i feel like a substitute for myself
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- in which we talk about the stress and slog of doing a diy build for van life while also navigating trauma, loneliness, depression, and adhd.
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#depression #vanlife #adhd
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I really like that you do these vlogs, Andrew. You keep it more real than so many other people both on this platform, the Internet, and IRL. Giving the entire Internet an open-book look into your life, intimate details, emotions, experiences, and all, is really brave, too, and I commend you for that level of confidence.
I also get how it's partly driven by the desire to just connect with people, even though it may be parasocially. I sit there and resonate so strongly with some of what you say, man, even if I'm not doing quite what you're doing, but know that I feel what you're feeling.
You've got this. I'm here for your journey, and I believe in you.
"parasocial" Interesting word, I'd not heard it before, but modern/digital relationships do often feel like that. I appreciate that you resonated with the video, because I usually feel tempted to delete my vlogs after I film them, worrying that they're too rambly/chaotic, etc. But it's def important to let the grim out sometimes and to not always give people a whitewashed version of yourself.
Hi Andrew! I'm sorry you're feeling like that, I understand the struggle you're going through. If I can give you a tip from personal experience, when everything seems to be bad around you try to reconnect your body with good feelings: stop for few minutes, get comfortable somewhere, close your eyes and think about a good moment that you lived in your life(it can be recent or can be past) try to think about the good sensations you felt in your body in that moment and stick with them for the few minutes you are doing this exercise.
It is important to train your mind into feeling good. It is not like a magic pill, but doing this many times a week and for the past year helped me a lot.
Btw thank you for showing us who you are, I love your videos and I love that you look like a real person I'd like to have as friend in real life!
True, it's important to breathe and slow down into the moment whenever possible. I don't seem to be able to access my emotions most of the time with my current level of stress, even with meditation, but I think it's an important practice, nonetheless. It's hard to transmit energy across the metaverse, so I'm glad you're digging the videos, and that they feel real. Cheers, Matteo!
@@AndrewFoltsIf you can’t feel your emotions then you might want to look into anhedonia. Us men suffer from emotional numbness and there’s a lot of great info on it and solutions to reconnect with our feelings.
Fair warning, it’s painful because negative emotions come back with the positive emotions and it can be very triggering.
@@coollary1 I do "know" what I feel, my brain's just preventing me from feeling it in order to get me through a period of extreme stress.
Bro we're here for you. Such an inspiration for us.
Appreciate it, Timoti! Wishing you well, my dude!
It's like I'm listening to my own mind, haha.
I have a propensity for negativity as well. ❤
I have a lot to say, so I’d appreciate it if you could bear with my ADHD mind.
***TL;DR
You’re struggling with mental health and feeling numb to your emotions. Reconnecting with your emotions will help you a lot. To do that you need to stop distracting yourself with social media or whatever else you use to cope. Sit in boredom more and let your mind decompress and process your thoughts/feelings. Meditate and practice acceptance. Accept where you are in life and all that is happening. ✌🏿 ***
What I’ve gathered is: You’re struggling to connect with people and make friends. You feel lonely, numb, and disconnected from your emotions, to the point where you're just following a checklist like a substitute teacher. You’re battling procrastination and have no energy for anything besides social media/UA-cam. You're also struggling to help your parents financially, and you're worried about their health. You’re also struggle with your own health and joint problems. Lastly, you're under a lot of stress from tackling something completely new (the van build) while trying to run your UA-cam channel and earn an income.
You've got so much on your mind.
There was a lot you said about the state of the world, politics, people’s behavior, and more. I want you to know I heard you, and I’m not ignoring those concerns. I just want to focus on your mental health for now.
Let me add that I’m clueless about most things in life and I’ve also battled with mental health issues. Most of what I know Mental health I’ve learned from Dr. K from HealthyGamerGG. Dr.Alok Kanojia is a psychiatrist that streams a lot on youtube. Check him out.
My opinion:
Our minds play tricks on us in order to protect us. Some tricks are: numbing our emotions, forming “bad” habits and addictions, procrastinating, ignoring/hurting others, etc etc. Why we do the things we do is often to avoid pain. Despite the fact that we hurt ourselves it is often the lesser pain we endure.
For example, we procrastinate a class assignment to avoid the pain of trying our best and still failing. Instead we barely try and end up failing but comfort ourselves with the idea that we could have done better if we didn’t procrastinate. I hope that makes sense. Although we with Adhd procrastinate for different reasons, I still have avoided doing my best when I could have due to my fear of failure.
The tricks your mind places on you has put you in a pessimistic world. So many things weigh heavy on your mind but you’re powerless to solve them.
Why?
Why does it matter?
Do you really have to build the van? Or help your parents? or make friends? Date? Money? Why are all these things important to you?
You have food to eat, a place to sleep safely, your health, and you’re still young. I don’t think your life is in any danger but your mind has put so much pressure on you that it might as well be in danger.
(I’m running low on my attention span haha I’ll try and wrap this up fast)
The Key:
Your emotions are what you need most. Why? Because emotions cause actions. And actions feed back into emotions. You’re stuck/lost without your feelings.
You’ll have to learn to reconnect with your feelings. It will cause you a lot of stress and discomfort but that’s good. It means you’re getting back in touch. You’ll then need to process the pile of backlogged emotions. That processing make take a long time to complete before you seem any meaningful change and honestly you never stop processing emotions. After you’ve dealt with enough emotions you’ll have enough mental space to start moving better in life. That’s is all easier said than done.
How do you stop feeling like a substitute. Acceptance, and dopamine detox (and meditation). You are where you are and life is what it is. You don’t have to be cool with it but you gotta face the reality of it all.
Dopamine detox is basically quitting social media, youtube, xxx, alcohol, etc. Any and everything you use to cope. Stop it for a few and just be bored. When I’ve done this I often just laid in bed or sat with my thoughts. It took weeks before I had energy to get up to do what I wanted.
Meditation is basically practicing your focus. Sit and count your breathes. The longer you can focus on your breathing the stronger your awareness becomes. You need to strengthen your awareness so you can feel what you feel in the moment. That way you don’t end up struggling again as you are now and instead you’ll be able to address your concerns before they’re out of control.
Anyways, I hope you find peace and love bro. (and look into getting some therapy and psychiatry)
Oh man I also want to comment about why do you care so much.
Our answer to “why” is so important. The stronger we feel about our answer the more likely we are to do what we need too. Because the truth is, we’re not supposed to do anything. We’re just a bunch of monkeys tryna survive and cope.
If monkey gets addicted to something then monkey needs to know why monkey needs to stop the addiction. The better the answer the more likely monkey will stop and change. Change is hard.
Often the best answer to “why” is other people. I want to quit drinking, why, because I want to be a better dad. I want to get healthy, why, because I want to be strong enough to take care of my parents as they get old.
If you want to do something (travel/vanlife/anything), the best motivation to get it done is to not do it for yourself and instead Do it for others you love.
That’s why I hope when you feel better you start to prioritize what’s most important. Other people. Community. Love.
Monkey isn’t built to live alone, in a van, with a dog, down by the lake.
A pet helps. But it’s not a replacement for a hug.
That's a great summation, we could enter it as a Wikipedia article for this video, ha! It's true that the mind uses distraction/addiction to protect itself. Sometimes that's counterproductive, and sometimes it's needed in order to survive circumstances that are impossible to endure while operating in a fully "awake" state, because there is too much to process all at once. I've been to therapy and done energy work, meditated, journaled, etc, but most likely I need to get into the van and have a space of my own before my mind/emotions will come back online. Otherwise, it would be like turning on an ultra sensitive microphone in the middle of an active war zone, ya know? It's cathartic to lament a lack of feeling, but probably it's for the best right now.
Dont ever change your authenticity you are very real! I can honestly say listening to you is like listening to my own mind .. maybe we are starseeds! 🥰 Im reading joe dispenzers books and listening to UA-cam videos and he helps! As does brian scotts channel which is full of awesome stuff! But i totally get you! I hate this matrix and the money aspect of life and the shit food and the narrative! Most days i just want to get off this world 😂! Keep going and keep your videos going its great to hear someone real sharing their thoughts ❤
"starseeds" Wow, I've never heard that, but what a great word! Book/channel recommendations are always appreciated. We should petition to form a separate state called "New Barefoot" where everyone walks around zero-drop, there's only whole foods, and everyone has a Light Phone, ha. (:
@@AndrewFolts bloody hell that's a great idea 😂
I'm going through a massive AUDHD funk right now. I'm completely dissociating at the moment and I'm overwhelmed by my failing mental and physical health, as well as the apparent collapse of society. I'm not doing well and I lack any sense of hope.
It's hard, I know, but sometimes it helps to remember that your mind is trying its best to protect you. You may "need" to be depressed right now in order to slow down and reflect on what has to change for you to move forward in life (health, etc). Usually I try to find one thing that I can improve and once I implement that, my mind/emotions expand. Food is often at the core of it. Quitting dairy, gluten, and processed junk in favor of fresh fruits/veggies, lots of filtered water, and ethically raised meat is always a good place to start.
Hey, Andrew, these types of videos are nice to listen to! For the van, think about how hard you have worked to get to this state, and how there's not much to go. And get excited about how much you have done thus far. I'm a libertarian, and my outlook is that Trump is the better of the two evils. He's by no means perfect, but the best we got. So I agree with your perspective. For a book, if you're into fiction, I VERY highly recommend The Grace of Kings, by Ken Liu, and part of the Dandelion Dynasty quartet. I've only read the first book at this time, but it was SO good. I'll drop my review here.
Review: It is the best book I’ve ever read. It’s just perfect for me; Everything about it is perfect. It starts with a fragmented world and an emperor trying to solve how to run this large mystical place. It feels like it was written according to my specific taste. This work takes ancient Chinese literature (the rise of the Han dynasty) and puts a whimsical spin on things; it hits the nail on the head. Also, the pace of this book is wild. They make a battle plan, and it's already taking effect on the next page. It's just way quicker than anything I've experienced. There is so much happening at once. People are gaining ranks and power and losing command; at the same time, others are plotting more events. These things happened. Though it can get overwhelming, it’s crazy to think this is actual history with just a bit of alteration in the fantasy aspect. It is a masterpiece, and EASILY a must-read for whoever likes fiction in an old-timey setting with a grand-scale battle and constant action. You can think of it as a history book setting up the rest of the series but without the "uninteresting" parts.
Question: I also have a question for you on some shoes you haven't made a video on. I was looking for some boots that I can wear out for Minnesota winters, and if you remember me from my previous messages; I like the idea of Vibram's. So I'm asking for more in-depth thoughts on your experience with the V-Lynx? How did they work for you in 0 or below weather, if you took them out for that? And can you only really walk in them, as in I would need something additional, like the Primus Lite Knit's? I have lived a very blessed life, and my dad makes good money, so hearing this stuff really pains me! I'll be praying for you brother, and love how you're helping people through UA-cam! I could see myself doing something like this, as I'm quite passionate lol. Even though I've just gotten into this stuff. I don't even have barefoot shoes yet, although I'm barefoot basically all the time, except when in basketball shoes. We have a nice square court out to the NBA three-line built in our backyard, so I get to shoot barefoot, which I very much like. Anyway, you're doing so much good! Thank you for making it to the end of this long and drawn-out message. Keep going, and every day's a new day, so never let the sun set on anger or regret.💙
EDIT: Grammar
Cool, sounds like Game of Thrones but with some Eastern history woven in! Haven't read a good fantasy series for a while, so I appreciate the recommendation. I just talked to my Vibram rep today, and sadly they have a new head of marketing who has put a stop to seeding shoes, so no one will be getting the V-Lynx or anything else to review for the foreseeable future. My guess is that it would work for cold weather, but not down near freezing, and definitely not wet weather. The water will still come straight thru the toes in puddles/slush. Basketball court sounds rad! And thank you for the words of encouragement. Cheers, yo!
@@AndrewFolts It is like Game of Thrones with the political stuff (which I love), but turned up times 10! And no problem, I love helping other people find things they'll like! Oh, wow, well that's no good! I'm sorry, I assumed you had them; I thought what was on your website you own. But it did seem like a ton was on there, lol. And, yeah, it is only water-resistant/repellent, which is also stated on your website. I was confused as to why there wasn't any actual review on the shoes without a video. I'll just stick to Vibram's when the weather isn't freezing then. Yes, the court is quite slick. We do have an apple tree just to the side of it, and if you miss... (we may knock off a few). Any time Andrew, and have a wonderful day/night!
Look at the bright side: at least you have parents that care for you.
Yea, it's a major reason I got into van life, so that I can easily travel back and forth to help my parents out, since they've given me so much.
If you think van life will fix your life, think again.
For sure, no one thing will "fix" your life, but van life does solve a number of problems for me. It gives me a space of my own, which I haven't had for seven years. It allows me to live small, so I have an easier time focusing and don't accumulate a house full of junk. It makes it possible for me to travel back and forth between my parents' houses to help them without uprooting my whole life (packing/unpacking, food, etc). It gives me the ability to travel, while still being able to film and work. It may not be for everyone, but it does suit me.
I'm wishing you all the luck on your journey and hope you will get there quickly 🙏🏻 I just finished watching this video and it sounds like you need to slow down a bit and take some time off. Personally, I find that simplifying life for a week or so really helps me to bounce back. I'll stay away from social media, read a book and fast for 3-5 days. 👌🏻
Stop being a food snob 😊 eating all the time at McDonald's isn't a red flag. Sure you can be disappointed in someone, but give them grace. People are just people. Your friend isn't a big corporation trying to get rich by getting you sick.
On the other hand that homeless guy you feel leary about - trust your instincts.
Take breaks from thinking about the state of the world. Listen to something interesting or entertaining while working on your van to take a break from thinking. I'm not saying that you think too much, but that important to take breaks.
You misunderstand, it's not that I think worse of them, it's just that certain things show you where a person is in their journey, and where they're headed, which in this case, is the opposite of my path. Inevitably, this creates limitations on the depth of connection, that's all. "instincts" For sure, I've never gone wrong when trusting my gut. I walk and run two hours a day, which is as close as I can get to taking a break, but my mind is still running like a rollercoaster. It's just where I'm at right now, ha.
@@AndrewFolts @AndrewFolts I think it was more that I was laughing at the use of phrase red flag for a McDonald's eater 😂
I'm struggling to try to convey that I'm not hating but good naturedly teasing you about it.
But I hope you can sometimes take a break from meaningful things and listen to something entertaining for a distraction while doing boring tasks. Or listen to feel good stories of people making the world a better place to give your brain a break from reality
@@AndrewFolts also be careful with mindlessly scrolling because the algorithm feeds you with with what they want you to see.
@@straykitten4998 Yea, this is what having a mystery autoimmune problem for five years will do to you, ha. Like, you become hyper-vigilant about every little health decision you make, because they affect you 10x with zero margin for error. And so you hear someone talking about eating at McDonald's and your brain goes RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!!
@@AndrewFolts I didn't know about your autoimmune problems. I don't know much at all about autoimmune problems, but I understand getting so sick from foods because I was having stomach problems that I didn't care how much I liked something I was too scared to eat it. I know that's not the same thing as what you're dealing with! but I can understand a little how you feel about 🚨unhealthy food 🚨
Try not to let keep you from connecting with good people. You seem like such a genuinely nice person! 🤍