I see your point and I have experienced the same. How I go about it is a bit different, I pay attention to what she repeatedly says that she wants throughout the most recent months close to the "event" and then I act on it. But as that marriage didn't work (another case of me being too good of a husband), I don't know anymore.
Is it a bit stressfull to be constantly asked about stuff. Its nice to arrive home when chores are done and its a nice suprise. Often its the little things combined with lots of other little things that matter the most
@@benross9174yes, but in the end they wanted things done their way and then I wasted time and she needs to do it again, even though she actually does not need to do it again, because I actually did it her way. And then we're both disappointed in the end. I can't do it right either way.
The moment she told him "no," she lost all credibility. Also, she wants to shame her husband. She won't tell him about it, but it is her way of covertly punishing him.
It really does suck to have people complain about me to others instead of taking the issue up with me. Especially when they tell me to my face that it's not a problem and everything is fine.
Its crazy she said I didnt want to bring it up to him and cause tension, so youre making a video on tiktok for the entire world to see that could potentially go viral and now his friends, family, or coworkers are hitting him up like bro your wife is complaining on the internet you dont get her presents for mothers day. HOW COULD MAKING A TIKTOK VIDEO NOT BE WORSE?? LMAO
@@richg4011 showing everyone that knows him he knows nothing about his woman or theyre relationship.if she says she do not want anything then go get some for her its a surprise to her.if she says she will eat anything do not ask her just order it and surprise her.how can she feel special and spoiled by her man if she knows what she will get.
I'd actually say the biggest problem is the same people paying lip service to the importance of communication also constantly employing manipulative tears (or etc deflections) to prevent it, but good quote regardless 👍
A woman who refuses to communicate like a mature adult deserves the disappointment of getting nothing. Men have their own lives, as much as they love their women, their is not enough time in the day to guess what a woman wants.
You don't have to guess. He should have never asked. They've been together 20 years and have children. He's an absolute moron to not automatically take his kids shopping to find gifts for her.
@Swearengen1980 Counter argument; she is an absolute moron to constantly.say she does not want anything but then be disappointed that he got her Ecactly what she asked for, nothing. A mature woman would tell him(her husband) clearly what would make her happy as a gift, and I 💯guarantee he would get her that without any problem. Going on social media to dunk on her husband abiut giving her the nothing she communicated as what she wanted is peak modern women stupidity. Man deserves better from his wife.
@@daniellehotsky1776 Maybe if her husband wasn't a moron, she'd have never ended up on tiktok to begin with. As awful as some women have gotten, that's led to an irrational level of hatred to automatically release men from all responsibility to be a damn gentleman, use manners, consideration, and thoughtfulness. When I see women our age on tiktok making videos like this, I think they're just too cheap to pay for a therapist or have the balls to have a rational conversation with her husband). Point is, they are equally at fault here.
Lots and lots of women air their relationship complaints on TikTok. This woman values the validation from people whe doesn't know instead of talking to her husband.
Suppose he *could* read her mind: Just reach in and know what she wants without her speaking her desires. Then by her standard, he could *never* give her a meaningful gift, because he would always know what she wanted.
She just strikes me as a big baby, she's probably like that with everything " if you have to ask me if I want mashed potatoes with my meal, you've already ruined the dinner"
I gotta admit, it gives me the warm fuzzies hearing Court say "my husband" because I used to watch videos where she was saying "my fiancé/boyfriend" instead and it's like watching your friend grow up. I know, I know - parasocial relationships and all that. But it's still nice to hear.
Amazing how some people have no problem broadcasting these issues to the entire world but wont talk in private to the one person who can actually do something about it.
So she loves him but not enough to be honest with him because he asks, "Do you want anything this year for Mother's Day?" and she says, "No". She could say, "Yes, I would like something but surprise me. Take your best guess".
Exactly this. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Or even mean or offensive. “I feel appreciated when you get me something, but seeing what you think I’d like makes it more meaningful to me.” It’s not that hard.
I know this whole thing is about communication, but I'd like to add a counterpoint in regards to gift giving. You get to a certain point in life where you've been given gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, on and on, and you start getting really tired of crap that you don't need. You don't want to hurt somebody's feelings by throwing it away next week, so now you got to keep it for at least a year. Anybody here over 40 knows what I'm talking about. The occasional surprise is nice, but asking your significant other what they would like...... is communicating!
Exactly! How likely is it that he started asking her because he bought her something he thought she'd like a few times and saw that she didn't use/appreciate the gifts?
My wife and I have reached the point where if we want something, we get it. Our gift to each other is not questioning what we get for ourselves. I don't ask her why she needs thousands of skeins of yarn. She doesn't ask why I need more eyepieces for my telescopes. Sometimes she'll ask if I want something for my birthday or father's day or whatever, and my answer is always the same. "The things I want cost more than you're willing to spend (a $2,500 table saw, for example), so I'll just buy it when I need it and have saved up enough to buy it." This year, I wanted to see the eclipse. We all went in 2017 and loved it, and I wanted to see it again (so did she). When I started buying stuff I wanted to have for it, she asked where I came up with the money for it. I told her "I've been saving for this since 2017." She just said "OK," and we drove off to Texas in the RV I rented.
That's why my husband and I don't do gifts for birthdays and anniversaries, we celebrate together but gifts are optional. A few years ago I knew he wanted a nice watch so I got him one for his birthday or he got me a coat I liked in a store, but most years we don't
A few times in the past I went and got something for my ex gf, without asking, just because I wanted to celebrate them. Each and every time I got hurt so much by them not liking the gift enough, or maybe pointing out something like "I like it but there was this other thing..." So I will ask, not because I don't value you, but because I value myself
My wife does this. So I gave up. I don't do anything. If every gift I give is always wrong, I'm stopping. I'll show my affection to my cat, who appreciates whatever I give her.
2:41 this woman gets what she deserves for her poor communication skills. Also ladies stop complaining about your significant others online. Seriously it's absolutely a problem complaining about husbands or boyfriends or even wives and girlfriends. Keep it between you two.
Yup, this girl in the TikTok video has a lot of growing up to do. Be an adult and talk with hour husband directly rather than commenting about your relationship insecurities. If you say, "no," to something, that's what you should mean. Childlike communication will generate childlike results.
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Early on in our relationship she realized that I wasn't very good at gift giving. I remembered the occasions and bought her gifts, but they were weak. So she started leaving hints, like a piece of jewelry marked on an add left on the table. I'm no dummy so I would buy the hint. And when she opened the gift she faked surprise. Our relationship got so much better after that.
@@carolincheco7711 I would just do the little "hints" - After a while even our boys got into it. The entire extended family was in on it after a while. With some good natured ribbing at my expense.
I told my husband I wanted 5 green carnations, 2 chocolates, and an iced americano for mother's day. He got it all. We were both very happy. He went through the effort to pick it all up.
5 green carnations is weird af. I’m sure any live plant would be acceptable… And a case of champagne because Mother’s Day means Summer is coming!!!!!!!
Married 20yrs here. My approach for those days are to make several suggestions for her to chose from. For instance, of the ones I chose this year for Mother's Day she chose the BBQ. I grilled burgers and smoked sausage for all the moms. Her, my mom, mother in law, sisters in law, aunts in law. We had 20+ people at our house and in the pool. I did most everything and some moms brought sides and desserts. Huge success. I give her choices and if she doesn't like them she'll tell me what she's thinking she wants to do.
@@activegas1014 duh, it's Mother's Day lol. Father's Day and most all other times I make the final choice. Hell, women can't decide what to wear much less what they want for lunch lol.
One of the real reasons I will never remarry is that the juice is not worth the squeeze since women thrive on chaos, conflict, and constant tension. I love my peace.
"I shouldn't have to ask" Well, there's more than one way of asking. I can understand not wanting to ask for flowers for your birthday the day before your birthday. But if you occasionally say that gifts are something you really appreciate and mention flowers, you are more likely to get flowers.
Flowers are a funny thing. On days like valentines day when they "expect" them, the appreciation for the gift doesnt seem to be there. Send them on a random Thursday after they had a bad week and there is 10x more genuine appreciation. I dont want to gift things because its expected. I want to gift when I know it will be appreciated but if you tell me not do do something, I wont do it out of respect too
This is why so many of us are burned on on dating. It's just not worth the stress and exhaustion of always being wrong about something that only she is aware of....because they expect us to know what the issue is.
A key quality I look for in a future girlfriend is that she has to know how to be an effective and direct communicator. A functioning relationship can only move forward and grow when both people consistently inform each other their wants, needs, expectations, decisions, and feedback.
When I tell my wife I want nothing for my birthday or a holiday, I mean I want NOTHING. I dont need you to buy me things I dont need and waste money for no reason. You can do something special like make a nice meal, etc but when someone says I dont want anything you to get me anything I take it as do not get anything.
@@ratamacue0320 No. If I say I want nothing I dont expect anything. I dont expect something to be purchased and I dont expect anything to be done. Once again If I say nothing I mean I want nothing and wont be upset if nothing is done.
Wait a minute. She is willingly not going to communicate to her husband directly but is giving a direct complaint to potentially millions of people about her issues with her husband??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE
My wife and I went through this exact scenario except that she came to me and expressed her feelings and, speaking as a man, I was so glad she did. It was uncomfortable to address my blindness to her needs and desires but the result has been well worth the extra effort. Thanks, Courtney!
This is the fundamental challenge in our society these days. People do not know how to communicate. Social media, texting...this is why ghosting is so prevalent. When social circles were smaller and people had to interact, it was necessary to discuss issues. Now, it is easier to just vent outside rather than deal face-to-face.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR THE PAST DECADE !!!!!!!!!! WE'RE NOT CHARLES XAVIER, LADIES, TO READ YOUR COMPLICATED MINDS !!!!!!! THANK YOU LORD !!!!!
Yes, I have to agree. We do have to tell our girlfriend or wife what we want as well. And hold them accountable if they withhold that important information from us. 😊
A lot of times people don't know how to communicate their expectations to their partner without it sounding like criticism. If their partner overreacts or gets distant, they eventually stop trying. Also, a lot of people don't know how to hear their partner's expectations without feeling they are not enough or that they are deficient. By the way, you are absolutely correct in that there needs to be a class on relationships, and it should be a prerequisite before obtaining a marriage license.
Men and women are so wired differently when it comes to relationships. Men are more direct, and women are more indirect when they communicate. Women will give you hints thinking that men would get it. But that's not always the case. Why can't men and women be more direct and in a respectful manner?
On top of that, people interpret actions and situations differently. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your partner/spouse to communicate to you who they are.
Women aren't direct for a reason. If women says to a men a bad stuff, men can beat, rape her. They have instictive fear of men. Men are stronger gender if u didn't know? That's why when you ask a girl out, they won't say "no" but give another logical answer but they hope you get it. Because there are men out there that would rape them. Not the other way around. I don't expect women to rape or beat me potentially if I reject their offer to date. The lady is right and Courtney is wrong or can't understand. She wants attention to seee if he really cares about her and nıot just finish the day. My friend who is married with 3 children just said to his wife "He doesnt celebrate birthdays since he is 30 now" etc... then made a surprise for her. Because he loves her. And he is a very masculine man. If you don't date your wife, another guy will.
Wow. I'm seriously blown away by the wisdom and empathy of someone so young. You articulated that so clearly and gently, it's kinda mind boggling. You are 100% right, and without a doubt this is easily the biggest problem most couples have. I imagine you have a very, very happy husband, with one exception, that he's never going to win an argument with someone who thinks and communicates like you. 😂 Thank you for your amazing work as always. 🙏
I'm a guy that once had a girlfriend that had these unrealistic unspoken expectations and our relationship became toxic due to the unspoken resentments that eventually built up in my girlfriend. I could feel her resentment but when I asked my girlfriend about her feelings she would not own up to her resenting me even though I could feel it. But later she would let a resentful comment slip out and I would tell her that I could see that she was resenting me over something that she had silently expected from me that I had had absolutely no clue about. And then my girlfriend would tell me, "If you really loved me you would just know what I want without me telling you". Fortunately, that relationship did not last. It doesn't matter who you are, NO ONE wants this kind of toxic behavior in a relationship. 😵💫
I went through the exact same thing. In fact, she used the exact same words. She'd never air out her expectations and in case I asked her what was wrong, her response always would be: "You should know." When the relationship ended (she called it off), an accusatory finger was stabbed in my direction; "You just don't care. If you cared, you'd know what I want." But I always cared enough to ask and the only response I kept getting was: "You should know."
It’s one thing to not communicate what you want and not get it and be mad. It’s a whole other level to communicate the EXACT opposite of what you want and be mad when you get exactly that. That’s wild.
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!! Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentment. 100% accurate. My marriage was a victim of this, and I have learned that I will no longer tolerate a woman who holds me accountable to unspoken expectations. It’s a losing game for both parties. Women must learn we cannot read minds.
Great video! I agree completely. One of the weird things about people is we have the tendency to believe in either/or situations-as if there are only two options. It’s frustrating because there is almost always another, better way. We just have to be creative sometimes. Like this lady-she has a point but she is not communicating that point so she is just continuing to get hurt and lying to her husband. There’s almost always a third choice!
20:21 This is an issue with people with indirect communication styles who grew up feeling like their needs were not taken into account. Then developed masks and personas to pretend to be agreeable because they care about being perceived as nice and good people. They care too much about being liked versus communicating authentically. The issue is that they set up a minefield because they are constantly reliving traumas where they felt unsafe expressing their dissatisfaction, and then one day, they either let their guard down or, when stressed out, drop the facade. They then openly complain or have a meltdown. It is one of their worst versions because they couldn't be honest from the start nor pause long enough to consider their actual desires without stringung others along. It happens with both men and women, including gym bros who pretend to be alphas as well as partially woke feminists. It reveals that this version of them is deeply insecure and unstable.
I was nodding my head the entire time Courtney,you're right. On the flip side, my ex had said her love language was *blank* (a rotation of 4 of the 5 love languages). I couldn't ever achieve her expectations.
the idea of talking about and buying gifts together actually sounds like a great idea - might even turn it into and experience where the gift isnt even the point anymore 😄
"A piece of toast." No, it can't be a piece of toast. You can't tell me that he'd get you a piece of toast for Mother's Day and you wouldn't punish him.
You bring up great points. I tried to make a special day for my wife for mother’s day and her response was, “I’m not your mother.” It turned out she wanted her children to honor her on her day. I wasn’t adding anything to her enjoyment of the day.
If he doesn’t ask, how is he going to know what you want? Early in your relationship he knew nothing about you, and unless you are a narcissist you were eager to tell him your likes and dislikes. What changed? If he asks, it’s his way of wanting to find out what to do or get you to please you on that special occasion. Men are more afraid of doing something wrong or giving you something you don’t want/like by not knowing. We don’t do hints, subtle or otherwise, period. And posting a rant on social media about your partner is very immature.
Hi Courtney, from the perspective of the one with needs, one problem I've run into regarding communicating those needs, is that you only know something is an issue after the triggering event has occurred. When that happens, it can be difficult to summarize and inform your partner in a coherent and succinct way quickly, especially if it is a new issue that you didn't realize you had before. For me it can end up taking a few days to bring it up. When I bring it up, very often I am hit back with a "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?", which made me feel at fault for feeling that way and invalidated, reducing my desire to bring up future issues as a result. It's something that's been on my mind when people say to just say what you want. Sometimes it's not so simple to articulate your needs, and the person who is receiving the complaint is not always going to be so receptive and understanding.
Okay, so I barely watched the end of the Tiktok itself before I was able to get my thoughts together, before Courtney shared her thoughts, most of which i agreed with as the video went on 😅 but we gotta talk about something here. So, it's common sense that if you don't ask for something, you won't get what you want, but putting that aside, the lady in the TikTok literally says that she has come to accept that if she has to ask, she obviously doesn't want it enough, because her partner should just know to do something for her. This is an underlying problem right off the bat because this points to passive-aggressive communication, which will possibly lead to problems in the relationship, if it hasn't already. She's operating on the logic of a woman's brain. Now, I'm not implying that women communicate this way as a whole, just because it was mentioned next to my previous point, just getting my thoughts out, in case that's a point of contention. Men and women literally don't think the same way, and in this case, it's because we don't view sentiment the way that women do. So, instead of getting upset, put your ego aside, and remember that fact. It's not that your husband doesn't care, he's not thinking about it, simple. Another point about this, although it isn't as, prevalent, for lack of a better word, let's talk about love languages. What if your love language falls under physical touch and your secondary language is words of affirmation? So for you to feel loved and appreciated, in this case, on Mother's Day, you would want something different than a gift, because gift giving isn't your love language, even though the holiday calls for it. Again, that's something that has to be communicated. You can't expect someone to understand something just because you feel it. Your husband isn't Charles Xavier from X-Men, he's not a telepath, nor is he a mind reader. By not speaking about desires, you make your frustrations worse because you still won't get what you want. Better to speak on that and not risk even more frustration because you accepted that you won't get what you want, like you've expressed here. This was definitely posted for validation and support, because if you're just getting your thoughts out, use your phone, write it down as a memo or use a voice note. No one on the Internet needs to know about your martial problems, not our business, that's a lack of maturity, looking for validation in that area. Go to a counselor if you need to share your thoughts. On top of that, what if your husband finds this? Now you have a fight because of something that could have been resolved another way, not worth it. On top of that, no one on the Internet knows the dynamic of your relationship with your husband, so taking advice from them might do more harm than good. She definitely dropped the ball here posting this onto TikTok...
Great video, Courtney. I used to be like the woman in the video. I didn’t know how to communicate and expected everyone (my partner, friends, family, bosses and etc.) to just “get it” and read my mind. It took a lot of work in therapy to develop my communication skills and I still am working on it, but once I learned better communication skills and built my conflict resolution skills, my relationships have gotten so much better. It’s a long journey though but I hope the lady in the video learns some communication skills and learns how to ask for what she needs.
This man is NOT her child. She is NOT his mother. Her kids (assuming she has kids...) are who should be buying her "Mother's Day" gifts. I will assist my kid in getting a mother's day gift for their mom but she is confusing Mother's Day with their Anniversary. (I'm sure she gets a "paper cut' on their anniversary too).
She should ask her self. If at any point in the begenning of their relationship did he get her a gift she did not ask for, want, or need, and she reacted negatively. Even if she didn't think he noticed her reaction was negative. If that be the case. Then what she inadvertently taught him. Is... you better ask if there is something specific that she wants. Or I'll end up in the dog house again, when all I was doing is trying to be a kind person.
This is called a "covert contract" - she acts as though there is some agreed-upon contract between them, and he HAS to act a certain way in order to fulfill the terms of the contract. EXCEPT that this entire "contract" exists NOWHERE but inside her own head! SHE, unilaterally, drafted up the contract in her head, and she treats him as though he signed it with full knowledge - but that is a lie! He doesn't even know this contract exists! And she punishes him for failing to live up to "his side of the contract"! As others have said, she is just laying the groundwork for her eventual divorce, so she can leave feeling like the wronged and put-upon victim, so she can leave him without guilt!
Great analysis! A simple question to ask this lady: "is it also bad when someone asks what you want for your birthday?". We all accept that as "ok" and "caring", but for some reason mothers day is different?
Her husband sounds as if he has a "engineering" mind, much like myself. Also, once the children are old enough to celebrate mothers day on their own, I would think it is more their obligation to observe Mother's Day than myself. She is their mother, not mine.
Comparison is the worst because no matter what your spouse does for you, there will always be someone who did something "better." The truth is, it shouldn't matter what it is, so much as its the love, thought and effort put in. Maybe it is just dinner, but if it's what you like, it's the perfect gift. Great video, everything you said was spot on!
Too many guys are approaching the wrong women. When I drive up to women, I’m met with a smile. I roll down the window, and invariably they ask me if I’m looking for a date. Of course I tell them yes, and they enter my car. I always have a good time.
Courtney! Yes this video was super helpful. Communication is key. I think asking her what she wants is a sign of the man trying to understand her and that is a good thing. It’s to clarify what she wants exactly. Well said!
Women seem to only care about the minor things men fall short instead of the numerous things she loves about him is a major problem in a lot of relationships these days
This is the 15th video of yours in that I watch in a row and I just found your channel. It’s so good to see such a wise but young person cuz it’s something so so rare and on top of that, willingly sharing such wisdom. By the way: your outfit and the blue of it look really nice
I'm not afraid to come out and tell women what I want, It's just that times have gotten so that people can't come out and say what they mean...people don't like honesty...people don't like to hear the truth...I hate walking on eggsshells having to deal with certain people...i don't like political correctness....
i'm in the same boat with a girl. cant seem to convey i'm not interested, but still anything i do is flirty, surely not to anything to do with my job (shes a colleague that i unfortunately have to interact with). i'm starting to see its not really me, but a (her) fantasy of me that wants her. i'm just not gonna respond to her anymore, its been draining after 4 times of explicitly saying no to her. if the boss starts to harass me on it i'm out, probably with a complaint to the labor inspectorate.
Some of us didn’t have our birthdays or the holidays celebrated. That was the case for me. I was probably like this woman’s husband, but it took me a while to learn to do those things for other people. I agree with you Courtney, you have to bring these things up in a relationship.
wait, what? if am mistaken then correct me but isn't mother's day a time to celebrate YOUR mother? the one who gave birth to you? why he is suppose to give/buy her anything? her kids should wish her well and maybe give some gift but why husband?
I think what’s even worse is that my soon to be ex wife would disrespect me and talk trash about me in front of others based on something she expected me to do. She also expected me to be a mind reader. I don’t have social media, but thankfully I don’t think she was ever posting negatively about me. But it still hurt a ton. Especially when she said things like “you won’t be a good dad”
I agree with you 100%. The reason why I think people put this online for complete strangers is because I think there is a growing part of society that has a little to no friends. This is something that you usually talk about with your girlfriends not complete strangers. The Internet has really done a disservice to society in this way
I've seen men get frustrated expecting women to read their minds. I mean, I don't think that men and women have equal likelihood here, but it's not completely one sided
2:41 I was brought up in a family where we did not give gifts to each other. I didn’t miss attention from my parents, but I was brought up without getting gifts. So my point is even as an adult I don’t need gifts to feel valued or so. I can understand that there are people out there needing this regular attention (like small surprise gifts on occasions like Mother’s Day).^^
11:21 Exactly! It means they listened, and they were eager and excited to honor your reasonable wishes to a T. That shows consideration and care and deep affection as well as reliability and trust. It demonstrates that they are attentive to my words and saw my actual needs and wishes just as importantly as their own.
Your husband is a lucky man. This is the mature way to handle relationships. Your video was well thought out and well and presented. Some men work and have so much work things going on. We can focus on simple things. Are the bills paid. Did we eat today. Etc. the feelings things sometimes are like whipped cream on top. I would listen to your requests then see when or if I can work it jn. We need more of you.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I absolutely agree with what Courtney says at the beginning of this video. I must have a few thousand comments on UA-cam and I also have my own channel with videos (though not in my own name). But I have never posted a single word anywhere about my relationship with my wife or anything concerning my domestic situation, and I will never do that. For me private life and public life are totally separate, effectively on different planets.
Omg this is the exact thing my therapist taught me NOT to do. Always communicate VERY specifically what you want/need and never expect them to read your mind. It was a game changer in my relationship. Please please please communicate, women!!
Thanks for posting a video on this Courtney! I totally agree with you! These days, people expect perfection!! Good luck finding that. You mentioned nipping things in the bud, I heard a saying…”Ypu can’t change someone because you love them. They change because they love you.”
I completely agree with you Courtney. You are so right on this topic. In fact I would consider breaking up with someone that would do that to me. What she did is a slap in the face to her husband. I do understand that receiving gifts when unasked may "feel" more special but in reality regardless of being asked or not receiving gifts is a way to show that you are thinking of them. It should not matter if you are asked or not. Either way, it is special. I mean if asked, it shows that they care because they took time to ask.
It's like saying "I'm cold, can you please get me a blanket / turn the heat up?" vs "are you cold?" with the expectation of it being the former question in mind reading form. Guys are taught early on enough in life that guessing will always lead to bad things. And sadly, as we experience things in life over time, that gets reinforced ad nauseum. Ladies, it's better to straight up say what you want instead of hinting, as tough as it might be to be direct. Boys and girls both need to be taught that being direct in asking what you want is ok. It saves everyone future hassle - and for relationshp sake, it can make relationships better too.
Fun fact: When her husband asks every year whether she wants something, she's not obligated to answer "yes" or "no". She could instead say that she just wants him to stop asking every year and do whatever he feels would be right. When she answers "no", it creates an obligation to respect what she said!
Women: we’re the best communicators!
Husband: she said she didn’t want anything, i will respect her decision
🫠
yes love it.❤❤❤
She said she's fine, so I believed her, then she became angry with me.
😆 Hahaha
I see your point and I have experienced the same. How I go about it is a bit different, I pay attention to what she repeatedly says that she wants throughout the most recent months close to the "event" and then I act on it.
But as that marriage didn't work (another case of me being too good of a husband), I don't know anymore.
"value her enough to do something for her without being asked"
Lady, he cared enough *to ask YOU!*
Is it a bit stressfull to be constantly asked about stuff. Its nice to arrive home when chores are done and its a nice suprise. Often its the little things combined with lots of other little things that matter the most
@@benross9174yes, but in the end they wanted things done their way and then I wasted time and she needs to do it again, even though she actually does not need to do it again, because I actually did it her way. And then we're both disappointed in the end. I can't do it right either way.
@@D.M.S. fair. I just wanted to provide the other perspective at well. Its important to take both sides into concideration and actually communicate
@@benross9174 so answer with that!
She's insane, it's just that simple.
The moment she told him "no," she lost all credibility. Also, she wants to shame her husband. She won't tell him about it, but it is her way of covertly punishing him.
It's a very silly lie about a rather small thing, but it's still a lie
Spot on. And she makes a stupid social media post about it? I'm sure he really appreciated that.
"each year is a new paper cut." She's preparing her exit as a victim.
Well good luck to her, she will struggle on the dating scene
@@thrilla72Shell be a le to buy tons of toys with that alimony she'll and with the assets division.
@@spacepope87 Good for her
@@thrilla72 There's plenty of lonely men out there willing to put up with her BS.
@@spacepope87 I know, but how will those men compare to her current husband? Will she look back and think, I've done better than my ex husband?
It really does suck to have people complain about me to others instead of taking the issue up with me. Especially when they tell me to my face that it's not a problem and everything is fine.
Its crazy she said I didnt want to bring it up to him and cause tension, so youre making a video on tiktok for the entire world to see that could potentially go viral and now his friends, family, or coworkers are hitting him up like bro your wife is complaining on the internet you dont get her presents for mothers day. HOW COULD MAKING A TIKTOK VIDEO NOT BE WORSE?? LMAO
Yep. TF (typical female).
@@richg4011 showing everyone that knows him he knows nothing about his woman or theyre relationship.if she says she do not want anything then go get some for her its a surprise to her.if she says she will eat anything do not ask her just order it and surprise her.how can she feel special and spoiled by her man if she knows what she will get.
Women are liars, that's the problem. They lie to you. They lie to each other. And WANT lied to. Even been asked if X outfit makes them look fat?
The “lady” in the video looks so masculine (short hair, lots of jewellery, singlet). Her husband is probably a beta male lol
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
I'd actually say the biggest problem is the same people paying lip service to the importance of communication also constantly employing manipulative tears (or etc deflections) to prevent it, but good quote regardless 👍
A woman who refuses to communicate like a mature adult deserves the disappointment of getting nothing.
Men have their own lives, as much as they love their women, their is not enough time in the day to guess what a woman wants.
Very well stated!
You don't have to guess. He should have never asked. They've been together 20 years and have children. He's an absolute moron to not automatically take his kids shopping to find gifts for her.
@Swearengen1980 Counter argument; she is an absolute moron to constantly.say she does not want anything but then be disappointed that he got her Ecactly what she asked for, nothing.
A mature woman would tell him(her husband) clearly what would make her happy as a gift, and I 💯guarantee he would get her that without any problem.
Going on social media to dunk on her husband abiut giving her the nothing she communicated as what she wanted is peak modern women stupidity. Man deserves better from his wife.
@@Swearengen1980 And she will post about it publicly on internet? Well, they find each other I guess then.
@@daniellehotsky1776 Maybe if her husband wasn't a moron, she'd have never ended up on tiktok to begin with. As awful as some women have gotten, that's led to an irrational level of hatred to automatically release men from all responsibility to be a damn gentleman, use manners, consideration, and thoughtfulness. When I see women our age on tiktok making videos like this, I think they're just too cheap to pay for a therapist or have the balls to have a rational conversation with her husband). Point is, they are equally at fault here.
Lots and lots of women air their relationship complaints on TikTok. This woman values the validation from people whe doesn't know instead of talking to her husband.
That's very sad. My wife and I don't place the garage on the Internet for others to view.
Suppose he *could* read her mind: Just reach in and know what she wants without her speaking her desires.
Then by her standard, he could *never* give her a meaningful gift, because he would always know what she wanted.
I now understand why Professor X isn't married
If man could read minds, they probably would dump them on the first date.
She just strikes me as a big baby, she's probably like that with everything " if you have to ask me if I want mashed potatoes with my meal, you've already ruined the dinner"
Poor husband...
“Unspoken expectations are premeditated disappointments.” C.R.
Amazing, maybe the best thing Courtney has ever said.
16:43
“Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”
This is a surprisingly stronger statement vs. “disappointments”
Thumbs Up x 100
I gotta admit, it gives me the warm fuzzies hearing Court say "my husband" because I used to watch videos where she was saying "my fiancé/boyfriend" instead and it's like watching your friend grow up.
I know, I know - parasocial relationships and all that. But it's still nice to hear.
🥹🤍 this made me smile. Thank you my friend!
@@CourtneyRyan You're very welcome. :)
Amazing how some people have no problem broadcasting these issues to the entire world but wont talk in private to the one person who can actually do something about it.
So she loves him but not enough to be honest with him because he asks, "Do you want anything this year for Mother's Day?" and she says, "No". She could say, "Yes, I would like something but surprise me. Take your best guess".
Exactly this. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Or even mean or offensive.
“I feel appreciated when you get me something, but seeing what you think I’d like makes it more meaningful to me.”
It’s not that hard.
What kind of man asks this question? Way to spoil the mood, the fun, and the surprise. This is the most awkward husband ever.
sounds healthy way of Communication
I know this whole thing is about communication, but I'd like to add a counterpoint in regards to gift giving. You get to a certain point in life where you've been given gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, on and on, and you start getting really tired of crap that you don't need. You don't want to hurt somebody's feelings by throwing it away next week, so now you got to keep it for at least a year. Anybody here over 40 knows what I'm talking about. The occasional surprise is nice, but asking your significant other what they would like...... is communicating!
Exactly! How likely is it that he started asking her because he bought her something he thought she'd like a few times and saw that she didn't use/appreciate the gifts?
You'd also think they have been married long enough that the husband would trust that she would just level with him.
My wife and I have reached the point where if we want something, we get it. Our gift to each other is not questioning what we get for ourselves. I don't ask her why she needs thousands of skeins of yarn. She doesn't ask why I need more eyepieces for my telescopes.
Sometimes she'll ask if I want something for my birthday or father's day or whatever, and my answer is always the same. "The things I want cost more than you're willing to spend (a $2,500 table saw, for example), so I'll just buy it when I need it and have saved up enough to buy it."
This year, I wanted to see the eclipse. We all went in 2017 and loved it, and I wanted to see it again (so did she). When I started buying stuff I wanted to have for it, she asked where I came up with the money for it. I told her "I've been saving for this since 2017." She just said "OK," and we drove off to Texas in the RV I rented.
@@joegarrick2760we're exactly the same except I say: look what you got me for Christmas! And he'll say oooh very nice of me.
That's why my husband and I don't do gifts for birthdays and anniversaries, we celebrate together but gifts are optional. A few years ago I knew he wanted a nice watch so I got him one for his birthday or he got me a coat I liked in a store, but most years we don't
A few times in the past I went and got something for my ex gf, without asking, just because I wanted to celebrate them.
Each and every time I got hurt so much by them not liking the gift enough, or maybe pointing out something like "I like it but there was this other thing..."
So I will ask, not because I don't value you, but because I value myself
Yep, been there so much I stopped trying. Here's some cash, go get something you want & don't give me shit about it, is where I am at.
My wife does this. So I gave up. I don't do anything. If every gift I give is always wrong, I'm stopping. I'll show my affection to my cat, who appreciates whatever I give her.
💯👍🏻🤘🏻
Ask her what she wants
@@katemiller7874 A clean litter box each day would be nice.
At least with the cat it's easy. 😉
@@katemiller7874 brushed, snugs, the occasional rare steak... She's pretty easy to please, being a cat and all.
This will make your wife jealous. She will focus on how the cat doesn't ever say anything
2:41 this woman gets what she deserves for her poor communication skills. Also ladies stop complaining about your significant others online. Seriously it's absolutely a problem complaining about husbands or boyfriends or even wives and girlfriends. Keep it between you two.
Yup, this girl in the TikTok video has a lot of growing up to do. Be an adult and talk with hour husband directly rather than commenting about your relationship insecurities. If you say, "no," to something, that's what you should mean. Childlike communication will generate childlike results.
always a sure sign of maturity when they go to social media than talk to you directly.
I have had so many gifts thrown back in my face as "not what I wanted," that my policy now is; tell me what you want or get nothing.
My family now that we’re all older dosnt really give gifts anymore it’s either money or gift cards. That way we can get what we want.
My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Early on in our relationship she realized that I wasn't very good at gift giving. I remembered the occasions and bought her gifts, but they were weak. So she started leaving hints, like a piece of jewelry marked on an add left on the table. I'm no dummy so I would buy the hint. And when she opened the gift she faked surprise. Our relationship got so much better after that.
Omg that’s so cute!!! I love that idea… 😄 do you have any suggestions for someone who is not yet married but maybe girlfriend and boyfriend?
@@carolincheco7711 I would just do the little "hints" - After a while even our boys got into it. The entire extended family was in on it after a while. With some good natured ribbing at my expense.
This is the way! My husband and I do the same thing.
I told my husband I wanted 5 green carnations, 2 chocolates, and an iced americano for mother's day. He got it all. We were both very happy. He went through the effort to pick it all up.
5 green carnations is weird af. I’m sure any live plant would be acceptable… And a case of champagne because Mother’s Day means Summer is coming!!!!!!!
I have tons of plants and we met in AA.
I love how specific you were ❤❤❤ wishing yall all the best 😁
Way to spoil the surprise for yourself.
Protect this one men! She figured out the code of just simply being direct, we need this woman safe at all costs!!
Married 20yrs here. My approach for those days are to make several suggestions for her to chose from. For instance, of the ones I chose this year for Mother's Day she chose the BBQ. I grilled burgers and smoked sausage for all the moms. Her, my mom, mother in law, sisters in law, aunts in law. We had 20+ people at our house and in the pool. I did most everything and some moms brought sides and desserts. Huge success. I give her choices and if she doesn't like them she'll tell me what she's thinking she wants to do.
Love this!
key takeaway she CHOSE.... THIS CHICK DOESNT WANA CHOOSE OR SAYS NO BUT MEANS YES 😂😂😂
@@activegas1014 duh, it's Mother's Day lol. Father's Day and most all other times I make the final choice. Hell, women can't decide what to wear much less what they want for lunch lol.
One of the real reasons I will never remarry is that the juice is not worth the squeeze since women thrive on chaos, conflict, and constant tension. I love my peace.
Some women. Many women don't want any conflict at all.
Cap
"I shouldn't have to ask"
Well, there's more than one way of asking. I can understand not wanting to ask for flowers for your birthday the day before your birthday. But if you occasionally say that gifts are something you really appreciate and mention flowers, you are more likely to get flowers.
Flowers are a funny thing. On days like valentines day when they "expect" them, the appreciation for the gift doesnt seem to be there. Send them on a random Thursday after they had a bad week and there is 10x more genuine appreciation. I dont want to gift things because its expected. I want to gift when I know it will be appreciated but if you tell me not do do something, I wont do it out of respect too
This is why so many of us are burned on on dating. It's just not worth the stress and exhaustion of always being wrong about something that only she is aware of....because they expect us to know what the issue is.
100% correct. SO many women do this. Tells her friends, parents, etc but doesn't tell me. It's a game. We're not mind readers.
Social media really has killed common sense for a lot of people.
Or even tells strangers on social media, which is beyond idiotic.
@@jamesg3808Facts
A key quality I look for in a future girlfriend is that she has to know how to be an effective and direct communicator. A functioning relationship can only move forward and grow when both people consistently inform each other their wants, needs, expectations, decisions, and feedback.
Good luck...
Another one is can you take rejection? Do you take things personally? Both things that are important to find especially in a woman
When I tell my wife I want nothing for my birthday or a holiday, I mean I want NOTHING. I dont need you to buy me things I dont need and waste money for no reason. You can do something special like make a nice meal, etc but when someone says I dont want anything you to get me anything I take it as do not get anything.
A (nice) meal is a thing, though
@@ratamacue0320 Making someone a nice meal is an act of doing something for your partner rather than just buying them crap.
@@johnd1231 ok, but that's still not "NOTHING" as you originally put it.
@@ratamacue0320 No. If I say I want nothing I dont expect anything. I dont expect something to be purchased and I dont expect anything to be done. Once again If I say nothing I mean I want nothing and wont be upset if nothing is done.
@@ratamacue0320 Read a book. Plays on words are common in daily dialogue.
Wait a minute. She is willingly not going to communicate to her husband directly but is giving a direct complaint to potentially millions of people about her issues with her husband??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE
😵💫🫠
"Comparison is [a] thief of joy." This is so true in so many aspects of life. Great video and message, Courtney!
My wife and I went through this exact scenario except that she came to me and expressed her feelings and, speaking as a man, I was so glad she did. It was uncomfortable to address my blindness to her needs and desires but the result has been well worth the extra effort. Thanks, Courtney!
This is the fundamental challenge in our society these days. People do not know how to communicate. Social media, texting...this is why ghosting is so prevalent. When social circles were smaller and people had to interact, it was necessary to discuss issues. Now, it is easier to just vent outside rather than deal face-to-face.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR THE PAST DECADE !!!!!!!!!! WE'RE NOT CHARLES XAVIER, LADIES, TO READ YOUR COMPLICATED MINDS !!!!!!!
THANK YOU LORD !!!!!
Yes, I have to agree. We do have to tell our girlfriend or wife what we want as well. And hold them accountable if they withhold that important information from us. 😊
This video is soooooo gold!!!!❤❤❤❤ because women wanting it to be “his idea” is so huge even my grandma thinks this way.
A lot of times people don't know how to communicate their expectations to their partner without it sounding like criticism. If their partner overreacts or gets distant, they eventually stop trying. Also, a lot of people don't know how to hear their partner's expectations without feeling they are not enough or that they are deficient. By the way, you are absolutely correct in that there needs to be a class on relationships, and it should be a prerequisite before obtaining a marriage license.
I agree babes.....u know one thing I'll never be is selfish even when I hurt because I prefer to serve the persons and people I truly care 4 🙏
Blessed Sunday Everyone
You too my friend
Entirely 100% her fault
Men and women are so wired differently when it comes to relationships. Men are more direct, and women are more indirect when they communicate. Women will give you hints thinking that men would get it. But that's not always the case. Why can't men and women be more direct and in a respectful manner?
No wife = Happy life
On top of that, people interpret actions and situations differently. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your partner/spouse to communicate to you who they are.
Women aren't direct for a reason. If women says to a men a bad stuff, men can beat, rape her. They have instictive fear of men. Men are stronger gender if u didn't know? That's why when you ask a girl out, they won't say "no" but give another logical answer but they hope you get it.
Because there are men out there that would rape them.
Not the other way around. I don't expect women to rape or beat me potentially if I reject their offer to date.
The lady is right and Courtney is wrong or can't understand. She wants attention to seee if he really cares about her and nıot just finish the day. My friend who is married with 3 children just said to his wife "He doesnt celebrate birthdays since he is 30 now" etc... then made a surprise for her. Because he loves her.
And he is a very masculine man.
If you don't date your wife, another guy will.
Not indirectly, but often lie to their partners, then wonders why their relationships are bad.
The thing is, the same woman herself is usually BAD at picking up on hints it is shocking.
"I WANT TO BE VALUED AND CELEBRATED WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK"
Ok Xerxes.
As a Man in my 60's, I find I am a better communicator than the women I meet. And it is always a problem when you find them lying.
Women are TERRIBLE communicators
Wow. I'm seriously blown away by the wisdom and empathy of someone so young. You articulated that so clearly and gently, it's kinda mind boggling. You are 100% right, and without a doubt this is easily the biggest problem most couples have. I imagine you have a very, very happy husband, with one exception, that he's never going to win an argument with someone who thinks and communicates like you. 😂
Thank you for your amazing work as always. 🙏
I'm a guy that once had a girlfriend that had these unrealistic unspoken expectations and our relationship became toxic due to the unspoken resentments that eventually built up in my girlfriend. I could feel her resentment but when I asked my girlfriend about her feelings she would not own up to her resenting me even though I could feel it. But later she would let a resentful comment slip out and I would tell her that I could see that she was resenting me over something that she had silently expected from me that I had had absolutely no clue about. And then my girlfriend would tell me, "If you really loved me you would just know what I want without me telling you". Fortunately, that relationship did not last. It doesn't matter who you are, NO ONE wants this kind of toxic behavior in a relationship. 😵💫
I went through the exact same thing. In fact, she used the exact same words. She'd never air out her expectations and in case I asked her what was wrong, her response always would be: "You should know."
When the relationship ended (she called it off), an accusatory finger was stabbed in my direction; "You just don't care. If you cared, you'd know what I want."
But I always cared enough to ask and the only response I kept getting was: "You should know."
Direct communication is often the best.
It’s one thing to not communicate what you want and not get it and be mad. It’s a whole other level to communicate the EXACT opposite of what you want and be mad when you get exactly that. That’s wild.
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!! Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentment. 100% accurate. My marriage was a victim of this, and I have learned that I will no longer tolerate a woman who holds me accountable to unspoken expectations. It’s a losing game for both parties. Women must learn we cannot read minds.
Completely agree with . Uncommunicated needs turn into resentment. Men and women need to learn to communicate. No one is a mind reader
Great video! I agree completely. One of the weird things about people is we have the tendency to believe in either/or situations-as if there are only two options. It’s frustrating because there is almost always another, better way. We just have to be creative sometimes. Like this lady-she has a point but she is not communicating that point so she is just continuing to get hurt and lying to her husband.
There’s almost always a third choice!
20:21 This is an issue with people with indirect communication styles who grew up feeling like their needs were not taken into account. Then developed masks and personas to pretend to be agreeable because they care about being perceived as nice and good people. They care too much about being liked versus communicating authentically. The issue is that they set up a minefield because they are constantly reliving traumas where they felt unsafe expressing their dissatisfaction, and then one day, they either let their guard down or, when stressed out, drop the facade. They then openly complain or have a meltdown. It is one of their worst versions because they couldn't be honest from the start nor pause long enough to consider their actual desires without stringung others along. It happens with both men and women, including gym bros who pretend to be alphas as well as partially woke feminists. It reveals that this version of them is deeply insecure and unstable.
I was nodding my head the entire time Courtney,you're right. On the flip side, my ex had said her love language was *blank* (a rotation of 4 of the 5 love languages). I couldn't ever achieve her expectations.
Everyone has checkboxes on what they want in a relationship. You're not going to get all the boxes checked.
the idea of talking about and buying gifts together actually sounds like a great idea - might even turn it into and experience where the gift isnt even the point anymore 😄
Happy Memorial Day to you Courtney.
He asked her what she would like and she said she wanted nothing so thats what he got her. This is the kind of thing that men are frustrated about.
"A piece of toast." No, it can't be a piece of toast. You can't tell me that he'd get you a piece of toast for Mother's Day and you wouldn't punish him.
I was thinking, if he sees this, she can expect a lot of toast for special occasions.
You bring up great points. I tried to make a special day for my wife for mother’s day and her response was, “I’m not your mother.” It turned out she wanted her children to honor her on her day. I wasn’t adding anything to her enjoyment of the day.
If he doesn’t ask, how is he going to know what you want? Early in your relationship he knew nothing about you, and unless you are a narcissist you were eager to tell him your likes and dislikes. What changed? If he asks, it’s his way of wanting to find out what to do or get you to please you on that special occasion. Men are more afraid of doing something wrong or giving you something you don’t want/like by not knowing. We don’t do hints, subtle or otherwise, period.
And posting a rant on social media about your partner is very immature.
Hi Courtney, from the perspective of the one with needs, one problem I've run into regarding communicating those needs, is that you only know something is an issue after the triggering event has occurred. When that happens, it can be difficult to summarize and inform your partner in a coherent and succinct way quickly, especially if it is a new issue that you didn't realize you had before. For me it can end up taking a few days to bring it up. When I bring it up, very often I am hit back with a "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?", which made me feel at fault for feeling that way and invalidated, reducing my desire to bring up future issues as a result.
It's something that's been on my mind when people say to just say what you want. Sometimes it's not so simple to articulate your needs, and the person who is receiving the complaint is not always going to be so receptive and understanding.
Okay, so I barely watched the end of the Tiktok itself before I was able to get my thoughts together, before Courtney shared her thoughts, most of which i agreed with as the video went on 😅 but we gotta talk about something here. So, it's common sense that if you don't ask for something, you won't get what you want, but putting that aside, the lady in the TikTok literally says that she has come to accept that if she has to ask, she obviously doesn't want it enough, because her partner should just know to do something for her. This is an underlying problem right off the bat because this points to passive-aggressive communication, which will possibly lead to problems in the relationship, if it hasn't already. She's operating on the logic of a woman's brain. Now, I'm not implying that women communicate this way as a whole, just because it was mentioned next to my previous point, just getting my thoughts out, in case that's a point of contention. Men and women literally don't think the same way, and in this case, it's because we don't view sentiment the way that women do. So, instead of getting upset, put your ego aside, and remember that fact. It's not that your husband doesn't care, he's not thinking about it, simple. Another point about this, although it isn't as, prevalent, for lack of a better word, let's talk about love languages. What if your love language falls under physical touch and your secondary language is words of affirmation? So for you to feel loved and appreciated, in this case, on Mother's Day, you would want something different than a gift, because gift giving isn't your love language, even though the holiday calls for it. Again, that's something that has to be communicated.
You can't expect someone to understand something just because you feel it. Your husband isn't Charles Xavier from X-Men, he's not a telepath, nor is he a mind reader. By not speaking about desires, you make your frustrations worse because you still won't get what you want. Better to speak on that and not risk even more frustration because you accepted that you won't get what you want, like you've expressed here.
This was definitely posted for validation and support, because if you're just getting your thoughts out, use your phone, write it down as a memo or use a voice note. No one on the Internet needs to know about your martial problems, not our business, that's a lack of maturity, looking for validation in that area. Go to a counselor if you need to share your thoughts. On top of that, what if your husband finds this? Now you have a fight because of something that could have been resolved another way, not worth it. On top of that, no one on the Internet knows the dynamic of your relationship with your husband, so taking advice from them might do more harm than good.
She definitely dropped the ball here posting this onto TikTok...
Great video, Courtney.
I used to be like the woman in the video. I didn’t know how to communicate and expected everyone (my partner, friends, family, bosses and etc.) to just “get it” and read my mind. It took a lot of work in therapy to develop my communication skills and I still am working on it, but once I learned better communication skills and built my conflict resolution skills, my relationships have gotten so much better.
It’s a long journey though but I hope the lady in the video learns some communication skills and learns how to ask for what she needs.
This man is NOT her child. She is NOT his mother. Her kids (assuming she has kids...) are who should be buying her "Mother's Day" gifts. I will assist my kid in getting a mother's day gift for their mom but she is confusing Mother's Day with their Anniversary. (I'm sure she gets a "paper cut' on their anniversary too).
She should ask her self. If at any point in the begenning of their relationship did he get her a gift she did not ask for, want, or need, and she reacted negatively. Even if she didn't think he noticed her reaction was negative. If that be the case. Then what she inadvertently taught him. Is... you better ask if there is something specific that she wants. Or I'll end up in the dog house again, when all I was doing is trying to be a kind person.
This is called a "covert contract" - she acts as though there is some agreed-upon contract between them, and he HAS to act a certain way in order to fulfill the terms of the contract.
EXCEPT that this entire "contract" exists NOWHERE but inside her own head! SHE, unilaterally, drafted up the contract in her head, and she treats him as though he signed it with full knowledge - but that is a lie! He doesn't even know this contract exists! And she punishes him for failing to live up to "his side of the contract"!
As others have said, she is just laying the groundwork for her eventual divorce, so she can leave feeling like the wronged and put-upon victim, so she can leave him without guilt!
The rare version of a Nice Girl
Great analysis! A simple question to ask this lady: "is it also bad when someone asks what you want for your birthday?". We all accept that as "ok" and "caring", but for some reason mothers day is different?
Her husband sounds as if he has a "engineering" mind, much like myself.
Also, once the children are old enough to celebrate mothers day on their own, I would think it is more their obligation to observe Mother's Day than myself. She is their mother, not mine.
Exactly, it's not an anniversary or women's day that you're pandering gifts to your spouse. Mother's day is a mother-son/daughter thing.
Comparison is the worst because no matter what your spouse does for you, there will always be someone who did something "better." The truth is, it shouldn't matter what it is, so much as its the love, thought and effort put in. Maybe it is just dinner, but if it's what you like, it's the perfect gift. Great video, everything you said was spot on!
Too many guys are approaching the wrong women. When I drive up to women, I’m met with a smile. I roll down the window, and invariably they ask me if I’m looking for a date. Of course I tell them yes, and they enter my car. I always have a good time.
😂
Lol! I have to read twice to understand.
Courtney! Yes this video was super helpful. Communication is key. I think asking her what she wants is a sign of the man trying to understand her and that is a good thing. It’s to clarify what she wants exactly. Well said!
Women seem to only care about the minor things men fall short instead of the numerous things she loves about him is a major problem in a lot of relationships these days
This is the 15th video of yours in that I watch in a row and I just found your channel.
It’s so good to see such a wise but young person cuz it’s something so so rare and on top of that, willingly sharing such wisdom.
By the way: your outfit and the blue of it look really nice
You talk about our marriage behind my back so I spoke with a divorce attorney…. Happy Mother’s Day & SURPRISE!!!!!
I'm not afraid to come out and tell women what I want, It's just that times have gotten so that people can't come out and say what they mean...people don't like honesty...people don't like to hear the truth...I hate walking on eggsshells having to deal with certain people...i don't like political correctness....
i'm in the same boat with a girl.
cant seem to convey i'm not interested, but still anything i do is flirty, surely not to anything to do with my job (shes a colleague that i unfortunately have to interact with).
i'm starting to see its not really me, but a (her) fantasy of me that wants her.
i'm just not gonna respond to her anymore, its been draining after 4 times of explicitly saying no to her.
if the boss starts to harass me on it i'm out, probably with a complaint to the labor inspectorate.
@@xerr0n I feel bad for you, bro....
@@ErrenG-f9w Thanks, ill have to manage
@@ErrenG-f9w Thanks, ill have to manage
@@ErrenG-f9w Thanks.
This point needs to be pushed more strongly in society: TO COMMUNICATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS IS AN ACT OF LOVE BY ITSELF.
Hey, Courtney and everyone.
Hi 👋
Hey Yosef! ❤️
Some of us didn’t have our birthdays or the holidays celebrated. That was the case for me. I was probably like this woman’s husband, but it took me a while to learn to do those things for other people. I agree with you Courtney, you have to bring these things up in a relationship.
wait, what? if am mistaken then correct me but isn't mother's day a time to celebrate YOUR mother? the one who gave birth to you? why he is suppose to give/buy her anything? her kids should wish her well and maybe give some gift but why husband?
I think what’s even worse is that my soon to be ex wife would disrespect me and talk trash about me in front of others based on something she expected me to do.
She also expected me to be a mind reader. I don’t have social media, but thankfully I don’t think she was ever posting negatively about me. But it still hurt a ton. Especially when she said things like “you won’t be a good dad”
“Hey babe are you ok I’m concerned about you, talk to me”
Proceeds to say “I’m fine” even though she isn’t and wants her guy to listen to her 🙄
I agree with you 100%. The reason why I think people put this online for complete strangers is because I think there is a growing part of society that has a little to no friends. This is something that you usually talk about with your girlfriends not complete strangers. The Internet has really done a disservice to society in this way
Courtney, "Communicate. We can't read your minds" - You probably meant: "Women, men can't read your mind."
I've seen men get frustrated expecting women to read their minds. I mean, I don't think that men and women have equal likelihood here, but it's not completely one sided
Im a man and I have always expected my significant other to read my mind, its not gender-biased tbh
I agree, 100%.
@@alla5687you do? That's interesting. I just communicate it. 🤔
2:41 I was brought up in a family where we did not give gifts to each other. I didn’t miss attention from my parents, but I was brought up without getting gifts. So my point is even as an adult I don’t need gifts to feel valued or so. I can understand that there are people out there needing this regular attention (like small surprise gifts on occasions like Mother’s Day).^^
That’s funny coming from a girl. Y’all never mean what you say, there’s always a hidden message
Hahaha
11:21 Exactly! It means they listened, and they were eager and excited to honor your reasonable wishes to a T. That shows consideration and care and deep affection as well as reliability and trust. It demonstrates that they are attentive to my words and saw my actual needs and wishes just as importantly as their own.
I think some people who are on TikTok post a video just for attention.
Totally
Your husband is a lucky man. This is the mature way to handle relationships. Your video was well thought out and well and presented.
Some men work and have so much work things going on. We can focus on simple things. Are the bills paid. Did we eat today. Etc. the feelings things sometimes are like whipped cream on top.
I would listen to your requests then see when or if I can work it jn. We need more of you.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I absolutely agree with what Courtney says at the beginning of this video. I must have a few thousand comments on UA-cam and I also have my own channel with videos (though not in my own name). But I have never posted a single word anywhere about my relationship with my wife or anything concerning my domestic situation, and I will never do that. For me private life and public life are totally separate, effectively on different planets.
That woman kind of scares me.
Omg this is the exact thing my therapist taught me NOT to do. Always communicate VERY specifically what you want/need and never expect them to read your mind. It was a game changer in my relationship. Please please please communicate, women!!
Why would your partner give you gifts on Mother's Day? You're not his mother, are you?
Your serous aren’t you…. I have never met someone like this lol…
for having his children 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Love the video, I understand both ends of the spectrum. Plus, love the color on you ms. courtney, really makes your eyes pop! God Bless!
Thanks for posting a video on this Courtney! I totally agree with you! These days, people expect perfection!! Good luck finding that. You mentioned nipping things in the bud, I heard a saying…”Ypu can’t change someone because you love them. They change because they love you.”
I completely agree with you Courtney. You are so right on this topic. In fact I would consider breaking up with someone that would do that to me. What she did is a slap in the face to her husband. I do understand that receiving gifts when unasked may "feel" more special but in reality regardless of being asked or not receiving gifts is a way to show that you are thinking of them. It should not matter if you are asked or not. Either way, it is special. I mean if asked, it shows that they care because they took time to ask.
It's like saying "I'm cold, can you please get me a blanket / turn the heat up?" vs "are you cold?" with the expectation of it being the former question in mind reading form.
Guys are taught early on enough in life that guessing will always lead to bad things. And sadly, as we experience things in life over time, that gets reinforced ad nauseum. Ladies, it's better to straight up say what you want instead of hinting, as tough as it might be to be direct.
Boys and girls both need to be taught that being direct in asking what you want is ok. It saves everyone future hassle - and for relationshp sake, it can make relationships better too.
Totally agree! Don’t know why people just love airing their dirty laundry to the world instead just talking it through with that person.
No you arent too sensitive. I agree 100%.
Dont like sharing it publically
I dated a woman briefly who told me "you should just know if I'm having a bad day".
I just got married and this is a great reminder, thanks.
We speak each others unspoken language. You know what I'm going to say without me having to say it. I love the way your mind works.😂
Fun fact: When her husband asks every year whether she wants something, she's not obligated to answer "yes" or "no". She could instead say that she just wants him to stop asking every year and do whatever he feels would be right. When she answers "no", it creates an obligation to respect what she said!