I dated a guy for less than four months and he also told me that he was in contact with an ex girlfriend from years prior and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that. And he liked another girls picture that they were friends with benefits and I told him I didn’t like that either, I was honest and I vocalized how I felt about it and he said OK you’re right. Then days later he decides to tell me that I was jealous and he gaslighted me and flipped it on me and I broke it off. I have a choice to choose what I will and won’t accept in a relationship. If you feel uncomfortable with your man treating you a certain way or doing things you’re not okay with , say it ! Don’t let it go !
I dated a guy once who not only liked and followed scantily dressed women on social media, but would also make inappropriate comments. The behavior never changed despite how many times I expressed my feelings about it. I will never accept that behavior again. I’m glad to see this is being discussed, and from the viewpoint of men. I will definitely have the values and standards conversation in the early stages of dating going forward.
I think she must leave this guy, it is so obvious that he is still into his ex, and the woman's gut and intuition are right, when doubt enters to a woman's heart, she will never see rest in that relationship
As a guy I agree, but because SHE is the creepy, insecure one that's driving him to look for something he perceived as better - sure it's weird that he's liking an ex's photos, but she created that situation.
I think that a person should know for themselves what is the level of loyalty that is their personal standard… and include this on their personal list of compatible characteristics when meeting a potential partner… obviously open to conversation and giving the other the opportunity to change… I think it’s less an issue for us to debate what should be right or wrong but rather what it is WE will or will not accept. Clearly this girl is not comfortable with the situation regardless of the talks they have had… unresolved… this will snowball and I don’t believe that the relationship as is is sustainable. I recently married… again… at 43… And was so pleasantly surprised that we both have the same standard relating to loyalty… and it’s not that we restrict one another but rather that I am really NOT interested to even look at other guys…
If I had a partner who didn't like me following an ex, I'd drop it out of respect and unfollow the ex. I've even deleted exes that have been in touch with me on an off over the years. I just don't see the value in that anymore. Ofcourse, I'm single now but I wouldn't want a future partner to feel insecure due to some dumbass being present in my friend's list. The current person you're with should matter the most!
@@loganhartsel5513 Everyone should do that. I don't get why people like breadcrumbing those who they know they're never going to be with. Thanks for sharing!🙏🏻
I delete ex, or ex fwb off my social media and usually block them on what's app. They only have access to my email. That's all they got. The only ex that would take offense to it, usually was hoping we would get back together. If anything it's nicer to cut it off then to breadcrumb and keep him on the back burner
My opinion is. When you are in a relationship, your responsibility to your partner is not to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad about themselves. If your following, liking or whatever you maybe doing on social media is doing just that. If you really care for your partner, you just have to stop. Is that simple. There should not be a measurement just because you think otherwise. If someone is getting hurt, that should be your measurement. Not someone else's idea or yours for that matter.
It's simple: if you're doing something that makes your partner insecure, you need to respect that, discuss it, and set boundaries together. I think a huge problem is people remaining friends or in contact with their exes and FWB when they enter a new relationship. Your partner should always be prioritised and if they don't feel comfortable with your exes or ex FWB hanging around, then strike them off your list.
1. If the guy states that last relationship was toxic then why would he be liking anything of his ex’s. She should be blocked on everything. 2. I definitely think that we carry baggage from our past relationships and need to do some serious healing BEFORE getting into a new relationship, otherwise, we are just as likely to repeat the bad patterns in our new relationships. That’s why people who came out of abusive relationships are 75% likely to get into another one.
This. Two reasons it's "toxic". A) its abusive b) its obsessive. If you are going out your way to "like", it isn't A. Him reaching out to her shows he got dumped and he got obsessed.
Get out of this relationship! These are red flags! Your gut is telling you something. This happened to me early on in my last relationship and I had to keep turning a blind eye even though my gut was saying run! Three years down the track it was still happening and he had been cheating all the way alone. With ex’s and with people while he was away. This guy is unwilling to shut the door. He is leaving the door open so he can go back if he needs to if your relationship fails. Trust your gut. It’s telling your the truth. Run!!
"We don't have independent opposite sex friends we hang out one on one" - yepp, my boyfriend has a "trust me, she is just a friend"... he left me for her... 💔👏
To the girl who wrote in: Cheers to you for SPEAKING UP to him! It’s not so much what he did - it’s his responses (reactions) to you when you address him which were HUGE red flags! He is not owning any of it. You don’t need more scenarios. Your instincts have led you to the truth. But - if you feel you’re only deserving of half a man then you will stay. If you truly love yourself you’ll let go knowing it’s just a matter of time before something else happens causing you pain. Why would you want to do that to yourself? Sit back and truly think about that and don’t let yourself go without answering it.
It’s early in the relationship; I’d pull back… speak to other guys n don’t be focusing on him. He’s not acting exclusive; so don’t give exclusivity back. If he doesn’t seem trustworthy.. its probably for good reason You get a speeding ticket; likely you been speeding all your life! 😉 Peoples actions are a reflection of how they roll! Most people will disrespect and hurt you; find someone that won’t risk upsetting or losing you😉😘
34:00 please talk more about this if you haven't already! I am having a hard time differentiating between intuition and trauma. I have self-sabatoged connections because I couldn't tell the difference between trauma and intuition, and I resorted to cutting ties out of fear. I want to trust and love again, but how can I tell if something really might be off, or if my trauma/anxiety is just getting the better of me?
Im facing a similar situation, but I think it is because of trauma, you have to take a paper and start writing down your fears which are linked in a way or another to your previous experience, then you have to reidentify yourself in the relationship, reidentify the kind of person you want(the man of your dreams), reidentify your view of a healthy relationship, all the qualities mentioned should be positive.eg. I want a loyal, generous, rich.....man and not I dont want a cheater, a man who is not generous..... The qualities should be listed positively, Im going to be loved the way I always wanted, as for the relationship, relationships are good, happy........ Only when you feel yourself neutral about all previous experiences, you can call your intuition to play its role
I've been noticing when I have a persistent thought pop into my head that I can't put my finger on where it came from, that's my intuition chiming in. When the thought is laced with emotion either toward one end of the extreme or the other. That's trauma or wishful thinking.
Intuition is more of a feeling of curiosity. Our anxiety/trauma patterns are based on fear. The more we practice becoming more curious about a person's behavior and paying attention to whether there is integrity behind their intentions or not, the easier it gets to trust and listen to our intuition and distinguish between the two❤️
I’ve been literally debating this throughout my whole relationship! I have conversations with myself and I literally ask myself, is this my intuition or my trauma? I guess there’s no right way to know, just don’t ignore the red flags, talk about how you feel and just see how he/she responds to what you say. Sometimes you just gotta trust, but don’t ignore if something feels a lil off to you, talk about it
I've noticed this countless times with women I've dated, one of them even went to the extent of saying to me directly when another guy was at our gym 'that guy is soooo perfect', and I was meant to act like it was normal. Alas, she gaslighted me and tried to mentally abuse me. Fortunately I got away quick!
@@kflecha1 it's definitely the norm, particularly with my generation it seems (26 and under). I'm glad I don't have to justify my comment with someone saying 'not all women are like that' 🤣🙌
I had an ex that would check out other women in front of me I think that's a huge form of disrespect and opens the door to the possibility if they're looking in front of me what would they do behind my back I called him out on it every time not with blaming shaming or disrespect I just said that doesn't feel right for me when you do that he still kept doing it and I eventually decided to walk away
I think a large problem that gets ignored with posting selfies etc on social media is that its done for validation. If I'm with a girl and she uploads selfies regularly, I've got to question why she's doing that if 80% of her likes of from men. What's the motivation behind it? Is it any different to me liking someone else's photo if you're doing it for validation from other people? Social media and Instagram is a large part of the downfall of modern relationships. Its just not normal to have these interactions
Honestly as a woman I feel the same way. I don't want to police anyone, expose yourself if you want to, but I think it's kinda unfair to demand of your partner not to look or like pictures of other attractive women, while at the same time you constantly post very provocative pictures. Consideration for the partner should go both ways.
I agree. I think it is ridiculous the amount of women that are posting sexy, half nude pics of themselves. If anyone says something to them about looking for validation they come back with, "You're just jealous." Many talk about children and husbands and it makes me wonder what their husbands think of this behavior. Of course all the comments are by men doing the woo hoo, yeah sexy, etc. And not for nothing, I have noticed that most of the women who do this aren't pretty at all yet they get a lot of men saying they are beautiful. I think it is a shame really.
I had this issue from an Ex partner he is older by 8 years & at almost 50, he continued seeking validation from lots of avenues and even keeping up conversation with an ex fling & that was the end of that. I don’t think he wasn’t getting enough from me. No matter how complimentary. I would never have been giving him enough. Vanity was a big issue and boundaries of other areas with trust where pushed…. But, what really confused me was he banged on & on about honesty & loyalty and that’s exactly what he broke my trust with…. Everything he said he had to offer. It was the dishonesty and lack of loyalty that wasn’t there.
Huge run flag that no one pointed out: he gaslet her and diminished her response when she brought it up to him. I am betting he is the one that is toxic and he is now hoovering his last girlfriend as he’s love baling this new one. Probably should get out of the relationship all together and move on
It’s dead end! Absolutely, if he lied about something so trivial.. and he reacted so erratic in times when she needed him to communicate but instead he inflamed her insecurity and trust in him. Then yes, put that garbage of a boy behind you and rid the drama.
Neither relationship coach speaks of the Rebound relationship. When Matt categorically states if we did not clean up 'residual feeling' --- that is to say make a clean emotional severance from one former relationship before moving on to another, there would be very much fewer new relationships, the expert has slid right past a common predictable aspect of human behaviour, the REBOUND relationship. Men are said to be acculturated to be both limited in and blocked by confused emotion (eg. the boyfriend claims the ex-gf was toxic/therefore not good for his mental and emotional health but nonetheless he is still drinking in that poison four months later while in a new relationship.) His buddy may not have been clumsy in asking if this friend were "still in love", but instead giving the new girlfriend a subtle head's up, if she were smart enough to receive it. There is a Spanish expression for the intention behind some men and women OVERLAPPING 'love' relationships, seeking self-soothing especially when a still-attached person wants to get over breakup heartache fast, without doing the necessary work of first healing: Un clavo saca otro clavo. Literally it means: "One nail drives out another nail." This cryptic phrase observes in painful heartbreak a new love will make you forget the old one. The greeting male friend--- described as clumsy, awkward---more likely was openly acknowledging with a wink and a nudge previous bro-to-bro talk about the ex-lover's solution to his romantic disappointment. He planned to get over his ex by being distracted by someone else. The male friend's query ("are you still in love?") is neither as gauche nor as out in left field as these two perplexed love-guides think. It is a supportive slap on the back, a high five, a thumb's up. Do not the majority of men take the easy route to mending, knowing they''ll get over that one woman as soon as they become interested in somebody new? The Rebound romance usually runs a course of 4 to 6 months, at most a year. By then a fellow's confidence is restored, his crushed manhood revitalized and he is ready to move on from his accommodating naive Night Nurse. A less metaphorical version of the globally used Spanish expression is the curt carnal attitude, 'the best way to get over somebody is get under somebody else.' This new girlfriend's intuition is telling her she is being used as an expedient convenience and, as with any hasty Rebound union, the relationship will not last due to obvious incompatibilities, like his immaturity, dishonesty, lack of self-understanding, low emotional IQ. Note well: A rebound relationship is defined by being in a relationship based on a reaction to a previous relationship, where one or both members are still contending with issues raised by the past breakup. The writer's heartache will be next if she does not grow genuine in conversation with him, and let him know what he is doing is not cool. Set him free to grow.
Sound, rational and incredibly well thought out advice, as always! Also refreshingly non judge mental and always focused on my own personal responsibility rather than blame, judgement and reactivity. This is what I come for!!! And I absolutely LOVE segments you do with Stephen.
"The amount of new relationships would diminish very quickly" yeah thats the point lol. Or else it's not you trying to find the right person, just finding the next one.
One thing I don't get, as a much older woman: okay, why is a man in a relationship still perusing the Internet looking for beautiful women if he has found a woman he loves? On top of that, why does he need to 'like' the picture? Couldn't he just look at it and admire it and not 'like' it? It seems to me that there is something passive aggressive about hitting that like button. He wants his woman to know that he is still looking past her to other women, so - what? - so she better mind herself? I just don't get it. I was married for 38 years, and my husband did the communications on the internet with other women thing for many years. He didn't know I knew, but I knew. I thought it was harmless. But ultimately he decided he wanted to be with one of those other women. I didn't fight it, because I don't want to spend a day of my life with someone who'd rather be with someone else. But I should have realized much earlier how it would end, and I should have gotten out of the relationship many years earlier, when I was young enough to find someone else who might want to be with me, and who didn't need always to look for someone 'better'. My advice to women is if the man you think loves you is doing this, bow out. You don't have to be a bitch about it (I wasn't). Just acknowledge that you're not meant to be together, and move on. It's easier said than done - it was hard for me after 2 children and 38 years, not to mention the unraveling of the finances - but it was better than wallowing in self-pity. I guess the same advice goes for men with wives who do this.
if you are in relationship and leaving likes everyday on photos of half naked models - men or woman that you'll never meet, not even speak the same language sometimes and already have like 50k+ likes it's useless, it may seems innocent but even if your partner never say anything about it, may be cool about it, laugh even.. they might still feel compared and looking at themself like something less for you. Don't let people feel like that..
When I meet a new guy I always ask if he left the door open to someone from the past. His reply and actions later will tell me everything I need to know.
This guy must be a very Bad Liar telling her he was liking the ex Picture by Accident😅. By the way a very good Conversation of you very Helpful for the Generation now aday's
I feel bad for her thinking her jealousy is damaging the relationship She is not being jealous, she was disrespected by the guy twice You just don't like your ex photos if it's hurting your gf
The BIG problem is when you DO speak about the “standards” and “values” and they claim to be synergistic, but they’re painting a false picture and are actually LYING for YEARS, because you have no clue.
What if the (their) ex turned around and said they wanted you (them) again? Sadly, there is a good chance you will be dumped immediately - even if you have been with them for a couple of years. Speaking from experience.
If we are in a serious relationship we only liking each other pictures and we both don’t want memories of ex’s in our fone it’s all about us fresh start clear head we dealing with each other so we won’t have time for all this nonsense that’s how I would want it 🙏👌
I would love more clarity about this last part about recalibrating, running or staying and the balance between those and boundaries. I kinda understand the recalibrating and protecting yourself, But I am also not feeling okay with if you decide to not go with the flow meanwhile you wait and see, you become a runner. Where do boundaries play a part in it then? knowing what we want before we enter a relationship is said to be imperative, if you have experienced a toxic relationship where you played a big part, the probability is you are still playing in that field a couple of months later. especially if you are still showing interest like giving a ¨like¨ to a picture of that specific person and not wanting to talk about what happened. The time you have spent with the new person is still important and valuable, so it shouldn't matter if it's a long or short amount of time, those actions aren't excusable especially if given the chance to explain a lied about it. I think we can always try with someone else that at least is over the ex. and can give you a real shot.
Other attractive people. I keep hearing the word attractive. Liking attractive people’s pictures… is there a line that it’s not ok because they are attractive but if they are anything but attractive, it is? Because I have run into women who are only screaming disloyalty if the pics liked are of attractive women.
Maybe I'm the only one but once I've been in a relationship with you and things didn't work out, then we are no longer in each other's lives period. I'll wish you well, but I won't check up on you, let alone "like" any of your content because I'm moving on without you being a part of my life. That said if I was with someone who still followed their ex, and saw that they liked a pic, to me it communicates that there's still something there on my partner's side, and if that's the case then I have no desire to continue a relationship with them. If they're not fully free of past connections then I'm okay not being with them.
I'm 100% with you. I've cut all contact with my exes and I would expect that any future bf would do the same....I don't believe in exes being friends, it's not fair to the other person and people would say its my insecurity, but I say it's about respect, just like Matt said. I give that respect upfront, and I expect the same. Otherwise, there's still something there, some small hope that they'd get back together or that they're not over their ex...I don't want to be a part of it.
The guy is lying and he's going to do it again. My ex always said he hated social media and suddenly he was on a secret Instagram account which I found. Liars don't stop...this lady needs to dump his ass.
This is most likely the guy triangulating her with the ex-girlfriend. He is clearly trying to get a reaction from the current. She needs to run and run fast. No guy who respects a woman will do these things. Period.
emotions are overrated...it's difrent chemicals, attachments, resolving childhood wounds, really has nothing to do will loving somone... I love chocolate for example... chocolate and I ...well we have some good memories...I'll always remember it 😆 It's because the only connection I really felt with my dad is when we would go to supermarket and he would buy me well.. chocolate. 😆 So I capt craving chocolate my whole life, like I can't make a day without it untill I realized it wasn't about chocolate it was about my dad. Bit off the subject but the point is.... what's love ...we just have all these atachements to people that mostly have to do with our childhood attachments. So you going to ask yourself....which parent abendoned me emotionaly, mentaly or physically? What did they abendoned me for? Work? Someone? Their addiction? You heal your core wounds you don't attract men that abendon you.
narcissist do that on purpose.. mess with you ... mention old crush, mention this true love they lost, pain they feel over it ...remember they do it on purpose to trauma bond you...They like seeing you on your knees. He says this girl, that was really special, I never got over her... you say oh I know what you mean...I never got over this guy, I probably never will ..muahahaha...But seriously go for it...lets see what he does. He says oh I'm not sure about us....you say yeah I feel that way too. Never let someone manipulate you so you start doing more for them, loving them more, serving them more. They have learned this, they known it works. From now on consider that what people do and say is premeditated. See what they are trying to make you feel. By looking at other girls he has turned you into a chaser. Stop. He supposed to run after you. Standards, boundaries, if it doesn't work move on work on your core wounds.
Interesting suggestion about recalibrating. Maybe that would work in the 1st or 2nd month but for me that wouldn't work out, specially 4months into a relationship. The reason is that when you continue being in a relationship, specially women, you continue to get emotionally involved and the more involved the less objective you become.
It is one thing to follow unknown quantities. However, a partner that is regularly engaging with an ex, and in a way that he or she is not doing and with more engagement thatn with his or her own partner is another.
The same exact thing happened to me but a year later after being perfectly happy he told me he wanted to "hangout" with her as a "friend" so he left me for her because I told him no way in hell would I agree to that..I say Run, don't walk! As for liking peoples post, there's no reason to do that. Its like whistling at a woman in the street. Would you do that in front of your girlfriend? Its not necessary and will only cause problems in your relationship...
A like on Instagram is the prelude to slipping into someone's DM's. A little to slimy and sneaky for my taste, especially if he's doing it on an Ex's post.
In this situation, this guy screams that he's seeing both these girls and not telling either of them. He tells her it's his "ex" bc he knows she's not going to go for a casual relationship. These guys out here do this all the time. Manipulative liars. They make things sound so good so that you feel like you're the only one. However they can only keep it up for so long and then get sloppy. I think his friend made that comment bc he knows he's still seeing that other girl and that was his way of almost telling the new girl and calling out his friend. This girl needs to get out of here. This guy isn't good. Why bother with kind of upset this early in the relationship.
I've been in both camps. Jealous of the attention that is given to the cos player or bikini model or "neked people." Before the internet, it used to be Playboy and Maxim. As I've grown more secure in myself, I don't feel threatened or jealous anymore. Men need visual stimuli. I want my partner to feel free and be happily devoted to me, not loyally obeying the rules. Give men freedom and the good ones won't stray. If there's something off that goes deeper than looking at women in the media, then you may need to summon the strength to leave the relationship and find a man who doesn't like looking beautiful women...lol! Good luck with that! I'm not attracted to insecure men. Men aren't attracted to insecure women. Don't give your power away. Instead, recognize that in a world of millions of beautiful, valuable women, he wants to be with you.
@@kaoshi_kutie maybe, maybe not. I’ve dated people who are still friends with Ex’s. I’m still friends with some Ex’s. Bottom line, if someone still has romantic feelings for the Ex, you probably have to let them go. If you have healthy boundaries and you are strong enough not to settle then you can trust that you know what’s benign and when it’s time to leave. If you’re gut says something is wrong, it might be. But usually our biggest problem as women is staying longer than we should and attempt to reform the man into being our partner. He’ll either get over her or he won’t, but only time can do it.
I don't think it's bad to like someone's pictures it's having the confidence to handle the situation and the best way possible if it feels uncomfortable for the person I think they should bring it to their partners attention and tell them it doesn't feel right for them without blaming shaming or attacking and at the end of the day it's just a picture however it is probably not a good situation if he's liking his ex's pictures that would bother me I would definitely have a boundary with that type of behavior
People follow others just because of their looks? I would assume as long as one follows others because of what they offer in regards providing information on import topics, learning, insights, teaching, experience, etc., it perfectly fine - after all, in that case one follows others because of what- and how what they post and share can benefit for our own lives -
OMG every single video of yours is full of wisdom !! thank you Mathew you truly are a genius in your field :) I'm sure with this wisdom I can find and keep love
I feel like if he cared about the new woman at all then he would not be friends on social media with his ex. Why be connected to a toxic ex? I would end the relationship. If he can't be straight about the relationship then something is up.
7:30 If I can't hangout with other sex friends, I literaly don't have friends, that I can visit on my own. But my new partner is a bit jealous, he doesn't say it all the time, but I notice. Sometimes it's hard and I don't know what to do.
The metaphor depicting our sixth sense picking up red flags signs as the "roar from a lion" is mind-blowing!!! Our sixth sense detecting danger is programmed into genes. Imagine we were crossing the jungles and we heard a "roar", our instinct drive us to run! The "roar" could be caused by just winds, but what if it was the real lion?! No hurt to run!! So girls, when we sense something weird, unnatural, bad, or worrying from the date, please halt the process to double check whether the date is worth our investment!
Inspirational today 🤓👍😍Conclusions: Recalibrate✅, gather information, get and make room (distance, boundaries 🏋️ ) to be able to move towards each other, like the trust step by step walk …dare to „grow“ even if you can hear the lions 🦁 parade 🦁 roar in the bushes and feel like run as fast as you can 😉😅trust your intuition and train it and wait if you meet any real wild animals. Keep on liking Billie Eilish pictures 😍(why not?) and be honest about it but don‘t be a fan of 500 yoga bikini pictures please 🤣. Lies have short legs. You guys have such a humorous way to bring us into learning mode 🙏beautiful podcast.
Wouldn't the same advice apply for the people that want an ex back ... let them go and see if the loss means enough to them to want to come back? I'm new to your videos and, though I'm a boomer, I find your advise fascinating.
Someone's insecurities are nobody's responsibility. Liking a picture is a harmless thing. It's like me thinking about eating chocolate cake when someone else is struggling with the way they look or to lose weight. Does this mean that this person is entitled to ask me not to think abouyt eating the cake because I am thin and I won't put any weight on and this makes them feel bad about himself or herself? Oh and by the way, cheating is cheating, it will have a different connotation for every person, depending on many factors, This new concept of microcheating is a little too much. People, if they do something that does't sit well with you and your values, just call it by its name. Acceptance is key.
When you love yourself and have worked on your insecurities then this shouldn’t affect you. No-one owns anyone. You can walk away as easily as they can. If you respect yourself you either walk away because you don’t like that behaviour or you stay because you respect that they’re not blind and accept it’s who they are. Do girls/women suddenly become blind as soon as they start dating or in a relationship? Noooo of course not we eye up pop stars, movie stars and can admire a guy with a nice body or face etc but we maybe don’t make it as obvious as men. Men are visual creatures. What’s worse, someone who’s open and says what he thinks or someone sneaky because all guys eye up other women unless they are blind. Stalking someone’s behaviour isn’t healthy. If the shoe was on the other foot he’d be a narcissist. If you love yourself no matter what you should be with someone who loves and cares about you. If they walk away it’s their loss not yours
Yeah, I'm really suprised by this narrative. Am I supposed to get rid of attractive friends? Potential business leads? Fav photographers? I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't trust me being alone with a hot photo, never mind meeting a friend 1 on 1. And I'm not even that sociable, I'm just loyal, yet free. This honestly sounds very controlling and abusive to me.
If He feels that she is great, like she feels that he is .... He should think about how he would feel if she liked her ex's picture. It's not about liking the pic. It's about the lie .
I wonder why she doesnt want to know about exes and why he refuses to talk about the ex. Seems like they are afraid and hiding things that are clearly important to them. It might help if he opens up to her about what happened with the ex, and it might help if she is willing to hear him out on this one ex.
Great video sifting through your thoughts on this subject. It’s applicable for all relationships, not just romantic. (Obvious not using specific example.)
I think I've got good standards e.g. no one night stands....honesty and really 'only be in it if both are investing'.......thanks Matt this is something I always remember from you😇
some people don't on purpose...they love drama, people crying over them, thy do it on purpose...have you considered it's on purpose other wise he'd hide it better. I'd dump him and see what he is going to do. My standards are I don't compite, guy is after me not me after him. he set that nicely you are in some sort of presuit over his full attention. Nope. Don't be okay with it. You'll get use to all sort after a while, he is going to move that bounder further and further.
Matthew makes both sides of the argument so well in regards to the boyfriend in question that one minute I was thinking he’s a scumbag and the next totally letting him off the hook lol.
Yeah liking a picture by accident is oh I just clicked on it by accident. I meant to click the icon button next to it.. my phone has my my mic on the bottom and the send arrow on the top they are right next to each other and sometimes I do accidentally hit the wrong one when I'm editing my messages and then my kids are playing around then I get bumped it goes in there or I just click it on accident... I think it's harder to click on stuff on accident on the computer when you have your arrow keys and your mouse and your little swivel thingy flat that piece where your hands it's like a little gray part where your hands go your finger goes to direct the mouse....
It reminds me of women I know who are in a relationship, but still obsess and salivate over certain male pop stars. I think that people's habits can influence their thoughts and actions in subtle ways, even if they tell themselves they'd never cheat. Personally, I'd also never want to take the chance of hurting my partner's confidence by implying that there's something out there that I wish I could have but don't. (Part of the reason why I'm not a fan of porn in relationships as well.)
As the former spouse of a sex/porn addict, I have reevaluated and tightened my expectations from a partner. I will not tolerate pornography use, Instagram and Facebook followings for ogling, objectification, flirting with others, friendship with opposite sex (unless they are a friend of us/our relationship), situations where one of us is alone with the opposite sex, etc…. Makes finding a partner much more difficult.
If she chooses to ignore it, she is training herself to ignore her instincts. Over time, this erodes one’s intuition. This is the beginning of a power dynamic wherein she trusts her partner more than herself.
I think he did it to be malicious so she became insecure my x did that to me about Avril Lavigne but your right I think women trust to easy and now I know after all I went through I will always invest and then test and I will always have value for myself
Pure disrespect and immaturity, completely unacceptable. And definitely not over her because he's clearly trying to get her attention and validate her. Matthew is being way too generous with the benefit of the doubt here, i'd be very surprised if you're still together!
This is so interesting. Would like to discuss my situation with you on a one to one consultation. I can only tell you that I am not exactly in an established relationship as such, as far as I am concerned. But I am in a process of 'information gathering'. So far everything I have gathered is not much different from what you mention in here. But that is just based on what I see &interprete. I am not acting on the information until I hear the truth from the horse's mouth. I am trying very hard not to allow mind games get to me , but it's hard work to ignore it all. Cut &run is not easy to do for one's peace of mind neither, particularly if one is committed to one's own personal goals, &there is nowhere else to go, except be in the company of those who are already associated with the person I am observing. I choose to ignore as I choose to focus on my self, my goal, and the purpose.
I been dating a guy 5 months. I'm dating a guy who is friends with 3 of his exs and he all of a sudden wanting to hangout with them 2 times a week and got them to be all friends and now he expects me to be friends with them or at least him hangout one with each one of these exs and one was someone he was interested in. He want to go on one on one dates till mid night or till 4 in the morning. I'm not ok with this and break my heart I met these girls and the like parallel universe versions of me. I feel extremely uncomfortable and he had told me that even I of was a celebrity he would still hang out with them this way I told them it dose feel good for me. And he says that's my problem.
Why does the whole thing has to be about the woman? If your partner makes you insecure with their behaviour, end the relationship. Simple. This guy's behaviour would make any woman feel insecure. He comes across as someone who is not worthy of your trust.
It sounds like her intuition is telling her something and it sounds like he's not being honest at least only hearing her side. It almost sounds like gaslighting honestly and the longer she questions herself the more confused she'll be and doubt her own intuition. She'll never get the full picture unless something happens that's obvious and he'll never be completely upfront about something he doesn't want to talk about. Seems like trust your instincts here and if not the fact you don't trust him speaks volumes.
If it makes you feel insecure for your partner to follow and look at hot people online, make it a standard of yours that, that is a no no. Then you find someone who holds and follows the same standards so you're equally yoked.
I dated a guy for less than four months and he also told me that he was in contact with an ex girlfriend from years prior and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that. And he liked another girls picture that they were friends with benefits and I told him I didn’t like that either, I was honest and I vocalized how I felt about it and he said OK you’re right. Then days later he decides to tell me that I was jealous and he gaslighted me and flipped it on me and I broke it off. I have a choice to choose what I will and won’t accept in a relationship. If you feel uncomfortable with your man treating you a certain way or doing things you’re not okay with , say it ! Don’t let it go !
I dated a guy once who not only liked and followed scantily dressed women on social media, but would also make inappropriate comments. The behavior never changed despite how many times I expressed my feelings about it. I will never accept that behavior again. I’m glad to see this is being discussed, and from the viewpoint of men. I will definitely have the values and standards conversation in the early stages of dating going forward.
I think she must leave this guy, it is so obvious that he is still into his ex, and the woman's gut and intuition are right, when doubt enters to a woman's heart, she will never see rest in that relationship
As a guy I agree, but because SHE is the creepy, insecure one that's driving him to look for something he perceived as better - sure it's weird that he's liking an ex's photos, but she created that situation.
@@williamlamontphotography4827 lmao I am also a guy and she is not creepy- HE is. It's not her fault in any way.
I think that a person should know for themselves what is the level of loyalty that is their personal standard… and include this on their personal list of compatible characteristics when meeting a potential partner… obviously open to conversation and giving the other the opportunity to change… I think it’s less an issue for us to debate what should be right or wrong but rather what it is WE will or will not accept. Clearly this girl is not comfortable with the situation regardless of the talks they have had… unresolved… this will snowball and I don’t believe that the relationship as is is sustainable. I recently married… again… at 43… And was so pleasantly surprised that we both have the same standard relating to loyalty… and it’s not that we restrict one another but rather that I am really NOT interested to even look at other guys…
If I had a partner who didn't like me following an ex, I'd drop it out of respect and unfollow the ex. I've even deleted exes that have been in touch with me on an off over the years. I just don't see the value in that anymore. Ofcourse, I'm single now but I wouldn't want a future partner to feel insecure due to some dumbass being present in my friend's list. The current person you're with should matter the most!
I unfollow girls I met from dating apps and delete them when I start getting serious with someone. I hold people to the same standard I hold myself
@@loganhartsel5513 Everyone should do that. I don't get why people like breadcrumbing those who they know they're never going to be with. Thanks for sharing!🙏🏻
Agreed
I delete ex, or ex fwb off my social media and usually block them on what's app. They only have access to my email. That's all they got. The only ex that would take offense to it, usually was hoping we would get back together. If anything it's nicer to cut it off then to breadcrumb and keep him on the back burner
My opinion is.
When you are in a relationship, your responsibility to your partner is not to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad about themselves.
If your following, liking or whatever you maybe doing on social media is doing just that.
If you really care for your partner, you just have to stop.
Is that simple.
There should not be a measurement just because you think otherwise.
If someone is getting hurt, that should be your measurement. Not someone else's idea or yours for that matter.
It's simple: if you're doing something that makes your partner insecure, you need to respect that, discuss it, and set boundaries together. I think a huge problem is people remaining friends or in contact with their exes and FWB when they enter a new relationship. Your partner should always be prioritised and if they don't feel comfortable with your exes or ex FWB hanging around, then strike them off your list.
1. If the guy states that last relationship was toxic then why would he be liking anything of his ex’s. She should be blocked on everything. 2. I definitely think that we carry baggage from our past relationships and need to do some serious healing BEFORE getting into a new relationship, otherwise, we are just as likely to repeat the bad patterns in our new relationships. That’s why people who came out of abusive relationships are 75% likely to get into another one.
This. Two reasons it's "toxic". A) its abusive b) its obsessive. If you are going out your way to "like", it isn't A. Him reaching out to her shows he got dumped and he got obsessed.
Get out of this relationship! These are red flags! Your gut is telling you something. This happened to me early on in my last relationship and I had to keep turning a blind eye even though my gut was saying run! Three years down the track it was still happening and he had been cheating all the way alone. With ex’s and with people while he was away. This guy is unwilling to shut the door. He is leaving the door open so he can go back if he needs to if your relationship fails. Trust your gut. It’s telling your the truth. Run!!
"We don't have independent opposite sex friends we hang out one on one" - yepp, my boyfriend has a "trust me, she is just a friend"... he left me for her... 💔👏
Yep, never trust that.
To the girl who wrote in: Cheers to you for SPEAKING UP to him! It’s not so much what he did - it’s his responses (reactions) to you when you address him which were HUGE red flags! He is not owning any of it.
You don’t need more scenarios. Your instincts have led you to the truth. But - if you feel you’re only deserving of half a man then you will stay. If you truly love yourself you’ll let go knowing it’s just a matter of time before something else happens causing you pain. Why would you want to do that to yourself? Sit back and truly think about that and don’t let yourself go without answering it.
It’s early in the relationship; I’d pull back… speak to other guys n don’t be focusing on him. He’s not acting exclusive; so don’t give exclusivity back.
If he doesn’t seem trustworthy.. its probably for good reason
You get a speeding ticket; likely you been speeding all your life! 😉
Peoples actions are a reflection of how they roll!
Most people will disrespect and hurt you; find someone that won’t risk upsetting or losing you😉😘
Get out of that relationship. He's not over his ex and you are going to experience pain in the future.
Yuppers. Got to keep in mind, Matthew is a dude! 😂😂🤣
34:00 please talk more about this if you haven't already! I am having a hard time differentiating between intuition and trauma. I have self-sabatoged connections because I couldn't tell the difference between trauma and intuition, and I resorted to cutting ties out of fear. I want to trust and love again, but how can I tell if something really might be off, or if my trauma/anxiety is just getting the better of me?
Im facing a similar situation, but I think it is because of trauma, you have to take a paper and start writing down your fears which are linked in a way or another to your previous experience, then you have to reidentify yourself in the relationship, reidentify the kind of person you want(the man of your dreams), reidentify your view of a healthy relationship, all the qualities mentioned should be positive.eg. I want a loyal, generous, rich.....man and not I dont want a cheater, a man who is not generous..... The qualities should be listed positively, Im going to be loved the way I always wanted, as for the relationship, relationships are good, happy........
Only when you feel yourself neutral about all previous experiences, you can call your intuition to play its role
I've been noticing when I have a persistent thought pop into my head that I can't put my finger on where it came from, that's my intuition chiming in. When the thought is laced with emotion either toward one end of the extreme or the other. That's trauma or wishful thinking.
Intuition is more of a feeling of curiosity. Our anxiety/trauma patterns are based on fear.
The more we practice becoming more curious about a person's behavior and paying attention to whether there is integrity behind their intentions or not, the easier it gets to trust and listen to our intuition and distinguish between the two❤️
What it boils down to.
ua-cam.com/video/wbs075Vl-ac/v-deo.html
I’ve been literally debating this throughout my whole relationship! I have conversations with myself and I literally ask myself, is this my intuition or my trauma? I guess there’s no right way to know, just don’t ignore the red flags, talk about how you feel and just see how he/she responds to what you say. Sometimes you just gotta trust, but don’t ignore if something feels a lil off to you, talk about it
I've noticed this countless times with women I've dated, one of them even went to the extent of saying to me directly when another guy was at our gym 'that guy is soooo perfect', and I was meant to act like it was normal. Alas, she gaslighted me and tried to mentally abuse me. Fortunately I got away quick!
That’s terrible definitely!
@@kflecha1 it's definitely the norm, particularly with my generation it seems (26 and under). I'm glad I don't have to justify my comment with someone saying 'not all women are like that' 🤣🙌
@@carnivore-muscle you are right that behavior at the gym is unacceptable.
@@kflecha1 life goes on! 🤣
@@carnivore-muscle haha definitely 🙌🏽✨
I had an ex that would check out other women in front of me I think that's a huge form of disrespect and opens the door to the possibility if they're looking in front of me what would they do behind my back I called him out on it every time not with blaming shaming or disrespect I just said that doesn't feel right for me when you do that he still kept doing it and I eventually decided to walk away
I think a large problem that gets ignored with posting selfies etc on social media is that its done for validation. If I'm with a girl and she uploads selfies regularly, I've got to question why she's doing that if 80% of her likes of from men. What's the motivation behind it? Is it any different to me liking someone else's photo if you're doing it for validation from other people? Social media and Instagram is a large part of the downfall of modern relationships. Its just not normal to have these interactions
Honestly as a woman I feel the same way. I don't want to police anyone, expose yourself if you want to, but I think it's kinda unfair to demand of your partner not to look or like pictures of other attractive women, while at the same time you constantly post very provocative pictures. Consideration for the partner should go both ways.
I agree. I think it is ridiculous the amount of women that are posting sexy, half nude pics of themselves. If anyone says something to them about looking for validation they come back with, "You're just jealous." Many talk about children and husbands and it makes me wonder what their husbands think of this behavior. Of course all the comments are by men doing the woo hoo, yeah sexy, etc. And not for nothing, I have noticed that most of the women who do this aren't pretty at all yet they get a lot of men saying they are beautiful. I think it is a shame really.
Good point! as a woman this is a valid point, unless you do business with it
I definitely agreed!
I had this issue from an Ex partner he is older by 8 years & at almost 50, he continued seeking validation from lots of avenues and even keeping up conversation with an ex fling & that was the end of that. I don’t think he wasn’t getting enough from me. No matter how complimentary. I would never have been giving him enough. Vanity was a big issue and boundaries of other areas with trust where pushed…. But, what really confused me was he banged on & on about honesty & loyalty and that’s exactly what he broke my trust with…. Everything he said he had to offer. It was the dishonesty and lack of loyalty that wasn’t there.
Huge run flag that no one pointed out: he gaslet her and diminished her response when she brought it up to him. I am betting he is the one that is toxic and he is now hoovering his last girlfriend as he’s love baling this new one. Probably should get out of the relationship all together and move on
It’s dead end! Absolutely, if he lied about something so trivial.. and he reacted so erratic in times when she needed him to communicate but instead he inflamed her insecurity and trust in him. Then yes, put that garbage of a boy behind you and rid the drama.
Neither relationship coach speaks of the Rebound relationship. When Matt categorically states if we did not clean up 'residual feeling' --- that is to say make a clean emotional severance from one former relationship before moving on to another, there would be very much fewer new relationships, the expert has slid right past a common predictable aspect of human behaviour, the REBOUND relationship. Men are said to be acculturated to be both limited in and blocked by confused emotion (eg. the boyfriend claims the ex-gf was toxic/therefore not good for his mental and emotional health but nonetheless he is still drinking in that poison four months later while in a new relationship.)
His buddy may not have been clumsy in asking if this friend were "still in love", but instead giving the new girlfriend a subtle head's up, if she were smart enough to receive it. There is a Spanish expression for the intention behind some men and women OVERLAPPING 'love' relationships, seeking self-soothing especially when a still-attached person wants to get over breakup heartache fast, without doing the necessary work of first healing: Un clavo saca otro clavo. Literally it means: "One nail drives out another nail." This cryptic phrase observes in painful heartbreak a new love will make you forget the old one.
The greeting male friend--- described as clumsy, awkward---more likely was openly acknowledging with a wink and a nudge previous bro-to-bro talk about the ex-lover's solution to his romantic disappointment. He planned to get over his ex by being distracted by someone else. The male friend's query ("are you still in love?") is neither as gauche nor as out in left field as these two perplexed love-guides think. It is a supportive slap on the back, a high five, a thumb's up.
Do not the majority of men take the easy route to mending, knowing they''ll get over that one woman as soon as they become interested in somebody new? The Rebound romance usually runs a course of 4 to 6 months, at most a year. By then a fellow's confidence is restored, his crushed manhood revitalized and he is ready to move on from his accommodating naive Night Nurse.
A less metaphorical version of the globally used Spanish expression is the curt carnal attitude, 'the best way to get over somebody is get under somebody else.' This
new girlfriend's intuition is telling her she is being used as an expedient convenience and, as with any hasty Rebound union, the relationship will not last due to obvious incompatibilities, like his immaturity, dishonesty, lack of self-understanding, low emotional IQ. Note well: A rebound relationship is defined by being in a relationship based on a reaction to a previous relationship, where one or both members are still contending with issues raised by the past breakup. The writer's heartache will be next if she does not grow genuine in conversation with him, and let him know what he is doing is not cool. Set him free to grow.
Sounds like my relationship 9 years ago. I'm no longer with this person and couldn't feel better and stronger in myself!
Sound, rational and incredibly well thought out advice, as always! Also refreshingly non judge mental and always focused on my own personal responsibility rather than blame, judgement and reactivity. This is what I come for!!! And I absolutely LOVE segments you do with Stephen.
You are a genius.. I followed your advice on showing a new dating interest my value.. IT WORKED! Thank you sooooo much! He’s chasing me like mad!! 💕
"The amount of new relationships would diminish very quickly" yeah thats the point lol. Or else it's not you trying to find the right person, just finding the next one.
Date people who arent obsessed with social media
One thing I don't get, as a much older woman: okay, why is a man in a relationship still perusing the Internet looking for beautiful women if he has found a woman he loves? On top of that, why does he need to 'like' the picture? Couldn't he just look at it and admire it and not 'like' it? It seems to me that there is something passive aggressive about hitting that like button. He wants his woman to know that he is still looking past her to other women, so - what? - so she better mind herself? I just don't get it. I was married for 38 years, and my husband did the communications on the internet with other women thing for many years. He didn't know I knew, but I knew. I thought it was harmless. But ultimately he decided he wanted to be with one of those other women. I didn't fight it, because I don't want to spend a day of my life with someone who'd rather be with someone else. But I should have realized much earlier how it would end, and I should have gotten out of the relationship many years earlier, when I was young enough to find someone else who might want to be with me, and who didn't need always to look for someone 'better'. My advice to women is if the man you think loves you is doing this, bow out. You don't have to be a bitch about it (I wasn't). Just acknowledge that you're not meant to be together, and move on. It's easier said than done - it was hard for me after 2 children and 38 years, not to mention the unraveling of the finances - but it was better than wallowing in self-pity. I guess the same advice goes for men with wives who do this.
if you are in relationship and leaving likes everyday on photos of half naked models - men or woman that you'll never meet, not even speak the same language sometimes and already have like 50k+ likes it's useless, it may seems innocent but even if your partner never say anything about it, may be cool about it, laugh even.. they might still feel compared and looking at themself like something less for you.
Don't let people feel like that..
Life changing content. Looking forward to this video! Congratulations on your engagement! ❤️
Congratulations Matt!!✨🙌🏽
About this topic uffff I would be really upset if my partner like a picture of an ex. Is simply not Ok. What do you think? 🤔
When I meet a new guy I always ask if he left the door open to someone from the past. His reply and actions later will tell me everything I need to know.
This guy must be a very Bad Liar telling her he was liking the ex Picture by Accident😅. By the way a very good Conversation of you very Helpful for the Generation now aday's
I feel bad for her thinking her jealousy is damaging the relationship
She is not being jealous, she was disrespected by the guy twice
You just don't like your ex photos if it's hurting your gf
@@sahtification it's such a simple thing too, just don't like the photo, you'd probably still see it but just don't take tjay further action
Men liking their ex‘s photos is sooo carazy common nowadays, it’s just ridiculous…
Bro he wasn’t a bad Lier he’s making her feel crazy. He did it to cause a jelous reaction because he got bored
RUN girl 🏃♀️ RUN!!!!!
The BIG problem is when you DO speak about the “standards” and “values” and they claim to be synergistic, but they’re painting a false picture and are actually LYING for YEARS, because you have no clue.
What if the (their) ex turned around and said they wanted you (them) again? Sadly, there is a good chance you will be dumped immediately - even if you have been with them for a couple of years. Speaking from experience.
If we are in a serious relationship we only liking each other pictures and we both don’t want memories of ex’s in our fone it’s all about us fresh start clear head we dealing with each other so we won’t have time for all this nonsense that’s how I would want it 🙏👌
I would love more clarity about this last part about recalibrating, running or staying and the balance between those and boundaries. I kinda understand the recalibrating and protecting yourself, But I am also not feeling okay with if you decide to not go with the flow meanwhile you wait and see, you become a runner. Where do boundaries play a part in it then? knowing what we want before we enter a relationship is said to be imperative, if you have experienced a toxic relationship where you played a big part, the probability is you are still playing in that field a couple of months later. especially if you are still showing interest like giving a ¨like¨ to a picture of that specific person and not wanting to talk about what happened. The time you have spent with the new person is still important and valuable, so it shouldn't matter if it's a long or short amount of time, those actions aren't excusable especially if given the chance to explain a lied about it. I think we can always try with someone else that at least is over the ex. and can give you a real shot.
Other attractive people. I keep hearing the word attractive. Liking attractive people’s pictures… is there a line that it’s not ok because they are attractive but if they are anything but attractive, it is? Because I have run into women who are only screaming disloyalty if the pics liked are of attractive women.
Maybe I'm the only one but once I've been in a relationship with you and things didn't work out, then we are no longer in each other's lives period. I'll wish you well, but I won't check up on you, let alone "like" any of your content because I'm moving on without you being a part of my life. That said if I was with someone who still followed their ex, and saw that they liked a pic, to me it communicates that there's still something there on my partner's side, and if that's the case then I have no desire to continue a relationship with them. If they're not fully free of past connections then I'm okay not being with them.
I'm 100% with you. I've cut all contact with my exes and I would expect that any future bf would do the same....I don't believe in exes being friends, it's not fair to the other person and people would say its my insecurity, but I say it's about respect, just like Matt said. I give that respect upfront, and I expect the same. Otherwise, there's still something there, some small hope that they'd get back together or that they're not over their ex...I don't want to be a part of it.
Wouldn’t care if partner followed any of people whom are sexy it’s when I get compared to them when things go south
The guy is lying and he's going to do it again. My ex always said he hated social media and suddenly he was on a secret Instagram account which I found. Liars don't stop...this lady needs to dump his ass.
This is most likely the guy triangulating her with the ex-girlfriend. He is clearly trying to get a reaction from the current. She needs to run and run fast. No guy who respects a woman will do these things. Period.
emotions are overrated...it's difrent chemicals, attachments, resolving childhood wounds, really has nothing to do will loving somone... I love chocolate for example... chocolate and I ...well we have some good memories...I'll always remember it 😆 It's because the only connection I really felt with my dad is when we would go to supermarket and he would buy me well.. chocolate. 😆 So I capt craving chocolate my whole life, like I can't make a day without it untill I realized it wasn't about chocolate it was about my dad. Bit off the subject but the point is.... what's love ...we just have all these atachements to people that mostly have to do with our childhood attachments. So you going to ask yourself....which parent abendoned me emotionaly, mentaly or physically? What did they abendoned me for? Work? Someone? Their addiction? You heal your core wounds you don't attract men that abendon you.
narcissist do that on purpose..
mess with you ... mention old crush, mention this true love they lost, pain they feel over it ...remember they do it on purpose to trauma bond you...They like seeing you on your knees. He says this girl, that was really special, I never got over her... you say oh I know what you mean...I never got over this guy, I probably never will ..muahahaha...But seriously go for it...lets see what he does. He says oh I'm not sure about us....you say yeah I feel that way too. Never let someone manipulate you so you start doing more for them, loving them more, serving them more. They have learned this, they known it works. From now on consider that what people do and say is premeditated. See what they are trying to make you feel. By looking at other girls he has turned you into a chaser. Stop. He supposed to run after you. Standards, boundaries, if it doesn't work move on work on your core wounds.
Interesting suggestion about recalibrating. Maybe that would work in the 1st or 2nd month but for me that wouldn't work out, specially 4months into a relationship. The reason is that when you continue being in a relationship, specially women, you continue to get emotionally involved and the more involved the less objective you become.
It is one thing to follow unknown quantities. However, a partner that is regularly engaging with an ex, and in a way that he or she is not doing and with more engagement thatn with his or her own partner is another.
The same exact thing happened to me but a year later after being perfectly happy he told me he wanted to "hangout" with her as a "friend" so he left me for her because I told him no way in hell would I agree to that..I say Run, don't walk! As for liking peoples post, there's no reason to do that. Its like whistling at a woman in the street. Would you do that in front of your girlfriend? Its not necessary and will only cause problems in your relationship...
A like on Instagram is the prelude to slipping into someone's DM's. A little to slimy and sneaky for my taste, especially if he's doing it on an Ex's post.
In this situation, this guy screams that he's seeing both these girls and not telling either of them. He tells her it's his "ex" bc he knows she's not going to go for a casual relationship. These guys out here do this all the time. Manipulative liars. They make things sound so good so that you feel like you're the only one. However they can only keep it up for so long and then get sloppy. I think his friend made that comment bc he knows he's still seeing that other girl and that was his way of almost telling the new girl and calling out his friend. This girl needs to get out of here. This guy isn't good. Why bother with kind of upset this early in the relationship.
I've been in both camps. Jealous of the attention that is given to the cos player or bikini model or "neked people." Before the internet, it used to be Playboy and Maxim. As I've grown more secure in myself, I don't feel threatened or jealous anymore. Men need visual stimuli. I want my partner to feel free and be happily devoted to me, not loyally obeying the rules. Give men freedom and the good ones won't stray. If there's something off that goes deeper than looking at women in the media, then you may need to summon the strength to leave the relationship and find a man who doesn't like looking beautiful women...lol! Good luck with that! I'm not attracted to insecure men. Men aren't attracted to insecure women. Don't give your power away. Instead, recognize that in a world of millions of beautiful, valuable women, he wants to be with you.
I understand where your coming from, but this is an EX she is talking about; not strangers on the internet! Completely different ❤️
@@kaoshi_kutie maybe, maybe not. I’ve dated people who are still friends with Ex’s. I’m still friends with some Ex’s. Bottom line, if someone still has romantic feelings for the Ex, you probably have to let them go. If you have healthy boundaries and you are strong enough not to settle then you can trust that you know what’s benign and when it’s time to leave. If you’re gut says something is wrong, it might be. But usually our biggest problem as women is staying longer than we should and attempt to reform the man into being our partner. He’ll either get over her or he won’t, but only time can do it.
I don't think it's bad to like someone's pictures it's having the confidence to handle the situation and the best way possible if it feels uncomfortable for the person I think they should bring it to their partners attention and tell them it doesn't feel right for them without blaming shaming or attacking and at the end of the day it's just a picture however it is probably not a good situation if he's liking his ex's pictures that would bother me I would definitely have a boundary with that type of behavior
People follow others just because of their looks?
I would assume as long as one follows others because of what they offer in regards providing information on import topics, learning, insights, teaching, experience, etc., it perfectly fine - after all, in that case one follows others because of what- and how what they post and share can benefit for our own lives -
Congratulations Matt
May your love life be blessed
Amen
OMG every single video of yours is full of wisdom !! thank you Mathew you truly are a genius in your field :) I'm sure with this wisdom I can find and keep love
It wasn't a toxic relationship with that girl. She dumped his arse and he didn't get over it.
The bros are chilling in person! Time to celebrate the engagement 🥂
I feel like if he cared about the new woman at all then he would not be friends on social media with his ex. Why be connected to a toxic ex? I would end the relationship. If he can't be straight about the relationship then something is up.
7:30 If I can't hangout with other sex friends, I literaly don't have friends, that I can visit on my own. But my new partner is a bit jealous, he doesn't say it all the time, but I notice. Sometimes it's hard and I don't know what to do.
The metaphor depicting our sixth sense picking up red flags signs as the "roar from a lion" is mind-blowing!!! Our sixth sense detecting danger is programmed into genes. Imagine we were crossing the jungles and we heard a "roar", our instinct drive us to run! The "roar" could be caused by just winds, but what if it was the real lion?! No hurt to run!! So girls, when we sense something weird, unnatural, bad, or worrying from the date, please halt the process to double check whether the date is worth our investment!
😔😔😔 my partner did this to me. Can't listen cos it makes me cry.
Inspirational today 🤓👍😍Conclusions: Recalibrate✅, gather information, get and make room (distance, boundaries 🏋️ ) to be able to move towards each other, like the trust step by step walk …dare to „grow“ even if you can hear the lions 🦁 parade 🦁 roar in the bushes and feel like run as fast as you can 😉😅trust your intuition and train it and wait if you meet any real wild animals. Keep on liking Billie Eilish pictures 😍(why not?) and be honest about it but don‘t be a fan of 500 yoga bikini pictures please 🤣. Lies have short legs. You guys have such a humorous way to bring us into learning mode 🙏beautiful podcast.
Wouldn't the same advice apply for the people that want an ex back ... let them go and see if the loss means enough to them to want to come back? I'm new to your videos and, though I'm a boomer, I find your advise fascinating.
By accident?! If that aint a red flag i dnt know what it could be
Someone's insecurities are nobody's responsibility. Liking a picture is a harmless thing.
It's like me thinking about eating chocolate cake when someone else is struggling with the way they look or to lose weight. Does this mean that this person is entitled to ask me not to think abouyt eating the cake because I am thin and I won't put any weight on and this makes them feel bad about himself or herself? Oh and by the way, cheating is cheating, it will have a different connotation for every person, depending on many factors, This new concept of microcheating is a little too much. People, if they do something that does't sit well with you and your values, just call it by its name. Acceptance is key.
Run as far as you can!
When you love yourself and have worked on your insecurities then this shouldn’t affect you. No-one owns anyone. You can walk away as easily as they can. If you respect yourself you either walk away because you don’t like that behaviour or you stay because you respect that they’re not blind and accept it’s who they are. Do girls/women suddenly become blind as soon as they start dating or in a relationship? Noooo of course not we eye up pop stars, movie stars and can admire a guy with a nice body or face etc but we maybe don’t make it as obvious as men. Men are visual creatures. What’s worse, someone who’s open and says what he thinks or someone sneaky because all guys eye up other women unless they are blind.
Stalking someone’s behaviour isn’t healthy. If the shoe was on the other foot he’d be a narcissist.
If you love yourself no matter what you should be with someone who loves and cares about you. If they walk away it’s their loss not yours
Yeah, I'm really suprised by this narrative. Am I supposed to get rid of attractive friends? Potential business leads? Fav photographers? I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't trust me being alone with a hot photo, never mind meeting a friend 1 on 1. And I'm not even that sociable, I'm just loyal, yet free. This honestly sounds very controlling and abusive to me.
Glad to see some reasonable people here.
If He feels that she is great, like she feels that he is .... He should think about how he would feel if she liked her ex's picture. It's not about liking the pic. It's about the lie .
Powerful. Thanks, Matthew and Stephen xx
I wonder why she doesnt want to know about exes and why he refuses to talk about the ex.
Seems like they are afraid and hiding things that are clearly important to them. It might help if he opens up to her about what happened with the ex, and it might help if she is willing to hear him out on this one ex.
Great video sifting through your thoughts on this subject. It’s applicable for all relationships, not just romantic. (Obvious not using specific example.)
I think I've got good standards e.g. no one night stands....honesty and really 'only be in it if both are investing'.......thanks Matt this is something I always remember from you😇
some people don't on purpose...they love drama, people crying over them, thy do it on purpose...have you considered it's on purpose other wise he'd hide it better. I'd dump him and see what he is going to do. My standards are I don't compite, guy is after me not me after him. he set that nicely you are in some sort of presuit over his full attention. Nope. Don't be okay with it. You'll get use to all sort after a while, he is going to move that bounder further and further.
Matthew makes both sides of the argument so well in regards to the boyfriend in question that one minute I was thinking he’s a scumbag and the next totally letting him off the hook lol.
Standards, loyalty, and then there is infidelity. The definition of infidelity is doing anything that you know your spouse would not agree with.
But what if your spouse is controlling? Or what if your spouse has trauma-driven anxiety that is out of proportion to the situation?
@@amandawitman What the hell are you talking about. This is a video about dating
@@amandawitman than you put yourself in a bad situation
Yeah liking a picture by accident is oh I just clicked on it by accident. I meant to click the icon button next to it.. my phone has my my mic on the bottom and the send arrow on the top they are right next to each other and sometimes I do accidentally hit the wrong one when I'm editing my messages and then my kids are playing around then I get bumped it goes in there or I just click it on accident... I think it's harder to click on stuff on accident on the computer when you have your arrow keys and your mouse and your little swivel thingy flat that piece where your hands it's like a little gray part where your hands go your finger goes to direct the mouse....
I'm really a big fan of you matt
Best relationship advice 👍
Why does it sound like Stephen’s got a mic as if he is talking from outer space and Matthew is normal 🤣❤️
I've noticed that in a few videos
@@janey0317 Oh I see. Maybe poor Stephen doesn’t have the best one.
It reminds me of women I know who are in a relationship, but still obsess and salivate over certain male pop stars. I think that people's habits can influence their thoughts and actions in subtle ways, even if they tell themselves they'd never cheat. Personally, I'd also never want to take the chance of hurting my partner's confidence by implying that there's something out there that I wish I could have but don't. (Part of the reason why I'm not a fan of porn in relationships as well.)
Matthew you’re amazingly intelligent♊️ and on point! Thank you…
As the former spouse of a sex/porn addict, I have reevaluated and tightened my expectations from a partner. I will not tolerate pornography use, Instagram and Facebook followings for ogling, objectification, flirting with others, friendship with opposite sex (unless they are a friend of us/our relationship), situations where one of us is alone with the opposite sex, etc…. Makes finding a partner much more difficult.
Boundaries in a relationship.
As an aside, what that woman is describing is probably just the tip of the iceberg she has yet to know.
If she chooses to ignore it, she is training herself to ignore her instincts. Over time, this erodes one’s intuition. This is the beginning of a power dynamic wherein she trusts her partner more than herself.
How do you send a question?
I think he did it to be malicious so she became insecure my x did that to me about Avril Lavigne but your right I think women trust to easy and now I know after all I went through I will always invest and then test and I will always have value for myself
Glad to see you two, comfortable in that sitting I like that kind of sitting.😍😊🥰
I learned something that can help thanks to this.
You trust yourself you can handle the situation 😃
Pure disrespect and immaturity, completely unacceptable. And definitely not over her because he's clearly trying to get her attention and validate her. Matthew is being way too generous with the benefit of the doubt here, i'd be very surprised if you're still together!
What about liking friends' posts who are the opposite sex? Do you have to give up your friends?
So comfy and cozy! Great talk, really enlightening. Thanks guys ❤️
thank you for addressing
like the message that is stated.
12:00 "MAXIM"? Is that still being published?
That's it! Thanks Matthew
This is so interesting. Would like to discuss my situation with you on a one to one consultation. I can only tell you that I am not exactly in an established relationship as such, as far as I am concerned. But I am in a process of 'information gathering'. So far everything I have gathered is not much different from what you mention in here. But that is just based on what I see &interprete. I am not acting on the information until I hear the truth from the horse's mouth. I am trying very hard not to allow mind games get to me , but it's hard work to ignore it all. Cut &run is not easy to do for one's peace of mind neither, particularly if one is committed to one's own personal goals, &there is nowhere else to go, except be in the company of those who are already associated with the person I am observing. I choose to ignore as I choose to focus on my self, my goal, and the purpose.
I been dating a guy 5 months. I'm dating a guy who is friends with 3 of his exs and he all of a sudden wanting to hangout with them 2 times a week and got them to be all friends and now he expects me to be friends with them or at least him hangout one with each one of these exs and one was someone he was interested in. He want to go on one on one dates till mid night or till 4 in the morning. I'm not ok with this and break my heart I met these girls and the like parallel universe versions of me. I feel extremely uncomfortable and he had told me that even I of was a celebrity he would still hang out with them this way I told them it dose feel good for me. And he says that's my problem.
They text each other none stop everyday and he says that they are his friends. It feel like I'm sharing my bf with 3 other girls
Why does the whole thing has to be about the woman?
If your partner makes you insecure with their behaviour, end the relationship. Simple. This guy's behaviour would make any woman feel insecure. He comes across as someone who is not worthy of your trust.
It sounds like her intuition is telling her something and it sounds like he's not being honest at least only hearing her side. It almost sounds like gaslighting honestly and the longer she questions herself the more confused she'll be and doubt her own intuition. She'll never get the full picture unless something happens that's obvious and he'll never be completely upfront about something he doesn't want to talk about. Seems like trust your instincts here and if not the fact you don't trust him speaks volumes.
If it makes you feel insecure for your partner to follow and look at hot people online, make it a standard of yours that, that is a no no. Then you find someone who holds and follows the same standards so you're equally yoked.
Those armchairs are amazing. Ive not found a suite with wide enough arms to sit a laptop.
GENIUS!
Love this your strategies are awesome be in the now !!! That's what I need
Time Stamps Please
Stephen's so cute😍🥰😍🥰