what’s heartbreaking about grape statistics is they’re always higher than they appear because you have to factor in the people who are keeping their trauma a secret.
Especially when it comes to women abusing men. I've spoken to so many men whose mother or aunt abused them, but no only did they never take action, they STILL find some way to rationalise it.
Well Kat saying it is one thing. Men perpetuating the joke will always put them on uneven ground with the rest of society. Basically "you think it's funny so we gonna laugh with you too."
@@newstation795 I don't believe anyone who says this, there's always a line that can't be crossed for you and you probably just haven't found it. If someone started making gross jokes on your dead family you'd say it's out of line no? It's not a bad thing to have standards for humor 👍
As a Male survivor of Childhood S.A. I’ve never told a soul due to the perpetrator being a close family member and me knowing NO ONE will believe me, thank you for this video.
That's such a tough place to be in- I hope you don't place the responsibility on yourself to keep familial relationships "nice and normal." Easier said than done though- if nothing else, I hope you consider finding a therapist you can talk to sometime. I know it won't change what you experienced, but talking about it might do some good, and you deserve to be heard. You deserve to heal. You know?
@@courtneylord yes you’re right. Thank you. I’ve been thinking therapy might help, just embarrassed to talk about it. Guess I gotta start somewhere. Thanks again ❤️
i don’t know you and i believe you. a stranger coming from the other side of the screen knows that another stranger has dignity, integrity, and ought to be believed by everyone. thank you for telling us. i wish u well!
saw a wonderful tumblr post the other day about teaching boys consent (although tbh this goes for all kids/people): _“While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem._ _If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent._ _If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.”_ why i always hated that “do as i say not as I do” logic
Honestly I get the message they’re trying to get at but I disagree. The problem as I understand it as a man is the hypersexualisation of society, pornography and the stripping of the weight that sex holds away. People do not take sex seriously, many people feel entitled to it. Consent is a very simple thing to understand it is clear as day to me because I recognise how big sex is for a person and the responsibility I have as a man due to that. Maybe the above just compounds what I’ve mentioned idk. Tbh the world just seems so incredibly fucked up.
i personally agree with this. my boyfriend was raped multiple times in middle school by his best friend, and he has a mother who taught him this exactly. that saying no was wrong and would get him punished, and to just suck it up and do as you’re told. and although he did say no, this weakened his ability to not just suck it up if they don’t respect your no
@@jamiebowler4693 sorry this is practically a soapbox- society does prioritize romantic/sexual relationships over platonic/familial/etc ones (could probably tie this back to the nuclear family model), irks my soul like you wouldn’t believe; but the problem isn’t necessarily “stripping the weight” from sex, it’s still very much a serious intimate experience. It’s that our society is so entrenched in eurocentric, patriarchal ideals and it manifests in how we talk about sex (dirty/doing the nasty/etc), the religious overtones (puritanism - propagative sex only, if any/the act itself is “impure”/makes you ruined as a person, monogamy, “vanilla”, etc) I feel like your issue is more so with capitalism as it commodifies everything until it’s ran dry, no ethics/morals necessary; meaning the sex _industry_ is no exception to this. Hell, sex workers talk about it all the time but we don’t listen to them because… y’know Now with the way we’re regressing back Into those norms (lack of reproductive freedoms, lack of sex education. defunding public schools, the rise of fascism and their talking heads for the younger generations (andrew rate and the like)) I totally get what you mean about consent. Though, the post itself can tie back into this as the underlying point besides “practicing what you preach” is dehumanization- a necessity for capitalism (and by proxy, fascism)- of children and how normalized it is since they’re considered parental property instead of actual people. I guess what i’m saying is you’re right but those concerns tend to tie into a bigger picture 😅 far more to it then my lil comment tho lol
Until we teach our children that sex is something you do WITH somebody ,NOT, what you do TO somebody ,we are all at risk no matter how we choose to deny it .
@@4LLT0G3TH3R pretty sure that's the point they're making. there is a difference between sex and r*pe. the former being something you are doing *with* somebody, the latter being something you do *to* somebody.
@@alexs.5871 I see what you're saying, I guess to me it's more like part of teaching nonviolence. Consent and boundary discussions are vital but in my mind r*pe is theft thru violence ultimately. So it's like teaching kids that they can share something they enjoy with others vs teaching them that stealing harms others.
My bf was r-worded by another boy in the bathroom in 5th grade. I was one of the few people he told me, during the 10th grade, a year after we started dating. The first few were his teachers. No one believed him, and when he told me, his rapist came to him and asked to reignite a friendship, and he wanted to get closer to my bf. He was on the verge of taking his life. Fuck schools. It’s a big deal no matter what gender it is, woman or man, child on child or pedophilia.
There is a wrestler in Iowa where I live. He pinned a weaker kid in the bathroom and used a pencil on him. This was news all across the state and he was able to wrestle the year after. Nothing else happened to him.
Thats honestly just horrible what happened to your bf 💔💔 shame on the school for not taking action when there was an issue that needed to be addressed. as a woman, i’ve had a similar encounter being inappropriately touched in elementary school by a boy my age and I cant imagine the trauma of all thats going on i wish you and ur bf the best ❤
I'm a female that was assaulted by my older sister throughout most of my life. It's taken worse as male on male, but even female on female isn't seen the same. I've been mocked and laughed at when coming forward with it (especially since I'm clearly into women). My own therapist doesn't even seem to take me seriously because it was a woman doing it. He takes me seriously when I talk about issues I've had with men doing stuff, but for some reason, he can't accept that my sister was an abuser. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if I were a man that experienced this.
I'm so sorry you went through that, I have friends who have gone through similar stuff so it always infuriates me when people aren't able to take this kind of victimization seriously Even if they can't "relate",they shouldn't be so unsympathetic about it I hope you're doing well,you deserve way better than people who don't take your pain seriously
I was also assaulted by my older sister when I was very young. I wasn’t taken seriously by the police or even my own mother. I know how you feel. just remember you’re never alone ❤
My mother was being physically abusive towards my father one night in my childhood & I had to tell the police what happened & they arrested my mother & even though it was heartbreaking & traumatizing for me as a child, I’m glad I stood up for him. RIP Daddy🙏🏻💔
I told a person once that I was assaulted as a child and he said “Men always wanted. You secretly wanted it,” and I said “…I was 6. Are you seriously gonna say that a 6 year old wanted to be assaulted?” Also as a gay man, I do feel like when I talk about this sometimes, it’s assumed that I deserved this as a gay man.
@@pheonixrises11 Yeah because they immediately start sexualizing children from the moment we are born. For little boys it’s all “He’s gonna be a ladies man,” and “He’s gonna abe a heartbreaker,” so when a little boy is assaulted, this social conditioning leads some people to not take it as seriously because they assume subconsciously that he’s gonna be less affected by it, because they see males and male presenting people as inherently emotionless and inherently more sexual. This is the whole reason why when instead of some people being angry when they hear a story of a female teacher raping an 11 or 12 year old boy they talk about how “Lucky” the boy is. Because they don’t see him as a child worthy of protection, but as an inherently sexual being who is claiming his “Place” as a “Man”.
As a woman I had an older female employee grab my behind like she had a right. "I just wanted to see what it felt like"I told my boss and he just looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. Women do it to other women as well. That's something I never hear people talk about either.
Because the convo around SA is controlled by people with an extreme anti male bias. The same way the news primarily shows you Black suspects to create false impressions, these people make sure that convos around SA are focused solely on men being perpetrators. This of course leaves out men being victims (as this video discusses) and even more beneficially for them, ensures that there is virtually no discussion around female perpetrators. On the off chance we ever get around to it, I think the "enlightened" explanation will be that women who commit SA are "acting like men and need to check their maleness"
@@E1ucidateyou do realize that most of the judiciary is run by men which means it's men that are keeping these things from being talked about. It's also usually male judges who are more lenient towards female offenders. The men at the top are NOT advocating for men.
@susanrichardson631 the judiciary does not keep things from being spoken about, everyday people do. And I never said "women with an extreme anti male bias". I said "people with an extreme anti male bias". That includes men who internalize and actually believe the horrid sh#t women spout about men every 5 seconds.
Yes! I’ve had several women ask me publicly if they could touch my breast (because they are naturally large). It’s so humiliating and embarrassing and they think it’s okay because we are all women. It’s not regardless of man or woman, I’m thankful that many people are now afraid of being caught on camera and Covid kept me in solitude so I haven’t experienced that boldness in a while.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 So sorry that happened to you. I even felt guilty for smacking her hand away and yelling at her because she was an elderly woman. And yes, being away from human beings for awhile did wonders for my mental health.
Men need to understand that Terry Crews is so much braver and stronger for standing up and speaking out than they'll ever be for mocking him and belittling what he went through.
@@kendriahudson4747 That's kind of the thing I'm talking about. People mocked him like coming forward made him look weak, but really, mocking him just shows that they're weak.
@@kendriahudson4747 I said men in my first comment. Men are people. But it doesn't surprise me that he received a lot of support from women. MRAs always think women will mock male victims, but I've never actually seen it happen.
as a female SA survivor ive never ever ever understood the doubled sidedness of sexual assault and violence between men and women because even tho its not taken seriously in both cases ALOT of the times for men its not taken seriously at all and sometimes its praised and they are told they should have enjoyed it and its just so so so so so gross because nobody should have to go through that or even be told they should have liked something that utterly destroyed their dignity
I was SA'd while in the military by a gay man. My assault was laughed off by my command who said it was a "lovers quarrel". I'm straight, he was just someone I thought was a friend. My self image was destroyed for years and I was SA'd by multiple women after that, taking advantage of my fear of saying no to someone again, taking advantage of me when I was intoxicated, or just not giving me a choice. It took a long time to recover enough pride to finally tell people what happened, let alone stand up for my self. I'm happy to say my biggest supporters were the LGBT community, who helped me work through my homophobia, and showed me such love and compassion I can never repay.
Sa’d by women ? Edit: The amount of angry responses I got from such a simple, stupid, weightless joke is incredible. The amount of emotion here is insane. Stay sharp, you guys. 😂
I'm very sorry this happened to you. And to the people who don't understand how a woman can SA a grown man, please read a book. It's very possible and way more common than you think. Because of comments like yours they are afraid to say anything. THAT needs to change.
A straight male friend of mine was raped by a woman last summer. The internalized stereotype of “men always want it” was so strong he started the story by saying, “so… I had sex with a stripper the other day”. After he told me and another friend who was in the call the full story, how he repeatedly told the woman that he wasn’t interested in doing anything, how she covered his mouth and said that if her boss heard him make any noise they’d both be in trouble, we told him it didn’t sound like he “had sex”, but was assaulted. It took him a few hours to fully come to terms with what happened. When he eventually told his other friends and family about it almost all of them laughed when he framed the story as him being raped. Even after hearing the full story and how non-consensual it was they just couldn’t take it seriously. Nearly every woman I know has been at minimum sexually harassed, and this is only one of two men I know who has been sexually assaulted, it’s still important to take these men seriously when they tell their stories. End Sexual Violence
How crazy would it sound for me to say that a lot more guys have probably been SAd than you think? Cus that’s not a wild turn of events that sounds like a sexual experience for a guy sadly
I can’t even count how many men I know who will say they lost their virginity at ages 13-17 to an older woman and they don’t have the ability to conceptualize it as an assault because they have this idea ingrained into them that sex is something they HAVE to want or else it means there’s something wrong with them. Not only do they not recognize their trauma they think it’s something to be grateful for because that’s what they think “made them a man” and it’s disgusting. Nearly everyone they come across encourages it, mostly their male friends who have been socialized similarly are just as brainwashed and it makes this echo chamber to where they really will have a full conversation for several hours explaining in detail what happened and how they felt and still not be able to connect the dots. It would not surprise me, not that this is an excuse, but it would explain why some men then participate in SA towards women because they may also be victims of SA themselves and just have not processed the situation enough to see how much it has effected them.
@@Crazyhead432I think the OPs story is a good example that it’s not uncommon, it’s just that nobody takes it seriously if you were to talk about it as a dude. It’s not rare, it’s that if you do say anything as a male, everything goes wrong, even if I were to talk to my mom about my experiences, I can’t tell if thing would go south judging by previous arguments when bring up my experience.
As a female SA survivor, it makes my heart hurt that male survivors are mocked so much. The jokes just aren't funny. They never were. It's sad that it takes this for people to understand. No one takes SA seriously.
As a SA victim, I joke about it to cope. I joke about everything that hurts me to cope because I'm tired of crying. I have my reasons, little Donovan on Fortnite does not.
@@Luzei_artsthat's completely different. We're allowed to make fun of our own trauma. I do the same thing. If you don't laugh you cry. I hope you're healing
Just dont act like girls cant get crapped on after being raped. Because girls are usually punished when raped or sa by a man. For girls, its "you asked for it", "you should have kept your legs tucked" or "stop being emotional", men do tend to get away with this shit than women as its so common and normalized. Women tend to get mocked for being a victim of it all the time more than men
I’m a man that was r*ped at an afterparty. My friends had already left and I had turned her down multiple times already. Thinking I was safe, I blacked out and heard from other people afterwards that they saw her on top off my passed out body but they didn’t intervene. Went home while still feeling foggy and under the influence, fell asleep immediately once home. Upon waking up I felt nasty and just showered. I didn’t have the courage to report it to the police.
@@ShadowRatandCat I am fully aware of that, both my best friend and my ex gf have similar traumatic experiences. It’s both equally awful and evil no matter someone’s sex or gender. Just there’s undeniably a certain group of people, mostly men, that will say things like ‘Lucky you, I would have enjoyed that’, ‘Men are always in the mood for sex, so you weren’t r*ped’ or something like that. Women ofcourse also sometimes experience horrible reactions when opening up about their experiences, but differently. Then there’s also the ridiculous belief that because men are often physically stronger, they can’t get r*ped by women.
as a women i’ve never understood the jokes like at all even as a kid it just felt so wrong…it’s even in children shows..i’ve had encounters with men who were victims of rape and it’s so normalized they don’t even see it as rape and more as a flex it’s a sad cycle 😞
Can you give some names of children shows that done this? I want to make sure to avoid them or atleast certain episodes where they done it as I have younger family members who might get exposed as well.
It's also horrible that somehow some men- don't see themselves as victims- but rather it's something to boost about to others than to be disgusted and revolt and see how deeply traumatizing these type of horrible situations are in reality. Truly says that we live in a wrong and fricked up society.
@@riskingrain1560I mean, one example can be seen using Ed, Edd, and Eddy in this video... The others I can think of off the top of my head are classic Looney Tunes (Pepe le Pew when the dynamic is reversed, but also despite being made for adults at the time, it's been since recontextualized as children's media), and maybe even in one of the Paddington movies when there's a crossdressing scene of a man in drag, commenting about how his inmate may find him (said man in drag) "pretty" after Paddington (a child bear) calls him "pretty" to try and have said man in drag pass better with confidence... Original Powerpuff Girls had a villain go to prison (I think it was Mojo-Jojo?) And the announcer said "Love is in the air" as Mojo's inmate, a burly, bald man, gives a wide, menacing smile... But those are the only jokes that pop into my head right away...specific episodes or moments, nothing clear-cut all the way. Unless it's Pepe le Pew?
@@riskingrain1560I guess in SpongeBob where some repairman thought Squidward was an animatronic and flipped him over and forcefully inserted a drill into his ass to fix him. I’m not joking. I think it’s in Goodbye Krabby Patty where Mr. Krabs sells frozen Krabby Patties and turns the Krusty Krab into a museum full of animatronics. Squidward got violated bro 😭
@@riskingrain1560if guys don't find anything wrong with it then there's nothing wrong ... If she bad she bad liking it and boasting is basically consent at that point
I was drugged and SA'd by a woman I met off tinder and it took me years to unpack that situation. Appreciate you raising awareness on this situation ✊🏽
I was raped by a woman who I met on a dating app too!! And I am trans!!! This is so interesting. When the rapist is a woman I just find it interesting how no one thinks woman can be the aggressor or rapists!
@@lx9037Looking at statistics it makes sense because women are rarely aggressors or rapists so if one story like yours comes out in the grand scheme of things it’s not gonna make a difference. The statistics say mostly men and it will always be that way as long as males have xy chromosomes and testosterone.
@@-error-7936 I'm sure you probably know this already, but just in case you need to hear it, whoever "they" are, fuck em. They're wrong for telling you to brush off your SA, you're not wrong for having been impacted negatively by SA and speaking out on it.
I'm a male rape victim, it happened when i was 7 i still remember when i was in a group of friends, all of them were girls sharing their experiences with fear and harassment and i felt like maybe it was safe for me to open up, but when i told them about my abuse, i was laughed at and they were like "k lol?" i wanted to die
We were like 19 and this was in my city in Mexico. One day a classmate (man) told us (a group of women) that just an hour ago some man that looked like a pimp started to compliment his lookss and asked for his cellphone number, and he gave it to him. In my city there's been a disgustingly high number of women disappearances and it's widely known that many end up in Tlaxcala being sold as sex slaves and many, killed. With this knowledge, my reaction through the whole narration of my classmate was of horror, here we know these pimps modus operandi, I genuinely felt like he was in great danger, mostly cuz he told us that the pimp told him sth bout receiving money from older men. All my alarms went off and I started to raise my voice as I was telling him to never answer his phone to unknown people, to be careful when returning to his house, to tell his parents, etc. but through the whole time the other girls were smiling and laughing, as if he was telling a funny story. And at the point were I was taking it very seriously he HIMSELF got kinda annoyed with me, I saw it in his face. He didn't like that I perceived him as a victim. That broke something inside of me cuz I was genuinely trying to help, but he looked at me with disgust. It confused me widely, as to why a man has to laugh about a dangerous situation just because he's been raised to act tough and bc he has internalized that shit.
I had a girlfriend in college who no matter how many times I expressed not wanting to have sex her first time under the conditions we were in (my car). She berated me for minutes for not being manly enough, she continually progressed despite me saying I wasn't comfortable insulting me every time I protested. Then she initiated sex with me literally trying to block her or get out of it. I was larger/ stronger etc. But at the end of the day she made me have sex with her through guilt and insults. It took me years to realize that was rape. When I've talked about this in friendships multiple people have told me it wasn't "a real rape."
@@knowvilleknows1075 I never claimed she physically overpowered me. Could I have gotten out of the car? Sure I guess, but I don't think you fully appreciate the complex dynamics of an abusive relationship. This woman I dated used to hit me, mock me, then love bomb me, repeatedly. This coercive sexual act was one moment in a long list of things that happened in our relationship that I've had to process. The really sad part is to your point, the experience I described is really common among women. Giving in to a coercive partner who wears them down through convincing and progressive sexual acts even while they aren't giving consent until finally they take part in the sexual act, is a story I've had dozens of women share with me as "it was just easier than fighting my boyfriend/husband/date." I was in no way trying to equivocate between the violation I felt to that of someone being physically dominated, and I hope you educate yourself about non-consensual engagements and coercive sexual assault. At the end of the day, I didn't want to take part in a sexual act and that sexual act was performed against my will. I don't think the degree to which one fights back is a valid grounds for dismissal of that as being a rape. No one should have to do more than not consent to be safe from having their body violated.
I’ll never forget the first male SA survivor I encountered. He was this sweet elderly man I met in rehab & like me, he also turned to drug addiction to cope with trauma. I was honestly stunned he shared his story with me given we’d only known each other for a week but I’m glad he felt comfortable enough to do so. It’s scary to come forward regardless of gender but it was in that moment where I realized how different it was for men.
I’m glad you were able to be a safe space for them. I’m not sure of your history but I know for me people feel more comfortable sometimes because they can sense it in others too. Ever since I was little I could sense it in others and when they felt comfortable they'd share with me. I always say a scent is left on you when your SA'd and those with common experiences and offenders can smell it on you. Which is why unfortunately it happens more than once to survivors. But some people are just soft sweet souls like pillows that make others feel comfortable laying their heavy heads on.
@@itzablackcatehh, how do you know that it's not different? Men, especially cishet, experience with SA and how they're perceived as survivors is also different. Just like how people's experience and how they're viewed after SA is different depending on the intersection of LGBTQIA+/hetero, cis and non cis, class, race, ethnicity, religious, culture ect. Also, some groups, cis men in particular, have their traumas justified or joked about and have no real support for survivors. You don't have to be an identity to know that experiences are different. Sort of like how racism/ prejudice is experienced differently based on identity.
@@itzablackcatAre you saying it would be no different for an elderly man to keep that story to himself his whole life? When he grew up in a time where it’s obvious he’d be laughed at, mocked, told he was lying, or simply ignored? Do you even hear yourself?
I’m a queer man & was assaulted by a queer man years ago & yeah, not only did it take me years to accept what happened, but even longer to tell people because of everything you talked about. And us both being queer made me feel like no one, especially straight people, would understand. Didn’t help that it started consensual until it wasn’t. Real talk, I still doubt myself & ask myself if I’m allowed to even be upset about it or if it happened. Can’t thank you enough for this video.
I had a similar experience, especially because the moment when it stopped being consensual is kind of blurry, and everyone has their own experience that's hard to fully explain. It also makes you feel guilty for having been so gullible and for having ended up in that situation, or the guilt that you should've just stood up for yourself. It sucks and it's a topic that has to be talked about more. All the power to you!
@@Samoyeds7 Appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, I didn’t mention it, but I don’t remember parts of my assault, either. Which doesn’t help when you doubt it even happened. I think it’s just the body’s response to trauma. I can also relate to feeling like I should’ve done something because I’m a man & blah blah. It wasn’t your fault, just in case you needed to hear that.🩵
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Of course you're allowed to be upset over it. It was a no the moment it popped in your head and it should've ended there. I'm sending so much love your way💓
Same happened to me...I had to tell my story to my friend when she opened my eyes and validated me on the fact that I was r*ped, even though it started consensually but the minute it happened I tried fighting the guy to stop but he just kept going...so yes, even if it started with your consent, the minute you refuse to continue and the perpetrator still continues despite your unwillingness, it's SA/R*pe
I'm so sorry that happened to you, absolutely heartbreaking. I still doubt my experiences as well, I think its a part of the trauma and stigma of S.A. I hope you know your not alone and that you're allowed to be upset. Sending you all the love. 🖤
I was getting molested by my older stepbrother as a kid and not believed for multiple years. The moment that it was believed the children are house were being abused. Was when my sister came forward about my stepfather doing the same. I was still never believed but at least those bastards were taken out of our lives
I'm a victim of this topic myself but nothing hurt me more than this one interaction I had regarding the topic. I was away at rehab a few years ago for drug issues and one of the group therapy sessions i had to do to was called "healing your inner child" and i was to attend with all the women and men in the rehab i was at. We had this one dude, we'll call him Bruce for anonymity sake. Huge guy, bald, covered in tattoos, gang affiliated, nicest dude you'll ever meet but very, very quiet and closed off almost like he's constantly on guard. One day were going around the room during our second to last day of therapy and the therapist (who was amazing) asked if anyone had any breakthroughs or thoughts that they wanted to share. Bruce raised his hand to speak for the first time in the entirety of therapy and starts going over a time when he was 7. His parents got a new baby sitter for him and his younger brother. She was a family friend and she was like 4-5 years older than them. From the minute she started babysitting them to the day they became too old to need a sitter, she was r*** them almost daily. Force fellatio, intercourse, pictures, horrible shit to both him and his younger brother. It completely fucked him up for a long time. While it was happening, he told numerous people. Friends, adults, teachers. Some didnt believe him, but the worst part of it was most people were literally congratulating him. The dude was discussing the worst time in his life and begging for help out of the situation and instead of offering that help, other men just said that he should be grateful that a hot older girl would want to have sex with him and his brother. Single digit agee childred and grown adults are saying shit like "well damn i wish that happened to me". That shit absolutely broke me. My experience was with someone of the same gender so in my mind i internalized it as most guys are just deviants and my experience was a solid reminder of why women were so wary of men. Then i heard his story a couple years ago and it fucked me up cause i had never thought about the consequences of the assailant being of a different gender. I dont really know what the point of this comment was. I just felt like i needed to share something. It's like people think it doesn't happen if they're not seeing it themselves. Everyone is so quick to joke about r*** until they know someone who has been r***d, and then it's immediate apologies. Why do you need to have a personal connection to someone who is suffering to care about them? Just fucking be nice to people it truly isn't that hard
exactelly the same happened to me, but my babysitter was around 19, i remember i became a slave like sex, cleaning the house giving massage psychologic and phisical torture, she was really sadistic when i told my mother some years ago she said it was my fault i didnt tell her and tried to make me feel guilty for sayng that because she worked so hard to raise me and my brother and that i should understand that the babysitter had many problems in her childhood so i sholdnt be mad at her. i think that was even harder than the abuse
This is just...beyond sick. I've heard this same story many times. What bothers me so much is the acceptance from others. I've witnessed people talk like that. Disgusting. It will not change until society throws away that kind of toxic sentiment. If someone did that to my brothers when we were kids....there would not be a thing is this world to stop me from digging a whole in the ground and tossing in a body. Not a single thing.
Now, I personally have never been graped, and I cannot ever speak on being graped, but ive seen so times, where men get made fun or bullied because they were SA’d. I had a straight friend in the 9th grade get SA’d by one of our friends in a public space. We were all sitting at lunch and talking and eating before one of our friends said something inappropriate about my friend, saying he was “bricked up”, we all (including my friend) laughed. Im gonna be honest we were a bunch of teenage boys, so we made inappropriate gestures and jokes to/about each other. But then that same friend who made the joke then proceeded to grope my friend’s genitals. My friend got up and told him not to do that. we, including me, all laughed because we thought he was joking. The friend, thinking it was funny groped him again. My friend finally yelled at him while crying not to do that again. They all laughed except me. I knew he was being for real this time, so I told them to chill out, they all continued laughing. My friend stormed out of the lunchroom still crying. I knew why this bothered him so much, because he was SA’d as a kid. (I wont talk about his grape experience, because I’m not sure he’d want me talking about it on the internet) I was the only person in our group who knew this. Our “friends” all seem confused about why he left and started to make jokes calling him a crybaby, and thats when I stood up and told them that what the friend did was not funny because of the childhood grape that my friend experienced. After I told them he was graped, they all burst out laughing saying that “boys cant be graped”. I was shocked at what he said a told then they were wrong before leaving them, going after my friend. A couple days after the incident, a girl in our math class asked my friend “if he was actually graped” and she followed the question by saying “that cant be true, only girls get graped” my friend ignored her question, but her and her friends continued to harass and laugh at him. At the time I didn’t say anything cuz I was friends with those girls. For the next three years of hs, my friend would continuously be bullied and harassed by his former friends. (I never stood up for him in fear of being kicked out of the group). This is the fucking problem with male grape or SA, everyone (girls and boys) mock and makes fun of male SA situations (despite this situation not being exactly grape, its still SA). People shouldn’t be mocked because of a situation they couldn’t control. Im now in college and still hear dudes making grape jokes. Girl or boy, gay or straight, white or black, grape isn’t fucking funny.
@@brian.phillips1985 It's not about censorship, but rather perspective. Every joke can be considered funny, unless it touches your own experiences and unearths unpleasant memories. Jokes are often times are just retelling one's life in a more animated, and exxagerated way.
@dappermaverick let's progress this line of thought. What you find funny is a reflection of what you value and what you deride. To laugh at most rape jokes the way they are set up today is greenlighting mocking a person's physical weakness or lack of experience; saying it's alright to demean other people for going through such traumatic experiences. People are right to feel uncomfortable around such people.
When I told my best friend, about my girlfriend at the time SA-ing me. I wasn’t surprised when he told me it couldn’t happen. Even though I was literally clawing and screaming for her to get off. I brought up to him about his time when he was taking advantage of by a woman. And he pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about. That interaction wasn’t a surprise to me unfortunately. What was a surprise was when I told my female friends, how they all downplayed it, one laughed, others tried to see it from my abusers perspective. Try to diminish what happened to me in comparison to what happened to women. After that, I became desensitized to it all. Why bother? Why bring up that? I’ve been punched multiple times before by a partner. Somehow, it becomes a zero sum game where I can’t suffer because others suffer.
The way your friends reacted was totally wrong I am truly sorry that happened to you your pain and trauma shouldn't had been diminished like that I hope you will find a way to heal
This sounds silly but it’s okay to ditch your friends and find people who love and care for you. There is not enough years of friendship that should allow you to overlook them not caring that you were deeply and intimately assaulted. You deserve better and sometimes that means starting over.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 Agreed :( you deserve supportive, loving friends. That's not real friendship in my mind. I'm so sorry you dealt with that. You deserved to be supported in those moments (and still do)
All of the woman I know in my life have been raped or sexually assaulted which is a terrifying statistic, but also most of my male friends have told me they have been sexually assaulted, a couple have told me they’ve been raped. And 90% of those times happened when they were minors or children. I used to think that because so many of us as women have experienced it we would be compassionate towards the men in our lives who come forward. As I grew up I found out that is not the case. And what a horrible thing to do, so many of us experience not being believed, or having the blame shifted to us, or downplayed or simply ignored and then for us to turn around and put that back on men. It makes me wonder why? But for men they also have the layer of their trauma being a joke or invisible because of all the reasons highlighted in this video and more, I always believed the men in my life who were vulnerable enough to tell me that they’ve been SA’d or raped. And I really hope that any of you who have experienced it can have that. If your friends don’t believe you regardless of gender they aren’t really your friends and I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. It’s already hard enough to experience let alone to have a second victimization of sorts by people you thought cared for you, or people you’re trying to seek justice from.
I think it's because us women who have been raped by men often become wary of them as a whole and don't trust them as much It's sort of an internalized hate, one that I've been struggling to work through and understand
Well, it also doesn't help that false claims from women are also way higher than the 2% figure that's usually thrown about. Maybe that factors in to the lack of compassion. Just a thought
remember Ishowspeed had that uncomfortable joke where he asked a girl if he was the last guy on earth if shed let him sleep with her. She answered no so he was like " So who's gonna stop me!". like that really gave me chills, idk if he was joking still, cuz hes around some weirdos....
"Who's gonna stop me?" "So you're admitting you're willing to force yourself on a girl who says no to you and the only thing stopping you is the law? That's pretty creepy dude."
i’m a trans man. i was sa’ed as a kid, especially during the very beginning of my transition. i’ve had people tell me that i deserved what happened to me, as i “needed to be reminded of the reality of my body”. this is fucked up to tell anyone, let alone a child
Okay that is gross and immensely triggering, I’m sorry that happened to you dude. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but you’re 100% a guy to me, no questions asked. All those stupid people should just shut their mouths.
The people who told you that are the scum of the earth, who the fuck says that to anyone??? To a kid!!!! As a fellow trans guy, I wish you all the best and that you never have to deal with people like again
My first sexual experience was being raped. I thought I was into it, I thought I was supposed to enjoy it, all friends congratulated me that I finally "got some", It took me years to finally admit to myself what happened. I never talked about it and shut down. It's taken me fucking years to rebuild me perception of sex because of it. Thank you for making this.
@@ShadowRatandCatthis isn't a competition, plus there's plenty of resources and help for women out there. This video happens to be about men who tend to be ignored and laughed at bc of people like you. This like going a video about women victims and posting in the comments "what about men?". See how stupid it sounds?
@@ShadowRatandCat you're literally dismissing men and bringing women in a discussion about men, under a video about men. Would you also go in the comments of a video about female victims and say "men get r worded too" too?
I went to a poetry night(its a primarily black space )and one of the speakers wrote a piece about being assaulted by women. It got super quiet and you could feel the heaviness. But I'm glad to hear his story and hoping it inspired others to create a safe space for male victims to share.
Damn thank you all for the likes!! I'm glad so many support safe spaces, not just for women and queer folk but men as well. It's so so important for us to be able to move forward and build a better society.
I've always kind of figured I'd like poetry nights. If it's mostly amateur poets I have to imagine sometimes it's someone's avenue to let loose and thus some of the heavy shit comes out, which is good, there's a lot of heavy shit that goes untalked about and unacknowledged that deserves to be put out there, said discussed, and chew on mentally.
One thing that has never sat right with me is prison r*p3 jokes. Like someone will make that soap joke and I'll be like "bro that's not funny," and then they'll literally go "ok but, it kinda is tho," even when the guy I'm talking to has trauma around CSA. It's wild.
It's partially people who believe men getting assaulted is funny but a part of that is also the belief that people who commit crimes "deserve to be punished" and they write off anything that happens to them in prison as "justice". It's awful and I even see it from people who supposedly support restorative justice.
@@babykata-dt3ys Tbh I think that a comedic media in jail setting can be funny in a way "these people are awful so you don't feel bad for them when something bad happens". But even I honestly felt uncomfortable at the prison SA jokes. Not funny and overly crude. Though I've never experienced s***** abuse. I think it needs to be done way more elegant. Because indeed, even criminals don't deserve their body to be used. Especially if they're there for theft(I mean, not very serious crimes). It's just dehumanizing and it makes people hates themselves and their bodies.
I think it's an emotional defensive technique, they're very close to grasping the pain supposed "villains" could be experiencing like they had. But instead of grappling with the reality that they might be undermining other victims of SA, they join the laughter in an attempt to dampen (or ignore) the pain that exists Edit: do not take this seriously, im just spitballing
This video is reminding me of that story from last year where 31yo female teacher in Florida got pregnant from her 14yo (I think) student, and not only was this not even addressed as r**e, she got off with only house arrest AND the kid has to pay child support when he turns 18 (I forget whether the payments only start when he's 18 or he also has to pay for all the time that the child is alive while he's still a minor). And the screwed-up thing is this isn't the only time this has happened.
I was reminded recently again of Vili Faulaau (sp?). The grooming, S.V., etc., he dealt with at a young age and for how many years...and then got married to his abuser. Just wild to be reminded of that and then to read some article that wrote that she "seduced" him. Seduced?! He was a child. He ended up with children, two of them, by age 14/15. That decades long story is still in my brain from time-to-time, maybe because I'm the same age as this man.
The Asian boy right? The wife died a few years ago. God they had a whole interview and she was still in denial he seemed so uncomfortable, she seemed very much in control and dominate. @@SuperAH1985
The judicial system is much more lenient on female sex offenders that it is on male ones which is crazy considering it's mostly male run. It's very sad really.
At one point in this video you mention what homophobia actually is in the minds of the homophobic. In my childhood and a bit into my teens that is exactly how I thought. Although I tried my best to never treat people differently regardless of their sexuality, on the inside I remember what my thoughts would be like. I used words I really shouldn't have too. Trigger warning: This is gonna be rough so you are warned. When I was a little boy I was victimized by both an older boy and an older girl at different points of my childhood. I eventually came out about my male attacker but to this day (I'm over 30) I still feel scared to tell anyone about the girl that assaulted me on multiple occasions. When I was a kid I didn't even know if I was allowed to be against a girl touching me like that. It ruined my entire childhood. To this moment I still have never had a relationship.
"Seven men have come forwards, so that means the victims must number in the thousands." As a piece of dark humor I found this particular joke really funny. The sad truth it's highlighting is very grim though. End SV
It works as a joke because the punchline isn't about "male victim" the punch line is about "society". I know "We live in a society" is a cliché in edgy humor at this point, but it works. My point is there's a huge difference between making jokes about victims, and jokes about how we treat victims.
Exactly. Supporting that, he followed up saying that society doesn't care about male r*pe victims Edit: My comment prolly doesn't explain well, but its supporting OP's comment
Sexual assault was rarely taken seriously for either gender and it’s just in the last ten years it has been acknowledged, men and women at the same rate. I’ve never heard a woman say “yeah but he liked it.” But I HAVE heard men say that about other men and women alike. In fact when it comes to teacher/student assault, I often see men commenting the kid is happy, telling women they are taking the age disparity too seriously.
It’s homophobic men as well as men who are insecure about their masculinity that make it hard for men to be vulnerable and open about male SA. It’s hard to even support as a woman because there is a man right next to you to make a joke out of it or calling your dramatic/emotional for taking the topic seriously. At least this has been my experience.
I was sexually assaulted as a child by a girl, and I am now a transman but when i've tried to talk about it people who don't understand my identity ask me "how was it traumatic if you're gay/lesbian?" And I was asked that not only by ex-female friends I trusted to tell, but by a male adult I trusted enough to attempt to tell as well.(I didn't do a good job because that question scared me but it is what it is.) I've never identified with the term lesbian because I'm not and even if I did, me being LGBTQ+ doesn't give someone a reason to have touched me, who was a young child, inappropriately But apparently I'm trans, that singular & miniscule aspect about my identity makes it that much easier for others to feel comfortable dismissing CSA.
I’m sorry this happened to you too. I’m a bi trans guy, but I thought I was a lesbian for several years. I was SA’d for the first time in middle school by a girl who was one of my closest friends. I had a huge 2 year long crush on her. I wanted to tell her I liked her, wanted to date her, wanted to kiss her, but she took that opportunity from me by SA’ing me in the pool bathroom and later my own bedroom closet. I had no idea how to talk about it since I was the one out gay kid and was SA’d by a girl I liked so I buried it for years. I only accepted that it was real when I reconnected with my other childhood best friend and he told me very solemnly that it did happen, and he remembered when it happened, and that he was sorry I was living with this. He’s since passed, but I will always be grateful for him believing me and helping me believe in myself whether i was 13 or 22
I was SA'd by a girlfriend of 6 months. I can't even begin to tell you how many people wrote it off simply because 1, i'm male presenting (amab non-binary), and 2, she was my girlfriend. People can't seem to understand how It's even possible that I couldn't have wanted it. Thank you for this video.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, just know that there are people who feel for you and don’t deny what you went through. I wish you the best in the future and I know so many other people do too.
That's really rough to go through. People are so dismissive of domestic rape. I'm relieved to hear that you are in a place where you can openly share . We need to bring awareness to domestic rape.
Stop lying for clout and likes, boy you were not assaulted you had the option to force the person off and walk away. The average man can severely overpower the average female, you sit there and let it happen so that's your fault. A woman doesn't have the option to force a man off of her but a man 100% does 😂
I'm a trans man and it was very traumatizing to be assaulted that way by men. The added layer of oh they are acting like I am a woman made it really really bad. It messed with my head for a very long time.
@@ashgaur8715 I totally agree and if you went through it yourself I am sorry. Healing will be ugly messy good and terrible. It can be done though. I will also add it is a lifelong process
I know a lot of victims personally, from all genders and diverse age ranges, and one of the ones that still get to me was a guy in high-school who was so proud to tell me he lost his virginity at something like 12 years-old to a woman in her twenties. At the time I had no idea how to even try to explain to him what that meant. Some of the biggest factors for people to stay silent are social assumptions: stuff like typical gender dynamics, familial hierarchies and bias based on appearance. That boy was convinced he was lucky due to social expectations and I still think about it to this day.
I see that a lot as well, im in high school and ive heard boys talking about wanting a much older, even 40s aged gf at 15 years old as if it's something that's "lucky" or a flex
I'm a large, powerful man who takes shit from nobody. I've had a woman ignore direct no's from me. Even tho she couldn't force me, it still traumatized me.
its a very different kind of power women have, you may be physically strong, but you cant retaliate. If you did, you would've been inundated with society defending her. It's a lose lose situation. I'm so sorry you also had to go through with that, you're not alone and you're not any less of a person because of what she did to you
@@itsClaptrap I am a 6'4, 200 pounds, brown guy who's pretty fit. Whilst I never had to defend myself physically from SA, I was often unable to do shit to other men who were aggressive towards me because from childhood onwards, I realized that the bigger guy will be in the wrong if it comes to a physical altercation. No matter who the aggressor was. The amount of times I got into trouble at school because I had to fend off smaller bullies who wanted to mug or beat me up because I was the bigger guy showed that to me It's kinda weird. I can't really defend myself, I can only swallow up what happens to me because I'll get into trouble if I do something. I talked to guys my size and bigger and basically all of them made this exact experience
@@itsClaptrapsociety wouldn’t have defended her at all. Did you see what happened with amber heard? I mean sure there’s a couple idiots but let’s not exaggerate. Saying women have some sort of power is wrong in general, most women wouldn’t be able to get a man into serious trouble with just words.
@@kinsdonn the media of the UK sided with Amber, the only justice Johnny got was the case being picked up in the US state of Virginia. I'd hardly call that justice. For the most part, women will be defended and protected because they're always perceived as frail and weak, incapable of doing meaningful damage. Even when Johnny got that small victory, large swaths of people still defend and applaud Amber
@@AvaAdore-wx5gg People have always been "into" serial killers. During their trials and time in prison, Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Ramirez got hundreds upon hundreds of love letters from infatuated women who watched their trials. The obsession with serial killers is not new to our culture, but the normalization of it is. The women who sent those letters were and still are regarded with much disgust and lash back from general society. However, that same distaste does not seem to translate to Jeffrey Dahmer, especially in the last few years. This, I think, is mainly attributed to that stupid Netflix show that came out about Dahmer. Mind you, this film was not made with the consent of the victims' families. In fact, the families were EXTREMELY against Netflix creating this show. So, to begin with, the show's existence is already a huge disrespect to Dahmer's victims, yet nobody seems to care. Following the release of the show, it's like the Internet became obsessed. If you were on Tiktok, you certainly saw an influx in Dahmer related content and jokes. The most common form of this is actually more subtle. It was the normalization of weird content that was completely insensitive and apathetic to the victims and their families. People became obsessed with the show in a way that would've never been widely accepted with someone like Bundy. You had people talking and commenting like it was some cool little fun show, instead of a show about a literal cannibal rapist. On top of multiple trending Tiktok sounds from the show, I have seen countless Tiktoks, Tweets, and comments proclaiming that they "loved" the show and that it was so "fun" to watch. I shouldn't have to explain why that's bad. That attention would've never been accepted if Dahmer's victims were white women. Which is probably intentional. Nobody cares about black men, which is why we see so many jokes about cannibalism and Dahmer in pop culture now. Nobody cares because the jokes are about Black men. To deny this would literally make no sense. It's the point of this video we're on. Black men get assaulted = funny. That's why Dahmer is all over the Internet through comedy, music, and other forms of media.
Not really, people have recently been making shit tonnes of jokes about Epstein island even though the victims were mostly children. What I will say though is a lot more women wouldn’t like Jeffery Dahmer if he targeted women. (Not saying women as an entirety like him, just that a freakish amount of women find him “cute”.)
@@basic6735well in that case the jokes serve a purpose to remind everyone that a person under custody was apparently killed to stop him from incriminating others and sloppily covered up and no one did anything about it
End SV I'm a very large, strong male presenting person. The number of times I've been SA'd by people who think I'm just cool with being groped or assaulted is depressing. Its hurt my ability to enjoy intimacy with people. Thank you for talking on this.
Hearing you name off trans men in the beginning was extremely validating and I thank you so, so much. Because as a trans man, I completely understand both sides of victims. I was sexually assaulted by 20 different people throughout my whole lifetime, 7 of them being adults when I was a child, 3 of them being teenagers when I was a child, and the rest being children of my same age at whatever time it happened. A lot of it happened before I transitioned, but some of it happened after my transition. I've experienced both feelings. Both gender norms. When I open up about it to someone at school, currently, I'll hear people around me laugh because they think I'm a cis guy. When I opened up to it years ago, I was yelled at and treated like I was a stupid attention seeking-- you know, any misogynist terms they used that I don't want to repeat out of respect. I see women talk about their experiences, and I understand. I see men talk about their experiences, and I understand. I got the worst of both worlds, and I've been beaten to a pulp with it. There is no funninest about it. At all. Especially not when it's targeted at people who cannot defend themself from it happening because they believe it will never happen, then it does, and they're utterly traumatized. Because what if it happens again? Now that they know it can happen, what happens now? Who do they tell? They have no one, and they can't even trust themself anymore, because trusting themself got them in that situation. What about the men who used to BE the ones making these jokes? Who genuinely thought it could never happen? What happens when suddenly they're the victim and they're suddenly SO hyper aware of how all of their friends would laugh at them for it, how they've set themself up for failure, how they've unawarely surrounded themself with only unsafe people. I see women talk about their experiences, and struggles, and I relate to it so harshly, yet I always feel I have no say in it. Especially after one time I saw this video of a girl telling a trans man that them talking about their experience was just "another man trying to victimize themself" and it felt.. contradicting? I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, they're acknowledging that trans men are men. That we have the same brain structures and thought patterns as men do, just with different biology and experiences, which can cause a bit of a difference. (ie, where cis men don't put much effort into their appearance trans men tend to be hyper aware of their appearance, where cis men don't worry about weight problems trans men are scared of being overweight due to the societal norms they learned to abide by.) and yet, somehow, they've.. contradicted themself. Not only are they acting like men, in general, are incapable of experiencing any problems women tend to face, but they're also depicting trans men as the same as cis men. Which to some extent I wish was true, I wish we could just be cis men and not have to worry about all the extra shit, but unfortunately that's just not how it is. I remember seeing that video, and I just... I think it completely changed my viewpoint. It suddenly became so clear to me, that some women do see trans men as just.. men. Especially when we pass well. From that point on I suddenly became hyper aware of how close I got to girls, how I talked and treated women, etc. because I am at a point in my transition where, sure, I don't have the money to medically transition, but I've been told time and time again "oh I thought you were cis" , "oh I had no idea" , "oh if you hadn't told me I would have assumed you were just a very pretty cis guy!" I cannot just ignore that. I am actively being perceived as a cis guy. I need to take that responsibility. And suddenly everything feels more stressful. I'll see a gendered post I relate to, or a gender norm I'm falling into, or just anything, and suddenly I have to sit down and question myself on it. "Why am I relating to this post clearly targeted towards women? Does this make me less of a man, or is it simply something I cannot control? Is it a mindset or biology?" "HELL YEAH I RELATED TO A FISHING POST" Very different reactions Yet, this is when it dawned on me. For the first time, I looked at a woman talking about her experience of sexual assault, and I just.... sat there for hours? It was a short video, why was I so fixated on it? What's the missing piece here? What is this feeling? *I will never have a community to talk to about this.* I will never find someone that I can genuinely speak to about my experiences. My friends are cis guys who make jokes sometimes that make me feel like.. I don't know how to even describe it, I could never shatter my mom's heart with this, my brother gets awkward just talking to me about Pokemon, who do I go to? Where do I go? I have no one. Recently I found the song "labour" by Paris Paloma. I heard it, and I didn't know how to respond. Do I cry? Do I relate with them? If I go to the comments saying "as a man, I relate because- 🤓☝️" when the whole song is about men treating women terribly? That song wasn't made for me. And yet I can feel every word like it was birthed from my core, as a product of the equation I begged not to be taught. I don't really know how I was planning on ending all of this, but I guess the only real way I can describe this feeling is with the fact that everytime I hear this song I can only bear to harmonize instead of singing the main verse. I can only manage to mutter "you make THEM do too much labour" because without that subtle change I don't feel right. It was not made to be sung, it was made to be supported and uplifted. I am but one other pillar holding up their architecture that was not meant for my eyes to gaze upon loudly so I just hold it steady with my quiet experience. I remember saying to myself all the time when I was younger, "one day I'll be big enough to protect girls." I'm not very old, but I guess it's ironic I couldn't even manage to protect myself first. One day, though. One day someone will need my help and I'll be far enough in my transition to be intimidating. One day I'll punch 20 people.
Honestly I feel like the problem with jokes is that they tend to be about the victim or the situation. That is never funny. Never. Never fucking ever. However, if a show or movie fully delved into something like this, actually let me give an example Let's say you're watching a slice of life or adventure movie whatever (I'm thinking of the Netflix show "The End Of The Fucking World" specifically, think of something of the same or similar style.) They FULLY delve into a scene of sexual assault (the age, gender etc is up to you it all aligns here) and they do not joke, they do not trot lightly, they THROW the audience in there and force them to deal with the pure uncomfortability Moral Orel style where you're waiting for a punchline to save you by it never happens. Then when the scene ends, or it could be used to end the scene, someone the victim knows stomps in and PUNCHES that fucker. Then they just started beating them to a pulp. Very graphic, very bloody, very loud, then these two characters run away from the scene. Then, later after they get in the car and rush off, you have a few breathing moments for the audience to calm down, then... The victim starts laughing, and the character driving them way from the scene looks at them and back at the road- back and forth a little anxiously, then both of them start laughing, and they just keep laughing and laughing, and in their hysteria they start yelling about how pathetic and stupid the abuser looked getting beaten and punched. The victim is laughing and praising their friend for sticking up for them. Then maybe after a while of laughter they start crying, and the scene is used as a sort of depiction of both of these characters trying to cope with a bit of humor for a bit before suddenly it hits them how fucked up the situation was and now they're crying. And it's this bittersweet adventure moment where you just... Can't help but laugh and cry with them as they start breaking down and breaking into small giggles through the tears and it's just heart aching. In order to try and prove you are a good person, and that you can make a good joke, you have to be a good writer, and you have to know how to handle these situations.
That was a long read, but i'm proud of you, for sharing this with us. You are, extremely resilient. I can't relate to anything you said but i still understand it in some way? I hope you can find a support group that can truly understand you and i mean it from the bottom of my heart.
You convey your inner turmoil in a very authentic and personal way, reading about someone so deserving of support be deprived of it heartbreaking. I may not personally know the hell you have been through in life, but I can definitely relate with struggling to find people you can seriously trust. No matter how rotten the world may seem, I would like to believe that there are people that will accept and understand you fully, I sincerely hope you meet those people one day.
I got SA'd by a close friend in high school. When I tried to tell a (different) close friend I was laughed at and told to man-up. That moment threw me hard into toxic masculinity. And as a non-binary person that was playing "man" at the time, being pushed even farther into the facade of masculinity was extremely detrimental. The only reason I've been able to start processing this as an adult is because of my amazing wife. Her being an incredibly safe person has allowed all those suppressed emotions to start coming up again. That, in turn, has allowed me to start seeing real success in therapy.
I'm sorry but you were not assaulted by a girl, any man who says that is CAP you had the option to walk away and you didn't that's ur fault 😂 a woman can not walk away the same way a man can it's just facts
It's so crazy and sad that male victims also face not being taken seriously and ignored. From what I've heard/seen, if the attacker is a man, "Why didn't you fight him off?" or "Well, you're gay, so..." If the attacker is a woman, it's "Ha! Women can't rape men" or "Wait, you didn't like or want it?" This shit has to stop. Victims need to be supported and taken seriously.
@@ShadowRatandCat Where in my comment did I say women don't get dismissed? Because I don't see it. Yes, women who are victims of SV are often dismissed, BUT they are more likely to get help or even have their situation acknowledged than men are. Simply by way of being male, they're not even allowed to think of calling themselves a victim of SV, unless they were a literal child. And honestly, even then, it can still be ignored. To address part of your original post directly (yes, I looked and saw that you posted more under this video): Do you know why women more so get mocked for being a victim than men do? Because women are more likely than men to even report or talk about it. Most people, in general, regardless of sex or gender, don't report their attack, but women tend to be more LIKELY to do so than men. I do find it interesting that you didn't engage with the rest of the comment. I'll say it again: VICTIMS need to be supported and taken seriously. Regardless of sex or gender, or who gets hurt more than the other. Victims deserve to be helped.
@@ShadowRatandCat To clarify, what I mean by "Simply by way of being male," I'm talking about how due to the gender roles/norms n such in society that men aren't allowed/supposed to be victims. Not even at the hands of other men, let alone at the hands of women. They're "supposed to be" strong, and tough, and able to fight people off them when necessary. Being a victim of something like SV isn't "suppsed" to happen to them. It's "supposed" to happen to women. And yet, either way, both get pushed aside. I think it's part of any male r*pe jokes are sooo common and seen as "not as bad."
I went to a circus act the other night that advertised itself as “R rated”. It was spooky and dangerous and there was cussing etc. but at one point, they got a volunteer for a knife throwing act (they didn’t actually throw knives at the volunteer). And even though a lot of women raised their hand, they chose a man. This was likely because as a joke they groped him a few times on stage (???) and I thought to myself “oh, that’s why they chose a man, cause they couldn’t do that to a woman” After watching this video, I am ashamed to just realize hey, why exactly is it ok that they did it to a man??? Now, I don’t know if maybe they got his consent first or whatever. I messaged the company, no response yet. But like, even if he did… how did they get his consent? Was he coerced? When it happened, everyone laughed and I laughed but not so much because it was funny, but because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say. But that volunteer…. He had his junk grabbed in front of an entire audience. Is he okay? Like…… did I just watch someone become a victim of SA… and it took this video for me to realize it?
@@sugaredbugs4823 they got back to me yesterday. said they didn’t actually touch him, but just made it look like they did. it really kinda looked like they touched him… i asked how they didn’t do it but made it look like they did and they just said “by not touching him” 😐 even if they didn’t i mean. is it funny…. because it looks like he was assaulted? hello??
@@yepisuredolikecats3979 I'm glad he wasn't actually touched, but I agree it's VERY messed up to make a joke out of it, even if they were just pretending.
I often come back to think about how many fujoshi [mlm mangas/manhwas that are often f*tishized] start or have this plot in some way. That one of them is straight or even if queer not interested on the other party yet is played for comedy or even worse romance. That there is a whole a community that often centers their romantic pairings based on the assault of another male lead because there is no other reason that the value of two men together in any way. I've always found it weird and tragic how much a community could not only demoralize these relationships but how it really reflects the many account from my mlm friends who have had these experiences in some way being seen as nothing more than objects because of how these communities tend to specifically treat these relationships and situations.
Immediately thought of Madonna kissing Drake and he clearly looked unsafe and uncomfortable… “but he’s a man” “we all thought it was funny” “he’s down to do anything, he’s a little sassy”… he looked distraught and unsafe.. if he was a white woman we would identify that emotion and feeling quicker.. due to him being a Black man, I just don’t think anyone was leading with empathy in that moment.
@@felonious_unite That is true. It's also true Madoona could have violated his consent and/or boundaries when she kissed him. Two things can be true at once. Drake being a sleazy pos doesn't exclude him from being victimized in another situation.
As someone who has worked with survivors of all sexual identities and genders, thank you for this video. From the bottom of my heart. Unfortunately, the rule when it comes to SA and IPV is; if you think it can't happen here, and you think it can't happen to you, think again. No matter where "here" is or who you are. #EndDV
@@falconeshieldintimate partner violence - basically, another word for domestic violence, but it also includes people someone's been in a relationship with before but isn't currently dating or anything
I was abused in this way by a girl when we were 13 until 15. She was 6 months younger than me. I'm pretty sure she was a victim herself but the fact is she still did it to me too. I've also been preyed on by an adult women towards the end of that, and separately, my own mother stripped me against my will at 16 to "inspect" my junk. I've spent years just trying to get by on denial because when I tried to tell a therapist she completely dismissed that I'm traumatized. I'm turning 20 soon and I don't think I'll ever be able to be consensually intimate with anyone. The trauma's festered, it feels like a rot that's eating me from the inside out, I'm paranoid about people touching me or using me for such things, I myself feel like a perpetrator just for thinking someone's cute even if I don't say a word, because I just have such horrible feelings around the concept of attraction and on an emotional level I have no idea how consent really works. I remember before all this happened, those sorts of feelings starting in puberty, being so excited to grow up and be old enough to do those things because it seemed wonderful. A part of my life was robbed from me and I'm laughed at and mocked for grieving it. I wish male victims were taken seriously but unfortunately I doubt it'll ever happen
I hope you find a therapist that will take you seriously 💗 you are never obliged to be intimate with anyone, but I hope you can come to accept your attraction and feelinfs and not have these internalized fears. You are clearly a considerate soul, and you deserve to feel safe, as does everyone
I was molested and threatened with being SA by a woman when I was 9, the memory was so painful I locked it away until 2 years ago, and just remembering it made me have a panic attack. Even though it causes me pain, nobody in my close family circle knows about it, I feel like I have no right of burdening them with this knowledge, that I should just move on, keep it to myself, even if I still carry some of the trauma, even when I didn't remember, I still get PTSD whenever I felt someone touching my legs, eventually I will get therapy and get help, I want this pain to end with me.
You've told someone (us) and I think that's one of the first steps to healing. I had a realization in high school of something that happened when I was a child and feel the same way about talking to my family, but being able to tell someone really helped because they helped me realize it wasn't my fault.
Thank you for the video for the video. I'm a black man who was a victim of S.A. by a family friend and only in the last couple of years have I realized that it was wrong to happen. Thank you for this video. It means a lot.
That Friday After Next scene always stuck with me. Katt Williams is a short, slim, non-traditionally masculine man much like myself and the immasculization of men my size makes it easy to be a victim, yet not be treated like one. Many men want to fight me, many women hit me or take something out of my hand or talk to me like a child. I have been sexually assaulted by a man and two women, and I am straight. They were all bigger than me and wasnt much I could do to stop it, so that scene for me triggers a very real fear that I deal with and I relate to many women in that regard. Its insane how many people will use their physical dominance overbyou, and hiw littke the world actually cares about male victims.
I respect Terry Crews so much for coming forward and not letting society's attitudes silence him. People gave him so much shit for it, a lot of them from the black community, but he pushed passed it all and forced society to reckon with the fact that anyone can be a victim of SA. People see a tall, muscular black man who is a perfect example of traditional masculinity and assume that there's no way that he could be a victim. This obviously ignores how much of a role psychological abuse, coersion and manipulation play in sexual violence and it demonstrates how society tries to put people into boxes of 'victim' and 'perpetrator' based on their appearance. Terry doesn't owe anyone anything, what happened to him never should have occurred in the first place, but I think that by fighting for justice he helped so many men and showed them that they are _allowed_ to speak up about their experiences; that what happened to them should be taken seriously and that there's no excuse for abuse or assault.
I'm just having trouble understanding why he would play the part of a perpetrator of r* for comedy when he himself experienced the trauma of being the victim
It took me almost 20 years to finally open up about my S.A. As a young child and most people have told me “it’s not that bad” or “just move on” but you can’t just move on and it’s hard when I feel alone with this burden I was cursed to carry.
I'm an old dude, and I know people from previous generations were in no way more thoughtful than this new generation is. If anything, each generation is getting smarter.
Hey man, appreciate the kind words, truly. You hardly ever hear nice stuff bout my generation or the future ones. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely have our abhorrent issues, but for what it's worth, thanks. 😊
Seriously what did the boomers and older x-ers eat and drink? Even their treatments towards pets are mountains different compared to nowadays, since at least the 90s
I was SA'd at the age of 18 and was straight up victim blamed by my boss when I had reported the incident. The person who did it was a 27 year old female coworker, I was friendly to her as I was with everyone, and was told the incident happened because I was "flirting" and led her on (im gay, i did no such thing). I had to leave a job I loved due to the discomfort and shame. That was when I learned patriarchy has a negative impact on ALL of us, not just women. And I'm glad you touched on the fact it isn't to take away from female victims, but for us to all recognize patriarchy hurts us all (obviously women especially). But it's an important thing to really drill into people's heads. SA/SV is SA/SV period, great video
@@fatliward9815 no I didn't, because it was unexpected and very sudden. I DID push her off me after it happened. But hey thanks for putting what a garbage person you are on full display for all to see.
Dude, I get you. I'm a woman, and I used to work at an aviation production plant with 90% men. I went into it cool as a cucumber, could joke around, was friendly but not too friendly. A lot of the men saw women as enemies who just run to HR. I thought "oh well, those women don't know how to take a joke I'm built different." Lmao. A year later my shift partner turned on me, started threatening me and doing some real psycho stuff (long story). I was in a really bad position, and I realized that he had been sexually harassing me, had gotten in trouble, and blamed me. And I didn't understand. A part of me did, but I just didn't fully get it. When we're young, we're especially vulnerable. You were only 18, hon. I had to quit my job too because of that guy (in that case I was damned anyway you sliced it). He destroyed what life I had tried to build. Funny thing is, he was the type of guy who believed men can't be sexually harassed/assaulted by a female. That all completely changed my mind about a lot of things. I'm all for making it all seen as a humanitarian issue. I'm tired of people being left in the dust.
Thank you for this. Being the sole voice of reason in these twitter threads got me feeling like I'm in that corpse pit in the Battle of the Bastards. END SV!
The purpose of Twitter is to make everyone feel like the only voice of reason so they continue to argue with each other. So it’s not a good representation of people at all especially since governments use it to sow discord here.
The amount of straight up sexism on both sides twitter has is actually insane. I had to delete my account and take some days off the internet after seeing the shit they say up there.
In my personal opinion, (as someone who’s lucky enough to have never experienced any kind of SA), the biggest problem with R “jokes” is that they make the victim the butt of the joke. Maybe R jokes could be funny if they mocked the abusers instead of the victims. Idk tho
There may be a context in which it works, but I have yet to find it, and worse still is that in a lot of the cases where the perpetrator is the one being derided (At least, that I've seen), the, "Joke," is them becoming a victim themselves in prison, so I think it's probably best to avoid those sorts of jokes regardless.
my bf is a survivor of childhood r by a family member and to this day he still goes into breakdowns about how people say that men can’t be assaulted. he lives with DID and many issues because girls are taught to set boundaries but men are ignored. i really hate how men are treated, i really do.
Part of why its taken so lightly also is because men themselves play it down. I know i def see it when it comes to male children and adult female predators. Its so crazy
And a lot of men call that shit out and reject dudes who downplay guys who say that kind of crap. Maybe I'm biased though since I only see the "lucky" garbage online sometimes and I tend not to hang out in groups where the guys around me might say stuff like that.
Agreed. So many adult men claim that little boys being sexually assaulted is a good thing or that the boy was lucky or that he wanted it. It’s disgusting.
THANK YOU. go on any video where a chomo teacher is a woman. You will find most comments of men “celebrating” and even saying they wish it was them. After you see that, you realize most of mens problems are created MOSTLY by men.
@@gregvs.theworld451 yeah, I mostly see it online and the unanimous amount and of men who say they would encourage it makes me sad. I'd never want children with men like them
i was walking home late. i had gotten off the bus from my friend's house. he followed me for five blocks. the conversation started simple enough, what i was listening to, oh i like video games too, what if you came over to my place for a bit. i politely declined but he was persistent. he was practiced too because he knew how to wittle another male down until they acquiesced. when he got his chance, he held me against the wall of the catholic school on my block. a car drove past but i couldn't feel my voice rise to scream for help. i was frozen in pure shock. i was 17. SV doesn't care how manly you are, someone will still render you helpless and take what they want from you. Talking about it is the first step towards Ending SV.
I'm happy I found this video. I saw an article about a teacher who was arrested because she was intimate with a teenager. I was disgusted and horrified but the amount of people I saw laughing at that situation? Astonishing. I saw people saying that he "was lucky", that it's not "that bad" because at 16 you're thinking about sex 24/7. I'm sorry but NO. It's disgusting that people are laughing and not caring about that situation. It's traumatising and not funny. I'm feeling so bad for that kid and I really hope him and every person who was *ssaulted or *bused can find help and heal 🤲🏾❤️
I've heard countless stories about women who have SAed or exploited both men AND BOYS and people have been commenting things like "I wish I was him", "he enjoyed that" and "women can't be predators" it's sickening
@@karpcopy what the fuck is wrong with you? Grape isn't really "enjoyable", a lot of victims get traumatized because of it, and also, a lot of victims are CHILDREN.
One of my friends whos no longer with us got SA'd by a woman when he was 15, then that woman spread rumors about how it was actually her that got SA'd. Dude's life was ruined by someone else by someone older than him, and even now despite everything being proven false and hes not even around anymore, hes still called the perpetrator, not the victim. Its so fucked that so many women have gotten away with SAing men and even other women.
As a 19yr old white looking, straight man ive been assaulted 3 seperate times all by women. Once as a child, once as an early teen and once as an adult. Us men get overlooked all the time and it seems the world simply does not care so im hoping this video can ATLEAST start a conversation.
The teen and adult one is a lie, you had the option to get up and walk away by then. You literally sat there and let it happen then whine about it after post nut clarity 😂
I wasnt a child that stood up for herself often but I'd be very irritated and offended at just blatant homophobia by classmates and would often state that just because an identifying male is gay does not mean inherent attraction to said offender. And because i was upset i would say something along the lines of, if the girls arent beating down your door why would the boiz? I've of course learned that anyone of any degree of attractive can be ugly on the inside. It just made sense to me and i wanted to impress that upon them but of course it fell upon deaf ears. Sometimes people just want to be hurtful or mean and thats it. End S.V, D.V - all the violences
It's my opinion that that particular brand of homophobia comes from guys with really predatory attitudes towards women. It's not that they think a gay guy would absolutely be attracted to them, so much as that they assume the any dude would have those same toxic attitudes towards whatever people group he's attracted to -- so they're uncomfortable finding themselves in what they define as a "prey" role.
@@eyesofthecervino3366Casual misogyny is a thing too. Oh those small minded women, doing whatever their man says and--- oh hey hold on I don't what that guy do the same to me! And then they panic and go full misogyny
I'm a straight guy, I was the victim of childhood SV and abuse, adult DV and SV. I've had a bunch of traumatic relationship and sexual experiences and only now as I'm approaching 30 have I finally come to understand and accept these experiences and their effects on who I was and who I am today. I still don't talk about it and VERY few people know because my whole life it was made a joke. I was really homophobic (but never bullied, and even had gay friends as a kid and teen) as a result of my experiences as a way of rejecting and denying what I was put through and I really regret that. As I've gotten older more men than I would've imagined have confided in me about similar experiences. The problem with patriarchy isn't men, it is patriarchs. This to me is a very important video, I'm sure I'll revisit again in the future. Wishing everyone all the best in their journey.
@@FartSimpson2 There are three options: 1. You're full joking and mean well 2. You're half joking and want to feel better than someone while maintaining plausible deniability. 3. You're not joking All three have the same feature, what you're saying isn't funny, and I hope you do better in the future while you still have the chance. Is this what you want to leave behind as a legacy? Pathetic.
as a male SA survivor whos perpetrator was a woman i find it so upsetting that we tell men they don't talk about there feelings enough but then undermined male trauma and emasculate them for it
I remember the first time I became really aware of the way SV victimizes men is when I was in middle school and really into Linkin Park. Reading about Chester Bennington's own experiences with CSA really puts so, so much about his entire life into perspective, and ever since then I've been an advocate for victims that aren't "traditional" in the eyes of society/media.
Thanks, I hate society making fun of men being SA or that had been SA. I just want to hug all these poor souls that had their consent humored away. It's so disturbing.
@@ShadowRatandCat what is your problem? All your comments are “women experience it too” and then you diminish mens experiences. Female victims exist and go through lots too. You can find lots of discussions on that. But this particular video is for male victims. Imagine if you were a guy who had this happen to you, and someone came up to you saying “women experience it to, cry about it, blah blah”. Like it’s awful what you are doing. Stop.
I’m a trans guy. When I was younger, I was still exploring my gender and my sexuality and I had gotten sa’ed by three different “friends” (at different times). When I had opened up about it, most adults told me that it was my fault for taking up the offer to sleep in my friends bed or that I shouldn’t take it seriously because the worst case was a girl or that we were kids so it doesn’t matter. One of the things I heard so often was that “it’s not sa or r-word because they were experimenting”. I was invalidated because it wasn’t an adult, because most of them were queer and because we were kids and teens. Even though my friends and family are more supportive now, I still cry remembering what younger me had to deal with
aye, fellow trans lad. i was _graped_ at a disgustingly young age by a cousin who was, apparently, "experimenting." we were both 7. im almost 16 now and im trying to socially transition, i dont go near him or speak to him because he's transphobic and tried to somehow blame the _grape_ on making me trans, but also making it my fault. we may be ignored or brushed off, punished or called liars, but we will never stop fighting back my friend. stay strong.
@@Siter sorry if it was confusing, I meant like trying to figure out who I was, if I was trans or just trying to cope, if I was being influenced by some others, ect. Hope that explains it better
@@elijahisconfused I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s absolutely horrible :(. Your cousin sounds like a disgustingly horrible person and I’m so glad you are staying always and stay safe. Stay strong man, I believe in you and good luck on your transition!
@@elijahisconfusedi had the same thing happen to me with my cousins but it was locked behind my thick skull and decided to randomly pop back up. I've still retained contact with them but it's kinda uncomfortable but THAT BEING SAID.... you paint the picture that a seven year old took malicious advantage of you which doesn't seem fair. I'm aware you may harbor negative feelings about him now about blaming you and being transphobic but uhh yeah
As a kid who was raised as a boy and experienced SV as a kid during that time, this means a lot to me. I love your videos. You're doing such important work. Now that im getting money I definitely want to support you on Patreon! End SV!
I'm a trans man who was victimized as a child by a woman and for the longest time it made me feel ashamed. I still feel it today. She wanted me for my body because she was attracted to female bodies, in her mind I was a woman, in my mind I was just me and I liked when she praised me. It took years for me to remember what happened and when I did all I could feel was rage and disgust in both myself and her. She'd roped me into a world where the only praise I got was if I showed the camera and the strangers behind it what I had under my clothes. She desensitized me as a child and it lead to me having a lack of care for my own body. I believed at first it was comfort in my body, comfort in showing myself to other people until I came out as trans. What was underneath the clothing became something everyone suddenly wanted business with to strip away my masculinity. The juxtaposition between my belief in being comfortable in my body and now needing to hide it to save my identity sent me into countless spirals. When I told a therapist, the only thing she said was "I've never heard that one before" as she continued to misgender me over and over again. I've had people imply that it makes sense that it happened to me because I'm trans, because they see me as a woman and to them that's the only possible victim. I've known countless cisgender men who have been victimized by other men and women. I've seen a kid be laughed at while his sister retold the story of him being roofied by a girl and taken into a bathroom. My own father has told his story like it was just another night, not recognizing the reason why my mother was really angry to find a woman dragging him to a bed. It wasn't because he was responsible. It was because he was paralyzed by booze and she wanted to take advantage of him. I could name so many victims and I can also name a lot of people who will sit down in front of them and laugh in their face. The way our society treats masc aligned survivors and victims is inhumane, but this video gets it. This video puts all of my thoughts out for me when I'm too overwhelmed to speak them myself, so thank you for that. Because it's important that we have a voice, especially when we can't speak up ourselves.
I couldn't really talk about mine, I was late 7/early 8 and a girl in my neighborhood who had just turned 12, was obviously taking out the assaults she was experiencing at home on me. Over time I empathize with her, because this victimhood as you mention is a victimhood shared by us all first through patriarchy. It's hard to overlook those who then looked at this and the many years I fought with my sexuality and dignified that even with a high libido, your agency isn't your own. To this day it's perpetuated a system of me feeling like the help and never the helped, a piece of furniture or a sex toy. This society robs us of humanity if we're black or anything they don't like. This is something I've tried hard to ensure doesn't happen to my kids, but the cultural normalization of this paradigm has got to stop.
I'm sorry this happened. Just remember it's okay to empathize with the person who assaulted you but you also can't justify their behavior. What she did was wrong regardless of the circumstances that caused her to do so. Passenger trauma on to someone else isn't right.
My male friends who confided to me about SA really broke my heart. Most of them were the same…even making jokes about their own experience. I had to inform a friend that what he thought was a consensual experience actually wasn’t, because he wasn’t old enough to consent. He was just like, “Hmmmm….you got a point there…” 🤦🏾♀️. They don’t even seem to be able to give themselves the empathy they need to heal, and nobody else is giving it, either. This needs addressing.☹️
I'm a trans guy who moved into a flatshare, where the landlady sexually assaulted me, and had clearly chosen me to move in based on assumptions on my sexuality and gender. She got otherwise abusive when I rejected her, but I thought I was girlmoding. Only later I realized I'd crossed the line with t that people thought I was a trans woman. This completely wrecked my life financially as it was not safe for me to live there, I hadn't lived in the country for long, and many other factors. Even if I wanted to, I can't talk about what happened because I'm tired of correcting people when they don't hear that it was a woman even after I tell them multiple times, that I need to go into all the details lest people minimize it in their heads. There are so many assumptions people make, that it was a domestic issue when I answered a listing on a regular apartment website and after I moved in was trying to be polite, while at the samd time repeatedly speaking of male exes etc. But of course that never mattered to her.
Thank you for handling this topic with the nuance and seriousness it deserves. I am not a man, but I relate a lot to male victims as someone who was r*ped by another woman. It’s so frustrating when I am trying to open up about my trauma and all I get is responses like “how is that even possible”, “she’s just a woman why didn’t you fight her off?” or “well don’t you like women anyway? What’s the problem” So anyhow big empathy to all the guys in the comments who have had to go through this as well. If no one else has told you recently- its *not* your fault, you *didnt* want that, and I am so proud of you for surviving not only the abuse itself, but the ignorance of the general public. You know what happened, you know the truth. Do not allow anyone to take that away from you, you will find the people that believe you in time. It does get easier, I promise❤
I’m gonna share this under the anonymity of youtube. But when i was a kid, like maybe 10, my older cousin, a girl around 14, had graped me during day care at our grandmothers house. Every time for maybe a month during weekdays. Thankfully it was found out and CPS was called. My cousin got sent out to foster care and maybe some other stuff, idk never talked to her again, but a lot of people in the family blamed me as i was the man in the situation. and as a 10yo i had no idea what i was blamed for but just internalized the blame and to this day, even though i logically recognize that the situation wasn’t and shouldn’t be my fault, i still feel guilt like I should’ve known better than to let something like this happen. I’ve never told anyone about this and probably never will bc i don’t want people to know anything about that period in my life ever, but it’s really hard sometimes. Sorry if this was messy it’s my first time ever telling this.
Oh my god... that's horrid (and they blamed you?! You were ten!! You were a child how in the fuck could it possibly be your fault!!! It isn't! What a bunch of jerks!) I hope you cut contact with those fuckers cuz it sounds like there just a bunch of assholes i wish you to have the best day ever 🙏❤❤
I'm a girl but I wanted to share: In my old school there was a girl who would make sexual jokes or something like that, sometimes to me too. So I'd say I was sexually harassed in a way but the girl was a kid too at the time so idk if it counts. One day in 8th grade she got angry at a girl she didn't like for something I won't say bc I don't know if the girl would like it. But it's something that could count too, so I pointed it out. She said that she didn't touch her so it's okay.. It's messed up really. SA, sexual harassment and rape aren't funny. They're not something you laugh at, something you use to censor "sex" (some young ppl did that at some point) it's not something that only happens to certain groups of people.
End SV. Regarding the end of the video, I remember learning in school that dv gets worse during a woman's pregnancy and being shocked.I wonder if some of it has to do with a lack of control over her body and jealousy over the baby taking up space. I love ur videos herby and I'm so happy you talked about this while including queer men in ur focus 💗
"The prison industrial indoctrinates us to dehumanize all criminals..." that part until you finished it and went back to the original topic, is pure gold.
End sv, I'm enby but amab and went through SA as a kid and developed PTSD and depression and had substance abuse issues and tried to end things. I survived but it was hard and I never felt like I could talk about it. I still don't really but here I'm just shouting into the void so I guess... These statistics ring true to me.
As a male sa survivor, i appreciate this video. Ive told people and he had no consequences just because i went mute out of fear and didnt outright say no, im healing and working through it but it still hurts. Thanks again
Thank you for speaking on this. I have had too many heartbreaking conversations with men on this topic. The most disturbing was a story of one guy being repeatedly assaulted by an adult woman when he was a teen. He spoke of it in a joking way, clearly having had people praise him for it in the past.
End SV I was born in a cult and there was alot of assault. Alot of child on child SA occurred as a result. I was SA'd by a female family member as a toddler and she continued to do smaller acts towards me growing up. I understood that she was going through things too but the way she soothed her abuse through me even to the point she was able to manipulate and control things. It happened again when i was 6 with a different girl. As well as an Adult male around that age. I started feeling like i was the problem. Like i caused it. When i was assaulted in 2022 by a man on a date. I was pushed into psychosis and everything started flooding back. My coping mechanism was always to bring everything inward so i did alot of self harm. I developed OCD on top of other disorders over the years and am now on meds that have significantly helped. I had a therapist say that child on child SA isnt that bad but how when it haunts me? But we survive right?
I'm a queer (bi) male victim of sa, and I tried to talk about it, but my family just can't believe me. I, like many others, have learnt not to talk about it, and we suffer in silence. In many ways, it's ruined my life 💔 my relationships, and my ability to trust enough to love. Thanks so much for bringing this to light. I just found your channel, and I'm going to dive into your awesome content. Huge love and respect. ❤❤
The thing that makes me uncomfortable the most, was the Family Guy jokes, especially because they make Peter's experience so fucking realistic and it honestly disgusts me
i have a male friends that got raped or sexually assualted. they said that they told their male friends and either the subject was changed or it was laughed off. i wanted to cry like i got molested, the staff i said "you should have been it class. you were asking for it. you were kissing him". but a man getting the COURAGE to tell other men, then you get laughed at? it hurt me deep.
Honestly, I think the number of men who experienced SA is actually way higher than we think. Not only do many, many not speak up because of the societal shaming, but I know far too many men who cannot even recognise SA anymore when it happens to them. So many have been convinced that when it happens to them it’s not “really SA” or “it’s actually okay”. It’s crazy
Thank you. Genuinely, thank you. Im an 18 year old neurodivergent mexican man who lives in conservative south texas. I was molested by my uncle as a child and have been taken advantage of many times in my life. Last year, at a ren aire, i was touched, groped, and sexually assualted on two separate occasions. Once in a crowd, and once when blacked out high. I have never known how to speak on these things because im fully aware of how prominent violence towards women is by monsters like that. I want to be advocated for without taking away their voices, and this is a fantastic start.
20:48 I’m so glad you addressed this issue with people saying someone “wanted it” just bcuz they were gay or bi, it’s a serious issue and was a major cause of why I was initially afraid of getting therapy when I was SA-d everyone would say “shut up stop pretending you don’t like it” and I feel that this misconception really stops most victims from actively speaking out.
what’s heartbreaking about grape statistics is they’re always higher than they appear because you have to factor in the people who are keeping their trauma a secret.
Right which is why I never 100% trust statistics because you have to think about how there are people who don’t tell.
Exactly
just write rape for fuck's sake this makes me feel like 1984 with all this self censoring you are not making money off an youtube comment
Especially when it comes to women abusing men. I've spoken to so many men whose mother or aunt abused them, but no only did they never take action, they STILL find some way to rationalise it.
@@nellkellino-miller7673 so many men are victims in denial
There's something comforting hearing an abrasive and harsh comedian like Katt Williams put his foot down and say rape is never funny.
So we can't make jokes about things that are bad? I dunno seems stupid to me. Jokes can be a way to bring stress relief.
facts theres gotta be a line somewhere cuz for a lot of people its not just a joke, they really think grape is okay
Opposite for me I think anything can be joke on whether it’s a man or woman.
Well Kat saying it is one thing. Men perpetuating the joke will always put them on uneven ground with the rest of society.
Basically "you think it's funny so we gonna laugh with you too."
@@newstation795 I don't believe anyone who says this, there's always a line that can't be crossed for you and you probably just haven't found it. If someone started making gross jokes on your dead family you'd say it's out of line no? It's not a bad thing to have standards for humor 👍
As a Male survivor of Childhood S.A. I’ve never told a soul due to the perpetrator being a close family member and me knowing NO ONE will believe me, thank you for this video.
I'm so heartbroken for you. I'm so sorry you went and are going through this. 🧡
That's such a tough place to be in- I hope you don't place the responsibility on yourself to keep familial relationships "nice and normal." Easier said than done though- if nothing else, I hope you consider finding a therapist you can talk to sometime. I know it won't change what you experienced, but talking about it might do some good, and you deserve to be heard. You deserve to heal. You know?
@@MsTishalish Thank you so much ❤️
@@courtneylord yes you’re right. Thank you. I’ve been thinking therapy might help, just embarrassed to talk about it. Guess I gotta start somewhere. Thanks again ❤️
i don’t know you and i believe you. a stranger coming from the other side of the screen knows that another stranger has dignity, integrity, and ought to be believed by everyone. thank you for telling us. i wish u well!
saw a wonderful tumblr post the other day about teaching boys consent (although tbh this goes for all kids/people):
_“While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem._
_If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent._
_If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.”_
why i always hated that “do as i say not as I do” logic
As soon as I read 'Tumblr post' I was concerned.
I am pleasantly surprised.
Honestly I get the message they’re trying to get at but I disagree. The problem as I understand it as a man is the hypersexualisation of society, pornography and the stripping of the weight that sex holds away. People do not take sex seriously, many people feel entitled to it. Consent is a very simple thing to understand it is clear as day to me because I recognise how big sex is for a person and the responsibility I have as a man due to that. Maybe the above just compounds what I’ve mentioned idk. Tbh the world just seems so incredibly fucked up.
i personally agree with this. my boyfriend was raped multiple times in middle school by his best friend, and he has a mother who taught him this exactly. that saying no was wrong and would get him punished, and to just suck it up and do as you’re told. and although he did say no, this weakened his ability to not just suck it up if they don’t respect your no
@@jamiebowler4693 sorry this is practically a soapbox-
society does prioritize romantic/sexual relationships over platonic/familial/etc ones (could probably tie this back to the nuclear family model), irks my soul like you wouldn’t believe; but the problem isn’t necessarily “stripping the weight” from sex, it’s still very much a serious intimate experience. It’s that our society is so entrenched in eurocentric, patriarchal ideals and it manifests in how we talk about sex (dirty/doing the nasty/etc), the religious overtones (puritanism - propagative sex only, if any/the act itself is “impure”/makes you ruined as a person, monogamy, “vanilla”, etc)
I feel like your issue is more so with capitalism as it commodifies everything until it’s ran dry, no ethics/morals necessary; meaning the sex _industry_ is no exception to this.
Hell, sex workers talk about it all the time but we don’t listen to them because… y’know
Now with the way we’re regressing back Into those norms (lack of reproductive freedoms, lack of sex education. defunding public schools, the rise of fascism and their talking heads for the younger generations (andrew rate and the like)) I totally get what you mean about consent.
Though, the post itself can tie back into this as the underlying point besides “practicing what you preach” is dehumanization- a necessity for capitalism (and by proxy, fascism)- of children and how normalized it is since they’re considered parental property instead of actual people.
I guess what i’m saying is you’re right but those concerns tend to tie into a bigger picture 😅 far more to it then my lil comment tho lol
@@Touriquette lmfao the hellsite _does_ have bangers every now and then
Until we teach our children that sex is something you do WITH somebody ,NOT, what you do TO somebody ,we are all at risk no matter how we choose to deny it .
It's not really sex tho.
@@4LLT0G3TH3R pretty sure that's the point they're making. there is a difference between sex and r*pe. the former being something you are doing *with* somebody, the latter being something you do *to* somebody.
@@4LLT0G3TH3RCongrats, you got the point of the comment
@@alexs.5871 I see what you're saying, I guess to me it's more like part of teaching nonviolence. Consent and boundary discussions are vital but in my mind r*pe is theft thru violence ultimately. So it's like teaching kids that they can share something they enjoy with others vs teaching them that stealing harms others.
@@dryfox11 I hope you have a good day friend
My bf was r-worded by another boy in the bathroom in 5th grade. I was one of the few people he told me, during the 10th grade, a year after we started dating. The first few were his teachers. No one believed him, and when he told me, his rapist came to him and asked to reignite a friendship, and he wanted to get closer to my bf. He was on the verge of taking his life. Fuck schools. It’s a big deal no matter what gender it is, woman or man, child on child or pedophilia.
I stamp this. It really is a problem
The teachers don't care because they're all pedos too
It’s common within the public schools but no one seems to bring it up.
There is a wrestler in Iowa where I live. He pinned a weaker kid in the bathroom and used a pencil on him. This was news all across the state and he was able to wrestle the year after. Nothing else happened to him.
Thats honestly just horrible what happened to your bf 💔💔 shame on the school for not taking action when there was an issue that needed to be addressed. as a woman, i’ve had a similar encounter being inappropriately touched in elementary school by a boy my age and I cant imagine the trauma of all thats going on i wish you and ur bf the best ❤
I'm a female that was assaulted by my older sister throughout most of my life. It's taken worse as male on male, but even female on female isn't seen the same. I've been mocked and laughed at when coming forward with it (especially since I'm clearly into women). My own therapist doesn't even seem to take me seriously because it was a woman doing it. He takes me seriously when I talk about issues I've had with men doing stuff, but for some reason, he can't accept that my sister was an abuser. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if I were a man that experienced this.
😂 you liked it because WHAT
I'm so sorry you went through that, I have friends who have gone through similar stuff so it always infuriates me when people aren't able to take this kind of victimization seriously
Even if they can't "relate",they shouldn't be so unsympathetic about it
I hope you're doing well,you deserve way better than people who don't take your pain seriously
I was also assaulted by my older sister when I was very young. I wasn’t taken seriously by the police or even my own mother. I know how you feel. just remember you’re never alone ❤
Get a new therapist, please!
Wow
My mother was being physically abusive towards my father one night in my childhood & I had to tell the police what happened & they arrested my mother & even though it was heartbreaking & traumatizing for me as a child, I’m glad I stood up for him. RIP Daddy🙏🏻💔
😂😂😂😂
@@FartSimpson2tf? Shut up bro
@@FartSimpson2what the fuck?
@@FartSimpson2WTF
@@FartSimpson2 All of your comments are dehumanizing. F off.
I told a person once that I was assaulted as a child and he said “Men always wanted. You secretly wanted it,” and I said “…I was 6. Are you seriously gonna say that a 6 year old wanted to be assaulted?” Also as a gay man, I do feel like when I talk about this sometimes, it’s assumed that I deserved this as a gay man.
I’m so sorry 😞 I hope you’re doing better and you have a good support system these days
the use of the word “men” is telling. they didn’t want to acknowledge it happened to a child
@@pheonixrises11 Yeah because they immediately start sexualizing children from the moment we are born. For little boys it’s all “He’s gonna be a ladies man,” and “He’s gonna abe a heartbreaker,” so when a little boy is assaulted, this social conditioning leads some people to not take it as seriously because they assume subconsciously that he’s gonna be less affected by it, because they see males and male presenting people as inherently emotionless and inherently more sexual. This is the whole reason why when instead of some people being angry when they hear a story of a female teacher raping an 11 or 12 year old boy they talk about how “Lucky” the boy is. Because they don’t see him as a child worthy of protection, but as an inherently sexual being who is claiming his “Place” as a “Man”.
There are guys out there who will say that a young boy probably liked it(being assaulted by a man or woman).. it’s gross as shit
@@pheonixrises11 The use of men is shitty and sexist period, considering men absolutely do not always want it and are 100% capable of being SA'd.
As a woman I had an older female employee grab my behind like she had a right. "I just wanted to see what it felt like"I told my boss and he just looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. Women do it to other women as well. That's something I never hear people talk about either.
Because the convo around SA is controlled by people with an extreme anti male bias. The same way the news primarily shows you Black suspects to create false impressions, these people make sure that convos around SA are focused solely on men being perpetrators.
This of course leaves out men being victims (as this video discusses) and even more beneficially for them, ensures that there is virtually no discussion around female perpetrators.
On the off chance we ever get around to it, I think the "enlightened" explanation will be that women who commit SA are "acting like men and need to check their maleness"
@@E1ucidateyou do realize that most of the judiciary is run by men which means it's men that are keeping these things from being talked about. It's also usually male judges who are more lenient towards female offenders. The men at the top are NOT advocating for men.
@susanrichardson631 the judiciary does not keep things from being spoken about, everyday people do.
And I never said "women with an extreme anti male bias". I said "people with an extreme anti male bias".
That includes men who internalize and actually believe the horrid sh#t women spout about men every 5 seconds.
Yes! I’ve had several women ask me publicly if they could touch my breast (because they are naturally large). It’s so humiliating and embarrassing and they think it’s okay because we are all women. It’s not regardless of man or woman, I’m thankful that many people are now afraid of being caught on camera and Covid kept me in solitude so I haven’t experienced that boldness in a while.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 So sorry that happened to you. I even felt guilty for smacking her hand away and yelling at her because she was an elderly woman. And yes, being away from human beings for awhile did wonders for my mental health.
Men need to understand that Terry Crews is so much braver and stronger for standing up and speaking out than they'll ever be for mocking him and belittling what he went through.
Y’all say this now but he got clowned for it by men when he first came forward.
@@kendriahudson4747 That's kind of the thing I'm talking about. People mocked him like coming forward made him look weak, but really, mocking him just shows that they're weak.
@@DorianGay not “people”. MEN. He even publicly said that women, specifically black women, were supportive and kind to him.
@@kendriahudson4747 I said men in my first comment. Men are people.
But it doesn't surprise me that he received a lot of support from women. MRAs always think women will mock male victims, but I've never actually seen it happen.
@@DorianGay because MRA’s are categorically delusional. Nothing they say makes sense.
as a female SA survivor ive never ever ever understood the doubled sidedness of sexual assault and violence between men and women because even tho its not taken seriously in both cases ALOT of the times for men its not taken seriously at all and sometimes its praised and they are told they should have enjoyed it and its just so so so so so gross because nobody should have to go through that or even be told they should have liked something that utterly destroyed their dignity
Shouldn’t have led him on😂
@@FartSimpson2 excuse me?
Wtf @@FartSimpson2
Women get mocked and teased when raped too
beautifully said @oceanflowers420
I was SA'd while in the military by a gay man. My assault was laughed off by my command who said it was a "lovers quarrel". I'm straight, he was just someone I thought was a friend. My self image was destroyed for years and I was SA'd by multiple women after that, taking advantage of my fear of saying no to someone again, taking advantage of me when I was intoxicated, or just not giving me a choice.
It took a long time to recover enough pride to finally tell people what happened, let alone stand up for my self.
I'm happy to say my biggest supporters were the LGBT community, who helped me work through my homophobia, and showed me such love and compassion I can never repay.
Sa’d by women ?
Edit: The amount of angry responses I got from such a simple, stupid, weightless joke is incredible. The amount of emotion here is insane. Stay sharp, you guys. 😂
You were SA'd by multiple women? Really? I believe the gay SA'd may have happened, but multiple women does not sound plausible.
@@jeancena3556 Yes. That is possible.
I'm very sorry this happened to you. And to the people who don't understand how a woman can SA a grown man, please read a book. It's very possible and way more common than you think. Because of comments like yours they are afraid to say anything. THAT needs to change.
Stay strong sweetie.
A straight male friend of mine was raped by a woman last summer. The internalized stereotype of “men always want it” was so strong he started the story by saying, “so… I had sex with a stripper the other day”. After he told me and another friend who was in the call the full story, how he repeatedly told the woman that he wasn’t interested in doing anything, how she covered his mouth and said that if her boss heard him make any noise they’d both be in trouble, we told him it didn’t sound like he “had sex”, but was assaulted. It took him a few hours to fully come to terms with what happened. When he eventually told his other friends and family about it almost all of them laughed when he framed the story as him being raped. Even after hearing the full story and how non-consensual it was they just couldn’t take it seriously. Nearly every woman I know has been at minimum sexually harassed, and this is only one of two men I know who has been sexually assaulted, it’s still important to take these men seriously when they tell their stories.
End Sexual Violence
How crazy would it sound for me to say that a lot more guys have probably been SAd than you think? Cus that’s not a wild turn of events that sounds like a sexual experience for a guy sadly
@Crazyhead432 I know male friends straight and gay who have been SAd abused and mistreated. It's fucking horrible nothing is done to help them.
I can’t even count how many men I know who will say they lost their virginity at ages 13-17 to an older woman and they don’t have the ability to conceptualize it as an assault because they have this idea ingrained into them that sex is something they HAVE to want or else it means there’s something wrong with them. Not only do they not recognize their trauma they think it’s something to be grateful for because that’s what they think “made them a man” and it’s disgusting. Nearly everyone they come across encourages it, mostly their male friends who have been socialized similarly are just as brainwashed and it makes this echo chamber to where they really will have a full conversation for several hours explaining in detail what happened and how they felt and still not be able to connect the dots. It would not surprise me, not that this is an excuse, but it would explain why some men then participate in SA towards women because they may also be victims of SA themselves and just have not processed the situation enough to see how much it has effected them.
@@Crazyhead432I think the OPs story is a good example that it’s not uncommon, it’s just that nobody takes it seriously if you were to talk about it as a dude. It’s not rare, it’s that if you do say anything as a male, everything goes wrong, even if I were to talk to my mom about my experiences, I can’t tell if thing would go south judging by previous arguments when bring up my experience.
yes because she forced him to be hard very true yes correct
As a female SA survivor, it makes my heart hurt that male survivors are mocked so much. The jokes just aren't funny. They never were. It's sad that it takes this for people to understand. No one takes SA seriously.
It’s so sad…. Here on TikTok people say shit like “game is game” on like “what was she wearing” museum
As a SA victim, I joke about it to cope. I joke about everything that hurts me to cope because I'm tired of crying. I have my reasons, little Donovan on Fortnite does not.
@@Luzei_artsthat's completely different. We're allowed to make fun of our own trauma. I do the same thing. If you don't laugh you cry. I hope you're healing
Just dont act like girls cant get crapped on after being raped. Because girls are usually punished when raped or sa by a man. For girls, its "you asked for it", "you should have kept your legs tucked" or "stop being emotional", men do tend to get away with this shit than women as its so common and normalized. Women tend to get mocked for being a victim of it all the time more than men
I hate the prison gag. Never been funny to me, either.😒
I’m a man that was r*ped at an afterparty. My friends had already left and I had turned her down multiple times already. Thinking I was safe, I blacked out and heard from other people afterwards that they saw her on top off my passed out body but they didn’t intervene. Went home while still feeling foggy and under the influence, fell asleep immediately once home. Upon waking up I felt nasty and just showered. I didn’t have the courage to report it to the police.
Women go through this too
@@ShadowRatandCat I am fully aware of that, both my best friend and my ex gf have similar traumatic experiences. It’s both equally awful and evil no matter someone’s sex or gender. Just there’s undeniably a certain group of people, mostly men, that will say things like ‘Lucky you, I would have enjoyed that’, ‘Men are always in the mood for sex, so you weren’t r*ped’ or something like that. Women ofcourse also sometimes experience horrible reactions when opening up about their experiences, but differently. Then there’s also the ridiculous belief that because men are often physically stronger, they can’t get r*ped by women.
Cry about it
@@ShadowRatandCat Go get your gold medal, you won the victim olympics
@@vinny184 ?
as a women i’ve never understood the jokes like at all even as a kid it just felt so wrong…it’s even in children shows..i’ve had encounters with men who were victims of rape and it’s so normalized they don’t even see it as rape and more as a flex it’s a sad cycle 😞
Can you give some names of children shows that done this? I want to make sure to avoid them or atleast certain episodes where they done it as I have younger family members who might get exposed as well.
It's also horrible that somehow some men- don't see themselves as victims- but rather it's something to boost about to others than to be disgusted and revolt and see how deeply traumatizing these type of horrible situations are in reality. Truly says that we live in a wrong and fricked up society.
@@riskingrain1560I mean, one example can be seen using Ed, Edd, and Eddy in this video...
The others I can think of off the top of my head are classic Looney Tunes (Pepe le Pew when the dynamic is reversed, but also despite being made for adults at the time, it's been since recontextualized as children's media), and maybe even in one of the Paddington movies when there's a crossdressing scene of a man in drag, commenting about how his inmate may find him (said man in drag) "pretty" after Paddington (a child bear) calls him "pretty" to try and have said man in drag pass better with confidence...
Original Powerpuff Girls had a villain go to prison (I think it was Mojo-Jojo?) And the announcer said "Love is in the air" as Mojo's inmate, a burly, bald man, gives a wide, menacing smile...
But those are the only jokes that pop into my head right away...specific episodes or moments, nothing clear-cut all the way. Unless it's Pepe le Pew?
@@riskingrain1560I guess in SpongeBob where some repairman thought Squidward was an animatronic and flipped him over and forcefully inserted a drill into his ass to fix him. I’m not joking. I think it’s in Goodbye Krabby Patty where Mr. Krabs sells frozen Krabby Patties and turns the Krusty Krab into a museum full of animatronics. Squidward got violated bro 😭
@@riskingrain1560if guys don't find anything wrong with it then there's nothing wrong
... If she bad she bad liking it and boasting is basically consent at that point
I was drugged and SA'd by a woman I met off tinder and it took me years to unpack that situation. Appreciate you raising awareness on this situation ✊🏽
I was raped by a woman who I met on a dating app too!! And I am trans!!! This is so interesting. When the rapist is a woman I just find it interesting how no one thinks woman can be the aggressor or rapists!
This made me shudder.
I am Deeply Deeply Sorry this happened to you.
Should have NEVER happened.
May Healing continue to be your Portion 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
They told me to men up
@@lx9037Looking at statistics it makes sense because women are rarely aggressors or rapists so if one story like yours comes out in the grand scheme of things it’s not gonna make a difference. The statistics say mostly men and it will always be that way as long as males have xy chromosomes and testosterone.
@@-error-7936 I'm sure you probably know this already, but just in case you need to hear it, whoever "they" are, fuck em. They're wrong for telling you to brush off your SA, you're not wrong for having been impacted negatively by SA and speaking out on it.
I'm a male rape victim, it happened when i was 7
i still remember when i was in a group of friends, all of them were girls sharing their experiences with fear and harassment and i felt like maybe it was safe for me to open up, but when i told them about my abuse, i was laughed at and they were like "k lol?"
i wanted to die
Damn, that's rough. I hope you're doing better.
Did you find a safer space to talk about it?
Wow
I'm sorry but any man that claims to be assaulted by a woman is complete bull UNLESS they were drugged 😂
that's so horrible, i'm so sorry.
We were like 19 and this was in my city in Mexico. One day a classmate (man) told us (a group of women) that just an hour ago some man that looked like a pimp started to compliment his lookss and asked for his cellphone number, and he gave it to him.
In my city there's been a disgustingly high number of women disappearances and it's widely known that many end up in Tlaxcala being sold as sex slaves and many, killed.
With this knowledge, my reaction through the whole narration of my classmate was of horror, here we know these pimps modus operandi, I genuinely felt like he was in great danger, mostly cuz he told us that the pimp told him sth bout receiving money from older men. All my alarms went off and I started to raise my voice as I was telling him to never answer his phone to unknown people, to be careful when returning to his house, to tell his parents, etc. but through the whole time the other girls were smiling and laughing, as if he was telling a funny story.
And at the point were I was taking it very seriously he HIMSELF got kinda annoyed with me, I saw it in his face. He didn't like that I perceived him as a victim.
That broke something inside of me cuz I was genuinely trying to help, but he looked at me with disgust.
It confused me widely, as to why a man has to laugh about a dangerous situation just because he's been raised to act tough and bc he has internalized that shit.
I had a girlfriend in college who no matter how many times I expressed not wanting to have sex her first time under the conditions we were in (my car). She berated me for minutes for not being manly enough, she continually progressed despite me saying I wasn't comfortable insulting me every time I protested. Then she initiated sex with me literally trying to block her or get out of it. I was larger/ stronger etc. But at the end of the day she made me have sex with her through guilt and insults.
It took me years to realize that was rape. When I've talked about this in friendships multiple people have told me it wasn't "a real rape."
I'm so sorry. It was rape and your 'friends' are wrong. I hope you've been able to find a better support system in the times since ❤
@@outdatedmemories Thank you for the affirmation, I have and have been able to work through the impact in therapy etc.
Dude you could have just left, women don’t have that option
@@knowvilleknows1075 was it enough of victim blaming or do you want to do more?
@@knowvilleknows1075 I never claimed she physically overpowered me. Could I have gotten out of the car? Sure I guess, but I don't think you fully appreciate the complex dynamics of an abusive relationship. This woman I dated used to hit me, mock me, then love bomb me, repeatedly. This coercive sexual act was one moment in a long list of things that happened in our relationship that I've had to process. The really sad part is to your point, the experience I described is really common among women.
Giving in to a coercive partner who wears them down through convincing and progressive sexual acts even while they aren't giving consent until finally they take part in the sexual act, is a story I've had dozens of women share with me as "it was just easier than fighting my boyfriend/husband/date." I was in no way trying to equivocate between the violation I felt to that of someone being physically dominated, and I hope you educate yourself about non-consensual engagements and coercive sexual assault.
At the end of the day, I didn't want to take part in a sexual act and that sexual act was performed against my will. I don't think the degree to which one fights back is a valid grounds for dismissal of that as being a rape. No one should have to do more than not consent to be safe from having their body violated.
I’ll never forget the first male SA survivor I encountered. He was this sweet elderly man I met in rehab & like me, he also turned to drug addiction to cope with trauma. I was honestly stunned he shared his story with me given we’d only known each other for a week but I’m glad he felt comfortable enough to do so. It’s scary to come forward regardless of gender but it was in that moment where I realized how different it was for men.
I’m glad you were able to be a safe space for them. I’m not sure of your history but I know for me people feel more comfortable sometimes because they can sense it in others too. Ever since I was little I could sense it in others and when they felt comfortable they'd share with me. I always say a scent is left on you when your SA'd and those with common experiences and offenders can smell it on you. Which is why unfortunately it happens more than once to survivors. But some people are just soft sweet souls like pillows that make others feel comfortable laying their heavy heads on.
how is it different how tf do you know how it is for women or anyone who ain't a cisgender man
@@itzablackcatehh, how do you know that it's not different? Men, especially cishet, experience with SA and how they're perceived as survivors is also different. Just like how people's experience and how they're viewed after SA is different depending on the intersection of LGBTQIA+/hetero, cis and non cis, class, race, ethnicity, religious, culture ect. Also, some groups, cis men in particular, have their traumas justified or joked about and have no real support for survivors.
You don't have to be an identity to know that experiences are different. Sort of like how racism/ prejudice is experienced differently based on identity.
@@itzablackcatAre you saying it would be no different for an elderly man to keep that story to himself his whole life? When he grew up in a time where it’s obvious he’d be laughed at, mocked, told he was lying, or simply ignored?
Do you even hear yourself?
Facts.
I’m a queer man & was assaulted by a queer man years ago & yeah, not only did it take me years to accept what happened, but even longer to tell people because of everything you talked about. And us both being queer made me feel like no one, especially straight people, would understand. Didn’t help that it started consensual until it wasn’t. Real talk, I still doubt myself & ask myself if I’m allowed to even be upset about it or if it happened. Can’t thank you enough for this video.
I had a similar experience, especially because the moment when it stopped being consensual is kind of blurry, and everyone has their own experience that's hard to fully explain. It also makes you feel guilty for having been so gullible and for having ended up in that situation, or the guilt that you should've just stood up for yourself. It sucks and it's a topic that has to be talked about more. All the power to you!
@@Samoyeds7 Appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, I didn’t mention it, but I don’t remember parts of my assault, either. Which doesn’t help when you doubt it even happened. I think it’s just the body’s response to trauma. I can also relate to feeling like I should’ve done something because I’m a man & blah blah. It wasn’t your fault, just in case you needed to hear that.🩵
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Of course you're allowed to be upset over it. It was a no the moment it popped in your head and it should've ended there. I'm sending so much love your way💓
Same happened to me...I had to tell my story to my friend when she opened my eyes and validated me on the fact that I was r*ped, even though it started consensually but the minute it happened I tried fighting the guy to stop but he just kept going...so yes, even if it started with your consent, the minute you refuse to continue and the perpetrator still continues despite your unwillingness, it's SA/R*pe
I'm so sorry that happened to you, absolutely heartbreaking. I still doubt my experiences as well, I think its a part of the trauma and stigma of S.A. I hope you know your not alone and that you're allowed to be upset. Sending you all the love. 🖤
I was getting molested by my older stepbrother as a kid and not believed for multiple years. The moment that it was believed the children are house were being abused. Was when my sister came forward about my stepfather doing the same. I was still never believed but at least those bastards were taken out of our lives
im so sorry no one believed you❤you deserved so much better
Women up -crazy alternative universe.
I'm a victim of this topic myself but nothing hurt me more than this one interaction I had regarding the topic. I was away at rehab a few years ago for drug issues and one of the group therapy sessions i had to do to was called "healing your inner child" and i was to attend with all the women and men in the rehab i was at. We had this one dude, we'll call him Bruce for anonymity sake. Huge guy, bald, covered in tattoos, gang affiliated, nicest dude you'll ever meet but very, very quiet and closed off almost like he's constantly on guard.
One day were going around the room during our second to last day of therapy and the therapist (who was amazing) asked if anyone had any breakthroughs or thoughts that they wanted to share. Bruce raised his hand to speak for the first time in the entirety of therapy and starts going over a time when he was 7. His parents got a new baby sitter for him and his younger brother. She was a family friend and she was like 4-5 years older than them. From the minute she started babysitting them to the day they became too old to need a sitter, she was r*** them almost daily. Force fellatio, intercourse, pictures, horrible shit to both him and his younger brother. It completely fucked him up for a long time. While it was happening, he told numerous people. Friends, adults, teachers. Some didnt believe him, but the worst part of it was most people were literally congratulating him. The dude was discussing the worst time in his life and begging for help out of the situation and instead of offering that help, other men just said that he should be grateful that a hot older girl would want to have sex with him and his brother. Single digit agee childred and grown adults are saying shit like "well damn i wish that happened to me".
That shit absolutely broke me. My experience was with someone of the same gender so in my mind i internalized it as most guys are just deviants and my experience was a solid reminder of why women were so wary of men. Then i heard his story a couple years ago and it fucked me up cause i had never thought about the consequences of the assailant being of a different gender.
I dont really know what the point of this comment was. I just felt like i needed to share something. It's like people think it doesn't happen if they're not seeing it themselves. Everyone is so quick to joke about r*** until they know someone who has been r***d, and then it's immediate apologies. Why do you need to have a personal connection to someone who is suffering to care about them? Just fucking be nice to people it truly isn't that hard
exactelly the same happened to me, but my babysitter was around 19, i remember i became a slave like sex, cleaning the house giving massage psychologic and phisical torture, she was really sadistic when i told my mother some years ago she said it was my fault i didnt tell her and tried to make me feel guilty for sayng that because she worked so hard to raise me and my brother and that i should understand that the babysitter had many problems in her childhood so i sholdnt be mad at her. i think that was even harder than the abuse
This is just...beyond sick. I've heard this same story many times. What bothers me so much is the acceptance from others. I've witnessed people talk like that. Disgusting. It will not change until society throws away that kind of toxic sentiment. If someone did that to my brothers when we were kids....there would not be a thing is this world to stop me from digging a whole in the ground and tossing in a body. Not a single thing.
Now, I personally have never been graped, and I cannot ever speak on being graped, but ive seen so times, where men get made fun or bullied because they were SA’d. I had a straight friend in the 9th grade get SA’d by one of our friends in a public space. We were all sitting at lunch and talking and eating before one of our friends said something inappropriate about my friend, saying he was “bricked up”, we all (including my friend) laughed. Im gonna be honest we were a bunch of teenage boys, so we made inappropriate gestures and jokes to/about each other. But then that same friend who made the joke then proceeded to grope my friend’s genitals. My friend got up and told him not to do that. we, including me, all laughed because we thought he was joking. The friend, thinking it was funny groped him again. My friend finally yelled at him while crying not to do that again. They all laughed except me. I knew he was being for real this time, so I told them to chill out, they all continued laughing. My friend stormed out of the lunchroom still crying. I knew why this bothered him so much, because he was SA’d as a kid. (I wont talk about his grape experience, because I’m not sure he’d want me talking about it on the internet) I was the only person in our group who knew this. Our “friends” all seem confused about why he left and started to make jokes calling him a crybaby, and thats when I stood up and told them that what the friend did was not funny because of the childhood grape that my friend experienced. After I told them he was graped, they all burst out laughing saying that “boys cant be graped”. I was shocked at what he said a told then they were wrong before leaving them, going after my friend. A couple days after the incident, a girl in our math class asked my friend “if he was actually graped” and she followed the question by saying “that cant be true, only girls get graped” my friend ignored her question, but her and her friends continued to harass and laugh at him. At the time I didn’t say anything cuz I was friends with those girls. For the next three years of hs, my friend would continuously be bullied and harassed by his former friends. (I never stood up for him in fear of being kicked out of the group). This is the fucking problem with male grape or SA, everyone (girls and boys) mock and makes fun of male SA situations (despite this situation not being exactly grape, its still SA). People shouldn’t be mocked because of a situation they couldn’t control. Im now in college and still hear dudes making grape jokes. Girl or boy, gay or straight, white or black, grape isn’t fucking funny.
❤️🫶🫂 im am sorry that happend to you I hope you are okay and mentally
Thank you for sharing, I hope all three of you are doing better and is recovering. ❤️🩹
“Everything is funny, until it happens to you” - Dave Chappelle
Rich coming from the guy who says nothing is off limits
@@brian.phillips1985why do people react like Dave Chappele is going around raping people
@@brian.phillips1985 It's not about censorship, but rather perspective. Every joke can be considered funny, unless it touches your own experiences and unearths unpleasant memories. Jokes are often times are just retelling one's life in a more animated, and exxagerated way.
@@brian.phillips1985 its true, nothing is sacred
but on the other hand, anybody can find ANYTHING funny, comedy is subjective after all...
@dappermaverick let's progress this line of thought. What you find funny is a reflection of what you value and what you deride. To laugh at most rape jokes the way they are set up today is greenlighting mocking a person's physical weakness or lack of experience; saying it's alright to demean other people for going through such traumatic experiences. People are right to feel uncomfortable around such people.
When I told my best friend, about my girlfriend at the time SA-ing me. I wasn’t surprised when he told me it couldn’t happen. Even though I was literally clawing and screaming for her to get off. I brought up to him about his time when he was taking advantage of by a woman. And he pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about. That interaction wasn’t a surprise to me unfortunately. What was a surprise was when I told my female friends, how they all downplayed it, one laughed, others tried to see it from my abusers perspective. Try to diminish what happened to me in comparison to what happened to women. After that, I became desensitized to it all. Why bother? Why bring up that? I’ve been punched multiple times before by a partner. Somehow, it becomes a zero sum game where I can’t suffer because others suffer.
The way your friends reacted was totally wrong I am truly sorry that happened to you your pain and trauma shouldn't had been diminished like that I hope you will find a way to heal
This sounds silly but it’s okay to ditch your friends and find people who love and care for you. There is not enough years of friendship that should allow you to overlook them not caring that you were deeply and intimately assaulted. You deserve better and sometimes that means starting over.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 Agreed :( you deserve supportive, loving friends. That's not real friendship in my mind. I'm so sorry you dealt with that. You deserved to be supported in those moments (and still do)
DV is not as easy to escape as people pontificate.
I hope you do manage to escape and lead a happy life
LEAVE THEM. They’re not your friends. I’m so sorry for what you went through.
All of the woman I know in my life have been raped or sexually assaulted which is a terrifying statistic, but also most of my male friends have told me they have been sexually assaulted, a couple have told me they’ve been raped. And 90% of those times happened when they were minors or children. I used to think that because so many of us as women have experienced it we would be compassionate towards the men in our lives who come forward. As I grew up I found out that is not the case. And what a horrible thing to do, so many of us experience not being believed, or having the blame shifted to us, or downplayed or simply ignored and then for us to turn around and put that back on men. It makes me wonder why? But for men they also have the layer of their trauma being a joke or invisible because of all the reasons highlighted in this video and more, I always believed the men in my life who were vulnerable enough to tell me that they’ve been SA’d or raped. And I really hope that any of you who have experienced it can have that. If your friends don’t believe you regardless of gender they aren’t really your friends and I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that. It’s already hard enough to experience let alone to have a second victimization of sorts by people you thought cared for you, or people you’re trying to seek justice from.
Female sv victim's experience are joked about too
@@ShadowRatandCat Not as much and this video is not about us women, so stop changing the topic.male sa needs to discussed too.
I think it's because us women who have been raped by men often become wary of them as a whole and don't trust them as much
It's sort of an internalized hate, one that I've been struggling to work through and understand
Not to be that person and not trying to take away anything but I really like your writing thanks for sharing your opinion /g
Well, it also doesn't help that false claims from women are also way higher than the 2% figure that's usually thrown about. Maybe that factors in to the lack of compassion. Just a thought
remember Ishowspeed had that uncomfortable joke where he asked a girl if he was the last guy on earth if shed let him sleep with her. She answered no so he was like " So who's gonna stop me!". like that really gave me chills, idk if he was joking still, cuz hes around some weirdos....
I'm just here to say thank you for denunciating his gross behavior and I second you.
Denounce @@corbanekarel3692
"Who's gonna stop me?"
"So you're admitting you're willing to force yourself on a girl who says no to you and the only thing stopping you is the law? That's pretty creepy dude."
That video pissed me off when I saw it, along with all the gross comments in the chat from other men.
@@Candyrock15 this is why we know tae kwon do 🥋
i’m a trans man. i was sa’ed as a kid, especially during the very beginning of my transition. i’ve had people tell me that i deserved what happened to me, as i “needed to be reminded of the reality of my body”. this is fucked up to tell anyone, let alone a child
That's genuinely so unhinged and insane wow. So sorry that you experienced that and hope your transition is swell
Damn, and the transphobes always told me they're just trying to "protect women".
@@TheNinja94awatch if you have seen things like boys don't cry then its clear that the transphobes are the ones doing evil stuff to trans people
Okay that is gross and immensely triggering, I’m sorry that happened to you dude. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but you’re 100% a guy to me, no questions asked. All those stupid people should just shut their mouths.
The people who told you that are the scum of the earth, who the fuck says that to anyone??? To a kid!!!! As a fellow trans guy, I wish you all the best and that you never have to deal with people like again
My first sexual experience was being raped. I thought I was into it, I thought I was supposed to enjoy it, all friends congratulated me that I finally "got some", It took me years to finally admit to myself what happened. I never talked about it and shut down. It's taken me fucking years to rebuild me perception of sex because of it. Thank you for making this.
I'm sorry...
i hope all men that were sexually assaulted or abused get justice. i belive in you and wish you well.
great video, thanks Herby
And women
@@ShadowRatandCatstop trying to dismiss male grape.
@@SmitePlayz1 how is saying that I hope women that were sa or abused get justice too dismissing?
@@ShadowRatandCatthis isn't a competition, plus there's plenty of resources and help for women out there. This video happens to be about men who tend to be ignored and laughed at bc of people like you. This like going a video about women victims and posting in the comments "what about men?". See how stupid it sounds?
@@ShadowRatandCat you're literally dismissing men and bringing women in a discussion about men, under a video about men.
Would you also go in the comments of a video about female victims and say "men get r worded too" too?
I went to a poetry night(its a primarily black space )and one of the speakers wrote a piece about being assaulted by women. It got super quiet and you could feel the heaviness. But I'm glad to hear his story and hoping it inspired others to create a safe space for male victims to share.
Damn thank you all for the likes!! I'm glad so many support safe spaces, not just for women and queer folk but men as well. It's so so important for us to be able to move forward and build a better society.
I've always kind of figured I'd like poetry nights. If it's mostly amateur poets I have to imagine sometimes it's someone's avenue to let loose and thus some of the heavy shit comes out, which is good, there's a lot of heavy shit that goes untalked about and unacknowledged that deserves to be put out there, said discussed, and chew on mentally.
@gregvs.theworld451 hell yea, if you ever get the chance to check one out. I recommend it. Good people and vibes but it can definitely get heavy.
One thing that has never sat right with me is prison r*p3 jokes. Like someone will make that soap joke and I'll be like "bro that's not funny," and then they'll literally go "ok but, it kinda is tho," even when the guy I'm talking to has trauma around CSA. It's wild.
It's partially people who believe men getting assaulted is funny but a part of that is also the belief that people who commit crimes "deserve to be punished" and they write off anything that happens to them in prison as "justice". It's awful and I even see it from people who supposedly support restorative justice.
@@babykata-dt3ys Tbh I think that a comedic media in jail setting can be funny in a way "these people are awful so you don't feel bad for them when something bad happens". But even I honestly felt uncomfortable at the prison SA jokes. Not funny and overly crude. Though I've never experienced s***** abuse. I think it needs to be done way more elegant. Because indeed, even criminals don't deserve their body to be used. Especially if they're there for theft(I mean, not very serious crimes). It's just dehumanizing and it makes people hates themselves and their bodies.
I think it's an emotional defensive technique, they're very close to grasping the pain supposed "villains" could be experiencing like they had.
But instead of grappling with the reality that they might be undermining other victims of SA, they join the laughter in an attempt to dampen (or ignore) the pain that exists
Edit: do not take this seriously, im just spitballing
If the victim is the one making the joke that may just be how they cope
I never thought about the soap joke that way, hm.
Thanks for opening my eyes on that one, random internet guy
This video is reminding me of that story from last year where 31yo female teacher in Florida got pregnant from her 14yo (I think) student, and not only was this not even addressed as r**e, she got off with only house arrest AND the kid has to pay child support when he turns 18 (I forget whether the payments only start when he's 18 or he also has to pay for all the time that the child is alive while he's still a minor). And the screwed-up thing is this isn't the only time this has happened.
I was reminded recently again of Vili Faulaau (sp?). The grooming, S.V., etc., he dealt with at a young age and for how many years...and then got married to his abuser. Just wild to be reminded of that and then to read some article that wrote that she "seduced" him. Seduced?! He was a child. He ended up with children, two of them, by age 14/15. That decades long story is still in my brain from time-to-time, maybe because I'm the same age as this man.
The Asian boy right? The wife died a few years ago. God they had a whole interview and she was still in denial he seemed so uncomfortable, she seemed very much in control and dominate. @@SuperAH1985
The judicial system is much more lenient on female sex offenders that it is on male ones which is crazy considering it's mostly male run. It's very sad really.
He's gonna have to pay child support?!?!? Holy shit, that's all sorts of fucked up
the justice system is just a myth at this point
At one point in this video you mention what homophobia actually is in the minds of the homophobic.
In my childhood and a bit into my teens that is exactly how I thought. Although I tried my best to never treat people differently regardless of their sexuality, on the inside I remember what my thoughts would be like. I used words I really shouldn't have too.
Trigger warning: This is gonna be rough so you are warned.
When I was a little boy I was victimized by both an older boy and an older girl at different points of my childhood. I eventually came out about my male attacker but to this day (I'm over 30) I still feel scared to tell anyone about the girl that assaulted me on multiple occasions.
When I was a kid I didn't even know if I was allowed to be against a girl touching me like that. It ruined my entire childhood. To this moment I still have never had a relationship.
"Seven men have come forwards, so that means the victims must number in the thousands."
As a piece of dark humor I found this particular joke really funny. The sad truth it's highlighting is very grim though. End SV
It works as a joke because the punchline isn't about "male victim" the punch line is about "society".
I know "We live in a society" is a cliché in edgy humor at this point, but it works.
My point is there's a huge difference between making jokes about victims, and jokes about how we treat victims.
Exactly. Supporting that, he followed up saying that society doesn't care about male r*pe victims
Edit: My comment prolly doesn't explain well, but its supporting OP's comment
i gotta agree that was a much better joke. it's a dark humor joke highlighting an issue w/ broader society at large
@@vivil2533 That's a good way to parse all this. Good perspective.
Yeah that joke made more sad than angry, because there’s truth to it
This crushes my heart. Males are also victim to sexual assault exactly as women and this is something that is finally being acknowledged. Well done.
I wouldn't say "exactly" like women....
Sexual assault was rarely taken seriously for either gender and it’s just in the last ten years it has been acknowledged, men and women at the same rate. I’ve never heard a woman say “yeah but he liked it.” But I HAVE heard men say that about other men and women alike. In fact when it comes to teacher/student assault, I often see men commenting the kid is happy, telling women they are taking the age disparity too seriously.
@@slaphappybulletI have seen women say those things too.
@@BlackNerdistyea its NOT exactly like women
It’s homophobic men as well as men who are insecure about their masculinity that make it hard for men to be vulnerable and open about male SA. It’s hard to even support as a woman because there is a man right next to you to make a joke out of it or calling your dramatic/emotional for taking the topic seriously. At least this has been my experience.
I was sexually assaulted as a child by a girl, and I am now a transman but when i've tried to talk about it people who don't understand my identity ask me "how was it traumatic if you're gay/lesbian?" And I was asked that not only by ex-female friends I trusted to tell, but by a male adult I trusted enough to attempt to tell as well.(I didn't do a good job because that question scared me but it is what it is.) I've never identified with the term lesbian because I'm not and even if I did, me being LGBTQ+ doesn't give someone a reason to have touched me, who was a young child, inappropriately But apparently I'm trans, that singular & miniscule aspect about my identity makes it that much easier for others to feel comfortable dismissing CSA.
Exactly 💯
I’m sorry this happened to you too. I’m a bi trans guy, but I thought I was a lesbian for several years. I was SA’d for the first time in middle school by a girl who was one of my closest friends. I had a huge 2 year long crush on her. I wanted to tell her I liked her, wanted to date her, wanted to kiss her, but she took that opportunity from me by SA’ing me in the pool bathroom and later my own bedroom closet. I had no idea how to talk about it since I was the one out gay kid and was SA’d by a girl I liked so I buried it for years. I only accepted that it was real when I reconnected with my other childhood best friend and he told me very solemnly that it did happen, and he remembered when it happened, and that he was sorry I was living with this. He’s since passed, but I will always be grateful for him believing me and helping me believe in myself whether i was 13 or 22
As a male, I'm been SA'd multiple times and when people find out they just laugh at me.
I hope you're doing ok
good
@@justaturky2890da fuck
I am so sorry that has happened to you. I hope you’re doing well now!
@nukestormgg thanks ig
I was SA'd by a girlfriend of 6 months. I can't even begin to tell you how many people wrote it off simply because 1, i'm male presenting (amab non-binary), and 2, she was my girlfriend. People can't seem to understand how It's even possible that I couldn't have wanted it. Thank you for this video.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, just know that there are people who feel for you and don’t deny what you went through. I wish you the best in the future and I know so many other people do too.
That's really rough to go through. People are so dismissive of domestic rape. I'm relieved to hear that you are in a place where you can openly share . We need to bring awareness to domestic rape.
Stop lying for clout and likes, boy you were not assaulted you had the option to force the person off and walk away.
The average man can severely overpower the average female, you sit there and let it happen so that's your fault. A woman doesn't have the option to force a man off of her but a man 100% does 😂
Women go through this injustice too
@@ShadowRatandCat Every living thing does, animals do this cruel bullshi too
I'm a trans man and it was very traumatizing to be assaulted that way by men. The added layer of oh they are acting like I am a woman made it really really bad. It messed with my head for a very long time.
Im really sorry dude, i hope you have the resources to heal one day if you haven’t yet.
@@Chairsandstools I'm in therapy now. It is what it is. I am working on it
☠️
I feel this sm :( being a trans man makes it mess with u sm worse
@@ashgaur8715 I totally agree and if you went through it yourself I am sorry. Healing will be ugly messy good and terrible. It can be done though. I will also add it is a lifelong process
Knowing men who have silenced themselves from their experiences and survivors of prison assault this video is extremely touching and well done
I know a lot of victims personally, from all genders and diverse age ranges, and one of the ones that still get to me was a guy in high-school who was so proud to tell me he lost his virginity at something like 12 years-old to a woman in her twenties. At the time I had no idea how to even try to explain to him what that meant.
Some of the biggest factors for people to stay silent are social assumptions: stuff like typical gender dynamics, familial hierarchies and bias based on appearance. That boy was convinced he was lucky due to social expectations and I still think about it to this day.
I see that a lot as well, im in high school and ive heard boys talking about wanting a much older, even 40s aged gf at 15 years old as if it's something that's "lucky" or a flex
I'm a large, powerful man who takes shit from nobody. I've had a woman ignore direct no's from me. Even tho she couldn't force me, it still traumatized me.
its a very different kind of power women have, you may be physically strong, but you cant retaliate. If you did, you would've been inundated with society defending her. It's a lose lose situation.
I'm so sorry you also had to go through with that, you're not alone and you're not any less of a person because of what she did to you
Suck it up buttercup 😂
@@itsClaptrap I am a 6'4, 200 pounds, brown guy who's pretty fit. Whilst I never had to defend myself physically from SA, I was often unable to do shit to other men who were aggressive towards me because from childhood onwards, I realized that the bigger guy will be in the wrong if it comes to a physical altercation. No matter who the aggressor was. The amount of times I got into trouble at school because I had to fend off smaller bullies who wanted to mug or beat me up because I was the bigger guy showed that to me
It's kinda weird. I can't really defend myself, I can only swallow up what happens to me because I'll get into trouble if I do something. I talked to guys my size and bigger and basically all of them made this exact experience
@@itsClaptrapsociety wouldn’t have defended her at all. Did you see what happened with amber heard? I mean sure there’s a couple idiots but let’s not exaggerate. Saying women have some sort of power is wrong in general, most women wouldn’t be able to get a man into serious trouble with just words.
@@kinsdonn the media of the UK sided with Amber, the only justice Johnny got was the case being picked up in the US state of Virginia. I'd hardly call that justice.
For the most part, women will be defended and protected because they're always perceived as frail and weak, incapable of doing meaningful damage. Even when Johnny got that small victory, large swaths of people still defend and applaud Amber
Everytime I see Jeffrey Dahmer jokes, I can't help but think that they wouldn't be nearly as accepted and normalized if his victims were white women.
@@AvaAdore-wx5gg People have always been "into" serial killers. During their trials and time in prison, Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Ramirez got hundreds upon hundreds of love letters from infatuated women who watched their trials. The obsession with serial killers is not new to our culture, but the normalization of it is. The women who sent those letters were and still are regarded with much disgust and lash back from general society.
However, that same distaste does not seem to translate to Jeffrey Dahmer, especially in the last few years. This, I think, is mainly attributed to that stupid Netflix show that came out about Dahmer. Mind you, this film was not made with the consent of the victims' families. In fact, the families were EXTREMELY against Netflix creating this show. So, to begin with, the show's existence is already a huge disrespect to Dahmer's victims, yet nobody seems to care.
Following the release of the show, it's like the Internet became obsessed. If you were on Tiktok, you certainly saw an influx in Dahmer related content and jokes. The most common form of this is actually more subtle. It was the normalization of weird content that was completely insensitive and apathetic to the victims and their families.
People became obsessed with the show in a way that would've never been widely accepted with someone like Bundy. You had people talking and commenting like it was some cool little fun show, instead of a show about a literal cannibal rapist. On top of multiple trending Tiktok sounds from the show, I have seen countless Tiktoks, Tweets, and comments proclaiming that they "loved" the show and that it was so "fun" to watch. I shouldn't have to explain why that's bad.
That attention would've never been accepted if Dahmer's victims were white women. Which is probably intentional. Nobody cares about black men, which is why we see so many jokes about cannibalism and Dahmer in pop culture now. Nobody cares because the jokes are about Black men. To deny this would literally make no sense. It's the point of this video we're on. Black men get assaulted = funny. That's why Dahmer is all over the Internet through comedy, music, and other forms of media.
Not really, people have recently been making shit tonnes of jokes about Epstein island even though the victims were mostly children. What I will say though is a lot more women wouldn’t like Jeffery Dahmer if he targeted women. (Not saying women as an entirety like him, just that a freakish amount of women find him “cute”.)
he doesn’t even look cute like if he wasn’t a criminal I still wouldn’t understand
Huh???? Really? Do you really believe that?? If anything MANY MORE would love him, just like Ramírez 🤢
@@basic6735well in that case the jokes serve a purpose to remind everyone that a person under custody was apparently killed to stop him from incriminating others and sloppily covered up and no one did anything about it
End SV
I'm a very large, strong male presenting person. The number of times I've been SA'd by people who think I'm just cool with being groped or assaulted is depressing. Its hurt my ability to enjoy intimacy with people. Thank you for talking on this.
Hearing you name off trans men in the beginning was extremely validating and I thank you so, so much. Because as a trans man, I completely understand both sides of victims. I was sexually assaulted by 20 different people throughout my whole lifetime, 7 of them being adults when I was a child, 3 of them being teenagers when I was a child, and the rest being children of my same age at whatever time it happened. A lot of it happened before I transitioned, but some of it happened after my transition. I've experienced both feelings. Both gender norms. When I open up about it to someone at school, currently, I'll hear people around me laugh because they think I'm a cis guy. When I opened up to it years ago, I was yelled at and treated like I was a stupid attention seeking-- you know, any misogynist terms they used that I don't want to repeat out of respect.
I see women talk about their experiences, and I understand.
I see men talk about their experiences, and I understand.
I got the worst of both worlds, and I've been beaten to a pulp with it.
There is no funninest about it. At all. Especially not when it's targeted at people who cannot defend themself from it happening because they believe it will never happen, then it does, and they're utterly traumatized. Because what if it happens again? Now that they know it can happen, what happens now? Who do they tell? They have no one, and they can't even trust themself anymore, because trusting themself got them in that situation. What about the men who used to BE the ones making these jokes? Who genuinely thought it could never happen? What happens when suddenly they're the victim and they're suddenly SO hyper aware of how all of their friends would laugh at them for it, how they've set themself up for failure, how they've unawarely surrounded themself with only unsafe people.
I see women talk about their experiences, and struggles, and I relate to it so harshly, yet I always feel I have no say in it. Especially after one time I saw this video of a girl telling a trans man that them talking about their experience was just "another man trying to victimize themself" and it felt.. contradicting? I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, they're acknowledging that trans men are men. That we have the same brain structures and thought patterns as men do, just with different biology and experiences, which can cause a bit of a difference. (ie, where cis men don't put much effort into their appearance trans men tend to be hyper aware of their appearance, where cis men don't worry about weight problems trans men are scared of being overweight due to the societal norms they learned to abide by.) and yet, somehow, they've.. contradicted themself. Not only are they acting like men, in general, are incapable of experiencing any problems women tend to face, but they're also depicting trans men as the same as cis men. Which to some extent I wish was true, I wish we could just be cis men and not have to worry about all the extra shit, but unfortunately that's just not how it is.
I remember seeing that video, and I just... I think it completely changed my viewpoint.
It suddenly became so clear to me, that some women do see trans men as just.. men. Especially when we pass well.
From that point on I suddenly became hyper aware of how close I got to girls, how I talked and treated women, etc. because I am at a point in my transition where, sure, I don't have the money to medically transition, but I've been told time and time again "oh I thought you were cis" , "oh I had no idea" , "oh if you hadn't told me I would have assumed you were just a very pretty cis guy!"
I cannot just ignore that. I am actively being perceived as a cis guy. I need to take that responsibility.
And suddenly everything feels more stressful.
I'll see a gendered post I relate to, or a gender norm I'm falling into, or just anything, and suddenly I have to sit down and question myself on it. "Why am I relating to this post clearly targeted towards women? Does this make me less of a man, or is it simply something I cannot control? Is it a mindset or biology?" "HELL YEAH I RELATED TO A FISHING POST"
Very different reactions
Yet, this is when it dawned on me.
For the first time, I looked at a woman talking about her experience of sexual assault, and I just.... sat there for hours? It was a short video, why was I so fixated on it? What's the missing piece here? What is this feeling?
*I will never have a community to talk to about this.*
I will never find someone that I can genuinely speak to about my experiences.
My friends are cis guys who make jokes sometimes that make me feel like.. I don't know how to even describe it, I could never shatter my mom's heart with this, my brother gets awkward just talking to me about Pokemon, who do I go to? Where do I go? I have no one.
Recently I found the song "labour" by Paris Paloma. I heard it, and I didn't know how to respond. Do I cry? Do I relate with them? If I go to the comments saying "as a man, I relate because- 🤓☝️" when the whole song is about men treating women terribly? That song wasn't made for me. And yet I can feel every word like it was birthed from my core, as a product of the equation I begged not to be taught.
I don't really know how I was planning on ending all of this, but I guess the only real way I can describe this feeling is with the fact that everytime I hear this song I can only bear to harmonize instead of singing the main verse. I can only manage to mutter "you make THEM do too much labour" because without that subtle change I don't feel right. It was not made to be sung, it was made to be supported and uplifted. I am but one other pillar holding up their architecture that was not meant for my eyes to gaze upon loudly so I just hold it steady with my quiet experience.
I remember saying to myself all the time when I was younger, "one day I'll be big enough to protect girls." I'm not very old, but I guess it's ironic I couldn't even manage to protect myself first.
One day, though.
One day someone will need my help and I'll be far enough in my transition to be intimidating.
One day I'll punch 20 people.
Honestly I feel like the problem with jokes is that they tend to be about the victim or the situation. That is never funny. Never. Never fucking ever.
However, if a show or movie fully delved into something like this, actually let me give an example
Let's say you're watching a slice of life or adventure movie whatever (I'm thinking of the Netflix show "The End Of The Fucking World" specifically, think of something of the same or similar style.)
They FULLY delve into a scene of sexual assault (the age, gender etc is up to you it all aligns here) and they do not joke, they do not trot lightly, they THROW the audience in there and force them to deal with the pure uncomfortability Moral Orel style where you're waiting for a punchline to save you by it never happens.
Then when the scene ends, or it could be used to end the scene, someone the victim knows stomps in and PUNCHES that fucker. Then they just started beating them to a pulp. Very graphic, very bloody, very loud, then these two characters run away from the scene. Then, later after they get in the car and rush off, you have a few breathing moments for the audience to calm down, then... The victim starts laughing, and the character driving them way from the scene looks at them and back at the road- back and forth a little anxiously, then both of them start laughing, and they just keep laughing and laughing, and in their hysteria they start yelling about how pathetic and stupid the abuser looked getting beaten and punched. The victim is laughing and praising their friend for sticking up for them. Then maybe after a while of laughter they start crying, and the scene is used as a sort of depiction of both of these characters trying to cope with a bit of humor for a bit before suddenly it hits them how fucked up the situation was and now they're crying. And it's this bittersweet adventure moment where you just... Can't help but laugh and cry with them as they start breaking down and breaking into small giggles through the tears and it's just heart aching.
In order to try and prove you are a good person, and that you can make a good joke, you have to be a good writer, and you have to know how to handle these situations.
That was a long read, but i'm proud of you, for sharing this with us.
You are, extremely resilient.
I can't relate to anything you said but i still understand it in some way? I hope you can find a support group that can truly understand you and i mean it from the bottom of my heart.
You convey your inner turmoil in a very authentic and personal way, reading about someone so deserving of support be deprived of it heartbreaking. I may not personally know the hell you have been through in life, but I can definitely relate with struggling to find people you can seriously trust. No matter how rotten the world may seem, I would like to believe that there are people that will accept and understand you fully, I sincerely hope you meet those people one day.
@@nacitalatincirli793 Thank you. That truly means a lot to me.
Not reading allat 💀
I got SA'd by a close friend in high school. When I tried to tell a (different) close friend I was laughed at and told to man-up. That moment threw me hard into toxic masculinity. And as a non-binary person that was playing "man" at the time, being pushed even farther into the facade of masculinity was extremely detrimental.
The only reason I've been able to start processing this as an adult is because of my amazing wife. Her being an incredibly safe person has allowed all those suppressed emotions to start coming up again. That, in turn, has allowed me to start seeing real success in therapy.
I am so glad you found someone and I hope the best for both of you.
I'm sorry but you were not assaulted by a girl, any man who says that is CAP you had the option to walk away and you didn't that's ur fault 😂 a woman can not walk away the same way a man can it's just facts
It's so crazy and sad that male victims also face not being taken seriously and ignored.
From what I've heard/seen, if the attacker is a man, "Why didn't you fight him off?" or "Well, you're gay, so..." If the attacker is a woman, it's "Ha! Women can't rape men" or "Wait, you didn't like or want it?"
This shit has to stop. Victims need to be supported and taken seriously.
Female victims are dismissed too
@@ShadowRatandCat Where in my comment did I say women don't get dismissed? Because I don't see it. Yes, women who are victims of SV are often dismissed, BUT they are more likely to get help or even have their situation acknowledged than men are. Simply by way of being male, they're not even allowed to think of calling themselves a victim of SV, unless they were a literal child. And honestly, even then, it can still be ignored. To address part of your original post directly (yes, I looked and saw that you posted more under this video): Do you know why women more so get mocked for being a victim than men do? Because women are more likely than men to even report or talk about it. Most people, in general, regardless of sex or gender, don't report their attack, but women tend to be more LIKELY to do so than men.
I do find it interesting that you didn't engage with the rest of the comment.
I'll say it again: VICTIMS need to be supported and taken seriously. Regardless of sex or gender, or who gets hurt more than the other. Victims deserve to be helped.
@@ShadowRatandCat To clarify, what I mean by "Simply by way of being male," I'm talking about how due to the gender roles/norms n such in society that men aren't allowed/supposed to be victims. Not even at the hands of other men, let alone at the hands of women. They're "supposed to be" strong, and tough, and able to fight people off them when necessary. Being a victim of something like SV isn't "suppsed" to happen to them. It's "supposed" to happen to women. And yet, either way, both get pushed aside. I think it's part of any male r*pe jokes are sooo common and seen as "not as bad."
@@bananaz572171true. But when they’re being helped it’s by other women. Not by men
@@chidiogoikeh4550 Ok? That's not the point of either of my comments. Help is help, ya know?
I went to a circus act the other night that advertised itself as “R rated”. It was spooky and dangerous and there was cussing etc. but at one point, they got a volunteer for a knife throwing act (they didn’t actually throw knives at the volunteer). And even though a lot of women raised their hand, they chose a man. This was likely because as a joke they groped him a few times on stage (???) and I thought to myself “oh, that’s why they chose a man, cause they couldn’t do that to a woman”
After watching this video, I am ashamed to just realize hey, why exactly is it ok that they did it to a man??? Now, I don’t know if maybe they got his consent first or whatever. I messaged the company, no response yet. But like, even if he did… how did they get his consent? Was he coerced? When it happened, everyone laughed and I laughed but not so much because it was funny, but because I was shocked and didn’t know what to say.
But that volunteer…. He had his junk grabbed in front of an entire audience. Is he okay? Like…… did I just watch someone become a victim of SA… and it took this video for me to realize it?
best case scenario, *maybe* he was in on it and it was set up so he'd be chosen? but that seems unlikely, and honestly that is horrifying.
@@sugaredbugs4823 they got back to me yesterday. said they didn’t actually touch him, but just made it look like they did. it really kinda looked like they touched him… i asked how they didn’t do it but made it look like they did and they just said “by not touching him” 😐
even if they didn’t i mean. is it funny…. because it looks like he was assaulted? hello??
@@yepisuredolikecats3979 I'm glad he wasn't actually touched, but I agree it's VERY messed up to make a joke out of it, even if they were just pretending.
Oh. Having a stab member in the audienc secretly is a classic. I'm not saying he was 100% a performer, but there is the chence.
You really think he cared
I often come back to think about how many fujoshi [mlm mangas/manhwas that are often f*tishized] start or have this plot in some way. That one of them is straight or even if queer not interested on the other party yet is played for comedy or even worse romance. That there is a whole a community that often centers their romantic pairings based on the assault of another male lead because there is no other reason that the value of two men together in any way. I've always found it weird and tragic how much a community could not only demoralize these relationships but how it really reflects the many account from my mlm friends who have had these experiences in some way being seen as nothing more than objects because of how these communities tend to specifically treat these relationships and situations.
Immediately thought of Madonna kissing Drake and he clearly looked unsafe and uncomfortable… “but he’s a man” “we all thought it was funny” “he’s down to do anything, he’s a little sassy”… he looked distraught and unsafe.. if he was a white woman we would identify that emotion and feeling quicker.. due to him being a Black man, I just don’t think anyone was leading with empathy in that moment.
Thank you for this comment ❤
Drake also has an affinity for teenage girls
@@felonious_unite somehow i dont think madonna did that as some sort of epic justifiable clap back at him lol
@@felonious_uniteTrue Drake was preying on Millie Bobby Brown when she was very young. So I don’t think Drake is that good of an example.
@@felonious_unite That is true. It's also true Madoona could have violated his consent and/or boundaries when she kissed him. Two things can be true at once. Drake being a sleazy pos doesn't exclude him from being victimized in another situation.
As a female victim of sexual assault i cannot imagine the pain of feeling like i can't confide in my same sex friends like men
As someone who has worked with survivors of all sexual identities and genders, thank you for this video. From the bottom of my heart.
Unfortunately, the rule when it comes to SA and IPV is; if you think it can't happen here, and you think it can't happen to you, think again. No matter where "here" is or who you are.
#EndDV
Pardon me, legit. What's IPV?
@@falconeshield intimate partner violence
@@falconeshieldintimate partner violence - basically, another word for domestic violence, but it also includes people someone's been in a relationship with before but isn't currently dating or anything
I was abused in this way by a girl when we were 13 until 15. She was 6 months younger than me. I'm pretty sure she was a victim herself but the fact is she still did it to me too. I've also been preyed on by an adult women towards the end of that, and separately, my own mother stripped me against my will at 16 to "inspect" my junk.
I've spent years just trying to get by on denial because when I tried to tell a therapist she completely dismissed that I'm traumatized.
I'm turning 20 soon and I don't think I'll ever be able to be consensually intimate with anyone. The trauma's festered, it feels like a rot that's eating me from the inside out, I'm paranoid about people touching me or using me for such things, I myself feel like a perpetrator just for thinking someone's cute even if I don't say a word, because I just have such horrible feelings around the concept of attraction and on an emotional level I have no idea how consent really works. I remember before all this happened, those sorts of feelings starting in puberty, being so excited to grow up and be old enough to do those things because it seemed wonderful. A part of my life was robbed from me and I'm laughed at and mocked for grieving it.
I wish male victims were taken seriously but unfortunately I doubt it'll ever happen
I hope you're doing ok I believe you
I hope you find a therapist that will take you seriously 💗 you are never obliged to be intimate with anyone, but I hope you can come to accept your attraction and feelinfs and not have these internalized fears. You are clearly a considerate soul, and you deserve to feel safe, as does everyone
I was molested and threatened with being SA by a woman when I was 9, the memory was so painful I locked it away until 2 years ago, and just remembering it made me have a panic attack. Even though it causes me pain, nobody in my close family circle knows about it, I feel like I have no right of burdening them with this knowledge, that I should just move on, keep it to myself, even if I still carry some of the trauma, even when I didn't remember, I still get PTSD whenever I felt someone touching my legs, eventually I will get therapy and get help, I want this pain to end with me.
You've told someone (us) and I think that's one of the first steps to healing. I had a realization in high school of something that happened when I was a child and feel the same way about talking to my family, but being able to tell someone really helped because they helped me realize it wasn't my fault.
I’m so sorry I hope things get better for you
Thank you for the video for the video. I'm a black man who was a victim of S.A. by a family friend and only in the last couple of years have I realized that it was wrong to happen. Thank you for this video. It means a lot.
High five ace brother
That Friday After Next scene always stuck with me. Katt Williams is a short, slim, non-traditionally masculine man much like myself and the immasculization of men my size makes it easy to be a victim, yet not be treated like one. Many men want to fight me, many women hit me or take something out of my hand or talk to me like a child. I have been sexually assaulted by a man and two women, and I am straight. They were all bigger than me and wasnt much I could do to stop it, so that scene for me triggers a very real fear that I deal with and I relate to many women in that regard. Its insane how many people will use their physical dominance overbyou, and hiw littke the world actually cares about male victims.
I respect Terry Crews so much for coming forward and not letting society's attitudes silence him. People gave him so much shit for it, a lot of them from the black community, but he pushed passed it all and forced society to reckon with the fact that anyone can be a victim of SA. People see a tall, muscular black man who is a perfect example of traditional masculinity and assume that there's no way that he could be a victim. This obviously ignores how much of a role psychological abuse, coersion and manipulation play in sexual violence and it demonstrates how society tries to put people into boxes of 'victim' and 'perpetrator' based on their appearance. Terry doesn't owe anyone anything, what happened to him never should have occurred in the first place, but I think that by fighting for justice he helped so many men and showed them that they are _allowed_ to speak up about their experiences; that what happened to them should be taken seriously and that there's no excuse for abuse or assault.
THIS 🙌
I'm just having trouble understanding why he would play the part of a perpetrator of r* for comedy when he himself experienced the trauma of being the victim
It took me almost 20 years to finally open up about my S.A. As a young child and most people have told me “it’s not that bad” or “just move on” but you can’t just move on and it’s hard when I feel alone with this burden I was cursed to carry.
I'm an old dude, and I know people from previous generations were in no way more thoughtful than this new generation is. If anything, each generation is getting smarter.
Hey man, appreciate the kind words, truly. You hardly ever hear nice stuff bout my generation or the future ones. Don't get me wrong, we absolutely have our abhorrent issues, but for what it's worth, thanks. 😊
Seriously what did the boomers and older x-ers eat and drink? Even their treatments towards pets are mountains different compared to nowadays, since at least the 90s
I've never been raped yet i get so triggered with the topic... The violation makes me sick to my 🤬 stomach...
I FEEL THE SAME WAY, it genuinely makes my blood boil
Something that honestly terrifies me about dating is that if I end up with an abuser then I will have no support because the man should "be tougher"
I was SA'd at the age of 18 and was straight up victim blamed by my boss when I had reported the incident. The person who did it was a 27 year old female coworker, I was friendly to her as I was with everyone, and was told the incident happened because I was "flirting" and led her on (im gay, i did no such thing). I had to leave a job I loved due to the discomfort and shame. That was when I learned patriarchy has a negative impact on ALL of us, not just women. And I'm glad you touched on the fact it isn't to take away from female victims, but for us to all recognize patriarchy hurts us all (obviously women especially). But it's an important thing to really drill into people's heads. SA/SV is SA/SV period, great video
Boy stop lying for likes, you had the option to walk away but you let it happen, it's ur own fault bru 😂
@@fatliward9815 no I didn't, because it was unexpected and very sudden. I DID push her off me after it happened. But hey thanks for putting what a garbage person you are on full display for all to see.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I hope you are in a better environment and are doing better now. I wish you the best 🤍
Dude, I get you. I'm a woman, and I used to work at an aviation production plant with 90% men. I went into it cool as a cucumber, could joke around, was friendly but not too friendly. A lot of the men saw women as enemies who just run to HR. I thought "oh well, those women don't know how to take a joke I'm built different." Lmao. A year later my shift partner turned on me, started threatening me and doing some real psycho stuff (long story). I was in a really bad position, and I realized that he had been sexually harassing me, had gotten in trouble, and blamed me. And I didn't understand. A part of me did, but I just didn't fully get it. When we're young, we're especially vulnerable. You were only 18, hon. I had to quit my job too because of that guy (in that case I was damned anyway you sliced it). He destroyed what life I had tried to build. Funny thing is, he was the type of guy who believed men can't be sexually harassed/assaulted by a female. That all completely changed my mind about a lot of things. I'm all for making it all seen as a humanitarian issue. I'm tired of people being left in the dust.
@@fatliward9815 UA-cam removing the dislike count is such a crime i swear
Thank you for this. Being the sole voice of reason in these twitter threads got me feeling like I'm in that corpse pit in the Battle of the Bastards. END SV!
The purpose of Twitter is to make everyone feel like the only voice of reason so they continue to argue with each other. So it’s not a good representation of people at all especially since governments use it to sow discord here.
The amount of straight up sexism on both sides twitter has is actually insane. I had to delete my account and take some days off the internet after seeing the shit they say up there.
In my personal opinion, (as someone who’s lucky enough to have never experienced any kind of SA), the biggest problem with R “jokes” is that they make the victim the butt of the joke. Maybe R jokes could be funny if they mocked the abusers instead of the victims. Idk tho
It’s only a joke if everybody’s laughing.
Mocking the victims is bullying.
Which is why “The Implication” joke from It’s Always Sunny works. Because they’re making fun of Dennis.
George Carlin has a set on exactly this topic.
There may be a context in which it works, but I have yet to find it, and worse still is that in a lot of the cases where the perpetrator is the one being derided (At least, that I've seen), the, "Joke," is them becoming a victim themselves in prison, so I think it's probably best to avoid those sorts of jokes regardless.
(Late) but the problems is they’re dark humor jokes…they’re meant to be far more bitter and not something you “cheer for”
my bf is a survivor of childhood r by a family member and to this day he still goes into breakdowns about how people say that men can’t be assaulted. he lives with DID and many issues because girls are taught to set boundaries but men are ignored. i really hate how men are treated, i really do.
That is not your story to tell
@@EddieDA i asked him if i could post this first. calm down bro.
I hope he's doing better
Part of why its taken so lightly also is because men themselves play it down. I know i def see it when it comes to male children and adult female predators. Its so crazy
And a lot of men call that shit out and reject dudes who downplay guys who say that kind of crap. Maybe I'm biased though since I only see the "lucky" garbage online sometimes and I tend not to hang out in groups where the guys around me might say stuff like that.
Agreed. So many adult men claim that little boys being sexually assaulted is a good thing or that the boy was lucky or that he wanted it. It’s disgusting.
THANK YOU. go on any video where a chomo teacher is a woman. You will find most comments of men “celebrating” and even saying they wish it was them. After you see that, you realize most of mens problems are created MOSTLY by men.
@@gregvs.theworld451 yeah, I mostly see it online and the unanimous amount and of men who say they would encourage it makes me sad. I'd never want children with men like them
That’s not part of the reason, that’s the entire reason. Some men even think they’re sexual assault was a rite of passage.
i was walking home late. i had gotten off the bus from my friend's house. he followed me for five blocks. the conversation started simple enough, what i was listening to, oh i like video games too, what if you came over to my place for a bit. i politely declined but he was persistent. he was practiced too because he knew how to wittle another male down until they acquiesced. when he got his chance, he held me against the wall of the catholic school on my block. a car drove past but i couldn't feel my voice rise to scream for help. i was frozen in pure shock. i was 17.
SV doesn't care how manly you are, someone will still render you helpless and take what they want from you. Talking about it is the first step towards Ending SV.
That's horrifying, I'm so sorry that happened to you :(
I'm happy I found this video. I saw an article about a teacher who was arrested because she was intimate with a teenager. I was disgusted and horrified but the amount of people I saw laughing at that situation? Astonishing. I saw people saying that he "was lucky", that it's not "that bad" because at 16 you're thinking about sex 24/7. I'm sorry but NO. It's disgusting that people are laughing and not caring about that situation. It's traumatising and not funny. I'm feeling so bad for that kid and I really hope him and every person who was *ssaulted or *bused can find help and heal 🤲🏾❤️
I've heard countless stories about women who have SAed or exploited both men AND BOYS and people have been commenting things like "I wish I was him", "he enjoyed that" and "women can't be predators" it's sickening
There are people doing the same thing when roles are reversed in different ways as well
@@ShadowRatandCat and those people get cancelled
@@karpcopy what the fuck is wrong with you? Grape isn't really "enjoyable", a lot of victims get traumatized because of it, and also, a lot of victims are CHILDREN.
Usually men saying that gross shit.
@@Army_Dog I’m not sure about that. (Because of conservative)
One of my friends whos no longer with us got SA'd by a woman when he was 15, then that woman spread rumors about how it was actually her that got SA'd. Dude's life was ruined by someone else by someone older than him, and even now despite everything being proven false and hes not even around anymore, hes still called the perpetrator, not the victim. Its so fucked that so many women have gotten away with SAing men and even other women.
There are men that get away with doing this to women too
@@ShadowRatandCat I never said there wasn't. I'm going off the topic at hand
Did he unalienable because of the situation?
It's important for men to fight like their lives depend on it, be well spoken and get educated
@@ShadowRatandCat OK I'm a girl and just gonna say, this isn't about that right now?
As a 19yr old white looking, straight man ive been assaulted 3 seperate times all by women. Once as a child, once as an early teen and once as an adult. Us men get overlooked all the time and it seems the world simply does not care so im hoping this video can ATLEAST start a conversation.
The teen and adult one is a lie, you had the option to get up and walk away by then. You literally sat there and let it happen then whine about it after post nut clarity 😂
@@fatliward9815the victim-blaming coming fron your reply is NOT IT. some victims, like OP, freeze and/or fawn in response to abuse.
@@colorfulshoujo Stop lying, if you engaged in it and nobody forced you that's not abuse UNLESS you're underaged
@fatliward9815 dont talk again until you start using you brain
@@davebob4973 Don't talk again until you look in the dictionary about what sexual assault is
I wasnt a child that stood up for herself often but I'd be very irritated and offended at just blatant homophobia by classmates and would often state that just because an identifying male is gay does not mean inherent attraction to said offender. And because i was upset i would say something along the lines of, if the girls arent beating down your door why would the boiz? I've of course learned that anyone of any degree of attractive can be ugly on the inside. It just made sense to me and i wanted to impress that upon them but of course it fell upon deaf ears. Sometimes people just want to be hurtful or mean and thats it. End S.V, D.V - all the violences
It's my opinion that that particular brand of homophobia comes from guys with really predatory attitudes towards women. It's not that they think a gay guy would absolutely be attracted to them, so much as that they assume the any dude would have those same toxic attitudes towards whatever people group he's attracted to -- so they're uncomfortable finding themselves in what they define as a "prey" role.
@@eyesofthecervino3366Casual misogyny is a thing too. Oh those small minded women, doing whatever their man says and--- oh hey hold on I don't what that guy do the same to me! And then they panic and go full misogyny
I'm a straight guy, I was the victim of childhood SV and abuse, adult DV and SV. I've had a bunch of traumatic relationship and sexual experiences and only now as I'm approaching 30 have I finally come to understand and accept these experiences and their effects on who I was and who I am today. I still don't talk about it and VERY few people know because my whole life it was made a joke. I was really homophobic (but never bullied, and even had gay friends as a kid and teen) as a result of my experiences as a way of rejecting and denying what I was put through and I really regret that. As I've gotten older more men than I would've imagined have confided in me about similar experiences. The problem with patriarchy isn't men, it is patriarchs. This to me is a very important video, I'm sure I'll revisit again in the future. Wishing everyone all the best in their journey.
@@FartSimpson2 There are three options:
1. You're full joking and mean well
2. You're half joking and want to feel better than someone while maintaining plausible deniability.
3. You're not joking
All three have the same feature, what you're saying isn't funny, and I hope you do better in the future while you still have the chance. Is this what you want to leave behind as a legacy? Pathetic.
I hope you're doing ok
as a male SA survivor whos perpetrator was a woman i find it so upsetting that we tell men they don't talk about there feelings enough but then undermined male trauma and emasculate them for it
With you on that. I hope you're healing 🙏
I remember the first time I became really aware of the way SV victimizes men is when I was in middle school and really into Linkin Park. Reading about Chester Bennington's own experiences with CSA really puts so, so much about his entire life into perspective, and ever since then I've been an advocate for victims that aren't "traditional" in the eyes of society/media.
unrelated by i love the joxter pfp
Thanks, I hate society making fun of men being SA or that had been SA.
I just want to hug all these poor souls that had their consent humored away. It's so disturbing.
They make fun of female sv victims too
@@ShadowRatandCat what is your problem? All your comments are “women experience it too” and then you diminish mens experiences.
Female victims exist and go through lots too. You can find lots of discussions on that. But this particular video is for male victims.
Imagine if you were a guy who had this happen to you, and someone came up to you saying “women experience it to, cry about it, blah blah”.
Like it’s awful what you are doing. Stop.
I’m a trans guy. When I was younger, I was still exploring my gender and my sexuality and I had gotten sa’ed by three different “friends” (at different times). When I had opened up about it, most adults told me that it was my fault for taking up the offer to sleep in my friends bed or that I shouldn’t take it seriously because the worst case was a girl or that we were kids so it doesn’t matter. One of the things I heard so often was that “it’s not sa or r-word because they were experimenting”. I was invalidated because it wasn’t an adult, because most of them were queer and because we were kids and teens. Even though my friends and family are more supportive now, I still cry remembering what younger me had to deal with
aye, fellow trans lad.
i was _graped_ at a disgustingly young age by a cousin who was, apparently, "experimenting."
we were both 7. im almost 16 now and im trying to socially transition, i dont go near him or speak to him because he's transphobic and tried to somehow blame the _grape_ on making me trans, but also making it my fault.
we may be ignored or brushed off, punished or called liars, but we will never stop fighting back my friend. stay strong.
"exploring gender and sexuality" excuse me, what the fuck is this supposed to mean?
@@Siter sorry if it was confusing, I meant like trying to figure out who I was, if I was trans or just trying to cope, if I was being influenced by some others, ect. Hope that explains it better
@@elijahisconfused I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s absolutely horrible :(. Your cousin sounds like a disgustingly horrible person and I’m so glad you are staying always and stay safe. Stay strong man, I believe in you and good luck on your transition!
@@elijahisconfusedi had the same thing happen to me with my cousins but it was locked behind my thick skull and decided to randomly pop back up. I've still retained contact with them but it's kinda uncomfortable but THAT BEING SAID.... you paint the picture that a seven year old took malicious advantage of you which doesn't seem fair. I'm aware you may harbor negative feelings about him now about blaming you and being transphobic but uhh yeah
As a kid who was raised as a boy and experienced SV as a kid during that time, this means a lot to me. I love your videos. You're doing such important work. Now that im getting money I definitely want to support you on Patreon! End SV!
Women get mocked when graped too
I'm a trans man who was victimized as a child by a woman and for the longest time it made me feel ashamed. I still feel it today. She wanted me for my body because she was attracted to female bodies, in her mind I was a woman, in my mind I was just me and I liked when she praised me. It took years for me to remember what happened and when I did all I could feel was rage and disgust in both myself and her. She'd roped me into a world where the only praise I got was if I showed the camera and the strangers behind it what I had under my clothes. She desensitized me as a child and it lead to me having a lack of care for my own body. I believed at first it was comfort in my body, comfort in showing myself to other people until I came out as trans. What was underneath the clothing became something everyone suddenly wanted business with to strip away my masculinity. The juxtaposition between my belief in being comfortable in my body and now needing to hide it to save my identity sent me into countless spirals. When I told a therapist, the only thing she said was "I've never heard that one before" as she continued to misgender me over and over again. I've had people imply that it makes sense that it happened to me because I'm trans, because they see me as a woman and to them that's the only possible victim.
I've known countless cisgender men who have been victimized by other men and women. I've seen a kid be laughed at while his sister retold the story of him being roofied by a girl and taken into a bathroom. My own father has told his story like it was just another night, not recognizing the reason why my mother was really angry to find a woman dragging him to a bed. It wasn't because he was responsible. It was because he was paralyzed by booze and she wanted to take advantage of him. I could name so many victims and I can also name a lot of people who will sit down in front of them and laugh in their face. The way our society treats masc aligned survivors and victims is inhumane, but this video gets it. This video puts all of my thoughts out for me when I'm too overwhelmed to speak them myself, so thank you for that. Because it's important that we have a voice, especially when we can't speak up ourselves.
Female graped victims gets dismissed too
@@ShadowRatandCat wow thanks for completely missing the point of the video and dismissing me as well
@ShadowRatandCat your 79 comments were a waste of time. You helped nobody
Omg, that’s horrible what happened to you, I’m so sorry :((
@@ShadowRatandCatduh, doesn’t make it okay when men do
I couldn't really talk about mine, I was late 7/early 8 and a girl in my neighborhood who had just turned 12, was obviously taking out the assaults she was experiencing at home on me. Over time I empathize with her, because this victimhood as you mention is a victimhood shared by us all first through patriarchy. It's hard to overlook those who then looked at this and the many years I fought with my sexuality and dignified that even with a high libido, your agency isn't your own. To this day it's perpetuated a system of me feeling like the help and never the helped, a piece of furniture or a sex toy. This society robs us of humanity if we're black or anything they don't like. This is something I've tried hard to ensure doesn't happen to my kids, but the cultural normalization of this paradigm has got to stop.
I'm sorry this happened. Just remember it's okay to empathize with the person who assaulted you but you also can't justify their behavior. What she did was wrong regardless of the circumstances that caused her to do so. Passenger trauma on to someone else isn't right.
My male friends who confided to me about SA really broke my heart. Most of them were the same…even making jokes about their own experience. I had to inform a friend that what he thought was a consensual experience actually wasn’t, because he wasn’t old enough to consent. He was just like, “Hmmmm….you got a point there…” 🤦🏾♀️. They don’t even seem to be able to give themselves the empathy they need to heal, and nobody else is giving it, either. This needs addressing.☹️
I'm a trans guy who moved into a flatshare, where the landlady sexually assaulted me, and had clearly chosen me to move in based on assumptions on my sexuality and gender. She got otherwise abusive when I rejected her, but I thought I was girlmoding. Only later I realized I'd crossed the line with t that people thought I was a trans woman.
This completely wrecked my life financially as it was not safe for me to live there, I hadn't lived in the country for long, and many other factors. Even if I wanted to, I can't talk about what happened because I'm tired of correcting people when they don't hear that it was a woman even after I tell them multiple times, that I need to go into all the details lest people minimize it in their heads.
There are so many assumptions people make, that it was a domestic issue when I answered a listing on a regular apartment website and after I moved in was trying to be polite, while at the samd time repeatedly speaking of male exes etc. But of course that never mattered to her.
Thank you for handling this topic with the nuance and seriousness it deserves. I am not a man, but I relate a lot to male victims as someone who was r*ped by another woman. It’s so frustrating when I am trying to open up about my trauma and all I get is responses like “how is that even possible”, “she’s just a woman why didn’t you fight her off?” or “well don’t you like women anyway? What’s the problem”
So anyhow big empathy to all the guys in the comments who have had to go through this as well. If no one else has told you recently- its *not* your fault, you *didnt* want that, and I am so proud of you for surviving not only the abuse itself, but the ignorance of the general public. You know what happened, you know the truth. Do not allow anyone to take that away from you, you will find the people that believe you in time. It does get easier, I promise❤
I’m gonna share this under the anonymity of youtube. But when i was a kid, like maybe 10, my older cousin, a girl around 14, had graped me during day care at our grandmothers house. Every time for maybe a month during weekdays. Thankfully it was found out and CPS was called. My cousin got sent out to foster care and maybe some other stuff, idk never talked to her again, but a lot of people in the family blamed me as i was the man in the situation. and as a 10yo i had no idea what i was blamed for but just internalized the blame and to this day, even though i logically recognize that the situation wasn’t and shouldn’t be my fault, i still feel guilt like I should’ve known better than to let something like this happen. I’ve never told anyone about this and probably never will bc i don’t want people to know anything about that period in my life ever, but it’s really hard sometimes. Sorry if this was messy it’s my first time ever telling this.
Oh my god... that's horrid (and they blamed you?! You were ten!! You were a child how in the fuck could it possibly be your fault!!! It isn't! What a bunch of jerks!) I hope you cut contact with those fuckers cuz it sounds like there just a bunch of assholes i wish you to have the best day ever 🙏❤❤
Damn bro, you’re fine. Sharing a story like this on the internet of all places takes balls, and best of wishes to you bro.
That's heartbreaking. It's not your fault and I hope you can love yourself despite what they did. ❤
I'm a girl but I wanted to share:
In my old school there was a girl who would make sexual jokes or something like that, sometimes to me too. So I'd say I was sexually harassed in a way but the girl was a kid too at the time so idk if it counts.
One day in 8th grade she got angry at a girl she didn't like for something I won't say bc I don't know if the girl would like it. But it's something that could count too, so I pointed it out. She said that she didn't touch her so it's okay..
It's messed up really. SA, sexual harassment and rape aren't funny. They're not something you laugh at, something you use to censor "sex" (some young ppl did that at some point) it's not something that only happens to certain groups of people.
End SV. Regarding the end of the video, I remember learning in school that dv gets worse during a woman's pregnancy and being shocked.I wonder if some of it has to do with a lack of control over her body and jealousy over the baby taking up space. I love ur videos herby and I'm so happy you talked about this while including queer men in ur focus 💗
"The prison industrial indoctrinates us to dehumanize all criminals..." that part until you finished it and went back to the original topic, is pure gold.
End sv, I'm enby but amab and went through SA as a kid and developed PTSD and depression and had substance abuse issues and tried to end things. I survived but it was hard and I never felt like I could talk about it. I still don't really but here I'm just shouting into the void so I guess... These statistics ring true to me.
As a male sa survivor, i appreciate this video. Ive told people and he had no consequences just because i went mute out of fear and didnt outright say no, im healing and working through it but it still hurts. Thanks again
I hope you're doing ok
Thank you for speaking on this. I have had too many heartbreaking conversations with men on this topic. The most disturbing was a story of one guy being repeatedly assaulted by an adult woman when he was a teen. He spoke of it in a joking way, clearly having had people praise him for it in the past.
Poor boy
End SV
I was born in a cult and there was alot of assault. Alot of child on child SA occurred as a result. I was SA'd by a female family member as a toddler and she continued to do smaller acts towards me growing up. I understood that she was going through things too but the way she soothed her abuse through me even to the point she was able to manipulate and control things.
It happened again when i was 6 with a different girl. As well as an Adult male around that age.
I started feeling like i was the problem. Like i caused it. When i was assaulted in 2022 by a man on a date. I was pushed into psychosis and everything started flooding back.
My coping mechanism was always to bring everything inward so i did alot of self harm. I developed OCD on top of other disorders over the years and am now on meds that have significantly helped.
I had a therapist say that child on child SA isnt that bad but how when it haunts me?
But we survive right?
I'm a queer (bi) male victim of sa, and I tried to talk about it, but my family just can't believe me. I, like many others, have learnt not to talk about it, and we suffer in silence. In many ways, it's ruined my life 💔 my relationships, and my ability to trust enough to love. Thanks so much for bringing this to light. I just found your channel, and I'm going to dive into your awesome content. Huge love and respect. ❤❤
The thing that makes me uncomfortable the most, was the Family Guy jokes, especially because they make Peter's experience so fucking realistic and it honestly disgusts me
i have a male friends that got raped or sexually assualted. they said that they told their male friends and either the subject was changed or it was laughed off. i wanted to cry like i got molested, the staff i said "you should have been it class. you were asking for it. you were kissing him". but a man getting the COURAGE to tell other men, then you get laughed at? it hurt me deep.
Honestly, I think the number of men who experienced SA is actually way higher than we think. Not only do many, many not speak up because of the societal shaming, but I know far too many men who cannot even recognise SA anymore when it happens to them. So many have been convinced that when it happens to them it’s not “really SA” or “it’s actually okay”. It’s crazy
Thank you. Genuinely, thank you. Im an 18 year old neurodivergent mexican man who lives in conservative south texas. I was molested by my uncle as a child and have been taken advantage of many times in my life. Last year, at a ren aire, i was touched, groped, and sexually assualted on two separate occasions. Once in a crowd, and once when blacked out high. I have never known how to speak on these things because im fully aware of how prominent violence towards women is by monsters like that. I want to be advocated for without taking away their voices, and this is a fantastic start.
20:48 I’m so glad you addressed this issue with people saying someone “wanted it” just bcuz they were gay or bi, it’s a serious issue and was a major cause of why I was initially afraid of getting therapy when I was SA-d everyone would say “shut up stop pretending you don’t like it” and I feel that this misconception really stops most victims from actively speaking out.