about that second baby…
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
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Find below organisations who provide support and advice, specifically for the LGBTQIA+ community:
- 'Return To Zero: HOPE' is a USA non-profit organisation that provides support, resources, and community for all people who have experienced loss during the journey to parenthood rtzhope.org/lgbtq
- Familyequality.org have a virtual peer support space. www.familyequality.org/fertil...
- Pregnancy After Loss Support - has a great page dedicating useful resources specifically aimed at LGBTQ+ couples pregnancyafterlosssupport.org... /
- LGBT Mummies - provide a variety of support groups and events. lgbtmummies.com/
- Stonewall - have some great information on parenting rights, including parental responsibility, family leave and pay, adopting, fostering, co-parenting, fertility treatment and surrogacy. www.stonewall.org.uk/
- 'Pregnancy After Loss Support' or PALS, has resources specifically for LGBTQ+ families who are experiencing loss and pregnancy after loss - pregnancyafterlosssupport.org...
Our first fertility journey- • I have a secret… how w...
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Grief isn't just about what was and was lost, but a future that no longer is possible. My only wish for you and your family is that whatever the future looks like, be it another pregnancy, an adoption, or simply the joys of your amazing son growing up, that you never forget that you will be able to find love and joy again even though it feels so hard and overwhelming right now.
Hello,
I'm not sure if you're aware but in the UK Jessica's disability means that they aren't eligible to adopt (because of many, many silly reasons). However usually I would also say perhaps adoption might be a good alternative.
Also this doesn't take away from the positivity of your comment 🙂
@@SunnyMorningPancakes... that sure is a legal take while so many kids are in need of the exact kind of family Jessica and Claudia have demonstrated they can provide....
I also think of adoption as existing beyond simply the legal framework, though obviously that is itself fraught. Like I *dream* of being able to create a co-parenting situation with my friends that would function entirely separately from legal guardianship.
Now that I say that, I bet there's some pretty cool queer history in that subject, as queerness was also a longstanding barrier to legal adoption.
@@ziizification Having anything outside of a legal guardianship, though is risky. You would have no right over the child. Important rights.
@@SunnyMorningPancakesthat's horrible. I had no idea.
@@MarySunshine25 to clarify I should say that googling around will tell you that prospective adoptive parents will not be excluded 'simply because they have a disability' but they do need to have a medical and health check and then your doctor would make an assessment which then would be deliberated over by a panel.
I mostly commented here because I remember Jessica and Claudia talking about this in the past.
As someone who's had 12 miscarriages, I have the greatest sympathy for you. I never had a child, but I have a stepson whom I adore. I also mentor kids whom I also adore. One calls me her dream mom. It all usually works out. Best of luck for Rupert's little sibling.
I'm so sorry to hear about your 12 miscarriages, that must have been heartbreaking . I'm glad to see your ok now. 🤗💝
@@diabolicaldebbie thank you very much!
Ooof that's so rough, not only mentally but physically. I'm glad you found a way to deal with it. Life has a way of working itself iut, right?
thanks for leaving the door open by including "usually". ;_;
@@ozok17 I know it doesn't always.
As someone who has had a biochemical pregnancy, it still feels just as awful as how a miscarriage would. It’s still traumatizing. It’s still something you have to grieve over. I hope you both can find peace and comfort, despite how hard those both can be. Wishing you the best.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss 💓
I promise you age makes no difference to closeness. My sister and I are only 13 months apart and we are completely no contact. I hope this is never the case for your kids, but the shared culture that we had didn’t help us at all form a lasting relationship.
Just remember that ultimately you aren’t responsible for how your children relate to each other outside teaching them to be empathetic and kind.
I was pregnant the same time you were pregnant and I thought oh how fun for us to all go in this journey together. Then I lost the baby. I had to stop watching for a bit because it was too painful but I made it through and have a beautiful baby now. This is all hard and not talked about enough. No one can ever say the right thing and you never know what someone is going through.
~biggest biggest hugs
I’m so sorry, but so glad you made it out the other side.
My brother and I are two years apart. With terrible regret I have had to cut contact. I’m absolutely not saying your children would have a terrible relationship, just that some things we just can’t predict
Watch out for better help they are not as secure as you would like
They pay their sponsorship fees, and that’s likely the important bit.
I feel better help is not a good company.
Better help has a really horrible questionnaire as well, the more I learn about the them, the more they seem pretty crappy
i can’t believe youtubers still take their sponsorships
@@creepycrawlie Money
I think that's the same for Squarespace and RAID SHADOW LEGENDS
Haven't seen SkillShare a whole lot
so sorry Jessica and Claudia ❤ sending you so much love
UA-cam!
Not the time @@Ruby_theswiftie13
If it helps, my sister and I are 6 years apart and we’re extremely close. She can be a mentor of sorts to me since she’s been through the stages of life that I’m going through at the moment. We still saw the same movies at the cinema, I was just a bit mature for my age. And I got to be more of my own person than kids who are closer in age-teachers who taught her didn’t say, “oh you’re Sarah’s sister” because teachers moved around in the district or retired before I got there. She was two years younger than our brother and was always known as “Zack’s sister.” What I’m trying to say is try not to stress too much about keeping them close in age. There are great reasons to have kids close in age and great reasons to have them farther apart in age. You’ll discover those reasons either way ❤
Me being a fair bit younger than both of my siblings really sucked but the not being compared to them by strangers constantly is nice. I mean my sister is 13 years older than me it would have been unfair to both of us to compare us. We are full siblings and look similar but due to the age gap nobody ever recognizes us as the siblings of each other and we also don't have overlapping friend groups at all. We don't have any kind of relationship either though. At least I'm close with my nephew/my sister's oldest child as he is only 10 years younger than me and we actually grew up together which I barely did with my sister.
My brother and I we are 6 years apart too. He is my best friend and we share a lot in common ❤
My siblings and I are all four years apart. When we were younger, we had a great time playing together even though there were 8 years between me and my older brother. It was more during the teenage years when we spent less time together. We’re all extremely close as adults. My older sister was GREAT about playing with me even though she could have been out doing other things. And I loved playing school with her and learning about things way earlier than my peers. Also, a lot of my teachers remembered my older siblings and made comments like, “Oh, your _____ ‘s younger sister aren’t you?” 😊 All this to say, I grew up with siblings who were more than two years older than me and I liked the number of years between us and felt close to them both while growing up and now. There are lots of variables that determine sibling relationships, not just age. Also, I completely understand that your vision was that your children would be closer in age and that it’s sad to see that might not be what happens. Those feelings are, of course, completely valid. I’m hoping that your vision for your family becomes reality! ❤
My sibling and i are two years apart and we’ve always had a hard time getting along when we were small, this only changed when we got into our teenage years and have gotten along fabulously since then. I always say its because we were so similar in physical strength and then we suddenly weren’t anymore, so no physical fighting.
My cousin is six years older than his sister and they have had a LOVELY relationship from the start, were he absolutely loves her and she knows that she can trust his older brother. My point is, every type of sibling relationship has the potential to be something beautiful. And if it takes time, it will take time.
My brother is also 6 years younger. My husbands sister is 7 years younger. We are all close. They have both lived with us at different times and currently those 3 are at an esports tournament together. Maybe Rupert would love an age gap even though Jessica didn’t ❤️
I'm so sorry. I tried to get pregnant for 11 years before my firstborn. Pregnancy loss is so devastating.
11 years ... Lovely you are a saint so strong to keep going 💓
@@zoeolsson5683 trust me there was a lot of breakdowns on the way.
Turns out I'm allergic to gluten! And apparently gluten is one of many possible causes of unexplained infertility.
Literally six weeks after I stopped eating gluten I got pregnant! That one was a loss but the next one stuck and the next one stuck! They are now 19 and almost 17.
How old were you when you started? I'm feeling so discouraged
:(
@@movi3srock I was 22 when we started trying. We knew my husband (at the time) has fertility issues but were surprised when I also had unexplained infertility.
I was 34 when I had my daughter (who is now 19) and 37 when I had my son.
Don't give up. If this is something you really need to feel fulfilled, keep at it! ❤️❤️❤️
@@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar I'm in my early 30s with below average AMH levels and a family history of very early menopause :(
my brother and i are 13 years apart and i hated it too until i got older and we found ways to bond eventually, dont worry about rupert not bonding with a little sibling, with the amazing parents he has, hes gonna be the best big brother ever
He's still very young also, lots of people have babies up to five years apart and they often get on better because the older one is able to understand and they're not fighting over the same toys etc.
I have 3 siblings. My brothers who are 16 & 13 years older and my sister who is 3 years younger than me. I only have a close relationship with my older brother and not my oldest brother or younger sister.
There's no guarantee siblings of any age gap will be close but there is a special kind of bond all siblings share that is unique and that transcends age. My brothers could be old and gray right now and they will always be my big brothers.
My friend just had her second baby. He was born on his older brothers 10th birthday. It works!
I am 12 years older than my little sister and we have the best relationship ever. She is honestly like my child even though she is technically my sister. I wouldn’t trade our age gap for anything.
@@laurenhills239 same, I'm one month shy of being 13 years older than my sister, and we go do fun things together all the time! I am in my 20s now and can be a big fun sister that can slide into a caretaker role when needed, but not deal with evreything that comes along with a parental role.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also a lesbian mom and we got pregnant very easily the first time and struggled the second time. I was completely unprepared and it was heart wrenching.
I wish people would STOP asking couples anything about having babies! It's SO intrusive! It's none of anyone's business
My aunt struggled a lot to get pregnant a second time. My cousin kept asking her for a little brother, but she wasn’t able to conceive no matter how much she tried. She then got him a puppy. A couple of months later she was pregnant at 39. The little one is now 11. It’s a different journey each time around. Surround yourselves with people who care about you. We’ll be here rooting for Rupert’s little sibling regardless. ❤
Am I the only one who thought, “If Jessica and Claud get a puppy, it might relax them enough to get pregnant naturally?” 😅 Then when they talked about heterosexual couples getting pregnant naturally after IVF, I thought, “Don’t be so hard on yourselves. That can still happen for you!” 😂 I literally forgot biology because these mamas are the BEST parents I can think of any child having!!
i'm sorry. this looked like a hard video to make. i know you can't see the finish line now cuz you're right in the middle of it, but you have so many people cheering in your corner 💖
This.
i feel like this video really solidified how well matched jessica and claudia are. they really seem complete each other
i really love how claudia carried the video when jessica got emotional. it was honestly so heart warming to see. wishing you the best of luck 💗👶🏼
I’m an only child and I still see moments over 30 years later where my parents express regret at not being able to give me a sibling - which I wish they didn’t feel, because I truly have had a wonderful life even without siblings! And I never doubt how much my parents love me, either. But fertility issues are SO tough to deal with, and I hope you both get all the support you need ❤
This!!! I’m an only child also. My mom expressed regret that being pregnant with me almost killed her. And she really shouldn’t have worried. I was treated amazingly. I love the bond with my mother. I created greater and different friendships and as an adult I’ve got amazing relationships with my sister in law because I didn’t have a sibling growing up. :)
Also an only child. It was for the best in my family.
To give you guys another perspective, my sister and I are 15 months apart and have never, ever gotten along. Our relationship is extremely strained. Meanwhile, my husband and his brother are 5 years apart and couldn't be closer!
Additionally, I'm also an IVF patient--going through my first pregnancy now also after a bunch of failed IUIs and a failed fresh transfer--and just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and this stuff is so hard, so unfair, and such a whirlwind. Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for success for you!
Yeah I was thinking the same thing, being close in age won't always make you like your sibling more. Some people are just more or less likely to get along, even as siblings.
SSAAAME! My sister and I were stair steps and because the private school we went to growing up was so small, every other year we shared a classroom (because we were only one grade a part, and each classroom held two grade levels). As you can imagine, this didn't really help on the "not getting along" thing when we also couldn't escape each other lol. My partner and their brother are 4 years apart and had a much better relationship- i feel like they had enough separation where the older sibling really was the older sibling.
My brother and I don't get along at all and we're 2 years apart. Meanwhile my little sister and I who are about 6 years apart are best friends.
I get along the least with the sibling I am closest to in age (I have seven siblings) and the best with siblings I am further away from. It's all about personalities, not age gaps.
Same here. My sister and I are a bit over two years apart and we don’t really speak. My mother and her sister were ten years apart and were very close. It’s more to do with personalities than the age difference. And there are definitely positives to the first child being old enough that they aren’t still at an age where they need constant supervision.
I have five siblings ranging from 18 months to 16 years apart. The ones I'm the closest to are not the the ones I'm closest in age to.Your concern about wanting them close in age is valid to your lived experience, but siblings can form amazing bonds, regardless of the difference in age! I wish you luck on your Fertility journey ❤
Yup! My oldest 😅sibling and I are 15 years apart in age, but we are close like twins despite. It all comes down to personalities clicking or not in the end, like any other relationship
Yes, we are 3 sisters with both long and short age gaps, and I wouldn’t say how close the bonds are to each other that age difference is the biggest factor.
But absolutely age probably makes some difference especially as smaller children.
But I think your sort of innate personality seem to me to make a bigger difference in how close siblings get.
A sibling that wants to run around and be outside all the time might get a closer connection to even a 7 years older sibling then one 2 years appart, if the other sibling closer to their age is more shy and likes spending time with puzzles and books.
Same with how much you like discussing and how curios a kid is while talking, seem to be a highly personal thing that varies between siblings, and make a big difference in how close you get and how you get along from kids all the way up to adulthood.
My brother and I are seven years apart and we're very close. Some of my fondest memories are of him teaching me to read.
My sister and I are 9 years apart and we're such good friends. It helps to be older, and we do have the same taste and watch the same things. Nothing in culture was missed imo
This is so true! I am 7 years and 10 years older than my younger siblings and we have a great relationship (they keep me young!)
I'm childfree, so I was hesitant to click on this video, but I'm glad I did in the end, because I'm grateful for how you both share these vulnerable moments with your audience, letting us know that these struggles are universal in a way, and it's ok to take the time to grieve.
Everyone always has some unsolicited advice when it comes to having a baby. I had a miscarriage in December 2022, it was the worst time of my life, especially as we already knew we would have fertility issues before we started trying. Since then I've had people asking "so when are you going to get pregnant again?". If only it was that easy! It breaks my heart every time to hear them ask because we would desperately love to become parents. All I can say is prioritise yourselves and talk to each other, don't ever become closed off because it hurts so much more ❤
Im so sorry you guys are going through this. Losing a pregnancy, whether biochemical, viable, or otherwise, is extremely heartbreaking and difficult to go through. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better but judging by your comments section you are definitely not alone and have lots of love coming your way.
What does viable mean? I know they use it as a term for a healthy pregnancy, but does it mean the baby is healthy too? Like if someone is 20 weeks and finds out their baby has a condition, is the pregnancy still considered “viable?”
@findingbeautyinthepain8965 so i rhink in like a medical sense its used to describe a baby that has a chance of life outside the womb but I think a lot of people use it to describe a pregnancy where the fetus/baby is going to grow, so for instance, and ectopic pregnancy or biochemical pregnancy would not be considered viable.
@findingbeautyinthepain8965 and as far as like conditions go i think it greatly depends on the situation. Plenty of health conditions that babies can have dont mean that baby will have a good life but there are some very unfortunate conditions that would prevent baby from living outside the womb even with treatment but every case is different
@@findingbeautyinthepain8965 as it currently stands, you're not classed as having a viable pregnancy til 24wks as this is the stage most believe to be the time a baby may be able to survive outside of the womb. Fortunately there have been huge strides in preemie care and there are babies that survive and thrive who were born before 24 wks. That's why any baby that dies before or during birth before the 24wks mark is classed as a "miscarriage", where as afterwards the baby is given a birth and death certificate.
@@BespokeBeth Thank you so much! I remember when I was 8 weeks pregnant, they said baby was viable. All I could think is, “Does that mean the pregnancy stays viable or it can change?” They said it can change, so I was confused as to why they even said it at all. I can definitely see parents thinking if their pregnancy was called viable, it will result in the birth of a live baby, which is misleading.
My sister and I are 5 years apart. My parents struggled getting pregnant in between too. We're so so close as children and now as adults. Your children will love eachother regardless of years between them
This is so encouraging to hear. My oldest child is just under 5 years apart from my second child, due to us not wanting to have a baby during peak COVID and delaying everything for baby #2. I worry a lot about them not being close because I’m not close at all with my 7-year-younger sibling
I’m also very close with my sister who’s 6 years older than me. We fought a loooot growing up but once we became adults something just clicked and we really started to lean on each other. I feel closer and closer every year and I love her so much ☺️
My sister’s kids are 8, 6, and 7 months. The oldest are boys and the baby is a girl. The boys were already inseparable, but now they are the same with their sister. They love singing with her, playing with her toys with her, teaching her to crawl, tickling her, reading to her, and watching baby shows with her. They never say they don’t want to do something because it’s too babyish. The oldest boy is currently asking for a baby brother and the middle boy is asking for another sister. My sister tells them the baby shop is closed! 😂
My sister and I are 7.5yrs apart and we’ve been very close from day 1. I think it has much more to do with personality than age gap.
my siblings are 5, 12, and 20 years younger than me! there are some obvious differences between each of us, but all of us get along well, love each other, and can connect in various ways. while I used to be slightly envious of my friends with siblings closer in age.. there is just something so fun and unique about the time between us all. babies will come when they come, whether adoption or not!
Hi lovelies, my mum went through this after I was born, and I'll pass along what her family doctor told her: "There's nothing wrong with stopping at perfect." Being a little unit of three is wonderful in its own way. Whatever life has in store for you, I hope you're being even kinder to yourselves than you think you need. ❤
Also, a cousin close to my age has three siblings and the closest one is a decade older than her! She's still very close to them. If a family is loving, it's correct and beautiful. No matter how big or small or clustered or spread out.
As a mum to an only child who can’t afford/close to missing the boat to have a second, that is a lovely phrase to hear. Thank you!
I'm an only child and also, felt like one of ten siblings growing up. My mom's pregnancy was rather difficult, and it wasn't something they wanted to go through again. But when I was five, my parents took in my cousin. When I was seven, my parents took in my half brother that was previously living with his mom. Then when I was eleven or twelve, another cousin lived with us for a few years. When I was sixteen or so, my parents took in a friend of a friend who didn't have any place to stay. My mom was a stay at home mom and she took care of her best friends' kids because her and her husband both worked crazy hours. My best friend growing up was also constantly bc her mom worked as well. I'm an "only child", but I have so many siblings and so many people I consider family regardless of blood relations.
After several lost pregnancies, I had a beautiful IVF baby. I hadn’t told anyone she was a twin. 😔 That loss/joy combo was really difficult. And she just had a birthday. So he would’ve had a birthday, too. Even 15 years later, there are still times when I wonder who he would’ve been.
Then when pregnant with my second child after so much loss, it was just…background anxiety all the time of being happy but scared.
Pregnancy is wonderful when it’s “easy” and things go well. It’s terrifyingly out of your control when your body makes decisions without you.
❤
I had several miscarriages, plus I lost my son's twin. I could only ever carry one child long enough, he was 8 weeks early. He's almost 30 now and my dil is trans, so they can't have kids. It still hurts I could never have more kids, and that I won't get grandkids.
@@angelawossname ❤️ I’m sending you truly heartfelt hugs. You’re a good mom. I hope that you can find other ways to share your love that had been saved for grandbabies.
@smay745 that's really kind. I have my kitties, and many of my friend's kids call me "Aunty". In my mother's culture the title of Aunty is one you earn, so it's very special.
This past year every time there was an announcement about something being late due to personal reasons I just kept thinking to myself that I hoped it wasn't a miscarriage because that is such an awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry you had comments asking why you didn't have a second baby yet, that seems unbelievable cruel to ask, and it shocks me that some people feel that's an acceptable thing to ask anyone for any reason. That being said I hope that the pain of your loss becomes bearable, and I hope this next year is kinder to you and whatever hopes you have for another child come true.
Oh please don't worry about any age difference with your kids! You're a good, kind family. Your kids will be the same and they will love each other. My sister is 9 years older than me and we are each other's best friends! She loved having a little sister, and she made my dhildhood 10 times more special. Best of luck girls!!!
My brother was four when I was on my way. He wanted to name me Swingset. (He is now a brilliant microbiologist.)
Swingset is beautiful name for a girl 🥰
If it helps at all, I'm 9 years apart from my brother, who was born after my mom was told she couldn't have more children. As an older sister, I LOVED the excuse to do "kid stuff" and my brother and I are very close to this day. ❤ That to say, no matter what I'm sure you're going to raise a loving and happy family, whatever form it takes.
I’m so jealous! I begged my parents for a baby sibling, but they always said no. I later found out my mom wanted another child, but my dad didn’t coparent at all. He said he would do half of everything when they were pregnant, but once she had me, he pulled the, “You’re the mom/women card.” I always told her I WANTED to help with a baby, but obviously my mom wasn’t going to give that responsibility to a child lol. I wish she left him and remarried a real man. They divorced when I was a senior in high school.
As the youngest I had this with my nephew but never with my two older siblings. A bit with my brother but our older sister moved out before I even started school. Can't even remember ever living with her. It's really hit and miss how close you'll be and depends on a lot of factors. Still very close to my nephew though and I don't think that'll change.
Please don't worry about siblings bonding, my sister is 46 and I'm 26, we have the best bond ❤❤ she used to take me everywhere and dress me and now we share memories and we enjoyed our time growing up :)
I appreciate your life-youtube balance. You haven't turned your lives into a show, yet eventually you update us on to what's happened. Sharing this tough story is invaluable for the community, because we need to see not only success but struggle, to feel we're not alone if it happens to us.
Thank you and may God bless you and grant you ease.
As much as I hate to bring this into things, you do know that BetterHelp is being scrutinized for shady practices with regard to what they do with their user data, right?
I'm 9 years older than my brother and I personally have always seen that as a blessing for our relationship. While we did miss out on some good stuff, we also didn't have the negative experiences that I know siblings closer in age have. Also, I got to relive some of the best parts of my childhood after I was "too old" to enjoy kiddy things. I hope that Rupert is also blessed in whatever timeline happens for your family.
I’m 10 years older than my brother and I agree with the point about getting to enjoy children’s things when you’re seen as “too old” by adults! Getting to go in the soft play area at 13 to look after my 3 year old brother was great!
@@honorcollins6962I'm 15 years older than my brother and still getting to go in the soft play places and outdoor play areas as a late teen and in early adulthood was so much fun 🤣. He's my little buddy (even though he's taller than me now 💀) and I loved helping him learn and grow and do new things, and still do 😊. I'm the adult he feels most himself around and he's able to open up to me and ask me things he doesn't feel he can talk to his dad about, and we seem to understand each other really well since we have similar thought processes and temperaments and that's a really special thing 🥰
I’m so sorry about Walter. I know how hard it can be to lose a pet. They are such integral members of the family and full of unconditional love. All I can say is that Walter obviously had the time of his life with your family. Every clip of him I ever saw in videos he seemed so happy and glad to be there with you guys. I hope you can find some peace knowing that he couldn’t have asked for a better family to grow up with. I hope Tilly can find some peace and heal as well. Make sure to show her some extra love.
love you both immensely, wishing you so much luck! 💛
love you too 💖
Even now, 15 years later, I still wonder what my first niece would have been like. 😢 Sending you both massive hugs. And RIP Walter.
I lost my second niece to miscarriage, too. I'm a preschool teacher now and she would have been the same age as my students :( Sending you love and healing
Me and my younger brother are 12 years apart but I’ve always absolutely adored him (when he’s not being purposefully annoying, of course; we’re still siblings). He and our youngest brother are another 4 years apart, and they’ve always had a real bond (again, when they’re not bickering lmao, but they’re still very close!). Honestly I think a bigger gap between siblings can sometimes actually make it *easier* to get along, because you aren’t competing as much for the same things.
I second this! I feel this sort of relief that I'm quite far apart in age from my siblings, because I didn't have to worry about them "overtaking" my milestones, which sounds silly now as an adult, but was a thing among my peers when I was a kid. Like when a two-years younger brother got his first girlfriend before the older brother it was gossiped in high school, but I just had to worry about helping my younger sibling with fractions.
that is true! i was always got along way better with my sister who was 8 years older than me than with my twin sister (same age lol). me and my twin sister were always being compared and competing for everything, so even though i was closer to her, our relationship was difficult. i think big age gaps are usually good too in sibling relationships
I second that, me and my younger sister are 2 years apart, and we're close, but I spend much more time with my older sister (6 year gap). I have a certain time limit I can spend with my younger sister before I need distance from her, and that's mostly due to the fact that for some reason, I am the only person on this planet my little sister feels she can just hit when she gets upset.
I think this is probably because she would hit me our whole childhood and get away with it because when I fought back, being 2 years older, she'd get hurt worse than me, so my parents just punished me. She would literally punch me and then I'd get beaten by my parents for it. Even when I stopped fighting back, I still got in trouble for her attacks (which, even as an adult, caused me to have the philosophy of "Well, I'm going to get beaten up and whipped either way, might as well try to bust her teath out or rip a bald spot in her hair, so at least she gets some sort of punishment.")
It's a habit she occasionally slips back into despite being almost 24 now. I've had to finally tell her that the next time it happens, I'm not just fighting her off and going no contact for a while again, I'm calling the police and pressing assault and battery charges.
I mean, obviously something this drastic would never happen in Rupert's family, but it's an extreme example of how siblings of similar age can be pitted against each other in ways that will effect the rest of their lives
That's such a good point!
If it helps, my sister and I are 7 years apart and we are very close. My mom had infertility issues so it created an incredible bond between my mother and I. I went to all my mom’s appointments so when my mom got pregnant, it was win for both of us. I had this incredible journey to understand a baby and be really helpful to her. I was always helping my mom take care of her. As siblings, we still have our ups and downs. But with a larger age gap, I got to understand who she was as a person that you just don’t get from a sibling close in age. I was old enough to understand her on a deeper level. Everything happens for a reason and I know saying it is easier said then done, but your children will be created with so much love. They will love each very easily ❤
7 years between me n mine, shes still my baby. My mum tried for years for myself and my sister 🩷 my sister was worth the wait
So sorry for you guys. It might been even harder to share this when so many people ask "what about the other baby" constantly which is NEVER a good thing to ask because everyone has different journey
Somehow you both always manage to strike that important balance between keeping your lives private and using your own experiences to help others not feel so alone. Thank you for sharing.
I had a biochemical pregnancy loss and had never even known it was possible. I was TTC and testing daliy. Disenfranchised grief is a term when the sadness you are feeling is now allowed by your community, family, or friends. I never told anyone because I'd heard others say, "Oh that was barely different than a late period not like a real loss." Well, it felt real to me. Thank you for discussing it in this manner. It educated and removes shame.
My sister and I are four years apart due to my mother's fertility issues. However, we are very close now as adults, and we were fairly close as children. So, it's not impossible for your children to still be close even when they are farther apart in age
My Mum worked as a nurse in an IVF clinic for many years. Also one of my best friends is actually an embryologist that does the IVF in the labs. I think that they have to view it in a scientific way because with the losses that are bound to happen when the clinics do so many procedures, they need to protect their mental health. I know from my best friend that I mentioned, that she really feels connected to the lives and her job so please know that they really do care ❤ For part of her career she has trained others and done big conferences so she showed me some of her teaching material and it is really amazing! The clinic where my Mum worked I think specialised in challenging and older patient cases (e.g. up to early 40s), so there are cases where science lets the challenging still be possible. xx
I'm so sorry to hear about Walter and the miscarriage. Regardless of when a loss happens, it's always difficult.
I'm in an unusual position because I've got one sibling very close in age to me and another sibling a decade younger. I'm actually much closer to my younger brother than I am to my sister. It can work where siblings who aren't close in age are close as people. It has a lot more to do with personality than age I think.
I grew up in a similar situation. I definitely preferred having a much younger sister over a brother 1 year older than me. The 'distance' really helped me appreciate her and I learned a lot from her. I always felt i needed space from my brother. Now that we've both moved out we actually have a good bond lol
@@Kim-dl2uk my sister and I get on perfectly well now we live 200 miles away from each other. We were a nightmare together when we were kids, absolutely hated each other. We disliked anything the other liked just on principle.
@@katfoster845 I hate how much I relate to this lol
I can't even begin to imagine. 🥺 I'm too scared to be a parent, between a traumatic upbringing and struggling to even take care of myself near 30. I respect you ladies SO much for doing what you can as parents, and I give you my utmost sympathies for your loss.💙 🫂
I am so sorry for your loss, it is a challenging journey. I am carrying an IVF baby( 10weeks pregnant) ,the first one wasn't a success but here I am being pregnant now , with an 0.4 AMH! So never give up, there is always hope!!! I'm thinking of you ❤
Hi Jessie and Claud - this past year sounds like it’s been absolutely terrible but I’m hoping the universe skips over the dragon year bad vibes for you two and that you two manage to flourish in the future. No matter what’s been going on, try and remember that it’s not your fault, that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and that you are so loved and supported. You’ve been through so much loss in a short time and please take as much time as you need to process and grieve. We will be here when you are ready
This was clearly a very difficult video to make, covering a very difficult time in your lives. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so sorry for your pregnancy loss and saying goodbye to Walter ❤️ Thank you for letting us in, and always take the time and space you need. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you do have the support of so many internet strangers.
For what it’s worth, I am 16+ years older than my siblings, and my experience taught me that only children are awesome, and also that age gaps really don’t matter. I still can’t fathom how my mother had a child at 22 and then started again when she was *this close* to getting me out of the house, but I’m glad she did. (And I actually didn’t fully move out until after my first uni degree, so that wouldn’t have been strictly true anyway!)
My sister and I are almost 7 years apart, I also requested a little sister and was so happy to help out when she was a baby, as adults now we're still extremely close so age gaps can definitely work ❤
I'm so sorry guys. Please take the time you need! Sending lots of love and hugs!
For sure. Now’s the time to work on the skill of taking care of yourself. I’m glad therapy is helping. You said you hope some people don’t need therapy. But now I think you’re right that everyone does, if you do. Of course I don’t know you personally, but from what I’ve seen, you seem like the most well adjusted person I “know”.
I am so happy for you. All the best for January!
Congratulations!
Wishing you all the best!
😢 No...not little Walter! I'm so sorry for these terrible circumstances. Take all the time you need and cuddle Tillie for me! I'm sure she is heartbroken too the poor little love! 😞😭💚🫂🥺
Just to give you a different perspective: My older brother and I are 4 years apart and I think it was always a great age difference. My brother loved me when I was a baby and always played with me and protectedme. When growing up wee played lego and dolls together. He learned being forgiving (when I ran through his zoo on the floor) and patient, and I learned to listen. We had a great childhood and now in our thirties, we just went on a two-week holiday together. I know my mum wanted to have her second child much closer to my brother, but you never know if it would/could have been "better" because it was just right the way it turned out.
As soon as you mentioned y'all were having a hard time, I wondered if this was the case, and you've all been in my thoughts. I'm so sorry for people's insensitivity because I can't imagine how hard this journey must be for y'all. Please be kind to yourselves, we'll all be here regardless of schedule changes, and we all just want the best for you. Take care 💜
I’m so sorry for your loss of dear Walter and that you are struggling with fertility issues. Sending hugs and we all support you. Also, give Tilly a hug from me too. ❤️
Your son is very close in age to mine. I was so happy for you to get your miracle baby. I knew I was only going to have one, after suffering from infertility for 17 years. I couldn't do it again, especially at my age. I commend you for doing this again, and I'm sorry it's been a hard journey. I had an early miscarriage with my first IVF transfer and it still makes me unbelievably sad. I am so thankful for my amazing son but I'll always grieve his lost sister. I hope you get another miracle soon.
i was literally thinking about this the last days but i really hoped / thought that not having the 2nd kid yet was an active choice of yours. Super heartbreaking to hear, i really hope it goes better for you, sending love ❤
I just wanted to share that my brother and I are 4 years apart and we actually did a lot together as children (watched shows together, he introduced me to music, went outside in the forest, build stuff, climbed trees) and now that we are both adults we are still friends :).
I totally understand your concerns, sometimes I also wanted somebody closer in age to me but it turned out just fine and today I wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤️
One of my best friends is my brother and we're 9 years apart! So +1 to this, absolutely!
I've always gotten along better with my 4.5 year younger brother (I used to read to him before bed) than my 1.5 year younger brother. But I get the idea of the fantasy .
I'm close with both my 4 year younger sister and my 9 year younger brother. I think it kept us from fighting over resources, honestly!
My sister and I are 8 years apart, and there's so much I love about it. Im 26 now and she's just hit 18, and it's so fascinating how her fresh outlook on life adds to my life. In return, I can help guide her through life (as much as i can haha). I wish you both all the best ❤
My ex-wife and I went through the same experience, my deepest sympathies to the two of you
My little sister is ten years younger than me and she is the closest person to me in my life. Our childhoods together were just as loving and strong so don't worry! Sending lots of love and thoughts to you both x
I'm in a hetero relationship and we have been on the IVF journey for over 3 years. We have had one round of egg collection so far and still don't know how many viable embryos came out of it, let alone how long it will be before they can be implanted.
Thank you for sharing the difficulties and emotional lows that the journey brings. ❤ Best of luck on your next go round the process.
And best of luck to you!
Fingers crossed for you. It is so tough to go through fertility struggles.❤
Your son seems so kind I don't think he'll have much a problem bonding with his younger sibling. My older brother is 7 years older than me and he's my closest sibling (6 of us). He was a kind and gentle older brother that always took me to new places to experience new fun things! He's the one person I absolutely know I can rely on for anything. Also he showed me things he used to love when he was my age and I treasure those cartoons/games/whatever more than anything else from my childhood. So I just wouldn't be too sad about the age difference :)
Dear Claudia and Jessica,
Whom can you nurture?
What can you nurture?
Rupert!
A tomato plant from a seed
Grow orchids
Raise birds or fish
Turning up to a local dog pound, walking them
Being a mindahome person to look after pets, farmers pets, and homes so people can go away on a much needed break
Being a teacher, nurse, or learning 3-6 years Montessori in a classroom AMI course!
Being an Aunty to younger women
Being a support person in a group
Helping complex trauma
Make some meals for someone locally
A local carer wildlife, feeding and cleaning
Local wildlife rescue, out at night
Supporting dementia patients with Montessori methods
Open an AMI school in another country!
I do hope this list helps you both in a positive way.
;)
Lots of love,
Aunty Eliza
Sydney Australia xx
Different age gaps between siblings just mean different dynamic, with such loving and wondeful parents like you 2, i believe your kids are going to be close no matter what ❤
I’m sorry you guys have had troubles. I had an early miscarriage in july and I didn’t feel ready to start trying again at first and when I was it wasn’t happening. Now my kids will be further in age that I wanted but I’m trying to tell myself that’s how it was meant to be and try not to get discouraged when it doesn’t happen. Easier said than done for sure…
Hello dearies, I'm stopping this very moving video in the middle just to tell you that, from my personal experience, me and my sister are 3 years apart and we feel like it's absolutely perfect. We didn't share exactly the same experiences as children, but still were always together and our parents felt like we were helping each other stay busy, playing and all. We have all kind of experiences of shared knowledges, moments of transmission, stuff like this. We weren't always getting along but after a rough patch when I was a teenager (I'm the older one), when she became one and I was just a little bit older, we began to have this crazy connection that we still have today. And that's exactly like our mother and her sis, and they are something like 6 years apart. So I assure you my dear Jessica, it's really just a personal experience. I'm sure your children will have a great relationship. I'm so sad that you two are going through so much, you are such lovely people 💜
My closest in age sibling to me is 3 years older. The others are 8 and 10 years older. I still have the closest relationship with my sister. We shared a bedroom and we're good pals.
Also: the little story about the makeup made me giggle as it’s a lot like my spouse and I. You two are so cute and perfect
Oh my heart hurts for you two. We've been trying for 2 years and had one biochemical and starting ivf this month. My amh is also a 4 which just makes its so much harder. It's been hell, and I never want anyone to go through this.
Extremely grateful you’ve touched on the topic of “child spacing anxiety”. I think the hardest unspoken thing for parents like us (experiencing conception complications) is knowing the age between the child that is here and the child we are trying to get here is getting further and further apart and we worry our children won’t be close enough in age to have a close relationship when you do obtain that success..mine is 3.5..and it doesn’t look like we will be able to even try for another year due to health concerns..
Hang in there, you are not alone, these feelings are as valid as they are sticky and awful. But Beautiful relationships come from siblings with spacing as well as sibling that are back to back, no one is better than the other, all are beautiful in their own design. Everyone’s rooting for you, not just for your success but for your happiness whatever that ends looking like for your family.❤
From personal experience as someone with a 7 year age gap between my youngest sibling, and a 10 year gap between the eldest, it is definitely possible to have a close relationship between siblings with any age gap, and honestly I love the different perspectives I get from knowing people who grew up in a slightly different time but with the same parents. On the flipside, my closest-in-age sibling is only 2 and a half years older than me, and I honestly still felt that divide of different interests growing up (although, societally expected gender roles definitely complicated this for us...). I guess what I'm saying is, age doesn't guarantee shared experience or interest, nor does it exclude it!
This isn't meant as a dismissal of your worries, but hopefully something to take comfort in knowing while you're going through this challenging journey. Wishing you all the best ❤
@@sallybee6266 your response was both heartwarming and absolutely reassuring. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to share your sincere, unique, and refreshingly inclusive perspective on this subject that haunts a lot of us.
I sincerely hope others with “spacing worries” also find your first hand account as comforting and encouraging as I have.
Godspeed wherever you are, and in whatever you do my friend ✌️
So many people struggle with fertility and so few people talk about it. You are never under any obligation to share your journey, but just knowing other people are feeling the same way you are can make you feel so much less alone on your journey. My very best wishes and support to your lovely family.
im so sorry you're both having such a hard time of it, but if nothing else, please try not to feel guilt about not uploading or not being as present online or whatever, you don't owe us videos or answers or anything, just take care of yourselves !
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s not easy at any stage..
As far as the age gap goes, my sisters and I are 7 years and 10 years apart and we are super close !
Try not to let the age gap stress you out too much xx
I definitely can see on your faces how hard this is and how badly you want your kids to be close in age, but to give a bit of hope: one of my sisters and I are four years apart, and I honestly think that's the perfect age gap. Old enough to help the younger sibling, but far apart enough where we hardly ever annoyed each other. We've always got along great, she's one of my best friends. 💜
I hear you on wanting to have kids close in age. We struggled with both primary and secondary fertility and my 2 children (of the 6 I'd hoped for) are 8 years apart. I was worried because you're right- they're not in the same development place at all. But they surprised me- they're best friends!! So try not to worry about the gap too much. Kids will always find a way to surprise you. Much love to you both!!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Much love and rooting for you!
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open. I’m sorry for your losses. ❤
My mom, aunt, and great aunt all had early menopause around age 35. I am VERY aware of it as a single woman at almost 24 years old. My biggest fear is running out of time. I’m so sorry for you guys, and manifesting fertility for everyone who needs it!! 💕💕💕
35?! Omg that’s insane. I know so many millennial women waiting longer and longer. The thought of running out of time is super scary. I wanted to be done by 30 (that didn’t happen, as I’m 31 now and only have one child but I want more) and now my new benchmark for when I want to be done is 35 😅 they always tell you you still have plenty of time in your thirties!
My parents have a really close group of friends who all had kids around the same time. I grew up constantly around the other children and thought of them like my siblings. The gap between the oldest and youngest of the group was around 6 years and we all still were just as close. I know it’s not the same thing as actual siblings but I hope it gives you some hope that your children can be super close no matter the age gap.
a found family can definitely be a family even if legally or biologically they arent ur siblings!! its good to see that even with no sibling at home at school single children can potentially have "siblings" through friendship
Sending all the love, care, support, and gentlest of appropriate hugs to both of you.
Sorry for your losses. Best wishes and thank you for what you choose to share. Congratulations on getting to one million subscribers!
I’m still watching and processing, but better help is not a good company at all ! They do more harm than good, and don’t respect people’s privacy w things.
Besides that though I am really sorry to hear about how shitty your year has been, and the things you’ve lost. I really do hope that things can start looking up, you two deserve all the happiness in the world!!
I hope you get to realize your wishes and that you get your baby/babies as soon as you can, and I'm so sorry that you're going through such difficult time.
I'm five years apart from my sibling and it was great - started big school as they left, started uni as they had just settled into adult life etc. lots to love with a slight age gap 💕
edit: lots of v valid and helpful experiences in the replies! hoping your year ends better and 2024 treats you well ❤️🩹
Yeah I don't understand why couples go for a second when they're first is still actively growing into a toddler
Same, my brother is 5 years older than me. We were very close when we were young, grew a little bit apart in our teens, but came back together in our 20’s. We are super close. I am 52 now and we talk or text practically every day.
@@jennifers5560basically the same for me and my brother. I think if we’d been close enough in age to go to high school together he would’ve ignored me. You really can’t predicted these things though
I have 4 and 6 (and 13) years gap with my sisters. Before my youngest sister was born, I was the youngest. I remember being so sad that my sisters never played with me or never wanted to spend time with me. "you're just a baby, we don't play with babies".
As we grew older, we have a very close relationship, but the first 15 or so years we were not close.. They loved me and I loved them, don't get me wrong. But there was no closeness until my teens.
@@xobrynn90 that wasn't really my point, it's very understandable to want kids close in age- going through life milestones at the same time could be a great experience for the kids and easier for the adults. I just wanted to share that it's not the only good option
About the names, there's a kinda unspoken tradition in my family where the older sibling picks the name of the younger. One of my cousins was named after a Cabbage Patch doll and my birth name was after a dinosaur...
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this very personal video.
Sending all the solidarity and love. ❤ I feel you. My wife and I spent over a year trying for our second baby and also had a chemical pregnancy. Like you all, we thought it would be easier than our first, and were really caught off guard by how much harder it was the second time around. We can finally say our second baby is on the way now, and I fully believe that one way or another that’s a milestone that’s coming for you too. We’ll all be rooting for it from afar and wishing you all well as the process unfolds. Also so sorry about Walter. That’s so hard. Keep taking good care of yourselves and each other! ❤
My sister and I are 5 years apart and have gotten along well. She is and has always been one of my best friends . So you can still be close as sibling even if you aren't close in age.
I'm so sorry to you both, and everyone in the comments sharing their own losses ❤
I’m sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you
To add to the large sibling age gap stories, I was an only child for a long long time, and even though I asked for a sibling my parents told me no (haha). Then my stepmom came along and she wanted to have a child for so long but didn't find herself in the right position to have a child until she was in her mid 40s. So now I have a little brother more than 20 years younger than me with no siblings in between and I love him like crazy. However your family turns out I know it will be full of love ♥
sometimes it can be nice to have a sibling that’s a significant amount older than you because then they view you more as a little kid to care for and less of an equal they can squabble with haha. i wish you guys the best truly and i’m sorry it hasn’t been working out the way that you’ve wanted
I'm so sorry for your losses. Sending wishes that your year gets better soon.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to heal, your mental and physical health is so important. Sending lots of love.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss you both have experienced lately. It's bad enough losing a baby, but then to lose Walter on top of it. I cried for you. Take your time grieving. We can wait for videos. Sending big hugs.
I've seen this played out in my family. The pain, the anxiety, the grief is so very real. There will be people who don't understand. Please, don't look to them, look to those who have been through similar struggles, or a least can show some love and kindness.
You are not alone.
I’m so glad that you’re getting the help you need. It sounds like you’ve both been going through a heck of a lot and I’m really sorry. I’m sending so much love and healing strength. ❤
cried a lot actually, sending my best wishes to your family
Me and my sister are 11 years apart and we have an amazing relationship
Sending lots of support girls❤