Thank you for watching my video! I'm reading all the comments. I'm reading them in chronological order, starting from the oldest. It's taking a long time because I'm not good at foreign languages. I put a heart mark on the comments I read. Some of them are harsh, but I appreciate all the comments. I want to thank everyone who wrote a comment. It's going to take a while for me to read your comments, but please wait.
Not sleeping in the same room with your wife is not normal. Marriage means you have the right to your spouse's body by natural law. The first purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. The second: mutual help. The third: remedy for concupiscence. The connection between spouses is primary and to children it is secondary. Have at least three children!
I pray that you Live with your family happily hereafter. I am a woman and from the country INDIA 🇮🇳. Maybe you know INDIA. We believe in family living together and communicating. Try to be little flexible with your wife. Maybe she will realize her side of mistakes and accept you. From the videos that you are uploading. One can say that you are truly a good gentleman . Family is really important. Try to work it out. My prayers and best wishes to you.
Te veo desde Argentina (sudamérica, país de Messi) y me gusta ver la vida cotidiana de otros países. Quiero decirte que tuve un padre como vos, que trabajaba todo el día y las decisiones en casa las tomaba mi madre. Pero me sentí abandonada por mi padre, ya que como vos, desayunaba y cenaba fuera, y yo quería estar con él. Y eso me generó inseguridad aún hoy con 34 años. Te quiero sugerir que estés más tiempo con tu hijo de 5 años, ya que los primeros años de vida son los que nos marcan para siempre. Y trates de hablar más con tu esposa.
Yo tengo 34 años y ya conviví con dos parejas pero cuando no había comunicación o iniciativa de ambos a mejorar, decidí terminar las relaciones. Quiero un compañero, sentir amor y apoyo. Si eso no lo siento, prefiero ser soltera . Queremos formar una familia, pero las relaciones se hacen de a dos ( no alcanza con el esfuerzo de uno sólo en la relación). Gracias por tus videos. Nueva suscripctora ❤
@@vonmusel6158 are you out of your damn mind ? The 17th century is back that way , there’s no way you should be giving advice to anyone with the attitude you have about women, marriage is a partnership, not a man stood over a woman putting her in her place. I pity any woman who goes within 10 feet of you.
Coming from a guy who just got divorced, key factor of marriage failure is lack of communication and emotional neglect. I failed to see those factors until it was too late, but you saw them when there’s still time to improve. I don’t know about Japanese culture but if you truly treasure this marriage, I suggest you find time to sit down with your wife and talk about how you want this marriage to work in a calm way. Seek professional help if needed. Hope your marriage will improve and hope your wife can see your heart through this video. God bless
He is doom. DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! He and his wife thinks that they can sacrifice to make money for their son’s future, but if that were true, many children would never have to work. And there would be a shortage of workers to do all the jobs. That my friend is the magic of inflation. Imagine if my parents had a couple million dollar invested in SCHD, and they don’t have to work. When they pass it on to me, then I don’t have to work. Let’s say more and more families are eventually able to do this. So when everyone wants to go to Hawaii, whom decide who gets to go? Surely there’s not enough hotels for everyone. The hotels will raise their prices because of the demands, INFLATION. And the trust fund kids will have to go to work. He and his wife could spend less, and invest wisely so that they both can get jobs that allows them to enjoy their family. But there is an extremely high chance that they will never do that. Doom! Doom! Doom! Sorry. So sorry for my comment. Please forgive me.
What time are you eating your midnight snacks and what time do you leave for work and what time do you get home? I’m surprised your wife doesn’t get up when you come home.
People get too comfortable. They stop making any kind of effort. Assuming that's just married life. Well no. Let's love each other soo hard and Soo good , that we'll always be best friends, mad lover's, and remember how lucky we are that we found each other long ago and not single and searching endlessly for our one. Because... Here we are. Right now. You're all mine. I'm all yours. You live once. You have to let go of the things that take you away from that. Because how important are they really, if you're unhappy? They aren't. I'm 48 and still looking for my one. I hope you can look deeper and reevaluate what's truly important that makes life what you really want it to be.
Marriage must be nurtured. Two complete strangers form a bond that it takes two to maintain. I was married 48 years to a man I adored. He was truly my soulmate and best friend. We did everything together and talked about everything. When he passed away a year ago, many people told me that they had always thought we had a fairytale marriage. I was shocked because I never thought what we had was unusual. My advice is to talk more, go out of your way to do things together; taking turns selecting what you do. Laugh and smile with her and your child. If she doesn’t want to participate in UA-cam, I don’t blame her. It takes a whole lot of positive to overcome one negative. And always eat together whenever possible.
I'm italian married to a japanese. We live in Japan. I find it very nice that you talk about your wife, it means you love her and care about your family and yet, it is not common for a Japanesean to talk about family issues. Don't be afraid to show her your feelings and try to spend more time with your family. Take care!
No role at home? Being a parent is THE role, also being a partner. It's up to you to be the best dad and partner, showing interest in your son's life, sharing affection, keeping the vibe positive. Even if your wife is negative or grumpy, you can still be the best you for your family. Kids will grow up and remember many things from their childhood, including their absent dad. Come home after work, don't hang out and wait until your family goes to sleep. It seems like you avoid them and you isolate yourself by coming home late. Be the dream dad for your kid and he'll appreciate it one day. You'll have a strong bond with him and that'll make the struggle worth it. Being a dad is your biggest role. It beats any role you have at work or any role that involves doing houshold chores. Ask your son how he is doing, what was the best part of his day, what was the bad part of his day. Take him out on weekends. This is your role. Nobody will come and save this toxic and outdated society, so it's up to you guys to change it. You are one of few brave individuals who is honestly talking about the problem. You have already made a step forward. It needs more people like you. I'm sure both men and women suffer from this type of family dynamics and things need to change. Show your son that there is another, healthier way to live life.
Thank you for watching my video! I respect you. I also think the same as you. I can't reveal everything about myself in my videos. Outside of videos, I actually spend a lot of time with my family. I will introduce my family in a video someday. Thank you for your comment. You are a wonderful person.
@samurai-daddy Thank you for your kind words. You are a very wonderful person too, you are doing the right thing! Keep up the good work on youtube and I wish all the best for you and your family!
I’m a wife married to a Japanese man. Apologies for the rudeness, but it seems you’re only pointing out flaws and identifying the issues, holding your wife accountable for her lack of acknowledgement to your suggestions. You claim you want to do right by your wife and son, but I don’t think anything will change and it will get progressively worse if there’s no accountability on your part. I see your video walking into the house, seeing the paper and pencils scattered on the floor & you just walk away. It takes literally 2 seconds to pick them up, draw a smiley face on the paper and write to your son a note about how proud you are of him and have him help mom out by cleaning up next time. Instead of eating out, why not spend the money buying even 1 single rose, or a gift card for her to go the spa on the weekend just because she deserves it for caring for your child and working, and suffering from loneliness as well? If you take the first steps to breaking the traditional mold, who knows… maybe you will have even more likes and subscribers, and your marriage will improve! If men in marriages are more proactive at finding solutions instead of reinstating the problems; more marriages would stay intact.
When my children were teenagers, I didn't get to see them as much as I did when they were younger. So I started leaving little notes for them, then they would write something back. We all enjoyed it, and it kept us a little more in touch with each other. Your son is learning to read and write. Maybe the two of you could start to write notes someday soon. What would happen if you left a light-hearted note for your wife one day? What would happen if you left a short, kind note for her regularly? Is there something you could thank her for? Or just say hello. "I hope you have a good day." At some point, you could invite her to leave a short note for you, if there's something she'd like to say. You may be in too much pain to try this experiment. It's hard to reach out. I wish the best for you and your family.
It sounds to me that both your wife and yourself are checked out of the marriage and your son is five old enough to sleep on his own. I was married 34 years and I can only say that if your living in a marriage that is lonely and loveless don't spend another day like this. Life's too short and there's someone out there who will love you back...best of luck
I had the Same thing in mind. You seem to get up later than your wife and son. When you can’t make it to breakfast in time: leave cute notes for them. “Good morning, beautiful ❤” or “wish you a fun day at kindergarten”. You could also set up their breakfast table for them since you’re up late at night. They would wake up and see that Dad cares. 🩷 Do it in your own way, but do it.
Oh my god, I never watched a video that deep and so touching. It's crazy how I can feel your loneliness thru your video. And I'm kinda affected knowing you in that situation and knowing a lot of people feel the same way as you... First of all, it's really courageous from you to express how you feel and how it goes in Japan, as a tourist who came to Japan I never felt that even on Japanese face. Expressing feelings (good or bad) isn't childish at all, it's human. Nobody is perfect and we all sometimes feel depressed and want to talk with someone we can trust in. Sharing life with someone isn't easy and even more when there are children involved in it. Spending time with your wife is important and necessary if you want to build a stronger relationship. If she doesn't want to listen to your saying just write down how you feel. Writing it down can be a good way to express your feelings without "bothering" your partner and she can take time to read it and think about it. You seem to be a nice husband, never doubt that. I hope everything will get better for you and if you really want to talk, I've got Line app. I was born to help and listen to people, so please feel free to ask. Take care 😊
I’m a 71 year old American woman whose mother is from Osaka. Your videos are appreciated and I watch them all. In Japanese life there is a heavy importance placed on work and excellence. Even as a happa, living in the US, I too am affected by my upbringing by a Japanese mother. Your lifestyle; coupled with a long commute, long working hours and high performance expectations create loneliness and isolation. What a shame! My only choice was to trust God with all the pressure of needing to do it all. I’m praying for you, your marriage and your family life.
The nature of your videos has changed. They have become deeper, more serious, more reflective. I like that. You describe a very sad state of affairs for a 'typical' family dynamic in Japan. I hope your generation, and then your son's generation can start to change that, for the sake of future families in Japan.
Firstly get home as soon as you finish work, put your foot down and insist you eat at least one meal a day together, dinner. Tell her and your son you love them at least once a day if not more. Tell them you need their love and support every day to survive as a man in a crazy world. Tell your wife you are so grateful she works and childcares to keep the family going. Give both of them little presents weekly to show you think of them. Plan for a getaway together in the near future. See if you can find a babysitter so you can have an meal/movie together once a month. Find a way to lie in bed together and just cuddle. Hold her hand in public and at home. Look in her eyes and tell her how shitty you feel about not being a better husband and father and ask her how you can improve this situation. Instead of buying a breakfast spend the money on a small bunch of flowers for her once a fortnight. Do more house work to give her more time to rest, she has three jobs, home, job outside and looking after your child, you have one job. Do you have to live and work in a city? Country life is more laid back, less commuting time, more time with your family. Every family is a unit, you need to think together again, work at communication with both your wife and child. And start to love yourself too.
Thank you for your advice! I admire you for being able to give me advice in a faraway country. I'm glad I started UA-cam. It's really wonderful to be able to communicate with people all over the world.
@@sky-pv7ff There are many ways to show or say 'I love you', and yes woman need to have daily confirmation their partner loves them in some way. If you don't they will start to think you don't love them and tat my friend is the beginning of the end of the relationship. There are books you can read and professional people you can ask, but don't be the tough guy who can't show his love.
@bobstanden6788 i am a female, and I have never been an affectionate person. So, for a guy to say he loved me every day would definitely be too much for me. But there are females who need to hear that.🤮
@historybarf good advice, I having problems with my partner, and I tell him it's better sleep apart because I'm having problem waking up at 3 am (recently anxious because we have a temporary break up) , and we are having a difficult relationship crisis. Thank you ❤️
@ you’re welcome. My ex and I slept apart because I had to get up so many times with the children. He started seeking warmth elsewhere and we divorced. If I had it to do over, nothing would’ve kept us apart.
"I think its pathetic to depend on others" As a wife, you are missing out on the main aspects of marriage. You and your wife are teammates, partners. Its you two against the world. You absolutely should support and rely on each other.
I'm single but i have learned from my parents. My dad always says i love you and kiss my mom every time he has a chance to do 😂 bought her simple things like a snack for her and his kids when he comes home. Act of service is my family's love language. Rest in peace for my parents.
I have posted several comments of support, I have a suggestion to make to you, come home straight after work to share your meal with your family instead of eating alone outside. If it is possible for you and your wife's schedule, do that, I was in the same situation as you, difficult to find your place but now I cook more often and we eat together even if it means waiting for each other to at least share a little time together. Strength to you.
Jps men are known to be less express the love to their wifes or girlfriend. When you feel that lacking of communication, disconnection let's buy the flower and gift it to her with your smile. Everything will be better. Women doing well everything it does not mean she is no need ur care. They are strong maybe they are hurt from ur indifference. Actually woman are never strong. They are very simple. You have everything they need. A compliment on new dress or a lipstick color, a dinner is prepared by you, a kiss and a hug from behind, buying a drinks she likes. When she breaks a cup, or your son gets sick in the middle of the night, hold her and whisper in her ear: "Ur are not alone, don't be afraid. I'm here with u and son". It's not expensive, right? But it's very effective. I'm women 100%. Try it you will see the incredible thing.
I wonder if you talk to your wife like you talk to us, honest and open? I am impressed with your openness about your feelings, I don't think that is a common trait in your culture, am I right? It does seem odd to me that when you have such a long commute, that you don't go straight home after work. I realize you're trying to make content for your channel but I'm not so interested in where and how you dine, but more about your home, and life with friends and family. Thanks for giving a glimpse of Japanese culture for us living in other parts of the world and I hope the best for you and your family.
You're not alone. Men all over the world feel immense pressure having to provide for the family but feel like they have to keep it bottled in because as you mentioned showing emotion can be seen as a weakness. Many men feel like the only time they can relax is on the commute home from work. I have heard stories of men waiting in their car for several minutes after they get home just to collect their thoughts before facing their family. I hope you make it through this tough time, my friend. You have all the support of your viewers as you can see by the many positive comments listed here. Good luck!
This is so incredibly sad. It seems like living today, we are surrounded by so many stereotypes about how men and women should be - behave and look - that we can’t even be ourselves in our own lives.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing awareness. I live in Japan. Even for my Japanese friends, best friends. It took years for them to open up of their emotions. Many of them fear emotional vulnerability, being honest. Even for women. Where there's a problem, they don't talk about it. So it's hidden and swept under instead. The key is to welcome conversations, not as confrontation but working hand in hand together. As a team. Not to judge, but to understand. Communication will definitely help. Gender roles sometimes can hurt us, I hope you do what works best for you and your family. You do belong. She "seems to be doing well", but I know we also out on a strong front that we are not hurting or lonely to put on a mask. I know many women wants help from child care and housework. It's a lot sometimes. It's not just in Japan, but the idea to "be the man" around the world. I think it is admirable you want to care and provide for your family. But you don't need to shoulder all the burden, but to share and support one another. . In healthy outlets and expression. Words and actions of love and appreciation, quality time, it's not only just work and money that matters. ❤🙏 To be human, is to have emotions
Hi. You are off to a good start. You have identified the factors that are contributing to your feeling of isolation within your family. You can only change your thinking, behavior, and attitude which can possibly positively impact your family. As a suggestion, you could pick one thing you would like to work on, perhaps increasing play time with your son, and continue working on that until you feel it has become a normal part of your interaction with him. Then, you can move on to the next item. This is going to require commitment and patience. Set realistic goals, and don’t give up. Your son is only five years old, and you have a promising future. Please don’t assume your time is limited. My three children are in their thirties. My son moved to England last year, but we communicate regularly. So it’s not impossible to have a good relationship with your child. My kids and I have fantastic conversations and enjoy family time. However, we had the usual moments that occur in the family. Your efforts to improve yourself can have a positive effect on your family. Again, be realistic and patient. Marriage is work but can be happy. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I’ve been married 35 years. Stay positive.😊
I am a 72 year old japanese. I am living in southern part of Japan. I have an idea. How about having a new family member in your home. It is not a human. It is a cute furry member like a puppy or a kitten. I am sure your 5 year old son will love the new company. And say to your wife, "Don't worry. I'll take care of." Yes, you can do it! I know you are a diligent worker. When you go for a walk in a morning with your pet, your son may say,"Papa, I'll go with you!"
I totally agree with you! Having a dog or a cat changes and Improves the mood in the house! A furry member brings so much Lightness and JOY! We have had a girl dog when I was young : that was a very happy time!
My concern would his wife see it as 1 more chore she is responsible for. For this to work, it needs to be something everyone agrees to, especially teaching your son responsibility and learning some empathy.
I agree. Try talking with your son and find out what his interests are and what he thinks is funny; you may discover that you both have the same sense of humour or like the same things.
I don’t agree. Sorry. I have had many pets. Almost 10. Cats and dogs. I took care of all of them extremely well until their passing. Nowadays the financial and time stress is too much. Pets end up abandoned. Numerous. Pet shelters in many countries even take in hundreds of abandoned pets daily! New York recently banned the sale of pets. I agree with it, even though I love animals so much.
Sharing your emotions and thoughts isn't a weakness. It's a key component of intimacy. I hope y'all can press the reset button on your marriage and start fresh with spending more time with each other and daring to be emotionally vulnerable.
I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your family is not as close as you want to be. Communication is definitely an important factor in a relationship. Try to get to know each other again. Why not schedule a time when you can have more quality time with her and the same with your son. Why not try having a father and son day at least once a month. You seem to be very aware of what the problem is which means that you can try to resolve it. I’m rooting for you. Don’t give up.
Thank you for sharing your video! It's rare to find these points of view of a married salaryman with children! This is very interesting! It's great you're managing to detect these problems and see the value in communication! And are also aware of the gendered problems and expectations in Japanese society. This is great inner work from your part! Great job! Pease keep up the good work and be more open to your family. Relying on your family and showing emotions is important not pathetic or weak. We're human and need the support system a family and close friends give. But I also think your wife might have depression even if "she's doing great", and that is making her want to travel less and eat out less, more negative and less open to the people around her and make her lash out and be harder with her opinions. I hope and wish that you and your family manage to overcame this and be happy! Being aware of the problems like you are is already a great accomplishment so please Samurai Dad, がんばて!!!
As a stay at home mother I guess she is doing the housework and looking after the children. Children are demanding 24/7. And looking after your needs too. Do you ever recognise each others role in your family and thank each other. Start taking your son to the park once a week to build your father-son relationship and give your wife a break? Sometimes you have to give to receive and remember what you did in those courting days. Just a walk on a summers evening, a small bunch of flowers. Take the initiative. Suggest you sleep with your wife and your son move into the other bedroom, I guess you slept together before your son came along. Remember the times when you laughed together, loved together and made the effort to get time to be together. It sounds like you and your wife are both missing that intimacy. Your wife doesn't need to be in your youtube videos, if you make time for youtube but not your wife and son I can see how you would be lonely.
I came upon this video by happenstance and appreciate your candidness. You seem to understand the dynamics of your lonely existence; have a remarkable sense of responsibility to your family; and a sense of compassion for your wife and son. It is difficult to feel communication is impossible but do not give it up. Perhaps doing things around the house, quietly without waiting for your wife to ask, will be noticed and appreciated, and give you purpose to be at home.
As a girl I want to tell my opinion. Communication is very important, not only words, but also small cute gifts: favorite sweets🍬🍫🍭, flowers🌹🌷💐 we girls love such attention very much saying words of compliments. Tactile communication. I know it's not common in Japanese culture, but start with hugs. It will feel weird at first, but then you might like it and it will become a family tradition ✨👫👶✨ Happy to everyone 😊
Me disculpo por contestar en español, pero pienso que lo que mencionas debe ser mutuo, porque siempre la iniciativa la debe tener el hombre, si ella en verlo ama porque no lo espera para comer juntos preguntar cómo le fue en el trabajo, tratar de prepararle la comida o el desayuno, no se aprovechar un poco más esos momentos libres para compartir juntos como la familia que deberían ser 🤔
@@shadowfox0128porque al sentir lo que dice el señor, la mujer ha tomado una cara de enojada, y siempre nosotras somos enojadas cuando hemos tomado una gran delusión. Siempre. Hay algo que no le ha gustado y la confianza es bajada.
It’s perfectly alright if she doesn’t like to come to YT. Spend time with your family during weekends, if office hours don’t allow it everyday. After 20 years of marriage and husband working for a Japanese company, this is the best advice. Spend all weekends with your son n wife.
I'm not japanese, but what you talk about your life , i lived with my parents . As a child of a situation like yours , i want to tell you , if you don't have a good commnication with you son , it simple because you don't want that , your son love you what ever you are and what ever is your situation with his mother , your job as a father is to give your son a time he need from you .
Samurai-daddy. Just watched a few of your youtube videos today and I can see and feel your unhappiness. Its not your fault and its not your wife's fault about the situation your both in. First, you have a long distant job that is taking up pretty much all of your time. So far away that your having to eat most of your meals away from your family. Its so important for a family to be together at least part of the day, EVERYDAY to share some meals, and to talk about the day's events. The good things that happened and the not so good things that happened that day. Even the goofy things that happened. That's what makes conversation interesting. And you and your wife need that on a daily basis. Just like taking a daily vitamin for your health, you and your wife and your child need this time togeather. Maybe you can try to find a job closer to your family. Or you can find a home closer to your job. I hope things get better for you and your family and that you find joy again.
This was an interesting pov video, i haven’t seen anything quite like this and I’m not sure how to feel about it. People have provided loads of good advice, all the best dude 👊🏼
Thanks for sharing you problem with us. I totally understand how you feel. All couples have a communication problem nowadays. I think you should organise your thoughts and set your goals and what you want to achieve in the relationship with your wife and your son. It's very important that you understand the situation and you want to improve it. In my opinion, start with your son. Try to spend more time together. Set one goal at a time. Express your thoughts and emotions to your wife. You are family and you should depend on each other. I hope things get better soon!
I’m so sorry for you and your wife. I’m so sorry she had to deal with negativity on here and in her life. That hurts. Try to put yourselves in each others shoes, it might open the line of communication better. Still loving all of your videos Samurai daddy 😊
That's really unfortunate, but it's important to take responsibility. It’s your decision and your choice. Make time to be with your kids on weekends and create meaningful moments with them. It might be tough, but remember, the world is vast, and relationships require effort. When they end, it can hurt deeply, especially if you've invested a lot of time. Stay strong and focus on building quality experiences for the future.
I see what you're saying, and I understand. I also am going to suggest that there could be a lot of other factors at play besides bad communication. I don't know how old your child is but I feel they are young like mine, ~4 or ~5 years old. Without daycare, it would be extremely difficult for me (I'm a 42 year old woman). I also know that post partum depression may not end when an infant becomes a toddler. Irritability, being emotional, these can also be part of an ongoing health issue, pre-menopause, or something similar. If you're earning anything off of these UA-cam videos, I would recommend maybe spending on either part-time child care, house cleaning services, and/or a babysitter and have a weekend away as a vacation. Anger in relationships steam from four basic reasons: Hunger, Anxiety, Loneliness, Tiredness. (HALT). Yes, one can feel lonely even when married as you said yourself. Both of you bring able to recognize these four factors might help start better communication and open the door to some sort of partnership or understanding. I don't know if marriage counseling is a thing in Japan like here in the States, but it might be an option. I wish you luck!
If my husband is coming home late, I keep dinner for him and we talk about the day. Share dumb things that the kids did, so he doesn’t feel he missed out. If he went to convenience store, he always buys me a little something. Nothing more fun than having a late night snack/treat that shows he remembered me too. Maybe he doesn’t finish the meal i make, since he already ate. But usually he’ll have a few bites and insist that i make it his bento. Acknowledge each other’s role, give rewards, small tokens of appreciation. This goes a long way to helping your relationship.
1. You make it well today, at least you told us lots of your personal matters, you are brave than me. 2. I think it's better being single. 3. I also having my personal problems. Nothing can do, just go through day by day. 4. Hope you are getting better.
Single life seems easy for you just because you escape many issues that need to discuss and solve in communication. I also thought so but now i feel i grow up during my relationship because im studyng myself and partner how to improve. Of course it easy not to do.
My wife and I have been together for 15 years, we have had many fairly demanding jobs with shift work, night work, etc. We gradually drifted apart with increasingly violent arguments. It is important to ask ourselves questions. We had the opportunity to change jobs, to harmonize our schedules, and even if now we see each other for an hour in the morning and then 3/4 hours in the late evening, we try as much as possible to spend time together while giving ourselves time. As I told you, we have been together for 15 years, we took an unfortunate but necessary break to find each other again. Sleeping in different places should not help you share positive moments and emotions with your partner. Be strong PapaSamurai
I think for sure, you prefer to do coffee break than back to home earlier, it indicates that you're avoiding your family, you're avoding your interaction with your son. When you said your wife is good, good in income but not with her soul. You maybe didn't know how stressfull to do house course & takes care a child at the same time also still do a work outside from home. Why you don't go home earlier & help your wife to take care your son? At spending time with your son before he went sleep. Your wife also can be more relax than before.
Thank you for watching my video! I appreciate your comment. I only eat after work for UA-cam shoots. I usually eat food cooked by my wife. I also spend weekends with my family. I'm sorry for making you worry.
I speak french Bonsoir, merci pour votre vidéo. Je comprends le poids Sociétal que vous vivez. Je comprends aussi qu’il est difficile et compliqué, en ayant une attitude qui pourrait être perçu comme original est augmenterait votre isolement. Mets une fois que vous avez votre journée de travail que vous avez fait votre devoir en tant que père de famille, que vous rentrez à votre domicile. Une fois que vous êtes chez vous qu est-ce qui vous empêche d’avoir une vie de famille épanouie. Une fois que vous rentrez chez vous, vous êtes de vivre dans votre maison, de vivre la relation que vous souhaitez avec votre famille et pas être un outil ou un objet au mieux de la maison. Bon courage.
I am sure lots of people have said the same - communication is what you need with your wife, if there is any way you can sit and talk together about such matters, I am sure you both will feel much better, I hope it all works out for you both.
Es un buen comienzo saber que algo anda mal, sería bueno que además de conversar, puedas compartir buenos momentos, a veces un gesto diferente ya mejora la situación, leerle un libro a tu hijo, cantarle una canción, poner una flor en un vaso Darles un abrazo, a veces lo más simple es lo más difícil de hacer pero se puede intentar de a poquito...
You are a good man. I hope you push through any problems you have. We all have problems, often created by societal expectations. You are doing well. You look after your family. Best wishes to you all. 😊
Oh 1 small thing you could try out is ask at your workplace if you could do remote work 1 day per week. So you can just be more present at home. And when it's time to "clock out", you could toast with a can of beer with your wife. And tell each other "otsukaresama". It's a very small thing, but you would be acknowledging each other's hard work, while also spending your resting time together. It might help both of you to feel appreciated
Im a new subscriber here, im female but non Japanese, i work intensively at work and trying to seek balance myself. Im single and sometimes i do question abt life and whats in life besides work for me. I have japanese colleagues and see them working very late and i wondered if they have time for other matters and family. At the start of the video when u named the issues i got very worried but luckily as the video progresses u are actually aware of the problem and that is a good start. For a woman it is simple, its to feel as if their spouse or partner think or care about them. You may want to start by buying her favourite drink or food when you are buying yours, thats what my parents and i do. We show love and care by asking if they had their meals if not by buying each other’s favourite drink or snacks. It shows others u do think about them even though all of us know u are working hard tor your family. Wishing you and yr family well
You finish work, go for dinner, go for coffee, and return home late and likely when your child is in bed already and the house chores are taken care off... and while doing so, you complain you feel unwanted and don't have "anything to do at home" - find the error! You think it's appropriate to wait to be involved? Go involve yourself instead of wining.
I feel sorry for you and this situation. I live in germany where working hours are at an average of 8 to 9 hours a day which is still ' a lot' in most opinions of the younger people living here. I could never imagine working more than 10hours a day daily and still trying to be involved with my own family. Also I don't know your whole situation but I feel like it's also your wifes responsibility to look after your wellbeing as much as you show you care about your family by working so hard. So I do hope that this situation changes for the better and that you'll feel more 'at home' when you're home. love goes out to you
Espero que tu y tu esposa puedan romper esas barreras que les dificultan la comunicación. Y ojalá puedan enseñarle a tu hijo con el ejemplo , como la vida familiar no necesariamente tiene que ser solitaria. Un saludo 😊
Lack of communication is the basis of many personal breakups. Family meals generate conversations, which is what you need with your family. Record everyone from your son's neck down and distort your voices so there's no privacy issues. While discussing "issues", voices should be calm, no blaming, and compromises are better than nothing. Spending quality time with your family can make all the differences in your lives. Wishing you and your family the best of luck.
Marriage and relationships are difficult in all culture and countries, sadly,sometimes things cannot be fixed. I hope you can find an answer in which both of you are happier. I enjoy your videos of daily life and my adult daughter also watches. They give us a break from our daily life too 😊
You have clearly thought about this a lot and you strive to do what is best for your family. I admire that very much. But if you don't speak to each other, you might both do very different things even though you both try to do what is best. It is natural. You have both very different jobs within the family unit which will offer you very different perspectives. It is like in a company, where every department is mad at the other departments because the others get more resources or they feel undervalued... that is why regular meetings, even if they are boring, are so important. Talking about your opinions, goals, perspective and feelings in a calm and relaxed setting is just another important management meeting, probably the most important one in your whole week. I wish you a happy new year!
As many good advices were posted below and you seem to be a wonderful husband and father, I know that everything will work out well. Sharing your thoughts and emotions are not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. I believe in you! 🌷🌷
I understand your feeling and I think it’s a common problem with married couples nowadays. Don’t give yourself too much pressure. If you don’t have work on Sunday, try to spend time with your kid and wife, slowly may change the relationship between you and her. Stay positive 💪
I always think that if you hide your feelings they will come out in other ways, they have to because they are trapped inside. Communicating with your wife is the best way forward and telling her how you feel about not spending enough time with your son and that you want to be a part of his life as he grows into an adult. Also it would be good to go out sometimes together maybe for a walk or a meal to connect one to one again. Hope everything goes well with your future. I am a female and love watching your life in Japan I also watch a lot of single lonely women living in Japan and their lives, they very much seem to cope more alone due to the domesticity that comes natural.
Hi Samurai, thank you once again for sharing your day with us. I’m not sure what to say but hope things get better between you and your wife and son. more you tube video will mean less time at day time work and spending valuable time with your son. 🙏
I do hope you sort things out with your family. I think that you might have to work at it a little each day if you want a positive solution. Best wishes from the UK.
Hi, I'm a new subscriber to your channel. This is the second video I have watched from you. Firstly, thank you for putting subtitles on your video. UA-cam is very hard work and you mentioned you wanted to earn more money for your family, that is very noble and honorable. Maybe it is also an outlet for you, but I would just like to say thank you for sharing with us more about your country, Japan, the beautiful sights and sounds and also the delicious food. But more importantly, thank you for sharing with us your life and insights. It is my first time hearing the thoughts of a person like this. It may be strange to say, that although I am 37 years old and female, married with no kids but strangely I can relate to your thoughts. There was a period of time in my marriage where it was draining as it felt there is a wall between my husband and I. I work from home a lot so I tend to have many thoughts and sometimes they are not good. Eventually I started to see my husband is a negative light. Like many people who commented here, communication is very important in a relationship. There are many times I wanted to give up and felt I was better off alone. That made it harder and harder to talk to each other. It is still a process but I am happy to share that recently I have come to appreciate my husband so much more after having a more grateful heart. I try to remember the many good things he has done for me. I realize he is a good husband. We start to talk more and try to go on more trips together. In fact, we just visited Japan in November and somehow that's how UA-cam suggested your channel to me, which I am thankful for. It's a conscious effort and I also try to remember the good things over the negative. Of course there is friction and unhappiness since there is no perfection. But that is life. I wish you all the best in your personal life, marriage and career. I look forward to more of your videos. Take care!
Not about control. It’s about listening to her, understanding the why, what etc. Routine is monotonous.. Let her know she is valued and cherished .. buy her some flowers, have a date night . There will be a reason for her change. If you care .. work it out! Hiding won’t solve anything. All the best with this.
Thank you for sharing. Although there are societal role differences, having to work long hours for any adult makes it hard to connect with loved ones, but you can turn things around and rekindle your relationship with your wife and son. Try spending quality time together, finding common ground during weekends. You’ve got this!! Rooting for you!!🌹🌹🌹
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about your life in this video. I am Scandinavian and I know that Japanese work culture is different from ours. However I wonder if you work on Saturdays and Sundays? If you have at least one of these days off I think you should focus on spending some of that time with your son. Take him to see a baseball or football (soccer) match or something similar. It doesn’t have to be first-division sports either. Perhaps there is a local team that you can watch and support? If you don’t like sports, take your son to a movie every Sunday. Buy your son an ice-cream or something that he likes, listen to him, and laugh together, and you will see that these weekly habits will stay as treasured memories with both you and him forever. Try to create a bond with your son by giving him the best gift that you as a parent can give him - your time. To do simple things together outside of the house and to find a hobby or routine together is a wonderful way to build a close relationship with a child. I am a woman myself and I have always been so happy when I have seen my husband take time out of his busy work schedule to do things together with our sons. By giving attention and love to your son I think you will also come closer to your wife. It’s hard to explain but sometimes a wife doesn’t want just flowers, she also wants you to be with the children. You have to dare to show your feelings and take these initiatives yourself. Sometimes that is the hardest part, but I believe you can do this!
Thank you for watching my video! You are a wonderful person. You are right. I have weekends off. I spend them with my family. I help my son learn to ride a bike in the park. That is the happiest time for me.
hi! i just found your channel and i have to say that it is captivating in this melancholic , moody kind of way which i loved. since the first video when i saw that you were eating all of your meals alone i kind of got the idea what was happening. as a woman, i can say that you were right on many points, that communication and showing up is key but it always needs to be mutual. too many relationships today are just there barely holding on, surviving on a thread just because the couple have stopped appreciating each other and stopped communication with each other and have just become distant roommates, for the kids sake, which is a huge mistake. i can see you are trying to do right by your family and you are working hard to provide for them, however, you are also right in the point that Japan needs to make working hours more relaxed in order for the family unit to function the way it should, spend the time together that is necessary for it to function as it should. i am sure your wife has her version of the story, but i think she also needs to open up and acknowledge your efforts more. you guys need to sit down and talk calmly and concisely about how this marriage is going to move on going further, and i really hope for a positive outcome for you and wish you all the best, i really do.
Not just you, my friend, and not just Japanese culture. I'm on the other side of the World and have similar problems. Though I do everything and provide everything for my wife, I am lonely and sad in my own home. I wish you well and hope for happier times. Take care.
A lot of what you discussed, are things husbands and wife’s deal with world wide, not just Japan. Although Japan is very unique in the roles and expectations of a married couple with children. It took me a while watching vlogs from Japan to become accustomed to seeing a husband and wife in separate bedrooms, there is one I watched where they have a couple daughters and the wife sleeps with them. There was a weekend outing with the wife and daughters only. While she seems happy, there is very little about her husband, maybe a mention he’s working late, so it’s her and the girls for dinner. This seems more the common theme in Japanese families. Why wife and I both worked full time, which as a salary person was a minimum of 45 hours. Since we worked in IT , we also had calls at night for support or working with a team offshore. My wife started work at 6 am, I started 8 am or later, I did morning duties getting my daughter up, fed and dropped off at school. I tried to leave work by 6pm. It was not always easy for us.
Thank you for watching my video! I appreciate your comment. There are many couples like the one you wrote about in your comment in Japan. However, I think there are fewer of them than before. Thank you for writing about your life in the comment.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, though I understand it’s quite a common phenomenon in Japan , don’t know if counselling is available for you and your wife in your country if it is take advantage , it will get you and your wife talking , what ever you do spend time with your son even if it’s just to take him to play in the park or swimming in the local pool , I’m wishing you all the best ❤
Men have a huge role in the family from my perspective. Men are providers, protectors and leaders of their family and home. Maybe discussing how you and your wife view and want your roles to be would be good. Do you have the ability to cut down on work by one day a week maybe? We are all human and have emotions we are meant to feel and express in a responsible way and at the right time. I hope you can both work out what works for you. :) You can lead the way and demonstrate the way for your son so he can move forward and his son too. This is what my cousin and I did in relation to our dysfunctional upbringings. It stopped with us. This can stop with you and your family. Your legacy :)
I am so sorry, life is not easy for you also. I hope somehow you and your wife manage to find a break-through for your family; there is still a long road ahead - it is too long to be living in such isolation. All the best to you
Bring a flower home place it on a table so in the morning your wife will find it …Find something for your son …don’t know his age . Write a short message saying wish I could be more with the family .The long distant to work is a hard one …I wish you well from USA .
I love learning all this about Japanese life, thoughts. You're a good teacher! I especially liked your other video, explaining all the sauces, how to order, what an average guy might eat.. really interesting. 🎉
It was obvious the problem was the lack of communication but I also know it's hard to started it when you both already used to it so my suggestion is start with a small thing like buying her favorite cake, snack or perhaps new gloves for washing dishes, flower (just a small one) and such just to show her you stil think about her and care, just left it on the table or fridged before you left the house. Well, at least that works for me so keep trying!😊
Samurai Daddy, I just found your channel and I subscribed. May I provide one suggestion as an Italian. Sometimes if you want to have a better relation with your son (at least) take on more initiative and for example bring home a snack for your wife or for him. Buy a gift like a table top game a propose to al play together. Surely you may have a day during the week in which you are all home. Maybe you can take on a role in the house on your own. For example, you can try to help your son do his homework on the day you do not need to go to work. The options are many. I wish you the best. Family is important and must never be overlooked, even in the areas that cause us discomfort.
I agree with you it does seem to be a worldwide issue in this day and age. It is sad to see this happening. Especially since we need people, friends, family, more than ever. Blessings to you and prayers.
I appreciate how you have talked about this. It's not easy. I know I would encourage you to take that time back instead of staying away until bedtime. Go home and engage with your family. You can fix this. your family is more important than UA-cam to make money. I'm sorry.
I didn’t expect this type of video today… But I am grateful that you also share your daily life as a married man. I feel sad for you, I feel a form of resignation as well… I’m wondering : Are you happy ? Thank you for sharing this intimacy with us. Take care of yourself too and take the time to rest and enjoy delicious meals ! Keep Going !! 😊
Thank you for watching my video! I'm sorry for making you sad. Please look forward to the next video, which will be a fun one like before. Of course, I'm happy. I'm grateful to my wife.
Don’t be sad for me, because I am sad for you. We are all human after all. This video and this theme touched me… I hope you will continue to share your emotions with us. Thank you for your videos 🙏 Be happy and healthy
It sounds like you already know what you need to do to make family life better. Please continue to do your best about it even when others around you may criticize you for doing so. Sometimes we have to step outside the "normal way of doing things" in order to make a change for the better. Many men in the US had to do this as well. Everything you just described is exactly how things were for men in the USA during the 19 50's and 60's especially. It was not considered masculine for a man to express his feelings, take care of children or do housework. But that has changed a lot since many women work full time outside the home and just don't have the energy to do it all. I hope things improve for your life and your family's as well.
It looks like in your case the problem is your wife sleeps with your 5-year old child in your marital room and you sleep in the spare bedroom. If you and your wife would have given the baby its own room and stayed together in main bedroom, you’d have time after work to speak and bond with each other and help the kid when problems arise in a rotation. Plus spend time with your child together with the wife too. As for what amount of emotion is considered normal for an adult or a male is silly. It’s nearly 2025, wake up people
I’m the only sister of 4 brothers. I feel compelled to try to help you. It’s not going to be polite either. We call this “tough love” where I am from. You’re doing it wrong. I don’t know how things went before your wife gave birth to your son but it’s different now. Raising children and still nurturing your marriage is hard. I’m married, (24 years) am 45 with an 18 and 12 year old, I know. My best advice is going to be, EVERYTHING is shared. If you go to work after your boy goes to school, YOU get your boy ready and take him. She’s taking care of him at night alone, you need to pick up some slack. I saw what you walked into when you got home. Pick up. You don’t need a list or a how to from your wife. You’re a grown ass man. If it’s dirty, clean it. If you don’t know how, look up a video. Your wife doesn’t have time to hold your hand. She’s your wife, not your Momma. Sounds like she’s taking care of everything AND working. Yeah, that is why she sleeps with your boy and not you. It’s also why she’s not listening to you. I wouldn’t either. Because she can’t depend on you for anything but going to work, that’s not the only thing a good husband and father does. My husband works 12 hour shifts, would still come home and help clean up, put children to bed or get them up for school. Wherever he could help he did. We both work full time and have been absolutely exhausted but still worked as a TEAM to care for our family. There’s no “I” in team. Wake up Brother! You are responsible for more than just going to work! You can do it! Fight for your family!
Damn, i feel sorry for self centered females that act like the whole world revolves around them.. u dont even know the family dynamic this guy has, but u very quick in forming assumptions. Tells me quite much on the ways u think of the world.. this behaviour seems the average of todays time tho.. so im not suprised this sort of dimensions are in total mess in todays time.. 😢
@@Apricot90 Damn, i feel sorry for self centered females that act like the whole world revolves around them.. u dont even know the family dynamic this guy has, but u very quick in forming assumptions. Tells me quite much on the ways u think of the world.. this behaviour seems the average of todays time tho.. so im not suprised this sort of dimensions are in total mess in todays time.. 😢
From one woman to another. You are making way too many assumptions. Japanese women can be quite demanding. Culture also plays a role too. Men don’t need reprieve from work?
I’m so sorry you are stressing about a bunch of things. Sad to know the working culture there is bringing you a lot of difficult consequences. Through your video, it’s clearly visible how you long for your family and connecting with them. Maybe they are longing for you too in the same way. Maybe they are hoping you will communicate first. Since it’s so important to you, don’t get discouraged, you will definitely find a way to improve things at home. Don’t give up on what’s so important to you 😊. I will pray that you have a wonderful family life. 😇😇
I think, especially as an Asian man, to reach out and try to find help. Or discuss/express that something is bothering you. Brave too. Great job. I can tell it bothers you, and wish to change it. That’s an important first step. Relationships have ups and down, and having lived in Japan after high school as an exchange student, and still having contact with Japanese friends now 15 years later, I know that the work environment in Japan doesn’t help with this type of marital challenges. All my friends work overtime, to the point of utter exhaustion. Rarely have time for family, friends or if they are single, finding time to date. On top of that, it still seems taboo to discuss problems or express what you feel. What I saw, and felt that helped me and my partner, was at one point seeing a therapist from time to time. To stay on top of things. It helped us a lot to learn how to communicate better and become closer, especially after I got cancer surgery. (We’re in our early 30’s so you can imagine how that can impact the relationship). My suggestion is: take the leap and tell your wife, without accusations, how you feel and that since your family is important to you that you wish to discuss to become closer. Maybe even finding a way to spend more time together (eating out less after work or date night). And at the same time, ask what you could have done better if she feels sad about some things too. We humans tend to be defensive litle creatures, but it’s important to self reflect. It takes two to tango! I sincerely wish, for all my Japanese friends, that work hours and culture would not be so cruel and demanding, that definitely is a factor, but communication issues is not only limited to Japan. It’s a worldwide issue. I enjoy your videos and can only say: do not give up. Marriage has highs and lows. We even joke in Belgium: 7 good years and 7 bad years. I hope you find your way back to your family (feeling closer to your partner) and that your son can spend more time with his dad! My parents have been married +35 years and my mom and dad often joked by saying ‘if you do not have small fights, then you’re not married/talk to each other’. And every morning when my dad had to leave for long business trips, they would leave small hidden notes with a small ‘I love you or have a nice day’ written on it. It’s often in those small things that can keep us going in busy, hectic lives. Or even a 15 min cup of tea every week to discuss how your week’s been!
Zdravím. Děkuji za zajímavé video. Muselo vás stát spoustu odhodlání a sil se takto otevřené vyjádřit.Jsem z rozdílné kultury a proto si netroufám vám radit Jen vám chci popřát hodně štěstí. Je důležité, že neshody v rodině vám nejsou lhostejné a chcete je řešit. Zdraví Anna z České republiky
Have you told your wife you feel left out at home? There is nothing wrong ever in expressing your emotions. Did you stop to think she might feel like she has lost the man she fell in love with? He no longer says or does the things he used to keep her heart wooed. Romance is gone in your marriage? Why? If you are spending less quality time with your wife, how does your son feel? Ask her what she wants to make things better? Then tell her what you want to make things better. Don't be shy to tell her that you want to fall back in love with her vs. just being in love. Things changed in you that you may have not noticed that she didn't like because it took away the man she loved. She has had to make changes too, and thus, you don't know how to respond. I think a romantic gesture on your part might set enough mood to talk. You will have to ask her in advance if she can be free and your son is cared for by someone else. Good luck.
My brother. You are not alone. Many men, even men in the USA suffer in the same way. Ultimately though, you have the power and control to make things right. Your son needs to know who you are. Don't let him live without you when you are so close. Pull your son and wife in close, force the interaction. Don't let fate or chance take hold. Be active in your pursuit of love. It doesn't matter if you are Japanese, American, or whatever. Love is love. You can overcome work, isolation, and anything else if you put love first. Everything else will fall right into place. Trust me. You are not alone my brother.
as a divorced woman all i can advise you is communicate with your wife about your unhappiness and feelings and please sleep in the same bed as your wife because it's important for your connection and intimacy which is vital in a marriage.
Samarai Daddy emotional deregulation is something expressed in children sometimes, and adults that never learned how to express and process their emotions. We often become what we see and experience as children. Its never too late to learn better coping skills and demonstrate those to your son. He will grow up and likely struggle similarly to you and your wife if this is not corrected. You are already making progress seeing things arent working the way they are currently. If no one else says this I just want you to know I'm so proud of the self reflection you are working on and the willingness to listen, learn, and try to bring happiness to yourself and your family. Progress can be slow and not pleasant sometimes.
Wow, I just had to comment when I got to 08:05. What you are talking about really resonated in my own personal experiences born and raised in the Deep South of the United States. Your explanation of Japan’s societal standards for men and women and their roles are very similar to the standards I still see rooted today in the South.
i am relatively young, so i feel it would be rude to offer advice. this is merely my experience. my fiancé doesn’t talk about his emotions much to anyone, including his parents. i am the exception. he talks about his emotions to me, and it makes me feel happy that just by listening to his feelings, i can help him feel like more of a man. he trusts me to express himself and even cry when he needs to, knowing that i will still love and strongly respect him. i think many women like me feel the same, but that will depend on age and culture.
![[Vlog] I had a fight with my wife. After work, I walk alone through the night in Harajuku, Tokyo.](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/D-f-2RSn8oE/mqdefault.jpg)
![[Vlog] I had a fight with my wife. After work, I walk alone through the night in Harajuku, Tokyo.](/img/tr.png)
Thank you for watching my video! I'm reading all the comments. I'm reading them in chronological order, starting from the oldest. It's taking a long time because I'm not good at foreign languages. I put a heart mark on the comments I read. Some of them are harsh, but I appreciate all the comments. I want to thank everyone who wrote a comment. It's going to take a while for me to read your comments, but please wait.
Not sleeping in the same room with your wife is not normal. Marriage means you have the right to your spouse's body by natural law. The first purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. The second: mutual help. The third: remedy for concupiscence. The connection between spouses is primary and to children it is secondary. Have at least three children!
I pray that you Live with your family happily hereafter. I am a woman and from the country INDIA 🇮🇳. Maybe you know INDIA. We believe in family living together and communicating. Try to be little flexible with your wife. Maybe she will realize her side of mistakes and accept you. From the videos that you are uploading. One can say that you are truly a good gentleman . Family is really important. Try to work it out. My prayers and best wishes to you.
Te veo desde Argentina (sudamérica, país de Messi) y me gusta ver la vida cotidiana de otros países.
Quiero decirte que tuve un padre como vos, que trabajaba todo el día y las decisiones en casa las tomaba mi madre. Pero me sentí abandonada por mi padre, ya que como vos, desayunaba y cenaba fuera, y yo quería estar con él. Y eso me generó inseguridad aún hoy con 34 años. Te quiero sugerir que estés más tiempo con tu hijo de 5 años, ya que los primeros años de vida son los que nos marcan para siempre. Y trates de hablar más con tu esposa.
Yo tengo 34 años y ya conviví con dos parejas pero cuando no había comunicación o iniciativa de ambos a mejorar, decidí terminar las relaciones. Quiero un compañero, sentir amor y apoyo. Si eso no lo siento, prefiero ser soltera . Queremos formar una familia, pero las relaciones se hacen de a dos ( no alcanza con el esfuerzo de uno sólo en la relación).
Gracias por tus videos. Nueva suscripctora ❤
@@vonmusel6158 are you out of your damn mind ? The 17th century is back that way , there’s no way you should be giving advice to anyone with the attitude you have about women, marriage is a partnership, not a man stood over a woman putting her in her place. I pity any woman who goes within 10 feet of you.
Coming from a guy who just got divorced, key factor of marriage failure is lack of communication and emotional neglect. I failed to see those factors until it was too late, but you saw them when there’s still time to improve. I don’t know about Japanese culture but if you truly treasure this marriage, I suggest you find time to sit down with your wife and talk about how you want this marriage to work in a calm way. Seek professional help if needed. Hope your marriage will improve and hope your wife can see your heart through this video. God bless
He is doom. DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! He and his wife thinks that they can sacrifice to make money for their son’s future, but if that were true, many children would never have to work. And there would be a shortage of workers to do all the jobs. That my friend is the magic of inflation. Imagine if my parents had a couple million dollar invested in SCHD, and they don’t have to work. When they pass it on to me, then I don’t have to work. Let’s say more and more families are eventually able to do this. So when everyone wants to go to Hawaii, whom decide who gets to go? Surely there’s not enough hotels for everyone. The hotels will raise their prices because of the demands, INFLATION. And the trust fund kids will have to go to work. He and his wife could spend less, and invest wisely so that they both can get jobs that allows them to enjoy their family. But there is an extremely high chance that they will never do that. Doom! Doom! Doom! Sorry. So sorry for my comment. Please forgive me.
What time are you eating your midnight snacks and what time do you leave for work and what time do you get home? I’m surprised your wife doesn’t get up when you come home.
My friend often says you don't fall out of love, you fall out of communication and respect. It rings true.
People get too comfortable. They stop making any kind of effort. Assuming that's just married life.
Well no.
Let's love each other soo hard and Soo good , that we'll always be best friends, mad lover's, and remember how lucky we are that we found each other long ago and not single and searching endlessly for our one.
Because...
Here we are.
Right now.
You're all mine.
I'm all yours.
You live once.
You have to let go of the things that take you away from that.
Because how important are they really, if you're unhappy?
They aren't.
I'm 48 and still looking for my one.
I hope you can look deeper and reevaluate what's truly important that makes life what you really want it to be.
@@TheKimichanyes I agree she should be there to greet him or he greet her with a kiss even if she is sleeping
Marriage must be nurtured. Two complete strangers form a bond that it takes two to maintain. I was married 48 years to a man I adored. He was truly my soulmate and best friend. We did everything together and talked about everything. When he passed away a year ago, many people told me that they had always thought we had a fairytale marriage. I was shocked because I never thought what we had was unusual. My advice is to talk more, go out of your way to do things together; taking turns selecting what you do. Laugh and smile with her and your child. If she doesn’t want to participate in UA-cam, I don’t blame her. It takes a whole lot of positive to overcome one negative. And always eat together whenever possible.
Thank you for watching my video! I appreciate your comment. I would like to introduce my wife in a video someday.
動画で奥さんを紹介する場合は注意してください。インターネットには残酷な人がいっぱいです。奥さんは悪いコメントを決して忘れないかもしれません。二人とも自分が巻き込まれるかもしれない状況を完全に理解していない限り、動画で紹介することはお勧めしません。
I'm italian married to a japanese. We live in Japan. I find it very nice that you talk about your wife, it means you love her and care about your family and yet, it is not common for a Japanesean to talk about family issues. Don't be afraid to show her your feelings and try to spend more time with your family. Take care!
No role at home? Being a parent is THE role, also being a partner. It's up to you to be the best dad and partner, showing interest in your son's life, sharing affection, keeping the vibe positive. Even if your wife is negative or grumpy, you can still be the best you for your family. Kids will grow up and remember many things from their childhood, including their absent dad. Come home after work, don't hang out and wait until your family goes to sleep. It seems like you avoid them and you isolate yourself by coming home late. Be the dream dad for your kid and he'll appreciate it one day. You'll have a strong bond with him and that'll make the struggle worth it. Being a dad is your biggest role. It beats any role you have at work or any role that involves doing houshold chores. Ask your son how he is doing, what was the best part of his day, what was the bad part of his day. Take him out on weekends. This is your role. Nobody will come and save this toxic and outdated society, so it's up to you guys to change it. You are one of few brave individuals who is honestly talking about the problem. You have already made a step forward. It needs more people like you. I'm sure both men and women suffer from this type of family dynamics and things need to change. Show your son that there is another, healthier way to live life.
Thank you for watching my video! I respect you. I also think the same as you. I can't reveal everything about myself in my videos. Outside of videos, I actually spend a lot of time with my family. I will introduce my family in a video someday. Thank you for your comment. You are a wonderful person.
@samurai-daddy Thank you for your kind words. You are a very wonderful person too, you are doing the right thing! Keep up the good work on youtube and I wish all the best for you and your family!
I’m a wife married to a Japanese man. Apologies for the rudeness, but it seems you’re only pointing out flaws and identifying the issues, holding your wife accountable for her lack of acknowledgement to your suggestions. You claim you want to do right by your wife and son, but I don’t think anything will change and it will get progressively worse if there’s no accountability on your part. I see your video walking into the house, seeing the paper and pencils scattered on the floor & you just walk away. It takes literally 2 seconds to pick them up, draw a smiley face on the paper and write to your son a note about how proud you are of him and have him help mom out by cleaning up next time. Instead of eating out, why not spend the money buying even 1 single rose, or a gift card for her to go the spa on the weekend just because she deserves it for caring for your child and working, and suffering from loneliness as well? If you take the first steps to breaking the traditional mold, who knows… maybe you will have even more likes and subscribers, and your marriage will improve! If men in marriages are more proactive at finding solutions instead of reinstating the problems; more marriages would stay intact.
I also thinks she needs to get the kid sleeping by himself so they can have physical intimacy.
agreed
Agreed
Actually, I feel the kid is old enough to pick up after himself. But the parents need to be communicating and the father spending time with his son.
When my children were teenagers, I didn't get to see them as much as I did when they were younger. So I started leaving little notes for them, then they would write something back. We all enjoyed it, and it kept us a little more in touch with each other. Your son is learning to read and write. Maybe the two of you could start to write notes someday soon.
What would happen if you left a light-hearted note for your wife one day? What would happen if you left a short, kind note for her regularly? Is there something you could thank her for? Or just say hello. "I hope you have a good day." At some point, you could invite her to leave a short note for you, if there's something she'd like to say.
You may be in too much pain to try this experiment. It's hard to reach out. I wish the best for you and your family.
che bel consiglio
It sounds to me that both your wife and yourself are checked out of the marriage and your son is five old enough to sleep on his own. I was married 34 years and I can only say that if your living in a marriage that is lonely and loveless don't spend another day like this. Life's too short and there's someone out there who will love you back...best of luck
hay que buena idea le diste,
I like this idea. It might warm your family's hearts 💕
I had the Same thing in mind.
You seem to get up later than your wife and son. When you can’t make it to breakfast in time: leave cute notes for them. “Good morning, beautiful ❤” or “wish you a fun day at kindergarten”.
You could also set up their breakfast table for them since you’re up late at night. They would wake up and see that Dad cares. 🩷
Do it in your own way, but do it.
Oh my god, I never watched a video that deep and so touching. It's crazy how I can feel your loneliness thru your video. And I'm kinda affected knowing you in that situation and knowing a lot of people feel the same way as you... First of all, it's really courageous from you to express how you feel and how it goes in Japan, as a tourist who came to Japan I never felt that even on Japanese face. Expressing feelings (good or bad) isn't childish at all, it's human. Nobody is perfect and we all sometimes feel depressed and want to talk with someone we can trust in. Sharing life with someone isn't easy and even more when there are children involved in it. Spending time with your wife is important and necessary if you want to build a stronger relationship. If she doesn't want to listen to your saying just write down how you feel. Writing it down can be a good way to express your feelings without "bothering" your partner and she can take time to read it and think about it. You seem to be a nice husband, never doubt that. I hope everything will get better for you and if you really want to talk, I've got Line app. I was born to help and listen to people, so please feel free to ask. Take care 😊
I’m a 71 year old American woman whose mother is from Osaka. Your videos are appreciated and I watch them all. In Japanese life there is a heavy importance placed on work and excellence. Even as a happa, living in the US, I too am affected by my upbringing by a Japanese mother.
Your lifestyle; coupled with a long commute, long working hours and high performance expectations create loneliness and isolation. What a shame!
My only choice was to trust God with all the pressure of needing to do it all.
I’m praying for you, your marriage and your family life.
The nature of your videos has changed. They have become deeper, more serious, more reflective. I like that. You describe a very sad state of affairs for a 'typical' family dynamic in Japan. I hope your generation, and then your son's generation can start to change that, for the sake of future families in Japan.
Firstly get home as soon as you finish work, put your foot down and insist you eat at least one meal a day together, dinner. Tell her and your son you love them at least once a day if not more. Tell them you need their love and support every day to survive as a man in a crazy world. Tell your wife you are so grateful she works and childcares to keep the family going. Give both of them little presents weekly to show you think of them. Plan for a getaway together in the near future. See if you can find a babysitter so you can have an meal/movie together once a month. Find a way to lie in bed together and just cuddle. Hold her hand in public and at home. Look in her eyes and tell her how shitty you feel about not being a better husband and father and ask her how you can improve this situation. Instead of buying a breakfast spend the money on a small bunch of flowers for her once a fortnight. Do more house work to give her more time to rest, she has three jobs, home, job outside and looking after your child, you have one job. Do you have to live and work in a city? Country life is more laid back, less commuting time, more time with your family. Every family is a unit, you need to think together again, work at communication with both your wife and child. And start to love yourself too.
Thank you for your advice! I admire you for being able to give me advice in a faraway country. I'm glad I started UA-cam. It's really wonderful to be able to communicate with people all over the world.
Not every woman wants to hear i love you often. Unless the female is needy.😵💫
@@sky-pv7ff There are many ways to show or say 'I love you', and yes woman need to have daily confirmation their partner loves them in some way. If you don't they will start to think you don't love them and tat my friend is the beginning of the end of the relationship. There are books you can read and professional people you can ask, but don't be the tough guy who can't show his love.
@bobstanden6788 i am a female, and I have never been an affectionate person. So, for a guy to say he loved me every day would definitely be too much for me. But there are females who need to hear that.🤮
Please start your own UA-cam channel. We could all learn a lot from you.
If you want to improve your relationship with your wife, the first step is to stop sleeping apart.
Why??
@ because sleeping apart damages the relationship. I found that out by experience
@historybarf good advice, I having problems with my partner, and I tell him it's better sleep apart because I'm having problem waking up at 3 am (recently anxious because we have a temporary break up) , and we are having a difficult relationship crisis. Thank you ❤️
@ you’re welcome. My ex and I slept apart because I had to get up so many times with the children. He started seeking warmth elsewhere and we divorced. If I had it to do over, nothing would’ve kept us apart.
@@historybarf thank you!
"I think its pathetic to depend on others" As a wife, you are missing out on the main aspects of marriage. You and your wife are teammates, partners. Its you two against the world. You absolutely should support and rely on each other.
I'm single but i have learned from my parents. My dad always says i love you and kiss my mom every time he has a chance to do 😂 bought her simple things like a snack for her and his kids when he comes home. Act of service is my family's love language. Rest in peace for my parents.
I have posted several comments of support, I have a suggestion to make to you, come home straight after work to share your meal with your family instead of eating alone outside. If it is possible for you and your wife's schedule, do that, I was in the same situation as you, difficult to find your place but now I cook more often and we eat together even if it means waiting for each other to at least share a little time together. Strength to you.
I agree! Don't prioritize filming for UA-cam in this case!
it is likely that he is working so late that this is impossible.
True
Forza...sono convinta che sai già cosa è più giusto da fare da solo...la tua coscienza te lo suggerirà!!un saluto da Venezia Italy
Jps men are known to be less express the love to their wifes or girlfriend. When you feel that lacking of communication, disconnection let's buy the flower and gift it to her with your smile. Everything will be better. Women doing well everything it does not mean she is no need ur care. They are strong maybe they are hurt from ur indifference. Actually woman are never strong. They are very simple. You have everything they need. A compliment on new dress or a lipstick color, a dinner is prepared by you, a kiss and a hug from behind, buying a drinks she likes. When she breaks a cup, or your son gets sick in the middle of the night, hold her and whisper in her ear: "Ur are not alone, don't be afraid. I'm here with u and son". It's not expensive, right? But it's very effective. I'm women 100%. Try it you will see the incredible thing.
I wonder if you talk to your wife like you talk to us, honest and open? I am impressed with your openness about your feelings, I don't think that is a common trait in your culture, am I right? It does seem odd to me that when you have such a long commute, that you don't go straight home after work. I realize you're trying to make content for your channel but I'm not so interested in where and how you dine, but more about your home, and life with friends and family. Thanks for giving a glimpse of Japanese culture for us living in other parts of the world and I hope the best for you and your family.
You're not alone. Men all over the world feel immense pressure having to provide for the family but feel like they have to keep it bottled in because as you mentioned showing emotion can be seen as a weakness. Many men feel like the only time they can relax is on the commute home from work. I have heard stories of men waiting in their car for several minutes after they get home just to collect their thoughts before facing their family. I hope you make it through this tough time, my friend. You have all the support of your viewers as you can see by the many positive comments listed here. Good luck!
As a woman, this breaks my heart.
This is so incredibly sad. It seems like living today, we are surrounded by so many stereotypes about how men and women should be - behave and look - that we can’t even be ourselves in our own lives.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing awareness. I live in Japan. Even for my Japanese friends, best friends. It took years for them to open up of their emotions. Many of them fear emotional vulnerability, being honest. Even for women. Where there's a problem, they don't talk about it. So it's hidden and swept under instead. The key is to welcome conversations, not as confrontation but working hand in hand together. As a team. Not to judge, but to understand. Communication will definitely help. Gender roles sometimes can hurt us, I hope you do what works best for you and your family. You do belong. She "seems to be doing well", but I know we also out on a strong front that we are not hurting or lonely to put on a mask. I know many women wants help from child care and housework. It's a lot sometimes. It's not just in Japan, but the idea to "be the man" around the world. I think it is admirable you want to care and provide for your family. But you don't need to shoulder all the burden, but to share and support one another. . In healthy outlets and expression. Words and actions of love and appreciation, quality time, it's not only just work and money that matters. ❤🙏 To be human, is to have emotions
Hi. You are off to a good start. You have identified the factors that are contributing to your feeling of isolation within your family. You can only change your thinking, behavior, and attitude which can possibly positively impact your family. As a suggestion, you could pick one thing you would like to work on, perhaps increasing play time with your son, and continue working on that until you feel it has become a normal part of your interaction with him. Then, you can move on to the next item. This is going to require commitment and patience. Set realistic goals, and don’t give up. Your son is only five years old, and you have a promising future. Please don’t assume your time is limited. My three children are in their thirties. My son moved to England last year, but we communicate regularly. So it’s not impossible to have a good relationship with your child. My kids and I have fantastic conversations and enjoy family time. However, we had the usual moments that occur in the family. Your efforts to improve yourself can have a positive effect on your family. Again, be realistic and patient. Marriage is work but can be happy. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I’ve been married 35 years. Stay positive.😊
I am a 72 year old japanese. I am living in southern part of Japan. I have an idea. How about having a new family member in your home. It is not a human. It is a cute furry member like a puppy or a kitten. I am sure your 5 year old son will love the new company. And say to your wife, "Don't worry. I'll take care of." Yes, you can do it! I know you are a diligent worker. When you go for a walk in a morning with your pet, your son may say,"Papa, I'll go with you!"
That is a good idea if it's doable.
I totally agree with you!
Having a dog or a cat changes and Improves the mood in the house!
A furry member brings so much Lightness and JOY!
We have had a girl dog when I was young : that was a very happy time!
My concern would his wife see it as 1 more chore she is responsible for. For this to work, it needs to be something everyone agrees to, especially teaching your son responsibility and learning some empathy.
I agree. Try talking with your son and find out what his interests are and what he thinks is funny; you may discover that you both have the same sense of humour or like the same things.
I don’t agree. Sorry. I have had many pets. Almost 10. Cats and dogs. I took care of all of them extremely well until their passing. Nowadays the financial and time stress is too much. Pets end up abandoned. Numerous. Pet shelters in many countries even take in hundreds of abandoned pets daily! New York recently banned the sale of pets. I agree with it, even though I love animals so much.
Sharing your emotions and thoughts isn't a weakness. It's a key component of intimacy. I hope y'all can press the reset button on your marriage and start fresh with spending more time with each other and daring to be emotionally vulnerable.
I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your family is not as close as you want to be. Communication is definitely an important factor in a relationship. Try to get to know each other again. Why not schedule a time when you can have more quality time with her and the same with your son. Why not try having a father and son day at least once a month. You seem to be very aware of what the problem is which means that you can try to resolve it. I’m rooting for you. Don’t give up.
Thank you for sharing your video! It's rare to find these points of view of a married salaryman with children! This is very interesting!
It's great you're managing to detect these problems and see the value in communication! And are also aware of the gendered problems and expectations in Japanese society. This is great inner work from your part! Great job! Pease keep up the good work and be more open to your family. Relying on your family and showing emotions is important not pathetic or weak. We're human and need the support system a family and close friends give.
But I also think your wife might have depression even if "she's doing great", and that is making her want to travel less and eat out less, more negative and less open to the people around her and make her lash out and be harder with her opinions.
I hope and wish that you and your family manage to overcame this and be happy! Being aware of the problems like you are is already a great accomplishment so please Samurai Dad, がんばて!!!
As a stay at home mother I guess she is doing the housework and looking after the children. Children are demanding 24/7. And looking after your needs too. Do you ever recognise each others role in your family and thank each other. Start taking your son to the park once a week to build your father-son relationship and give your wife a break? Sometimes you have to give to receive and remember what you did in those courting days. Just a walk on a summers evening, a small bunch of flowers. Take the initiative. Suggest you sleep with your wife and your son move into the other bedroom, I guess you slept together before your son came along. Remember the times when you laughed together, loved together and made the effort to get time to be together. It sounds like you and your wife are both missing that intimacy. Your wife doesn't need to be in your youtube videos, if you make time for youtube but not your wife and son I can see how you would be lonely.
I hope that being able to talk to us and express your feelings through your videos is helping you. We might be far away but we're all rooting for you.
I came upon this video by happenstance and appreciate your candidness. You seem to understand the dynamics of your lonely existence; have a remarkable sense of responsibility to your family; and a sense of compassion for your wife and son. It is difficult to feel communication is impossible but do not give it up. Perhaps doing things around the house, quietly without waiting for your wife to ask, will be noticed and appreciated, and give you purpose to be at home.
As a girl I want to tell my opinion.
Communication is very important, not only words, but also
small cute gifts: favorite sweets🍬🍫🍭, flowers🌹🌷💐 we girls love such attention very much
saying words of compliments.
Tactile communication. I know it's not common in Japanese culture, but start with hugs. It will feel weird at first, but then you might like it and it will become a family tradition
✨👫👶✨
Happy to everyone 😊
Me disculpo por contestar en español, pero pienso que lo que mencionas debe ser mutuo, porque siempre la iniciativa la debe tener el hombre, si ella en verlo ama porque no lo espera para comer juntos preguntar cómo le fue en el trabajo, tratar de prepararle la comida o el desayuno, no se aprovechar un poco más esos momentos libres para compartir juntos como la familia que deberían ser 🤔
@@shadowfox0128 she's busy looking after the house and family.
@@shadowfox0128porque al sentir lo que dice el señor, la mujer ha tomado una cara de enojada, y siempre nosotras somos enojadas cuando hemos tomado una gran delusión. Siempre. Hay algo que no le ha gustado y la confianza es bajada.
Man kann sich auch zu ,,,Tode,,,reden bringt nix
It’s perfectly alright if she doesn’t like to come to YT. Spend time with your family during weekends, if office hours don’t allow it everyday. After 20 years of marriage and husband working for a Japanese company, this is the best advice. Spend all weekends with your son n wife.
I'm not japanese, but what you talk about your life , i lived with my parents . As a child of a situation like yours , i want to tell you , if you don't have a good commnication with you son , it simple because you don't want that , your son love you what ever you are and what ever is your situation with his mother , your job as a father is to give your son a time he need from you .
Samurai-daddy. Just watched a few of your youtube videos today and I can see and feel your unhappiness. Its not your fault and its not your wife's fault about the situation your both in. First, you have a long distant job that is taking up pretty much all of your time. So far away that your having to eat most of your meals away from your family. Its so important for a family to be together at least part of the day, EVERYDAY to share some meals, and to talk about the day's events. The good things that happened and the not so good things that happened that day. Even the goofy things that happened. That's what makes conversation interesting. And you and your wife need that on a daily basis. Just like taking a daily vitamin for your health, you and your wife and your child need this time togeather. Maybe you can try to find a job closer to your family. Or you can find a home closer to your job. I hope things get better for you and your family and that you find joy again.
This was an interesting pov video, i haven’t seen anything quite like this and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
People have provided loads of good advice, all the best dude 👊🏼
Thanks for sharing you problem with us. I totally understand how you feel. All couples have a communication problem nowadays. I think you should organise your thoughts and set your goals and what you want to achieve in the relationship with your wife and your son. It's very important that you understand the situation and you want to improve it. In my opinion, start with your son. Try to spend more time together. Set one goal at a time. Express your thoughts and emotions to your wife. You are family and you should depend on each other. I hope things get better soon!
I’m so sorry for you and your wife. I’m so sorry she had to deal with negativity on here and in her life. That hurts. Try to put yourselves in each others shoes, it might open the line of communication better. Still loving all of your videos Samurai daddy 😊
That's really unfortunate, but it's important to take responsibility. It’s your decision and your choice. Make time to be with your kids on weekends and create meaningful moments with them. It might be tough, but remember, the world is vast, and relationships require effort. When they end, it can hurt deeply, especially if you've invested a lot of time. Stay strong and focus on building quality experiences for the future.
It's so heartwarming to see so many encouraging comments. I hope you and your family are doing better, sir. Happy New Year 🎉
I see what you're saying, and I understand. I also am going to suggest that there could be a lot of other factors at play besides bad communication. I don't know how old your child is but I feel they are young like mine, ~4 or ~5 years old. Without daycare, it would be extremely difficult for me (I'm a 42 year old woman). I also know that post partum depression may not end when an infant becomes a toddler. Irritability, being emotional, these can also be part of an ongoing health issue, pre-menopause, or something similar. If you're earning anything off of these UA-cam videos, I would recommend maybe spending on either part-time child care, house cleaning services, and/or a babysitter and have a weekend away as a vacation. Anger in relationships steam from four basic reasons: Hunger, Anxiety, Loneliness, Tiredness. (HALT). Yes, one can feel lonely even when married as you said yourself. Both of you bring able to recognize these four factors might help start better communication and open the door to some sort of partnership or understanding. I don't know if marriage counseling is a thing in Japan like here in the States, but it might be an option. I wish you luck!
If my husband is coming home late, I keep dinner for him and we talk about the day. Share dumb things that the kids did, so he doesn’t feel he missed out. If he went to convenience store, he always buys me a little something. Nothing more fun than having a late night snack/treat that shows he remembered me too. Maybe he doesn’t finish the meal i make, since he already ate. But usually he’ll have a few bites and insist that i make it his bento. Acknowledge each other’s role, give rewards, small tokens of appreciation. This goes a long way to helping your relationship.
1. You make it well today, at least you told us lots of your personal matters, you are brave than me.
2. I think it's better being single.
3. I also having my personal problems. Nothing can do, just go through day by day.
4. Hope you are getting better.
Single life seems easy for you just because you escape many issues that need to discuss and solve in communication. I also thought so but now i feel i grow up during my relationship because im studyng myself and partner how to improve. Of course it easy not to do.
My wife and I have been together for 15 years, we have had many fairly demanding jobs with shift work, night work, etc. We gradually drifted apart with increasingly violent arguments. It is important to ask ourselves questions. We had the opportunity to change jobs, to harmonize our schedules, and even if now we see each other for an hour in the morning and then 3/4 hours in the late evening, we try as much as possible to spend time together while giving ourselves time. As I told you, we have been together for 15 years, we took an unfortunate but necessary break to find each other again. Sleeping in different places should not help you share positive moments and emotions with your partner. Be strong PapaSamurai
I think for sure, you prefer to do coffee break than back to home earlier, it indicates that you're avoiding your family, you're avoding your interaction with your son. When you said your wife is good, good in income but not with her soul. You maybe didn't know how stressfull to do house course & takes care a child at the same time also still do a work outside from home. Why you don't go home earlier & help your wife to take care your son? At spending time with your son before he went sleep. Your wife also can be more relax than before.
Thank you for watching my video! I appreciate your comment. I only eat after work for UA-cam shoots. I usually eat food cooked by my wife. I also spend weekends with my family. I'm sorry for making you worry.
When you are a good husband and a good father i think family bonding is easier than expected.
I speak french Bonsoir, merci pour votre vidéo. Je comprends le poids Sociétal que vous vivez. Je comprends aussi qu’il est difficile et compliqué, en ayant une attitude qui pourrait être perçu comme original est augmenterait votre isolement. Mets une fois que vous avez votre journée de travail que vous avez fait votre devoir en tant que père de famille, que vous rentrez à votre domicile. Une fois que vous êtes chez vous qu est-ce qui vous empêche d’avoir une vie de famille épanouie. Une fois que vous rentrez chez vous, vous êtes de vivre dans votre maison, de vivre la relation que vous souhaitez avec votre famille et pas être un outil ou un objet au mieux de la maison. Bon courage.
I am sure lots of people have said the same - communication is what you need with your wife, if there is any way you can sit and talk together about such matters, I am sure you both will feel much better, I hope it all works out for you both.
Love your videos and the restaurants that you attend.
Hello, you are an individual with high awareness. I listened with empathy. I wish you the best for you and your family.
Es un buen comienzo saber que algo anda mal, sería bueno que además de conversar, puedas compartir buenos momentos, a veces un gesto diferente ya mejora la situación, leerle un libro a tu hijo, cantarle una canción, poner una flor en un vaso
Darles un abrazo, a veces lo más simple es lo más difícil de hacer pero se puede intentar de a poquito...
Thank ypu for your video and your honesty. I will pray for you and your family. ❤
You are a good man. I hope you push through any problems you have. We all have problems, often created by societal expectations. You are doing well. You look after your family. Best wishes to you all. 😊
Oh 1 small thing you could try out is ask at your workplace if you could do remote work 1 day per week. So you can just be more present at home. And when it's time to "clock out", you could toast with a can of beer with your wife. And tell each other "otsukaresama". It's a very small thing, but you would be acknowledging each other's hard work, while also spending your resting time together. It might help both of you to feel appreciated
Im a new subscriber here, im female but non Japanese, i work intensively at work and trying to seek balance myself. Im single and sometimes i do question abt life and whats in life besides work for me. I have japanese colleagues and see them working very late and i wondered if they have time for other matters and family. At the start of the video when u named the issues i got very worried but luckily as the video progresses u are actually aware of the problem and that is a good start. For a woman it is simple, its to feel as if their spouse or partner think or care about them. You may want to start by buying her favourite drink or food when you are buying yours, thats what my parents and i do. We show love and care by asking if they had their meals if not by buying each other’s favourite drink or snacks. It shows others u do think about them even though all of us know u are working hard tor your family. Wishing you and yr family well
Thank you for helping all of us who are in a similar situation to you. Thank you
You finish work, go for dinner, go for coffee, and return home late and likely when your child is in bed already and the house chores are taken care off... and while doing so, you complain you feel unwanted and don't have "anything to do at home" - find the error!
You think it's appropriate to wait to be involved? Go involve yourself instead of wining.
I hope you will find time during the weekends to engage with your wife and son. Sending you love and hugs and keeping you in prayers.
I feel sorry for you and this situation. I live in germany where working hours are at an average of 8 to 9 hours a day which is still ' a lot' in most opinions of the younger people living here. I could never imagine working more than 10hours a day daily and still trying to be involved with my own family. Also I don't know your whole situation but I feel like it's also your wifes responsibility to look after your wellbeing as much as you show you care about your family by working so hard. So I do hope that this situation changes for the better and that you'll feel more 'at home' when you're home. love goes out to you
Espero que tu y tu esposa puedan romper esas barreras que les dificultan la comunicación. Y ojalá puedan enseñarle a tu hijo con el ejemplo , como la vida familiar no necesariamente tiene que ser solitaria. Un saludo 😊
Lack of communication is the basis of many personal breakups. Family meals generate conversations, which is what you need with your family. Record everyone from your son's neck down and distort your voices so there's no privacy issues. While discussing "issues", voices should be calm, no blaming, and compromises are better than nothing. Spending quality time with your family can make all the differences in your lives. Wishing you and your family the best of luck.
Marriage and relationships are difficult in all culture and countries, sadly,sometimes things cannot be fixed. I hope you can find an answer in which both of you are happier. I enjoy your videos of daily life and my adult daughter also watches. They give us a break from our daily life too 😊
You have clearly thought about this a lot and you strive to do what is best for your family. I admire that very much. But if you don't speak to each other, you might both do very different things even though you both try to do what is best. It is natural. You have both very different jobs within the family unit which will offer you very different perspectives. It is like in a company, where every department is mad at the other departments because the others get more resources or they feel undervalued... that is why regular meetings, even if they are boring, are so important. Talking about your opinions, goals, perspective and feelings in a calm and relaxed setting is just another important management meeting, probably the most important one in your whole week. I wish you a happy new year!
As many good advices were posted below and you seem to be a wonderful husband and father, I know that everything will work out well.
Sharing your thoughts and emotions are not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
I believe in you! 🌷🌷
I've been alone most of my life. I'm 75 now. There are many things in life that are worse ..😊😊❤
Tokyo Japan looks like a great place to work and live.
I understand your feeling and I think it’s a common problem with married couples nowadays. Don’t give yourself too much pressure. If you don’t have work on Sunday, try to spend time with your kid and wife, slowly may change the relationship between you and her. Stay positive 💪
I always think that if you hide your feelings they will come out in other ways, they have to because they are trapped inside. Communicating with your wife is the best way forward and telling her how you feel about not spending enough time with your son and that you want to be a part of his life as he grows into an adult. Also it would be good to go out sometimes together maybe for a walk or a meal to connect one to one again. Hope everything goes well with your future. I am a female and love watching your life in Japan I also watch a lot of single lonely women living in Japan and their lives, they very much seem to cope more alone due to the domesticity that comes natural.
Hi Samurai, thank you once again for sharing your day with us.
I’m not sure what to say but hope things get better between you and your wife and son.
more you tube video will mean less time at day time work and spending valuable time with your son. 🙏
I do hope you sort things out with your family. I think that you might have to work at it a little each day if you want a positive solution. Best wishes from the UK.
Hi, I'm a new subscriber to your channel. This is the second video I have watched from you.
Firstly, thank you for putting subtitles on your video. UA-cam is very hard work and you mentioned you wanted to earn more money for your family, that is very noble and honorable. Maybe it is also an outlet for you, but I would just like to say thank you for sharing with us more about your country, Japan, the beautiful sights and sounds and also the delicious food. But more importantly, thank you for sharing with us your life and insights.
It is my first time hearing the thoughts of a person like this. It may be strange to say, that although I am 37 years old and female, married with no kids but strangely I can relate to your thoughts. There was a period of time in my marriage where it was draining as it felt there is a wall between my husband and I. I work from home a lot so I tend to have many thoughts and sometimes they are not good. Eventually I started to see my husband is a negative light.
Like many people who commented here, communication is very important in a relationship. There are many times I wanted to give up and felt I was better off alone. That made it harder and harder to talk to each other.
It is still a process but I am happy to share that recently I have come to appreciate my husband so much more after having a more grateful heart. I try to remember the many good things he has done for me. I realize he is a good husband. We start to talk more and try to go on more trips together. In fact, we just visited Japan in November and somehow that's how UA-cam suggested your channel to me, which I am thankful for.
It's a conscious effort and I also try to remember the good things over the negative. Of course there is friction and unhappiness since there is no perfection. But that is life.
I wish you all the best in your personal life, marriage and career. I look forward to more of your videos. Take care!
Not about control. It’s about listening to her, understanding the why, what etc. Routine is monotonous.. Let her know she is valued and cherished .. buy her some flowers, have a date night . There will be a reason for her change. If you care .. work it out! Hiding won’t solve anything. All the best with this.
Thank you for sharing. Although there are societal role differences, having to work long hours for any adult makes it hard to connect with loved ones, but you can turn things around and rekindle your relationship with your wife and son. Try spending quality time together, finding common ground during weekends. You’ve got this!! Rooting for you!!🌹🌹🌹
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about your life in this video. I am Scandinavian and I know that Japanese work culture is different from ours. However I wonder if you work on Saturdays and Sundays? If you have at least one of these days off I think you should focus on spending some of that time with your son. Take him to see a baseball or football (soccer) match or something similar. It doesn’t have to be first-division sports either. Perhaps there is a local team that you can watch and support? If you don’t like sports, take your son to a movie every Sunday. Buy your son an ice-cream or something that he likes, listen to him, and laugh together, and you will see that these weekly habits will stay as treasured memories with both you and him forever. Try to create a bond with your son by giving him the best gift that you as a parent can give him - your time. To do simple things together outside of the house and to find a hobby or routine together is a wonderful way to build a close relationship with a child. I am a woman myself and I have always been so happy when I have seen my husband take time out of his busy work schedule to do things together with our sons. By giving attention and love to your son I think you will also come closer to your wife. It’s hard to explain but sometimes a wife doesn’t want just flowers, she also wants you to be with the children. You have to dare to show your feelings and take these initiatives yourself. Sometimes that is the hardest part, but I believe you can do this!
Thank you for watching my video! You are a wonderful person. You are right. I have weekends off. I spend them with my family. I help my son learn to ride a bike in the park. That is the happiest time for me.
hi! i just found your channel and i have to say that it is captivating in this melancholic , moody kind of way which i loved. since the first video when i saw that you were eating all of your meals alone i kind of got the idea what was happening. as a woman, i can say that you were right on many points, that communication and showing up is key but it always needs to be mutual. too many relationships today are just there barely holding on, surviving on a thread just because the couple have stopped appreciating each other and stopped communication with each other and have just become distant roommates, for the kids sake, which is a huge mistake.
i can see you are trying to do right by your family and you are working hard to provide for them, however, you are also right in the point that Japan needs to make working hours more relaxed in order for the family unit to function the way it should, spend the time together that is necessary for it to function as it should.
i am sure your wife has her version of the story, but i think she also needs to open up and acknowledge your efforts more. you guys need to sit down and talk calmly and concisely about how this marriage is going to move on going further, and i really hope for a positive outcome for you and wish you all the best, i really do.
Whisper to your wife even when she is sleeping ... every day when you get home. Sleep in the same bed is a must.
Not just you, my friend, and not just Japanese culture.
I'm on the other side of the World and have similar problems.
Though I do everything and provide everything for my wife, I am lonely and sad in my own home.
I wish you well and hope for happier times.
Take care.
A lot of what you discussed, are things husbands and wife’s deal with world wide, not just Japan. Although Japan is very unique in the roles and expectations of a married couple with children.
It took me a while watching vlogs from Japan to become accustomed to seeing a husband and wife in separate bedrooms, there is one I watched where they have a couple daughters and the wife sleeps with them. There was a weekend outing with the wife and daughters only. While she seems happy, there is very little about her husband, maybe a mention he’s working late, so it’s her and the girls for dinner. This seems more the common theme in Japanese families.
Why wife and I both worked full time, which as a salary person was a minimum of 45 hours. Since we worked in IT , we also had calls at night for support or working with a team offshore. My wife started work at 6 am, I started 8 am or later, I did morning duties getting my daughter up, fed and dropped off at school. I tried to leave work by 6pm. It was not always easy for us.
Thank you for watching my video! I appreciate your comment. There are many couples like the one you wrote about in your comment in Japan. However, I think there are fewer of them than before. Thank you for writing about your life in the comment.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, though I understand it’s quite a common phenomenon in Japan , don’t know if counselling is available for you and your wife in your country if it is take advantage , it will get you and your wife talking , what ever you do spend time with your son even if it’s just to take him to play in the park or swimming in the local pool , I’m wishing you all the best ❤
Thanks for the video again. I understand you.
Men have a huge role in the family from my perspective. Men are providers, protectors and leaders of their family and home. Maybe discussing how you and your wife view and want your roles to be would be good. Do you have the ability to cut down on work by one day a week maybe? We are all human and have emotions we are meant to feel and express in a responsible way and at the right time. I hope you can both work out what works for you. :) You can lead the way and demonstrate the way for your son so he can move forward and his son too. This is what my cousin and I did in relation to our dysfunctional upbringings. It stopped with us. This can stop with you and your family. Your legacy :)
Well said! "It stopped with us."
I am so sorry, life is not easy for you also. I hope somehow you and your wife manage to find a break-through for your family; there is still a long road ahead - it is too long to be living in such isolation. All the best to you
Bring a flower home place it on a table so in the morning your wife will find it …Find something for your son …don’t know his age .
Write a short message saying wish I could be more with the family .The long distant to work is a hard one …I wish you well from USA .
I love learning all this about Japanese life, thoughts. You're a good teacher! I especially liked your other video, explaining all the sauces, how to order, what an average guy might eat.. really interesting. 🎉
Hello 😊 thanks for 😊veido and laslty thanks for explain the common comments ❤ I am really excited for next video 😅
She could've left you dinner and made your bed!! Wow! Good luck and happy holidays everyone❤
It was obvious the problem was the lack of communication but I also know it's hard to started it when you both already used to it so my suggestion is start with a small thing like buying her favorite cake, snack or perhaps new gloves for washing dishes, flower (just a small one) and such just to show her you stil think about her and care, just left it on the table or fridged before you left the house. Well, at least that works for me so keep trying!😊
Samurai Daddy, I just found your channel and I subscribed. May I provide one suggestion as an Italian. Sometimes if you want to have a better relation with your son (at least) take on more initiative and for example bring home a snack for your wife or for him. Buy a gift like a table top game a propose to al play together. Surely you may have a day during the week in which you are all home. Maybe you can take on a role in the house on your own. For example, you can try to help your son do his homework on the day you do not need to go to work. The options are many. I wish you the best. Family is important and must never be overlooked, even in the areas that cause us discomfort.
It’s not a Japanese problem, it’s worldwide. Men everywhere feel isolated or unappreciated.
I agree with you it does seem to be a worldwide issue in this day and age. It is sad to see this happening. Especially since we need people, friends, family, more than ever. Blessings to you and prayers.
I appreciate how you have talked about this. It's not easy. I know I would encourage you to take that time back instead of staying away until bedtime. Go home and engage with your family. You can fix this. your family is more important than UA-cam to make money. I'm sorry.
I didn’t expect this type of video today… But I am grateful that you also share your daily life as a married man. I feel sad for you, I feel a form of resignation as well… I’m wondering : Are you happy ? Thank you for sharing this intimacy with us. Take care of yourself too and take the time to rest and enjoy delicious meals ! Keep Going !! 😊
Thank you for watching my video! I'm sorry for making you sad. Please look forward to the next video, which will be a fun one like before. Of course, I'm happy. I'm grateful to my wife.
Don’t be sad for me, because I am sad for you. We are all human after all. This video and this theme touched me… I hope you will continue to share your emotions with us. Thank you for your videos 🙏 Be happy and healthy
It sounds like you already know what you need to do to make family life better. Please continue to do your best about it even when others around you may criticize you for doing so. Sometimes we have to step outside the "normal way of doing things" in order to make a change for the better. Many men in the US had to do this as well. Everything you just described is exactly how things were for men in the USA during the 19 50's and 60's especially. It was not considered masculine for a man to express his feelings, take care of children or do housework. But that has changed a lot since many women work full time outside the home and just don't have the energy to do it all. I hope things improve for your life and your family's as well.
It looks like in your case the problem is your wife sleeps with your 5-year old child in your marital room and you sleep in the spare bedroom. If you and your wife would have given the baby its own room and stayed together in main bedroom, you’d have time after work to speak and bond with each other and help the kid when problems arise in a rotation. Plus spend time with your child together with the wife too.
As for what amount of emotion is considered normal for an adult or a male is silly. It’s nearly 2025, wake up people
I’m the only sister of 4 brothers. I feel compelled to try to help you. It’s not going to be polite either. We call this “tough love” where I am from. You’re doing it wrong. I don’t know how things went before your wife gave birth to your son but it’s different now. Raising children and still nurturing your marriage is hard. I’m married, (24 years) am 45 with an 18 and 12 year old, I know. My best advice is going to be, EVERYTHING is shared. If you go to work after your boy goes to school, YOU get your boy ready and take him. She’s taking care of him at night alone, you need to pick up some slack. I saw what you walked into when you got home. Pick up. You don’t need a list or a how to from your wife. You’re a grown ass man. If it’s dirty, clean it. If you don’t know how, look up a video. Your wife doesn’t have time to hold your hand. She’s your wife, not your Momma. Sounds like she’s taking care of everything AND working. Yeah, that is why she sleeps with your boy and not you. It’s also why she’s not listening to you. I wouldn’t either. Because she can’t depend on you for anything but going to work, that’s not the only thing a good husband and father does. My husband works 12 hour shifts, would still come home and help clean up, put children to bed or get them up for school. Wherever he could help he did. We both work full time and have been absolutely exhausted but still worked as a TEAM to care for our family. There’s no “I” in team. Wake up Brother! You are responsible for more than just going to work! You can do it! Fight for your family!
He is so whiny and ignorant, I feel really sorry for the wife and kids.
Damn, i feel sorry for self centered females that act like the whole world revolves around them.. u dont even know the family dynamic this guy has, but u very quick in forming assumptions. Tells me quite much on the ways u think of the world.. this behaviour seems the average of todays time tho.. so im not suprised this sort of dimensions are in total mess in todays time.. 😢
@@Apricot90 Damn, i feel sorry for self centered females that act like the whole world revolves around them.. u dont even know the family dynamic this guy has, but u very quick in forming assumptions. Tells me quite much on the ways u think of the world.. this behaviour seems the average of todays time tho.. so im not suprised this sort of dimensions are in total mess in todays time.. 😢
From one woman to another. You are making way too many assumptions. Japanese women can be quite demanding. Culture also plays a role too.
Men don’t need reprieve from work?
Pure mio marito! È cuoco quindi 12 ore. Ma se io mi alzo alle 5 perché entro alle 6 io torno a casa i piatti li trovo sempre fatti. Bravi.
I’m so sorry you are stressing about a bunch of things. Sad to know the working culture there is bringing you a lot of difficult consequences. Through your video, it’s clearly visible how you long for your family and connecting with them. Maybe they are longing for you too in the same way. Maybe they are hoping you will communicate first. Since it’s so important to you, don’t get discouraged, you will definitely find a way to improve things at home. Don’t give up on what’s so important to you 😊. I will pray that you have a wonderful family life. 😇😇
I think, especially as an Asian man, to reach out and try to find help. Or discuss/express that something is bothering you. Brave too. Great job. I can tell it bothers you, and wish to change it. That’s an important first step. Relationships have ups and down, and having lived in Japan after high school as an exchange student, and still having contact with Japanese friends now 15 years later, I know that the work environment in Japan doesn’t help with this type of marital challenges. All my friends work overtime, to the point of utter exhaustion. Rarely have time for family, friends or if they are single, finding time to date. On top of that, it still seems taboo to discuss problems or express what you feel. What I saw, and felt that helped me and my partner, was at one point seeing a therapist from time to time. To stay on top of things. It helped us a lot to learn how to communicate better and become closer, especially after I got cancer surgery. (We’re in our early 30’s so you can imagine how that can impact the relationship). My suggestion is: take the leap and tell your wife, without accusations, how you feel and that since your family is important to you that you wish to discuss to become closer. Maybe even finding a way to spend more time together (eating out less after work or date night). And at the same time, ask what you could have done better if she feels sad about some things too. We humans tend to be defensive litle creatures, but it’s important to self reflect. It takes two to tango! I sincerely wish, for all my Japanese friends, that work hours and culture would not be so cruel and demanding, that definitely is a factor, but communication issues is not only limited to Japan. It’s a worldwide issue. I enjoy your videos and can only say: do not give up. Marriage has highs and lows. We even joke in Belgium: 7 good years and 7 bad years. I hope you find your way back to your family (feeling closer to your partner) and that your son can spend more time with his dad! My parents have been married +35 years and my mom and dad often joked by saying ‘if you do not have small fights, then you’re not married/talk to each other’. And every morning when my dad had to leave for long business trips, they would leave small hidden notes with a small ‘I love you or have a nice day’ written on it. It’s often in those small things that can keep us going in busy, hectic lives. Or even a 15 min cup of tea every week to discuss how your week’s been!
Zdravím. Děkuji za zajímavé video. Muselo vás stát spoustu odhodlání a sil se takto otevřené vyjádřit.Jsem z rozdílné kultury a proto si netroufám vám radit Jen vám chci popřát hodně štěstí. Je důležité, že neshody v rodině vám nejsou lhostejné a chcete je řešit. Zdraví Anna z České republiky
Have you told your wife you feel left out at home? There is nothing wrong ever in expressing your emotions. Did you stop to think she might feel like she has lost the man she fell in love with? He no longer says or does the things he used to keep her heart wooed. Romance is gone in your marriage? Why? If you are spending less quality time with your wife, how does your son feel? Ask her what she wants to make things better? Then tell her what you want to make things better. Don't be shy to tell her that you want to fall back in love with her vs. just being in love. Things changed in you that you may have not noticed that she didn't like because it took away the man she loved. She has had to make changes too, and thus, you don't know how to respond. I think a romantic gesture on your part might set enough mood to talk. You will have to ask her in advance if she can be free and your son is cared for by someone else. Good luck.
My brother. You are not alone. Many men, even men in the USA suffer in the same way. Ultimately though, you have the power and control to make things right. Your son needs to know who you are. Don't let him live without you when you are so close. Pull your son and wife in close, force the interaction. Don't let fate or chance take hold. Be active in your pursuit of love. It doesn't matter if you are Japanese, American, or whatever. Love is love. You can overcome work, isolation, and anything else if you put love first. Everything else will fall right into place. Trust me. You are not alone my brother.
as a divorced woman all i can advise you is communicate with your wife about your unhappiness and feelings and please sleep in the same bed as your wife because it's important for your connection and intimacy which is vital in a marriage.
I hope your family will be ok soon and include them in your vlog
Thank you for watching my videos! I would like to post a video of me spending time with my family on holiday someday.
Samarai Daddy emotional deregulation is something expressed in children sometimes, and adults that never learned how to express and process their emotions. We often become what we see and experience as children.
Its never too late to learn better coping skills and demonstrate those to your son. He will grow up and likely struggle similarly to you and your wife if this is not corrected.
You are already making progress seeing things arent working the way they are currently.
If no one else says this I just want you to know I'm so proud of the self reflection you are working on and the willingness to listen, learn, and try to bring happiness to yourself and your family. Progress can be slow and not pleasant sometimes.
Thank you! I'm glad I started UA-cam because I received comments from people like you. I'll make a fun video next time, so please look forward to it!
Wow, I just had to comment when I got to 08:05. What you are talking about really resonated in my own personal experiences born and raised in the Deep South of the United States. Your explanation of Japan’s societal standards for men and women and their roles are very similar to the standards I still see rooted today in the South.
Thank you for watching my video! Even though we are in different countries, issues between men and women seem to be very similar.
i am relatively young, so i feel it would be rude to offer advice. this is merely my experience. my fiancé doesn’t talk about his emotions much to anyone, including his parents. i am the exception. he talks about his emotions to me, and it makes me feel happy that just by listening to his feelings, i can help him feel like more of a man. he trusts me to express himself and even cry when he needs to, knowing that i will still love and strongly respect him. i think many women like me feel the same, but that will depend on age and culture.