MedCircle When the person apologizes for something they did to you to lure you back in to their life - as a way to fix the issue or prevent you from leaving, BUT they bring up the same issue in another argument later on making you realize that they really didn’t mean their apologies or promises even. Accuses you of being the narcissist after someone else calls them out on being one. The person cares about how they sound or look (not just physically) to people even if what was shared or what people found out about his negative or toxic behavior is true. Always down playing your feelings and thoughts about things that logically matter and that person can’t accept that you see things differently than they do. Calling you crazy and telling you to calm down and they don’t take accountability for their own behavior causing you to feel what you feel. Even after you take responsibility for your own mistakes and shortcomings and you acknowledge how that person feels about the situation and you clearly expressed your sincere apology to that person but they don’t take NO accountability for their own mistakes that obviously contributed to the problem as well and just makes it sound like your to blame for everything. Blaming you that you made him look like a fool and making you aught to be the lunatic and evil person to everyone. Gets sulky when you bring up some concerns and start bringing up the fact that he’s the only provider and he’s doing nothing wrong and that your the one always bringing up negativity in the relationship. Flat out denies your truth because to him there’s only one truth and that’s his. Telling you your crazy and your making up things and your the pathological liar and that what clearly and vividly happened to you didn’t happen or he never did to you. Almost tried to record conversations or show texts messages to prove what the person said and to protect yourself from being accuse of making things up. The person wants you to value what he likes, wants and his family but have yours take the back seat. Threatens you that they won’t work because you upset them by bringing up some topic of concerns and because he’s the sole provider and he knows you worry about financial stability, he targets that part of your insecurity (and among other insecurities that you have) to punish you and to teach you a lesson to keep your mouth shut next time. Denies everything you feel and your truth and reality and says things like your brain is not functioning right. Is this a narcissistic behavior?
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Yes, absolutely. She fits this description perfectly. Nothing she enjoys more than bringing down confident, hard-working professionals over unimportant details...and out the door we go!
Thank you for your insights! I would love to hear Dr. Ramani's views on narcissistic behaviour at Universities and in the academic world. We often hear about narcissism in showbiz but academia is another work environment in which narcissism is equally insidious and disruptive.
I give this tip to everyone: even after you accept a job offer, keep applying for jobs. It doesn't take very long within your first 90 days to determine if a job is worth keeping or not.
I left mine 2 days ago. My boss was going to fire me and I have no write ups or anything. I quit and picked my stuff up. He was so mad because he wanted to have that freedom to humiliate and fire me.
I GOT OUT. I stacked my money, made sure I could get through the next 5 months, and bounced. I’d rather work 3 side hustles, than deal with somebody’s unresolved mental issues. It was literally incapacitating me to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed or get out of my car when I arrived to work.
I understand. I saved every bit of money I could for months and prepared my exit strategy. When I began having chest pains, and chest pains that extended into my left arm, I knew it was time to step it up and leave. Citing parental care needs for my reason for leaving.
I had a narcissistic boss once and people who were always getting me “in trouble” even though I did my best everyday. I almost committed suicide. I’m glad I didn’t.
Don't let such evil harm your heart. It's hard but believe in yourself. Narcissists target the beautiful angels of the world. That makes you the angel.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, that was my exact thought, then again you are gonna have to deal with those narcissistic customers , making it unescapable but I would rather that coz at least I have an option to show them the road.
They are every where. You may have narcissist clients/customers too. The solution is to develop high self-esteem and do not place your value on other people's view of you, no matter who they are, parents, spouse, boss.
Me too!! I've had it! Trying very hard to start my own business. Nothing but chaos at my new job! I had to take off today because of all the stress that I have been receiving from this company.
Everyone but my narcissistic supervisor praise my work. My supervisor criticizes everything I do, I have to literally send screenshots of my emails before I send them, I can't sleep, I wake up sweaty and every morning, especially Monday, I'm so anxious. My boss' boss is so egoistic and I have a coworker that is so far up their ass. It's so toxic. 3 people have left in the last 3 months, at a job where people used to last 2 plus years. I thought I was going crazy until she gaslighter me for the last time yesterday. I submitted my 2 weeks today. So relieved to leave this high school toxicity. Byeeeeee
Also, do NOT engage and feed the drama. The more you separate yourself emotionally from the situation the more power YOU will have. Because they drama, they create it as bait to justify toxic actions.
100%. It’s the chaos for me. These people will drain you of your life force with the constant drama. God is a god of order. Narcs want anything but. Run. Quietly.
To every person: there ARE good workplaces out there. It almost certainly has nothing to do with you that you are treated badly at work. When I was even more insecure and shy than now I had the best job EVER. My solutions to problems were appretiated, my opinions taken seriously, I got compliments for good work, and disagreements were solved with conversation and good intentions. It wasn't perfect, probably no workplace is, but we all liked working there and felt seen, respected and competent. So, it has nothing to do with you being "bully-able" or anything. It has to do with the ones at the top either being emotionally immature or unempathic or not.
I have a narcissist boss. I'm a leader and my boss constantly is passive aggressive, dismisses my opinion, is very 2-faced, so much more I can say. I definitely can tell it's getting to me because I'm always walking on eggshells.
Start documenting the abuse and harassing tactics. Do it on you personal computer, not on a phone, tablet or pc owned by the company. Start looking for a new job. You narc boss will do all s/he can to keep you from succeeding or getting any kind of job. Get a new job before you are fired (they will do it), then the place you apply to can't call your current boss as a reference. Believe me, the narc will do everything s/he can to ruin your career
I was sexually harassed by the main HR manager in my first company, and when I reported it to another HR manager, he said “you make us feel like we didn’t protect you”, instead of providing support. Felt like I was being blamed and gaslighted
I reported to boss that I was being cols shouldered and excluded. She said "What did you do to them to make them treat you that way?" True narc statement.
I documented and printed everything my narcissistic supervisor did, but when I took the evidence to the higher ups, they refused to look at it and told me it was all in my imagination. I left soon after and was much happier.
I got chills listening to this. It describes exactly the situation I’m in-the love-bombing combined with screaming & constantly bullying/demeaning me in front of my coworkers, the minions flocking around, the perpetual drama, the cult-like atmosphere, losing passion for one’s art, the constant stress/crying myself to sleep at night, the sense of disloyalty if you consider doing any outside work, being overly controlling even outside of work… I need to get the hell out. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany-I have another job I’ve been hiding from my narc boss; I should just switch to full time and get the hell out. Thanks so much for sharing this
Now you're paranoid and imagine that you're being followed. These dudes mess with your head big time until your brain and body starts to feel like a soggy worn out pair of distressed jeans in a swirling washing machine stuck on spin cycle. If you can step back and watch the antics from a bemused distance and laugh at the crazy-making it might help as you plan your exit from their stage or virtual battle-ground.
Make no mistake, if the boss is making money for the company, most upper management will not care if your boss is toxic. This means that if you complain to HR (& even have documentation of toxic behavior), HR does not care. YOU will be seen as the troublemaker, HR will notify the boss that YOU have complained about him/her & there is a good possibility that YOU may be fired. I have seen this on numerous occasions during my career, so be very careful. The only exception MAY be if the boss is doing something illegal.
I really don't think records work. I've come across others in such places and even with plentiful evidence it is not enough. I would say just leave as soon as you're able to.
That doesn't work trust me they find ways to avoid you even bringing up the records. What you should do is to observe see if you can find strategies to cope or jump ship if it's that bad.
Gosh, I’ve suffered so much from narcissistic boss and his minions! In the end I got physically sick and couldn’t bear it anymore... I just left. And it took me 6 months to get back in track 🤦🏻♀️
I worked at a school where they thought it would be a good idea to create a family atmosphere among the faculty and staff. So, they created a family with the black sheep, the scapegoat, the weird one, the golden child, the good girl, the bad boy, and on and on and on. What a failure of an idea. 100% of families are dysfunctional, so creating a family atmosphere at work only succeeds in creating a dysfunctional work environment. Work needs to have a professional atmosphere, not a family atmosphere. Work has a different set of standards than family. Case closed.
I had a professor who was like that too. It's funny: you'd think university professors are mature and wise, but really they're just ordinary people. Some of them are world experts in their field. Others are just big kids who never grew up and never left school.
My husband just resigned from a job with a narcissistic boss a couple of weeks ago. He had the job for about 10 months. It was a work from home Job, and so dang stressful - so much so that It affected our family and permeated our house. We’re so glad he doesn’t have to go there every day anymore. But on another hand, we’re feeling very scared because my husband is blind, this was a job of last resort for us and the money that came from it was a huge help to us. Thank God we found some other things to try to bring money in. But we’re feeling very uncertain about whether or not they’ll pan out like we’re hoping they will. People with disabilities from birth usually don’t have the kind of luck we need.
The "love bombed" part made me cry. Thats whats happening to me. Plus the overpaid part is spot on. I'm sure there's stuff I can work on myself. I can't wait to see my psychologist. Thank you!
Im not getting overpay but my boss doesmt let me pay anny coffee for myself and paid a taxi for me without me askeing. Trying to get close on a personal level to get more control over me 🤢
Tried to ask my coworker today how to be on the same communication wavelength as my new boss today and she was like ,”just talk to her, she’s the sweetest person in the whole world, seriously”. Red flags everywhere. I got in trouble for doing what I was told to do. I haven’t been sat down an trained at any one thing for more then 10 mins for a total of maybe half an hour for the things that really matter. I am constantly left alone and then chastised for not slowing down and being aware yet then told I need to be faster and more precise. I’ve been there a week and have cried for the majority of days there. I thought this was my dream job.
I really feel for you. When I was in my first job at age 18 they fired me for doing what I was told - I walked out crying. Didn't realise it was illegal at the time. Now I left a job because I got bullied so bad I had to be medicated for anxiety. Then I went to a job where in there end there was a tiny amount of bullying behaviour and I noped out so fast my head spun. Now my new boss is a fucking narcissist, and I feel like I literally can't do anything wrong because she's going to blast me. Getting in the pattern sucks, felling so low that you think you deserve it sucks. And the worst is trying to explain nicely in an interview why you left you last job because you can never say "oh I was bullied out by the head of HR".
@@missybuchanan9631 ugh I feel for you too!!! This is a long read... I ended up being fired a week after I wrote this comment, for performance. 8 lasted exactly 2 weeks in that hell and gave it my all, including my tears and sanity. I did a great job and am proud of who I was there, despite what she tried to pull. The day before I was fired, she finally “trained me”. Two times that day, she sabotaged me. Like, without a doubt, full on sabotage. It was the most gaslighting, crazy making work experience I’ve had. The first time it happened, she told me I wasn’t closing jump rings properly (it’s a jewelry company) and then I saw her manipulate the properly closed jump rings, multiple times on multiple pieces, after I had made absolutely sure they were perfectly closed. She was sitting right beside me as I worked. When I went to weld them, all the jump rings I had done, that she had checked after I reclosed them, were completely misaligned again. When that happened, I thought, ‘well that’s weird’. I was looking at them under a microscope right after she had said they were good... they were not. If the jump rings aren’t properly aligned, the welding machine kind of blows up the jump ring and can damage the piece. So I realigned them and welded them together. No recognition for my good work, only criticism and telling me how I should be faster. She even tried to tell me I was making the chains the wrong size and had the other employee come over and measure them, they were literally EXACTLY the size they were supposed to be. Then she decided I wasn’t doing customer service anymore (despite getting rave reviews from customers and the other employees) and started training the girl who knew how to make jewelry to do the job I was proficient at.... she decided I would learn to polish the sterling silver pieces that had just been cut. This is where the second sabotage came into play. At this point, she physically demonstrated to “polish” the silver on fine grit sand paper, told me to do the few dozen pieces and left to the abyss for one of her many daily breaks. (Gone for lunch for hours, meanwhile I got 15 mins per day) anyways.... I did one piece and was like,’OKAY this REALLY ISN’T RIGHT’ the piece was badly scratched... because you know... silver on sand paper..... and so I stopped, tried to go find her (no success) and then did other work until she came back. When I asked her if I was doing something wrong, she was mad at me and went looking for a polishing cloth that was deep in her messy desk drawer. She definitely demonstrated on the sand paper and never mentioned the cloth. I think she was mad I didn’t mess up more and caught on quickly, to be honest. It was really weird and frankly upsetting that she would mislead me so badly. Like... I really started thinking I should record my convos with her. I was sick to my stomach that night and didn’t sleep, so I took the next day off work and she made this whole ordeal about how my health was SOOOOO important (sickly sweet) but said she needed to talk to me in person about something, so if I wanted to stop by, I should.... it was a 40 min drive to “stop by” and she knew this. Anyone that cares about your health is not going to leave you wondering what this conversation is about for 24 hours, while you’re sick. Anyways, the day after, I went back to work and knew I was getting fired. I was going to quit if I wasn’t. My entire body KNEW it was toxic there. I walked in and there were tax forms on my desk and she fired me. Lol!! I was SO happy, happier then when I got what I thought was this dream job (even fur the terrible pay)!!! Lol honestly, it was a HUGE relief to be fired in this case. No job is worth the stress and anxiety of narcissism. I got to (assertively, not rudely) speak my mind about how she threw me in the deep end without training and set me up for failure. It was VERY empowering. I left my coworker a note on her car, saying it was nice meeting her and to watch out for misdirection and narcissism! Haha Anyways, it’s been several months now and they are still hiring for that one position. Lmfao. Unreal!! So moral of the story, start looking elsewhere if you can! Also, document everything and just please take care of yourself. Your mental wellness is far more important then a pay cheque. I know, easier said then done. You do deserve better though.... you deserve to walk away from narcissism with a smile!!!! Sending love!!
@@missybuchanan9631 I'm in that exact situation now. Trying to leave a workplace that is bullying me and the interviewers want to know why I want to leave current employment. One interviewer wanted me to rate my current boss. Then they ask me to explain a scenario at work that fit certain criteria and I want to say "Well in a NORMAL workplace, I would do such-and-such but in MY workplace I have to do this alternative because it is a dysfunctional place.
I lost my last job because of a narc. The entire environment was very toxic. Glad to be out of it...HR didn’t even care about this situation. Wild. I had documentation from my therapist..emails.. and I was still fired
“They are always going to try and do their dark arts when they know they’ll not be spotted” Gosh! A revelation! TOO TRUE. Never ever be alone with them at work, nor in the elevator or the rest room.
the idea of a workplace led by a narcissist being isolated and isolating rings very true for me, I had a job that was very toxic and even though I was 26 at the time, I was among the oldest employees, a lot of the others were college students, late teen, early twenties and one thing I noticed very quickly is that a lot them thought this was just "normal" and how work-life is and they took example from the boss, for instance, if you made a mistake he would, if sufficiently upset, email the whole company about your mistake just to humiliate you and I noticed that some of the young employees would do similar things without being instructed, I guess they thought that's how we do things in the "adult world" - sad and scary stuff :(
This is why my main manager isnt a narcissist. A vo worker made a mistake and she reminded everyone what not to do in a group text message she did not call the co worker out even though I know who it is. Calling someone out in a text or group email is not good
My former supervisor did what your boss did but in a narcissistic way. She first of all made the employees mistake about her. So she took mistakes personally. She would then be demeaning. What I hated was that she wouldn't investigate the problem. Instead she would come to her own conclusions based on assumption, add her own lies. That woman was just a horrible leader. I'm just thankful that I wasn't the only one who could see that she was unstable.
I entered one of my first serious romantic relationships like this😂 I thought ALL women were like "that" and that I had to play the game a certain way to keep the relationship alive. Wasn't until an year into the mess that I found out about the disorder and realised that she scored High one the pathological narcissism scale. Left after about 2 years of hell with the narc .
Speaking from experience, the only way to deal with this is to educate yourself as maximally as possible while you are in this situation, and work to leave and go somewhere else as quickly as you possibly can. Even if you think it's a risk or you're worried your next place won't be better, trust me, running away from the Narc is the best thing you can do. Things will get so, so much better pretty much immediately.
Dr. Ramani more of these types of videos please - the workplace is fully half of peoples’ lives. What would be REALLY useful is one re: how to identify a narcissistic boss/culture at the INTERVIEW stage.
You need to listen to your gut feelings. ALWAYS thinks what you felt to be true, 99% of the time, you're right. They're cold, fake as hell, some uses his voice, his appearence, etc and had a very weak ego.
I agree. We need more validation of our work experiences. The thing is that after a couple of weeks I was asking myself. “is this boss love bombing me?“ I made a mental note of that and don’t you know within just a few days he did 180 and was a totally different person from that day forward. And I went through being overpaid being set up to make mistakes and then being called out in front of the other employee for it, it’s too many things list and I shouldn’t hear anyway. He did end up firing me before my 90 days was up and I have spent considerable money on lodging to go for training for extended periods of time. And now I need to get the money back because this really messed me up financially. I had another job right before that I left that wasn’t paying and he was paying me way more than I’ve ever been paid so this worked on my mind for sure. I’d rather have the other job back right now and looking for a better pay than have gotten myself tangled with this jerk.
This was my organization/work environment before I retired. Once I got out, I realized just how toxic it had been. Frankly, I was beat up and didn't understand the gravity of the situation. It took me a year afterwards to figure out what happened. Six years going into my seventh year of retirement. It has been great to be away from the chaos.
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My workplace is exactly like what Dr Ramani said. My boss,work environments and everything. The act of eavesdropping, backstabbing and yes its true full of toxic co-workers. It is truely the worst and abusive.
I had a narcissistic boss for about a year. There was an initial honeymoon period of about 3 months where she was love bombing me - gifts, high praise, etc. Once the honeymoon ended, she started going to the office admin every day to report on my "mistakes," the vast majority of which were her twisting things around to look like mistakes. I went to HR about it and they were sympathetic (they'd heard it so many times from so many people), but they couldn't do anything about it because this person was in a high position. The only thing I could do was leave. I loved everything about that job but the boss's behavior far outweighed all the rest. I went to work for someone who reported to her, who eventually had to leave because of her.
Just escaped! The worst management experience of my 40-year career. Hard working people get trashed, and brown-nosers get rewarded for minimal efforts. Lots of "flying monkeys" to try and dodge. At first very cordial, but it didn't take long for the hostile takeover to commence. It is like living within a dictatorship. PTSD is a good word for an emotionally draining experience!
i survived seven years of this exact working environment and the last year my body was in shambles. my lymph glands were swollen and i drank heavy to self medicate. i thought i had a terminal illness and after a battery of tests with my doctor, it was determined to be stress related. there is no amount of money in the world worth being in this sort of work environment, the time i had off i spent recovering from work just so i could cope(therapy, accupuncture, meditation, reiki). its been about two years since i left and i am still unable to work bc all of those feeling are activated when i even think of going back to work.
It's hard to get over and eats away at you. It's time to not give a crap. It's the only way to move on. Get mad don't be a victim. Take your Power back.
I got CFS after working with a toxic boss, and could not work for 7 years because of terrible exhaustion. It caused me such terrible health problems I cant even describe. At that time I did not know about narcicissm...
I am loving these videos. I’m about to leave my job (on August 24) due to a narcissistic boss, who has finally been let go, and a coworker. I worked with said coworker when I first started here; she’s actually the reason I left that department. Then my boss hired her for a position in the “new” department I’m currently in. I told him before he brought her in that I would quit. So, here I am, 3 years later, finally leaving. You can only handle it for so long.
I'm with you! 5 years in with this narc boss who constantly undermines me and steals my ideas and my work. Sleeps around the office too, to gain loyalty, I'm guessing. No boss is worth our health.
I just got out of a 5 year narcissist employment situation. Life is great now!!! Wish I would have figured it out earlier but I'm smarter and stronger now for it.
Me too, just yesterday. He told me that I abandoned my job because I got a covid test after my co worker tested positive. My room mate had emergency surgery and was vulnerable so I needed to take it for her. He said he would pressure the covid positive guy to come to work anyway bc he didnt believe in it.
I love this doctor and her expertise. I watch every video she’s on and her own channel too. The one “dislike” on this video is probably my previous narcissistic boss 😹 bc I shared this on linked in!
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Good tip Frankly Living! Will do just that. I was playing this loudly and my toxic coworker became moody and quiet. Never takes blame for abuse, even when there is evidence. Destroy them with the truth!
Odd thing is that the narcissistic boss usually turns on the ones who are kissing his/her butt eventually. From my experience, you either keep quiet and suffer in silence or you fight back hard and damn the consequences.. The majority of narcissistic bosses are immature little kids who never grew up. Somewhere in their childhood, they learned that yelling/screaming/having power etc. makes them feel good about themselves. However, when you stand up to them, they back off because you discovered their "little' secret. I recall one time many years ago, when a coworker of mine stood up to our narcissistic boss. One day, after being the brunt of another unjustified reprimand, he looked at this boss and said, "I feel sorry for you. For you to be acting like this....you must really hate yourself. What happened...did your mommy and daddy not love you when you were growing up. You're 52 years old and this is all you've learned in life." This boss's face turned red like a tomato and he became a mouse from that point on. He eventually left because he knew his little secret was out and his power was gone.
Yeah I was one of the ‘minions’. At the end of the day, my narc boss destroyed my admiration and friendship with an unsolicited sexual proposition. Ultimately I wake up to his true nature and had to leave the company. Only my quiet friend still remains.
This is spot on! Thank you!! This is exactly what happened to me. The last boss made me sick. A coworker on the earlier job was very toxic. I didn't know then. After going sick and after help for years and now listening to you I get it!! This wasn't my fault!!! Wow soo relieving!! 😊🙏
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. Only had my eyes open to who my boss is recently after ALOT of research and study. Trying to find a new job.
Exactly the situation I am in. She hires someone new and makes them the Golden Child. Then the devaluation where she screams, hurls false accusations, tell other staff not to talk to the victim, shuns, withholds communication and strips person of meaningful responsibility. Then when you complain she says it's HER company and she'll run it the way she wants. I've seen WAY too many employees reduced to tears at her demeaning outbursts, then they quit. Then she's happy....no wrongful dismissal suit. And the cycle continues..
@@l.5832 I'm working for a small family business, currently off sick on advice by my doctor due to bad back, related to the type of work I do, But I'm beginning to feel that my back problems are related to stress from a narcissistic boss /owner, this has been ongoing for some time and she knows I'm having problems, yet when I told her I've got two weeks to rest, she asked if I was coming in for work! I said no I'm going to find a way to not have to come back to work at all due to the pain I'm suffering, my boss blames me for not giving her time to find someone else to take over some if not all of my jobs, when she has had enough time, at least all summer! The way she talks to me, the way she treats me are demeaning and everything else is always about what she's done for me, never giving me credit for the hard work I've done over the last nearly 4 years, I deserve better than this
@@techjunkie68smusicandtech56 I realized there was a major problem at my workplace when I realized everyone who worked there more than a year started to have migraines, and everyone but me was on antidepressants, or anti=anxiety medications.
I think my new boss is one of those narcissistic ones. Because i've been working in a company for 2 years and I have never had a problem, my salary was always raised, i was promoted. But when this new boss was assigned, chaos began, nobody knows what is going on. I stopped getting salary raises when it was appropriate, I always receive some criticism that I don't do my job, because, of course, i don't get the opportunity or necessary tools to do it and the last straw was when I was threatened with termination if I don't do what i'm told. So while i'm quietly doing what i'm told, i'm looking for another job. Because that is just not normal. My psychological and emotional state is severely damaged because of this, I started to doubt myself if I'm good enough to do my job.... I know i'm good enough, so there's nothing else left, but to succumb to this pressure and leave this environment. And the funny thing is, that this person was awarded an employee award in our company retreat for treating people with respect... Are you kidding me? That person is really an artist in manipulation and deceit. And i'm done searching for a middle ground, I have to leave.
I swear this video is giving me flashbacks. I got out of a job with a narcissist boss. I stuck it out way longer than I should have and eventually quit without even having a new job lined up because I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't realize how genuinely traumatized by the whole thing I was until I got out. I'm starting a new job soon and already my anxiety is spiking even though I have no reason to think it'll be as bad as the last one.
This is me right now. Thank you for this, so much. It's given me the extra push to get out asap. My mental health is not worth the consistent abuse Im enduring. You guys are both enough!!
💯 experienced this and I will never work in a toxic workplace or for a toxic person again! My peace and health mean more. I feel for those in this situation, bless them.
I love this woman's videos. She talks everything on point and so qccurate. I resigned 2 weeks ago from a 3 months job because i spotted a very toxic work environment then I realized that this was because of my boss. She does favoritism between employees and talks bad about others that she doesn't like much including me. Not to mention how she belittles my ideas, ignores them and throw my work files in the trash. Plus so many red flags I spotted on her from micromanagement to speaking rude to me infront of my colleages to giving me too little time to assign huge tasks. She also refused using email for work and instructions and she also refused to give me the administration or general manager email. When I quit, that's because the disrespect reached the peak where i could no more understand why I was treated like this. Until an ex school mate of mine told me that she heard about her and she heard that employees are resigning because of her and she was claimed to the administration few times and the general manager doesn't seem to care. Then i realized that it's a trashy workplace.
I recognize the patterns now in my boss after I've been through many years of narcissistic abuse at work. My boss is a person with very high narc traits. It's amazing what you ignore when you're new on a job and trying to impress vs when you're over a decade in and start to see how dysfunctional the behaviors are at work. My boss loved bombed me and tried to act so nice and helpful all the while for years he was abusing my kindness and need to do well at work. I was too naïve to see that I should not have been doing all those extra job duties that were not mine (they were his) and it wasn't a way to show my loyalty to the company, it was him pushing the duties he didn't want to do onto me and then later telling me they were my job (they weren't). When I started standing up for myself his mask came off and it showed his true nature of manipulating everyone, especially the owner of the company, and gaslighting me constantly (telling me to do things and then saying he didn't want it that way and withholding info I needed to do my job properly) and the lying and exaggerating so much. I've never been overpaid though ever, that is not a trait of my employer...I'm severely underpaid. I'm so exhausted every day and I feel trapped in this cesspit that is a narcissistic haven. You also need documentation not only for lawsuits but for your own mental health. The narc will gaslight you and try to get you to doubt what they've done and what you've experienced them doing to you. With detailed documentation right away, it helps you mentally by reading back when the narc tries to get you to doubt reality and you'll see your notes and say.... see I wrote it down word for word. It did happen. I'm not crazy or exaggerating.
A lot people get into healthcare thinking it’s going to be filled with caring supportive people. But truthfully, healthcare is a business and most only care about the dollar’s. I learned that lesson the hard way. 😏
Doctor Ramani is the best we have out here. She’s so good that she can teach the world (of all ages!) so much about this topic. This will prepare our children for LIFE! It weaves into so many communities and it’s becoming way more visible with the proliferation of social media. So thank you for bringing this to the forefront. This is exactly the content we need in 2020 and beyond.
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As a psychologist, I love Ramani's work and explanations. I was in a volunteer for an organisation where the leadership demonstrated classically almost 100% of what Ramani describes. I was chased to be 'recruited'. I ended up being a volunteer for 6 years. Cult-principles were clear and present, although I became the only one to identify these in the last 18 mths of volunteering. My peers didn't believe me...many of them were the 'flying monkeys'. Interestingly, we were never paid for our work even though the company's focus was focused on making money and helping people become financially free. I believe I was probably the first one to ever leave without being 'encouraged to pursue my own journey'. I know I was highly valuable to this leader. It was difficult to spot, until I reached a point of refusing to accommodate certain behaviours by the leader, and far stronger at calling out poor behaviour and treatment of the leader toward myself and my peers. I left. I cut the leader off very suddenly. I blocked all communication with and from them and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My regret is that I wish I had done it sooner.
You left at the exact time you were supposed to... and it was done exactly the way it was supposed to be done. Remember, you can't apply today's knowledge to yesterday's decisions. You are smarter, wiser and experienced, the perfect self knowledge you need for your next job. All the best! 👍🏻
I work for this lady, I’ve never seen gaslighting to the level of my now current boss. She had everyone conned and certainly had steered this ship into an iceberg.
My spouse had a narcissistic manager come into the picture several months ago...she was so awful the staff and assistant managers were able to band together and get her fired! Within a week of her leaving things improved a ton and staff that had left or gone to part time were back working again. She tripped up and lost her temper a couple of times which greatly helped to expedite the process of getting her fired quickly.
This is so validating. I had a narcissistic college art professer that would use my ideas in her work. The situations she is describing are what I experienced.
No, Dr. Ramani isn't only "enough", she is a miracle worker and my beacon of light. Again, more eye-opening content just when I need it. THANK YOU. I've been especially mindful when dealing with the Minions/Flying Monkeys and most of the time I just have to swallow the abuse because they're not worth reacting to.
"They'll always do their dark arts when they can't be spotted." So, so true. We didn't have a "screamer" at work; she was afraid of confrontation and plotted behind the scenes to destroy people who didn't agree (on any issue) with her, and destroy their careers. She loved chaos and did anything she could to keep others off balance. I will always remember that horror and always be grateful I now know how to recognize these freaks and how to remove myself form their company. It was the most sick environment, and made me and some coworkers literally ill because of her toxic-making behavior.
Omg my boyfriends boss has exactly this and its killing him. He has all the documents and proof. It's going to court soon. A book of this narcissistic bosses lies. My bf is traumatised because of this man and even got diagnosed with PTSD. My bf is such an empath and very sweet. This boss used my bf for years. The screaming and swearing than acting all nice when HR is in the room. And all these toxic coworkers... Omg this is so right. Every single word I can relate to when it comes to my bfs situation. It's so hard. MY ADVICE: GET OUT ASAP. He's met more than 1 sadly. This is the 2nd narcissistic boss and my bf is bringing his lies to court. Doesnt matter if he might not win. Its important for his mental health. YOU NEED PROOF OF EVERYTHING.
NJGeez that is so unfortunate that he has to go to that extreme. But it is what has to be done. I hope he gets out of that work environment and find a space where others will appreciate him.
Trying to expose a narcissist can be like trying to nail jelly to the wall. They are slippery and you will end up being a mess wrestling with pigs in a mud pit. Best advice is exit and regain your mental health and well being.
It’s almost impossible to believe these people actually exist if you haven’t been through it. In an instant a wonderful, enjoyable, productive workplace can become a house of horrors. Nights become sleepless, previously friendly, compatible co workers can become terrified to be seen associating with you. Narcissist bosses are professional snowers and liars. They delight in throwing around power. You genuinely don’t know who you can trust! Even after a sanity saving exit, even health and lifesaving exit, nights can become filled with nightmares. PTSD. Get out as soon as possible and do your best to forget the hell these mentally deranged power addicts created!
@@bethanystanley4400 in sorry to hear this Bethany. I can only imagine what it's like. My bf has a hard time trusting ppl nowadays because of this boss. He never suffered depression before but its changed something in him. He's depressed a lot. But.. He's very willing to find help for his PTSD. And has a very sweet and understanding psychologist. It's sad that these narcissists pray on empaths. For a while you start thinking that there is something wrong with yourself. The gaslighting is so extreme. And then when you finally figure out what's going on you stand alone and see how the whole company is manipulated by just 1 man. He has followers. Ppl who don't like him but do anything for him. I don't get that. These followers are a huge problem as well. Cause if everyone was well educated and aware of the destruction of narcissism this guy wouldn't stand a chance. But he infiltrated into every nook and cranny. My bf left this diseased company. And luckily.. When he left, so did others. I don't know if they saw his true colours. But they left. This boss still works there. But my bf can finally heal and try and manage his PTSD from now on. Don't underestimate the destruction. It's criminal. The sleekness of how these ppl operate.. Makes me sick to my stomach. 🤮 I'm sorry to hear it made you so miserable as well. I'm glad you got out. And hope you're doing well.
Notes, emails saved are important! BUT, remember that HR is not on your side!!!!!!!!!! Many of these cases are rarely winnable in court. Her advice is very good!!!
OMG! You just described my work life & workplace... I thought I was imagining how bad it really is until I heard you talk about it. Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth!
Learning psychology was the savior of my life since three years ago and forever . I can't be more grateful! 🙏 spotting narcissists anywhere has become a job by itself for me 😊
I'm a retired Nurse and did alot of homecare.Alot of your patients will be very abusive because they get sucked up to by the homecare agencies. They are given WAY too much power over who is sent to care for them and they can be outright cruel.
Your comments are spot on. It sounds like you are describing my exact situation. The supervisor that was promoted. The signs were there before. Destroyed my career. I tried to hang on until I could get out. But they fired me after 20 years. The Doctor knows exactly what she is talk about.
Love this video! I work in a high end spa, my boss is a narcissist and I’m drained everyday after work! It’s truly crazy making! I get paid a lot, however I’m at the point where the constant tension and stress isn’t worth the money. And the flying monkeys, OH MY!!!! I’m looking for a new job, and I know what to look for since this current experience.
Documentation of every single incident can definitely be helpful, even if you just physically write down everything in a notebook and hide the notebook. Write down dates and times. I was bullied by a toxic boss. A coworker suggested writing every single incident down. I did. Then I went to HR and my labor union with every single documented incident. So, documentation is paramount and be sure to turn in your documentation to the HR department and your labor union if you have one. Also, make copies of your documentation just in case the HR department proves to be untrustworthy and "lose" your documentation. Chances are high that you aren't the toxic supervisor's only target 😢.
The best case is your narc radar is tuned enough to pick it up when interviewing and they happen to give you a preview of the environment otherwise it’s hard to really know until your first few months in a new job. The worst is when a good work place gets gutted because of a new narcissistic manager or director takes over.
Narcs always lie about the environment you are about to experience. They have a revolving door of employees (and you won't know THAT until later, either). They've played this game long enough to know how to hide the realities.
Wow. This is exactly what I have been working with. I’m now out on medical leave due to the toxic work environment created by my boss. This video was so insightful and helpful. Thank you
Don’t let them make you feel unworthy or ill or wrong. They are unworthy, sick and wrong! Just because they have money or power doesn’t make them right. Stay strong!
I love it when they say during orientation no one is to use their phones unless on break and to keep them in you pockets...then you see every supervisor and manager with their phones out using them 100% of the time...
This was so useful ... I am currently on my way out of an awful workplace. Almost everything you described in a boss can be ticked off in my workplace. I absolutely hate going to work even though I love the actual job and I thought it had so much potential when I joined.
I had a manager who was a narc. I rejected his advances and he tried to make my life miserable. HR took his side claiming they don't condone relationships within the company: after I clearly said I was harassed. Another boss would pay us over a month late...then blamed staff for lower numbers. I took this one to court and won. I now have a colleague who's a narc, creating gossip and a climate of bitterness, watching everything I do to report to the boss, mostly lies. They have nothing on me. I'm not walking into this BS. I have 2 other offers coming. Just a matter of time. Thank you for the information. Taking a mental health day today and meditating.
I’ve watched and commented on many of Doctor Ramani’s videos. I must say that in addition to being a brilliant psychologist, she is a very beautiful woman
My only choice was to leave. It was a small local business. No one was on my side. Every conversation was one on one, I could never explain to people how she gaslighted me into tears everyday. Then love bombed the next day. I was overpaid for the job at first then was given more and more responsibility and the conditions quickly made me underpaid in reality. Another variable which added to the trouble was that a family member of mine was invested in the small business and a CLOSE friend to the owner. Boundaries were blurred into oblivion. The only choice was to leave. Now my family member and I don't talk... I also left because I realized the boss would run the business into the ground. And less than 2 months after leaving, my family member left the business. Now everyone knows I was right about her from the start.
Yes, sometime it takes time, but eventually people find out. In my situation it was 3 yrs,and many people were bullied by the narc, others in other departments even sued the org, and yet they continued to let the narc be a "trusted person" to whom complaints of harrassment could be made. The narc the bullied the complainers, also sought high paying positions for the narc's unqualified children, triangulated, gaslighted, etc etc etc - typical abuse of power. Also, a stream of unending lies came out of her mouth. Could never tell what was believable. Didn't tell me about information that was critical for me doing my job,and constantly tried to manipulate situations to blame others. Never took reponsibility for anything that was wrong. Always took credit for my good work.. I think she was on the far end of the spectrum. A vindictive, corrupt, retaliatory, unscrupulous, compulsive liar and opportunist who was also competent in her (non-management) work to have her bosses like and believe her. That changed eventually.
Dr. Ramani: Your videos about narcissistic fathers helped me transform my life. Now I'm in a new job where I've discovered, with a heavy heart, that my manager is displaying very significant narcissistic traits. And I am oh so triggered. Everything in this video applies to my new boss and team. I woke up this morning ruminating about how to communicate with them, and then realized how much I've been ruminating... and had a moment of "oh shit." The good news is I immediately found this video. Just hearing the phrase "narcissistic workplaces are deeply invalidating," is quite validating! Thank you so much for providing all of this invaluable, empowering information, insight and tools -- a real touchstone of sanity. OK, now on with the work of dealing with the new narcissist, on top of the actual work of the job. Peace and health to all.
Omg this was my situation exactly. Boss and coworker. They got together and derailed my career. I was in such a toxic setting, I found myself lost in defending myself. I so wish I would have seen this a year ago. I could have stepped back and found a healthy way to defend myself through HR. But, I heard HR was terrible also.
My previous company was one heck of a toxic environment and unfortunately it took a toll in my mental health. I loved the job but I had to decide and put myself first so I ended up leaving instead.
Wow! My experiences with narcissists are clearly straight out of the textbooks. 1:55, the narcissistic boss who pays VERY well. Yep. Been there but, at the end of the day, the money wasn't worth it and I quit for peace of mind.
I left a job as did my highly sensitive and introverted colleagues. I have no regrets. Actually, I left 3 jobs until I got the lesson! In a better place now and I am the boss, so I get to choose who I work with!
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for your work & for sharing it! I was just fired from an apartment community for “failing to perform assigned tasks to the satisfaction of the employer”. Quoted from my determination letter finding me ineligible for unemployment benefits. Yes I’ve definitely requested an appeal. The manager who was supposed to train me failed at that & even hid tasks from me or told me that because she’s manager that she does this or that task & not me which I found out a couple months later was false. The executive manager who fired me had a cunning smile the entire 15-20 minutes of telling me why I’m being fired. A month & a half prior, I was given a verbal warning by being told I need to get the wheels turning & I had been useless to the company… IF YOU HAVEN’T YET, QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD!
love, love, love thank you. So healing to hear this after having taken four years during which I wasn't working to gather my bearings and reclaim myself. I'm working again for 2 months now. I am delighted at how fresh I feel and how nice to be in a good fit environment with good people.
Have you ever had a narcissistic boss?
Watch more exclusive mental health videos like this one with Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/38gQZKG
MedCircle When the person apologizes for something they did to you to lure you back in to their life - as a way to fix the issue or prevent you from leaving, BUT they bring up the same issue in another argument later on making you realize that they really didn’t mean their apologies or promises even. Accuses you of being the narcissist after someone else calls them out on being one. The person cares about how they sound or look (not just physically) to people even if what was shared or what people found out about his negative or toxic behavior is true. Always down playing your feelings and thoughts about things that logically matter and that person can’t accept that you see things differently than they do. Calling you crazy and telling you to calm down and they don’t take accountability for their own behavior causing you to feel what you feel. Even after you take responsibility for your own mistakes and shortcomings and you acknowledge how that person feels about the situation and you clearly expressed your sincere apology to that person but they don’t take NO accountability for their own mistakes that obviously contributed to the problem as well and just makes it sound like your to blame for everything. Blaming you that you made him look like a fool and making you aught to be the lunatic and evil person to everyone. Gets sulky when you bring up some concerns and start bringing up the fact that he’s the only provider and he’s doing nothing wrong and that your the one always bringing up negativity in the relationship. Flat out denies your truth because to him there’s only one truth and that’s his. Telling you your crazy and your making up things and your the pathological liar and that what clearly and vividly happened to you didn’t happen or he never did to you. Almost tried to record conversations or show texts messages to prove what the person said and to protect yourself from being accuse of making things up. The person wants you to value what he likes, wants and his family but have yours take the back seat. Threatens you that they won’t work because you upset them by bringing up some topic of concerns and because he’s the sole provider and he knows you worry about financial stability, he targets that part of your insecurity (and among other insecurities that you have) to punish you and to teach you a lesson to keep your mouth shut next time. Denies everything you feel and your truth and reality and says things like your brain is not functioning right. Is this a narcissistic behavior?
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Yes, absolutely. She fits this description perfectly. Nothing she enjoys more than bringing down confident, hard-working professionals over unimportant details...and out the door we go!
@@kasianowak3061 Yes!!!!
Thank you for your insights! I would love to hear Dr. Ramani's views on narcissistic behaviour at Universities and in the academic world. We often hear about narcissism in showbiz but academia is another work environment in which narcissism is equally insidious and disruptive.
This is the real reason for "The great resignation" . workers are tired of being abused and bullied by narcissists at work.
Many were also tired of the b.s. company "policies" too.
I AGREE.
Agreed
also shit pay in a shit economy
Military is extremely toxic full of narcissists, who are power hungry and gaslight people
on top of forced medical 'treatments'
Driving home after my last day of a job I'd quit, I realized this: No job is worth ruining your health for.
Definitely not!!
I give this tip to everyone: even after you accept a job offer, keep applying for jobs. It doesn't take very long within your first 90 days to determine if a job is worth keeping or not.
I left mine 2 days ago. My boss was going to fire me and I have no write ups or anything. I quit and picked my stuff up. He was so mad because he wanted to have that freedom to humiliate and fire me.
@@jackcarraway4707 yeah.exactly a pro tip.
@@jackcarraway4707 it’s truly the best advice
I GOT OUT. I stacked my money, made sure I could get through the next 5 months, and bounced. I’d rather work 3 side hustles, than deal with somebody’s unresolved mental issues. It was literally incapacitating me to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed or get out of my car when I arrived to work.
My life at the moment. I’ve turned into the side hustle queen.
I’m doing this right now, woman went from being a second mother to cruella deville in a year. Told her I’m out by end of march. Crazy nightmare
You just wrote my career philosophy there 👏👏
I understand. I saved every bit of money I could for months and prepared my exit strategy. When I began having chest pains, and chest pains that extended into my left arm, I knew it was time to step it up and leave. Citing parental care needs for my reason for leaving.
@@tijeraslack3must not have a life outside of work. Sad.
Don't expect HR to take your side. HR is always on the side of the company.
True
There is nothing truer than this statement. HR literally does not care about you. You are so correct!
I’m suprised that Dr ramani supports hr!
But the EEOC isn’t , you go to HR to create a paper trail
@@thetapenyc191 I did this and hr said that they cant investigate because im still on probation
I had a narcissistic boss once and people who were always getting me “in trouble” even though I did my best everyday. I almost committed suicide. I’m glad I didn’t.
its happening to me at the moment
Lol never commit suicide over a stupid job!
Im glad you are here to share your story.
Don't let such evil harm your heart. It's hard but believe in yourself. Narcissists target the beautiful angels of the world. That makes you the angel.
You would be surprised where you will find these. Look at schools, where you would expect better.
my god, there's no escape from those bastards. I need to make my own business...
Me and you both!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, that was my exact thought, then again you are gonna have to deal with those narcissistic customers , making it unescapable but I would rather that coz at least I have an option to show them the road.
Be your own boss
They are every where. You may have narcissist clients/customers too. The solution is to develop high self-esteem and do not place your value on other people's view of you, no matter who they are, parents, spouse, boss.
Me too!! I've had it! Trying very hard to start my own business. Nothing but chaos at my new job! I had to take off today because of all the stress that I have been receiving from this company.
is there no end to this...ive jumped from one narcisistic work place to the next.
Same!
It follows me everywhere I go
You just have to find a company that values respect and integrity, I found one luckily, and I've been there 12 years.
SAME killed my love for working in public relations. Really sucks
Unfortunately we re in a narc culture is very common more than I thought ..
Yes! When your workplace is like a soap opera, get out! I was treated so badly in one place, when I left it felt like I was leaving jail!
Hahaha same...
Same I’m tired of being accused for things I didn’t do I’m so ready to get out nobody understands I feel like a prisoner
I said the same thing. So glad to get out of cell block D.
Everyone but my narcissistic supervisor praise my work. My supervisor criticizes everything I do, I have to literally send screenshots of my emails before I send them, I can't sleep, I wake up sweaty and every morning, especially Monday, I'm so anxious. My boss' boss is so egoistic and I have a coworker that is so far up their ass. It's so toxic. 3 people have left in the last 3 months, at a job where people used to last 2 plus years. I thought I was going crazy until she gaslighter me for the last time yesterday. I submitted my 2 weeks today. So relieved to leave this high school toxicity. Byeeeeee
Glad your free!!! 💛
Also, do NOT engage and feed the drama. The more you separate yourself emotionally from the situation the more power YOU will have. Because they drama, they create it as bait to justify toxic actions.
I thought I was losing my mind.
100%. It’s the chaos for me. These people will drain you of your life force with the constant drama. God is a god of order. Narcs want anything but. Run. Quietly.
Absolutely. DETACH DETACH DETACH. It is not easy, and it takes practice and time. May God help me.
I agree
Spot on👏🏽. Keep your emotions outside of the workplace.
To every person: there ARE good workplaces out there. It almost certainly has nothing to do with you that you are treated badly at work. When I was even more insecure and shy than now I had the best job EVER. My solutions to problems were appretiated, my opinions taken seriously, I got compliments for good work, and disagreements were solved with conversation and good intentions. It wasn't perfect, probably no workplace is, but we all liked working there and felt seen, respected and competent. So, it has nothing to do with you being "bully-able" or anything. It has to do with the ones at the top either being emotionally immature or unempathic or not.
This right here. Yes
I have a narcissist boss. I'm a leader and my boss constantly is passive aggressive, dismisses my opinion, is very 2-faced, so much more I can say. I definitely can tell it's getting to me because I'm always walking on eggshells.
Start documenting the abuse and harassing tactics. Do it on you personal computer, not on a phone, tablet or pc owned by the company. Start looking for a new job. You narc boss will do all s/he can to keep you from succeeding or getting any kind of job. Get a new job before you are fired (they will do it), then the place you apply to can't call your current boss as a reference. Believe me, the narc will do everything s/he can to ruin your career
Walking on eggshells is so true
So I should quit instead of getting fired?
Exactly what I'm going through. He's gaslighting right now. It's an emotional Rollercoaster.
@@cautiontothewind277 stand up to them professionally and reasonably, and let them fire you then take them to an employment tribunal.
I was sexually harassed by the main HR manager in my first company, and when I reported it to another HR manager, he said “you make us feel like we didn’t protect you”, instead of providing support. Felt like I was being blamed and gaslighted
Oh god, how are you doing now?
I reported to boss that I was being cols shouldered and excluded. She said "What did you do to them to make them treat you that way?" True narc statement.
Because you were unfortunately. I hope you are doing well.
@@l.5832 Wth!? Disgusting people.
Well they didn’t protect you and you were right.
I documented and printed everything my narcissistic supervisor did, but when I took the evidence to the higher ups, they refused to look at it and told me it was all in my imagination. I left soon after and was much happier.
Its amazing how businesses last that long with all the debauchery going on.
HR is part of management and works for your boss, don't be naive.
Fact!
I have to agree, but they are afraid of lawsuits. So if you have documented, it can help you keep your job until you find a new one.
My boss is part of HR.
HR is THE WORST!! You can never trust HR EVER...
HR has failed me miserably!
Narcissistic co-workers led me to severe depression. The flying monkey thing is so true too. I remember many of those.
I got chills listening to this. It describes exactly the situation I’m in-the love-bombing combined with screaming & constantly bullying/demeaning me in front of my coworkers, the minions flocking around, the perpetual drama, the cult-like atmosphere, losing passion for one’s art, the constant stress/crying myself to sleep at night, the sense of disloyalty if you consider doing any outside work, being overly controlling even outside of work… I need to get the hell out. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany-I have another job I’ve been hiding from my narc boss; I should just switch to full time and get the hell out. Thanks so much for sharing this
I’m really sorry about this. Did you change?
Have you been following me at work?? You basically just told my workplace narcissistic abuse story.
The abuse nearly killed me multiple times. It’s no joke.
Life is a Journey yup, same here.
Now you're paranoid and imagine that you're being followed. These dudes mess with your head big time until your brain and body starts to feel like a soggy worn out pair of distressed jeans in a swirling washing machine stuck on spin cycle. If you can step back and watch the antics from a bemused distance and laugh at the crazy-making it might help as you plan your exit from their stage or virtual battle-ground.
LOL! Did we work at the same company???
Same!
Make no mistake, if the boss is making money for the company, most upper management will not care if your boss is toxic. This means that if you complain to HR (& even have documentation of toxic behavior), HR does not care. YOU will be seen as the troublemaker, HR will notify the boss that YOU have complained about him/her & there is a good possibility that YOU may be fired. I have seen this on numerous occasions during my career, so be very careful. The only exception MAY be if the boss is doing something illegal.
Yes thank you
Geez. This perfectly describes exactly what I went through at my previous workplace. Where I work now pays much less, but it’s so much more peaceful.
Me too! Best decision ever. No money was worth the suffering.
Narcs are everywhere! Bosses & coworkers. So sad. Just kp quiet records
I really don't think records work. I've come across others in such places and even with plentiful evidence it is not enough. I would say just leave as soon as you're able to.
That doesn't work trust me they find ways to avoid you even bringing up the records. What you should do is to observe see if you can find strategies to cope or jump ship if it's that bad.
Gosh, I’ve suffered so much from narcissistic boss and his minions! In the end I got physically sick and couldn’t bear it anymore... I just left. And it took me 6 months to get back in track 🤦🏻♀️
I worked at a school where they thought it would be a good idea to create a family atmosphere among the faculty and staff. So, they created a family with the black sheep, the scapegoat, the weird one, the golden child, the good girl, the bad boy, and on and on and on. What a failure of an idea. 100% of families are dysfunctional, so creating a family atmosphere at work only succeeds in creating a dysfunctional work environment. Work needs to have a professional atmosphere, not a family atmosphere. Work has a different set of standards than family. Case closed.
YES!! Same thing happened to me. So glad I left. It has taken me close to a year to recover and heal.
I had a professor who was like that too. It's funny: you'd think university professors are mature and wise, but really they're just ordinary people. Some of them are world experts in their field. Others are just big kids who never grew up and never left school.
@@DaveGIS123 I actually find professors crazier than most. And more narcissists in higher education that I’ve seen.
I learned this the hard way. Thanks for stating this.
Oh man, the "love bomb" boss happened to me and once I was discarded I needed so much therapy afterward,
So relatable! So sorry you had to go through this.
My husband just resigned from a job with a narcissistic boss a couple of weeks ago. He had the job for about 10 months. It was a work from home Job, and so dang stressful - so much so that It affected our family and permeated our house. We’re so glad he doesn’t have to go there every day anymore. But on another hand, we’re feeling very scared because my husband is blind, this was a job of last resort for us and the money that came from it was a huge help to us. Thank God we found some other things to try to bring money in. But we’re feeling very uncertain about whether or not they’ll pan out like we’re hoping they will. People with disabilities from birth usually don’t have the kind of luck we need.
Wishing all happiness...joy to your family
The "love bombed" part made me cry. Thats whats happening to me. Plus the overpaid part is spot on. I'm sure there's stuff I can work on myself. I can't wait to see my psychologist. Thank you!
Im not getting overpay but my boss doesmt let me pay anny coffee for myself and paid a taxi for me without me askeing. Trying to get close on a personal level to get more control over me 🤢
Same here. Now that Im quitting i hear a lot of gossip, i got vocal threats and im indirectly harrased. Still need to endure 2 more weeks..
You cannot fix them. Their brain literally works differently than you.
Tried to ask my coworker today how to be on the same communication wavelength as my new boss today and she was like ,”just talk to her, she’s the sweetest person in the whole world, seriously”. Red flags everywhere. I got in trouble for doing what I was told to do. I haven’t been sat down an trained at any one thing for more then 10 mins for a total of maybe half an hour for the things that really matter. I am constantly left alone and then chastised for not slowing down and being aware yet then told I need to be faster and more precise. I’ve been there a week and have cried for the majority of days there. I thought this was my dream job.
I really feel for you. When I was in my first job at age 18 they fired me for doing what I was told - I walked out crying. Didn't realise it was illegal at the time.
Now I left a job because I got bullied so bad I had to be medicated for anxiety. Then I went to a job where in there end there was a tiny amount of bullying behaviour and I noped out so fast my head spun.
Now my new boss is a fucking narcissist, and I feel like I literally can't do anything wrong because she's going to blast me.
Getting in the pattern sucks, felling so low that you think you deserve it sucks. And the worst is trying to explain nicely in an interview why you left you last job because you can never say "oh I was bullied out by the head of HR".
@@missybuchanan9631 ugh I feel for you too!!!
This is a long read...
I ended up being fired a week after I wrote this comment, for performance. 8 lasted exactly 2 weeks in that hell and gave it my all, including my tears and sanity. I did a great job and am proud of who I was there, despite what she tried to pull.
The day before I was fired, she finally “trained me”. Two times that day, she sabotaged me. Like, without a doubt, full on sabotage. It was the most gaslighting, crazy making work experience I’ve had. The first time it happened, she told me I wasn’t closing jump rings properly (it’s a jewelry company) and then I saw her manipulate the properly closed jump rings, multiple times on multiple pieces, after I had made absolutely sure they were perfectly closed. She was sitting right beside me as I worked. When I went to weld them, all the jump rings I had done, that she had checked after I reclosed them, were completely misaligned again. When that happened, I thought, ‘well that’s weird’. I was looking at them under a microscope right after she had said they were good... they were not. If the jump rings aren’t properly aligned, the welding machine kind of blows up the jump ring and can damage the piece. So I realigned them and welded them together. No recognition for my good work, only criticism and telling me how I should be faster. She even tried to tell me I was making the chains the wrong size and had the other employee come over and measure them, they were literally EXACTLY the size they were supposed to be. Then she decided I wasn’t doing customer service anymore (despite getting rave reviews from customers and the other employees) and started training the girl who knew how to make jewelry to do the job I was proficient at.... she decided I would learn to polish the sterling silver pieces that had just been cut. This is where the second sabotage came into play. At this point, she physically demonstrated to “polish” the silver on fine grit sand paper, told me to do the few dozen pieces and left to the abyss for one of her many daily breaks. (Gone for lunch for hours, meanwhile I got 15 mins per day) anyways.... I did one piece and was like,’OKAY this REALLY ISN’T RIGHT’ the piece was badly scratched... because you know... silver on sand paper..... and so I stopped, tried to go find her (no success) and then did other work until she came back. When I asked her if I was doing something wrong, she was mad at me and went looking for a polishing cloth that was deep in her messy desk drawer. She definitely demonstrated on the sand paper and never mentioned the cloth. I think she was mad I didn’t mess up more and caught on quickly, to be honest. It was really weird and frankly upsetting that she would mislead me so badly. Like... I really started thinking I should record my convos with her.
I was sick to my stomach that night and didn’t sleep, so I took the next day off work and she made this whole ordeal about how my health was SOOOOO important (sickly sweet) but said she needed to talk to me in person about something, so if I wanted to stop by, I should.... it was a 40 min drive to “stop by” and she knew this. Anyone that cares about your health is not going to leave you wondering what this conversation is about for 24 hours, while you’re sick. Anyways, the day after, I went back to work and knew I was getting fired. I was going to quit if I wasn’t. My entire body KNEW it was toxic there. I walked in and there were tax forms on my desk and she fired me. Lol!!
I was SO happy, happier then when I got what I thought was this dream job (even fur the terrible pay)!!! Lol honestly, it was a HUGE relief to be fired in this case. No job is worth the stress and anxiety of narcissism. I got to (assertively, not rudely) speak my mind about how she threw me in the deep end without training and set me up for failure. It was VERY empowering. I left my coworker a note on her car, saying it was nice meeting her and to watch out for misdirection and narcissism! Haha
Anyways, it’s been several months now and they are still hiring for that one position. Lmfao. Unreal!!
So moral of the story, start looking elsewhere if you can! Also, document everything and just please take care of yourself. Your mental wellness is far more important then a pay cheque. I know, easier said then done. You do deserve better though.... you deserve to walk away from narcissism with a smile!!!!
Sending love!!
this is happening to me too right now
@@steve_7102 my sincere condolences
@@missybuchanan9631 I'm in that exact situation now. Trying to leave a workplace that is bullying me and the interviewers want to know why I want to leave current employment. One interviewer wanted me to rate my current boss. Then they ask me to explain a scenario at work that fit certain criteria and I want to say "Well in a NORMAL workplace, I would do such-and-such but in MY workplace I have to do this alternative because it is a dysfunctional place.
I lost my last job because of a narc. The entire environment was very toxic. Glad to be out of it...HR didn’t even care about this situation. Wild. I had documentation from my therapist..emails.. and I was still fired
Why would you expect otherwise?
@@josephineananda actually Sarah should expect a lot better and never give up on that :)
HR didnt care because their job is to protect the company, not you.
Thank you for this validation! This is exactly my work environment. It’s like going to prison everyday. My narc coworker ended up being my boss. 🤦🏻♀️
“They are always going to try and do their dark arts when they know they’ll not be spotted” Gosh! A revelation! TOO TRUE. Never ever be alone with them at work, nor in the elevator or the rest room.
True
Yep. Made that mistake.
the idea of a workplace led by a narcissist being isolated and isolating rings very true for me, I had a job that was very toxic and even though I was 26 at the time, I was among the oldest employees, a lot of the others were college students, late teen, early twenties and one thing I noticed very quickly is that a lot them thought this was just "normal" and how work-life is and they took example from the boss, for instance, if you made a mistake he would, if sufficiently upset, email the whole company about your mistake just to humiliate you and I noticed that some of the young employees would do similar things without being instructed, I guess they thought that's how we do things in the "adult world" - sad and scary stuff :(
This is why my main manager isnt a narcissist. A vo worker made a mistake and she reminded everyone what not to do in a group text message she did not call the co worker out even though I know who it is. Calling someone out in a text or group email is not good
My former supervisor did what your boss did but in a narcissistic way. She first of all made the employees mistake about her. So she took mistakes personally. She would then be demeaning. What I hated was that she wouldn't investigate the problem. Instead she would come to her own conclusions based on assumption, add her own lies. That woman was just a horrible leader. I'm just thankful that I wasn't the only one who could see that she was unstable.
I entered one of my first serious romantic relationships like this😂
I thought ALL women were like "that" and that I had to play the game a certain way to keep the relationship alive.
Wasn't until an year into the mess that I found out about the disorder and realised that she scored High one the pathological narcissism scale.
Left after about 2 years of hell with the narc .
Speaking from experience, the only way to deal with this is to educate yourself as maximally as possible while you are in this situation, and work to leave and go somewhere else as quickly as you possibly can. Even if you think it's a risk or you're worried your next place won't be better, trust me, running away from the Narc is the best thing you can do. Things will get so, so much better pretty much immediately.
Where I work is toxic and they overpay us. It's very hard to leave because the biggest fear is that you leave for less money but the same situation.
Dr. Ramani more of these types of videos please - the workplace is fully half of peoples’ lives. What would be REALLY useful is one re: how to identify a narcissistic boss/culture at the INTERVIEW stage.
agreed. yes naracissim in relationships is important, but not enough tall about it at the workplace and how to work through it
You need to listen to your gut feelings. ALWAYS thinks what you felt to be true, 99% of the time, you're right. They're cold, fake as hell, some uses his voice, his appearence, etc and had a very weak ego.
I agree. We need more validation of our work experiences. The thing is that after a couple of weeks I was asking myself. “is this boss love bombing me?“ I made a mental note of that and don’t you know within just a few days he did 180 and was a totally different person from that day forward. And I went through being overpaid being set up to make mistakes and then being called out in front of the other employee for it, it’s too many things list and I shouldn’t hear anyway. He did end up firing me before my 90 days was up and I have spent considerable money on lodging to go for training for extended periods of time. And now I need to get the money back because this really messed me up financially. I had another job right before that I left that wasn’t paying and he was paying me way more than I’ve ever been paid so this worked on my mind for sure. I’d rather have the other job back right now and looking for a better pay than have gotten myself tangled with this jerk.
This was my organization/work environment before I retired. Once I got out, I realized just how toxic it had been. Frankly, I was beat up and didn't understand the gravity of the situation. It took me a year afterwards to figure out what happened. Six years going into my seventh year of retirement. It has been great to be away from the chaos.
Lexi2mee I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years husband cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does Yahoo wiping and upgrading of credit card and hacking of account or any other type of hacking. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252 and you can also text/call him +1 (601) 287-5528. I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth.
My workplace is exactly like what Dr Ramani said. My boss,work environments and everything. The act of eavesdropping, backstabbing and yes its true full of toxic co-workers. It is truely the worst and abusive.
Get away, and try something else, that's what i am doing.
I will resign and next months will be my last month
@@anisuafura That's brave, wish you well.
Thank you😃
OMG yes! I was the scapegoat at home, then in my career. 🤦🏻♀️
Oh no! That must've been tough..
Life is a Journey That also happened to me. It’s good to be retired.
Me too!
Same!
Same here. 🤬
I had a narcissistic boss for about a year. There was an initial honeymoon period of about 3 months where she was love bombing me - gifts, high praise, etc. Once the honeymoon ended, she started going to the office admin every day to report on my "mistakes," the vast majority of which were her twisting things around to look like mistakes. I went to HR about it and they were sympathetic (they'd heard it so many times from so many people), but they couldn't do anything about it because this person was in a high position. The only thing I could do was leave. I loved everything about that job but the boss's behavior far outweighed all the rest. I went to work for someone who reported to her, who eventually had to leave because of her.
Just escaped! The worst management experience of my 40-year career. Hard working people get trashed, and brown-nosers get rewarded for minimal efforts. Lots of "flying monkeys" to try and dodge. At first very cordial, but it didn't take long for the hostile takeover to commence. It is like living within a dictatorship. PTSD is a good word for an emotionally draining experience!
i survived seven years of this exact working environment and the last year my body was in shambles. my lymph glands were swollen and i drank heavy to self medicate. i thought i had a terminal illness and after a battery of tests with my doctor, it was determined to be stress related. there is no amount of money in the world worth being in this sort of work environment, the time i had off i spent recovering from work just so i could cope(therapy, accupuncture, meditation, reiki). its been about two years since i left and i am still unable to work bc all of those feeling are activated when i even think of going back to work.
It's hard to get over and eats away at you. It's time to not give a crap. It's the only way to move on. Get mad don't be a victim. Take your Power back.
In sorry you went through all that. I hope you’re in a better place now. Blessings.
I understand ....be positive you will attract positive ..for sure will get a workplace which is much better than earlier..pray for tht✨✨✨✨✨✨
I got CFS after working with a toxic boss, and could not work for 7 years because of terrible exhaustion. It caused me such terrible health problems I cant even describe. At that time I did not know about narcicissm...
OMG. I just realized I am in a situation with a narcissistic boss who is surrounded by narcissistic minions.
I am loving these videos. I’m about to leave my job (on August 24) due to a narcissistic boss, who has finally been let go, and a coworker. I worked with said coworker when I first started here; she’s actually the reason I left that department. Then my boss hired her for a position in the “new” department I’m currently in. I told him before he brought her in that I would quit. So, here I am, 3 years later, finally leaving. You can only handle it for so long.
Definitely. The narcissist kills your creativity. You have to focus on all of the drama instead of your love of the work. So so sad.
Yes! They kill your confidence and creativity. Too afraid to try something new because they yell You are wrong!
I developed a heart condition after having a narcissist boss for two years. I’m a single mother so I couldn’t leave my job. It was hell.
I'm with you! 5 years in with this narc boss who constantly undermines me and steals my ideas and my work. Sleeps around the office too, to gain loyalty, I'm guessing. No boss is worth our health.
I feel you. Bots are dangerous
I just got out of a 5 year narcissist employment situation. Life is great now!!! Wish I would have figured it out earlier but I'm smarter and stronger now for it.
Kyle, you're enough too. And anyone reading this - you guys are enough as well! Don't let anyone let you believe otherwise!! ❤️
So are you!!
I just quit a very unhealthy workplace and it has made me physically sick.
Yes that’s definitely accurate.
Me too, just yesterday. He told me that I abandoned my job because I got a covid test after my co worker tested positive. My room mate had emergency surgery and was vulnerable so I needed to take it for her. He said he would pressure the covid positive guy to come to work anyway bc he didnt believe in it.
@@kr3642 That's sick.
People often don't talk about the physical sickness. It's the mind body connection.
I love this doctor and her expertise. I watch every video she’s on and her own channel too. The one “dislike” on this video is probably my previous narcissistic boss 😹 bc I shared this on linked in!
Frankly Living I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years husband cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does Yahoo wiping and upgrading of credit card and hacking of account or any other type of hacking. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252 and you can also text/call him +1 (601) 287-5528. I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth.
Lol, did you share it with him?
Good tip Frankly Living! Will do just that. I was playing this loudly and my toxic coworker became moody and quiet. Never takes blame for abuse, even when there is evidence. Destroy them with the truth!
Odd thing is that the narcissistic boss usually turns on the ones who are kissing his/her butt eventually. From my experience, you either keep quiet and suffer in silence or you fight back hard and damn the consequences.. The majority of narcissistic bosses are immature little kids who never grew up. Somewhere in their childhood, they learned that yelling/screaming/having power etc. makes them feel good about themselves. However, when you stand up to them, they back off because you discovered their "little' secret. I recall one time many years ago, when a coworker of mine stood up to our narcissistic boss. One day, after being the brunt of another unjustified reprimand, he looked at this boss and said, "I feel sorry for you. For you to be acting like this....you must really hate yourself. What happened...did your mommy and daddy not love you when you were growing up. You're 52 years old and this is all you've learned in life." This boss's face turned red like a tomato and he became a mouse from that point on. He eventually left because he knew his little secret was out and his power was gone.
Everyone around them is a supply.
True .
Your story just made my day lol. I’m going to be using this on my boss. I’m 6 weeks from starting my own business and my goal is to break him lol
Yeah I was one of the ‘minions’. At the end of the day, my narc boss destroyed my admiration and friendship with an unsolicited sexual proposition. Ultimately I wake up to his true nature and had to leave the company. Only my quiet friend still remains.
@jotacalvo how did it go?
This is spot on! Thank you!! This is exactly what happened to me. The last boss made me sick. A coworker on the earlier job was very toxic. I didn't know then. After going sick and after help for years and now listening to you I get it!! This wasn't my fault!!! Wow soo relieving!! 😊🙏
@@CodeDusq1 I quit working for him when I got sick.
@@CodeDusq1 I quit without any new job. I really hope you find one soon. Wish you luck!!
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. Only had my eyes open to who my boss is recently after ALOT of research and study. Trying to find a new job.
I’m the office scapegoat and I’m so sick of it!
The problem is when your boss is also the owner of the company and there is no HR in the company because you're a small company.
Exactly the situation I am in. She hires someone new and makes them the Golden Child. Then the devaluation where she screams, hurls false accusations, tell other staff not to talk to the victim, shuns, withholds communication and strips person of meaningful responsibility. Then when you complain she says it's HER company and she'll run it the way she wants. I've seen WAY too many employees reduced to tears at her demeaning outbursts, then they quit. Then she's happy....no wrongful dismissal suit. And the cycle continues..
@@l.5832 I'm working for a small family business, currently off sick on advice by my doctor due to bad back, related to the type of work I do,
But I'm beginning to feel that my back problems are related to stress from a narcissistic boss /owner, this has been ongoing for some time and she knows I'm having problems, yet when I told her I've got two weeks to rest, she asked if I was coming in for work! I said no
I'm going to find a way to not have to come back to work at all due to the pain I'm suffering, my boss blames me for not giving her time to find someone else to take over some if not all of my jobs, when she has had enough time, at least all summer!
The way she talks to me, the way she treats me are demeaning and everything else is always about what she's done for me, never giving me credit for the hard work I've done over the last nearly 4 years, I deserve better than this
@@techjunkie68smusicandtech56 I realized there was a major problem at my workplace when I realized everyone who worked there more than a year started to have migraines, and everyone but me was on antidepressants, or anti=anxiety medications.
Going through it
ME RIGHT NOW
I think my new boss is one of those narcissistic ones. Because i've been working in a company for 2 years and I have never had a problem, my salary was always raised, i was promoted. But when this new boss was assigned, chaos began, nobody knows what is going on. I stopped getting salary raises when it was appropriate, I always receive some criticism that I don't do my job, because, of course, i don't get the opportunity or necessary tools to do it and the last straw was when I was threatened with termination if I don't do what i'm told. So while i'm quietly doing what i'm told, i'm looking for another job. Because that is just not normal. My psychological and emotional state is severely damaged because of this, I started to doubt myself if I'm good enough to do my job.... I know i'm good enough, so there's nothing else left, but to succumb to this pressure and leave this environment.
And the funny thing is, that this person was awarded an employee award in our company retreat for treating people with respect... Are you kidding me? That person is really an artist in manipulation and deceit. And i'm done searching for a middle ground, I have to leave.
I swear this video is giving me flashbacks. I got out of a job with a narcissist boss. I stuck it out way longer than I should have and eventually quit without even having a new job lined up because I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't realize how genuinely traumatized by the whole thing I was until I got out. I'm starting a new job soon and already my anxiety is spiking even though I have no reason to think it'll be as bad as the last one.
This is me right now. Thank you for this, so much. It's given me the extra push to get out asap. My mental health is not worth the consistent abuse Im enduring. You guys are both enough!!
💯 experienced this and I will never work in a toxic workplace or for a toxic person again! My peace and health mean more. I feel for those in this situation, bless them.
I love this woman's videos. She talks everything on point and so qccurate. I resigned 2 weeks ago from a 3 months job because i spotted a very toxic work environment then I realized that this was because of my boss. She does favoritism between employees and talks bad about others that she doesn't like much including me. Not to mention how she belittles my ideas, ignores them and throw my work files in the trash. Plus so many red flags I spotted on her from micromanagement to speaking rude to me infront of my colleages to giving me too little time to assign huge tasks. She also refused using email for work and instructions and she also refused to give me the administration or general manager email. When I quit, that's because the disrespect reached the peak where i could no more understand why I was treated like this. Until an ex school mate of mine told me that she heard about her and she heard that employees are resigning because of her and she was claimed to the administration few times and the general manager doesn't seem to care. Then i realized that it's a trashy workplace.
I recognize the patterns now in my boss after I've been through many years of narcissistic abuse at work. My boss is a person with very high narc traits. It's amazing what you ignore when you're new on a job and trying to impress vs when you're over a decade in and start to see how dysfunctional the behaviors are at work. My boss loved bombed me and tried to act so nice and helpful all the while for years he was abusing my kindness and need to do well at work. I was too naïve to see that I should not have been doing all those extra job duties that were not mine (they were his) and it wasn't a way to show my loyalty to the company, it was him pushing the duties he didn't want to do onto me and then later telling me they were my job (they weren't). When I started standing up for myself his mask came off and it showed his true nature of manipulating everyone, especially the owner of the company, and gaslighting me constantly (telling me to do things and then saying he didn't want it that way and withholding info I needed to do my job properly) and the lying and exaggerating so much. I've never been overpaid though ever, that is not a trait of my employer...I'm severely underpaid. I'm so exhausted every day and I feel trapped in this cesspit that is a narcissistic haven.
You also need documentation not only for lawsuits but for your own mental health. The narc will gaslight you and try to get you to doubt what they've done and what you've experienced them doing to you. With detailed documentation right away, it helps you mentally by reading back when the narc tries to get you to doubt reality and you'll see your notes and say.... see I wrote it down word for word. It did happen. I'm not crazy or exaggerating.
Appreciate that Man...
The healthcare arena is wrought with them
A lot people get into healthcare thinking it’s going to be filled with caring supportive people. But truthfully, healthcare is a business and most only care about the dollar’s. I learned that lesson the hard way. 😏
healthcare is terrible
Yep!
Oh, God! Veterinary medicine. The patients can't report you, can't substantiate incidents.
Amen!! I'm there right now. The pandemic seems to have made them worse.
Doctor Ramani is the best we have out here. She’s so good that she can teach the world (of all ages!) so much about this topic. This will prepare our children for LIFE! It weaves into so many communities and it’s becoming way more visible with the proliferation of social media. So thank you for bringing this to the forefront. This is exactly the content we need in 2020 and beyond.
Prisca Moyesa I believe smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years husband cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching it. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does Yahoo wiping and upgrading of credit card and hacking of account or any other type of hacking. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via Whats-app +1 (724) 330-3252 and you can also text/call him +1 (601) 287-5528. I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth.
This is so 200% accurate. I put this on HR departments for falling for these people. Wake up.
As a psychologist, I love Ramani's work and explanations. I was in a volunteer for an organisation where the leadership demonstrated classically almost 100% of what Ramani describes. I was chased to be 'recruited'. I ended up being a volunteer for 6 years. Cult-principles were clear and present, although I became the only one to identify these in the last 18 mths of volunteering. My peers didn't believe me...many of them were the 'flying monkeys'. Interestingly, we were never paid for our work even though the company's focus was focused on making money and helping people become financially free. I believe I was probably the first one to ever leave without being 'encouraged to pursue my own journey'. I know I was highly valuable to this leader. It was difficult to spot, until I reached a point of refusing to accommodate certain behaviours by the leader, and far stronger at calling out poor behaviour and treatment of the leader toward myself and my peers. I left. I cut the leader off very suddenly. I blocked all communication with and from them and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My regret is that I wish I had done it sooner.
You left at the exact time you were supposed to... and it was done exactly the way it was supposed to be done. Remember, you can't apply today's knowledge to yesterday's decisions. You are smarter, wiser and experienced, the perfect self knowledge you need for your next job. All the best! 👍🏻
She's more than enough. I cannot explain how grateful I am for her.
I work for this lady, I’ve never seen gaslighting to the level of my now current boss. She had everyone conned and certainly had steered this ship into an iceberg.
I work for her too!
My spouse had a narcissistic manager come into the picture several months ago...she was so awful the staff and assistant managers were able to band together and get her fired! Within a week of her leaving things improved a ton and staff that had left or gone to part time were back working again. She tripped up and lost her temper a couple of times which greatly helped to expedite the process of getting her fired quickly.
Sounds like a good take-away from this is "stressing over bills isn't half as draining as stressing over your workplace"
This is so relatable. If you don’t document, you’ll be trapped in the whole situation. Also, if possible do voice recordings too..
This is so validating. I had a narcissistic college art professer that would use my ideas in her work. The situations she is describing are what I experienced.
No, Dr. Ramani isn't only "enough", she is a miracle worker and my beacon of light. Again, more eye-opening content just when I need it. THANK YOU. I've been especially mindful when dealing with the Minions/Flying Monkeys and most of the time I just have to swallow the abuse because they're not worth reacting to.
"They'll always do their dark arts when they can't be spotted." So, so true. We didn't have a "screamer" at work; she was afraid of confrontation and plotted behind the scenes to destroy people who didn't agree (on any issue) with her, and destroy their careers. She loved chaos and did anything she could to keep others off balance. I will always remember that horror and always be grateful I now know how to recognize these freaks and how to remove myself form their company. It was the most sick environment, and made me and some coworkers literally ill because of her toxic-making behavior.
Omg my boyfriends boss has exactly this and its killing him. He has all the documents and proof. It's going to court soon. A book of this narcissistic bosses lies. My bf is traumatised because of this man and even got diagnosed with PTSD. My bf is such an empath and very sweet. This boss used my bf for years. The screaming and swearing than acting all nice when HR is in the room. And all these toxic coworkers... Omg this is so right. Every single word I can relate to when it comes to my bfs situation. It's so hard. MY ADVICE: GET OUT ASAP. He's met more than 1 sadly. This is the 2nd narcissistic boss and my bf is bringing his lies to court. Doesnt matter if he might not win. Its important for his mental health. YOU NEED PROOF OF EVERYTHING.
NJ GeeZ-TheNetherlands it nearly killed me multiple times. Tell him to get outta there and find peace in a different job.
NJGeez that is so unfortunate that he has to go to that extreme. But it is what has to be done. I hope he gets out of that work environment and find a space where others will appreciate him.
Trying to expose a narcissist can be like trying to nail jelly to the wall. They are slippery and you will end up being a mess wrestling with pigs in a mud pit. Best advice is exit and regain your mental health and well being.
It’s almost impossible to believe these people actually exist if you haven’t been through it. In an instant a wonderful, enjoyable, productive workplace can become a house of horrors. Nights become sleepless, previously friendly, compatible co workers can become terrified to be seen associating with you. Narcissist bosses are professional snowers and liars. They delight in throwing around power. You genuinely don’t know who you can trust! Even after a sanity saving exit, even health and lifesaving exit, nights can become filled with nightmares. PTSD. Get out as soon as possible and do your best to forget the hell these mentally deranged power addicts created!
@@bethanystanley4400 in sorry to hear this Bethany. I can only imagine what it's like. My bf has a hard time trusting ppl nowadays because of this boss. He never suffered depression before but its changed something in him. He's depressed a lot. But.. He's very willing to find help for his PTSD. And has a very sweet and understanding psychologist. It's sad that these narcissists pray on empaths. For a while you start thinking that there is something wrong with yourself. The gaslighting is so extreme. And then when you finally figure out what's going on you stand alone and see how the whole company is manipulated by just 1 man. He has followers. Ppl who don't like him but do anything for him. I don't get that. These followers are a huge problem as well. Cause if everyone was well educated and aware of the destruction of narcissism this guy wouldn't stand a chance. But he infiltrated into every nook and cranny. My bf left this diseased company. And luckily.. When he left, so did others. I don't know if they saw his true colours. But they left. This boss still works there. But my bf can finally heal and try and manage his PTSD from now on. Don't underestimate the destruction. It's criminal. The sleekness of how these ppl operate.. Makes me sick to my stomach. 🤮
I'm sorry to hear it made you so miserable as well. I'm glad you got out. And hope you're doing well.
Notes, emails saved are important! BUT, remember that HR is not on your side!!!!!!!!!! Many of these cases are rarely winnable in court. Her advice is very good!!!
OMG! You just described my work life & workplace... I thought I was imagining how bad it really is until I heard you talk about it. Thank you for opening my eyes to the truth!
Learning psychology was the savior of my life since three years ago and forever . I can't be more grateful! 🙏 spotting narcissists anywhere has become a job by itself for me 😊
Me too💯
They tried destroying my career , smearing my name, it was an awful experience!
Omg! This is my supervisors. I’ve never experienced this before .
I'm currently going through this. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I'm a caregiver and just realizing my boss/client is a narcissist. These videos really help me cope. Thank you!!
I'm a retired Nurse and did alot of homecare.Alot of your patients will be very abusive because they get sucked up to by the homecare agencies. They are given WAY too much power over who is sent to care for them and they can be outright cruel.
Your comments are spot on. It sounds like you are describing my exact situation. The supervisor that was promoted. The signs were there before. Destroyed my career. I tried to hang on until I could get out. But they fired me after 20 years. The Doctor knows exactly what she is talk about.
Love this video! I work in a high end spa, my boss is a narcissist and I’m drained everyday after work! It’s truly crazy making! I get paid a lot, however I’m at the point where the constant tension and stress isn’t worth the money. And the flying monkeys, OH MY!!!! I’m looking for a new job, and I know what to look for since this current experience.
I stopped by to have my suspicions confirmed. The company leader is a full-on narcissist. I will take your advice and quietly look for my exit.
Documentation of every single incident can definitely be helpful, even if you just physically write down everything in a notebook and hide the notebook. Write down dates and times. I was bullied by a toxic boss. A coworker suggested writing every single incident down. I did. Then I went to HR and my labor union with every single documented incident. So, documentation is paramount and be sure to turn in your documentation to the HR department and your labor union if you have one. Also, make copies of your documentation just in case the HR department proves to be untrustworthy and "lose" your documentation. Chances are high that you aren't the toxic supervisor's only target 😢.
She explains so well ~~~
The best case is your narc radar is tuned enough to pick it up when interviewing and they happen to give you a preview of the environment otherwise it’s hard to really know until your first few months in a new job. The worst is when a good work place gets gutted because of a new narcissistic manager or director takes over.
Narcs always lie about the environment you are about to experience. They have a revolving door of employees (and you won't know THAT until later, either). They've played this game long enough to know how to hide the realities.
I spend a lot of time wondering if my boss is a narcissist. It's very draining.
I am sorry to hear that..My parent and aunt seem to be narcissistic....I can't stand the trauma..
Me too.
😢
TRUST YOUR GUT
Also don’t forget you can file a report with/the Dept of Labor w/your documentation. It worked for me.
Wow. This is exactly what I have been working with. I’m now out on medical leave due to the toxic work environment created by my boss. This video was so insightful and helpful. Thank you
Don’t let them make you feel unworthy or ill or wrong. They are unworthy, sick and wrong! Just because they have money or power doesn’t make them right. Stay strong!
Thank you 🙏🏾 ❤️
I love it when they say during orientation no one is to use their phones unless on break and to keep them in you pockets...then you see every supervisor and manager with their phones out using them 100% of the time...
This was so useful ... I am currently on my way out of an awful workplace. Almost everything you described in a boss can be ticked off in my workplace. I absolutely hate going to work even though I love the actual job and I thought it had so much potential when I joined.
Oh my goodness I feel you!!! This is exactly how I feel, but when I mention it to my mom she shuts me down and people think I’m just emotional
I totally agree my manager told me on my first day that he was still deciding to keep me what a great future right
I started to feel like I was the issue. Looking back, this hits the nail head on.
I had a manager who was a narc. I rejected his advances and he tried to make my life miserable. HR took his side claiming they don't condone relationships within the company: after I clearly said I was harassed.
Another boss would pay us over a month late...then blamed staff for lower numbers.
I took this one to court and won. I now have a colleague who's a narc, creating gossip and a climate of bitterness, watching everything I do to report to the boss, mostly lies. They have nothing on me. I'm not walking into this BS. I have 2 other offers coming. Just a matter of time.
Thank you for the information. Taking a mental health day today and meditating.
I’ve watched and commented on many of Doctor Ramani’s videos. I must say that in addition to being a brilliant psychologist, she is a very beautiful woman
My only choice was to leave. It was a small local business. No one was on my side. Every conversation was one on one, I could never explain to people how she gaslighted me into tears everyday. Then love bombed the next day. I was overpaid for the job at first then was given more and more responsibility and the conditions quickly made me underpaid in reality. Another variable which added to the trouble was that a family member of mine was invested in the small business and a CLOSE friend to the owner. Boundaries were blurred into oblivion. The only choice was to leave. Now my family member and I don't talk... I also left because I realized the boss would run the business into the ground. And less than 2 months after leaving, my family member left the business. Now everyone knows I was right about her from the start.
Yes, sometime it takes time, but eventually people find out. In my situation it was 3 yrs,and many people were bullied by the narc, others in other departments even sued the org, and yet they continued to let the narc be a "trusted person" to whom complaints of harrassment could be made. The narc the bullied the complainers, also sought high paying positions for the narc's unqualified children, triangulated, gaslighted, etc etc etc - typical abuse of power. Also, a stream of unending lies came out of her mouth. Could never tell what was believable. Didn't tell me about information that was critical for me doing my job,and constantly tried to manipulate situations to blame others. Never took reponsibility for anything that was wrong. Always took credit for my good work.. I think she was on the far end of the spectrum. A vindictive, corrupt, retaliatory, unscrupulous, compulsive liar and opportunist who was also competent in her (non-management) work to have her bosses like and believe her. That changed eventually.
Dr. Ramani: Your videos about narcissistic fathers helped me transform my life. Now I'm in a new job where I've discovered, with a heavy heart, that my manager is displaying very significant narcissistic traits. And I am oh so triggered. Everything in this video applies to my new boss and team. I woke up this morning ruminating about how to communicate with them, and then realized how much I've been ruminating... and had a moment of "oh shit." The good news is I immediately found this video. Just hearing the phrase "narcissistic workplaces are deeply invalidating," is quite validating! Thank you so much for providing all of this invaluable, empowering information, insight and tools -- a real touchstone of sanity. OK, now on with the work of dealing with the new narcissist, on top of the actual work of the job. Peace and health to all.
Omg this was my situation exactly. Boss and coworker. They got together and derailed my career. I was in such a toxic setting, I found myself lost in defending myself. I so wish I would have seen this a year ago. I could have stepped back and found a healthy way to defend myself through HR. But, I heard HR was terrible also.
My previous company was one heck of a toxic environment and unfortunately it took a toll in my mental health. I loved the job but I had to decide and put myself first so I ended up leaving instead.
Overt narc bosses are rare, covert bosses are everywhere and the norm nowadays.
Wow! My experiences with narcissists are clearly straight out of the textbooks. 1:55, the narcissistic boss who pays VERY well. Yep. Been there but, at the end of the day, the money wasn't worth it and I quit for peace of mind.
I left a job as did my highly sensitive and introverted colleagues. I have no regrets. Actually, I left 3 jobs until I got the lesson! In a better place now and I am the boss, so I get to choose who I work with!
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for your work & for sharing it! I was just fired from an apartment community for “failing to perform assigned tasks to the satisfaction of the employer”. Quoted from my determination letter finding me ineligible for unemployment benefits. Yes I’ve definitely requested an appeal. The manager who was supposed to train me failed at that & even hid tasks from me or told me that because she’s manager that she does this or that task & not me which I found out a couple months later was false. The executive manager who fired me had a cunning smile the entire 15-20 minutes of telling me why I’m being fired. A month & a half prior, I was given a verbal warning by being told I need to get the wheels turning & I had been useless to the company… IF YOU HAVEN’T YET, QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD!
love, love, love thank you. So healing to hear this after having taken four years during which I wasn't working to gather my bearings and reclaim myself. I'm working again for 2 months now. I am delighted at how fresh I feel and how nice to be in a good fit environment with good people.