@@AbbyNormal02 EXACTLY! We are in strong NoContact so I have no idea what is going on with him and I am better off not knowing. Moving Forward never to return my hand to the burning element on the stove. Healing by learning and clearly seeing things as they ARE…seeing my future as what it IS, not what I hoped it would be. I have had alterations (altered paths I had no control over) in my life before. This too shall pass. ☺️🙏
This is the ultimate break up video because you explained very well what’s behind the curtains..but I don’t know how to be ok with this, I just feel so powerless and sad going through this and accepting to let go all the past behind
Oh my gosh!!!! This video. Yes!!! Sooo 7 days ago my husband of 2 years who I have up my whole life for moved countries and supported him emotionally for 7 years! Told me I don’t want to be married anymore. It’s not you it’s me. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever heard. Because the love I feel for him knows no bounds. And I thought that this was it. That this was my happy ever after. How could he just end our marriage when nothing has happened. Why would he want to be alone! And why is he soooo god damn happy and fine about it all. About shipping me back off to the UK. I know for a fact he’s going to regret this one day. And I still can’t understand why he’s doing this. But your videos are helping me. And this one helped with how I was feeling tonight.
He might be dismissive avoidant, that what they do over and over again until they heal themselves. Please don't take it personally. Sending love and light
This hit home for me. Been watching you since my breakup 18 days ago. Day 16 of NC. Your videos have been sooo helpful for me. Hoping to book a session soon. Thanks for all your help.
I am the one who initiated breakup. And you are right I am still carrying the guilt of tearing the relationship apart even after a year. I deeply care about my ex because she is a good person. But I just couldn’t be content. And me being not 100% sure was draining my energy out of me that the relationship has become a burden to me at some point and it wasn’t fair anymore. So I made a hard call. I need to work on myself and I do miss her a lot. But I also know that I will face the same problem if she somehow comes back to my life again as I would still be uncertain about her. It seems I am very complicated. And I don’t enjoy being complicated. It is what it is. I just need to live day by day. But you are right dumper can never forget dumpee if she or he was a good person.
I relate to this as the one who left me shares a very similar mindset to you. He loves me but wanted to be alone and also was curious about other people but love the life we built. It’s been very confusing and frustrating of a time for me to go through this, but I hope he misses me and wants to make it work if he figures himself out and what he wants.
I’m glad I came across the clip on TT and came here to watch the rest. I needed to hear this because I honestly am in a slump that I didn’t matter after my ex did everything you said they do when they leave a relationship. The end of the relationship helped me to reflect on my pain and my mistakes and I went to therapy. I continue on but I know the thought that I didn’t matter sat heavy in my head because I watch her act like I didn’t existed. I love your insight on this. I don’t think my ex is a bad person, but she is going through things that I couldn’t love or help her through that even that cause me to be the person she paints me to be because it started to spill into our relationship and cause us to argue and fight. I hold space for her and pray that she can overcome her own internal war.
Darlene.. I was the latter, I realised i sabotaged the whole relationship. Did the work and felt the emotions alone. I took the courage despite the shame, guilt and burden, and fought for her, with all my might, to be vulnerable, to be not afraid any longer! -she said no, she closed the door. She said she started seeing someone else too. It cuts deep.. i have to bare this weight.. keep doing the best i can, but when im alone and the thought of her comes up. oh how i miss her so, and now hurts too much.
sometimes I wonder if he'll think the same way for me...he's now in a new relationship, he broke up with me to be with a girl closer to him, we were in a long distance relationship of 7 years...so he couldn't bear the burden of not having me around. He's now in love with her and it kills me, how could he belittle everything we had just because she's there and I'm not?...
Thanks for your video Darlene. You’ve helped me so much after my boyfriend of 6.5 years dumped me one day completely blind siding me. He told me he didn’t love me enough even though he told me he loved me almost every single day. Of course I’m heartbroken and often wondering if he ever loved me at all. He is a people pleaser and I’m wondering if thats exactly what he’d been doing for years until it was too much and he broke it off. This video reminds me that there probably was a lot of love he felt but maybe it was just too real. I suspect he is an avoidant so I understand that it’s hard for him. Maybe one day we’ll get back together but I worry he will not have the courage to repair things. I feel sorry for these types of people letting fear of hurt or failure holding them back but hopefully one day I meet someone who is two feet in with me ❤
Hiya there! Going through breakup right now as well which had an abrupt ending! I relate so much to your comment as he was also a people pleaser and he is aware of that. Wishing you love and light as well during this time
I just wanted to let you know that your story feels very similar to mine. I am so hopeful and it hurts so much. I know i can find someone else, but i want him. Im courageous enough to accept his flaws and deal with them as a teammate, but he made a decision not to be a teammate but take the path of least resistance. It’s dissapointing. But i deserve someone to be a teammate. X
My ex left for another man after 21 years while acting like everything was perfect and better than ever between us. It's been three months and I still don't understand. She still denies it but she was with him less than a week after leaving and he dumped his girlfriend three days before she left me in the middle of the night. The betrayal is a lot to deal with that's for sure. She's left everything at out house so I don't know if she's ever planning on trying to come back or not...
I know how much that hurts! We feel abandoned and insignificant. The first 3-6 months are brutal and usually, not much changes right away. It takes time to play out. Keep doing your best to get through your days while the tide turns. It always does !
This hit me hard. My exact situation. He suddenly left after six years. I know he loves me so much, but everything else he is going through made it so he couldn't do this relationship anymore. It is the most heartbreaking and confusing thing I have ever gone through. We were happy! We were in a great place! Really no issues that were out of the ordinary. And he admits he self-sabotaged a good thing, but still won't try and work it out :( 2 1/2 months into break up now.
Your story sounds exactly like mine. Our marriage is collateral damage because of the war that waged with in him. He had bs reasons for ending our marriage but nothing made sense.
Snap, 6 years and he feels he needs to be by himself, can’t really explain it but mental health is such a cruel thing. I’ve tried to explain he’s safe with me and I would never have left him. I’m 3 months in and still heart broken. We have a house and dog together. I lose it all because he can’t see his worth.
@@jenniferwallacehsteacher9469 THIS makes his decision to “clear his plate” (his words) during this midlife crisis, SO HARD. He pushed away everything and everyone, including quitting his job and pushed away friends, family and marriage and stopped building our house we designed! Stopped immigration process for me to be with him (I am Canadian), retreated into the woods, literally built a tiny house and chooses to be alone to “fix himself”. Our marriage is collateral damage for a war he is waging within himself. How to trust another person again. So blindsided . Also was professionally diagnosed with bipolar-polar disorder.
Hey Darlene, I really thank you for everyrhing! You are such an Angel to All of us that are heartbroken❤ My Ex doesnt want to talk to me about the relationships ending since we broke up 5 months ago. I know that to a certain point the relationship gave her a safe place in her daily struggles. But than Trauma from both of us kicked in. But yk when i tried to ask for a meeting to talk about this a month after the breakup she told me the best Thing for her life is not to speak with me and all i do is wunder why and where this comes from
Wife of 18yrs and together 22 my wife woke 1 day and wanted to change EVERYTHING in her life. Said she’s depressed and has no idea what will make her happy but wants to be single, move away, visit kids, and remove all responsibilities ….. basically over night .. She felt SO much better after telling me - been 3 months and she’s a mess .. trying to look young, sleeping badly, emotions cycling, but has no direction - just wants out. She’s in pain, guilt, has childhood/ parent issues but not ready to deal w them. Told me she’s lost and feels stuck and just wants major change - regardless who gets hurt - she wants to live for herself … SAD - kids are upset and D in future - finances will change drastically and we never fight and live a wonderful life … all she does is lie … she’s an alien to me … purely selfish and MLC
I get what you’re saying, and you put it out there for people to understand and want people to understand that they did matter, but it honestly goes through one ear and out the other with me. I don’t think I meant anything to her
That breaks my heart 😔 sometimes we are in our heads convincing ourselves of our worst fears. Since I work with so many people who do the breaking up, I can tell you, they struggle too. The memories you created, the experiences you had, matter! It all mattered. As did you!
Thank you for this video, Darlene. ❤ It’s been 8 months since the breakup and I still wonder if he’ll come back or what he’s thinking. He broke off the engagement 2 months before our wedding, basically because of an identity crisis. He became a different person and I haven’t heard from him since. I sometimes think about reaching out, because it makes me sad to think that maybe both of us want to be back together and we’ll both carry the what ifs and regret. Even though I’m rebuilding my life, it still feels so hard sometimes. Is it reasonable to think there’s still hope?
Yes! And I think reaching out just to check in could be something worth thinking about. Of course it’s up to you but I work with SO many people who do the breaking up, regret it, then are afraid to reach out. Breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. My heart is with you ❤️
Thanks Darlene for this video! It helps me a lot to understand that my feelings and my thoughts are completely normal and have to be felt all the way through. I have been dumped 2 months ago after 2 years and half of relationship by the girl who was the very first true love of my life. I'm trying to mantain no contact with her, to respect her decision (she left me because she has not no more love feeling with me, due to lack of communication, so she said) and to give me time and space to heal. Even if the last months were painful for me - she was day by day more cold, less empathic, sweet and so on - I still love her. I know that... you don't know how this will eventually end.. but I'm sure I will get over it.. and so I hope the same for her. It would be great to have an answer from you, but, in every case, thanks again 😊
Your empathy and insight is amazing! Finally had a really friendly chat with my ex at work 5 months post BU 🥺Inside I was tearing up as it was so good to speak to him…..I asked him to meet me for a beer but he wants to chat more at work first? ? What does this mean? And what do I do from here?
Yes, my ex had a problem with cocaine and alcohol and even being in a 12 step recovery program claiming to be 9 years sober, but I later found out he wasn't. Then a month before he broke up with me he relapsed on cocaine and then monkey branched back to his ex gf. He was with me for 1.5 years and we were talking marriage. But I think he couldn't handle the guilt and shame from relapsing so it was easier for him to leave. He's still with his ex after 6 months post breakup and I'm just struggling in shock trying to make sense of it all. Everything between us was so good, but he was waging a war within himself I didn't know anything about. 😢
I’m so sorry you went through this!! Try not to question the love between the two of you. Sometimes people realize that they cannot sustain at your level and they will drop down. It doesn’t make the hurt any less severe but I hope it explains it a little 💔😔 it’s a very difficult thing to go through. My heart is with you.
What if you were a nice partner, but you became toxic for them, when the fights started increasing, which made them break the relationship. Will this other person going to remember well or at any time think of the good things and regret loosing me if there is visible change in me? Also, what to do if you have to see your ex set into the new life because you see them everyday because our lives are very intertwined
Break ups can be messy and usually the endings are pretty rough. But as time passes, we absolutely start to remember the good in people. The better memories usually rise to the top.
Hey Darlene. It’s been three months since he broke up with me and it still hurts a lot. I don’t wanna say everything was his fault because it was not. I’m going to therapy now and I can see a lot of things that were not right coming from me. I didn’t know that at the time though. He also has a lot of traumas but he didn’t want to go to therapy with me. He told me: “I don’t believe in that. The best option is to go to therapy but separately” so I decided to do that. And I did but he didn’t. He was just making excuses about it. I was trying to save the relationship, to improve, to become a better person and he didn’t want to try. Then he broke up with me and since then he hasn’t reached out to me. However, he has reached out to my dad. He was the one that told my dad we broke up. He texted my dad on Thanksgiving. And 3 days before the year ended, he texted my dad saying that he wasn’t able to finish the year without telling him the story about why we ended from his point of view. And he did. He mentioned a lot of personal details that I trusted him when we were together. He mentioned personal details about my previous relationships. And at the end he mentioned that I compared him with my dad because my dad is a person that always walks away when there’s a problem and he has had a lot of girlfriends and he does the same over and over and over again to them. My dad and mi ex doesn’t fight for what is right, they only leave. And he mentioned all those details to my dad. He wanted my dad to be against his own son, and that wasn’t fair. He hasn’t reached out to me since he left me, but he keeps doing these actions to hurt me. And it really hurts… why doesn’t he txt me? Why doesn’t he call me? He was the one that left and even the one that told my dad about it. So… why is he mad at me? Why is he like looking for approval from my dad? I don’t understand.
Hi Darlene, does this apply if my LDR ex of 3 years (together 8.5 years) abruptly ended the relationship saying he lost feelings and then ghosted me after? He was giving many mixed signals that indicated otherwise before he broke up with me. We are no longer in contact or following each other on social media. However, it seems as though he is moving on just fine, posting pictures online and he has also not mentioned me once to his family members, who I have a good relationship with. It seems like he became an entirely different person after the break up. I’m struggling with healing. Any advice?
In my experience (not scientific) usually around 3-6 months and a little beyond that, is where the dumper starts to really sit with the loss. Even if they’re in a new relationship, even if they seem ok. This is the time they revisit their decision. Then, It may take even more time to do anything about it (if they decide to) 🥺 I know that’s a long timeline but that’s as honest as it gets. Everyone is different so there’s no telling for sure. This is just my rough estimate considering all the people I speak to (dumper perspective)
Darlene I need your help I broke up with my gf and 1 month later I begged for her back it’s been about 3 months of me just continuing begging she’s said maybe in the future she’s in a situationship but we’ve met and hugged and she said it felt so right but wont commit and still in the situationship and she says she loves and misses me but not commit we’ve both said we could of done better and I’m trying too shows her for months how sorry I am and how we can work on it but every time I talk to her she just acts like we’re friends and asks me too leave her alone but I’m scared she won’t come back and I asked why for the situationship she just said it’s comfortable and thinks I’m more attractive and she said she has more fun with me what do I do wait or move on it kills me thinking about her and him especially when she says she loves me and misses me so do I wait or give up because I try tinder I just feel guilty as that’s not what I want I want her and if she sees she might not come back but she seems like she’s trying too move on and keep me as a option and as I’m the one who ended it I feel like I have to keep trying but I have for months and keep crying to her saying how sorry I am and how I want to try too are it better as we both know it was toxic but she says she doesn’t want too try and maybe in the future but why say all that and hug me and say is feels so right I feel so lost and confused
It means everything, rebounding is pissing all over you and your relationship. All those previous beautiful memories are now drenched in shit with the rebound and yes, it means that they never really loved you.
This is exactly what happened to us. Our marriage is collateral damage for a war he is waging within himself.
Mine too. He was convinced leaving was the solution. Now he’s unhappy again.
@@AbbyNormal02 EXACTLY! We are in strong NoContact so I have no idea what is going on with him and I am better off not knowing. Moving Forward never to return my hand to the burning element on the stove. Healing by learning and clearly seeing things as they ARE…seeing my future as what it IS, not what I hoped it would be. I have had alterations (altered paths I had no control over) in my life before. This too shall pass. ☺️🙏
Darlene your empathy and wisdom are so appreciated. Thank you
This is the ultimate break up video because you explained very well what’s behind the curtains..but I don’t know how to be ok with this, I just feel so powerless and sad going through this and accepting to let go all the past behind
Oh my gosh!!!! This video. Yes!!! Sooo 7 days ago my husband of 2 years who I have up my whole life for moved countries and supported him emotionally for 7 years! Told me I don’t want to be married anymore. It’s not you it’s me. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever heard. Because the love I feel for him knows no bounds. And I thought that this was it. That this was my happy ever after. How could he just end our marriage when nothing has happened. Why would he want to be alone! And why is he soooo god damn happy and fine about it all. About shipping me back off to the UK. I know for a fact he’s going to regret this one day. And I still can’t understand why he’s doing this. But your videos are helping me. And this one helped with how I was feeling tonight.
He might be dismissive avoidant, that what they do over and over again until they heal themselves. Please don't take it personally. Sending love and light
@@LorenaBerrenbaum Thankyou that’s very sweet of you.
This hit home for me. Been watching you since my breakup 18 days ago. Day 16 of NC. Your videos have been sooo helpful for me. Hoping to book a session soon. Thanks for all your help.
🤗🥺 I feel you 😞 so tough - 3 months NC for me.
@@CatwalkPurz We got this
I am the one who initiated breakup. And you are right I am still carrying the guilt of tearing the relationship apart even after a year. I deeply care about my ex because she is a good person. But I just couldn’t be content. And me being not 100% sure was draining my energy out of me that the relationship has become a burden to me at some point and it wasn’t fair anymore. So I made a hard call. I need to work on myself and I do miss her a lot. But I also know that I will face the same problem if she somehow comes back to my life again as I would still be uncertain about her. It seems I am very complicated. And I don’t enjoy being complicated. It is what it is. I just need to live day by day. But you are right dumper can never forget dumpee if she or he was a good person.
I relate to this as the one who left me shares a very similar mindset to you. He loves me but wanted to be alone and also was curious about other people but love the life we built. It’s been very confusing and frustrating of a time for me to go through this, but I hope he misses me and wants to make it work if he figures himself out and what he wants.
I’m glad I came across the clip on TT and came here to watch the rest. I needed to hear this because I honestly am in a slump that I didn’t matter after my ex did everything you said they do when they leave a relationship. The end of the relationship helped me to reflect on my pain and my mistakes and I went to therapy. I continue on but I know the thought that I didn’t matter sat heavy in my head because I watch her act like I didn’t existed. I love your insight on this. I don’t think my ex is a bad person, but she is going through things that I couldn’t love or help her through that even that cause me to be the person she paints me to be because it started to spill into our relationship and cause us to argue and fight. I hold space for her and pray that she can overcome her own internal war.
Darlene.. I was the latter, I realised i sabotaged the whole relationship. Did the work and felt the emotions alone. I took the courage despite the shame, guilt and burden, and fought for her, with all my might, to be vulnerable, to be not afraid any longer! -she said no, she closed the door. She said she started seeing someone else too. It cuts deep.. i have to bare this weight.. keep doing the best i can, but when im alone and the thought of her comes up. oh how i miss her so, and now hurts too much.
sometimes I wonder if he'll think the same way for me...he's now in a new relationship, he broke up with me to be with a girl closer to him, we were in a long distance relationship of 7 years...so he couldn't bear the burden of not having me around. He's now in love with her and it kills me, how could he belittle everything we had just because she's there and I'm not?...
Darlene, youre one hell of a soul. thank you.
Thanks for your video Darlene. You’ve helped me so much after my boyfriend of 6.5 years dumped me one day completely blind siding me. He told me he didn’t love me enough even though he told me he loved me almost every single day. Of course I’m heartbroken and often wondering if he ever loved me at all. He is a people pleaser and I’m wondering if thats exactly what he’d been doing for years until it was too much and he broke it off. This video reminds me that there probably was a lot of love he felt but maybe it was just too real. I suspect he is an avoidant so I understand that it’s hard for him. Maybe one day we’ll get back together but I worry he will not have the courage to repair things. I feel sorry for these types of people letting fear of hurt or failure holding them back but hopefully one day I meet someone who is two feet in with me ❤
Hiya there! Going through breakup right now as well which had an abrupt ending! I relate so much to your comment as he was also a people pleaser and he is aware of that. Wishing you love and light as well during this time
I just wanted to let you know that your story feels very similar to mine. I am so hopeful and it hurts so much. I know i can find someone else, but i want him. Im courageous enough to accept his flaws and deal with them as a teammate, but he made a decision not to be a teammate but take the path of least resistance. It’s dissapointing. But i deserve someone to be a teammate. X
Thanks Darlene. Your videos are so healing. You say what my heart needs to hear like “don’t tell yourself you didn’t matter” ♥️
my ex told me he forgot who he was and what his dreams were. after 1 month he started posting photos with his coworker
My ex left for another man after 21 years while acting like everything was perfect and better than ever between us. It's been three months and I still don't understand. She still denies it but she was with him less than a week after leaving and he dumped his girlfriend three days before she left me in the middle of the night. The betrayal is a lot to deal with that's for sure. She's left everything at out house so I don't know if she's ever planning on trying to come back or not...
I know how much that hurts! We feel abandoned and insignificant. The first 3-6 months are brutal and usually, not much changes right away. It takes time to play out. Keep doing your best to get through your days while the tide turns. It always does !
This hit me hard. My exact situation. He suddenly left after six years. I know he loves me so much, but everything else he is going through made it so he couldn't do this relationship anymore. It is the most heartbreaking and confusing thing I have ever gone through. We were happy! We were in a great place! Really no issues that were out of the ordinary. And he admits he self-sabotaged a good thing, but still won't try and work it out :( 2 1/2 months into break up now.
Your story sounds exactly like mine. Our marriage is collateral damage because of the war that waged with in him. He had bs reasons for ending our marriage but nothing made sense.
Snap, 6 years and he feels he needs to be by himself, can’t really explain it but mental health is such a cruel thing. I’ve tried to explain he’s safe with me and I would never have left him. I’m 3 months in and still heart broken. We have a house and dog together. I lose it all because he can’t see his worth.
@@jenniferwallacehsteacher9469 it’s so hard. 🥺 ((((hug)))
Same thing happened to me. I don’t even know how to move on with my life.
@@jenniferwallacehsteacher9469 THIS makes his decision to “clear his plate” (his words) during this midlife crisis, SO HARD. He pushed away everything and everyone, including quitting his job and pushed away friends, family and marriage and stopped building our house we designed! Stopped immigration process for me to be with him (I am Canadian), retreated into the woods, literally built a tiny house and chooses to be alone to “fix himself”. Our marriage is collateral damage for a war he is waging within himself. How to trust another person again. So blindsided . Also was professionally diagnosed with bipolar-polar disorder.
Sounds like Avoidant attachment style to me.
Hey Darlene, I really thank you for everyrhing! You are such an Angel to All of us that are heartbroken❤ My Ex doesnt want to talk to me about the relationships ending since we broke up 5 months ago. I know that to a certain point the relationship gave her a safe place in her daily struggles. But than Trauma from both of us kicked in. But yk when i tried to ask for a meeting to talk about this a month after the breakup she told me the best Thing for her life is not to speak with me and all i do is wunder why and where this comes from
Wife of 18yrs and together 22 my wife woke 1 day and wanted to change EVERYTHING in her life. Said she’s depressed and has no idea what will make her happy but wants to be single, move away, visit kids, and remove all responsibilities ….. basically over night .. She felt SO much better after telling me - been 3 months and she’s a mess .. trying to look young, sleeping badly, emotions cycling, but has no direction - just wants out. She’s in pain, guilt, has childhood/ parent issues but not ready to deal w them. Told me she’s lost and feels stuck and just wants major change - regardless who gets hurt - she wants to live for herself … SAD - kids are upset and D in future - finances will change drastically and we never fight and live a wonderful life … all she does is lie … she’s an alien to me … purely selfish and MLC
Perimenopause...hormone therapy
I get what you’re saying, and you put it out there for people to understand and want people to understand that they did matter, but it honestly goes through one ear and out the other with me. I don’t think I meant anything to her
That breaks my heart 😔 sometimes we are in our heads convincing ourselves of our worst fears. Since I work with so many people who do the breaking up, I can tell you, they struggle too. The memories you created, the experiences you had, matter! It all mattered. As did you!
Thank you for this video, Darlene. ❤ It’s been 8 months since the breakup and I still wonder if he’ll come back or what he’s thinking. He broke off the engagement 2 months before our wedding, basically because of an identity crisis. He became a different person and I haven’t heard from him since. I sometimes think about reaching out, because it makes me sad to think that maybe both of us want to be back together and we’ll both carry the what ifs and regret. Even though I’m rebuilding my life, it still feels so hard sometimes. Is it reasonable to think there’s still hope?
Yes! And I think reaching out just to check in could be something worth thinking about. Of course it’s up to you but I work with SO many people who do the breaking up, regret it, then are afraid to reach out. Breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. My heart is with you ❤️
Thank you! 💓 So so grateful for your videos and encouragement 🙏
Thanks Darlene for this video! It helps me a lot to understand that my feelings and my thoughts are completely normal and have to be felt all the way through. I have been dumped 2 months ago after 2 years and half of relationship by the girl who was the very first true love of my life. I'm trying to mantain no contact with her, to respect her decision (she left me because she has not no more love feeling with me, due to lack of communication, so she said) and to give me time and space to heal. Even if the last months were painful for me - she was day by day more cold, less empathic, sweet and so on - I still love her. I know that... you don't know how this will eventually end.. but I'm sure I will get over it.. and so I hope the same for her. It would be great to have an answer from you, but, in every case, thanks again 😊
The audio is so low on my end but thank you Darlene.
Oh no! I should have put captions on it. So sorry! But thank you. I’ll
Pay attention to that
Your empathy and insight is amazing! Finally had a really friendly chat with my ex at work 5 months post BU 🥺Inside I was tearing up as it was so good to speak to him…..I asked him to meet me for a beer but he wants to chat more at work first? ?
What does this mean? And what do I do from here?
Yes, my ex had a problem with cocaine and alcohol and even being in a 12 step recovery program claiming to be 9 years sober, but I later found out he wasn't. Then a month before he broke up with me he relapsed on cocaine and then monkey branched back to his ex gf. He was with me for 1.5 years and we were talking marriage. But I think he couldn't handle the guilt and shame from relapsing so it was easier for him to leave. He's still with his ex after 6 months post breakup and I'm just struggling in shock trying to make sense of it all. Everything between us was so good, but he was waging a war within himself I didn't know anything about. 😢
I’m so sorry you went through this!! Try not to question the love between the two of you. Sometimes people realize that they cannot sustain at your level and they will drop down. It doesn’t make the hurt any less severe but I hope it explains it a little 💔😔 it’s a very difficult thing to go through. My heart is with you.
My ex is a widow. She definitely split with me after fault finding with me and then discarded me.
Thanks, D - I needed to hear this today!🙏🏻❤️
What if you were a nice partner, but you became toxic for them, when the fights started increasing, which made them break the relationship. Will this other person going to remember well or at any time think of the good things and regret loosing me if there is visible change in me? Also, what to do if you have to see your ex set into the new life because you see them everyday because our lives are very intertwined
Break ups can be messy and usually the endings are pretty rough. But as time passes, we absolutely start to remember the good in people. The better memories usually rise to the top.
Hey Darlene. It’s been three months since he broke up with me and it still hurts a lot. I don’t wanna say everything was his fault because it was not. I’m going to therapy now and I can see a lot of things that were not right coming from me. I didn’t know that at the time though. He also has a lot of traumas but he didn’t want to go to therapy with me. He told me: “I don’t believe in that. The best option is to go to therapy but separately” so I decided to do that. And I did but he didn’t. He was just making excuses about it. I was trying to save the relationship, to improve, to become a better person and he didn’t want to try. Then he broke up with me and since then he hasn’t reached out to me. However, he has reached out to my dad. He was the one that told my dad we broke up. He texted my dad on Thanksgiving. And 3 days before the year ended, he texted my dad saying that he wasn’t able to finish the year without telling him the story about why we ended from his point of view. And he did. He mentioned a lot of personal details that I trusted him when we were together. He mentioned personal details about my previous relationships. And at the end he mentioned that I compared him with my dad because my dad is a person that always walks away when there’s a problem and he has had a lot of girlfriends and he does the same over and over and over again to them. My dad and mi ex doesn’t fight for what is right, they only leave. And he mentioned all those details to my dad. He wanted my dad to be against his own son, and that wasn’t fair. He hasn’t reached out to me since he left me, but he keeps doing these actions to hurt me. And it really hurts… why doesn’t he txt me? Why doesn’t he call me? He was the one that left and even the one that told my dad about it. So… why is he mad at me? Why is he like looking for approval from my dad? I don’t understand.
Thank you again I really need to hear that
Thanks for your videos Darlene ❤
thank you so much, love your videos 🤍🙏🏻
Thank you. I needed it
You give the best advice
Hi Darlene, does this apply if my LDR ex of 3 years (together 8.5 years) abruptly ended the relationship saying he lost feelings and then ghosted me after? He was giving many mixed signals that indicated otherwise before he broke up with me. We are no longer in contact or following each other on social media. However, it seems as though he is moving on just fine, posting pictures online and he has also not mentioned me once to his family members, who I have a good relationship with. It seems like he became an entirely different person after the break up. I’m struggling with healing. Any advice?
same, 7 years of ldr, but mine, immeditately jumped into another relationship with a girl that lives close to him and he fell in love...
Thank u for your help❤
Thank you. ❤
Thank you so much
How do you determine how long is the 'playout'
In my experience (not scientific) usually around 3-6 months and a little beyond that, is where the dumper starts to really sit with the loss. Even if they’re in a new relationship, even if they seem ok. This is the time they revisit their decision. Then, It may take even more time to do anything about it (if they decide to) 🥺 I know that’s a long timeline but that’s as honest as it gets. Everyone is different so there’s no telling for sure. This is just my rough estimate considering all the people I speak to (dumper perspective)
@@heal_with_darlene6579 thank you. Guess all you can do is move forward
Thank you...
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Darlene I need your help I broke up with my gf and 1 month later I begged for her back it’s been about 3 months of me just continuing begging she’s said maybe in the future she’s in a situationship but we’ve met and hugged and she said it felt so right but wont commit and still in the situationship and she says she loves and misses me but not commit we’ve both said we could of done better and I’m trying too shows her for months how sorry I am and how we can work on it but every time I talk to her she just acts like we’re friends and asks me too leave her alone but I’m scared she won’t come back and I asked why for the situationship she just said it’s comfortable and thinks I’m more attractive and she said she has more fun with me what do I do wait or move on it kills me thinking about her and him especially when she says she loves me and misses me so do I wait or give up because I try tinder I just feel guilty as that’s not what I want I want her and if she sees she might not come back but she seems like she’s trying too move on and keep me as a option and as I’m the one who ended it I feel like I have to keep trying but I have for months and keep crying to her saying how sorry I am and how I want to try too are it better as we both know it was toxic but she says she doesn’t want too try and maybe in the future but why say all that and hug me and say is feels so right I feel so lost and confused
It means everything, rebounding is pissing all over you and your relationship. All those previous beautiful memories are now drenched in shit with the rebound and yes, it means that they never really loved you.