ENFPs: How To Survive A Breakup
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- Опубліковано 16 жов 2024
- ENFP Soul Bootcamp Programs: www.heidipriebe.com/enfp-soul-bootcamp
Alright, two things I need to clear up immediately: (1) No, I have not been absent because I've been going through a breakup. I've been hiking across Europe with very little wifi. Will catch you up on it soon. (2) Sorry about my out-of-control Greece frizz hair. In one week I'll be back in Toronto and you'll get a better-groomed Heidi. IN THE MEANTIME, here is a very heavily requested video, in which my heart goes out big-time to anyone who needs it.
Feel free to drop your best breakup self-care strategies in the comments. If there's any time we need help with that kinda stuff, it's when we're newly heartbroken.
Whether you're ENFP, INFP, INFJ, ENFJ, INTP, ENTP, INTJ, ENTJ, ESFP, ISFP, ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ISTP, ISTJ or ESTJ I wish you healing after an appropriate amount of time spent tending to your broken heart. This stuff hurts. I know.
“Don’t move on without learning the lessons that you needed to learn from the experience you went through.” 🙌🏼 Now that is wisdom. Perfectly said, Heidi ♥️
"ENFPs: how to survive a break up"
me, ENFP, reading this title: "1. we don't"
lolol sorry it's an awesome video and thank you so much if I only had watched it earlier in life, thank you 🙌
You make A Taylor swift breakup playlist to cry to. The next day send a 4 min very rambly voice message, have a very open Fi talk and work out the terms to which you are moving on with (because friends before) then essentially afterwards send them the script for the end of a coming of age film you’ve just made up (as if the breakup is the end of a coming of age film) and end with “hope you enjoyed and would recommend to a friend. Thanks for watching”
And that was it. And honestly that whole open and honest sharing of feelings for both of us of how we felt- I mean absolutely everything (at least on my part) as well as knowing the terms on which we were ending the relationship and how we were going to be from now on (like distancing myself, I want to be friends but I am anxiously attached and need to put distance between me and her to properly process and get over and resolve feelings)- but that entire talk is what I needed, and is the best way for me to end a relationship. And then I obviously ended with that entire movie thing because it’s the most Megan way I could have ended things- had to end on bang. 😂
I just got the "INFJ door slam" from a beautiful soul who I will always love. She was my best friend for the last two years. I wasn't all wrong...she wasn't all right. I'm learning from this experience...but man, this hurts. Like wake up in the morning crying kind of hurt. I watched myself get smaller and smaller until I disappeared in her rearview mirror. Platonic break ups can crush your soul.
I feel you there 🥺❤️
Having a similar experience with a 3 year relationship. You're not alone. I almost wish we broke up on worse terms because I still think she's an amazing person, we just aren't each other's person anymore. That feels so much worse than If one of us was in the wrong.
As an ENFP if there's one thing I've realized is when you truly love someone, love never goes away post-breakup - especially when you truly think that was the one but what ive also realized is the relationship might break up but the love never goes away, it just takes different forms of friendship. strangers again or even hate sometimes and the only way I've known to handle it is to ask my self " if you love someone so much, are you ok being friends with them than just strangers again ? can you be happy seeing them happy in life regardless of you being together? and to truly accept that to love someone is not to possess them or be in a relationship with them but to just love them with healthy boundaries for life. All of this might need a period of being away and then realizing you can still be great friends first before partners and most importantly - let it go, if it's meant to be - it will be... just don't cling onto the idea of being in love or being with this person.
Do you want to be with someone who loves their ex and who's eternally open to resuming a relationship with them? Because I sure fuckin don't.
Keep living in the past and loving your exes all you want, but do everyone you want to date a favor and don't date them.
@@windingstars you put a very small and shallow meaning to the idea of love :) and yes I am still great friends with all my exs and love them, my current partners know that and have the maturity to understand that difference relationship and the unconditional love I have for people in my lives. 💜
@@fahimmaldar I'm glad you are able to be with someone who would also drop you in an instant to resume a relationship with an ex they still love. Truly, you deserve each other.
ENFP speaking here: Personally I'm unable to keep friendship with an ex or a friend for which I had fell in love.
And I even spoke about this to my ex before she had break up with me, I told her straight up that if this relationship (whoever would break) would end I doubt I would be able to stay friend with her.
I did tried the contact zero and it worked for a little but at the end I had to block the other person from all social medias and ways of contact. This might seem immature but it was for my own good, it was affecting my mental health drastically in such a way that I never thought it could happen.
I don't see how you can stay friend with someone that promised you to love forever and that you shared so much personal information about your life, your vulnerabilities and even intimacy, physical intimacy.
This doesn't mean I hate or disrespect people who managed to keep a friendship with their exes, not at all. I actually admire you, respect you and even would love to learn from you.
I guess you missed the point... Love is not necessarily romantic love. You can love someone as a person but never want to be together again. I have a lot of love for several of my exes and i never got back together with them or even had a "backslide" because I have healthy boundaries. And I don't keep friendships with anyone I feel attraction for... Strangely, when I break up with a person, when I reach closure the physical/sexual attraction completely fades away. I am demisexual, I don't know if it has something to do with it.
And this is spot on I think we have a hard time with breakups cause we’re secretly just big marshmallows pretending to be humans. It’s so hard being intensely invested in the people we care about.😭
Omg this one's so relatable... 😭😭 It's been 3 months since my last break up and I'm an enfp with mostly dominant attachment style - fearful avoidant.. and I can sooo relate with this feeling of mind constantly shifting of wanting to go back and moving as far away as possible... It's really painful for us when we have invested sooo much in a relationship. All the points brought up are so so so true... I am still not completely over my relationship and i can say that this one break-up has shaken up the idea of myself that i had before.. it's hard to completely realize all the lessons.. but i have realised some of them and i hope i will be able to understand the others soon.. I'm really scared to put myself back out in the dating world.. I don't completely understand myself yet..
I know that many people feel like this too and i hope you give yourself the time to get back up.. i will get there sooner or later and i know you will too.. take care.. And thank you Heidi for such a beautiful video.
So true, I have literally said the same sentence: breakups are SO unnatural!
You articulate what I could never put into words. Thank you. I spent months trying to understand a breakup, and was getting no where until sitting at the piano and writing this song “Lullaby”. It fit like a Lego brick. As you explained, and I never understood this, music was giving myself a space to process the emotions.
Wow Heidi!!
Everything you said after 26:42 touched my soul deeply. It was as if you had me on emotional anesthetics and kindly removed a bullet from my heart. Everything around me stopped, and all could hear were your words:
There is a reason why I can't; there is a reason why I left; there is a reason why it wasn't working out. And I can't stay stuck in these idealizations at the expense of my future growth. Until you learn how to look at the past realistically and acknowledge the relationship for what it was both good and bad and not shove them solely into one category or another, you will stay trapped in ambifiguous indecision. The antidote for emotional ambiguity is emotional self-awareness. Understanding and giving credit to everything that we felt while understanding what is needed moving forward that is different.
The why and the what next, and accepting that what was once right for me, it's not anymore.
I'm going through a post-brakeup period right now. I'm already following most of your tips, cause heart knows what to do and how to use pain for better understanding and growing. But this video also help, so thank you.
To every other ENFP in pain, listen your feelings without stereotypes and cultural influences. It will help to understand what went wrong and what to learn from the experience.
This advice I got from a dear friend, "Remember that you deserve better. It hurts. It always hurts when a relationship ends.
Build yourself up. Invest more time into a hobby or two, it helps quiet and distract the mind. When your mind is racing at night and you can't stop crying, lie on your back and take deep breaths with your eyes closed. Feel your chest expanding, let your face and shoulders relax. Listen to some soothing insomnia music (I like Blue Forest) and just focus on your deep breathing.
Forget finding a fish in the sea... cast your lines out in hope of catching a WHALE when you are ready to try dating again."
I am finding that the ideas in this video are almost 100% applicable to processing the death of a loved one. Thanks, ENFP friend, so much. Hugely helpful advice. It's an amazing parallel though. I haven't stopped loving this person, but they are no longer in my daily life... and I am going through this break up with all the good and bad aspects of who they were in my life forever. Totally completely applicable.
WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AT 1:00 LITERALLY HAD ME CLAPPING MY HANDS SCREAMING “THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING!!” because i just think breakups are one of the most emotionally draining and unnatural human experiences EVER. someone going from your favorite person alive to ur worst enemy (worst case of course) is so tragic and its literally ALL we know
Thank you for teaching us all how to navigate ourselves. I am going through a break-up now. You are helping me to be mindful of the process. Letting go not only of a person, but also of all the possibilities that existed alongside someone you care for. Love is, indeed, rare. Thank you for helping me honor that.
This video resonates so much. Its beautiful and great advice - unlike any other advice you would usually get from a non ENFP!
I have to tell you how incredible you are for your ability to constantly accepting your true-self yet learning to be better everyday, and share it to inspire others. I adore you so much for that. Thank you. You definitely inspire me a lot - Your ENFP friend.
Heidi making lifesaving videos for NFPs! Glad you're talking about these topics!
you are sooo right about stopping and to spend time to see what went wrong etc. because eventually i stopped from dating anyone because there was a consistency reason they felt all all the ex said and i didnt see what the consistency was. only until i just pull out and found how to be happy for myself and love myself i was able to look back and process and realize no wonder they left and realize i did it to them all and felt horrible. but my emotions was gone; i resched out to them all , to let them know. i also realize i did it to close friends too.
Found your channel through the INTJ video where they kept praising us, which is super amazing and I enjoyed the whole hour without noticing the time. And I really want to thank you because so many things I struggle with, you made clear and easy to understand ❤️ I hope you make more videos about mastering our cognitive functions. Thank you thank you thank you 😊
And yeah I do too take a long period of time (like around two years) to actually feel that I'm over the person emotionally and that I can start a new relationship again.
This was a brilliant video. I believe you are helping so many people with your content. Thank you
Heidi you are so fuckin gorgeous!😍 Whoever lost you hates themselves everyday
Thank you for this video. 4 months into the break up now I think I am doing really well dealing with negative emotions. This video gave me clues on what to pay attention to moving forward as I think I am getting impatient to go back to balance.
if only every single person in the planet heard this excellent message
❤thank you for this. Breakups are a new thing in human history/herstory. It’s normal to feel strong emotions including regret and loss.
With many relationships I haven't had extreme emotions after a breakup. Maybe sad a couple days but then I'm over it. I don't think it's from avoiding processing it though...I have a healthy attachment style, but I still have a tendency in my major relationships to stay long past the relationship expiration date. That's what I've had to work on, not feeling guilt or blame over a failed relationship and understanding that I can't fix a relationship on my own. So I have held on so long in those relationships, that I already grieved the relationship before we broke up. And once I got past that feeling and was over the relationship that's when I ended it.
Thank you so much Heidi! You helped me a lot in difficult times!
Omg your timing for this video is impecable! Ive been in breakup hell for 1 week. Thank you!!
Wow, now that I’ve actually watched the whole video: Thanks so much, Heidi ♥️ This is such a great, heartfelt vid. I love how authentic and caring you are. It’s like speaking to a close friend, with a big heart and a wellspring of wisdom :)
Really needed this today, haven't watched the video yet but I want to thank you for helping while noone does
Very interesting perspective. Enfp’s rock in their thinking. Enjoyed listening.
I am just beginning to be okay with myself after 5 years after losing the best friend I ever had. I've worked with a therapist on all of this. I see a lot of recovery work for myself until I fully recover. I feel in order to be fully whole again I have to rebuild my entire world view now that my heart is no longer broken. Its funny as before this happen before meeting the person -- I felt happy good and life was going well.
I have a hard time with friendships ending as well. I cried for a few weeks this year when I realized someone I had befriended wasn't friends with me. I spoke with them about it and created closure to move on. I am not resentful just sad that we cannot talk, as we had several things in common.
I am vulnerable to one sided connections with people male or female whether they be platonic or something more. In fact it was a topic of discussion with my therapist today -- why I am so vulnerable to this.
“Emotional honesty”
"we're clever. Just in like more an overt way." that made me smile (:
Thank you so much for this. I’ve felt shattered after being the dismissive avoidant and then going to therapy to try and get her back. Did it work? Well…I am less dismissive…but with someone else. However, I still feel (possibly limerence) for her. It’s so difficult but your videos do help. Thank you for all you do.
You are literally the most relatable person in the world to me right now.
My ex said she loved me but somehow she also didn't appreciate me as much as I wanted and used to praise her ex from time to time (I'm sure in a healthy way) and she also talked about impressing her and that I had only impressed her rarely (she was okay with the fact that she hadn't impressed me). She had a very negative vibe about her and I was always looking for validation and now that we've separated it's messing with my head.
How can I get out of this loop of self sabotage ?? Would appreciate any tips.
Thanks !
It has been a year since my break up and we still talk daily. It's been quite the emotional ride for me and I still hurt. I've had no clue how to navigate it. Love and needed this video ❤️❤️❤️. Thank you !
This is me today. How are you after two years?
Well how I dealt with it is a day later sending 4 mins worth of voice message (which btw my ability to talk so much without taking a breath is low key impressive)- just a very Fi ramble. Then having an open discussion of how we both feel, and what now, being open and authentic (at least I was and they appeared vulnerable and open). Then after all the serious heart to heart things, I ended with
“Goodbye Mae” *cue monologue*
“maybe we’ll meet again someday…. Then went on to this entire monologue (like the script) then *Megan turns for one last looo as Mae walks into the sunset. Megan smiles to herself before turning and walking back down the street in the opposite direction, headphones in as New Romantics by Taylor swift plays as credits roll*
Then of course had the coming of age ending scene of “that’s my story of first love, of heartbreak, of friendship and finding myself along the way… a new chapter of my life is over and a new one is just beginning and I for one can not wait to see what it holds for me”
*actual end of credits to something that I want from Tangled*
Fade to black.
I know you probably want another post credit scene- but that’s the end of real this time. Hope you enjoyed and would recommend it to a friend
Thanks for watching
Yes that is what I sent (with parts cut out but you get the idea) and honestly I can’t think of a more Megan way to end it. I searched “ ENFP and breakups” in hoping if finding some advice and honestly this is so helpful. My biggest problem is that we were close friends before, and I really don’t want to have any space between us, but today I just felt like I need to to heal and get through it. So I sent a long ramble voice message because I had all these things and it came out in all this word vomit- they broke up with me and I hadn’t processed it to tell them how I felt over voice message. But the message exchange today was what I needed. I needed this Fi chat where we can talk about boundaries and where to go from here in terms of staying friends but needing to put distance between us even though I really didn’t want to, I feel it’s what I need. and then I went out on a bang, in the only way I really could end a conversation like that. It’s the first step to processing and moving on- and the whole film analogy is how I perceive things often because by putting it into a hypothetical context it’s more digestible for me to understand and process.
I am a 7w6 though so there is also my tendency to distract myself in any way possible. I also have an anxious attachment style and get attached very easily, so part of it is trying to loosen that attachment.
Thankyou Heidi, the timing of this video in my life is rediculously on point and such a big help!
Love You Heidi!
Thanks for all the excellent information. I just discovered this perceptual theology of "personality types"... took the test... ENFP-a... everythimg i learn about this very accurately describes me.
👀 these are freakishly accurate! I honk laughed like three times lol
Love you ❤😀, I felt like the only one that felt this way. Feel like a human in amongst loads of robots 😅.😮
An enfp here. I had a breakup couple of weeks ago and it was really hard on me and I tried searching for any help on the internet to no much avail so I did it on my own (the hard way lol), but still nice to listen to now too
Thank god for your channel
What does one do when their lover breaks things off out of the blue and says "It isn't anything you did wrong, you're a really amazing guy and any girl would be lucky to have you, I just don't see it lasting." Where does that changed mind and heart come from? What do I need to look out for to avoid that fickle-heartedness in the future?
Ooof, called out by the tendency to initially feel weirdly little but then have bursts of emotion for others. That was really insightful that it's the safer way to feel things for my mind (and think you may be right it's a leaning avoidant thing, I'm FA leaning DA). I was just blaming it on enmeshment and feeling frustrated to still be falling into that, which may also be involved. But realizing it's still my own emotion (because of course it is... I'm experiencing it) is an enlightening reframe.
Aw bless you Heidi xx
I’m really confused because I was dating someone and we clicked so well but life circumstances for the both of us meant we weren’t ready to get serious and both weren’t dealing with life stuff well. We didn’t have any bad times. It ended abruptly, we’re both working on ourselves but I want to reconnect with her down the road as I feel like it was a path that wasn’t fully explored. I know I’m delusional maybe but it just sucks.
Heidi: 12:06
Me: Woah, this is what I need to review in any type of relationship loss.
Thanks, I think this is just general good advice.
I am ESFP and I know a very similar thing. Right now I am really struggling because I want to be in action state and struggle with fatigue. It is probably me not truly being aligned with my goals. I haven't really given myself the room to find what I love and I guess that I mustn't be angry with myself when I decide to change directions.
hahaha 1:20 in and I am already relating to "we are supposed to hate them?" lmao
Was in a relationship for 8 years and she went full no contact after moving out when I was out of town to give her space. Grinched the apartment taking my pets too zero contact despite staying integral and respecting her boundaries, while still asking mutual friends about me. For years I was so mad for not granting me closure until I realized, tho it probably would have expedited the emotional metabolization, I didn’t need her for my internal closure. The time of grieving now about equals the length of the thing itself. Do we “ever get over” like the bullshit conventional wisdom presupposes
Thank you so much.
I just can’t stop trying to reaching out. I’m stuck..
♥
Ive been single for 9 yrs because of a bad breakup. During my prime. I still miss her, while knowing that even if she wanted to be w me again, i would push her away, because she cheated on and lied to me, and i can never trust her. FUHK YOU, LIFE! 😂
One of my superpowers is being by myself... as a predominant extrovert. (75%/25%) isnt that weird?
Ty 4 this! :x
i called it bringing people into my experiments. not cool.
I know there the fewest of us but if you could do an INTJ ?
How do I get over them? 🙂
🏆
its weird when i look up enfp its green people, green is my favorite color
NI do love da puns
What is ENFP etc?
10 years and he broke up with me 1 month ago 😢
10 years and SHE broke up with me 3 months ago 😢
I love u Heidi 😍😍😍😍😍😍
Yay! Same!!
ENFP’s love the shit out of their commmitments wether it b love, work, our passions. ENFP’s we can’t help but ooze love out of Every pore when we commit. So to break up w/someone Truly Our Whole World is Crushed and all we can see is darkness. Tho we. Play it off in front of others. I have mastered how to smile and out others at ease even while being depressed. Been there
❤❤❤