Conversations in Autism - Tough Love
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- Опубліковано 30 лип 2024
- CONVERSATIONS IN AUTISM is a video series. There are no numbers. There is no sequence. They are ongoing. They are uploaded sporadically with our other videos when Max feels up for another conversation. They are driven by him. He holds the keys to what gets filmed and what gets posted.
My name is Chad Youngquist. I’ve been a special needs father since 2007. My son Max is autistic. I’ve learned a lot over the years, and a lot of it is stuff I learned the hard way. Sometimes I wish someone would have told me how to do this. But no one knew to, and if they did, they would never have been able to tell me about our specific circumstance. So as I try to help others, I have to realize that we’re not all in the same boat. So whatever you see on this channel, my hope is that most people can learn something from it. I try to respond to all comments, so hit me up if you have questions.
You can find me on Instagram at / chad.youngquist
You can read more about our journey at www.shockandautism.com
You can hear more of my personal story on this episode of the Endless Endeavor podcast. • Endless Endeavor Podca...
Just watched the water exercise. I’m 50 and this would help me. I actually teared up. When your son said to his legs, “I’ll hold you”, just amazing!
You could hear my wife giggling as she was holding the camera. :)
@@jcyoungquist may god bless you these are the smartest kids 👌🏾✊🏾
instablaster.
Now This Is a "Father"!
Thank you!
Nah This is a “daddy” 🥵. He’s good looking AND kind and emotionally mature beyond belief! Jokes aside. Max is very lucky to have such an lovely dad
@@SerumNoir LMFAOO GIRL
Valencia Le Puta OH MY GOD
A father: and a DAD
And a friend.🌈😉
The most loving father and fantastic son
Thank you, Terry.
@@jcyoungquist I just wanna say that you and your child are amazing people and you guys are helping me become a better person! Thank you ❤️
Asking him to articulate his thoughts and behaviors is so cool man. A lot of kids with autism don’t get to talk like this with their family, it not only helps you understand him but it can help him learn from his past behaviors, learn how to read his emotions and can help him explain what he is feeling. Very cool! Love you pushing him as a father and keeping him going. Good parenting does wonders!
Thank you!
You’re raising your child to be the best version of himself he could ever be. The only way to grow is through discomfort. I’m glad he’s learning the discomfort in a controlled environment where nothing can go wrong or too far because you’re there making sure everything is constructive rather than destructive. This is what every child should have the opportunity to experience.
Funny. I said almost those exact words in a recent IG post. The stretching and breaking process is incredibly painful at times. But it's what shapes us. If we want to be better humans, our response to pain makes a huge difference.
"the only way to grow is through discomfort". This is a dangerous idea of 'normality', which is a subset of ableism, wherein the neurodivergent/disabled individual is having NT culture standards/able bodied standards pushed onto them as the goal they're to 'aspire' to. I can tell you from personal experience that much of what this NT individual is advocating is actually teaching the autistic individual to totally dissociate away from their *lived experience* in order to please NTs. Autism is in part a *different processing system*- when we are forced to conform to NT expectations, measurements and parameters about what 'success' is we are stripped of our own internal processing and systems of wellness; the end result of this will most likely not show up until the 20's, 30's and even later but millions of autistic individuals worldwide can attest that it DOES absolutely eventually show up. Hard core masking *does have long term negative health implications* but as kids we don't realise we're doing it because we're trying to navigate the adults and demands around us. So no, the notion that the ONLY way to grow is 'through discomfort' is incorrect- it's part of the ableist mythos of 'that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger'- tell that to the individuals suffering auto-immune disorders as a result of unrelenting stress through masking, trying to conform to NT dominator culture and disabling cultural dynamics. BIPoC autistics have much to say on this matter...
@@Ninsidhe I know you're talking to both of us, but when I think of growth through adversity, I'm talking more about me. Not Max.
I wish every kid on world could have a father like him!
So, so true! Dads are unbelievably important for their children. This guy would be an awesome coach for youth.
As a researcher in developmental psychology, this is amazing and heartwarming, and very inspiring to see. Please keep up the great work, I know you guys can go far and help the world.
Thank you!
As a nurse who used to specialize in the care of children with ASD, I think that the relationship that you have with your son is beautiful ! You are going to be the difference that some parents need to see ! Keep up the good work, so encouraging to see something like this on youtube :)
Thank you, Armaya! Those are kind words!
@@jcyoungquist When is your child's birthday? Just curious to see his birth chart.
I know right, I have to say that the people who dislike videos like these must lead very unhappy lives.
@Paolo Caldini Cool. The Child has Pisces personality.
Your bath video helped me get a different perspective on my anxiety. Talking to my brain from now on! 😂
Excellent!
Autism is this young teenager’s superpower. He is doing the hard work to push himself through challenges in life. WTG to both of you 💥
This is not just a conversation in autism. Every family can learn on this one.
Thank you!
Wow! So glad this came up on my recommended. Such an inspiring and special relationship you guys have. Having an autistic younger brother myself I know how it can be very challenging at times. Thanks for making this video, it's so important to discuss autism.
Thanks Alain! I appreciate the positive feedback!
i think this is the definition of parents-child love-relationship. they both studied and learned about each other. love this video. love the relationship and how u guys handle the problems. thank you for sharing. God Bless.
Thank you, Albert!
Good for pushing through the difficult times that people have. This was a good video to watch
Thanks Shaun. Appreciate the feedback.
This is so inspirational! My 9 y/o brother has autism and we've had some really bad meltdowns as well, so thank you for talking about these things, it really does help :)
I just watched the video where you coaxed your son into getting into the bathtub. You were SO patient. I can’t imagine the difficulties of having a child who is autistic, but the rewards seem to be pretty awesome! Great job, Dad!!
Thank you, Becky!
Wow what a cool Dad! I watched your other video about you helping your son overcoming his fear of getting in the bath. My dad would have never been so compassionate with me. Disability or not , how lucky is your son to have such a great Dad in his life. Keep up the amazing work you are doing in his life. Not everyone would be able to do what you do. I know hes going to always remember how amazing his Dad is. Good on you Dad👍
Wow, Daniel! Thank you so much. I really appreciate the positive feedback!
My little brother is autistic and watching this just made my heart melt, your bond is so special and just makes me proud to have my brother ❤️
Awesome, Chelsea!
Out of the mouths of babes, “why would you want to film me like that”. That’s amazing, keep being an example!
As someone who has worked with autistic children I can say it makes a huge difference to the child when the parents are loving, firm, and consistent. Way to go!
Amazing father and son. Setting his son up for an excellent future.
Thank you!
@@jcyoungquist U are a gud dad Chad , i watch your videos u have such a gud relationship with your child , I hope to be such a great dad myself when I have kids
I believe I had very similar condition that your son has. I'm 25 now. I used to have outbursts and meltdowns, a lot of times for no obvious/apparent reason. I hated my food touching on the plate, I hated any condiments. All my food had to be very plain.
I hated being touched by anyone, a hand on the shoulders, etc. I also had trouble writing with my hands, couldn't tie my shoes, struggled doing simple things.
I felt that my parents were never honest with me growing up. They never told me I was autistic, even when I would ask about it. Just always deny it. The one thing I never forgot is when I suspect my parent was lying to me as a child. Never up front, never truthful. Sugar coated the truth. As a result I've become more resentful looking back.
I appreciate your videos and the honesty you have with your son. I never had that kind of relationship with a parent and I'm glad to see someone is ! Thank you.
Ps: I mix my food together now and use lots of condiments.
Thank you for reaching out, and thank you for the kind words.
Wow, what a beautiful and unique bond between father and son. Max is lucky to have this family, and also you are lucky to have Max! God bless you
Thank you so much!
As a 15 year old with autism, I can tell you are a great father. I have not had any severe anger problems (they were there, just not bad) but you are a great father. much love
He's so big now. I think Max is great! I'm now a big fan of him for putting it into words and just sit down to talk about it and laugh over previous moments in which he snapped. That shows great progress by itself even if it wasn't posted. You got it Max! Keep it up!
Man, I cried watching this (and some of your) video(s). You are a great father, it is very visible that you two love each other and the tough love is not an excuse for projecting your own goals on your son, but aid to overcome the difficulties in life. I grew up with parents that never game me limits, so I struggled as an adult. I was forced to teach myself what I was never thought when older. Happy to see you doing things right and seeing your son growing with a strong foundation for his journey. Thank you for sharing!
It's so nice to see how you make eye contact and give your son your full undivided attention. Such a beautiful relationship you two share.
Thank you!
I remain in awe over the compassionate love this Father has in making his son confident and successful.
Thank you!
@@jcyoungquist Oh no Sir, I truly should be thanking you. You have without a doubt increased the capacity of my own heart. I thank you for that 🙂.
I’ve got a 6 year old little brother with Autism who loves trains and has similar experiences that your son has told in this video. After watching this video, I can see his personality is so bright, happy, and lively so similar to my little brother. It brings tears to my eyes as I’m so grateful to have a little brother that is full love and happiness like your son.
After watching your tub exercise, I’m thinking of trying it with my little brother as he has anxiety and fear and has difficulty overcoming it.
Thank you for making these videos of the conversations you two have
I suggest smaller exercises first it’s painful for kids with autism it’s not like what you or I feel literally hurts when many get nails trimmed or haircut or certain clothing. Start small a foreign food and a big cheer after they try it just don’t put too much stress without starting small. You need to build the confidence and dialogue for the tub exercise so use smaller tasks, reward with applause and a sticker or favorite fun snack then try another task and say let’s try working on fear again let’s conquer it! Great job being a support to him!
@@sarahcollins4555 thank you for the reply, I will definitely try this first!
How cute your son is, I wish I had a son like him, you both are amazing, wish the best for you .
You’re connection is so pure and so inspiring. I wish every parent would invest time on understanding more the struggles of their kids. Thank you for the video guys, I wish your family the best, Max is such a cheerful, respectful boy who is trying his best to overcome his fear, that’s powerful!
I have an older brother with autism and watching your videos truly warms my heart as I think about him. Thank you for uploading these videos!
You're welcome! More on the way!
What I love seeing about your videos is how much more open Max has become. He is comfortable with himself. He's allowing himself to feel what he does because of the safe space you provide for him. This is so wonderful to see.
This is great parenting right here. My brother has autism and its always been hard. It doesn't make us love him any less. Thank you, wishing you both the best!
Max you are a champ. I watched the video of you and your dad doing the bathtub exercise and I’m so proud of you 👍🏻. Sending you love 🥰
i like this approach, it is in the error zone we all develop. The more time we spend in the uncomfortable zone the bigger our comfortable zone gets 👍
Danne, you describe it well... some of what Max describes is anxiety. Love how his dad is helping him to work through this stuff....
turning bad moments into successful ones!
🇳🇿🇳🇿🐑🐑
@@annemacleod1421 indeed
I discovered your Channel only a few months ago, but sir I have so much respect for you, it takes a real man to do what you do, you are a great father, and an even greater man! I hope you know! I have just as much respect for your son, he is such a great, intelligent young man, he doesn’t let his difficulties be an excuse in life or a crutch or anything, you’re videos warm my heart and are what this world needs, love, care and compassion! I get all of those and more from your guys’ channel! Please keep it up and stay safe! God bless
Thank you!
Max is wonderful young man. Thank both of you for your videos. They much needed and help lots of families who are struggling with some of the same challenges. Also educates the public which is key in helping everyone mix together in society. Keep the videos coming! 🙏🏻
Thank you so much!
Max your authentic, vulnerable, deeply insightful self is a reminder that life exists without systems and control. Life is an abundance of Beauty and possibility and kindness and exploration. God bless you and your beauty family 🌺
The best dad ever!!!!!! And what a lovely young man. Keep up the great work guys.
You are such an INCREDIBLE father!! I have no idea how challenging things can get at times, but It seems like God prepared you to handle this. I just watched the bathtub video and was so impressed.
Thank you for posting this. We are teaching or 7 year old to ski and this is right up our alley!
Wow! This is so heartwarming, educational and positive! Great job dad! Great job Max!
God bless you both!
Thank you so much!
Wow, this video is heartwarming at its best. I know autism can be hard and I wish them the best to overcome their obstacles, thanks for the videos, I’ll be sure to remember everything you taught me.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask.
Hey, Chad. I just want to say you're an amazing dad. I suffer from anxiety, and sometimes I don't know what triggers it. You're doing a amazing job by being so supportive of Matt.
Thank you, Henry!
Brace yourselves. So many families need this so much right now and I have a feeling your channel is going to take off!
Thanks Jennifer. It's funny. I tried to make a go of a UA-cam channel to help other families like ours. I didn't catch on, and I got busy with life. Then out of nowhere, a year or two later, this happened on my personal channel. The positive feedback has been overwhelming. So it has given me inspiration to keep going!
This is the proper way to heal and grow. Making yourself vulnerable, looking at your faults and problems directly in the face, thorough analysis. Well done
Thank you!
I wish i had father like u ,for now i still dont know how to talk with my old man
I am so happy to find your Channel! I have a 16 year old autistic son and appreciate watching how you work through things voice Max. I plan on sharing your story with my son Samuel.
Awesome! Thanks!
As someone who has an anxiety disorder and a son with OCD and anxiety, I couldn't agree more with your approach. Giving in to the fear doesnt improve life...it cripples you. Tough love is so important. As long as the LOVE is obvious through the toughness. It is clear in the way he looks at you that you are doing an awesome job. Just subscribed. Looking forward to new content. Tell max that he is awesome and so so brave for pushing through his fears and not letting the anxiety rule his life. I know how hard it is to fight and he is a warrior.
Wow! Thank you for the kind words!
Great Father. Rose to the challenge and is absolutely killing it. Your son is very blessed to have you to help him. Very excited for his future and all the obstacles he will continue to overcome.
Thanks!
WOW, this is super fantastic to see, I personally have never had to deal with any of this myself, but WOW this is inspirational and a must see for many other parents in need. Thank you for sharing your awesome relationship you have with each other. the world is better off with things like this.
Thank you!
Wow, thank you!
It was just a moment. Yes! I’m a student psychotherapist and ur videos just randomly popped up. And its so cool to see you both it’s such a good conversation. Seeing the fear and anger and then letting it out and keep going. Labelling it is so important and just to breathe through it. Thank goodness it changes and the moment changes into another one. Sending you both love! Keep up the amazing work. Helping so many others on the ASD Spectrum
Thank you!
I came across your bathtub video with your son randomly and then came to watch this one. I love how involved you are with your son, how well you understand him, I like your approach to not caving in to fear, I just think you're great!
Thank you so much!
What a Dad ... couldn't think of a better name ....you both are an inspiration to many you will never meet!
amazing job dad! Saw your video about the unconventional bath method, and just know that whatever works for you is NOT unconventional! you do whatever works for you, and that shouldn’t be anything for others to judge. You do an awesome job!
Thank you!
I have a younger brother with autism and with the videos I have seen of you guys has actually helped me put together more understanding!!! thank you!!
Awesome!
Saw the video with you getting your son into the bathtub. it was truly beautiful you are a great father, i cant imagen what it must be like and the difficulties you may face day to day but your patients and never giving up are truly inspiring! im gonna sub to see where yalls story goes
Thank you!
I am so amazed by how you are not shaming Max at all for any breakdowns or tantrums. My mom always held those against me when she wanted and she would never budge, even after everything calmed down and it taught me a very harmful thing, that those breakdowns are just as real of a conversation like anything else and the interpersonal damage will be fully internalized. Like everything you say, you mean it. me really rigid in some sorta way when you can never back down on what you said. I wish you two were around when I was a teenager. Knowing that I am allowed to back down after a meltdown would've been huge!
I love your videos, I am just discovering how much my autism influenced in my life and how much it influences me now. Your channel is a great help for me, thank you so much!❤
Excellent!
I just made my sons watch your video about facing your fears (with cold water and bath-tub). It was very helpful. Thank you Max. Your courage inspired my boys too.
As soon to be a psychologist who will specialize in working with children, it is such lovely to see these type of videos. It shows the real humanity. Our true capability of love, and both our negative and positive sides. Max is such a lovely and beautiful kid and his father is such a loving and caring father and it fills my heart to see their relationship. I have nothing to give you but encouraging comments and support. Keep showing the world what is it like to be a true human with a good heart and showing people the challenges kids like Max go through! It is always lovely to see that the world still has good people in it! :)
Thank you for the kind words!
You're a great dad! He's blessed to have you as his father.
It’s like teaching the boy that fear is something he can separate himself from. He may be using unusual parts of his brain for different functions that they weren’t designed to deal with, so he needs to exercise those parts of the brain that have taken up the unusual job, to make them more efficient.
Max seems so sweet and smart. I hope that he has a really good life. Much love
You're a great dad man! I wish nothing but the best for your whole family. We love you Max.
Thank you!
@@jcyoungquist You're so welcome
This kid is about to teach a lot to the world over his lifetime. Great father.
Thank you!
It is very special to see how you both are handling this. ❤️
Thank you!
Holy shit where was this in my childhood
Your bath video overcoming fear prior to your cruise was in my recommended. I'm not sure why but I'm not complaining. I'm glad I came across your channel!
same
Dang, Dad, you're doing an awesome job. You should do talks at local schools, churches, community centers and even Zoom meetups and share these gems of knowledge. The proof is in the results and many parents are dying for your wisdom. Max is and super intelligent, polite and well-mannered, so you guys are definitely doing many things right. These are practical strategies that both educators and parents can use. Thanks so much.
Hey chad just wanna say that you're an awesome dad and may god be always with you and your family. Stay safe always!
Thanks, you too!
As someone with major anxiety issues who has ocd, depression, and possibly borderline personality I find the processes you use to help Max to be very helpful in managing my own problems. I saw the bath video and that is something that I have to do with my own panic attacks and anxiety.
Also, hearing him talk about how he can flip very quickly and having to push through it is something I have to deal with as I am often very emotionally unstable.
I know it’s not the same thing and my challenges are different to his but your outlook and strategy is great. The positivity between you two is also very helpfull. Wish y’all the best ❤️
Thanks!
You are a lovely family, the love, the devotion, the dedication and the respect you share for each other is so heartwarming & easy to see 💜💜 I think you could easily become a very successful therapist for others with this condition and other similar conditions I am sure ☺️😊
I just love to see how much love he has for his son.
You and max have helped me understand myself. My dad is on the asperger's spectrum and we don't think I am but talking to my brain like another video suggested and understanding how easily I get frustrated like this video highlighted. I think seeing and listening to you and max talk could really make me a better person
Fantastic! Thanks!
Saw the bathtub cold water video. What a wonderful dad he has who is trying to help him and overcome his struggles! He’s pretty blessed!❤️💪🏻💙
I just watched the cold bath video. My son is not autistic, but he is anxious. I feel like you both handled that lesson so well. It's something I will look to again and again.
Chad, it’s like “persistent love” turns Max’s “bad moments” into successes.
Well done, Max, for keeping on trying. Telling us all how it feels is very generous of you.
Cheers from Christchurch, Nee Zealand 🇳🇿🇳🇿🐑🐑
My nephew is autistic and I take care of him a lot...It can be challenging yet very rewarding when you break down yet another barrier....Thanks for sharing you guys.
You bet!
hey bro i seen the video you did to help your son get over his anxiety. you are such an awesome person and a great dad.
Thank you!
What an amazing and inspirational father - you're raising a wonderful, smart, and polite kid, sir! 💪
Wow, thank you!
Awsome job dad. Alot of people dont understand that raising a special needs child is challenging, but its possible with patience, love and compassion not only from the parents but everyone around that child. It means the world to that person to be accepted and helped when things get a little tough.
Amen
So I just found out about your channel I ran across the video of you and your son getting in the bathtub let me just say that was so awesome how you talked him through it and not only that you let it be known that you was proud of him you are an awesome dad don't you ever forget it both of you stay strong!!!!!!!!
I just want to say that you are a very good person and from what I have seen a amazing dad
I just watched your video on helping him over come the Fear of the deep water in the tub, your an amazing father, i hope to be able to be a good a father as you are, my son is autistic too actually and he, he love playing with paper, folding it crumbling it or just scribbling on it, I love your father son bond ❤️
Thank you!
Try starting the day slowly maybe he does a few things that are routine. Meltdowns are usually a buildup of other things that happened that day. A weighted blanket I throw over my face and just breathe really helps too. Max is doing so well talking about it.
I have mild Autism and bite myself out of frustration when I get bad directions. I push threw and it's worth it.
I randomly saw the bathing video and I couldn't comment there so I gotta say it here:
My biggest respect for you as parents! It's so amazing how you interact with your child and how you adapt to his autism. Other parents already fail on properly having "normal" children and you make it better than everyone else. Keep it up, you guys have one lucky son!
Thank you!
@@jcyoungquist just had to be said. We rarely appreciate proper and good parents.
ive just come from thre bath video which had the comments turned off, all i wanted to say is that you're a great father and i wish you both the best
Whatever you're doing (beside what you're sharing) must be fantastic. I loved he tub exercise. I know kids with autism have their moments, but Max seems like a thoughtful and insightful young man. I think he will go on in life to be just fine as he gets older because you are helping him think through things so well. You guys have good chemistry as father and son. :)
Thank you!
Unfortunately, I can only give this one thumbs up. So much awesomeness in your parenting. So much awesomeness in your son wrestling and beating his fears.
Haha! Awesome! Thank you for the kind words!
You two are so inspiring! I used to work as an RBT providing therapy to kids with autism. So rarely did the parents follow through with our protocols and this hurt not in,y the children but the family as well! Glad to see a family stepping up and doing it in a way that is helpful for everyone. Love to you and your family! Keep recording these videos, more need to see!
ABA is abusive to autistic people and parents not following behavioral protocols is a very good thing, actually.
@@CD-uf1lt How? Enlighten me.
stopabasupportautistics.home.blog/2019/08/11/the-great-big-aba-opposition-resource-list/
You are great father my friend. Be proud of you. You have fantastic son, and you are great man for him. All best to your family.
Wow, thank you!
Thank you for how you parent your son! I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE PARENTS LIKE YOU RAISE THEIR KIDS. Been working with special needs students and the amount of parents who spoil and give in to their kid's demands right away just delays any progress!
As an autistic adult, I would like to request that you retire the term “special needs”, the needs of disabled children, disabled people in general, are normal, valid, and (should be) expected, standard needs. “Special” needs as a euphemism is harmful and stigmatizing, as it turns our needs into something ‘extra’ or more demanding or exceptional, and also makes hero’s/martyrs/angels of those who meet the bare minimum of our needs, as well as creates the (incorrect) idea that disabled needs are something to be overcome or trained away towards the goal of more ‘normal’ needs.
New sub, love your videos. My husband and I have a 15 year old son with severe Autism. Completely nonverbal. You're amazing and so is your handsome little man.
Thank you!
I love this dad and son bond it’s soo heartwarming moment 👌🏻
You guys rock! Max seems like such a nice boy, he seems sweet too. Also, when I saw the tiger in the background about 3 min into the video, I about had a heart attack😂I didn’t see it at first
Haha! Yes, the lion. He's huge in our living room.
Thankyou for being honest, and open. It helps me understand the whys of autism
This father and son are absolutely magical. Their engagement with each other is breath taking. You just don't see parents engage with their children like this much anymore. I applaud this Father for his devotion to his son. This is a true father. This is what fathering looks like!
Thank you!
What an amazing father... This world is a tough place, it's a must to prepare our kids.
I'm not austic but I relate to the anxiety aspect of it all and some techniques shown in your videos by both you and your son are really helpful. I admire the relationship and bond you have with each other.