Blaming your behavior and actually committing domestic violence on being Latina is DANGEROUS. She should be ashamed of herself, she not only put Tiff in danger, also her child. Being Latina does not make you violent, wtf? This stereotype of Latinas having a temper is not k and the fact it's coming from one is worse. Ew, go away Mildred, she shouldn't have gotten the chance to speak after saying that.
I'm Queer and Dominican with a whole Sicilian family as well we are all loud when together you need to fight and be super present to get a word in but we know how to have a serious conversation with someone. When she was saying its all because she's latina ...nooooo she is doing such a disservice and pushing the stereotype of Latina/Hispanic women.
@@90sDRgirl right! Using that stereotype as an excuse is damaging. There's a right way to argue and a wrong way. Mildred just has to grow up and learn to control her emotions. learn to give people the chance to speak.
Thank you for this! As a queer Latina, I hate how mildred blames her anger issues on her identity as a Latina. It's incredibly harmful for many other Latina women
I’m really disappointed that Netflix didn’t take proper precautions to keep Tiff safe from Mildred especially since Mildred has domestic charges against her. Like I know that Netflix and their producers don’t give a fuck about the well being of their contestants but Jesus Christ, they could’ve at least had Mildred attend the reunion via Zoom to make sure that Tiff didn’t have to be in the same room as their abuser.
@@Primeyzee I knew something deeper was going on when Aussie said they didn’t feel safe around Mildred. It was really sad that no one took that statement seriously and tried to paint Aussie as the fault in that relationship. No wonder they broke down when Sam brought up Mildred.
they didn't treat mildred like an abuser because ultimately, they don't take domestic violence in lesbian relationships, especially violence from femmes, seriously. lesbians (& other sapphics) are systemically excluded from the already poor dv system. it's just another facet of sapphic relationships not being taken seriously.
What's worse is that statistically DV in lesbian relationship is a really big problem, way bigger than in male gay relationships. And it still gets swept under the rug
I wonder if tiff is also being affected by toxic masculinity. Even though they are not a man their gender presentation is very masculine. It seems like Tiff is getting the "man up" treatment bc Mildred is small and traditionally feminine
@@MELLMAO I think it's because when DV is present in gay male relationships, usually both of them are the perpetrators so the line between victim and attacker is more blurred compared to straight or lesbian couples.
Vanessa was never the villain, yeah sure she was annoying, and at some point disrespectful, but she was ALWAYS honest and upfront with her bullshit. It's the bitches like Yoli and Mildred that pretend to be the good guys that do the most damage. And to some degree Xander is also really shady. Just because y'all don't like Vanessa doesn't mean Xander wasn't disrespectful and hypocritical.
The moment Mildred started going at Tiff on the stage, I got the feeling that she was trying to control the narrative of how their relationship ended. So when she admitted to DV I was like “yuuuuup it’s all making sense.” Very much like an abuser to try and change the narrative in an attempt to validate their abuse
Bro Mal was so patient with Yoly the whole time, she better than me tbh. 😭 Also Mildred definitely through me a loop bcs wtf? ik she wasn't great but.. DV?? 😨 Now Aussie being on edge makes sense. I would've got up out of there too !
@@id3389i felt like it was obvious Yoly was being avoidant the whole time she effectively pushed the spot light to Vanessa (not saying Vanessa was nice)
haven't watched the reunion yet but man i KNEW IT... the way yoly acted w Xander during her time w mal and mildreds vibe just as a whole were so off to me from the start
I think Mal is a bit fake deep she’s unrealistically understanding, and also I think Mal was very disingenuous with Lexi, she really made it seem like there was a possibility, Lexi was doing the same pretending but it shows that Mal is willing to say whatever she thinks people want to hear. I think in general if you go on a show like this the expectation is that your partner might end up with conflicting feelings about you. That’s not inherently bad and Mal was also dming Yoly and saying they’d leave together while speaking romance with Lexi.
this exactly! Mal and Sam are the same in that way: incredibly patient and understanding but in a way that denies your own needs and enables your partner, because you believe love requires an unholy amount of self-sacrifice. The only difference is their partners. Aussie and Yoly both take advantage of that, but whereas Aussie lashes out and runs when pushed, Yoly manipulates and lies so she never gets confronted to begin with.
remember we saw more than Mal did at the time, Mal had a belief that Yoli was being honest and was wrapping things up so when Mal really understood what was true, they ended it
i think the reason why mal felt the need to be patient and understanding is bc she cheated on yoly in the past and the guilt she’s feeling from it is basically preventing her from standing up to yoly. but in return she allowed herself to become a doormat. they should’ve broke up after she cheated bc if she wanted this relationship w yoly so bad then why did she cheat? and yoly really thought marriage will fix anything lol. the relationship was over the minute mal decided to cheat.
Aussie comparing Sam to Mildred is SOOOOO scummy. Like we get youre insecure but to say Sam is pretty much abusive just because you dont like confrontation is CRAZY
The really need to get a marriage counselor or therapist to host this show. Mildred admitting to DV and the host saying nothing was wild. I vote for Crissle West.
wow a show where actual mental health and relationship professionals come in regularly and guide healing is such an elevated thought. it's really what should be airing in 2023, not manipulative trash TV. people love drama but stories about wins, overcoming, struggling and healing, and success are seriously what we need in this era and would do just as well IMO. just like makeover shows, but more respectful.
@@salamander8301tbh as much as i disagree w lexis behaviour, i dont think shes a bad person, shes young & clearly felt very betrayed and hurt and didnt get an answer she was looking for from rae & it was probably edited like that on purpose too
i honestly always disagreed with how vanessa was vilified by the rest of the group. could easily understand how her personality at the beginning could rub people the wrong way, but every time someone would spout the whole “she’s not here for the right reasons” shit i was just like well yeah ? she didn’t issue the ultimatum, obviously she wasn’t there for marriage, she made that very clear. her only real crime was devaluing xander, which she learned from towards the end. aussie, tiff, and lexi were all as flawed as her in my opinion and yoly and mildred were worse by a mile
Yoly taking the ring off and letting Xander pour her heart out is so manipulative! She wanted to confirm if Xander would choose her. I wholeheartedly believe that if Xander had said they didnt choose Yoly, Yoly would have been like me either.
As much as I don’t care for Vanessa in the sense that I don’t think I’d get along with her if I knew her, she was always pretty straightforward about who she was. Whereas some other women on the show pretended to be all holier than thou and turned out to be terrible.
I appreciated what she had to say on the reunion. I dont think she learned much through the show but i think she did watching it back. Gaining a bit of self awareness. I think most of us have acted like she did at one point in our lives and are very embarrassed about it now
@@Lel472 do you mean about her changing her mind about wanting to marry Xander? Because I think that was her panicking when she realized she was losing them. I don’t personally see it as acting as much as a fear response. Which can be the result of an ultimatum, to be fair. It’s like a “marry me or lose me” kind of thing, and a lot of people get scared and commit to marriages they don’t actually want.
@L. I constantly got an "I don't want them, you can't have them"-itis vibe from Vanessa. If she'd stuck to her booty call reason for being in the show? I'd have been...fine...with her. But her switch as soon as Vanessa found out that Xander could actually be fine without her? The way V manipulated them was sickening to me. By the end? I was like run, Xander, ruuuuun!
I liked Yoli but her looking over at Mildred and asking if SHE'S ok after what she did to Tiff at the reunion seeeeent me. like fuck that. Mildred is wildly problematic and I realize Yoli and Mildred are friends but no mama. no.
I’m just going to say how disrespectful Netflix was for having Mildred and tif on together. It seems especially messed up they do this on a queer show like those relationships or that trauma doesn’t matter
Yes! And not to mention the host pandering to Mildred after she openly admitted to being violent towards Tiff. It was infuriating to see Mildred be given a platform to spin and manipulate the narrative in her favor. She’s so vile she makes me sick.
@@carmindi5061 Mildred admitted to DV and even Aussie said that Aussie was scared of Mildred over the short time that they spent together. Netflix should have never given Mildred a platform NOR a platform to a host that encouraged an abuser to discuss their “healing journey”. If that’s what you classify as “great”, I’m sorry but we both have very different definitions of what defines being great.
All of the stuff that’s happened in the reunion made sure that I, a lesbian with a history of being abused, will never watch the show. I’m so sorry to Tiff for the fact Netflix had 0 tact and once again the production of their dating shows are not safe.
It's so clear that every cast member is worse off for having been on the show. The fact that Netflix invited a documented abuser back into their victim's life is astounding to me.
the fact they brushed over it... i'm shocked. Same sex abuse is so common, i'd love to see how it would of been dealt with if it was man on woman abuse smh
DV doesn’t get taken seriously enough, especially for queer couples. I’m not surprised that Netflix didn’t take it seriously, but it’s disappointing none the less. I hope Tiff is able to heal from this experience and move on 💕
I completely agree! I swear I’ve heard straight friends talk about how they wish they were gay and completely ignore any story I’ve told them about how women can be just as toxic.
I will NEVER understand how Yoly didn't realise that Mal would be able to see all of the shady stuff that happened once it was shown on Netflix. Like how are you going go behind Mal's back and think it would work out?
Ok, it is true that family dynamics in Latino communities can have notes of violence, and that healthy communication isn’t the standard, but Mildred is a grown ass woman capable of realizing her upbringing was toxic (assuming that was the case), and doing the work to improve to be a better person and partner.
I watched the show and the first time she blamed being loud and rude on being latina made me pause and go HUH??!! I’m latina and I just had to stop bc it was just wild to me that she thought that would shut down the conversation and couldn’t be blamed for that
when mildred told Tiff their voice bothered her... OOF that felt very latina mean girl.. it is a culture of cutting as deep as you can.. we need to do better
YES do you know how much work I did as a latine woman raised by a misogynist to create my self worth and realize that just because you grow up with being loud and violent doesn't mean that was ever okay??? And she's gonna be like "lmao I'm latina what did you expect" how about some WORK? SOME REFLECTION? maturity??? That made me hot!! "I'm latina" OOOOOOHHH
Yes, it sounds like Mildred is trying to use a negative stereotype about Latin people to get away with her BS. She doesn’t want to do the work on herself, so she blames an inherent personal characteristic, to absolve herself unconditionally. Maybe this is why she got fired by the therapist lol. Pushing the toxic stereotype is actually harmful. I have had Latina friends over the years and not a single one of them act like Mildred. I like when Tiff said “respect has no race”. That is very true. You will find respectful and disrespectful people from every race. Disrespectfulness is a personality flaw, not a racial issue!
I was fine with Vanessa by the end. At least she could put a finger on what she needed to work on, unlike Mildred and Yoly who are evil af and Mildred’s behavior was downright sickening
I don’t like Vanessa but to her credit I feel like the show gave her a reality check that, no not everyone is just going to stay and you can do whatever you want, and you need to figure out what you REALLY want
I’m happy Yoly and Mal didn’t end up together because Mal deserved better. Like how are you going to throw away a 5 year relationship for a 3 week one? That’s just odd more than anything else…
When she finally admitted it was because of the money, that's when I would of left. Mal's fear that Yoli just wanted to be married and it didn't matter who, was 1000% percent confirmed. Yoli has such a shallow view of marriage that she could even consider leaving her partner for *better insurance* .....girl, you were the one that issued the ultimatum??? What the hell are you doing???
Mal was right about Yoli from jump. She is inlove with being in love so anyone would do. Mal definitely deserves better & a lucky woman will snap her up very quickly.
Mildred blaming her anger issues and abuse on being latina is taking me back to my childhood. My mother abused me in many ways but she really tried to con us into thinking it was a cultural thing like I'm not hispanic myself. I know my culture. It's not a thing, we're just more emotional communicator that doesn't translate to a free pass for abuse. Don't drag others into this, it's not our fault you can't tell the difference between venting and throwing insults AND OBJECTS at people.
I had a friend who is latina and she always blamed her low-key gaslighting/toxic shit and overly sexual behavior (that made many ppl uncomfortable including me) on her being latina and the fact that she was a lesbian so "it was fine". As a white person I didn't say anything about it or say that "that's an excuse for some ratchet behavior" because I was concerned that I might disrespect her and come off racist which is the last thing I ever want to do. Watching Mildred act the way she did and comments like yours helped me realize my friend was just a piece of shit regardless of her race. So i just wanted to say thank you for sharing that piece of your life.
Like this might be a stretch but here’s what I see: Mal is a dark skin queer femme. We’ve seen what happens when Black wm are demonized for showing even justified anger on screen. Mal probably is anger but can’t even show it on tv. But also Mal could truly just be that chill idk idk
@@alyshiarodgers4500 honestly I think Mal just possesses a level of self awareness and tranquility that most don’t. She’s always seemed to articulate her feelings in a respectful and eloquent manner. It just seems like her personality. She has class.
GIRL AKSNSLKD I kept thinking about it like. you're having a serious conversation abt your relationships future with your partner and you're excusing yourself for acting the way you do with being LATINA????? i would understand if it was some sort of joke but she was pretty serious about it... wth
No, she's not a saint, she's a fool. She has no self-respect whatsoever. Like how are you going to propose to someone who tells you they love someone else?? Nah, this shit got me mad.
@@frenchgirl5878 we have the benefit of seeing the full picture. She only has Yoli's word and is choosing to trust her. She broke up with her after watching what we were watching
I can't stop thinking the disrespect that Tiff got in the reunion is pure "well the fem presenting person can't be abusive they're the woman!" bullshit that butches have to deal with. It does make me so k Tiff is made out to be equally as bad and from how I see it's just because she's butch so she must have to be "aggressive" even though honestly she just seems sweet and tenderhearted (I'm also tenderhearted I say that with so much love)
I’m not a butch lesbian, more femme leaning, but I think you hit the nail on the head here and it’s depressing. Tiff deserved so much better after all that shit.
Literally, as soon as she is removed from Mildred, she acts completely normal with other people and has none of the issues. But around the abuser like Mildred, she is forced to be hypervigilant
I think they handled it similarly with the hetero season prior, just kind if glossing over it. I think part of it is because people try to stay out of it when the likelihood of returning to the relationship is unfortunately high. And also because the production company that Netflix uses does not try to accurately show or improve heavy situations.
I thought Vanessa was going to be my least favorite. Turns out she is just on the wrong show. (she should have been on Too Hot To Handle. I just wish she didn’t waste her partners time) Meanwhile Yoli is an absolutely awful person and partner with an extreme problem with telling the truth.
I know not every queer couple has the same opinions on this, but it was so weird that the masc partners were the only ones getting their finances discussed. None of the masc-presenting cast members identify as men, and they don't have cis male privilege, so why are they being expected to 'provide for' their partners? Is it that other financial conversations were edited out, or were Yoly and Mildred really expecting their partners to conform to more traditional gender roles? It's fine to want to be taken care of in a relationship, but as a viewer I needed more context on why Mal, Xander, and Tiff all had so much focus put on their bank accounts.
I felt the same about the proposals, especially since the masc presenting ones besides Xander were issued the ultimatum so why would the onus of proposing be on them
To push back a bit - yeah, the enforcement of traditional gender roles doesn't work here, but it doesn't in straight relationships either. I come from a family where my mom is the breadwinner and my dad (having a less demanding full time job) does all the domestic work, house work, time with kids etc. They both work very hard, and the arrangement works for them. But I guarantee you if you flipped it they would be miserable. A partner being a man (even a cis man) shouldn't mean he HAS to be the breadwinner any more than the woman HAS to be a homemaker. Everyone benefits from honestly negotiated divisions of labor tailored to the person rather than the gender.
Yoli was literally the one having to birth the baby and get IVF. On the flip side no masc presenting people even considered being the baby carrier so... if they are reaping privileges (ok yes, less than cis men but still, they benefit off some privileges in endorssing masc ways), then how is it not fair to atleast ask for stability
@@moonglasses4283 Xander says to Yoly in ep2 that they want to carry a child if it's medically possible, and they have a whole conversation about it on air so I don't think Yoly is a good example. It's a stereotype to assume that just because someone is masc-presenting it means they don't want to carry a child.
@@merefinl6914 I never said that masc presenting people cannot carry a baby and yes, Xander is a great example because they did not use (as much) their masc as an excuse to assume the femme had to always carry the baby, do the emotional labour (like Aussie and Sam), do most of the household chores (like Aussie and Same example, and Mel and Yoli) and be the dominant sex chaser (as in Tiffs case) etc. Nonetheless it isnt assumed that Yoli will not be the carrier at all. There is always assumptions placed on the femme that reinforces misogony. I do not believe in the stereotype so it is bold of you to assume that I do, but Mel, unlike Xander, did reap a bit of privileges from masc stereotypes and advantages in this society, she also expected Yoly to do more of the household labour and acted very much like she was going to change just to win her back and help her ego (all things cis men are very capable off). No wonder Yoli thought of other, more viable options like Xander. If you notice these issues that are present in femme, masc presenting dynamics werent preconcieved notions in the only femme femme couple present so even though their queer, their is still space for misogony, racism and heteronormative practises to permeate. Althought it may still be nuanced it doesnt negate these possibilities as they all still live in such a society.
What I hated about Yoly was the fact that she kept saying she doesn't feel the romantic connection with Mal anymore compared to Xander. LIKE GIRL,,, LEAVE THEN 😭 She really thought she was a wattpad protagonist or smth
@@ezzb Really? They should've mentioned that, or at least showed the cast going to therapy. (not like a whole therapy session, only just to make the watchers aware that these people are actually getting help).
I had an ex like yoly and it hurts. It really does, to think that your relationship is basically perfect until somebody new comes into their life and now all the sudden everything you do is wrong. I feel just horrible for Mal, they deserve way better and I hope they find someone new that’ll love and cherish them as they deserve to be
It kind of scares me that people like that will try to force your hand into committing like she did with Mal. Like imagine Mal had agreed to marry her and then Yoli fell for someone a few years down the line? Heartbreaking and such a waste of time & energy. I’m glad Mal (and you) got out of those relationships.
Why do you guys keep saying "they" instead of "she" for the mascs in the relationship? Is there something I don't know about? No one has said they're nonbinary on the show from what I've seen
@@mznbhd but "she" was used for the femmes which already assumed their pronouns...so why would we assume the mascs pronouns just because they are untraditional women (in the way they dress). Which I think just automatically removes people from womanhood just because they don't apply to gender roles in the same way. But idk, I'm just saying, it's weird people want to get rid of gender binaries instead of letting everyone exist on a spectrum. A woman and a man isn't just one way or one way to be, ykwim?
Ooooo, I can’t EVEN with the reunion. It is *beyond* unethical for Netflix to have Mildred in the same room with Tiff. Disgusting. Idk how this was allowed and I damn well hope there’s some well-deserved outrage sent Netflix’s way. Jesus
Yoli was so hard to trust. Someone would call her out and she would deny it left and right then receipts came and then it turns to “I didn’t think that happened” I’m sorry what?!
I feel for Aussie, I really do. I've been similarly traumatized but their anger is scary and it's intense. I felt afraid of them just watching them on the show. There's asking for space to cool your jets but people need to be able to say things you don't like without spiraling into an enraged state
Considering what we know about Mildred, it was probably just jarring for Aussie to see such a bolder personality from Sam after having to leave Mildred. Aussie said they didn’t feel safe around Mildred and Mildred having domestic violence charges against her contextualizes that. I don’t think Aussie is good at communication, but I see their outbursts are sadness more than anger. Sam definitely deserves a partner that communicates in a healthier manner though.
@@miscellaneouslife2778 oh yeah, there is definitely sadness there too and I didn't mean to infer Aussie wasn't also a victim of Mildred's. But there were some really intense moments of rage against Sam when she didn't do anything. I would consider that to be abusive because Sam can't put a toe out of line without being punished with stonewalling, anger, and guilt tripping. I genuinely hope they get the therapy they need and learn how to handle difficult emotions. "Meditation" sounds healthy but what Aussie was doing wasn't healthy.
YES, thank you! I see everyone talking about Mildred being abusive (which yes), but Aussie (to me) was also. like you stated earlier, you have to be able to handle when people say/do things you don’t like and/or agree with. Aussie literally would emotionally manipulate Sam to shove her feelings/wants/needs to the side to prioritize Aussie’s feelings/wants/needs. They literally said Sam’s perspective was “bullshit” while simultaneously being upset that Sam wasn’t listening to their perspective??? and to double down on their feelings taking priority, they would just physically leave if that wasn’t the case. Really disgusted by the fact that Aussie’s abusive tendencies were swept under the rug just because they weren’t physically abusive like Mildred.
Aussie and Mildred really aren't that different at their core to me... Aussie just tends to run while Mildred tends to confront. They're both using their childhoods and upbringings as reasons why they can treat others poorly
I feel that Yoly was mad at Mal for breaking up with her FOR THE SOLE FACT that Xander DID NOT choose her in the end anyway. So she felt as if she lost all together. Also, I 100% believe that if Xander proposed to Yoly first (w/ Mal's permission as a plan to see where Yoly's heart truly was) Yoly WOULD have said yes to Xander. So, Mal wasn't wrong in asking would Yoly want both to fight for her and whoever wins, she'll choose cuz that's kinda what I think she did. She chose whoever came first.
the fact that I predicted every couple would propose and say yes (but glad that one of them didn't come true), and the pure satisfaction I had when almost all of them had broken up at the time of the reunion is enough to get me through the rest of the year.
SDky they did & its something that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately I have never met a lesbian couple without DV & abusive behaviors. It would have made a difference for it to be addressed.
I agree with both of you. Mal deserves better, but Mal needs therapy. Mal needs to treat herself with as much love and respect as she treats her partners.
That last title card had me shouting “WHAT!!” not because I was surprised they broke up but because they laid it on SO thick that they were so happy living their best life together
Lexi laying it on thick and still responding immaturely to vanessa just saying that shes not in their life and she doesnt plan to be shows that they mightve been having the same argument. Ofc this is just speculation on my part and is not reflective on all sex workers but it feels like Lexi was projecting cause she made a big vulgar fuss about fingergate meanwhile she had an onlyfans where she was fully having sex with other people.
I've been the Sam in relationships, and the truth is what you get out of it is the validation of feeling like you're helping/healing/fixing someone, when in actuality you are carrying the emotional burden of a person who doesn't want to carry any of the load themselves and probably doesn't have the tools to do so. After a while, you realize that they aren't developing those tools because you always run in to save the day so they don't have to. It's a trauma response too.
Mildred and Yoly were just despicable. Mildred casually explaining away DV, talking over and belittling Tiff, breaking up with her nearly 50 times only to say Tiff is the one who’s scared to commit? Nope. Yoly has an aversion to the truth which makes the admittedly cute Xander x Yoly relationship look awful. Yoly lied to Mal, allowed Mal to be the mature and understanding person they are because it didn’t force her to grow. Then having the nerve to admit strong and deep feelings for Xander after Mal had proposed to her and made it CLEAR they would root for her regardless… yeah… no. Vanessa was a lot of things, definitely manipulative and wildly inappropriate, but she had nothing on Mildred and Yoly.
So there's a term in the polyamorous community called 'new relationship energy.' basically it's an endorphin wave that hits you for a month or two after you have a new partner. Yoli seems like she's got it hard and can't recognize it for what it is. Mal can probably see through that and that's why she's waiting for it to abate and being much more calm than most people would because she knows once it wears off Yoli will still be with her. Honestly it's probably happened before. Sorry to double-comment but man it's so clear. Listening to this discussion is so funny, it reminds me of my little lgbt friend group before I got divorced and detached from them lol.
@@pinkbutterflies994 Definitely. I think the distinction between the honeymoon phase and new relationship energy is the weird fact that nre can make you super, super invested in spending time with your current partner and make you really into them. Sort of like reawakening your interest in them or rediscovering them. Which is a weird thing. You'd think it would only make you feel blissed out toward your new partner, who is the source of your new energy. But somehow it doesn't always. But yeah the two concepts are definitely the same thing in terms of hormones and elation. It's just that if you're monogamous and you're having, say, an affair, you aren't going to take that new energy toward your current partner (at least, not with them knowing), whereas when you're poly you can. Not that Yoli and Mal were even poly... I'm glad they split.
😂😂😂 🫸🏻 stop lmao she wanted to have a Edward vs Jacob. The difference is both of those dudes were toxic ..Mal isn't perfect obviously but I was rooting for her so hard ❤❤
Yoli taking the ring off was WILD! Like, girl .. why? Go talk to xander,ok. But why would you feel the need to take the ring off?! That was low key manipulative and just crazy.
Nah Sam isn’t a therapist. A therapist knows when to clock off and when someone hasn’t signed the paperwork to legally be allowed to advise them privately. Also love is NOT ENOUGH. Love whoever you love. Leave when you need to leave.
I feel like vanessa actually showed growth. Her in the reunion really gave me the impression that she's become aware of her actions and how she didn't appreciate Xander the way she should have.
@@person7407 yes people aren't perfect but from her actions at the beginning very hard to tell if she's honest & tbf I watched an interview with Xander where they said they wished they didn't keep defending her and even leading up to the reunion Vanessa reached out with an emotionally charged message once the reunion was done crickets, Xander eluded Vanessa had done this so Xander would defend her again, I think Xander finally clocked onto the manipulation I thought that was very telling.
It's possible, but I'm doubtful. Vanessa seems to be so hung up over Xander because she stopped being a doormat and eventually became "the one that got away," unlike Vanessa's previous partners.
No because Yoly was doing the effin most during that ultimatum day. She took off her engagement ring, and she was being so dramatic, walking away, calling Xander back, and all of that. I don’t know why she said yes.
It's so funny to me that TWICE in this show this exact sequence happens: Vanessa: hey, Xander and Yoly did this thing Mal: I already knew that Vanessa: well, did you know THIS *big reveal* Mal: Oh, I didn't know THAT Yoly: No, that's not the truth (looks at Xander) is it the truth? Vanessa: Is it the truth, Xander? Xander: Actually...
The Netflix production people should not be allowed to allow an abuser, not only be on the reunion after literally abusing someone, but also victimize themselves while almost normalizing the abusive behavior. Fems can be abusive, women can be abusive, feminine people can be abusive, and masculine individuals can be abused. It's like the producers were like "well it's not that bad right? Like Tiff is a big person, it probably isn't literal abuse". But they also made us watch Colleen and that dude she married in extremely uncomfortable and literally abusive scenarios, and just acted like it was fine too so what should I expect.
tw: discussion on DV/IPV i agree with the point that the reunion should've been edited or something since it wasn't live, but i'd take it one step further and say Mildred shouldn't have been invited in the first place. i find it hard to believe that producers/staff wouldn't know about someone on the cast being charged with IPV, and it shows a total disregard for tiff and their well-being. I've seen people say that the response would likely have been different had it been a more masc partner being abusive towards their more femme partner, and i think that's valid. regardless, though, it's clear they don't take abuse in queer relationships seriously, and Netflix's silence ever since the reunion aired is so disgusting.
Mal is just… SO patient and so understanding and seems to have such a realistic understanding of relationships and such a willingness to work things out and I just can’t imagine a more perfect partner tbh. …Also she’s hot as shit.
The problem with Yoly was that she fell out of love with Mal, but she knew that Mal "had seen the worst of her and still stayed," and that Mal was a good person who didn't deserve "to be dumped." But it's way worse to keep Mal around through lies, as if Yoly was waiting that through time she'd fall in love with Mal again (as apparently "she falls in love where she waters"). Honestly Xander is better off alone.
30:28 ok not having seen the show but hearing this makes me think Yoly wanted Mal to get mad and break of with her rather than Yoly breaking up with them and looking like/feeling like the bad guy which is manipulative af
And that’s ultimately what happened when you hear their real break up. Yoly phrases it like Mal gave up on her after two weeks and bought a one way ticket away from her. And mal eventually got to the point where she is “happily” broken up. Like, “you made me break up with you and I’m happy about it.”
Me too. It would still be good and we wouldnt have to watch people go through these literal meltdowns, while other cast members are literally being abused. It's not entertaining anymore, when people's mental and physical health is being harmed.
@@ezzb but did they *use* the therapy? Was it good *quality* therapy? Saying somebody needs therapy alone isn’t always going to solve the problem (I say this in full support of therapy!)
I work at a criminal defense law firm (not a lawyer just a legal assistant) and hearing how Mildred was able to be on set made me raise an eyebrow. The show is filmed in California and in California every single DV case has something called a Criminal Protective Order (CPO) and the protective order is active until the DV case gets resolved in court. And even when it gets resolved, most people who are sentenced to DV get served with another protective order to protect the victim that lasts throughout the duration of their probation Basically, my concern is that by Mildred being near Tiff during the filming of the reunion while the DV case is ongoing, means that Mildred violated the CPO placed on her. The purpose of a CPO is to protect the victim against the defendant and they're typically not allowed to have any form of communication with the victim (unless it gets reduced to a level 1 - peaceful contact CPO but idk if thats the case here) So did Netflix actively help Mildred violate the CPO, and in doing so violating a court order, by having her be present for the reunion episode? 🤔
Yoly just confirmed what Mail had said about her falling in love super easily wherever the grass is watered. She was well within her rights to wonder why she was different
What's wild to me is that, with Mal and Tiff, they were reluctant to propose, because had express valid needs and concerns that weren't being addressed. And thier partners were basically like "Well, I'm not going to give you that, now propose or I'm leaving." This whole season was people saying, "I'm going to disregard what you need in this relationship. You get what you get, now accept it!"...and people accepting it.
As a person with severe PTSD from, among other things, childhood abuse, watching Aussie (spelling??) and their breakdowns (I would honestly call them PTSD episodes, or even flashbacks) even only in the context of this video was…genuinely borderline triggering and so, _so_ fucking sad. I saw it coming moment for moment. I know _exactly_ how it feels to be in that place; to be _that_ miserable, to hate yourself _that_ much. I dunno… this isn't a particularly meaningful comment, I just wanted to say it.
Yes me too. I could tell most of the time that Aussie wasn’t engaging in those conversations from a place of feeling safe but from that place of deep self criticism as a result of being in emotionally abusive situations as a kid. Just yeah I have felt the exact same way as them and seeing those personal moments where they were having flashbacks and being seriously triggered definitely triggered me. It also triggered me watching reviews of the show and seeing comments of people misunderstanding Aussie’s behavior as intentionally abusive rather than a serious trauma response. It just reminded me of how invalidating it feels to be emotionally abused and then once you’re out of it you still aren’t able to come across to others enough to have them validate you. Had to talk abt this in therapy too felt like a really harmful choice for them to include such triggering and personal moments of Aussie’s breakdowns on camera
thank you for this comment and the replies. it hurt to see Aussie get so dysregulated so easily; very clear they had a traumatic upbringing that's still affecting them in the present. I'm hoping the best for them.
I feel as if Yoli and Mildred were the real villains of the show. It made sense to me that Yoli would try to comfort Mildred as they are similar. Mildred is very vocally and outwordly abusive while Yoli is more manipulative.
Man, I will never understand everyone hating Vanessa so much. To me, from the start she seemed like a deeply insecure person who thought that acting fake-confident like all the romcom leads she's seen in her youth would make people like her. She's so clearly projecting a false sense of security and making misjudged jokes at the start because she so deeply wants people to think that she's this carefree spirit - but she tries CONSTANTLY later on to modify her behaviour and apologise to people who have been bullying and ostacizing her over NOTHING (I also lost some respect for Mal when they participated in the ostricization - nodding along and stuff, and accusing Vanessa of being manipulative when she looked out for them and tried to let them know what Yoly was up to). I mean, compare her to Lexi - and I see one person who is listening and willing to change, and one person who bulldozes and changes NOTHING about herself. Vanessa is my favourite, followed closely by Sam and Tiff, and it bums me out *so much* to hear what people think of her.
Having seen the carpark scene with Aussie twice, I cried twice. It felt invasive to see and hit me so hard. Aussie needs therapy and I hope that they can heal.
as a latinamerican im so offended by mildred LMAO but also i feel sad cause is her hispanic family treating each other like sh*t and blaming it on culture???
Probably the latter. I’m not Hispanic, but my father’s side of the family is Slavic and they blame their toxic traits on “cultural temperament” all the time when no, they’re just bad to another.
The worst thing about Yoly and Mal is that all of Mal's insecurities came true, they said that they know that Yoly's type is white women and that they wanted the money before having children but what a coincidence that Yoly fell for a financially comfortable white person. Also on the Mildred being the one to bring up the arrest and DV, abusers often are the first to bring it up so they can control the narrative.
front half of the season i was in love with mal but still understanding her love for yoly. back half of the season i was screaming at my screen PICK ME CHOOSE ME LOVE ME I WOULDNT TREAT U LIKE THIS
The moment when Lexi explains that she and Rae agreed that they were aware of physical intimacy but then Rae came to her saying “I won’t do that, I’m not going to sleep with Vanessa, I’d never do that to you” unprovoked and then she turned around and did just that really made Lexi’s fixation on it click for me. It was a big “Ohhhhh” for me.
sorry but can we talk about how GHETTO it is to accept a marriage proposal and be like “yeah i’m in love with someone else so this is hard” like girl just don’t accept the proposal
I think Lexi is so upset because she feels "Damn that's all it took" for her to sleep with someone like Vanessa. I was sick of the constant bringing it up but I understand.
@@person7407 I feel like that's exactly what makes her so willing to harp on it. She was given extra levels of trust and she even seemed to take things seriously here, but to have Vanessa who seemed to....disinterested in the actual relationship end of things, sweet in and roll around with her partner she's on a break with? Insult to Injury for sure. And if they been together for years, theirs probably alot of disbelief and 'Damn I thought you wouldn't do this in 2 weeks' bouncing around inside.
My heart really breaks for Aussie. Idk how she passed the psych evaluation for this show but she should not have been on it. And i think Sam is an incredible woman; she continuously shows how kind, caring, patient, and understanding she is, but if she doesnt make Aussie seek some help, Aussie will be the destruction of them both. From what Aussie has said i suspect we come from similar backgrounds and i have to say i cannot believe Aussie made it to 42 without help. I guess other than avoiding any conflict and keeping those emotions buried way too deep. You can’t build a healthy relationship with that kind of trauma, and Sam deserves to let go
I'm not surprised that they 98% of them broke up, and I won't hold my breath for Aussie and Sam. If you decide to go on a show like this, you are clearly in a damaged relationship, and spending three weeks with another person is not going to change that. I saw a lot of disingenuous behavior. I wouldn't trust any of them, except for maybe Mal. She seems like the most level headed. Vanessa rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, but I truly felt for her in the end.
I love what you said about love being conditional! Respecting your partner is an essential part of love and if you’re manipulative or abusive in any way you don’t respect your partner and you shouldn’t be loved for your bad behavior.
I actually liked Vanessa much more by the end. She seemed like the kind of person who severely overcompensates by putting on a "fun/quirky/hahaha let's all have an orgy" personality and has never had to shed that skin and grow into herself. I think she defintiely needs therapy, but I don't believe she's a lost cause by any means.
I was very sympathetic to Vanessa because I was Vanessa at some point in my life. 😂 It's basically the "not like other girls" mentally but without the purpose of attracting a man/partner. Like she's annoying on purpose because then she will never have to face the possibility of someone disliking her real self.
Vanessa is definitely someone i don't like personality-wise but i barely see anyone say she needs therapy as well (as all the cast do) cause its been apparent from the start that shes a deeply insecure person who puts on that boisterous loud front + commitment issues so she can have some control when it doesnt work out. her father clocked her when he said she needs to check her ego and hopefully her seeing her own behavior displayed can get her to work on herself.
i agree, and i think her response after the reunion to mildred’s abuse supporting tiff and calling out mildred shows she’s a good person that just got caught up in a mess of her own selfish behaviour
Love mal but she needs to recognize rejection. I think this taught me what they mean when we hear relationships take work. It’s really work on ourselves. Not our partner , I think that’s what the ladies should learn
This is so valid. When we hear work we hear struggle but you shouldn't have to fight for your relationship. You should be fighting to hold your own self accountable. And if your partner stops doing so, you are well within your rights to leave. That's what ppl need to hear.
Tiff's friend Natasha should've been the host of the whole show! Natasha asked the hard-hitting, important questions, and held Mildred (the real villain) accountable to the things she was saying.
Mal isn't a 100% blameless. She recently admitted to the allegations, that she had cheated on Yoli before the show. So it makes sense that she was ok with Yoli falling in love with Xander. I can imagine that it made here feel they were now on equal ground. All these people have their flaws and would benefit form therapy.
Yeah, I can see that. Though I still think Yoli comes off looking pretty bad. It feels like she was being all shady and wishy-washy just to hurt Mal. Why drag Xander into it? Why drag anybody else there into it? If she really did fall in love with Xander, why not just be with her instead of stringing Mal along? They should have broken up, not had an ultimatum.
I think that now that we know that Lexi and Rae broke up because Lexi suspected Rae of cheating, IF that was a behaviour that Rae displayed before the Ultimatum, it would make sense why Lexi was so obsessed and upset at fingergate and Vanessa.
I don’t think it was though considering they had a conversation about Rae not being that type of partner when they were at the table with Lexi’s parents. I think Lexi is just a really immature person
@@artemisrose4374 thank you!! I liked lexi at first but really quickly she showed how cruel, controlling and obsessive she is and hardly anyone has said anything about it!!
@@s4rah9 Y'all are way too quick to use the word "cruel". Bitch if you consider that tv reality shit "cruel" then you must be very privileged because wtf...
Lexie is mature in a lot of ways but her age was showing in the way she handled Vanessa. I can’t say i wouldn’t act the same though so i can’t really judge 😂
Blaming your behavior and actually committing domestic violence on being Latina is DANGEROUS. She should be ashamed of herself, she not only put Tiff in danger, also her child. Being Latina does not make you violent, wtf? This stereotype of Latinas having a temper is not k and the fact it's coming from one is worse. Ew, go away Mildred, she shouldn't have gotten the chance to speak after saying that.
this is so unrelated (you're right tho) but i LOVE your merli pfp
I'm Queer and Dominican with a whole Sicilian family as well we are all loud when together you need to fight and be super present to get a word in but we know how to have a serious conversation with someone. When she was saying its all because she's latina ...nooooo she is doing such a disservice and pushing the stereotype of Latina/Hispanic women.
I'm Latina and I'm so offended that she used her abusive behavior as an excuse. You are an abuser, period.
@@90sDRgirl right! Using that stereotype as an excuse is damaging. There's a right way to argue and a wrong way. Mildred just has to grow up and learn to control her emotions. learn to give people the chance to speak.
Thank you for this! As a queer Latina, I hate how mildred blames her anger issues on her identity as a Latina. It's incredibly harmful for many other Latina women
I’m really disappointed that Netflix didn’t take proper precautions to keep Tiff safe from Mildred especially since Mildred has domestic charges against her. Like I know that Netflix and their producers don’t give a fuck about the well being of their contestants but Jesus Christ, they could’ve at least had Mildred attend the reunion via Zoom to make sure that Tiff didn’t have to be in the same room as their abuser.
This really does feel like something that is only happening because they’re the more masculine one - they so obviously we’re the victim and yet…
FR! I knew Mildred was poison, but that reunion was actually shocking. And no one called her out…
or not invite her at all iirc they've not invited some contestants on reunion episodes on a few of their dating shows
@@Primeyzee I knew something deeper was going on when Aussie said they didn’t feel safe around Mildred. It was really sad that no one took that statement seriously and tried to paint Aussie as the fault in that relationship. No wonder they broke down when Sam brought up Mildred.
Netflix uses every one to make the most money. Can't stand that streaming service.
Yoly was so disrespectful to me, she really thought she was Bella Swan and for what. She also had a main character complex
Someone said the reason Yoli didn't like Vanessa was because they're similar Yoli is just more quiet with it.
Not Bella Swan 😂😂
Bella Swan 😭😭😭😭😭
@Emma Louise O yeah I remember Xander saying something like that to Vanessa early on too
@@TheWoodEyeLyes oh really wow I never clocked that but makes a lot of sense.
they didn't treat mildred like an abuser because ultimately, they don't take domestic violence in lesbian relationships, especially violence from femmes, seriously. lesbians (& other sapphics) are systemically excluded from the already poor dv system. it's just another facet of sapphic relationships not being taken seriously.
What's worse is that statistically DV in lesbian relationship is a really big problem, way bigger than in male gay relationships. And it still gets swept under the rug
@@MELLMAO Do you have a source for that? That sounds incredibly counterintuitive.
@@MELLMAOthe study that said that was proven false years ago
I wonder if tiff is also being affected by toxic masculinity. Even though they are not a man their gender presentation is very masculine. It seems like Tiff is getting the "man up" treatment bc Mildred is small and traditionally feminine
@@MELLMAO I think it's because when DV is present in gay male relationships, usually both of them are the perpetrators so the line between victim and attacker is more blurred compared to straight or lesbian couples.
Vanessa not being NEARLY the most evil of the bunch was a plot twist i wasn't expecting, nor wanted
Yes I wish that was addressed more.
I Stan Vanessa!
@@salamander8301GIRL.
@@salamander8301 Choose better idols
Vanessa was never the villain, yeah sure she was annoying, and at some point disrespectful, but she was ALWAYS honest and upfront with her bullshit. It's the bitches like Yoli and Mildred that pretend to be the good guys that do the most damage. And to some degree Xander is also really shady. Just because y'all don't like Vanessa doesn't mean Xander wasn't disrespectful and hypocritical.
The moment Mildred started going at Tiff on the stage, I got the feeling that she was trying to control the narrative of how their relationship ended. So when she admitted to DV I was like “yuuuuup it’s all making sense.” Very much like an abuser to try and change the narrative in an attempt to validate their abuse
I literally just finished the reunion Mildred and Yoly are the real villains
Bro Mal was so patient with Yoly the whole time, she better than me tbh. 😭
Also Mildred definitely through me a loop bcs wtf? ik she wasn't great but.. DV?? 😨 Now Aussie being on edge makes sense. I would've got up out of there too !
@@id3389i felt like it was obvious Yoly was being avoidant the whole time she effectively pushed the spot light to Vanessa (not saying Vanessa was nice)
dead assssss… had me shook!
haven't watched the reunion yet but man i KNEW IT... the way yoly acted w Xander during her time w mal and mildreds vibe just as a whole were so off to me from the start
I think Mal is a bit fake deep she’s unrealistically understanding, and also I think Mal was very disingenuous with Lexi, she really made it seem like there was a possibility, Lexi was doing the same pretending but it shows that Mal is willing to say whatever she thinks people want to hear. I think in general if you go on a show like this the expectation is that your partner might end up with conflicting feelings about you. That’s not inherently bad and Mal was also dming Yoly and saying they’d leave together while speaking romance with Lexi.
At some point what Mal is doing goes from being understanding to just allowing someone to harm you. ESP when they can’t give you a straight answer
this exactly! Mal and Sam are the same in that way: incredibly patient and understanding but in a way that denies your own needs and enables your partner, because you believe love requires an unholy amount of self-sacrifice. The only difference is their partners. Aussie and Yoly both take advantage of that, but whereas Aussie lashes out and runs when pushed, Yoly manipulates and lies so she never gets confronted to begin with.
remember we saw more than Mal did at the time, Mal had a belief that Yoli was being honest and was wrapping things up so when Mal really understood what was true, they ended it
i think the reason why mal felt the need to be patient and understanding is bc she cheated on yoly in the past and the guilt she’s feeling from it is basically preventing her from standing up to yoly. but in return she allowed herself to become a doormat. they should’ve broke up after she cheated bc if she wanted this relationship w yoly so bad then why did she cheat? and yoly really thought marriage will fix anything lol. the relationship was over the minute mal decided to cheat.
@@julest5767yeah. She kept Mal in the dark.
but I agree in that even with just the ambivalence of Yoli, Mal might of said "I deserve more"
Aussie comparing Sam to Mildred is SOOOOO scummy. Like we get youre insecure but to say Sam is pretty much abusive just because you dont like confrontation is CRAZY
Aussie was talking about her personal experience with Mildred during their trial marriage. She wasn’t talking about Sam.
The really need to get a marriage counselor or therapist to host this show. Mildred admitting to DV and the host saying nothing was wild. I vote for Crissle West.
HOLY SHIT YES Crissle would read that whole stage for filth. imagine her energy from “cousin fucker” for an hour and a half
Judge Lynn Toler is my vote
She would GET them together
I just can’t see her agreeing with the concept of the show
I vote for Psychology in Seattle!
@@t.ron314 but then the episodes would take too damn long
wow a show where actual mental health and relationship professionals come in regularly and guide healing is such an elevated thought. it's really what should be airing in 2023, not manipulative trash TV. people love drama but stories about wins, overcoming, struggling and healing, and success are seriously what we need in this era and would do just as well IMO. just like makeover shows, but more respectful.
vanessa was the superficial ‘villain’, self-obsessed and cruel. it’s clear that Mildred was the true dark force in the group.
Yoli and lexi coming in hot
@@salamander8301tbh as much as i disagree w lexis behaviour, i dont think shes a bad person, shes young & clearly felt very betrayed and hurt and didnt get an answer she was looking for from rae & it was probably edited like that on purpose too
@@salamander8301 THIS
How was she cruel?
i honestly always disagreed with how vanessa was vilified by the rest of the group. could easily understand how her personality at the beginning could rub people the wrong way, but every time someone would spout the whole “she’s not here for the right reasons” shit i was just like well yeah ? she didn’t issue the ultimatum, obviously she wasn’t there for marriage, she made that very clear. her only real crime was devaluing xander, which she learned from towards the end. aussie, tiff, and lexi were all as flawed as her in my opinion and yoly and mildred were worse by a mile
Yoly taking the ring off and letting Xander pour her heart out is so manipulative! She wanted to confirm if Xander would choose her. I wholeheartedly believe that if Xander had said they didnt choose Yoly, Yoly would have been like me either.
As much as I don’t care for Vanessa in the sense that I don’t think I’d get along with her if I knew her, she was always pretty straightforward about who she was. Whereas some other women on the show pretended to be all holier than thou and turned out to be terrible.
Very much this. I really don’t like her, but she’s upfront and honest about who she is and what she does and I appreciate that
Honestly, I don’t think she was straightforward. I think she’s just bad at acting. There were a few moments where she was just acting
I appreciated what she had to say on the reunion. I dont think she learned much through the show but i think she did watching it back. Gaining a bit of self awareness. I think most of us have acted like she did at one point in our lives and are very embarrassed about it now
@@Lel472 do you mean about her changing her mind about wanting to marry Xander? Because I think that was her panicking when she realized she was losing them. I don’t personally see it as acting as much as a fear response. Which can be the result of an ultimatum, to be fair. It’s like a “marry me or lose me” kind of thing, and a lot of people get scared and commit to marriages they don’t actually want.
@L. I constantly got an "I don't want them, you can't have them"-itis vibe from Vanessa. If she'd stuck to her booty call reason for being in the show? I'd have been...fine...with her. But her switch as soon as Vanessa found out that Xander could actually be fine without her? The way V manipulated them was sickening to me. By the end? I was like run, Xander, ruuuuun!
I liked Yoli but her looking over at Mildred and asking if SHE'S ok after what she did to Tiff at the reunion seeeeent me. like fuck that. Mildred is wildly problematic and I realize Yoli and Mildred are friends but no mama. no.
Literally she looked like she gave Tiff the side eye after hearing Tiff called the cops on Mildred being abusive like ???
Not to mention when yoli was questioning tiff in that moment I'm like lady you are the last person to be grilling tiff 😅
Idk why Yoly thought she should be interjecting in anybody’s business. Like girl all your windows are broken put the stone down
The way she questioned Tiff showed that she was already on Mildred’s side
Im glad you caught that bs. that pissed me off, they both on their bs
I’m just going to say how disrespectful Netflix was for having Mildred and tif on together. It seems especially messed up they do this on a queer show like those relationships or that trauma doesn’t matter
Yes! And not to mention the host pandering to Mildred after she openly admitted to being violent towards Tiff. It was infuriating to see Mildred be given a platform to spin and manipulate the narrative in her favor. She’s so vile she makes me sick.
They are pretty souless about getting "footage and drama" no matter what.
@@xo.toxiin the host was great and impartial.She let all of them talk.
Unlike the Lacheys, who take sides and interrupt them.
@@carmindi5061 Mildred admitted to DV and even Aussie said that Aussie was scared of Mildred over the short time that they spent together. Netflix should have never given Mildred a platform NOR a platform to a host that encouraged an abuser to discuss their “healing journey”.
If that’s what you classify as “great”, I’m sorry but we both have very different definitions of what defines being great.
@@carmindi5061 right is right and wrong is wrong. A good host makes a safe space and she did not in face of abuse
All of the stuff that’s happened in the reunion made sure that I, a lesbian with a history of being abused, will never watch the show. I’m so sorry to Tiff for the fact Netflix had 0 tact and once again the production of their dating shows are not safe.
It's so clear that every cast member is worse off for having been on the show. The fact that Netflix invited a documented abuser back into their victim's life is astounding to me.
Honestly why don’t shows like this have counseling and immediate intervention if needed.
the fact they brushed over it... i'm shocked. Same sex abuse is so common, i'd love to see how it would of been dealt with if it was man on woman abuse smh
DV doesn’t get taken seriously enough, especially for queer couples. I’m not surprised that Netflix didn’t take it seriously, but it’s disappointing none the less. I hope Tiff is able to heal from this experience and move on 💕
I completely agree! I swear I’ve heard straight friends talk about how they wish they were gay and completely ignore any story I’ve told them about how women can be just as toxic.
I will NEVER understand how Yoly didn't realise that Mal would be able to see all of the shady stuff that happened once it was shown on Netflix. Like how are you going go behind Mal's back and think it would work out?
She knew, she just didn't care enough...
she thought mal would be a doormat
Ok, it is true that family dynamics in Latino communities can have notes of violence, and that healthy communication isn’t the standard, but Mildred is a grown ass woman capable of realizing her upbringing was toxic (assuming that was the case), and doing the work to improve to be a better person and partner.
I watched the show and the first time she blamed being loud and rude on being latina made me pause and go HUH??!! I’m latina and I just had to stop bc it was just wild to me that she thought that would shut down the conversation and couldn’t be blamed for that
when mildred told Tiff their voice bothered her... OOF that felt very latina mean girl.. it is a culture of cutting as deep as you can.. we need to do better
YES do you know how much work I did as a latine woman raised by a misogynist to create my self worth and realize that just because you grow up with being loud and violent doesn't mean that was ever okay??? And she's gonna be like "lmao I'm latina what did you expect" how about some WORK? SOME REFLECTION? maturity??? That made me hot!! "I'm latina" OOOOOOHHH
@Bunn i hate it and it pushes negative stereotypes. like why do you get to generalize when you're being critiqued?
Yes, it sounds like Mildred is trying to use a negative stereotype about Latin people to get away with her BS. She doesn’t want to do the work on herself, so she blames an inherent personal characteristic, to absolve herself unconditionally. Maybe this is why she got fired by the therapist lol. Pushing the toxic stereotype is actually harmful. I have had Latina friends over the years and not a single one of them act like Mildred. I like when Tiff said “respect has no race”. That is very true. You will find respectful and disrespectful people from every race. Disrespectfulness is a personality flaw, not a racial issue!
Tiff's friend is the unsung hero I'm team Natasha
No cuz her friend was literally always right
Yes!! The realest!
She was fine asl too
YESSSS
Same! Plus she's hot af
I was fine with Vanessa by the end. At least she could put a finger on what she needed to work on, unlike Mildred and Yoly who are evil af and Mildred’s behavior was downright sickening
I don’t like Vanessa but to her credit I feel like the show gave her a reality check that, no not everyone is just going to stay and you can do whatever you want, and you need to figure out what you REALLY want
Yeah I wouldn't be her friend but I think she had some growth
I’m happy Yoly and Mal didn’t end up together because Mal deserved better. Like how are you going to throw away a 5 year relationship for a 3 week one? That’s just odd more than anything else…
When she finally admitted it was because of the money, that's when I would of left. Mal's fear that Yoli just wanted to be married and it didn't matter who, was 1000% percent confirmed. Yoli has such a shallow view of marriage that she could even consider leaving her partner for *better insurance* .....girl, you were the one that issued the ultimatum??? What the hell are you doing???
Mal was right about Yoli from jump. She is inlove with being in love so anyone would do. Mal definitely deserves better & a lucky woman will snap her up very quickly.
I read elsewhere that Mal cheated on Yoly before the show. So it was more complicated than we were shown.
@@theshunnedBandersnatch this!
@@theshunnedBandersnatch wait really?? cause that would change a lot the way I feel about Mal...AND i'd give Yoli a little nore grace
as a bisexual brazilian who is very into carnaval-ly colorful beats imma just say... the beat is absolutely flawless
😮 Bee the bisexual Brazilian 😂
@@mkay4 LMFAO should I change my IG to that?
@@bzzbzzbee abso-fucking-lutely 🤟🏾😅🥂✨
@@bzzbzzbeeplease do!!!
@@mkay4 its only right to do so!!
Like I’m glad Sam went to check on tiff because I felt so bad for tiff 😢
Omg same 🥺
Sam had a heart and cared for Tiff bc they spent time together. I'm happy she reached out and was able to try and comfort Tiff.
Sam was (imo) the most emotionally mature of the whole lot. She genuinely cared about Tiff.
Mildred blaming her anger issues and abuse on being latina is taking me back to my childhood. My mother abused me in many ways but she really tried to con us into thinking it was a cultural thing like I'm not hispanic myself. I know my culture. It's not a thing, we're just more emotional communicator that doesn't translate to a free pass for abuse. Don't drag others into this, it's not our fault you can't tell the difference between venting and throwing insults AND OBJECTS at people.
I'm so sorry
I had a friend who is latina and she always blamed her low-key gaslighting/toxic shit and overly sexual behavior (that made many ppl uncomfortable including me) on her being latina and the fact that she was a lesbian so "it was fine". As a white person I didn't say anything about it or say that "that's an excuse for some ratchet behavior" because I was concerned that I might disrespect her and come off racist which is the last thing I ever want to do. Watching Mildred act the way she did and comments like yours helped me realize my friend was just a piece of shit regardless of her race. So i just wanted to say thank you for sharing that piece of your life.
@@jewelsrebel9744 did you get away from that friend?! What a piece of trash!!
@@staticslater thank God I did but not even for that reason. It was so crazy but I'm glad I got away
@@jewelsrebel9744 I'm glad too
I want Mal’s therapist because I was mad for her 😂😂😂 I can’t do it.
LOL could not do it!! The very thing Mal said she was afraid of, happened.
Like this might be a stretch but here’s what I see: Mal is a dark skin queer femme. We’ve seen what happens when Black wm are demonized for showing even justified anger on screen. Mal probably is anger but can’t even show it on tv. But also Mal could truly just be that chill idk idk
@@alyshiarodgers4500 you know what you’re right. That could be it.
@@alyshiarodgers4500 you're def right about that. They would've painted her as violent and aggressive with the quickness.
@@alyshiarodgers4500 honestly I think Mal just possesses a level of self awareness and tranquility that most don’t. She’s always seemed to articulate her feelings in a respectful and eloquent manner. It just seems like her personality. She has class.
not Yoli out here acting like she's some kind of YA novel protagonist stuck in a tragic love triangle lmao
WHEN MILDRED SAID THAT THE REASON WHY SHE WAS ACTING THAT WAY BECAUSE SHE WAS A LATINA; I WANTED TO FIGHT.
You were very upset and disappointed*, don't prove her negative stereotype right
@@G-LukeJA what was the point of your comment?
I'm Dominican and we were all triggered...that's not ok
GIRL AKSNSLKD I kept thinking about it like. you're having a serious conversation abt your relationships future with your partner and you're excusing yourself for acting the way you do with being LATINA????? i would understand if it was some sort of joke but she was pretty serious about it... wth
@@G-LukeJA She was rightfully upset. This isn’t the time to be tone policing
Mal is a saint. I can't believe there's actual people out there with their level of patience
Mal and Sam!
@@alina.r.oh yes sam as well. The love she must have for aussie to be able to go through with the wedding, I could never
No, she's not a saint, she's a fool. She has no self-respect whatsoever. Like how are you going to propose to someone who tells you they love someone else?? Nah, this shit got me mad.
@@frenchgirl5878 we have the benefit of seeing the full picture. She only has Yoli's word and is choosing to trust her. She broke up with her after watching what we were watching
Mal is no saint, it's just Yoly's ridiculousness came on blast at the reunion
I can't stop thinking the disrespect that Tiff got in the reunion is pure "well the fem presenting person can't be abusive they're the woman!" bullshit that butches have to deal with. It does make me so k Tiff is made out to be equally as bad and from how I see it's just because she's butch so she must have to be "aggressive" even though honestly she just seems sweet and tenderhearted (I'm also tenderhearted I say that with so much love)
I’m not a butch lesbian, more femme leaning, but I think you hit the nail on the head here and it’s depressing. Tiff deserved so much better after all that shit.
@@Sophia-rq6oo not butch either but butch hate is too big to ignore honestly
Literally, as soon as she is removed from Mildred, she acts completely normal with other people and has none of the issues. But around the abuser like Mildred, she is forced to be hypervigilant
I think they handled it similarly with the hetero season prior, just kind if glossing over it. I think part of it is because people try to stay out of it when the likelihood of returning to the relationship is unfortunately high. And also because the production company that Netflix uses does not try to accurately show or improve heavy situations.
literally! thank you for saying it
I thought Vanessa was going to be my least favorite. Turns out she is just on the wrong show. (she should have been on Too Hot To Handle. I just wish she didn’t waste her partners time) Meanwhile Yoli is an absolutely awful person and partner with an extreme problem with telling the truth.
And don’t even get me started on Mildred. I just don’t feel like she could be classified as a TV villain instead of just an abuser
Fully agree.
I know not every queer couple has the same opinions on this, but it was so weird that the masc partners were the only ones getting their finances discussed. None of the masc-presenting cast members identify as men, and they don't have cis male privilege, so why are they being expected to 'provide for' their partners? Is it that other financial conversations were edited out, or were Yoly and Mildred really expecting their partners to conform to more traditional gender roles? It's fine to want to be taken care of in a relationship, but as a viewer I needed more context on why Mal, Xander, and Tiff all had so much focus put on their bank accounts.
I felt the same about the proposals, especially since the masc presenting ones besides Xander were issued the ultimatum so why would the onus of proposing be on them
To push back a bit - yeah, the enforcement of traditional gender roles doesn't work here, but it doesn't in straight relationships either. I come from a family where my mom is the breadwinner and my dad (having a less demanding full time job) does all the domestic work, house work, time with kids etc. They both work very hard, and the arrangement works for them. But I guarantee you if you flipped it they would be miserable. A partner being a man (even a cis man) shouldn't mean he HAS to be the breadwinner any more than the woman HAS to be a homemaker. Everyone benefits from honestly negotiated divisions of labor tailored to the person rather than the gender.
Yoli was literally the one having to birth the baby and get IVF. On the flip side no masc presenting people even considered being the baby carrier so... if they are reaping privileges (ok yes, less than cis men but still, they benefit off some privileges in endorssing masc ways), then how is it not fair to atleast ask for stability
@@moonglasses4283 Xander says to Yoly in ep2 that they want to carry a child if it's medically possible, and they have a whole conversation about it on air so I don't think Yoly is a good example. It's a stereotype to assume that just because someone is masc-presenting it means they don't want to carry a child.
@@merefinl6914 I never said that masc presenting people cannot carry a baby and yes, Xander is a great example because they did not use (as much) their masc as an excuse to assume the femme had to always carry the baby, do the emotional labour (like Aussie and Sam), do most of the household chores (like Aussie and Same example, and Mel and Yoli) and be the dominant sex chaser (as in Tiffs case) etc. Nonetheless it isnt assumed that Yoli will not be the carrier at all. There is always assumptions placed on the femme that reinforces misogony. I do not believe in the stereotype so it is bold of you to assume that I do, but Mel, unlike Xander, did reap a bit of privileges from masc stereotypes and advantages in this society, she also expected Yoly to do more of the household labour and acted very much like she was going to change just to win her back and help her ego (all things cis men are very capable off). No wonder Yoli thought of other, more viable options like Xander. If you notice these issues that are present in femme, masc presenting dynamics werent preconcieved notions in the only femme femme couple present so even though their queer, their is still space for misogony, racism and heteronormative practises to permeate. Althought it may still be nuanced it doesnt negate these possibilities as they all still live in such a society.
If you have to tell you partner to say “I love you” back then there’s soo many things wrong with your relationship already
I understand why she did that tho... Heart breaking
and it came off super manipulative and honestly really strange. like forcing Xander to say it, what the hell behaviour is that.
Vanessa is very manipulative anyway. Xanders "me too" honestly hurted so bad. I'm glad she left that relationship
The title card announcing Rae and Lexi’s break up was genuinely the funniest thing to me-
What I hated about Yoly was the fact that she kept saying she doesn't feel the romantic connection with Mal anymore compared to Xander. LIKE GIRL,,, LEAVE THEN 😭 She really thought she was a wattpad protagonist or smth
Damn. Imo, the day I yell "say it back!!" to my boyfriend is the day our relationship dies....
yeah that was so cringe it was sad. If you have to say that, the relationship is over.
Netflix still has yet to give these people any proper counseling/therapy for what they go through on these shows lol. 💀
Apparently they did have access to therapy. Individual and couple.
@@ezzb Really? They should've mentioned that, or at least showed the cast going to therapy. (not like a whole therapy session, only just to make the watchers aware that these people are actually getting help).
Probably cause they would tell them to leave the show
I had an ex like yoly and it hurts. It really does, to think that your relationship is basically perfect until somebody new comes into their life and now all the sudden everything you do is wrong. I feel just horrible for Mal, they deserve way better and I hope they find someone new that’ll love and cherish them as they deserve to be
It kind of scares me that people like that will try to force your hand into committing like she did with Mal. Like imagine Mal had agreed to marry her and then Yoli fell for someone a few years down the line? Heartbreaking and such a waste of time & energy. I’m glad Mal (and you) got out of those relationships.
And I fucking bet when you try to leave they come crying to you. UGH!
Why do you guys keep saying "they" instead of "she" for the mascs in the relationship? Is there something I don't know about? No one has said they're nonbinary on the show from what I've seen
@@Ameeratheartist You can use "they" for anyone if you don't know their pronouns or just talking in general lol
@@mznbhd but "she" was used for the femmes which already assumed their pronouns...so why would we assume the mascs pronouns just because they are untraditional women (in the way they dress). Which I think just automatically removes people from womanhood just because they don't apply to gender roles in the same way. But idk, I'm just saying, it's weird people want to get rid of gender binaries instead of letting everyone exist on a spectrum. A woman and a man isn't just one way or one way to be, ykwim?
i was so shocked and horrified that the best relationship advice on this show came from vanessa's dad, a divorced heterosexual silicon valley tech bro
Ooooo, I can’t EVEN with the reunion. It is *beyond* unethical for Netflix to have Mildred in the same room with Tiff. Disgusting. Idk how this was allowed and I damn well hope there’s some well-deserved outrage sent Netflix’s way. Jesus
Yoli was so hard to trust. Someone would call her out and she would deny it left and right then receipts came and then it turns to “I didn’t think that happened” I’m sorry what?!
Plain and simple. She can't be honest with other people because she can't be honest with herself.
I noticed that too
GIRL I WAS FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FOR THIS SECOND VIDEO RIGHT AFTER I FINISHED WATCHING THE FIRST ONE
this comment feels a tad unhinged and Im here for it
LITERALLY ME TOO GIRL
omg same!!! the joyyyy
I have never watched any of these shows but I rewatch all of Kennie's videos on them again and again! T
Aussie stressed me out sm, thinking ab how they called Sam the “new Mildred” the first time she spoke up
I feel for Aussie, I really do. I've been similarly traumatized but their anger is scary and it's intense. I felt afraid of them just watching them on the show.
There's asking for space to cool your jets but people need to be able to say things you don't like without spiraling into an enraged state
Considering what we know about Mildred, it was probably just jarring for Aussie to see such a bolder personality from Sam after having to leave Mildred. Aussie said they didn’t feel safe around Mildred and Mildred having domestic violence charges against her contextualizes that. I don’t think Aussie is good at communication, but I see their outbursts are sadness more than anger. Sam definitely deserves a partner that communicates in a healthier manner though.
@@miscellaneouslife2778 oh yeah, there is definitely sadness there too and I didn't mean to infer Aussie wasn't also a victim of Mildred's. But there were some really intense moments of rage against Sam when she didn't do anything. I would consider that to be abusive because Sam can't put a toe out of line without being punished with stonewalling, anger, and guilt tripping.
I genuinely hope they get the therapy they need and learn how to handle difficult emotions. "Meditation" sounds healthy but what Aussie was doing wasn't healthy.
YES, thank you! I see everyone talking about Mildred being abusive (which yes), but Aussie (to me) was also. like you stated earlier, you have to be able to handle when people say/do things you don’t like and/or agree with. Aussie literally would emotionally manipulate Sam to shove her feelings/wants/needs to the side to prioritize Aussie’s feelings/wants/needs. They literally said Sam’s perspective was “bullshit” while simultaneously being upset that Sam wasn’t listening to their perspective??? and to double down on their feelings taking priority, they would just physically leave if that wasn’t the case. Really disgusted by the fact that Aussie’s abusive tendencies were swept under the rug just because they weren’t physically abusive like Mildred.
Aussie and Mildred really aren't that different at their core to me... Aussie just tends to run while Mildred tends to confront. They're both using their childhoods and upbringings as reasons why they can treat others poorly
Yoli walking out without the ring is so shady!! And her callimg out for xander for a last hug is so fucked up
Can be gay.. that's fine
I feel that Yoly was mad at Mal for breaking up with her FOR THE SOLE FACT that Xander DID NOT choose her in the end anyway. So she felt as if she lost all together. Also, I 100% believe that if Xander proposed to Yoly first (w/ Mal's permission as a plan to see where Yoly's heart truly was) Yoly WOULD have said yes to Xander. So, Mal wasn't wrong in asking would Yoly want both to fight for her and whoever wins, she'll choose cuz that's kinda what I think she did. She chose whoever came first.
Xander definitely chose her though
The fact that you didn’t show us how to do this eye make up is criminal 😢
💕💗💕💗💕
Fr 😭
REAL😭😭
Right like where’s the beat in “Bad movies and a Beat” 😭
Right this look is fire 🔥 ❤
the fact that I predicted every couple would propose and say yes (but glad that one of them didn't come true), and the pure satisfaction I had when almost all of them had broken up at the time of the reunion is enough to get me through the rest of the year.
Who stayed together?
@@Disre.damn.spectful Sam and Aussie
I wasn’t rooting for any relationship!
And for the most part, the ones who gave the ultimatum where the problematic ones
@@carmindi5061 yeah the best option would have been for everyone to break up and go to therapy
I think Lexi and Rae are still together too at least at the reunion
The way they just CONDONED domestic violence like...what?!
SDky they did & its something that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately I have never met a lesbian couple without DV & abusive behaviors. It would have made a difference for it to be addressed.
When Mal said she'd look for yoli in the next lifetime, i melted. Mal deserved better
Nah, that's not cute, that's desperation. Mal is too good looking for this bullshit.
I agree with both of you. Mal deserves better, but Mal needs therapy. Mal needs to treat herself with as much love and respect as she treats her partners.
@@frenchgirl5878 the words are cute imo, the person that she said them to wasn't it though. I definitely agree that Mal deserves better.
@@frenchgirl5878 Mal is definitely attractive, but she deserves better because of her personality, not her looks.
That last title card had me shouting “WHAT!!” not because I was surprised they broke up but because they laid it on SO thick that they were so happy living their best life together
WAS LOOKING FOR THIS COMMENT. I was *floored*. What the hell happened?? Watch me fall down an investigation rabbit hole
Lexi laying it on thick and still responding immaturely to vanessa just saying that shes not in their life and she doesnt plan to be shows that they mightve been having the same argument. Ofc this is just speculation on my part and is not reflective on all sex workers but it feels like Lexi was projecting cause she made a big vulgar fuss about fingergate meanwhile she had an onlyfans where she was fully having sex with other people.
I've been the Sam in relationships, and the truth is what you get out of it is the validation of feeling like you're helping/healing/fixing someone, when in actuality you are carrying the emotional burden of a person who doesn't want to carry any of the load themselves and probably doesn't have the tools to do so. After a while, you realize that they aren't developing those tools because you always run in to save the day so they don't have to. It's a trauma response too.
And when you are always working on others feelings you don't look & confront yours.
Thank you for pointing out it is a trauma response, I didn't know that.
Mildred and Yoly were just despicable. Mildred casually explaining away DV, talking over and belittling Tiff, breaking up with her nearly 50 times only to say Tiff is the one who’s scared to commit? Nope. Yoly has an aversion to the truth which makes the admittedly cute Xander x Yoly relationship look awful. Yoly lied to Mal, allowed Mal to be the mature and understanding person they are because it didn’t force her to grow. Then having the nerve to admit strong and deep feelings for Xander after Mal had proposed to her and made it CLEAR they would root for her regardless… yeah… no. Vanessa was a lot of things, definitely manipulative and wildly inappropriate, but she had nothing on Mildred and Yoly.
So there's a term in the polyamorous community called 'new relationship energy.' basically it's an endorphin wave that hits you for a month or two after you have a new partner. Yoli seems like she's got it hard and can't recognize it for what it is. Mal can probably see through that and that's why she's waiting for it to abate and being much more calm than most people would because she knows once it wears off Yoli will still be with her. Honestly it's probably happened before. Sorry to double-comment but man it's so clear. Listening to this discussion is so funny, it reminds me of my little lgbt friend group before I got divorced and detached from them lol.
Not a new concept tbh. I know it as the “Honeymoon Phase” but yes, very on point for that situation.
@@pinkbutterflies994 Definitely. I think the distinction between the honeymoon phase and new relationship energy is the weird fact that nre can make you super, super invested in spending time with your current partner and make you really into them. Sort of like reawakening your interest in them or rediscovering them. Which is a weird thing. You'd think it would only make you feel blissed out toward your new partner, who is the source of your new energy. But somehow it doesn't always. But yeah the two concepts are definitely the same thing in terms of hormones and elation. It's just that if you're monogamous and you're having, say, an affair, you aren't going to take that new energy toward your current partner (at least, not with them knowing), whereas when you're poly you can. Not that Yoli and Mal were even poly... I'm glad they split.
Yoli is out here just trying to live her Bella Swan fantasy.
😂😂😂 🫸🏻 stop lmao she wanted to have a Edward vs Jacob. The difference is both of those dudes were toxic ..Mal isn't perfect obviously but I was rooting for her so hard ❤❤
The HEEL turn that Yoly did in the second half of the show is so unreal
Yoli taking the ring off was WILD! Like, girl .. why? Go talk to xander,ok. But why would you feel the need to take the ring off?! That was low key manipulative and just crazy.
Nah Sam isn’t a therapist. A therapist knows when to clock off and when someone hasn’t signed the paperwork to legally be allowed to advise them privately.
Also love is NOT ENOUGH. Love whoever you love. Leave when you need to leave.
I feel like vanessa actually showed growth. Her in the reunion really gave me the impression that she's become aware of her actions and how she didn't appreciate Xander the way she should have.
She's just manipulative, there's no actual depth. Just trying to get what she wants
@@person7407 yes people aren't perfect but from her actions at the beginning very hard to tell if she's honest & tbf I watched an interview with Xander where they said they wished they didn't keep defending her and even leading up to the reunion Vanessa reached out with an emotionally charged message once the reunion was done crickets, Xander eluded Vanessa had done this so Xander would defend her again, I think Xander finally clocked onto the manipulation I thought that was very telling.
It's possible, but I'm doubtful. Vanessa seems to be so hung up over Xander because she stopped being a doormat and eventually became "the one that got away," unlike Vanessa's previous partners.
No because Yoly was doing the effin most during that ultimatum day. She took off her engagement ring, and she was being so dramatic, walking away, calling Xander back, and all of that. I don’t know why she said yes.
It's so funny to me that TWICE in this show this exact sequence happens:
Vanessa: hey, Xander and Yoly did this thing
Mal: I already knew that
Vanessa: well, did you know THIS *big reveal*
Mal: Oh, I didn't know THAT
Yoly: No, that's not the truth (looks at Xander) is it the truth?
Vanessa: Is it the truth, Xander?
Xander: Actually...
The Netflix production people should not be allowed to allow an abuser, not only be on the reunion after literally abusing someone, but also victimize themselves while almost normalizing the abusive behavior. Fems can be abusive, women can be abusive, feminine people can be abusive, and masculine individuals can be abused. It's like the producers were like "well it's not that bad right? Like Tiff is a big person, it probably isn't literal abuse".
But they also made us watch Colleen and that dude she married in extremely uncomfortable and literally abusive scenarios, and just acted like it was fine too so what should I expect.
tw: discussion on DV/IPV
i agree with the point that the reunion should've been edited or something since it wasn't live, but i'd take it one step further and say Mildred shouldn't have been invited in the first place. i find it hard to believe that producers/staff wouldn't know about someone on the cast being charged with IPV, and it shows a total disregard for tiff and their well-being. I've seen people say that the response would likely have been different had it been a more masc partner being abusive towards their more femme partner, and i think that's valid. regardless, though, it's clear they don't take abuse in queer relationships seriously, and Netflix's silence ever since the reunion aired is so disgusting.
Mal is just… SO patient and so understanding and seems to have such a realistic understanding of relationships and such a willingness to work things out and I just can’t imagine a more perfect partner tbh.
…Also she’s hot as shit.
The problem with Yoly was that she fell out of love with Mal, but she knew that Mal "had seen the worst of her and still stayed," and that Mal was a good person who didn't deserve "to be dumped." But it's way worse to keep Mal around through lies, as if Yoly was waiting that through time she'd fall in love with Mal again (as apparently "she falls in love where she waters"). Honestly Xander is better off alone.
30:28 ok not having seen the show but hearing this makes me think Yoly wanted Mal to get mad and break of with her rather than Yoly breaking up with them and looking like/feeling like the bad guy which is manipulative af
Now that you say that IT MAKES SENSE
Yuppp very good observation.
And that’s ultimately what happened when you hear their real break up. Yoly phrases it like Mal gave up on her after two weeks and bought a one way ticket away from her.
And mal eventually got to the point where she is “happily” broken up. Like, “you made me break up with you and I’m happy about it.”
sam needs to give aussie a therapy ultimatum
I really feel like this show should incorporate some type of individual and couples counseling.
Me too. It would still be good and we wouldnt have to watch people go through these literal meltdowns, while other cast members are literally being abused. It's not entertaining anymore, when people's mental and physical health is being harmed.
@@moustik31 very reality tv show ever
I saw that they had access to both individual and couple therapy. Which is crazy since all that still happened.
@@ezzb but did they *use* the therapy? Was it good *quality* therapy? Saying somebody needs therapy alone isn’t always going to solve the problem (I say this in full support of therapy!)
I work at a criminal defense law firm (not a lawyer just a legal assistant) and hearing how Mildred was able to be on set made me raise an eyebrow. The show is filmed in California and in California every single DV case has something called a Criminal Protective Order (CPO) and the protective order is active until the DV case gets resolved in court. And even when it gets resolved, most people who are sentenced to DV get served with another protective order to protect the victim that lasts throughout the duration of their probation
Basically, my concern is that by Mildred being near Tiff during the filming of the reunion while the DV case is ongoing, means that Mildred violated the CPO placed on her. The purpose of a CPO is to protect the victim against the defendant and they're typically not allowed to have any form of communication with the victim (unless it gets reduced to a level 1 - peaceful contact CPO but idk if thats the case here)
So did Netflix actively help Mildred violate the CPO, and in doing so violating a court order, by having her be present for the reunion episode? 🤔
Yoly just confirmed what Mail had said about her falling in love super easily wherever the grass is watered. She was well within her rights to wonder why she was different
What's wild to me is that, with Mal and Tiff, they were reluctant to propose, because had express valid needs and concerns that weren't being addressed. And thier partners were basically like "Well, I'm not going to give you that, now propose or I'm leaving."
This whole season was people saying, "I'm going to disregard what you need in this relationship. You get what you get, now accept it!"...and people accepting it.
As a person with severe PTSD from, among other things, childhood abuse, watching Aussie (spelling??) and their breakdowns (I would honestly call them PTSD episodes, or even flashbacks) even only in the context of this video was…genuinely borderline triggering and so, _so_ fucking sad. I saw it coming moment for moment. I know _exactly_ how it feels to be in that place; to be _that_ miserable, to hate yourself _that_ much. I dunno… this isn't a particularly meaningful comment, I just wanted to say it.
I do wish they hadn’t been filmed so closely during such a bad moment.
@@mirawinemiller1081 this is how "reality tv" erodes the concept of personal boundaries
Yes me too. I could tell most of the time that Aussie wasn’t engaging in those conversations from a place of feeling safe but from that place of deep self criticism as a result of being in emotionally abusive situations as a kid. Just yeah I have felt the exact same way as them and seeing those personal moments where they were having flashbacks and being seriously triggered definitely triggered me. It also triggered me watching reviews of the show and seeing comments of people misunderstanding Aussie’s behavior as intentionally abusive rather than a serious trauma response. It just reminded me of how invalidating it feels to be emotionally abused and then once you’re out of it you still aren’t able to come across to others enough to have them validate you. Had to talk abt this in therapy too felt like a really harmful choice for them to include such triggering and personal moments of Aussie’s breakdowns on camera
thank you for this comment and the replies. it hurt to see Aussie get so dysregulated so easily; very clear they had a traumatic upbringing that's still affecting them in the present. I'm hoping the best for them.
I love the eyeshadow today! I think it fits pretty well 🏳️🌈
Not UA-cam having me rate ya comment 🤨🤣
ikr? I need the technique. its flawless. immaculate 🤌🏽
Finally! I was searching for this comment!! Beaaaautiful eyes lady!!! 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🎉
I feel as if Yoli and Mildred were the real villains of the show. It made sense to me that Yoli would try to comfort Mildred as they are similar. Mildred is very vocally and outwordly abusive while Yoli is more manipulative.
Man, I will never understand everyone hating Vanessa so much. To me, from the start she seemed like a deeply insecure person who thought that acting fake-confident like all the romcom leads she's seen in her youth would make people like her. She's so clearly projecting a false sense of security and making misjudged jokes at the start because she so deeply wants people to think that she's this carefree spirit - but she tries CONSTANTLY later on to modify her behaviour and apologise to people who have been bullying and ostacizing her over NOTHING (I also lost some respect for Mal when they participated in the ostricization - nodding along and stuff, and accusing Vanessa of being manipulative when she looked out for them and tried to let them know what Yoly was up to).
I mean, compare her to Lexi - and I see one person who is listening and willing to change, and one person who bulldozes and changes NOTHING about herself.
Vanessa is my favourite, followed closely by Sam and Tiff, and it bums me out *so much* to hear what people think of her.
Having seen the carpark scene with Aussie twice, I cried twice. It felt invasive to see and hit me so hard. Aussie needs therapy and I hope that they can heal.
Mildred and Yoly are the absolute worst
I think the most interesting thing about after the show is the only cast members Sam and Aussie are inviting to their wedding is Vanessa and Tiff
Vanessa is surprising. Wow
Where did you learn that?
Mildred using her race as an excuse to be an abusive partner honestly made me physically ill.
bro i just finished watching trixie and katya talk abt this and i'm so exhausted and burnt. but ill watch it all again for you kennie
Omg same! I was disappointed they didn't review the reunion
i was in the middle of watching that n dropped it for kennie 😭
Same
as a latinamerican im so offended by mildred LMAO but also i feel sad cause is her hispanic family treating each other like sh*t and blaming it on culture???
Probably the latter. I’m not Hispanic, but my father’s side of the family is Slavic and they blame their toxic traits on “cultural temperament” all the time when no, they’re just bad to another.
The worst thing about Yoly and Mal is that all of Mal's insecurities came true, they said that they know that Yoly's type is white women and that they wanted the money before having children but what a coincidence that Yoly fell for a financially comfortable white person. Also on the Mildred being the one to bring up the arrest and DV, abusers often are the first to bring it up so they can control the narrative.
front half of the season i was in love with mal but still understanding her love for yoly. back half of the season i was screaming at my screen PICK ME CHOOSE ME LOVE ME I WOULDNT TREAT U LIKE THIS
The moment when Lexi explains that she and Rae agreed that they were aware of physical intimacy but then Rae came to her saying “I won’t do that, I’m not going to sleep with Vanessa, I’d never do that to you” unprovoked and then she turned around and did just that really made Lexi’s fixation on it click for me. It was a big “Ohhhhh” for me.
sorry but can we talk about how GHETTO it is to accept a marriage proposal and be like “yeah i’m in love with someone else so this is hard” like girl just don’t accept the proposal
I think Lexi is so upset because she feels "Damn that's all it took" for her to sleep with someone like Vanessa. I was sick of the constant bringing it up but I understand.
Her partner made a promise to not do anything, went up to her wt out being asked and said she'll never. Then she had sex wt vanessa
Lexi is a big boobed psycho. She fully had mal and yolly being her flying monkeys towards Vanessa.
@@person7407 I feel like that's exactly what makes her so willing to harp on it. She was given extra levels of trust and she even seemed to take things seriously here, but to have Vanessa who seemed to....disinterested in the actual relationship end of things, sweet in and roll around with her partner she's on a break with? Insult to Injury for sure. And if they been together for years, theirs probably alot of disbelief and 'Damn I thought you wouldn't do this in 2 weeks' bouncing around inside.
@@salamander8301 ????? Why the chi-chis have to catch strays 😩
@@salamander8301 that first sentence KILLED me
THANK YOU! No one is EVER entitled to be loved unconditionally. There are f-ups so big that you can't come back
My heart really breaks for Aussie. Idk how she passed the psych evaluation for this show but she should not have been on it. And i think Sam is an incredible woman; she continuously shows how kind, caring, patient, and understanding she is, but if she doesnt make Aussie seek some help, Aussie will be the destruction of them both.
From what Aussie has said i suspect we come from similar backgrounds and i have to say i cannot believe Aussie made it to 42 without help. I guess other than avoiding any conflict and keeping those emotions buried way too deep. You can’t build a healthy relationship with that kind of trauma, and Sam deserves to let go
Mal is absolute royalty and honestly thanks Kennie coz I never would have watched this show without your seal of approval
I'm not surprised that they 98% of them broke up, and I won't hold my breath for Aussie and Sam. If you decide to go on a show like this, you are clearly in a damaged relationship, and spending three weeks with another person is not going to change that. I saw a lot of disingenuous behavior. I wouldn't trust any of them, except for maybe Mal. She seems like the most level headed. Vanessa rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, but I truly felt for her in the end.
I love what you said about love being conditional! Respecting your partner is an essential part of love and if you’re manipulative or abusive in any way you don’t respect your partner and you shouldn’t be loved for your bad behavior.
I actually liked Vanessa much more by the end. She seemed like the kind of person who severely overcompensates by putting on a "fun/quirky/hahaha let's all have an orgy" personality and has never had to shed that skin and grow into herself. I think she defintiely needs therapy, but I don't believe she's a lost cause by any means.
I was very sympathetic to Vanessa because I was Vanessa at some point in my life. 😂 It's basically the "not like other girls" mentally but without the purpose of attracting a man/partner. Like she's annoying on purpose because then she will never have to face the possibility of someone disliking her real self.
Vanessa is definitely someone i don't like personality-wise but i barely see anyone say she needs therapy as well (as all the cast do) cause its been apparent from the start that shes a deeply insecure person who puts on that boisterous loud front + commitment issues so she can have some control when it doesnt work out. her father clocked her when he said she needs to check her ego and hopefully her seeing her own behavior displayed can get her to work on herself.
i agree, and i think her response after the reunion to mildred’s abuse supporting tiff and calling out mildred shows she’s a good person that just got caught up in a mess of her own selfish behaviour
Mal is such a wonderful person! I'm wishing her nothing but the best!
If I learned nothing else from this show, I learned that I love Mal
Love mal but she needs to recognize rejection. I think this taught me what they mean when we hear relationships take work. It’s really work on ourselves. Not our partner , I think that’s what the ladies should learn
This is so valid. When we hear work we hear struggle but you shouldn't have to fight for your relationship. You should be fighting to hold your own self accountable. And if your partner stops doing so, you are well within your rights to leave. That's what ppl need to hear.
I totally agree I think if mal saw what we saw from Yoli she would of chose herself though.
Most of the time i was just stuck on how FINE Mal is omfg..😭
Literally same. As a black queer person she had my eyes locked on her every time she was on screen 🥴
@@Fluff_Noodles Yesss😍😭
Tiff's friend Natasha should've been the host of the whole show! Natasha asked the hard-hitting, important questions, and held Mildred (the real villain) accountable to the things she was saying.
Mal isn't a 100% blameless. She recently admitted to the allegations, that she had cheated on Yoli before the show. So it makes sense that she was ok with Yoli falling in love with Xander. I can imagine that it made here feel they were now on equal ground. All these people have their flaws and would benefit form therapy.
Yeah, I can see that. Though I still think Yoli comes off looking pretty bad. It feels like she was being all shady and wishy-washy just to hurt Mal. Why drag Xander into it? Why drag anybody else there into it? If she really did fall in love with Xander, why not just be with her instead of stringing Mal along? They should have broken up, not had an ultimatum.
Mildred is 100% the villain the show. She is so abusive towards tiff and it's so uncomfortable to watch. Netflix has 0 tact and it shows. Smh 🙄
I'm so happy this came out this week and not the next one, I just couldn't wait for Kennie to analyze it to bits.
I think that now that we know that Lexi and Rae broke up because Lexi suspected Rae of cheating, IF that was a behaviour that Rae displayed before the Ultimatum, it would make sense why Lexi was so obsessed and upset at fingergate and Vanessa.
I don’t think it was though considering they had a conversation about Rae not being that type of partner when they were at the table with Lexi’s parents. I think Lexi is just a really immature person
@@artemisrose4374 thank you!! I liked lexi at first but really quickly she showed how cruel, controlling and obsessive she is and hardly anyone has said anything about it!!
Lexi is just a Co trolling psycho. Rae looks completely defeated arou d her, she seemed to come alive living with Vanessa
@@salamander8301 frs
@@s4rah9 Y'all are way too quick to use the word "cruel". Bitch if you consider that tv reality shit "cruel" then you must be very privileged because wtf...
Lexie is mature in a lot of ways but her age was showing in the way she handled Vanessa. I can’t say i wouldn’t act the same though so i can’t really judge 😂