Why Anxiety Makes You Bad At Sex (And How To Fix It)
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- SocialConfiden... Dr. Aziz, Confidence Coaching
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Ive been in a relationship for 8 years and never realized I was afraid of connecting intimately during sex. Sometimes I’d feel so much shame that he’s even seen me naked…. My own husband. Crazy I’d never seen it as anxiety before. I’m excited to connect with him on a deeper level. Ty
Take it to God and ask Him to anoint your marriage.
Like that you’re bringing this Aziz. Especially the part about owning body flaws. I felt hurt recently when my partner said something about my big belly after sex. To fully own it instead would look like, “ya, well you made dinner! My belly gets bloated sometimes after your delicious food. More of me to love!” 😜
When you haven’t had much experience, the worry is they can tell and will judge you.
If you are with your spouse that God gave you and not committing premarital sex (being a sin) than you wouldn't have that concern.
I dont like the sound tract , i dont feel it is fitting , i like the previous way only aziz speaking 😊
Good video but the background music is way too loud and I just feel out of place with it especially about the topic it’s on lol
Deeply connected? Again, what is it with coaches and therapists talking to us like, at age 17, we all woke up in our most perfect, committed relationship with our one true match? It takes _years_ of meeting people and having sex with them to determine what level of connection’s even possible. That’s a setup for a _lot_ of rejection, which is the absolute prime fear everyone has with sex: they'll be rejected for their failure at something that’s an intrinsic, intractable part of human existence. Sure, you can play up your weird sex noise. But, by the 10th rejection because of it, or body shape or inability to sexually satisfy or ED, the joke’s not funny anymore.
There’s no getting around it: sex is performative. It’s a team effort in which you must, if you want it to go well, think constantly about your partner(s) and what they’re feeling and thinking about what you’re doing or asking them to do, while also trying to focus on yourself so you can derive some pleasure out of it, which is itself something your partner is/partners are watching for signs of, to assuage their own worries about performance.
If you’re in a deeply connected relationship, you’re there because you’ve already been through the anxious moments in which you were judged and you judged your partner(s) and you were deemed worthy and you deemed her/him/them worthy. Almost no one ends up in a deeply committed relationship and _then_ has sex; this isn’t 1860. And there’s still such a thing as recreational sex; I’ve been to sex clubs and swingers’ parties and the people there don’t need a deep connection to enjoy themselves.
Like the be-on-your-own-side, tell yourself “hush, hush, now; it’ll be okay” advice, this “you need a deep connection” bit doesn’t solve the problem, either. It seems more that the solution is part learning how to improve yourself (fitness, personality, attitude, communication, sexual technique, ED meds) and part learning to love yourself enough to put in the work necessary to improve those aforementioned things. Then, you won’t go into sexual experiences without any anxiety, but, most likely with much less anxiety, which ups the odds of successful sexual encounters, which ups the odds of continuing connections, which ups the odds of forming a deep one or deep ones.
I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood physical and emotional sexual abuse. It resulted in permanent anxiety during sex, which consequently resulted in permanent psychological ED. Fu*k the “you don’t need to get hard to have fun” BS-that chronic difficulty getting an erection, especially as I aged, ruined my sex life; I received literally abusive reactions to my inability to get it up; time after time it further destroyed my already destroyed self-esteem. But, there was still just enough care about myself to keep looking for solutions. It wasn’t a deep connection that saved me; it wasn’t soothing myself with childish placations. It was prostaglandin injections. That’s it. As soon as I knew this would get me erect, I could worry _so_ much less about what was going to happen and, therefore, be more engaged and everyone enjoyed themselves more. I still have to work, though, on my habit of putting other people’s satisfaction ahead of my own, instead of finding an equal ground where my satisfaction matters as much as theirs.
Anyway, my point is, sex is an act in which we’re judged and often we’re responsible for what it is that gets us rejected. Laughing it off or telling ourselves it’s okay won’t actually result in any change in judgment and consequences. We may well have to resolve those personal issues to feel better in sex. As I said, it’s a team effort; it’s a two-way street, and you’ll never find deep connection if you don’t sort out your sex problems first.