Adopting a Reactive Dog With Behavior Issues: Our 3 Year Update
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- Опубліковано 19 вер 2023
- In this video, I'm sharing the complete, uncensored journey Remy and I have shared since I adopted him, covering the good, the bad, the ugly, and the bruises!
Adopting Remy turned my world upside down, and I struggled the most I ever have that first year with my reactive, behaviorally-challenged, high-arousal dog. There were many times where I thought about giving up. When I thought there was no way out. It was grueling work but I'm happy to say we're in a much better place today.
If you've ever found yourself completely overwhelmed with a dog who has behavior issues, this video is for you. We see you. You are not alone!
**IMPORTANT: I am not looking for feedback or advice about what I "did wrong" in clips shown within this video. I am aware I made many mistakes in my early days with Remy. This is NOT a training video or guide, it's me sharing a very personal story from my life. Please be respectful and honor my vulnerability in sharing one of the most difficult times of my life.
Chapters:
0:08 - Remy's Gotcha Day Party: Celebrating Remy & how far we've come.
01:15 - Remy's Origin Story: How I came to adopt him.
02:04 - Remy's Transformation into a Bad Boy: The "Real" Remy after decompressing from the shelter
07:11 - Lost & Out Of My League: Hitting rock bottom and feeling hopeless.
09:54 - Getting Professional Help from a Trainer: It helps, but doesn't solve everything!
12:05 - Not Everyone is So Lucky: Keeping a difficult dog is a privilege not everyone can afford.
13:34 - It Got Better, But Never "Easy": Having a dog with behavior issues can be a life-long struggle
15:21 - I See Him Trying: I see Remy making progress and trying his best to be a good boy every day!
17:25 - If You Feel Overwhelmed, You're Not Alone: Many people experience difficult behavior issues with their dogs. It's OK to feel frustrated and even heartbroken. You're not alone! - Домашні улюбленці та дикі тварини
My husband and I recently adopted a border collie who it turns out is super reactive. Your videos have turned into a source of solace for us as we go through our own journey trying to rehabilitate him. I’ve returned to this video a couple times. I’ve taken the quote here “Your dog isn’t giving you a hard time, he’s having a hard time” to heart. Just a couple days ago I came across the source! It’s from and Outside Magazine article about reactive dogs. One of the owners of a reactive dog said it. Sooo resonant!
I really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty in this video. My 1yr old puppy is reactive and has been since he was a pup (he won the genetics lottery 🙃) so it’s really nice to hear someone else with the same struggles.
I’m also so happy to see a Remmy update! I stumbled upon these videos 6 months ago and I wanted to know his progress and what happened to him. He’s such a cute dude and I’m glad he’s improved even if it’s not as significant as you had hoped 💕
He really is a cutie isn’t he? Having a reactive dog can be a real headache, but he sure has taught me a lot.
Holy cow. Remy's behavior is like looking at my 11mo. old rescue. Similar story. American Pit mix. He doesn't bark as much as Remy but he impulsive, hyper alert, and does the same stuff when playing. A game of fetch (one or two throws) turns quickly into him getting too aroused and him jumping on me, pulling clothes and biting also. Just like Remy was doing in the video. He never learned bite instinct as a pup in foster so he has been mouthy since I got him at 5 mos. Like you, I've got the bruises too. I understand your frustration totally.It's hard dealing with the easy arousal and reactivity. I'm learning to recognize when he's starting to ramp up better now and at that point I end play and we come in and I try to have him decompress. I'm finding that short bursts of activity are better for him. The saying that a tired dog is a good dog isn't always the case for my guy. I've also learned that like some dementia patients, he "sundowns" and his behavior starts getting worse as soon as it starts getting dark so I now try to make sure I time his play and rest accordingly. The struggle is real and I appreciate that you shared yours with us. It make it easier for me to see that it's not just me that has had to deal with this.
100% agree! Early on was especially hard because I kept increasing his exercise thinking that's what he needed, but like you said, with these high-arousal guys, shorter but more frequent sessions of activity work a lot better.
Haha oh yeah the fetch disasters were many until I realized it wasn't doable with him. Although just recently I've started rolling a ball around just 10ft or less in the house and he can do OK with that, picking it up and bringing it back to me, but just barely can manage it.
Oh yes Remy too has his sundowners, or what I call his "witching hour"! And I can't emphasize how much I agree about the need to detect when they are starting to reach that arousal level. It's just Remy and me in the home so I've gotten very in tune with him and luckily now it's really easy and 2nd nature for me to recognize when he's starting to get overstimulated. Nylabone chews have been a total game changer for helping him decompress -- they're like a doggie pacifier for him.
Through a lot of trial and error I've figured out how to handle and manage Remy so that things run pretty smoothly for us. The only hiccups happen when I need to go away or want to have guests over. I would say even with guests he's getting better, but slowly. I'm lucky that my friends understand him and know to listen to me when I tell them to slow down, to not pet him a certain way, etc.
It sounds like you're doing an amazing job. It's definitely tough but like you said, we are not alone! On behalf of your dog, thank you for making the time and effort to understand him better. It's not something a lot of people can do and requires such a tremendous shift in how we think and understand dogs. Your dog is very lucky to have found you! He couldn't have done any better.
Thank you for not giving up on him and accepting him for who he is 🥺❤️ he’s a good boi and you are a great dog mom!
Thank you! He’s honestly come so far, I’m really proud of him!
Video contains barking! Switch to headphones or subtitles if you have a noise reactive dog.
I've been following your video updates with Remi and really appreciate them. I had a similar experience from chill-dog (shutdown) to frantic, stressed, and hyperaroused expression. Before me she was a backyard-only dog in a busy household and didn't know how to exist outside of that framework. On top of that she has medical issues that are no doubt making it even harder on her. The mental, social, and financial toll it can take on us is huge. You're not alone, and I'm so happy that you and Remy are both in a much better place right now.
I had a reactive dog for 13 years. I know your stress. I have a “normal “ dog now for over a year and I still feel the stress and I am over cautious at times. I’m glad like me you kept working with him and didn’t give up
It’s definitely not for the faint of heart! But you can’t help but love them all the same.
@@K9ofMine exactly! I miss him still, I made a commitment to him, I tried a trainer and he tried to bite him. So I became great at avoiding and when he met new people, he would eventually come around. Once he accepted someone he loved them. The funny thing is, he never went after my cats and never chased a squirrel, only dogs and people.
That's so interesting! If I had to guess, that probably means his problems are more fear-based than arousal based. I'm pretty sure Remy is mostly frustrated/arousal reactive and his prey drive is pretty high. He'll chase after anything that moves, we could never do cats!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your channel and your videos, I see so much of myself in them and my experiences, and you are just amazing. I fostered a dog last year (pitty/staffy mix) who was a sweetheart - rehabilitated her for 3 months and found an amazing forever home for her down the street from us. It was a love story all round. However, she had NEVER shown any signs of aggression EVER, her only emotions were love, happiness, play with me, fun.... however, my latest foster dog is a concern. Sami is blind in one eye, was starved, used for breeding, possibly hit by car, little elbows worn out from being in a cage all the time, hind legs underdeveloped (muscles had atrophied).... I have had her 5 weeks and I just love her to bits. She is super gentle with me, but is reactive to my husband, although sometimes she plays happily with him. He feeds her and walks her (in order to build a stronger bond with her), but she is still very reactive and unsure. On a leash she is reactive to dogs and people, although I ask people to just ignore her and not look at her until she feels comfortable and sometimes she's OK, sometimes not. This morning she played with my husband outside and later on, when he was in my room with us, she was really aggressive with him. I do not think this is resource guarding because she's like this whether I'm there or not. I don't know how much of this is due to her half blindness - and of course, how much is from her terrible childhood and obvious abuse, and I don't know what to do about this. I got a trainer in to do a session and he confirmed that getting my husband to walk and feed her is a good idea, and that he should do regular checkins with her (she goes up and touches her nose to his hand) - which she does but then out of nowhere she'll backup and start with this menacing growl. Obviously she's just expressing her discomfort and fear but I don't know what to do. She almost went for hiim this morning, and if she's like this with him, it could be serious. My goal is to spend a couple of months rehabilitating her and then find a forever home for her - but this irregular fear/reactivity thing is a problem. I do NOT under any circumstances want to use any punishment methods, no prong collars, NOTHING that will give her any negative reaction, as she has been through too much in her short little life, but I don't know what to do when she starts growling at phillip. Initially when she growled, I got him to leave the room, but that is just a temporary respite because if he comes back in, or he approaches her again elsewhere, she growls again. Then I suggested that we both leave the room (i.e. removing her favorite thing, me, until she'd calmed down) but that didn't work either. She just continued growling and tail tucked between her legs. I don't know if he reminds her of the tortures she's been through, poor girl. She's only 2. I've suggested he ignores her too, other than feeding and walking, and he tries but sometimes forgets and approaches her quietly and gently to fuss her, and she'll sometimes go to him then suddenly backup and growl. ANY suggestions would be appreciated, this poor girl has had a rotten life, experienced horrors I can't even imagine, and I think she must be very unhappy inside herself, which is what I want to change. she's WONDERFUL with me, but when i'm not around, she just stays in her bed and waits for me to come home. Thoughts?
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Thank you so much for taking care of this special girl! She is so, so lucky to have landed in your loving hands!
That sounds like a really stressful situation, I’m sorry you have to go through that. It’s so confusing and hard when we feel like our dogs just fly back and forth between being sweet bundles of joy to demons lol.
I know 5 weeks seems like a long time. And in some ways, it is. But I think for this dog, 5 weeks is just not enough for her to totally feel safe yet. It sounds like she’s been to hell and back, and I think right now she’s probably still in survival mode. I think giving her as much space and agency as possible would be ideal. Like maybe no one should be approaching her at all - just let her approach and instigate all interactions or as many as you can.
I would say make sure she has a cozy crate or a bed where she can really make a space for herself and know that she can always relax there without being touched or approached.
The best thing your husband can do is just leave her alone. I don’t really know about the walks and food, maybe for her that stuff is rewarding enough to be worth it, but I kind of feel like it might be better for her to go on walks w someone she is 100% totally comfortable with, and just let your husband work on being a calm, neutral, non-threatening, safe thing in her life that isn’t going to ask anything of her. I know it seems like he needs to be giving her food and affection, but she needs to feel safe first, and a big part of feeling safe is feeling like your boundaries are being heard and respected!
I hope that helps. Would love to get updates about how you progress!
@@K9ofMine THANK YOU THANK YOU for such wise words. I agree, 5 weeks is not really a long time, given the torture she must have had before. It's so sad, when you look at her from above, it's like someone photoshopped two different dogs and joined them together at the waist, the front part of her is strong, great muscles, beautiful - then she tapers down into this tiny little waist and tiny little rear end and back legs, hind legs so trembly and unsure... it makes me want to cry every time. It makes me so happy to see her running around the garden - when I first got her, the first time she ran, she couldn't walk back, was just dragging her hind legs.... so I stopped her running and just focused on walking slowly, then walking faster, then got her into a trot - and now she's running around happily! Yes, I have a crate for her, that the only time I approach her in there is at night time to give her two night time biscuits and tell her I love her, otherwise, that's her own independent private space completely - and another comfy bed nearby that's her place, so if ever I need to command PLACE, that's where she goes..... I think you're right - stop forcing her to go on walks with my husband, or at least let him join us so she knows she's safe with me.... and same with the food. And he MUST ignore her and let her just "be". As you say, I think the only thing that will help is time and her knowing she's safe and loved. THANK YOU THANK YOU. I will update you as time goes by. Oh, I'm trying to get her onto the treadmill (I got my other foster dog to trot on the treadmill because she was too strong for me to take out for walks - once she saw a lizard, it was all over! 70 lbs of muscle was too much for me - and she absolutely LOVED it!) - it's slow going, but now I've got her to put two paws on the treadmill and her tail is wagging like crazy! when she hears me turn it on and the loud beep - she comes running in, tail wagging, so excited! but when I actually start the pad moving, she backs away, still wagging... and barking.. but today she put two paws on it while it was moving slowly and her tail was going so fast I could hardly see it!!!!! I can't imagine the horrors she experienced, her little elbows are all worn out and scarred and who knows how many litters she had that were taken from her - but she's safe now and again, thank you for your guidance. i LOVE your channel and love Remy..... you are just so wonderful.
@@amazoncharlie5087 Aww it's so cute to imagine her getting all excited about the treadmill! I wish I felt that way haha. Aw thank you so much for the kind words. She sounds like such a sweetie. I'm sure you've already been in some touch with a vet, but it's also always worth doing a vet check considering the condition of her back leggies. If she's having leg pain that could certainly exacerbate her feeling especially sensitive and nervous to touch. Remy and I are rooting for you both!
@@K9ofMine Yes, she has had x-rays done and seen a great vet, and they just confirm, her hind legs' muscles have atrophied while she was locked in a cage, but they couldn't see any fractures. Thank you for awesome advice!!!
Reminds me of our dogs
Omg...drink themed drinks...so many more ideas...thank you! Zelda party is in December. Now i have to change things around again. It will be 3 yrs with my reactive pup
Aww Zelda is a lucky pup! I hope she enjoys the party.
What a great video to show the real feelings of anyone in pain. Raising kids, dogs, cats, etc. is hard when you have an easy one, feels impossible when you have a difficult one. All these feelings are so raw and real. Great job.
Thank you so much and yes, what truth!
Great video. Beautiful message!
It's really touching to watch your story with Remy.
It's been a year since our family adopted a reactive dog and it's really tough. Non-stop barking at home and lunging at other dogs are still difficult for us but our dog has imrpoved a lot too. Not just that, but we've also gotten better at having empathy and understanding for his behavior. We still have a ways to go with his reactivity! At times it can feel really tiring, especially when you have your own life to worry about, but this is a great reminder for me to keep trying my best with him.
Really comforting to know we're not the only ones going through a similar journey. Thank you so much for sharing!
You’re definitely not alone! I think a lot of us feel so overwhelmed and sometimes embarrassed of our reactive dogs that we don’t talk about it much, but there are SO many folks out there with problem pups.
Doesn’t mean we love them any else but boy, they really can be a handful.
This is so informative, thank you!
This video couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been having a hard time with the dog I adopted recently. 90 pound intact adolescent shutzhund bred German shepherd. And I’m still just a teenager too. But because of that, I’ve been able to understand Ko’s issues as similar to my own. He’s just struggling. I’M struggling. And it’s fine for us to struggle, as long as when the sunsets, we can just relax in each other’s company. We can try again tomorrow.
Our victories are pretty small, and I don’t really have many people to be there for us, but that’s how it’s always been. Except I was alone dealing with my problems. Now, I have Koda with me. So neither of us are alone, even if we need breaks from training.
I think we’ll be alright.
What a beautiful perspective! It has definitely been interesting to see how Remy’s stress manifests differently than my own, and other ways in which it’s similar.
Thank you very much for the video. It helped a lot just to see him. He seems very happy and is very lucky.😍
Omg. My life with my dog... thank you for shearing! You gave me a good cry
Thanks for this wonderful video. I went and still go through many similar struggles. I adopted a neglected and legally blind Doberman last year. I wanted a challenging dog - but not that challenging! She was afraid of everything, barked at things that scared her, got overaroused easily, pulled on the leash non stop. Worst of all her dog reactivity. While dog friendly in general simply the smell of another dog let her freak out. It got better but I still struggle with it. And I didn't wait to get help. I got help right from the start but it's still a rocky road. I love her and I am proud of her progress but there is this daily reminder for me that she is not normal or easy and probably never will be. The imagination alone my next dog might turn out dog reactive too makes me desperate. Please please never again!
Anyways all the best for sweet Remy and thanks for keeping him and tolerating him with all his issues ❤
Thank you for the kind words. We're definitely in a similar boat - it ain't always easy. Poor girl, I can't imagine dealing with reactivity plus blindness too! She's lucky to have you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this wonderful video! I foster failed my pitbull mix Patches last year and our time together has not always been easy. Like Remy, she was a former stray and an easy going dog (or so I thought) during our first 2 months together. However, after decompressing, the real Patches came out and it turned out she was an extreme mouther who was dog reactive with arousal issues. I was very sad, depressed, overwhelmed, and stressed out during this period, and it was hard to find people who understood what we were going through, which is why I appreciated your video so much. Now, more than a year later, Patches and I are in a much happier place after a lot of hard work. We're still working on dog reactivity and our engage-disengage (thank you for your video on that topic too! 😊); at times it can seem like 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but you and Remy have inspired us to work even harder. Wishing you both the best, and looking forward to your next Remy update ☺
I think a lot of us who adopt shelter dogs can be thrown off by that decompression period! It's crazy that it can take them so long to feel like themselves -- that shows just how traumatic shelter life can be for many dogs, as well as how sensitive our pittie mixes are!
I absolutely feel you on the two steps forward, one step back. I personally feel like that's why journaling is SO important when training reactive dogs. It's really easy to not even notice progress if you're not really documenting each walk, because while the day to day changes seem microscopic, when you start to look between weeks and months you really see just how much progress is happening!
Thank you for the encouragement and support, it means a lot!
13:39 Practise makes... progress, not perfection. You spoke so many truths in this video that I have found difficult to elucidate myself. Yours was one of the first channels I watched when I dove head first into FF training with my JRTX adopted dog, and it changed our lives... literally. Coming up to 4 years in October with him now and we have reached a stage where I am so proud of his progress but still accept him for who he is and that he will never quite be 'normal'. He has a handful of doggy friends now and disengages from dogs on lead (being rushed by ''friendly'' off-lead dogs is still a struggle). THANK YOU for sharing this video ❣
Wow, what a great reminder -- you are absolutely right that practice makes progress, not perfection! It's a lesson we should all keep in mind so we can be more gentle with our dogs as well as ourselves with our personal goals and aspirations.
What an honor, it means a lot you've been willing to trust us to accompany you on your dog training journey
@@K9ofMine Thank you so much for your kind words 🤗 Keep being awesome and give Remy a treat from me!!
I stumbled across your channel after watching tons of reactive dog training videos which demonstrated dominance over the dog, negative correction, alpha mentality and much more that I do not want to use to train and work with my reactive dog. It simply does NOT work for him.
So refreshing to see what you are doing. Your and your pups journey is beautiful and it’s one I can relate to. I am so proud of the progress my pupper has made. He’s a campion but there are days where I fail him. I miss the trigger build up, I loose my cool, I don’t know how to help him in a new situation that I didn’t anticipate. You are right, it’s taught me so much and I am who I am today because of him. He will never be the dog I wanted but he is so much more in other ways. Thank you for sharing your and your pups story. It’s so encouraging and I can’t wait to watch many more videos!🐕x
Aww thank you so much for saying that Tammy! We have a couple other videos on reactive dog training tips I’d definitely recommend checking out if you’re interested in working force-free with your pup.
It’s very frustrating to see so many of those outdated and unkind techniques promoted online. Unfortunately, that style of training works great for UA-cam/TV because you can see “changes” right away. Those changes are not real, they are just the dog acquiescing because they are scared. Real behavior change takes a long time and isn’t as click-baity or glamorous, unfortunately. Thanks for doing right by your pup, he’s lucky to be in your hands.
You could not be more right when you say those training techniques don’t last. The dog is scared or unsure of this new strange corrective technique and as soon as he gets used to it it simply has no effect whilst simultaneously breaking down the bond between the owner and the pup. Alfie (my doggie) and I are a team. I respect him and therefore he respects and trusts me in turn. You demonstrate this so well in your video with Remi. As you said most people would give up on their reactive dog and he is so lucky he has an owner dedicated to him. I have had a year off work and managed to take my pup to dog training and have worked each and every day to help make improvements in doing life with my Alfie. Remi and Alfie have a lot in common and a lot of those similarities are things I’m sure neither of us expected but are actually wonderful now that we have learnt how to help them go out and be good dogs. You and Remi are so admirable and one day I hope to get Alfie and I to the same stage you and Remi are at. It’s slow and gradual progress with step back and failures, but that makes the small victories even sweeter !
Thanks for sharing your story. I have a rescue pit mix who is naughty sometimes too. Just curious if you ever tried aversive training techniques or if you just stuck to force free training
I don’t support aversive methods - force-free only. Realizing how sensitive Remy is and having better understanding of his issues, I’m so glad I didn’t resort to a shock collar. It would have really done a number on him, poor guy.
I thought I was the only one with a dog that acts like he's never been on Earth before.. I've had dogs for 65 years and I rescued this one. I tried taking him back and the rescue center wouldn't accept him. There's a big red flag. Cesser says with these pitbull mixes , you have to exhaust them by running. There's no place I can do this. Because he will just take off and return later when his tongue is falling out. . He's chipped and I'm scared to death to get a lawsuit from som older lady walking her little white poodle. My dog is 90 lbs. He doesn't go full blown red zone but if he doesn't come or stop when you call him it has me wondering. I try and go to work each day and he really has my schedule all screwed up. He's a good dog with a beautiful soul. He loves kids and people. He doesn't bite. But he tries to dominate other dogs. They said he had kennel psychosis. Back and forth in his cage like a machine all day. . then he killed a cat at the center and they were going to put him down. But the people there never walked him or gave him any attention because he wouldn't listen to anyone. Im thinking about a animal psychic. I've seen some very amazing conversations that corrected issues between man and animal. He here's my conversation on the phone and knows I'm going to go somewhere and he's waiting. He reads my thoughts. He's very smart so I don't know why he won't even look at me when I call his name. It's crazy.
Anyone have any ideas???
Hey there! Have you tried constructing a DIY fence? That's the best way to keep him and others safe. I know fences can be expensive, but there are some pretty affordable DIY fences out there. I actually made one with just welded wire fencing and T-stakes. It wasn't pretty but it got the job done!
Many pitties are super smart, so you might find your life gets a lot easier just by providing him with more mental enrichment - like puzzle feeders, licking mats, etc. It doesn't have to be pricey - I stuff treats in newspaper and shove them into old cereal boxes and Remy LOVES shredding them apart. We have a guide to all kinds of different enrichment ideas here: www.k9ofmine.com/canine-enrichment-activities/
Running can definitely be helpful for some dogs. It actually makes my dog worse! Dogs like mine with arousal issues get way too ramped up with running or long walks. So shorter, more frequent walks are best for us, giving your dog plenty of time to sniff to their heart's content. Maybe that would help for you guys too!
Best of luck!
I'd focus more on working the mind than the physical. Not only does it tire the dog out more than physical exercise, it also teaches them things! Look up dog enrichment activities, do scent work. Work A LOT at home practicing cues like "Let's go!" to change direction and walk or run away (to use when you see a potential trigger and/or the dog's body language that shows stress). Take things the dog is good at indoors and try it in outdoor areas to build confidence (any cue or trick like paws up, under/over, switch, around, even heel).
Lastly, I'd check out some more recent trainers who use less corrective/punishment-based methods. There are TONS of them online (force-free positive reinforcement).
@@K9ofMine
That's exactly what I need is a large fenced in area to let him off the leash so I can give him his Freedom. I have never had to put my dogs on a leash. They have always had a trigger word I could use to get them to stop and come running. Not this one. !! Always got his nose to the ground fullspeed.. 😆😆
One day maybe he will attack harder. Always looking to manage him will stress you enough that will make your life a living hell. Meanwhile many well behaved dogs are put to sleep in the shelters because there is no home for them. Though I wish you good luck in the next years, you will certainly need it. If you are living in an apartment is more difficult then living in house with a yard.
As explained, most of this footage was from when I first got Remy several years ago! He’s much better now. I’m not concerned about him hurting anyone - his issues are arousal based and I understand them well. Managing his environment has been at times challenging but certainly not impossible and feels quite normal and usually relatively easy now.
I do agree that it’s heartbreaking how many dogs are put down for space alone. I love Remy very much and don’t regret my life with him, but when it comes to the broad number of dogs euthanized for no reason, I realize Remy is the kind where - if that were to have happened to him - it may have been justified due to how hard it would be to place him an appropriate home. He got VERY lucky with me!
@@K9ofMine I wish you the best but many people will think anything is possible for their trubled minded dogs or cats, when, in fact, it is hard to deal with an aggressive pet.
@@RaduBigGun I couldn't agree more -- it is VERY hard to deal with an aggressive pet. I am very clear about that. Our path has not been easy and my life with Remy will continue to have concessions.
You're simply NOT the Alpha.
😂
@@K9ofMine Every pack has one. He's yours.
I promise that being the "alpha" or not has nothing to do with my dog's behavior. If you want to learn about why this is silly, totally outdated thinking you are welcome to read our guide on it: www.k9ofmine.com/debunking-alpha-dog-myth/ But people who have their ego based on this idea that they need to be the "alpha" rarely are interested in changing their mindset. I hope you choose to, for your own dogs' sake!