Confidence is beaten down by a toxic employer if your strapped with tons of debt. When your employers know you have a mortgage, student loans, car notes etc, they will make use of that fact. When they know you can take off at a moments notice because of them, confidence goes up
@@JenniferBrick this is true. I declined two projects and my boss was confused lol. After that I noticed a little more respect. He didn't know how to approach me anymore. He thought he had me pegged as desperate for money. I did need the money but I declined on purpose and his tune changed. I reminded him he needed me More.
I think Jennifer has awesome tips, but this is very true. If a manager thinks you really need the money, they will use that as an excuse to exploit your time, and mistreat you because they think you're too dependent on the job to fight back and risk losing the job.
Never ever share your financial commitments with workers, keep your life as private as possible. People can’t harm you if they don’t know anything. That’s my tip when you go to a new company
You can't let it ever leave you. You've seen true evil. You know a side of mankind that exists, no matter how much people deny it or try to manipulate you into being their puppet
I think it’s about acknowledging that side and move accordingly. Though it’s hard to not be apprehensive or defensive in future jobs, it’s better to remind yourself you are wiser than before to see the signs and that not all workplaces are going to be like that.
I never lost my confidence in my skills and ability, despite the gaslighting.......... BUT the thing that bothers me most, is if I tell anyone what happened to me, despite them having worked in toxic environments themselves, they always suggest that I was the problem. I'll be like "my boss sacked me after I came back from holiday/vacation", and they're like "you shouldn't have booked a holiday". WHY do people always side with the arseholes?
Ugh I've had a similar experience. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It sucks that the people telling you that have worked in toxic environments themselves but seem to lack to compassion when it comes to hearing about your experiences. Whenever I ranted about my (previous) work environment, certain people would ask me why I didn't do X or Y to "fix" the issues. Or they'd tell me that maybe I need to consider myself the problem. As if I hadn't already considered those options lol.
I literally had a mental breakdown from the stress and lack of support. I am still digging myself out. Started a new job at a higher level. I’m finally realizing my self worth again. Learned a lot and finally feel great for the first time in a long time.
People often tolerate things in order to be able to keep a job and provide for themselves and their loved ones. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself or your family just to spite someone else who does not care about you to begin with. If you're working and paying your bills, then you're the winner.
I spent 20 years in a toxic workplace. I know! I'm a masochist. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I would consider that really sick thinking and it took me a long time to face it head on.
So glad I came across this because I really need this. Got fired from a toxic workplace almost a year ago and have been ruminating mainly because I was being blatantly bullied by a male colleague. But I knew my worth and so did my boss but he was more focused on his ego (I was supposed to get promoted) I’ve had a series of toxic experiences and I realized it’s due to accepting job offers quickly but it’s hard in this economy. The downward spiral I’ve been going down since I graduated is really hitting me hard and I’m trying to rebuild my confidence.
I finished an internship and the work environment was super toxic. Was triggered almost every day. I called other people in my field and they all told me that this place is toxic and if they offer a full time offer. DO NOT ACCEPT!! I’m so happy to have a support system like that. I would not have survived this place otherwise.
TOXIC workplace has always been relevant because people won't stop being evil. they take everything personally it's always caused by instigators, drama queens, you can count em
"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is my description of leaving a factory job full of Narcissists and low living people. Being a person of integrity, it has been a rough 9 years. Paid off all debt, was able to walk away, and go back to my first job where integrity is celebrated. They are thrilled to get me back.
My current boss fits into the 'overly critical' category. This person has a lot of personal fears that spill over into the work environment because they really doubt their own performance every step of the way. It's disturbing but I try to keep that in mind when they critique things. Most of the time as they're critiquing my work or ranting about something going on at work, I will take a moment and say "most people would never even notice these issues as they're the faux concerns of someone who cannot be pleased." That has helped me get through the last year as I count the days until I can get away. It's very difficult and tiring to work for people who are deeply insecure perfectionists.
Yes, but confidence in a different aspect. I have retained my confidence in my own skills, but my confidence in some colleagues is the one that seems jarred. I have had myself demoted from my previous manager role so that I could minimize my interactions with our department head who used me as a shield from factions and some former subordinates who had much resentment against our administration. The mental sabotage made me very cynical toward other people in the team. I still work in the same department since there are no vacancies in others, and I need money to complete my down payment for my future home. Now that I am back to my individual contributor role, I am ready to set boundaries. I am never giving these persons any opening to take advantage of me again.
I was made redundant a few years ago and my employer was very brutal even though I had worked for the university for 27 years. I was furious but it totally destroyed my confidence. Since then though I have had other jobs with success, but retired now.
Co workers Are Not Your Friends! Especially if they pretend they are, they are not! They are just trying to get info from you and your feelings to report back to their boss who happens to be their actual friend who carpools with them Every Single Morning without asking you to carpool when you all live in the same damn town and worked at the same damn place! Co workers are not your friends. Be Aware of the Ides of BS!
Feed them slight misinformation to spread so they look like idiots.if you need something to get out, tell them in confidence. Know their value in your toolbox and use it accordingly
I went from one toxic job to another toxic job. Were you are constantly micromanaged and treated like idiots that don’t know what we are doing. All the sales teams just got screamed at because the venues are not producing . The worst part is that this new job a former coworker recommended the company. She talked so great about it, but she is drowning and works 24/7.
Jennifer Madam you are a mind compass for those in recovery mode,you are an awesome mind reader literally living your life for the good few. Thank You. 👍👏🙏
Jennifer - I am so grateful to have found you. I can't tell you how much every single thing you've said in these videos speak to me. The last few years have been hell. Thank you so very much. You have helped me see that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, and do what I have to do to get there. I wish I could hug you.
What are some questions you can ask in the interview to find out if you'll be reporting to a micromanager? There are all kinds of advice on dealing with one once you're stuck with one - but is there any way to know that's what I'd be dealing with, BEFORE I accept an offer?
Be upfront. I ask, “On a spectrum, where on one side you have a manager who is extremely involved in my day-to-day and on the other side you have a manager who gives me total independence, where would you stand?”
Honestly, I've found even if you ask, most interviewers will lie. The best source is observing members of the team you'll be joining. If it's a toxic place, you'll usually see it in everyone's demeanor or feel it in the room.
Jennifer..I think you are so amazing .. your suggestions are invaluable and you are so informed and so right !!!!! You hit it spot on !! Keep them coming ... thanks for your help !!!
I think thats how i feel. Ive applied for so many jobs and got so many rejections my confidence just disappeared. I felt stuck. I was working 10-12 shifts stationary When i would get home i would be physical exhausted. I would be so depressed getting rejected because i tried and it was hard to just get the time off to get it
Cos their issue is that they are threatened by you when you are there working with them. When you are no longer there, you're no longer a threat to them so no reason to be mean to you. Feel free to take it as a compliment👍🏽
Oh. Yeah. They want to think good of themselves. Plus they want you to see them as good rather than who they really are. Smile, disengage, and check your back for knives
@@lmiller1413 I find it so appalling that coworkers even feel the need to backstab. It just goes to show you what kind of culture the workplace is fostering.
I am currently trying to finish out at a toxic workplace. I have a slightly complicated position where I am contracted into the public schools from an outside agency. The schools have been the absolute worst and I feel like I've completely lost myself. It wouldn't be so awful though if my actual employer was standing up for me. They are not against me, but I needed them to stand up and fight for me and they didn't. This situation has created so much anxiety that I can barely function in both my work and personal life.
10:03 thank you for sharing your knowledge in your videos! You have given me the support I needed to leave mr toxic job. I appreciate these insights! And now how to recover from this awful work experience. Very grateful !
Its pretty obvious what's going on when your supervisor only gives you criticism when everyone else keeps giving you endless praise for your work. Those kinds of bosses are under the delusion that their opinion is the only one that you are listen to and the only one that matters.
I've had lots of jobs ,some high and some low.....but the common thread running through them all.. Is every other employee snd boss will try to subjugate you...they feel great if they can laugh at me..
For me the most hurtful part what the face that my team acknowledged the treatment was unfair by the boss/owner. But they refused to do anything to threaten their own job. I understand protecting your income, but the bystander effect really was terrible. As a white woman, it makes me more sad and upset thinking what POC may experience in work.
My toxic work perps have been smokers, druggies, alchies, mentally ill and or personality disordered. Well adjusted/integrated people don't behave like this. The observe don't absorb technique, will help preserve ones sanity.🙄
In my observation most of Boss wants a intelligent worker who finished a college degree they have short span with a no intelligent worker who just finished a two year course And the thing they stop talking some shits on you when they find out you have a house and surprised they learned you are not poor clerk
Mine waited until finals week and my car breaking down. He asked “how are finals?” “How is your car?” 😂😂 I mean this dude is so incompetent, I’m surprised he was able to time things so well
Most of the time at high School I did the best I to go along with the rest of the students because I had a lot learning difficulties almost hundred years ago I still go go along with the other duties or just do a duty because a supervisor said to do it at the end of the day feel like I am hitting self in a wall after following the leader
it's difficult if u are quiet and mind your own work and even if you are a bit extra social , there seems to be no fixed path. What's your thought on this ?
Too social and the rumor is you don't do your work. Too quiet and you are not a team player. Basically, they want you to be seen talking to people sparingly but at crucial times while doing your work the rest of the time.
OMG get over it already. You are still talking about a toxic work culture. You are now creating your own toxic lifestyle. Time to move on and No I don't need any advice from you. I am out.
This is a toxic comment. Who are you to say how people process gaslighting. Sabatoge, work theft, etc. and depending how toxic an evm is, ie faang tech companies, the harm can be on a large continuum. People “get over” things in different ways.
Confidence is beaten down by a toxic employer if your strapped with tons of debt. When your employers know you have a mortgage, student loans, car notes etc, they will make use of that fact. When they know you can take off at a moments notice because of them, confidence goes up
Financial security and dependencies are definitely an important part of the conversation when it comes to toxic workplace escape!
@@JenniferBrick this is true. I declined two projects and my boss was confused lol. After that I noticed a little more respect. He didn't know how to approach me anymore. He thought he had me pegged as desperate for money. I did need the money but I declined on purpose and his tune changed. I reminded him he needed me More.
I think Jennifer has awesome tips, but this is very true. If a manager thinks you really need the money, they will use that as an excuse to exploit your time, and mistreat you because they think you're too dependent on the job to fight back and risk losing the job.
I learned that the hard way.
Never ever share your financial commitments with workers, keep your life as private as possible. People can’t harm you if they don’t know anything. That’s my tip when you go to a new company
I find that this toxicity never leaves you and your always on guard
You can't let it ever leave you. You've seen true evil. You know a side of mankind that exists, no matter how much people deny it or try to manipulate you into being their puppet
I think it’s about acknowledging that side and move accordingly. Though it’s hard to not be apprehensive or defensive in future jobs, it’s better to remind yourself you are wiser than before to see the signs and that not all workplaces are going to be like that.
I never lost my confidence in my skills and ability, despite the gaslighting.......... BUT the thing that bothers me most, is if I tell anyone what happened to me, despite them having worked in toxic environments themselves, they always suggest that I was the problem.
I'll be like "my boss sacked me after I came back from holiday/vacation", and they're like "you shouldn't have booked a holiday". WHY do people always side with the arseholes?
I have had the same experience. Whenever I had cause to complain the boss would try to say that I was the one with the problem!
Ugh I've had a similar experience. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It sucks that the people telling you that have worked in toxic environments themselves but seem to lack to compassion when it comes to hearing about your experiences.
Whenever I ranted about my (previous) work environment, certain people would ask me why I didn't do X or Y to "fix" the issues. Or they'd tell me that maybe I need to consider myself the problem. As if I hadn't already considered those options lol.
Do stop caring less about toxic work place. Let it go and move on. Hope you enjoyed your holiday!💖x
Exactly! You can't even say why you left because people are looking at ways to blame you.
@@stelladallasAlabama I'm speaking to hiring managers who have worked for one company for 20 years and have NO idea what it's like our there.
I literally had a mental breakdown from the stress and lack of support. I am still digging myself out. Started a new job at a higher level. I’m finally realizing my self worth again. Learned a lot and finally feel great for the first time in a long time.
Hey! I am at the same position... How is it going?
So true. You'll fall into toxic people's trap if you seek external validation.
never seek for validation. People have set their first impression and judgement on you. You can't change their prejudice
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
My ex toxic boss would give me a compliment...and I would say 'I know I'm a good worker, glad you noticed the obvious'
People often tolerate things in order to be able to keep a job and provide for themselves and their loved ones. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself or your family just to spite someone else who does not care about you to begin with. If you're working and paying your bills, then you're the winner.
I'm glad you can tolerate it, this video does not apply to you then c:
I spent 20 years in a toxic workplace. I know! I'm a masochist. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I would consider that really sick thinking and it took me a long time to face it head on.
Me too … spent 25 years at a toxic workplace because I needed a pension and self supporting
So glad I came across this because I really need this. Got fired from a toxic workplace almost a year ago and have been ruminating mainly because I was being blatantly bullied by a male colleague. But I knew my worth and so did my boss but he was more focused on his ego (I was supposed to get promoted) I’ve had a series of toxic experiences and I realized it’s due to accepting job offers quickly but it’s hard in this economy. The downward spiral I’ve been going down since I graduated is really hitting me hard and I’m trying to rebuild my confidence.
💯💯💯
I finished an internship and the work environment was super toxic. Was triggered almost every day. I called other people in my field and they all told me that this place is toxic and if they offer a full time offer. DO NOT ACCEPT!! I’m so happy to have a support system like that. I would not have survived this place otherwise.
David what industry was the internship in, I'm just curious. You don't have to be super specific, obviously.
It was a consulting firm.
I will consider the source. Left my toxic job this past week and looking forward to my next job starting next week.
TOXIC workplace has always been relevant
because people won't stop being evil. they take everything personally
it's always caused by instigators, drama queens, you can count em
Always one or two in a workplace.
Even worse when theirs 3 or more.
"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is my description of leaving a factory job full of Narcissists and low living people. Being a person of integrity, it has been a rough 9 years. Paid off all debt, was able to walk away, and go back to my first job where integrity is celebrated. They are thrilled to get me back.
My current boss fits into the 'overly critical' category. This person has a lot of personal fears that spill over into the work environment because they really doubt their own performance every step of the way. It's disturbing but I try to keep that in mind when they critique things. Most of the time as they're critiquing my work or ranting about something going on at work, I will take a moment and say "most people would never even notice these issues as they're the faux concerns of someone who cannot be pleased." That has helped me get through the last year as I count the days until I can get away. It's very difficult and tiring to work for people who are deeply insecure perfectionists.
Yes, but confidence in a different aspect. I have retained my confidence in my own skills, but my confidence in some colleagues is the one that seems jarred. I have had myself demoted from my previous manager role so that I could minimize my interactions with our department head who used me as a shield from factions and some former subordinates who had much resentment against our administration. The mental sabotage made me very cynical toward other people in the team. I still work in the same department since there are no vacancies in others, and I need money to complete my down payment for my future home. Now that I am back to my individual contributor role, I am ready to set boundaries. I am never giving these persons any opening to take advantage of me again.
Diminished trust is a common byproduct in a toxic workplace. Boundaries are going to really help you in risk mitigation.
I feel you on the note.💖
Have you struggled with confidence at work after leaving a toxic job?
I was made redundant a few years ago and my employer was very brutal even though I had worked for the university for 27 years. I was furious but it totally destroyed my confidence. Since then though I have had other jobs with success, but retired now.
Definitely it almost zaps the life out of you
I'm down and alone now and thinking to leave my job and finding one for good
Curate the Fs you give! Word up to this. Huge fan of focusing on what you can control. Excellent video as always!!
Co workers Are Not Your Friends! Especially if they pretend they are, they are not! They are just trying to get info from you and your feelings to report back to their boss who happens to be their actual friend who carpools with them Every Single Morning without asking you to carpool when you all live in the same damn town and worked at the same damn place! Co workers are not your friends. Be Aware of the Ides of BS!
Feed them slight misinformation to spread so they look like idiots.if you need something to get out, tell them in confidence. Know their value in your toolbox and use it accordingly
I went from one toxic job to another toxic job. Were you are constantly micromanaged and treated like idiots that don’t know what we are doing. All the sales teams just got screamed at because the venues are not producing . The worst part is that this new job a former coworker recommended the company. She talked so great about it, but she is drowning and works 24/7.
Jennifer Madam you are a mind compass for those in recovery mode,you are an awesome mind reader literally living your life for the good few. Thank You. 👍👏🙏
I've been through this all before and so have my clients. We need to talk about it openly to heal 💜
Yes, I am working in good work environment. I am deprogram from a toxic environment. Agree
Jennifer - I am so grateful to have found you. I can't tell you how much every single thing you've said in these videos speak to me. The last few years have been hell. Thank you so very much. You have helped me see that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, and do what I have to do to get there. I wish I could hug you.
Would you ever consider doing a LIVE UAQ Q&A? Reason I ask is a UAQ vs job descriptions would be a great debate! :)
I am plotting something to dive into UAQ and have open q&a, likely September-ish
I will consider the source.
Thanks for another insightful video, I need to hear this right now 🙂
Glad it was here for you today, Emma!
Fantastic content as usual....Thank you
So glad you enjoyed the video!
What are some questions you can ask in the interview to find out if you'll be reporting to a micromanager?
There are all kinds of advice on dealing with one once you're stuck with one - but is there any way to know that's what I'd be dealing with, BEFORE I accept an offer?
Be upfront. I ask, “On a spectrum, where on one side you have a manager who is extremely involved in my day-to-day and on the other side you have a manager who gives me total independence, where would you stand?”
@@pogejr great advice! I’ll add this question to my list.
@@pogejr excellent 👍🏿 will be asking this question
Honestly, I've found even if you ask, most interviewers will lie. The best source is observing members of the team you'll be joining.
If it's a toxic place, you'll usually see it in everyone's demeanor or feel it in the room.
Jennifer..I think you are so amazing .. your suggestions are invaluable and you are so informed and so right !!!!! You hit it spot on !! Keep them coming ... thanks for your help !!!
Definitely can relate to this!
I think thats how i feel. Ive applied for so many jobs and got so many rejections my confidence just disappeared. I felt stuck. I was working 10-12 shifts stationary
When i would get home i would be physical exhausted. I would be so depressed getting rejected because i tried and it was hard to just get the time off to get it
She is on point!!!!! Why is she so right right now?
Detox is necessarily. Thx for advice😁
My confidence is begotten in the weight room.
What I find odd is you leave your toxic boss, and you bump into your boss a few years later, they seem friendly and approachable it’s very odd
Cos their issue is that they are threatened by you when you are there working with them. When you are no longer there, you're no longer a threat to them so no reason to be mean to you. Feel free to take it as a compliment👍🏽
They are still not trustworthy. If their inner core is ugly, it’s ugly, no matter how they seem to mask it in other circumstances.
Guilt
Oh. Yeah. They want to think good of themselves. Plus they want you to see them as good rather than who they really are. Smile, disengage, and check your back for knives
@@lmiller1413 I find it so appalling that coworkers even feel the need to backstab. It just goes to show you what kind of culture the workplace is fostering.
I am currently trying to finish out at a toxic workplace. I have a slightly complicated position where I am contracted into the public schools from an outside agency. The schools have been the absolute worst and I feel like I've completely lost myself. It wouldn't be so awful though if my actual employer was standing up for me. They are not against me, but I needed them to stand up and fight for me and they didn't. This situation has created so much anxiety that I can barely function in both my work and personal life.
10:03 thank you for sharing your knowledge in your videos! You have given me the support I needed to leave mr toxic job. I appreciate these insights! And now how to recover from this awful work experience. Very grateful !
I'm sending you all the vibes to get out and get over your toxic job Janet 💜
These are some of your very best videos. Appreciate you greatly for this. We need this feedback to keep from going off the deep end.
Its pretty obvious what's going on when your supervisor only gives you criticism when everyone else keeps giving you endless praise for your work. Those kinds of bosses are under the delusion that their opinion is the only one that you are listen to and the only one that matters.
I've had lots of jobs ,some high and some low.....but the common thread running through them all..
Is every other employee snd boss will try to subjugate you...they feel great if they can laugh at me..
Thank you girl . This is awesome :) I will do it Right away
For me the most hurtful part what the face that my team acknowledged the treatment was unfair by the boss/owner. But they refused to do anything to threaten their own job. I understand protecting your income, but the bystander effect really was terrible. As a white woman, it makes me more sad and upset thinking what POC may experience in work.
Still self employed 5 years later after it
I was just talking about this
It's a topic that needs more attention!
My toxic work perps have been smokers, druggies, alchies, mentally ill and or personality disordered. Well adjusted/integrated people don't behave like this. The observe don't absorb technique, will help preserve ones sanity.🙄
You are always spot on😂😂😂😂😂GAWD❤❤❤❤
Great advice!
Thank you Jennifer”
Yes definitely
Love this channel
I'll consider the source!!
In my observation most of Boss wants a intelligent worker who finished a college degree they have short span with a no intelligent worker who just finished a two year course And the thing they stop talking some shits on you when they find out you have a house and surprised they learned you are not poor clerk
Mine waited until finals week and my car breaking down. He asked “how are finals?” “How is your car?”
😂😂 I mean this dude is so incompetent, I’m surprised he was able to time things so well
Most of the time at high School I did the best I to go along with the rest of the students because I had a lot learning difficulties almost hundred years ago I still go go along with the other duties or just do a duty because a supervisor said to do it at the end of the day feel like I am hitting self in a wall after following the leader
I will consider the source
it's difficult if u are quiet and mind your own work and even if you are a bit extra social , there seems to be no fixed path. What's your thought on this ?
Too social and the rumor is you don't do your work. Too quiet and you are not a team player. Basically, they want you to be seen talking to people sparingly but at crucial times while doing your work the rest of the time.
Working in this horrible job for 6 years has really destroyed me. I think I'm going to sue this company
I still have nightmares
Yes very limited
Can't take the afflection in her voice. Feel like I'm being talked down to or dismissed
OMG get over it already. You are still talking about a toxic work culture. You are now creating your own toxic lifestyle. Time to move on and No I don't need any advice from you. I am out.
This is a toxic comment. Who are you to say how people process gaslighting. Sabatoge, work theft, etc. and depending how toxic an evm is, ie faang tech companies, the harm can be on a large continuum. People “get over” things in different ways.
You’re avoidant that this happens. Why is it that you’re looking for a job and have one now ? For stability, you little pea brain.
thank you