LOL!! The Best Puns From The King Of One Liners Kevin Schwartz - America's Got Talent 2019
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2019
- The comedian from Madison, Wisconsin brings his jokes to the worlds biggest stage!
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LOL!! The Best Puns From The King Of One Liners Kevin Schwartz - America's Got Talent 2019
• LOL!! The Best Puns Fr...
America's Got Talent
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*Wins the whole show*
Him: “nice.”
Uhhhhhhm nice
😂
Well, it WOULD be nice. No?
Kevin Schwartz dude ilu but that neckbeard is the epitome of the internet troll. lose it. ..or incorporate it into an act? imagine coming onstage with a fedora and My Little Pony - even better a fedora *of* MLP
@@lightyears2go Weird. I think of a troll as someone who goes around saying rude things to people online.
He faced his fear, it doesn't matter if he wins or loses, he faced it and that is a win for me.
Yes! That's what it's all about, he's so inspiring!
Yes, i see this as an absolute win!
For him*
IM SO PROUD OF HIM
And a win for him
That first joke was so underappreciated
Patio Orangutan maybe if he didn’t use it as his first it would of passed better
I lolled 😂
I was ded
Yeah, I laughed at it and then shrugged at everyone's reaction
I was in the audience during this performance and his first joke was actually the Isaac Newton one
He's about to have 2 over Isaac Newton
Easily the most underrated comment here 😂😂
Guess he cant use that joke again
Hahahaha!!! Way to double down! 👏😂
Isaac2= kevin schwartz(-inteligence)
he will
The Isaac Newton joke and the grocery store jokes were hilarious
@Dev JB really that's crazy I never heard it and I love puns
@Jay Bradley Maybe it is old. I'm not omniscient. But Google shows no sign of it before the first time I posted it.
@Kevin Schwartz I and I'm sure many others who enjoyed ur jokes trust you! There are too many brains in this world for a joke to be completely original and not have been come up by a random few, but from the response of the audience and even the judges themselves, the joke is obviously not old and unoriginal like described by the fellow commenter above. Stay undistracted by ungrounded criticisms and keep up your good work! Many ppl are looking forward to seeing more! By the way, English is not my native language- could you explain to me the panda joke? ☺️
@@missjoey "Today I saw twin pandas. That bears repeating."
"That bears repeating" basically means "is worth telling people about." But "that bear's repeating" implies that the one twin was a copy/repetition of the other twin.
@Kevin Schwartz Thank you for the explanation! Now I get why everybody's laughing!! 😊😊😊
"Instead of watching other people live, I want to live".
Man. Who's cutting onions!!?
The damn ninjas man, they always cutting onions at opportune moments
You have no soul if that doesn’t just touch your heart. I loved it.
Forreal 🙏🏻
Ikr im like man i gotta go do something with my life too
Thought this was a shrek reference no joke
He's diagnosed with agoraphobia. The fear of open spaces. In his case everything outside of his house. Imagine that!
I can't imagine that... that's how far out it is... it was cool.
That was my diagnosis 20 years ago. He has had to push to get where he is
It's not the fear of open spaces. That's what Google says it is but in a medical sense it's actually the fear of situations that might cause panic, embarrasment or helplesness.
Can't imagine that im a Claustrophobic
Are phobias real thing, how it work just curious what they brain tells them what they feel
His writing is so good. And his delivery adds to his charm. Hope he does more.
Anxiety can steal your life away. I'm glad he took this giant step.
Jeremy A Giant Steps by John Coltrane
I want to like your comment but it's at 666 and I can't just do that
Never mind, I'm good
I have huge anxiety and stage fright. Wish I had the guts to do what he did. I applaud him for getting on the stage and doing his routine. :)
Sus
“Instead of watching other people live, I want to live.”
That got to me ♥️
Got you to type heart? I dont get it
Yeah that really got me
@@gemaligd not funny u stupid
Yeah same
@@gemaligd Why Gemail and not hotmail?
hearing the audience genuinely warm up to his jokes and laugh is quite possibly one of the best things i've seen in my life.
I can't understand why the audience didn't understand his first joke . I mean that was funny .
He’s got potential! He’s got the one liner jokes, now it’s just about delivery and structure of when to tell which jokes when.
It was hilarious!
As a first joke, people thought he coulda gotten stage fright
I think it took them a moment to warm up to what he was doing.
Audience was still settling..couldn't guess his genius, loved it
This guy went from scared of going out of his house to performing on AGT, that's insane
I'm going to be on AGT someday. Still trying to get out of my house but we'll get there.
Anyone who can come this far and make this much progress with their fears, deserves a LOT of credit and a shot with something like this.
Goes to show the impossible is possible
@@soccerking172 Just bring your house with you. c:
Seriously.. thats insane..
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to face it.
By Isaac Newton
Thanks for reminder 👌
Yes
Next time you use a William Danforth quote you should credit him!
This is why I joined my volunteer fire department, I wanted to conquer my fear of fire. Now I'm an adrenaline junky, a bit jaded, but still, I was petrified my first time, but I did it.
I felt for this guy man. His delivery was rough, but he definitely got into the groove as he carried on.
@Dara DeBuitlear no. thats not the point. hes just nervous. its cringe-worthy any not funny. didnt laugh once.
Glad he got cut from Judge cuts!!!
@Yaniv Steltzer it is 100% the point. Look up Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg. Legends of comedy who do this exact same style.
You thought your own opinion was evidence your thinking was correct.
It wasn't, in fact, it was evidence of how uninformed you were. It's world accepted method of comedy.
@@yanivsteltzer8425 man shut yo goofyass up, u prolly dodnt understand any joke💀
He didn’t change tone or cadence once. That’s not an accident. It just took the audience a second to warm up to his weird style.
Why did no one understands the first joke?
Did they all black out?
I think it the order of doing it first that didn't work well. If he had started with the Isaac Newton one, the black out joke would have been funnier.
If he had said that right after it would have been great
I find that one funny too
I bust out laughing at that joke!!!
Am saying
49yrs old still pursuing happiness.. NEVER STOP
TRYING TO GET LAID
@@Nobody-xe9fc likes you
@@phenadoz-topicmusic8122 I already knew that I liked myself very much ^_^
maybe what we should try to pursue is satisfaction not happiness.
@@SaadMohammedGhori I agree, he is trying to pursue satisfaction, he just doesnt realize it.
You could literally see when Simon started to get and understand his jokes😂
th virgin joke?
I was bummed at the silence on the first home. It was good. His jokes aren't low based. He reminds me of that long haired monotoned comic from the 80s who also did one liners
Serena Peterson Steven Wright?
Steven Wright keep you in stitches, wasn't often but sometimes he'd have to smirk at himself...
stephieirene 3:25 *did he just say what i think he said*
To go from being scared to leave the house through to being onstage in front of 4000 people AND on television. Incredible. As his confidence grew, his delivery got better. I teared up.
And almost 4M people...
I love how not everyone comes here to Win. But they just come to experience something new. Great show!
agree my brotha
“Instead of watching other people live, I want to live.”
WHO CUT THE ONIONS
Tru Tha..😢😢😥😢..he was awesome.. WHO'S CRYING? 😢😢😢😢...IM NOT!.😢😥..I SWEAR!!..
That’s how I feel right now watching these auditions 😭🙃😂
That's really powerful word to push someone to live their life to the fullest
Them freaking Onion Ninjas, is who...damn them
I love his therapist for helping him.
"Instead of watching ppl live, I want to live." -Kevin Schwartz 💯
Its honestly such a good quote
Yo that had to be the hardest thing he ever did. Legitimately just so damn happy for him for accomplishing this.
Dude is a legend would 100% pay to see him perform
Sure buddy
So would I.
Who else loves it when Simon goes from really critical to just laughing his guts out in the blink of an eye?
His delivery was slow bit clearly good
the virgin one killed me 😂
did he kill you?
Lol it was funny
He’s one up on you then, he’s not dead
Lol
@ws 2019 he will get eliminated
I have agoraphobia too. Currently, I'm getting help bi-weekly. This guy is so courageous for getting up on stage in front of so much people. I admire him. I want to clarify that agoraphobia is not only the fear of open spaces, but also fear of not being able to escape and embarrassment. It's a scary thing to endure and not much people are aware of this. Sending love from Hawaii ❤
I hope you continue getting help and can fully enjoy what a beautiful world we live in!
Thank you@@mitchdroese84😊 Slowly but surely. Baby steps. Have a nice week!
Marie, I appreciate that you took the courage to state your fear on the internet. Great job!
Keep up the great work and focus on self love and self evaluation more as it will directly boost your confidence and help you get better at going out more and connecting better with more and more people.
Have a happy journey in the trip called "Life" and hope to see a much better version of you soon. 😊
embarrassed to be judged, causes panic attacks which cause retreat to safety (place) which is fear!! Its much worse... now that you are safe with your fear in that place.. the fear wouldn't stop telling you how worthless you are!! The fear would continue to eat you pieces everyday!! hoping someone would understand, wanting to tell someone.. tired of being alone.. tired of struggling.. tired of waking up
how are you doing now?
This guys story is so sad, he actually seems like he would be a really cool guy to hang out with.
no
I'm a beginner comic. I followed Kevin on Instagram a few days ago and last night he followed me back after a conversation! He really is a very supportive, mild mannered guy who just wants to see people write their own success stories! A gem of a man.
Hope he gains confidence through this and deals with his anxiety better
Andre ExoDust trust me his anxiety isn’t that bad, AGT just needs to milk a story out of him
@Reddot Sxul It's not. Dude. They are literally doing this to everyone if possible.
Just wanted to put my 2 cents in. Kevin is a good friend of mine and his anxiety is just as bad as it seemed in the video. The only reason he auditioned was because I was able to be there with him and supported him the whole time. I couldn't go with him for the next audition because of my work so he went by himself and I've never been more proud of him.
@@samhaack4492 he has just gained a bunch of us who also support him. Even if he does not win i will be sure next time i come up that way to see one of his shows. Even if Madison is not my favorite area and gives me slight anxiety to drive in i am down for it on the way to the Dells.
Samantha Haack thank you
Getting on that stage would be hard/scary for 99% of people. The fact that you did it *with diagnosed agoraphobia* means you've really got guts!
yesplease so much respect for the man right!
He uses his awkwardness to his advantage… that’s smart !!! This was great 😂😂😂
You guys didn't get him.. He's making comedy of his fears.. He wins the weather 🖤
Comedy always seems to come from a place of pain. Good for you on conquering your fears Kevin.
Rosie Red there is no exception to that rule
True.
The difference between tragedy and comedy: Tragedy is something awful happening to someone else, while comedy is something awful happening to someone else.
Well said
I used to think my life was a tragedy. But now I realize, it’s a comedy.... :) #Joker
You can def tell his confidence elevated as he told his jokes. 6:56 minutes of laughter instead of bullying. There is still hope for humanity!
arturo nunez 🤦🏼♀️are you brain dead that’s the end of the video
@@colestonkfc9328 he wasnt stating a point in the video, he was just saying the length of the video
Nah, i dont think there hope😂
Alvaro Hernandez ok welp I’m drunk rn😂 took like 8shots
@@colestonkfc9328 Nice save
When Simon gives a standing ovation you already know the performance was great
@4:31 "I went to the grocery store. The sign said "NO FOOD OR DRINKS INSIDE" so i went home"
LOL
That Isaac Newton joke was so good! Definitely had an unexpected twist at the end of it!
Was the best joke. The rest were not very good.
@@randallnelson2768 or maybe it's just not your type of comedy
@@cole4832 I'm gonna steal that
I saw right where it was going and it was still funny hearing it LOL
How do you even understand? You have a roblox icon lmao
That first joke, the one that nobody laughed at, was a killer.
I was coming to make this comment. I am so glad I was not the only one that got it
I died 😂😂
Tbh it was lit
I liked it too...It went over a lot of heads!
It was fantastic. 😊
Omg!! His story proves that you don't always have to look brave to be brave. He is pure inspiration
It’s called being a man.. dafaq
As someone with severe and crippling social anxiety, this made me feel so many emotions. I’m rooting so hard for him!
Who else wants to give this guy a big hug. 🙋♂
Me.. 😩😩
Me
Hrithik Sahu Well it cant be a small hug🤔
🙋♀️
Me!!!
Is it just me or is Simon now adorable?
He’s become so encouraging and supportive of the contestants.
Thanks Simon. We love you
Abadom Tochukwu omg thats how i felt too lol
It's because he's a dad 😊
That's not Simon! What have they done with Simon?
Hes gettin old lol
I miss tougher Simon. And yes he's much nicer and more encouraging... I would guess bc he is a father unlike 6 or 7 years ago
Isaac Newton joke killed for real. Dude seems like a cool cat. Hope life gets infinitely better for him
First joke was wasted on this audience 😒
Definitely the ones that never had panic attacks !
Haha get it! Wasted! Ha ha ok sorry I’ll shut up now
david Unoi Great joke, wrong place in the bit. Would have worked far better as fourth or fifth joke, AFTER establishing rapport with crowd. Still, well done. The dude has faced his fears, he wins!
They don't show the audience reaction as happens in real. It's all edited.
@@Likasomboooodee nice xD
The saddest clowns, have always been the best comedians. Great guy
And Rodney Dangerfield
Rules for AGT.
1. Have an anime backstory.
😂😂😂😂
Seems legit
Dude ima say my fish died
Fear of leaving the house is a very real phobia. Don't disrespect a guy who managed to overcome it.
@@sol666 dude he was not disrespecting him i mean its cool that he overcome it but its for real that you need a good story and instantly get through i mean the jokes were not that good but the story was and see what happened i mean im proud of him but hes not that funny and its not a talent that deserves winning 1 mil
I can’t remember the last time I seen Simon Cowell stand and applause for a comedian!
Kevin is a champion!! Overcoming a fear of crowds is very hard, whenever I go through with it there's a thousand thoughts of self doubt. And Kevin managed to pull through all of that, so inspiring ❤️
This man is so very inspirational. This is what agt is truly all about. Too this man we are all so very proud of you.
its all an act. look at his UA-cam channel.
@Erin B you care.
Kevin Schwartz is a legend wherever he is
With respect to Kevin conquering his anxiety, but his psychiatrist is doing a reaaallly great job.
He probably doesn't even remember this he's so drugged
@@drealboy_ he's not drugged, his mind is basically shutting down, it's what happens with such great anxiety.
It's the methods that the psychiatrist used that are good, which is what makes the difference.
@@dothedo3667 no. It's the drugs he's on. Benzodiazepines.
KevinKnox Playlist You're an idiot.
@@drealboy_ Nope, try again.
I had tears in my eyes. I've dealt with anxiety depression insomnia and whatnot and I know how hard it is to get out of the bed. Kevin, you are so brave and I wish you all the very best. The fact you stepped out of the house gave me so much hope and courage. I'll pray for all the success for you!
Thank you.
@@KevinLSchwartz I wish you all the best. Hope you win this!
No ego, no showing off, no bs, huge respect for him. Congrats
When he said “Instead of watching other people live, I want to live”
It was so powerful❤️😭
it's still with me this fear
BUT
instead of just watching other people live
I want to Live
- Kevin Schwartz
So true 😔😓😢😞😪
You already won, by just entering this competition. Good on ya champ!
Him: Isaac Newton died a virgin
Me: ummmm... ok
Him: that means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific mind
Me: oh uhhhh, good... good for you man
Him: because I’m not dead
Me:😂😂😂
Thanks for the play by play
I really don't understand... please explain it to me...
@@anythinggoes1813 He said Isaac died a virgin so the audience are expecting that he ain't a virgin like him. Then he said "I'm not dead"
Basically he called himself a virgin
I went to the grocery store and sign said no food or drink inside. So I went home
Hahahahahah greatest line ever
MrEuropeanTv where is the hilariousness in that joke that joke was stupid
@@Bigbacktivity what's the point of heading to the store if there is no food or drinks inside?
Lord Of Waifus okay but what’s so funny about that it makes no sense
Any grocery store has food so if it don’t have food it’s not a grocery store
@@Bigbacktivity because the sign in grocery stores that says "no food or drinks inside" is meant that you can't bring in food and drinks from the outside into the store. However how this guy read it , is that there is no food and drinks inside the store therefore losing the purpose of going into the store, and heading home. The joke here is the play on words "no food and drinks inside"
I really just want to hug him, I totally understand how he feels in being full of anxiety. He did great and I hope he's on the show for the whole thing
azu111 Wait..... Wait.... I "can't" know what it feels like to be full of anxiety because I'm a "woman"?
What a kind guy tho, rly
I’ve seen this guy in-person four times at open mic nights in the comedy club in Madison he referenced. He was hilarious but didn’t even realize he was on AGT. This is awesome!
When he said that his classmates spent a week not talking to him pretending he was invisible
Man that's cruel....
Some kids.
Try a year
@@scarafly thank u😂😂
@@maryamna2079 Idk for what?
Same
*Just married, makes it sound like they are already disappointed*
Man I'm dead literally LoL 😂😂😂😂😂😭😭
Mayur Gojia no you're literally not
Figuratively > Literally
I dont get it, can you explain it to me? :D
When the judges asked him where he was from I half expected him to say "from my mom"
I hope that person who made you feel invisible is watching this
This is how many times he said thank you
👇👇
Bunder _ I m sorry you r wrong this is how many times he said thankyou
👇👇
You are both wrong. This is how many thank yous he said. (I liked my own comment)
👇👇
AXN Vlogs 😂
Dumb post
@@robert7879 someone's salty
*Instead of watching other people live, i want to live*
Wow i felt that
I've been lucky enough to see him at our comedy club in Madison! Congrats, Kevin!
Thanks!
This guy gives me hope in overcoming my anxiety and agoraphobia.
Totally got his first joke. :-) All the best and God bless!!
@@mgoldenboyz7942 I guess I need to elaborate - I understood and found his joke funny. Comedy is actually extremely subjective. :-)
ikr was laughing hard, sadly the audience didn't get it
I didnt get it. Whats the joke?
@HHF Electronic Internet connection is good in heaven. I'm on a vacation
Pleaese explain the first joke...
I have one up on Isaac Newton... because I'm not dead.
I'm dead. 🤣🤣👏
Toad Moto ....but...but...the question is...
did you die a virgin? ;)
Really funny and so loveably awkward. I was laughing from the first joke about the blackout
I wanted to cry when nobody laughed about the first joke, it was actually good and he must have felt so bad
His one liners made me laugh, and his courage brought tears to my eyes.
Has a backstory = longer videos
No sad backstory = 2 minute videos
👏🏻
thats how agt works
So ur saying tht if Im diagnosed with a mental illness I’ll get more air time 🤔
Victor M3 E92 pretty much
😃😃 I was diagnosed with ADHD, HDMI, HHR, and USB, I should at least get ten minutes 😁
I'll tell you how AGT works ... they've already picked the winner. Voting means nothing. It is just an easy way for the channel executives to tally up the ratings.
This guy is a champ. Keep going dude, you’ll only get better.
He’s great. I laughed at every joke. I hope we get to see a lot more of this guy. He’s hilarious! 😂
I don’t laugh at any of his jokes, i cant relate to what he’s trying to say
I believe the goal here is to give him more confidence, which is great because I believe he deserves it. Seems like a very nice and genuine person. A great guy!
its all an act. look at his youtube channel.
@@kidrobot. what's his yt
@@martinn.4061 search his name...
@@kidrobot. Just looked at his youtube channel. Doesn't feel like an act to me. He's got the same composure as he did on agt, even reading off of his cards and stuff presumably because he's nervous. Him having a youtube channel in the first place doesn't sound out of the ordinary to me either. Of course if you're going on agt (especially with a fear of performance) you want to have some practice and an audience to encourage you before going in.
@@thesomnograph7278 look at his 1st video. its from 4 years ago. he's basically wearing the same thing and doing the same routine. its all an act. if it wasn't, he would've evolved for the better by now. but i get it, everyone needs a gimmick to stand out. just look at tape face and puddles pity party
He's funnier than I am, and I don't even have anxiety! He deserved that ovation.
Could not have said it better. Top comment!
Nothing, but respect for Kevin. Pursue your goals & don’t stop🙏🏻
Agoraphobia is crushing yet Kevin curbed the audience and judges' attention and got overwhelming applauses from 4000 people. This moment itself is a massive truimph! Very inspiring, looking forward to his future performances. He's a winner!
I have severe anxiety and struggle with agoraphobia, you go Kevin ♥️
God Bless :)
As a former agoraphobic who still deals with major anxiety, I am sending positive vibes to you!
Just don't think about what would people say
Bloody brilliant hahaha, My type of comedy, Well done to him.
that line"i go to grocery store and i saw the sign 'no foods or drinks inside' so i went home" hahahhahaha
This man give me courage❤
God Bless this man❤❤❤
*He’s adorable but I keep seeing Peter Griffin in his face*
💀
Just stop breathing please.
^
Stop watching that garbage show then
Icey Zone BTD wtf dude i wasn’t saying anything mean omg you make me wheeze😂💀
And it’s ok cos 400 other people weren’t triggered by my comment so thank u next @just an opinion @Icey Zone BTD @Masaki Posey lmfao😂💀
He was so chill telling those jokes and honestly I think that made them 10x better
AGREED 100%
Already funnier than the grim reaper before even starting
He’s on the pathway of becoming unstoppable
"No food or drinks inside...s i went home" I died😂🤣
For me that was the best one
I don’t get it
Dont get it tbh
@@ramyadham8502 watch the video
Same here I died... his so good
I am from Wisconsin and we are all like this dude, gotta love the dry humor ♥️😂
Kathryn Bartels same! What part of Wisconsin are you from?
I’m from Madison
Jakob P I’m from Waukesha ^
Kathryn Bartels that’s actually so true tho
Kathryn Bartels this was horrible if he didn’t have that backstory he would be garbage
Howard is such a great listener. I've noticed how multiple times on how he creates anecdotes from what the talents say before their performance.
I wanna give him a hug. So damn Brave!
Aw man this guy got me all choked up. This is what a winner looks like, even though he may not feel it, but he is the bravest man I’ve ever seen
He went from not being able to leave to house to killing it on one of the biggest stages in America, I have so much respect for that man
Dry clean humor. I love this guy. So funny and so talented -- his jokes require thought and clearly required thought. I can't wait to see him on TV!
OMG F-ing genius, when his first joke fell flat, I didn't understand that, I laughed so damn hard. This is good comedy!
When I saw Simon's face and the crowd wasn't laughing, I feared that he was gonna get buzzered and his anxiety gets worse. Thank you for giving him a chance.
Keep on doing what u do brother.
A very witty comedian!!! Absolutely hilarious!!!
He's the boss.
Very funny, I like him, but that ventriloquist with the bird was even funnier. It took me several jokes to get what he was doing, then he was pretty funny.
You are a turd nugget.
Howie: “You hear that? What does that feel like?”
Kevin: “Relieving!”
Such an inspiring person, not only to start perusing his dream at his age but also to prove that you can overcome anything, whether it’s anxiety or agoraphobia. By going up on stage and being who he is causing people to laugh and cheer must have truly felt amazing for him and he deserves every part of rejoice! ✨👏🏻
4:05 Isaac Newton joke begins
Such a great performance, can’t wait to see him in front of a crowd like this again!