How I found out my parents were siblings, and my life changed forever
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- Опубліковано 13 гру 2022
- "I was revolted at me, so what would other people think?”
This woman found out her parents were siblings, and subsequently lived a life of shame - believing people "would think differently" of her if they knew the truth.
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The times were crazy... I'm 69 and just found out that my (sista) was my aunt.
How many times didn't we get hit in those days because we didn't tell the truth!!! and all their lives lied to us..
What a sad story. A wonderful person living in shame.
Stop interrupting!!!! It’s very annoying… let her talk…ask questions later.
She’s lucky she didn’t inherit or have any serious genetic defects. That’s why siblings and cousins etc. are not allowed to marry.
@@laurenbaker8803 Of course you can marry your cousin.
My Dad told me there are no “illegitimate children”, only illegitimate parents.
Bless this woman…
Thank you for sharing your Dad's thoughts on the subject. That is beautiful. :)
That's an excellent interpretation.
I wish the interpretation had been divined centuries ago. It might've saved generations of resulting abuse or other dysfunction.
What a beautiful description. Should have come so much earlier
Your dad is a wise man
Wise word
I hid childhood abuse from everyone, including my parents, for over thirty years. This led to me turning to alcohol to self medicate. I'm now 64, and both my parents have gone. I could never bring myself to tell them, which only left me in another battle it's only in the last couple of years that I have been able to speak to trusted people about it. With the help of someone from AA, I'm nearly 2 years sober 👍
Congratulations on being sober.
Well done 2 years sober - my son did 48 days and relapsed on Wednesday, just came out of hospital today. I hope he finds his way like you 🙏
I'm so sorry you suffered like that. You had no say in the matter, as you were a child and at the mercy of the adults around you.😪
God bless you now & always. Speak your truth!! It ALWAYS sets us FREE!!! 🙌❤️
I am so sorry for your painful experiences and I'm so happy that you have chosen to give yourself the healing and grace you deserve. congratulations on 2 years and I truly wish you the best. you should be proud of yourself. ❤
When I found out that my dad wasn’t my biological father, a friend (who had a similar experience), told me something that I hold in my heart today. “There is your biological dad,” she said. “And then there is your logical dad. Your logical dad raised you with love, support, protection. He taught you how to be a good person, and how to be a good parent in turn. You were his daughter - nothing can change that. You are your Logical Dad’s much-loved daughter.” That was such a balm for my truly broken heart.
I have one dad - that’s my logical dad. I love him, and miss him every day. ❤
❤❤❤
10% of people's alleged bio-fathers are not (and don't know!) so you are in good company.
Thank you for sharing this! What a beautiful statement from your friend that rings so true! I too have a beautiful logical dad whom I treasure and is my best friend. I was adopted and have known from an early age I was adopted. He's always told me "you are the daughter we chose, because we could not create one. You're more special because we picked you." But, to be fair I like the logical father statement a bit better. The one my dad says is nice, but makes me feel like I was the top pick of the pile of produce at the supermarket. So again, thank you for sharing this beautiful statement - Have a great day! ❤
Wow, i wish i had had a logical dad! 😂😢
@@bladedemissary much love to you! ♥️
She didn’t mess up.
No one should keep questioning women who don’t marry or have children.
Exactly!
I applaud women and men who know they don't want marriage or children. Societal pressure to marry and procreate is ridiculous.
It's mostly birth control that does that it makes women more manly, and Tricks their body into thinking their pregnant for years on end. Causing long-term mental issues . Look it up.
I don't think anyone is implying that she messed up because she didn't want to have kids. She said herself that she did originally want to marry and have kids and even later on after she became an aunt. What everyone is feeling, including myself, is that it's just so sad that she kept this information inside herself out of her own fear and shame. She then chose to drastically change her whole perspective about herself and her life direction because of it. She certainly didn't deserve to feel that way and to be put in that position of having no one offering her counseling before or after finding out about her biological parents. It's just so incredibly sad that she felt for so long how she did about herself and that she also felt that she couldn't get married and have healthy kids because of her situation. It's having empathy for her and what she put herself through. She deserved more than she gave herself. It's just tragic how much it all reshaped her life and more importantly tremendously hurt her and her sense of self-worth.
@@coachingservicesforwomenYes.😔
This woman is incredibly brave to tell her story. I admire her.
How brave
That not brave .She carried thier sin ruined her Life by holding onto something She had no control
@Diana Veronica Kambanis says the one who believes that the entire world was populated by two people! So that means you're holier-than-thou God made sure to do the same? You might want to get off your moral high horse asap!
I, for one, admire her, just for sharing her story so that; other's would not do the same thing.
@@mikemann1960 It still happens!!
How wonderful that she doesn’t have genetic issues. And looks like she was raised with love. How wonderful
There are not automatically genetic issues. The inbreeding in the royal families went on for generations which is why they had the problems that they did. This woman could’ve had children.
Because it was only one generation. Usually physical and mental issues don't appear until you have a few generations of inbreeding.
Truly! We know there are others out there who aren't as lucky. We count the blessings where we can pray or hope, depending on what you believe in, that others who are suffering from the same dilemma today get the peace they deserve.
I love it!
She probably does have a few issues that she's unaware of. It's genetic.
The fact that her biological parents rejected her as an adult breaks my heart. They did not want to deal with the emotional issues they had caused her. What selfish cowards they were. I’m so glad she was blessed with a loving, adoptive family.
Right? And the fact that the incestuous brother & sister were there together, still, 20 some years later… a sick family… she was fortunate to get free of it!❤
@@Rain9Quinn Extremely fortunate.
@@Rain9Quinn They might not have been together, siblings might have chosen to connect together to see their kid but thought it might traumatise her to be introduced to them as siblings.
Also it's unclear if they rejected her or ended up moving suddenly, does seem odd after only a few days pause though.
I don't know what would cause a 16 yr old to have sex with her 14 yr old sibling, but usually those situations happen when there is family abuse, sometimes sexual abuse already happening. The whole family may have a lot of trauma to work through and the reunion may have opened up old wounds she never got to learn of.
@@qwandarywhy are you making excuses for what they did? It was sick and caused this poor woman a lifetime of shame. She's at least fortunate she has her health. They knew what they did was wrong but did it anyway.
@@timpete78I don't necessarily think they were giving an excuse, but merely explaining a possibility of why they acted the way they did. Not that they should be forgiven of it. People who do bad things, usually have a reason based on their upbringing. If they don't change it, then it shouldn't be forgiven but it still gives some reasoning to their actions.
This woman is amazing and her story breaks my heart. I’m sad she didn’t have children - she would clearly have been a wonderful mother.
There was no real reason for her not to have children. No reason at all. Just the prejudices. False stereotypes. Very unreasonable decision.
@@lanamay198I wouldn't have wanted to take the chance if it had been me. I would have looked into adoption.
@@lanamay198 HUGE risk to take. She made the right decisions
@@lanamay198exactly that, and it is a tragedy that she gave up the chance because of poor understanding of the risk.
Right. The dangers of misinformation.
As a "adopted person," you always wonder "why" you were given up for adoption. I can honestly say, "I am sooo blessed to have been adopted." Ive always known because my mother always told me, "you were chosen; we chose you and we love you dearly." There was always someone in their, "my parents' circle of friends" that would openly say, "well you know they adopted her?" I overheard that comment and I repeated what my mom would say,
"I am chosen. My mommy and Daddy chose me and because they chose me, that makes me special." Ive always known i was dearly loved.
RIP MOMMY AND DADDY
You had such beautiful parents and they raised a fantastic child , just by reading your post.
When you think about it being chosen is very very special❤️❤️
@@allinadaysworkhakunamatata9187 they did damn well! I love hearing the positive side of things... this is awesome...
So sorry for your losses ... they raised you with honor and I'm sure you are proud of your parents, I've always wanted to adopt I have 3 biological children myself... 🙏🙏🙏
I used to feel the same way .... but time and hard facts can turn all those lovely things on their head in an instant there is no such thing as a white lie when your adopted but l'm glad you are still happy.
My children were born in the 80’s through donor insemination, back then I was told to keep it a secret from everyone, especially my children. My husband and I went against this advise and spoke quite openly to our children from a very young age about how they were conceived. I spoke to them about finding their biological father but they have no interest in doing so, if they ever change their mind we’d be happy to help them. Secrets in families cause untold problems, be open and honest.
Karen
I Agree With You 1000 Percent. Keeping Secrets Is The Most Selfish & The Most Horrible Thing Families Could Do. It Hurts The Next Generations That Come Along.
@@blsckhairbysharon662 When it comes to insemination, absolutely. Stuff like that can affect medical treatment later in life so it's always good to know where one comes from.
@@missyjo2475 in 2004 my son needed medical information from the donor, the authorities refused to give any information and wouldn’t contact the donor asking his permission. Thankfully the law has now changed in this regard and donors can now receive information with the donors consent, they can also go on a registry to make contact if both parties agree. It took way too long for the law to change in favour of the children and donors having some rights, much like adoptive children have access to a registry. Had I told the authorities back in the 80’s that I intended to inform any children I had of how they were conceived, I wouldn’t have been accepted onto the programme. Had I not told my children they were conceived by a donor, they would’ve learnt the truth when my eldest had a medical emergency at 17, honesty is always the best policy.
I love that you opened this door for your children. Who knows if health matters will arise and they’ll need his medical history. Kudos to you!
Sickening!
You did have the right to be angry . Your life was turned upside down . You are a good person
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
I just want to hug her. I can’t imagine the strength it took to carry such a secret.
I'm so sorry that she felt shame. She had done nothing wrong!
every one has shame ,,,
@lost in space And yet they shouldn't. Shame is the result of our wrong identification with our false ego.
It is a misdirected, needless waste of energy that robs us of our God given Joy.
God does not CARE who our physical parents are.. "He"only cares about the condition of OUR Heart.
As one matures and PERCEIVES THEY have done something wrong... then correct it if you can. Have honest remorse, if necessary... and move forward. NEVER allow your ego to play the Shame game. Shame serves no one.
Btw.... It should be obvious that
Babies are free of all Shame because they are FREE of ALL DOership. They have done nothing to be shameful for. Shame is taught!
A human's TRUE IDENTITY comes directly from God... who is Perfect Love.
When we listen to our ego self we can get misdirected and lose our way.
We are a creation of God, who is Absolute Perfection.... not Man.
Always remember your TRUE Source.
@@lostinspace699 I don’t know but this should not be her shame. As for your reply, shame on you!
Not everyone carries around such shame. Don't invalidate her struggles.
It is only very recently that people weren't publicly shunned for illegitimate birth or interracial status. Didn't matter that those are tales as old as human history.
My mother was the result of an incestuous union between her mother and her mother's older brother. When I found out the truth at the age of 34, I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I cried a lot during those first few days afterward, but what can you do? They were dead and gone by then. I haven't openly shared this information because I can't imagine people wouldn't look at me differently.
You are precious just like your mother was. Dont feel you are less loved if the circumstances were different.
@@judithtaylor6916 Thank you for your kindness. It means so much.
Thats not something that needs to be shared generally. You should feel no shame.
That's something that's no one else's business. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has skeletons in their closets of one type or another. Sometimes I think we are living in the 'too much information age.'
It’s not your fault sweetie. God always turns bad things into good and you are one of those things
She's just adorable. Guess her adoptive parents must have been amazingly loving to her.
I lost my Mum Dad and step Dad all within 7 months of each other in 2020. If I could bring just one back for the day it would be my step Dad every time. He was and still is my hero ❤
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I pray you will meet them again some day in heaven 🥺❤
Mental, spiritual, and emotional intelligence abounds within this remarkable women. One in a million.
Woman
So well said and absolutely.
Perfectly described her intelligence, capacity and strength!
No mention of spirituality
Well you can get that with pureborn.
I am a genealogist and I have done my own family tree, an ongoing project for over 40 years and I discovered one instance in my ancestry of this happing over 300 years ago. It was in Massachusetts and it showed that the parents were both put to death for the act and there was a court hearing to determine if the baby should also be put to death. Then a family member came forth and offered to raise the child and in the court record it stated that the family member was ordered not to reveal to the child where they came from. But since it's preserved in the record I was able to learn about it. This happened around the time of the witch hysteria, circa early 1690's.
Nunya, interesting account.
fascinating stuff I would watch the video about that
Very interesting. This brother/sister thing happens a lot more than people think. Very sad.
@@dmsilfies4762 She said it was in 'her' history, so the child obviously had children or she wouldn't be here.
@@debt4717 She did not say it was "her history" but her families history/family tree, ya know, where she traced back to the 1690s and there are from that point on maybe many hundreds of family members since.
Nothing she had written in her comment indicated a direct link to her. You're silly, Deb 🙃
Edited out "daft" since someone thought it was too unkind. I've updated the use to the North American version in my correction. I didn't mean to come off as unkind.
as a former foster parent...this is terribly common. her courage will inspire others. she is brave and beautiful, This platform opened a door to talk about hard issues with no judgment,,,thank you
That's what I said, it's very common
What? Common, I had no idea. I can see why some people choose not to make it public though. It's not even the child's fault I hope it doe's get people to talk about it if they choose. It seems like it might help someone to talk about it especially with people of the same beginnings. It's a beginning that's all it is, everybody has got one.
My heart aches for this sweet lady. Giving up a relationship and children the way she did, had to be beyond painful. Absolutely awful. God bless her.😢
Scientifically, from a genetic standpoint, it is the right thing to do. Kudos to her. But from an emotional perspective, she could have adopted orphans/other children instead without having biological ones and successfully raised a family of her own. She has denied herself that chance she might have longed for, but I hope she did not regret it later. Nothing wrong with what she did. She made that decision based on the available knowledge she had back then. Based on that, personally, I believe it is a sound decision, I don't blame her for the anger she felt and she admits to it and I believe she grew up well-adjusted and luckily has a loving, supportive adoptive family to lean on. She is still very lucky, I should say.
@@Maikeru110572back in her day, it was probably expected of women to be, how do I hold myself from putting it worse, making children for a man, so she thought that if she can't, her life's over. A victim of patriarchy as much as her degen producers
it really is but there is a huge chance her kids would be absolutely normal, she is...
For such a traumatic experience of learning about her parents and the guilt and shame she carried for so long, this lady is incredibly strong.
Why would she carry any guilt or shame? How old are you?
She said it herself in the video.
@@debbylou5729 because some people do.How old are you?
We are as strong as we're forced and capable of being....Not through desired or inspired acts of bravery, but as an effort of self preservation.
*Speaking from experience.*
@@debbylou5729 She said so herself in the video. Did you not watch it?
This woman is phenomenal. She looks like a truly decent human being, and she cannot help how she was conceived.
"Looks like a decent person"?? Why would she look different? Ridiculous judgement!
And think of what the world would have missed out on if the mother had her aborted, because of the situation of the pregnancy.
Yes I said that. I couldn't keep it quiet and maybe at least one person will think more about the devastation of abortion.
@@judys5767 I think she probably meant "seems" or "behaves."
@@seaglass1111 Do you really believe that there is *NO GOD* or that humans can do anything to thwart God's plan for His Creation? Because that is the *ONLY* way the world can miss out on something it needs.
This happens all the time. Not so much Now as much but from 1925 to 1970 there were many secrets. In my family too,when my mom gave birth her child was deformed they switched at birth.1950. so I am looking for my brother Sept 30,1950. In Brooklyn NY,I am having a hard time to find him.
This genuinely affected me deeply. I felt instantly so compassionate for Theresa, having had to go through what she did alone without anyone to support her emotionally for so many years. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her bravery. She is such a lovely person in every way. I also felt physically sick, almost immediately upon hearing her story, but not because of her background but rather because of the burden she carried for so long. She is a beautiful person, and she has blessed so many by sharing her story.
Exactly my feelings. Well said.
This poor sweet woman. My heart bleeds for her. I want to cry for her. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hug her!! None of this is her fault, yet she's the one who has carried the shame! That's just so wrong. And the fact that it ruined her life makes it doubly wrong.
She is not ruined. She is an articulate, beautiful person.
This is just so sad. She lost out on being a mother and believed for so long that she is unworthy. She is an absolutely amazing woman.
She is only a victim of herself. 🙄🙄🙄
@@elsagrace3893 you should try some compassion. It’s horrible what happened and no fault of her own.
@@elsagrace3893 victim of herself? What of comment!
@@elsagrace3893 Let's not feed the troll, everyone.
@@BettyAlexandriaPride right? Why give attention to those that want it for the wrong reason. Only my opinion 😁
A brother and sister having a child at 14 and 16 (and conception was possibly at 13/15) tells me that there was something extremely sinister going on at home on TOP of the obvious.
Catholic
@@annmarieholland4242 , if you think it is just something that is among the Catholics you are greatly mistaken
No sweatheart, you didn't listen - the adoptive family were catholics.
Maybe. But maybe hormones just kicked in and they experimented.
doesn't HAVE to..
I almost did not comment . . . I can totally relate to her feelings of shame and embarrassment of her conception because I feel the same way about mines. It is something that you learn early on to "sweep under the rug" and never discuss with anyone under any circumstance, no matter how close you become. The worst part is that it's always there and never goes away. My heart truly goes out to her and hope that she can go on to live fully after having told her story and no longer being captive by her conception.
we don’t control how we come in to the world we only control how we conduct ourselves with kindness and love
I came to exist in a not great way, and I was taught to keep it a secret. I understand why and I have no ill feelings about that aspect of my birth. But I've long felt,(and, it's true) that I am someone who should have never existed. But I also know that I personally bear no shame for the circumstance, I'm merely the result.
The host is lovely and compassionate with her questions etc.
The thought of her carrying so much shame on her own for so many years, had me tearing up. I am so glad she finally opened up, and allowed those she loved to help her carry all those feelings. Very strong, brave woman.
2
Hmm why her chins and jaws are not 22 inches long ? It shaped normal 🤔🤔
@@carlisclosetedphgt3666 ???
🎉❤😂😂
@@carlisclosetedphgt3666 Yes. She has no abnormality. Half siblings?
What a lovely, intelligent, articulate, woman. Inspirational! Thank you for speaking out.
She’s clearly a very good woman. The choices of her parents have nothing to do with her value. I’ve got similar events in my family & have also actively chosen to not have bio kids. I’m so very glad she had such a wonderful adoptive family. I hope she’s happy in her life - because she absolutely deserves it. ❤❤❤
Is she _very_ good, though? The sense of revulsion and shame that she felt when learning about her parentage shows that she harboured some deep and nasty prejudices. She broke up with her boyfriend for no good reason, likely breaking his heart, just because she was ignorant of basic genetics and couldn't be bothered to research it. And then when her mother was good enough to meet up with her she was, by the sounds of it, very rude to her.
It's good of her to share her story publicly, as this shows that she has made admirable progress towards honesty and openness and is using that in a way that will no doubt lessen the sense of shame in other people in similar positions, but I didn't get the impression that she had entirely atoned for her previous poor treatment of her boyfriend and of her mother.
@@omp199 I could never have guessed you are not local, your attempt at painting that woman as ignorant and holding deep prejudices to cover for other, out groups doesn't wash. You should go look at some stats for the in breeders you boast of. Your touting for that here is a big NO!. Your views on in breeding are not and never will be looked at as anything other than degenerate child abuse.
@@omp199How is the view from your high horse?
@@oohlookatthatdoggo I'm not claiming to be better than her. My comment isn't about me. It's a comment about what we learnt from the video. That's what comment sections should be for, primarily.
@omp199 she found out about her biological parents in the early 80s - it's not like today where information on anything is widely available online. Of course she thought having babies was a no no. She explained how horrified she was of her origins - who was she going to speak to about her ability to start a family?! She ended it with her boyfriend so that he could go on to have children... she was young and had had the shock of her life! Yes she was angry at her mother but again this was a whole different time, I think she can be forgiven for that, she probably was not thinking about poss SA situations because no-one spoke about that kind of thing back then. Her parents then disappeared which is tragic really - they didn't want to have the conversation, which I can also understand because they must have had feelings of shame... I wonder if they are still alive...
She's a brave woman and I feel nothing but compassion for her.
What courage!
How sad that a totally innocent person, through no fault of her own, internalized years of shame alone for the actions of others. What a brave and lovely woman who is worthy and deserves all the love due to her. So glad she is moving forward and helping others by telling her story.
Would be a beautiful movie about her’s life , how strong she really is 🙏💕👏🏼
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this woman. She is incredibly calm, sweet and compassionate. I think this happens more than we realize.
I agree. When I worked in social work years ago, I learned that his mom was actually his grandma; his sister was his mom and his brother was his dad. He did not know this. Nevertheless, he had a lot of emotional issues that were probably more about the family secrets than any genetic problems. I'll never forget him.
@Kelly Kelly People can heal from their pasts and become spiritually fulfilled without forfeiting reason and succumbing to evangelical nonsense. It's unethical to use every pretext as an opportunity to pump your deluded religion.
@@shepberryhill4912 YES!
@@kellykelly6805 "Is there anything else you think you need to school me about?" Boundaries, most people DON'T practice your ideology so why foist it on them.
""Forgive them Father for they not know what they are doing."" Oh the irony.
@@shepberryhill4912 THEY never said they couldn’t ! Why so angry ? What happened to you? What made you so rude and so nasty ? Just to be rude and nasty ? This is their point of view which they are entitled to ! Just like you are only they didn’t insult you in any way . Does it make you feel good to be a key board bully ? Had this been any of the other of the two big religions of the world you would have said NOTHING ! But you feel embolden to say rude things because this person is Christian . If you can’t use or need their comment why not just move along and give your own opinion without trying to insult another’s ? Your snide remarks aren’t necessary for anyone but what it does for you . Sad at your age still throwing what is tantamount to an adult temper tantrum because you didn’t agree with someone else’s opinion you felt the need to try to step on someone you don’t even know ?
When you got to the part where you told your parents, that made me cry. It must’ve been so hard for you and for them. To know your child is hurting and can’t do anything about it until 20 years later, must have hurt them so much.. as a parent we want always want to protect our children and make their life easier. So glad you finally told them you must all feel so much better. God’s blessings
What a lovely lady. I'm so sorry she went through this.
Hello Pamela
How are you doing today?
She took on the burden of her parents past, when she was the product of it. That poor woman felt tainted for her beginnings. She sounds like a lovely soul. She is so articulate and told her story really well. Thank you for sharing it. I wish for your own good, you had unburdened yourself decades before you did.
@BLT Even more distressing is the thought that her biological mother might have been sexually abused by her brother. That was a real issue in the past, when such matters were swept under the carpet.
God bless u u poor lady l have been feeling sorry for myself as my parents abused me and hit me shut me in a dark cupboard under the stairs etc which led to me being a very insecure person all my life l shall be eighty on Saturday l have a lot wrong with me now just live with severe pain
@@elizagrogan9454 I must say I found it strange that they chose to meet her together.
>Night, they may still be in a sexual relationship.
it
is beautiful you are free now
What a beautiful soul! I'm so glad that she was finally able to release all sense of shame for something that was not her doing, and never hers to bear. May she live a long and bountiful life full of love, light, joy and peace! ❤🙏
"Persephone" I would never feel shame for what my ancestors did. There were times when life was less complicated but more complex and society was not sophisticated or enlightened.
No shame you were the victim
@@obscurelyvague Persephone wasn't suggesting that she SHOULD feel shame.
She was simply stating that she was glad that this lovely woman was able to RELEASE any feelings of shame ( that she carried with her for some time; decades) for something that she had no control over.
@@obscurelyvague Do you really know that? Have you lived though an experience that is, in any way, close to being equivalent? A lot of people give themselves too much credit when judging what they may or may not do in a given situation.
@@missycitty9478 TY for clarifying my point. .. Your words are exactly what I was trying to convey.
I was one of the ppl who gave @L Martinez a 👍, thinking that s/he was agreeing w/my comment. I hadn't realized that s/he thought I was saying something entirely different... ❤🙏
I hope this beautiful woman continues to feel the love of her family and nieces and nephews! She is so very brave!
I am glad that this lovely lady is physically healthy mentally and has no physical deformation or disability.
She is quite blessed, and may she continue so. 💕
"I was revolted at me so what would other people think? If I thought that of myself I couldn't take the risk, and I thought that people would turn their backs on me." I can relate to this 100%. I am, just as this woman is, a victim of someone else's actions. Neither one of us should have ever had to carry all that shame.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.
Sara Svendsson you are Gods child. That is the truth and all that matters. Others actions themselves or upon you, hurt you in your mind and heart, things happened to me too, but when I asked, I was healed in mind and spirit. I hope you have been too. May God bless you right now.
Forgive my ignorance and curiosity. But people these days care so little about others' opinions unlike say in the 70's etc.
Why feel ashamed? I'm wondering if I'd feel that? I'm not sure what I'd feel...I'm thinking I wouldn't feel ashamed. But then again I'm thinking about it outside of being in that position so I'm just speculating.
@@M5TABBYCAT I think all people (in general) want SOME sort of validation from others.. It's in our nature to want to fit in, have friends, be liked. When you have some 'taboo' that others view as negative, they often view YOU as negative, and that alienates you. You didn't ask me, but that's what I would guess. People still care about others' opinion, just not everyone's opinion
Religion has taught people to be judgemental, taught shame, and fear.. not just the days, the religions.
It doesn’t matter who your parents are, all that really matters is who you are.
It does matter, cmon . She is resilient
God is your Father who will never leave you or stop loving you. You always have your Heavenly Father, for eternity.
@@greyhorses5223Ah yes, the same God that condemns innocent children like this woman to live entire lives of loneliness and secrecy because of their parents' sins.
@@thecrimsondragon9744 Once again, Satan, has misconstrued scripture to lead people astray.
It matters when you might have a genetic problem because of who they are, like in this case.
It was really unfair that having her biological father in the corner was sprung on her like that. Like she wasn’t already upset. Her biological mother probably knew she wouldn’t have agreed to a meeting with both of them right off. It was deceitful and manipulative, and that woman didn’t even have the grace to allow her biological daughter the right to be upset. It’s just selfish.
Need a license for a car, a gun, a trade, to dive, to fly etc etc but ANY DAMN FOOL CAN BE A PARENT. Something wrong here.
And they knew about it for about 20 years, and she knew about it for a month or two. Immature, egotistical and sick creatures
She says in the interview that her mother told her that the man in the corner was a friend, so for one thing, we don't know that he was the father in the first place, and even if he was, the fact that the mother said he was a friend shows that she wasn't "springing" anything on her daughter.
And I have no idea what you are going on about at all when you say that the mother "didn’t even have the grace to allow her biological daughter the right to be upset". She obviously had no control over her daughter's emotions and there is nothing to indicate that she tried to exert such control. All she did was make the perfectly sensible and thoughtful suggestion that she should write down her questions so that they could discuss them later when she was less upset.
Plus there's no telling what her bio grandparents did to bio mom & dad (bro/sis) either...
Maybe they were also abused.
There's a story to their background.... & no way of finding out what it is.
@@omp199she agreed to meeting with her mother. The fact she wasn’t informed there would be someone else there is disingenuous to say the least.
My heart goes to out to this lady. To want children and have that taken away by the actions of the two people who made her is so cruel and heartbreaking. We never know what may come in life and her finding out about her parentage was one almighty shock to her system, so so sad 😢
Poor woman. What a burden she had. Peace and Happiness to her
Not poor woman; brave woman I would say ...
Just a woman...
Not alone in living with difficult memories...
Brave ? Unlikely.
All witnesses dead ? Good time to bring it up...
How much are they offering for the story ? Better get my hair done...
...and here we are...
@@wm8982 you sound miserable
@@mollyh1056 You look terrible !
@@wm8982 your right, they should’ve told her when her parents were alive, because she could’ve had questions?!
This lady is a credit to herself, to her family, and to all of us. She generates huge, immense respect!
I love her!
Amen 🙏💕🙏
Incredibly strong woman. Cheers to you.
I am in awe of Theresa's bravery in sharing her story. It is unfortunate and sad that she carried this secret for 20 years, afraid of how society would treat her if she revealed her story.. I am glad that we now live in a world that makes it easier to share these stories, so that people like Theresa don't feel they have to carry such a heavy burden alone. I hope she has gone on to be blessed with a family of her own and is happy. She deserves to be.. What a lovely woman.
I was married for 23 years to a man who had been adopted. Before he died (a robbery victim) he was lucky enough to be found by his biological half sister. They had 5 years together before his sudden death and she and I continued to be best friends until her death from cancer 9 years later. None of us were ever able to piece together the whole story and because of family secrets are left with nothing but half truths. Only a month ago I was contacted by a family member who was making the family tree and even more bits and pieces turned up. It is all a confusing mess. I wish my husband had gotten his answers before his death though. Family secrets are so damaging.
My heart goes out to you. My condolences for the loss of your husband and his half sister. Both traumatic ways to go. As far as I know I grew up with the two who created me but they never talked about family. I only realised this Christmas that I dont even know what my grandparents' names were. Just big Grandma/Granddad or Little Grandma/Granddad. Tradition on my dad's side makes his father's name James (same as my dad) but thats as much as I know. Family secret? I dont know.
That's what I wish for this woman. For her to get her answers. She should go and do some DNA ancestry test. Maybe a sister, brother, uncle would turn up. As a result some questions could get answered. Although, after so long, one falls into the category you mention: half trues or a bunch of lies. The only person that could have given her absolut truth would have been her biological mother.
So sad! I hope she gets answers!
I so agree, the saying "secrets keep you sick" so hold true in my family of origin.
One of my parents was adopted the sister was adopted first. My so called grandparents went on a trip leaving my aunt with the house help and came back a week later with my father and my so called grandmother said to my aunt here's your bother, take care of him. And stranger still so called grandparent says I finally got my chubby Indian baby and no adoption papers exist. My aunt believes as I do he was stolen and paid for like a pair of shoes.
@@noneofyourbusiness9369 ,Oh my word. I am so sorry. I at least know my parents.. if not the rest… see my post ^^^.
Theresa: you are incredibly brave. You may not have had your own biological children, but your goodness and generosity have impacted 2,000,000 people around the world, who have heard your brave testimony. Blessings on you! and thank you!
4,000,000 Millionen ;))
What a brave woman. I’m so sorry she lived in fear and shame for something over which she had no control. I’d like to tell her that Aunties are far more important than most people think. My mum’s sister was my second mum. I called her mummy ***. I’m certain her nieces and nephews feel the same way about her. ❤😊
At 17:18 she quotes a social worker calling in to the show who says “they see things like this on a daily basis.”
Let that sink in.
Wow!!!😮😮😮
It’s typical for muslim community. They have tradition to marry cousins even by force
As a 25 year career RN working in mental health thank you for telling your story...You are an inspiration and incredibly brave...
Why does it matter that you're an RN or work in mental health? This is just as relevant to everyone who isn't as "qualified" and special as you.
@@AdelineCowgirl I am very sorry for whatever is making you so terribly angry...Please try to seek help.
@@sweetcaroline6724 ~ I think if you had posted your credentials, and followed up with something like, "I have heard similar testimony many times in my career, and thereby realize how much courage it took for you to share your experience...etc, etc.", it may have been more relevant.
@@acousticshadow4032 Hi I wasn't attempting to be "relevant" just spoke from my heart as I know how important it is for people to hear this story and how difficult it must have been to tell.
And how often do you see this dynamic?
What a lovely woman. You were never illegitimate, the parents bear that label. I am Catholic too, so I understand your reaction. I am happy you were adopted and had a caring family. You evolved into a woman to be admired and respected. You are doing something so unselfish for so many children experiencing your situation. God bless you.
He parents were children when they conceived her...maybe have a think about that? Just an eensy weensy think??
This interview isn’t about illegitimacy, which no one cares about any more. You’re disrespecting her by not engaging with the actual issue.
This interview was not about being illegitimate. It was about being the issue of siblings.
Catholic?
Jesus invited man to be born again- spiritually
It’s a command from God
and the work of Holy Spirit
Having one’s own immaculate conception
The only Church Christ is returning for are the New Testament
The ekklessia of God
the Bride of Christ
Catholicism is a religion
and a doctrine of demons
her parents were brother and sister/ siblings
I'd love to know her natural parents' story. How on Earth did they survive and continue a relationship for all those decades? Imagine the shame and lies in the family when they conceived as adolescent siblings in the 60s!
I was sorry to hear her biological parents chose to ghost her after their meeting, but I was sure that reaction was rough on them as well. They probably changed their minds thinking she was better off not knowing them, or that she would only reject them again. I'm glad at least they could be in the room together after what happened, they probably grew up in a bad situation. I'm glad she was able to tell her family, and sorry the stigma prevented her from pursuing her dreams of becoming a mother.
Yeah I felt the same would be interesting to hear their side. I’m sure that a lot went on with them too and I’m sure they carry round a ton of shame too and like you said possibly thought it was a bad idea and it might mess her up even more than staying out of her life. They rly needed a third party to converse with them both separately.
Yes. I've heard of things like this in families. Some situations is too painful to face. Probably let her go so that she wouldn't be just as hurt physically and emotionally... maybe even just as confused.
I’m so very proud of her. She must have left a lasting impression as an aunt.
Great observation 😊
How can you be proud of someone you've never met, have no connection to or connection to the circumstances she described ?
@@interabang Get over yourself
@@EASTSIDERIDER707
It's like me saying I'm proud of Neil Armstrong or Sir Edmund Hilary, I have zero connection to either of them but by saying that I'm virtue signaling that I'm a great person as well.
Sad. Brave lady for sharing her story. I’m now 86yrs. Two yrs ago I learnt, my cousin was my brother. He died shortly after I was told. No contact as adults. I always thought I was an only child. Secrets in families can scar one’s lives!
I do family trees for free and have found so many terrible secrets in peoples family trees that it would shock most people. Sometimes I have to stop looking for a few days.
@@matildadhumxoxo5801 Now I' m curius! Do share some..
Having a cousin as your brother isn’t shocking to me at all. I’m from where cousins are just like sisters and brothers from different set of parents Ofcourse. Some families in the past adopted from their sisters or brothers if they had no child.
Two of my half brothers are my second cousins
Cheral Geen So you are saying that your Aunt and Uncle was raising your brother as their own child and that's why he was believed to be your cousin but he was really your brother?
I feel her pain. The day I found out mine were uncle and niece made me sick. Can only imagine how she really feels.
I am PROUD of you for having this courage to unburden yourself of the shame you understandably held on yourself. It wasn't your fault in any way. I was sexually abused by a Catholic priest in my young teens and held onto this horror for over 30 years before I unburdened on a friend at a director's retreat. Through my own shame all those years made me physically sick into my 60's with high anxiety. We are kindred spirits in this understand of one another with our stories. I found through my own story, like you, in sharing with others, to come forward to the table and lay the terrors down and learn peace. I wish for you to find the happiness in what pleases you most and know how very many you are helping. Thank you!
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Catholic priest - well that says it all, what a surprise.
What a lovely lady. She is a credit to her adoptive parents.
I agree
I am profoundly touched by this woman’s story, and I wish her all the love and happiness the world can offer her. She is a precious soul.
Why do the children always feel the shame of what adults do? Bless her.
She’s a very good person to think about her possible future children and not have any because she was concerned they would be born with defects. However, she didn’t have that risk and it’s sad that she missed out on having her own children because mostly likely they would be healthy. I’m glad she is a good Aunty and at least has great relationships with her adopted family. It’s sad she had to carry all this burden on her own and was afraid to tell someone.
I was taken from my biological father due to sexual abuse when I was 13. Back then, 54 years ago, no one knew enough to share this information with my foster family or to provide counseling for me. If that had happened I would not have had 2 bad marriages due to choices I made as a result of the abuse. I am glad that I was able to have complete healing and recovery of the effects it had on me. I am glad that there is so much help for people who have had a less than perfect past and who are able to reach out for it.
I'm sorry that you had that experience. It's great that you were able to get help to recovery from this.
Bonnie. Nice to meet you. Yes, I agree. You had a obstacle as you lived with a secret and effects of your emotions and mental kindness you needed. I would hope you have a mature woman you trust and give you a hug of support. Your bravery should be celebrated and may you know how to pray and results will continue to bless you. Life is to live and love. May you walk with confidence and know the Lord is willing to love you more.
I've had 2 bad marriages and no sexual abuse..l
I'm glad for your brave healing 💖. That's fantastic ❣️
💪💪💪
She's an inspiration, for mental health in general. Marvelous interview.
Theresa, you are so accepting and gracious and understanding.
God bless you dear Theresa for pouring out your heart ❤❤❤❤❤
Such eloquence despite years of shame. What a caring woman raised in an accepting family
That awfully difficult meeting with her biological parents ... she is so brave ! So sweet and intelligent. I am so sorry that she was afraid of having her own family.
Me too.♥️
yes very sad considering that it wouldn't effect her children she should have looked up genetics. even being siblings won't matter as along as certain genes don't match.
@@bevfrench3496 this took place about 3 to 4 decades ago, access to information like that was not that easy. Especially information that is true, not from media and religion.
@@bevfrench3496 I am appalled at how little people actually know about this topic.
@@tb8827 yes, including me
My daughter was adopted because I couldn't look after her, we did meet, and are now fairly close, but I made it very clear to her when we met, that it was totally acceptable if she was angry with me - and my circumstances were far less weird than that.
My heart goes out to this sweet woman. As if growing up with the shame of being adopted wasn't already difficult enough. I wasn't allowed to even say the word "adoption" in my parents' presence. I grew up with that ever present invisible elephant in the room, knowing what everyone else around me knew, but wasn't allowed to mention. I went through life believing something was terribly wrong with me; and developed a strong resentment towards my adoptive mother for refusing to allow me to learn of my past. If I hadn't gone through 23 and me, I never would have found my siblings. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with. Now that I'm older, I realize that my parents did the best they could, with what they knew. There was no support system available for us adoptees back in those days. We all have our crosses to bear. I think that in the long run, we grow in strength and resilience. We also learn to forgive our families and to look upon our roots through a brighter and clearer lens. All the fog and scratches are still there, but with time, this lens becomes easier to see through allowing us to navigate through life without falling as much.
I have a similar situation. I grew up not knowing who my biological parents were. Apparently I was raised knowing my biological mother as friend of the family . Everyone knew that secret. I felt deceived
❤ People usually do their best. Much love to you❤
I can imagine that would feel absolutely awful. I hope you have found some more transparent and straightforward people now.
Children used to be lied to for their own good, it was thought. Broken trust starts feelings of puzzlement, anxiety and depression, depending.
Very sorry for your situation.
@@kbo730 quick heads up-she already feels this way. You literally can’t tell someone to NOT feel what they’re feeling. She was lied to. You’re also allowed to feel however YOU do about your life. Keep that separate
You were totally deceived .
You were born innocent and pure of sin.
You are a lovely woman.❤❤❤
My heart goes out to this lady. All the years she carried this burden alone. I wish her biological family had not abandoned her for the second time and that she would have been able to get some answers in a civil and dignified manner. God bless you.
One wonders if they were only curious about her. One wonders about them, period. Brave woman.
It's quite likely they were damaged young people in their own right. It must have taken enormous courage on their behalf to set up the meeting and her (understandable) anger just buckled them under. They couldn't go on with the meeting
it is possible that her birth Mother also feels that sense of shame for all we know it was maybe not consenual but sexual abuse or if not a very complex family dynamic if siblings end up sexually active with each other.
@@CraigsOverijse The relationship must have been consensual for the biological mother to have her brother there for the meeting.
Very disturbing news to this lady. I would rather not know. The only reason to know would be not to have children herself. Very sad. 😢
What a brave woman to share her story. I hope she is doing well.
Poor woman. I hope she has been able to find self-acceptance, love and happiness now.
What an amazing woman! I honestly don’t think she realizes how much she may have helped someone just by sharing her story! I wish her all the best.
Hello
How are you doing today❤
Adoption is a strange path to walk without the secrets this woman carried. She's incredibly brave!
Powerful lady, I respect her deeply for her willingness to speak up and share her story.
What a well spoken and inspirational woman. She is a perfect advocate.
Her parents were little more than children themselves. It's sad she never got the answers to her beginnings
What a lovely lady she seems, I'm heartbroken that she gave up her dream to be in a relationship and become a mother. I can't imagine the sadness she carried alone.
So sad for her. Fear is real.
My thoughts exactly. I hope she has or will find a partner in life to grow old with and cherish her.
She was obviously upset, but I think she should bear some blame for doing no research into the matter. She broke up what sounds like a perfectly good relationship - which can be characterised as cruelty to her then partner - and pointlessly decided not to have children, all because of an ignorant prejudice she had about tainted blood, or some such thing. If she had just learnt some basic biology, she would have known that unless she was closely related to her _partner,_ her children would have no greater probability of harmful genetic conditions than anyone else's.
but she didn't have too
@@omp199 i agree she researched some but didn't look into other things, her choice
How amazingly strong this woman is! What a story to carry around for so long and it seems that the telling of it to her family and to those who will listen, has given her a deep peace. Lovely woman.
Beautiful story of love and acceptance from one's real family. How many things do we carry that aren't our fault and yet we are ashamed of showing them to others? I lived more than 30 years of my life not discussing anxiety issues only to realize after opening up that the truth was so much better than all my fears. We all need each other.
I am so sorry this woman went through this experience alone. She is so brave for sharing and I’m sure she’s helping so many people.
Hi Rose how are you doing, merry Christmas to you 🎄💓
Where are you from?
It must feel good to get it out after all those years...and to a mire accepting society.
I think I understand why she first told someone while traveling by car; it’s easier to talk about sensitive subjects when you don’t have to face the other person. You can’t see their expressions and there’s no danger of you reading them wrong.
Plus the person can't walk away from you.
Very well said. I never thought of that.
We used to talk with our children in the car, especially helpful as they went through their teen years. They revealed so much more and if two or all three girls were in the car, lots of information would come out as they'd correct or add to their sister's conversation.
Agreed. I’ve had many challenging conversations in cars. Often we’d park them, but still stay in the car. It “puts you on the same side” in a natural way. I then used that in my counseling career, doing work around a table, with clients on the same side of the table, and myself (and my husband at the time), on the other side of the table.
So yes, I understand why she’d make that choice, to reveal it first in a car.
Going for walks is another helpful spot for deep conversations, for similar reasons.
That is a heavy load to carry by yourself for such a long time. Bless this woman.
So much to learn. Your bravery is remarkable.
I am a woman with no children because of the unspeakable history of youth. I am now 63, but for decades during my 20s and 30s and even 40s, Family, friends, acquaintances would routinely ask me if I had children, when are you having children, why don’t you have children. I wish people would stop asking women these questions. They just have no idea what they might be stirring up inside of someone, the pain, being reminded of an unspeakable history and how it changed your entire life and left you childless.
I just turned 36, never married no children but I do desire both. I was abused as a child and just now at the point to feel healed enough to be ready. I only hope it isn’t too late 😢
@@GalaxyFlukegood luck to you x
My partner was born under similar circumstances. He had a very difficult early life with eye sight issues and hearing issues as well as a learning disability. I am not sure whether his bio sibs have any of these problems. He is a fine human being, very intelligent and compassionate. I am very lucky to have him as my partner and admire him more for all the character strength he has. Like you he was graced with really good adoptive parents. I honor you for your strength and mission. My partner found out in the last few years and it was traumatizing for him. Many blessings to you.
Bright Blessings to you both, may you have a long and peaceful life together 💕
Unlike my grandfather who was extremely unlucky on the adoptive parents front and was heavily abused throughout his childhood and it destroyed our family. He ended up abusing my mother who grew up to be a narcissist who then abused me. Fun life
@@krissy.x Thank you for sharing; you were heard. I wish you increased gentleness and abundant love and healing.
@@krissy.x I hope you were able to break that cycle. Sorry that you have had such a hard upbringing!
@@krissy.x om
My name is Theresa but spelled differently. I too live with so much shame. My family was so abusive in every way possible! Things happened to me as a child that make me feel like I’m alone. Anyways, I just wanted to say I admire you!
The shame a girl feels as a result of the inappropriate behavior of a male family member leaves a deep scar that never goes away.
I am terribly sorry that you went through abusive experiences as a child. You deserved a loving childhood with parents who protected your innocence. It feels to me that we are fighting evil that demands the innocence of children. So thank you for sharing this little bit and please know that the shame belongs to the family member(s) who hurt you.
@@carolroberts8930 Not true...I got counselling, read a lot of self help books and still to this day have my affirmation cards ect.. .It does go away...in time ,obviously things can trigger memory ,but you can have a happy life and YOU deserve your happy life, its not all doom Carol
Please never feel shame for anything you suffered. They should be ashamed.
Check out Bach flower remedies, also Flower Essence Services. These benign, over-the-counter, dilute remedies can assist with emotional healing.
It must have been a shock, but she has no fault of what happened and she shouldn't be judged badly about it. She deserves to live her life just the same with all respect and honor.
Thank you dear! I’m an attorney who has heard this story many times. With DNA testing it’s not uncommon for families to fall apart when the truth is revealed. I think we need to understand spirituality or with God’s help that every single person is supposed to be. And every person is worthy of respect.
Please assure them that unless they reproduce with another family member, their children will be perfectly healthy. Clearly no-one informed this lady about this.
I’m so glad she told her parents eventually. The idea that your child would be carrying that shame and pain and not be able to tell you, or that they would even have thoughts of you leaving them cold is absolutely heartbreaking as a parent. Friend and sibling too for that matter. I’m also glad she found a friend that was safe for her to start talking about it to. I’m sure her people are so proud of her and all the work she’s doing to help others not feel so alone, ashamed and afraid.
That is probably the thing that struck me most about the story. My wife and I have always been there for our daughter and tried so hard to make it so she could come to us. More than once we have been surprised by things she didn't come to us with. I think very empathetic people do this, in part because they are more worried about how things will affect other people than themselves.
@@willj1598
Your siblings also? What!
God bless this lady’s beautiful soul.. 💔💝
@@soriero1338 the parents she told were her adoptive parents, not her biological parents
She was adopted?
So sorry you lived for 20 years in such self hate and disgust ... Even when someone is an addict there are others who suffer the same thing, they feel less alone...
Such a courageous woman. I'm grateful she found herself growing up with a loving family.
What a brave, articulate, kind woman. I am so glad your adoptive parents loved you and gave you a happy childhood.
This reminds me that it is never too late to heal and process trauma. Imagine how many older folks, her generation and older, who are holding onto stories like this, who did not grow up with access to mental health services, who could benefit from having a counselor available in their retirement community or nursing home, or senior center etc. I used to work in a nursing home and it was shocking to eventually hear about the sexual trauma many residents experienced. One woman was so crass and rude, viewed as difficult to work with, but revealed an extensive trauma history to me casually over a game of uno. The two other ladies at the table chimed in, "me too." We owe it to our elders to offer them opportunities to heal and live out their last few decades with happiness and peace, rather than hold onto trauma in shame and secrecy.
We still don’t have access to mental health services.
Well said! Thank you!
This is a great comment. And while it is true that we still don't have access to mental health services, we do live in a time where talking about mental health issues happens way more often in movies, tv, news, and as we are doing now. I think this in itself is already a great thing compared to the burdening silence around these issues that prevailed until recently. Thanks for sharing your experience. I think it is a very good insight into an often neglected population - the elderly.
@@missmayflower it's true but we do hear a lot more about mental health issues through tv, movies, music, and everyday life in general. This in itself is a great help compared to the silence around these issues that existed a couple of decades ago. I guess that is the point that the person was making in the comment above.
I'm ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY SPEECHLESS meaning that in a great respectful way very well said 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💁🏼♀️🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🥺😞😞😞😞🥺🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️
It must have been a torture to keep all that inside without sharing it with anyone!
What a wonderful lady. I wish her peace.