As a Christian, you’re raised to wait until marriage, which causes couples to rush into marriage, and then you’re taught that divorce isn’t accepted. It’s so toxic and is the cause for a lot of abusive relationships.
As Christians we are also taught to sacrifice for and love each other as Christ loves his bride the church (and died for her). Anyone who is abusing someone isn’t following Christianity.
I'm glad you mentioned how these teaching and expectations are confusing for gay people. I married three times thinking there was something wrong with the men I was with. I never experienced pleasure until I met a woman who overwhelmed my desire without touching me. I knew then I was not just a "little different". I still have a hard time saying I am gay or a lesbian but I will admit to being bisexual. I lived with the same woman for 40 years, married her years and never regretted it. I am 83 years if age now and my wife died this year. I am still married to her.
Labels shouldn't matter when it comes to love.. I'm sorry for your loss, and am so happy that you were able to spend your life with someone who was truly right for you 💗
It’s nice to see the perspective from someone from an older generation where most things were seen as wrong. I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad that you figured out what was best for you and despite what you were taught, you went with your heart.
While I agree, women arguably had it worse when it comes to purity culture, it is so interesting to hear a mans perspective on this. It’s really not often talked about. So thank you.
I'm not sure why you think the men's perspective isn't as spoken about. It's talked about plenty when you're in the christian purity culture. That's what the whole conversation is about. How men have it hard and how everything has to be done for or based around their experience or needs. Aside from god, it's the focal point of the conversation in general.
@@witchbtch8155 to be clear, what I’m referring to is men’s negative (sometimes positive, I guess), long-lasting, psychological and moral issues as a result to these purity culture experiences. I’ve heard a lot of women’s stories, which are heart breaking, relatable, and very important to the conversation. A mans perspective is quite a bit different, but also important to the conversation. I’m glad there is this narrative for someone else in this circumstance to hear and relate to.
I can’t help but think of purity culture as an eating disorder. When you’re restricting, you’re also going to binge, and then feel shame. It’s the same with denying yourself any other need. If you didn’t repress your sexuality, then hugging and hand holding probably wouldn’t lead to erections and ‘impure’ thoughts nearly as much
So much of the language reminds me of toxic diet culture, with the quote of "I won't even ride an elevator with a woman" it's reminds me of people who say things like "oh I can't be in the room with a cake or I will eat it all and we can't have that happening" it's letting something that you desire take full control of you to the point where if you slip and lose that control you will do something dangerous, be it litterally or mentally dangerous
26:00 I appreciate Rhett talking about how women are treated only as objects of desire in these scenarios, and not as human beings. Unfortunately, you don't even have to be in a purity culture to be viewed like that, but I love that he talked about it instead of focusing solely on the male POV just the same
This ideology definitely objectifies women. There seen like objects of desire and something to be avoided which causes problems later I’m in life. I would definitely argue that our culture doesn’t do that to people to this degree. Don’t get me wrong, women are definitely objectified in our society. But definitely not to the degree that purity culture does.
I believe its a bit more complex than "objectification". Theres no word for it in the english language, I dont think, but women are not put on the same level as objects. Its more like they are worshipped and hyperfocused on because their attention and affection means more to males than anything else, and the aggression by which men pursue that attention makes women feel like the males are just using them for something, objectifying them... but this works both ways and is human nature. The only reason to ever approach another being is for "something". This is how friendships are formed, and beyond. The term "objectify" is super tricky and often sort of redundant because all humans experience it, and males are definitely seen as a utility and expendable far more often than females are.
@@shift7808 why can’t people ever talk about issues women deal with without making it about how men have problems too? Yeah… we know. It was discussed in this very video. What you said about how every human interaction is for gaining something is ridiculous because that’s absolutely not true. Now you’re just justifying it. Also, viewing women as though we should be worshiped is still objectifying us.
@@bubblegumbxtchh @brooke It's an issue when people make it a competition and try to express that women have it worse at every given opportunity. Saying "I have a problem" is fine. If you try to say "My life is worse than your life and I need help more" then you're going to be disappointed, as males have it worse in almost every facet of life, statistically. As far as objectification goes, you basically just told me that God is being objectified because he is worshipped, however the bible says that God *wants* to be worshipped. He wants to be objectified? Then is objectification a good thing? Are you seeing the redundancy here? None of what you said makes sense :\ And yeah, once you consider human psychology, we all "use" people, and only interact with others when it benefits us. Even the act of charity is all about us, but the topic is too big for youtube, so i'll stop here.
After being raised in purity culture, y’all are healing things that I didn’t know needed to be healed. As a woman who did a lot of the things that “girls didn’t do” from a young age, I always felt dirty, broken, and weird because it was never talked about. This has opened space for me to let go of my shame and comfort my inner child. Thank you for validating me while talking about your own experiences. I can’t wait to listen to Christie and Jessie. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rhett and Link covering this subject seems to be having such a positive effect and helping so many individuals free themselves from harsh additudes put upon them from such a young and impressionable age - I guess that was always by design with parents and community encouraged to impose unfair and unreasonable ideals on youth. May your healing process continue too; trust your gut, go gently forward.
Purity isn’t a bad thing. Neither is there shame in not being pure and needing restoration/redemption. We all make mistakes, our mistakes don’t define us. God has perfect standards and perfect mercy. Beautiful.
As someone who didn't grow up in a religious culture, I was just cringing the whole time this episode, thinking about what it must've been like for a girl/woman.
In solidarity here, too. This series jogged me to start bringing this stuff up with my therapist and it's been so healing to hear their experiences and talk about my own. You're not alone 💜
I’m a 32 year old man who just left the evangelical church recently. I’ve been recovering from purity culture myself and it’s been good listening to these podcasts. Very relatable.
@@mmalenke449 It isn't enabling when they're expressing their right to believing what they want. Just as you are. If someone feels safer and happier in life by leaving, do not judge. Do not be unkind. Let them go on the path their life needs to go, and you go on your own. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
When they talked about the purse strap and the seat belt, it's still like that to this day in the sense that society places the responsibility on women to make sure men aren't tempted by miniscule things we do in our day to day lives, when instead the responsibility should be placed on men to control themselves and how they behave. So frustrating.
it was crazy to hear that because I have thought those things from a gender dysphoria standpoint without have ever heard it said, and it was crazy to hear that people felt and thought that way in a purity setting.. that they were so aware of their own body is a shameful way as to be thinking the thing I would think at my lowest self image
Every time Link reveals more about his life in religion the worse I feel for him honestly. His personality mixed with that system just did him so wrong, and given this topic robbed his relationship of so much, took a lot from Christy as a result too even down to the simplest of things for dating, like how often they talked on the phone! Makes it better knowing they aren't trapped by those beliefs anymore and just enjoy their lives, wives, and family the way they should have from the beginning.
As a girl who grew up the same way… this is so entertaining and relatable. Can’t WAIT to hear from the wives. Great job this is so good I want everyone I know to watch this.
At private school I was told that girls are like credit cards the more you “swipe” them the less valuable they are along with many misogynistic sayings. So to hear other people who have also deconstructed talk about the negative aspects of purity culture is so comforting. Thank you internet dads❤️
This series really shows how purity culture can be harmful to not just women, but men as well. Hearing them say that the simple act of being attracted to a girl made them feel dirty is really sad, and shows how purity culture can make it really hard for men to find meaningful relationships as well.
Don't get me wrong, I love nearly everything you guys do. But this series is something else - something real. Best, most authentic, genuine and relatable content thus far. Big props.
I don't know how to explain this, but I genuinely feel like this month (and the podcast as a whole) are so so therapeutic and healing for me. I am 23, a grad student, recently got out of my first real (queer) relationship that lasted 2.5 years, and yet I am learning so much from you two. I never would have thought two straight white cis dudes would provide such comfort and hope to my life. I have hope that I will find my person down the line, and that we can reason through life's struggles the way you both have done with each other and your loved ones. This podcast feels like a lecture on life I will somehow need someday. I'm taking notes.
I also just wanna say, thanks for talking about the women's advice from the Christian mindset. I grew up terrified of ALL men who interacted with me because I thought they had bad intentions
I had similar experience, it got to the point when i would star dating any one little thing would make me push my boyfriend away, im very grateful to him that he's been patient with me cause that fear was drilled into me from such a young age
Same, I don't even understand how some girls were able to be relaxed around boys. It's literally like Rhett and Link say, they teach that boys are animals that can't control themselves.
This whole topic is so interesting. I grew up in a mostly agnostic environment and purity culture is so foreign to me. All these rules seem completely unnecessary and almost arbitrary to me. I couldn't even understand the rationale behind any of this until listening to these EB episodes. I feel sorry for everyone who was hurt by this ideology/culture.
At one hour and seven minutes, Link was just starting to describe his first kiss and his feelings about that, and then the conversation moved away from that. Hope we hear more, and also from his wife, about that experience.
as someone who grew up in the east european evangelical church, i am relating to this so much! after 10 years of being out of the church, im still discovering ways in which purity culture affected me and how it continues to affect me. thank you guys for sharing this! it's so refreshing to see that youre not the only one who felt that way. great episode!!
the more I hear about what the evangelical church instilled into them over the years, the more respect I have for them and everyone that manages to break out of that way of thinking. It gives you more understanding of just how difficult that must be.
I knew a young lady in high school who (unbeknownst to me at the time) was fully immersed in purity culture. She and her now-husband did so many of the things you guys talk about; the chaperoned "dates," the side hugs, calling it "courting" and not "dating." I believe they never even held hands. They got married as soon as my friend graduated high school and turned 18. All of this to me was very confusing at the time, but this series has been super eye-opening into perspectives that I never even considered while I was growing up.
This series is amazing. I am a former baptist who grew up in a “you are a blooming pure flower that will someday be plucked by ONE person” culture. Everything you have to say speaks to me so much even as a female. I look forward to hearing your wives input!
I really appreciate your reminders throughout that so-and-so is natural and normal. It helps elevate the story from "just a story" to a story that actively seeks to stamp out shame. Thanks guys 💕
As someone who grew up at roughly the same age in a relatively non-religious family/community in the northeast, this is all so fascinating and heartbreaking and interesting to hear about. Thanks for sharing, dudes.
Thank you for this. As a woman especially a young woman - growing up in the purity culture was traumatizing. The long term ripple effects are still something I have to deal with. I appreciate the realness and vulnerability of this conversation.
My Christian upbringing and my navigation matches Rhett the closest. I know I’m just 1 of thousands commenting but I wanted to thank you through tear stained eyes for vocalizing much of what I needed to hear from others. I wasn’t as lucky in my relationship lottery or circumstances but I did gain experience and an amazing daughter. Thank you again
Purity culture still has an effect on me to this day and I’m almost 30 and been out of the religion for years. My parents pulled me out of my youth group when I was 16-17 because one of my male friends hugged me.
I cant imagine how bad it would be to not be able to hug your friends... like a hug is (imo) one of the best platonic signs of affection, and to sexualize a hug is just... deeply saddening
I’m going to give Link some really big props, I feel the way he approached this episode was really heartfelt and insightful (I also think Rhett did an amazing job too). It felt like two life long friends having a meaningful conversation for a perfect amount of time 😉 and I was sitting at the other side of the table ❤️
I am 35 years old and a woman. I was raised to be Christian with purity culture in the 90’s. I am no longer Christian, but I didn’t realize how messed up I am still from purity culture. I started sobbing listening to this. I need therapy.
Just came on yt to check if this was uploaded yet. Literally been waiting all week! you guys have no idea how interesting, validating and helpful this series is for many of us who have been through the same thing
"We didn't have enough stars." That gave me a chuckle. Thanks for giving your perspective. If you do have any recommendations of podcasts of other perspectives, I would be happy to heqr them. Growing up in this culture being part of the LGBTQ+ must be a nightmare, and a perspective from that point of view would be interesting.
It was terrifying. I went to a Lutheran school k-8th grade. During every chapel at school I would pray to not be gay. Every time I prayed starting in 6th grade to to 8th grade I prayed for it to go away. This means multiple times a day. In the morning when I woke up, before meals, before bed, and of course during chapel and church. It never worked of course.
It wasn’t until I was an actual adult who had been married twice, before I realized that men are capable of love. That’s what this purity culture does to them. When you are told growing up that men only care about 1 thing, they just want to sleep with you, you feel like that’s the only reason they want to be with you.
Yes! It’s so damaging not only to girls, who learn to be very distrustful of men’s intentions, but also to guys, who are told that that’s basically their only way of expressing interest in a person.
I've so appreciated the open, honest conversation you've been having these last few weeks and I look forward to hearing the perspectives of your wives next week. It's been so interesting to me hear your experiences and drawing parallels with how I was raised in a white, conservative, predominantly Christian community in SoCal even though I wasn't specifically immersed in "purity culture" there have been a number of overlaps. Hearing the male perspective is also fascinating to me, because from my upbringing I had internalized things like dressing conservatively, giving side hugs to male peers, essentially being constantly conscious of my body and the impact it could potential have on any guys around me because "boys only have one thing on their mind" and the weird victim-blaming that mentality that comes with. Even though I've been an atheist since seventh grade and neither of my parents are religious, there was still this pressure to "save myself" for the partner that I'd eventually marry (not necessarily waiting until marriage, but waiting for that relationship you could see leading to marriage) and not date until after high school, and I think part of that came from the model of my parents' relationship because they were each other's "first" and they did get married, but my mom would also say things like "why would a guy buy the cow, if he can get the milk for free".
I am a lifelong fan. I am still young and going through the experiences you guys are describing now - growing up with religious freedom and ending up as an atheist. I did not grow up in purity culture but somehow this podcast still feels very important for me to hear. It is helping me understand my own sexuality more despite being a completely different person. This is the best content I have ever seen with you - I used to insist that was the green background gmm. Please never stop making this content. You are helping so many people - more than you ever thought you’d be able to reach.
I super appreciate this series, as well as the previous one about your spiritual journeys. I grew up in the South as well, also deep in evangelical culture. Listening to y’all unpack your experiences has helped me work through mine in a really healthy way
It must have been hard to talk about this stuff, it being so personal, but I'm glad you guys did it. I can't relate to most of it, but learning about other people's experiences is super interesting and puts some things into perspective.
I love Rhett’s excitement to talk about these things so much, and I really appreciate Link’s experiences and the way he so openly describes his thought processes. As an asexually identifying female who was raised Jehovah’s Witness, I really resonate with Link. So thank you link
Around 50 mins they were talking about how they were able to have these electric moments with their wives because they waited, can I just say you can have those electric moments throughout the whole of the relationship regardless of waiting, in fact because you can freely have those moments you can have them all the time and it’s amazing, I don’t think waiting till marriage to kiss will give you any feeling that you couldn’t otherwise have in a non marriage setting, love is beautiful in any context xx
My journey parallels their journey with scary accuracy. I went to school at a Christian Academy starting in preschool, and was in the church every time the doors were open. I’m also from the same area of the country (Northeast Tennessee) that they grew up in. We are about the same age as well. I struggled through my whole childhood and adolescence with the same “shame” and the feeling of “letting God down”. I had mental battles with myself for years and it can really do a number on you. I’m so glad they’ve started this series, because it makes me feel better, and sad at the same time, that someone else went through what I went through. I have arrived at a very similar “place” as they have with all of it. Thank you both so much for these videos.
Listening to you guys talk about this (and also your deconstruction) really reminds me that I'm not the only person who grew up in that kind of environment and has now spent a long time undoing a lot of incorrect thinking. It feels good knowing I'm not alone!
These are my favorite episodes thus far! As someone who is still living in and raising children in the “Bible Belt” area this is something I’ve dealt with my entire life. The purity struggle is so difficult to deal with. Always love hearing y’alls personal experiences!!
Gosh these two did a great job at putting two sides of the story. Love how they brought their views without being disrespectful and pointing out the ups and Downs of their experiences. Great content.
Ive commented on every episode of this series, and here i am again expressing my absolute joy for these guys. Their inclusion & validation of women and LGBT+ experiences in the christian community is another reason why i respect them so much. I applaud their growth and deconstruction of such patriarchal and damaging views on relationships and the world👏🏽 i will always be a fan of R&L.
tbf, it isn't inclusive or validating. It'll be those things when they actually have women and lgbt ppl on the show. Society needs to stop praising white men for doing the bare minimum.
@@jellojiggler1693 wdym? there have been many lgbt/female guests and some of the people who work on the show are lgbt/women (steve is literally a lesbian)
This is such a great conversation, you guys! I've been watching since the beginning (hello fellow forty-somethings) and this is like getting the origin stories many seasons into your favourite show. It's great to know you better, e-friends!
Man, u two are so interesting. This friendship is next level and I love hearing from your experiences which are so far from mine. Love u guys and love the Mythical Universe!!!!
This series is so validating and also hurts my heart. As a girl who has been in the church pretty much my whole life and having dealt with these things and now having the opportunity to make sure kids don’t have the same experiences in the church that we did🥲 definitely gives perspective. Thank y’all for being vulnerable and willing to share.
This series has been really healing for me, so thank you. I have a lot of deep-rooted issues related to religion and purity culture and it’s very comforting to realize that other people had nearly identical experiences.
This is my favorite topic you all have talked about… nobody is open and talks about this stuff. I’m directly impacted positively by your stories thus far. Thank you!
lol it’s 6 am for me and I still haven’t been able to sleep cause of my health issues. thank you for the podcast to help relax and distract me. love you guys SO much. also obsessed with sextember
Because you guys do have integrity and align your online and personal lives with integrity, nothing you have divulged in the Sextember Ear Biscuits is shocking or surprising. After following you guys for almost 7 years, I can't imagine you guys revealing anything that would turn me away. My love is unconditional. Keep on being your Mythical best!
I appreciate the maturity and respect with which you all talk about your upbringing. You don't assume everyone teaching and leading you was nefariously trying to control and suppress you, but that they really believed they were benefitting and protecting you, and have understanding about people who have that worldview.
Thank you for being so open with us guys. The way yall discuss everything makes it feel less like a podcast and more like an open friendly discussion between friends. These kinds of discussions are often akward because of the personal nature attached to it but you made it such a comfortable environment and conversation to be apart of
The side hugging, the no hand holding, the guilt and shame, the confusion, the awkwardness... I was in this my whole teen life and I'm also queer so you can imagine how painful that was. You two, with your background and how you are now talking about all of this is TRULY, DEEPLY HEALING. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♡
The purse strap and seatbelt thing still haunts me. I still find myself being so aware of it every time and adjusting it. Even being married for 6 years 🥲 Ahhh love that trauma 🥰
Link: "I'm talking about a little jeeeean grindin'!" Rhett: "You're talking about dry humping." Link, with the precision and objectivity of a forensic scientist: "I'm talking about dry humping." Edit: 1:11:15 timestamp
Thanks so much you guys for talking about this openly. I grew up in purity culture and I relate so much to Link's experience in particular. It's very healing to hear someone else tell the story of what it was like to grow up with this.
I love when you guys talk about your past and your experience with religion and the cultures that come with it. Entirely serious. Youre more honest, vulnerable, and human. Not just some smucks on UA-cam with millions of subscribers. Its fascinating to listen to. Thank you for this.
Growing up Pentecostal in what I call the Buckle of the Bible Belt(Chattanooga, TN) and being the same age as Rhett and Link this series is hitting all the truth buttons hard. Not only did I grow up there, my grandparents were missionaries and I went to a Christian University. Luckily I had started to step away from this thinking. I had made many friends outside of the church and looking back I was more of a feminist then I ever realized. I despise Hypocrisy and could see it clear as day. It also doesn't help that I was sexually assaulted at 7 by a "good Christian boy" so for me it had more to do with personal protection than wanting to be pure. I can honestly say that what they are describing is 100% on point. I had so many friends harmed by this. It is dangerous.
I am an openly LGBTQ pastor in Indiana who grew up in purity culture. Thank you for this. It’s important and helpful for me someone who is actively deconstructing the purity culture mindset while helping my parishioners and community members who are no longer Christian but still have questions to do the same.
This series reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I worked with an extremely religious man. However, his religion and belief in God was shown more through the relationship with his wife. He wasn't allowed to talk to any other women on the phone privately unless it was his wife or his mom. We had to work a closing shift short staffed and it was just him and I in the store. He explicitly told me, I wish I could just close now because I can't work alone with another woman. So my first thought was, you aren't allowed? Or, you can't trust yourself alone with another woman? He is my age and has only been with his wife, lived through purity and thought it was perfectly okay to say that to me. Now, my question is this. Is this because of religion, distrust, or emotional harassment that he thinks that way? As someone who has always been more agnostic, almost atheist, I couldn't and can't wrap my head around that feeling. It seems to almost follow the purity culture theme because of how his relationship with his wife came to be an dhow he think of other women. Has anyone experienced this or have any input on why this could be? This goes along with timestamp 26:00
I suspect it's more of a "I'm not supposed to do this, according to the rules I've agreed to with my religious group" situation, rather than a specific fear. There is probably a generalized fear. This guy probably does love his wife, it's just the rules. I grew up with purity culture too and that type of thing is super common. It does feel really gross from the women's perspective - because not only does the man act weird, it's almost like he is automatically attracted to you & you can feel threatened just because he's afraid "something will happen," when you are exactly zero percent interested. It's really unpleasant and I'm sorry you experienced that!
@@elizabethrichmond3073 thank you! I kind of suspected such, but never could understand. It did feel gross and then made me angry because it felt sexist. It played out almost like Rhett said of the pastor and not allowing women in his office with him alone because he must protect them. It just feels wrong. But I think I understand a little more now.
I’ve gotten so tired of explaining all of these things to friends. Thank you for sharing these experiences on the internet. It feels good hearing someone share my experience. And in the future, I’m just going to share this series with people instead of explaining.
as someone who is 19 and is just now beginning to leave the atmosphere of purity culture and a strict family, i’m so glad that you guys are open to talk about these things. it really helps ease my mind about things and helps me realize that i’m not alone in growing up like this
@@djangodakoti5242 there's always a shame that goes with questioning anything within a religion, so yes, it dosen't exist solely within purity culture. now i'm not saying that it's negative or positive i'm just saying shame plays a big factor in keeping people in line.
Some parts of this podcast killed me 🤣🤣 but I also have to applaud with how open the guys are about everything, it takes a lot for people to be open especially people online
I’m a woman who grew up in purity culture and it’s really nice to hear a man’s perspective on it. In my experience it was pretty traumatizing and it has caused a lot of issues with my sexuality and view on intimacy. I don’t necessarily believe the teachings were of malicious intent however it definitely causes issues to many people (not everyone of course). Great episode 👍🏼
I would be interested to know how the rest of their family, especially Rhett's brother, feel about evangelical Christianity and purity culture now. They mentioned that he was very involved with Campus Crusade during their deconstruction episodes. I know it's his story and not theirs to tell on his behalf. Just curious to know what his feelings are now.
This has become one of my most favourite podcasts. The idea that young people are so committed to their faith is absolutely wild to me and highly fascinating. I was raised as a Protestant in the south of Germany among a majority of Roman Catholics where we were seen as heathens. So it never had a high priority in my life and it was diminished by the people around me too. So it feels good to re-explore this side later in life now when I don’t care about what other people think. Thanks for helping me with your history
I grew up in the church and deconstructed too and looking back on some of the things I used to believe/were preached to be in youth group were crazy. The whole as a woman you can’t cause men to stumble had me checking everything I did.
I'm so glad that you guys finally decided to do these podcasts. It doesn't change my opinion of you at all. I love the ones where you talk openly about your lives & experiences the most & appreciate you sharing your tales.
I appreciate all the heartfelt comments and I am so so happy they've done these videos but can anyone agree with me that "boppin' the bishop" is a hilarious phrase and it made me crack up
As a Christian, you’re raised to wait until marriage, which causes couples to rush into marriage, and then you’re taught that divorce isn’t accepted. It’s so toxic and is the cause for a lot of abusive relationships.
Amen 🙌🏼
As Christians we are also taught to sacrifice for and love each other as Christ loves his bride the church (and died for her). Anyone who is abusing someone isn’t following Christianity.
If someone doesn’t give a rip what God says about abusing people, why would they give a rip what He says about divorce? Or waiting for marriage?
@@GratiaPrima_ a lot of abusers use the language and framework of Christianity (or any religion) to cover their abuse.
@@GratiaPrima_ that's like saying crime is illegal. It doesn't matter, abusers are abusers no matter what religion.
I'm glad you mentioned how these teaching and expectations are confusing for gay people. I married three times thinking there was something wrong with the men I was with. I never experienced pleasure until I met a woman who overwhelmed my desire without touching me. I knew then I was not just a "little different". I still have a hard time saying I am gay or a lesbian but I will admit to being bisexual. I lived with the same woman for 40 years, married her years and never regretted it. I am 83 years if age now and my wife died this year. I am still married to her.
Labels shouldn't matter when it comes to love.. I'm sorry for your loss, and am so happy that you were able to spend your life with someone who was truly right for you 💗
I am so sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story.
Oh bless you. Glad you found yourself and rip to your forever bride💜
It’s nice to see the perspective from someone from an older generation where most things were seen as wrong. I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad that you figured out what was best for you and despite what you were taught, you went with your heart.
@@lildebbie1062 Thank you.
While I agree, women arguably had it worse when it comes to purity culture, it is so interesting to hear a mans perspective on this. It’s really not often talked about. So thank you.
I'm not sure why you think the men's perspective isn't as spoken about. It's talked about plenty when you're in the christian purity culture. That's what the whole conversation is about. How men have it hard and how everything has to be done for or based around their experience or needs. Aside from god, it's the focal point of the conversation in general.
@@witchbtch8155 to be clear, what I’m referring to is men’s negative (sometimes positive, I guess), long-lasting, psychological and moral issues as a result to these purity culture experiences. I’ve heard a lot of women’s stories, which are heart breaking, relatable, and very important to the conversation. A mans perspective is quite a bit different, but also important to the conversation. I’m glad there is this narrative for someone else in this circumstance to hear and relate to.
@@buckyunderhill6266 agreed!
Hff
@@witchbtch8155 i think they mean the trauma and long lasting effects it can have on your mental state and relationships specifically
Don't feel bad or embarassed about any of these episodes... this is stuff that dudes could benefit from being more open about.
I can’t help but think of purity culture as an eating disorder. When you’re restricting, you’re also going to binge, and then feel shame. It’s the same with denying yourself any other need. If you didn’t repress your sexuality, then hugging and hand holding probably wouldn’t lead to erections and ‘impure’ thoughts nearly as much
Excellent analysis! Thank you for this!!
So much of the language reminds me of toxic diet culture, with the quote of "I won't even ride an elevator with a woman" it's reminds me of people who say things like "oh I can't be in the room with a cake or I will eat it all and we can't have that happening" it's letting something that you desire take full control of you to the point where if you slip and lose that control you will do something dangerous, be it litterally or mentally dangerous
26:00 I appreciate Rhett talking about how women are treated only as objects of desire in these scenarios, and not as human beings. Unfortunately, you don't even have to be in a purity culture to be viewed like that, but I love that he talked about it instead of focusing solely on the male POV just the same
This ideology definitely objectifies women. There seen like objects of desire and something to be avoided which causes problems later I’m in life. I would definitely argue that our culture doesn’t do that to people to this degree. Don’t get me wrong, women are definitely objectified in our society. But definitely not to the degree that purity culture does.
I believe its a bit more complex than "objectification". Theres no word for it in the english language, I dont think, but women are not put on the same level as objects. Its more like they are worshipped and hyperfocused on because their attention and affection means more to males than anything else, and the aggression by which men pursue that attention makes women feel like the males are just using them for something, objectifying them... but this works both ways and is human nature. The only reason to ever approach another being is for "something". This is how friendships are formed, and beyond.
The term "objectify" is super tricky and often sort of redundant because all humans experience it, and males are definitely seen as a utility and expendable far more often than females are.
@@shift7808 why can’t people ever talk about issues women deal with without making it about how men have problems too? Yeah… we know. It was discussed in this very video. What you said about how every human interaction is for gaining something is ridiculous because that’s absolutely not true. Now you’re just justifying it. Also, viewing women as though we should be worshiped is still objectifying us.
@@bubblegumbxtchh @brooke It's an issue when people make it a competition and try to express that women have it worse at every given opportunity. Saying "I have a problem" is fine. If you try to say "My life is worse than your life and I need help more" then you're going to be disappointed, as males have it worse in almost every facet of life, statistically.
As far as objectification goes, you basically just told me that God is being objectified because he is worshipped, however the bible says that God *wants* to be worshipped. He wants to be objectified? Then is objectification a good thing? Are you seeing the redundancy here? None of what you said makes sense :\
And yeah, once you consider human psychology, we all "use" people, and only interact with others when it benefits us. Even the act of charity is all about us, but the topic is too big for youtube, so i'll stop here.
Shift nothing you said made sense lmao
During the dry humping topic:
Rhett "how bad did you feel?"
Link "well there was chaffing"
Lmao not the answer I expected.
Totally the answer I expected from link tbh 😂
'We didn't have enough stars' funniest line of the podcast.
The "Doesn't take all night" line from Grandpa really got me
can we just say MAD respect for Jessie
I knew I liked Jessie, but after hearing this episode; I absolutely LOVE her!!! 🤩
I don't have time to watch the whole episode right now. What did Jessie say/do?
@@kaufmanbaby 56:00
This series is such a gem. This series along with the spiritual deconstruction series make for some of the best content you guys have ever made.
agree 10000%!!!
I agree, they're my favourite
Yes, its been a long time coming.
@@janalee638 nice
Those too are my fav series ❤️
After being raised in purity culture, y’all are healing things that I didn’t know needed to be healed. As a woman who did a lot of the things that “girls didn’t do” from a young age, I always felt dirty, broken, and weird because it was never talked about. This has opened space for me to let go of my shame and comfort my inner child.
Thank you for validating me while talking about your own experiences. I can’t wait to listen to Christie and Jessie.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
We were never as alone as we were made to feel. You're just as you should be. In solidarity ❤️
Rhett and Link covering this subject seems to be having such a positive effect and helping so many individuals free themselves from harsh additudes put upon them from such a young and impressionable age - I guess that was always by design with parents and community encouraged to impose unfair and unreasonable ideals on youth. May your healing process continue too; trust your gut, go gently forward.
Purity isn’t a bad thing. Neither is there shame in not being pure and needing restoration/redemption. We all make mistakes, our mistakes don’t define us. God has perfect standards and perfect mercy. Beautiful.
As someone who didn't grow up in a religious culture, I was just cringing the whole time this episode, thinking about what it must've been like for a girl/woman.
In solidarity here, too. This series jogged me to start bringing this stuff up with my therapist and it's been so healing to hear their experiences and talk about my own. You're not alone 💜
I’m a 32 year old man who just left the evangelical church recently. I’ve been recovering from purity culture myself and it’s been good listening to these podcasts. Very relatable.
Congrats man!
Hey, good on you!
@@mmalenke449 It isn't enabling when they're expressing their right to believing what they want. Just as you are. If someone feels safer and happier in life by leaving, do not judge. Do not be unkind. Let them go on the path their life needs to go, and you go on your own. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
I left too! For Catholicism. I can no longer stand a LOT of how these people teach Christianity. It’s no wonder people leave.
When they talked about the purse strap and the seat belt, it's still like that to this day in the sense that society places the responsibility on women to make sure men aren't tempted by miniscule things we do in our day to day lives, when instead the responsibility should be placed on men to control themselves and how they behave. So frustrating.
it was crazy to hear that because I have thought those things from a gender dysphoria standpoint without have ever heard it said, and it was crazy to hear that people felt and thought that way in a purity setting.. that they were so aware of their own body is a shameful way as to be thinking the thing I would think at my lowest self image
Exactly!! Who knew I as a trans man was practicing purity culture 💀
Every time Link reveals more about his life in religion the worse I feel for him honestly. His personality mixed with that system just did him so wrong, and given this topic robbed his relationship of so much, took a lot from Christy as a result too even down to the simplest of things for dating, like how often they talked on the phone! Makes it better knowing they aren't trapped by those beliefs anymore and just enjoy their lives, wives, and family the way they should have from the beginning.
It’s easy to see where a lot of his anxiety and rigidity probably stems from, I’m really glad they got out.
This series shows us just HOW deep your friendship goes. Its inspiring. Thanks.
As a girl who grew up the same way… this is so entertaining and relatable. Can’t WAIT to hear from the wives. Great job this is so good I want everyone I know to watch this.
the audio version of the wives ear biscuits episode is up right now. I couldn't wait either, listening to it
At private school I was told that girls are like credit cards the more you “swipe” them the less valuable they are along with many misogynistic sayings. So to hear other people who have also deconstructed talk about the negative aspects of purity culture is so comforting. Thank you internet dads❤️
Wow. What a disgusting thing to teach children. I’m happy you have learned and I’m happy your out of that toxic environment
When this mini series spills over to next month, it's gonna be called F*cktober.
Support.
I think cocktober has a better ring to it
@@jumpy323081 I was thinking the same thing when they said this series was spilling into October Sextember into Cocktober
@@jumpy323081 True, that works too, haha.
Wish I could thumbs up this twice...
Rhett: You can make hand holding REALLY intense.
Link: Oh yeah, there's ten fingers...
This series really shows how purity culture can be harmful to not just women, but men as well. Hearing them say that the simple act of being attracted to a girl made them feel dirty is really sad, and shows how purity culture can make it really hard for men to find meaningful relationships as well.
"I count on my left hand"
"Which is wierd, and more evidence that you're left handed"
I love these two.
Don't get me wrong, I love nearly everything you guys do. But this series is something else - something real. Best, most authentic, genuine and relatable content thus far. Big props.
Link: you didn't put a star up everytime??
Rhett: we didn't have enough stars.
🤣🤣🤣
I am honestly so excited for when "the wives" get to talk about their experiences and I'm just loving this series so much overall
I don't know how to explain this, but I genuinely feel like this month (and the podcast as a whole) are so so therapeutic and healing for me. I am 23, a grad student, recently got out of my first real (queer) relationship that lasted 2.5 years, and yet I am learning so much from you two. I never would have thought two straight white cis dudes would provide such comfort and hope to my life. I have hope that I will find my person down the line, and that we can reason through life's struggles the way you both have done with each other and your loved ones. This podcast feels like a lecture on life I will somehow need someday. I'm taking notes.
Hugsss 🙆🏻♀️
Same here :)
Sending love your way
I also just wanna say, thanks for talking about the women's advice from the Christian mindset. I grew up terrified of ALL men who interacted with me because I thought they had bad intentions
I had similar experience, it got to the point when i would star dating any one little thing would make me push my boyfriend away, im very grateful to him that he's been patient with me cause that fear was drilled into me from such a young age
Same, I don't even understand how some girls were able to be relaxed around boys. It's literally like Rhett and Link say, they teach that boys are animals that can't control themselves.
@@elinakeranen4499 I'm having a theory that the "us vs them" mindset starts right there
This whole topic is so interesting. I grew up in a mostly agnostic environment and purity culture is so foreign to me. All these rules seem completely unnecessary and almost arbitrary to me. I couldn't even understand the rationale behind any of this until listening to these EB episodes.
I feel sorry for everyone who was hurt by this ideology/culture.
100%
At one hour and seven minutes, Link was just starting to describe his first kiss and his feelings about that, and then the conversation moved away from that. Hope we hear more, and also from his wife, about that experience.
I think we're going to hear Christy's perspective and more about that in the next episode! 🤞
“I could side hug with the BREAST of them”. Best Freudian slip EVER!!!! You guys are great.
Came here to say this!! 😂👏
So glad other people caught this! 😆
as someone who grew up in the east european evangelical church, i am relating to this so much! after 10 years of being out of the church, im still discovering ways in which purity culture affected me and how it continues to affect me. thank you guys for sharing this! it's so refreshing to see that youre not the only one who felt that way. great episode!!
I always found it funny that despite the Russian’s best efforts, so much of Eastern Europe as a whole is quite religious
the more I hear about what the evangelical church instilled into them over the years, the more respect I have for them and everyone that manages to break out of that way of thinking. It gives you more understanding of just how difficult that must be.
I knew a young lady in high school who (unbeknownst to me at the time) was fully immersed in purity culture. She and her now-husband did so many of the things you guys talk about; the chaperoned "dates," the side hugs, calling it "courting" and not "dating." I believe they never even held hands. They got married as soon as my friend graduated high school and turned 18. All of this to me was very confusing at the time, but this series has been super eye-opening into perspectives that I never even considered while I was growing up.
RIP Sextember theme song. We hardly knew ye.
Shhh they read these they'll bring it baCk
This series is amazing. I am a former baptist who grew up in a “you are a blooming pure flower that will someday be plucked by ONE person” culture. Everything you have to say speaks to me so much even as a female. I look forward to hearing your wives input!
I really appreciate your reminders throughout that so-and-so is natural and normal. It helps elevate the story from "just a story" to a story that actively seeks to stamp out shame. Thanks guys 💕
As someone who grew up at roughly the same age in a relatively non-religious family/community in the northeast, this is all so fascinating and heartbreaking and interesting to hear about. Thanks for sharing, dudes.
Thank you for this. As a woman especially a young woman - growing up in the purity culture was traumatizing. The long term ripple effects are still something I have to deal with. I appreciate the realness and vulnerability of this conversation.
My Christian upbringing and my navigation matches Rhett the closest. I know I’m just 1 of thousands commenting but I wanted to thank you through tear stained eyes for vocalizing much of what I needed to hear from others. I wasn’t as lucky in my relationship lottery or circumstances but I did gain experience and an amazing daughter. Thank you again
Purity culture still has an effect on me to this day and I’m almost 30 and been out of the religion for years. My parents pulled me out of my youth group when I was 16-17 because one of my male friends hugged me.
lol that gave me a chuckle.
I cant imagine how bad it would be to not be able to hug your friends... like a hug is (imo) one of the best platonic signs of affection, and to sexualize a hug is just... deeply saddening
I’m going to give Link some really big props, I feel the way he approached this episode was really heartfelt and insightful (I also think Rhett did an amazing job too). It felt like two life long friends having a meaningful conversation for a perfect amount of time 😉 and I was sitting at the other side of the table ❤️
I am 35 years old and a woman. I was raised to be Christian with purity culture in the 90’s. I am no longer Christian, but I didn’t realize how messed up I am still from purity culture. I started sobbing listening to this. I need therapy.
You're healthier than you think if you can see how this influenced you! Keep working! You'll be ok.
Just came on yt to check if this was uploaded yet. Literally been waiting all week! you guys have no idea how interesting, validating and helpful this series is for many of us who have been through the same thing
Can you listen on Spotify?
Same!
@@cyndimack3527 oh I didn’t realise it was on Spotify til now, thanks! But tbh I much prefer watching them speak
Another great episode! Can’t wait for Jessie and Christy to share their stories. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
"We didn't have enough stars." That gave me a chuckle. Thanks for giving your perspective. If you do have any recommendations of podcasts of other perspectives, I would be happy to heqr them. Growing up in this culture being part of the LGBTQ+ must be a nightmare, and a perspective from that point of view would be interesting.
It is a nightmare. Especially if you live in the southern states. Its very unwelcomed :(
@@yokibloom4278 Being queer in purity culture: A story of silence and secrecy
@@ohemdoublegee sounds like a documentary id 1000% watch
I’m a young mexican stoner trying to make it out the hood by doing reaction videos & other subjects on my UA-cam channel 😩..
It was terrifying. I went to a Lutheran school k-8th grade. During every chapel at school I would pray to not be gay. Every time I prayed starting in 6th grade to to 8th grade I prayed for it to go away. This means multiple times a day. In the morning when I woke up, before meals, before bed, and of course during chapel and church. It never worked of course.
It wasn’t until I was an actual adult who had been married twice, before I realized that men are capable of love. That’s what this purity culture does to them.
When you are told growing up that men only care about 1 thing, they just want to sleep with you, you feel like that’s the only reason they want to be with you.
Yes! It’s so damaging not only to girls, who learn to be very distrustful of men’s intentions, but also to guys, who are told that that’s basically their only way of expressing interest in a person.
I've so appreciated the open, honest conversation you've been having these last few weeks and I look forward to hearing the perspectives of your wives next week. It's been so interesting to me hear your experiences and drawing parallels with how I was raised in a white, conservative, predominantly Christian community in SoCal even though I wasn't specifically immersed in "purity culture" there have been a number of overlaps. Hearing the male perspective is also fascinating to me, because from my upbringing I had internalized things like dressing conservatively, giving side hugs to male peers, essentially being constantly conscious of my body and the impact it could potential have on any guys around me because "boys only have one thing on their mind" and the weird victim-blaming that mentality that comes with. Even though I've been an atheist since seventh grade and neither of my parents are religious, there was still this pressure to "save myself" for the partner that I'd eventually marry (not necessarily waiting until marriage, but waiting for that relationship you could see leading to marriage) and not date until after high school, and I think part of that came from the model of my parents' relationship because they were each other's "first" and they did get married, but my mom would also say things like "why would a guy buy the cow, if he can get the milk for free".
"I wanna draw your attention to the Ouija board" had me bursting out laughing lmao.
I am a lifelong fan. I am still young and going through the experiences you guys are describing now - growing up with religious freedom and ending up as an atheist. I did not grow up in purity culture but somehow this podcast still feels very important for me to hear. It is helping me understand my own sexuality more despite being a completely different person. This is the best content I have ever seen with you - I used to insist that was the green background gmm. Please never stop making this content. You are helping so many people - more than you ever thought you’d be able to reach.
I really respect your choice to only speak from your own experience 💜
I super appreciate this series, as well as the previous one about your spiritual journeys. I grew up in the South as well, also deep in evangelical culture. Listening to y’all unpack your experiences has helped me work through mine in a really healthy way
It must have been hard to talk about this stuff, it being so personal, but I'm glad you guys did it. I can't relate to most of it, but learning about other people's experiences is super interesting and puts some things into perspective.
I love Rhett’s excitement to talk about these things so much, and I really appreciate Link’s experiences and the way he so openly describes his thought processes. As an asexually identifying female who was raised Jehovah’s Witness, I really resonate with Link. So thank you link
I 100% was the person who thought I was super holy for not lusting after men, only to realize I was gay 😅
Around 50 mins they were talking about how they were able to have these electric moments with their wives because they waited, can I just say you can have those electric moments throughout the whole of the relationship regardless of waiting, in fact because you can freely have those moments you can have them all the time and it’s amazing, I don’t think waiting till marriage to kiss will give you any feeling that you couldn’t otherwise have in a non marriage setting, love is beautiful in any context xx
it is so nice to know that I wasn't a horrible kid. thanks for talking about this 🖤
Solidarity. You're not alone. We aren't bad and we never were.
My journey parallels their journey with scary accuracy. I went to school at a Christian Academy starting in preschool, and was in the church every time the doors were open. I’m also from the same area of the country (Northeast Tennessee) that they grew up in. We are about the same age as well. I struggled through my whole childhood and adolescence with the same “shame” and the feeling of “letting God down”. I had mental battles with myself for years and it can really do a number on you. I’m so glad they’ve started this series, because it makes me feel better, and sad at the same time, that someone else went through what I went through. I have arrived at a very similar “place” as they have with all of it. Thank you both so much for these videos.
And what we’ve been waiting for all week. Back at it again!!!
Wow I haven't watched regular gmm in literal years but ear biscuits is my favorite thing on yt right now !!!!!
this series makes me so happy it feels so genuine :’)
Listening to you guys talk about this (and also your deconstruction) really reminds me that I'm not the only person who grew up in that kind of environment and has now spent a long time undoing a lot of incorrect thinking. It feels good knowing I'm not alone!
These are my favorite episodes thus far! As someone who is still living in and raising children in the “Bible Belt” area this is something I’ve dealt with my entire life. The purity struggle is so difficult to deal with.
Always love hearing y’alls personal experiences!!
Gosh these two did a great job at putting two sides of the story. Love how they brought their views without being disrespectful and pointing out the ups and Downs of their experiences. Great content.
Ive commented on every episode of this series, and here i am again expressing my absolute joy for these guys. Their inclusion & validation of women and LGBT+ experiences in the christian community is another reason why i respect them so much. I applaud their growth and deconstruction of such patriarchal and damaging views on relationships and the world👏🏽 i will always be a fan of R&L.
tbf, it isn't inclusive or validating. It'll be those things when they actually have women and lgbt ppl on the show. Society needs to stop praising white men for doing the bare minimum.
@@jellojiggler1693 wdym? there have been many lgbt/female guests and some of the people who work on the show are lgbt/women (steve is literally a lesbian)
If Sextember became Sextober and Sexecember I would not be mad- this is so fascinating and I appreciate hearing your stories so much!
This is such a great conversation, you guys! I've been watching since the beginning (hello fellow forty-somethings) and this is like getting the origin stories many seasons into your favourite show. It's great to know you better, e-friends!
Man, u two are so interesting. This friendship is next level and I love hearing from your experiences which are so far from mine. Love u guys and love the Mythical Universe!!!!
Its nuts that people lived/ lives by these rules and set of standards
People live by standards everyday. Some are just different than others. I bet you follow standards everyday.
@@soarhighyandow9109 don’t make others follow your own standard.
@@soarhighyandow9109 ya, some standards are reasonable and others are insane
@@paulg6274 Tbf it's all subjective.
@@jellojiggler1693 by some peoples standards it's OK to murder and eat people. Is that subjective?
This series is so validating and also hurts my heart. As a girl who has been in the church pretty much my whole life and having dealt with these things and now having the opportunity to make sure kids don’t have the same experiences in the church that we did🥲 definitely gives perspective. Thank y’all for being vulnerable and willing to share.
This series has been really healing for me, so thank you. I have a lot of deep-rooted issues related to religion and purity culture and it’s very comforting to realize that other people had nearly identical experiences.
This series has been wonderful. Thank you for sharing your lives so honestly.
I often feel guilty about not taking my 3 young girls to church but listening to this is just one more reason the guilt doesn’t last all that long.
This is my favorite topic you all have talked about… nobody is open and talks about this stuff. I’m directly impacted positively by your stories thus far. Thank you!
I can listen to you guys talk for hours!!!! 🤓
Yes all of these episodes are several hours too short :)
lol it’s 6 am for me and I still haven’t been able to sleep cause of my health issues. thank you for the podcast to help relax and distract me. love you guys SO much. also obsessed with sextember
Me too! I pray that your health issues get better. It's so tough I know!
@@Mythicalbeast_KatieWilson same to you! we’re not alone in this❤️ sending love
Thank you so much! Sending love right back to you! 💜
Because you guys do have integrity and align your online and personal lives with integrity, nothing you have divulged in the Sextember Ear Biscuits is shocking or surprising. After following you guys for almost 7 years, I can't imagine you guys revealing anything that would turn me away. My love is unconditional. Keep on being your Mythical best!
I appreciate the maturity and respect with which you all talk about your upbringing. You don't assume everyone teaching and leading you was nefariously trying to control and suppress you, but that they really believed they were benefitting and protecting you, and have understanding about people who have that worldview.
Thank you for being so open with us guys. The way yall discuss everything makes it feel less like a podcast and more like an open friendly discussion between friends. These kinds of discussions are often akward because of the personal nature attached to it but you made it such a comfortable environment and conversation to be apart of
The side hugging, the no hand holding, the guilt and shame, the confusion, the awkwardness... I was in this my whole teen life and I'm also queer so you can imagine how painful that was. You two, with your background and how you are now talking about all of this is TRULY, DEEPLY HEALING. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♡
The purse strap and seatbelt thing still haunts me. I still find myself being so aware of it every time and adjusting it. Even being married for 6 years 🥲
Ahhh love that trauma 🥰
I understand why Madonna’s cone bra was so scandalous now haha
Link: "I'm talking about a little jeeeean grindin'!"
Rhett: "You're talking about dry humping."
Link, with the precision and objectivity of a forensic scientist: "I'm talking about dry humping."
Edit: 1:11:15 timestamp
What is the time stamp 😂
@@stephaniealejandre1 added to comment! 😂
embrio I cracked up at that part
🤣🤣
Thanks so much you guys for talking about this openly. I grew up in purity culture and I relate so much to Link's experience in particular. It's very healing to hear someone else tell the story of what it was like to grow up with this.
I love when you guys talk about your past and your experience with religion and the cultures that come with it. Entirely serious. Youre more honest, vulnerable, and human. Not just some smucks on UA-cam with millions of subscribers.
Its fascinating to listen to. Thank you for this.
Growing up Pentecostal in what I call the Buckle of the Bible Belt(Chattanooga, TN) and being the same age as Rhett and Link this series is hitting all the truth buttons hard. Not only did I grow up there, my grandparents were missionaries and I went to a Christian University. Luckily I had started to step away from this thinking. I had made many friends outside of the church and looking back I was more of a feminist then I ever realized. I despise Hypocrisy and could see it clear as day. It also doesn't help that I was sexually assaulted at 7 by a "good Christian boy" so for me it had more to do with personal protection than wanting to be pure. I can honestly say that what they are describing is 100% on point. I had so many friends harmed by this. It is dangerous.
I was told in Catholic school - "Whatever you do to yourself, you do to God", that messed me up for a good long while.
I am an openly LGBTQ pastor in Indiana who grew up in purity culture. Thank you for this. It’s important and helpful for me someone who is actively deconstructing the purity culture mindset while helping my parishioners and community members who are no longer Christian but still have questions to do the same.
Without a whole paragraph of rambling..I really enjoyed and appreciated this series. Gosh, so much in all of this.
1:31:00 !!!
This series reminds me of something that happened to me recently. I worked with an extremely religious man. However, his religion and belief in God was shown more through the relationship with his wife. He wasn't allowed to talk to any other women on the phone privately unless it was his wife or his mom. We had to work a closing shift short staffed and it was just him and I in the store. He explicitly told me, I wish I could just close now because I can't work alone with another woman. So my first thought was, you aren't allowed? Or, you can't trust yourself alone with another woman? He is my age and has only been with his wife, lived through purity and thought it was perfectly okay to say that to me. Now, my question is this. Is this because of religion, distrust, or emotional harassment that he thinks that way? As someone who has always been more agnostic, almost atheist, I couldn't and can't wrap my head around that feeling. It seems to almost follow the purity culture theme because of how his relationship with his wife came to be an dhow he think of other women. Has anyone experienced this or have any input on why this could be? This goes along with timestamp 26:00
I suspect it's more of a "I'm not supposed to do this, according to the rules I've agreed to with my religious group" situation, rather than a specific fear. There is probably a generalized fear. This guy probably does love his wife, it's just the rules. I grew up with purity culture too and that type of thing is super common. It does feel really gross from the women's perspective - because not only does the man act weird, it's almost like he is automatically attracted to you & you can feel threatened just because he's afraid "something will happen," when you are exactly zero percent interested. It's really unpleasant and I'm sorry you experienced that!
@@elizabethrichmond3073 thank you! I kind of suspected such, but never could understand. It did feel gross and then made me angry because it felt sexist. It played out almost like Rhett said of the pastor and not allowing women in his office with him alone because he must protect them. It just feels wrong. But I think I understand a little more now.
I’ve gotten so tired of explaining all of these things to friends. Thank you for sharing these experiences on the internet. It feels good hearing someone share my experience. And in the future, I’m just going to share this series with people instead of explaining.
as someone who is 19 and is just now beginning to leave the atmosphere of purity culture and a strict family, i’m so glad that you guys are open to talk about these things. it really helps ease my mind about things and helps me realize that i’m not alone in growing up like this
Super interesting as usual! Can't wait to hear from Jessie and Christy 🙂
Listening to Link speak about some of the thought-processes reaffirms the damage and brain washing that religion creates.
@@djangodakoti5242 there's always a shame that goes with questioning anything within a religion, so yes, it dosen't exist solely within purity culture. now i'm not saying that it's negative or positive i'm just saying shame plays a big factor in keeping people in line.
really appreciate this new content from Rhett and Link and them opening up about all their experiences growing up. I'm sure it's relatable to many.
"We didn't have enough stars" 😂 idk how yall can keep a serious face because I'm over dying of laughter!
Some parts of this podcast killed me 🤣🤣 but I also have to applaud with how open the guys are about everything, it takes a lot for people to be open especially people online
I’m a woman who grew up in purity culture and it’s really nice to hear a man’s perspective on it. In my experience it was pretty traumatizing and it has caused a lot of issues with my sexuality and view on intimacy. I don’t necessarily believe the teachings were of malicious intent however it definitely causes issues to many people (not everyone of course). Great episode 👍🏼
I would be interested to know how the rest of their family, especially Rhett's brother, feel about evangelical Christianity and purity culture now. They mentioned that he was very involved with Campus Crusade during their deconstruction episodes. I know it's his story and not theirs to tell on his behalf. Just curious to know what his feelings are now.
His brother is a pastor, too. It *_would_* be interesting to hear his perspective.
This has become one of my most favourite podcasts. The idea that young people are so committed to their faith is absolutely wild to me and highly fascinating. I was raised as a Protestant in the south of Germany among a majority of Roman Catholics where we were seen as heathens. So it never had a high priority in my life and it was diminished by the people around me too. So it feels good to re-explore this side later in life now when I don’t care about what other people think. Thanks for helping me with your history
I grew up in the church and deconstructed too and looking back on some of the things I used to believe/were preached to be in youth group were crazy. The whole as a woman you can’t cause men to stumble had me checking everything I did.
I'm so glad that you guys finally decided to do these podcasts. It doesn't change my opinion of you at all. I love the ones where you talk openly about your lives & experiences the most & appreciate you sharing your tales.
I am a lesbian and I went through the whole conversion therapy and I can relate to you all. The guilt!
I appreciate all the heartfelt comments and I am so so happy they've done these videos but can anyone agree with me that "boppin' the bishop" is a hilarious phrase and it made me crack up
There was one i read in a spy novel of all places, and it was "Crashing the yogurt truck"...i had to stop for a good 3 min from laughing so hard