A very honest PARENTING Q&A (stay at home mum with two kids under three!)

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I WANT TO READ YOUR ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS DOWN BELOW! Even if you don't have kids. We are each entitled to our own opinion and all I'm doing today is sharing my opinions, what I do, what works for my family...but of COURSE you're allowed to disagree with me. You'll have your own opinion/what works for you and your setup/kids, and we can exist together in disagreement, without judgment. I've realised recently that us mothers really do need to talk about all of this stuff more, *especially* with other parents ... so I want the comment section to be a safe space for people to share thoughts, opinions, wisdom, references to studies, experiences, etc and please refrain from judging other parents for their morals etc in replies to each other. It's fine to disagree but we can do that from a place of compassion and understanding that we're all different, our lives have been different our situations are different and our desires for motherhood/parenthood will be DIFFERENT. This sort-of stuff is really interesting to new parents I feel (it is to me, anyway) I LOVEEE hearing how other people go about this stuff and about what others think. It's informed so much of my parenting. I'm not always right as I'll share today and I'm not saying my feelings on some of these things won't change and evolve over time. But yeah. CHAT TO MEEEEEEEEE motherhood can be so ISOLATINGGG! xxx

[@ElliePorges]

My daughter is 15 months and she’s had 4 hours of screen time total like we’ve watched a couple episodes of David Attenborough and animal videos

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

@@ElliePorgesit’s a lot less than what I grew up with! And that’s high quality programming 🥰 Loveee David Attenborough!

[@Busybee44]

Do I have children? No.
Will I watch 60 minutes of Melanie talking about parenting? Obviously.

[@Con_blue]

Same here even though i don't want to have children EVER and can't even see why someone would put themselves through that i am still gonna watch Melanie talking about anything haha 😂

[@Samalys71]

I third this 😂

[@Iifeisharder]

Haha same 😅

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹 absolute sweetheart

[@mati811]

100%!
Do I have children?
No.
Do I want children?
Most likely not.
Am I gonna watch a whole hour of Melanie talking bout things she has learned about parenthood?
Of course!!! 💚💚💚

[@jennifermullan1691]

I don't have children, still on the fence about it. I really enjoy seeing all the different approaches to motherhood and parenthood. It's helping me make an informed decision. As always thank-you for your honesty in your videos. Sharing the highs and the lows.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

❤❤❤

[@silkcatgirl3597]

Same ❤️

[@betsybabf748]

Mom of 6 who also raised foster children as well and taught parenting classes and worked in the juvenile system. My answers which helped me:
1)With newborns/infants, when they cry uncontrollably, watch their legs. It is almost always gastro discomfort. When they pull legs up to torso, it's upper gastro gas and needing burping. Pressure on the belly can also reduce discomfort. When they keep kick their legs straight out, it's lower gastro, probably needing a poop and struggling to go. For a temp aid, if you hold their feet it can help give them tension to push more effectively. We had our 3 youngest babies in 11 months (one then twins in under a year), and knowing that trick saved many sleepless nights.
2) Biggest thing we can do is remember they are learning how the world works with every experience. Say mom is trying to take pacifier when they are older (toddler age). If when they scream, mom caves and gives it back, they just learned that is what they are suppose to do to get it back. The next time, they will do the same, then screaming louder and longer because they were taught that is what they are suppose to do, getting frustrated if it isn't working "right". We teach them how the world works with everything so if we act remembering that we save both us and them a lot of aggravation. Same reason why consistency is so important.
3) Discipline, and why spanking rarely works long term-Any method which builds a foundation and can adjust for age sets up the best success for teen years. Time outs and taking a toy transforms into grounding or taking phone as teens. They have a long solid foundation of what to expect and how consequences work with same methods. When parents spank younger kids, that doesn't work when child is taller than you so parents then scramble to implement a new method of punishment at the wrong age to start new. You can't begin to build a new foundation and process at 14, so it never works well. Best to discipline young thinking how that basic method will still work, adjusted, for the family in the crucial later years, so you have that solid foundation already in place when they need it in those important teen years.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Incredible advice ❤ Thank you for taking the time to share this!

[@SpottedTiger89]

I'm still undecided about having children because of being parentified at a young age and going through so much trauma. But I don't want to make a decision from a place of fear, so hearing about positive parenting experiences from some close to my age is so helpful. Thanks, Melanie!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I experienced a little bit of this too when my mother was going through a lotttt, it’s tough. I have memories of ‘mothering’ when I was no older than five. I’ve found having my own kids healing in many many ways and triggering in others (realising that if I don’t keep my shit together and look after myself, my children will suffer, is a LOT) but for me - knowing I have the opportunity to give kids a beautiful childhood - it just makes me feel like I’m writing my own story and not having my story written for me. The responsibility of parenthood has really helped me grow up SO much. They are far more important than anything on the planet to me so I deal with things in a much more head on way now ❤❤❤

[@surlespasdondine]

@@melaniemurphyofficial omg same! I was made responsible and into a 3rd parent (my parents still half jokingly call me that) of 3 young siblings when I was super young. I was 5 when I watched my 3 and 2 year old brother and sister while mom and dad were in the hospital having baby number 4 as an example. I have put insane amounts of pressure on myself all myself because of it. BUT likewise having my own kids healed me a lot and I made it my mission to let my kids be kids. We stopped at 2 because 4 kids was not a positive for me as the eldest. Totally agree with you Melanie about writing your own story! When my 9 year old was 4 she worried about a broken gate and feared her baby sister might fall down the stairs. I told her "you never have to worry about it. You can play, it's mommy and daddy's job to watch over you and your sister and keep you safe. That's not your job." And I will always remember her look of relief and her saying "Thank you for telling me mommy" It's so important for a child to know there is a safety net and knowing I can give that to my kids is huge.😭💕

[@december125690]

I had the ssme issue and I recommend therapy. Now I have a baby, some stuff are still triggering me but I'm doing my best

[@FrankskinOrweed-ep4ij]

@surlespasdondine
You sound like such a sweet considerate mother!
I can only imagine what it was like having mothers or childhoods like these! Happy you’re happy now All the best xxx

[@Vardagsvegan1]

I have a one year old and will comment along with the video!
I went in to a deep depression and had to be in hospital for a couple of days when he was just 4 days. So my tips are the complete opposite. Which I think can be good if you have mental illness in your life beforehand. So important to be prepare. My biggest tips is to not breastfeed, this will make it possible for you to sleep in, sleep in a different room, get help for others. You can then also take your medication as normal. This will also create much more time between the other parent and the child. Both can have them alone, both can take the nights ect. With that: THE BABY BREZZA - heaven on earth. I would chose that over ANYTHING, haha. Its like a espresso machine for formulas. There are so much more you can do but this is a good base for the ones suffering with bad mental health beforehand. You can also be outside, give the bottle all the time without having them to wait for food, you needing to take of your clothes (in the winter/on the subway/bus or whatever).
- More for the baby: Don't try to force them to be in the bed a specific time. This is because he's 1 year, will change further along. But I know some that just try to put them to bed for hours, we instead go as soon we see that he's tired. He falls asleep in a couple of minutes. He also fall alsleep the same way when we're not at home.
- The baby crying does not mean they're in BIG pain, are STARVING, that something is SO SO wrong. Its their ONLY way to communicate. Its can be "im a bit hungry, feed me something" or like "my leg is itching" or whatever, hehe.
- Its ok to have earplugs when they crazy-cry, so you can hug them calmer and calmer calm them!
- Talk to them, all the time, explain what you're doing, talk about what they're doing ect. And not in a babyvoice.
- Know that you can't make them do things faster. I mean that like you can't really make them sit faster just because you try try try, one day they will just do it. Ofc its important to practice, but I had some idea that if we do that enough he will walk faster for example, it does not work like that.
- Tv is ok, put on baby music, or shows that learn them things. Its ok to have the tv on some time, its not the end of the world. It gives you time to do things. You can also skip the tv and try to have them to play by themselves. I know this differ from kid to kid, we're lucky that he have so much fun by himself. Sits a lot with his books, runs around, play with toys, cuddle the cats. We have like a "rule". If he would ever be sad or angry when turning the tv off (he does this himself sometimes haha), then we know its time to not have it on for a longer time. Same with the phone. Its like the only way to change diapers on him, let him have it for two minutes but put it away after that. Its ok to use those things to make things smoother, making you a happier parent ect. And like Mel say, often a good tool when they dont want to eat.
- Find a parenting-group and have fun with other parents but also let your kid play with others. Its so fun to see how they are! Look up activities to do in your area.
- We're also ok with suger! Not much but ofc he can taste stuff. We are also vegan. The formula is not vegan, it does not exist here (sweden) and we have a dietitian to talk to just to be sure.
- If its hard to feed, try to add things to all the meals instead. Like more oil in the food to bring up the calories, put cream in the food, fat yoghurt, nut-butter ect in the porrige.
- Ofc a preference thing but colorful patterns and clothes are so much more fun. And funnier for them to see. Our boy has so much pink, and things with bow, flowers ect ect.
- Its ok that you and your kid sleep better in separate beds. He started to sleep better them he started to sleep alone in his bed. I think i snor so he wakes up, and then I wake up ect.
- I would never let him cry in the bed. I would never say "ok, then im leaving", or anything hinting that I will leave him. More like you said Mel, saying "we're going if you dont stop xxx". A good tip is to make then chose HOW to do the thing they dont want. So just say "ok, do you want to run or go on my shoulder when we go home?" and the focus will go there instead of the "we're going home", i think!
- Just a thing I have to say, HEHE. Our kid woke up like 10-11 in the beginning, and just woke up like 1-3 times at night. INSANE. That stopped.
- You know your baby, if you feel something is of - dont be afraid to take help. I had a situation with this and they didnt want to do anything, I stood my ground - turns out he had pneumonia on BOTH lungs. He were so sick and they just told us to take more medication but finally checked him out. I was right.
- We're trying to not say that he's "good" when he eats ect, i like you have history with eating disorders. We focus more on that it tastes good, like "now you have a happy tummy with all that yummie food!"
- We're are ok with having alone time when he's asleep. We can be on different computers the entire evening. We both have such need for alone time so it works for us.
- Its ok not to go outside every day (we dont have a garden or anything like that), but its always good to try. We try to do something together on the weekend too.
- Dont forget that a HAPPY parent is the best parent. So doing things that makes you happy, calm, ect IS GOOD AND OK. Its ok to need to sleep alone one day. We take turns with the one sleeping in. I get saturdays and the dad gets sundays.
- You wont use the pyjamas ect with buttom as much as you think you will. Zippers ftw!
- We dont say "good boy" and stuff like that. We say more like "wow you're so good at dancing", "you're so good using so many colors in your painting", "'you run so fast!".
- Vaccinate them!
THE END. Fun video! Thank you!!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I am so sorry to hear you had such a challenging experience! 😭💔❤️ Really appreciate you sharing this. SO many great nuggets of wisdom and tips, especially constantly explaining to your baby what you are doing! I think I did this more with my eldest as now he is always talking so I don’t get to hear my own thoughts often haha but you have reminded me to do it more! I hope though that her observing US talking will be of great benefit! She does seem to be babbling earlier than my son did so not worried but goodness I really do need to chat more to her about basic things! I would say (just on not breastfeeding, as a hardcore advocate) that not doing it is linked to higher rates of postpartum depression ~ some think it’s hormones at play but you may be onto something in PLANNING against it depending on circumstances for example a study looking at breastfeeding and maternal depression found that mothers who planned to breastfeed and went on to do so were around 50% less likely to become depressed than mothers who had planned to, and did not, breastfeed…so it not working out can actually cause depression 😭 and of course people do still experience depression if doing it, buuuut not everyone will have support or others offering to feed bottles, can depend too on the partner’s work schedule or if there’s a partner at all! Xxxxxxx ❤️

[@Vardagsvegan1]

​@@melaniemurphyofficial
But if its me breastfeeding alone, or me giving bottles alone, it would still be the same. Except that I would be able to take my medication.
I feel like its very difficult to tell you anything about not breastfeeding (have had the same experience on instagram).
Me being vulnerable and telling you something thats very sensitive, and giving advice to people about this (also mostly talking to people with history of mental illnesses), and your first reaction is to bombarding me with statistic on why you should breastfeed. I think its nonchalant and ugly tbh.
I've been talking to specialist, multipy doctors, nurses, and midwife and not one of them have told me I should breastfeed in my situation. Its not even about you not understanding mental illnesses that much, its just how you throw this at a person that just been telling you she had to be hospitalized. Like I'm wrong. Like you know better. Its an ugly thing to do and I honestly started crying when reading you answer.
I unfollowed you on Instagram and I think I need to here to. Wish you the best.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

@@Vardagsvegan1 after my first I was prescribed antidepressants (during lockdowns so I was 'diagnosed' over video phone call and offered a prescription which made me uncomfortable, ended up not taking them) but my doctor told me I was allowed to take them while breast-feeding and I know a lot of women do. I guess it totally depends on the person as for me the thought of having to prepare bottles while exhausted is one of the main reasons I've not fully committed to combi feeding or pumping, any days I feel really down are usually linked to exhaustion so the thing that helps is minimising my to-do list as much as possible! And ... I mean ... in my video I'm not giving advice I'm sharing what I do, you did the same in your comment, and I responded with important information for people reading - that actually, planning against breastfeeding can be a good thing. But also that there's links with depression and it's vital that women know this stuff. I wasn't at ALL talking about what you did/should do! I was speaking generally and you know I was but you're feeling triggered and I get it and I'd be only delighted for you to unfollow me. Because if you unfollowed me on Instagram you're potentially hate watching my channel and that's no good for your mental health. Mind yourself x

[@tabbylynchburg4824]

Nah. Enough Melanie. This is just plain mean of you. You constantly whistle stats yet never state where said stats are from. Mental health of a mother will always take priority over breastfeeding~ all healthcare professionals will say so. Formula has amazing capabilities fyi. The funny thing is the mother you spoke down to..her child will be school age some day as well as your own children,spreading the same snot and germs and going through all the same motions, regardless of the type of milk they had 😂. Breast milk only does so much, it really doesn't make you a better mother because you breastfeed and it certainly doesn't make you a better person because you refused anti depressants.

[@Vardagsvegan1]

​@@melaniemurphyofficial
Just wrote a long post but ofc I deleted it by mistake. Trying again:


I know your post is not just about me - and that’s the problem. That proves a point. This is not as black and white as advocates wants it to be.


First of all - I said in my post that it was advice for people in the same shoes. I did not say that everyone in the world should stop breastfeed even if they want to do it.


You’re showing stats but completely ignore my comment about having talked to doctors, specialists, nurses, midwifes, therapists about it and NOT ONE OF THEM told me to breastfeed. ALL of them told me NOT to.

 You're also ignoring studies showing that breastfeeding is NOT much better for the kid than drinking formula.
Your studies are based on people without these problems. Not the people Im talking to.


I don’t understand how you can’t see the problem here:
I share something hard, raw, and horrible that almost cost me my life, and give my advice to other people going through the same thing.
You say you’re sorry and then shoving stats in my face about how you should breastfeed, that that’s better for depression, ect. 

How can you not see how thats RUDE and so insensitive?
I feel minimized, run over, talked over, ”put in my place”, unvalidated and honestly a bit ashamed. Like, I share something like that and that’s what you want to tell me?


It’s also obvious that you don’t have the knowledge me, and others with the same experience (an experience you DID NOT have) do. How many specialists have you talked to about this? What studies are you talking about thats relevant to people suffering with their mental health?
Its showing where you're talking about antidepressants. Its not how it works. There are many different antidepressants, some you can’t take when being pregnant or when breastfeeding. 


I also didn’t state that’s the kind of medication I took, which again is showing that you don’t have the knowledge about this part (thinking antidepressants is the only medication you can take for depression and that they all work the same). I didn’t even say what my problems were before getting this depression.


Your stats would be relevant if they were based on people suffering from bad mental health. And they’re not, are they? 

And I can PROMISE you a BIG part of why they fall into depression when not being able to breastfeed has SO MUCH to do with how advocates ALWAYS finds a way to talk about this. How they (you) make us feel like we should be able to. Like we should do it. Like we should try more. Like we need to think about it one more time. Like its ALWAYS the bad road to take. Like its ALWAYS better to breastfeed. Its comments like yours on posts like mine that make people feel horrible for not being able to breastfeed. For whatever reason.


Like:
”I almost took my life, this is my advice for people in the same shoes”


- Oh im sorry, here are some stats that goes against everything you just said.


But that’s how it always is with advocates, and it’s how you always reacts when someone is saying anything like I did.


Just listen and understand that you don’t know everything about this.

[@alvarosager9206]

I was raised fully vegetarian (have never had meat, 26 years old now (also - tall and healthy!)) and I will definitely raise my kids the same way. To me, the idea of feeding my kids meat when I myself never have and never would eat it would feel crazy. I realise people who became vegetarian as adults may feel quite differently about this.

[@D.C.626]

I just got to the part of the video where you're heading to the library and I LOVE THIS! My parents bringing me to the library was great because I could choose whatever books or films I wanted - it felt like shopping for free! My library card is also the first card that had my name on it (other than a health card), and made me feel so grown up. I'm so glad to know parents still do this!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Writing his name on it brought back similar memories for me! Of feeling super grown up! 🥹💖💖💖

[@conversesauxpieds]

As a « professional » librarian I can only approve of this 😊

[@tiffanymoton704]

I don't think I'm going to have kids but I find these videos so comforting. my childhood was really rough and your home just seems like a safe, warm place. you're a wonderful mother, melanie

[@FrankskinOrweed-ep4ij]

Agreed. motherhood really suits her imo, all the best Melanie ! xxx

[@Rozzletov]

Thank you for being such an authentic youtuber and showing all sides of parenting rather than a glamorised version that is everywhere on social media. I adore your videos and you and Thomas are smashing this parenting malarky! I hope to be half as good a parent as you.

[@caoimhemulholland231]

I'm not even a parent, and I don't know if I ever will have kids. But I admire your approaches and honesty towards motherhood so much Mel. This is the kind of openness that really gives all kinds of women and men insight into parenthood

[@Charlotte-hv6ll]

Leaving a comment for the algorithm

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

A supportive legend 🥹🤘🏻

[@Charlotte-hv6ll]

@@melaniemurphyofficial the least I can do to repay you for all the hours of wonderful/educational company you've given me throughout the years when I don't have the money to spare for things like Patreon

[@personalalchemy1111]

I have no kids and no intention of having kids and I still find this content relatable and interesting. 💗 I love the honesty

[@gigisun65]

Personally, I have such a strong opinion about crying it out in the crib. My mother did that with me. Those were my first memories, and I believe my constant anxiety about being alone and feeling like nobody will be there. If I need them has stemmed all from that. I was the only child that she did that with, and I’m the only child that suffers that I won’t be doing that with my children no judgment for my mom we’re all trying our best :-)

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I’m so sorry to hear that you experienced that 💔 As far as I am aware my parents did always soothe me back to sleep but as a baby I was definitely in a cot, but then memories of waking up alone and feeling terrified kick in, and then my parents allowed me to bedshare as I literally couldn’t sleep alone I was so frightened! So glad my son has never not once been afraid of the dark or of waking up alone then running out to us if we leave him napping 🥹😭 When my mam and dad broke up, I wasn’t allowed to sleep with my mam anymore as my stepdad wasn’t my dad which is understandable - but I still bedshared with my dad on weekends (brother and I did) until I wanted my own space when I was 11. I couldn’t fall asleep in my mam’s for years in my bed I’d fall asleep watching TV and they had to carry me to bed 🙈😂 I have had desperate separation anxiety my whole life. I now have it with my kids, I like having them near me all the time. Genuinely feel like certain things like this, the seeds are planted young. When you are a baby you literally don’t know if anyone is coming back for you. In nature, crying attracted predators so it makes no sense for a baby to be left alone and crying to me it upsets me so much 😩

[@clarebrown9403]

❤

[@melusine5740]

❤️
My dad was left alone crying for his parents as a baby/young child as well and he still has major sleeping issues. It makes me so sad to think that no one came to comfort him. So yeah, strongly opinionated on that topic as well 😬

[@dawnforlife]

Dear moms whose kid could NEVER sleep early no matter how much you try. I just want to say that if you are a stay at home mom and it works for you, don't sweat it. Enjoy the later nights and sleeping in. Eventually when they drop the nap, it will be earlier. My girl will be 3 soon but I was spending 3 hours in her first year every night, trying to get her to sleep early. It didn't work and it drove me nuts and I feel like it is unnecessary stress. IF IT WORKS FOR YOU, nothing else matters. Doesn't matter if the entire village's babies sleep at 7pm. If yours sleeps at 12am and wakes at 10am (mine did for a long time), it's ten hours, you get your rest. Just relax.
Most important TIP FOR EATING WELL is playing with food 😊From my understanding, before a child tries a food, first they need to know how it feels. So, I was basically cleaning up her high chair, table and floor 7-8 times a day for a year but starting around 17 months she could eat pretty well with her spoon/fork. I grew up in Asia and dinner is served Chinese style with vegetables, meat and eggs - I feel in a way, it's great to expose children to different food and they can see parents eat from different food groups. My girl didn't like vegetables but because we keep eating them and kept offering, suddenly when she was 2.5, a few weeks ago, she started asking for salad and the raw carrot in it! I guess as with everything else parenting, lead by example? 😊
Agree with you regarding praising effort and it's rewarding to see her struggle a little and then "I did it!"
I think apologising is soooo essential because in Asia..it's not a thing for parents to apologise and I feel like because I think that if they are always right, they cannot do anything wrong. So when they disappoint, I feel like I was so much more angry because I couldn't understand.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Love love love this 💖

[@D.C.626]

Ive left a few comments already, but I just wanted to say this is one of my all time favorite videos on your channel. You answered the questions with such class (id love to hear more!), from a point of sharing what you do and what works for your family. Im so proud of all youve accomplished personally, professionally and as a mum. Seeing you cuddle with your son on the sofa gave my heart a little squeeze and reminded me of all the stories and adventures youve shared these past 10 years. Just smiling from ear to ear, and sending love to you and your family 💚💚💚

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹🥹🥹😭💚

[@emmam3447]

Just finished reading the article on why African babies don’t cry, being half African myself, it is SPOT ON. I feel like it was my own grandmother being quoted.
Also, thank you so much for this video. I’m beginning to enter the time in my life where motherhood is always on my mind. Though it’s something I know I want, I’m terrified. Your videos are so approachable and comforting, grateful to you 💚🙏🏽

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

That’s so so cool to hear! I read so much from African people about parenting and really resonate with the typical African approach (also quite common in other parts of the world) it’s just beautiful and so good for babies 🥹💖 xxx

[@FrankskinOrweed-ep4ij]

@melaniemurphyofficial
Happy for you mel xx motherhood suits you so much!

[@candyalchemist]

Ive absolutely gotta share this with my mom friends. Youre always so level headed and soothing to listen to. Have a feeling some of them will love this!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Awh thank you so much! I really hope they gain something from it even if it’s just a bit of company as this raising kids business can be lonely at times 💖

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are an awesome parent melanie as a childfree person you are one of the few parents i click with love you're videos you are a great parent

[@abby1577]

I feel like I need to say thank you for making this, it looks like it was a challenge ! ❤
Our little one is nearly ten months so just entering the world of needing to 'properly parent' and not just look at each other in mild panic . I'm staying away from parenting videos but yours are so honest and real I felt I was nodding along to it in agreement.
I think people put so much pressure on themselves , all they need is time, love and cuddles I dont mind if thats from too many blueberries, pepper pig or rolling on grass
I also really respet you for changing your mind on the praise , we were definitely going to go down that track but praising the effort makes so much more sense! xx

[@ashlaire]

Yaasss here for a long video!! 😊💚
I've a little lad who's 18 months old and it can be such a changing learning curve so often.
On screentime, the first time I put him in front of a screen was to Hey Bear Sensory (who we call his Fruity Friends!) when he was around 4 or 5 months old so that I could go to the bathroom. He was fascinated with the fruit so I got a couple of jobs done in those 15 minutes. They became our rescuers at times when we were stuck in the car and he didn't want to be there, or when he was upset or needed a distraction for a few minutes. When travelling to see family a couple of months ago, it would not have been safe for our lad to be running around the plane or train, so when he was fed up of his toys/books and didn't want snacks, he got my phone and his Fruity Friends. It was a life saver because the trip would have been so much more stressful for everyone involved otherwise.
Daily, he gets some Ms Rachel or nursery rhymes in the morning, then the telly is off for the rest of the day. It's more background noise while he plays thankfully. He rarely will sit and just watch it 😊 He was starting to just sit and watch a couple of months ago so we reduced the time the telly was on (from like 4 hours to 2 or 3) and he went back to playing.
Whoops that was a long paragraph! I tend to ramble 😂
With food we did something similar where we started with purees to get him used to as many flavours as possible and then introduced some baby led weaning when he was a little more ready. Thankfully he is very good with his food and doesn't say no to much, other than cheese and cold chicken!
I could keep going and write an essay, but I'll stop! :D

[@Cozycottager]

Thanks for sharing Melanie! You are a rockstar, you’re doing a wonderful job balancing life and work and motherhood, hats off to you! What you are doing is super tough and from everything I have heard and seen from you I feel confident saying your children are lucky to have you! Hope you are well, wishing you and your family all the best! 💜

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹 such a beautiful encouraging comment! Thank you! ❤

[@cynthiaruffner4158]

This was one of the cutest "awkward" video endings ever! Seeing your life with your kids and hearing their little voices is so heartwarming.
I don't have kids... don't know if I ever will but I am enjoying seeing you with yours

[@iamsam2996]

Your videos and space just has such a comforting vibe and I actually enjoy watching your videos. ❤️

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹🥹🥹💖

[@cristyneless5292]

this is my favorite corner of the internet, thank you for sharing your experiences on here 💚💚💚

[@rhiannoneileen8874]

It’s so helpful to be able to talk amongst mommas, we all have unique wisdom and experience to share.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Absolutely! ❤

[@aliciar4715]

Honestly I don't have kids or intention to having them soon, but listening to you talking about it makes me more mindfuld about the choice AND potential struggles I could face. Thank you for opening the conversation and creating a safe space for it. Also, dying with the outro😂

[@annemeyers2840]

Reallyyyy loved this video, Melanie. And the timestamps were amazing -- watched most of it, but getting to jump around made it even better. Thanks for doing this

[@auralit8]

Loved your point on shame, and how it points to values! As a clinical psychology student, I feel that culturally, we're still mired in finding all negative emotions dangerous. Negative emotions are data. Of course, if we get stuck in them and fall into a cycle of self-criticism or excessive shame, they can cause more harm than good. But if we can accept and befriend them for what they are, and ask what they tell us about our values, they absolutely can be channelled constructively!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

‘Negative emotions are data’ I want this ON A T-SHIRT! ❤️

[@BaileyElin]

Melanie I have followed you for yeaaars and I just want to say that it's been such a pleasure to see you grow and to follow the different chapters of your life. I am not a parent myself, but I sat through this and listened because I love to hear your point of view on things. Keep up the amazing work, you bring light & positivity to this platform ✨️

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@FrankskinOrweed-ep4ij]

Yes! Same here xx Melanie is great on this platform

[@kellyh3295]

I absolutely loved this! Such a good format and really great content. I feel like I'm basically aligned with you on most of what you discussed. I think the only divergence is on the vegan thing. I'll just preface this by saying I'm a vegan and have mostly raised my 5yo vegan ish but have become increasingly more relaxed on this. I think whatever you feed your child is technically enforcing an idealogy on your kid, there's no escaping it. Giving kids cow milk isnt just giving them free choice, it's pushing that drinking the milk of another specific animal is what you should do, as well as choosing to feed them animals, particularly as we simultaneously teach them how much we love animals. These are "inflicting" your choices on them as much as feeding them lentils. Also I dont agree that omnivorous diet is de facto healthier than plant based or veggie - with all diets it's how and what you choose to eat. A vegan diet full of junk food is of course less healthy than an omnivore that factors in more whole foods. vegan junk and omnivorous junk are both just junk right. BUT, saying that - eating an omnivorous diet is a cultural norm - so quite quickly we decided not to go hard line with him - at home he has what we have (well he doesnt lol, but more on that...) - but at parties/preschool etc he can have what he chooses. Also despite us being very nutrition savvy and eating nutrient dense whole food diet ourselves and doing all the baby led weaning stuff... our son is exceptionally fussy and his diet is the usual terrible beige shite, and probably less than 10 things in total, except probably worse because he's also autistic. It's such an awful feeling not being able to fill your kid up with nutritious food, of any description!

[@sofiorchansky6849]

I got so excited when I saw this video was 1 hour long! I've missed you!

[@Peonyrose57]

Love these long videos and absolutely love the honesty!!! x

[@MariaRose360]

Love this style of your videos, love learning your opinions on different topics and the why behind it 💚💚

[@littlegrizzo]

So much love for this content. Super helpful when you’re thinking of starting a family ❤

[@pattiekhalil6336]

I just want to say that I appreciate your amazing hard work you , your dad and Thomas do as parents❤❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥹😭

[@boundlesslife]

Thank you so much for your authenticity and sincerity. I found your channel when I was struggling with bi-erasure, and I've loved watching your more recent videos about parenting since then. Due to my family history, I have always associated being a stay at home mom with being trapped in a miserable situation without agency. Consequently, I have automatically always said that I didn't want children, because I was never going to be some man's servant. Now that I am in my thirties, my perspective has begun to shift, and honest videos about what motherhood looks are helping me formulate a more nuanced opinion on whether I want kids. Sending you the best!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Ahh man my bi erasure content! I feel that so hard right now ... the most invisible bi people have got to be mothers who are married to men. If I mention a date I went on (with a woman) I can FEEL the eyerolls! But goodness I really have to thank you for this comment because this is WHY I think it's so important to share this content ... the good the bad and the ugly, the beautiful moments, the hard moments, the fulfilment, the sacrifice, all of it!

[@Chefclarisseflon]

Watched this while working (im a pastry chef!) and wrangling a 16months old eating dinner 😊 love this and always your realistic perspective and window into motherhood

[@wsawab1122]

i'm just 22, never had a relationship, but i loove your videos :) so inspiring and i don't know, gives me good vibes, also concerning my body dismorphia issues. thank you melanie! have a nice day everyone

[@fitzroviasclown]

Hi Melanie, just wanted to say thank you for all of your parenting videos. I have been feeling extremely conflicted about the idea of maybe being a mom because of my own childhood. Seeing you interact with your kids makes me so happy and a part of me is healed and excited about the prospects of parenthood. So thanks for that

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

😂😂😂 IT DOES! ❤

[@FarrenDowning]

Absolutely adored this video and I agree on so much with you, especially with letting them be babies and children, giving choices "you can do it or I can do it" etc, letting them try on clothes they like and not looking for a deepern meaning and lastly but not least, understanding they are small and they don't "cry it out", they get unbelievably stressed out and learn that no one cares and no one is coming to comfort them. Incredibly heartbreaking to think about. Our first is due in December and I've worked in early years for the majority of my career so having one of my own comes like second nature but also is a whole different ball game. Like yourself I have aspirations of what kind of parent I will be and screen time etc but ultimately as a parent there are some days you survive and some days you thrive and you can only do your best. Just love seeing your journey through motherhood and especially the fact that it doesn't need to include clips of your children. Great video Mel and some great topics covered 💕

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

So incredibly excited for you oh my GOODNESS 😭💖 It’s the most incredible thing there just are no words! You will be so so amazing Xxxxxxx

[@FarrenDowning]

@melaniemurphyofficial thank you, we are unbelievable excited to become parents but I will be juggling my dissertation year alongside my first 6 months of motherhood so am trying to get as organised as possible now 😅 you can't imagine how many videos on "what I loved and what I didn't use with my baby" vids 🤣 think I've fallen down a rabbit hole

[@lettersfromtherabbithole]

This video was so lovely to watch! I was the first in my family/my friend group to have kids, so I don't have too many people I can talk about parenting stuff and it was great to hear how you do things (which turns out is very similar to how I do things)! Thank you so much for your work💚

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

We were the first too! It was really isolating, and even now that loads of us have kids - we can’t really see eachother much because of our work / kid schedules, on top of … general life! My dad told me he hardly went to the pub for a whole decade lol so I have accepted that the next few years won’t be majorly social ❤

[@erikaoconnell8709]

Love this longer format of vlog/chat! So interesting💓

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Ahh I am so glad! When I was editing the video I kept thinking ‘this is so rambly and boring’ but in honesty about 70% of the videos I gravitate towards are rambly and ‘boring’ but - relaxing and like having someone there in the house just chatting away! ❤

[@julianeludwig2975]

Hi Melanie!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions in this parenting Q&A. I think we all need more respect for each other and more listening without judging. It seems that we live in a world that judges parents/caregivers way too fast. You’ll never know what the other person is going through or how hard the day is with their kids.
My son is 5 years old and he challenges me to grow and try new approaches almost everyday. Parenting is never the way I thought it would be, it is so much harder and there are days when I am only able to think about the next hour, because otherwise I feel so overwhelmed. When I was in maternity leave I felt often lonely and waited almost impatiently for my husband to be home and was desperate for another adult to talk to. Now my son is in childcare for almost 3 years and I’m glad he likes to be there. I love being his mom and I grew and learned so much as his mother.
When I feel triggered, I try to remind me that he is a child and that he acts like a child. And if he’s having a hard time I’m there for him, when he needs comfort or assistance. Connection, laughing and playing together are important for us and of course life happens and we are not in tune, so we try and reconnect. I also stopped saying that he is a good boy and I tell him instead when he achieved something, that he can be proud of himself. This helps him to become more confident and to value himself.
I have so much respect for the parents/caregivers, who strive to be better everyday. Sometimes we need to remember: We are the right parents for our children and everything will work out fine. Keep loving your children and yourself.
I love to watch your videos, especially your house to home series. Thank you!
Much love from Germany
Juliane

[@moonshiinex]

Thank you so much Melanie for this lovely video. Was very interesting and i can relate a lot as a mum. Been watching you throughout this whole journey and before i became a mum, my son is 4 now 😊

[@conversesauxpieds]

I cannot thank you enough for this video Melanie ! Thank you for showing what you showed us first of all. Made me feel normal. And thank you for wording stuff so well. I agree with 100% of what you say which is mad but true. Moreover hearing you talk about stuff you and I do made me understand why I do them ! I’m very proud of the mam I am and you made me realise this !

[@conversesauxpieds]

Oh and about tv time : our oldest is 3 now and very rarely gets screen time (once a week or so) and did not get any screen time before he turned 2 I believe. But Incant look down on anyone from my high horse cause we just don’t have a tv… and I would never judge people just like you said.

[@elenagrc1554]

Melanie, I have been following you for years. After a number of unsuccessful relationships, I feel like some of your guidance led me to finding my now husband. We have a 6-month-old baby boy, which has been the best thing that has happened to me. Thank you for all your content!❤

[@biancasroom]

Logged in to do work and there’s a new Melanie video, perfect!!! 🥰

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I hope you enjoy it! 🥰💖

[@silviah4394]

Wow, I loved this! Keep posting these parenting chats x

[@Anna0x]

Thank you for making such a long video, this has made me very happy ❤❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

So many of you prefer the longer videos! I’m the same I like something I can watch in chunks or listen to on a walk 🥰💖

[@francyfey4646]

Love these vlog-style parenting Q&A‘s. Really helpful for a soon-to-be-mom 🥰

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖

[@DLM440]

The way you are describing your sons eating habits is exactly like mine. I never did baby lead weaning. I just fed him myself, also to avoid mess and to make sure he was eating.

[@naomi-art-stuff]

SO EXCITED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO

[@katiefoster2169]

Parenting is such an interesting topic, because we all have been taught so much of what we know from a young age. And modern parenthood is very unnatural for us as humans, one huge difference is we used to raise children with multiple people around to help and not many people have that option today. I don’t have children, but I can only imagine how hard it is today, everyone’s trying to do their best.
Thank you for such an in-depth and caring video!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Absolutely! A baby is supposed to be raised by ‘a pack’ of sorts! But these days it’s usually one parent at a time, or one adult at a time (mom, dad, grandparent, childminder) without helping hands. On days when I have helping hands it’s beyond easy and (mostly) enjoyable. On days when I’m alone there’s of course joy but it’s overshadowed by the feeling that I can’t stretch myself thin enough for both kids! Xxx

[@melissanavarro9296]

This information was all very helpful. I don’t have any experience, I’m 14 weeks pregnant and expecting my first baby, so everything is new to me. Thank you for this video! 😊

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Eeep congratulations! 😍

[@LisEibh]

Really interesting opinions based on experience and really respect your stance on respecting each other's views and experiences.
Also, really enjoyed the vlog style Q&A 😊

[@h4yley]

Yesss so in agreement with you on the food/sweet things! It’s funny cause it seems myself and my friend are in the same boat as you, working our parenting differences and letting male partners know that banning sweet treats does not = healthy relationships with food, and as folk in longterm recovery from EDs, it is so important to us that we give our kids the best chance to experience food differently, with less pressure.
My partner’s parents banned anything sweet from being kept in the house, except Christmas. Foods were explicitly labelled “bad” and I was so shocked by how competitive they were at Christmas, stashing their favourites chocolates from the tin and shoving food down their throats to grab the seconds. Over the years I’ve watched all 3 adult kids (male) struggle with binge eating, eating in secret, fad diets (encouraged by parents), yo-yoing between restriction/gym and ‘defeat’/binge. It makes me so sad. I was more recognised ‘typical’ ED presentation as a teenager and at least it got dealt with. The one thing we practice already and are really wanting to have with our kids: access to a variety of foods, including snacks and no banning of foods. My partner’s amazement the first time I put away a “sharing” packet cause I’d had what I wanted, without eating the whole thing came from this attitude our parents’ generation passed down of: that food is *bad*, shove it down quick and start afresh “better” tomorrow/before mum sees. Binge, restrict, repeat 🤪
It feels like so many of us millennials are in the same boat and I worry about being a good parent re. food, but I retain tentative hope for how we want to raise the next generation to have healthier relationships with food. ❤
Also on the picky eating - I was the kid with sensory issues (and am now the adult with sensory issues lol). Keep at it with advocating for your son and being gentle, you’re doing fab! Look how much more language we have to empathise with this issue, compared to our parents’ generation. Sometimes it’s just about being fed, no matter what form that takes. It’s really nice to watch someone talk about it this way, as my own parents were taught that I must have a behavioural issue and want to control them via food. It made the dinner table a battleground for us. To this day, even with mindful eating and full freedom to eat what I want as an adult, my palette can still be skewed towards the beige/consistent texture foods. And it’s grand! This is just how many of us are. I just look at all these approaches to parenting with food, and I hope our kids’ generation will reach adulthood feeling a lot more chill about food, and having to unlearn a lot less crap and do a lot less work than us! It’s not easy but we’re in a boat worth being in.

[@sareletje]

I already know I will be watching this video again when i actually have kiddos. Really loved this format. I'm sick lying in bed at the moment and this was just the video to distract me from vomiting... 😅 Like a warm blanket! Thanks Melanie 😂

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Awwwwwww FEEL BETTER SOON! 🥺🥹💖

[@kittifire]

My baby is in front of some super simple songs...because im watching this video LOL ( cuz i need to power pump and cant hold them atm ) and it so nice to have you voice literally everything that I also feel about kids and parenthood. I end up accidentally cosleeping just as survival and its nice to have that normalized and our kids are also the same age apart its crazy. Love the pre walking phase she is so cute!

[@GabriellePanetti]

I also apologize to my kids. We’re still working on not hurting our siblings and how to handle not making them say “sorry” but to actually mean it and want to avoid physically hurting each other and stuff. It’s hard to not say “say sorry to so and so”

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Omg I am ALSO dealing with this! I don’t want to force an empty apology that he doesn’t understand but I also feel so conditioned to say that … I stop myself now but I did say it a few times 🙈❤️

[@birthbabybeyond]

Ooh totally love this video. I may even make a simaler one myself. I think the world needs more open, supportive, motherhood info❤

[@bethany9477]

Saying "great job" also isn't specific to the task they have done, so they might not connect what they have done to earn that praise. Linking it to the specific task "Amazing use of colours" is more likely to strengthen that behaviour. Ps: lovely vlog, I work with kids but I'm still on the fence about wether to have my own. It's good to see a more candid look at motherhood. Thank you 😊

[@dancinginmaltesers]

Really loved watching this video. I don’t have children yet but would love them in the future somehow - me and my partner can’t have children the normal way. This video is so interesting and genuinely makes me so excited for being a parent. Thank you Melanie for the long videos! 💛

[@mati811]

I really wanna comment on what you said about changing your ways of saying "good boy or good girl". I'm so happy to hear that you have read about what it can do in the future for the kid because a lot of people don't know about it!💚 and it can become a real inner battle for people and pressure to always do the "right thing" and be "good" in other peoples eyes
And something I have to think about still after working with children for 3 years 💚
Thank you for sharing your life with is Mel! It is so intressting to listen to you talk about your kife and things you are learning 😊💚

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

It’s something I wasn’t aware of until very recently! And thanks to a conversation! That’s why I really feel like these chats/opening up about all this is SO important we are all constantly learning ‘on the job’ and we all want to do our very best! 💚💚💚

[@tashansofwa2426]

I loved watching this felt like sitting with a friend as they speak to me about parenting

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

That’s what I was going for! 🥰❤️

[@immadoll42]

So much good stuff!! I'm a therapist and work specifically with supporting parents. Gentle parenting comes with a lot of misconceptions and I'm often left to help folks pick up the pieces and stay motivated to break cycles. You described in the beginning some of the core tenants of the program I work through with parents, solo and in groups.
One clarifier I'd like to add in- guilt and shame are not the same. Guilt is appropriate after an action that we want to change (like how you described shame)- it says to us "what I did was not how I want to do it again." Shame, however, is a different beast and gets encoded over time as "I am bad because I did x thing" - it is when we lack the ability to differentiate between "self" and "action" and is often a byproduct of chaotic or traumatic upbringings.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I love love this! Thank you for sharing! So you don’t think there are different types of shame/healthy and unhealthy? I remember reading about how to distinguish between ‘types’ of shame aaages ago but what you’re saying makes sense and perhaps some confuse guilt and shame because they’re clearly related emotions? Xx

[@isabelmossin1572]

What a beautiful life♥️ I can’t wait to be at this stage in my life. It’s my dream to be able to stay home with my children in those first few years🥹

[@D.C.626]

I was a VERY picky eater growing up (like you, until about 20 😅) but this was mostly around fruit, veg, and fish. It took going away to uni to just make me grateful for anything I didnt need to cook myself. Id get into food stalemates with my parents (as a child) who would make me sit at the table to finish my veg (which i would of course just push around or stare at) until relenting and they'd send me to bed. Though I dont have children yet, I do watch a lot of parent content to see what people are doing (and research for when I'm a teacher). One thing with fussy eaters I've seen is to have a bunch of seasonings/spices and sauces and letting the toddler smell and taste them. Then trying to make a meal using those flavours (not introducing foods they don't usually like yet). But it supposedly builds familiarity with a flavour palette, and then at a later meal you use those "liked" sauces and seasonings on a no-no food. For example, I'd always loved meat growing up with rich spices. Mum then tossed steamed cloves of cauliflower with some curry powder, mustard seed, etc (look up any curried cauliflower recipe) and it was a delight! Smelled like an Indian takeaway, but honestly tasted like seasoned french fries (consistancy). I'm 30 now and still use this sauce and seasoning trick myself to enjoy foods I dont enjoy plain. It's been a great help!

[@ambrosettichannel975]

I watched this while making dinner :)
As someone who is only 22 and hasnt got kids yet (but would like them in the future) i found this so amazing to watch :) Thanks Mel

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Agh sooo good to know my non-parent followers aren’t put off by this kind of content! ❤

[@lornareilly9407]

@@melaniemurphyofficial same here, I’m 22 and these kind of videos refuse a lot of stress about the future for me and I get all excited instead 💚💚💚

[@barbaramalmeida]

Thank you for your generosity and honesty!

[@hayleywilson6426]

My partner and I will probably start having kids in about 5 years time, and I love feeling like I have alllll this time to gather advice and opinions! I'm so grateful you chose to share this video with us 💚 also, happy birthday Mel 🥰

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Aww thank you so much! 🥹💖

[@Cat-pn6br]

An HOUR of Mel YES PLEASE 💚

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are an àwesome parent melanie as a childfree person uou are one of the few parents i click with love you're videos you are a great parent

[@TheWorsnops]

I apologise to my kids when I lose it. I had ADHD and wa sonly diagnosed this year, its been sooo hard and I fuck up but when I do, i always apologise. Mummy is sorry for shouting, mummy is really struggling today and feels a little sad or angry and thats ok. I told my 6 year old that if she sees me getting grumpy to hold my hand and say breathe, 2 weeks later, she did it and it just snapped me out of a full adhd meltdowns. i love all this content Melanie. :) Thank you for always being so raw and open. My kids are nearly 6 and nearly 4. My husband has chronic tinnitus so that mixed with my not so controlled adhd, things can be hard but we team up together and we do the best we can do. I like to be totally open with my kiddos, my 6 year old Hailey is suspected ADHD, so things can be super over stimulating at home. It is so hard to be calm but that is our approach, getitng onto their level and eye to eye chats. My 4 year old is currently a little bugger with major attitude.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

So so glad you got diagnosed, I keep hearing it can go undiagnosed for SO long! 💔 Wonderful to have that strong communication with your kiddos xxx

[@iloveMAKEUPxD]

6 mins in and I already love this video soo much. Thank you ❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Ah I am SO GLAD to hear that!

[@tiniestmonkey]

lol I saw the chapter title 'circumcision' as you did the funny outro with your hands and it looked like you were miming a surgery. Love hearing honest opinions. I totally agree that we should be able to hear differing opinions and not attack each other for disagreeing. Very interesting video!

[@heythere12]

What we are doing with our 3 year old and have been doing ever since she was 1 is putting a timer on the tv, most times 30 minutes and putting on some nice funny cartoons, like Bluey or Masha. She gets cartoons twice a day, so 1 hour. She knows that when the tv is off, that's it. No fussing, no crying, she understood quickly that that's it. We'll never give her the phone to just click on whatever she wants and on however she wants. This aproach worked wonderfully. She has also learned a couple of English words from the cartoons, which is amazing. Oh, she is also watching "Shaun the sheep", I swear it's the funniest cartoon ever, we also watch it with her.
Childcare is free here, you just have to pay the food they're eating when at daycare/kindergarden. Not the same everywhere :)

[@AliB2412]

Don’t have kids and not sure if I want to but always so interesting to listen to you sharing your experiences ❤

[@cakeorpurse]

Mel we have very similar parenting styles. Following through, natural consequences etc.
Thanks for making this video it was very informative and helpful. You are doing a great job! ❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

As are you! 🥹🥰❤️

[@jaime-leelind2235]

Gosh i give you credit to film with 2, LOVEEEED this thank you so much... i have 2 under 4 and a sole parent! Thank you for expressing all the highs and lows of being a parent ! much love xx

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this I was so worried it was too long and boring haha!

[@jaime-leelind2235]

Please please more!! a hour wasnt enough lol@@melaniemurphyofficial

[@DajaKosinsky]

This is 10/10 refreshing 🌻

[@raelielesley8094]

Screen Time:
I could not agree more with you! I said the same thing before I had my son and it went out the window at 2 years old! Lol
Just wanted to give suggestions for shows as I am also picky on what is being shown rather that time being shown. (Also I am in America so some of these might not be available?)
Daniel Tiger-PBS kids
Bluey- Disney+
Work it out Wombats-PBS kids
Stillwater- Apple TV (my personal favorite for emotional intelligence! This was the first show I introduced at about 18mo. Very calming, not loud and chaotic)

[@Ykoz2016]

My friend is having a similar food problem with her toddler. Not meat, but they are having a hard time getting her to eat green veg. Or any veg. Or a lot of fruit even. Her iron is low and the doctor actually has put her on a supplement. So they are worried. I’m Vegan, and also use to have low iron, so I recommended a kid version of what I do.
My suggestion was make a peanut butter smoothie with frozen bananas and a TON of spinach. Also non dairy milk (soy if you want to add even more protein) A sweetener (honey or stevia or something healthier). Then pour and freeze into popsicle molds. Treat it like an ice cream bar, a “treat” and give it as a reward (Create value). Even call it an ice cream. The nut butters are great because more protein, but you can even put Cacao or use a chocolate protein shake powder to flavor. Or do just a fruit/ veg mix. Just make sure it’s sweet enough and make your own popsicle “treats”. Just something to use as a backup while still trying to get them to like other foods. Great for summer too. They just started trying but so far so good! 🤷‍♀️

[@haley3225]

Lollll one of my most favorite weird endings ever 😂 thank you for this long video!!! When I realized it was an hour I jumped with joy! 😊

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I also looove a long vlog! You are WELCOME 🥰💖

[@abierosebooks7720]

I have an almost 7 month old. Before I had her I was adamant that I wouldn’t bed share but here I am bedsharing every night 😅 I agree that we are all definitely perfect parents before we have kids 😂 you’re a great mammy! 💚

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I was the same! Was so against it because I just really like my space at night and getting into a very specific position (that I can’t do beside a baby) but goodness sleeping beside my kids has been one of the most beautiful experiences, watching them as they sleep, cuddling up to them while they are so cozy and still … and I feel way less anxious when they are right there, I sleep so lightly so I react to every flinch! It gives me so much peace of mind & I have never had to deal with night time crying! Because I love it so much I’ve learned SO much about it and now I’m not just bed sharing because it’s what worked for me I’m like … so passionate about it! ❤

[@Kerrislife]

I completely get what you say about giving children variety so they can choose what food they like for themselves, but for me personally, I don't give my child meat because she doesn't understand where it comes from. It isn't just my opionion/values being pushed onto my toddler, it is actual fact that animals are mistreated so we can eat them. She doesn't know that the sheep's, cows and chickens she loves to see in zoos and fields are eaten and that not all animals get to go outside.
If we're are a buffet or something where meat has already been prepared and she wants to try it, then I won't stop her, as its already been bought/cooked and may be thrown away of not eaten, but I don't want to give her the "choice" of meat until it can be an INFORMED choice. She's getting plenty of protein elsewhere.
Love the video anyway BTW ❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I love this perspective and agree so much with separating *you not offering it at home* / it being ‘off the table’ or banned in general! ❤️

[@alireddy3691]

I think gentle parenting often gets confused with permissive parenting. With gentle parenting you don’t have to let your child run the show but, like you said, you honor their feelings. They can feel sad when you are holding a firm boundary, not getting your way is tough no matter what age you are.
Also, thank you for sharing tips for weaning. You put how I’m feeling into words perfectly “physically ready, but not emotionally ready” honestly don’t know if I’d ever be emotionally ready but I have an 18 month old and hoping to try for a second soon and know I we’ll have to rip the bandaid off sometime. I’m sure I’m building it up in my head to be way worse than it will be.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

❤❤❤ I did the same I thought it would be absolute hell. But it was incredibly quick! Like I was truly gobsmacked! I think waiting until he could communicate with me and understand me REALLY helped! He understood ‘asleep’ and ‘sore’ so he understood ‘boobies are sore’ and didn’t think I was just refusing for no reason! ❤ xxx

[@alireddy3691]

@@melaniemurphyofficial Yes! Hoping as he closer to two he’ll understand why we’re waiting or not having milk. Establishing some boundaries now and only nursing during certain times of our daily schedule (unless teething or needs comfort bc he got hurt) But he know he the sign for milk and will just repeat it like “IM DOING THE THING! WHY AREN’T YOU TAKING THEM OUT!?”🤣 if he is t satisfied with distractions I offer a cup of milk or a cuddle since those are the things he would be seeking from nursing.

[@Ana-mq4fe]

The way you and Thomas parent is very much alike how my husband and I parent. We have very much the same views on things. It is so reassuring to me to see that I'm not the only one who does things this way. 😊

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I find it reassuring too, finding people doing things the same way!

[@katywillis5799]

I have 2 kids too and I found this video really useful, so thank you! I love your videos! 😊❤

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Awwww thank you! 🥹❤️

[@BridgetRavens]

The creatine shirt is so funny 😂❤ I need it!

[@bobekecske]

My almost 3,5 year old doesn’t really touch eggs in any form either (unless as an ingredient), meat only a few occasions recently in the form of bredded thin crispy chicken or really crispy bacon. To be honest, I kinda see how they seem like a weird texture.
Fish even less. Apparently his kindergarten group is also very unkeen on meat. I think it’s just a toddler/age thing. 🤷‍♀️
We can keep screen time to a minimal of ~4 minutes, during brushing teeth (I coudln’t deal with the struggle twice a day, timewise euther), we read stories during meals, because as you said, he just can’t focus oherwise on eating for enough time for him to feel full, but I totally gave up on many things that just don’t seem to work for us, for our child.
Great video Mel, thanks for sharing.

[@samosuki]

Story about another child that hated eating meat. I was a child that did not like eating meat or other foods that were solid. What my parents did was put it into soup, that was how they got me to eat almost anything. Soup like a puree, no hard chunks, well seasoned from anything from beats to split peas. When I did finally come around to eating solid food, I become a pescatarian about age 7-8. It turned out that I just didn't like meat. I'm originally from the Caribbean so fish is where I got the protein from and a popular meal replacement drink from back home every day. Now that I live in Ireland, I eat fish,
egg and yogurt every day.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Ooohhhh good idea! I never ever thought about blending meat - maybe because I don’t do it for myself? 😂❤

[@bettinak.4]

Screentime: Once I've read this and I agree with it. What matters is active time! If my child gets plenty active time indoors/outdoors he will be ok.

[@snarkywitchface]

I loved the Irish ‘if there’s hot water’ 😅

[@EmmADHD]

I love the consequences vs punishments aspect of 'gentle parenting,.' I really disagree with the idea that parents who are vegan, or whatever, not giving their children meat, dairy etc is 'enforcing their ideas on to them.' I mean it is in a sense, but it's no different from what all parents do. Parents who think it's okay to eat those products are enforcing their views on their kid by giving them to them and parents who believe it's wrong to steal enforce that view on their kids etc. It's just parenting. Of course, either way a kid can decide what to feed themselves when they're old enough and it wouldn't be right for parents to disown them over it or anything, of course but it is incredibly normal to at least attempt to pass on one's most basic ethical values to your kids.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Actually you are dead right! I think that opinion of mine absolutely comes from my ED recovery therapy, my therapist was so against cutting out food groups and that’s really ingrained now, I should probably stop worrying! But I do think I will always see it as wrong to ‘ban’ a child from trying certain foods ❤️

[@kellyh3295]

This was my ten cents too! I get it though because when you are deviating from cultural norms, there is part of you that feels "wrong" in some deep sense, even if you know it's not the case. As I said in my comment though, my kid will still only eat beige crap anyway, so kids seem to be eating what the hell they want anyway lol

[@RebeccaPoole1994]

we do yay we/you did it and she does it for us too for example ill park the car in a tight spot or something and shell go yay mummy did it, i love praising her for an accomplishment and discussing how and why she did it

[@fidgetykoala]

Hi Mel thanks a lot for offering a space of reflection about this topic. I read on your comment that you welcome childless people's opinions, so here we go.
Actually I'm referring to your last vid in this case (the observation about mum wine cult), as I'm just a few minutes in this one. I'm still a grown daughter and I think my mum has sacrificed herself to the next level since I was born.
She was a single mum in parochial ealry 90's Italy (you get the gist)... she rarely enjoyed herself, let alone having a few after dinner. This all-in approach actually caused me wanting to be on top everything later in life, leading to GAD and other stuff.
I tried my best to reward her because of her hard work, but I failed in achieving a lot things because the pressure became unsustainable...
what I'm trying to say here is that parents should be more than allowed to experience some leisure time to recharge, the all wine mum cult unfortunately is not the best way to let your hair down but not because is a mum phenomenon and therefore is not ethical, but because alchool is actually damaging, and this is true across the board. When I was kid I would have preferred my mum being less suffocating present (as she is to these days), I would have loved seeing my mum with a nice partner, but she was all in with me and the job... being a parent doesn't mean giving up on life, and as a former child with a vivid memory of my early years on this planet I remember I admired my school mates' parents having their own interests and experiencing leisure time, whereas as said in my household was the complete opposite...I hope this message is not off tangent and it might be of help for other viewers as well xo xo

[@TheMaristocracy]

That "okay, mommy!" at 21:18 broke meeee

[@katierobertsart5658]

I love you Melanie.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I cannot thank you enough for sharing your experiences and views! Bloody LOVE reading comments like this it really makes me feel like I am getting to know you 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@katierobertsart5658]

Oh you sweetheart! Thank you. That's why I wrote it :)@@melaniemurphyofficial Silly me though, I just edited my typos and I think it took your love heart away!!!! 😮No!

[@katierobertsart5658]

Please please put your sweet heart on my comment again!! I NEED that love!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

@@katierobertsart5658 HAHAHA oh my God does it do that!? I guess maybe so that if the commenter edits their comment to say something ... I dunno ... racist or something, that it doesn't then look like the creator 'likes' it! That's gas!

[@katierobertsart5658]

Hahahaaha!!! Thank you SO much!!!!

[@laurem7816]

I think it was a very interesting video! I am starting my first job (primary school teacher) and the advice about noticing the effort instead of the result really resonates in me! I’ll try to focus on noticing the process (more than on the result) and see what happens!
PS: sorry for my english, I speak french🌟

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Eeeeeep PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER that is so amazing!