Finding this video is like finding a jug of cool water after stumbling around under a scorching hot dessert sun for decades. After listening to it, it felt like it would be ok to reach up and take a long, cool drink. Because of you, I now know "Obsessive thoughts are simply harmless clouds floating by in my mind's upper sky-field ... I can observe them, then let them float on by ... and think about what I choose!" The broken record of my mind has been halted. It will never haunt me again. Because I found this video.
Lisa thanks. I'm putting my list into the universe 1 pay my debt 2 make 60k this next year 3 clean and keep my house clean 4 stick to this new tool 5 become the best me
J Cat I did that list 6 yrs ago and it took alot of energy determination and commitment to myself on a 1 day at a time. I have a great pic I put on my.closet door to see every day .
Oh, my God, after some years of feeling absolutely miserable and depressed, going through this dark night of the soul, I just had a breakthrough and understood that I am a codependent; started putting bounderies in my relationships, I have been dealing with crushing anxiety, but I keep respecting my field of energy, I just understood for the first time in my life what's to have a Self, and understood for the first time in this incarnation that IAM ENOUGH, that I don't have to be worried with what other people feel and want, Lord, what a breakthrough!!!!!!! Thank you very much for your beautiful work I'm sure it's saving a lot of people out there, and heping them to recover from a lifetime of abuse and suffering! Much love!!!!!!!!!!!
shana wyatt morally darkened, no...that may be your experience but not ALL. My mother is an unrecovered adult of alcoholic parental abuse. She is morally sainted. but she is empty and unable to feel/love.
It's not too much, Ms Lisa. I need to play a broken record in my mind: It's not my fault that I married an extreme narcissist. It's true that nobody put a gun to my head and said: Marry this man. But I was programmed without having the choice to take healthy decisions for myself especially. It was the initial ground for a personal drama of marrying a narcissist that was a near death experience.
Whew! Thank you for the reminder that I'm not nuts. definitely dealing with obsessive thoughts upon "separating" from narc parents, a year post-brwakup from narc partner, and realizing the dysfunction of many friendships. this "house cleaning" has left me with little to think/obsess over.
Im gonna cry ive had these obsessive thoughts over people all my life...just another layer of recovery..you are the first one ive heard talk about this. Love you and thank you for all your videos and work. God bless you!
I'm so grateful for you Lisa. I'm 31 and just waking up to the abuse done by my parents. Homeschooled, authoritarian Christian upbringing. It's a horrific , painful, yet hopeful process. I have two children and these videos you make have impacted the three of us in a HUGE way. You are a dear soul. 💜
I really enjoyed this video and wished to share the following thoughts: As a Narcissist Abuse Survivor (mother was the narcissist, father enabled her) whose life had been ruled by obsessive thoughts, I relate to your video addressing what I find has become a much more common issue than when I was younger. That said my approach to designing a new way of life for myself with my thought process was to respond to obsessive thoughts in two ways. The first way I applied to negative thoughts. I told them: "Not now!" If that did not quiet the energy, then I repeated, "Not now!" and gave them a small window of time, 5 minutes for example, at the very end of my day before I readied myself for sleep. Usually, though, if I maintained my focus on positive ideas and activities (and other 12-step program tools) this approach successfully protected me from having to give these thoughts their 5 minutes. The second way I used to deal with my obsessive thoughts was to ask myself two questions. The first was, "What is underneath the underneath of this thought?" That question suggests my obsessive thoughts were hiding my emotions. This is a question that began a mental process in the back of my mind that eventually -- sometimes quickly and often times slowly -- revealed what was really going on in my emotional life that the obsession masked. The second question I asked probably much more often than the first question was, "What would I be thinking about or doing if I weren't distracting and diverting myself with this obsession?" I often found this question and its answers to be funny as it revealed to me the tricks the dysfunctional part of my thinking played or tried to play on me in order to maintain itself. I found this obsessive pattern is an extreme and tricky way of defending and protecting against that which is unbearably painful, hurts deeply and has left scars we do not -- yet -- know how to face. This approach I find can seamlessly combine with your rake and tool approach to help me to maintain non-obsessive thinking. Since I spent 5 decades with obsession as my main mental defense, I need a long-term plan to redirect my thinking to constructive, and to use your word "creative" mental activity. I am too happy and grateful with my current mental peace and serenity that this change has freed me to have today. So, I chose to never return to the past torment (that I was unaware of, BTW -- I never considered how toxic this was) of obsession!
Thank you for this video. I just came to terms with my own codependency. I was the only child to a covert narc father and codependent mother. I grew up despising my father and feeling sorry and resentful for my mother. When I became an adult I promised myself I’d never get involved with someone like my dad. And if I did, I’d end the relationship. I am 46 now. I experienced an awakening last Summer. I had no knowledge of narcissistic abuse/codependency until then. It truly defined my experience. Now that I am aware and of knowing, I was hit by the reality of my own codependency and the narcs I’ve attracted into my adult life. This video was quite impactful. I am trying to figure out what to do now. I think the situation I am in is a karmic one. I appreciate your insight. 🙏🏻❤️
Lisa, this is very good. This idea of having control over our thoughts is actually easing my anxiety right now. The flashbacks of abusive incidents keep getting triggered. I am going to try to control what thoughts I choose to have. So difficult.
I love you LISA you woke me up to the fact that i was codependent and if i didnt find your channel along with many others I wouldnt be alive! you empowerd me to share my story and i have my goal list! I am beyond gratefull for your existence THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU this video was amazing! you are an angel!
Lisa, I’ve never been able to express my codependency to my friends, family or much less MYSELF!! I’ve just gone along with the “she’s so f____ ed up” diagnosis for 64 yrs. or the “stop being so overdramatic, Nancy.” At long last, you have defined it and covered every loose end for me. I feel like I finally got my parking ticket validated! Never stop doing what you do. You are my gift from God!
You are spot on when you say your viewers appreciate your real life examples. I for one, appreciate this from you so very much. Finally someone that says what to do now, rather than okay you have issues, your defective, and this might be the cause. Thank you Lisa for the mission toward healing. You do have wings and have given people like myself the information to fly with you. Many hugs sent your way.
If I stayed in my marriage, I would have died too! I feel so connected to you Lisa in that we have such a similar story. I was feeling alone but not anymore! Thank you very much! So glad I found you!!!
My 30 days of clear thinking starts tomorrow Lisa!! Thank you for your inspiration and wisdom. Ten years of trying to heal and you explain it so clearly I can finally see!!! God bless you
Lisa, all of your youtube videos are so inspired and inspiring. The examples you use to explain the brain and thought functions, the new information uploads, discarding the old toxic or wrong information and finding new tools for thinking is pure inspiration. Thank you for your exceptional clarity.
I want to thank for sharing your story I don't feel so alone in this journey. I always felt so separate from the family I was born into, always questioning but never being able to voice an opinion . I have had so many ah ah moments listening to your videos. I thank my dear friend Lisa for leading me to your videos.
Lisa, this is by far one of the best explanations for obsessive compulsive thinking or Pure O as some people call it that I have ever heard. I've battled with this off and on since I was a kid, and usually it kicks in when I'm waging the enormous battle of not looking outside of myself for definition. Thank you so much for posting. This video was indeed right on time for me...it's been a rough few weeks.
Thank you Lisa. I'm struggling with codependent behaviours centred around faulty beliefs manifesting as being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. It's hard. You really speak to me and give me insight and strength.
Me too ...almost died and would be today I'm sure..20 years with covert narcissist while raising kids. Divorced almost two years and strong but so much work to do on myself. Layers and layers. Thanks for sharing. Helps to know others understand.
Thank you Lisa...I don't know if you realize how many people, like me, count on learning how to help self, from you & your videos! I look forward to learning from you every morning w/ my coffee...you make so much sense! I'm in a 40 yr. marriage that made me feel like I'm going crazy & wanted to die most days, so it's good to know that there's a light @ the end of the tunnel-just now seeing that...but it's soooo hard to leave such a relationship, after all these frickin' years! Thank you for your much needed help!
You are like a life boat! I was drowning and didn't know it. I can't wait to try this work. I need to think about more than 5 things in order to run my life but I see now that all the outward obsession has stopped my life entirely! Tomorrow, with my journal I make a concerted effort to only think about what I want to...to get my life on its track and to stop using this codependent thing to NOT live. Thank you so much. I have been listening for a week or more to as many videos as I can and they are changing me internally at such great speed. First I am very cranky like I was when I stopped smoking years ago. The energy is mine now to use and not squander! Thanks Lisa so very very much.
Thank you Lisa. I have used and been used in a mutually co-dependent and covert narcissistic online emotional relationship which I'm just recovering from. The freedom now is sometimes overwhelming. You have explained this beautifully.
Wow Barbarajeansmith--thank you for saying that...If I can help others find the light within--I cannot think of a better way to spend my time on this beautiful planet...all my love xoxoxoxo
I'm thankful to you that you have the courage to use your life experience to help others. I watch one of your videos every morning. The things you talk about-the crazy outbursts you don't want to have but can't help, the feeling that you are physically dying...I could go on and on...these are only things that you can relate to if you've lived through it. I used to feel SO ALONE with these feelings and am so glad to have someone else saying them TO me...it makes it so much less personal and much more of a category. Thank you so much, Lisa.
Thank you Lisa A Romano. This is literally the most valuable video for me yet. Crystal Clear. We don't have to hold on to our obsessions forever once they've had their use-by date. We can choose new thoughts, new intentions, new actions and new life. As a woman with Asperger Syndrome (obsessive with thoughts and people I choose) and having dealt with some poorly chosen "friends" and relationships, I am learning. You are an excellent teacher and have a lot to impart and a blessing to many. Thank you. Stephanie.
This is so incredibly helpful. I've been struggling all week with intruding thoughts and now I know why - it's my programming. I keep a playlist of L.A.R faves and this is going joining the list! 😊 Thank you so much for everything you do!
I applied this today. I was memorizing license plates and stopped and looked at trees and the sky. I thought of this video. thanks Lisa for this information.
Thank you so much for all the new tools in the shed, Lisa! You're fabulous and I am so grateful for your great videos! It's a god send for sure, that this knowledge is now available to us! Knowledge is power as they say! Enjoying all your videos and doing meditation to your meditation videos now! Working on all of this every day now and feeling much better now everyday! I'm sure I speak for a great many here as well! Kudos!
you're a life saver. it seems that every search like the last few weeks has been your videos popping up thank you for your videos please keep them coming.
This is so practical. You really are gifted in communication. I desire to take control of my thoughts and this video has helped me to realize that it is indeed possible. I may have to listen to this one a few times....maybe every day for awhile but it has brought me HOPE.
Brilliant quote...When I am blind to myself, I attract people who are blind to me. When we grow we can send out love and Light to the world. Thankyou for those wonderful words of wisdom Lisa, thankyou for the guidance and healing work that you're doing in the world. Much love and a great deal of respect xxxxxx
I have perfected this in my business life. I am very professional, firm boundaries and no thought after I assert myself. I am still trying in my personal life! These videos are amazing. I am currently in therapy and I do not like my therapist. She seems like she is unaware of narcissism and what that means.
Thank you for this video Lisa! I recently started watching your videos and I'm so impressed! You make the most complicated things understandable and you have a warmth and strength about you that's inspiring. I have struggled with compulsive thoughts and actions most of my life and didn't know why or how to stop them. I'm also the product of a narcissistic family. This video has been a revelation! I will try your method.
Your information is so freeing to me. Ive struggled with this crap my whole life and never understood it. At times thought I was crazy. Im beginning to see and gain coping and healing tools thanks to you. Much love .
Lisa, just love your videos. Your coaching is so helpful. I have BPD and I find the way you explain things about codependency and narcissistic partners and parents has been very helpful. I also have been reading about counterdependancy in this book called "The Flight from Intimacy" by J & B Weinhold. It also talks about interesting things that we get stuck on because we are frozen in our development as wee ones and end up growing up and just pretending to be all grown up....when really we are still emotionally 2 because our needs were not met. Now I am 50 and trying to fix my 2 year old self and my ruined 2 no marriage, and trying not to beat myself up for any damage I may have caused my children...who all seem ok but we have had our moments and ok doesn't mean perfect or normal it just mean functioning adults....
Wow, so glad I came across this video today. I too had a partner who told me he was suicidal. I left him a year ago because it just got to the point where everything in life was so focused on him and his drama I could no longer possibly go on living life that way. Luckily he did not physically hurt himself or me. He replaced me within 5 minutes and was playing the I'm so much happier now game. I know I have been trained by my ex to always be focused on him and have been trying to turn the focus around on me but it has been a constant struggle. This practical instruction is just what I need to accelerate my progress. Thank you so so much. Love your work!
I am amazed ! I feel like someone gets me for the 1st time in my life! thank you for helping me heal after 57 years of self help, 12 steps and therapy. God Bless you Lisa, Elaine
2 Corinthians 10:5King James Version (KJV) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
THank you so much.. i didn't know other people had obsessive thoughts. I feel like the person who asked this question was me lol. Im getting a journal today. :)
TheCandyoung ditto, I really notice this as the result of awareness of narcs, which I cannot now unknow. I find meditation helps stop obsessing too, it helps me learn to choose to not choose certain thoughts.
glesiaful I bought one that day i made the comment and have been journal-ling and planning in my planner a lot more. making lists of things i need to do that day and on other days. I have been way more productive :) why didn't i do this sooner? it also keeps my mind busy on things i need to do rather than the past.
I didn't make the connection about obsessive thinking and codependency. Thank you so much for talking about it in such a down to earth way. Is there help for narcissists and alcoholics to change?
I really value your approach... spirituality, science, non-academic, and good old fashioned badassness. It really helps me relate on a personal level, as I embody those qualities based on passion and experience. Thank you Lisa.
thank you so much! this video is so helpful! I love the 5 things to focus on! So true. I'm not programmed to seek happiness. my 5 are: 1. working out 2. improving my German 3. making art 4. finding a job 5. making new healthy friendships and relationships and doing things that make me happy :-)
Choosing not to obsess about thoughts of shopping, and choosing to upload some better thoughts and more compassionate to ourselves. Learning to be more compassionate towards myself. I will start with gratitude on my thought list.
This is incredibly useful information! I’ve set my boundaries and I’m working on recovering from codependency but it’s hard to find information on what to do AFTER you’ve taken the steps you need to to remove yourself from an unhealthy situation.
yes Lisa, you do give us the truth, and in a way that can actually give hope that we can survive. my brain cannot come up with what you enlighten me with. you have been key in me losing some faulty thinking. and i have watched you in some very dark times, and you have helped me step away from that space a bit, but that is huge.xo
Thanks! Yes, I got more and more awakened when I suddenly realized in my workplace, that instead of one mother and one father, I had many! The mechanism I had been treated in my workplaces was the same I had got from my parents! No matter what I was able to do - lots of things and well - they were not validated and all carreer progress was prohibited: I never was enough to get rise! Then I looked how peple, whose talents were less than mine - almost in every level - got everything! My talents and work wss used, and badly, only to benefit others. It was like in my childhood! Also, manipulation and stuff like that felt so so familiar to me! Actually things had to turn up so, that I could not close my eyes any more! I had tried to escape my parents but I had them everywhere! At work, my so called friends outside work! I jumped to the total emptyness because nothing was real any more. I had lived in a big shit lie all of my life and even people talk about "love" - I doubt that I know what it really is because in my life "love" has meant deep level manipulation. I think that even me myself, when I had thought that I love someone, is not true, because I did not know what love really means! But success at worklife is not depended on your talents! Not at all! I've learned that it depends on your self-esterm and talent to set boundaries and talent to ask what you want and need! Those are the qualities that co-dependents do not have and how talented they might be, how hard working they are, they get no-where if they do not do something with themselves! An other feature I noticed: All my unhappy friends have a unhappy mother. All of them. A unhappy mother do not want her daughter to be happy because unhappines is seen to be normal!
This video and message were extremely helpful. I just recently watched The Secret and not only have I been coming through the veil to overcome my codependent mind, I have been trying to refocus and create positive thoughts and feelings. The idea that the brain holds thoughts is profound. I love that you gave the exercise of holding 5 specific thoughts and pushing out the uninvited subconscious thoughts. I will definitely try that as I find myself sort of bouncing around without a clear focus. Again, thank you for being my light guide and Angel! Namaste
You are awesome, on point and your delivery is fantastic! It ressonates so much with my past experiences and my future hopes! Thank you for being you! =) We love you!
It was a BREAKTROUGH now for me,after all those year I felt me miserable,not worth love,not good enough,depression,anxiety and c-ptsd.. I had been COINDEPENDET and peoplepleaser in all those year,yes our brains been downloadet with malware and programmed from our childhood.. Its painfully for me to recognise that..,and I know I have lot of hard work in front of me.. I have a GOAL now,to be my TRUE self. I have been disconnected to my true self.. Our human brain is 5 %consious,rest is unconsious..,and its like a computer .. Thank you dear Lisa 🌻,your videos helps..💑
So true. I've been trying to understand this. I know I'm not going to survive this relationship, but somehow I feel obligated to stay just to keep him content. I appreciate the validation. Thank you for this Lisa
Thank you Lisa, I'm leaving a comment because you have taught me to think of myself as enough and that I do matter. I went running this morning and as I passed the flowers I thought of you saying I was just as worthy as the trees and the flowers and that felt so freeing to me. I definitely need to work on focusing on MY thoughts and not the ones from my subconscious codependent thinking do I can start creating my authentic life and self that I have been dreaming of my whole life.
Thank you so much for making and posting this healing video! My testimony is everything this video says was and is true about my past intimate male acquaintance. I made the mistake of being with him twice... about eight years ago and about just 2 years ago... Now he's in this town and my Momma is ready to go... That's how bad it is here.... He's with somebody else... And the woman he's with is just like him! She lied when I asked was she with him! I warned her about the physical abuse... He was with another woman before that. She had to move from here, it got so bad between them. I haven't talked to him or seen him since my trip to the hospital here. I've been better for it. He got angry when we we together this past time. I kept referring to my apartment as "My apartment". I've lived here 3 years with him being 2 hours away from me... Then I made the foolish mistake of allowing him access to me and allowing him to come out here.... #neveragain.... I'm almost finished with school... last year then I'm gone.... He will NOT know where I move to!!! Did you know that they took Narcissism out of the DVSM as a psychopathic disorder???? The evil criminally insane inmates are running the earth and turning it into an evil criminal asylum post Revealing and Torn Veil world!!!!! I'm psychotically insane... I'm sounding the alarm too! Those who have not chose True Good or the Evil will be lost to the latter if they don't make up their minds before they finish their Evil Program/Experiment... I'm done... He tried to make me doubt myself this time, and got put out my life for good.... When you put your trust wholly and totally into True Supreme Creator's Hands, the confidence doesn't solely come from you! HE DOES NOT GET THAT... May The Most High God continue to Bless you.
Thank you Lisa for your informative caring videos. You have tremoundously helped me. You are a very REAL person (compliment) that is why I connect to your videos. The only feeling I had when I left him with 2 days notice, I was in a state of MINDBLOWING SHOCK! Left the ex-malignant narcissist 1 year ago. mid November, 2015. I lived with him for 3 yrs 3 mos. He is doing what I call anonymously harassing me. My apartment was brokenn into and things moved around. Recently the rear bumper of my car was kicked in. The dent is huge. So I painted a smiling likeness of myself inside the dent I have a safe I brought with me. I left so fast I left all of my furniture, clothes, shoes. I took sentimental things my daughters had made for me and gifts from them. I went into my safe today into my s.s. rings. I found a really pretty ring. PROBLEM? I have NEVER SEEN IT MY LIFE! It was my ring size. It is NOT mine. I have been harrassed in many other ways. I have had ptsd since childhood, Now upgraded to Complex-PTSD. Good news! I am not letting this sadist get into my head. Solid no contact since I left, including a lot of so friends that knew him too. Cut them all off. Found out at the very end he was using my computer to look at child porn. Drove to Police Victims Assistance the day I left and handed over my computer. I did tell him I knew. He did not deny it. Thank you again Lisa. I have been getting continous professional mental help for 35 years. Problem is with my 1st 27 year marriage, this one I did not share with my therapist, about this. I am a domestic violence two time abuse survivor. I am happy, still strugggle. Living alone in my late 50's for the first time ever. I feel free. With thid last narc it felt like I had Stockholme syndrome and was a slave. I am free noe. It will take awhile to get back my sea legs. His harassment with his very messed up brother, F**K that! PEACE & LOVE TO ALL MY SISTER AND BROTHER SURVIVORS AND THOSE WHO HAVE YET TO LEAVE, I UNDERSTAND ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a recovering co dependent. It is so true about not knowing because you did not see any positive role models. I thought my marriage was normal. We had the same problems every marriage had. Now I know I am worth more and cannot make anyone change. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your videos. I am just now learning through your videos and outside help that I am a codependent person who has been living with a narcissistic mother my whole life, and I am just moving out on my own with my husband for the first time. It has been very, very painful, but very fruitful discovering this, and I feel for anyone who had a similar experience. I am just very glad that I didn't marry a narcissist, but found an empathetic person who is also helping me deal with the pain from emotional abuse and shaming that I experienced from a narcissistic parent. Thank you! I look forward to watching more of your videos. :)
Thank you. You are healing me in amazing ways. I appreciate your videos. I am so happy that I found you. I am learning and understanding so much from you. My mother is a narcissist and she can't keep one person by her side. Not one. All my family avoids her, my brother and myself. She literally destroyed my head. I'm aware, I'm educated in the subject, I'm doing everything possible to heal. What's the point of having a rake if I won't use it? It's not easy though. It involves A LOT of hard working process thinking and A LOT of consciousness and awareness.
Thank you Lisa, I've always had a problem with the obsessive thoughts of the abuse from the past. Now I can begin ID'ing my own thoughts and reprogram how I think. I love your videos, thank you so much.
Hi Lisa, I'm not sure if you will see this comment or not but I have just watched your video and HAD to comment! I was in a relationship with a narcissist for over ten years until I got out of it. We had two children together who, unfortunately, have stayed with her. Under UK law as we weren't married I have no legal rights to see my children and haven't done now for what seems like a lifetime but that is another story for another day. Anyway, having watched your videos I now understand why I ended up in such an abusive relationship!! Even though I have been through therapy, which really helped, it couldn't answer the main question and that was why this had happened. Over the past 2 years I have developed my own system for coping and changing my life for the better using an holistic approach to mind and body improvement. In January 2016 I was asked by a friend if I would let them in on my "secret" as they had seen a massive change in me. I gave them the steps that I use each day and they followed them as well. I was then asked to put them on facebook and a website (theartoffuseboo.com) so other people could use and share them as well. Last month I was contacted by two mental health charities (Mind UK & MQ) Mind UK have nominated me for an award and MQ want to work with me and use my experience of living with an abusive female partner as a case study. It would seem that not many men come forward when they have been abused by a woman whether it be mentally or physically. Even after all this help, therapy and involvement with mental health charities I have to giggle when I think I found my answer through you on youtube! Thank You!!!! #stayawesome
This video truly brought me to tears. it spoke right to me. especially what you said about an ex narcissist threating with suicide. thank you for what what you do.
We need tools to get over the traumas ...also not only do we get bum barded with thoughts in our minds from the spiritual world is well good and bad so not only we downloaded with previous thoughts and then trauma thoughts from the narcissist but we also have that to contend with so appreciate the tools on how to select what I’m going to do today when I’m going to think about I’m going to say to the negative thought that’s not my type I didn’t put that thought there it is not a good thought a good thought is whatever blah blah blah and that’s what I’m going to think about because all good comes from source which is God!
And yes I am glad that because of your experiences helped you utilized them in a positive way to help others is sure helping me! Your positive energy gives me positive energy. I am right now in my awakeing phase right now and it was scary to admit to myself to say that I don't love him anymore and ready to leave. I think about it everyday and when I feel anxious or angry, worried, depressed I watch your videos! I will keep fighting because I want to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it is little by little, I am taking my life back. Thank you so very much for your knowledge and making me feel that I am not losing my mind after all from all that (now I have a name for it) Gaslighting. I wont be duped anymore! (*_*)
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. Yes!! Everything so far is working out and I followed through on the laws of attraction. It does work. Really
sheliene12 Just want to say Thank You for your comment. I too have waken up to see (if you will) what was going on What a shock! Now I have to stay away for 1 year to get my divorce. I can do this, I know I can.
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. Hi JoAnn here, I have finally (woke up!) What a shock I'm facing I have to wait for 1 year until I can get a divorce I know I can do this, cause going back is not worth my life
Amazing and thank you so much Lisa! After so much struggles for so many years with relationships and how they interrupted my life, I have arrived here: Co-dependency! Wow, everything makes a whole lot of sense. It thank you for the way you explain things!
Thank you for the videos. They are healing! I try to release the thoughts that aren't good for me but it cycles back. It is exhausting to take control of your thoughts and train yourself not to fall into unconsciousness. It's even more interesting when you're around people to maintain that awareness and stay with yourself, your boundaries, not get lost. Maybe its better to practice this alone first. But if you have strong boundaries the social interactions will probably not feel as exhausting because you aren't spending so much energy anticipating everyones needs and rejecting your own. Really appreciate what you do in bringing the light to us via youtube for those of us who live in different parts of the country or have undergone therapy with a person that wasn't as understanding of this codependent dynamic. You're an angel keep up the good work
you are an angel Lisa! I've been waiting for your knowledge for years..your work has changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined! "Namaste dear one' has become our tag line when texting my bestie! much love and respect to u and your family!
Have listened to this video twice Lisa , and you really have saved my life . I will continue to listen to your teachings. I cannot express what good this video has done for me. :)
Hi Lisa, I stumbled (not a chance) onto your website about two months ago when I was waking up/breaking up with codependency. You are a Godsend. I was feeling totally defeated and you showed up. I don't even remember how I found you -- all I know is that one day you were there and I've been looking forward to seeing and hearing from you ever since. Thank you for giving voice to my reality. The things I've spent a lifetime trying to get others outside of my experience to understand are no longer important. I now own my reality and experiences. I can "hear" you and it's because of your use of examples and metaphors. Sometimes you'll be discussing a concept my mind cannot connect to and then you'll use a metaphor and the concept turns into a picture I can conceptualize -- this is so cool. And yes, your use of examples helps my brain connect with the concepts you advance in an experientially practical way. Thank you Lisa, thank you.
Finding this video is like finding a jug of cool water after stumbling around under a scorching hot dessert sun for decades. After listening to it, it felt like it would be ok to reach up and take a long, cool drink.
Because of you, I now know "Obsessive thoughts are simply harmless clouds floating by in my mind's upper sky-field ... I can observe them, then let them float on by ... and think about what I choose!" The broken record of my mind has been halted. It will never haunt me again. Because I found this video.
My feeling is that girls are taught they they are not important , we have to make other people happy, it's so horrible
The obsessive thoughts are more about replaying moments and horrible things that were said.
Narcissist disguises his abuse as judgment and punishment. He says that victims does not deserve respect because of her mistakes.
You're without a doubt helping me save my own life. Thank you for what you're giving to the world. ❤
Lisa thanks. I'm putting my list into the universe
1 pay my debt
2 make 60k this next year
3 clean and keep my house clean
4 stick to this new tool
5 become the best me
J Cat build that tool box!! you go!!
J Cat I did that list 6 yrs ago and it took alot of energy determination and commitment to myself on a 1 day at a time. I have a great pic I put on my.closet door to see every day .
Oh, my God, after some years of feeling absolutely miserable and depressed, going through this dark night of the soul, I just had a breakthrough and understood that I am a codependent; started putting bounderies in my relationships, I have been dealing with crushing anxiety, but I keep respecting my field of energy, I just understood for the first time in my life what's to have a Self, and understood for the first time in this incarnation that IAM ENOUGH, that I don't have to be worried with what other people feel and want, Lord, what a breakthrough!!!!!!! Thank you very much for your beautiful work I'm sure it's saving a lot of people out there, and heping them to recover from a lifetime of abuse and suffering! Much love!!!!!!!!!!!
I at 12 years old after a failed running away attempt took myself to my first therapist with my babysitting money!
Freakin amazing accuracy. Mystery solved. : )) I am so tired of obsessing on the same person who forgot me long ago.
So
You understand that co dependency is not a condition , born out of the blue. But is a result of being around morally darkened entities. Thank you
shana wyatt morally darkened, no...that may be your experience but not ALL. My mother is an unrecovered adult of alcoholic parental abuse. She is morally sainted. but she is empty and unable to feel/love.
Don't let people to judge you, they have not right to judge you nor are they qualified to do so.
It's not too much, Ms Lisa. I need to play a broken record in my mind: It's not my fault that I married an extreme narcissist. It's true that nobody put a gun to my head and said: Marry this man. But I was programmed without having the choice to take healthy decisions for myself especially. It was the initial ground for a personal drama of marrying a narcissist that was a near death experience.
Lisa, you are the best! Your videos have had a tremendous impact on all the people here on UA-cam. Thank you.
Thank you dear one...this post means a lot to me...
Agreed!
Whew! Thank you for the reminder that I'm not nuts. definitely dealing with obsessive thoughts upon "separating" from narc parents, a year post-brwakup from narc partner, and realizing the dysfunction of many friendships. this "house cleaning" has left me with little to think/obsess over.
Im gonna cry ive had these obsessive thoughts over people all my life...just another layer of recovery..you are the first one ive heard talk about this. Love you and thank you for all your videos and work. God bless you!
I'm so grateful for you Lisa. I'm 31 and just waking up to the abuse done by my parents. Homeschooled, authoritarian Christian upbringing. It's a horrific , painful, yet hopeful process. I have two children and these videos you make have impacted the three of us in a HUGE way. You are a dear soul. 💜
I really enjoyed this video and wished to share the following thoughts: As a Narcissist Abuse Survivor (mother was the narcissist, father enabled her) whose life had been ruled by obsessive thoughts, I relate to your video addressing what I find has become a much more common issue than when I was younger. That said my approach to designing a new way of life for myself with my thought process was to respond to obsessive thoughts in two ways. The first way I applied to negative thoughts. I told them: "Not now!" If that did not quiet the energy, then I repeated, "Not now!" and gave them a small window of time, 5 minutes for example, at the very end of my day before I readied myself for sleep. Usually, though, if I maintained my focus on positive ideas and activities (and other 12-step program tools) this approach successfully protected me from having to give these thoughts their 5 minutes.
The second way I used to deal with my obsessive thoughts was to ask myself two questions. The first was, "What is underneath the underneath of this thought?" That question suggests my obsessive thoughts were hiding my emotions. This is a question that began a mental process in the back of my mind that eventually -- sometimes quickly and often times slowly -- revealed what was really going on in my emotional life that the obsession masked.
The second question I asked probably much more often than the first question was, "What would I be thinking about or doing if I weren't distracting and diverting myself with this obsession?" I often found this question and its answers to be funny as it revealed to me the tricks the dysfunctional part of my thinking played or tried to play on me in order to maintain itself. I found this obsessive pattern is an extreme and tricky way of defending and protecting against that which is unbearably painful, hurts deeply and has left scars we do not -- yet -- know how to face.
This approach I find can seamlessly combine with your rake and tool approach to help me to maintain non-obsessive thinking. Since I spent 5 decades with obsession as my main mental defense, I need a long-term plan to redirect my thinking to constructive, and to use your word "creative" mental activity. I am too happy and grateful with my current mental peace and serenity that this change has freed me to have today. So, I chose to never return to the past torment (that I was unaware of, BTW -- I never considered how toxic this was) of obsession!
What a great post dear one!!!!!! I am so so happy for you...all my love xoxoxoxo
Thank you for this video. I just came to terms with my own codependency. I was the only child to a covert narc father and codependent mother. I grew up despising my father and feeling sorry and resentful for my mother. When I became an adult I promised myself I’d never get involved with someone like my dad. And if I did, I’d end the relationship. I am 46 now. I experienced an awakening last Summer. I had no knowledge of narcissistic abuse/codependency until then. It truly defined my experience. Now that I am aware and of knowing, I was hit by the reality of my own codependency and the narcs I’ve attracted into my adult life. This video was quite impactful. I am trying to figure out what to do now. I think the situation I am in is a karmic one. I appreciate your insight. 🙏🏻❤️
Lisa, this is very good. This idea of having control over our thoughts is actually easing my anxiety right now. The flashbacks of abusive incidents keep getting triggered. I am going to try to control what thoughts I choose to have. So difficult.
I love you LISA you woke me up to the fact that i was codependent and if i didnt find your channel along with many others I wouldnt be alive! you empowerd me to share my story and i have my goal list! I am beyond gratefull for your existence THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU this video was amazing! you are an angel!
I am so warmed by reading your comment dear one...LIVE ON!!!
Racquel Rose same here
Racquel Rose thank you
Lisa, I’ve never been able to express my codependency to my friends, family or much less MYSELF!! I’ve just gone along with the “she’s so f____ ed up” diagnosis for 64 yrs. or the “stop being so overdramatic, Nancy.” At long last, you have defined it and covered every loose end for me. I feel like I finally got my parking ticket validated! Never stop doing what you do. You are my gift from God!
You are spot on when you say your viewers appreciate your real life examples. I for one, appreciate this from you so very much. Finally someone that says what to do now, rather than okay you have issues, your defective, and this might be the cause. Thank you Lisa for the mission toward healing. You do have wings and have given people like myself the information to fly with you. Many hugs sent your way.
If I stayed in my marriage, I would have died too! I feel so connected to you Lisa in that we have such a similar story. I was feeling alone but not anymore! Thank you very much! So glad I found you!!!
My 30 days of clear thinking starts tomorrow Lisa!! Thank you for your inspiration and wisdom. Ten years of trying to heal and you explain it so clearly I can finally see!!! God bless you
Lisa, all of your youtube videos are so inspired and inspiring. The examples you use to explain the brain and thought functions, the new information uploads, discarding the old toxic or wrong information and finding new tools for thinking is pure inspiration. Thank you for your exceptional clarity.
I want to thank for sharing your story I don't feel so alone in this journey. I always felt so separate from the family I was born into, always questioning but never being able to voice an opinion . I have had so many ah ah moments listening to your videos. I thank my dear friend Lisa for leading me to your videos.
Lisa, this is by far one of the best explanations for obsessive compulsive thinking or Pure O as some people call it that I have ever heard. I've battled with this off and on since I was a kid, and usually it kicks in when I'm waging the enormous battle of not looking outside of myself for definition. Thank you so much for posting. This video was indeed right on time for me...it's been a rough few weeks.
Thank you Lisa. I'm struggling with codependent behaviours centred around faulty beliefs manifesting as being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. It's hard. You really speak to me and give me insight and strength.
Me too ...almost died and would be today I'm sure..20 years with covert narcissist while raising kids. Divorced almost two years and strong but so much work to do on myself. Layers and layers. Thanks for sharing. Helps to know others understand.
Thank you Lisa...I don't know if you realize how many people, like me, count on learning how to help self, from you & your videos! I look forward to learning from you every morning w/ my coffee...you make so much sense! I'm in a 40 yr. marriage that made me feel like I'm going crazy & wanted to die most days, so it's good to know that there's a light @ the end of the tunnel-just now seeing that...but it's soooo hard to leave such a relationship, after all these frickin' years! Thank you for your much needed help!
Ms Lisa, you are so professional. Thank you for your tremendous knowledge and psychological insight. You literally change the darkness into light.
How did you know when we put up boundries with a narc it results in obsessive thoughts , over eating and over spending? Omg amazing!
You are like a life boat! I was drowning and didn't know it. I can't wait to try this work. I need to think about more than 5 things in order to run my life but I see now that all the outward obsession has stopped my life entirely! Tomorrow, with my journal I make a concerted effort to only think about what I want to...to get my life on its track and to stop using this codependent thing to NOT live. Thank you so much. I have been listening for a week or more to as many videos as I can and they are changing me internally at such great speed. First I am very cranky like I was when I stopped smoking years ago. The energy is mine now to use and not squander! Thanks Lisa so very very much.
Thank you Lisa. I have used and been used in a mutually co-dependent and covert narcissistic online emotional relationship which I'm just recovering from. The freedom now is sometimes overwhelming. You have explained this beautifully.
Thank You LIsa, God is using You to help others find THemselves
Wow Barbarajeansmith--thank you for saying that...If I can help others find the light within--I cannot think of a better way to spend my time on this beautiful planet...all my love xoxoxoxo
I'm thankful to you that you have the courage to use your life experience to help others. I watch one of your videos every morning. The things you talk about-the crazy outbursts you don't want to have but can't help, the feeling that you are physically dying...I could go on and on...these are only things that you can relate to if you've lived through it. I used to feel SO ALONE with these feelings and am so glad to have someone else saying them TO me...it makes it so much less personal and much more of a category. Thank you so much, Lisa.
I thank God for keeping you alive because, this video really help me.
Thank you Lisa A Romano. This is literally the most valuable video for me yet. Crystal Clear. We don't have to hold on to our obsessions forever once they've had their use-by date. We can choose new thoughts, new intentions, new actions and new life. As a woman with Asperger Syndrome (obsessive with thoughts and people I choose) and having dealt with some poorly chosen "friends" and relationships, I am learning. You are an excellent teacher and have a lot to impart and a blessing to many. Thank you. Stephanie.
This is so incredibly helpful. I've been struggling all week with intruding thoughts and now I know why - it's my programming. I keep a playlist of L.A.R faves and this is going joining the list! 😊 Thank you so much for everything you do!
Amazing explanation of what happens when we set boundaries, thanks as always for your insight!!
I applied this today. I was memorizing license plates and stopped and looked at trees and the sky. I thought of this video. thanks Lisa for this information.
Thank you so much for all the new tools in the shed, Lisa! You're fabulous and I am so grateful for your great videos! It's a god send for sure, that this knowledge is now available to us! Knowledge is power as they say! Enjoying all your videos and doing meditation to your meditation videos now! Working on all of this every day now and feeling much better now everyday! I'm sure I speak for a great many here as well! Kudos!
you're a life saver. it seems that every search like the last few weeks has been your videos popping up thank you for your videos please keep them coming.
6:47 - lived through that. Trust me when I tell you- letting go of them is the only healthy choice.
This is so practical. You really are gifted in communication. I desire to take control of my thoughts and this video has helped me to realize that it is indeed possible. I may have to listen to this one a few times....maybe every day for awhile but it has brought me HOPE.
Brilliant quote...When I am blind to myself, I attract people who are blind to me.
When we grow we can send out love and Light to the world.
Thankyou for those wonderful words of wisdom Lisa, thankyou for the guidance and healing work that you're doing in the world.
Much love and a great deal of respect xxxxxx
Lisa, it's so painful to know that our parent's thought us to think about ourselves is so dysfunctional.
What a beautiful gentle way you have with teaching the healing process...thank you beautiful one and may we all heal together
I have perfected this in my business life. I am very professional, firm boundaries and no thought after I assert myself. I am still trying in my personal life! These videos are amazing. I am currently in therapy and I do not like my therapist. She seems like she is unaware of narcissism and what that means.
FemBot hi if I were you I'd run from that therapist asap get a new therapist, one that 'gets you'.
Thank you for this video Lisa! I recently started watching your videos and I'm so impressed! You make the most complicated things understandable and you have a warmth and strength about you that's inspiring. I have struggled with compulsive thoughts and actions most of my life and didn't know why or how to stop them. I'm also the product of a narcissistic family. This video has been a revelation! I will try your method.
Your information is so freeing to me. Ive struggled with this crap my whole life and never understood it. At times thought I was crazy. Im beginning to see and gain coping and healing tools thanks to you. Much love .
Lisa, just love your videos. Your coaching is so helpful. I have BPD and I find the way you explain things about codependency and narcissistic partners and parents has been very helpful. I also have been reading about counterdependancy in this book called "The Flight from Intimacy" by J & B Weinhold. It also talks about interesting things that we get stuck on because we are frozen in our development as wee ones and end up growing up and just pretending to be all grown up....when really we are still emotionally 2 because our needs were not met. Now I am 50 and trying to fix my 2 year old self and my ruined 2 no marriage, and trying not to beat myself up for any damage I may have caused my children...who all seem ok but we have had our moments and ok doesn't mean perfect or normal it just mean functioning adults....
Wow, so glad I came across this video today. I too had a partner who told me he was suicidal. I left him a year ago because it just got to the point where everything in life was so focused on him and his drama I could no longer possibly go on living life that way. Luckily he did not physically hurt himself or me. He replaced me within 5 minutes and was playing the I'm so much happier now game. I know I have been trained by my ex to always be focused on him and have been trying to turn the focus around on me but it has been a constant struggle. This practical instruction is just what I need to accelerate my progress. Thank you so so much. Love your work!
I am amazed ! I feel like someone gets me for the 1st time in my life! thank you for helping me heal after 57 years of self help, 12 steps and therapy. God Bless you Lisa, Elaine
Blessings to you Elaine!!!
Thank you, Lisa! Your words are so hopeful.
You are so correct. I dealt with all of this a year ago. I've come along way. Thank you.
2 Corinthians 10:5King James Version (KJV)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
THank you so much.. i didn't know other people had obsessive thoughts. I feel like the person who asked this question was me lol. Im getting a journal today. :)
TheCandyoung ditto, I really notice this as the result of awareness of narcs, which I cannot now unknow. I find meditation helps stop obsessing too, it helps me learn to choose to not choose certain thoughts.
+TheCandyoung I bought a journal 3 days ago...now I know why :)
glesiaful I bought one that day i made the comment and have been journal-ling and planning in my planner a lot more. making lists of things i need to do that day and on other days. I have been way more productive :) why didn't i do this sooner? it also keeps my mind busy on things i need to do rather than the past.
I didn't make the connection about obsessive thinking and codependency. Thank you so much for talking about it in such a down to earth way. Is there help for narcissists and alcoholics to change?
Lisa, you are one of the most knowledgeable and most understandable speaker on mental and emotional healing. You are a true blessing to so many!
I am honored by your sentiments dear one...xoxoxoo
I really value your approach... spirituality, science, non-academic, and good old fashioned badassness. It really helps me relate on a personal level, as I embody those qualities based on passion and experience. Thank you Lisa.
Love and light to your sister and her children...
thank you so much! this video is so helpful! I love the 5 things to focus on! So true. I'm not programmed to seek happiness.
my 5 are:
1. working out
2. improving my German
3. making art
4. finding a job
5. making new healthy friendships and relationships and doing things that make me happy :-)
I needed to hear this, this is the last step I have to get through right now, I managed to get financial independence but have to get over this.
Choosing not to obsess about thoughts of shopping, and choosing to upload some better thoughts and more compassionate to ourselves. Learning to be more compassionate towards myself. I will start with gratitude on my thought list.
Good idea! I am so going to try this. I learn a lot from you. Thank you.
The best I’ve found on UA-cam. Thank you 🙏🏽
Decide what you’re going to think !!! Beautiful 🎁
This is incredibly useful information! I’ve set my boundaries and I’m working on recovering from codependency but it’s hard to find information on what to do AFTER you’ve taken the steps you need to to remove yourself from an unhealthy situation.
Thank you Lisa..that was an awesome lesson
yes Lisa, you do give us the truth, and in a way that can actually give hope that we can survive. my brain cannot come up with what you enlighten me with. you have been key in me losing some faulty thinking. and i have watched you in some very dark times, and you have helped me step away from that space a bit, but that is huge.xo
Lisa, I've only listened to three codependency videos and already I feel calmer. Thank you
You gave me my life back. Thank you so much.
Wow this is great! Been going through the dark night of the soul..... I will make the list
Love you ! Love your energy!
Thanks! Yes, I got more and more awakened when I suddenly realized in my workplace, that instead of one mother and one father, I had many! The mechanism I had been treated in my workplaces was the same I had got from my parents! No matter what I was able to do - lots of things and well - they were not validated and all carreer progress was prohibited: I never was enough to get rise! Then I looked how peple, whose talents were less than mine - almost in every level - got everything! My talents and work wss used, and badly, only to benefit others. It was like in my childhood! Also, manipulation and stuff like that felt so so familiar to me! Actually things had to turn up so, that I could not close my eyes any more! I had tried to escape my parents but I had them everywhere! At work, my so called friends outside work! I jumped to the total emptyness because nothing was real any more. I had lived in a big shit lie all of my life and even people talk about "love" - I doubt that I know what it really is because in my life "love" has meant deep level manipulation. I think that even me myself, when I had thought that I love someone, is not true, because I did not know what love really means!
But success at worklife is not depended on your talents! Not at all! I've learned that it depends on your self-esterm and talent to set boundaries and talent to ask what you want and need! Those are the qualities that co-dependents do not have and how talented they might be, how hard working they are, they get no-where if they do not do something with themselves!
An other feature I noticed: All my unhappy friends have a unhappy mother. All of them. A unhappy mother do not want her daughter to be happy because unhappines is seen to be normal!
This video and message were extremely helpful. I just recently watched The Secret and not only have I been coming through the veil to overcome my codependent mind, I have been trying to refocus and create positive thoughts and feelings. The idea that the brain holds thoughts is profound. I love that you gave the exercise of holding 5 specific thoughts and pushing out the uninvited subconscious thoughts. I will definitely try that as I find myself sort of bouncing around without a clear focus. Again, thank you for being my light guide and Angel! Namaste
In my opinion this is one of the best videos on youtube about this topic. Thank you.
You are awesome, on point and your delivery is fantastic! It ressonates so much with my past experiences and my future hopes! Thank you for being you! =) We love you!
It was a BREAKTROUGH now for me,after all those year I felt me miserable,not worth love,not good enough,depression,anxiety and c-ptsd..
I had been COINDEPENDET and peoplepleaser in all those year,yes our brains been downloadet with malware and programmed from our childhood..
Its painfully for me to recognise that..,and I know I have lot of hard work in front of me..
I have a GOAL now,to be my TRUE self. I have been disconnected to my true self..
Our human brain is 5 %consious,rest is unconsious..,and its like a computer ..
Thank you dear Lisa 🌻,your videos helps..💑
So true. I've been trying to understand this. I know I'm not going to survive this relationship, but somehow I feel obligated to stay just to keep him content.
I appreciate the validation. Thank you for this Lisa
Thank you!!! I am so happy to have found you.
Thank you Lisa, I'm leaving a comment because you have taught me to think of myself as enough and that I do matter. I went running this morning and as I passed the flowers I thought of you saying I was just as worthy as the trees and the flowers and that felt so freeing to me. I definitely need to work on focusing on MY thoughts and not the ones from my subconscious codependent thinking do I can start creating my authentic life and self that I have been dreaming of my whole life.
Thank you so much for making and posting this healing video! My testimony is everything this video says was and is true about my past intimate male acquaintance. I made the mistake of being with him twice... about eight years ago and about just 2 years ago... Now he's in this town and my Momma is ready to go... That's how bad it is here.... He's with somebody else... And the woman he's with is just like him! She lied when I asked was she with him! I warned her about the physical abuse... He was with another woman before that. She had to move from here, it got so bad between them. I haven't talked to him or seen him since my trip to the hospital here. I've been better for it. He got angry when we we together this past time. I kept referring to my apartment as "My apartment". I've lived here 3 years with him being 2 hours away from me... Then I made the foolish mistake of allowing him access to me and allowing him to come out here.... #neveragain.... I'm almost finished with school... last year then I'm gone.... He will NOT know where I move to!!! Did you know that they took Narcissism out of the DVSM as a psychopathic disorder???? The evil criminally insane inmates are running the earth and turning it into an evil criminal asylum post Revealing and Torn Veil world!!!!! I'm psychotically insane... I'm sounding the alarm too! Those who have not chose True Good or the Evil will be lost to the latter if they don't make up their minds before they finish their Evil Program/Experiment... I'm done... He tried to make me doubt myself this time, and got put out my life for good.... When you put your trust wholly and totally into True Supreme Creator's Hands, the confidence doesn't solely come from you! HE DOES NOT GET THAT... May The Most High God continue to Bless you.
Thank you Lisa for your informative caring videos. You have tremoundously helped me. You are a very REAL person (compliment) that is why I connect to your videos.
The only feeling I had when I left him with 2 days notice, I was in a state of MINDBLOWING SHOCK!
Left the ex-malignant narcissist 1 year ago. mid November, 2015. I lived with him for 3 yrs 3 mos. He is doing what I call anonymously harassing me. My apartment was brokenn into and things moved around. Recently the rear bumper of my car was kicked in. The dent is huge.
So I painted a smiling likeness of myself inside the dent
I have a safe I brought with me. I left so fast I left all of my furniture, clothes, shoes. I took sentimental things my daughters had made for me and gifts from them.
I went into my safe today into my s.s. rings. I found a really pretty ring. PROBLEM? I have NEVER SEEN IT MY LIFE! It was my ring size. It is NOT mine. I have been harrassed in many other ways. I have had ptsd since childhood, Now upgraded to Complex-PTSD. Good news! I am not letting this sadist get into my head. Solid no contact since I left, including a lot of so friends that knew him too. Cut them all off.
Found out at the very end he was using my computer to look at child porn. Drove to Police Victims Assistance the day I left and handed over my computer. I did tell him I knew. He did not deny it.
Thank you again Lisa. I have been getting continous professional mental help for 35 years. Problem is with my 1st 27 year marriage, this one I did not share with my therapist, about this. I am a domestic violence two time abuse survivor.
I am happy, still strugggle. Living alone in my late 50's for the first time ever. I feel free.
With thid last narc it felt like I had Stockholme syndrome and was a slave.
I am free noe. It will take awhile to get back my sea legs. His harassment with his very messed up brother, F**K that!
PEACE & LOVE TO ALL MY SISTER AND BROTHER SURVIVORS AND THOSE WHO HAVE YET TO LEAVE, I UNDERSTAND ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a recovering co dependent. It is so true about not knowing because you did not see any positive role models. I thought my marriage was normal. We had the same problems every marriage had. Now I know I am worth more and cannot make anyone change. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your videos. I am just now learning through your videos and outside help that I am a codependent person who has been living with a narcissistic mother my whole life, and I am just moving out on my own with my husband for the first time. It has been very, very painful, but very fruitful discovering this, and I feel for anyone who had a similar experience. I am just very glad that I didn't marry a narcissist, but found an empathetic person who is also helping me deal with the pain from emotional abuse and shaming that I experienced from a narcissistic parent. Thank you! I look forward to watching more of your videos. :)
Thank you. You are healing me in amazing ways. I appreciate your videos. I am so happy that I found you.
I am learning and understanding so much from you. My mother is a narcissist and she can't keep one person by her side. Not one. All my family avoids her, my brother and myself. She literally destroyed my head. I'm aware, I'm educated in the subject, I'm doing everything possible to heal.
What's the point of having a rake if I won't use it?
It's not easy though. It involves A LOT of hard working process thinking and A LOT of consciousness and awareness.
Thank you Lisa, I've always had a problem with the obsessive thoughts of the abuse from the past. Now I can begin ID'ing my own thoughts and reprogram how I think. I love your videos, thank you so much.
Hi Lisa,
I'm not sure if you will see this comment or not but I have just watched your video and HAD to comment! I was in a relationship with a narcissist for over ten years until I got out of it. We had two children together who, unfortunately, have stayed with her. Under UK law as we weren't married I have no legal rights to see my children and haven't done now for what seems like a lifetime but that is another story for another day.
Anyway, having watched your videos I now understand why I ended up in such an abusive relationship!! Even though I have been through therapy, which really helped, it couldn't answer the main question and that was why this had happened.
Over the past 2 years I have developed my own system for coping and changing my life for the better using an holistic approach to mind and body improvement. In January 2016 I was asked by a friend if I would let them in on my "secret" as they had seen a massive change in me. I gave them the steps that I use each day and they followed them as well.
I was then asked to put them on facebook and a website (theartoffuseboo.com) so other people could use and share them as well. Last month I was contacted by two mental health charities (Mind UK & MQ) Mind UK have nominated me for an award and MQ want to work with me and use my experience of living with an abusive female partner as a case study. It would seem that not many men come forward when they have been abused by a woman whether it be mentally or physically.
Even after all this help, therapy and involvement with mental health charities I have to giggle when I think I found my answer through you on youtube! Thank You!!!! #stayawesome
I am so happy than any questions about WHY have been cleared up by watching this channel dear one...ROCK ON!!!!!
This video truly brought me to tears. it spoke right to me. especially what you said about an ex narcissist threating with suicide. thank you for what what you do.
We need tools to get over the traumas ...also not only do we get bum barded with thoughts in our minds from the spiritual world is well good and bad so not only we downloaded with previous thoughts and then trauma thoughts from the narcissist but we also have that to contend with so appreciate the tools on how to select what I’m going to do today when I’m going to think about I’m going to say to the negative thought that’s not my type I didn’t put that thought there it is not a good thought a good thought is whatever blah blah blah and that’s what I’m going to think about because all good comes from source which is God!
And yes I am glad that because of your experiences helped you utilized them in a positive way to help others is sure helping me! Your positive energy gives me positive energy. I am right now in my awakeing phase right now and it was scary to admit to myself to say that I don't love him anymore and ready to leave. I think about it everyday and when I feel anxious or angry, worried, depressed I watch your videos! I will keep fighting because I want to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it is little by little, I am taking my life back. Thank you so very much for your knowledge and making me feel that I am not losing my mind after all from all that (now I have a name for it) Gaslighting. I wont be duped anymore! (*_*)
This is valuable information! I swear.
He Dear one..how are you doing since learning this information last year? I so hope your life is in a healthier place...
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. Yes!! Everything so far is working out and I followed through on the laws of attraction. It does work. Really
sheliene12 Just want to say Thank You for your comment. I too have waken up to see (if you will) what was going on
What a shock! Now I have to stay away for 1 year to get my divorce. I can do this, I know I can.
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. Hi JoAnn here, I have finally (woke up!) What a shock I'm facing
I have to wait for 1 year until I can get a divorce
I know I can do this, cause going back is not worth my life
This was FANTASTIC. Thank You Lisa Romano!
Amazing and thank you so much Lisa! After so much struggles for so many years with relationships and how they interrupted my life, I have arrived here: Co-dependency! Wow, everything makes a whole lot of sense. It thank you for the way you explain things!
Thank you for the videos. They are healing! I try to release the thoughts that aren't good for me but it cycles back. It is exhausting to take control of your thoughts and train yourself not to fall into unconsciousness. It's even more interesting when you're around people to maintain that awareness and stay with yourself, your boundaries, not get lost. Maybe its better to practice this alone first. But if you have strong boundaries the social interactions will probably not feel as exhausting because you aren't spending so much energy anticipating everyones needs and rejecting your own. Really appreciate what you do in bringing the light to us via youtube for those of us who live in different parts of the country or have undergone therapy with a person that wasn't as understanding of this codependent dynamic. You're an angel keep up the good work
you are an angel Lisa! I've been waiting for your knowledge for years..your work has changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined! "Namaste dear one' has become our tag line when texting my bestie! much love and respect to u and your family!
I am so grateful for your healing dear one...and of course...Namaste dear one ;)
Have listened to this video twice Lisa , and you really have saved my life . I will continue to listen to your teachings. I cannot express what good this video has done for me. :)
Hi Lisa,
I stumbled (not a chance) onto your website about two months ago when I was waking up/breaking up with codependency. You are a Godsend. I was feeling totally defeated and you showed up. I don't even remember how I found you -- all I know is that one day you were there and I've been looking forward to seeing and hearing from you ever since. Thank you for giving voice to my reality. The things I've spent a lifetime trying to get others outside of my experience to understand are no longer important. I now own my reality and experiences.
I can "hear" you and it's because of your use of examples and metaphors. Sometimes you'll be discussing a concept my mind cannot connect to and then you'll use a metaphor and the concept turns into a picture I can conceptualize -- this is so cool. And yes, your use of examples helps my brain connect with the concepts you advance in an experientially practical way.
Thank you Lisa, thank you.
I been looking to hear this all of my life.
I just love listening to you, thank god for Lisa, she made many people happy.
Leaving is always best...I did the same thing...