You may have heard that your ex will return just about the time that you begin to heal. There is something to that, but it’s not necessarily what you think.
Please continue to upload on UA-cam. Many of us do a detox of social media when we go through a hard break-up/divorce so UA-cam is the only outlet we have.
"If' they're ready to reconcile and you want it then have that conversation. Don't play games" I love this. This is where you differ from a lot of the youtube life / relationship coaches. It feels like so many of them are encouraging us to let our ex go through all of the 5 stages ending in regret. But as an adult I don't want to wait for some life coaches signaled level of regret in my ex. "oh she's reaching out to reconcile but it hasn't been enough months for it to be sincere." Like no, if she reaches out with a sincere attempt to reconcile, I'll have that talk. Great video!
My ex came back after icing me out for 6 months. He had a night terror that me and our daughter died. He said he missed me so much and we’ve been hooking up since, but 3 months later we haven’t had any real conversations about what it means and where to go from here. I’m still a mess. Be careful what you wish for 😢
I’m a man who was in a similar situation to you as in what he did. You want to know what made Me come back her moving on me losing access to her and my child. As in healthy coparenting, but I couldn’t just pop over any more because she was moving on and started seeing other people. It really set everything in perspective for me; to realise the beautiful thing I had lost. She has been horrible ever since and I left her for a reason but I hope this helps your situation.
Yeah the sex means nothing if a relationship doesn't follow. I have exes who try bringing me back into a sexual relationship and I lived and learned. That's why I ask first now. If they can't confidently tell me they want something real before we sleep together then forget it. I'm all set with being caught in that loop again.
Thank you. This was beautiful. Gave me a little hope while also keeping me realistic. Im moving on with my life without her, but of course theres that part of me that wants her back even though it wasnt healthy. I feel like i am growing and that if we did find ourselves together again, id like to believe that on the track im on i would be able to stand on my boundaries and not suffer through the things that ended us in the first place
It's hard Rebecca. Don't think ahead, just think of how you arr doing fine in this moment, and so you will be fine in the next minute too. If you think to the future you'll have more anxiety. Get together with people and do things, even if you don't feel like it.
We had a conversation after a month of the brakeup to clarify things. He told me that he has a lot going on with his family, and that’s why he got overwhelmed and decided to brake up with me. He also told me that we probably could talk things trough if he didn’t have these issues. He told me he wants me to move on because he can’t expect me to wait. Eventually we both agreed that since we both have feelings, we’ll have another conversation in a few months, and see where we’re at. I really love him, and want him to come back, but right now I’m trying to let go, because I don’t want to lose my mind hoping everyday.
Thank you Darlene 😢. My relationship was beautiful and healthy but my bf broke up with me because he’s an avoidant 😔. Yesterday I started no contact 🥺 I really miss him but I need to give him his space and I need my space too
Same here. It's hard to understand how can they just break everything off because of one trigger when you've been trying your hardest. When you have never thought of letting them go no matter how bad it is.
This woman is out here giving us the simultaneous real talk and pep talk that we always needed but never got. Anxious attacher in recovery here, and this would have helped me SO MUCH two years ago. But I couldn't let go because I had my spiritual knowledge and I was not about to just give up what I'd finally gotten after waiting, praying, begging, crying for after all thirty-one years. Not when I KNEW it was him. But this would have helped I think, because I've frequently been shamed for being willing to take him back when he inevitably came back around ... and again ... and again. And I still would, if he came back in the right energy and willing to work on himself and work on us with me. This makes me feel a lot more confident in my willingness to take him back. That is, if he ever does.
Omg! I've been in the worst possible place in my life, due to the loss of the absolute love of my life. And it's totally and utterly crushing me! I can't cope or live or regulate my emotions. Like at all. I'm an utter and complete mess. Top to bottom. Just a pathetic mess. A puddle on the ground! Lol And this right here is the most helpful video I've found so far!! In every way! So inspiring and calming! Thank you so so much! Bless you ma'am. 🙏🏻😇🙏🏻
This is just what I really need. Real talk without the shaming and pushing the this and that of break up. Thank you. You're helping me and much as you're helping others going through the same thing.
Ahh you’re really helping! Our would-be anniversary is on Monday and I feel like I just took 5 steps back! Fighting the urge to reach out. Need to just work on me and see.
After a year of breakup , and seeing stories of being with others , decided to go full no contact... Muted her on everything...didn't like anything... Still loving her as I did back then... She definitely saw the gesture... But decided to do the same... She didn't even wish for my name day today.. it is hard...
The same thing has happened to me. I did everything, give her space, went to no contact, started to talk again without pushing something but she never did nothing to get us back. I muted her on ig and started to process everything to move on for my own good but she never liked that, started to play mind games with social media and now she's ignoring me on social media without unfollow me. It's what's, you only have control on your decisions.
Darlene, Thank you for always sharing such great advice. You are so helpful and sincere ❤ My marriage of 24 yrs ended last year and your videos got me through some tough days xxoo
Darlene you have been so amazing in helping me understand what a "normal" process looks like here. I am now hearing from my adult children that he is reframing our 35 year marriage as "the only good thing was his kids." I suppose I could say the same but choose to remember happy times too and not live in regret. (He cheated and is now marrying the AP.) In the aftermath, I have moved through the break up and divorce and am building a wonderful life, but this reframing has angered me. Can you speak to exes who reframe and keep the nastiness going? Just when you think you've moved on...
It’s been 11 months since the breakup and immediate no contact. He never once reached out, except one short text to say that he’s mailing my things to me. I’ve been trying so hard to move on and rebuild my life, and I thought I was doing well, but it still hurts that he never came back or reconsidered or apologized after the dust settled. I sometimes wonder if I should reach out but I’m afraid of reopening the wound. But it hurts so much still not knowing what’s going on in his head. 😔
Can that shift in them, where they think “hey maybe I regret this, I miss them, I am realizing what I had” happen if they are with someone else? Someone they got together with even before they left?
Darlene can you please make a video about getting dumped by your ex when you was the one who made a mistake. I’m this position now after a 5 year relationship and I want to fix things. Thank you much appreciate it
I sure will! I’m so sorry you’re going through that, but I do believe that we learn from our experiences. The fact that you are already growing into a better version of yourself is the biggest step in the right direction. Hopefully over a little bit of time, your person can reconsider 🙏🏻❤️ either way, your growth will set you up for an amazing future and the right person will meet you there
Mine has hit me up numerous times asking to get back together, and I agree each time because hope lol but he never changes and blows it every time, because he refuses to get help or grow.
I freaking LOVE you!! Booked a session with you for Monday, can’t wait to talk to you. I’m rebuilding, but it’s a struggle! In no contact almost 2 months. Longest I’ve gone so far..but man I’m so close to breaking smh.
Can you please do a video on infidelity? Is it possible to forgive and give another chance? Should we give someone another chance? Infidelity hurts more than anything.
I will do more on this! I believe in forgiveness and I do believe people can work through infidelity. I have a lot to say about that so I think I’ll do a video. I haven’t done one in a while about that subject so thank you for the idea.
@@heal_with_darlene6579thank you. Please do. I believe infidelity is very common theses days unfortunately. I've been on my healing journey for 9 months now. I started on your 30 day NC challenge. I've read your book. I've broken NC twice. But officially at 3 months again. It's been a rough journey. But I'm healing a little bit everyday. Tbh I feel like I should've moved on already. But I haven't. Healing and recovering is such a process. Gosh. Love is such a powerful thing. No matter how it ended.
He's already moved in with the girl he was seeing behind my back. My life feels completely stuck. I let him waste years of my life and I'm angry with him and me. He does not miss me at all and even when I do move on, he still won't miss me. It's so unfair and I know that life isn't fair but it sucks.
@@ADayInTheLifeOfJames I can't blame her - I am certain she doesn't know I exist - well, I'm certain she knows I existed but in the past tense. It's not the first time he's cheated but he has completely left me in the dust this time. She seems nice - I'm not surprised he prefers her.
She rebounded and got pregnant… is there even anything worth waiting for? Yes, I still have feelings (though not as strong as they once were) and she definitely does. I don’t want to go into details but it’s clear she’s bitten off more than she can chew.
I’m so sorry! I see this happened so many times! Not necessarily with a pregnancy but with someone getting engaged or getting married or moving in. I work with people every day who have painted themselves into a corner. Time is gonna work this out just the way it should. Keep taking one day at a time and getting yourself stabilized as much as possible. Let the path present itself to you daily while you are putting your energy into healing.
Darlene I need your help. It's been 9 months, I miss her dearly, she not once looked back nor spoke to me. The only way she contacted me, was when she congratulated to my birthday, but back then I didn't follow up on the message. All I know is that she's severely avoidant. I myself am now self-employed and don't have much time for anything and do have commitment issues since the breakup. It all seems like I should just quit dating for some time but also it feels like the right time to reach out
I'm wondering if I made a mistake. about a month ago, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk sometime, and I said I wasn't sure, especially since I didn't know his intentions. he said that we had chatted about being friends and it had been a while, so he thought he'd ask. it had only been 3 months, and I had made it clear from the start that I didn't think I could be his friend because it would be so hard for me (he broke us up). we had not spoken on the phone or seen each other since the breakup. should I have gone?
ofc their feel we are humans are energy . When we fully focus on ourselves and just live ours lives and fully work on our self concept. They will feel our sexy energy . sorry for my bad english
Darlene, my ex and I have been in no contact for almost 5 months now. I don’t have him on instagram but he still has my mom. My mom posted a picture of me and her for the first time on Instagram and my ex deleted her straight away after. Does this mean there’s no chance he wants to reconnect 🙏🙏
My ex is 8 weeks pregnant with my baby... and is now dating someone new, they are 2 weeks in now.... im 5 days no contact what do i do??? need help from anyone asap...we were together 3years
Been separated two years. He’s been with someone new for a year and we have a son together. So I have to see him, talk to him and all that crap on a daily basis. He talked about having a baby with her yet still show he loves me. My son goes to their house every week and I can’t stand it anymore. How do I do this? I don’t want to want him is the issue. But I’m having a hard time after all these years 😩
No contact should be used for healing and bettering yourself, not to get your ex back as some coaches advise. If that's honestly your goal then silence speaks volumes and confidence gained will only benefit you.
I think that it depends on this. If it’s a time where you can feel ok I want them back then my personal feeling is no more than 30 days. Again my opinion is that longer than that you won’t be thrilled to have them back if you look deep inside because you will have buried animosity. Humans should be able to figure out in a month if they want someone and want to work on fixing things.
There is no set timeline. Just stop using no-contact to get them back, use it for yourself to heal and better your own situation. No-contact from a dumpee perspective is forever, remember that!
Very possible. It all depends on your person. Even after the relief stage ends, the reevaluation can take quite a while. And then even if they decide they want to reconcile, the road back can be a long one. It’s such a painful process and it unfolds daily.
Can that shift in them, where they think “hey maybe I regret this, I miss them, I am realizing what I had” happen if they are with someone else? Someone they got together with even before they left?
Please continue to upload on UA-cam. Many of us do a detox of social media when we go through a hard break-up/divorce so UA-cam is the only outlet we have.
Yes..I'm going through it now 🫶🏾🙏🏾aka a fitandfabulous BW....😊
This is exactly right. I have been off social media for a year and half and dont want to go back.
"If' they're ready to reconcile and you want it then have that conversation. Don't play games" I love this. This is where you differ from a lot of the youtube life / relationship coaches. It feels like so many of them are encouraging us to let our ex go through all of the 5 stages ending in regret. But as an adult I don't want to wait for some life coaches signaled level of regret in my ex. "oh she's reaching out to reconcile but it hasn't been enough months for it to be sincere." Like no, if she reaches out with a sincere attempt to reconcile, I'll have that talk. Great video!
Seriously could hug you right now.
You are truly amazing and helping so many people
My ex came back after icing me out for 6 months. He had a night terror that me and our daughter died. He said he missed me so much and we’ve been hooking up since, but 3 months later we haven’t had any real conversations about what it means and where to go from here. I’m still a mess. Be careful what you wish for 😢
I’m a man who was in a similar situation to you as in what he did. You want to know what made Me come back her moving on me losing access to her and my child. As in healthy coparenting, but I couldn’t just pop over any more because she was moving on and started seeing other people. It really set everything in perspective for me; to realise the beautiful thing I had lost. She has been horrible ever since and I left her for a reason but I hope this helps your situation.
Yeah the sex means nothing if a relationship doesn't follow. I have exes who try bringing me back into a sexual relationship and I lived and learned. That's why I ask first now. If they can't confidently tell me they want something real before we sleep together then forget it. I'm all set with being caught in that loop again.
Thank you. This was beautiful. Gave me a little hope while also keeping me realistic. Im moving on with my life without her, but of course theres that part of me that wants her back even though it wasnt healthy. I feel like i am growing and that if we did find ourselves together again, id like to believe that on the track im on i would be able to stand on my boundaries and not suffer through the things that ended us in the first place
Darlene i just want to thank you for your content I’m having a rough weekend, 8 weeks no contact.
It's hard Rebecca. Don't think ahead, just think of how you arr doing fine in this moment, and so you will be fine in the next minute too. If you think to the future you'll have more anxiety. Get together with people and do things, even if you don't feel like it.
We had a conversation after a month of the brakeup to clarify things. He told me that he has a lot going on with his family, and that’s why he got overwhelmed and decided to brake up with me. He also told me that we probably could talk things trough if he didn’t have these issues.
He told me he wants me to move on because he can’t expect me to wait.
Eventually we both agreed that since we both have feelings, we’ll have another conversation in a few months, and see where we’re at.
I really love him, and want him to come back, but right now I’m trying to let go, because I don’t want to lose my mind hoping everyday.
Where are things now?
Thank you Darlene 😢. My relationship was beautiful and healthy but my bf broke up with me because he’s an avoidant 😔. Yesterday I started no contact 🥺 I really miss him but I need to give him his space and I need my space too
You will be fine. Same situation here. I miss her too. But somewhere we need ourselves too.
Same here. It's hard to understand how can they just break everything off because of one trigger when you've been trying your hardest. When you have never thought of letting them go no matter how bad it is.
This woman is out here giving us the simultaneous real talk and pep talk that we always needed but never got.
Anxious attacher in recovery here, and this would have helped me SO MUCH two years ago. But I couldn't let go because I had my spiritual knowledge and I was not about to just give up what I'd finally gotten after waiting, praying, begging, crying for after all thirty-one years. Not when I KNEW it was him. But this would have helped I think, because I've frequently been shamed for being willing to take him back when he inevitably came back around ... and again ... and again. And I still would, if he came back in the right energy and willing to work on himself and work on us with me. This makes me feel a lot more confident in my willingness to take him back.
That is, if he ever does.
Omg! I've been in the worst possible place in my life, due to the loss of the absolute love of my life. And it's totally and utterly crushing me! I can't cope or live or regulate my emotions. Like at all. I'm an utter and complete mess. Top to bottom. Just a pathetic mess. A puddle on the ground! Lol
And this right here is the most helpful video I've found so far!!
In every way! So inspiring and calming!
Thank you so so much!
Bless you ma'am. 🙏🏻😇🙏🏻
Yes ma'am! They can come back, however my standards have changed!
This is just what I really need. Real talk without the shaming and pushing the this and that of break up. Thank you. You're helping me and much as you're helping others going through the same thing.
Ahh you’re really helping! Our would-be anniversary is on Monday and I feel like I just took 5 steps back! Fighting the urge to reach out. Need to just work on me and see.
After a year of breakup , and seeing stories of being with others , decided to go full no contact... Muted her on everything...didn't like anything... Still loving her as I did back then... She definitely saw the gesture... But decided to do the same... She didn't even wish for my name day today.. it is hard...
The same thing has happened to me. I did everything, give her space, went to no contact, started to talk again without pushing something but she never did nothing to get us back. I muted her on ig and started to process everything to move on for my own good but she never liked that, started to play mind games with social media and now she's ignoring me on social media without unfollow me. It's what's, you only have control on your decisions.
Darlene, Thank you for always sharing such great advice. You are so helpful and sincere ❤ My marriage of 24 yrs ended last year and your videos got me through some tough days xxoo
Darlene you have been so amazing in helping me understand what a "normal" process looks like here. I am now hearing from my adult children that he is reframing our 35 year marriage as "the only good thing was his kids." I suppose I could say the same but choose to remember happy times too and not live in regret. (He cheated and is now marrying the AP.) In the aftermath, I have moved through the break up and divorce and am building a wonderful life, but this reframing has angered me. Can you speak to exes who reframe and keep the nastiness going? Just when you think you've moved on...
It’s been 11 months since the breakup and immediate no contact. He never once reached out, except one short text to say that he’s mailing my things to me. I’ve been trying so hard to move on and rebuild my life, and I thought I was doing well, but it still hurts that he never came back or reconsidered or apologized after the dust settled. I sometimes wonder if I should reach out but I’m afraid of reopening the wound. But it hurts so much still not knowing what’s going on in his head. 😔
I appreciate the kind words and sound advice, it definitely brightens up these gloomy days!
Thankyou so so much Darlene, your videos have helped me so much since my first love breakup ❤️🙏
All the videos I've watched on this topic and all I needed was this one. Thankyou
Can that shift in them, where they think “hey maybe I regret this, I miss them, I am realizing what I had” happen if they are with someone else? Someone they got together with even before they left?
Darlene can you please make a video about getting dumped by your ex when you was the one who made a mistake. I’m this position now after a 5 year relationship and I want to fix things. Thank you much appreciate it
I sure will! I’m so sorry you’re going through that, but I do believe that we learn from our experiences. The fact that you are already growing into a better version of yourself is the biggest step in the right direction. Hopefully over a little bit of time, your person can reconsider 🙏🏻❤️ either way, your growth will set you up for an amazing future and the right person will meet you there
@@heal_with_darlene6579 thank you. Look forward to seeing it.
Best video and explanation I've ever heard! Thank you, love! Keep up the great work!
Thank you I needed this, currently just over a month of NC.
Mine has hit me up numerous times asking to get back together, and I agree each time because hope lol but he never changes and blows it every time, because he refuses to get help or grow.
This is CRAZYYYYY, so my ex JUST TxT’d me today after 2 1/2months of No Contact & I don’t even know what or if I wana say anythang to her…..
@godsson2681 pls help me
I freaking LOVE you!! Booked a session with you for Monday, can’t wait to talk to you. I’m rebuilding, but it’s a struggle! In no contact almost 2 months. Longest I’ve gone so far..but man I’m so close to breaking smh.
Beautiful video! Spot on! 👌🏽💯
Can you please do a video on infidelity? Is it possible to forgive and give another chance? Should we give someone another chance? Infidelity hurts more than anything.
I will do more on this! I believe in forgiveness and I do believe people can work through infidelity. I have a lot to say about that so I think I’ll do a video. I haven’t done one in a while about that subject so thank you for the idea.
@@heal_with_darlene6579thank you. Please do. I believe infidelity is very common theses days unfortunately. I've been on my healing journey for 9 months now. I started on your 30 day NC challenge. I've read your book. I've broken NC twice. But officially at 3 months again. It's been a rough journey. But I'm healing a little bit everyday. Tbh I feel like I should've moved on already. But I haven't. Healing and recovering is such a process. Gosh. Love is such a powerful thing. No matter how it ended.
He's already moved in with the girl he was seeing behind my back. My life feels completely stuck. I let him waste years of my life and I'm angry with him and me. He does not miss me at all and even when I do move on, he still won't miss me. It's so unfair and I know that life isn't fair but it sucks.
Just remember how she got him is how she will lose him.
@@ADayInTheLifeOfJames I can't blame her - I am certain she doesn't know I exist - well, I'm certain she knows I existed but in the past tense. It's not the first time he's cheated but he has completely left me in the dust this time. She seems nice - I'm not surprised he prefers her.
@@BlueEyedVivi with that attitude; you have some serious work to do on yourself 🙏 get to work girl you got this.
She rebounded and got pregnant… is there even anything worth waiting for? Yes, I still have feelings (though not as strong as they once were) and she definitely does. I don’t want to go into details but it’s clear she’s bitten off more than she can chew.
I’m so sorry! I see this happened so many times! Not necessarily with a pregnancy but with someone getting engaged or getting married or moving in. I work with people every day who have painted themselves into a corner. Time is gonna work this out just the way it should. Keep taking one day at a time and getting yourself stabilized as much as possible. Let the path present itself to you daily while you are putting your energy into healing.
Such a great message!
Your videos are amazing
Thank you very much ❤
I love this video 😎 Thank you 🙏🏻
Darlene I need your help. It's been 9 months, I miss her dearly, she not once looked back nor spoke to me. The only way she contacted me, was when she congratulated to my birthday, but back then I didn't follow up on the message. All I know is that she's severely avoidant. I myself am now self-employed and don't have much time for anything and do have commitment issues since the breakup. It all seems like I should just quit dating for some time but also it feels like the right time to reach out
dear when is the episode 3 of healing with darlene coming out cause these are helping me so much
GO HIGHER!❤️
From Michigan excellent cool 😎 wisdom
I'm wondering if I made a mistake. about a month ago, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk sometime, and I said I wasn't sure, especially since I didn't know his intentions. he said that we had chatted about being friends and it had been a while, so he thought he'd ask. it had only been 3 months, and I had made it clear from the start that I didn't think I could be his friend because it would be so hard for me (he broke us up). we had not spoken on the phone or seen each other since the breakup. should I have gone?
ofc their feel we are humans are energy . When we fully focus on ourselves and just live ours lives and fully work on our self concept. They will feel our sexy energy . sorry for my bad english
What if in this time they are in a rebound relationship? Does it change their process of dealing with the breakup?
Darlene, my ex and I have been in no contact for almost 5 months now. I don’t have him on instagram but he still has my mom. My mom posted a picture of me and her for the first time on Instagram and my ex deleted her straight away after. Does this mean there’s no chance he wants to reconnect 🙏🙏
My ex is 8 weeks pregnant with my baby... and is now dating someone new, they are 2 weeks in now.... im 5 days no contact what do i do??? need help from anyone asap...we were together 3years
Great video. Needed this.
Been separated two years. He’s been with someone new for a year and we have a son together. So I have to see him, talk to him and all that crap on a daily basis. He talked about having a baby with her yet still show he loves me. My son goes to their house every week and I can’t stand it anymore. How do I do this? I don’t want to want him is the issue. But I’m having a hard time after all these years 😩
Hit the gym be your best self ….i promise that’s the best thing you can do
@@TheDevineFempress great advice.
Hi just a question
Is there always a flip in the script ? In terms of being dumped and as you start healing and letting go will the script flip?
Even if they left you and choose other over you, came back but then choose other again?! Will they come back again?
Eww I hope not. Who wants to date someone who keeps choosing someone else?
Darlene, how long should no contact be? I'm not even on my first month and your vídeos are helping so much, but I'm getting desperate
No contact should be used for healing and bettering yourself, not to get your ex back as some coaches advise. If that's honestly your goal then silence speaks volumes and confidence gained will only benefit you.
I think that it depends on this. If it’s a time where you can feel ok I want them back then my personal feeling is no more than 30 days. Again my opinion is that longer than that you won’t be thrilled to have them back if you look deep inside because you will have buried animosity. Humans should be able to figure out in a month if they want someone and want to work on fixing things.
Does this apply to divorce
Yes especially midlife / quarter life divorces 😔
Darlene do you think that an ex would still be in the relief stage after 4 or 5 months of no contact?
There is no set timeline. Just stop using no-contact to get them back, use it for yourself to heal and better your own situation. No-contact from a dumpee perspective is forever, remember that!
Very possible. It all depends on your person. Even after the relief stage ends, the reevaluation can take quite a while. And then even if they decide they want to reconcile, the road back can be a long one. It’s such a painful process and it unfolds daily.
@@heal_with_darlene6579 thank you so much for the advice darlene 🙏
Can that shift in them, where they think “hey maybe I regret this, I miss them, I am realizing what I had” happen if they are with someone else? Someone they got together with even before they left?