Sorry if this is weird to say, but your lines of reasoning are like a breath of fresh air. You not only clearly have thought about what you're saying (not just regurgitating), but you also are extremely good at expressing your ideas. And your attitude is very realistic, without being pessimistic. I honestly look up to you, dude, being a trans guy who may end up going to grad school myself. Thanks for posting, love your videos Arthur!👍
I’m a trans woman and I really appreciate this. Idk why but trans dudes have always seemed to have the most helpful advice over the course of my transition
My friend passed me ur Grindr video YESTERDAY and we ended up talking about dating as trans ppl and now you drop this- Arthur, you need to turn the telepathic field off, we cannot be attacked like this!!!
That first part about the difference between being afraid someone might not be attracted to you and being afraid they might be attracted to you hit me hard. It's something I always felt but I was never really able to put it into words, so thank you so much!
My GF and I started dating really early in both of our transitions (probably too early,) but we ended up growing together so well and it's been an amazing relationship!
As a very binary, now mostly “stealth” man by way of a transition, I really appreciate and agree with this video! I was married when I transitioned, but have been pleasantly surprised by how _not_ a big deal my body/medical history has been when it comes to dating. I’m bi, and have been with both men and women, and pretty much everyone has been wonderful and accommodating. I fully understand and accept some people may have genital preferences, but there’s so many people whose preferences & parts sync up with my mine just fine.
Also, I’ve been surprised how many people who have never considered themselves particularly attracted to trans people, yet find that they’re open to it when it’s right in front of them. For example, I’ve had a couple fully gay cis male partners. I met them on Grindr, where my ftm “status” is front and center (I don’t have it listed on my Tinder bio, on the other hand). And because they prefer topping, because I don’t want to receive oral, and because my secondary sex characteristics appear male, they’ve expressed that the experience of being with me really wasn’t any different than topping a cis male.
Yeah there are SO many people in the world and most people are kind and understanding. I love hearing that other trans people have had similarly positive dating experiences ❤️
@@DannyD-lr5ygthis was exactly my experience as a gay cis guy first going out with a trans guy. I never thought about being with a trans guy before meeting my ex, and I admit that when immediately faced with the experience of being with him, the genital thing did give me pause (not turn me off per se, I just thought “how is this gonna work”), but I was open to trying things out with him, especially since I was attracted to him before he told me he was trans. Even any initial trepidation I had about genitals ended up being moot as he had metoidioplasty while we were together.
Yess to the bisexual / pan and trans men part. I'm transmasc, mostly into men and masculine people. I'm still in that early stage of my physical transition so dating cis gay men seems quite...challenging. Plus, I'm not really sure I'll ever want to fit / fit into that culture. But most importantly , I have a talent for finding the he/they bi/pan amab men who are somewhere between cis and nonbinary and trans and i love how we can share some experiences but some things are (obviously) totally different. Wouldn't want to miss out on those special T4T or nonbinary4nonbinary connections :)
I was cosmically lucky in being hormonally intersex. At 1 year into estrogen - I look like I've been on it for 3 years or so. You are so right about personal growth though. I have chosen how I interact with the world in a new way. I have turned from a completely socially withdrawn and screenbound nobody to a hyper extraverted girl who attends all the parties, is a social butterfly there and hugs everyone who wants hugs ~~(and is kind of slutty)~~ And this kind of person, the new me, is someone who attracted the adorable wallflower girl that wants to get out more as her true self (she is a fellow intersex trans girl). I bring her along for my journey, and at the end of the day when we come back home - we both want the same thing: cuddles and queer shows.
Absolute FUCK YES on the culture and community aspect! I am a "thigh highs, pleated skirts and converse" type of trans girl; and while I primarily like other trans girls for relationships, I would be perfectly down to be with a cis girl or with an enby person - as long as it feels like they get me, like they understand my desires and the range of aesthetics that I like and we can share that stuff, I can feel like I get them too. My girlfriend is just... so perfect! We share our values so much! And we get to share some of the clothes because of similar aesthetics... the conversations we have are around what we wanna have for dinner or what we do with our family budget or which friends would we invite over and which parties we go to. We do not need to have all that many conversations about what we consider valuable because we just share that! We share that estrogen, we share that desire to pass at all times without fail, we share the desire to be clean shaven everywhere below eyebrows and go to face laser together, we make those inside jokes like "how long until that femboy gets on estrogen?", when one meows - the other meows right back! It's the closest thing people have to having a telepathic connection. I would be very uncomfortable being long term with that different transfem crowd, the one with like "pumps and fishnets" or whatever; as well as around a few of cis lesbian cultural denominations. And obviously not with guys, cuz I am not into guys long term. And it's all okay! I do not hate those other gay subcultures, I simply like that one! I would not want to watch drag race with you, but it simply has to do with me feeling icky about drag aesthetics and culture, doesn't mean we can't be friendly and respectful of each other if we ever meet at like an all-encompassing queer or trans event, you know?
This couldnt have come at a better time. Im currently still processing my breakup of a 10 year relationship and this helped me come to terms a few reasons why it didnt work out. Thank you so much
Aww happy to hear it ❤️ I have a video from a couple years ago about breakups and transition called "Getting Dumped because I'm Transgender was... amazing?" that might also resonate with you
I matched with a transgender man (FTM) on Facebook dating and it really was the best date and conversation I’ve had in years with anytime. I’m trying to understand his mindset and fears. Sexually I don’t know how things will work out but the human experience isn’t linear and I keep telling myself that if my destiny is to be with this dude then so be it, if he loves me and treats me good then I’ll make it work.
I'm a straight trans guy. A lot of this video resonates with me, regardless of the gay/male-attraction aspect, but do you have any thoughts/advice on how to navigate straight spaces as a trans person? Almost all IRL trans people I know are MLM/WLW/otherwise NB for some reason, not a lot of hetero trans guys/girls.
I’m early stage trans fem and feel like it would be unlikely for a person that doesn’t already know me to find me attractive now ( I probably get clocked as a gay man) and still find me attractive after full transition. Transitioning is also so big on its own trying to date through it would be too much for me personally.
I'm an ace sapphic demigirl on the agender spectrum and my partner is an aroace spec nb trans guy, we met at a christian women's university lmfao😂 I used to identify as lesbian, but was(and still am) willing to throw away any label for him when he asked me out. Now time just flies by and I love them sm!❤
I'm 4 minutes in and the amount of self reflection i'll have to do just dawned me. I'll continue the video soon but woah!! I love videos that make me think and the way you give advice has been very helpful!! Thank youuuu
i definitely didn't want to start dating before coming out publicly and starting my physical transition. i wasn't even interested in receiving any romantic or sexual attention, even though i desired it in my fantasy, i did not want it to be a reality. it's all thanks to transitioning that i became open to those things, and once that happened i started worrying about the difficulty i might have finding a partner because of my trans identity. well, somehow i have a boyfriend now. we started out as fwb's while i was already far in my transition, then i started having feelings for him and a few months later, at the point i was convinced it would never happen, they got reciprocated. i's going so well now. i felt so undesirable, there was a moment in time i was so sure i wouldn't be able to experience love like this and it's so wonderful and crazy in the best way that i actually can.
Out of all the trans masc content creators I watch, your experiences feel the closest to mine. For a while, only hearing the stories of trans guys who came out in their teens and/or always presented masc caused me a lot of anxiety and self doubt - especially as a (mostly) gay trans man. Your candidness about those particular parts of your transition and seeing that you are thriving (not in spite of your self-discovery journey but *because* of it) is so affirming! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us Disaster Gays™️, it really means a lot. 🙏
thanks for this! you’re always so cerebral and articulate about these topics, it’s like you’re peering into my brain to soothe my exact worries about transition (in general, but especially wrt dating)
I'm only at the beginning of the video, but I can already tell you that this is exactly what I needed. I will update the comment while watching! Right now I'm almost two years on T, but beyond the transition I'm changing so many things in my life and growing more every day. What you say at the beginning perfectly embodies what I think: there is a right person for ourselves for each period of life, which can be variable and last a few months or years. Right now the only person I need is myself, because self-discovery comes before anything else, and it is useful for being the best version of yourself to offer to others. Before loving someone you need to come to terms with your deepest self and that's what I'm trying to do.
Sometimes change is scary and overwhelming, but it really helps to see and hear from someone who has done it and explains how the work can be done. Thank you.
Re: "people will match the energy you come out to them with" is really good advice, but there will sometimes be people who still go around telling others that you're trans even if you told them in a very serious setting :// Someone did that to me once and they didn't mean any harm by doing so but I felt extremely uncomfortable once I found out. And I had told them in a serious & non-joking manner/setting..
Hi. I know this video was posted two months ago and, maybe its a bit late to write this comment, but still; I'm binge-watching videos about trans men, dating, transitioning, what to do, what not to do and youre definitely the one who's helping me the most. Especially about the "feeling comfortable with somoene being attracted to your body"... im probably not a trans man, but being afab, i've always been scared about the thought of transitioning into a more masc-leaning and androginuous appearance because I know most men are hetero and I know I look pretty as a girl. But, as much as I like myself because im aware of how people perceive me, i do not feel comfortable like this. Also, this made me reflect on the fact that i dont need to put label myself as a trans man to be "valid". I need to do things naturally, instead of trying to find out what im "supposed" to do. Thank you for your videos Arthur. Im still too young to get a top surgery or change my appearance drastically, and my family wouldnt approve. But now i feel more at peace, despite everything.
I’m a questioning trans man and I hate how i look, I’m really struggling to make any friends as I really don’t know who I am or how I want to act or look. Would love some advice, thanks
The distinction you made in the first point is exactly what I needed to hear! I've been feeling bad about not putting myself out there, but looking at it with a focus on what I'm comfortable with really relieves that pressure I was putting on myself.
3:05 THIS THIS here oh my gosh. You put it into words finally, the puzzle pieces have clicked. I wanna get top surgery so badly before being active in that regard, and I think this explains why Im hesitant to have anyone like me as I am right now. (I am not on any hormones due to finances so RIP) I often wonder what the people in my life would think of me if I passed more heavily. My body is masvuline but my chest is still not 100% avoidable. Its gotten smaller after stopping borth control, but its still not gone. This made me bang on my desk and say "dammit, hes right 😂" but I appreciate this because now I know what to do to get myself in a position to be more opem to relationships?!
18:56 I just returned to this video to find the name of Lex, which was one of the first apps you mentioned. I didn’t catch it in time to find the right timestamp, but I just downloaded it and I’m thinking of making a short bio saying I’m just gonna lurk for a bit to see what the vibes are like there before committing to any events and meetups I see. Tysm for the advice, as always
Very interesting video, thank you ! Also, about that last question : as a transmasc person, I feel like I would totally have had top surgery, without a single hesitation, if I had been informed and all when I was younger. Like from the very beginning of my puberty to around 23. And today I do appreciate my chest, I'd say that to improve my confidence/posture and to stop wearing bras helped me personnally. The chest tends to get firmer after some time, even for bigger chests like one of my friend's. And let's not forget that cis men have all kind of different big chests themselves !
hey thanks for getting to my question! im the guy w lesbian friends, i think its funny you mention drag race because thats totally something im into and i've gone out to watch w my friends 😅 i def need to make more of an effort to talk to new people lol.. i super appreciate everything you said! (btw are you enjoying the new season? 😂 im living for it myself tbh)
Such a good video! And also relevant for some of us who are going through Times that may not be about being trans any more. I know what Im about as a person mostly but Im just atepping into a new career, and I dont feel ready to connect with someone personally when Im overwhelmed professionally. Accepting attention is hard! Just another beuatiful reminder that transition gives us a trial run of so many of lifes situatuons that we will encounter again later.
I would love a longer video about what you said at 4:30, if you've got more to say about this. I don't think I fully understood it, but it sounds very interesting.
Re:dating during transition - I think age, life stage, and where you’re at in social transition are important factors here. Someone transitioning in their teen or early twenties is still in a major forming stage in terms of figuring out who they are/want to be, their values, and their approach to relationships. The teen and early adulthood psychosocial task of articulating self and developing an ability to be “loyal” to values, lifestyle, etc. (aka, fidelity) are paramount. This is a self-focused time, a time of experimentation. Developmental stages can be complicated when it comes to trans people, and will differ by person, but many transitioning folks in their late twenties or older will find themselves in a completely different stage, with very different tasks and focuses (psychologically). They may be looking to settle down, working through challenges in accepting and giving long-term, intimate love, and beginning to hold important responsibilities in their communities. They may know who they are, on a deep level, and have been living into that for a while now - and their gender transition may be simply another step in that journey. For trans people who are not 22, that is to say, dating or being in a relationship during the time of transition can be incredibly powerful and make perfect sense, providing security (financial and relational), support, and stability in a time of immense physical and social change, as well as a safe stage for gender exploration. Dating during transition can be incredibly rewarding. You can learn a lot from the place of secure attachment in romantic relationship, or from the wobbly and wonderful process of dating someone new. We do not need to be fully formed to enter and learn from being in relationship. We get to know the men we are in new ways by seeing how we show up in all of our relationships.
Hey thanks for this!! I just started watching you and you have helped me so much. Even though I’m on the other side of the spectrum of trans. This gives me hope that I will find love.. something I never believed before. Anyways you’re awesome, you seem like such a cool person 🫶💚
I want a relationship very badly, but before my transition I can't find a guy who will treat me like a guy. it’s hard and sad :( you’ll have to wait for external changes to find someone
Can you talk about being Trans- Boy my family doesn’t support me 😕 especially if i wear clothes that’s even close to a Boy 🖤 i’m scared people will think i’m werid.💙🏳️⚧️
I just found your channel and this is the second video I've watched (first was the trans hope video). You definitely deserve many more subscribers for your excellent advice and I hope that happens for you soon
Im not really dating but i started hanging out with new people and this video came out at a really good time, do you have any advice on when to come out to new friends? I made this new friend irl and its the first person that doesnt know that im trans because usually all the friends i make are from the internet where im openly trans and we eventually become irl friends. I would love to come out to them but don't want to like scare them since I kind of assume they have never met a trans person. Thanks for everything Arthur!
it feels like a lot of trans guy advice doesn’t apply to me because most people have a significantly smaller period between coming out and starting t than me. i started t a week ago, after 6.5 years of being out socially to everyone in my life. it wasn’t my choice to wait this long, but it is what it is. so when you say “i was on t for a year and had been conceptualizing myself as trans for 2” as 80% done, i am way past in my mind, but way behind that with my body. i’ve already landed on “me,” i’ve been discovering it for over half a decade. but at the same time, who knows how testosterone will change my personality. it adds so much confusion. idk if any of this made sense lol
I've been out for three years and I might be able to start hrt next year, so I feel you. I'm not sure where I fit in the "wait until you've discovered yourself" timeline.
Hello Arthur! I really enjoy your videos and watched them at the beginning of my transition. I am a 19 year old trans dude in college and I recently had top surgery and came out as gay! To your point, since I have been single throughout my transition so far I have been able to discover so much about myself and have so much personal growth. I just started taking testosterone in May 2023 and I am 8 months on T so far. I plan to start my fitness and health journey soon by starting to work out my upper body and I feel like dating will be much easier as someone who is comfortable in his body. I am at a point now that I am starting to look at dating apps a little more often, but I am okay if I have to wait for a good relationship. For now, I am really enjoying meeting new people in college and am quite extroverted like you are. I know I absolutely want to date and do romantic things with someone, but I am still discovering myself and changing as a person. Thank you for this video because it makes me feel less alone and it is quite validating to hear these things! I am excited to connect authentically with other people whether it be my friends or romantic partner.
Sorry if this is weird to say, but your lines of reasoning are like a breath of fresh air. You not only clearly have thought about what you're saying (not just regurgitating), but you also are extremely good at expressing your ideas. And your attitude is very realistic, without being pessimistic. I honestly look up to you, dude, being a trans guy who may end up going to grad school myself. Thanks for posting, love your videos Arthur!👍
This is such a sweet comment and not at all weird!! I'm very flattered that you find me good at expressing my ideas - it's a goal of mine!
This. Very much this.
I’m a trans woman and I really appreciate this. Idk why but trans dudes have always seemed to have the most helpful advice over the course of my transition
I’m also transman
My friend passed me ur Grindr video YESTERDAY and we ended up talking about dating as trans ppl and now you drop this- Arthur, you need to turn the telepathic field off, we cannot be attacked like this!!!
Ahahah yes I know my audience well 😈
That first part about the difference between being afraid someone might not be attracted to you and being afraid they might be attracted to you hit me hard. It's something I always felt but I was never really able to put it into words, so thank you so much!
My GF and I started dating really early in both of our transitions (probably too early,) but we ended up growing together so well and it's been an amazing relationship!
Awww yes growing together can be so special too ❤️
As a very binary, now mostly “stealth” man by way of a transition, I really appreciate and agree with this video!
I was married when I transitioned, but have been pleasantly surprised by how _not_ a big deal my body/medical history has been when it comes to dating. I’m bi, and have been with both men and women, and pretty much everyone has been wonderful and accommodating.
I fully understand and accept some people may have genital preferences, but there’s so many people whose preferences & parts sync up with my mine just fine.
Also, I’ve been surprised how many people who have never considered themselves particularly attracted to trans people, yet find that they’re open to it when it’s right in front of them.
For example, I’ve had a couple fully gay cis male partners. I met them on Grindr, where my ftm “status” is front and center (I don’t have it listed on my Tinder bio, on the other hand). And because they prefer topping, because I don’t want to receive oral, and because my secondary sex characteristics appear male, they’ve expressed that the experience of being with me really wasn’t any different than topping a cis male.
Yeah there are SO many people in the world and most people are kind and understanding. I love hearing that other trans people have had similarly positive dating experiences ❤️
@@DannyD-lr5ygthis was exactly my experience as a gay cis guy first going out with a trans guy. I never thought about being with a trans guy before meeting my ex, and I admit that when immediately faced with the experience of being with him, the genital thing did give me pause (not turn me off per se, I just thought “how is this gonna work”), but I was open to trying things out with him, especially since I was attracted to him before he told me he was trans.
Even any initial trepidation I had about genitals ended up being moot as he had metoidioplasty while we were together.
Yess to the bisexual / pan and trans men part. I'm transmasc, mostly into men and masculine people. I'm still in that early stage of my physical transition so dating cis gay men seems quite...challenging. Plus, I'm not really sure I'll ever want to fit / fit into that culture.
But most importantly , I have a talent for finding the he/they bi/pan amab men who are somewhere between cis and nonbinary and trans and i love how we can share some experiences but some things are (obviously) totally different. Wouldn't want to miss out on those special T4T or nonbinary4nonbinary connections :)
I was cosmically lucky in being hormonally intersex. At 1 year into estrogen - I look like I've been on it for 3 years or so.
You are so right about personal growth though. I have chosen how I interact with the world in a new way. I have turned from a completely socially withdrawn and screenbound nobody to a hyper extraverted girl who attends all the parties, is a social butterfly there and hugs everyone who wants hugs ~~(and is kind of slutty)~~
And this kind of person, the new me, is someone who attracted the adorable wallflower girl that wants to get out more as her true self (she is a fellow intersex trans girl). I bring her along for my journey, and at the end of the day when we come back home - we both want the same thing: cuddles and queer shows.
How dare you clickbait us like this!? I'm not trans and found your advice really useful!
Same here, I'm cishet but I am very gender non-conforming (tomboyish) so a lot of these tips are useful to me too.
Absolute FUCK YES on the culture and community aspect!
I am a "thigh highs, pleated skirts and converse" type of trans girl; and while I primarily like other trans girls for relationships, I would be perfectly down to be with a cis girl or with an enby person - as long as it feels like they get me, like they understand my desires and the range of aesthetics that I like and we can share that stuff, I can feel like I get them too.
My girlfriend is just... so perfect! We share our values so much! And we get to share some of the clothes because of similar aesthetics... the conversations we have are around what we wanna have for dinner or what we do with our family budget or which friends would we invite over and which parties we go to. We do not need to have all that many conversations about what we consider valuable because we just share that! We share that estrogen, we share that desire to pass at all times without fail, we share the desire to be clean shaven everywhere below eyebrows and go to face laser together, we make those inside jokes like "how long until that femboy gets on estrogen?", when one meows - the other meows right back! It's the closest thing people have to having a telepathic connection.
I would be very uncomfortable being long term with that different transfem crowd, the one with like "pumps and fishnets" or whatever; as well as around a few of cis lesbian cultural denominations. And obviously not with guys, cuz I am not into guys long term.
And it's all okay! I do not hate those other gay subcultures, I simply like that one! I would not want to watch drag race with you, but it simply has to do with me feeling icky about drag aesthetics and culture, doesn't mean we can't be friendly and respectful of each other if we ever meet at like an all-encompassing queer or trans event, you know?
This couldnt have come at a better time. Im currently still processing my breakup of a 10 year relationship and this helped me come to terms a few reasons why it didnt work out. Thank you so much
Aww happy to hear it ❤️ I have a video from a couple years ago about breakups and transition called "Getting Dumped because I'm Transgender was... amazing?" that might also resonate with you
@@arthur_rockwell I have watched that, years ago! 😂 Might wanna rewatch considering it's new relevance 💙
I matched with a transgender man (FTM) on Facebook dating and it really was the best date and conversation I’ve had in years with anytime. I’m trying to understand his mindset and fears. Sexually I don’t know how things will work out but the human experience isn’t linear and I keep telling myself that if my destiny is to be with this dude then so be it, if he loves me and treats me good then I’ll make it work.
loving these videos, make me feel so much better about my future in dating as a trans guy
Yay!! 😁
Hi
I'm a straight trans guy. A lot of this video resonates with me, regardless of the gay/male-attraction aspect, but do you have any thoughts/advice on how to navigate straight spaces as a trans person? Almost all IRL trans people I know are MLM/WLW/otherwise NB for some reason, not a lot of hetero trans guys/girls.
I’m early stage trans fem and feel like it would be unlikely for a person that doesn’t already know me to find me attractive now ( I probably get clocked as a gay man) and still find me attractive after full transition. Transitioning is also so big on its own trying to date through it would be too much for me personally.
Never heard of Lex before, cis gay/bi man here wanting to date trans men, thanks for letting me know about the app 😊
Man, you're a lifeline in this world right now. Thank you for just being you and giving your view on things. You're my life guru LOL
I'm an ace sapphic demigirl on the agender spectrum and my partner is an aroace spec nb trans guy, we met at a christian women's university lmfao😂
I used to identify as lesbian, but was(and still am) willing to throw away any label for him when he asked me out. Now time just flies by and I love them sm!❤
I'm 4 minutes in and the amount of self reflection i'll have to do just dawned me. I'll continue the video soon but woah!! I love videos that make me think and the way you give advice has been very helpful!! Thank youuuu
It genuinely did not occur to me when I clicked on this video that I would have to answer any hard questions about myself 😅
i definitely didn't want to start dating before coming out publicly and starting my physical transition. i wasn't even interested in receiving any romantic or sexual attention, even though i desired it in my fantasy, i did not want it to be a reality. it's all thanks to transitioning that i became open to those things, and once that happened i started worrying about the difficulty i might have finding a partner because of my trans identity.
well, somehow i have a boyfriend now. we started out as fwb's while i was already far in my transition, then i started having feelings for him and a few months later, at the point i was convinced it would never happen, they got reciprocated.
i's going so well now. i felt so undesirable, there was a moment in time i was so sure i wouldn't be able to experience love like this and it's so wonderful and crazy in the best way that i actually can.
This feels like my dad telling me about the miracle of puberty haha. Thanks for the kind words, it really helps
Out of all the trans masc content creators I watch, your experiences feel the closest to mine. For a while, only hearing the stories of trans guys who came out in their teens and/or always presented masc caused me a lot of anxiety and self doubt - especially as a (mostly) gay trans man. Your candidness about those particular parts of your transition and seeing that you are thriving (not in spite of your self-discovery journey but *because* of it) is so affirming! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us Disaster Gays™️, it really means a lot. 🙏
WOOOO new arthur video🕺
🕺🕺🕺
thanks for this! you’re always so cerebral and articulate about these topics, it’s like you’re peering into my brain to soothe my exact worries about transition (in general, but especially wrt dating)
I'm only at the beginning of the video, but I can already tell you that this is exactly what I needed. I will update the comment while watching!
Right now I'm almost two years on T, but beyond the transition I'm changing so many things in my life and growing more every day.
What you say at the beginning perfectly embodies what I think: there is a right person for ourselves for each period of life, which can be variable and last a few months or years.
Right now the only person I need is myself, because self-discovery comes before anything else, and it is useful for being the best version of yourself to offer to others.
Before loving someone you need to come to terms with your deepest self and that's what I'm trying to do.
this is honestly solid, excellent dating advice for cis gay/straight/etc people too!!
He seems to be describing how to make friends, which everyone trys to do.
Sometimes change is scary and overwhelming, but it really helps to see and hear from someone who has done it and explains how the work can be done. Thank you.
Re: "people will match the energy you come out to them with" is really good advice, but there will sometimes be people who still go around telling others that you're trans even if you told them in a very serious setting :// Someone did that to me once and they didn't mean any harm by doing so but I felt extremely uncomfortable once I found out. And I had told them in a serious & non-joking manner/setting..
Hi. I know this video was posted two months ago and, maybe its a bit late to write this comment, but still; I'm binge-watching videos about trans men, dating, transitioning, what to do, what not to do and youre definitely the one who's helping me the most. Especially about the "feeling comfortable with somoene being attracted to your body"... im probably not a trans man, but being afab, i've always been scared about the thought of transitioning into a more masc-leaning and androginuous appearance because I know most men are hetero and I know I look pretty as a girl. But, as much as I like myself because im aware of how people perceive me, i do not feel comfortable like this. Also, this made me reflect on the fact that i dont need to put label myself as a trans man to be "valid". I need to do things naturally, instead of trying to find out what im "supposed" to do. Thank you for your videos Arthur. Im still too young to get a top surgery or change my appearance drastically, and my family wouldnt approve. But now i feel more at peace, despite everything.
I’m a questioning trans man and I hate how i look, I’m really struggling to make any friends as I really don’t know who I am or how I want to act or look. Would love some advice, thanks
The distinction you made in the first point is exactly what I needed to hear! I've been feeling bad about not putting myself out there, but looking at it with a focus on what I'm comfortable with really relieves that pressure I was putting on myself.
3:05 THIS THIS here oh my gosh.
You put it into words finally, the puzzle pieces have clicked.
I wanna get top surgery so badly before being active in that regard, and I think this explains why Im hesitant to have anyone like me as I am right now. (I am not on any hormones due to finances so RIP)
I often wonder what the people in my life would think of me if I passed more heavily.
My body is masvuline but my chest is still not 100% avoidable. Its gotten smaller after stopping borth control, but its still not gone.
This made me bang on my desk and say "dammit, hes right 😂" but I appreciate this because now I know what to do to get myself in a position to be more opem to relationships?!
18:56 I just returned to this video to find the name of Lex, which was one of the first apps you mentioned. I didn’t catch it in time to find the right timestamp, but I just downloaded it and I’m thinking of making a short bio saying I’m just gonna lurk for a bit to see what the vibes are like there before committing to any events and meetups I see. Tysm for the advice, as always
Timing couldn't have been better!
Very interesting video, thank you !
Also, about that last question : as a transmasc person, I feel like I would totally have had top surgery, without a single hesitation, if I had been informed and all when I was younger. Like from the very beginning of my puberty to around 23. And today I do appreciate my chest, I'd say that to improve my confidence/posture and to stop wearing bras helped me personnally. The chest tends to get firmer after some time, even for bigger chests like one of my friend's. And let's not forget that cis men have all kind of different big chests themselves !
hey thanks for getting to my question! im the guy w lesbian friends, i think its funny you mention drag race because thats totally something im into and i've gone out to watch w my friends 😅 i def need to make more of an effort to talk to new people lol.. i super appreciate everything you said!
(btw are you enjoying the new season? 😂 im living for it myself tbh)
Such a good video! And also relevant for some of us who are going through Times that may not be about being trans any more. I know what Im about as a person mostly but Im just atepping into a new career, and I dont feel ready to connect with someone personally when Im overwhelmed professionally. Accepting attention is hard! Just another beuatiful reminder that transition gives us a trial run of so many of lifes situatuons that we will encounter again later.
I would love a longer video about what you said at 4:30, if you've got more to say about this. I don't think I fully understood it, but it sounds very interesting.
I love it, thank you. ❤
Re:dating during transition - I think age, life stage, and where you’re at in social transition are important factors here. Someone transitioning in their teen or early twenties is still in a major forming stage in terms of figuring out who they are/want to be, their values, and their approach to relationships. The teen and early adulthood psychosocial task of articulating self and developing an ability to be “loyal” to values, lifestyle, etc. (aka, fidelity) are paramount. This is a self-focused time, a time of experimentation. Developmental stages can be complicated when it comes to trans people, and will differ by person, but many transitioning folks in their late twenties or older will find themselves in a completely different stage, with very different tasks and focuses (psychologically). They may be looking to settle down, working through challenges in accepting and giving long-term, intimate love, and beginning to hold important responsibilities in their communities. They may know who they are, on a deep level, and have been living into that for a while now - and their gender transition may be simply another step in that journey. For trans people who are not 22, that is to say, dating or being in a relationship during the time of transition can be incredibly powerful and make perfect sense, providing security (financial and relational), support, and stability in a time of immense physical and social change, as well as a safe stage for gender exploration. Dating during transition can be incredibly rewarding. You can learn a lot from the place of secure attachment in romantic relationship, or from the wobbly and wonderful process of dating someone new. We do not need to be fully formed to enter and learn from being in relationship. We get to know the men we are in new ways by seeing how we show up in all of our relationships.
Hey thanks for this!! I just started watching you and you have helped me so much. Even though I’m on the other side of the spectrum of trans. This gives me hope that I will find love.. something I never believed before. Anyways you’re awesome, you seem like such a cool person 🫶💚
I want a relationship very badly, but before my transition I can't find a guy who will treat me like a guy. it’s hard and sad :( you’ll have to wait for external changes to find someone
Can you talk about being Trans- Boy my family doesn’t support me 😕 especially if i wear clothes that’s even close to a Boy 🖤 i’m scared people will think i’m werid.💙🏳️⚧️
Wow! Love your video and positive outlook on dating and community 🙌🙌
I love your videos thank you so much for putting in all the time it takes to make these
I just found your channel and this is the second video I've watched (first was the trans hope video). You definitely deserve many more subscribers for your excellent advice and I hope that happens for you soon
Im also a transgender 21 year old 😊 😊
My transition started when I played roblox at 17 now I want to be a girl in real life
so positive this is great
Im not really dating but i started hanging out with new people and this video came out at a really good time, do you have any advice on when to come out to new friends? I made this new friend irl and its the first person that doesnt know that im trans because usually all the friends i make are from the internet where im openly trans and we eventually become irl friends. I would love to come out to them but don't want to like scare them since I kind of assume they have never met a trans person. Thanks for everything Arthur!
thanks for the genuine advice. love your videos :)
it feels like a lot of trans guy advice doesn’t apply to me because most people have a significantly smaller period between coming out and starting t than me. i started t a week ago, after 6.5 years of being out socially to everyone in my life. it wasn’t my choice to wait this long, but it is what it is. so when you say “i was on t for a year and had been conceptualizing myself as trans for 2” as 80% done, i am way past in my mind, but way behind that with my body. i’ve already landed on “me,” i’ve been discovering it for over half a decade. but at the same time, who knows how testosterone will change my personality. it adds so much confusion. idk if any of this made sense lol
I've been out for three years and I might be able to start hrt next year, so I feel you. I'm not sure where I fit in the "wait until you've discovered yourself" timeline.
Great video!
This was very helpful, thanks
What is the community he keeps referring to?
I’m a trans guy and as a pre-t 14 year old with bad dating experience how do I start
Edit: I’m bi
Hello Arthur! I really enjoy your videos and watched them at the beginning of my transition. I am a 19 year old trans dude in college and I recently had top surgery and came out as gay! To your point, since I have been single throughout my transition so far I have been able to discover so much about myself and have so much personal growth. I just started taking testosterone in May 2023 and I am 8 months on T so far. I plan to start my fitness and health journey soon by starting to work out my upper body and I feel like dating will be much easier as someone who is comfortable in his body. I am at a point now that I am starting to look at dating apps a little more often, but I am okay if I have to wait for a good relationship. For now, I am really enjoying meeting new people in college and am quite extroverted like you are. I know I absolutely want to date and do romantic things with someone, but I am still discovering myself and changing as a person. Thank you for this video because it makes me feel less alone and it is quite validating to hear these things! I am excited to connect authentically with other people whether it be my friends or romantic partner.
nice video, i like🥰
Hi how are you and your partner to it very nice to see you by robert
Hi Robert! We're doing very well 😁
What city do you live in, for context? 😊
Hi did you now tha are trans celebrities i am very glad for tham it a bit time if tha go on tv shows i well wich tham byrobert