10. Trying desperately to understand how I was "friends" with people I loathe and despise, and how I thought that was normal... 11. How on earth will I ever heal from the ceaseless life-long rage?
One example of compartmentalization would be having various different friend groups and acting like a completely different person for each different group; and never the twain shall meet. Emotionally-speaking, an example of compartmentalization would be having a passionate, wonderful evening with ones partner and then neatly "putting the night in a box"(in a compartment) and going on with life as if it never happened. It is a way of keeping different areas of your life in separate "compartments" so as to not have to deal with pesky emotions, etc. It's a way many avoidants protect themselves, and it seems to happen at an emotional level. And when you get involved with an avoidant, like I did, you'll begin to see yourself compartmentalizing. I.e. when I'd have a good breakthrough with my avoidant ex, I'd immediately begin compartmentalizing the joy, because I began knowing it wasn't going to last; so I would force myself to forget a wonderful date ever happened, because it was less painful. It's so frustrating to deal with, especially when you can almost see the other person when they're in the process of putting you in a little box for storage.
@@jazeenharal6013 This is a really good description! You really captured the dynamic to a T. It can really mess with your mind because them compartmentalizing us is almost like them hiding you or keeping you tucked away like a toy. It’s frustrating because we’re human beings and every one of us should be free to exist 100% of the time!
@@jazeenharal6013 Oh wow, the avoidant I know has different friend groups who dont collide, even the family is kept separate from them. Wonder why they do this
@@rupertperiwinkle4477 seems like an ultimate version of never ever being able to be held down. If they are on the outs with one group of friends, no biggie, they've got spares. It's a terribly lonely existence, because none of them actually know the real person; just the facet of their personalities they deigned to show them.
Originally thought the DA was depressed and eventually asked them if they were happy and said I was worried they would leave ( in a different kind of way). It was the only thing that made sense since I didn't know about AT at the time. They didnt take it well and just kept saying " you were never around", apparently they meant in childhood cause they didnt like it when i made myself more available to them. One of the most disrespectful, hurtful, and frustrating relations i have had. And we were not even dating... I realize now after walking away that they kept trying to do things like repay my kindness with money to limit closeness. Its ironic they view themselves as "independent" and me "needy" and yet they rely on others for a home, a car, and ran off to new friends and dated someone else, yet ive never even had a relationship before, live alone, and still have friends from 19 years ago .... wtf
They think it makes them seem "deep", when really they look like some dumb lizard sitting in a shadow in the corner thinking you can't see it. Sooo annoying lmao
10. Trying desperately to understand
how I was "friends" with people I loathe and despise,
and how I thought that was normal...
11. How on earth will I ever heal from the ceaseless life-long rage?
One thing I don't quite understand in avoidants: what is compartmentalizing? Can someone give me a real example?
One example of compartmentalization would be having various different friend groups and acting like a completely different person for each different group; and never the twain shall meet.
Emotionally-speaking, an example of compartmentalization would be having a passionate, wonderful evening with ones partner and then neatly "putting the night in a box"(in a compartment) and going on with life as if it never happened.
It is a way of keeping different areas of your life in separate "compartments" so as to not have to deal with pesky emotions, etc. It's a way many avoidants protect themselves, and it seems to happen at an emotional level.
And when you get involved with an avoidant, like I did, you'll begin to see yourself compartmentalizing.
I.e. when I'd have a good breakthrough with my avoidant ex, I'd immediately begin compartmentalizing the joy, because I began knowing it wasn't going to last; so I would force myself to forget a wonderful date ever happened, because it was less painful.
It's so frustrating to deal with, especially when you can almost see the other person when they're in the process of putting you in a little box for storage.
@@jazeenharal6013 This is a really good description! You really captured the dynamic to a T. It can really mess with your mind because them compartmentalizing us is almost like them hiding you or keeping you tucked away like a toy. It’s frustrating because we’re human beings and every one of us should be free to exist 100% of the time!
when they shut of their feelings, and carry on with their day like nothing happened.
@@jazeenharal6013 Oh wow, the avoidant I know has different friend groups who dont collide, even the family is kept separate from them. Wonder why they do this
@@rupertperiwinkle4477 seems like an ultimate version of never ever being able to be held down.
If they are on the outs with one group of friends, no biggie, they've got spares.
It's a terribly lonely existence, because none of them actually know the real person; just the facet of their personalities they deigned to show them.
Originally thought the DA was depressed and eventually asked them if they were happy and said I was worried they would leave ( in a different kind of way). It was the only thing that made sense since I didn't know about AT at the time. They didnt take it well and just kept saying " you were never around", apparently they meant in childhood cause they didnt like it when i made myself more available to them.
One of the most disrespectful, hurtful, and frustrating relations i have had. And we were not even dating... I realize now after walking away that they kept trying to do things like repay my kindness with money to limit closeness.
Its ironic they view themselves as "independent" and me "needy" and yet they rely on others for a home, a car, and ran off to new friends and dated someone else, yet ive never even had a relationship before, live alone, and still have friends from 19 years ago .... wtf
The avoidant has a brooding energy, I think they had depression !
They think it makes them seem "deep", when really they look like some dumb lizard sitting in a shadow in the corner thinking you can't see it. Sooo annoying lmao
@@nahdawg299 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
❤