How Corporate America Rotted My Brain (with proof)
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
- artifacts of a fugue
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time stamps //
0:00 - the reason for this wellness check
1:37 - college heartbreak
4:44 - tumblr draft mania
5:05 - corporate shut down our social experiment
7:18 - addicted to the kool aid
8:30 - my iphone notes get a little scary
12:31 - journal entries from a fugue state
15:21 - things start to look up
16:51 - true, unshakeable apathy
18:01 - healing 🦋🥰✌️
19:40 - the ultimate reveal of my transformation
she/her.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: katherout@gmail.com - Навчання та стиль
The cognitive dissonance I was feeling when worked at Lululemon was debilitating. I would be selling clothes I couldn’t even afford to wear, watching people drop thousands of dollars in downtown Chicago while a homeless man was begging outside our door. The classism in that environment took it out of me.
When I finally got the courage to leave and pursue school (my passion!!) it has been such a wonderful turn around. Thank you for this video!!
I would love it if there was a rule that every worker in a company could afford whatever the product is that the company is selling
@@emmeline-tyler Yes! I felt so weird working at whole foods and having to buy my own groceries elsewhere
Thank you for sharing your experience.
@ me as an Apple employee seeing people upgrade to $2.5K phones "just coz" while some of our employees couldn't afford rent 🙃
Romantically attached to these job prospects!!
gotta love our capacity for change ❤️❤️❤️ really enjoyed this one, thank you for sharing your reflections and evolution!
@@tiffanyferg ily babbie
This was funny and really introspective on your part, but it made me feel so sad for our generation. Viewing ourselves as brands, robots, productivity tools; trying to find validation in anything and everything outside of ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. IDk how we got here, how is this a reality(((
We got here precisely due to our lack of introspection.
To all of you suddenly having an enlightenment that Corporate life is not all it‘s cracked up to be: Remember all those times you looked down upon those who didn‘t drink the cool aid. For many of us, that wasn‘t because we weren‘t ambitious enough, it was also because many of us already sensed that it was in fact toxic and we avoided getting into that system in the first place.
*kool aid. Sorry...
As someone who quit a soul-crushing retail job to start a career in caring, I realised that nothing is more important than liking what you do. I still get up an dread going to my job because it's work and I have social anxiety bit, when I'm there, I actually enjoy it and feel fulfilled
Oh hey, I also quit retail and went into caregiving. I work for a non-profit and the culture shift is so refreshing. My supervisors actually care about my well-being, and the work is fulfilling. Wish you the best!
“how much sleep do I really need?” katherine i audibly screamed nooo 😭😭😭 a fugue indeed
When you talked about making the switch from academic validation to career validation, it got me thinking about the differences between those institutions. All throughout college I saw my peers skip classes, lament about how they couldn't handle a 3 hour lecture because "I can't sit in a class that long," and other similar sentiments. I perceived myself as so disciplined because I never skipped class and genuinely enjoyed being present and learning for 3 hours. Yet, when I graduated college and entered the rat race, it was the opposite. My peers who couldn't handle a 50 minute discussion section were somehow able to handle an 8 hour workday, some even a 14 hour workday depending on how demanding (and cult like) their industry was. They were getting promotions and winning accolades. Meanwhile, I was floundering in the typical corporate environment. I struggled with focus immensely, and I struggled with learning, which was unprecedented for me. Learning how to "do my job" was nothing like learning history or math in a classroom, and that shocked me, because well, what was all that education for? I've brought this up before and people's response is usually "Money, duh. I can work for 8 hours because I'm paid for it. School wasn't profitable." But even this answer doesn't feel complete. In my corporate job, it was basically "do this, and have it done" and there was zero attempt at finding an employee's strengths, learning style, or anything that would help them succeed. Either you fit the mold or you didn't, and if you didn't, you'd be gone in a few months. I came to appreciate the environment I'd had in education so much more. Education is not a monolith across geography nor generations, so I'm aware that my experience in school may not be everyone's, nor even typical, but for context I did go to all public schools in California. While of course sometimes the institution of education severely missed the mark, I find it absolutely radical in comparison to corporate America. In school if I had to write a paper, I may have had constraints (i.e. this must be about Jane Eyre), but I also had great freedom. I could argue anything I wanted about Jane Eyre, and wildly different papers and ideas between students could both get an A. Classes also had a variety of ways to assess us: presentations, group projects, tests, essays, participation and creative projects. If one of these areas was a weakness, you had the chance to shine in another category and prove you had something worthwhile to contribute. I also felt like courses fostered fascinating discussion, and especially in college I loved the way I could openly challenge ideas and concepts. I have found absolutely NOTHING like this in any job, not the minimum wage ones but also not the corporate ones. For one, a company had THEIR way of doing things, and if you suggested an alternative, that was seen as insubordinate, and it could and would damage your career. You could not safely maintain a differing perspective, priority, or approach in a working environment if you wanted to succeed in that job. If you were a slow learner, or someone who learned by asking a lot of questions, or anything that wasn't arrive at the job and magically be talented at it, you were seen as a problem employee. A decent teacher would work to make the material accessible to you if the first try didn't stick, but no boss ever showed me this kindness. Instead, any kind of lack of understanding was seen as a character flaw (lazinesss) and once I was seen as lazy their willingness to help me learn dwindled from barely there to nonexistent. I utterly failed in the working world--- so now I'm back at school getting a Master's degree. I simply could not be paid enough to ever find a way to succeed in the corporate career path... one because it was undesirable to operate that way and endure that suffocating environment, but two because it was significantly different than how my brain worked, and after a few months in the corporate industry I knew that I could never be seen as a star employee simply because my intellect and personality did not match it. Some people's reaction to this is that I must be privileged enough to "not worry about money" and so therefore my presumed security means I don't have to chase these high paying jobs, and that's why I can "lounge around in grad school" but it's a very oversimplified idea. I was lucky to get a fellowship, I have a TA position, but even then... I have credit card debt and an EBT card. Working for one of these kinds of companies may give a high salary, and that certainly gives certain freedoms only money can buy (secure housing, travel, etc), but it requires sacrificing a lot of freedoms (self expression, authenticity, and even leadership) too. On a grad student stipend I have a lack of freedom in my relative precarity (housing limitations, food insecurity), but the freedom to be more authentic is abundant, especially since I'm getting and MFA in creative writing. I think it comes down to the choice of freedom FROM vs.freedom TO (yep, Handmaid's tale said this first-- but different context!). You can have freedom from financial hardship, freedom from rent burden, freedom from debilitating debt, even freedom from health problems if you have a swanky, well paying career. You can have freedom to express yourself, freedom to be controversial, to be authentic, to be outright political, and to explore/discover your 'unprofitable' characteristics like being good at making memes or writing music if you diverge from a career heavy life and operate in some alternative (for me, staying in education stands out as that's where I am, but I also think influencers by and large do this too). This comment is already so long but I feel like there's so much more to explore in this dichotomy!
I resonate so much with the notion that you thrived being a student and sucked while working in a corporate job. ONly now that I've enrolled in a copywriting course to ''expand my skillset so I'd be more competitive in the job market'' made me realize how much I love being a student and how good I am at being a student vs working for a company with very rigid standards with no support system.
In school, you'd have classes that last for three months and switch things up every once in a while, and even though you were talking about the same stuff, there was change and you'd go from reading Jane Eyre to reading James Faulkner.
At my last job, I worked on the same project for seven months and had to write about the same topic over and over again. While the job wasn't too hard and I enjoyed some aspects of it, it became boring so quickly and I felt so unmotivated to get up in the morning bc I knew ''oh another day to write about XYZ''.
I'm still searching for how I can find the fulfillment of being a student and transfer that into a job I'll enjoy. So far, the job market is just a copy/paste version of my previous job - with strict methods and people expecting you to be able to handle everything they throw at you with minimal training and supervision.
No one EVER talks about this
Thank you for sharing as I have had the same struggles
I feel like a weirdo and never feel like I belong in the industry world
It’s only recently that I’m accepting myself for who I am, and encourage everyone to do the same- when and how that road looks like will vary from person to person, because that’s the truth- it takes work to accept yourself for who you are
And give yourself grace!!! That’s so so so important. Luckily I have met many wonderful person along the way that has helped and been patient with me when I’m not even patient with myself. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and also be self sufficient when you can! I wish everyone all the luck and sending good vibes ❤
It’s hard out here but we got this 💪🏻
Oh gosh, when you mentioned being a slower learner.😭I feel like I’m not getting it, like the other girl I interned with. We both got hired at our internship for this bank. I think I’m way behind her and I know people think I’m dumb. It sucks. Also being on the spectrum makes it tougher.
This was beautifully expressed, I loved being a student as well. And I absolutely hated corporate jobs. Learning is fun and so I decided to try teaching and I like that too, I get to be creative in expressing things to my students and it's fun to see how their brain processes information when I'm marking homework or tests. I think in past days before academics became a key to career, university was a place for us, a place for people who simply loved to learn and explore. I hope this phase has reached its peak and we'll get back there someday but in a way that meets modern needs and expectations.
Thanks everyone for engaging with my idea here! I actually made my own video about this, if anyone wants to watch! ua-cam.com/video/MUKbEJipoSE/v-deo.html
this video was a fugue YUP. another refreshingly relatable, self-aware banger. seeing the self-loathing that developed in you as a result of corporate pressure was like looking in a mirror. it’s so sad how deeply conditioned we are into believing something’s wrong with us for resisting the kool-aid. as someone still experiencing the brain rot I’m inspired by how you were able to recognize & chart an exit from it. I hope to get there soon. thanks for sharing!
I've been trying to explain to some people in my life who are a part of this culture why I intend to eventually quit the game completely and devote myself to academia, which is my actual passion despite the much lower pay. I never drank the kool aid - I sniffed it and didn't like the taste. I merely tolerate it now. I relate to the spirals, and good for you for getting out of an environment where you were clearly unhappy.
Academia is also just so toxic (I am in it, my spouse is in it, and have a lot of friends in it). The expectation to work so much for little pay (both at a faculty and professional staff level) is ubiquitous. Ultimately, you are working for the institution and the institution is invested in looking good and reputable at the cost of staff, students, and faculty.
It's good if academic work is your passion but I too have found that academic environments are just as toxic as industrial ones (having been in academia for ~10 years). I suppose, it can depend on the field a bit but "publish or perish" and the fight for funding in an ever more competitive environment is probably universal. If a grad student is not working weekends, are they even a grad student? Not to mention the ridiculous notion that in places like the USA and Canada the grad student is also paying tuition to the institution to essentially work there. At least industry pays better.
Academia can suck all the soul and creativity out of you, so be careful.
I'm aware, I'm a PhD candidate atm and have academics in my family and friend group. I'm also in Germany which is a very different system than the US one. I'm prepared to leave academia if I have to, but for now I'm still passionate about it, much more so than my job.
I hate to have to be the bearer of bad news, but don’t pin your validation to academia. Many such cases. Open up a RothIRA instead!
This video was a fugue. Your headspace was almost identical to mine right before I burned out working as a doctor. 18 months in to my detox and my thinking has permanently changed. Hearing your journaling/phone notes I thought ‘oh yeah I used to do that’ and strangely, I feel at peace with saying goodbye to my old self. There’s enough distance between the old overachieving low self worth constantly seeking validation never good enough me and the new me that I can acknowledge past events and old self talk without it stressing me out. High five to you for leaving a job that was crushing you, you did the right thing
This video validated me so much! I've undergone a similar change during pandemic and when I talk to IRL people it's so exhausting. They don't care and they don't see what I mean when I was going through my worst years mentally in corporate and tech industry. "Everyone goes over this just get over this", "there's no other way to live you need to come to terms with the world" and truly i felt gaslit by the people around me. I really see that change in myself, the way i question things about our systems but really it feels lonely on that journey. So thank you for making me feel normal for once :)
the editing for this video is gold 😭😭😭 as a soon to be college graduate, I really appreciate you sharing all these experiences - it’s been so helpful for helping me to develop and decide on healthy work-life boundaries now before I officially enter the workforce ❤️❤️❤️ thanks katherine!
The phrase you used, "transfer my validation source from college to my career", really resonated with me, and I think it's a beautifully succinct way of describing the white collar American way of life. You get good at school and that's what gives you worth. Then you get an impressive job and that's what gives you worth. I've found it deeply problematic that there needs to be a source of of validation like that at all. Because I already went through the burnout and wakeup stages. I quit The Job. To support myself, I now work a retail job, which I chose specifically because the hours are lower and because I thought that since it's not a high-status job, no one would expect me to actually care that much, and that would make me happy. Honestly, it has not. I've unplugged my validation source from my career, and now it simply has nowhere to go. I've discovered that I never learned to function outside of having some goal for "success". I'm stressed about having all this free time because I feel like I should be using it toward some (monetarily rewarding?) goal. Why am I alive if not to achieve something? My fiance is super laid back and thinks I'm nuts. And I suppose I should count myself fortunate for being one of the few who won't go through life thinking that being exhausted all the time from a job I don't like is "just life" or somehow the good, proper, honorable way to live. But apparently knowing the problem is only half the solution.
I assume the answer is finding community. Easier said than done. Religion is dead, political action is a mess, and somehow starting a family brings even more isolation??
you’re not alone
i feel what you feel
and i wish i could hand you the solution
stay strong keep hope
we’ll find it
How are you feeling now?
your poem to the internship resonated with me...lmao. the way college taught me that internships were the KEY to success. I had a breakdown when I came home from studying abroad b/c I passed on the one internship offer I got. That summer I taught and it changed the trajectory of my career for the better :')
I finally mustered up the courage to put in my notice at work this week. If I read through my journal entries from the past 5 years, they sound eerily similar to yours. Proud of myself for finally separating from corporate America (even though I'm scared out of my mind) and pursuing my creative passions!
This video really said "character growth". You go Kath, it takes a lot of maturity to see the error in our past thinking and even more guts to admit it to everyone else ❤
I feel like my path is opposite to yours in some ways. I basically failed out of college my first go around and had zero motivation and hated the idea of anything corporate. I now work for a CPA firm and have a lot more motivation. But I’ve honestly just realized that life is all about balance. You need to have creative outlets and a fulfilling life outside of work. However, completely removing yourself from society can also be very isolating I realized! Currently I view going to work as just playing along and don’t let myself get too deep. Also, I think you’d be a lot happier with a small company where you form genuine relationships with the people you work with and where people aren’t as worried about climbing a corporate ladder.
This video was sooo validating. My tumblr posts and journal entries are eerily similar 🤣🤣 on some days I do feel like I am willingly drinking the poison by being such a yes man at work, and it definitely took years to learn self compassion.
I never comment on videos but I just wanted to say that I have been watching your videos since high school to get into college and start my career. I have been working for three years at a tech company so I totally relate to your videos and have been so amazed with your growth in mindset! I was surprised to see how you really felt behind the grades and the work because I felt the same way. As a French girl growing up in the US, the culture of corporate America was definitely a shock, I found that I didn’t care about career sucess as much as my friends and coworkers and could not understand why… I started therapy and am working to get over my perfectionism and people-pleasing to put myself and my needs first! Still trying to figure out what’s next but I am being kinder to myself, and I just know corporate America ain’t it!!
Software engineers working at the big tech companies are drinking the Kool-Aid big time! Someone please comment in agreement. I need confirmation I'm not crazy in thinking this...
god, a fugue state is such a good description of what it was like to work a tech job in march 2020. hope you're enjoying your sabbatical, I finally went back to work after a year off (was in grad school but really approached it as a career break) and it feels like having that time gave me the confidence to maintain my boundaries way better than before
You are me 15 years later. Thank Goodness you are so insightful and wise at such a young age and don't have to waste the best years of your life like I did. You'd be a good writer or therapist or both. I love everything about this video, it's gold ✨
Lmaoo, yes this video was a fugue 😭😭😭 this video is fantastic - the voice editing in the voice notes section & the way you can make fun of your old self without taking this too seriously, 10/10. Loved seeing your evolution in your journal entries !
Excited for the video, but can we hear it for the hair! I am so obsessed.
GIRL!!! I can’t tell you how amazing and validating hearing you has been for me! Also can’t believe we were on the same timeline 😅 I took a leave from my tech sales job in March 2020 (thinking those same things) and then quit by the fall 2020. Thank you for sharing ❤
I love how intentional you are with you thinking and gentle you are with your journey. I wish you love and light. 🙂
Okay this video has convinced me to journal, if only to make fun of my current brain rot in the future. Watching your progress through this helped me realize I want to be an artist, and not continue to give into the tech brain rot :)
This was hilarious 😂 loving the reflection and honesty
I’ve been watching your videos since you were a junior in high school, and I always compared myself to you :’) I’ve been going through a lot of those similar emotions and it really helps me to know that it’s okay to not drink the corporate kool-aid. Sometimes I feel really odd for not being “on” all the time about my job and following all the latest “tech trends/updates”, but I started my job with boundaries in place. I haven’t really broken them, it’s just nice to be reminded that I’m not a robot in any capacity and it’s okay that I don’t live and breathe work. It’s just a job to me, and that’s okay.
Very relatable for someone in a high paid data role in tech, have now spent more time thinking about how to quit my job than wanting to be in my job, and I’m only 15 months into it. I should’ve just f’ed off my last job and started a year of unemployment instead of pushing myself into this bullshit. But no I wanted more of a financial cushion and exposure to product teams 🙄
I obliterated my mental health AND physical health by sitting at my computer and being mentally strained for 60 hrs per week within 6 months. I kept delaying for financial, PTO, and health insurance reasons. I can’t wait to have better health just so I can leave and be unemployed in peace.
hearing you
So if you quit a job, you don't get unemployment. You get it if you are wrongly fired or laid off. And that's not something you should strive for no matter the situation. Take a break if you need it but to have a goal as being paid and unemployed is ridiculous and a slap in the face to other hardworking people
@@rosegroshek1218 huh? You misread. I meant unemployed as in intentionally not employed and using my savings to fund my life during that time, not the govt definition of unemployed like looking for a job but not able to find one and using benefits.
This video was a beautiful fugue! I'm so grateful you shared this! I am in an unemployed era as of now as well because I also had to come to terms with the toxicity my previous job was giving me. Your video reminds me that there is always a door even if we have to make it ourselves. I am glad you wrote all those things via Tumblr, journal entries, and iphone notes, they were good ways to examine and release those important thoughts. I write iphone notes too but now I want to try journal entries and post more on my Tumblr! (Those cute little squeaky laughs though! 😄)
This was an AMAZING video idea!!! I really enjoyed watching it and your editing kath!
I left a comment on a video from way back when you first started working for Adobe saying I was worried about you, and you put that in a hate video compilation lol
I'm glad you figured it out and got out of there eventually. Happy you're doing much better now. Also, I love your curly hair!
I'm so glad you have had the opportunity to take the time you need to recover. Recover from it all. As someone who is looking to transfer into Corporate America, It's eye opening to see your experience. But it just goes to show that everyone is different. I'm older than you and have lived many lives. Sometimes we just need a break. Practicing gratitude, staying in the present and therapy have really shifted my focus on a lot of things. I am looking forward to seeing where your journey takes you next.
Finally getting around to watching this!!! Heyo! Some of the journal entries actually made me laugh out loud. Glad you have been growing ❤
Thank you for making this video. Makes me feel less alone.
It’s all so sad. You are amazing to be so vulnerable to share this publicly. I’m sure this will help someone AND society in general.
Watching this at home at noon on a Tuesday which is unheard of… I’m on campus every day 9-5 working or in class and the feeling of euphoria I have sitting on my couch on a weekday afternoon is like the one you had with pto. This video definitely came at the perfect time and I’m realizing I’m overworking myself for no real reason. I shouldn’t feel such a massive jolt of energy after weeks of exhaustion just because I skipped one class and got to eat lunch at home. you’re awesome and inspiring as always
kath i swear you make banger after banger. this video was such a comedic tragedy. much love love love!
these reflection style videos are my favorite kind of videos!
Even though i left my job and I’m in school now (graduating this year with a BA in psych), I still find myself returning to being an overachiever.. what I realized after watching your video today, is that being an overachiever is pointless because it is not a sustainable mindset and leads to burnout. Even if i got A+’s in all my classes, and that got me a great job or grad school program, I would still feel like an imposter because I got in by overachieving and overworking. Also, it just makes the whole thing un-fun, even though I’m supposedly studying things I’m passionate about. For the past month I’ve been fighting myself over whether i should apply for grad school or not. Eventually I decided not to . Just because i can get into something doesn’t mean I should.
Thank you so much for sharing this Katherine
Katherine I hope you are so proud of yourself (I am sure you are). I have been watching your videos since your time at USC and in a strange way I feel like I have been on this journey with you--the validation through academic achievements and work and then having to unpack all of that. I also journal and love it when people allow me into their world in this way. Also, the editing of this video was awesome lol Thanks for sharing!
such a good video concept and i think you executed it so well, thank you for the openness to share things like this. i think it will help a lot of different people struggling with similar feelings. even if someone is not in the mental or financial place to leave their corporate job right now i think it's important to discuss how common these feelings are because corporate jobs can be such toxic environments that demand so much of your energy. it is possible to disengage from it and find your validation outside of work in hobbies, art, friends, etc.
this video is a fugue 😅 also a very comforting video that i can relate to in some weird twisted way. The table social experiment cracked me up! There was one office job that i had where nobody gave a literal f about what i was up to and it made me hid in the washroom for HOURS without anyone noticing
This is too good. Thank you for sharing! I was fortunate enough to have snapped myself out of the koolaid once the first manager I had outside of college was an absolute bully and corroded my mental health. Well… I guess fortunate that I figured out to not bow down to these folks so early. Not so fortunate that the particular situation happened to me. Anyways, I’m currently job seeking due to a department-wide layoff and it’s just super refreshing to have this perspective prior to wherever I end up next. I’ll very likely be back in corporate but toxic micromanagers and layoffs have taught me A LOT about not putting my worth into my career. Period!
This was 🙌👌 on so many levels. Very refreshing to see. You are super genuine too.
So creative, congrats Miss Kath :)
Great video!! I love the different versions of text on the screen hahah
Bwahahaha I subscribed. The comedy is gold.
Dude, I have looked through my past journals and posts and 🙄 so hard. I can relate 💯. So encouraging to always see the growth.
Lol this was fun to watch, made me consider starting journaling
I resonate with all of this. The overachiever for so long, now I don't take any of it seriously. The things I used to care about with work make me roll my eyes and laugh. I'm starting a podcast, hopefully it can help me quit my current job, so I can do something more fun to me and actually useful for others
this was so clarifying for me
I LOVE your litmus tests of choice ahha oof too relatable for me 😂
I AM HERE for the DEEP DIVE on corporate self reflection!!!! Also I love how your highlights in I stagram go in the sequence "WORK" and then "LOL" 🤣😂
really enjoyed the editing on this one ☺ also interesting toping & insights. :o
love love love seeing the artifacts of a fugue
Thanks for the good mood.
your curls look amazing!
This was very helpful and entertaining!
That robot voice was soooooo hilarious! Friggin awesome !
Omg you are a brave soul for making this 😅😅 so glad you escaped !!!
I’m so glad I have very little evidence of my thought process when I was doing my undergrad at Oxford since I deleted my tumblr because it would be so sad to reread. I basically ended up having a mental breakdown in my third year and had to go on medication. So glad I took a long break from academia and came back to it as a 26 year old with a fully developed brain 🧠
ok, this is incredible:D
Subscribed just for the excellent intro!
Looking forward to video
I’m not familiar with your channel, this popped up in my recommended but wow, certainly came at the perfect time for me! I’m about to finish my master’s degree and although I am a communist and not interested in climbing any corporate ladders in principle, I recognize a lot of myself in these notes. I constantly wish I was more productive and the whole thinking of myself as a brand… yeah. Thank you for this video, I think it really helped me in some way. Will be subscribing :)
I love seeing the change you went through as you pulled back from that world. I've always felt like I kept corporate culture at a distance from me, but still get wrapped up in the stress of trying to meet the culture's performance standards. I never really thought of it, but reframing would probably be pretty good thing for me. I don't know that I would want to stop being a coder, but at the least I can do is not let the baggage of the organization pull me in so much.
Freaking loved this video
Thanks for this discussion, Kath. It is great to do these forensics on your past self. And I bet if you do this again in the future, looking at the same period, you might have even more insights.
When I was in my 20s - back in the 1990s - I also questioned whether I truly fit within the corporate world. But I was coming from a different place… and have had a different trajectory since.
Unlike you, I was never entirely committed to the corporate mindset. In the early 90s, it was still possible for someone to get a philosophy degree of all things - then, several months post-college, pass an actuarial exam (given a solid math background) - and bounce into a decent-paying entry-level office job… and off you go. I bought into it somewhat, insofar as I was doing modestly well, and could see financial benefits and some form of “growth” as most would say. The work itself had good and less-good aspects… as did the environment.
I did have the opportunity to hold a number of fairly different jobs at that first company, for almost 9 years. Not all of it was bad. But the last couple of years were increasingly unpleasant. At one point I ran afoul of my direct management, in a potential job-ending episode - perhaps deservedly so - but buckled down and survived another year. During that last year, in a different position, I think I truly burned out. I ran afoul of a different direct manager - this time, perhaps less deservedly so - and again found a way to survive. This time, by essentially shutting down, being visibly deadened as I moved through the office and lumbered through each day.
I resigned without much of a plan. I did have a part-time gig lined up at the local mall, and ample savings to tide me over for a good while. At least I had been thrifty. I did the retail thing for almost two years, but realized much sooner that it really was the same corporate grind, just with different aesthetics, lower pay, and more coarse interactions. So I ultimately re-entered the corporate setting, where I’ve since remained (across several job changes) for an additional 22 years. Lots more highs and lows, tons of colorful stories - but I have been very fortunate financially. Can’t deny that.
I try to resist the urge to be reflexively cynical. It can be an intellectual copout to simply jump to the most mercenary or negative interpretation. But in this case, I feel that I’ve earned a certain measure of cynicism about corporate culture, given decades of investment and multiple perspectives. I actually believe that, by far, most of the individuals I’ve encountered are decent and reasonable. It’s really a critique of the systems, mechanisms, and incentives rather than the people. Or as they say - don’t hate the player, hate the game. ;)
this video is so healing, in the opposite of a fugue state kind of way
This is so, so, meta! Great job on completely over introspecting your introspection! 😂😂😂😂😂
wooo, I'm early! excited for the video 💞
Wow, it was neat to see all those different eyebrow trends in such a short timespan!
That addicted to the kool aid section was so hard to watch ur brain got fucking scrubbed
Your hair!!!! I almost didn’t recognize you. I’m loving it!!
2020 was indeed a fuge. I felt the same way right after the lockdown was in place. Thank you for sharing your experience.
“It gets better” 🙌🏽
Working hard, but still struggling to live. The crazy world we live in today, rising prices, stagnant salaries, it's an interesting time to live in.
Good video Miss Katherout, Happy Tuesday friend!!
I went straight from college to an academic medical center and I feel that whole “seeking a new validation source” sentiment so hard. Thank you for helping me realize that I’m not crazy!
And to imagine that not that long ago people were getting married, having babies and having careers a year or 2 out of college. I honestly think that's what forced tgem not to obsess over work. They literally forced a variety of priorities onto themselves which in turn forced them to be more than their work. Stressful, but in a different way.
This was a great video. That story about the cash table getting banned was full on! What, were they trying to ban fun??
Love this video
“A week off shouldn’t be so crazy” vs me bragging to my family on XMAS that I have Monday off. Yeah… just Monday and I’m bragging about it and everyone is like “Ooooooo OMG, can’t believe it” 🤢🤑
What has changed though? You used to derive your sense of self from buying into that. Now, you derive your sense of self from vigorously distancing yourself from that. Same behavior, different object. Maybe you should try a third approach: not basing your sense of self so much on exterior concepts.
this is painfully relatable
Your hair looks so good!!! I haven't seen the video yet I need to say that first
You taught me a new word today, fugue! Thank you! :)
Just came across this video randomly and I gotta say I feel seen 🤣 Thanks for posting
ugh i love you
Love this! Lol I can definitely relate. Idk why I find it hilarious now😂
jesus christ you are so funny also this video was a fugue and i am now subscribed.
From the perspective of the housekeeping staff and other service workers at that workplace, the money table probably seemed a bit threatening. Figurines or something cutesy would have probably gone over better. Like people probably had to clean around a pile of cash… just a thought!
I was a Poli Sci/History student in college and I’ve seen some friends go the corporate brain rot route, but the DC/politics brain rot route is hard to watch too 😅. Honestly I’m kind of grateful to have graduated college in 2020 bc the earth stopping really allowed me to rethink whether or not I wanted this life for me. Also gotta say I love your sweater!
fascinating video
watched this when I was on break from work 🤣
Hey! Have you ever thought about becoming a political organizer? I think it would be perfect for you! You get to push yourself while also throwing your heart and soul into something worth fighting for! Much love on your journey.
this is the humor i live for
This video was a fugue...PTO being euphoric...I just had that feeling after a chaotic stretch of time, and I was truly blissed out on it. I am working towards a transition though b/c I know I am just not feeling it anymore!
This video is legendary. If I went through my iPhone notes from college, dear God save my soul....
I really like this video. What stuck with me the most is that through diary entties you were able to see your thought processes grow and evolve. PROOF. Not saying to yourself i THINK i've changed. know, you KNOW you've changed.
I feel like this video came at such a good time for me!
I have yet to lose more innocence because I haven't worked for money yet, but I might next summer so I can save up for dorming.
I'm not even done watching the video but I relate to obsessing over perfection, validation, productivity, and yes, even dramatic journaling.
It's harder for me to get past the mindset of being perfect and doing everything all at once due to having some kind of Savior complex...
But learning that capitalism has overemphasized individual effort and perfection over doing the work themselves with business regulations and paying taxes has made me feel okay to just live for living.
I don't always have to help others or make a difference larger than me. In my current environment and time in life it's a stretch.
It's hard for me to be patient in planting seeds for my life and activism when this decade is like the last window of opportunity we have to prevent the worst from happening for climate change.
I can't help others if I can't help myself.
i work in corporate america and im just so over all the BS. idk for me it’s just like. my job is just my job it’s what i gotta do to pay the bills. but i don’t wanna drink the kool aid