Do you have deeply held regrets? How do you feel about regrets? How have you processed regrets in the past? Share your thoughts below! And don't forget to grab the five-step reflection exercise here: terricole.com/past-mistakes-guide
Hello Terri, beautifully put! Thank you! I'm sure the 5-step guide is going to help. I'd love to see more content on self-forgiveness, especially for people who were in the wrong. I have regrets because my selfishness emotionally hurt someone deeply who's not around anymore to ask for forgiveness. I've grown since and cognitively I understand my reasons, emotionally however still hurts and beating myself up and can't reach self-compassion on this one. Blessings and thank you for your wisdom! 🙏
Pointless to regret..you said it so perfect....life is always NOW.. .. in the past we were different ...even our cells were different and no one from that time...this is our chance..with a different level of perception...to write in a good manner our present moment.....you are great in what you are doing❤
Hi Terri. Thank you for this video and I'm excited to watch it. However, is this video just for what most would categorize as "small" mistakes? I have seen stories on Oprah about parents who accidentally killed their kids by leaving them in the car. Some mistakes cause us severe trauma, loss, and grief. Does this video apply to these type of mistakes or just ones that are less major? Thank you.
guilt and regret after my father passed away I still unable recover since 2021 guilt for not being on time and also not leading a life in a right manner...now i feel nothing good I have failed being son i really failed... now I am in bit stable in my career but not able to do anything in life because past when my dad was alive didn't do much now ...i feel y should I enjoy or spend etc for my joy ,,, I don't think so I can overcome this pain',,i don't want this life any more
@kimberlyacevedo2975 I'm so sorry..... it's a rough road for sure. I have a quote that I try to remember.." be careful what you say about yourself. You're listening ".
I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤
@@SmellMyKnee15 Well, it more so went like some adults online did show me some things and then I got curious and looked it up afterwards. It was over 10 years ago so its hard to remember exactly.
26 year old here, and I was an abuser in my last relationship. Didn’t realize it at the time of course, but she was the perfect person. Only realized it when she left me. This guilt haunts me, and I tried to chase forgiveness from her. But I realized I only need to forgive myself. The only way to truly do that, is stop being that person who did those things. Evolve into a better human, and you will have forgiven yourself.
@@Viv8ldi i am sorry to hear that. I hope you are healing. I do believe most people have the potential to get better once they realize their flaws and mistakes, and they get the proper help.
For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!
Minorities have a whole other level of regret, pain, and guilt for just existing. Living itself becomes unbearable, however; the present does help a little to bring hope. Skin color is a form of guilt, this video may help stop such insanity.
@@TheFracturedfuture have you tried this for a long period of time? it is like anti-depressants; it takes time for chemicals in your brain to change. I still struggle with rumination as I eat carb and sleep all day. But I still stand by what i posted here. Give it a try for 6 months to a year
@@alessaxn I've been into bodybuilding for over a decade so I have eaten pretty clean and excersised most of my life. Yes it does make you feel good but it hardly ever helped me with the ruminating. It could just be me though.
@@TheFracturedfuture I am in the same boat. It is a mental loop, a habit. I know. I suggest when you are "mindful" of your rumination, you catch yourself and stop right there. Remind yourself why this has got to stop. Repeat affirmations. This is what I am trying to do after being abused by a former employer and I am still wronged. I have to find a way out!
Been berating myself on a daily basis for many years, but over one decision particularly that didn’t just impact me, so it’s not just shame, it’s guilt. It’s 100% poisonous to progression in life, I’ll watch this video more than once, thank you ❤
Looking forward to watching more, I’ve not been able to get out from under my guilt and shame and it has been feeding strong SI that’s only been getting worse, to make things much worse the people I’ve betrayed / hurt in the past refuse to let me forget it - they define me by my past mistakes and insist that they’re being angelic to me yet I’m narrowly escaping my own desire to not be here any more daily.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling with people in your life defining you by your past mistakes. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I have other free mental health resources listed on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp I hope you find this resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and love to get through this. ❤️❤️❤️
I am a ghost in my own life. I wear guilt, self loathing, and sorrow like a very heavy cloak. I exist in my home like an ever dependable picture on the wall. I wake every morning with the awareness that I made a terrible mistake. …it sits with me all day. I get a few hours here and there where I forget. It always returns. 💔 I’m 53 and I’m scared I will carry this for the remainder of my life. 😢Nothing soothes this sorrow. 😢
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Stacey 💕 Is therapy accessible for you? If not, I have a list of free mental health resources on my website: terricole.com/gethelp
I feel exactly the same way about myself; 51 y.o. whose past came back to haunt her with a vengeance. Now I struggle to get through each day. May have ruined my marriage, and I'm feeling hopeless and worthless, and just very, very tired.
I am currently sitting here 2:30 in the morning after another argument with my wife. She has a lot of trauma from her childhood. Her father was terrible to her and we lived next to him for quite a few years. She said that I kept her in an unsafe situation. By staying next door to him. He would never hit her or anything but was argumentative and bossy. I finally moved us and she can’t get over that it took me so long. She also told me that I wasn’t around enough as a dad. I made a lot of mistakes and I can’t move past it.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your wife, Dave. It sounds like you understand where she is coming from. ❤️ Are either of you open to couple's counseling? A third party may be able to help here. Otherwise, I have a couple of tips on fair fighting in this video that may help: ua-cam.com/video/BDLLGVCSulE/v-deo.html and how to communicate during conflict here: ua-cam.com/video/xpkjFkhK6tg/v-deo.html
Hi, I’m 26, I feel like a mess, messed up real bad. And suddenly feel so guilty for continuously doing it. I wish I had someone I could talk to and who could actually help
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time ❤️ Is therapy accessible to you? If it is, I have a video on how to choose the right therapist for you: ua-cam.com/video/KanMmTUeUlQ/v-deo.html I also have a list of free resources on my website, which includes chat and crisis lines: terricole.com/gethelp I am sending you love and strength ❤️
I normally dont think of past regrets but i recently had a dream about an ex i cheated on. Now im ruminating on the past because i loved him so much i was just to scared to get married at that time he was leaving for the militaryand i still had 2 years of high school. I have learned alot about this but i still cant get it out of my head and im even in a relationship where i have been with my husband for 13 years. This makes no sense. I did finally forgive myself for hurting someone. I thought about apologizing but i feel that would create another mess i do not want to get into so forgiving myself is the best i can do.
Hello friends. I'm a 25 year old female. I have spend my entire life creating a victim narrative, I have ruined relationships anf good jobs because of my temper and my bad attitude. I'm in a relationship now, with a good man. We have talked a lot and it helped me to do some self reflection. At some point in life it isn't my family or parent's guilt anymore. I have chosed and acted bad. It is on me. I want to change, but I can't deny I feel this terrible guilt and shame, as if the only solution would be to press a reset button and start living again from the start.
Goddamn I can't emphasize how much I appreciate this video existing. Put a sad query into the search bar and end up here. Understanding the why has always helped me process my emotions, my therapist has always been surprised but encouraging about my note taking during sessions lol thank you so much for this though, great supplement for the in-between.
I have made so many mistakes when im blacked out drunk im so embarrassed and full of regret. I have hurt my family. I will be going sober moving forward alcohol is not for me. I enjoyed it but at what cost? I can’t lose my family they are all I have.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Without knowing the details, you may be experiencing a repeating reality. These two videos might help, depending on your situation: ua-cam.com/video/A3dzWh0uIuI/v-deo.html & ua-cam.com/video/WsnPXDmiumk/v-deo.html
I have made a huge mistake that has had massive consequences on my physical health. I cancelled some treatment and now my condition has worsened. I had multiple reasons for doing it, and I was completely overwhelmed and stressed from being so caught up in them. I have rebooked the treatment but I can't stop bashing myself for cancelling the first time because I believe by delaying the treatment I've made my health worse. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself :(
I am 30 yo, I have never been in a healthy relationship. I did not love myself enough to choose better for myself and let go those who did not deserve me. How do I forgive me for hurting myself?
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Have you tried the steps outlined in the video and inside the guide? (The link to download the guide is in the video description.) Were healthy relationships modeled for you? For many of us, the answer was no. It's difficult to recognize the signs of an UNhealthy relationship because of that. So often, we didn't know better at the time we made a certain decision and now we do because we've learned from our experiences. If that resonates, consider forgiving yourself for not knowing better at the time and potentially reparent yourself to show yourself the love you deserve ❤️ (I have more on reparenting here: ua-cam.com/video/bsWXTZ-6Ul0/v-deo.html)
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 You do not need to have this type of friend to be this for yourself. In the video I am talking more about how YOU would treat a friend, and how you would probably not be judging them as harshly as you're judging yourself.
@terri_cole Thank you. I couldn't expect a productive individual like myself would ruin my career opportunities, and end up wasting my time with people who would use me. I feel like I got used by own friends. It's painful to deal with.
Hey there, I am so sorry to hear that and I am sending you strength 💕 I have a list of free mental health resources on my website here in case you'd like anyone to reach out to: www.terricole.com/gethelp/ I'd also like to gently invite you to talk to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time.
When I was age 20 I had a winning lottery ticket that I didn't know I was supposed to sign. So the girl behind the counter took it and gave me $5. Forty years later I can't pay my bills.
Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤
4years ago or may I say when I was 16 high school years I made a lot of mistakes and drank a lot and always thought I was fat when I wasn’t and I just find this keeping me up just can’t stop thinking of what I should’ve done with that time instead of running away so much and chasing highs n love from people who had other intentions bad ones I was letting my self get used and just so young n stupid I hate that this is keeping me up rn I feel so bad of how I treated myself I just feel so damaged now..
I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.
I have been felt so regrii have chosen a wrong surgeon who has performed the knee surgery on my kid. Instead of having one surgery, this either greedy or unskilled surgeon divide one surgery into two surgeries. I have two surgeons to choose, but in the end I have chosen the wrong one. I have been felt so guilty for my kid who differed twice.
I am in the exact same boat!!!!! And it’s worse when your grown kids can never ever forgive you or give you any kind of grace at all 💔💔💔 I’m praying for you! I know it’s the worst pain ever! 😞🙏🙏🙏 I have ptsd so bad and all I think of all day and night is “ I should have done this , I should have done that, if I only knew then what I know now, how stupid I was and so on and so forth and it’s complete torture! I do give it to God , but then I keep taking it back
Bless you. I have done the same to self. I came to this conclusion after decades- They have been adults for decades. If THEY CHOOSE not to talk things over, forgive and move on, everything I have been doing to make up for mistakes is of no use. I spent decades beating self up and it did NOBODY any good. I have lately said to self- piss on it. Take the years I have left and think and create happy. I have felt better and did more in the last month from that. It takes 2 to teeter totter. If they do not want to, go to the swing and feel the wind in your face smiling!!! 🎉❤
I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.
I am witnessing you with compassion, David 💕 That does sound difficult. Is it possible to not pick up the phone unless you know who is calling (and that it's safe to pick up)? That's one way to set a small boundary so you can move on, although I get not being able to do that with running into someone. If therapy is accessible/available to you, you might want to have the guidance of a therapist to work through all of this. Take care of yourself.
i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.
I'm 21 and I wish I had been more honest in my relationship. I committed a grave mistake and it's been my biggest regret. I've been going to therapy and I hope I can grow into a better person❤️
I am 20 years old now everyday i feel like i am behind everyone. I failed in my high school exam because I was chasing a girl i liked. Now its been three years after high school. I regret everday my poor life choices.
There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person
I'm 29 year old . My only regret is being overly kind to others but not to myself. Giving others chances to others but not to myself. I feel like wold is moving ahead amd I'm still at the same place.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ You're in the right spot because you're so not alone- I spent much of my younger life doing the same. It's never too late to begin putting yourself first and advocating for your needs and preferences. You might like this video I did: ua-cam.com/video/AJXBsiJJiUE/v-deo.html at the 7:52 minute mark I talk about this.
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this a lot. I really appreciate you, Terri. Thank you for everything you do; your light really does help to empower people.
I could never forgive myself. When I was a little girl, I found out that my dearest baby brother Seth was a late talker. Because of that, I bit his little ear. I also pushed him off the rocking chair. When we got older, I threw away his dinner, which was a plain McDonald's hamburger. He was so hungry! Now, I am 28 years old. Seth is 23 years old. Since we're both autistic, we still live in the same home together. Whenever I apologize to Seth for treating him so horribly, he says, "That's okay. I love you very much." Also, when I was 12 years old, I called my newborn baby brother Jeremiah evil. I still feel extremely guilty about that. Jeremiah is 15 years old now and will be 16 years old on September 17th. Whenever I apologize to Jeremiah for calling him evil when he was only a newborn baby, he says, "That's okay. I don't remember any of that. I will always love you." Whenever I tell him that the real evil person was me for saying that about him, he says, "You're not evil. You're a nice girl. If you know that Jesus loves you, then you're not evil. I always knew that Jesus loves me." To make it up to Jeremiah, I give him hugs and money, I tell him that he's so cute and sweet, and I tell him that I love him. Also, when I was 10 years old, I lied to my elementary school guidance counselor. I told her that Daddy was physically abusing me. At 26 years old, I felt extremely guilty for lying to her, so I decided to write her a letter. In the letter, I told her the entire truth. I told her that Daddy had never hurt me in any way, shape, or form. I told her that Daddy always loved me unconditionally. When she got that letter, she called the police department. The police department called my house. When a handsome young policeman came to my house, he told me that my elementary school guidance counselor had already known the truth a long time ago. Also, when I was 9 years old, I threatened to kill my unborn baby brother Isaiah because I wanted a sister. Whenever I apologize to Isaiah, who's 18 years old now, about that, he says, "It's fine. I don't remember any of that." Also, when I was 9 years old, I refused to play Down By The Station on the recorder in school. I threw my recorder at my music teacher and yelled, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Whenever I write these letters to him, he never writes back. Also, when I was 11 years old, I wrote a lie about Mommy, Daddy, and my maternal uncle, Mommy's oldest brother, in school. A teacher then called the police. Everybody on Mommy's side of the family and Daddy's side of the family came to my house. Mommy asked, "Hannah, what did you write?! Your dad and I will go to jail!" When Daddy came home from work, the child service ladies came to my house and talked to me and Daddy on the porch. I was afraid that my parents and uncle were gonna get arrested. Whenever I apologize to them about it, Mommy says, "Honey, you were already forgiven a long time ago. Just forget about it and move on with your life!" Daddy, who had a massive stroke on February 26th, 2013, just tells me to forget about it. Mommy's oldest brother says, "It's okay, sweetie. Uncle doesn't remember any of that. Uncle's old. Uncle will always love you." The only thing that I want in life is for my elementary school music teacher to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I feel like he will never forgive me. All these other people forgive me, though, but I will never forgive myself. Daddy now lives in the local nursing home, where he's in good hands. Every time we go to church, we pray for Daddy to get better from his stroke. Before Daddy had a stroke, he would always walk, talk in complete sentences, sing, and read Bible stories to me and my little brothers. Growing up, my little brothers and I had to witness Daddy going to the hospital. When I was a little girl, Daddy was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. He suffered from a heart attack. My little brothers and I wanted to ride with him. When I was 5 years old, Daddy had to get his chest and arm cut open. Why did Daddy have to get all those surgeries, you may ask? It's because when Daddy was a very little boy, his parents usually fed him lots and lots of junk foods, candy, chocolates, meat, sodas, and very little fruit and vegetables. The only exercise Daddy got was from playing baseball, his favorite sport. Growing up, Daddy maintained his unhealthy diet. When he was only 37 years old, he suffered from a heart attack. At only 54 years old, Daddy had a massive stroke. The story of Daddy's stroke. On February 26th, 2013, Daddy was at work. He had to give a big presentation. When his friends realized that he wasn't coming into the meeting room, they assumed that he was just nervous before the big presentation. They just waited for minutes. When those minutes became hours, they came to check on Daddy. One of his friends said, "Hey, Jimmy, what's taking you so long, man?" When they saw him, he was slumped over in his chair. His iced tea spilled all over his keyboard. His boss called 911. Lots of cops, firefighters, and paramedics, took Daddy to the nearest hospital. He was diagnosed with a stroke. I know that I'm getting off topic now, but even though those people forgive me, I could never forgive myself.
Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.
Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.
I am 68 and I have many regrets. Some are about recent things, others are old. And sometimes I turn and turn to them. The more difficult to me are those I hurt someone and even I could find some excuses for what I did (not always) I suffer thinking of that. I know it’s done and it can’t be changed but it’s like I punish my self, I think.
Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.
I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.
This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.
I made a mistake two days ago. I am 29 and I did drugs and I hated it. My thoughts afterwards were: why am I doing this? Why am I treating myself like that? My body is my temple and I made one mistake that is eating me from inside out and I can’t forgive myself for this. I know I’m not gonna do it anymore because I simply hated it but the fact that it’s done hurts me I lot.
Excellent video. This a daily struggle for me. Thank you very much for the tips. I am very grateful that you are taking the time to record such a video. What a blessing! Much love to you 😘
I don't recall those mistakes and regrets but sometimes the situation comes and all those scenes are back in my mind. Then my mind got completely blocked and I felt frustrated. My mind tells me to punch hard on something and feel pain. What should i do?
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I'm not able to offer individual counseling on the topic, but I would recommend the help of a therapist to guide you through unpacking this, if therapy is accessible for you. If it's not, I have a list of free mental health resources on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp If you're at risk of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. ❤️
i have made alot of mistakes after i last my wife in heaven 31 yrs i still don't how to deal with life after being married that many yrs but i some how found my next wifey an she is a keeper for life
Thank you for this video. It helped to ease a lot of my pain. Through my actions I have hurt and disappointed the dearest, most favorite person in my life and gave him a trauma he is probably going to deal with for the next years, maybe even his whole life not being able to trust anyone again. I am afraid this experience changed the trajectory of both of our lives and impacted him in a very dangerous way. I will probably never see him again, nor our mutual friends, and if I somehow do, I won't be greeted. I have fallen extremely in his eyes and also my perception of myself darkened greatly. Thoughts like "I am really this person" or "I am a bad person" or "This cannot be forgiven". He didn't accept my apologies and has every right to do so. It hurts to accept that he hates me, and if he manages to heal from this, that he will feel totally indifferent towards me, because until yesterday I was the love of his life and vice versa. I love him from the bottom of my heart and just hope that he will heal from this, even if that will require changing his perception of me to the worst possible.
I've been feeling guilty for things i did when i was younger and I'm 17 now and when i was younger the things i did and said i didn't realize were wrong at the time and didn't think about consequences and i feel like even at the age i was i should've known better i just didn't.
I was a bully to a colleague, and did not even realise that he was going through struggles. Only more than 25 years or more later,I want to ask for forgiveness. Sad I can't find him. It is difficult to forgive myself to forgive myself. Each time I find episodes of how bad I treated him...when he was such a good person.
This was plainly and simply incredible. I'm going to place the mentioned steps into practice now, but I can already tell just after listening that I'm feeling ten times better about my situation. Thank you.
I am new to your program, I regret constantly not having a child when I could have , and it was the ideal moment, it would have improved things with my family, husband, I would have been connected with more people, and I feel it would have made my husband happy, and now that I am 66 I would have a child 26 and something to look forward to in life.
As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.
@@terri_cole thank you so much! I feel such a lightness of being. I’ve always been an introspective person (retired college a English teacher here) & have long wrestled with this obsessing over mistakes issue. I finally feel a sense of peace. Blessings to you!
Movies life i watching... everybody do thari duty because i am disturbe i trying my self to fix it withmy husband nobody effect but as liz say i am awake for me self no matters who see me. take cair or no i am taking cair of my self 🧡💛💙🙏
Hi my name is Bryson I am 13 and have looked up some things that i regret. And don't know how to forgive myself and this really helped. Thank you for creating this video.
Ive felt terrible for over a month now because inhad lustful thoughts abt women even though i have a gf. I told my gf about it and she was upset but forgives me. I have since focused on her and quit all p0rn. I just for some reason hate my past self and cant get rid of the guilty or shame. Im a completely different person now and bf. Ive been so much better yet i still see myself as a cheater. Id never dream of cheating but having those thought's makes me feel like ine even after forgiveness. I also suffer witb anxiety. Im on meds. I can barely eat anymore without puking. Ive lost 5kg in the last month. Ive stopped going gym which was the only thing keeping me going.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling and I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I have a list of free mental health resources on my site that might help: terricole.com/gethelp If therapy is accessible to you, I recommend unpacking this with a professional. You deserve support ❤️
I m from Tunisia it is the first time listening for you im deeply regretting the past mainly my mariage experience .after period of time of mariage i find out may husband in relation with another woman .At the beginning it hurts me alot but alater on i decide to move on i want to change my life . i retuned back to accomplish my study .I have learned alot from my past those horrible experiences are just stones and i want to build stairs from tghem i will move and never give up what ever happened to me alot of time ask myself why thet heppen to me but i retun back to praying and cheshing the moment and looking forward for better moments i need to move on for the benefit of me my future and my kid need strong woman who is able to do it and heal herself thanks fror you video i like your speech thanks alot again * ❣❣❣❣❤
I'm 33 and I feel like I've done too much, I have just retreated from life because I'm scared I'll sdo something that will build onto this huge mountain of regret that's on my shoulders. So much shame and guilt.
What is the difference between being self- compassionate and egocentric? Or, in other words, where is the line that separates these two? Because in the end at "reframing our regrets" you said not to do bad actions thinking that we're just self compassionate.
Thanks for asking- I think we can be compassionate toward ourselves while also taking responsibility and owning up to it. For example, if you make a mistake that impacts someone else, you can apologize to them while also not beating yourself up over it, if that makes sense.
@@terri_cole Hi and thanks for responding Making a mistake is an unconscious action. I was asking about self-compassionate vs egocentric. In both cases, when someone makes a conscious decision knowing that it would affect someone else’s life, how they know if the decision is to be self-compassionate or egocentric?
Thank you for this video. I regret for things I should have said or done to my dad who passed away in dec 2023. Regrets is killing me and steal my peace. It hurts a lot. I love my dad so much.
This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.
There is a period between April 2019 till August of 2020 that I wish I could delete from my life. Those 15 months haunt me all these years later. I hope that I can forgive myself and let go of the mistakes I made.
I am my own number one bully. My mother mentioned that I give so much patience and kindness to others and I deny it for myself. I need to take this advice. self compassion. kindness. TO MYSELF.
Thank you for this video. i find it very helpful. I will follow your advice and start a journal about it. I am 67 years old and have been obsessing about regrets. I really need to do something about it.
I am watching this in 2024 I am just 21 and I have made terrible mistakes for two times in my life concerning my finances When I get a huge amount of money I spend it recklessly without doing something important in my life and I just feel guilty of how I spent the money the way i did And I want to overcome those mistakes to do better and feel better
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ This is more common than you might think. So many of us have stories about money from our family of origin. This episode on financial boundaries may help as it talks about discovering your "money blueprint" (those inherited beliefs from family): ua-cam.com/video/oZQSCBSHQL0/v-deo.html You can also spend some time exploring the reasons why you spent it via journaling. It might be helpful to think about what kind of emotions you were feeling before you got the money and when you got the money, or what kind of thoughts you were having prior to it. It's also worthwhile to ask yourself if you saw this type of behavior from anyone growing up, as you may have learned it elsewhere.
Im 39, single, childless, have made little effort to find someone in my late twenties and 30s....my career has been a series of unfortunate events that have resulted in no growth due to my stupid mistakes...i am the definition of regret. I like your message though.
You are still here, stay strong, although it feels bad a lot of people must also be in this position. We aren't all given the tools to thrive or know what to want or how to get it, nor do we always have that motivation or ability.
I normally look forward and don't dwell on past events however I recently got out of a toxic relationship and I'm still looking for answers. Ruminating first thing in a morning is mashing my head. Trying to figure out why someone I treated with love, care, accommodated, supported through ill health and so on, treated me so very badly. Now he's moved in with someone else.
I am 22 done with my post graduation i wish i had studied in those 2 years rather than had fun. Now i am confused in my life what to do next and keep cursing myself why i didn't study when i had time now it feels like the exam i want to give is getting tougher and I can't clear it anymore. I am studying everyday now but feels like i can never clear it and will lack behind those who had done hardwork in thses 2 years
what if you keep comparing yourself to the super bad people and think they should not be forgiven so why should I? Maybe Because I did something less bad but then am i not still bad (that's the loop that keeps happening in my head) i wish i could stop and just give myself more compassion. i make no sense and its so hard
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I find it's most useful to approach this with curiosity and compassion for yourself, first and foremost. When we do that, over time, it becomes easier to extend that same compassion out to others. Being judgmental only keeps us in a blame game with ourselves and doesn't allow us to move on. Sometimes, it feels "safe" to stay here because we feel like by ruminating, we prevent ourselves from making the same mistake. But that's not true. Developing a deeper understanding of why we made those mistakes in the first place is what actually helps us learn and move on in a better way. The other thing I'd say is who are we to know who deserves forgiveness? And who are we to say what we did is as bad or worse than what they did? We have no idea what's going on in other people's heads or the lives they've lived. We can only know ourselves, which is why it's more useful to focus there. Comparing ourselves to others isn't constructive. Forgiving yourself doesn't mean forgetting what happened. It means committing to learning something about yourself and making difference choices. I hope that helps xo
It isn't that simple..in the past I was healthy and well and in the present I'm anything but that so living in the present isn't and wouldn't be an amazing moment for me which is why I constantly regret decisions and go back to the past in my thoughts cos it's the closest I can get to a time when I had better well being..that which I don't have today.
Feeling deep guilt and regret lead me into a years long abusive trauma bonded relationship that ended in my becoming completely disassociated. It’s taken a long time to figure out what happened and I’m still unpacking it all. Deep, painful regret and being constantly shamed isn’t something easily worked through.
I’m new to this channel I have one regret that I made in my past that I shouldn’t have and it was being in a very toxic relationship it drag me down because I was blind by love I had rumors in middle school and high school telling me that I shouldn’t be with him because he had bad mental health issues this happened when I was 13 to 14 years old but now I’m 19 and it still gives me ptsd until this day🤔
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Toxic relationships are hard enough to deal with as an adult- children are rarely fully equipped to deal with that. But what you know now from having that experience can protect you, too. ❤️ I have a short video that speaks to this, too: ua-cam.com/video/jiX4YKt8bKI/v-deo.html
I brokeup with my ex because I wasn't feeling the same I used to feel and then went into a relationship it's been 1year we are together and now iam feeling like he is pulling away and Iam too involved with him I don't know what to do.
But what if you lost all that God had for you. I still have my boys and grands but I don’t get the time w them that their dad and step mother gets bc they live closer but also they love their daddy very much. They love me too but the time I could have had now that I’m older is a round the clock heart ache I made a terrible decision many years ago and it the consequences are eternal. Still broken hearted.
Do you have deeply held regrets? How do you feel about regrets? How have you processed regrets in the past? Share your thoughts below! And don't forget to grab the five-step reflection exercise here: terricole.com/past-mistakes-guide
Hello Terri, beautifully put! Thank you! I'm sure the 5-step guide is going to help. I'd love to see more content on self-forgiveness, especially for people who were in the wrong. I have regrets because my selfishness emotionally hurt someone deeply who's not around anymore to ask for forgiveness. I've grown since and cognitively I understand my reasons, emotionally however still hurts and beating myself up and can't reach self-compassion on this one. Blessings and thank you for your wisdom! 🙏
Pointless to regret..you said it so perfect....life is always NOW.. .. in the past we were different ...even our cells were different and no one from that time...this is our chance..with a different level of perception...to write in a good manner our present moment.....you are great in what you are doing❤
I used to be so stuck here in the past. Do very grateful to be past this . Lots of work 🤍🌬️🌃🫧
Hi Terri. Thank you for this video and I'm excited to watch it. However, is this video just for what most would categorize as "small" mistakes?
I have seen stories on Oprah about parents who accidentally killed their kids by leaving them in the car.
Some mistakes cause us severe trauma, loss, and grief. Does this video apply to these type of mistakes or just ones that are less major? Thank you.
guilt and regret after my father passed away I still unable recover since 2021 guilt for not being on time and also not leading a life in a right manner...now i feel nothing good I have failed being son i really failed... now I am in bit stable in my career but not able to do anything in life because past when my dad was alive didn't do much now ...i feel y should I enjoy or spend etc for my joy ,,, I don't think so I can overcome this pain',,i don't want this life any more
I've been a horrible bully to myself. I've learned that no one and nothing can hurt me more than I can hurt myself.
Sending love ❤️❤️
I feel the same way 😢
@kimberlyacevedo2975 I'm so sorry..... it's a rough road for sure. I have a quote that I try to remember.." be careful what you say about yourself. You're listening ".
I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤
I relate to that
at 18 you're already ahead of the game, so to speak. Proud of you! You're amazing. I'm 65, and just starting. YOU got this! Keep going. So worth it 🙌🌛
Did someone show it to you or did you seek it out?
@@SmellMyKnee15 Well, it more so went like some adults online did show me some things and then I got curious and looked it up afterwards. It was over 10 years ago so its hard to remember exactly.
If that's the extent of your mistakes then i wouldn't worry
26 year old here, and I was an abuser in my last relationship. Didn’t realize it at the time of course, but she was the perfect person. Only realized it when she left me. This guilt haunts me, and I tried to chase forgiveness from her. But I realized I only need to forgive myself. The only way to truly do that, is stop being that person who did those things. Evolve into a better human, and you will have forgiven yourself.
Thanks for sharing ❤️
I know the story from the other side. I was abused my whole life and I dont unterstand how an abuser can feel bad
@@Viv8ldi i am sorry to hear that. I hope you are healing. I do believe most people have the potential to get better once they realize their flaws and mistakes, and they get the proper help.
For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!
Minorities have a whole other level of regret, pain, and guilt for just existing. Living itself becomes unbearable, however; the present does help a little to bring hope. Skin color is a form of guilt, this video may help stop such insanity.
That literally does nothing.
@@TheFracturedfuture have you tried this for a long period of time? it is like anti-depressants; it takes time for chemicals in your brain to change. I still struggle with rumination as I eat carb and sleep all day. But I still stand by what i posted here. Give it a try for 6 months to a year
@@alessaxn I've been into bodybuilding for over a decade so I have eaten pretty clean and excersised most of my life.
Yes it does make you feel good but it hardly ever helped me with the ruminating. It could just be me though.
@@TheFracturedfuture I am in the same boat. It is a mental loop, a habit. I know. I suggest when you are "mindful" of your rumination, you catch yourself and stop right there. Remind yourself why this has got to stop. Repeat affirmations. This is what I am trying to do after being abused by a former employer and I am still wronged. I have to find a way out!
Been berating myself on a daily basis for many years, but over one decision particularly that didn’t just impact me, so it’s not just shame, it’s guilt. It’s 100% poisonous to progression in life, I’ll watch this video more than once, thank you ❤
You're so welcome ❤️
Thank you 😢 I’ll come back to this one as needed. I wish I’d had this 20 years ago holding on to teenage mistakes lost so much time
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Looking forward to watching more, I’ve not been able to get out from under my guilt and shame and it has been feeding strong SI that’s only been getting worse, to make things much worse the people I’ve betrayed / hurt in the past refuse to let me forget it - they define me by my past mistakes and insist that they’re being angelic to me yet I’m narrowly escaping my own desire to not be here any more daily.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling with people in your life defining you by your past mistakes. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself, please reach out to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. I have other free mental health resources listed on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp
I hope you find this resources helpful, as I am unable to offer any personalized assistance. I am sending you so much strength and love to get through this. ❤️❤️❤️
Wow thank you for this! I’m so tired of putting myself in the box. Time to break free!!
Woohoo!!
Thankyou, I'm really crying rn because of my decision..
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️
Thank you for your videos they are very helpful . I'm still trying to leave all regrets and baggage ....so sending my thankfulness to you.❤
Thank you for being here, Stephanie ❤️ So glad these videos are helpful for you.
Thank you Cole, this is exactly what I need at this time in my life.
Glad it resonated ❤️
I am a ghost in my own life. I wear guilt, self loathing, and sorrow like a very heavy cloak. I exist in my home like an ever dependable picture on the wall. I wake every morning with the awareness that I made a terrible mistake. …it sits with me all day. I get a few hours here and there where I forget. It always returns. 💔
I’m 53 and I’m scared I will carry this for the remainder of my life. 😢Nothing soothes this sorrow. 😢
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Stacey 💕 Is therapy accessible for you? If not, I have a list of free mental health resources on my website: terricole.com/gethelp
I feel exactly the same way about myself; 51 y.o. whose past came back to haunt her with a vengeance. Now I struggle to get through each day. May have ruined my marriage, and I'm feeling hopeless and worthless, and just very, very tired.
I am holding space for your tiredness and sending you strength, Melissa ❤️
Terri, you are so right on. Thank you.
❤️❤️
I am currently sitting here 2:30 in the morning after another argument with my wife. She has a lot of trauma from her childhood. Her father was terrible to her and we lived next to him for quite a few years. She said that I kept her in an unsafe situation. By staying next door to him. He would never hit her or anything but was argumentative and bossy. I finally moved us and she can’t get over that it took me so long. She also told me that I wasn’t around enough as a dad. I made a lot of mistakes and I can’t move past it.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your wife, Dave. It sounds like you understand where she is coming from. ❤️ Are either of you open to couple's counseling? A third party may be able to help here.
Otherwise, I have a couple of tips on fair fighting in this video that may help: ua-cam.com/video/BDLLGVCSulE/v-deo.html and how to communicate during conflict here: ua-cam.com/video/xpkjFkhK6tg/v-deo.html
Hi, I’m 26, I feel like a mess, messed up real bad. And suddenly feel so guilty for continuously doing it. I wish I had someone I could talk to and who could actually help
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time ❤️ Is therapy accessible to you? If it is, I have a video on how to choose the right therapist for you: ua-cam.com/video/KanMmTUeUlQ/v-deo.html
I also have a list of free resources on my website, which includes chat and crisis lines: terricole.com/gethelp I am sending you love and strength ❤️
I normally dont think of past regrets but i recently had a dream about an ex i cheated on. Now im ruminating on the past because i loved him so much i was just to scared to get married at that time he was leaving for the militaryand i still had 2 years of high school. I have learned alot about this but i still cant get it out of my head and im even in a relationship where i have been with my husband for 13 years. This makes no sense. I did finally forgive myself for hurting someone. I thought about apologizing but i feel that would create another mess i do not want to get into so forgiving myself is the best i can do.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you ❤️
Hello friends. I'm a 25 year old female. I have spend my entire life creating a victim narrative, I have ruined relationships anf good jobs because of my temper and my bad attitude. I'm in a relationship now, with a good man. We have talked a lot and it helped me to do some self reflection. At some point in life it isn't my family or parent's guilt anymore. I have chosed and acted bad. It is on me. I want to change, but I can't deny I feel this terrible guilt and shame, as if the only solution would be to press a reset button and start living again from the start.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Patricia ❤️
This was as usual great ! Thanks so much
You are so welcome ❤️
Goddamn I can't emphasize how much I appreciate this video existing. Put a sad query into the search bar and end up here. Understanding the why has always helped me process my emotions, my therapist has always been surprised but encouraging about my note taking during sessions lol thank you so much for this though, great supplement for the in-between.
So glad this video could provide you with some comfort in-between sessions ❤️❤️
I have made so many mistakes when im blacked out drunk im so embarrassed and full of regret. I have hurt my family. I will be going sober moving forward alcohol is not for me. I enjoyed it but at what cost? I can’t lose my family they are all I have.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕
Every time i make a mistake i feel bad and regret it. But mistakes happen and again and again :(
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Without knowing the details, you may be experiencing a repeating reality. These two videos might help, depending on your situation: ua-cam.com/video/A3dzWh0uIuI/v-deo.html & ua-cam.com/video/WsnPXDmiumk/v-deo.html
I have made a huge mistake that has had massive consequences on my physical health. I cancelled some treatment and now my condition has worsened. I had multiple reasons for doing it, and I was completely overwhelmed and stressed from being so caught up in them. I have rebooked the treatment but I can't stop bashing myself for cancelling the first time because I believe by delaying the treatment I've made my health worse. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself :(
I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕
Thank you. I am really depressed and in disbelief at my decision and the consequences of it. I feel like such a fool@@terri_cole
Is there any way you can speak to your doctor about this and how it is affecting you? ❤️
@@terri_cole yes I'm talking with a psychiatrist and my doctor about it. I just have to wait until the procedure and endure the symptoms that I have
So glad to hear you're taking care of yourself in that way 💕 I am wishing you the best.
I am 30 yo, I have never been in a healthy relationship. I did not love myself enough to choose better for myself and let go those who did not deserve me. How do I forgive me for hurting myself?
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Have you tried the steps outlined in the video and inside the guide? (The link to download the guide is in the video description.)
Were healthy relationships modeled for you? For many of us, the answer was no. It's difficult to recognize the signs of an UNhealthy relationship because of that. So often, we didn't know better at the time we made a certain decision and now we do because we've learned from our experiences. If that resonates, consider forgiving yourself for not knowing better at the time and potentially reparent yourself to show yourself the love you deserve ❤️ (I have more on reparenting here: ua-cam.com/video/bsWXTZ-6Ul0/v-deo.html)
thankyou 🙏 ♥️ 🌹
The issues come up morning midday noon and night. Fed up
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
The thing is I didn’t do the best I could I knew exactly what I was doing that’s the worst to me
Thank you for seeing me :')
❤️❤️
Very helpful❤
❤️
I'm Edith nd I'm new
Hi Edith, welcome to my channel ❤️
What if we’ve never had a compassionate non-judgmental friend ?
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 You do not need to have this type of friend to be this for yourself. In the video I am talking more about how YOU would treat a friend, and how you would probably not be judging them as harshly as you're judging yourself.
Tell us what you did and ill answer who as i would friend!
Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.
My name is Michele and I cheated on my husband. I have a lot of past mistakes and still having a hard time forgiving myself
I am holding space for you ❤️
Michele, you are deserving of kindness and compassion... How are you doing now?
It so painful to think about the mistakes I have done
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your pain ❤️
@terri_cole Thank you. I couldn't expect a productive individual like myself would ruin my career opportunities, and end up wasting my time with people who would use me. I feel like I got used by own friends. It's painful to deal with.
I am afraid to make a choice now. I have made several big mistakes on my kids. I can't forgive myself.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your fear, Kathy ❤️
I can't stop doing that. I'm going to start drinking. Pray for me.
Hey there, I am so sorry to hear that and I am sending you strength 💕 I have a list of free mental health resources on my website here in case you'd like anyone to reach out to: www.terricole.com/gethelp/ I'd also like to gently invite you to talk to a professional therapist, a friend, or a trusted member of your family or clergy so you are not alone during this time.
When I was age 20 I had a winning lottery ticket that I didn't know I was supposed to sign. So the girl behind the counter took it and gave me $5. Forty years later I can't pay my bills.
I am so sorry to hear that, Carol 💕 Sending you love.
I do this repeatedly and really want to stop with this obsession. The constant ruminating and regrets.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Same here!! I hate the feeling! It's suffocating and anxiety kicks in! May we all find peace!
Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤
This makes me so happy to hear ❤️ You're so welcome.
4years ago or may I say when I was 16 high school years I made a lot of mistakes and drank a lot and always thought I was fat when I wasn’t and I just find this keeping me up just can’t stop thinking of what I should’ve done with that time instead of running away so much and chasing highs n love from people who had other intentions bad ones I was letting my self get used and just so young n stupid I hate that this is keeping me up rn I feel so bad of how I treated myself I just feel so damaged now..
I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, John ❤️❤️
This is so valuable to me as I struggle with guilt from parenting mistakes and it just tears me up inside.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I have been felt so regrii have chosen a wrong surgeon who has performed the knee surgery on my kid. Instead of having one surgery, this either greedy or unskilled surgeon divide one surgery into two surgeries. I have two surgeons to choose, but in the end I have chosen the wrong one. I have been felt so guilty for my kid who differed twice.
I am in the exact same boat!!!!! And it’s worse when your grown kids can never ever forgive you or give you any kind of grace at all 💔💔💔 I’m praying for you! I know it’s the worst pain ever! 😞🙏🙏🙏 I have ptsd so bad and all I think of all day and night is “ I should have done this , I should have done that, if I only knew then what I know now, how stupid I was and so on and so forth and it’s complete torture! I do give it to God , but then I keep taking it back
@@apples_and_orchards320517:43 . . . . . .... . . . . . : Is there no chance you could talk to them and apologize? Do they know you feel guilty?
Bless you. I have done the same to self. I came to this conclusion after decades- They have been adults for decades. If THEY CHOOSE not to talk things over, forgive and move on, everything I have been doing to make up for mistakes is of no use. I spent decades beating self up and it did NOBODY any good. I have lately said to self- piss on it. Take the years I have left and think and create happy. I have felt better and did more in the last month from that. It takes 2 to teeter totter. If they do not want to, go to the swing and feel the wind in your face smiling!!! 🎉❤
I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.
I am witnessing you with compassion, David 💕 That does sound difficult. Is it possible to not pick up the phone unless you know who is calling (and that it's safe to pick up)? That's one way to set a small boundary so you can move on, although I get not being able to do that with running into someone. If therapy is accessible/available to you, you might want to have the guidance of a therapist to work through all of this. Take care of yourself.
Whts your current situation
i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.
I'm 21 and I wish I had been more honest in my relationship. I committed a grave mistake and it's been my biggest regret. I've been going to therapy and I hope I can grow into a better person❤️
It sounds like you're on the right path ❤️
I am 20 years old now everyday i feel like i am behind everyone. I failed in my high school exam because I was chasing a girl i liked. Now its been three years after high school. I regret everday my poor life choices.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! I am holding space for your healing journey ❤️
Prayers for comfort and healing on you as you move forward. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you. I have been ruminating about declinig a big promotion at work. Regret is a big deal and this video helps me move on.
I am so glad it was helpful! ❤️
I'm 29 year old . My only regret is being overly kind to others but not to myself. Giving others chances to others but not to myself. I feel like wold is moving ahead amd I'm still at the same place.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ You're in the right spot because you're so not alone- I spent much of my younger life doing the same. It's never too late to begin putting yourself first and advocating for your needs and preferences. You might like this video I did: ua-cam.com/video/AJXBsiJJiUE/v-deo.html at the 7:52 minute mark I talk about this.
Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this a lot.
I really appreciate you, Terri. Thank you for everything you do; your light really does help to empower people.
I could never forgive myself. When I was a little girl, I found out that my dearest baby brother Seth was a late talker. Because of that, I bit his little ear. I also pushed him off the rocking chair. When we got older, I threw away his dinner, which was a plain McDonald's hamburger. He was so hungry! Now, I am 28 years old. Seth is 23 years old. Since we're both autistic, we still live in the same home together. Whenever I apologize to Seth for treating him so horribly, he says, "That's okay. I love you very much." Also, when I was 12 years old, I called my newborn baby brother Jeremiah evil. I still feel extremely guilty about that. Jeremiah is 15 years old now and will be 16 years old on September 17th. Whenever I apologize to Jeremiah for calling him evil when he was only a newborn baby, he says, "That's okay. I don't remember any of that. I will always love you." Whenever I tell him that the real evil person was me for saying that about him, he says, "You're not evil. You're a nice girl. If you know that Jesus loves you, then you're not evil. I always knew that Jesus loves me." To make it up to Jeremiah, I give him hugs and money, I tell him that he's so cute and sweet, and I tell him that I love him. Also, when I was 10 years old, I lied to my elementary school guidance counselor. I told her that Daddy was physically abusing me. At 26 years old, I felt extremely guilty for lying to her, so I decided to write her a letter. In the letter, I told her the entire truth. I told her that Daddy had never hurt me in any way, shape, or form. I told her that Daddy always loved me unconditionally. When she got that letter, she called the police department. The police department called my house. When a handsome young policeman came to my house, he told me that my elementary school guidance counselor had already known the truth a long time ago. Also, when I was 9 years old, I threatened to kill my unborn baby brother Isaiah because I wanted a sister. Whenever I apologize to Isaiah, who's 18 years old now, about that, he says, "It's fine. I don't remember any of that." Also, when I was 9 years old, I refused to play Down By The Station on the recorder in school. I threw my recorder at my music teacher and yelled, "I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" Whenever I write these letters to him, he never writes back. Also, when I was 11 years old, I wrote a lie about Mommy, Daddy, and my maternal uncle, Mommy's oldest brother, in school. A teacher then called the police. Everybody on Mommy's side of the family and Daddy's side of the family came to my house. Mommy asked, "Hannah, what did you write?! Your dad and I will go to jail!" When Daddy came home from work, the child service ladies came to my house and talked to me and Daddy on the porch. I was afraid that my parents and uncle were gonna get arrested. Whenever I apologize to them about it, Mommy says, "Honey, you were already forgiven a long time ago. Just forget about it and move on with your life!" Daddy, who had a massive stroke on February 26th, 2013, just tells me to forget about it. Mommy's oldest brother says, "It's okay, sweetie. Uncle doesn't remember any of that. Uncle's old. Uncle will always love you." The only thing that I want in life is for my elementary school music teacher to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I feel like he will never forgive me. All these other people forgive me, though, but I will never forgive myself. Daddy now lives in the local nursing home, where he's in good hands. Every time we go to church, we pray for Daddy to get better from his stroke. Before Daddy had a stroke, he would always walk, talk in complete sentences, sing, and read Bible stories to me and my little brothers. Growing up, my little brothers and I had to witness Daddy going to the hospital. When I was a little girl, Daddy was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. He suffered from a heart attack. My little brothers and I wanted to ride with him. When I was 5 years old, Daddy had to get his chest and arm cut open. Why did Daddy have to get all those surgeries, you may ask? It's because when Daddy was a very little boy, his parents usually fed him lots and lots of junk foods, candy, chocolates, meat, sodas, and very little fruit and vegetables. The only exercise Daddy got was from playing baseball, his favorite sport. Growing up, Daddy maintained his unhealthy diet. When he was only 37 years old, he suffered from a heart attack. At only 54 years old, Daddy had a massive stroke.
The story of Daddy's stroke.
On February 26th, 2013, Daddy was at work. He had to give a big presentation. When his friends realized that he wasn't coming into the meeting room, they assumed that he was just nervous before the big presentation. They just waited for minutes. When those minutes became hours, they came to check on Daddy. One of his friends said, "Hey, Jimmy, what's taking you so long, man?" When they saw him, he was slumped over in his chair. His iced tea spilled all over his keyboard. His boss called 911. Lots of cops, firefighters, and paramedics, took Daddy to the nearest hospital. He was diagnosed with a stroke.
I know that I'm getting off topic now, but even though those people forgive me, I could never forgive myself.
Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.
I am so, so glad it helped ❤️ Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for making this video, I have learnt from my mistake and also I am trying to make it right with good intentions. & Being kind and having faith is the key. Also praying while you make everything right has worked for me.
I am 68 and I have many regrets. Some are about recent things, others are old. And sometimes I turn and turn to them. The more difficult to me are those I hurt someone and even I could find some excuses for what I did (not always) I suffer thinking of that. I know it’s done and it can’t be changed but it’s like I punish my self, I think.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Céu ❤️
Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.
I am so glad to hear my words were of comfort to you ❤️
I've been in a real slump over the last weeks. Remembering something that I did 40 years ago that had a negative effect on my children. I suffered from Mental health issues , a husband having affairs, and I could go on. But because I'm not very bright I made bad decisions. It was only many years later that I became self aware. My consciousness was made aware of all the stupid things that I've done and said in my life. Your video has helped. I'm going through a lot right now of beating myself up. It all came to the surface when my eldest daughter mentioned some things that I acknowledged . I've found life very difficult, especially relationships. . .. Thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you ❤️
As anothers' daughter, I forgive you
Memo: having regrets is freaking useless. The only thing that it does is to anker u in the past
This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.
I am so glad you found your way to this video! I hope the guide is helpful 💕
I made a mistake two days ago. I am 29 and I did drugs and I hated it. My thoughts afterwards were: why am I doing this? Why am I treating myself like that? My body is my temple and I made one mistake that is eating me from inside out and I can’t forgive myself for this. I know I’m not gonna do it anymore because I simply hated it but the fact that it’s done hurts me I lot.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Excellent video. This a daily struggle for me. Thank you very much for the tips. I am very grateful that you are taking the time to record such a video. What a blessing! Much love to you 😘
I am so glad it was helpful for you ❤️
I don't recall those mistakes and regrets but sometimes the situation comes and all those scenes are back in my mind. Then my mind got completely blocked and I felt frustrated.
My mind tells me to punch hard on something and feel pain.
What should i do?
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I'm not able to offer individual counseling on the topic, but I would recommend the help of a therapist to guide you through unpacking this, if therapy is accessible for you. If it's not, I have a list of free mental health resources on my website here: terricole.com/gethelp
If you're at risk of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential, and the crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist you. ❤️
You are so beautiful.
i have made alot of mistakes after i last my wife in heaven 31 yrs i still don't how to deal with life after being married that many yrs but i some how found my next wifey an she is a keeper for life
Thank you for this video. It helped to ease a lot of my pain. Through my actions I have hurt and disappointed the dearest, most favorite person in my life and gave him a trauma he is probably going to deal with for the next years, maybe even his whole life not being able to trust anyone again. I am afraid this experience changed the trajectory of both of our lives and impacted him in a very dangerous way. I will probably never see him again, nor our mutual friends, and if I somehow do, I won't be greeted. I have fallen extremely in his eyes and also my perception of myself darkened greatly. Thoughts like "I am really this person" or "I am a bad person" or "This cannot be forgiven". He didn't accept my apologies and has every right to do so. It hurts to accept that he hates me, and if he manages to heal from this, that he will feel totally indifferent towards me, because until yesterday I was the love of his life and vice versa. I love him from the bottom of my heart and just hope that he will heal from this, even if that will require changing his perception of me to the worst possible.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I was so bothered by regret today .... this helped a lot.
❤️
I've been feeling guilty for things i did when i was younger and I'm 17 now and when i was younger the things i did and said i didn't realize were wrong at the time and didn't think about consequences and i feel like even at the age i was i should've known better i just didn't.
I was a bully to a colleague, and did not even realise that he was going through struggles. Only more than 25 years or more later,I want to ask for forgiveness. Sad I can't find him. It is difficult to forgive myself to forgive myself. Each time I find episodes of how bad I treated him...when he was such a good person.
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for your sadness 💕
This was plainly and simply incredible. I'm going to place the mentioned steps into practice now, but I can already tell just after listening that I'm feeling ten times better about my situation. Thank you.
I am so, so glad to hear that ❤️❤️
I am new to your program, I regret constantly not having a child when I could have , and it was the ideal moment, it would have improved things with my family, husband, I would have been connected with more people, and I feel it would have made my husband happy, and now that I am 66 I would have a child 26 and something to look forward to in life.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up,out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than,” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also,realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Vivian ❤️
@@terri_cole thank you so much! I feel such a lightness of being. I’ve always been an introspective person (retired college a English teacher here) & have long wrestled with this obsessing over mistakes issue. I finally feel a sense of peace. Blessings to you!
I suppose it’s a journey, it doesnt happen just like that, it takes a while. Trust in the Process
I am feeling so hopeless and fatigue made a lot of mistakes in my past lost everything and hit Rock bottom.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way ❤️
I hope you're treating yourself with more kindness ❤️
@@xuemem yes I am,we learn from our mistakes..thanks so much
Thank you, Terri. I am so grateful for your guidance. So much has healed in my spirit since I began following your wisdom.
❤️❤️❤️
Wow…i really needed to hear this. Stuck in the cycle of shame is not living
I'm glad it resonated ❤️
Movies life i watching... everybody do thari duty because i am disturbe i trying my self to fix it withmy husband nobody effect but as liz say i am awake for me self no matters who see me. take cair or no i am taking cair of my self 🧡💛💙🙏
Hello all, my name is Mark!
Hi Mark, welcome to my channel!
Hi my name is Bryson I am 13 and have looked up some things that i regret. And don't know how to forgive myself and this really helped. Thank you for creating this video.
I am so glad to hear this video helped you, Bryson ❤️
Hi Terri. My name is Aji, I am from Indonesia, I am struggling with letting go the past, either it was because of me or even other people
Hi Aji, I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Ive felt terrible for over a month now because inhad lustful thoughts abt women even though i have a gf. I told my gf about it and she was upset but forgives me. I have since focused on her and quit all p0rn. I just for some reason hate my past self and cant get rid of the guilty or shame. Im a completely different person now and bf. Ive been so much better yet i still see myself as a cheater. Id never dream of cheating but having those thought's makes me feel like ine even after forgiveness. I also suffer witb anxiety. Im on meds. I can barely eat anymore without puking. Ive lost 5kg in the last month. Ive stopped going gym which was the only thing keeping me going.
I am so sorry to hear you're struggling and I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I have a list of free mental health resources on my site that might help: terricole.com/gethelp If therapy is accessible to you, I recommend unpacking this with a professional. You deserve support ❤️
I m from Tunisia it is the first time listening for you im deeply regretting the past mainly my mariage experience .after period of time of mariage i find out may husband in relation with another woman .At the beginning it hurts me alot but alater on i decide to move on i want to change my life . i retuned back to accomplish my study .I have learned alot from my past those horrible experiences are just stones and i want to build stairs from tghem i will move and never give up what ever happened to me alot of time ask myself why thet heppen to me but i retun back to praying and cheshing the moment and looking forward for better moments i need to move on for the benefit of me my future and my kid need strong woman who is able to do it and heal herself thanks fror you video i like your speech thanks alot again
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I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm 33 and I feel like I've done too much, I have just retreated from life because I'm scared I'll sdo something that will build onto this huge mountain of regret that's on my shoulders.
So much shame and guilt.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love, Charlotte ❤️
Thank you, Terri!!!! I really appreciate your time creating this episode + guide. Thank you!!
❤️❤️
What is the difference between being self- compassionate and egocentric? Or, in other words, where is the line that separates these two?
Because in the end at "reframing our regrets" you said not to do bad actions thinking that we're just self compassionate.
Thanks for asking- I think we can be compassionate toward ourselves while also taking responsibility and owning up to it. For example, if you make a mistake that impacts someone else, you can apologize to them while also not beating yourself up over it, if that makes sense.
@@terri_cole Hi and thanks for responding
Making a mistake is an unconscious action. I was asking about self-compassionate vs egocentric.
In both cases, when someone makes a conscious decision knowing that it would affect someone else’s life, how they know if the decision is to be self-compassionate or egocentric?
Thank you for this video. I regret for things I should have said or done to my dad who passed away in dec 2023. Regrets is killing me and steal my peace. It hurts a lot. I love my dad so much.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️❤️
This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
There is a period between April 2019 till August of 2020 that I wish I could delete from my life. Those 15 months haunt me all these years later. I hope that I can forgive myself and let go of the mistakes I made.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength your way, Ifrah ❤️
Same time period i hope we both come outof it'
I am my own number one bully. My mother mentioned that I give so much patience and kindness to others and I deny it for myself. I need to take this advice. self compassion. kindness. TO MYSELF.
Yes, you deserve it! ❤️
Thank you for this video. i find it very helpful. I will follow your advice and start a journal about it. I am 67 years old and have been obsessing about regrets. I really need to do something about it.
I am so glad you found it helpful 💕
I am watching this in 2024
I am just 21 and I have made terrible mistakes for two times in my life concerning my finances
When I get a huge amount of money I spend it recklessly without doing something important in my life and I just feel guilty of how I spent the money the way i did
And I want to overcome those mistakes to do better and feel better
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ This is more common than you might think. So many of us have stories about money from our family of origin. This episode on financial boundaries may help as it talks about discovering your "money blueprint" (those inherited beliefs from family): ua-cam.com/video/oZQSCBSHQL0/v-deo.html
You can also spend some time exploring the reasons why you spent it via journaling. It might be helpful to think about what kind of emotions you were feeling before you got the money and when you got the money, or what kind of thoughts you were having prior to it. It's also worthwhile to ask yourself if you saw this type of behavior from anyone growing up, as you may have learned it elsewhere.
Im 39, single, childless, have made little effort to find someone in my late twenties and 30s....my career has been a series of unfortunate events that have resulted in no growth due to my stupid mistakes...i am the definition of regret. I like your message though.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
i feel the same,and so alone
You are still here, stay strong, although it feels bad a lot of people must also be in this position. We aren't all given the tools to thrive or know what to want or how to get it, nor do we always have that motivation or ability.
I normally look forward and don't dwell on past events however I recently got out of a toxic relationship and I'm still looking for answers. Ruminating first thing in a morning is mashing my head. Trying to figure out why someone I treated with love, care, accommodated, supported through ill health and so on, treated me so very badly. Now he's moved in with someone else.
I am so sorry you're navigating this, Nicola ❤️ That sounds painful. This video may help: ua-cam.com/video/gig4uJ-O0M8/v-deo.html
and I love your settting the cheery yellow and a pretty girl
I am 22 done with my post graduation i wish i had studied in those 2 years rather than had fun. Now i am confused in my life what to do next and keep cursing myself why i didn't study when i had time now it feels like the exam i want to give is getting tougher and I can't clear it anymore. I am studying everyday now but feels like i can never clear it and will lack behind those who had done hardwork in thses 2 years
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
what if you keep comparing yourself to the super bad people and think they should not be forgiven so why should I? Maybe Because I did something less bad but then am i not still bad (that's the loop that keeps happening in my head) i wish i could stop and just give myself more compassion. i make no sense and its so hard
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I find it's most useful to approach this with curiosity and compassion for yourself, first and foremost. When we do that, over time, it becomes easier to extend that same compassion out to others. Being judgmental only keeps us in a blame game with ourselves and doesn't allow us to move on. Sometimes, it feels "safe" to stay here because we feel like by ruminating, we prevent ourselves from making the same mistake. But that's not true. Developing a deeper understanding of why we made those mistakes in the first place is what actually helps us learn and move on in a better way.
The other thing I'd say is who are we to know who deserves forgiveness? And who are we to say what we did is as bad or worse than what they did? We have no idea what's going on in other people's heads or the lives they've lived. We can only know ourselves, which is why it's more useful to focus there. Comparing ourselves to others isn't constructive. Forgiving yourself doesn't mean forgetting what happened. It means committing to learning something about yourself and making difference choices.
I hope that helps xo
It isn't that simple..in the past I was healthy and well and in the present I'm anything but that so living in the present isn't and wouldn't be an amazing moment for me which is why I constantly regret decisions and go back to the past in my thoughts cos it's the closest I can get to a time when I had better well being..that which I don't have today.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
Feeling deep guilt and regret lead me into a years long abusive trauma bonded relationship that ended in my becoming completely disassociated. It’s taken a long time to figure out what happened and I’m still unpacking it all. Deep, painful regret and being constantly shamed isn’t something easily worked through.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love your way ❤️
@@terri_cole Thank you so much for your support and validation, Terri. ❤️
I’m new to this channel I have one regret that I made in my past that I shouldn’t have and it was being in a very toxic relationship it drag me down because I was blind by love I had rumors in middle school and high school telling me that I shouldn’t be with him because he had bad mental health issues this happened when I was 13 to 14 years old but now I’m 19 and it still gives me ptsd until this day🤔
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Toxic relationships are hard enough to deal with as an adult- children are rarely fully equipped to deal with that. But what you know now from having that experience can protect you, too. ❤️ I have a short video that speaks to this, too: ua-cam.com/video/jiX4YKt8bKI/v-deo.html
I brokeup with my ex because I wasn't feeling the same I used to feel and then went into a relationship it's been 1year we are together and now iam feeling like he is pulling away and Iam too involved with him I don't know what to do.
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕
I feel soo hurt that i broke my best friends relationship 💔😭. It hurts me deep. I wana heal from the guilt and shame
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
We are given an owners manual! Great talk Miss Terri 💘
But what if you lost all that God had for you. I still have my boys and grands but I don’t get the time w them that their dad and step mother gets bc they live closer but also they love their daddy very much. They love me too but the time I could have had now that I’m older is a round the clock heart ache I made a terrible decision many years ago and it the consequences are eternal. Still broken hearted.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Denise 💕