ADVICE: You have 2 options. OPTION 1.Start doing exposure therapy in small doses. Basically make eye contact with someone and agree beforehand that you are going to have a meaningless conversation so you aren't missing anything when your ears "turn off". Then make direct eye contact while they talk. As you start feeling uncomfortable "chase" that feeling in your body. Where is it? A pit in your stomach? Tightness in your chest? Find it and follow it. You'll be surprised to find it will move! After following it and focusing on keeping your breathing regular for some time, the anxiety, discomfort and stress will pass. Do this on a frequent bases until you conquer that fear by retraining your anxiety to not fear eye contact. OPTION 2. Accept that about yourself. That is who you are and if the people you love accept that about you, then you need to accept it about yourself. Ask yourself, if Flynn did this, would you hold it against him or just say, that's who he is, and love him for it?
I use the nose trick! But I usually try the space between the eyebrows or a reflection in their glasses first because I'm always afraid people will notice the nose stare.
I know this doesn’t solve your problem, but I have watched you for like 5 years, the vlogs since you were pregnant, and I even watch your podcast on UA-cam. I have never noticed you doing they eye thing ever! So though it doesn’t fix your problem maybe it will lower your concern about people noticing lots because I definitely never have in 5 years! Also we all have little things we don’t like about ourselves and it’s totally great to try and work on them, but just a reminder that you are wonderful, special, fantastic human being and you are really really good at so many things!
I've actually noticed it in the podcast but I never once thought anything of it! Certainly not that it was weird or bad. But I totally understand how we are more critical of ourselves.
Question: correct me if i’m wrong, a couple videos ago you were talking about miranda and you wanted to go on a rant and you started talking about how you block flynn’s face in miranda videos and said you would explain later, but then you forgot (exactly like i would’ve). could you tell us why?
I had to learn how to look people in the eyes. What I was told when I was a teenager was to start looking at someone's mouth while they are talking to you, then slowly start to work your way up their face till you get to the eyes. Or focus on their nose and most people won't notice the difference because it's still you focusing on them and their face. And eventually you will be able to look at someones eyes and have it be a "normal" thing. It took me about a year maybe a year and a half to be able to fully look someone in the eyes. And now if your a new person it still takes me a little while to look you in your eyes but I can get there. I hope that could maybe help you.
Colleen, I'm sure you have heard this before, word's are so powerful. Instead of saying to yourself I CAN"T look into their eyes, start saying to yourself, I'm going to try and look into their eye's. Do it with Eric, start out really slow, like a minute at a time. Then move to your mom or sister. That could be one of your coping mechanisms in paying attention and concentrating to what someone is saying. It is okay if you don't do what other people do but if it is bothering you, then that is when it is okay to try and change. Please, take it slow and tell yourself I can do this. If, in time you are unable to look someone in the eye's, that is okay too! Hope this helped, God Bless
@@sbaker3426 I think a lot of it comes from her putting herself out on the internet as well as spending too much time on social media (especially Tik tok)
If just telling yourself I can worked then people who do this, wouldn’t. Your simplistic “just say you can” is very ableist and you obviously don’t know what it’s like. It’s like telling a drunk: just stop drinking! There’s a process to everything that has to be followed, if there even is one for this.
I find I can’t look into someone’s eyes especially people of authority like teachers, then I relise I’m not looking at their eyes and focus the whole time thinking about where I’m looking
Adhd also has a lot in common with autism and things of the like, like avoiding eye contact. I have adhd and do this and other things that people with autism do as well (i also think I'm on the spectrum but anyway) its definitely a hard thing to deal with, itll take lots of practice but definitely work with your therapist and practice with them.
Your really the best mom. As mothers we doubt ourselves. I live in public housing. My kids have been e learning since last March. My son in now a 6th grader.... has been so upset he could play his cornet. My daughter started kindergarten... E LEARNING. It has been a rough ride. You know what keep me going? My 6th grade son got STUDENT OF THE MONTH, out of all the kids that went to school and him being e learning. He works so hard. He DOES I have ADHD and we went through so much with medicine and arguing with teachers with what we as parents think are right. We took him off and he has flourished! My daughter also, it’s been so hard with her first year learning school. SHES READING BOOKS as show and tell for her Friday “thought of the day.” I will say my oldest and youngest had the SAMe kindergarten teacher , and she is absolutely dedicated and amazing. My daughter is reading at first grade. Today I woke up to two awards in my door, both for my son. One was for persistence, never giving up (his band teacher) and one was for high honors.... also his band teacher. Being a parent is so hard. Gosh. It really is. To hold back tears when everything around you is crumbling, when people pass, when life is just extra hard for mom and dad, as parents we have to hold is together and IT IS SOOO HARD! xo your great, Colleen. Erik is great. Korey is great. And suck it up Erik, cat hair is a part of life... it’s LOVE lol
i’m autistic and can’t do it. and i’ve been like that all my life as well. don’t force yourself to do it, and tell people like “hey i can’t make eye contact but i’m still listening to you, i just may not look at you because direct eye contact is difficult for me.” if people still can’t accept that that’s their problem. for real though, don’t force yourself. this does come with being neurodivergent. ❤️❤️ i love you 🥰
I learned this doing speech and debate in middle school: try looking at their forehead/in between their eyes. We had to make eye contact with our judges, but it’s uncomfortable to make eye contact with someone while you’re giving a speech. So our solution was to look at their forehead. The person you’re looking at literally can’t tell the difference.
I have a similar issue, I cannot look someone straight in the eyes because it just feels too intense and intrusive in some way? I usually try to look at someone''s eyebrows instead because it makes it seem as if I am making eye contact.
I am the exact same way! When I married my husband... I spent the majority of the ceremony thinking about how much I was looking in his eyes lmao. It was nice to look him in the eyes so much because I'm really bad with eye contact but I was also freaking out about it lol 😆
I do the exact same thing 😂 I can’t look at my teachers I just look at the floor, walls or the roof and sometimes there eyebrows or nose 😂 and they keep saying to me that I have to look at them and make eye contact and I’m like but I can’t 😂😂
I'm bad at eye contact too. It is very uncomfortable. I always have a habit of looking off to the side or looking up and then looking at the person for a split second only to dart back to the side.
Colleen I do the same thing! I can’t look people in the eye , like i literally can’t! if i ever try i can’t focus on what they are saying or i’ll freaking cry! i’m such a baby!!! Thanks for being so real! I love your talks in the videos they make me feel like i’m not the only one! My anxiety is super bad. Thank You for making me feel like i’m not alone! ❤️
I have the same issue about the shifty eye thing and you’re right when I try to look someone in the eye, I 100% stop listening (or like paying attention) to anything they’re saying
Yes same! I describe it as like when you try to hold the same poles of 2 magnets together -they physically repel, you can hold them together if you really try but only briefly and it takes a lot of energy
the eye flicking could be a form of anxiety tic, i’ve have and have had a lot eye tics. another thing it could be: sensory issues, they’re extremely common with adhd and anxiety
i’ve read only a few comments and it’s making me realise that a lot more people don’t/can’t make eye contact. i can only make eye contact with my boyfriend. i feel so uncomfortable and i feel like i’m making other people feel uncomfortable if i look into their eyes or i’m thinking about what they’re thinking about. i know this isn’t a solution but i always look at their eyebrows or nose or my hand and like fidget with my fingers or a pen on my ring as if i’m actually doing something ‘important’ rather than looking at their eyes. - don’t worry about fixing it colleen i’m sure it’s much more normal than you think and i’m so sorry that people bullied you about it cuz it’s nothing to be embarrassed about ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Same. No problem looking into my bfs eyes. But with other people, even friends and family, it is hard and I always found it weird that people do that. My boss always stares in your eyes, it is really intimidating to me. What helped me is watching asmr videos, especially eye exam roleplays because you have to look a person in the eye, but they are not here, its just a video, but it is designed for you to feel comfortable. Ive gotten better since i started watching asmr
Thank you so much Colleen. I truly haven’t see anyone else with this eye contact issue. I literally started crying because I no longer feel alone about it. I have also never been able to explain it as well as you did. I am 16 and struggling with the awful trifecta: ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I love you and your videos so much. I feel like I truly understand you.
A couple thoughts on the issue with eye contact: I've struggled with this as well and I find it to be a self confidence thing. When I have to look people in the eyes I feel very judged and aware of my appearance. I feel scrutinized and it's really anxiety inducing. It could be you are struggling with how you appear to others and are afraid of being judged.
@@juliannabrown5763 i can’t even look at their faces lmfao my eyes and head are toward the floor or just staring at what i’m getting and handing over money. it’s weird. i can say please and thank you, have a good day, but looking at them? oh hell no lmfao
reminds me of a book i just read called “Finding Audrey”- she wears sunglasses because she has anxiety and cannot do eye contact. i personally do not suffer with this but i feel like you just don’t need to worry about it, but that’s easier to say than do so sorry :(
My doc says it’s a trauma response coupled with ADHD. Not looking at people when they talk makes it easier for you to pay attention to them. Our society favors eye contact. You have been accosted and shamed for not keeping eye contact. You’re totally fine not looking at people in the eye!
oh my gosh colleen! i do the same thing. i have never heard someone talk about it so i never said anything. thank you so much for talking about mental health. it makes me feel like i relate to someone. love you so much!!
Hi Colleen! Anyone can read someone’s expression almost effortlessly with just a glance, some people better than others. However, for some people, when you look in someone’s eyes, the part of the brain that reads expressions gets overstimulated, resulting in you becoming uncomfortable. Advice: Look at someone’s nose bridge! Their brain will register that as eye contact. That, or look at their nose tip, cheeks or forehead. Like so Colleen can see! Thank you!
here to add to the sea of comments: a school counselor caught my ADHD based on my inability to make eye contact with her. obviously i had other symptoms but that was the one that pushed her to finally mention that i should be tested to me and my parents. i experience eye contact the same way you explained, if im making it, im not listening to the person im talking to at all. the only thing that i have found that helps is when im taking my medicine. maybe that’s an unpopular opinion but it truly helps me. i also found that taking my ADHD medicine helped immensely with my anxiety and dermatillomania. it helps make my thoughts more organized and processable, and relaxes my compulsion to pick. i know its a hard choice to make, and maybe you’re already on medication, but im not kidding when i say it was the best choice i have ever made. it is one of the main reasons im going to school for psychology. i hope this helps! ps- just to fend off the comments that appear whenever i have mentioned my mental health on the internet, no, none of this was self diagnosed, i spent 6+ years (so far) seeing therapists, psychiatrists, being in and out of hospitals and treatment programs. im not saying self-diagnosis is completely invalid, i understand there are lots of situations where it’s the only option but im just stating my experience. bless anyone who actually read that, have a lovely day 💛
Hi! I do cognitive assessments for adults with suspected ADHD and it makes me so happy to hear when a person is able to find relief in whatever way works for them. Sending you lots of love!
That sounds a little like Auditory Processing Disorder. My son had this growing up. Also maybe a little high functioning Aspergers? My husband has that and it physically hurts him to do certain things like this. Hope you get some answers but no matter what embrace your difference of others! It’s what makes you amazingly you!!!
hi friend! i’m autistic myself, just a note, its listed as autism spectrum disorder in the DSM 5. there’s not really high functioning or low functioning. every single human that has it is completely unique, and “high” or “low” functioning can suggest that people who have physical or mental challenges because of autism function less. it doesn’t mean people who don’t have those issues don’t struggle as well.
I am so glad that you decide to talk openly about the things that are affecting you Colleen, it really separates you from others and makes myself and others appreciate your honesty. Mental health is always something that should be talked about as I too have eye contact anxiety and it is the one thing that at times can hold me back ,although most times I do not let it. It is true that this eye contact anxiety topic is not talked about and from just having a scroll through the comments here you can see that many suffer from the same thing, for me it is not something that I have always had, it was something that came to be from being treated horribly by people that meant the world to me, it made me extremely hyper aware of the way that I come across in conversation, always worrying if I was coming across okay, but at the same time feeling like eye contact is very intimate and personal and because of those people hurting me I sometimes find it hard to trust and to let people see the real me something for me seems to correlate to eye contact, as they say - the eyes are the windows to the soul. What this eye contact anxiety boils down too is a self esteem issue, You worry that you are not good enough and are really hard on yourself, you see all your flaws and you worry that the person in conversation with you can see that too. But they can't. I do have some tips though, When you are looking at someone in conversation try to soften your gaze - as in try to kind of take in everything around the eye area as one, Instead of looking into their eyes and then to the side as you do, look in the eye area and then down to their mouth for a beat and then back to the eyes. Also Colleen or anyone reading this comment should read the book - "How to Be Yourself, Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety" it is a fantastic read! around page 77 it goes into detail about how irrational anxiety is but also how generalised it is, for example when you are looking into someones eyes and you find the eye contact hard you might think that that person is thinking "what a weirdo" IT IS FALSE, GENERALISED AND IRRATIONAL, instead that person MIGHT notice that you look to the side a lot and thats it! it's not that bad when you remove that irrational anxious fear that only you have and replace it with something rational. Anxiety does that to you where it goes to the worst case scenario all. the. time but if you ask in any anxious situation - "Whats the worst that could happen?" and then get specific and not generalise, you will see that it is never that bad, honestly I would read that book it's fantastic. And Colleen if you ever have a break-though with your eye contact anxiety or need help please do keep us all in the loop, its so refreshing for someone to talk about this :)
hi colleen !! i have social anxiety and autism and i completely relate with everything you just said. what i do is i usually look at/below peoples noses. ive learned it creates the illusion of you making eye contact to the other person but it also takes away your discomfort!!
Colleen you are an INSPIRATION!!! I lost my job due to the pandemic. Since then, I’ve started a UA-cam Channel on Money…and it is GROWING! Thanks for all of your great content, and to everyone else…NEVER GIVE UP!!!
I’m uncomfortable with eye contact too, Colleen. I don’t have “darting eyes” but I have, what my eye Dr. calls “double vision” and it makes my eyes do odd things sometimes. When it’s bad and I’m talking to someone, one eye is in the right position and the other eye is kind of slightly looking over their head. This is because I sometimes literally see 2 of everything I’m looking at so one of my eyes is focused on the right image and the other is focused on the “double” or the image overlapping the right image. lol I almost know that didn’t make since but all of that to say...... I feel self conscious & uncomfortable about eye contact as well. 😂
I have exactly the same problem and I got a lot of headaches and it made me really tired so we went to the doctor and they said that you can fix it with a surgery I did and it changed my life it is so much better now and would def recommend it ofcouse it’s your own choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with but it really helped me.
@@gingerbrentjens8518 thank you! My eye Dr. hasn’t mentioned anything about a surgery that could help but maybe I can ask him when I go to my next appointment. I also have severe headaches due to my eyes so I always make sure to keep my eye Dr. appointment but thanks, I’ll ask next time. 🙏🏻
I have adhd and anxiety and I have done this my entire life. Much like you, I’ve gotten shit about it from family, friends, employers, etc.. but it’s like I have to force myself to look into peoples eyes and I just think about my discomfort. My eyes go all over when I talk because I’m thinking about getting a full thought from my brain out of my mouth, I’m not thinking about where my eyes are going. Having adhd requires a lot of focused attention so for me, staying focused on properly communicating a full thought is more important than focusing on keeping eye contact. Unless somebody else is talking, then I can look at them, but if I’m talking, forget about it. You’re not alone. There is nothing “wrong” with you. Our brains work differently but there is no “right”, “wrong”, “normal”, etc. love who you are, own who you are! You’re pretty great 🤩
Exposure is key. Exposing ourselves to things that make us uncomfortable, make us less uncomfortable with them overtime. Practice looking someone in the eyes and think about what about it makes you uncomfortable. I also saw someone mention the way your talk to yourself, which is so important. Instead of saying “I cannot make eye contact with you” say “I am going to try to make eye contact with you”. The more you tell yourself that the more your thoughts will affect your behaviors. 😌
Omg when Flynn is the ambulance and strains to pick up your broken car .. that is everything. The purity and innocence Flynn has is beautiful. 🧚🏼♂️✨✨✨ Flynn is Such a breath of fresh air that is needed in this world. Preserve it as long as possible momma bear! You are an amazing mother... sending love to you and your beautiful family.. God bless! 🙏🏻
I can relate I can’t look people in the eyes it makes me dramatically uncomfortable. I will look away or have shifty eyes to. If I look at them my brain 100% turns off. I’ve learned to look at a space near their eyes because I can still pay attention that way. Even then I have to concentrate on what they are saying.
I'm so proud of you for opening up, it's amazing, you will get through this and I'm so sorry people have been so horrible about it, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I hope you can get the help that you deserve ❤️
I do the eye contact thing too. For me it’s an autistic trait, and autism is super different in women than it is in men so it could definitely be something to look into.
I do that too and I didn’t know anyone else who did. My therapist told me to just try to make eye contact and obviously that isn’t an answer on how to do that. I’m sorry you feel the way you do I feel that way too often. I hope you find out what to do :(.
Agreed!!! I love that about baby's. I don't know why most babies refer to themselves as Baby instead of their names. I know all my kids did. My heart hurt when Dar Dar ended. And I think I will cry when tounge out jimbberish for water ends to. He is such a cute funny sweet boy.
@@katiedial2334 I love that we have seen him on the daily. It is so fun watching him growing up and seeing him learn and change. And I love he can watch it all online when he grows up.
I also have the same problem and I thought that I was the only one who experienced it, It feels better to know that other people go through it and that I’m not alone, I feel understood. ♥️✨
Colleen, if you're reading this hi! If you're not Colleen reading this, also hi! About the eye contact thing... i definitely have adhd or add & i mean, i never make eye contact too, but i never rlly notice it when talking to somone. But *I* don't shift my eyes very quickly to the sides or anything like you do, i just look around the person and listen to what they're saying & make facial expressions & look at their face for a short period of time, BUT I CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, BC I DON'T EVER CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS ON WHAT MY EYES ARE DOING, I JUST FOCUS ON THE CONVERSATION & WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BESIDES, WHO TF CARES *WHERE YOUR EYES ARE LOOKING AT* WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO SOMEONE, but at the same time, i get where you're coming from, but it also would NEVER bother me if a person WOULDN'T look me straight in the eyes, bc that makes me MUCH MORE uncomfortable, than ppl not making eye contact, bc if they are making it, then i feel like they're looking at me & seeing all my flaws & judging me & i feel insecure & blah, blah, blah... So i think that it's ok if you do that, no one cares where you look when talking to ppl & it's actually better if you DON'T look them straight in the eyes & keep doing what you're doing & stop caring about what other ppl think so much, it would do a lot for your mental health!
I also do this one thing ....... I feel ashamed but kinda not ...... whenever I come acrosss a dump truck or anything Flynn might like ... I take a picture and debate if I should tag Colleen and tweet but I don’t so I have a hundred pics meant for Flynn on my phone 😂😂😛🥳😭🥰❤️💖
@@christineg6123 it’s a similar issue. i’m autistic and i have the same problem. i’ve never been able to look at anyone in the eye unless i trust them. if i’m nervous you can forget me looking you in the eye, i do it even less then 😂
I miss those moments of just randomly stopping whatever I was doing to just play something with my kids and grandkids . Those were really fun sweet moments I have miss so much.
oooh I understand when I'm talking to people I stare past their head and luckily all my friends have anxiety or ADHD or are autistic so eye contact is not mandatory or really wanted but try looking at their forehead or eyebrows or try to make it a game try to figure out what colour the persons eyes are or if their eyebrows match their hair colour
I don't want to write a novel, but you helped me so much today when you talked about the eye contact thing. I have panic attacks, where sometimes it randomly feels like I can't breathe. It happens when people direct negative emotions towards me but I've come a long way with managing it. This week I got promoted to supervisor of the position I've held for the last five years. I started at a new location, with a lot of triggering factors but I felt READY! Then... today, a patient started arguing with me. I was prepared for it, I've been dealing with these situations for YEARS... but a minute into the conversation, I realized I was having a hard time responding because I was running out of air. I've been beating myself ALL day about why this happened. I have dealt with people way louder, way crueler... why today did I panic? Maybe I'm not cut out for this I thought... maybe I'm in over my head... maybe I cant do this after all. BUT when you talked about the eye contact thing in your video, I realized THAT is what was different. She NEVER looked away... and so I never felt like I had a moment to relax, to breathe. Normally mad people look at the ceiling or their phone at some point.... they break eye contact for a second and I've learned to use those moments to breathe. She didn't give me that time. ANYWAYS now I believe it was just a uniquely triggering situation and I GOT THIS! I also feel less alone.
I have a lot of sensory issues. I think a lot of women are undiagnosed on the Autism spectrum. I definitely have some issues that make me think I am super high functioning...I can make eye contact but certain noises stress me out to the point of me in tears. Definitely see a specialist!
My son is also very high functioning and after hearing Colleen talk about her various issues over several videos, I think she more than likely is high functioning as well. Not by any means trying to diagnose, just what I’m seeing.
I babysat a girl with autism and she could only focus on looking or listening at one time and it's totally fine it was more of me (as an outsider of her brain) understanding that that meant she was giving me her undevided hearing attention despite what we're taught as polite in American society
I think there comes a point when you have to succumb to the things that make you you. Don’t get me wrong, there’s always room for improvement and working on yourself and stuff but if looking people in the eye makes you uncomfortable and it’s become a way to cope for you, don’t try so hard to fix it. The best way to live a happy life is to live compatibly with the way you function. If your ADHD brain looks away to focus better, that’s okay! I know you don’t like it, but try and remove yourself from the idea that you’re ‘not normal’. There is no normal. You’re just you.
Have you been tested for Aspergers? high functioning autism in girls and women is different than boys and men. often adhd is misdiagnosed and the person is really on the autism spectrum. I was 37 when I was diagnosed. We have the same type of "symptoms".
I’m so glad you talked about the eye contact thing! I have the same problem and I never understood why. I literally can’t focus on what anybody is saying while I’m forcing eye contact and it sucks! I really thought I was the only one who struggled with this. I have anxiety and depression and never thought it could be related. I’m bringing it up to my therapist next week. I’ll keep you posted if she has any solution.
i have the same problem colleen. i can't look someone in the eyes at all. and if i do, i can't focus on what they're saying and i get worried because what if they ask something later. for me, it's just scary to look at someone in the eyes. and i do the exact same thing that you do. i look side to side when i'm making "eye contact"
It makes me sad that Colleen feels like she has to change something about herself because of how other people might perceive it. Not being able to make eye contact is a symptom of ADHD and other conditions too. And being ADHD isn't something to be ashamed of, even thought society has made you think that it is. It's probably a more tricky solution that you want Colleen, but it's just a part of you and something that you can and should try to learn to accept. I don't think it's going to go away and if you accept that maybe you will be more at peace with it. I know it's difficult and I know I probably sound pretty rude but I don't think it's something you need to change about yourself 🖤🖤
Well said, I have ADHD and Aspergers and I've strugglet with eye contant for my whole life. Now that I know the reason, it's been much easier to accept it as part of me. The more you learn the easier it gets to accept yourself as who you truly are. One more thing related to ADHD/ASD. I have HSD/EDS (not sure which one yet) and I see a lot of those symptoms in Colleen. Because of her joint pain and hard pregnancy I think it'd be very important for Colleen to get checked for that, just in case. There could be some serious complications with some types of EDS. Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome are very common co-morbid diagnoses with ADHD/ASD.
I also have a hard time making eye contact, if I look at someone for more than 7 seconds I feel like I’m staring into their soul and feel like a creep. So I can relate! 😶
Colleen i am a 100% the same. I CANNOT physically (it seems like) look someone in the eye.. and following your life for a couple of years now has made me seriously consider if i am ADHD too because i have never been diagnosed but i can relate to just so much of it.. one thing thats different is how vivid your memories of childhood are which might have to do with your journaling them which i think is so great because i feel sad that i cannot remember any childhood things .. even things from my own honeymoon (6 years ago) or my trip to US (8 years ago) are such a blur .. and i have figured out in the past that it is because i live my life of auto pilot .. i am never truly IN THE MOMENT .. constantly thinking about another thing and never focusing on what i am actually doing .. and thats why i have such a hard time storing those memories .. but anyways .. point is.. i am just like you in this eye contact thing too.. if you figure something out that helps .. let me know too 😀
colleen, about the eye contact thing, i feel you 100% about every single thing you said. I've never talked to a doctor or a therapist about it so I'm hoping I can find answers in the comments about this too. thank you for sharing this because I've been struggling with this also
If you want to get bangs just cut them it’s not their choice or their opinion I think you look really pretty with the curtain bangs but if you don’t like them cut bangs and you will probably look so pretty with bangs
That’s EXACTLY the reason I struggle with eye contact. I feel like it opens me up to that person, and they can see things I don’t want them to. Can they see how I’m feeling? Likely no, but my brain will never believe that.
I love your videos because I relate so much, I watch every vlog, it’s helping to keep me sane during quarantine. Anyways, I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (my junior year of college). And I have learned so much about it through quarantine. One really common struggle for people with ADHD is processing social situations: aka social anxiety/feeling awkward, RSD, and trouble making eye contact. If you’re still wanting to learn more about how ADHD affects you and your daily life, I’d start seeing an ADHD coach. They can explain and understand things that you didn’t even know where because of ADHD. I really hope this is helpful, and remember that the reason it’s hard for you to make eye contact is because your brain needs the energy it would take to give someone eye contact, to focus on and process the conversation or situation you are in. Hope this helps! ❤️
As someone with anxiety and ADHD, I watch people's mouths while they talk, because it also helps me understand what they're saying because I also read lips and I struggle with audio processing.
When you have ADHD to listen some people need to look away or at something else. My daughter and ex-husband are ADHD and cannot make eye contract because they need to process what the person is saying.
1. I love how flynn was grunting while playing with cars, I love him 2. I have anxiety and a little bit of adhd. I know what you are going through. I do the same thing. Im only 13 so I can't help but I get break down because of everything, so your not alone. but yeah I deal with alot of mental health things and family things that is really hard for me, and in some ways I am scard so I get scared when I hold eye contact, and I space out which is weird but I love you colleen, if you see this can you please tell your vlog so I no u read it???? cuz I have trust issues even tho colleen does not know I exist!! TEEHEE
My husband and I both space out a lot, don't make a lot of eye contact, and have to constantly ask each other "Say that again?" Haha so you are not alone.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Lots of people who have ADHD also are autistic, or vice versa. And autistic people really struggle to make eye contact. Lots of people just look at the floor or after a lot of practice, look at a feature on someone’s face, like their nose. I am not saying you are or could be autistic, but when you describe it it sounds a lot like autism.
That's what I thought straight away. I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis for ADHD and I have some autistic traits as well. There's a lot of people with both disorders and there's a lot of crossover of symptoms for both disorders. It's not an anxiety thing, anxiety is the result of the disorder she's has all her life without being diagnosed - one of the many fun co-morbidities that come with ADHD & ASD. Wish I could just reach into the screen and give her a hug - and tell her she's not alone!
I have struggled with this before, i haven't been able to fully overcome it, but the best way to avoid the "embarrassment" of shifting my eyes away is to just look at a different spot on their face, or make some sort of gesture like a nod to make it seem more natural when you look away. Just remember, there are so many other people who can relate to this, and other things you may feel uncomfortable about, you are not alone.
I also can’t ever make eye contact with people. I have anxiety and add so I guess it could be a result of those. My eyes aren’t really shifty but I act like I’m just looking around the environment or look at my food or mess with something. I don’t have a single person on this earth that I can make eye contact with for more than like 2 seconds. It’s so uncomfortable and feels unnatural.
I do the shifting eyes thing too!! I’ve never really thought about it. I have anxiety and ADHD too. I don’t necessarily feel uncomfortable when making eye contact, but when I’m talking to someone and they ask me a question that I can’t answer without thinking about it, I immediately look off into the distance while thinking about it/answering the question. So if someone asks me “What was your favorite part of your day?” I wouldn’t be able to keep eye contact while I’m answering them, and I’d look anywhere else but the person I’m talking to, because if I look at the person’s eyes I’d only be thinking about how I’m making eye contact. So I feel you Colleen!!❤️❤️
on the eye contact thing - eye contact as a social expectation is honestly ableist. we try to make neurodivergent people adjust to the way that neurotypical people deem socially acceptable. if making eye contact with people makes it HARDER for you to pay attention and makes you uncomfortable then that's just the way you are and that's okay! you don't need to fix it - it's an unrealistic social expectation. for myself, i get uncomfortable by eye contact and looking away from people and closing my eyes helps me pay attention better even if it doesn't "look" like it. explain to your friends and loved ones that you are listening but it may look different from what they're used to. you don't have to adjust to society's expectations of you, society and people in your life should be able to adapt and accept the way that you listen best and feel most comfortable!!!! and that's that!!!!!
I wish I knew the answer to the eye contact thing as well It makes me extremely uncomfortable and when in a conversation with someone I’m over thinking about looking them directly in the eye and same I can’t think of anything else so I hear nothing they are saying ....
I used to never be able to look into people's eyes, so I started focusing on looking at their mouths, then once I was comfortable with that I looked at their noses, and then finally the little space in between their eyes. To this day I sometimes just look at their noses because I don't feel up to looking in their eyes. This really worked for me and it might work for you? It took a while, so don't let that discourage you. Sometimes just knowing that you are consciously making a difference is all it takes to feel better about yourself! xx
I completely recognize myself in what you’re saying! I’ve never been comfortable looking into someone’s eyes during a conversation and forget to listen when I try to keep eye contact... I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I think it also has something to do with having a restless mind 🤔 Just know you’re definitely not alone 🙏🏼
I'll be honest I struggle really hard to look people in the eye. It's very uncomfortable to me. They way I practice is looking in between their eyes or their nose, or vacinity. For me it's training my brain to say it's okay to look in their eyes and I start with one person at a time. It honestly has taken me a long time to be okay with looking at my significant other let alone other people
Something I wondered when you were away, is would you guys ever move to Santa Barbara? Also regarding the eye shifting: totally part of ADHD and anxiety, as you’ve been told. I’ll see if we have resources at work about it!
I feel this way too about the eye contact and being able to hear struggle. I am also made fun of as well for it. Please keep us updated! The older I get (25) the more I am connecting ADD and anxiety tendencies with my personal self now and explains a lot of my childhood.
I can look people in the eyes but when I do, I’m like you where I just think about it too much and can’t even focus on what they’re saying. Am I making too much eye contact? oh where should I look? I try to make myself just be in the moment and not think about it but it’s hard haha so I understand you. Honestly just try to push yourself more and try to look at people in the face more! that’s the best solution I can think of
I can't look people in the eye either! It stresses me out soo much, when I do I don't hear what they are saying either. Even watching films/series I don't look at their eyes I always lipread. I have no clue why, but it doesn't really bother me much. If people find it weird, that's on them hahah
Thank you for mentioning about the eye contact! Always thought I was a freak, but reassuring that other struggle too. Have been working on it for years, but very slow improvements.
I personally have ADD so I can relate to you and yes that is a Symptom of ADD and ADHD and the best thing is to do what you do best you don’t have to have eye contact. Personally I can’t stop doing that and I can completely relate to that and honestly I haven’t even had an answer like a real answer since I was born and Diagnosed
i don't make eye contact with anyone either and it makes me feel like i don't have a connection with anyone and that the experiences i have with people aren't real or substantial... if that makes sense lol
I have severe anxiety and I used to not be able to look people in the eye, but I made a point to start doing it. I think the more you do it the more used to it you’ll get. It’s not always the most comfortable thing, but it’s respectful to the other person and it shows confidence in you.
I honestly never noticed Colleen! I have the same problem, for me it’s also related to anxiety and I think I’ve taught myself to look people in the eye and for a long time it was really uncomfortable. The eyes are the way to the soul, I think I don’t like the idea of someone seeing me so deeply. It’s a way not to trust people in fear of getting hurt. It’s not a decision I consciously make not to trust people. I hope this helps, maybe you can find similarity with yourself. Love your talks! Much love 💕
ADVICE: You have 2 options. OPTION 1.Start doing exposure therapy in small doses. Basically make eye contact with someone and agree beforehand that you are going to have a meaningless conversation so you aren't missing anything when your ears "turn off". Then make direct eye contact while they talk. As you start feeling uncomfortable "chase" that feeling in your body. Where is it? A pit in your stomach? Tightness in your chest? Find it and follow it. You'll be surprised to find it will move! After following it and focusing on keeping your breathing regular for some time, the anxiety, discomfort and stress will pass. Do this on a frequent bases until you conquer that fear by retraining your anxiety to not fear eye contact. OPTION 2. Accept that about yourself. That is who you are and if the people you love accept that about you, then you need to accept it about yourself. Ask yourself, if Flynn did this, would you hold it against him or just say, that's who he is, and love him for it?
Yes! I tried to explain this but you did a much better job haha.
Love these. Great advice!
I was also going to suggest the first option just babbling while making eye contact I think could help or maybe playing word association games?
@@insertcreativenamehere7970 thank you, thats very kind :)
@@JamieKlotz definitely! Word association games will be great once she gets over the initial hump of stress! Great suggestion, thank you :)
I'm autistic and I have trouble making eye contact. Totally feel the same about it. One trick is to look at someone's nose. They won't really notice.
Omg same, or right between there eyes, like the unibrow area
I use the nose trick! But I usually try the space between the eyebrows or a reflection in their glasses first because I'm always afraid people will notice the nose stare.
Eyebrows also work!
Thanks for the advice😊😊
I have a lot of trouble with eye contact too and just recently learned that!
I know this doesn’t solve your problem, but I have watched you for like 5 years, the vlogs since you were pregnant, and I even watch your podcast on UA-cam. I have never noticed you doing they eye thing ever! So though it doesn’t fix your problem maybe it will lower your concern about people noticing lots because I definitely never have in 5 years!
Also we all have little things we don’t like about ourselves and it’s totally great to try and work on them, but just a reminder that you are wonderful, special, fantastic human being and you are really really good at so many things!
i agree with this so much i have been watching for a really long time and never noticed
Same here, I’ve never noticed
I feel the same
I've actually noticed it in the podcast but I never once thought anything of it! Certainly not that it was weird or bad. But I totally understand how we are more critical of ourselves.
A friend of mine once said, "Not every thing about you is a thing that needs to be fixed." That helps me be okay with some of my quirks!
From a fan’s perspective, the accessibility of virtual shows is a benefit! I’m sure many people attend that cannot go in person
Yeah like I could not afford to travel to America because I literally live on the other side of the world but I can watch these online shows
yes!
Question: correct me if i’m wrong, a couple videos ago you were talking about miranda and you wanted to go on a rant and you started talking about how you block flynn’s face in miranda videos and said you would explain later, but then you forgot (exactly like i would’ve). could you tell us why?
Yes!
It's kinda obvious why she blocks Flynn's face in Miranda video's.
I had to learn how to look people in the eyes. What I was told when I was a teenager was to start looking at someone's mouth while they are talking to you, then slowly start to work your way up their face till you get to the eyes. Or focus on their nose and most people won't notice the difference because it's still you focusing on them and their face.
And eventually you will be able to look at someones eyes and have it be a "normal" thing. It took me about a year maybe a year and a half to be able to fully look someone in the eyes. And now if your a new person it still takes me a little while to look you in your eyes but I can get there.
I hope that could maybe help you.
you are so awesome to share this idea I agree that forcing yourself and working up to it is really the only way to do it.
Colleen, I'm sure you have heard this before, word's are so powerful. Instead of saying to yourself I CAN"T look into their eyes, start saying to yourself, I'm going to try and look into their eye's. Do it with Eric, start out really slow, like a minute at a time. Then move to your mom or sister. That could be one of your coping mechanisms in paying attention and concentrating to what someone is saying. It is okay if you don't do what other people do but if it is bothering you, then that is when it is okay to try and change. Please, take it slow and tell yourself I can do this. If, in time you are unable to look someone in the eye's, that is okay too! Hope this helped, God Bless
This is great advice! Well put 👍🏽
@@sbaker3426 I think a lot of it comes from her putting herself out on the internet as well as spending too much time on social media (especially Tik tok)
To add on, if "I'm going to try" doesn't help, "I want to look in their eyes" could help too (instead of I can't, I should, I need to, or I have to).
If just telling yourself I can worked then people who do this, wouldn’t. Your simplistic “just say you can” is very ableist and you obviously don’t know what it’s like. It’s like telling a drunk: just stop drinking! There’s a process to everything that has to be followed, if there even is one for this.
Absolutely loving the energy in this comment, I'm going to apply it, I feel the same way as Colleen about eye contact
I find I can’t look into someone’s eyes especially people of authority like teachers, then I relise I’m not looking at their eyes and focus the whole time thinking about where I’m looking
Sameeeee
Same
I pay attention to peoples eyes so very creepily much, i litterly know every single persons eye color in my class
Same I just feel weird and uncomfortable if I look into someone's eyes for more than a few seconds while talking to them in
Same and my eyes always start to water if it happens to me too
Adhd also has a lot in common with autism and things of the like, like avoiding eye contact. I have adhd and do this and other things that people with autism do as well (i also think I'm on the spectrum but anyway) its definitely a hard thing to deal with, itll take lots of practice but definitely work with your therapist and practice with them.
Your really the best mom. As mothers we doubt ourselves. I live in public housing. My kids have been e learning since last March. My son in now a 6th grader.... has been so upset he could play his cornet. My daughter started kindergarten... E LEARNING. It has been a rough ride. You know what keep me going? My 6th grade son got STUDENT OF THE MONTH, out of all the kids that went to school and him being e learning. He works so hard. He DOES I have ADHD and we went through so much with medicine and arguing with teachers with what we as parents think are right. We took him off and he has flourished! My daughter also, it’s been so hard with her first year learning school. SHES READING BOOKS as show and tell for her Friday “thought of the day.” I will say my oldest and youngest had the SAMe kindergarten teacher , and she is absolutely dedicated and amazing. My daughter is reading at first grade. Today I woke up to two awards in my door, both for my son. One was for persistence, never giving up (his band teacher) and one was for high honors.... also his band teacher. Being a parent is so hard. Gosh. It really is. To hold back tears when everything around you is crumbling, when people pass, when life is just extra hard for mom and dad, as parents we have to hold is together and IT IS SOOO HARD! xo your great, Colleen. Erik is great. Korey is great. And suck it up Erik, cat hair is a part of life... it’s LOVE lol
i’m autistic and can’t do it. and i’ve been like that all my life as well. don’t force yourself to do it, and tell people like “hey i can’t make eye contact but i’m still listening to you, i just may not look at you because direct eye contact is difficult for me.” if people still can’t accept that that’s their problem. for real though, don’t force yourself. this does come with being neurodivergent. ❤️❤️ i love you 🥰
same... i have aspergers... i wonder if colleen has considered getting tested to see if she is on the spectrum
Yes!!!! Great comment xx
@@olivias2075 that’s a good question, i doubt it tbh.
I learned this doing speech and debate in middle school: try looking at their forehead/in between their eyes. We had to make eye contact with our judges, but it’s uncomfortable to make eye contact with someone while you’re giving a speech. So our solution was to look at their forehead. The person you’re looking at literally can’t tell the difference.
Idk which celebrity said it, but she would do this and it helped avoid people from approaching her because she "made eye contact"
That’s good
Or look at the nose 👃🏻
@@lufergomo31 I know people that have done that with me and I suddenly get self conscious and wonder if I have something on my nose lol 😅
I have a similar issue, I cannot look someone straight in the eyes because it just feels too intense and intrusive in some way? I usually try to look at someone''s eyebrows instead because it makes it seem as if I am making eye contact.
or their nose. and that's a really good tip, I always forget that's an option.
OMG SAME
#lookateyebrows
I am the exact same way! When I married my husband... I spent the majority of the ceremony thinking about how much I was looking in his eyes lmao. It was nice to look him in the eyes so much because I'm really bad with eye contact but I was also freaking out about it lol 😆
I do the exact same thing 😂 I can’t look at my teachers I just look at the floor, walls or the roof and sometimes there eyebrows or nose 😂 and they keep saying to me that I have to look at them and make eye contact and I’m like but I can’t 😂😂
I try to but I usually look at the persons nose
I'm bad at eye contact too. It is very uncomfortable. I always have a habit of looking off to the side or looking up and then looking at the person for a split second only to dart back to the side.
Colleen I do the same thing! I can’t look people in the eye , like i literally can’t! if i ever try i can’t focus on what they are saying or i’ll freaking cry! i’m such a baby!!! Thanks for being so real! I love your talks in the videos they make me feel like i’m not the only one! My anxiety is super bad. Thank You for making me feel like i’m not alone! ❤️
I have the same issue about the shifty eye thing and you’re right when I try to look someone in the eye, I 100% stop listening (or like paying attention) to anything they’re saying
i do sometimes. most of the time actually
Yes same! I describe it as like when you try to hold the same poles of 2 magnets together -they physically repel, you can hold them together if you really try but only briefly and it takes a lot of energy
I do the same!
same i do the same thing but haven't gotten the chance to get my symptoms diagnosed and any time she talks about it i relate too much 🧍♀️
the eye flicking could be a form of anxiety tic, i’ve have and have had a lot eye tics. another thing it could be: sensory issues, they’re extremely common with adhd and anxiety
i’ve read only a few comments and it’s making me realise that a lot more people don’t/can’t make eye contact. i can only make eye contact with my boyfriend. i feel so uncomfortable and i feel like i’m making other people feel uncomfortable if i look into their eyes or i’m thinking about what they’re thinking about. i know this isn’t a solution but i always look at their eyebrows or nose or my hand and like fidget with my fingers or a pen on my ring as if i’m actually doing something ‘important’ rather than looking at their eyes. - don’t worry about fixing it colleen i’m sure it’s much more normal than you think and i’m so sorry that people bullied you about it cuz it’s nothing to be embarrassed about ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Same. No problem looking into my bfs eyes. But with other people, even friends and family, it is hard and I always found it weird that people do that. My boss always stares in your eyes, it is really intimidating to me. What helped me is watching asmr videos, especially eye exam roleplays because you have to look a person in the eye, but they are not here, its just a video, but it is designed for you to feel comfortable. Ive gotten better since i started watching asmr
Thank you so much Colleen. I truly haven’t see anyone else with this eye contact issue. I literally started crying because I no longer feel alone about it. I have also never been able to explain it as well as you did. I am 16 and struggling with the awful trifecta: ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I love you and your videos so much. I feel like I truly understand you.
A couple thoughts on the issue with eye contact:
I've struggled with this as well and I find it to be a self confidence thing. When I have to look people in the eyes I feel very judged and aware of my appearance. I feel scrutinized and it's really anxiety inducing.
It could be you are struggling with how you appear to others and are afraid of being judged.
My advice is: almost no one cares or notices that you are doing that. Only idiots that want to bring you down will notice
Look at the middle of where their unibrow would be, it looks like ur looking at their eyes but ur not
@@juliannabrown5763 i can’t even look at their faces lmfao my eyes and head are toward the floor or just staring at what i’m getting and handing over money.
it’s weird. i can say please and thank you, have a good day, but looking at them? oh hell no lmfao
Literally no one noticed lol
reminds me of a book i just read called “Finding Audrey”- she wears sunglasses because she has anxiety and cannot do eye contact. i personally do not suffer with this but i feel like you just don’t need to worry about it, but that’s easier to say than do so sorry :(
Ohh I read that recently too! Yeah it sounds pretty similar but not quite either
Where could I find that book? It sounds really good
@@lilygillis8732 I found it on Amazon!
oh my god i love that book i read it like three times in like one week
@@lilygillis8732 you should try thriftbooks.com and see if they have it! 😎
My doc says it’s a trauma response coupled with ADHD. Not looking at people when they talk makes it easier for you to pay attention to them. Our society favors eye contact. You have been accosted and shamed for not keeping eye contact. You’re totally fine not looking at people in the eye!
I didn’t know looking into people’s eyes was a thing until I was 13 and my teacher called it out. Now I won’t break eye contact until you cry 😅
oh my gosh colleen! i do the same thing. i have never heard someone talk about it so i never said anything. thank you so much for talking about mental health. it makes me feel like i relate to someone. love you so much!!
Hi Colleen!
Anyone can read someone’s expression almost effortlessly with just a glance, some people better than others. However, for some people, when you look in someone’s eyes, the part of the brain that reads expressions gets overstimulated, resulting in you becoming uncomfortable.
Advice: Look at someone’s nose bridge! Their brain will register that as eye contact. That, or look at their nose tip, cheeks or forehead.
Like so Colleen can see! Thank you!
here to add to the sea of comments:
a school counselor caught my ADHD based on my inability to make eye contact with her. obviously i had other symptoms but that was the one that pushed her to finally mention that i should be tested to me and my parents.
i experience eye contact the same way you explained, if im making it, im not listening to the person im talking to at all. the only thing that i have found that helps is when im taking my medicine. maybe that’s an unpopular opinion but it truly helps me.
i also found that taking my ADHD medicine helped immensely with my anxiety and dermatillomania. it helps make my thoughts more organized and processable, and relaxes my compulsion to pick.
i know its a hard choice to make, and maybe you’re already on medication, but im not kidding when i say it was the best choice i have ever made. it is one of the main reasons im going to school for psychology. i hope this helps!
ps- just to fend off the comments that appear whenever i have mentioned my mental health on the internet, no, none of this was self diagnosed, i spent 6+ years (so far) seeing therapists, psychiatrists, being in and out of hospitals and treatment programs. im not saying self-diagnosis is completely invalid, i understand there are lots of situations where it’s the only option but im just stating my experience.
bless anyone who actually read that, have a lovely day 💛
Hi! I do cognitive assessments for adults with suspected ADHD and it makes me so happy to hear when a person is able to find relief in whatever way works for them. Sending you lots of love!
That sounds a little like Auditory Processing Disorder. My son had this growing up. Also maybe a little high functioning Aspergers? My husband has that and it physically hurts him to do certain things like this. Hope you get some answers but no matter what embrace your difference of others! It’s what makes you amazingly you!!!
That’s what I was thinking. Recently I’ve been noticing that I may have autism, and one of the traits is not being able to make eye contact.
hi friend! i’m autistic myself, just a note, its listed as autism spectrum disorder in the DSM 5. there’s not really high functioning or low functioning. every single human that has it is completely unique, and “high” or “low” functioning can suggest that people who have physical or mental challenges because of autism function less. it doesn’t mean people who don’t have those issues don’t struggle as well.
I am so glad that you decide to talk openly about the things that are affecting you Colleen, it really separates you from others and makes myself and others appreciate your honesty. Mental health is always something that should be talked about as I too have eye contact anxiety and it is the one thing that at times can hold me back ,although most times I do not let it.
It is true that this eye contact anxiety topic is not talked about and from just having a scroll through the comments here you can see that many suffer from the same thing, for me it is not something that I have always had, it was something that came to be from being treated horribly by people that meant the world to me, it made me extremely hyper aware of the way that I come across in conversation, always worrying if I was coming across okay, but at the same time feeling like eye contact is very intimate and personal and because of those people hurting me I sometimes find it hard to trust and to let people see the real me something for me seems to correlate to eye contact, as they say - the eyes are the windows to the soul. What this eye contact anxiety boils down too is a self esteem issue, You worry that you are not good enough and are really hard on yourself, you see all your flaws and you worry that the person in conversation with you can see that too. But they can't.
I do have some tips though, When you are looking at someone in conversation try to soften your gaze - as in try to kind of take in everything around the eye area as one, Instead of looking into their eyes and then to the side as you do, look in the eye area and then down to their mouth for a beat and then back to the eyes.
Also Colleen or anyone reading this comment should read the book - "How to Be Yourself, Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety" it is a fantastic read! around page 77 it goes into detail about how irrational anxiety is but also how generalised it is, for example when you are looking into someones eyes and you find the eye contact hard you might think that that person is thinking "what a weirdo" IT IS FALSE, GENERALISED AND IRRATIONAL, instead that person MIGHT notice that you look to the side a lot and thats it! it's not that bad when you remove that irrational anxious fear that only you have and replace it with something rational. Anxiety does that to you where it goes to the worst case scenario all. the. time but if you ask in any anxious situation - "Whats the worst that could happen?" and then get specific and not generalise, you will see that it is never that bad, honestly I would read that book it's fantastic. And Colleen if you ever have a break-though with your eye contact anxiety or need help please do keep us all in the loop, its so refreshing for someone to talk about this :)
hi colleen !! i have social anxiety and autism and i completely relate with everything you just said. what i do is i usually look at/below peoples noses. ive learned it creates the illusion of you making eye contact to the other person but it also takes away your discomfort!!
Colleen you are an INSPIRATION!!! I lost my job due to the pandemic. Since then, I’ve started a UA-cam Channel on Money…and it is GROWING! Thanks for all of your great content, and to everyone else…NEVER GIVE UP!!!
I’m sorry you lost ur job! Sending love ❤️
@@peppapig7530 Thank you so much, I'm working through it!!
@@MoneyTalkwithChris Whats ur channel I will sub!!
Sorry you lost your job and your amazing
@@MoneyTalkwithChris that’s great! Hope it goes smoothly😄
I’m uncomfortable with eye contact too, Colleen. I don’t have “darting eyes” but I have, what my eye Dr. calls “double vision” and it makes my eyes do odd things sometimes. When it’s bad and I’m talking to someone, one eye is in the right position and the other eye is kind of slightly looking over their head. This is because I sometimes literally see 2 of everything I’m looking at so one of my eyes is focused on the right image and the other is focused on the “double” or the image overlapping the right image. lol
I almost know that didn’t make since but all of that to say......
I feel self conscious & uncomfortable about eye contact as well. 😂
I have exactly the same problem and I got a lot of headaches and it made me really tired so we went to the doctor and they said that you can fix it with a surgery I did and it changed my life it is so much better now and would def recommend it ofcouse it’s your own choice and you have to do what you feel comfortable with but it really helped me.
@@gingerbrentjens8518 thank you! My eye Dr. hasn’t mentioned anything about a surgery that could help but maybe I can ask him when I go to my next appointment. I also have severe headaches due to my eyes so I always make sure to keep my eye Dr. appointment but thanks, I’ll ask next time. 🙏🏻
Flynn referring to himself as “baby” might just get me through this pandemic ❤️
Same
Ikr!! BaBy eAt iT!?!🥺🥺🥺
hahaha yessss
I've got a feeling that Flynn will be graduating high school and this pandemic will still be with us, but yeah, that is very cute
might just be ahahah but we’ve got colleens volgs!
I have adhd and anxiety and I have done this my entire life. Much like you, I’ve gotten shit about it from family, friends, employers, etc.. but it’s like I have to force myself to look into peoples eyes and I just think about my discomfort. My eyes go all over when I talk because I’m thinking about getting a full thought from my brain out of my mouth, I’m not thinking about where my eyes are going. Having adhd requires a lot of focused attention so for me, staying focused on properly communicating a full thought is more important than focusing on keeping eye contact. Unless somebody else is talking, then I can look at them, but if I’m talking, forget about it.
You’re not alone. There is nothing “wrong” with you. Our brains work differently but there is no “right”, “wrong”, “normal”, etc. love who you are, own who you are! You’re pretty great 🤩
Exposure is key. Exposing ourselves to things that make us uncomfortable, make us less uncomfortable with them overtime. Practice looking someone in the eyes and think about what about it makes you uncomfortable. I also saw someone mention the way your talk to yourself, which is so important. Instead of saying “I cannot make eye contact with you” say “I am going to try to make eye contact with you”. The more you tell yourself that the more your thoughts will affect your behaviors. 😌
flynn taught me more about cars than life did.
Ikr
Honestly same
so true!
Ikr
Same hehe
Omg when Flynn is the ambulance and strains to pick up your broken car .. that is everything. The purity and innocence Flynn has is beautiful. 🧚🏼♂️✨✨✨ Flynn is Such a breath of fresh air that is needed in this world. Preserve it as long as possible momma bear! You are an amazing mother... sending love to you and your beautiful family.. God bless! 🙏🏻
I can relate I can’t look people in the eyes it makes me dramatically uncomfortable. I will look away or have shifty eyes to. If I look at them my brain 100% turns off.
I’ve learned to look at a space near their eyes because I can still pay attention that way. Even then I have to concentrate on what they are saying.
I'm so proud of you for opening up, it's amazing, you will get through this and I'm so sorry people have been so horrible about it, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I hope you can get the help that you deserve ❤️
I just love watching you and Flynn play together. I can feel the love you have for him 💖💖💖
I do the eye contact thing too. For me it’s an autistic trait, and autism is super different in women than it is in men so it could definitely be something to look into.
I do that too and I didn’t know anyone else who did. My therapist told me to just try to make eye contact and obviously that isn’t an answer on how to do that. I’m sorry you feel the way you do I feel that way too often. I hope you find out what to do :(.
Or a way to accept it and heal her prior criticism :)
@@katherine7444 accurate
ok if Flynn starts to call himself "Flynn" instead of "Baby" i’ll cry again just like with the Dardars 🥺 he’s growing up too fast!
Agreed!!! I love that about baby's. I don't know why most babies refer to themselves as Baby instead of their names. I know all my kids did. My heart hurt when Dar Dar ended. And I think I will cry when tounge out jimbberish for water ends to. He is such a cute funny sweet boy.
He’s getting so big! 😭 it’s been so great watching him grow up on camera.
@@katiedial2334
I love that we have seen him on the daily. It is so fun watching him growing up and seeing him learn and change. And I love he can watch it all online when he grows up.
I also have the same problem and I thought that I was the only one who experienced it, It feels better to know that other people go through it and that I’m not alone, I feel understood. ♥️✨
Colleen, if you're reading this hi! If you're not Colleen reading this, also hi! About the eye contact thing... i definitely have adhd or add & i mean, i never make eye contact too, but i never rlly notice it when talking to somone. But *I* don't shift my eyes very quickly to the sides or anything like you do, i just look around the person and listen to what they're saying & make facial expressions & look at their face for a short period of time, BUT I CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, BC I DON'T EVER CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS ON WHAT MY EYES ARE DOING, I JUST FOCUS ON THE CONVERSATION & WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BESIDES, WHO TF CARES *WHERE YOUR EYES ARE LOOKING AT* WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO SOMEONE, but at the same time, i get where you're coming from, but it also would NEVER bother me if a person WOULDN'T look me straight in the eyes, bc that makes me MUCH MORE uncomfortable, than ppl not making eye contact, bc if they are making it, then i feel like they're looking at me & seeing all my flaws & judging me & i feel insecure & blah, blah, blah... So i think that it's ok if you do that, no one cares where you look when talking to ppl & it's actually better if you DON'T look them straight in the eyes & keep doing what you're doing & stop caring about what other ppl think so much, it would do a lot for your mental health!
Eye contact is so hard with anxiety and low self esteem.
I LOVE HOW HE REFERS TO HIMSELF AS BABY. flynn- "oh baby eat it" colleen- "mhm" flynn- *puts it in his mouth* its literally the. cutest thing ever.
Colleen literally inspires me to be a better mom, and I don’t even have children.
lol
Same
Same!!
It's so cute to watch her play with Flynn! Those are the moments she's gonna love to look back on.
I feel like Flynn's sister by just randomly singing a truck song throughout the day.
I do that to.........
Skid steer is always having ✨FUUUNN✨
Okay I'm glad I'm not the only one who breaks out into a song I've never heard except when Flynn sings it 😂
Ikrr sameeee
I also do this one thing ....... I feel ashamed but kinda not ...... whenever I come acrosss a dump truck or anything Flynn might like ... I take a picture and debate if I should tag Colleen and tweet but I don’t so I have a hundred pics meant for Flynn on my phone 😂😂😛🥳😭🥰❤️💖
I have undiagnosed autism and this was my first like clue, I have sensory issues too.
Idk how this information is helpful to Colleen bc Colleen doesn't have autism.
@@christineg6123 autism and adhd in women can be very similar
@@christineg6123 it’s a similar issue. i’m autistic and i have the same problem. i’ve never been able to look at anyone in the eye unless i trust them. if i’m nervous you can forget me looking you in the eye, i do it even less then 😂
@@christineg6123 bold of you to assume that. it’s a suggestion. don’t act as if autism is something negative, or an insult to colleen
@@Morgan-qe8vq She has been evaluated by doctors for the issue already . Either she doesn't have autism or she is lying about what her doctors said.
I miss those moments of just randomly stopping whatever I was doing to just play something with my kids and grandkids . Those were really fun sweet moments I have miss so much.
oooh I understand when I'm talking to people I stare past their head and luckily all my friends have anxiety or ADHD or are autistic so eye contact is not mandatory or really wanted but try looking at their forehead or eyebrows or try to make it a game try to figure out what colour the persons eyes are or if their eyebrows match their hair colour
I don't want to write a novel, but you helped me so much today when you talked about the eye contact thing. I have panic attacks, where sometimes it randomly feels like I can't breathe. It happens when people direct negative emotions towards me but I've come a long way with managing it. This week I got promoted to supervisor of the position I've held for the last five years. I started at a new location, with a lot of triggering factors but I felt READY! Then... today, a patient started arguing with me. I was prepared for it, I've been dealing with these situations for YEARS... but a minute into the conversation, I realized I was having a hard time responding because I was running out of air. I've been beating myself ALL day about why this happened. I have dealt with people way louder, way crueler... why today did I panic? Maybe I'm not cut out for this I thought... maybe I'm in over my head... maybe I cant do this after all. BUT when you talked about the eye contact thing in your video, I realized THAT is what was different. She NEVER looked away... and so I never felt like I had a moment to relax, to breathe. Normally mad people look at the ceiling or their phone at some point.... they break eye contact for a second and I've learned to use those moments to breathe. She didn't give me that time. ANYWAYS now I believe it was just a uniquely triggering situation and I GOT THIS! I also feel less alone.
I just love watching you with Flynn. It’s really nice to see a parent get down on their child’s level.
I have a lot of sensory issues. I think a lot of women are undiagnosed on the Autism spectrum. I definitely have some issues that make me think I am super high functioning...I can make eye contact but certain noises stress me out to the point of me in tears. Definitely see a specialist!
I was about to say everyone blames it on my autism.... which I’m uncomfortable with because why can’t I just not have good eye contact 😅
My son is also very high functioning and after hearing Colleen talk about her various issues over several videos, I think she more than likely is high functioning as well. Not by any means trying to diagnose, just what I’m seeing.
I babysat a girl with autism and she could only focus on looking or listening at one time and it's totally fine it was more of me (as an outsider of her brain) understanding that that meant she was giving me her undevided hearing attention despite what we're taught as polite in American society
I think there comes a point when you have to succumb to the things that make you you. Don’t get me wrong, there’s always room for improvement and working on yourself and stuff but if looking people in the eye makes you uncomfortable and it’s become a way to cope for you, don’t try so hard to fix it. The best way to live a happy life is to live compatibly with the way you function. If your ADHD brain looks away to focus better, that’s okay! I know you don’t like it, but try and remove yourself from the idea that you’re ‘not normal’. There is no normal. You’re just you.
Does anybody still randomly walk around the house singing "IM COLLEEN AND IM FILMING MY DAY, EVERY DAY OF MAY SO HEY!!!"
I randomly sing all of her intro songs!
ME
Yesss. May more than all the others. Although Relax has been popular lately. 😂
Same xd
Have you been tested for Aspergers? high functioning autism in girls and women is different than boys and men. often adhd is misdiagnosed and the person is really on the autism spectrum. I was 37 when I was diagnosed. We have the same type of "symptoms".
I was gonna say the same thing. Jerry Seinfeld is on the spectrum and he is a comic genius (like you I might add❤)
it manifests itself differently because girls tend to mask it better to fit in.
Aweee we
I’m so glad you talked about the eye contact thing! I have the same problem and I never understood why. I literally can’t focus on what anybody is saying while I’m forcing eye contact and it sucks! I really thought I was the only one who struggled with this. I have anxiety and depression and never thought it could be related. I’m bringing it up to my therapist next week. I’ll keep you posted if she has any solution.
i have the same problem colleen. i can't look someone in the eyes at all. and if i do, i can't focus on what they're saying and i get worried because what if they ask something later. for me, it's just scary to look at someone in the eyes. and i do the exact same thing that you do. i look side to side when i'm making "eye contact"
It makes me sad that Colleen feels like she has to change something about herself because of how other people might perceive it. Not being able to make eye contact is a symptom of ADHD and other conditions too. And being ADHD isn't something to be ashamed of, even thought society has made you think that it is. It's probably a more tricky solution that you want Colleen, but it's just a part of you and something that you can and should try to learn to accept. I don't think it's going to go away and if you accept that maybe you will be more at peace with it. I know it's difficult and I know I probably sound pretty rude but I don't think it's something you need to change about yourself 🖤🖤
Yea I have adhd and I love my self bc of it
@@eternallybroken it is! My boyfriend is autistic and struggles with this!
Well said, I have ADHD and Aspergers and I've strugglet with eye contant for my whole life. Now that I know the reason, it's been much easier to accept it as part of me. The more you learn the easier it gets to accept yourself as who you truly are.
One more thing related to ADHD/ASD. I have HSD/EDS (not sure which one yet) and I see a lot of those symptoms in Colleen. Because of her joint pain and hard pregnancy I think it'd be very important for Colleen to get checked for that, just in case. There could be some serious complications with some types of EDS. Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome are very common co-morbid diagnoses with ADHD/ASD.
I also have a hard time making eye contact, if I look at someone for more than 7 seconds I feel like I’m staring into their soul and feel like a creep. So I can relate! 😶
okay same
Colleen i am a 100% the same. I CANNOT physically (it seems like) look someone in the eye.. and following your life for a couple of years now has made me seriously consider if i am ADHD too because i have never been diagnosed but i can relate to just so much of it.. one thing thats different is how vivid your memories of childhood are which might have to do with your journaling them which i think is so great because i feel sad that i cannot remember any childhood things .. even things from my own honeymoon (6 years ago) or my trip to US (8 years ago) are such a blur .. and i have figured out in the past that it is because i live my life of auto pilot .. i am never truly IN THE MOMENT .. constantly thinking about another thing and never focusing on what i am actually doing .. and thats why i have such a hard time storing those memories .. but anyways .. point is.. i am just like you in this eye contact thing too.. if you figure something out that helps .. let me know too 😀
colleen, about the eye contact thing, i feel you 100% about every single thing you said. I've never talked to a doctor or a therapist about it so I'm hoping I can find answers in the comments about this too. thank you for sharing this because I've been struggling with this also
If you want to get bangs just cut them it’s not their choice or their opinion I think you look really pretty with the curtain bangs but if you don’t like them cut bangs and you will probably look so pretty with bangs
My therapist says I do it because I don't want people to REALLY see me, like soul deep. It's a protection mechanism.
That’s EXACTLY the reason I struggle with eye contact. I feel like it opens me up to that person, and they can see things I don’t want them to. Can they see how I’m feeling? Likely no, but my brain will never believe that.
I have the same issue, BUT I can kind of overcome it a bit by looking at a person's eyebrows instead of their eyes.
I love your videos because I relate so much, I watch every vlog, it’s helping to keep me sane during quarantine. Anyways, I was diagnosed with ADHD last year (my junior year of college). And I have learned so much about it through quarantine. One really common struggle for people with ADHD is processing social situations: aka social anxiety/feeling awkward, RSD, and trouble making eye contact. If you’re still wanting to learn more about how ADHD affects you and your daily life, I’d start seeing an ADHD coach. They can explain and understand things that you didn’t even know where because of ADHD. I really hope this is helpful, and remember that the reason it’s hard for you to make eye contact is because your brain needs the energy it would take to give someone eye contact, to focus on and process the conversation or situation you are in. Hope this helps! ❤️
As someone with anxiety and ADHD, I watch people's mouths while they talk, because it also helps me understand what they're saying because I also read lips and I struggle with audio processing.
I have heard of looking at the bridge of the persons nose, but I think I naturally look at their mouth to help understand what they are saying
When you have ADHD to listen some people need to look away or at something else. My daughter and ex-husband are ADHD and cannot make eye contract because they need to process what the person is saying.
I have ADHD and I'm the exact opposite. I can't communicate without eye contact. I am completely phobic of speaking on the phone.
@@goodforthesoul3050 wow! See everyone is different. I’m sure it’s how your brain processes the conversation.
I love watching you guys play with Flynn...it makes me want to join in on the imaginary play! Such fun 💗
I know right, such a sweet person! Also Flynn is sooooo grown up WHATTT!!
1. I love how flynn was grunting while playing with cars, I love him
2. I have anxiety and a little bit of adhd. I know what you are going through. I do the same thing. Im only 13 so I can't help but I get break down because of everything, so your not alone. but yeah I deal with alot of mental health things and family things that is really hard for me, and in some ways I am scard so I get scared when I hold eye contact, and I space out which is weird but I love you colleen, if you see this can you please tell your vlog so I no u read it???? cuz I have trust issues even tho colleen does not know I exist!! TEEHEE
My husband and I both space out a lot, don't make a lot of eye contact, and have to constantly ask each other "Say that again?" Haha so you are not alone.
I had the same thing when I was younger than I made a decision. I look the person's right eye only😆 and this saved me a lot. This is an anxiety thing😢
Omg they way Flynn is talking these days is amazing!!! He's putting sentences together and just being a sweetheart!! 💙 love u guys!!🥰
There’s nothing wrong with you. Lots of people who have ADHD also are autistic, or vice versa. And autistic people really struggle to make eye contact. Lots of people just look at the floor or after a lot of practice, look at a feature on someone’s face, like their nose. I am not saying you are or could be autistic, but when you describe it it sounds a lot like autism.
I'm autistic and do agree it sounds like it.
That's what I thought straight away. I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis for ADHD and I have some autistic traits as well. There's a lot of people with both disorders and there's a lot of crossover of symptoms for both disorders.
It's not an anxiety thing, anxiety is the result of the disorder she's has all her life without being diagnosed - one of the many fun co-morbidities that come with ADHD & ASD.
Wish I could just reach into the screen and give her a hug - and tell her she's not alone!
I have struggled with this before, i haven't been able to fully overcome it, but the best way to avoid the "embarrassment" of shifting my eyes away is to just look at a different spot on their face, or make some sort of gesture like a nod to make it seem more natural when you look away. Just remember, there are so many other people who can relate to this, and other things you may feel uncomfortable about, you are not alone.
I also can’t ever make eye contact with people. I have anxiety and add so I guess it could be a result of those. My eyes aren’t really shifty but I act like I’m just looking around the environment or look at my food or mess with something. I don’t have a single person on this earth that I can make eye contact with for more than like 2 seconds. It’s so uncomfortable and feels unnatural.
I have never thought of this before, but I am the same. I usually look around it makes me really uncomfortable to look at people in the eyes
Yes me too ..its my anxiety mixed with A.D.D and i look away from ppl all the time but oh well. We do the best we can with what we have 🤷🏼♀️💕
I do the shifting eyes thing too!! I’ve never really thought about it. I have anxiety and ADHD too. I don’t necessarily feel uncomfortable when making eye contact, but when I’m talking to someone and they ask me a question that I can’t answer without thinking about it, I immediately look off into the distance while thinking about it/answering the question. So if someone asks me “What was your favorite part of your day?” I wouldn’t be able to keep eye contact while I’m answering them, and I’d look anywhere else but the person I’m talking to, because if I look at the person’s eyes I’d only be thinking about how I’m making eye contact. So I feel you Colleen!!❤️❤️
on the eye contact thing - eye contact as a social expectation is honestly ableist. we try to make neurodivergent people adjust to the way that neurotypical people deem socially acceptable. if making eye contact with people makes it HARDER for you to pay attention and makes you uncomfortable then that's just the way you are and that's okay! you don't need to fix it - it's an unrealistic social expectation. for myself, i get uncomfortable by eye contact and looking away from people and closing my eyes helps me pay attention better even if it doesn't "look" like it. explain to your friends and loved ones that you are listening but it may look different from what they're used to. you don't have to adjust to society's expectations of you, society and people in your life should be able to adapt and accept the way that you listen best and feel most comfortable!!!! and that's that!!!!!
period!! you said what needed to be said
I wish I knew the answer to the eye contact thing as well It makes me extremely uncomfortable and when in a conversation with someone I’m over thinking about looking them directly in the eye and same I can’t think of anything else so I hear nothing they are saying ....
Ugh! I can’t keep eye contact either!! It annoys me that I can’t, but it makes me really scared and stressed.
I literally can’t look at someone in the eyes either. Not even my own boyfriend. I just feel so uncomfortable
I used to never be able to look into people's eyes, so I started focusing on looking at their mouths, then once I was comfortable with that I looked at their noses, and then finally the little space in between their eyes. To this day I sometimes just look at their noses because I don't feel up to looking in their eyes. This really worked for me and it might work for you? It took a while, so don't let that discourage you. Sometimes just knowing that you are consciously making a difference is all it takes to feel better about yourself! xx
I completely recognize myself in what you’re saying! I’ve never been comfortable looking into someone’s eyes during a conversation and forget to listen when I try to keep eye contact... I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I think it also has something to do with having a restless mind 🤔
Just know you’re definitely not alone 🙏🏼
I'll be honest I struggle really hard to look people in the eye. It's very uncomfortable to me. They way I practice is looking in between their eyes or their nose, or vacinity. For me it's training my brain to say it's okay to look in their eyes and I start with one person at a time. It honestly has taken me a long time to be okay with looking at my significant other let alone other people
Something I wondered when you were away, is would you guys ever move to Santa Barbara?
Also regarding the eye shifting: totally part of ADHD and anxiety, as you’ve been told. I’ll see if we have resources at work about it!
i didn't even know what an excavator was, until flynn's obsession with cars 😂
I feel this way too about the eye contact and being able to hear struggle. I am also made fun of as well for it. Please keep us updated! The older I get (25) the more I am connecting ADD and anxiety tendencies with my personal self now and explains a lot of my childhood.
You are an amazing mum your patience with Flynn the way in which you play with him is so creative.
I can look people in the eyes but when I do, I’m like you where I just think about it too much and can’t even focus on what they’re saying. Am I making too much eye contact? oh where should I look? I try to make myself just be in the moment and not think about it but it’s hard haha so I understand you. Honestly just try to push yourself more and try to look at people in the face more! that’s the best solution I can think of
Colleen: "I have nothing to vlog today"
Also Collen *20 min. Video*
I can't look people in the eye either! It stresses me out soo much, when I do I don't hear what they are saying either. Even watching films/series I don't look at their eyes I always lipread. I have no clue why, but it doesn't really bother me much. If people find it weird, that's on them hahah
Thank you for mentioning about the eye contact! Always thought I was a freak, but reassuring that other struggle too. Have been working on it for years, but very slow improvements.
I personally have ADD so I can relate to you and yes that is a Symptom of ADD and ADHD and the best thing is to do what you do best you don’t have to have eye contact. Personally I can’t stop doing that and I can completely relate to that and honestly I haven’t even had an answer like a real answer since I was born and Diagnosed
i don't make eye contact with anyone either and it makes me feel like i don't have a connection with anyone and that the experiences i have with people aren't real or substantial... if that makes sense lol
You should do a Miranda video reacting to the dna kit results!
i didnt even realise u did it bub its fine ALSO u should defo cut bangs u will looks stunning oml
I have severe anxiety and I used to not be able to look people in the eye, but I made a point to start doing it. I think the more you do it the more used to it you’ll get. It’s not always the most comfortable thing, but it’s respectful to the other person and it shows confidence in you.
I honestly never noticed Colleen! I have the same problem, for me it’s also related to anxiety and I think I’ve taught myself to look people in the eye and for a long time it was really uncomfortable. The eyes are the way to the soul, I think I don’t like the idea of someone seeing me so deeply. It’s a way not to trust people in fear of getting hurt. It’s not a decision I consciously make not to trust people. I hope this helps, maybe you can find similarity with yourself. Love your talks! Much love 💕