine the first two days and now experiences separation upset and becomes upset during the day at times. She says it's because she misses me. We have tired a comfort toy, a calendar of her week (so she knows what days we will be together), sticker reward chart, I tried staying to settle her in and she only got worse when it was time for me to leave. She's starting to preempt the anxiety sometimes days before and will often cry. I'm not sure what I else I can do (she's three, almost four).
Thanks for your comment. This can be so tough for both parents and kids. It is common at that age, and there are things you can do to help it go more smoothly. You could check out the other videos in my anxiety playlists. I have a Masterclass on separation anxiety too. You can find the info for it at: childbehaviorclinic.com/masterclasses/child-separation-anxiety-course-for-parents/
Hi @kimtuua7286, I read your comment and I am going through the same scenario, its been a year since your comment, did you see any improvements? What tips did you use to make it better? Help an anxious mom here.
@@israchaudhry9813 I'm sorry if this isn't helpful but just continuing on with these strategies and time seemed to be the most helpful. I would also show her photos of preschool the day leading up to remind her of the teachers and her friends. I think time and building her confidence were the main things though. Sorry I know how heart breaking it is 😣
This has been a helpful and informative video! Thanks so much
Amazing work I can tell you work hard on it.💜👍💯
Would it be traumatizing for a kid with separation anxiety to spend a week away from his parents to be at the beach with his older brother, aunt and uncle?
I am an aunt and I have a great relationship with my two nephews ages 6 and 4. The younger one is experiencing separation anxiety and still sleeps in the bed with his parents.
He will occasionally stay the night with his grandparents but we have never been allowed to see how he does staying with me and my husband. We always have great days with the kids and often have to give big hugs when their parents won’t let them come home with us. The kids don’t have routines or structure in their daily lives but we hope that with extended time with aunt and uncle they have enjoy little windows into a calmer lifestyle.
The older kid seems to have really responded to our influence and has not problems staying the night with us but we don’t want to limit his opportunities to spend time with us or exclude his younger brother because of his anxiety.
Thank you for the time and effort in your videos! I’ve shared them with my family on multiple occasions!!
Hi! Thanks for the video, I’m struggling with my 20 month old at daycare. He has been going since he was 5 months old, with no issues, then we took a long summer break that he spent with family in Italy and Spain, and now that we are back in the country we live in (the Netherlands) he hasn’t adjusted to going back. This has been going on for three weeks now, every day I get get called to ask to pick him up because he’s angry and sad and refusing food and only wants to sleep or be held. This is very unlike him, I can leave him with babysitters or Nannies and he is totally fine, and he’s normally very sociable and connects with people he doesn’t know very well. So clearly daycare is giving him bad anxiety, and we’re trying all your tips, he’s fine while I am with him at daycare, but the moment I tell him I’m leaving and will pick him up soon, he becomes very distressed. Do we just keep at it? Do you have any other recommendations for us?
Hi Maria - thanks for watching and your question. When they’re so young and we notice a change that seems so unlike them, it’s heart breaking. I think the choice to keep at it or try something else is a personal one and depends on what works for you and your family. A few things I’d wonder about for kids in this situation - Does the reaction change if another parent/caregiver does drops off? Are there any caregivers at daycare that he connects with more and could spend more of the day with? How long is he there and sad/angry before he gets picked up? Is there anything about the daycare environment that’s changed or that’s become more overwhelming for him? What could he take with him to ease the time there, like a picture of you, a scheduled check-in phone call/FaceTime, or a different special reminder item?
My daughter turns 2 in august (it’s July) and I can’t even step out the room without her crying and looking for me. We are on vacation right now, so some of it is due to being in a new environment, but I feel extremely stressed and overwhelmed from not having time to myself this summer. I’ll try a stuffed animal, because I’m exhausted. I wish she could at least sit in a room with my grandmother, but she just cries and cries
I have an amazing 16-month-old little grandson. He loves playing with Grammy but when it comes to bedtime all he wants is daddy and his baba. My son has told me he could even stay up. But he’s so tired he just wants his baba and his dada. He just started doing this the last month as now he realizes and connects Who his parents actually are. I know he loves me but he wants his routine of daddy holding him and rocking him for bed. What should I do??? I did buy a pillow and had a picture put on this throw pillow. And I have introduced it to him and my grandson loves it he walks around kissing it all the time. any suggestions would be so welcome! I really do not look forward to him crying himself to sleep and being all stuffy……😞😞😞
It’s tough when they’re too young to fully communicate. Since little ones are so dependent on their caregivers, it’s normal from them to have trouble when away from them. Usually with some consistency and things that are familiar/comforting, it gets better with less familiar caregivers over time. Hang in there. ❤️
Awesome info thank you
Thanks so much! I’d love to hear how it works for you.
Hi thank you. Have you had any moms you’ve helped personally that had a 2 year old son with a lot of SA, and they had no family, friends, babysitters/caretakers nearby? If you had examples of how they overcame that?
Sure, there are definitely families and situations where kids don’t have many (or any) experiences outside of their primary caregivers. In those cases, the practice around separating more easily would be wherever the anxiety comes up - like school/daycare, being in a separate room from a parent at home, bedtime, etc. The principles and approach are still the same. It just wouldn’t be when staying with family or a babysitter. Does that get at what you’re asking?
We are on week 8 of daycare my son just turned two this month. He had pictures of us and we tried a stuffed animal - he carried it around all day with the picture. But unfortunately I have to be at work at 7 and the daycare opens at 630am and I have another child to drop at his before school
Program. I have less than 5 minutes. I’m out of ideas, I’m so sad I see him upset on the cameras all day long. It’s not his personality at all. They are kind of him and do all the right things there. I’m just out of ideas.
I know, it can really tug at your heart when they're struggling. And it's hard when their verbal skills are still developing. When kids continue to stay upset for long periods of time, it's a good idea to double check something else isn't making it harder for them, like being sick, too tired, hungry, overstimulated, etc. Starting a daily special time practice may also be helpful. There is a playlist of videos on that, if you haven't seen them yet. I also have a separation anxiety masterclass that offers more support. Hang in there. Around age 2 can be a really tough separation phase. 💚
Thank you we are taking our 2 year old to daycare tomorrow 🙏🤞
You're welcome! How did it go?
Would this method work on a 7 year old? He had a incident with his teacher, and since he’s ok when he’s in school not getting in the door is a nightmare. Screaming and hanging on me and repeating over and over please take me home! We switched his teacher and he’s still doing it 😫
I think all the things mentioned in the video - shifting your mindset and imagining yourself in their shoes, helping their bodies warm up to the situation, and working on your own reactions - can be helpful no matter what the age. It’s also important to remember that kids will cling to their safe people and space (usually their parents) when something is stressful or unpleasant. They’re hard-wired to do that. So the meltdown and difficulty getting into school may not just be about separating. It could still be related to the incident you mentioned, and there might be something lingering about that that’s making it harder.
Hi Doctor!
Thank you for all this valuable information.
I am going through a hard time with my little one. She is 19 months old and she started to develop an incredible separation anxiety from me. I can’t event go to the bathroom, she wants me to hold her and cuddle her all the time and there is something else that started 3 days ago and I don’t know what to do. Me and my partner are going crazy. She refuses to sleep in her own crib (worth mentioning that she sleeps separate in her crib since she is 7 months old) and always fell asleep independently with no problem at all.
Now when she sees the crib she is screaming and refusing to sleep. She becomes over tired and still will not sleep in her crib. She wants to sleep only in my or my partner arms rocking her.
Do you have any advise related to this?
Thank you so much!
Hi! I'm not able to give personalized feedback via UA-cam. But I know these changes in behavior can be so challenging and frustrating. Sometimes it's just a tough phase and sometimes it's something more than that. Talking with your family's medical doctor is a good place to start since they can give you more individualized recommendations. I have a whole separation anxiety playlist that might be helpful as well. You can find it here: ua-cam.com/play/PLpLVuNZkXPoPwYyI_gji6DYU2uM_Qqn0b.html
As a father and grandfather to many kids now, this tidbit is not medical or professional advice but anecdotal experience sharing. She's at a stage to know what she can get away with. Since you guys have given her what she wants, i.e., sleeping with you, she knows she can insist on that from you going forward. In fact, she knows if she throws enough fuss, you will give her what she wants. So, it's better to be loving AND FIRM. Put her back into her crib and let her cry herself to sleep. It might take a few sleepless nights, but she will figure it out. They are way smarter than we give them credit for. It's simply a battle of the will.
Thank you!!
Glad it was helpful! 💕
@@DoctorJacque it definitely will be when the time comes. Trying to do research and plan ahead so I’ll know what to do if this is an issue.
It’s not because of the pandemic. It’s because of the overwrought, authoritarian, and destructive reaction to the pandemic. Never should have happened.
I don't think a stuffed animal will help my grandson
That’s ok! The stuffed animal just represents the idea of something that helps them feel safe. It should be personalized - and just one of many things to try. I’d love to hear what you try and how it goes!