And ruin your pelvic floor… which often leads to incontinence. And when older, incontinence is one of the top reasons (the second leading cause) the elderly need to go into a nursing home. Their loved ones don’t have the skills and strength to care for this challenge. P.S.: Wish it was taught when we are young, but breathing correctly when we lift, and positioning our bodies correctly makes a huge difference. It’s never too late to learn. See- Brianne Grogan here on YT.
This isn't new. I'm in my late 60s and raised my child, was caregiver for my mother and worked full time+. The toll on the caregiver physically and mentally is tremendous.
Yes that's one of my least favorite things is people criticizing me for wanting a salary of some kind. It's not all about love. I need money and I need security. This is going to end and I'm going to be broke and penniless and all for what? Absolutely ridiculous
I think about ALL of the sacrifices my parents made for me, I will give my absolute all/best to care for my mom. It isnt easy, but, worth it. Many may beg to differ....I know of people who state caring for children nowaday is the toughest thing theyve ever done. Its going to get worse because most youth today knows nothing about caring for or about snything
Americans are not equipped to do this, laws need changing and financial support is needed. No one can carry this burden without a lot of help. I have been there trying to make it work.
Hundreds of thousands of young middle aged adults have been doing this for decades. I had this "burden" and blessing with zero help. I survived. I lost friends. I have ZERO sympathy for any others, I am bitter. I will not vote for any tax breaks or assistance for the younger generations at all. Unless there is retroactive payback.
@@marlynnek6449it’s called planning ahead. You know you will get old and there is a chance you will need assisted living. It is preposterous to put up your hand and say you can’t deal with this so the taxpayers should have to take on this burden. Americans spend every dime they have and enjoy live while young, then scream for help when they are old and penniless. People really need to learn to save and invest for their future instead of depending on government to take care of them.
I had my dad from 2017 until 2021 when he passed from Alzheimer's. Trust me, it is very hard, & not for the faint of heart to care for an elderly parent with memory issues. The stress is overwhelming. When he passed, I was then diagnosed with cancer.
I always think about the sacrifices our now, senior parents did for us. I pray for your healing, you are an amazing child to have sacrificed and dedicated your life to care for your parent. God will reward you for it.🙏🏾
I know exactly what you mean. To see your Loved ones disintegrate right in front of your eyes...is beyond heart wrenching and heart breaking. The Financial, and Emotional toll. Yes, lots of Screaming into pillows at night. The Only thing that saved my Sanity was my Bible and quick prayer times! I am not kidding.
I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have anything to say that will remedy that kind of situation.But I pray things will get better for you 🙏 ❤ Thank you for you're doing best
I dont even want to think about it, as both of my parents are 81 and 80, they are in ok condition, i know someday i will have to deal with it, might have to dump them on my sisters and their kids.
I was the primary caregiver for my parents until they both passed away last year. My mom suffered the effects of two battles with lung cancer and congestive heart failure. My dad had Alzheimer's. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Thank you for bringing attention to this overwhelming problem.
This will not be me, my brothers perhaps but not me. Our mother never saved for retirement because she said she had 3 retirement plans, her kids. Our mother in her 30s and 40s was perfectly find with putting that burden on her kids. She spent her money on herself, having fun and traveling, meanwhile I'm raising myself, my brothers and her, I was working 2 to 3 jobs as a young adult because our mother said her money was for her and her only, so I had to keep the lights on and the water running. I paid for my own school trips, braces, prom and prom dress, I paid for my own college tuition. Our mother made it clear we owed her for giving birth to us, ever though she abandoned us for years because she was tired of being a mother a wanted to party and sleep around. As far as I'm concerned, I paid my dues as a teen and young adult years ago. Society thinks I'm obligated to take care of a women who didn't take care of me because she had unprotected sex? Naw, she should have taken care of me when I needed a mother, I'm use to not having a mother so I've learned how to do for myself. I'm obligated to myself and my brothers.
As a professional caregiver, I definitely understand and the cost alone is outrageous. You have elderly paying out of pocket big money… or tapping into their nest egg which I think is ridiculous. they deservecompassion and love.❤
When I was young, we've heard America is hell for elderly people. Now that I am in my sixties, single and no children, I hope I will not need memory care and hope that I will die quick and painlessly. I will consider that lucky!
Most of the "modern world" is indeed hell for old people . . . BUT there are exceptions, notably the "Blue Zones": Sardinia, Italy; Ikaria, Greece; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Okinawa, Japan (along with Acciaroli, Italy; Bama, China). And Loma Linda, California, USA!
My brother sent me this clip because he, my sister, and I are dealing with this now, with our elderly parents with many medical issues and Alzheimer's whom we had to move into assisted living in our home state where none of us live anymore. It's not as hard as being the caregiver, definitely. But there is a different kind of stress of trying to care for elderly parents remotely. We need to make sure they have a way to get to appointments when the facility van doesn't go to that clinic or during those hours; to make sure they tell the nurse at the facility the same medical problem that they texted us so she is aware; to pay their bills for them, some of which still come in paper with no electronic bill pay; to hold weekly calls just to keep on top of new health problems that week and what the nurse told them; to coordinate the emptying and selling of their home that they had to move out of so quickly across 3 states and 3 timezones, while two of us raise a family and work full-time. Add the time and cost of 6-7 flights across the country before the year is out and unsteady employment for a couple of us, and it's not an easy situation. With my dad's cognitive decline, it took me 2 hours just to get my dad's credit card updated in his ridesharing app so he can get to my mom's Alzheimer's appointment next week, an hour to convince him two days later that we took care of his payment method in the ridesharing app (he already forgot, and he's not the one with diagnosed Alzheimer's), and another hour of monitoring remotely to make sure his test trip to a grocery store went okay. Multiply that by the dozens of little issues that come up weekly. I say all this because it's made me think that my public school teacher husband and I won't be able to save enough to pay for the assisted living costs in 25 years that my parents are luckily able to pay for today, and I, too, have had the same thought as you: I hope I die quickly (and painlessly would be great!) so my kids don't have to do this work for me. What a thought in one of the richest countries in the world.
Unfortunately, it's because in America...aging seniors are treated like burdens instead of revered for all the knowledge, care, and love they gave. Be well and be at peace.
Thanks for covering this topic. My husband and I cared for my 92 year old mother until she passed in March this year. It takes a toll on you physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, spiritually, career - all life areas. Even your close relationship with your spouse can be affected - you have to remember to take care of yourselves too.
I knew someone in that situation . She was in Her late 30s taking care of older parents with health issues. She barely had time to breathe for herself, she didn’t have a life. I felt bad for her.
My father turns 100 May 1st. Been his caregiver and for mom who passed in 2020…it is the hardest job. Lately I cry a lot. We rotate between 3 of my sisters every month living w him to care for him in his home. It’s is so hard, God bless us who do it tho we cry from the overwhelming emotions that go with this job.
For many people, their parent is psychologically toxic. Having to then "care" for that person (usually because the parent has manipulated their adult children into that role), is devastating. I worked as a caregiver at one point and witnesses this scenario repeatedly.
@@upthedown1No, she's talking about abusive elderly people. Not all grandmas and grandpas are nice people. Many of them are very rude and abusive and narcissistic and even take pleasure in the suffering of their children. My grandmother is extremely ungrateful, often very self-absorbed, + emotionally manipulative and I'm aware of it. And yet because I'm so compassionate, I see an old lady who needs my help. So I have allowed myself to stay in this house for my entire adult life and I have done next to nothing other than go on exotic vacations. I'm going to be 30 in September and I don't even know who I am or what I'm going to do and I'm terrified of her dying because even though I know that things will be better, I can't even comprehend life without her at this point. I'm downright suicidal to be honest with you. She's the only purpose I have because she has manipulated me into believing that my purpose on this Earth is to serve her.
@@upthedown1You should watch The Sopranos. Best show ever. Tony's mother Livia is a classic example of what this person is talking about. Absolute misery of a human being.
@@SomethingSomethingg Insane. Cannot relate. I have not had this at all in my family with my elders grandparents, great grandparents or aunts and uncles. Loving and caring and I adore them. I am grateful. I pray you find perspective in your life. One day your elder will be gone. You must prepare to live the rest of your life.
Oh, it sucks. Thankfully, I have teenagers now but I have been helping my mom who has dementia who was diagnosed in 2021. Countless doctors appointments, maintaining another home, managing her bills, and managing my brother who is developmentally disabled. I have some help, thankfully, and my job is very understanding. It's still tough because of the worry and anxiety about everyone.
I cared for my mom for 3 years My mother was, and still is, bitter, mean, inconsiderate…. I asked her to go live with my brother. He has asked her to leave. She now is paying rent. I have found weekly help for her. She does not have dementia. She lived expense free for 9 years. I will never help her again. Her meanness is more than anyone can handle.
Boomer? My dad is a boomer and I don't think I could have done what your or your brother did for a week! The older generation can be very ungrateful! 😡
i am curious, was she a nice mother when you were a child ? I'm sorry you have to live thru this. I am caring for two different generations right now....husband terminal and grandchild disabled....my 90 year old father lives with my disabled brother, age 66. I am exhausted. The elderly father is angry that this all played out like this. Was your Mom once nice ?? I hope this resolves for you. I have been a caregiver most of my life....one sister had cancer 13 years and i helped her too....i never thought i'd be doing all this.
Thank you Lisa for this story. My 94 yo Mother passed away a little over a week ago. She had been living in Assisted Living, and on a slow decline. She had told my sisters and I she was ready to go for months before passing. She was having bouts of anger, and was so unhappy. She started having issues with incontinence in the months preceding her passing. My younger sister took the brunt of caring for her as she was living the closest. My Mom passed away in the hospital, and it was very rough at the end. I held her hand until she took her last breath. The cost of having your parent in a facility is skyrocketing. Fortunately my Mom had a teachers pension, and some other assets.
i left my husband at a rehab for a month--he was told he had to be there. The "care" he got was bizarre and cruel. He left on an unsafe discharge set up by the nursing home....he got slowly better at home but he is terminal with kidneys. While at the nursing facility he got 3 more illnesses due to the dirty environment. They used every trick in the book....nurses were taking bribes from patients with money.
My father was the last of Americans with a pension. He was in a care facility that initially cost just under 7K per month. By the time he died, about 6 years later, his care cost just under 9K per month. What will the rest of us (Americans) do. Americans abhor paying for child care and elderly care. We are too capitalistic for compassion.
Even planning ahead things happen like memory issues, strokes, etc. My in-laws had money & could afford to have in home care. It was a blessing. Yet, my husband had to take off 2 years from work to help with taking his parents to appointments, keeping an eye on medications, securing the house, paying bills, hiring / firing staff, etc. at the end of life. I helped out, but it was taking on my son who was school aged when his grandparents died.
Even being childfree --- the cost of getting old is EXPENSIVE. It honestly makes me laugh in my generation when people say their kids will take care of them, when they're not taking care of their own parents.
It takes a community to care for each other. Even if people put their elders into a nursing home or facility, they still need support from their own family members. Most people don't have the kind of money to be put into a care facility. It's expensive and may even be more abusive to the elders that live there, such as staff abusing elders.
Social worker here and I can't tell you how stressful this is on adult children. The tough part of the cost of placing your loved ones in a care facility is expensive and risky bc of concerns for their well-being or neglect. I'm Filipino and there is an expectation that adult children are to automatically assume role of taking in their parents, or not can be seen as a disrespectful to the parents. While I can see that issue, this places a lot of responsibility for adult children to be the automatic retirement plan.
Filipino American here, and my mom just died two weeks ago. I took care of her for years when she was well, with a good exercise routine and taking care of her diet. I miss her so much: in the last few weeks, she could barely walk to the bathroom. I was doing everything for her, 24 hours a day. Then the last week lifting and changing her, cleaning her. I think she hated to see me lift her and wanted to die. My back hurt like hell. But I miss her so much. I wish she could be around forever in a healthy body.
My mom always says that I don’t need to worry about her and my dad in retirement and that’s not mine or my siblings responsibility to take care of her. I love her but I honestly think that’s delusional. Idk how people can pay for help for years without going bankrupt or being put in a nursing home with caregivers who don’t treat them well. Maybe I just have a scarcity mindset but I feel like there is a mass delusion in our society around available resources.
My 86 yr old mother lives with me. I am retired single no kids, which lessens my burden and stress level. If I was feeble or sick in my old age, I will have no one to turn to. I know that having children doesn’t mean that I’d have someone to care for me. I am looking into plan b in case I’d need a caregiver someday.
I’m going through the same thing now. 2 toddlers and my mom has dementia. I had to cut back from work because my mom would leave our home and get lost. It’s so hard.
God bless you what you’re doing is so very hard. Having help caring for the elderly is so expensive. I did this for my mom who passed two weeks ago, I’m just lucky I don’t have kids. My attention was focused on her.
@@annabanana50 yes, one situation is easier than having 2 or 3 different generations having medical needs. I have 3 right now...husband, father and disabled grandchild...i do two of them...and the third is once a week and several phone calls a week, he has some other relative helping in his home who never married. It's a terrible situation.
@@Jendromedayou must be totally burned out and exhausted. I really am so so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could offer some help or advice, even with my mom just one person I was overwhelmed sometimes. The lifting and the getting up every hour is what overwhelmed me. I just can’t imagine yours. I wish you had some more relatives around that were of help both physically and financially.
We now have older senior citizens caring for their incapacitated parents at home and most cannot afford it. It's an impossible burden. The US does not have adequate facilities for these elderly people in need of assisted living and nursing homes. In some states the waiting lists are very long and meanwhile those caring for them are exhausting their savings and have no guarantees of getting their loved ones in the proper facilities
My husband and I are caring for his mother who has dementia .My husband is also disabled. He is legally blind, with diabetes and HBP and CHF. We live in Indiana and all 5 memory care facilities have waiting lists a mile long. They cost anywhere from 7k to 10k a month. She is on SS but only brings in $2500 month. We have another place in the area charging $330 per day. It's not a memory unit just a nursing home. I can honestly say we are overwhelmed. I know that as her disease progresses I will be unable to care for her and eventually him at the same time.
My husband and I have lived through this with both parents. Get a lawyer who specializes in elder care issues/trusts/Medicaid and find out what you can do. If your mother-in-law has a home or assets you can establish trusts to protect her home and assets. Medicaid has a 5 year waiting list if you move her assets, so it might be too late for her if she needs help now. It may not be too late for your husband though and there are things that can be done if your husband needs nursing home care. I have 2 friends who's father's needed nursing home care and the lawyer helped them make it so that the wives' could stay in their homes. Just have a consultation with a knowledgeable lawyer.
I was in a similar situation but far less SS income, we had no help. Just my sister and I. I exercised all my research and was not able to find help, but her disease really progressed during the pandemic when there was no help. I'll say a prayer for you 3.
I had three kids 4-6 years old at the time when my mom got cancer. I was also running a busy real estate business and this was an incredibly difficult time for me as I was stressed and sleep deprived. I have no idea how I survived all those years
how and when did it turn around for you ? I am in a living nightmare right now....terminal husband and disabled grandchild in two different homes....one an hour away....i take care of husband of course every day and grandchild 4-5x a week. I also have a 90 year old father, still mobile but very sad sometimes angry that i am not with him more....i see him once a week and call him 5x a week, he is nearby. I help him out when i can, my brother lives with him but he is disabled mentally.
@@Jendromeda wow, looks like you have a lot on your plate. I barely survived those years as I didn't get much sleep to fit everything in. I cut out anything that wasn't productive like social media, going out, etc. Not saying it was the best thing to do but it's what I had to do. I did hire a cleaner so that at least I didn't have to do that. It turned about after enduring about 4 years of this when the kids got older and unfortunately my mother was not able to beat cancer
As a former CNA, nursing homes are a good thing, but it takes a lot out of the caregivers mental and physical health, especially with memory care units. And we don't get paid what we deserve.
if you don't get paid what you deserve, then quit and go get paid more for something else. it's a free market economy. if you can't find higher pay for less work, than you are paid what you are worth.
By who?!?!?? 🤔 No, it must not! That's why nursing homes exist! They lived their lives! Now, its the next generations turn to live theirs just like those BEFORE them! They need to take care of themselves!
For those who work in nursing facilities, my hats off to you. I know because I'm one of those sandwich gen currently going through nursing facilities and planning. To qualify for a Medi-Cal facility, you have to be below the poverty line, which most Americans don't qualify for. The corp-run facilities are mostly maintained by immigrant workers that are paid slightly above minimum wage, and they take a lot of crap for patients, who are mainly dealing with memory loss. They are overworked and understaffed. Luckily, we found a facility for my father, but the financial burden is unfathomable without some assistance. This is where we need some reform on social security, not to decrease it but to eliminate taxation for those using SSI to pay for nursing facilities so that they can receive better quality of care for their end-of-life process.
I’m in my 50s, no kids but primary caregiver for mother on dialysis. Stressful, lacks freedom, can’t travel nor pursue career. Dear parents, make sure you can afford to have kids and when you get old.
It also seems like low income senior housing is much harder to find these days. Lots of seniors would be able to manage in an apartment with meals on wheels and transportation to medical appointments etc. Memory care is always going to be costly but private equity and corporate management of elder care is disastrous.
I'm in my late 60s, retired and helping to take care of my very young grandkids. I'm lucky I'm still active, I love spending time with my grandkids almost everyday.
what do you call "spending itme" ??? I care for a disabled grandchild 4-5x a week, each time 4 hours. I also have a terminal husband and an elderly father...grandparents who ONLY have the kids to care for are lucky....many of us are sandwiched in with spouses and elderly parents...it's too much.
@@Jendromeda I’m very fortunate to be able to take care of my toddlers grandkids! I’m from South East Asia, I took care of my parents, my disabled sister for years. My daughter already told me she’ll never put me in a home when I’m older. I love to interact with my grandkids, talk to them, play with them, do all kinds of activities I can with them, they keep me young, happy and active! I babysit them during the week while their parents are working, I still want to see them on the weekend too!
I can totally relate. I’m generation x with an elven year old. My dad just passed away last week. He spent four months in the nursing home, they wanted to liquidate all his assets before Medicaid could pay for it. It’s so sad, you have to choose family legacy or current living in a nursing home. No decision was made.
Dad finally died after 13 days . Continuing on with my mom. And I don’t have kids so not sandwich still extremely hard. Medical assisted death needs to be part of care
I’ve been taking care of my mom since I was 28.. I’m almost 41… it’s been a rollercoaster. Now I have a 3 year old and the pressure is mounting. We need more shy in this country. Period. But our politicians are full of crap and rich and they suck.
I am 50. Diagnosed with early onset Lewy Body Dementia at 48. My 19 year old son is my caretaker. I can not get senior services because I am not over 65.
Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for a miracle but also accountability and solutions to and from our government. You are a tax payer and you deserve the care you need.
You need to tell and write down everything for your 19 year old son to follow. Tell him everything he needs to know. Get your financial aspect in order cause one day you won't be able to say anything to him.
I am praying for you and your son, I know this must be scary, and I hope you all get the support and resources to cover you. Thank God you have each other.🙏🏾
Then you depend on strangers who work in elder care/geriatrics. I am facing the same concerns but am not worried. I can only worry about now and making sure I take care of myself.
While I'm not an official caregiver, I am 29 and I have spent my entire adult life caring for my grandmother and she's more Livia Soprano than Betty White so it hasn't been a picnic. But what can I do? I love her and she needs somebody.
I don’t have children, my mother died 2 years ago from a massive heart attack, my dad is an evil man I don’t associate myself with in any way because something bad always happens when I do. I don’t have anyone to take care of and yes it is freeing but also sad. No one to love
It is comforting to know we are not alone in this type of situation. I help care for my 85 year old mother in law. Unfortunately not all her children help with her care. It's always the same people. This is also not talked about as the inequities of family members helping out or not helping out.
I'm already experiencing this and I have no husband or children. I'm not even 30 yet and the stress of taking care of elderly parents takes away any hope of having a partner or family of my own.
Being Native American we generally take care of our own, I have taken care of my mother for years as she had two strokes while pregnant with me 30 years ago. She raised me right, still worked, and never gave up even after becoming a widow when I was six. And I’m determined to always take care of her, she also had two stents in her heart and kidney surgeries eleven in total within a few months back in 2021. When I get married in the near future I will not only take care of my mother, but I will also 1000% be determined to take care of my future husband’s parents Lord willing they are still alive as well. I will be a proud wife and mother some day soon, as the Bible says Exodus 20:12 "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” Lord give us all strength to care for our loved ones!🙏❤️
I understand your point but taking care of a parent with Alzheimer’s is totally different from taking care of someone who is just very “forgetful”. Alzheimer’s individuals will eventually need to be watched and cared for 24 hours(e.g. wander away from home, violent behavior towards family members). Many people are living longer(e.g. 90’s years) compared to previous generations. Therefore the probability of a love one(e.g. parent) developing Alzheimer’s is much higher nowadays and family members sometimes need to work during the day/night in order to support their young children too.
I am dealing with this and my dad/mom doesn’t have financials to help themselves, and they are both divorced. And, my dad doesn’t want to be care and want to go to Asia to be by herself, while still staying with me.
It sucks, it’s a blessing that we have loved ones to care for but it takes a huge toll. No matter the order, caring for another is a sacrificial happiness act & service. I’m a grand daughter caregiving for my grandmother, while my mother is the one working. No matter what. Someone is going to be caregiving & sacrificing something.
Yup so frustrating with Medicaid, you either have to be super broke or you don’t get it, if you’re working but can’t afford health insurance because all your money goes to bills than it’s too bad they just look at how much money you make BEFORE taxes, they don’t look at how much taxes you get taken away and how much you have to pay for housing, it’s a damn shame.
I am so glad you are doing this series. This is so important to talk about, especially for younger people planning for their own eventual aging. Being part of the sandwich generation and taking care of a parent with dementia and kids at the same time is so mentally taxing and lonely. There are limited resources out there and it doesn’t seem like anyone cares about the cost or mental and physical burden on society. The cost of senior living (in California) is easily over $12,000 per month for a relatively healthy elderly person that doesn’t require memory care and can live in assisted living.
Such an important story. It's a story that I myself will soon face. I'm 38 but my parents are in their mid 70s now. They are still going good but I know there will be that day where I would need to step in. I been slowly mentally preparing myself for that day. It will happen and I know I'll be juggling my own personal life theirs on a daily basis. On top of that me also dealing with my own personal amounting health issues.
Didn’t even get to watch yet but seeing the title- this is my husband and I right now. Our parents are in their mid 70s and my mom is now legally blind, I have a precious but very low functioning special needs brother and we have a 2 year old. I love them all and love my life and would trade nothing - but it is getting hard.
my parent is 90....my husband is terminal and my grandchild is disabled special needs....i can do two of them but a third gets the short end of the stick. One disabled brother helping with parent and i help once a week. husband every day...grandchild 4-5x a week. I am 68. It's ruining my health.
I have 2 able-bodied siblings. We're all in our 40s. One has been jobless since pre covid and the other has never held a job (never lifts a finger around the house either). 2 senior parents who are still quite strong. 1 toddler. We all live in 1 household. My husband is the only one with a job at the moment, as I had to leave mine because my horrible, entitled siblings and incompetent parents couldn't be relied on to babysit, even though we take care of pretty much all expenses. My mom just had a shockwave procedure a couple days ago and it put a dent in my savings. Total nightmare! Since childhood, there are days I wish I was an only child or not to have been born at all. My husband and I are saving up for our own house, but it's been difficult in this economy. Parents, think twice about having more children. And make sure to raise ALL of them well so as to minimize or avoid a dysfunctional situation like mine.
You forgetting the part where many Caribbean parents abuse their own children for decades until causing irreparable damage to the child when they reach adulthood. And these very same parents will be the ones expecting you to be there for them as they grow old. Make it make sense
The cost of getting a helper to take care of the elderly is bonkers nowadays. Even if you managed to get one, the possibility of them mistreating the elderly is high.
We should highlight a program called PACE not all seniors are eligible but these programs are for vulnerable seniors to help them and their families stay in their communities with healthcare and social support.
Adult daycare is an option to help give family caregivers a break through respite services. Adult Day Health programs are not well supported in most communities and nonexistent in others.
My mom is turning 65 and I’m thankful she’s still healthy and strong. However, the golden years are fast approaching and I just had my first son. God will get us through and I’m glad I have siblings.
Our modern society isn’t equipped to handle this. “It takes a village” applies to children and the elderly. We don’t have the physical ability to raise our young children and the aging elderly parents as independent adult sandwich generation. If we had small villages of related families that can take care of each other in bigger groups, via larger network of able bodied adults, it would help lessen the overwhelming burden on individuals/couples.
TRIGGER WARNING: I think we also need to talk about legalizing medically assisted s**c**e. Some aging ppl may not want to live with an irreversible disease that is going to progressively get worst and cause them to lose all their faculties and be incapacitated. Ppl should have the right to that option while they still have the sense to choose.
Yes. I want this for myself too..no point working 40 years to spend your entire life savings in 3 years and also deplete your kids savings. For 3 poorly lived years. No thanks.
100% agreed, this and de-stigmatize conversations around end of life plans and considerations. Too many elderly people reach critical care decisions and are still afraid to discuss it with their adult children.
Don’t forget cutting checks for foreign countries too 😂🤷♂️ it never stops. That’s why I’m against having kids even though I have one. Her future looks bleak. Hell all Americans do
you should blame yourself for a lack of financial planning. everyone should be saving 25%+ of their income their entire lives and investing in index funds each month. that might mean no kids for a long time, it might mean no vacations, no new cars, etc. The first thing you can do is accept responsibility for the choices you made for your life.
I praise all of those who actually do at least try to care for their parents. ❤ Most seniors do not have the funds to pay for care facilities, and the kids just write their parents off. Very sad all around.
As a parent i dont get a pat on the back or automatically expect help when I am older juat because I chose to bring my child into this world. She has her own life and future. If that doesnt include me I am fine with it. I've worked 24 years in LTC setting and I have seen it all when it comes to aging parents. I wouldn't even if put the burden of asking my child to come see me as a resident if I were ever in one.
This is why Adult Daycares are so popular now. I currently work for one in NJ and we deal with exactly what's being talked about daily with our clients..
How about a tax structure and incentives and guarantees for average people, you know like corporate America gets, then we won’t have to do our older relatives the disservice and disrespect of putting them in adult “daycare”. How does that sound to you? Are you looking forward to when you too get to sons your days weaving baskets in adult daycare. Or let me guess. It’s all going to be different for you. Right.
Aren’t adult daycares full of germs though? My mom has dementia and she’s not clean at home, I can only imagine the other elderly people who don’t want to bathe/wash hands.
@@neonpandas .I can't speak for others, but ours is very clean with a nursing staff, bathrooms, showers, games, pool table, pin pong, trips ect. Also clients are checked weekly for COVID. You'll be surprised!
yep, this is a real life story, both of my parents are getting more sick recently, now a lot of doctors appointments, as the same time i have to take care of my 2 young kids, and go to work to make a living. Life has been harder recently.
This is the way that humans have been living since the beginning of time. The change is the hours we work outside of the home. That is what should addressed. This should not be looked at as a burden
True, it the problem (such as it is) is that modern medicine has emphasized keeping death at bay while allowing chronic conditions to accumulate. Higher morbidity due to these increases caregiver burden compared to how humans were “living at the beginning of time”. We end up caring for the elderly for longer than in the past, and those we care for have more health problems, which increases the burden on everyone.
Very timely. The U. S. will start running more advertisements inspiring people to become more involved with their elderly family. But as someone said, we as Americans have not prepared for this.
This was a great piece and well done. It really hit home. I have three sets of parents (one passed last year, so five left) all are between 70 and early 80’s. All but one are in good health, but all are still living independently. I have two young children and doing what I can to save money for college. However, I can’t help but to wonder about 5, 10, or 15 years from now. Am I sitting on a ticking bomb regarding all of my parents reaching their early 80s and 90s at the same time, and possibly at the same time that my kids may be looking at going to, or already in college? How does one prepare for such unknowns that may require the liquidation and loss of everything that the previous generation worked so hard for in order to leave to the next generation and/or the generation after that? The “Squeezed Generation” is a very accurate description, but it’s not a new phenomenon, and certainly may be a title that is inherited by the next generation as well. Very heavy stuff for sure. Just hard to wrap your brain around all of the possible outcomes.
Everything must be given for the sake of the next generation. With the way the world is headed and how it’s in a state of accelerated change almost on the level of the Industrial Revolution, sacrifices are to be made. When I have children, that is what I intend on doing. Its will be all about their success and proper development. And once I grow old myself, it won’t matter. They will have the tools to be on their own without me. I will not be a burden on them, and will actively advocate for the generations even after them to do the same. I’m not so concerned about myself nor the past; only the future.
Be aware that the stress of caregiving goes beyond mental. Lifting your loved ones several times a day and night can ruin your back.
And ruin your pelvic floor… which often leads to incontinence. And when older, incontinence is one of the top reasons (the second leading cause) the elderly need to go into a nursing home. Their loved ones don’t have the skills and strength to care for this challenge.
P.S.: Wish it was taught when we are young, but breathing correctly when we lift, and positioning our bodies correctly makes a huge difference. It’s never too late to learn. See- Brianne Grogan here on YT.
I must agree. Lifting elderly family members can really do some damage to your back.
@@marlene0212 my mom recently injured herself trying to pickup my grandmother from the bathroom floor
Always there.
@@marlene0212that's your choice, don't complain 😮
This isn't new. I'm in my late 60s and raised my child, was caregiver for my mother and worked full time+. The toll on the caregiver physically and mentally is tremendous.
Always there.
God bless you
But it’s going to get worse because of declining birth rates.
True . But now we got work to maintain home as the living costs are high too
It’s great they are talking about it as this isn’t talked about often.
This is real reporting, thank you CBS and Lisa!
Real reporting put out by a corporation doing all it can to keep the squeeze on average Americans.
People think love is enough to sustain caregiving for years on end. It isn’t. Nor is it like taking care of another kid… it’s 10x harder.
Yes that's one of my least favorite things is people criticizing me for wanting a salary of some kind. It's not all about love. I need money and I need security. This is going to end and I'm going to be broke and penniless and all for what? Absolutely ridiculous
I think about ALL of the sacrifices my parents made for me, I will give my absolute all/best to care for my mom. It isnt easy, but, worth it. Many may beg to differ....I know of people who state caring for children nowaday is the toughest thing theyve ever done. Its going to get worse because most youth today knows nothing about caring for or about snything
100x
Lisa Ling is serious, not phony, a top-notch journalist
💪🔥 📚
I did this for 20 years. The stress is crippling and there are no vacations or breaks.
I did it for 12 years and was at my breaking point then.
I just buried my mom and I'm still helping care for my mother-in-law. It's a pressure cooker
No breaks, socially isolating, and very often thankless.
Zero breaks, and I'm still digging myself out of the hole.
How did you cope?
Americans are not equipped to do this, laws need changing and financial support is needed. No one can carry this burden without a lot of help. I have been there trying to make it work.
It's destroying generational wealth. There's nothing to leave the kids when you have to spend 4-10K a month to house a senior.
Hundreds of thousands of young middle aged adults have been doing this for decades. I had this "burden" and blessing with zero help. I survived. I lost friends. I have ZERO sympathy for any others, I am bitter. I will not vote for any tax breaks or assistance for the younger generations at all. Unless there is retroactive payback.
@@marlynnek6449it’s called planning ahead. You know you will get old and there is a chance you will need assisted living. It is preposterous to put up your hand and say you can’t deal with this so the taxpayers should have to take on this burden.
Americans spend every dime they have and enjoy live while young, then scream for help when they are old and penniless. People really need to learn to save and invest for their future instead of depending on government to take care of them.
We treat illegal migrants better than our lawful legal seniors. What an irony, Wake up America!
@@dquan731 why save it till you're old and can barely walk or think clearly, its better to spend it while you're and still have a stable mind
I had my dad from 2017 until 2021 when he passed from Alzheimer's. Trust me, it is very hard, & not for the faint of heart to care for an elderly parent with memory issues. The stress is overwhelming. When he passed, I was then diagnosed with cancer.
I always think about the sacrifices our now, senior parents did for us. I pray for your healing, you are an amazing child to have sacrificed and dedicated your life to care for your parent. God will reward you for it.🙏🏾
@@jesusislord3321 Thank you!
I know exactly what you mean. To see your Loved ones disintegrate right in front of your eyes...is beyond heart wrenching and heart breaking. The Financial, and Emotional toll. Yes, lots of Screaming into pillows at night. The Only thing that saved my Sanity was my Bible and quick prayer times! I am not kidding.
I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have anything to say that will remedy that kind of situation.But I pray things will get better for you 🙏 ❤
Thank you for you're doing best
I dont even want to think about it, as both of my parents are 81 and 80, they are in ok condition, i know someday i will have to deal with it, might have to dump them on my sisters and their kids.
I was the primary caregiver for my parents until they both passed away last year. My mom suffered the effects of two battles with lung cancer and congestive heart failure. My dad had Alzheimer's. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Thank you for bringing attention to this overwhelming problem.
This will not be me, my brothers perhaps but not me. Our mother never saved for retirement because she said she had 3 retirement plans, her kids. Our mother in her 30s and 40s was perfectly find with putting that burden on her kids. She spent her money on herself, having fun and traveling, meanwhile I'm raising myself, my brothers and her, I was working 2 to 3 jobs as a young adult because our mother said her money was for her and her only, so I had to keep the lights on and the water running. I paid for my own school trips, braces, prom and prom dress, I paid for my own college tuition. Our mother made it clear we owed her for giving birth to us, ever though she abandoned us for years because she was tired of being a mother a wanted to party and sleep around. As far as I'm concerned, I paid my dues as a teen and young adult years ago. Society thinks I'm obligated to take care of a women who didn't take care of me because she had unprotected sex? Naw, she should have taken care of me when I needed a mother, I'm use to not having a mother so I've learned how to do for myself. I'm obligated to myself and my brothers.
Moms a 403
As a professional caregiver, I definitely understand and the cost alone is outrageous. You have elderly paying out of pocket big money… or tapping into their nest egg which I think is ridiculous. they deservecompassion and love.❤
When I was young, we've heard America is hell for elderly people. Now that I am in my sixties, single and no children, I hope I will not need memory care and hope that I will die quick and painlessly. I will consider that lucky!
Me too.
Most of the "modern world" is indeed hell for old people . . . BUT there are exceptions, notably the "Blue Zones": Sardinia, Italy; Ikaria, Greece; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Okinawa, Japan (along with Acciaroli, Italy; Bama, China). And Loma Linda, California, USA!
My brother sent me this clip because he, my sister, and I are dealing with this now, with our elderly parents with many medical issues and Alzheimer's whom we had to move into assisted living in our home state where none of us live anymore. It's not as hard as being the caregiver, definitely. But there is a different kind of stress of trying to care for elderly parents remotely.
We need to make sure they have a way to get to appointments when the facility van doesn't go to that clinic or during those hours; to make sure they tell the nurse at the facility the same medical problem that they texted us so she is aware; to pay their bills for them, some of which still come in paper with no electronic bill pay; to hold weekly calls just to keep on top of new health problems that week and what the nurse told them; to coordinate the emptying and selling of their home that they had to move out of so quickly across 3 states and 3 timezones, while two of us raise a family and work full-time. Add the time and cost of 6-7 flights across the country before the year is out and unsteady employment for a couple of us, and it's not an easy situation. With my dad's cognitive decline, it took me 2 hours just to get my dad's credit card updated in his ridesharing app so he can get to my mom's Alzheimer's appointment next week, an hour to convince him two days later that we took care of his payment method in the ridesharing app (he already forgot, and he's not the one with diagnosed Alzheimer's), and another hour of monitoring remotely to make sure his test trip to a grocery store went okay. Multiply that by the dozens of little issues that come up weekly.
I say all this because it's made me think that my public school teacher husband and I won't be able to save enough to pay for the assisted living costs in 25 years that my parents are luckily able to pay for today, and I, too, have had the same thought as you: I hope I die quickly (and painlessly would be great!) so my kids don't have to do this work for me. What a thought in one of the richest countries in the world.
Unfortunately, it's because in America...aging seniors are treated like burdens instead of revered for all the knowledge, care, and love they gave.
Be well and be at peace.
@@user-l4y7r04wy6iv definitely not china
Thanks for covering this topic. My husband and I cared for my 92 year old mother until she passed in March this year. It takes a toll on you physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, spiritually, career - all life areas. Even your close relationship with your spouse can be affected - you have to remember to take care of yourselves too.
YESH!
Add to this private equity taking over nursing homes and increasing costs while decreasing quality of care
Add to this, fewer people are willing to work as caregivers --- expect perhaps undocumented migrants.
husband did a nursing home for 2 months....it was hell for him, the care was horrible and it was unclean. He got better when he came home.
Sometimes we have to opt out of having a family all together to take care of aging parents
Nice to see more like minded/situated people!!
I am currently in that boat
I knew someone in that situation . She was in Her late 30s taking care of older parents with health issues. She barely had time to breathe for herself, she didn’t have a life. I felt bad for her.
Definitely me
I always think about much harder this life would be if I had children and a marriage thrown into the mix.
Very important story ! ❤👏🏾 You can always count on Lisa Ling for solid stories that resonate
My father turns 100 May 1st. Been his caregiver and for mom who passed in 2020…it is the hardest job. Lately I cry a lot. We rotate between 3 of my sisters every month living w him to care for him in his home. It’s is so hard, God bless us who do it tho we cry from the overwhelming emotions that go with this job.
Bless you ❤🙏and Happy birthday to you dad! 🥳
u awesome kid!!
For many people, their parent is psychologically toxic. Having to then "care" for that person (usually because the parent has manipulated their adult children into that role), is devastating. I worked as a caregiver at one point and witnesses this scenario repeatedly.
Yes elder abuse can happen in these situations unfortunately
Wow so you don't think children should care for their elderly parents!
@@upthedown1No, she's talking about abusive elderly people. Not all grandmas and grandpas are nice people. Many of them are very rude and abusive and narcissistic and even take pleasure in the suffering of their children. My grandmother is extremely ungrateful, often very self-absorbed, + emotionally manipulative and I'm aware of it. And yet because I'm so compassionate, I see an old lady who needs my help. So I have allowed myself to stay in this house for my entire adult life and I have done next to nothing other than go on exotic vacations. I'm going to be 30 in September and I don't even know who I am or what I'm going to do and I'm terrified of her dying because even though I know that things will be better, I can't even comprehend life without her at this point. I'm downright suicidal to be honest with you. She's the only purpose I have because she has manipulated me into believing that my purpose on this Earth is to serve her.
@@upthedown1You should watch The Sopranos. Best show ever. Tony's mother Livia is a classic example of what this person is talking about. Absolute misery of a human being.
@@SomethingSomethingg Insane. Cannot relate. I have not had this at all in my family with my elders grandparents, great grandparents or aunts and uncles. Loving and caring and I adore them. I am grateful. I pray you find perspective in your life. One day your elder will be gone. You must prepare to live the rest of your life.
I'm afraid of this as a single, only-child. At least I don't have kids. Also afraid for myself when I reach that age.
My mom and her family just put my 89 year old grandma into a memory care unit and the prices are astronomical
Well worth it. If you have the money, it's money well spent. Hopefully you visit her often.
Oh, it sucks. Thankfully, I have teenagers now but I have been helping my mom who has dementia who was diagnosed in 2021. Countless doctors appointments, maintaining another home, managing her bills, and managing my brother who is developmentally disabled. I have some help, thankfully, and my job is very understanding. It's still tough because of the worry and anxiety about everyone.
I cared for my mom for 3 years
My mother was, and still is, bitter, mean, inconsiderate…. I asked her to go live with my brother. He has asked her to leave. She now is paying rent. I have found weekly help for her. She does not have dementia. She lived expense free for 9 years. I will never help her again. Her meanness is more than anyone can handle.
At least u tried.
Boomer? My dad is a boomer and I don't think I could have done what your or your brother did for a week! The older generation can be very ungrateful! 😡
i am curious, was she a nice mother when you were a child ? I'm sorry you have to live thru this. I am caring for two different generations right now....husband terminal and grandchild disabled....my 90 year old father lives with my disabled brother, age 66. I am exhausted. The elderly father is angry that this all played out like this. Was your Mom once nice ?? I hope this resolves for you. I have been a caregiver most of my life....one sister had cancer 13 years and i helped her too....i never thought i'd be doing all this.
Im exactly a sandwich! I live with my 84 mom and 21 daughter and her newborn!! 4 generations in the same house ❤😊 God Bless caregivers!!
Thank you Lisa for this story. My 94 yo Mother passed away a little over a week ago. She had been living in Assisted Living, and on a slow decline. She had told my sisters and I she was ready to go for months before passing. She was having bouts of anger, and was so unhappy. She started having issues with incontinence in the months preceding her passing.
My younger sister took the brunt of caring for her as she was living the closest. My Mom passed away in the hospital, and it was very rough at the end. I held her hand until she took her last breath. The cost of having your parent in a facility is skyrocketing. Fortunately my Mom had a teachers pension, and some other assets.
:(
So true! Had to move my mom to memory care recently. Like Lisa and her family, we estimate mom’s assets will help cover the costs for about 3 years.
Yes, this is why so many people have ADU on their property is to take care of elderly family. You are fortunate to be able to pay for care.
This topic has to be addressed. Being a Cna, I see lots of families struggle with leaving their loved ones with us.
i left my husband at a rehab for a month--he was told he had to be there. The "care" he got was bizarre and cruel. He left on an unsafe discharge set up by the nursing home....he got slowly better at home but he is terminal with kidneys. While at the nursing facility he got 3 more illnesses due to the dirty environment. They used every trick in the book....nurses were taking bribes from patients with money.
Finally, someone speaks on this.
Compassion fatigue is a serious thing.
My father was the last of Americans with a pension. He was in a care facility that initially cost just under 7K per month. By the time he died, about 6 years later, his care cost just under 9K per month. What will the rest of us (Americans) do. Americans abhor paying for child care and elderly care. We are too capitalistic for compassion.
Compassion. That is the word needed for this century!
We abhor paying for it??? How about we can't f***ing afford it!!! Most jobs don't even pay that much per month!
Too many elders expect their kids to be their retirement instead of planning ahead.
Even planning ahead things happen like memory issues, strokes, etc. My in-laws had money & could afford to have in home care. It was a blessing. Yet, my husband had to take off 2 years from work to help with taking his parents to appointments, keeping an eye on medications, securing the house, paying bills, hiring / firing staff, etc. at the end of life. I helped out, but it was taking on my son who was school aged when his grandparents died.
Even being childfree --- the cost of getting old is EXPENSIVE. It honestly makes me laugh in my generation when people say their kids will take care of them, when they're not taking care of their own parents.
@@LAVirgo67 Exactly. It would be interesting to know rhe age of the one who commented. Too many children are "living off of their senior parents"
@@metroG93 Exactly
It takes a community to care for each other. Even if people put their elders into a nursing home or facility, they still need support from their own family members. Most people don't have the kind of money to be put into a care facility. It's expensive and may even be more abusive to the elders that live there, such as staff abusing elders.
Social worker here and I can't tell you how stressful this is on adult children. The tough part of the cost of placing your loved ones in a care facility is expensive and risky bc of concerns for their well-being or neglect. I'm Filipino and there is an expectation that adult children are to automatically assume role of taking in their parents, or not can be seen as a disrespectful to the parents. While I can see that issue, this places a lot of responsibility for adult children to be the automatic retirement plan.
Filipino American here, and my mom just died two weeks ago. I took care of her for years when she was well, with a good exercise routine and taking care of her diet. I miss her so much: in the last few weeks, she could barely walk to the bathroom. I was doing everything for her, 24 hours a day. Then the last week lifting and changing her, cleaning her. I think she hated to see me lift her and wanted to die. My back hurt like hell. But I miss her so much. I wish she could be around forever in a healthy body.
very well said. Many nursing homes are horrid places, we know first hand here.
My mom always says that I don’t need to worry about her and my dad in retirement and that’s not mine or my siblings responsibility to take care of her. I love her but I honestly think that’s delusional. Idk how people can pay for help for years without going bankrupt or being put in a nursing home with caregivers who don’t treat them well. Maybe I just have a scarcity mindset but I feel like there is a mass delusion in our society around available resources.
Sending love to those dealing with this. ❤
My 86 yr old mother lives with me. I am retired single no kids, which lessens my burden and stress level. If I was feeble or sick in my old age, I will have no one to turn to. I know that having children doesn’t mean that I’d have someone to care for me. I am looking into plan b in case I’d need a caregiver someday.
I’m going through the same thing now. 2 toddlers and my mom has dementia. I had to cut back from work because my mom would leave our home and get lost. It’s so hard.
God bless you what you’re doing is so very hard. Having help caring for the elderly is so expensive. I did this for my mom who passed two weeks ago, I’m just lucky I don’t have kids. My attention was focused on her.
@@annabanana50 yes, one situation is easier than having 2 or 3 different generations having medical needs. I have 3 right now...husband, father and disabled grandchild...i do two of them...and the third is once a week and several phone calls a week, he has some other relative helping in his home who never married. It's a terrible situation.
@@Jendromedayou must be totally burned out and exhausted. I really am so so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could offer some help or advice, even with my mom just one person I was overwhelmed sometimes. The lifting and the getting up every hour is what overwhelmed me. I just can’t imagine yours. I wish you had some more relatives around that were of help both physically and financially.
We need to do a research TODAY, to make it easier for future citizens and younger families.
We now have older senior citizens caring for their incapacitated parents at home and most cannot afford it. It's an impossible burden. The US does not have adequate facilities for these elderly people in need of assisted living and nursing homes. In some states the waiting lists are very long and meanwhile those caring for them are exhausting their savings and have no guarantees of getting their loved ones in the proper facilities
There are homes, they are just ridiculously expensive and most can't afford them.
My husband and I are caring for his mother who has dementia .My husband is also disabled. He is legally blind, with diabetes and HBP and CHF. We live in Indiana and all 5 memory care facilities have waiting lists a mile long. They cost anywhere from 7k to 10k a month. She is on SS but only brings in $2500 month. We have another place in the area charging $330 per day. It's not a memory unit just a nursing home. I can honestly say we are overwhelmed. I know that as her disease progresses I will be unable to care for her and eventually him at the same time.
😓🙏🏾🙏🏾💜
My husband and I have lived through this with both parents. Get a lawyer who specializes in elder care issues/trusts/Medicaid and find out what you can do. If your mother-in-law has a home or assets you can establish trusts to protect her home and assets. Medicaid has a 5 year waiting list if you move her assets, so it might be too late for her if she needs help now. It may not be too late for your husband though and there are things that can be done if your husband needs nursing home care. I have 2 friends who's father's needed nursing home care and the lawyer helped them make it so that the wives' could stay in their homes. Just have a consultation with a knowledgeable lawyer.
@@queens6583 And they should spend every dollar of the ss check on food and household expenses.
I was in a similar situation but far less SS income, we had no help. Just my sister and I. I exercised all my research and was not able to find help, but her disease really progressed during the pandemic when there was no help. I'll say a prayer for you 3.
I had three kids 4-6 years old at the time when my mom got cancer. I was also running a busy real estate business and this was an incredibly difficult time for me as I was stressed and sleep deprived. I have no idea how I survived all those years
how and when did it turn around for you ? I am in a living nightmare right now....terminal husband and disabled grandchild in two different homes....one an hour away....i take care of husband of course every day and grandchild 4-5x a week. I also have a 90 year old father, still mobile but very sad sometimes angry that i am not with him more....i see him once a week and call him 5x a week, he is nearby. I help him out when i can, my brother lives with him but he is disabled mentally.
@@Jendromeda wow, looks like you have a lot on your plate. I barely survived those years as I didn't get much sleep to fit everything in. I cut out anything that wasn't productive like social media, going out, etc. Not saying it was the best thing to do but it's what I had to do. I did hire a cleaner so that at least I didn't have to do that. It turned about after enduring about 4 years of this when the kids got older and unfortunately my mother was not able to beat cancer
As a former CNA, nursing homes are a good thing, but it takes a lot out of the caregivers mental and physical health, especially with memory care units. And we don't get paid what we deserve.
It’s such a necessity and important job that’s so undervalued regarding pay.
if you don't get paid what you deserve, then quit and go get paid more for something else. it's a free market economy. if you can't find higher pay for less work, than you are paid what you are worth.
Caregiving for a loved one at home is emotionally, financially and physically draining but it must be done.
By who?!?!?? 🤔
No, it must not! That's why nursing homes exist! They lived their lives! Now, its the next generations turn to live theirs just like those BEFORE them! They need to take care of themselves!
@@marissa._if you have the money then yes, you are very privileged and that can be very beneficial for the both of you guys.
@@marissa._my lord. You are selfish
@@marissa._ then your children will say that to your face when you are old and need their help.
@@akranzyleMarissa sounds like a lonely and miserable person.
For those who work in nursing facilities, my hats off to you. I know because I'm one of those sandwich gen currently going through nursing facilities and planning. To qualify for a Medi-Cal facility, you have to be below the poverty line, which most Americans don't qualify for. The corp-run facilities are mostly maintained by immigrant workers that are paid slightly above minimum wage, and they take a lot of crap for patients, who are mainly dealing with memory loss. They are overworked and understaffed. Luckily, we found a facility for my father, but the financial burden is unfathomable without some assistance. This is where we need some reform on social security, not to decrease it but to eliminate taxation for those using SSI to pay for nursing facilities so that they can receive better quality of care for their end-of-life process.
I’m in my 50s, no kids but primary caregiver for mother on dialysis. Stressful, lacks freedom, can’t travel nor pursue career. Dear parents, make sure you can afford to have kids and when you get old.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
It also seems like low income senior housing is much harder to find these days. Lots of seniors would be able to manage in an apartment with meals on wheels and transportation to medical appointments etc. Memory care is always going to be costly but private equity and corporate management of elder care is disastrous.
I'm in my late 60s, retired and helping to take care of my very young grandkids. I'm lucky I'm still active, I love spending time with my grandkids almost everyday.
what do you call "spending itme" ??? I care for a disabled grandchild 4-5x a week, each time 4 hours. I also have a terminal husband and an elderly father...grandparents who ONLY have the kids to care for are lucky....many of us are sandwiched in with spouses and elderly parents...it's too much.
@@Jendromeda I’m very fortunate to be able to take care of my toddlers grandkids! I’m from South East Asia, I took care of my parents, my disabled sister for years. My daughter already told me she’ll never put me in a home when I’m older.
I love to interact with my grandkids, talk to them, play with them, do all kinds of activities I can with them, they keep me young, happy and active! I babysit them during the week while their parents are working, I still want to see them on the weekend too!
I can totally relate. I’m generation x with an elven year old. My dad just passed away last week. He spent four months in the nursing home, they wanted to liquidate all his assets before Medicaid could pay for it. It’s so sad, you have to choose family legacy or current living in a nursing home. No decision was made.
Dad finally died after 13 days . Continuing on with my mom. And I don’t have kids so not sandwich still extremely hard. Medical assisted death needs to be part of care
I’ve been taking care of my mom since I was 28.. I’m almost 41… it’s been a rollercoaster. Now I have a 3 year old and the pressure is mounting. We need more shy in this country. Period. But our politicians are full of crap and rich and they suck.
Yep, a lot of politicians are lousy.
I am 50. Diagnosed with early onset Lewy Body Dementia at 48. My 19 year old son is my caretaker. I can not get senior services because I am not over 65.
Prayers ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. Praying for a miracle but also accountability and solutions to and from our government. You are a tax payer and you deserve the care you need.
You need to tell and write down everything for your 19 year old son to follow. Tell him everything he needs to know. Get your financial aspect in order cause one day you won't be able to say anything to him.
I am praying for you and your son, I know this must be scary, and I hope you all get the support and resources to cover you. Thank God you have each other.🙏🏾
What if you don’t have children or family to take care of you when you get too old to take care of yourself? That’s what I’m facing at 57.
Then you depend on strangers who work in elder care/geriatrics. I am facing the same concerns but am not worried. I can only worry about now and making sure I take care of myself.
Lisa ling is and always have been such a fantastic reporter. So well spoken and asks the right questions. Love her.
While I'm not an official caregiver, I am 29 and I have spent my entire adult life caring for my grandmother and she's more Livia Soprano than Betty White so it hasn't been a picnic. But what can I do? I love her and she needs somebody.
I take care of my mom and my granddaughter. I turn 61
I don’t have children, my mother died 2 years ago from a massive heart attack, my dad is an evil man I don’t associate myself with in any way because something bad always happens when I do. I don’t have anyone to take care of and yes it is freeing but also sad. No one to love
Being loved is second place to loving someone.
It is comforting to know we are not alone in this type of situation. I help care for my 85 year old mother in law. Unfortunately not all her children help with her care. It's always the same people. This is also not talked about as the inequities of family members helping out or not helping out.
I'm already experiencing this and I have no husband or children. I'm not even 30 yet and the stress of taking care of elderly parents takes away any hope of having a partner or family of my own.
Yes for my mother we had to take her back in the philippines because we cannot afford to pay care here
Was there a facility in the Philippines or was it other family taking care of her
Being Native American we generally take care of our own, I have taken care of my mother for years as she had two strokes while pregnant with me 30 years ago.
She raised me right, still worked, and never gave up even after becoming a widow when I was six.
And I’m determined to always take care of her, she also had two stents in her heart and kidney surgeries eleven in total within a few months back in 2021.
When I get married in the near future I will not only take care of my mother, but I will also 1000% be determined to take care of my future husband’s parents Lord willing they are still alive as well. I will be a proud wife and mother some day soon, as the Bible says Exodus 20:12 "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
Lord give us all strength to care for our loved ones!🙏❤️
Amen.
I understand your point but taking care of a parent with Alzheimer’s is totally different from taking care of someone who is just very “forgetful”. Alzheimer’s individuals will eventually need to be watched and cared for 24 hours(e.g. wander away from home, violent behavior towards family members). Many people are living longer(e.g. 90’s years) compared to previous generations. Therefore the probability of a love one(e.g. parent) developing Alzheimer’s is much higher nowadays and family members sometimes need to work during the day/night in order to support their young children too.
Amen 🙌🏽🙏🏽
Yes 🙌 as part of the Sandwich Generation, my ❤️ goes out to any caregivers!
I am dealing with this and my dad/mom doesn’t have financials to help themselves, and they are both divorced. And, my dad doesn’t want to be care and want to go to Asia to be by herself, while still staying with me.
As a Korean American, this breaks my heart.. seeing her is like seeing myself in the future ..
It sucks, it’s a blessing that we have loved ones to care for but it takes a huge toll. No matter the order, caring for another is a sacrificial happiness act & service. I’m a grand daughter caregiving for my grandmother, while my mother is the one working. No matter what. Someone is going to be caregiving & sacrificing something.
Yup so frustrating with Medicaid, you either have to be super broke or you don’t get it, if you’re working but can’t afford health insurance because all your money goes to bills than it’s too bad they just look at how much money you make BEFORE taxes, they don’t look at how much taxes you get taken away and how much you have to pay for housing, it’s a damn shame.
Agreee
I am so glad you are doing this series. This is so important to talk about, especially for younger people planning for their own eventual aging. Being part of the sandwich generation and taking care of a parent with dementia and kids at the same time is so mentally taxing and lonely. There are limited resources out there and it doesn’t seem like anyone cares about the cost or mental and physical burden on society. The cost of senior living (in California) is easily over $12,000 per month for a relatively healthy elderly person that doesn’t require memory care and can live in assisted living.
Such an important story. It's a story that I myself will soon face. I'm 38 but my parents are in their mid 70s now. They are still going good but I know there will be that day where I would need to step in. I been slowly mentally preparing myself for that day. It will happen and I know I'll be juggling my own personal life theirs on a daily basis. On top of that me also dealing with my own personal amounting health issues.
Didn’t even get to watch yet but seeing the title- this is my husband and I right now. Our parents are in their mid 70s and my mom is now legally blind, I have a precious but very low functioning special needs brother and we have a 2 year old. I love them all and love my life and would trade nothing - but it is getting hard.
Look into help and support in your area .Make sure to take care of yourself too.
@@sarahudson108 thank you 💛
@@LilEagle2015 You're welcome x
my parent is 90....my husband is terminal and my grandchild is disabled special needs....i can do two of them but a third gets the short end of the stick. One disabled brother helping with parent and i help once a week. husband every day...grandchild 4-5x a week. I am 68. It's ruining my health.
I have 2 able-bodied siblings. We're all in our 40s. One has been jobless since pre covid and the other has never held a job (never lifts a finger around the house either). 2 senior parents who are still quite strong. 1 toddler. We all live in 1 household. My husband is the only one with a job at the moment, as I had to leave mine because my horrible, entitled siblings and incompetent parents couldn't be relied on to babysit, even though we take care of pretty much all expenses. My mom just had a shockwave procedure a couple days ago and it put a dent in my savings. Total nightmare! Since childhood, there are days I wish I was an only child or not to have been born at all.
My husband and I are saving up for our own house, but it's been difficult in this economy.
Parents, think twice about having more children. And make sure to raise ALL of them well so as to minimize or avoid a dysfunctional situation like mine.
God Bless you! ❤😊
@@graceartsgifts Thank you. I hope you and yours are well. 🌷
I’m so sorry what you’re going through. I hope you can afford your own house one day
@@annabanana50 Thank you, I appreciate the thought. 😊
This is nornal in the Caribbean generations live together so theres always support
I’m Caribbean and it’s still stressful. Help or not.
iit is but we do it been doing it years and survived
You forgetting the part where many Caribbean parents abuse their own children for decades until causing irreparable damage to the child when they reach adulthood. And these very same parents will be the ones expecting you to be there for them as they grow old. Make it make sense
Many elders are also clueless about financial planning, which makes the challenge even more difficult
Or they worked less to care for young children and grandchildren and parents!
I think with the advancement in medication people are living longer. However, the trade off is the diminishing quality of life.
The cost of getting a helper to take care of the elderly is bonkers nowadays. Even if you managed to get one, the possibility of them mistreating the elderly is high.
We should highlight a program called PACE not all seniors are eligible but these programs are for vulnerable seniors to help them and their families stay in their communities with healthcare and social support.
Adult daycare is an option to help give family caregivers a break through respite services. Adult Day Health programs are not well supported in most communities and nonexistent in others.
My mom is turning 65 and I’m thankful she’s still healthy and strong. However, the golden years are fast approaching and I just had my first son. God will get us through and I’m glad I have siblings.
Our modern society isn’t equipped to handle this. “It takes a village” applies to children and the elderly. We don’t have the physical ability to raise our young children and the aging elderly parents as independent adult sandwich generation. If we had small villages of related families that can take care of each other in bigger groups, via larger network of able bodied adults, it would help lessen the overwhelming burden on individuals/couples.
TRIGGER WARNING: I think we also need to talk about legalizing medically assisted s**c**e. Some aging ppl may not want to live with an irreversible disease that is going to progressively get worst and cause them to lose all their faculties and be incapacitated. Ppl should have the right to that option while they still have the sense to choose.
This is what I want to do. As a long term care nurse, I see too much horror to want to live through it myself!
Yes. I want this for myself too..no point working 40 years to spend your entire life savings in 3 years and also deplete your kids savings. For 3 poorly lived years. No thanks.
100% agreed, this and de-stigmatize conversations around end of life plans and considerations. Too many elderly people reach critical care decisions and are still afraid to discuss it with their adult children.
Zero safety nets in America , the richest country, while we continue to cut taxes for the wealthiest and corporations....
And spend money on wars, foreign aid, immigrants, and the military
Don’t forget cutting checks for foreign countries too 😂🤷♂️ it never stops. That’s why I’m against having kids even though I have one. Her future looks bleak. Hell all Americans do
@RobertSmith-jd6wb Vote! And get involved. Democracy works.
@@marryellenmonahan5585 BLUE!!!!
you should blame yourself for a lack of financial planning. everyone should be saving 25%+ of their income their entire lives and investing in index funds each month. that might mean no kids for a long time, it might mean no vacations, no new cars, etc. The first thing you can do is accept responsibility for the choices you made for your life.
It doesn't help that a lot of us are having kids later too now. Always someone to take care of
It’s good to know others are going through it
I praise all of those who actually do at least try to care for their parents. ❤ Most seniors do not have the funds to pay for care facilities, and the kids just write their parents off. Very sad all around.
Thank you so much for shedding light on this.
As a parent i dont get a pat on the back or automatically expect help when I am older juat because I chose to bring my child into this world. She has her own life and future. If that doesnt include me I am fine with it.
I've worked 24 years in LTC setting and I have seen it all when it comes to aging parents. I wouldn't even if put the burden of asking my child to come see me as a resident if I were ever in one.
This is why Adult Daycares are so popular now. I currently work for one in NJ and we deal with exactly what's being talked about daily with our clients..
How about a tax structure and incentives and guarantees for average people, you know like corporate America gets, then we won’t have to do our older relatives the disservice and disrespect of putting them in adult “daycare”. How does that sound to you? Are you looking forward to when you too get to sons your days weaving baskets in adult daycare. Or let me guess. It’s all going to be different for you. Right.
Aren’t adult daycares full of germs though? My mom has dementia and she’s not clean at home, I can only imagine the other elderly people who don’t want to bathe/wash hands.
@@neonpandas .I can't speak for others, but ours is very clean with a nursing staff, bathrooms, showers, games, pool table, pin pong, trips ect. Also clients are checked weekly for COVID. You'll be surprised!
@@neonpandas . I forgot a full-time social worker also.
Nursing home is not really in the dictionary of a lot of Asian families.
yep, this is a real life story, both of my parents are getting more sick recently, now a lot of doctors appointments, as the same time i have to take care of my 2 young kids, and go to work to make a living. Life has been harder recently.
We need to do better as a country
It’s interesting to think that the richest country in the world, which can afford so much for all other nations, won’t take care of its own people
This is the way that humans have been living since the beginning of time. The change is the hours we work outside of the home. That is what should addressed. This should not be looked at as a burden
It is a burden. It will be a burden when you are a senior too.
True, it the problem (such as it is) is that modern medicine has emphasized keeping death at bay while allowing chronic conditions to accumulate. Higher morbidity due to these increases caregiver burden compared to how humans were “living at the beginning of time”. We end up caring for the elderly for longer than in the past, and those we care for have more health problems, which increases the burden on everyone.
God bless the elderly all over the world in Jesus mighty name 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Shortage of true help for our elderly and veterans. Been there!
My mom is with me…I don’t have any young children but it’s still a challenge.
Very timely. The U. S. will start running more advertisements inspiring people to become more involved with their elderly family. But as someone said, we as Americans have not prepared for this.
It's been happening for decades. It's only coming more to the forefront because millenials don't want to take care of their elderly family.
Lisa Ling is back. ❤
Nevertheless, this is a no brainer for Asian families.
Such a relatable video. Thanks for sharing the raw truth here
Thank you very much for your hard work on getting us this information 👍🏼 😊
Sad but I notice this is quite common amongst Asian and Latino families.
2:53 The dad is quite handsome for his age, appears classy and stylish, obviously cognizant of his personal appearance and presentability.
It's not like this surge of elder care is a surprise to our government. For heaven's sake.
If taking care of our parents is burdensome. We will also get old and be a burden to others..
This was a great piece and well done. It really hit home. I have three sets of parents (one passed last year, so five left) all are between 70 and early 80’s. All but one are in good health, but all are still living independently. I have two young children and doing what I can to save money for college. However, I can’t help but to wonder about 5, 10, or 15 years from now. Am I sitting on a ticking bomb regarding all of my parents reaching their early 80s and 90s at the same time, and possibly at the same time that my kids may be looking at going to, or already in college? How does one prepare for such unknowns that may require the liquidation and loss of everything that the previous generation worked so hard for in order to leave to the next generation and/or the generation after that? The “Squeezed Generation” is a very accurate description, but it’s not a new phenomenon, and certainly may be a title that is inherited by the next generation as well. Very heavy stuff for sure. Just hard to wrap your brain around all of the possible outcomes.
Everything must be given for the sake of the next generation. With the way the world is headed and how it’s in a state of accelerated change almost on the level of the Industrial Revolution, sacrifices are to be made. When I have children, that is what I intend on doing. Its will be all about their success and proper development.
And once I grow old myself, it won’t matter. They will have the tools to be on their own without me. I will not be a burden on them, and will actively advocate for the generations even after them to do the same. I’m not so concerned about myself nor the past; only the future.
Thank you for covering this topic.