The New Conservatives Immigration Plan!
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- As more and more Conservative pressure groups emerge in the party, exactly how will the New Conservatives' Immigration plan work?
Satirical political comedy sketch from the comedian Matt Green.
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The peoples front of Middle England.
How about the 'Provisional' or 'Continuity' Conservatives next?
"Foreigners and taxes - Boo! White babies - Yay!" Nearly choked on my beer at that! 🤣🤣
That is Miriam Cates' basic message: Stop the brown people from coming over here and breeding, and force the white women (once they've been married off) to squeeze out as many white babies as they can. Hey presto, it's the Brexit Britain everyone voted for.
These are the perfect words to sum up Tories, and Matt's insight. 👍
You missed out the “Conservative & Unionist New Tory” Party; not sure what the short version is; something very descriptive probably.
The people front of conservatives, the popular people front of Conservatives.
Splitters!
*Ian Ducan Smith:* And the Conservative Popular People's Front.
*George Eustice:* Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
*Pritti Patel:* And the People's Front of Conservatives.
*George Eustice:* Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...
*Steve Baker:* What?
*Pritti Patel:* The People's Front of Conservatives. Splitters.
*Steve Baker:* We're the People's Front of Conservatives!
*Pritti Patel:* Oh. I thought we were the Popular Front.
*Steve Baker:* People's Front! C-huh.
*Ian Ducan Smith:* Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Steve?
*Steve Baker:* He's over there [points at Michael Gove].
*George Eustice:* Splitter!
I can't get an account at Coutts because of my views either. I keep trying, but every time I view my bank balance it's far too low.
And it's only Tuesday. Thankyou, Mr Green.
Wow, didn't know the real reason came out about Nigel's bank account. A rightwinger lying to claim victimization whaaaaat?? Also, that moment when you realize your favorite comedian is better at giving you timely news than the chattering corporate media that envelopes us.
Of course, I actually LISTEN to Matt.
Ooh...please keep em coming Matt! 😁
Will do!
❤
"Spotting bad radishes." Coffee spat AGAIN. I shall be sending you the bill Mister Green!! 🤣😂🤣😂
The New Conservatives' plan seems an awful like the old National Front's plan.
yep -popular
All too often, your videos come very close to what one imagines as the "news". Disturbing when great parody runs on parallel tracks. Thanks for this.
I'd like to see this in the 10 o'clock Meja news "slot" (on BBC and ITV). Now that that funny Welshman in the suspiciously tight-necked shirt, who I used to will (with all my will) to trip on his "platforms" in his "extra-large" TV BBC "news studio", has gone, it's time to replace parody with something more credible.
PS "BBC" as in British hhhmm hmm mmmmh. Because apparently it means something else on porn channels.
Brilliant😂😂😂
Another Banger
The Tories are coming apart faster than a hand grenade. 💥😊
Absolutely marvellous 😂😂😂
At this point, I think all they want is the return of serfdom.
New Conservatives, New Danger.
I am a bit disappointed that Tinpot Conservatives didn't get a mention
Their conference seats were seized by the Cuckoo Conservatives.
Monster Raving Conservatives.
@@hypsyzygy506
And don't forget the Conservative Front of Judea!
What do you mean, splitters?
That line about Farage and the duvet 😂
On the money as per, Matt. Great to see your profile expanding. Keep going.
Thanks! Will do!
My grandad stopped voting conservatory because he finds them too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter.
That's why the conservatorys keep having meltdowns.
That's because he's got the wrong kind of conservatory: a previous kind. They need replacing every 18 months.
Conservative People's Front of Judea.
People's Conservative Front of Judea.
Splitters!
"And blamed it on your duvet cover". Great finish, a blinder. Sooper stuff again, Matt.
Thanks again!
@@MattGreenComedy Do you ever get bored with our gratitude? 🙄🙄
Never! 😃
@@MattGreenComedy The correct answer. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder, not too hard, though. 🐕🐕
Bad radishes could be another Tory splinter group !! Brilliant Matt always enjoy your take on politics.
Cancelled radishes!
If the Tories spent as much energy fighting poverty as they do fighting immigration we could all afford Coutts bank accounts
You do understand that they want to improve the pay of health care workers, and you're saying no, let's get immigrants to work in substandard conditions? Or is it just four legs good, conservatives bad? Easier than thinking I guess.
@@donrobertson4940 Yes, let's definitely take the group of repeated and proven liars at face value, and consider this supposed policy completely absent of all their *other* statements and policies on immigration. That seems like a perfectly reasonably and not-cretinous thing to do. I'm sure none of these same people ever supported putting the navy in the Channel to take pot shots at desperate refugees.
These people are too stupid for words and don’t seem to understand that bringing in cheap labour is a race to the bottom. Goodbye civilised Britain. They are more than happy to let immigrants come in to work for nothing. As long as we let them all in of course).
.... The Provisional Conservatives ... The Continuity Conservatives ... The Real Conservatives .... The New Conservatives ... The Democratic Peoples Conservative Party ...
Sometimes, you are not sure whether to laugh or cry. But I have it on good authority I should laugh, cos it's cheaper than medicine...Happy Birthday NHS ❤
The ending has to be the best one yet. Still chortling about it.
One Tory party is a Tory party too many but hilarious video.!"😅😅
Not merely a CON burger in a bap Matt, this one's a real BLT double-whop, with all to relish squeezed in too!
with a bucket of good sliced radish :)
Excellent, Matt!
Splitters & schismists
😂😂😂
💗 your correspondent portfolios
Absolutely scintillating and a perfect summing up of today's news. Bravo again.
Less than 10 seconds in and the first LOL moment is delivered with. "Our Cranks, Plots and Proto-fascist Correspondent Jonathan Goodenough ...". Wonderful stuff Matt. I look forward to seeing JG on mainstream TV.
This is where I keep up-to-date with all the political news.
@MattGreenComedy_ ^Fake. Didn't take long for scammers to go on here too.
"When's the last time you shat the bed in public?" Priceless.
Let them fragment into a million pieces and dissappear into history.
Nice one, thanks Matt.
My pleasure!
I Didn't hear you mention Conservatives for United National Territories or as they're often known CU...Oh! Hang on
Here’s a plan, make it compulsory for every Tory MP to spend 4weeks working full time in a care home, another 4 in the NHS, another 4 living on streets! Things might change methinks!!
Use the summer recess for actual work, they're not students repaying loans you know.
Conservative 2: Electric Boogaloo
That was more or less a transcript of the interview one of them gave to The News Agents pod yesterday, it comes to something when sitting MP's are writing material for you! keep up the good work Matt😆
Ha, ha,ha, ha,ha, ha Matt you're the best 👌 😂
Thank you!
A fantastic take on the splintering Tories.Always spot on thanks Matt.
Glad you enjoyed it!
So so good!
😂 exquisite as always! Thanks Matt!
My pleasure!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂...you are killing it...
Nice work Mr Green.
Just off to change my duvet cover
Jonathan's a legend. 👏
Now I'm going to have to move my bank account. If Nigel becomes a customer, the bank will start to smell funny.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Awesome- 😂 - I wonder can we blame Labour for promoting education and therefore reducing the number of available fruit pickers 😮😅😅
i could watch a proper half an hour segment of this - instead of the news in TV. I would be still better updated on whats going on AND i could laugh about our “fantastic” situation :)
you are the best
Don't forget about New Conservatives on the Bloc. On second thoughts . . . do
This one is a Perla Matt. Had to laugh out loud and passed it to my daughter who did the same. Hilarious 👍
Thanks!
"Blamed it on your duvet cover"
LOL!
Great work, as always.
Thanks again!
I’ve started doing cold endings with people in real life thanks to you…
My community hates me 😂😂
Keep em coming 💋😎
You MONSTER! 🙀
@@DissociatedWomenIncorporated I was never that popular anyway 😇
Top sarcommentary as ever Matt, great to see you going from strength to strength. Don't be too down heartened when we get a new Labour government - there will be plenty of fresh 'inspirational' material for your mind to play on and entertain us 😃
Another Golden delivery. Well done Matt.
Nigel Farage wouldn't use a duvet. Don't you know they used to be called Continental Quilts?
Farage only sleeps in the finest silk. Maybe that's why he has no money in his Coutts bank account.
Yo! Brilliant as ever Matt. Tell it as it really is🤣✊
Brilliant 👍
I sure hope that Thérèse Coffey doesn't align with the Nude Conservatives! I'll have nightmares about that notion.
Covered a lot in that 2 minutes of mirth, “ . . . an MP with a tv show”. Nearly missed that. Good giggles.
Fantastic.. come here for all my news.. no, wait a moment, it's a parody..😂
Did you mean to ignore the 'Local' conservatives? And yet the Nude conservatives leap frogged into a prominent position.
@philipprudhomme69 Stop it, just stop it!!! Bad enough that Matt put "nude Conservatives" in my head but now I'm imagining them leap -frogging! I'll never sleep tonight & I'm at a delicate age!🙁
Ha ha, brill, comedy gold unlike my duvet cover
Cranks, plots and proto fascists...😂
Feckin Brilliant Mon Ami!
Ahhh...The rose blush...😅
This was hilarious but also just word for word the News Agents interview from yesterday with the guy flailing trying to make his case. Sad when reality writes the comedy.
My duvet cover has a lot to answer for
I hope you are bringing Jonathan Goodenough with you on your comedy tour next year to keep us informed of the minute by minute insessant Tory scandals while you're performing your stand up?
Haha - not confirmed as yet but I’m probably bringing a Tory minister along…
@@MattGreenComedy I'll dust off my pitchfork! 😁
Your summary of the Farage account farago made me shoot my coffee out of my nose. Brilliant as always Matt, thank you
So much thanks for these gems , always hanging on for the next one !!
Thank you Matt for brightening my day - just brilliant as usual - keep up the good work.
My pleasure!
"when was the last time you shat your bed in public and blamed it on your duvet cover?" I don't know where your wonderful ideas come from but long may they grace our UA-cam
Keep it up😂
Superb!
It reminds me of all the political groups in life of Brian that are basically all the same.
Bloody duvet cover, its done it again! Excellent as usual.
Thanks again!
Brilliant
😎🏆
Thank you!
Times spent by Conservatives thinking up their ‘new’ ideas or the length of this video? Which is longer?
The last line!😂
I support the English Universities. Both of them.
Brilliant 👏 😂
Conservative
Unionist
Nationalist
Tory
Have merged with the 4-day week section of the party, or as they are known...
Tuesday
Wednesday
And
Thursday
Saturday.
**message ends**
What about the "Anti-Woke Conservatives"?
They're the only good Conservatives. The rest are rotten radishes!
You are always brilliant thank you, my brain feels better now 😄
You’re welcome 😊
😂😂😂 There’s surely a place on the newsagents podcast for you
Great last line.
Oh Nigel ; You muppet
What ever happened to the Judean Popular People's Front?
The 'and finally' is genius 🤣 It inspired a joke (apologies if someone has beaten me to it). Why is Coutts Bank like Thames Water? They've both indulged in toxic discharge. Boom, and indeed, boom.
Awww, I feel sorry for the Conservative People's Front and People's Conservative Front who aren't covered by the journalist of many talents, Mr Goodenough! 😁
Fantastic job as ever, although I must admit that I'm hoping we're going to get a government that doesn't make it quite as easy for you soon... 😉
Will try to see your show when you're in Taunton
Thanks! Look forward to seeing you there. Tell your friends!
The new national front!! Well dobe may spot on as usual
You forgot the Diet Conservatives, the No Added Sugar Conservatives and the No More Tears Conservatives! Blimey, they just keep cropping up!