NEW Q&A ✨ | we done having kids now? getting a new car? thoughts on gentle parenting? homeschooling?
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- Опубліковано 8 лют 2023
- Answering a bunch of your questions today! I'll be filming another one soon! LOVE YOUR FACES SO MUCH! xoxox, Kayla
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Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. Permissive let’s them do whatever they want because you feel bad, gentle parenting sets clear boundaries in a gentle & understanding of the child’s feelings type of way. When you’re not raised with it it just means we have to do the inner work of controlling our reactions so that the child doesn’t learn to lash out in times of error
I get what your saying about gentle parenting. I think it’s good to incorporate some parts of it, because I do think traditional ways of dealing with kids in certain ways are kind of toxic- so it’s a balance. Remember our nervous system regulation skills are set from age 0-7 roughly. So it’s important that we really make sure during those important years that we aren’t reacting to them in a way that make it harder for them in the future to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. Set them up for emotional success. They will be less likely to develop anxiety and other mental health issues. AND something I always have to remind myself of is that we can’t expect more from our kids then we expect from ourselves. If our toddler throws a tantrum and then WE get triggered and throw a tantrum, then we are literally expecting a small child to be able to control their emotions but then we as adults can’t even do it😆 So it’s about mirroring the stuff we are trying to teach. It’s hard tho lol.
So many good points! But yes to the mirroring. Sometimes I’m like child, whyyyy are you being so dramatic and yelling and then I’m like, wait…that’s what I do! It’s hard 😅 lol
I've actually been researching Positive Parenting quite a lot lately. What you describe seems to verge on passive parenting. That is not what I do in any sense. Most of what I do (with my 3 yr old) is teaching him how to understand and communicate his emotions. But he still has to do what I ask of him. And I'm teaching him to regulate his emotions so that he doesn't need to be sent to a 'calm down corner.' It's also looking at things as a problem and solution, versus a consequence. It's a struggle but it's worth it.
YES GIRL!!!! Completely agree with the gentle parenting!!!!!!!! 👏🏾 👏🏾
Thank you for talking about your views on gentle parenting! I would LOVE the chatty video once a week!!!
About Gentle Parenting: If you think about it, it mimics the real world better than the alternative. Natural consequences work way better than beating your child when they do something wrong. If you think about it, when you make a mistake or do something wrong, you don't get beat as an adult (it's actually illegal). So what works for me is simply lose privileges because of their behavior. To this day, the greatest lesson my daughter learned was when we were supposed to go to the grocery store (you know, Publix where they give them a cookie) and she ran away as we were getting into the car to go. I had to chase her and when I finally caught her, I (very calmly) went down to her lever, looked at her in the eye and said "I am sorry, I cannot take you yo Publix with me, because it is not safe" and I left her with my mom.
She cried as if I had beat her and to this day (over a year later) she has never even ran away from me again.
Your power as the parent is not in being strongest, or the louder and stronger authority (which, of course you are!) It's in your calmness when they lose it. If you manage to keep it cool when they're losing it. You win, every time.
This about Jesus how he so lovingly lead his disciples and met them where they were.
Also: Get a minivan!!! My Honda Oddyssey is my best friend
I love videos like this, they’re so helpful. Especially the gentle parenting conversation, i struggle with it myself as a first time mom with an almost 3 yr old. It can be hard. And yes totally agree with you about creating ❄️ and the real world not being gentle at all. Btw, I grew up watching veggie tales, was one of my favorite show. 🥹❤ love your blogs but really enjoy these chatty videos 🥰
There is a difference between gentle parenting and passive parenting and a lot of people are not seeing the difference. Getting down to their level and meeting them where they are is great but it does not mean that you do what the child wants or that you teach the child to choose what to listen to when you tell them to do something. There are still consequences in gentle parenting, but they are natural consequences that are age appropriate.
Love your Q&A’s 🥰 so surprised and happy for you all about your pregnancy!! 💜
I love chatty videos!!! Keep ‘em coming!
Also just a fun idea: one video could be vlog either daily or a weekly, then the 2nd video could be sit down chat or pregnancy related 😊
I loved your birth vlogs! When I was pregnant with my first I found your birth of Jackson and you helped me soooo much. Even with your hospital bags you were the one to help me. I really appreciate your videos! Love your face Kayla 🥰
The best thing I’ve taken from gentle parenting is that my toddlers emotions are okay. If he’s screaming cos he’s mad, gentle parenting has taught me that I don’t need to make that emotion “stop”. I say “we’re done with X now, it’s okay if you’re upset”. Im saying what needs to happen (authority figure) BUT I’m not trying to control how my toddler reacts. I am modelling calm though, which will hopefully rub off! Because - real world - if your boss says “you need to do this because I said so”, you have to do it but you don’t have to like it! 😂 just another mama over here doing the best I can 🙏
I enjoy videos like this one so much! It’s nice to get things done while I feel like I’m chatting with a friend.
Yayy! Glad you enjoyed it! ❤️❤️
u sound very happy and excited!!!!!
so thankful that your share your faith! also agree on the gentle parenting subject😂❤
In the Nurture approach and Positive Discipline, there is a place for natural consequences and logical consequences. For example, if a child is not conducting themselves properly in public even after they've been corrected numerous times, especially if there's a safety issue, and you give your child a break from going to those types of places, that's not a reward or consequence. That's a logical consequence.
I love watching the chatty videos! I think it would be cool for you to pick a subject per week to just sit down and speak what's on your mind!
You pretty much summed up my thoughts on gentle parenting. You worded that nicely, but my thoughts exactly.
Kayla, I totally agree with your views on gentle parenting! Oh no I also got the valentines with the tattoos!! 😢
Gentle parenting can be so tough at times. I try to incorporate it as much as possible because I grew up in a house that never acknowledged any feelings especially those from the kids so even today I really struggle with expressing my emotions in healthy ways or at all and people pleasing and all the things our generation had shoved down our throats. Anyway with that being said my daughter turns 3 in about a month and the sass over the last few months has increased so much that gentle parenting feels impossible at times. But something I saw recently that has been really helping me is telling her it’s my job to keep you safe and that means sometimes we have to do things you don’t like or don’t want to do. You don’t have to like it and that’s ok but this is how it is. Of course it doesn’t take immediately and the patience on our end for them to grasp the concepts is definitely the hardest part but slowly she is starting to understand. Does it stop tantrums and telling me no of coarse not but at least she’s starting to understand why things happen 🤷♀️ I don’t know it’s not perfect. I’m not perfect and my kids are far from perfect but I thought I’d pass along that tip cause it really did help me to at least see some situations and how to approach them differently. I think it would maybe help you feel less apprehensive about gentle parenting being completely child led and potentially setting up the kids for failure later. ❤
Thanks so much for sharing this!
I'm here for the ranting videos!
I agree maybe once a week do a video on one of these longer topics like the whole movie thing. Gentle parenting etc. I would love to see an updated nfp video after baby. Even though I was medically advised to not have anymore babies. 😢
I would recommend looking into the "Elvie Stride" it's not as expensive, and insurance helped to cover cost I paid around $150. It's an excellent wearable pump. However, it's motor is external, so it does have a wire you have to wear with a clip on your pants or whatever. But, its a great option to look at.
You should get a Honda Odyssey! My husband and I are looking into getting one this year. And I love everything about it.
Wishing you luck with the move and a healthy delivery! My second was due August 18th and we moved the middle of June which was crazy because we were massively downsizing to live with family. I had a 16 month old too. It was a lot of work to get everything set up before he was born but we did it! He was born early July 26th too so we only had 1.5 months. You can totally do it!
Omg sounds so hectic but I’m glad everything worked out fine!!! Thanks for the encouragement lol just praying it all goes smoothly for sure
My sons school doesn’t allow valentines, different than what I experienced in elementary. But makes it easier for the parents! They still do something fun at school
Your birth videos definitely helped my first birth.
I’m so happy to hear that!
Same!
You should do like a coffee chat video with different topics like gentle parenting, Christian parenting, etc!
The whole point is that parents are supposed to be a safe space for their kids. The world not being gentle is exactly why parents do need to be. It's about modeling empathy. You don't teach empathy by demanding respect or unquestioning submission to your authority. Real parents take the time to teach their kids the "why" behind the rules they put in place. A child who feels connected to you because they've been parented with firm, loving empathy and boundaries WANTS to please you and also trusts that if you say x, it's for a good reason.
If you don't have time to parent 2 kids this way, how will you have the time to parent 3?
To be clear, I'm not saying any of this to be disparaging but because I am a fierce advocate of a child's right to a peaceful, loving , respectful childhood - something I know you also value above all else.
Also I try and follow the gentle parenting which I think has been mostly successful, but it's still important to hold boundaries. Gentle parenting isn't just a free for all. And if my child is having trouble holding a boundary and my patience is worn out, I'll snap at him. Obviously not the goal but I don't think he'll be that surprised when he's grown and in the corporate world 😅
I prefer the chatty videos but also love the vlogs
Don’t worry, I’ll definitely have both!
Agree with the gentle parenting! I do try to explain to my child at least once and I stop to listen to her feelings because I was never heard or spent time with as a kid abd was just yelled at. I want her to feel heard and respected but also know you need to listen to your parents and respect what we are telling/asking her to do. You're right with when they're out in the real world it isn't all about them and what they want and you have to sometimes do the gs you don't want to do.
Also have a GMC acadia and love it! The captain seats were essential for multiple kids
I’m not stressed at all because nowadays everything is too expensive celebrating is expensive too so long as you have something simple but you still celebrating it’s OK just take a picture in the picture is what is important because their memories take a look back to
Woohoo! Catholic wife/mama here! I’ve known your channel for a while but got did I just find out y’all are Catholic?! 🥰 Just had baby #2 (Earth side) and also very much trying to navigate NFP while breastfeeding haha. It’s tricky but so sacred. Thank you for sharing! Don’t hear about NFP much on UA-cam!
Love watching your videos.. hope u end up filming your birth vlog .. love watching those videos. How excited a gender birth. I have 4 yr son n im kind of thinking of doing that for my next pregnancy
The Now that we’re a family podcast has a great episode about how Gentle parenting is not biblical.
back in the dinosaur era, we all just did cards!
❤
Gentle parenting does not equal no parenting. It’s just what the name implies, to be gentle. Gentle with our words and our actions and reactions towards our kids behaviors. It doesn’t mean no discipline.
Thank you for talking about gentle parenting ! I am a Christian and am struggling with discipline so I have been searching for some help and keep coming across gentle parenting and it just doesn't work and you just 100 percent reassured me of the parenting I am doing. No means no sometimes life isn't fair and I'm the parent. I agree I think it makes soft kids not that I don't want my son to have a heart and show other kindness because I absolutely do but I just don't want to raise a child that thinks everything is always fair and everyone always gets a equal piece because that's not real life.
Yep, I feel ya!
This is so sweet of you all. I remember when I was in school I got literally no valentines day cards. None nada zip I was the kid in class with no friends and I was bullied lol.
I’m so sorry to hear that 😭😭 yea this was all way more work for the parents, but the kids loved it today.
Is gentle parenting the same thing as attachment parenting?
Try The Way Home it’s a hallmark show also on peacock a very easy time travel watch
Thank you!!
Comments on gentle parenting do not pass the vibe check. People need to research what it actually is and use it the right way before bashing it.
Hi Kayla im SA i started watching your videos last year, then during December i stopped because i didn't have data till i got the means dis month. Your videos are always informative you teach us the things we were not aware of. I have two kids 1st is 10 yrs old and second is 10 months turning 1yr in June. And im 31 turning 32 next month was raised in SA that when your wrong you get smacked our parents thought that is the language we understood. My first was not a one for throughing tantrum, now i know how im going to deal with one if i ever i had to. I always watch nanny 911 videos to get advice on toddlers
You can be a stay at home mom and work from home with out doing UA-cam. I'm a stay at home mom and I have a job as a medical transcriptionist. I get to choose my hours. I have work that I have to do by a certain day. I can do this job while traveling Europe for 7 months (this isn't going to happen yet). There are other transcriptionist jobs out there if you don't have a background in medical terminology.
Yesss! That’s so great that you have a work from home job! Definitely worth looking into those kinds of options!
The subject about gentle parenting.
*laughs in Hispanic 😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Ah flashbacks of my childhood lmao
La chancleta 😂
^^^^THISSSSS 😂😂😂😂✌🏼
@@bri9734 💀💀💀🤣🤣
So cool that you watch other mom youtubers, I love Milena. And she indeed made me think to be more vigilant with what my kiddos watch!
I homeschooled year round. We never took summers off. Is that a new thing?
Thank you for talking about gentle parenting. Some days I feel like I’m failing as a mom because I give my child a time out. 🤦🏼♀️ I actually just spoke with my pediatrician and she had very similar views as what you’re expressing and made me feel so much better!! She said so often the kids of “gentle parents” are the worst behaved in her office 😬 She also pointed out that kids have to learn to respect authority figures and how to handle criticism. Their future bosses are probably not going to be as gentle as their parents! 😂
It also just doesn’t work for some kids! I’m convinced. My 3 year old being one of them 😂
Things are changing in the workforce. Bosses are becoming more gentle. My old boss was seen as a best friend not a boss. When things needed get done, things got done.
I think your thoughts on Sophia the First are very interesting. I feel like pretty much every Disney movie has some kind of theming of magic, isn’t that the whole point? Like even Elsa has more “witchcraft” theming in her movie than Sophia. 😂 To each their own, I’ve just never heard such an extreme Christian view when it comes to children’s shows.
I get it! Lol it’s hard because yea, lots of movies have a magical element to them. And that’s where I have to think about like is it just fantasy or is it something I’m uncomfortable with? But the concept of amulets and summoning things just seems more like practical magic to me which I’m personally not a fan of.
On the other hand, some Christian stories aimed at kids are brutal. God drowning almost the entire world? Killing firstborns because he had made someone’s heart deaf to other ways? Yet Noah’s ark and the exodus are often made for even children’s cartoons. I guess I’m just saying that we need to think through even “traditional” children’s stories. Just because it’s biblical doesn’t mean it’s healthy for our kids.
I'm a stay at home mum find it hard sometimes, we have 1 car and only a 2 bed house for 4 of us we are in UK and everything costs atm xx
I unsubscribed from gentle parenting. My son is extremely strong willed and I was not seeing the good results from it. The world is not going to handle your adult children with satin gloves. I use more conventional methods of discipline now, without anger, and giving verbal warnings before (ie, taking a toy away when misbehaving or time out of behavior continues) and when it’s calmed down, I explain why he got said consequences. We try to do something positive afterwards and spend quality time together.
I see a lot of bad behaving kids coming up with the gentle parenting method. My priest has told me that I should not feel sorry for disciplining my children and that it’s normal but that I should never do so out of anger.
What would you do if a pregnancy was a risk to your life? What does the church say about that?
To my knowledge, the church would see that as a reason to not have children and I’m pretty sure in that case, the couple would be advised to abstain during the woman’s fertile window, so that’s what I’d do.
If the pregnancy is a risk to the mothers life it is not a mandate for abortion under Catholic belief. Because murder is still murder and there are no acceptable circumstances in Catholic teaching to commit murder just because it is a risky pregnancy with small chance of success. The Catholic Church does understand there are circumstances that can occur in which it may be necessary such as an ectopic pregnancy. But it is not acceptable if for example there is possibility the child can be born even under high risk circumstances.
Just as a parent should defend the lives of their children outside the womb in high risk situations they believe parents should fight for their children inside the womb as well. This is a logical view to hold.
What does Joe works with? I think I missed when you said it.
Good morning! Have a wonderful day friends! ❤
Good morning!!!
I totally understand the parenting thing. No, your boss will not physically discipline you, but you also aren’t capable at your age to comprehend and elicit the actions being asked of you without “parenting”. It’s just rough.
We just traded in our Acadia for a mini van. THE BEST THING EVER! We had 3 babies in the acadia and it was very crowded 🥲
Lol mentally preparing myself to be a minivan mom - Joe says we can just get a giant church van 😅
I have an Acadia with three kids. My husband took out one of the captain seats so they can get in and out easily. Otherwise I had to reach over to get them buckled in properly
our health care system in Canada is a mess too................
U used to make videos how hard it is to potty train and sleep train the kids. Good luck.
I hate the term gentle parenting because so many people think it means permissive parenting. Remember the real term is authoritative parenting.
In early January I was at target in the valentines section and didn’t buy anything because “there’s plenty of time” and now it’s February 9 and I still haven’t got it. Thanks for the reminder to get whatever might be left 😅
Yea hope you’re able to find what you need!!!
You need to actually watch the show she was summoning a princess ( friend) to help its not bad and I'm Christian had nothing to do with witch craft and FYI that came out when I was a teen way before new disney whitch I agree with you on but I love Sofia my opinion just be aware if you sheld them from the world might do way worse then teachers teaching them how to handle stuff I had a friend in school who was kinda perfect but her parants were so strick she wasnt allowed watch Harry Potter etc almost anything an now she's a full stripper fans only etc and blames her family for making her life hard and not look looking at her at human js that stuff happens
You’re very lucky that your husband doesn’t tell you to find a job that he needs help with bills and etc. because I have family members that don’t have a job because they’re taking care of small kids and their day don’t have that same luck they’re asked to look for a job and to help out and all this stuff
People can judge me all they want, but I do not believe gentle parenting is good for our kids and the "big world." I am a teacher, and gentle parenting makes teaching UNBEARABLE!! Kids are not being taught to do the "right" thing anymore because oh their poor feelings, they don't have to listen if I tell them to do something because mommy said you don't have to do something if you don't want to. My child will be taught how to understand her feelings, but unfortunately she is not the only person in the world with feelings and she has to understand and acknowledge that other people won't give her everything on a silver platter.
Hi Kayla, I just wanted to suggest a video for you to watch. It’s from The Dad Challenge Podcast. He talks about the video of Milena that you said you liked. I would watch it alone without the kids and try to stay for the whole video (he’s a lot). The video will show you a different view about what she said in that video. I would watch it with an open mind and see what it means to you and your family.
I would be aware of the “Christian” people you follow. Again, highly recommend his videos on Milena.
I would absolutely never ever ever support the Dad Challenge Podcast. The fact that a grown man spends his time watching videos of other women, many mothers, and then just talks smack about them, is absolutely disgusting. Gossip channels are toxic. It’s a no from me.
Im (or I was) a huge Disney fan but I’m not letting my 3yo watch Disney stuff that I don’t know. I just don’t trust them. I have the UA-cam kids “censored” so she can only watch approved videos..
about gentle parenting I feel similar, I like part of the approach but that’s not how the world works and I don’t wanna make her and entitled snowflake 😂
I love all your QA and my girl love watching your videos (when your kids are on them!)
You’re definitely not alone!!! I stick to the Disney stuff I know bc idk what kind of themes and topics they’re incorporating these days. Can’t trust anything and it’s so sad.
I don't think I've ever written a negative comment on a UA-cam video before because it's just not who I am and there's enough negativity and hate out there already.
But I do feel pretty disappointed to hear that you watch and take advice from Milena Ciciotti. Her content is honestly pretty heretical and contradictory. And it definitely doesn't come from what the bible actually says.
Even though I come from a Christian background and am not Catholic, I've always felt like your religious views have matched up with mine and I've always felt like your content is very refreshing in this crazy world.
I still support you but I do ask that maybe you do some discerning when it comes to her content and the advice you take from her.
I will say I agree i dislike Milena as i find her extremely, extremely vain. Even so I have found her to have useful products and suggestions, it is possible to not like someones particular personality trait, even truly dislike them and yet follow them briefly for those good recommendations you remember. Not speaking for kayla but no one has to totally agree with someone on everything 100% of the time. Doesn’t mean we aren’t discerning, in fact many of us are and are not swayed by others seeming hypocrisy.
@@humbledaughter2219 exactly! Well said! I simply mentioned enjoying a particular video of hers, which I did. We will never agree with someone on every single issue, but there is value is being able to say you know what? I agree with her on that even though I disagree with many other things.
@@humbledaughter2219 I definitely agree with you. Not everyone is perfect and we don't have to agree with everything someone believes.
But I will say, the way she spreads her opinions is extremely harmful especially because she is a very popular influencer and has a lot of sway over young women and mothers. And she is literally claiming that the Lord is speaking directly through her.
The bible says we should share and spread the word of God with non believers so that they can come to know God through us. In the beginning of her video she said that "this video was only for the Christian Mama's out there. And if that's not you, you shouldn't watch this video. This video isn't for you"
She also said that Satan was the owner and master of this world. Which is insane and I personally feel is heretical. Our God is the only ruler of this world. Satan has free reign of the world, but he is definitely not the ruler or master.
Again, not everyone is perfect. But she is sharing opinions like they are actually Gospel, and claiming God is speaking these convictions to her. And most of these opinions are completely opposite of what the bible says.
If Kayla wants to watch her content, that's not my business or concern. But I do have an issue with her recommending her channel and specifically recommending a video that has a lot of harmful and flat out wrong opinions in it.
Sofia the first gave my 5 year
Old nightmares. We do not allow it either. Terrible
Sorry my friend! But yea I just didn’t like that one and it’s a shame bc she’s so cute lol
Sounds like you guys will have no reason not to have a big family! Nothing wrong with that and kids are a blessing, but I personally am happy that’s another reason I’m not catholic. I like being able to say, I simply do not want more kids without needing a big reason.
Being Catholic is about following Christ. It is not about having a big family. The main reason you are not Catholic is because you do not want to be subject to Christ's authority.
You want Christ to conform to how you want to live. But that isn't how obedience to God works. Saying "this is just one more reason I am not Catholic" is the same to me or Kayla as saying
"This is one more reason I don't want to follow Christ "
See you believe in a different prayer. We believe in something called the Our Father. Thy kingdom come thy will be done.
But for you unlike Kayla Buel it's my will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Your mindset is worldly and deep down you know that it is. Not having kids isn't a Catholic or not Catholic decision. But despising the Catholic Church is the same as despising Christ. It is his church. You choosing to live how you want over how God wants you to live. We worship God how he wants. Not how you feel like worshipping him based on what's convenient to your selfish desired lifestyle.
@@dman7668 Thank you for telling me why I’m not Catholic instead of asking me. You know me better than I know myself. And thank you for calling me selfish. Just more reasons why I choose not to be Catholic. I do believe in God, just not the same way you do. And that is ok. To each their own. ✌🏻
@@dolphynlvr4
Your version of God doesn't exist. There is no version of God that tells you to live as you feel like and it's good with him. I know you can't take criticism, it's hard for you because in your world you are the gold standard for what is right and wrong. Not God.
@@dman7668 You might want to consider respecting other people’s faith/religion/beliefs. It is not Catholicism or nothing. I’ll continue to believe in God the way I chose to, and you can do the same. Maybe with less judgment.
@@dolphynlvr4
Oh less judgment, like the way you judge Catholicism? Like that? I'm just returning the favor!