Mary Lambert - Lay Your Head Down

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 16 гру 2015
  • Recorded and filmed by Chris Mathews, Jr.
    Recorded at: Cornish College of the Arts
    Mixed at Big Sound, Seattle, WA.
    Edited at Joonior Studios, Seattle, WA.
  • Розваги

КОМЕНТАРІ • 433

  • @brookesworks
    @brookesworks 7 років тому +421

    how does she go from cursing sarah mclachlan to helping me understand my soul. I love this woman.

  • @jesspumroy2047
    @jesspumroy2047 8 років тому +173

    I CRY BECAUSE MARY LAMBERT TOUCHES MY FUCKING SOUL

  • @DonnyWinter
    @DonnyWinter 8 років тому +252

    I am here listening to this song because I'm crying. I'm crying because I don't understand why such cruelty exists in this world.

    • @reileone2893
      @reileone2893 7 років тому +12

      dont cry..there is hope.. MORE LOVE PLEASE..# STAY STRONGER.

    • @sparkletacular
      @sparkletacular Рік тому

      Crying is a gift.... the warm fuzzy tears, the empathetic tears, and even the hurt and broken tears. I think I would spontaneously combust if I had no way to express all the emotions with which I am constantly filled .... filled to overflowing. Some of us just feel more deeply than others, neither being better or worse ... Just different.
      I cry because of the cruelty in this world but also because you hurt, perhaps from being a victim of the cruelty. Let the tears flow .... and let them rinse out that wound. Crying is a gift.

  • @lolowcals
    @lolowcals 8 років тому +496

    hearing her is like, me being in my safe place, she is my safe place

    • @just_jaz162
      @just_jaz162 8 років тому +16

      Same, there's just something about her voice...its so calming

    • @mystiemoozey
      @mystiemoozey 7 років тому +19

      she makes everything feel like it's okay, even when it's not

    • @savannahn0383
      @savannahn0383 6 років тому

      luka ik what u mean!

    • @johnpublic75
      @johnpublic75 5 років тому

      There are no safe places in life Snowflake....

  • @jayre5689
    @jayre5689 8 років тому +312

    Sometimes I'm crying because I'm not listening to Mary Lambert and sometimes I'm (always) crying because I AM listening to Mary Lambert

  • @tinanguyen451
    @tinanguyen451 7 років тому +222

    This is beyond beautiful..... "Because most of the time a word is just a word, until it's not just a word, it is a weapon"
    "I'm crying because I AM myself.. and that doesn't feel like enough".

  • @sabrinabassett4085
    @sabrinabassett4085 8 років тому +117

    I'm crying because no one has ever told me its okay to cry at the flowers on the side of the road or the hugs my grandpa gives me or coming home to three nephews who love me regardless of the 5 months I have to spend away and the 1 month they get with me. I'm crying because I don't feel so crazy. I don't feel so alone.

    • @immortalsugimandudeguy
      @immortalsugimandudeguy 5 років тому +2

      Sabrina Bassett that’s beautiful. I was taught it was wrong for a guy to cry. And now I can’t cry. I want to cry so bad, so many times, but the tears don’t flow, until I reach the lowest of my depression and I’m finally able to cry. I use to be able to express my sadness by crying, but no longer. Hopefully as time goes on I’m able to re-claim that ability to express my sadness

    • @Lucailey
      @Lucailey 5 років тому

      You are so beautiful inside. I want you to know that your comment touched me Sarah. It is inportant to cry over beautiful flowers, our loved ones and life.😍

  • @romeocapuno3981
    @romeocapuno3981 8 років тому +77

    I cry because I'm thankful that someone like Mary exists and writes beautiful songs and I cry because her songs are like my reflection in the mirror and that simply makes me cry.

  • @layne3601
    @layne3601 3 роки тому +3

    sometimes I cry because I find this song again after 5 years and it feels like _home_

  • @PrettyRecklessBarbie
    @PrettyRecklessBarbie 7 років тому +61

    I cry because Mary lambert hit me right in my damn soul again.

  • @11Angel33
    @11Angel33 8 років тому +24

    i cry because despite everything we are still loving and lovers and love, and you cant tell me that's not winning, that that isn't enough.

  • @spacesaurus7563
    @spacesaurus7563 7 років тому +20

    I'm drowning in the truth from her words. Truly, she is one of the most lyrically talented artists I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. She touches the mind, heart, and soul.

  • @dominationnation9033
    @dominationnation9033 7 років тому +8

    Mary Lambert touches the soul I didn't know I had.

  • @cheevang868
    @cheevang868 5 років тому +3

    Mary Lambert makes me cry and I love her so much for these tears. Sometimes I feel like a slab of tombstone and then Mary reminds me that I'm actually human.

  • @oshauy
    @oshauy 8 років тому +22

    I cry because math is so confusing. I cry because some songs can remind me of good times with my bestfriend. I cry because of some gym class in 6th grade when my buddy wasn't in the same team as me. I cry because I don't have enough energy to read my favorite book in one night. I cry because of the stuffed strawberry in my sock drawer that I took for granted.I cry because my family is sad. I cry because I think of my dog dying. I cry because I haven't cried in a while and just need to let it out.

  • @valkyriephoenix130
    @valkyriephoenix130 6 років тому +4

    I cry cause I finily feel something an sometimes I cry when I realize that I am free from the abuse an the darkness which my wife had saved me from.. I cry when I can't focus an sometimes I cry when I just need to cry..

  • @ChrisKylerDerma
    @ChrisKylerDerma 8 років тому +7

    This song is an instigator of tears. When I was a child, my brother would cry...so I would cry louder...the meds thing...yeah...or lack of thinking like self...the lay your head down thing really did help...my mother's heartbeat...I cry because I'm scared for no reason sometimes...but I really think there is a good reason...I don't think I've ever happy cried. So, that's the state of my heart...and it feels like forever.

  • @elizawrenn1855
    @elizawrenn1855 8 років тому +54

    my girlfriend broke up with me today. and now i am crying. thank you for another incredible song. please never stop making music. well done for the millionth time.

  • @manyfrogsinatrenchcoat
    @manyfrogsinatrenchcoat 7 років тому +29

    i love Mary Lambert so much. Like if i ever met her id probably just spend the whole time blushing...... and Maybe cry a little.
    but good tears... i think...

  • @vivacious-nachos5609
    @vivacious-nachos5609 8 років тому +6

    I honestly fell in love with her because of one song and now every song that I listen to of hers I fall in love with her again! Mary Lambert makes me think and cry, she is one of the only artists that can do that for me. Thank You so much Mary Lambert for doing and sticking up for what you love even though some people are rude. You are beautiful!!!!

  • @florencecastle6435
    @florencecastle6435 8 років тому +20

    this makes me feel so much, her words and sounds produce the most raw, honest, maturity I hope to be able to express myself one day, Mary Inspires me and helps me not feel so ashamed to feel some of the ways I do ♥ she is Magic ♥

  • @luxurypetscz
    @luxurypetscz 7 років тому +137

    why isn't she more famous? I'm selfishly glad she isn't, but...why?

    • @noabenbenisti8696
      @noabenbenisti8696 7 років тому

      i honestly dont know

    • @lindamorse7463
      @lindamorse7463 7 років тому +8

      Probably because she's fat and a lesbian. They overlook her brilliant talent.

    • @debknaff3723
      @debknaff3723 7 років тому +12

      Linda Morse I think you summed it up very accurately.
      Isn't it a sad commentary? If society saw her as skinny and heterosexual, she'd be a top star. To me, she is a mentor, a seed of change, and probably one of the most beautiful woman I will have the privilege of listening to.

    • @jaymeselijah
      @jaymeselijah 7 років тому +2

      I doubt that. The media is starting to idolize obese people like Tess Holiday.

    • @Lucailey
      @Lucailey 5 років тому +4

      @@lindamorse7463 yup thats what i was going to say. But she is beautiful inside and out. She is so very strong to have over come what happened in her life. However there is one song she sings "Dont want to do it" where she sings about not wanting to write songs and perform and just be with the girl. We all want more Mary but, I think she made her money and does not want the famous life. I cant really blame her. She sees past all the bull shit and thats why we love her.

  • @gelavejking7733
    @gelavejking7733 7 років тому +13

    Her voice is so soft and beautiful

  • @amberhyett4117
    @amberhyett4117 8 років тому +29

    5 minutes wasn't enough, I could of listened to this for hours on end, you are an ethereal human being I swear 💖

  • @maisiesayers5371
    @maisiesayers5371 8 років тому +6

    'sometimes I cry when cheese is really good' pretty much summed up my life even though everything else was 100% relatable and now I don't know how to feel and I'm crying thank u mary again

  • @mpatient13tehe17
    @mpatient13tehe17 2 роки тому +1

    I cry because I know there is love, and I cry because I love someone, but then I’m crying more because I love that someone too much, and then I cry even harder because I know that person doesn’t love me back, and I cry the hardest at the times I know that they don’t even know I exist! I cry because that makes me feel lost, I cry because I want to find a way back, I cry because I know there is no way back. I cry because I have comfort, I cry because of how nice it is to sit by the fireplace and listen to my comfort songs, and I cry because of my cats, and the fact that they will snuggle up next to me when I cry by the fireplace! I cry because this is my life, and I cry because this is what my life has come to, and I cry because I don’t know how I ended up here.

  • @AnonymousLuckyOne
    @AnonymousLuckyOne 8 років тому +5

    her voice makes me feel safe and secure. How is this only 50,000+ views

  • @kidfromthehaven
    @kidfromthehaven 8 років тому +20

    Wow! This year has been one of the hardest in my whole life. We had 3 deaths in our family in 1 month and so much more. Your music is so touching. You brought me to tears and laughter in 0.1 seconds. "F Sarah McLaughlin," What a beautiful song Mary. Thank you.

  • @nicholebrown3928
    @nicholebrown3928 8 років тому +16

    This is so beautiful. Mary, you are like the sunshine that brightens all of my days, yet the rain that comes to remind me that it is alright to be dark, to be grey, to be sad. You are the only one who understands me simply by understanding yourself...and I don't think there are enough ways to thank you for being such a beautiful, honest, inspiring human being.

  • @finnleycaelainn
    @finnleycaelainn 6 років тому +4

    I did this song as a dance solo, my favourite dance that I have ever done. It really spoke to the emotion that I love to pour into my dances, it was fitting for my last dance. I've spend this dance year injured and since I've been dealing with a lot of depression because of it. This song (and my solo) really helped make this year better.

  • @kcjude
    @kcjude 8 років тому +3

    Mary, your song just made me cry. I'll cry with you. You're amazing, loved and valued!!!!

  • @lbbelrose951
    @lbbelrose951 7 років тому +2

    This absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! This is everything that I describe about me, myself, my life; & everything that we are that it is in.

  • @cookiemuncher31
    @cookiemuncher31 8 років тому +1

    U rock "Mary Lambert" I'm 44 yrs old and ive never seen or heard anyone who is that wise beyond your years

  • @RyanHarman19
    @RyanHarman19 8 років тому +101

    Please put this on iTunes or allow us to download it, this is beyond beautiful Mary, it took me on a total emotional journey from crying to laughing to crying again. Your art and talent is truly unbelievable

    • @carolinemccall7356
      @carolinemccall7356 8 років тому +1

      +Ryan Harman You can do youtube to MP3

    • @RyanHarman19
      @RyanHarman19 8 років тому +6

      I know but i like to support the artist properly too by buying the song properly if you get me!

    • @carolinemccall7356
      @carolinemccall7356 8 років тому +1

      Oh no if course but it's not on there so if you really wanted it you could sorry

    • @RyanHarman19
      @RyanHarman19 8 років тому

      Yeah i have already! Such a gorgeous song too :)

    • @matthewhohman
      @matthewhohman 8 років тому

      Maybe next album?????

  • @alexevans9117
    @alexevans9117 8 років тому +15

    Role model. Such a beautiful person. 💕💕💕

    • @toniacevedo2010
      @toniacevedo2010 3 роки тому

      She really is. Amazing beautiful person. Blessed her always.

  • @abacusmorgan2
    @abacusmorgan2 5 років тому +1

    I don't cry easily, but sob every single time I listen to this. Every SINGLE time. And sometimes that's exactly why I watch it.

  • @anotherweirdo
    @anotherweirdo 8 років тому +3

    This should have way more views, damn it.
    Favourite song

  • @ROCKXREVIEWS1
    @ROCKXREVIEWS1 8 років тому +5

    3 dislikes ? How? This is beautiful. She's not only a great singer . But also a great poet . Love her!

  • @omw9965
    @omw9965 8 років тому +48

    I came across this video by accident, looking for an antenna named wa-2608, clicked on your channel and clicked on this video. It was truly an honor to have watched this video even by mistake. I really was touched by it and congratulate you in what you do because it inspires many, one person at a time. thanks. :)

  • @loverofthetruth6085
    @loverofthetruth6085 5 років тому +5

    I found you by accident today, just flipping through UA-cam, and I couldn't stop listening. I love your voice. I love your songs. I love your sense of humor. Can't wait to hear more from you!

  • @graciatakashita6133
    @graciatakashita6133 6 років тому +5

    This is good, i cry because ive been trying to be strong for so long.. And i needed this, thanks Mary!

  • @gessellier7007
    @gessellier7007 5 років тому +4

    Your songs always make me cry, but they’re so good. They have such a good meaning behind them and are just so beautiful and genuine. You are so beautiful and should be so proud of your music. Your songs truly bring tears of joy and sadness to my eyes. It’s so incredibly that you are able to do that just through singing. I cry because there are people so amazing like you in the world.

  • @brianbrenton1025
    @brianbrenton1025 3 роки тому

    The right thing at the right time. Today i am thankful for you, and to you, Mary Lambert.

  • @narbiesims2997
    @narbiesims2997 7 років тому +12

    I wish we could buy this. I wish we had a whole album of your spoken word.

  • @BTSARMY-wz2ib
    @BTSARMY-wz2ib 5 років тому +3

    I still watch it when I'm sad

  • @genevievesings_
    @genevievesings_ 8 років тому +2

    Her voice is so simple and pure, I love how raw her music is

  • @DonnyWinter
    @DonnyWinter 8 років тому +18

    I love you. This is absolutely beautiful. Nothing resonates with me more in this world than your musical poems.

  • @btbesquire5
    @btbesquire5 8 років тому +2

    this is magic. about every emotion, feeling, sensation, perspective. Thank you, Mary Lambert.

  • @jeannettewilhite3726
    @jeannettewilhite3726 Рік тому

    This song reminds me of me reaching down deep inside of me and taking a good look.she is a really great singer. I sing one of her songs I can't change. May everyone have a blessed evening.

  • @caseykohler21403
    @caseykohler21403 8 років тому +1

    I'm just in tears, good tears! Mary is amazing and beautiful; you are my role model so don't stop being you!

  • @marjoriehenry7304
    @marjoriehenry7304 8 років тому +2

    You made me cry, laugh and remember why I love music so much. Thank you for being an inspiration!

  • @jennamomenna5750
    @jennamomenna5750 7 років тому +1

    I cry because Mary Lambert's songs are *so* beautiful and they make me feel just pure and human and in the moment

  • @lucykent1957
    @lucykent1957 8 років тому +2

    every time i hear a mary lambert song it inspires me to write a new song. she is a blessed human with words so beautiful i cannot even explain myself. I could't get out my own words, and so she did it for me. AGAIN. This is why i love mary lambert. It's like my heart is filled with warmth again.

  • @wildeeyed6914
    @wildeeyed6914 8 років тому +2

    I love this so much. Thank you, Mary.

  • @galyahzaini8750
    @galyahzaini8750 7 років тому +2

    i love her so much. her voice and her music are so moving. the only way I can describe her music is like spoken word poetry set to gorgeous sounds/music. she touches my soul and makes me cry and feel better. she's so honest and relatable.

  • @lindamorse7463
    @lindamorse7463 7 років тому +2

    This is hauntingly beautiful and touches me deeply. I love her music and her voice, her heart and her humor.

  • @DarkWaterfall
    @DarkWaterfall 8 років тому +6

    Oh Mary, your music and words just say everything that's inside of me. Thank you for this. So beautiful.

  • @robbiemicheal4944
    @robbiemicheal4944 6 років тому +2

    I think a lot of people can relate to this song; because it is so powerful, moving and touching. First time I heard Mary was on a Macklemore song. And I think she's super talented, and has a realness to her, not like some artists you see these days.

  • @marouantheme7516
    @marouantheme7516 4 роки тому +1

    and I cry because this poem is very heartfelt

  • @danakr7p907
    @danakr7p907 6 років тому

    I cry because when I share your music those that will listen don't hear what I hear, that which moves me to tears. I am sad for them.

  • @skylerwyatt7993
    @skylerwyatt7993 6 років тому +1

    She is so beautiful and so real so honest , god I hope I meet her one day😊

  • @rebeccaraeta7631
    @rebeccaraeta7631 4 роки тому +1

    Mary Lambert devastates me and I’m here for it each time

  • @nanoahstruik9815
    @nanoahstruik9815 7 років тому +2

    i have goosebumps, she reminds me i do have feelings.

  • @flipchick88
    @flipchick88 8 років тому +3

    Mary, you are indeed a true artist in the way you intricately, yet beautifully write your songs and poetry. Thank you for allowing us to feel an array of emotions and being able to share your stories with the world. You really are one of my favorite artists! :D

  • @grace_danielruiter7361
    @grace_danielruiter7361 3 роки тому

    I cry because girls like Mary Lambert appear in the world and show how genuine people can be ...Girl Power!

  • @mandiecoveyduck191
    @mandiecoveyduck191 7 років тому +1

    i feel like i know this person...thank you Mary. For opening up your soul to reach ouch to others.

  • @freelandr
    @freelandr 8 років тому +1

    As my best friend said, not many songs are real anymore, I listened to this song and feel like I've been shot thru the heart with feelings. Thank you Mary. You are beautiful, talented and I love your songs. ( I also love hammocks)

  • @victoriawatts519
    @victoriawatts519 7 років тому

    I cry because they call me worthless. I cry because i know it's true. I cry because i know I cannot avoid pain. I cry because I'm crying over it. I'm crying now because I feel emotion when I listen to her beautiful voice.

  • @Jocrooms
    @Jocrooms 6 років тому +1

    I cry because I want to cry. Because sometimes the joy is overwhelming. I cry because I am human and I am human because I cry. I cry because I found this song and I cry because I did not find it sooner.
    Thank you Mary Lambert.

  • @rebeccawatkins4019
    @rebeccawatkins4019 3 роки тому

    Mary, you made my dog cry...she whined all the way through this son and dear Jo and that's really something, because Gemma is a big tough pitbull! We both love you Mary keep on doing what your doing

  • @whoareyou1332
    @whoareyou1332 8 років тому +1

    I love so much about Mary Lambert's music. But as a singer/musician myself, I think her use of space in her songs is just beautiful. You are left tantalisingly hanging, waiting for the next beautiful note to be breathed through her mouth. She weaves a magical spell with songs like this, and yet can do the crossover to something more frivolous like 'Secrets'. It's a good song, but her songs like this one have a haunting beauty and such maturity about them. Love, love, love her!

  • @aylahayden6100
    @aylahayden6100 6 років тому +1

    This is amazingly beautiful... it made me laugh and cry, feel broken and mended, and made me feel completely full, all simultaneously

  • @xquavius
    @xquavius 8 років тому

    This makes you cry tears of joy and tears of sorrow...

  • @appledumpling5176
    @appledumpling5176 8 років тому +2

    this song makes me who I am. it speaks so much truth. people need to start seeing on the inside of the heart! it's really what matters!!!

  • @bowlhead1993
    @bowlhead1993 6 років тому +2

    This is the most beautiful thing I've ever listened to

  • @JayMrCobain
    @JayMrCobain 7 років тому +2

    You have to be in the right state of mind for this to truly resonate with you.

  • @suffering2697
    @suffering2697 8 років тому +3

    the fat line got me.
    this absolutely beautiful keep going, your such an amazing artist.

  • @brydeca4687
    @brydeca4687 8 років тому +7

    Such a beautiful song/poem, From a beautiful woman. You are a really amazing singer dear and I hope you get all the recognition in the world soon you are such an inspranational woman

  • @JohnSmith-ww9ot
    @JohnSmith-ww9ot 8 років тому +4

    I cry because of the Percy Jackson movies :( This was amazing Mary!

  • @winsomeone1
    @winsomeone1 5 років тому

    So many reasons for tears, usually I can keep them at bay, but this song brought them on like a death...or a birth. Lubricant for the soul. Thank you Mary, you are a voice for a lot of us.

  • @jessicatroupe8273
    @jessicatroupe8273 7 років тому

    i love mary lambert so much words cannot explain

  • @LittleMissRoseShaw
    @LittleMissRoseShaw 8 років тому +1

    I feel this all so much, not a single line didn't ring true. I love this and it makes me cry. Thank you. I love hammocks too.

  • @evelynbravogarcia9393
    @evelynbravogarcia9393 8 років тому +1

    how come this has only 85 thousand views?!
    her lyrics are truly amazing and soul touching and original.. i love her n her music

  • @cheyenneschreiber7780
    @cheyenneschreiber7780 8 років тому +1

    I'm literally crying right now because this is so me omg

  • @Aries20017
    @Aries20017 8 років тому +1

    thank you is all I can say you are my rock. please always be you. you keep me strong

  • @elitaniamedina44
    @elitaniamedina44 8 років тому +1

    I love this!!! She is fantastic, I could watch her everyday! Make more like this I will watch! 😍👌

  • @samanthawilson8366
    @samanthawilson8366 8 років тому +2

    Thank you for this Mary Lambert, this is what I needed.

  • @laureepass7480
    @laureepass7480 8 років тому

    I cry because Mary can put all of the things racing around my head into such a beautiful song.
    Thank you Mary Lambert, you amazing human.

  • @remhenshaw4313
    @remhenshaw4313 7 років тому +1

    YESSSSS THIS WHOLE ENTIRE THING IS BEAUTIFUL

  • @trinaoctoberclover8551
    @trinaoctoberclover8551 3 роки тому

    I can’t believe how elevated this song is.

  • @maggieclymore6809
    @maggieclymore6809 3 роки тому +1

    She's such a bliss it's crazy, her words hit home for me it gives me chills ♥️🥺

  • @zapalinevids
    @zapalinevids 4 роки тому

    falling asleep to this every night>>>

  • @anonymousme9996
    @anonymousme9996 8 років тому

    I would sell my soul to or for her anyday. She's beautiful in every way and makes me happy to be myself. I just lover her so much.

  • @EmptyCupcakes
    @EmptyCupcakes 8 років тому

    I am crying right now. Mary Lambert is beautiful, funny, and amazing. Her music reminds me of my moms, and how much I love and miss them since they moved. One of the most rewarding things I was able to do in my life, was catering their wedding. Its always difficult to deal with the small minds in the world, but, I never thought I'd have to fight against stupid to defend my own mothers. Love you, Mary Lambert - keep your beautiful voice pouring out, and I will continue to listen.

  • @justabee8509
    @justabee8509 8 років тому +1

    I swear this song always gives me goose bumps every time I hear it. I love you mary your beautiful inside and out!

  • @melissalove372
    @melissalove372 7 років тому

    I love Mary Lambert songs!😍xxx

  • @bryceperry20
    @bryceperry20 8 років тому

    Mary Lambert is the best artist I have seen live. You can always feel her emotion. Her powerful voice. She shows power and is amazing. Best artist I know. I love her and can't wait to see more. This song is perfect. Thank you Mary! 💖💖💖

  • @kellieparrish6830
    @kellieparrish6830 8 років тому +1

    This is so beautiful! Mary Lambert is such a beautiful soul. I could listen to her all day. Well done!

  • @brittanyhathaway8842
    @brittanyhathaway8842 7 років тому +2

    This video, out of all the videos I've ever watched that have ever made even a single wave of feeling towards me, this one hits my heart so hard. It's raw, beautiful and wonderful. It's true and funny and real. Please don't lose this side of you Mary. You give me hope that everything can be felt and not feel weird or wrong. To be able to laugh at everything, including myself. This is beautiful. This is real.

  • @zennsketch
    @zennsketch 5 років тому +1

    I cry because of what I've lost. I cry because of all of the support I have. I cry because my friend is going to die. I cry because my brother could die at any moment, and he isn't healthy, but he won't get help. I cry because I can't help. I cry because you can't force someone to get help. I cry because my ex husband abandoned me. I cry because I'm terrified of being abandoned, and alone. I cry because I loved, and now I hurt. I cry because there's too much anger inside and all the hobbies and distractions just don't make it go away. I cry because I go to therapy and I cry because I didn't go to therapy much sooner. I cry because the trust I put in someone seems to always be broken. I cry because I want to trust again. I cry because I don't know how my marriage fell apart so quickly. I cry because the life I saw for us will never be real. I cry because I'm doing so much better than I was 6 months ago. I cry because I miss my father and that pain never goes away, even after 23 years. I cry because I know what my purpose in life is, and it's to help other people. But I know that when I do that, I end up getting hurt myself. But how do you tell a fish not to swim? It is in their nature, and they suffocate if they can't swim.
    I cry because part of me is trying desperately to figure out if I really love him yet, or if I can even feel love anymore. There's so much that is jammed inside, I can't tell if I really do love him or what love actually feels like anymore. I'm afraid he'll leave. I like him so much...but at some point, won't he grow impatient? What if I never actually feel love again?
    I feel as though I'm broken, and I'm so tired of looking externally to find someone to try to piece me back together. But I've never fixed me before? And there's no manual.
    Therapy helps. Things will be okay. I know that, but I hate all of this. I hate what he's done. I have so much hate, but I don't want to project that into the world. I hope it dissolves, at some point.
    Life is hard, but if you promise to keep trying, and keep going? I do too.
    You are worth it.