Working Harder Than Most Other People COULD Be Over-Functioning
Вставка
- Опубліковано 29 чер 2023
- 🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Come See Me In Person! Workshops in US, UK: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Overfunctioning is a trauma reaction where a person does TOO much - too much work, too much managing, too much trying to compensate for other people being unsafe, unloving and unreliable. It’s a survival mechanism that can be destructive to your health and your relationships. And, people end up resenting overfunctioners - especially if they are underfunctioners! Not having a hundred things to do can make an overfunctioner feel anxious, so no matter how much we swear we’re going to slow down soon, we often don’t. But is it really so bad to work harder than most other people?
Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/3Y4263I
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com/ccf
Actually lost a couple jobs over THIS. Definitely lost my health over it, I worked 365 days a year for many years & my body just gave out. Definitely still struggling with it!
We understand as few others can! I’m glad you’re here.
-The Fairy Team
We need our own support group for this! It's interesting all the different things people do to cope with trauma. I've never met anyone who can work harder than i do. But I've been maniacal and I got sick too. When I work for myself I'm ok. Man oh man so much to this. Peace and health to you. ❤
I said on therapy the other day that I'm always trying to get myself busy because when I'm not, depressive thoughts and anxiety make me realize how lonely and sad i feel
I had a total breakdown at age 52, while working 12-16 hours a day, meeting yet another deadline. I woke up one morning crying and shaking and couldn't stop - until then, to quote my therapist, I had been over-functioning my entire life. Diagnosis Anxiety/Depression (I thought depressed people didn't get out of bed, so this confused me), and when my therapist learned my childhood history, it changed to PTSD...no one was saying CPTSD 21 years ago. She was surprised I had made it to age 52 without breaking. My now ex-husband was the 3rd time I basically ended up in a relationship with my abusive narcissistic mother...Children of Narcissists/People Pleasers and Narcissists are like attractive magnets.
So, I have a different opinion, and a question for the writer - how are you feeling physically and mentally? I was seeing an endocrinologist because my back was always hurting and I was feeling very jittery and on edge, but I kept working, no matter what time of day or night to meet deadlines, because i always kept my word and got the job done, and of course I never said No, that's an unreasonable expectation. I was convinced it was hormones and menopause causing the physical problems, and I knew I was in trouble emotionally, but I kept over-functioning. I thought all I needed was a little rest and a week off from work, until the crying and shaking stopped - I was never able to go back to work, and to this day I cannot handle ANY stress or deadlines. I have listened to many of your posts now, and unfortunately, they perfectly describe things I struggle with daily.
I just accepted that I am a workaholic because that's my best coping mechanism to escape life, This video was sent to me from heaven.
We're not here to work! We work to live, not live to work. And at the end of our lives, no one wishes they had spent more time at the office.
Not everyone works at an office. I love my work. I do live to do it.
I don’t work at an office and I love to work. My work and my life are one in the same.
Did she ask the wrong person about this problem? Th 10:16 e question I ask is what am I avoiding and learning from being around others my father, in particular who was what’s called a workaholic I understand that usually what I’m avoiding is my intimate relationships, I’m not sure work can ever give you that, so yes make sure you feel secure, that your financial needs are satisfied but remember that security doesn’t actually come from the external and look to love, for your self and from others. If you keep yourself so busy who has time to get close to you?
@@valerierawlings4592 For some people, their work is a calling. It can be either creative or in service to others - or both - and it can bring them closer to people and the Divine...I think that is the case with Anna.
I am sorry you feel that way. It is quite possible you have not found your calling and you separate work from life for whatever reasons. I wish your stuggles end soon and you will find peace and love with your work.
I think it depends on if you are neglecting other parts of your life for work.
As long as you find balance with the people you care about, your health, etc. then working a lot isn’t a problem - that’s just your life.
Work can be a distraction to what you want from life or a misguided effort to “help people around you” while you are actually abandoning them.
However, if you are very creative and like working on projects - not avoiding what you actually want to do or only working out of fear, then that is living your life.
If it wasn’t work, it would be a hobby. You know?
I worked like a dog so I could retire at 50. I have everything paid off and a monthly income. It feels strange to be doing the amount that I see other people doing and I feel like I am not doing much of anything. This has been a good experience to stop and reflect but I miss having something urgent to motivate myself. Maybe my time off is urgent.
Omg -- I knew I could hit the thumbs up before I even heard it. My horror it begins with why I stay up all night working on my own projects.
This is incredibly accurate. I'm in my mid 50's and knew something was not quite right wit how obessessive I am with work. I sleep only 4 hours a night and work 20 for 6 days a week and when I'm off I'm still keeping busy. I have also noticed that if I complete a project, I have to fill any spare time with more activity. I used to pride myself on my work ethic, but now I know it's avoidance of being in my thoughts and becoming depressed. I don't see a way out. It's who I am now.
I wish I had a life to look forward to outside of work. I don't know how to build one and relationships have been disastrous.
I work full-time and I want to write books. I feel had I not been abused as a child writing would have been my vocation. So my days are spent trapped until I can sit down and work on my story. That's when I come to life. Unfortunately I don't get to write until the other responsibilities are complete. This often results in my literally rushing through my chores until I can immerse myself in world building and very protective of what little time I carve for myself.
Maybe your Daily Practice could be writing your your book?
@@Heyu7her3 I use the daily practice to cleanse my mind of all my worries stopping the creative flow. I fit the daily practice in at least once a day. I need hours of writing to really put a dent in the word count. ☺️
I so envy people who are able to figure out what work they really want and be able to do it AND make a living off it.. I recently got laid off my office job, which was my first real job after uni but wasn't a great job anyway, but I'm sooo lost and paralyzed, no idea what direction to go in. So many possibilities and I'm so bad at making decisions :/
That sounds hard! You’re in the right place.
-The Fairy Team
That was me many years ago. I didn't see the different in enjoyment and pride of accomplishment. Take your time. If you give to thrift stores there's a book that is always there or you can buy cheap online. Its some variation of 'strengths finder' I like it because the basic thought behind it is build on what you already naturally enjoy doing. Instead of working on your weaknesses. Talk to people about what they do. It's supposed to be a bit overwhelming at your age because there are so many choices. Be kind to yourself. Haha I wish someone told me that at your age. ❤
This how I use to be when I use to work until it burned me mentally, physically and emotionally. As a veteran with PTSD/anxiety/fear I did not realize how damaged I was. Your channel is such a relief knowing I’m not alone in the thickness of this “shit”
You certainly aren't alone and we are all so glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
yes, I worked for 38.5 yrs at the same place all the hrs they would give me I was a single parent for 6 yrs then took on a husband he was a workaholic I did tell him don't expect me to keep up with you...we had a large garden and had 150 acres of ground he was mowing or something all the time...after 28 yrs of marriage he passed of cancer I was a care giver for 4 yrs but he was alot of my problems he was a control freak I would lock up at night he would go right after and check to see if the doors were locked now I'am 74 I sold all the property now I live by myself do what I want and try not to work I read, watch alot of my computer and made a small garden in containers basically I feel good ......
I needed to work to support my family because money was so tight, BUT there were times I used it to avoid going home to deal with the issues....ESPECIALLY on holidays. I still find that I stay busy all day. It keeps my mind busy and helps me not to dwell on the trauma.
What is “work”? The effort we put into sourcing food, clothing and shelter. This isn’t a complete philosophy, just the kernel of an idea I was pondering this morning and then (serendipity!), you post about work ❤️
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I’m not sure I understand the question 🙂
Great video Anna!❤
Glad you liked it!!
-The Fairy Team
I see over functioning trauma reactions everywhere.
So incredibly sad. These ppl feel validated and valued by over functioning and rarely recognize over functioning is not the solution nor will it heal them.
I did this and it got SO BAD that I even went to working overnight. I was working my butt off and most of the people I worked with were slackers and could care less about the job. They had the mentality of, “I don’t get paid enough” so it would piss me off. I literally would stress myself out SO BAD. Then adding more fuel to the fire of having a TERRIBLE manager who did nothing about it. Favored the men over the women.. would let the men go missing, go on breaks whenever, the men would be goofing off in the cooler talking about perverted things, would you rather questions, gossiping, watching tik Tok videos and guess what.. our manager never told them ANYTHING.. wouldn’t go check on them, but when it came to the women he would go in the cooler and walk around to see what we were doing.. if he felt like we weren’t putting product out enough fast enough 🤬 and he would see that.. guess what.. the women WERE ALL WORKING!! I would always be so angry at my
manager and all the slackers. I resented them. NOW I’ve come to the realization that I don’t GIVE AF anymore. All these slackers still have a job and have yet to get fired no matter how many times we’ve told our manager as well as the store director about certain workers. When it comes down to it they don’t care or they’re too scared of us employees going to HR if they fire us without a valid reason. Apparently they have to open a case and have substantial evidence on a person before they can just fire them. So guess what.. now this company has a hard working employee who doesn’t give a sh!t either anymore. I don’t care!!! They get what they get and guess what.. I already know I won’t be fired. If they let all these other employees get away with so much stuff then I know damn well I won’t be fired. So I refuse to put in hard effort anymore and go fast and be efficient.. NOPE.. not my problem.. y’all choose to keep worthless individuals working for y’all.. well then I’ll act the same. Until I get the validation and credit I deserve with a good raise then I’ll continue working slow. Y’all have shown me y’all don’t care enough and then y’all want to manipulate us into working harder.. and for what.. to pick up the slack of the slackers. Yeah NOPE! Working overnight has helped me tremendously too because I barely have to see my moronic manager for less than 10 minutes and then I’m out the door! For my health and sanity I have to NOT care anymore just like everyone else… and in reality the ones who don’t care are the least stressed out!
I discovered you after a lifetime of healing from a crappy childhood. At first, I was mesmerized finding out that I had a legitimate condition. Then I got angry for being reminded of all the bad things of the past. I even scolded you for reminding me of all the things that I thought I had put behind me. I went so far as to unsubscribe from your channel. But, I came back because I realized that I can still learn a lot from you. You're still helping me! Thank you!!!
Glad you are back!
-The Fairy Team
Thank you❤
Oh man!!!!!!!!! You hit a home run!!!!!!
Hi Crappy, Honing one's ability turns into being a workacholic until one finds a good job, it took me until 40 to be able to support a family, I find healing in work, shift work puts a crimp in social life but it was doable, I retired at 50. Now at 75 I look like 40 miles of bad road with a heart of gold, still a workaholic. I can't watch your video's, you're that good. I'm OK your OK works for me, I recognize other peoples conditions well enough to help them.
Carrie has gained a great self awareness!! Her write in to you regarding this is amazing 🙏🏼 I wish her and any and everyone on the path to healing + growth all the best 🥰 we are all learning a little bit more and loving ourselves more ✨ Grateful to find this account!!
Thanks for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy
That's the problem I have with my aunt and I believe she has ADHD. She likes to create loads of tasks and interests that she can't keep up with now that she's in her late 60s. She pushes me to perform a large part of her task and most of them aren't really important. She pushes me harder than she did when I was 25. She makes me feel like she thinks I have the energy of a 20 year old. After trying to handle a large part of her task, I walk in her door and start speaking, but she interrupts me to perform a task or serve her a glass of tea. She thought we needed to get into the cow business and was impulsive with that like all of the other things she hyperfocuses on and people just have to automatically agree with her or she'll start crying. I've wasted 2 years of my life dealing with her cows and I quit eating beef when she bought the first 3 "pretty little baby cows". I pretend to eat beef hamburgers or any beef item period she buys and then feed them to my dogs that treat me better than she does. I had to carry 3 calves and placed them in the back of her very tiny Mazda 2 car. Within a minute, they crapped up the walls of her car and I decided I was done eating beef because I would know the hell I would go through. What made it so bad was she bought calves Jan. 3, 2021, but she quit sending me under her mobile home and splice her plumbing Aug. or Sept. of 2020. I did that for about 4 years and she's needed to have her 30+ year old plumbig refurbished since she moved in in 2010. We had been without indoor plumbing 4 or 5 months when she wanted her "pretty little babies". I spent the entire month of Jan. and part of Feb. wearing the cow crap covered layers on the outermost layers of clothes due to being unable to wash clothes. (it was the coldest part of winter, so I couldn't go outside in a tee shirt) She did a lot of overtime in her nursing job and me having cPTSD, I couldn't ask her to take me to a washateria and wash my clothes because she's doing overtime because I still don't like to get people to do things for me when they're working about every single day. Even for dumb reasons like saving up money to buy cows and materials when no of it was even needed or necessary in the first place. My aunt's always been an overachiever at work because she can't handle her home. She's either running too many projects or dragging things up from flea markets with no room. I ended up getting a washboard on eBay Feb. 2021 because the water faucet in the yard still works. I have to be a survivalist to deal with my aunt and my cousin or her daughter was being a survivalist at 3. My grandmother had many stories of my cousin standing on a chair at the kitchen stove cooking her food at 3 years old. She's such a high achiever that she wants to do so many things at once and neglects the things that actually matter because she can't prioritize. Then she'll have disasters that she'll wake up people at night to come help her because she won't have her vehicles maintained properly. She acts entitled and then gets upset because I haven't cleaned her junk in her house and yard after handling her lesser important things that she prioitizes. She bought her grandparents house and had it moved to her property. She would get the workers to work for 3rd world country labor wages and only wanted to pay them the full amount after they finished the work. They didn't finish the work and left. I don't blame them. She also promised to have the camper that I live in on her property remodeled. That was 7 years ago and she gave up having her house remodeled. She ended up buy a mobile home on stilts by what's called Old River. It's kind of like a lake because the Mississippi River changed course years ago, but it floods. She told me I wasn't going to junk out her living room like I did at her other place. The only problem with that is she overwhelmed me with all of the junk she bought from flea markets while she was unable to work with me to be sure there was adequate storage. Then I have to help her decorate and clean her other place while I sit in a leaky dump camper that needs to be burned. I call the camper I live in 'the old slave quarters'. I managed to get her to buy another camper with a roof on it so it doesn't leak, a year ago. I'm still waiting on her to move the new slave quarters where I can move in it a year later. I talk about things i would like to do in it, but she ignores me and interrupts me to do something for her at her fantasy fishing camp. I live in 3rd world living conditions to do for her while she acts like I just owe her free slave labor and she acts like I should just devote my life to taking care of her. I just know she has hyperactive, impulsive and controlling behaviors that hurt my mental health.
thank you❤
You're welcome 😊
-The Fairy Team
I literally use work to numb.
I mean I get self esteem from working but then when I am around my family of origin, they suck it out of me.
I used to work a lot. I used work to cover the fact I was single and did not want to date. But when Covid hit I lost my job. During Covid I didn’t do much now I can’t find a job and I quite like laying around the house. Finding a job right now is tough because of health issues. But now I find I don’t want a job. The thought of going back to work fills me with anxiety. It’s very strange and I wish I could get my butt in gear.
So many people can relate. Consider Anna's Daily Practice. It's one thing that can help with clarity, direction and even motivation. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Julie@TeamFairy
Yes- and I stopped.
Oh wow........ I did....... In the past/ in the future..... Senior citizen here.......😝🙃
Something I've noticed by overwork is this. It causes relationship issues and co-workers hate you. I just started building my own business's but, in this economy that's not even feasible. I can't stand to work for other people anymore. Luckily I'll be totally retired soon...may pick up an occasional dish washing job if the food joints stay open much longer.
Do these things feel like you are bursting with creativity that can't be withheld or just filling up time to avoid painful situations and just fall in bed exhausted to not think about the traps?
I took a course in the Daily Practice, but I must've missed something. I skipped some FAQ videos.
How to get invited to zoom calls, please? I'd love to interact with others.
Please email us at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and we will assist you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
What if others consider you to be over working however everything you do you don't really see as work and enjoy doing it?
If it’s not bothering you don’t worry about it
I did this for 20 years and it ruined my life.
Work is like prison so no I don’t escape to work
If someone could reply to my comment I would appreciate it. I am new to this channel and the concepts on it. I find it so hard to trust anyone or anything and I am always questioning everything which is difficult for my family. I find it even difficult to trust this channel and have subscribed or signed up for quizzes at least a couple of times and then unsubscribe. Like many, therapy has only gone so far. Books and UA-cam videos seem to help more. I had a chaotic childhood with abuses in the past. Can others relate to this trust issue? Weirdly, I don't even trust myself.
Trust issues are common in CPTSD. Keep watching and don't give up. :)
Julie@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you for replying. I guess I need to take it one step at a time and not overdo it.
Privacy. Is it necessary?
lol
It probably was until I retired...
I escape from work while im at work lol thats were my high production comes from. Slackers all around me, boss is sociopathic & i have my own work load to do so i do it & do it well. No one is waiting on me to finish anything. If i did work with them id be waiting on them & it wouldnt be good for me. Id constantly be pissd.
That’s how I used to be but all of a sudden I just lay on th couch h and do nothing cause I’m so down with living with and alcoholic ad pot abuser
Sounds like Depression
Mark, can you change your living situation? It can be difficult, I know. Your best choices, I believe, are either one of you moving out or learning coping skills so they don't impact you as much. The coping skills take work and having a good therapist to guide you through it is really useful. Best of luck to you. You deserve better.
I’m Anne Marie mark is the husband
Maybe some people as in the mom would not have to work so much if the father would actually pay for stuff!!! But still continues to talk bad about the parent....also maybe the father should not blame the mothers upbringing on the way she works hard for her children...cause he barely ever goes to work and makes his oldest work his a$$ off for the business.... Who's the sad one ..and maybe the mother is the way they are because of their ex- husband as well who thinks he is perfect in every way but is actually a narcissist....
I've worked hard toll I've dropped.
Lady, you are a good influencer. I expect you will be amongst the righteous on the day we are all judged. I see things in people they do not understand. I am a mystic and cathecumen of the ancient orthodox Church which has been imprisoned beyond the veil. I don't think you realize the "Positive energy" that you experience and express is a Divine person. In Eastern Orthodoxy they rightly say "forgiveness is healing". In the Bible forgiveness is freedom from the negative "energies" or parasitic load of the dark horde that has infected the human race since they have been dis-fellowshiped by the Immortal, personal, first cause of our existence. I am on the path of healing myself. May our natural Father save you through His "Wisdom" whom we call Jesus Christ. Saint Justin Martyr said that Plato knew Him in part, I suspect you do as well.
Me 2 , me 2 Anna....!?
😡 "Promosm"
I'm the first comment! Yay!
Yay! Thanks for being part of the community :)
-The Fairy Team
Stocked pantry: me too!
Also LOTSA blankets.
Missing in childhood.
(But not SO bad like other ppl had it💔🫶🏻❤
Terrible for your hungry state when you were young feel bad about it but God bless your strength Anna you give me strength May God bless you @lorraineamicothemakeupartist ❤
Your the best on your mission you healed me so much I’m amazed thank you Anna @lorraineamicothemakeupartist