Briena Skye Lyn Starkey No stop! Keep being yourself! They are brainwashing you into being someone you are not. Do you really want to smile all your life knowing all the muscles you are straining?
I believe that some times people get so disconnected from their inner being/ - they lose the ability to be playful & funny., I recall all throughout my childhood - adults & even kids, were always telling me, “ stop laughing, stop fooling around ; stop acting like an idiot... “ etc. etc., Then one day I was in a movie theater - playing a comedy film / everyone was laughing / except me.. I rarely went to see comedy films, but the few times that I did, I saw how I was the only one not laughing .: It’s not that I’m mean .. My sense of humor was trained right out of me .... Today, I love comedy, I love smiling , I love aughing. .. 😄Having a sense of humor is a JOY .. I avoid people who are too heavy ..
Could it be ... possibly that others purposely try to push our buttons just to get a reaction... so they can feel important? Why not just avoid these people? It's exhausting to always be "on alert."
Thank you Jerry so much for another enlightening video. I am now becoming more aware of my own over seriousness and understand a little more about what is the root cause of it so I can resolve it in a healthier manor.
one way I have or had become over serious is when people ask how are you as part of every day conversation thinking its utterly pointless because no one cares or wants to hear how you feel, I've also been overly serious about food and have in some ways trained my.mind to be somewhat inflexible around food. oh dear there are so.many ways in.which this can manifest! thanks for the video!
I was born into a family of 2 orphaned parents , my father lost his mother when he was 2years old..her husband / my grand father kicked my grandmother out of his house when my father was only 2 years old..islam allow men to divorce their wives with only three words ..you are divorced....and when the woman hears those words she must go and leave her children with him then go back to her father's house , who must find her a husband any husband to save the family from the shame. my mother lost her father who died when she was 3 years old..she remembers him vaguely...and together the 2 orphans tried to have a happy family..they were both over serious and raging most of the time....now i understand how much they suffered both and i feel so sorry for them..they really did the best they could do for us , they are both dead now..and i'm so sorry i didn't have compassion for them when they were alive i blamed them all my life for not doing enough for us.....
boundaries protect us getting lost in someone's obsession or helping them take things more seriously. the only way to help the "overserious" and "underserious" is to get serious about boundaries, empathy, separateness, responsibility,stewardship all features of managing my own stuff and letting others manage and own their stuff. i can only be serious about what i am responsible to. since i have limited time energy and resources and emotional capacity. i need to prioritize what to be serious about and let go of what i have no time to be serious about. with that said.....validation and support from those whom we care abouts passions should be factored in with extra time and energy i have to give to others to show that what is serious to them is serious to me. WHAT one person see's as "overserious" to another person may be"underserious" everyone must own their own values and passions and let others own theirs. so that we preserve our ability to balance and endure through "drought" or "flood".
under-seriousness is just as big a problem, compromise, apathy, ignorance, distance, passivity, inappropriate humor are all features of underseriousness. which is a deflection of ability to go there. lack of boundaries is underseriousness, i can't speak up, have an opinion, continue moving toward important things because i view comfort , approval, relationship as more important that goals, causes, what is right.
i have a friend who's favorite saying is "it's all good", uhm no its not. you have a drinking problem buddy. in this case underseriousness from lack of owning and being invested in a healthy life is detaching from reality in this case through alcohol, and silliness.
under-seriousness and overseriousness are not matching the appropriateness of a situation. detachment (apathy, disconnection, ignorance) or enmeshment(overinvolvement, obsession)
life is a tension of extremes on many levels. there is a time to be serious and a time to laugh. timing is everything and is situational. "Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those rejoice........empathy is taking seriously people's needs feelings, desires. apathy is under seriousness. if my wife is inappropriatly angry about the toilet paper roll being backwards on the reel, and i joke about it. she may become more angry and feel mocked. Its important to her , maybe too important.....but maybe she's really mad about something else . being appropriately serious might lead me to listen ask questions and inject a little human after someone expresses their feelings and feels cared about listened to then they can laugh at themselves when they see that someone loved them enought to take seriously their needs feelings behind the "overseriousness". so if someone spouts off about religion or politics for example, you can ask them why is that issue so important to you.....upon asking you might find out how it afects them on a personal level....they can let go of the overseriousness because they feel touched by compassion and empathy , which might be the core need
Thank you so much for making these thoughtful videos, and posting them online. :) Would you have any examples of self differentiated approaches to loneliness?
Re the political thing: It hasn't even been a year since I lost my spouse. When I go to my mother's house, I can count on getting a political "lecture" from my mother which often consists of me sitting there while she reads from one of the several publications she gets through the mail. If I try to say something while she's "lecturing" I'll get shushed and told how "important" it is that I pay attention because whatever issue she's reading about out loud is "dire" to the future of our country. Well maybe it is, but I'm focused on my loss and trying to just get things settled in my own life right now, which is a lot to deal with right now. So discussing politics right now is on the back burner for me, but Mom doesn't seem to get that. Mom is 84, so I get that she isn't as active anymore, but she is obsessed with politics every time I come to visit. Her voice also gets louder to the point where she's shouting. Needless to say, I often end up cutting my visit short because I can't take it an I don't want to end up saying something to hurt her feelings, either.
Very interesting topic and common problem. How often many want you crucify for expressing your opinion. That IMHO brings topic of LOYALTY - often demanded by various groups and organizations and individuals, that feels like very interesting topic it would be interesting to learn more. Loyalty relates to secrets and promises - like keep your promiser regardless of anything(be loyal, faithful) in one lecture of yours remember you talk about freedom of promises. All that seems closely related - promises, loyalty, keeping secrets - faith of some sort, loyalty to ideologies or social groups and movements. And fear of being kicked out from a group for braking purity law lets say, having dangerous thoughts and ideas, how dare you question XYZ??!!!! Apostate, excommunicate and kick your butt out immediately. And how they test your faith and loyalty by often cruel and harmful tests, all my life abusive mother for example do abuse me and say that was a test of faith and loyalty to the doctrine she represents - so shut up and obey (intentions was good) and you fail test so deserve punishment. Just like with heretics, for naming shovel a shovel you get kicked out. And you can’t disprove them with logic - that a faith! You should blindly believe. And similar pattern do met in other places later in life. In church or political settings. I’m personally am more like agnostic but it can be hard to deal with hardcore believers in that or another ideology, and they all seems to tend to have that LOYALTY thing, and tests of LOYALTY, like Abraham and Isaac - kill firstborn as test of loyalty! Or how far left communist did - give to KGB anyone who question ideology who is disloyal to the regime! Same with narcissists in family, all my narcissists in family of origin are very sensitive to loyalty - and opposite to that betrayal (of loyalty) , braking promises as most severe sin, TESTS of faith(loyalty to them) and so on. Very interesting topic, and painful button personally in me. Because every disagreement and self-differentiation by them is perceived as betrayal of TRUTH they representing and disloyalty, and abandoning - braking some promise, some rule of pleasing them and following “pass of light” made by them and so on. Huge topic, very interesting to learn more if it is possible. Thank you.
In example # 1 @11:46 the person becomes not rational and not who they really are 13:19. , not who they think they should be...if this occurs at a young age, could it be a cause of their NARCISSISM, later? 😃😂😁😬😆😜 I was forced to become "over serious " at a young age ( I was the oldest boy, and had a younger bro'& sis') father neglectful ( then gone at my age of 10) , mother a whore , and I worked at odd jobs from age 6 1/2 so as to have SOME money ! I'm 70 now and only just learning the truth about myself ( sociopath possibly)
I agree that overseriousness is not ok. But what do you do with people who are playful even when you expect them to be regularly serious. Are they avoiding something then?
Oh, wow. I wish I could have watched this video like every month since I was 15. This may be one of my favorite of Jerry's videos!
OMG.. I am seriously "over-serious".. Very helpful, thank you..
Briena Skye Lyn Starkey No stop! Keep being yourself! They are brainwashing you into being someone you are not. Do you really want to smile all your life knowing all the muscles you are straining?
I believe that some times people get so disconnected from their inner being/ - they lose the ability to be playful & funny.,
I recall all throughout my childhood - adults & even kids, were always telling me, “ stop laughing, stop fooling around ; stop acting like an idiot... “ etc. etc.,
Then one day I was in a movie theater - playing a comedy film / everyone was laughing / except me..
I rarely went to see comedy films, but the few times that I did, I saw how I was the only one not laughing .:
It’s not that I’m mean ..
My sense of humor was trained right out of me ....
Today, I love comedy, I love smiling , I love aughing. ..
😄Having a sense of humor is a JOY ..
I avoid people who are too heavy ..
Wow I’m over serious. Thank you so much Jerry ❤️
(Deanna) Jerry, you are such a blessing!! Thank you Sir.
Oh wow, I never noticed just how much I do this and so do many of the people around me. Many thanks for this video Jerry
Amazing help for all ! ! 3 or 4 good examples of "OverSeriousness" and it's harm .
Could it be ... possibly that others purposely try to push our buttons just to get a reaction... so they can feel important?
Why not just avoid these people? It's exhausting to always be "on alert."
Thank you Jerry so much for another enlightening video. I am now becoming more aware of my own over seriousness and understand a little more about what is the root cause of it so I can resolve it in a healthier manor.
one way I have or had become over serious is when people ask how are you as part of every day conversation thinking its utterly pointless because no one cares or wants to hear how you feel, I've also been overly serious about food and have in some ways trained my.mind to be somewhat inflexible around food. oh dear there are so.many ways in.which this can manifest! thanks for the video!
I was born into a family of 2 orphaned parents , my father lost his mother when he was 2years old..her husband / my grand father kicked my grandmother out of his house when my father was only 2 years old..islam allow men to divorce their wives with only three words ..you are divorced....and when the woman hears those words she must go and leave her children with him then go back to her father's house , who must find her a husband any husband to save the family from the shame. my mother lost her father who died when she was 3 years old..she remembers him vaguely...and together the 2 orphans tried to have a happy family..they were both over serious and raging most of the time....now i understand how much they suffered both and i feel so sorry for them..they really did the best they could do for us , they are both dead now..and i'm so sorry i didn't have compassion for them when they were alive i blamed them all my life for not doing enough for us.....
That’s touching!
Very important video! I feel like it applies to me I am definitely over serious, now I understand a little more why thank you so much!
boundaries protect us getting lost in someone's obsession or helping them take things more seriously. the only way to help the "overserious" and "underserious" is to get serious about boundaries, empathy, separateness, responsibility,stewardship all features of managing my own stuff and letting others manage and own their stuff. i can only be serious about what i am responsible to. since i have limited time energy and resources and emotional capacity. i need to prioritize what to be serious about and let go of what i have no time to be serious about. with that said.....validation and support from those whom we care abouts passions should be factored in with extra time and energy i have to give to others to show that what is serious to them is serious to me. WHAT one person see's as "overserious" to another person may be"underserious" everyone must own their own values and passions and let others own theirs. so that we preserve our ability to balance and endure through "drought" or "flood".
under-seriousness is just as big a problem, compromise, apathy, ignorance, distance, passivity, inappropriate humor are all features of underseriousness. which is a deflection of ability to go there. lack of boundaries is underseriousness, i can't speak up, have an opinion, continue moving toward important things because i view comfort , approval, relationship as more important that goals, causes, what is right.
i have a friend who's favorite saying is "it's all good", uhm no its not. you have a drinking problem buddy. in this case underseriousness from lack of owning and being invested in a healthy life is detaching from reality in this case through alcohol, and silliness.
It's hidden toxic shame
Wow. Never knew why I was like that! :/
Good job
under-seriousness and overseriousness are not matching the appropriateness of a situation. detachment (apathy, disconnection, ignorance) or enmeshment(overinvolvement, obsession)
life is a tension of extremes on many levels. there is a time to be serious and a time to laugh. timing is everything and is situational. "Weep with those who weep and rejoice with those rejoice........empathy is taking seriously people's needs feelings, desires. apathy is under seriousness. if my wife is inappropriatly angry about the toilet paper roll being backwards on the reel, and i joke about it. she may become more angry and feel mocked. Its important to her , maybe too important.....but maybe she's really mad about something else . being appropriately serious might lead me to listen ask questions and inject a little human after someone expresses their feelings and feels cared about listened to then they can laugh at themselves when they see that someone loved them enought to take seriously their needs feelings behind the "overseriousness". so if someone spouts off about religion or politics for example, you can ask them why is that issue so important to you.....upon asking you might find out how it afects them on a personal level....they can let go of the overseriousness because they feel touched by compassion and empathy , which might be the core need
I’m sometimes playful and giggly at funerals and other inappropriate times.
I think it’s because I don’t take myself seriously enough??
My friend always giggled at funerals. She said it was nervous laughter.
Thank you so much for making these thoughtful videos, and posting them online. :) Would you have any examples of self differentiated approaches to loneliness?
Re the political thing: It hasn't even been a year since I lost my spouse. When I go to my mother's house, I can count on getting a political "lecture" from my mother which often consists of me sitting there while she reads from one of the several publications she gets through the mail. If I try to say something while she's "lecturing" I'll get shushed and told how "important" it is that I pay attention because whatever issue she's reading about out loud is "dire" to the future of our country. Well maybe it is, but I'm focused on my loss and trying to just get things settled in my own life right now, which is a lot to deal with right now. So discussing politics right now is on the back burner for me, but Mom doesn't seem to get that. Mom is 84, so I get that she isn't as active anymore, but she is obsessed with politics every time I come to visit. Her voice also gets louder to the point where she's shouting. Needless to say, I often end up cutting my visit short because I can't take it an I don't want to end up saying something to hurt her feelings, either.
Amazing, you are the best. I sent an email for therapy, hope you get available soon. Have a nice day.
Andrew, I think you're right!
🤣🤣🤣
You say playfulness is the best anecdote to over seriousness. But HOW do u activate playfulness and lightheartedness?!
Very interesting topic and common problem. How often many want you crucify for expressing your opinion. That IMHO brings topic of LOYALTY - often demanded by various groups and organizations and individuals, that feels like very interesting topic it would be interesting to learn more. Loyalty relates to secrets and promises - like keep your promiser regardless of anything(be loyal, faithful) in one lecture of yours remember you talk about freedom of promises. All that seems closely related - promises, loyalty, keeping secrets - faith of some sort, loyalty to ideologies or social groups and movements. And fear of being kicked out from a group for braking purity law lets say, having dangerous thoughts and ideas, how dare you question XYZ??!!!! Apostate, excommunicate and kick your butt out immediately. And how they test your faith and loyalty by often cruel and harmful tests, all my life abusive mother for example do abuse me and say that was a test of faith and loyalty to the doctrine she represents - so shut up and obey (intentions was good) and you fail test so deserve punishment. Just like with heretics, for naming shovel a shovel you get kicked out. And you can’t disprove them with logic - that a faith! You should blindly believe. And similar pattern do met in other places later in life. In church or political settings.
I’m personally am more like agnostic but it can be hard to deal with hardcore believers in that or another ideology, and they all seems to tend to have that LOYALTY thing, and tests of LOYALTY, like Abraham and Isaac - kill firstborn as test of loyalty! Or how far left communist did - give to KGB anyone who question ideology who is disloyal to the regime! Same with narcissists in family, all my narcissists in family of origin are very sensitive to loyalty - and opposite to that betrayal (of loyalty) , braking promises as most severe sin, TESTS of faith(loyalty to them) and so on. Very interesting topic, and painful button personally in me. Because every disagreement and self-differentiation by them is perceived as betrayal of TRUTH they representing and disloyalty, and abandoning - braking some promise, some rule of pleasing them and following “pass of light” made by them and so on. Huge topic, very interesting to learn more if it is possible. Thank you.
In example # 1 @11:46 the person becomes not rational and not who they really are 13:19. , not who they think they should be...if this occurs at a young age, could it be a cause of their NARCISSISM, later?
😃😂😁😬😆😜 I was forced to become "over serious " at a young age ( I was the oldest boy, and had a younger bro'& sis') father neglectful ( then gone at my age of 10) , mother a whore , and I worked at odd jobs from age 6 1/2 so as to have SOME money !
I'm 70 now and only just learning the truth about myself ( sociopath possibly)
I agree that overseriousness is not ok. But what do you do with people who are playful even when you expect them to be regularly serious. Are they avoiding something then?
Radhika Prasad they are probably narcissists
would the opposite of this be immaturity on the other end of the spectrum? could you do a video on that? Thanks Jerry