How to make long-distance relationships work
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
- This video explores the research on long-distance relationships, specifically the predictors of positive outcomes and the transition to geographical closeness. Why do some couples break up when the distance ends? Who are the couples that make it work? Why do most people report missing at least one aspect of the long-distance nature of their relationship?
Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald
Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
1:09 Key points in the literature
8:54 My clinical observations
10:47 Tips for couples
17:11 Food for thought
References:
Stafford, Merolla, A. J., & Castle, J. D. (2006). When long-distance dating partners become geographically close. Cooperation and Conflict, 23(6), 901-919. doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070472
Dargie, Blair, K. L., Goldfinger, C., & Pukall, C. F. (2015). Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long-Distance Dating Relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41(2), 181-202. doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2013...
I am SO excited to announce that I've launched a 4+ hour relationship skills course: psychologywithdrana.learnworlds.com/course/the-connection-course
For those of you who like videos such as this one and want more, definitely check it out :)
Forever, long-distance relationship is a no!!! 😂
I know someone that had a long distance relationship relationship and their married now.
My 1st and only dating experience was a LDR with a girl I met while working at summer camp when we were both 19 years old. We hit it off and remained close friends for 2 years, then started a LDR (both living in separate states) which lasted another 2 years until we married in 2017. We just hit our 6-year anniversary and are going strong! :D
wao, congratulations, how was it? how did you handle it?
Cap
Congrats 👏
Love your story Congratulations ❤❤
Awesome
i was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. We met online during the pandemic and lived in different countries, which meant a lot uncertainty around when we will meet. We finally met after one year and then continued dating long distance while planning to close the distance. Last year we moved in together and in around 6 months, we decided to marry each other. We were very happy during our long distance. After we closed the distance, we are so much more happier. I believe ldr thought us commitment to make a relationship work, which is definitely helping us even after we closed the distance.
im happy for you!
This is such a cute story! I wish my story was like this
Lovely story :))
I hope I'll end up like you
I love your story
She’s literally my favorite psychologist. Always says difficult and disquiet things in a very easy way.
Not a psychologist just yet, but I appreciate it :)
@@AnaPsychology totally thank you! Also I’d love to admit, English is my second language and I understand everything. Thank you ❤
Why there are better outcomes for long distance relationships - I'd definitely guess that it's because people who enter into long distance relationships don't do it as haphazardly. I think most people are not seeking out a long distance relationship specifically, so if you're going to enter into one, then you want to be absolutely sure that it's worth it!
💪Gotta be tough,
I was in an LDR for 4 years. Yes, we were deeply in love, but we were able to idolize each other for much longer than we would have in a normal relationship. Spending a week together every month was not enough to see the flaws and compatibility issues that eventually materialized. I wouldn't recommend it.
Thanks for sharing!
Can say the same, I was also in a 4 year LDR, the first year and a half we didn't even meet yet so it was also easy to idolise. Saying that, we had trust issues before we even met. but the trust issues remained until the end, after we spent more time together, I began to gradually see that it wasn't gonna work out. Valuable lessons but never would do one again.
@@joshy2joshywhat were the reasons? Im going through something similar myself
@@ahmeerkhan3011 For the trust issues? She lied to me multiple times before we met about things, they weren't even important things, there was just a breakdown of trust because she later confirmed that what she said was not true.
During the entire relationship when I would ask where she was going, trying to get an idea of how to plan my day, she would get pretty annoyed. I was a little paranoid and controlling due to the trust issues. I didn't resolve them properly and because we didn't have good communication it just got worse and then she cheated on me so to speak, by getting close to someone else (also on the internet) and it was a mess. If you feel like they have distanced or aren't acting as interested anymore, if they aren't giving it their everything, it really isn't worth it.
@@joshy2joshy 😥
My partner and I were long distance for 2.5 years! Opposite coasts, different countries! We now live together and have been together for over 6 years ☺️
I like someone who from the Netherlands we email each other and Skype. I must of express how I feel about her but said that she dont know me too well don't hold your breathe. Maybe if we get to know us a bit better then it maybe possible meeting someday don't waste your energy on as much foucs on self improvement and talk to other people idk what to do I know she likes me but still confused
Who moved for whom?
Thank you for sharing this, brings hope
How did that happen give me tips as a girl
But are y’all happily together lol
For the people that are in a LDR and are scared that the outcomes might be bad on the oncoming years, just have in mind that what matters is you and your partner. Communication is the first most important thing in a relationship and the only way to keep the couple bonded and close, even though you are going to start noticing the flaws of the person when you both are together, it's important to work it out together as a couple through communication. So don't be afraid that if you are going to live together, in three months you will break up, you both just need communication and most importantly love each other even with the flaws they have. Keep things spicy and rebuild trust and bond every single day will make your relationship last forever and in the same location.
Have hope and don't be afraid, it will work!
Thank you for those words, it's very encouraging !
Keep things spicy? Means??
@@shiwangeesexual or spontaneous
@@elijahchampaigne6753 ohh but does it work in a long run? When there's actually no skin to skin thing going on irl
I am/was a person with anxious attachment. I went into the relationship with fear of the distance (550 km). But even though the beggining had its struggle, it ended up helping me learn how to deal (and even appreciate) not having my partner close to me all time. I could even say not being together all the time improves things a lot. We went gradually from seeing each other just every 2 - 3 weekends to now, for 8-10 days straight (Work from home compatibility) and then 15 days of not seeing us again. We are still strong after 2 years and planning on going to live together now!
My boyfriend lives in Hungary and I live in Illinois lmao
I know a semi-long distance couple who've been together over 20 years in this configuration, 2 cities about 2.5 hours away, and have both testified that this possible geographical separation from their partner, while also being able to see each other every day if wanted, is an aspect that's helped maintain their relationship so long!
Also helps with satisfying both parties' preferred living location environment and stuff.
I’m in a LDR and my boyfriend and I watch your channel together. We met in London 5 months ago and I’m in NYC. He’s been staying with me for 6 weeks. I think finding a trial period for geographical closeness is a must-have before permanently relocating. Thanks so much for this content as we will take it onboard our relationship:-)
Hi Rebekah! If you don’t mind me asking, what is the trial period? Does one partner get a temporary job while out here? What about friends? Or is it more to see if your habits around the house and such mesh together?
@@clarityvee hi there! He’s in school and so he was able to get that time away from home. People in Europe also get way more holiday time than Americans haha.
That is a really good point. When your partner moved in, am sure it was ace at first. By weeks four to six,how did you find it? Ever feel stifled etc or like he was different in person?
Thank you Ana for this revamp! Ive had a friend tell me that I was "too smart to date long distance" while in one and it made me super upset. Thank you for addressing the stigma that plagues and hurts these modern relationships.
I dated someone long distance for 8 months but knew them for 2 years. Didn't work out because of a complicated situation in her personal life that in the end made neither of us happy and there was no meeting in the middle. My best advise to anyone considering it and currently in it. Yes it's possible, but it is NOT easy. Each relationship and situation is different but in my opinion I believe there should be some kind of ending to the state of "Long Distance dating" and evolving into simply dating. In my experience I learned that I value intimacy and being able to physically touch my partner, so a long distance relationship is something I would never consider again. Flying out to see my partner 2 or 3 times a year is not enough for me. I understand my standards and will never lower them because I would not be happy.
I've been a five LDR over my life. The first two was when I was in my twenties. One didn't work out, but I don't think the distance was the factor, rather other dynamics of the relationship.
The second didn't work out because my girlfriend just dragged her feet, and wasn't really willing to make an effort to move the relationship forward. I was open to different solutions in terms of who would move, but her lack of enthusiasm sent the message to me that it ultimately was not going to work.
The third worked well, eventually resulting in marriage for 14 years. We divorced, but that had nothing to do with distance at that point.
The fourth did not work out because my girlfriend kind of worried herself out of the relationship. Everything seemed to be going well, but her insecurity grew over time and eventually she walked away from the relationship. It seemed as if she wanted things to progress at a faster rate then I could match, this generated anxiety in her, and that continued to spiral. It was a delicate period to navigate, because I still wanted the relationship, but I just needed a slower pace for things to develop.
Finally, my fifth one is going well. I think a key piece as to why it is going well is that both of us have really good communication skills, and have expressed a lot of shared values that I think help strengthen the relationship. We're both patient and want everything to continue moving forward. We also are both older and can appreciate the complexities of the human condition, understand that we want to make a strong bond with another person who is not perfect, but values being supportive and communicative. We're both drawing upon the wisdom that previous relationships have provided.
Some general thoughts... I was using online dating, OKCupid, and this site has no limit on the amount of words in your profile, which allowed me to properly communicate my situation. I wasn't specifically looking for a LDR, but made it clear I was open to it, and I also made it clear that I wouldn't be able to move from where I was living due to co-parenting my children.
My overall approach with the profile was "more is more" and so I shared a lot about my life and situation. Sure, this approach would turn off some people, but for those who read through it and still reached out to me... that was wonderful! Instead of having to slowly dribble out details that might end up turning someone off after several weeks, months, or years, just be up front from the start and begin with that foundation.
One thing that I do like with a LDR is that it does quickly remove a lot of ambiguity in where people stand. In this day where people seem to be far more fickle and wary of commitment, a LDR relationship at least puts the cards face up on the table. So if you are someone who wants a long term relationship/marriage, a LDR lends itself to being more romantic and clarifying on what the two people are spending their energy on with the relationship.
I’m just over a month into long distance for study, but I had 8 months together with my girlfriend back home before I moved. I would definitely expect there to be a big big difference between relationships that have a long distance “phase” as opposed to those that are long distance by construction, from the start.
With us, knowing when we will see each other, knowing that we will be with each other in the same country in 2 years time makes it a lot easier than if it was completely up in the air
I see people commenting about not knowing how the person acts in day to day life, or all these minor things - when your relationship starts local and then moves long distance, you’ve already vetted your partner for these traits and have a much stronger foundation, and I think there’s a lot less scope for fantastical ideals and it’s a more grounded experience
I am in a LDR, when I met him in person, my feelings kinda changed. The way he viewed the less fortunate (i.e. the waiters or people that rent his apartments), had me questioning things. He has no empathy for them. He is a lovely human being. He will find true love, if he works on himself.
So… he should be your ex, no?
I'm having this exact same problem with my ldr boyfriend. He can be very cold and rude with me and hurts my feelings and it's making me fall out of love with him. But he kinda manipulated me into being in a relationship with him in the first place so maybe nature is just correcting itself. Much love and luck to you
@@sweatergod5386 Good Luck to you, too. Sweater God. Hopefully, our partners will change and we'll work on our issues.
I have been in a long distance relationshop for 9 months and it has gone pretty smoothly. We are deeply in love and she will be moving in with me in the next month or two. Fingers crossed that it works out. I have been wtaching so many of your videos over the course of my relationship and I have learned so much. Thank you for all of the time and effort you put into your content. I really appreciate it. You've shown me new perspectives and ideas on how to really invest in a relationship. :)
hows things been?
Yeah how's it been?
@@vinessa2825 Ngl, it was really tough but we managed to pull through and really be a team. Thanks for asking. 🙏
@@mymylyly1259 It was really hard at first and we had some big ups and downs but through a lot of communication and honesty, we were able to make things work. It's been pretty good. I feel like we're a team and we can both see a serious future together ahead of us.
Hey Ana! My girlfriend and I are going long distance since she is leaving for grad school, and I have been worried about how that might change things. This is exactly the video I needed, so thank you. Keep up the great content!
I had a relationship in the middle. My now husband use to live about 3 hours away from me. We saw eachother weekly or biweekly and after a year we got married and moved in together 6 months later. Our first year living together was so hard and we often talk about how we feel we miss getting to miss the other. We’re coming up on our 5 year anniversary so it works sometimes lol
long-distance or not if they value loyalty above all else then its not a problem ... simple but hard for most people
Really great video, as always. Huge fan, and I'm glad that this is a topic I can (somewhat) contribute to! I'm in a LDR, and have been for almost two years. We did temporarily bridge the distance for about half a year, and ran into some problems. Although, not necessarily the ones mentioned in the video. I didn't struggle with jealousy or a loss of autonomy - but it made differences I was aware of in the abstract (one person being neat, the other person being messy, for example) very, very real. About a month into bridging the distance, Gottman's four horses started to trample over our relationship. And it was mostly about silly, domestic things like doing dishes. Communication deteriorated. Bags were hastily packed. I thought it was over. But, after a few very frank and open conversations about the rough transition, we managed to come out the other end for the better. A key point you made that did really resonate with me - missing aspects of the LDR. I find that my partner and I are compatible in a very lyrical and inquisitive way - we see and interpret the world very similarly, and it makes for great conversation and poetic declarations of love and longing. But, there are some incompatibilities in the concrete ways we live our lives day to day that I didn't anticipate. I'm very routine-driven and conscientious and orderly. She likes a little chaos and is more free-spirited about the way she spends her time. This created some very real friction in person, although is mostly invisible over such a great distance. We worked through it, and are still going strong, but there was a really rough patch in the early days of living face-to-face.
This video resonates so much with me, Ana 🥺 I'm not in a romantic relationship but 3 of my 5 friends are LD, it's something I've been used to since I was a teenager and I've never thought once in my life that LD are less meaningful than IRL ones.
A lots of issues and limits may come with it, at least from my experience (higher chance of misunderstandings to happen, limitness in the way you can engage with their daily life, the sadness that often comes with yearning), but the only true limit is what the other person wants. As Ana stated if they think of long distance interactions poorly they just won't make it work regardless of your effort.
Anyway this subject is gigantic so even if the main takeaway from the video was just one, ergo that LDR are indeed possible which is great to hear already, I've found the tips part to be quite limited, especially considering it almost all revolved around the irl periods. Like, I would've appreciated to hear your take on things such as how to show closeness and warmth through distance, or so. Cause that's what I think being the bigger obstacle even before the irl rediscovery comes, you know? But this is just my opinion..! 🤔
To answer to one of Ana's question at 8:35 , when talking about romantic relationships I personally don't think they're meant to stay long distance forever. I just feel like one of the goals as a couple to me is to be able to stay together.. 💞
Anyway, thank you for your hard work researching on this subject Ana, it's always fulfilling to listen to you! 🌷
This was really insightful, and resonated with my experience. I was in a LDR for 2.5 years (since a little before Covid) before finally meeting my SO in person halfway across the globe last year. The process of getting used to each other was really rough, as you'd mentioned. We almost broke up about 1.5 months into meeting, but met up, talked things through, and readjusted our expectations. We spent the rest of my 6 month stay there mostly in bliss, before I returned from my student exchange back to my home country. We've resumed an LDR since... that's a whole other story of "re-readjusting".
I went into an LDR with someone who lived 16500km away from me after knowing him only online for 2 years. we dated for 14 months until we could finally meet (due to covid) after the second visit I flew with him together to Australia to live there for a year and decide if I want to apply for a permanent Visa. 9 months later (and roughly 2.5 years of dating) and this week I applied for the permanent visa! its financially impossible to maintain such a huge distance with visits. even once or twice a year was a huge burden so we decided to close it after I finished my nursing degree! very happy with the decision. of course being in person has totally new struggles, mostly financial in our case. (i just had to spent around 9k on all Visa costs combind. The visa itself having spent around 8200 AUD on it itself.) It's tough!
I wouldv loved to have just swapped names with you if you are American, I'm an Aussie wanting to live in America, couldv saved a lot in Visa fee's lol
You’re consistently my favorite psychology channel. Thanks for your awesome, detailed work!
This was very interesting to listen to! I hope people who are experiencing this aren’t afraid. Embrace the unique situation you’re in and the opportunities that it can provide. You can’t stop love. It will work out, just communicate 🤟🏻
Thanks universe! This came at a time I really needed it. Not a lot of resources out there. Thanks for your video!!
My fiancé and I met in person during a time where we were both living abroad. We worked together but were also roommates. Our contracts and visas had ended and we had to leave that life but agreed that we would try and make long distance work as we were very in love. We have just approached the 2 year mark of long distance. We’ve seen each other several times since then and talk everyday. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’ve never felt like I could trust someone as much as I trust him. That being said, long distance sucks, it sucks more and more as time goes on. We are waiting for him to get a visa to come to my country, but it is a long wait. We’re praying that long distance will end before the end of the year 💕
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and have spent nearly every day together. Now i’m going to college a few hours away i feel like it will be so hard. This video gives me hope, thank you.
Hi Ana! Great vid ^^ My LDR partner was jealous from the start and it was a struggle! There aren't many videos on youtube covering "How to deal with a jealous partner", would love to see a video like that!
Hi can we become friends of LDR
being in a long distance relationship while having an anxious attachment style is hard, but I am determined to make it work. we only live 2 hours away so we would see each other weekly but now his jeep broke down and he has no money to fix it so it's gonna be a while before I see him again, this long period apart is definitely gonna put our relationship to the test.
I've been in an LDR w my first and only boyfriend of 2 years; we started dating 2 weeks into talking and we just haven't stopped lol. Visited him twice 2 months at a time and he visited 1 month at my place.
Plan to close the distance for good in 6 months and before watching this there was zero thought in my mind that things weren't going to go well lmao 😅
Throughout our relationship we've just grown in our communication and emotional maturity; every complication really has just taught us more about each other and ourselves.
For me I view my LDR as the best thing that has ever happened to me; and simultaneously if we didn't work out~ It would be a cold day in hell for me to go into another LDR again 😅.
In the same way I learned so much from being in University; doesn't mean I wanna go back lmao.
I view my relationship as something that has always added to my life (even the times where it was hard) and getting to transition to an in person relationship as another way of wiping the slate clean and getting the opportunity to create a life we want to live together.
I'm watching this as kind of a self comforting thing because I miss my boyfriend a lot. I travel to the northernmost parts of canada frequently for work, where I'm hours away from any city, there's no cell service and barely any wifi. I think saying I long for my partner is probably the best way of putting it- I think if him all the time and I count down the days before I can see him again. But on the other hand now that I've watched this video I've noticed that we kind of have all the benefits of a long distance relationship and none of the drawbacks. We started geographically close, so I already got to know the real him before it became intermittently long distance. But now every time I'm back home with him, every moment is more precious than gold. There's a lot of anticipation in our relationship
Right now, I’m in Massachusetts and she’s in Ontario. It’s not easy but it’s worth it❤️
Ana Psychology has produced yet another excellent video. 👍
Wow this couldn't be more perfectly timed I'm leaving home for 3 months and I'm getting so much anxiety from the thought of being away from him for so long
Omg, I’m in the exact same situation. I have been very anxious amd feeling a lot of uncertainty about the future.. but I hope everything works out. I love him very much. Good luck on your trip!!
Phenomenal commentary. Great content here.
Thank you for bringing up this conversation, Ana. I met my current SO by visiting their country as a tourist. We fell in love with one another, but my tourist visa expired so I had to say goodbye. We decided to try long distance, but then COVID19 happened and their country closed its borders until further notice which was very mentally challenging for the both of us, but I set a goal to visit again soon and I always looked forward to me being able to go there. 2 whole years later when things started to cool down, the country finally opened its borders again and I managed to move to their country on a 1 year visa and we were together which was absolutely amazing, but I agree with what the study mentioned that other problems might arise when you're together again due to the autonomy of being apart for so long. Just the communication itself, because you spend so much time texting and calling each other apart which means you sometimes cannot know their true feeling or tone in the way they express themselves as you do in a face-to-face conversation. We definitely made it work though, but I had to return back to my home country again after that 1 year was up and now we're back to LD again with no concrete plan on what to do. I would love to move back to their country, but visa issues makes it practically impossible for me to go there, so it might be them moving to where I live in the future. Being in a gay broke intercontinental long distant relationship when your love language is physical touch... it's hard out here.🥲
My guess is your Partner is from Australia? So so sorry that you are back to LD. I truly hope this will change quickly for you again.. :(
I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now. It hurts and I feel lonely and I feel like if it wasn't for my asocial lifestyle and insecurities I wouldn't have gotten into it. I am aware and afraid of how meeting and potentially living together for the first time may expose many new problems. I may be one of those people who doesn't believe in my own LDR but I don't have any other options and I do love my partner very much. I wish we could meet sooner and resolve all these doubts once and for all.
Hello! Been in various LDR's and currently in one for about a year and half. I didn't want to get into one yet again because I did not see myself moving out of my city or constantly traveling to see my partner but I really did found a special person to be with and it's been worth it. My partner will be moving closer to me in about a month or two... about an hour from me but that's better than spending hours on a plane about once every month or two. I'm definitely a person that requires physical touch and in person quality time + GAD so it's been a very challenging thing for me. It wasn't easy deciding if we would end the distance of them moving to me or vice versa or going to a completely new place since we're still getting to know each other and realistically speaking, we didn't want to risk moving in together either so early on (although we have seen eachother various times). Just looking forward to it and a little nervous of what those changes in the relationship will bring but i'm getting mentally prepared for it. This video definitely helped!! I can try to remember to give an update when that change happens.
In an ldr rn, it is good. Future isn't certain but we are too young to know imo. This video resonates for sure, I do like my space and think I'll have trouble adjusting when we close the distance.
I do know there's a lot to work out, but we are still moving forward in our relationship im happy that it doesn't really matter to me i would also be willing to move wear he is,ive found being totally open with each other with everything learned to really share feelings and what caused me to think that way and the same for him we have learned to talk each other thru different things, happy i found this video
My experience with long-distance relationship was when I was in a relationship and had to move to a different country. There was a lot of missing my partner during those times and the time-zone difference is a major thing. As a person with love language being big on physical touch, being far away makes it very hard sometimes, which makes me wants even more intimacies virtually (virtual hug, kiss, sexting etc.) And moving apart also result in much higher level of jealousy due to not knowing what my partner is actually doing all the time. it lasted 1&1/2 year and ended with my partner finding someone else that is close. But as I grow older I am a lot less jealous of my partner, I learn to trust my partner and that people don't just get up and leave and if they do end up being unfaithful it might hurt but I have to keep moving forward and that life must go on. I am looking into this topic again as I've met someone and want to learn more about LDRs in general, and to not repeat the same mistake.
My LDR is ending in 5 days!!! Yayyyy! And we are on opposite sides of the world for now. Canada/Taiwan.
I guess what was said about the farther relationships being more successful I think might have something to do with the reality check of you really REALLY got to love this person to move across the planet! Lots of making sure your not wasting each other's time with someone wrong for you, lots of expenses involved in just visiting each other to solidify the relationship which is a large allocation of resources and insecurities can be weeded out and confronted as something you are or aren't willing to work with.
These things may help someone decide if it's worth staying together or not much earlier.
im in a LDR currently and have been strongly since the start of covid, i feel like i am willing to do anything to meet up with him and live with him, i just know that in this uncertain future i want him to be a part of it and i want to make him the happiest person i can
Currently in an LDR with another guy, he's living in Springfield, Illinois while I'm in Hidalgo, Mexico...
We're gonna celebrate our one year anniversary soon (June 29th)
:]
Thank you so much for this video. My bf is graduating 1 year ahead of me and we're planning for this atm. So much anxiety but I love him so we'll try long distance
This has got me thinking about what our experience will be when we close the geographical distance....I hope we won't get on each other's nerves too bad.
Not my cup of tea, but my dad and stepmom are in a seemingly forever LDR. I don't think the plan is to be forever forever, but rather until they both retire (which is still a ways away). They've been international LDR for almost 20 years now, and I wonder if they will really feel that loss of autonomy when they are together geographically. I also will say I think the indefinite LDR is common amongst split immigrant families, namely the situation in which one parent moves first for work and has to apply and wait to bring over the spouse and kids. I've also seen many E. Asian couples do indefinite LDR, in which one parent + children will stay in one country to rear the children, and the other parent holds down a job in the home country. In my experience, these LDRs lack emotional intimacy, but I don't think it's necessarily true for younger generations vs older ones.
I'm what I would describe as medium distance with my gf. We met while living close together, and she ended up moving like 2 - 3 months after we started dating. I knew beforehand that she sould move. We see eachother weekly (lots of weekend sleepovers basically) but it takes a lot of driving and scheduling to keep things nice.
In terms of jealousy, I feel like for me this would decrease once we move in together. I experience more fomo about not being able to join activities because of the distance than jealous about interactions. Me and my gf are both flirty extraverted people, but since we don't hide that from eachother it doesn't feel like either of us has to get jealous.
I do kinda see it as a benefit since the time we spend together is longer stretches of time than just evening dates and more frequent than real long distance, so we experience the opposite of idealisation I'd say. We have a good grasp on eachother's flaws. Very interesting video as always, so thank you
Yes and i think we have great communication.
We know we will find eachother back.
He is a nice person and for me personally i m excited as well asnervous for the transition period.
I have been in a Ldr for 3 and a half years. We are getting married in February 🥹🤍
My advice is to try spending long periods of time when you visit or they visit.
We would spend months together, so that made us really test compatibility and for me to really see what my life would be like once I move. Each of us continued working and tried to live as normally as possible while I was there so it’s also not only wonderful trips but actually testing a life together
Speaking from experience being with someone a 2 hour drive away can suck and talking for more than 1 year with someone you eventually meet and end up in a relationship with went a lot better in terms of happiness and satisfaction
I liked the previous long distance relationship video :c wish it was still available
This is perfect to fall asleep to.
Fun story - I matched with a girl on Hinge but we never met because of her tight schedule. She went to her family for 2,5 months. We started to chat and now we are dating. I know that we are going to be in one place geographically but till the 18th of January we are in a LDR. This is both hard and exciting
My girlfriend and I lived in the same town about a half an hour from each other. We were together for only 2 months when she decided to take a 6 month job on the other side of the country (USA east coast to west coast) and at about 4 months in she moved. I visited a month ago for a whole week (right after our 6 month mark. Also the longest I’ve been in) …it was amazing but harder for her at first bc she’s been mostly isolated and didn’t know how to act with me there. The last 3 days it was like we were never apart and we had a lot of fun, but then I had to leave. I have 2 more months until I go and see her again and I will be driving with her back home. We have our struggles and experience the positive and negatives of our personalities. But all in all, we both call each other our soulmates.
Some days are harder then others, and I think it’s getting harder? But it’s working I think. Thanks for the video. I needed it right now.
1) 1:17 LDR are as strong and stable as geo close relations
2) 1:52 face to face time --> greater trust
3) 3:47 Less time between visits --> better physical intimacy
4) Greater certainty about the future
5) Positive attitude towards LDRs
6) 4:38 managers psychological distress
From LDR to SDR
7) 5:33 missing the novelty & autonomy
8) 5:56 finding new + & -- aspects about each other
9) 6:25 Some gets closer, some drift away
10) 6:29 time management issues
11) 6:51 Increase conflicts & jealousy
12) 7:10 missing aspects of the LDRs
Tips that weren't repeated
1) Open minded discussions on when things can progress (in terms of geo)
Thank you so much for this 🙏🏻
Yes currently I'm in a long ldr.. whenever she doesn't reply to me i feel jealous sometimes it leads me to crazy..after after realisation i become normal...good thing is right now I'm in a train going to meet her bought her dresses and gifts...i hope she'll like them ✨
Happy for you
I needed this video 6 months ago 😅
Awesome!!❤
Can you talk about people who are over critical, why this happens, and how to control/stop being overly critical?
I just watched this, I have to go to college soon and I was thinking about breaking up with my gf. I change my mind now. This video was a lot of help.
My boyfriend and I will be 834 miles away from each other for college this year. Wish us luck!
In reference to 8:52, what about relationships where both couples enjoy the autonomy so much that they never move in together, but rather live in separate places that are close to each other? Some weeks they could spend a ton of time together, and other weeks, maybe they take a break and refresh that longing they had to keep the relationship from getting stale and monotonous. Do you think this could work? It's an idea I've always thought about, but theory never equates practice, so who knows if it could actually work.
Gonna see my partner again next Tuesday after 10 months of waiting ! Can’t wait
Me in 8 months of not seeing him. Let me hang onto it 🥺
I'm curious whether long distance here means people who have never been geographically close (for instance met online, or met once on holiday) or for people who used to be geographically close and then had to transition to a long distance relationship. Or if it's a mix. Because I think there's a big difference. If you've only met once or only met online, I'd barely call that a relationship because you DON'T know each other, of course that idealisation is going to happen. But if you previously had a geographically close relationship of course it could be very jarring to suddenly almost never get to see each other.
I was thinking the same thing after I edited the video! There are so many different "types" of LDRs and it feels important to discuss the differences. Unfortunately the literature on this topic is limited so I don't know of any studies that examined these differences.
Yes because people in the military always have long distance relationships and they have lasted.
perfect timing.. because I LITERALLY just got broken up with😭😭
I am currently in a LDR (5-6 hour drive), although I have spent between 3 and 30 days visiting him over the course of 2 years since we first started talking online and about a year and a half dating. If it weren't for responsibilities we each have on our end (he has a daughter and I am doing my master's) we likely would have moved together already. Living close by/together could change things as we see what it is like to be together while both having our own responsibilities, I feel positive that we have had some time to discover eachother in person and apart
That said, LDR are very difficult! We have both had points where we have had emotional difficulty in our lives and a video call together helps but does not feel the same as a comforting hug. Or other times when we know we have 2 months before we see eachother again and it is sad to not be able to casually chat throughout a night, hug/kiss, do our own things in eachothers presence, etc
Don't forget the stress of closing the gap - moving country, finding a new job, applying visas, learning a new language, leaving behind your family, friends and culture, financial issues etc. it's all incredibly stressful even if you're single. But throw it all together and it's a hell of a test. My partner is moving from southeast Asia to live with me in Europe, and the financial burden falls mostly on me but he also needs to learn a new language, find work and settle in a whole new country and culture. We will both have a lot of be stressed about while also being excited that we can finally live together after a few years of me flying back and forth. This puts a lot of stress on a relationship. I'm not sure I'd have taken it on in my 20s but we're older and have more life experience (I've already moved country before) and know what we're up against. The key is communication which becomes even more important during this transition to a new life. All your issues are not just fixed when you move to the same place, but you may create many new problems and only the strongest will survive that stress.
after 4 years of being single i'm finally in a new relationship and we're long distance so i'll make sure to keep the things mentioned in this video in my mind, things are a bit difficult right now but with summer coming up i hope it'll be lots of fun
I never thought i would do a LDR but i met my partner this January and a week later we got engaged. We have been doing long distance for almost 4 months. Its going smoothly. Its also my first ever relationship. I'm genuinely looking forward to the time when we'll be together but the things you said about discovering your partner all over again after it gets geographyly closer and seeing how they interact with other and the jealously aspect is kinda, just a tiny bit bothering me. But overall im more than happy and hopefully I'll feel more content with time 😊
Thank you for this :)
I've done several LDRs. The short is I don't think they work even with what the literature recommends because you have to be in front of the person in real life on a normal often amount like weekly or more to see how they respond to life and you. Because I didn't get that with these because its an LDR, it took me longer to figure out it wouldn't work, whereas with in person dating, I could tell in 1-4 dates.
I’m in something like an LDR but I never would have done it if I hadn’t met the person irl first and spent time with them. I will never understand people who start relationships with people they have never met
Thanks to this video. It is very helpful. I am in the early stages of LDR. We live in two different countries… We met through a dating app on New Years Eve, agreed to be in a relationship after 15 days of daily texting, and met face to face before the end of January. After that, we made efforts to see each other every 6 to 8 weeks. Despite that, we are struggling with the disconnection. He is starting to forget me. I am flying to his country in 2 weeks hoping to reconnect.
What happened?
Facts spill the tea
Hi, how did things work out
My relationship just became unexpectedly long-distance this week. I thought a fellowship matching process would primarily have orgs in the city my partner and I have lived in and that I'd be home with my family just for the summer. But now I'm going to have to live in another city for at least 1 year, likely 2.
Love is,a beautiful thing.i hope it finds me
Nice video! I'm currently in one at the moment. It's not easy but we make it work as we both want the same outcomes in life long term and we have already discussed where we would like to end up when living together. We see each other every 3-6 months and getting engaged in the next 4 weeks! I'm from Australia and she is from Russia, and we meet in south east asia as our halfway point. We plan to live together in asia within the next 2 years and make it work as much as we can between then. It can work especially if you have an end goal in mind and are willing to compromise communication as we speak daily atleast morning and night through snapchat and face to face calls in between when we are both available due to the time difference :)
I’d love to hear you do a lit review on polyamory/consensual non monogamy
My relationship started in person and moved online so we shouldn’t have the struggles you mentioned. I’m still worried that the spark is going to die out though…
5 and a half months ago I moved a 3-hour-drive south to bridge a long distance relationship and it was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life up to this point. We went to neighboring colleges and after graduation, she went to the big city she always dreamed of and I went back around home to work. I moved a year later and we broke up almost immediately. Deep down I think I knew it would end but I thought I just HAD to move where she was just to be sure. It felt like the big goa that I couldn't short of. Now I have lost a full year of my career, family life, social life, and dating life. I'm just waiting for my lease to end so I can move back to my hometown, where everyone important to me lives.
Thank you for sharing this information. How healthy or helpful is it to give your partner 1 week of space while in a long distance relationship. You mentioned don't ignore the girls night out but what about 1 week?
what about people who were together in the same location but after an event became long distance (they left because of a new job abroad, a master’s degree abroad, etc)? is there any research on the matter?
I think greater distance means both parties need to work together and communicate when and where to meet. I travel for work and I liked the further distance location than being closer. I felt guilty. But now I see that it’s normal. I don’t feel that bad
Highly recommend, if possible, flying to your partners place and “playing house” for like 2 weeks, and vice versa (so you can see each other in their “natural habitat” so to speak. Give yourself a little taste of what mundane minute to minute day to day life with them looks like
I just got out of a LDR but before we decided to end it we agreed that we would take some time apart while still maintaining a relatively close friendship and that if we still had feelings for each other but my July 31st-August 1st that we will rekindle our relationship and close that gap in the distance between us
P.S: She is in Canada and I am in Georgia
Me and my ex had been long distance for a year. I went to see him for christmas and he told me hed "almost" cheated on me and has been struggling with a porn addiction, after months of lying to me about it. We had seen eachother 3 times for at least 3 weeks spent at a time with eachother. It really crushed me when he told me in person. 1st reason because of the lies and betrayal. 2nd because it happened about a month before and he was waiting until i got to his state for a matter of a few weeks to tell me, so i had to either choose between staying and pretending it was all good, or going home early, meaning his whole family would find out. It gave me a huge ick.
I wonder what the research is on couples who go from close proximity to long distance? Would it be similar or the same to the couples who go from long distance to close proximity?
There might be a small chance I’ll have to go in a LDR and it’s scary but this video really gave me a lot of hope I really think we can work around this. The only issue is me, I have a bit of separation anxiety and I kinda need specific advice how I possibly cab handle such a strong feeling for a long time.
What can you do when you feel like your partner is losing interest in you?
Ana feels like the cool older sister you never had
me and my ex boyrfiend were 1 year strong into our LDR. we were planning on going to college together. i was perfectly happy on waiting a little bit longer to meet in person but he got impatient one day and said he couldn't do it. im very used to not much physical attention but he said he couldn't handle longer distance. ): we still continue to talk as friends so i don't believe hes fully let go, im hoping we will get back together eventually.
did you get back together?
There are so many different variables from back in the day to now as well. I am 44 years old and did long distance to Russia when i was 28 years old. Kazan Russia. Social media did not even exist at that time. The internet yes. Smartphones somewhat... Define long distance as well. Same country and culture or different country and culture?...
Everything works if you really put your mind and grit to it. But,.. Is it love or just passion or just having a fun time?... With long distance such as different nations and cultures. You cant meet each other, you cant see each other... You cant be together in real life. You cant meet each others families or learn to know anything. It is an online fantasy!
And even if you take a step further... And you ready to go through all this with paperwork and then your family from wives or husband side live 6000km away etc...
Is it a waste of time from the internet. YES!
My partner and I live in different cities for college and she lives with her parents. I think we function similar to long-long distance partners, because the reason we cannot be close is because of college. We are able to see one another more often than other LDRs, but there's no pressure to move right now. We have plans to move in once she graduates. She'll be working second-shift in the medical field, while I'll likely have a 9-5. So... functionally we will still only see each other on the weekends. Still, I do tend to idealize when we live together. It's important to stay grounded.
jesus this is exactly my situation with my current partner, down to the last detail
@@whydoilivehuh6708 woah relationship doppleganger! hope yall are doing well
@@jennabernice oh my god, ur adorable. Thank you so much for this. Much love to you
Unless you’ve met in person and are actively making a plan to get back together it will never work ever period . - I’ve been in a 2 1/2 year LDR . It’s hot worth it
are u still in it?
@@devinawho no it ended in a emotionally drawing way
When you are in long distance relationship, you think all these problems wont be there when you meet, like alot of long distance relationship work with the promise of livibg together, so people feel a commitment towards it, and it turns out you werent so perfect as you imagined when you meet for a decent amount of time.
Whenever LDR move close, they will start to feel assumptions, and assumptions=restrictions. They will probably forget the skill of communication, as their medium of communication will naturally change, and therefore also naturally and possibly unnoticeably weaken. To facilitate the successful transition therefore, one should be aware of the new challenges, and that one would establish new sufficient lines of communication, and to be open-minded to problem solve whatever suits the relationship.
If living far away worked, why should you for example move in together? Is there some underlying assumption that you should? Where is it based on that you should? Because you know you want to spend more time together, or is the basis culture and romanticism? Should one immediately hit it of running? Don't necessarily fix what has been working previously. Having the wrong mindset of moving in together will make it more difficult. Likewise, problems of ordinary relationship will not have been resolved in the time spent away from each other.
However, there should be built up momentum in regards to commitment, uncertainty, vulnerability, interest and knowledge. Through these principles, and through being aware of the shortcomings of the previous state and new state of the relationship, and communication, one should be able to make the transition.
I think they do. You don't hate each other and bicker bc you have your own life, and learn how to miss each other, so you appreciate the time you do have together, I feel distance makes the heart grow fonder is to an extent very true statement lol.
Can you do introvert and extrovert relationships
That would be so good for them to do!