I’m not positive how logical your advice is. Most modern relationships start with sex within the first few dates. And the sex is often exciting for both. There is no trust at that stage. No sense of emotional give and take. She is enthusiastic because of what she imagines about you, not because of your history together. Trust and solicitous actions are not the gateway to desire. They weren’t in the beginning and they aren’t in the end. Resentments can get in the way of desire, but removing them doesn’t restore desire.
Thanks for the feedback. What you say is quite logical. And yet the honeymoon phase of relationship is way different than the post honeymoon phase, IMO.
@@stuartmotola Interesting. It sounds like you're thinking that the factors driving female intimate desire change over the course of a relationship. I'd be interested to hear that perspective. I do suspect that falling intimate desire is rarely/sometimes curable but I honestly don't have any insight from people who actually cured it or how they did it.
@@GiGo421 The balance between passion and emotional security are key. After years of marriage, often passion wanes and the need for emotional security rises, causing a passionless, insecure relationship. And no passion often means no sex. The cure is being willing to tolerate risk - such as hard conversations where one or both partners may have to face their fear of being alone as in things just may not work out without freaking out (staying safe to one another). A hard vulnerable conversation is an example of what can get the passion back. But that's merely a start. How do we stop taking each other for granted? How will we assume the other won't just be there? How do we know and listen to each other's needs? etc etc. I talk more about all this on my weekly call. We have one today at 12pm ET. Email me asap if you want to join for free.
@@GiGo421 you might read “mating in captivity,” which is all about the paradox of distance which is required to create passion as well as emotional security, which is about creating stability in the relationship.
why is it the man's fault that his wife has lost interest in sex??..i am sure that a very high percentage have tried to be attentive, understanding etc and maybe the wife has not only lost interest in sex but also in her man...and is "stuck" financially or realizes she has no where to go and just decides to just "be there"..no my friend if a woman has lost interest in sex with her man odds are she has either an emotional or sexual affair , or both going on...seen it too many times...my advise to men in this position.... leave, it will not get better...life is too short ..
Appreciate your comment. I offer videos for men to do the work on their side of the relationship to try to improve things. And my perception of an emotional or sexual affair, is that it does not have to be the end of the marriage; it can be a path to healing and repair if both parties are willing. I've seen it done many times. You have a very protective stance in what you say, which I respect and understand. But I would challenge it, to ensure you're not just staying safe (which is critical) but also staying open and relational. Hope you can hear that in a good way.
Spot on, the man (husband) continues to fulfil his role of being the provider, protector, and fixer; yet the wife starts using sex as a weapon to manipulate. What do you think women would say if a man started to withhold his roles, no more money, no more house maintenance.
I’m not positive how logical your advice is. Most modern relationships start with sex within the first few dates. And the sex is often exciting for both. There is no trust at that stage. No sense of emotional give and take. She is enthusiastic because of what she imagines about you, not because of your history together.
Trust and solicitous actions are not the gateway to desire. They weren’t in the beginning and they aren’t in the end. Resentments can get in the way of desire, but removing them doesn’t restore desire.
Thanks for the feedback. What you say is quite logical. And yet the honeymoon phase of relationship is way different than the post honeymoon phase, IMO.
@@stuartmotola Interesting. It sounds like you're thinking that the factors driving female intimate desire change over the course of a relationship. I'd be interested to hear that perspective.
I do suspect that falling intimate desire is rarely/sometimes curable but I honestly don't have any insight from people who actually cured it or how they did it.
@@GiGo421 The balance between passion and emotional security are key. After years of marriage, often passion wanes and the need for emotional security rises, causing a passionless, insecure relationship. And no passion often means no sex. The cure is being willing to tolerate risk - such as hard conversations where one or both partners may have to face their fear of being alone as in things just may not work out without freaking out (staying safe to one another). A hard vulnerable conversation is an example of what can get the passion back. But that's merely a start. How do we stop taking each other for granted? How will we assume the other won't just be there? How do we know and listen to each other's needs? etc etc. I talk more about all this on my weekly call. We have one today at 12pm ET. Email me asap if you want to join for free.
@@GiGo421 you might read “mating in captivity,” which is all about the paradox of distance which is required to create passion as well as emotional security, which is about creating stability in the relationship.
why is it the man's fault that his wife has lost interest in sex??..i am sure that a very high percentage have tried to be attentive, understanding etc and maybe the wife has not only lost interest in sex but also in her man...and is "stuck" financially or realizes she has no where to go and just decides to just "be there"..no my friend if a woman has lost interest in sex with her man odds are she has either an emotional or sexual affair , or both going on...seen it too many times...my advise to men in this position.... leave, it will not get better...life is too short ..
Appreciate your comment. I offer videos for men to do the work on their side of the relationship to try to improve things. And my perception of an emotional or sexual affair, is that it does not have to be the end of the marriage; it can be a path to healing and repair if both parties are willing. I've seen it done many times. You have a very protective stance in what you say, which I respect and understand. But I would challenge it, to ensure you're not just staying safe (which is critical) but also staying open and relational. Hope you can hear that in a good way.
Spot on, the man (husband) continues to fulfil his role of being the provider, protector, and fixer; yet the wife starts using sex as a weapon to manipulate. What do you think women would say if a man started to withhold his roles, no more money, no more house maintenance.
@@craiglongoria6187 Interesting thought. Thanks for chiming in. And often it's not sex used as a weapon, but she's just shut down and in fear.
Absolutely right
Thanks for the feedback. :)