I have been called one for being a video game collector, but what I use is neatly placed in shelves and what I dont is safely stored in a storage unit. is that the same thing? because when I think hoarding I think of people with piles of things messily stacked around their living space to the point it becomes a maze.
Professor Penne can you afford it, and is it something that brings you joy or that FAILING to do causes distress? An entire storage unit for something so small suggests a great deal of time, effort, and money have been sunk into this which can be its own problem if not under control.
I refer to myself as a clean hoarder lol 😋 I Keep my home clean I just have a lot of stuff and I tend to pile it in my closets and basement and sometimes When I go on huge binge of shopping I'm usually exhausted and throw bags by the side of my bed and in my closet. Until I just get tired of looking at it then I go through it put away and feel ready to go through the process again in a few days
I used to think being ashamed of my mess was why I wouldnt let people in, one day I realised I kept my 'mess' because I didnt WANT to let people in. My reaction to my Fathers death in an accident.
Have you gotten therapy for the loss of your father? I do feel it’s something similar in my mother’s case due to several such losses including the realization she was unable to fulfill her ultimate dream unfortunately. But there’s no chance she would be willing to even touch those issues.
I don't know what the origin or cause of indeciveness is, maybe a history of making mistakes, maybe getting corrected constantly by parents or someone, maybe having made a big mistake - a complete loss of confidence.
I think that overwhelm is a huge contributor to hoarding. Overwhelm can sabotage organized thinking, and organized actions. Sometimes the fatigue and chronic pain of overwhelm contributes to disorganized thought processes, and trips a person up. One might think that this one little possession will help them feel secure, and then, they don't where to put it, but just having that possession will make them feel better. It doesn't matter if it is placed with intention because the intention was to make the hoarder feel better. Just a thought.
Most hoarders don't recognize that they are hoarders. They attribute the "messiness" attribute to other factors, too busy, not physically fit enough to clean, etc. To get them to recognize that they are hoarding is the biggest hurdle to get over. Also hoarders don't normally have guests over.
And if someone by chance offers to help cleanup ... they resist - giving the lie to their excuse that they are just too tired or pained to do it. Other people "cannot see the value" in their trash and junk so they steadfastly refuse help. Some of them, like treasures among the trash, are salvageable - others ... refuse to let go their dysfunctional mindset no matter the consequences.
There needs to be more help and support for children/family of hoarders, growing up with a hoarder is so damaging and impacts on your sense of self-worth even as an adult. Hoarders need support but so do their families and from my personal experience if the hoarder doesn’t want to seek help, they simply won’t and there is nothing the family can really do about it. This was a good video though and I appreciate the expertise.
I agree. I'd get mad at my daughter, when she tried to help, if she didn't do it the way I wanted it done. I didn't want to get mad. I wanted to see it done, so I could thank her. But it never worked out that way.
My dad is a hoarder and he never throws away things but literally collects trash someone discarded. I don’t know where to start. Every item we have in our house there are like dozen of them. Like 10 hair brushes, toothbrushes and so on... he specifically never throws out his meaningless old books that he never even touches. One thing that made me go mad is, he actually brought in about 30 books which were for kids that our neighbors threw away. And when I asked him why the hell would u bring kids story books he said he’ll be reading it. I tried to understand his behavior and I came to a conclusion that first off, because he grew up poor he feels secure surrounded by stuff and I think he considers those books or stacked objects as his legacy. It’s really frustrating to live with a hoarder when I’m gonna start my own family, I’m definitely gonna be a minimalist.
@natasha Woodbury I assure you we've all had that thought and I've gotten a dumpster more than once and when I clean out a room she goes back through the dumpster and brings s*** back in and a fire is fabulous idea except for the insurance company won't cover it to fix it up because of all the ash they will know that she was a hoarder and insurance companies frown on that crap!!!
My mom has borderline personality disorder. So when she wants to get rid of something she’ll blame my siblings that they wanted this stuff. Like c’mon who wants a crib built in the late 70s, said no one ever. So, besides abandonment issues and OCD, she’s got a lot of things to deal with.
this is exactly my situation. my father grew up in poverty and his hoarding is tied to all of this family trauma. i’ve been doing extensive research on how to manage this, which means that i can’t clean without his permission, i can’t throw out anything without his permission (and he’ll rarely ever let things go). even when i do manage to ease his anxiety a little, he gets so angry. its honestly really painful and frustrating and demands so much emotional labor. sometimes i just have to let go and let him keep his stuff. i also have disabilities so if i can’t manage his anxieties without feeling extensively exhausted, hurt and emotionally sensitive, i just have to let go.
When I go on a minimalist kick and start throwing everything out I end up screwed having thrown out things I needed- legally for court cases and things needed to replace or repair things that break, out of season parts for things I put away so when I take them back out I can't use it or turn it on again. Really, I know it can be overwhelming but when that urge to throw everything out starts, sit back and take a time out and when calm tackle any issue you have very methodically, like keep a note book with everything you put away or take apart drawn in it and labeled, and stick labels on the items with notes as what it belongs too. Write down why you kept the thing to begin with. Medical Papers in particular are irreplaceable.
If they're your parents, I'm guessing???? Oh, I feel for you. That's a deplorable existence, and it is all due to their behavior. Yikes! I say, if it is your parents (again, I'm guessing), take pics of their mess and get yourself to a therapist. It's kinda nice to at least have that kind of abuse validated because it is an awful experience. Pics make it simple for someone else to see everything in plain sight. A parent that is a hoarder is causing that child distress. It is child abuse (neglect/negligence/harm).
Do you have your own room? Keep it clean and tidy. Refuse other dwellers things in YOUR space. Atleast you will have your own sane respite place to escape to. Once of age if younger, figure out how to move out. You don’t have to live this way. Are there other family members, or friends you can live and share living expenses with?
My ex-fiancée is a hoarder. I am currently seeing a therapist with her. I cant touch ANYTHING of hers, I cant move a box, nothing. We have two homes between us, she has filled all 5 garage stalls of the homes, the basement in her home is full, so are two of the three bedrooms, the master bath, and the main Livingroom. There is also a 21' trailer in the driveway that is full. Her family room and kitchen are really the only two useable rooms. I have since left her, and had her remove all the things from my garages. Love only gets you so far. I tried for over a decade to help her get rid of stuff. I will keep helping her as much as possible, but I absolutely cannot live with the "Stuff" anymore. This lady really knows her stuff. Great video
My mom was a moderate hoarder. Our home was functional but the walls were covered with random things and there were piles of crap everywhere. We could clean it up for company, but we were invariably just moving piles of junk from one location to another to give the temporary illusion of clean. Eventually, later in life, she'd have whole rooms full of her junk. No surprise I ended up in a relationship with a hoarder, too, but his was much worse. When I cleaned out his stuff after we broke up, I literally bagged up 300 gallons of clothing -- some never worn. He'd buy duplicates of shirts and stuff so he'd have an extra if the shirt he liked wore out. But he bought a LOT of them... and clothes weren't nearly the majority of items clogging up our apartment. Took me a month to clean it all out and I was still finding things years later. Man it felt good to live in a clean apartment! Now I'm about to go on a Marie Kondo tidying marathon. Can't wait to finally learn how and cure myself of clutter forever!
Mom's that love and enjoy their children and that collect all their kids drawings up to 3 grade or whatever grade they choose or how the bird house that each child made in class and made for thier mom for mother's day or how they made something for their dad with a handmade card, written inside reads... love your daughter...thank you for being the best dad ever! All these examples are to show how some people that will keep such loving memories and as for others will look at theit childrens art pieces say it's lovely then tosses it in the garbage. drawings or paintings or bird houses and whatever else given to parent is all because of love. Love for their children or child or how a mother is so proud of her son or daughter for making the DEANS LIST and how mom kept every single report card because it makes her smile every time. These are memories of love that will last forever. Every time mom looks back at everything that her now grown kids made for her when little, are the most beautiful treasured memories that will warm any mother or fathers ❤ forever and always ♥️. These kind of gifts and drawings and birdhouse made by their hands is something VERY special to all moms and dads. It's something they treasure for the rest of their lives. So if it's hard for me to toss away 18 years old art projects or their report cards from 1999 and up its all done because of the love we have for our children and how looking at some lomg time ago drawings of cowboys and Indians puts the biggest smile on our face and all of a sudden your having a 15 second flash back of how your life was back then when your kids were practically babies. This is why it's hard for me to get rid of certain things. Take care God Bless 🙌 🙏
@@bumblebee0369 I just came across your comment and if it’s alright I would like to give my two cents on this. I’m 1 of 5 kids and the middle so my parents kept very little of my stuff but EVERYTHING for my baby sister. I was 16 by the time she was born so a lot of her childhood memories I was there and helped with whatever craft she made etc. I took pictures of all that stuff. From time to time they pop up in a carousel of photo memories and I get the warm fuzzies. The difference is my parents house is filled with junk on top of junk now and they can’t find any of these memories. I see them almost every few weeks in my photos. See how it has actually robbed them of their memories? Their home is covered in other stuff there is no space for the good stuff. My advice is to take pictures and lots of them. Of EVERYTHING. It it’s a craft you feel super connected with keep it but you don’t have to keep all the macaroni art from 1st grade. Letting go of that stuff helps you find new ways to connect in the here and now. You keep building new memories and new bonds. Hope this helps put some perspective on things.
I think it has to do with several things. Overwhelm, depression, lack of decision making, compounded by too many responsibilities, burnout and perhaps being resentful about something. That something could be about a compulsively cleaning parent vacuuming at 3 am, and having a dislike of the memory of one’s parent valuing themself or others based in their cleaning skills, for example. Add to that, the positive albeit temporary feeling one gets from shopping, bargain hunting, flea markets, and freebies- you can see how this can spiral. Add to this some alcohol and drunk shopping- now we are self medicating and the glee of getting something new. Then the letdown of overspending. And then more overwhelm. I really feel that in the midst of all this is depression and to a degree, if left unchecked, is a kind of hopelessness and despair, and the shame that comes with it all. It’s paralyzing and hard to get out of- and hard to admit, and of course it’s easy to hide. I think a lot of reassurance and forgiveness is in order, and lots and lots of help. I’m not pushing medications, but the person has to feel hope and reassurance and no judgement. I say depression because there’s no motivation when you’re depressed. There’s body aches. There’s hopelessness and anger and shame. This may not be everyone but to some degree they are unhappy and trying to fill a void.
In childhood and teens, I had several older female relatives who routinely criticized my poor housekeeping skills. Much of the criticism was unwarranted. Example: I was lectured that permanent “travel wear” on the 10+ year old carpet was “my fault” because I didn’t vacuum the worn spot long enough. Another female relative criticized my long hair because shed hairs “were coming off my clothes in the laundry room.” Still another complained my sweeping “did nothing to clean the floor,” but she couldn’t or wouldn’t teach me the “correct” way to sweep. I eventually gave up trying to do a decent job since my best efforts were never good enough. Now an adult, I realize these women were very sick - unhealthy perfectionist and compulsive tendencies- and didn’t treat me fairly. I’ve forgiven them and moved on. But sadly housecleaning and housekeeping just aren’t a major priority to me.
Barb Mulvaney : Thanks for your validation and very sensible advice. For the record I like being in a clean, clutter-free environment. But the cleaning/maintenance process is an unpleasant chore likely because I associate it with negative early life experiences. I suspect I would be more conscientious about cleaning/maintenance if I had more positive experiences. I have mixed feelings about the idea that our homes should be kept neat enough for visitors and guests. Obviously we want to offer comfortable/clean/sanitary environment to guests, but really the most important “guests” we entertain are ourselves. I deserve a clean, comfortable bedroom, a nice bathroom and an inviting kitchen as much as any visitors do. My opinion FWIW.
Andrea kubis I agree with you on much of it but if they don't choose to get medication and choose to get help myself my mother is a hoarder severely and I see all the things but she is so overwhelmed but yet keeps buying stuff to overwhelm herself even more and it's all garbage and trash and things that she can't really use things that other people don't want but yet she finds some value in them and the frustration is beyond belief! I've cleaned out her house several times so have many of her friends and it always goes back and right now there's literally a goat trail in her house a one-way goat trail and then she has a radiant heater that she uses and there is a bunch of paper right by where she sits do you know if she has a fire the insurance company does not have to help her because they can measure the amount of Ash and know that she had a hoarder's house of course her neighbors know also and she's so stubborn and will not budge she likes her crap and doesn't want anybody else bothering it.. she told me I wasn't allowed in her house because I didn't respect her stuff ... She is 79 years old and she's been this way her whole life and I have talked to several CBT therapists that say it's a problem when it gets ingrained in them for that many years trying to get them out of it it's too difficult.. and I'm too far away from her and I get worried that she's going to fall down cuz she cannot get up she has no body strength..
I'm a hoarder. I've worked hard on not being so attached to objects and parting with things. But i still can't make decisions at all well. I can't organise, i can't place, i can't maintain.etc, etc. it's a cyclone.
It is already a big step to recognise.. i myself collecting like yarn, paracord to make dogcollars and books.. i am very happy with my boyfriend who asks me and i, myself all the time if i really need it.. sometimes i give in and i know it is not okay but it is so much better now, i even gave the half of my yarn to a good cause.. by the way english is not my native language so sorry dor the mistakes in advance..
I’m probably an “anti hoarder.” I was in a long relationship with a person who had strong hoarding tendencies. After the relationship ended I was determined never to live that way again. I read up on Feng Shui and other minimalist decor practices to get some ideas of how I could achieve clutter free lifestyle. The most valuable thing I own in my residence is OPEN SPACE. Clean, clutter free OPEN SPACE admits healthy energies into a home and raises the vibration of the home and its residents. It’s a luxury. It’s easier to clean and maintain a minimalist environment. Even if I “let things go” for a while it’s easier to get things clean/orderly again since I have less property/possessions to manage. I parted with a lot of things. Some of them I valued but didn’t use. Some I didn’t value and had forgotten I owned. Some I valued and used but thought I could do without. I made a few mistakes, but that’s okay. I don’t buy anything without considering its full cost INCLUDING how much space it takes up and how much cleaning/maintenance it adds to my housekeeping routines. More often than not it’s not worth it. Time is just as valuable as space. Mostly I buy things to either replace or upgrade things I already have and use. I trash or donate the older or obsolete stuff immediately. Yes, there are drawbacks to this lifestyle. My home is more comfortable than pretty. Sometimes I get rid of stuff and later realize I could have used it. No problem, mistakes are okay. I’m still happier with my space and my time than I would be with high-maintenance aesthetics and replaceable conveniences. If you must hoard anything, hoard your space and your time. Clean healthy space and adequate time ALLOW you to enjoy the luxuries that you are willing to fit and maintain into your home and your life.
@@amandaathanas4027 it is not self this is a mental health issue that cannot be remedied in the snap of a finger. Oftentimes those that hoard experience a great deal of depression and anxiety and they use these items to fill in a void. This is something that needs proper help. You can completely empty out a house but that person will still have that issue because it’s deeper than just clutter. It’s an attachment issue. Instead of judging people you should try to see things from their eyes
@@amandaathanas4027 Dude my family is in that right now. My parents are in their 70s and me and the siblings have talked about what the heck we're even going to do with their house. It would take forever to clean that place out. We don't even know what to do. It's gotten dirty on the walls and carpets and it's going to take a good bit of money to even get is sellable once the junk is gone.
It’s brain and social! My Family had money. We never had a-lot of things but good quality. My Mother did massive clean out every two or three years! New towels new shoes coats hand bags etc. my toys were donated as well! Could hold on to a few sentimental items! We would clean the fridge out once a month disinfecting it! Hoarders do not clean!
At 9 years old I learnt to hold as a mechanism of coping with loss. I held onto things because they had "memories" and "experiences" to them. Letting go of things was awful for me especially as I didn't understand it. Sometimes it's not indecisiveness it's a coping mechanism.
9:04 I remember seeing this documentary about a woman who kept rescuing animals and she kept them in their cages and would forget to feed and water a lot of them, how it went on so long is because the shelter stopped doing a house visit because they'd done a good few visits when things were ok. What a horror situation for these animals, she should have went to jail for the pain and suffering she caused.
My mom has always been a hoarder. I didn't recognize the problem when I was young. Now as a grown up, I know what the issue is but it's too late. She's 73 now. Whenever I talk to her about cleaning and tidying things up, she gets really upset and goes "Just let me be happy and do whatever I wanna do. There's not many years left for me anyway. You can throw everything out when I die..." Tbh...if you ask me, I would really rather live in a mess forever than live in a world without her. She's my only family and life long best friend. She's not crazy. Her parents died when she's very young so she was raised by her aunt family. They treated her very well actually, but losing parents since young causing her to feel like an outsider the whole life. She says by collecting things and living in a small space she feels safe and secured. Luckily, my mom's situation is not bad compares to other cases I saw online. Our home is just mostly plastic bags and boxes of random things, in every corner, not organized at all apparently. I would say 80% of the space filled with her stuff, only 20% is mine. All I can do is at least keeping my portion as clean and tidy as possible (and occasionally I clean up and throw away some of her stuff without her knowing it, lol, she doesn't know what exactly she has in those piles anyways)
People will do anything to avoid their emotions/ stay in trauma. No, your mother isn't crazy, but she does have a problem and sees no reason to change so she won't. Nobody is 'crazy' by the way, that's not what they are implying in the interview. If it doesn't bother you then so be it.
I think you're doing it right and being very loving and kind. Just draw a line when it comes to stuff that isn't healthy (mold, bacteria). There's no need to torture her with an improvised, unprofessional 'treatment' at her age. But since it seems to be her way to self-treat feelings of anxiety, maybe she'd like to learn mindfulness meditation, which also calms down anxiety, and that may also lessen her need for hoarding to feel safe. To those who are unsympathetic to the situation: imagine what it would feel like if you had to live in the street, without protective walls, without a blanket to cover you at night, utterly exposed. This is what it feels like for this type of hoarder to live in a clean room without their comforting things around them.
@@Jingliu2305 Hoarding is actually a form of abuse to the people living in the same environment as the hoarder. Not a popular opinion, but I don't care. It's passive aggressive behavior. Even if it is a problem they have with emotional attachments, etc. I mean, all abuse is basically a result of attachment disorders. And we don't excuse those behaviors. Expecting a spouse and kids to walk around piles of junk is self centered. And living that way is dangerous. Things can fall. All that stuff is a fire hazard. People can trip over all the stuff. I live with a hoarder too. I've gotten to the point where I just want to leave. His THINGS are more important to him than I am so why tf should I stay.
What I've noticed is that my partner buys a LOT of stuff that she never uses. Shoes, clothes, bags. Many bought years ago and never worn or used once. They end up being put away and then when there's no more storage, left in bags on the floor and on tables and chairs. Our house is over-run with never-used items.
All (or at least most) women make the infrequent “fashion error.” It’s more pronounced in a hoarder because they buy/accumulate MORE stuff. Women are coached to be fashionable, attractively dressed, and are often advised they “must have” certain clothes and accessories for “the right look.” Couple that with compulsive shopping/hoarding tendencies and things can get grim. Maybe your partner might be open to a fashion analysis with an image consultant?
First off, I'm a woman. One book that comes to mind is "Dress Like a Parisian", which I bought when I moved from San Francisco to Paris in only 3 suitcases! Everything had to go. Not easy at age 35. Anyways, now after many years in France I have learned to buy 1 -- JUST ONE -- very good handbag. (OK I have different ones for the seasons but you get the idea). Classic shoes. Only buy clothes in basic colours like beige, cream, navy and black. Go for a sophisticated look. That means, no cheap throwaway fashion, pink shoes, crazy outfits, the latest trends, funky jeans and so on. Tell your partner you will buy her 1 super-chic, well-made leather handbag of her choice if she tosses out 12 fake leather ones. Good luck.
I can relate with this with my adult daughter. She has so many new clothes, never worn, and then buys more. Surprising she has appreciated me going through her things (when she is not around) and cleaning and organizing them. I have also thrown some things away without her being aware, but I know she won't even know they are gone.
I started having serous issues about 7 years ago after a traumatic event and I was working at a higher-end retail store where the focus was on fashion and buying. It has gotten quite bad and I’m working hard to get back to how I used to respond to “things and various un-valuable items”. The compulsion to shop is strong. I find it difficult to organize and stick to organizing. I believe my issues came about due to stress, trauma and depression. But sometimes I look around and I’m baffled. How did I get here and how can I get myself to overcome this problem?! One thing I noticed is that my stuff makes me feel safe. It’s almost like a kind of insulation and armor against the world.
I’m married to a hoarder. I’m a perfectionist. We are oil and water but love each other very much. So what I do is take hold of the situation and absolutely will not allow him to destroy our home. It is a 24/7 job for me. I cannot stress how bad his hoarding disorder is. He won’t go for help. When I try to throw his stuff away, even old food, he goes crazy and panics. So I throw things out when he’s not home. He will dig things out of the trash can so I haul trash to my kids house to put in their trash cans. I actually found old jars of food buried in the backyard. I happen to see the plastic grocery bags sticking up thru the dirt. It’s pitiful. But at the same time, it’s frustrating. I’m recovering from a brain tumor and I thank God that I am able to still take care of my home because if not, I would get buried alive and that is not a joke. I have to realize he is a lifelong hoarder and I will work the rest of my life to keep us in a clean and safe home. He is 10 years younger than me so when I’m gone someday, you will see him on TV 😢
Find out the trauma he has gone through to set this off. Hoarding is usually set off by some sort of loss that the person has not reckon with. Good luck to you. You are a very strong person.
Deeper, there’s old unresolved emotional stuff to deal with. There’s anxiety and fear. It’s wonderful that you guys love each other so much and that you’re there to help. 💖💕💞 In my case, I absolutely love my father who I live with and I appreciate that he’s a giver and generous and grandiose. But he lives in mountains of clothes and has many collections of every thing! So I work on myself and keep myself really healthy emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And that is a great help. I also assist in organizing and putting fire into projects because he’s older. But I recognize he really doesn’t want to change and his room is _his_ room And our shared spaces that need to stay sanitary are what I focus more on.
for 1 year now ive been riding my bike every garbage day and picking up stuff i thought i could use in the future.... i always need to watch videos like this, to slow me down
I felt like you spent too much time asking her to expose impressive cases. I'm in the middle of the video and I haven't yet heard about how the disorder works psychologically, or the causes or the treatments.
This is the case with every Hoarding Video on youtube 😵💫 the psychologists love just coddling the Hoarder, and treating them like a baby....when the Hoarder person is the actual toxic narcissist who holds their Loved Ones hostage with all their clutter?!😢
I think hoarding is a social disease that affects sensitive individuals. It's individualism turned toxic. When shopping is your only joy in life, it can become a problem. We are targeted by advertizements, we live in a culture that relies on us shopping.
I am a hoarder and I have recently accepted that fact and I am working on getting professional help to get rid of everything that is not a necessity for everyday life. This video is very informative and it helps
As one who wrestles with hoarding, I found this most interesting however one thing I have come to realise is that putting things in categories is very hard for me. My coach sees scissors and wants them all in one place. That does not make sense in my brain. I have 3 pairs of scissors in the kitchen, one by the microwave, one for dry goods and one general purpose, I also have many pairs of scissors for different crafts, eg kumihiru small scissors for the individual twines, thicker ones for the braids and large ones for working with the braids eg macrame etc. I Also have small fussy cutting scissors one pair each for card making, decoupage, paper cutting and journaling, for each of those I have a general pair and a large pair. I also have 24 pairs of patterned scissors for my card making. I have sharp quilling scissors, med and large , I have separate scissors for my embroidery, hand and machine sewing, pinking shears for paper and for fabric and of course felting, crochet and knitting each have their own. In addition to those there are the scissors in the lounge, the bedroom, the bathroom, the medicine cabinet and on the office desk and in fairness that is just what we have started to sort out. To me that makes perfect sense, to my family, and my decluttering coach it does not make any sense and of the people I have asked “how many pairs of scissors they have” at most it is 3-4 pairs. I’m physically unable to comprehend that. Every single time a ‘helper’ challenges my need for the scissors insisting I get rid of them the more paralysed I become in even collating them, never mind letting go of a few.
I have scissors in several places like that too because I don’t want to use the scissors I use for opening a food bag at the desk for cutting paper and vice versa. I also have sewing scissors of various types. If you are using them and they are organized then what's the problem? You wouldn't tell someone who crochets and has different sizes of needles to get rid of them. Now if you don't use the scissors but think you will "someday" that's an issue. Sometimes I think organizers see something you have a lot of and immediately think you should get rid of them because then they have "done something" without listening to the client and understanding that they do use the things they have. When I moved I needed to downsize into a smaller space and I was ok with that. I let go of lots of stuff. What I was not ok with was her organizing things I already had organized a certain way because she thought her way was better. I don't have a lot of tools and I had them in a toolbox. She took them out and put them in a "toolbag" that is not one of those organized toolbags, just an old beach bag I had. It would have been better to throw out the bag instead of having them jumbled together and now I can't find a d*mn thing. She said that's how she had them at her house. Well whoop de doo, good for you. She organized the books on my Office book shelf so they would look "pretty." For goodness sake! Reference books for my job go together, Grishams go together, gardening, travel, etc. She did help get rid of lots of clothes and shoes, towels, too many office supplies, doodads, and I was extremely grateful for that. I had my clothes a certain way but she thought her way was better. So I had to redo the books, tools and clothes. Creating problems for a client who is already organized but has too much stuff is not helping! Help me get rid of things but let me decide how to store them in a way that makes sense for how I use them. Anyway, hope you got rid of a lot of things and got to keep your scissors! Best of luck with your process.
@@whyohwhy9679 I hear you, and I have learned that letting go is difficult but I have a strong sense of how I operate. Though it means many arguments with my declutter coach, ultimately it is my decision as to how I organise my equipment. For me it is simply not feasible to have to continually guess where my scissors might be because I packed up the last activity and forgot that the scissors don’t belong there. Progress is slow but in time I will get there.
Oh my God this was written so well please forgive me but I just started laughing reading these sentences stringing on together about each different pair of scissors for each different task and you were so matter of fact but so precise and just the thought of all these different scissors for things I've never thought of was just really striking My Funny Bone. the way you were explaining it so matter of factly. I'm still laughing I hope you don't take offense you're a good writer and we have to laugh at ourselves
I have a friend that’s a hoarder and she will let go of items if she cares and trust for the person she is giving a item to. She just wants the item to be cared for or appreciated.
I just got out of that phase. I had to realize it's really hard to find people to give things to. Even harder if you have tried that and it wasn't appreciated. I had to get to the core of why I hoard and that's because of childhood trauma and programming. Then that's another deeper story.
My mom is a slight hoarder! I love her very much and I want her to stop this habit as she doesn't see how detrimental this is. I want to help her put systems in place for BOTH our sakes (I have ADHD so having organisation systems in place is crucial for me) but she doesn't see the need for it. We could be living in a much calmer home rn if it wasn't for this. I hope we can work through this together ❤
I wish I had someone like you to help me to put systems in place. Do you have a UA-cam channel because if so I d love to hear your ideas you seem really interested in helping your mom.
What is the link between hoarding, depression, and trauma? There are certain places I especially have difficulty organizing because I experienced trauma in that particular location - so I avoid keeping certain areas tidy and use them to basically "dump". While I don't think I fit the threshold of "hoarding" I feel like I can potentially understand the mindset of those who do. I'd love to hear more about the "triggers" and circumstances that cause this situation/condition.
OCD/hoarding come from a place of pain, in one degree or another. They are symptoms of insecurity and fear.. for themselves or loved ones.. be they family.. animals.. or even the whole of humanity. It's a very sad, painful, and destructive 'protective' mechanism. It would be difficult to imagine these conditions existing without there also being some form of, possibly chronic (undiagnosed?) depression. They are, OCD in particular, anxiety driven.
@@ImperfectionGuaranteed I know all of these things of course, or at least understand there is a relationship. I'd just like to hear from Dr. Ramani's perspective since I value it!
@@misskat7437 and by the way, I have done both, and to a pretty significant extent - for YEARS. I'm highly self-aware, it's just I keep experiencing more and new traumas, so the physical manifestation keeps building and building. I can better understand how certain peoples' situations get so bad. I'm nowhere near that bad, but I can totally see that happening given the current course I'm on.
Kyle Kittleson, it's highly unlikely that you don't know anybody with hoarding disorder. We don't walk around and tell everybody! And even when we tell people they disagree with us and say it can't be true!! I've had a primary care doctor and a number of psychologists who I saw on a regular basis tell me that I'm not a hoarder! They just couldn't believe it about me. When I see them I always look neat and clean and very together. Getting help has been next to impossible for me. UA-cam videos, and my strong desire to change, are the only things that have helped me. I've gotten back to being a level one hoarder, after tipping into level two for a while, only by sheer determination and grit. I've always been able to cook and sleep in my bed although there've been times I've had to move things around in my kitchen to have any counter space. In my opinion, the mental health field has totally failed me. I know a psychologist, and engineer, a woman who works with mentally challenged people and two others who suffer with hoarding. I had been friends with each of them for years before I knew their struggles with it.
I was living in the home of a narcissist who tried to have my little dog taken away from me in order to make me go over the edge mentally. It didn’t happen. My little dog eventually passed away. I understand that my situation isn’t about hoarding but I can relate to what you were saying about being devastated . I’m still devastated anyway that she’s gone.
@@stevepowsinger733 I’m so sorry to hear that. My Fumi was diagnosed with two medical conditions and I had two cats that mysteriously died and now I’m suspected that they got Covid. That doesn’t excuse the fact that they were abused by two other individuals.
I'm a bit of a hoarder, but it's not disorder level. I just have a bunch of shit that I thought "Hmmm, that could be useful some day"... 20 years later... 😫
I'm currently helping a person with a hoarding problem who is in his 80's. His house if full to the point I could hardly move thru not alone an older person with a cane. As I and a friend were cleaning things out, stacks of trash, he would not use the bath tub as stated, stove and he had bags of new items that were redundant. I have known a number of people with this problem one with over 30 cats. She also had dead cats her freezer. If there is anything I took away from dealing with people with this problem is "Perception is not reality" They all seemed to be smart and competent people who would project a competent image.
I don't give anything away anymore.....now??? I just THROW! Items straight into the dumpster! I don't want to "contribute" to the PAIN! of anyone else's hoarding or helping people to develop this horrible condition of hoarding. It's soooooo painful not to be able to "let items go". This video has been very helpful in overcoming the "accumulation of stuff".
Nothing in here or the other couple of videos I've watched today about whether barriers to de-cluttering can involve the question about "how to discard". If I procrastinate about throwing something out because I worry about whether it should be recycled / dismantled and recycled in part / cleaned before being discarded/recycled (not to mention things which *shouldn't* just be discarded or put in the common recycling bin, like unwanted electronics), is that a tangential issue to hoarding?
I have known a few hoarders, and the ones I know are genuinely good people, though they struggle pretty significantly with their mental health. They are often subject to a lot of harassment in response to their hoarding, which I suspect may simply reinforce the issue.
Thank you for sharing this. There's such a pervasive negative stereotype of what "hoarders are" that people use to villify an entire group of people wherever the subject is raised. It helps when people can point out that they can also be good people who are struggling with mental health issues and who are subject to harassment because of it.
My dad is an 81 Y.O. book/mail hoarder who also has an issue letting things go.He keeps things that have been broken for quite some time and or clearly needs to be replaced. Hence the reason he’s been living in a beautiful home for 27 years that’s never had any repairs done (looking forward to that chore when he passes away 😳). The excuses he makes for keeping all of his “stuff” is confusing/sad. I don’t see a change due to his age. I come over regularly to help, show him what I’m throwing out to build trust, encourage when he does separate/purge. I do throw away behind his back way down the street though… We are talking piles dating back to 2012. Hired a cleaning lady to actually clean up all the dust. I’ll throw all of the remainder out when he passes away, this stuff literally has inches of dust on it obviously not using it. Good luck to everyone ♥️.
I was broke and had to stay with a hoarder. I honestly appreciate the kindness in offering to have me stay, i can't thank her enough, but it was hell. I offered to clean up countless and it always ended in arguments. I eventually gave up and luckily got my standing and moved out. She's a nice lady though
I have been OCD as long as I can remember. I count my eating/cooking utinciles, I only like odd numbers. I was sooo everything was in its place and my life was organized. It all started changing around 2003.
so you were OCD and now you are a hoarder, im a hoarder n I hate odd numbers, they are bad news, volume on tv has to be an even number, if i stop something cooking in microwave it has to be on an even number, etc.
My mother was a hoarder, she kept magazines and letters and bus tickets and junk mail - she also bought multiples of some objects which had relevance for her (torches- she was scared of the dark: compasses - she feared being lost and not being able to find her way home - etc) Her hoarding was kept in check while my father was alive, but when he died, Mum had no-one to keep her tidy. I found it interesting in the 'treatment' bit of this video that hoarders need to be taught to sift and sort, as I think this was the main problem with my mum. My Dad had been very good at organising things, and Mum struggled with that when he was no longer there. She hated me trying to help her, and often wouldn't let me into her house. Eventually I had to do a massive clear-up while she was in hospital, so that it would be safe for her to go home- she was in the early stages of Alzheimers by then- and didn't notice that I had tidied up! But now, following a stroke, MY house is a complete tip! My sons have moved all my things so that now I can't find anything, and I'm worried that I too will become a hoarder. I think it is partly that I can no longer make decisions easily, and I get distressed at the loss of CONTROL when my sons nag me about clearing up. I am getting rid of stuff, but it is really hard.
You can do it. In 2020! Psychological problem with hoarders (and it sounds like you developed the disorder so it may be different for you) is that they value things over people. All their things give them security. In your case, you risk losing your sons' companionship if they no longer want to come over to your house because it's such a mess. Also it seems to be putting a strain on the relationship. So ask yourself, what do you value more -- your sons or your stuff? Then act accordingly.
I’m a nurse in a dementia care facility and there is a lot in common with the brain. Just like hoarders will put their children’s life in jeopardy everyday because they attached to their garbage, dementia patients cannot remember they have children.
My dad's exactly the type of extreme example you see on hoarders, he has 5 dogs, 3 cats (used to be a few more of both but they've since passed away), lives alone in a huge house, uses only a small section of it and everything else is piles and piles of junk, filth, animal feces, etc. It's overwhelming. Growing up our house was messy, but on the far low end of the scale because my 5 brothers, 2 sisters, and mom all pitched in to clean up as we went, often against my dad's insistence not to get rid of anything short of obvious trash like paper or cans. With all of us gone, it's almost unfathomable how bad it's gotten. It overwhelms me to think about.
My uncle was a chronic hoarder, keeping clothes and bits and bobs. I tried helping him but got nowhere. He would tell me to pass some clothes and give me the history of how and why he bought them. My mum and auntie eventually decided to go through everything when he wasnt there. We went through mountains of clutter, newspapers, clothes, bricabrac. He got annoyed we were doing it, but ultimately there was nothing he could do to stop us. He was older, not that mobile and couldnt aquire more garbage anyway, he eventually came around and began to like the space in his apartment. Hoarding is a disorder of the mind. You cant help these people. And in the case of my uncle, there was nothing he could really do to stop us. We had to clear out the rubbish. How many jumpers and clothes does one need already. And all the old newspapers and magazines. Bye bye.
Christina B You are so right in with your statements. I believe with all of my heart, that is why the person I know, who hoards, does so!! He definitely has has some tragic situations and didn't deal with them in the proper way. He also has a very addictive personality, and can be unkind, because of this. A little narcissistic, also. Very sad situation.
Is it possible that Dependent Personality Disorder is a big part of Hoarding? Perhaps their dependency on people gets transferred to Things?? And there's also the part of DPD where making decisions is hard which also comes into play in Hoarding.
I'm pretty sure i have a hoarding disorder, I have a lot of stuff and have trouble giving things up, its disorganized and when i do try and get rid of things it somehow builds up again, I often feel like I might use something so Its hard to give it away...and I love shopping. I hope I dont get worse...because right now its not that bad and I dont want to get worse..
I divorced my wife and one of the 4 main reasons was her hoarding. absolutely disgusting behavior and condition. untenable. impossible to live in a normal manner.
She is a great speaker and explainer. And its bizarre to hear her say "newspapers" considering people I know rarely buy them these days, but yes... I've seen piles and piles of newspapers in a loved ones home, stacked on bureaus, tables, counters. Yellowed and up to 25 years old. And I can't persuade them to part with them.
Because its so anxiety producing, a hoarder is immobilized. Their homes are both prisons and a safe place. Its like their homes and their life are in a co dependant abusive relationship.
Gracy Jones: So they get anxiety because of the clutter, but they ALSO get anxiety about possibly getting RID of things? I would think it would be one or the other. Maybe they need to think about the things they give up as still being somewhere on the planet, just not in their personal space. Just like a foster person for animals, when they finally give the animal to their furever home, they feel torn, but they also realize the animal is in a place they belong and was never meant to be theirs permanently. Maybe hoarders should start to think of belongings from the moment they obtain them as temporary, and only something that is going to stay if it continues to serve them.
I have a friend that’s bit of an animal 🐶 🐱 hoarder - yikes 5 dogs 🐶,3 cats & she’s overly attached ( kind of uses animals as excuse not to get a job or go on vacation etc etc ). Seems odd but must be a psychological coping mechanisms
What if you live with a person who takes stuff out or makes messes that continually destroys any kind of organization or headway you’ve made and on top of this you’ve got a physical disability that makes it difficult to do daily tasks on top of the disorder and it constantly makes you exhausted to the point you give up and suddenly you’ve got mice or general chaos? It looks like hoarding or sloppy housekeeping but it’s really just being overwhelmed and unseen by a significant other no matter how often you point it out? How to approach this with limited $ and a refusal by significant other to go to therapy? Without just leaving, because you don’t want to or can’t? I’ve got family members who deal with this so any tips or helpful suggestions would be helpful. 🦋
I believe my husband is a hoarder and I don’t know how to help him, how to even bring it up. I often sit up at night crying because I don’t know what to do without hurting him. It is causing emotional issues for me but I’m afraid he will choose things over me and I will lose him and he is all I have. He sees my anxiety and depression and when I tell him why, he will shift a few things for a couple of days but stop for weeks at a time while continuing to accumulate.
I have a friend who I discovered is a hoarder. Her apartment was loaded with news papers about 12 inches high making it dangerous to walk from one room to the other. I would like to help but am not sure how to go about doing that. Her apartment is also dirty and for that reason a health concern. Her family hired a clean out company, and she put her possessions in bins. But now she tells me she had to find things and again the apartment is very cluttered. Her family also hired a company to come in and deep clean her apartment. Afterwards it would be a matter of somehow up keeping her apartment.
Seeing the title, I initially wanted to send this to my mom so she'll understand that they, especially my dad, are hoarders. (Well, my mom is more of an enabler than an actual hoarder though.) But the therapist talking about a client who had too many animals in his/her house, I can see how my mom would make this about me instead of my dad. I had 13 cats/kittens. Actually more if I count those who died almost right away cause kittens are really hard to survive esp without a mother cat. And I'm also new to this "rescuing" thing which just started after I told a friend who rescued 2 kittens to bring them to me and I'll take care of them til they're weaned (she has a job and too busy to be able to care for kittens that needs to be fed every 2-3hrs). But then that friend ended up not adopting the kittens. So those kittens stayed with me. A few months later, my mom saw a kitten, who's been crying for hours, outside our house in a box. So she called me and we decided to take care of it. Turned out there were more. Our neighbors' kids actually took those kittens from somewhere and "took care" of them. But actually, since they're kids, they ended up abusing the kittens without knowing it (they're too young to even properly tell me where the kittens are from. I wanted to bring it back because those kittens need their mom but.. 🤷). Those kittens were bloated from all the water that was poured to them to "bathe" them. First of all, kittens shouldn't be bathe yet because they could die from hypothermia. And so, two of those kittens died and three are now grown up and still with me. On lockdown, I also left food outside our house since it's a time that food is scarce for people and so as to stray animals who rely on the leftovers. So doing that, there are kittens who stayed outside our house because they know they'll get food there. One seemed to be abused because it has crooked tail and is very scared when I try to get close to her. I ended up letting her inside the house, after one of my cats was killed (one of my first rescues. The ones from my friend), because I feared she'll also die. The other one, I think, already went somewhere else. And so now, I only have 8 cats left. It's still a lot though, but I'm trying my best to take care of them. My mom tried to add one more because she thought it will help me forget about what happened but I got angry at her and said that that kitten has an owner and he looks healthy so we don't need to adopt him. That was mixed in with my anger about the house and their things. Since it's lockdown they had a lot of time to organize things in the house and I thought finally, we'll have more space. But as they do more and more "organizing", the house just got more and more cramped up. I hated it because it's becoming harder to find my cats, esp small kittens, when they hide. And because of my cat being killed, I get paranoid whenever I can't find one of them. The thing is I'm too attached to my cats. Emotionally attached. Opposite with my attachment to people. And so I can see my mom saying, "this is you right?". And she would think that it's me who has a problem (I do have a problem though. A lot, actually.), and just continue to deny that their piling up trash is actually hoarding. They don't listen. They're always right, I'm always wrong because they're older so they know better.
you don't have to be well off to be a hoarder, items come free from skips, i first started noticing my acumulation when I was at college, im in my forties now.
I have a relative that does this. He gets angry with any suggestions to sort & discard. I can't imagine how it looks now, 6 years later. He will have to pull himself together & find a way. I could not even get momentums out after my parents passed. Yes, he occupies two houses, theirs and his and has filled them both up. Along with 3 fridges & freezers for 1 adult person.
The only thing that I'm keeping is my size 10 clothes because since I quit smoking I gained weight and I refuse to get rid f them and wishing to be able to fit that size again. I'm size 12 but smoking free.
m R why would you tell someone to cut out an entire food group? Weight is irrelevant to someone’s health as well, you NEED carbs for your brain to function.
@@jaimerachelle2636 I agree with the first part. But weight is not completely irrelevant. A woman who stands at 5 foot 5 inches should not be weighing 300 pounds. Edit: I was just using those numbers as a random example, not referring to the OP. I know nothing about her, I just wanted to get the point across that I don't think weight is completely irrelevant to health.
I only realized my mom has hoarding disorder after she passed away. However its been 5 years since her passing and I'm only 50% into removing the mountain of mess in my house. While I don't actively hoard things, I realize it gives me anxiety to throw away things that are not unused or broken. Do I have mild level of this disorder too?
I would like to know if there's a comorbidity with for example depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. And also if more elderly people suffer from this than younger. Maybe it's just because elderly people have had more years to hoard stuff in, but I've seen people become hoarders in old age - people who didn't hoard when they were younger.
Hoarding disorder often has other such comorbid issues overlapping. It tends to be more prevalent in the elderly because of build up, but also because of the increased likelihood of triggers that either start it or push it into a bigger issue, things like more time for there to have been significant losses or traumas, the loss of a spouse whose influence may have kept the tendency to hoard from getting out of control (and the other impacts of losing a spouse), overwhelm from taking on belongings of family members or friends who've died, increased isolation, and cognitive decline and declining mobility and health.
@@wrenw1550 Thank you. I noticed in other replies you mention being part of a support group that uses the Buried in Treasures book, could I ask you about your experiences with that? There's nothing like that (that I've been able to find) in my area and I'm thinking about talking to a support co-ordinator about maybe looking into the possibility of starting something like that. I have some support, but I'm interested in a group setting as well, and also hoping to get something happening for people who might need similar help.
This video was hard to watch as Kyle interviewed in such a tacky way. He seems to be more concerned with the shock factors and not ask valuable questions. Thank you to Dr. Yip for sharing her valuable knowledge as best as she could.
I’m a little apprehensive about taking advise from a person who licked the bottom of her shoes...and she does so frequently. How is that sound thinking?
Distress for sure! Everything she is saying! If My hubby didn't help talk sense in me. I would be buried like those shows. I'm a clean hoarder. I just buy and bring home for different reasons but it breaks my heart When watching people being made to let go! Some weeks When I'm in the mood to let go. I think Good causes donate to others who may need
It can be overwhelming. Try the book “Buried In Treasures” 2nd edition by David Tolin and two others. I’ve used it in a support group and it’s helpful. Good luck. 🫶
my dad and i are complete hoarders he is undiagnosed i have the diagnosis, dads mom hoarded cats if one walked into her yard into the cat house it went. yet she did a daily count several times a day when she fed them. my mom ransacked my room when i was staying with a friend helping her out, the night she did it.i had a severe dissociative episode, and the emergacy counselor oncall at the therapy center i was using had to be called. when retured home i freaked out and got ill, it was near my birthday so it has been almost 20 years and i am still terrified she will do it again near my birthday. we do have strong attachment to our things.
I don't like the thought of the Hoarders TV show glorifying throwing away tons of stuff because what about after the TV show episode is done, they're probably going to get upset and hoard again, they should focus more on therapy or support than just throwing away stuff. I'm a hoarder, I've had all my stuff thrown away makes me sad, stuff puts a big bandaid on loneliness sometimes. (non gross junk, like 10 computers 4 video game consoles and 40 DVD movies) Every single time I want stuff again and hate minimalism. I use my stuff too for fun.
My brother has this disorder. He sold his house & moved back in with our parents. He collects things to the point it blocks him from getting across his room. Our parents passed away. Our Dad left 2 houses. The other house (which I cleaned he is suppose to move into that house as it is his house) . The house he's been in now for years is going to be deeded to me He has agreed to move to his new house but is STALLING. How can I get my brother to nicely move out of my house and into his own house so I can clean my house and sell it? He used to dare my Dad to touch anything he had and it was Dad's house. My Dad fell and had to go to to the ER because of the hoarding. Then my brother got upset with a Dad for being near his stuff even though it was Dad's house. I love my brother but I can't see him getting all of his things out of my house! He collects things that are both valuable and worthless. I've got pictures and it's getting worse.
I'd move it to a storage... If your brothers new house has space id but something and mobe it on the new property. Because I'm sure your New house hes old will need some cleaning. I hope it goes Well 🌻🌻
At 54 yrs old I was told by a psychiatrist that I had Asperger’s. I went online and learned that it’s part of Autism Spectrum. My sister had entered my apartment and found piles of mail that I hadn’t opened. I was overwhelmed with sorting through all that because I didn’t know what was “important” papers to keep, and what was junk. Most were obvious junk, advertisements, but some were bills, some were advertisements from financial institutions. It was too much. She helped me sort through those, but I still have lots of other stuff in piles.
my father has strong narcissistic traits with covert aggressive behavior including manipulation - he collects money and property - he is capable of yelling at someone for spending 1 dolar in way that he considers irresponsible
I think there can be Narcissistic and Controlling and Passive Aggressive roots to some hoarding. Their mindset is: my belongings are all that matter, your inconvenience and anxiety caused by having no space to live means nothing to me, I will show you I am the boss by making you suffer due to my greed.
Diane Laborio Right! 90% of my house is spotless, clean and organized but there’s this one room that company can’t ever enter. It all clean and in good condition but it’s ALL in there. Mostly clothes, handbags and shoes.
Hoarders have a hard time getting rid of possessions, they might experience intense attachments. The objects or containers are filled with stuff so those containers are unuseable. Hoarders dont have a place for all the stuff, it is disorganized.
Dad to a T. A lot of it was down to wartime experiences I think He was a POW for five years. Then there was post-war rationing. The house was a tip really. A crazy, surreal mixture of items that they rarely moved.
I appreciate This! Motivation would be my children. I don't want them to do this and I would like not feel so embarrassed and overwhelmed by This. I wonder what has made me this way! Hellp
That plan for how to deal with a hoarder is utterly useless. It’s almost insulting to people who have to deal with hoarders. The doc is assuming the hoarder is communicative and not a psychopath. Get ready for confrontation, yelling, blaming and accomplishing nothing. When a hoarder refuses to part with something covered in rat shit, there’s no way they’ll listen to that crazy thing called logic.
That is how it feels dealing with all you people (talking to those who this statement applies to) who believe in this new corona religion that involves daily rituals like mask wearing, staying away from other people 🙄🙄🙄and poisoning themselves with shots.
Based on admittedly limited experience, but with several hoarders, there is zero motivation for treatment. The only thing that worked was removing them from the location while clearing out and storing, with their permission when moving, and then they started up hoarding again in the new place. Total inability to throw anything away, collecting worthless/rotting/multiple copies of items. The lack of organization is to some degree a disregard for the idea that things have “homes”, i.e., a steady place to be returned to after use. Pretty hopeless, imho. Depression, need for control, nesting for security, who knows all the causes.
When someone tells me "You need to just toss everything and start over", I like to respond with "Great! Let's get going but we also need to start a shopping list. First thing to toss: my Bottle of Advil. Put that on the list. No, they're not expired, but you told me I need to toss everything. I just want to make you happy. Oh. Oh. 'Not that'. But you said 'everything'. Why do you get to be the judge of what's important to me?""
My mom is a chronic hoarder we tried to help her many times but she refuses any kind of treatment or help it's gotten so out of control and chaotic in the home that there's nobody that can help her anymore even the psychiatrist said it wasn't treatable with what she had she has OCD personality disorder and I don't know how bad that is but I wish my mother would reach out for help my brother not tried so many times but we failed and other people had failed my mother as well
No one has failed your mother. SHE has failed HERSELF, as well as her children and everyone else she knows by being so selfish, entitled, immature, disgusting, and out of control. Don't fall into that, "It's everyone else's fault but mine!" bullshit your mother is spewing, it's just more evidence of her childishness, her refusal to accept responsibility, and her head up ass thinking.
hoarder topics make me paranoid that i am one. i was with the siblings and one of them had just come from a dollar type store and was excitedly showing to us her purchase of an item from that store. she said it was nothing more than a display item and kind of a silly impulse. i asked why she bought it and she replied "it was only a few bucks so i just bought it". she clearly knew she didn't need AND that it had no usefulness, which means she knew she was throwing money away on an impulse purchase which had no intrinsic value to her except to just add to her ever growing collection of stuff. boxes and boxes of stuff which just follow her from place to place. i do agree it's an emotional thing. it's a quick fix to make one forget the perceived lack of self-direction in their lives.
I have a friend who is a classic hoarder, supper smart guy , he seams to be able to focus sharply, and the rest is kept as "place value" so he can maintain his supper focus ,...which is integral with his personality.
I have ADHD with executive functioning difficulties. I work well within structured surroundings, but it’s almost impossible for me to organize my own home.
My friend doesn't hoard items she just lives in a filthy dumpster of garbage and that is 3 feet tall everywhere. I have to climb to her to get to where she sits disabled with some health issues. Of course! She also has a developmentally delayed adult that can't help. How can I explain and start cleaning with out Affending her? I know she wants help!
My mom has been hoarding for 30 years and refuses to believe it’s a problem, and doesn’t think she has any mental illness. It has driven a huge wedge between everyone in the house and me and my father want nothing to do with her now. I don’t know how to convince her to get help. She loves the garbage.
We (husband & I) do not have a hoarding issues. We are minimalists. Learned it from our moms. Unfortunately, other relatives have that issue. We hope they overcome it all.
What's the biggest myth about hoarders you've heard?
Learn more about the truth behind hoarding - and how to help a hoarder - here: bit.ly/3gFPBFm
That hoarders are greedy. Or that they just don't care. Oopsi...that's two!
I have been called one for being a video game collector, but what I use is neatly placed in shelves and what I dont is safely stored in a storage unit. is that the same thing? because when I think hoarding I think of people with piles of things messily stacked around their living space to the point it becomes a maze.
Professor Penne can you afford it, and is it something that brings you joy or that FAILING to do causes distress?
An entire storage unit for something so small suggests a great deal of time, effort, and money have been sunk into this which can be its own problem if not under control.
I refer to myself as a clean hoarder lol 😋 I Keep my home clean I just have a lot of stuff and I tend to pile it in my closets and basement and sometimes When I go on huge binge of shopping I'm usually exhausted and throw bags by the side of my bed and in my closet. Until I just get tired of looking at it then I go through it put away and feel ready to go through the process again in a few days
Crazy cat lady (or dog lady)
I used to think being ashamed of my mess was why I wouldnt let people in, one day I realised I kept my 'mess' because I didnt WANT to let people in. My reaction to my Fathers death in an accident.
Are you better now?
This is very helpful and go you for having courage to admit it!!
Have you gotten therapy for the loss of your father? I do feel it’s something similar in my mother’s case due to several such losses including the realization she was unable to fulfill her ultimate dream unfortunately. But there’s no chance she would be willing to even touch those issues.
It's like a protection thing.
That’s deep
Indecisiveness is a huge problem and being overwhelmed with decision making.
They just don’t know where to put something; where is the logical place.
I don't know what the origin or cause of indeciveness is, maybe a history of making mistakes, maybe getting corrected constantly by parents or someone, maybe having made a big mistake - a complete loss of confidence.
Duh. Lol
You may be right, but I can't make up my mind!
I think that overwhelm is a huge contributor to hoarding. Overwhelm can sabotage organized thinking, and organized actions. Sometimes the fatigue and chronic pain of overwhelm contributes to disorganized thought processes, and trips a person up. One might think that this one little possession will help them feel secure, and then, they don't where to put it, but just having that possession will make them feel better. It doesn't matter if it is placed with intention because the intention was to make the hoarder feel better. Just a thought.
Most hoarders don't recognize that they are hoarders. They attribute the "messiness" attribute to other factors, too busy, not physically fit enough to clean, etc. To get them to recognize that they are hoarding is the biggest hurdle to get over. Also hoarders don't normally have guests over.
Right. They at least recognize that guests will see something a bit amiss.
@@stevepowsinger733 Precisely. Only people who really know me and my trouble are allowed in my "space".
And if someone by chance offers to help cleanup ... they resist - giving the lie to their excuse that they are just too tired or pained to do it. Other people "cannot see the value" in their trash and junk so they steadfastly refuse help. Some of them, like treasures among the trash, are salvageable - others ... refuse to let go their dysfunctional mindset no matter the consequences.
@@stevepowsinger733 a bit amiss xD
Two things "they don't recognize that they are hoarders" or "hoarders don't normally have guests over" One option
Perhaps one of the most telling characteristics of hoarding is the extent to which the stuff interferes with interpersonal relationships.
There needs to be more help and support for children/family of hoarders, growing up with a hoarder is so damaging and impacts on your sense of self-worth even as an adult. Hoarders need support but so do their families and from my personal experience if the hoarder doesn’t want to seek help, they simply won’t and there is nothing the family can really do about it. This was a good video though and I appreciate the expertise.
I agree. I'd get mad at my daughter, when she tried to help, if she didn't do it the way I wanted it done. I didn't want to get mad. I wanted to see it done, so I could thank her. But it never worked out that way.
I really like the way she speaks and explains things. She has such a calming personality.
Yes, I agree
My dad is a hoarder and he never throws away things but literally collects trash someone discarded. I don’t know where to start. Every item we have in our house there are like dozen of them. Like 10 hair brushes, toothbrushes and so on... he specifically never throws out his meaningless old books that he never even touches. One thing that made me go mad is, he actually brought in about 30 books which were for kids that our neighbors threw away. And when I asked him why the hell would u bring kids story books he said he’ll be reading it.
I tried to understand his behavior and I came to a conclusion that first off, because he grew up poor he feels secure surrounded by stuff and I think he considers those books or stacked objects as his legacy. It’s really frustrating to live with a hoarder when I’m gonna start my own family, I’m definitely gonna be a minimalist.
Living with a hoarder father also makes me want to be a minimalist.
@natasha Woodbury I assure you we've all had that thought and I've gotten a dumpster more than once and when I clean out a room she goes back through the dumpster and brings s*** back in and a fire is fabulous idea except for the insurance company won't cover it to fix it up because of all the ash they will know that she was a hoarder and insurance companies frown on that crap!!!
My mom has borderline personality disorder. So when she wants to get rid of something she’ll blame my siblings that they wanted this stuff. Like c’mon who wants a crib built in the late 70s, said no one ever. So, besides abandonment issues and OCD, she’s got a lot of things to deal with.
this is exactly my situation. my father grew up in poverty and his hoarding is tied to all of this family trauma. i’ve been doing extensive research on how to manage this, which means that i can’t clean without his permission, i can’t throw out anything without his permission (and he’ll rarely ever let things go). even when i do manage to ease his anxiety a little, he gets so angry. its honestly really painful and frustrating and demands so much emotional labor. sometimes i just have to let go and let him keep his stuff. i also have disabilities so if i can’t manage his anxieties without feeling extensively exhausted, hurt and emotionally sensitive, i just have to let go.
When I go on a minimalist kick and start throwing everything out I end up screwed having thrown out things I needed- legally for court cases and things needed to replace or repair things that break, out of season parts for things I put away so when I take them back out I can't use it or turn it on again. Really, I know it can be overwhelming but when that urge to throw everything out starts, sit back and take a time out and when calm tackle any issue you have very methodically, like keep a note book with everything you put away or take apart drawn in it and labeled, and stick labels on the items with notes as what it belongs too. Write down why you kept the thing to begin with. Medical Papers in particular are irreplaceable.
I live with hoarders, please send thoughts and prayers
If they're your parents, I'm guessing???? Oh, I feel for you. That's a deplorable existence, and it is all due to their behavior. Yikes! I say, if it is your parents (again, I'm guessing), take pics of their mess and get yourself to a therapist. It's kinda nice to at least have that kind of abuse validated because it is an awful experience. Pics make it simple for someone else to see everything in plain sight. A parent that is a hoarder is causing that child distress. It is child abuse (neglect/negligence/harm).
@@Starry_Night_Sky7455 nah just a bunch of retarded neighbours
My husband is a big hoarder.
Do you have your own room? Keep it clean and tidy. Refuse other dwellers things in YOUR space. Atleast you will have your own sane respite place to escape to. Once of age if younger, figure out how to move out. You don’t have to live this way. Are there other family members, or friends you can live and share living expenses with?
I'll send a flamethrower. What's your address?
My ex-fiancée is a hoarder. I am currently seeing a therapist with her. I cant touch ANYTHING of hers, I cant move a box, nothing. We have two homes between us, she has filled all 5 garage stalls of the homes, the basement in her home is full, so are two of the three bedrooms, the master bath, and the main Livingroom. There is also a 21' trailer in the driveway that is full. Her family room and kitchen are really the only two useable rooms. I have since left her, and had her remove all the things from my garages. Love only gets you so far. I tried for over a decade to help her get rid of stuff. I will keep helping her as much as possible, but I absolutely cannot live with the "Stuff" anymore. This lady really knows her stuff. Great video
My mom was a moderate hoarder. Our home was functional but the walls were covered with random things and there were piles of crap everywhere. We could clean it up for company, but we were invariably just moving piles of junk from one location to another to give the temporary illusion of clean. Eventually, later in life, she'd have whole rooms full of her junk. No surprise I ended up in a relationship with a hoarder, too, but his was much worse. When I cleaned out his stuff after we broke up, I literally bagged up 300 gallons of clothing -- some never worn. He'd buy duplicates of shirts and stuff so he'd have an extra if the shirt he liked wore out. But he bought a LOT of them... and clothes weren't nearly the majority of items clogging up our apartment. Took me a month to clean it all out and I was still finding things years later. Man it felt good to live in a clean apartment! Now I'm about to go on a Marie Kondo tidying marathon. Can't wait to finally learn how and cure myself of clutter forever!
My mom is the same way
Mom's that love and enjoy their children and that collect all their kids drawings up to 3 grade or whatever grade they choose or how the bird house that each child made in class and made for thier mom for mother's day or how they made something for their dad with a handmade card, written inside reads... love your daughter...thank you for being the best dad ever!
All these examples are to show how some people that will keep such loving memories and as for others will look at theit childrens art pieces say it's lovely then tosses it in the garbage. drawings or paintings or bird houses and whatever else given to parent is all because of love. Love for their children or child or how a mother is so proud of her son or daughter for making the DEANS LIST and how mom kept every single report card because it makes her smile every time. These are memories of love that will last forever. Every time mom looks back at everything that her now grown kids made for her when little, are the most beautiful treasured memories that will warm any mother or fathers ❤ forever and always ♥️.
These kind of gifts and drawings and birdhouse made by their hands is something VERY special to all moms and dads. It's something they treasure for the rest of their lives. So if it's hard for me to toss away 18 years old art projects or their report cards from 1999 and up its all done because of the love we have for our children and how looking at some lomg time ago drawings of cowboys and Indians puts the biggest smile on our face and all of a sudden your having a 15 second flash back of how your life was back then when your kids were practically babies. This is why it's hard for me to get rid of certain things.
Take care God Bless 🙌 🙏
@@bumblebee0369 I just came across your comment and if it’s alright I would like to give my two cents on this. I’m 1 of 5 kids and the middle so my parents kept very little of my stuff but EVERYTHING for my baby sister. I was 16 by the time she was born so a lot of her childhood memories I was there and helped with whatever craft she made etc. I took pictures of all that stuff. From time to time they pop up in a carousel of photo memories and I get the warm fuzzies. The difference is my parents house is filled with junk on top of junk now and they can’t find any of these memories. I see them almost every few weeks in my photos. See how it has actually robbed them of their memories? Their home is covered in other stuff there is no space for the good stuff. My advice is to take pictures and lots of them. Of EVERYTHING. It it’s a craft you feel super connected with keep it but you don’t have to keep all the macaroni art from 1st grade. Letting go of that stuff helps you find new ways to connect in the here and now. You keep building new memories and new bonds. Hope this helps put some perspective on things.
I have a terrible time getting rid of my things, but fortunately I dislike shopping. That keeps it more manageable.
I think it has to do with several things. Overwhelm, depression, lack of decision making, compounded by too many responsibilities, burnout and perhaps being resentful about something. That something could be about a compulsively cleaning parent vacuuming at 3 am, and having a dislike of the memory of one’s parent valuing themself or others based in their cleaning skills, for example. Add to that, the positive albeit temporary feeling one gets from shopping, bargain hunting, flea markets, and freebies- you can see how this can spiral. Add to this some alcohol and drunk shopping- now we are self medicating and the glee of getting something new. Then the letdown of overspending. And then more overwhelm.
I really feel that in the midst of all this is depression and to a degree, if left unchecked, is a kind of hopelessness and despair, and the shame that comes with it all. It’s paralyzing and hard to get out of- and hard to admit, and of course it’s easy to hide. I think a lot of reassurance and forgiveness is in order, and lots and lots of help. I’m not pushing medications, but the person has to feel hope and reassurance and no judgement.
I say depression because there’s no motivation when you’re depressed. There’s body aches. There’s hopelessness and anger and shame. This may not be everyone but to some degree they are unhappy and trying to fill a void.
In childhood and teens, I had several older female relatives who routinely criticized my poor housekeeping skills. Much of the criticism was unwarranted. Example: I was lectured that permanent “travel wear” on the 10+ year old carpet was “my fault” because I didn’t vacuum the worn spot long enough. Another female relative criticized my long hair because shed hairs “were coming off my clothes in the laundry room.” Still another complained my sweeping “did nothing to clean the floor,” but she couldn’t or wouldn’t teach me the “correct” way to sweep.
I eventually gave up trying to do a decent job since my best efforts were never good enough. Now an adult, I realize these women were very sick - unhealthy perfectionist and compulsive tendencies- and didn’t treat me fairly. I’ve forgiven them and moved on. But sadly housecleaning and housekeeping just aren’t a major priority to me.
Barb Mulvaney : Thanks for your validation and very sensible advice. For the record I like being in a clean, clutter-free environment. But the cleaning/maintenance process is an unpleasant chore likely because I associate it with negative early life experiences. I suspect I would be more conscientious about cleaning/maintenance if I had more positive experiences.
I have mixed feelings about the idea that our homes should be kept neat enough for visitors and guests. Obviously we want to offer comfortable/clean/sanitary environment to guests, but really the most important “guests” we entertain are ourselves. I deserve a clean, comfortable bedroom, a nice bathroom and an inviting kitchen as much as any visitors do. My opinion FWIW.
Andrea Kubis This is NOT the case with every person with hoarding tendencies.
Andrea kubis I agree with you on much of it but if they don't choose to get medication and choose to get help myself my mother is a hoarder severely and I see all the things but she is so overwhelmed but yet keeps buying stuff to overwhelm herself even more and it's all garbage and trash and things that she can't really use things that other people don't want but yet she finds some value in them and the frustration is beyond belief! I've cleaned out her house several times so have many of her friends and it always goes back and right now there's literally a goat trail in her house a one-way goat trail and then she has a radiant heater that she uses and there is a bunch of paper right by where she sits do you know if she has a fire the insurance company does not have to help her because they can measure the amount of Ash and know that she had a hoarder's house of course her neighbors know also and she's so stubborn and will not budge she likes her crap and doesn't want anybody else bothering it.. she told me I wasn't allowed in her house because I didn't respect her stuff ... She is 79 years old and she's been this way her whole life and I have talked to several CBT therapists that say it's a problem when it gets ingrained in them for that many years trying to get them out of it it's too difficult.. and I'm too far away from her and I get worried that she's going to fall down cuz she cannot get up she has no body strength..
I think my mom definitely does it out of spite and resentment because my dad always demanded a clean house. Now she trashes it on purpose.
I'm a hoarder. I've worked hard on not being so attached to objects and parting with things. But i still can't make decisions at all well. I can't organise, i can't place, i can't maintain.etc, etc. it's a cyclone.
It is. Do u usually fill in an area then give up maintaining it? I do this all the time.
Don’t use it for a year throw it out. If you need something like that then just get another one but 99% chance you won’t need it ever again.
Keep going Ester B, make life how you want it to be👍. I respect your fight to change for yourself. Peace out.
It is already a big step to recognise.. i myself collecting like yarn, paracord to make dogcollars and books.. i am very happy with my boyfriend who asks me and i, myself all the time if i really need it.. sometimes i give in and i know it is not okay but it is so much better now, i even gave the half of my yarn to a good cause.. by the way english is not my native language so sorry dor the mistakes in advance..
I’m probably an “anti hoarder.” I was in a long relationship with a person who had strong hoarding tendencies. After the relationship ended I was determined never to live that way again. I read up on Feng Shui and other minimalist decor practices to get some ideas of how I could achieve clutter free lifestyle.
The most valuable thing I own in my residence is OPEN SPACE. Clean, clutter free OPEN SPACE admits healthy energies into a home and raises the vibration of the home and its residents. It’s a luxury. It’s easier to clean and maintain a minimalist environment. Even if I “let things go” for a while it’s easier to get things clean/orderly again since I have less property/possessions to manage.
I parted with a lot of things. Some of them I valued but didn’t use. Some I didn’t value and had forgotten I owned. Some I valued and used but thought I could do without. I made a few mistakes, but that’s okay.
I don’t buy anything without considering its full cost INCLUDING how much space it takes up and how much cleaning/maintenance it adds to my housekeeping routines. More often than not it’s not worth it. Time is just as valuable as space. Mostly I buy things to either replace or upgrade things I already have and use. I trash or donate the older or obsolete stuff immediately.
Yes, there are drawbacks to this lifestyle. My home is more comfortable than pretty. Sometimes I get rid of stuff and later realize I could have used it. No problem, mistakes are okay. I’m still happier with my space and my time than I would be with high-maintenance aesthetics and replaceable conveniences.
If you must hoard anything, hoard your space and your time. Clean healthy space and adequate time ALLOW you to enjoy the luxuries that you are willing to fit and maintain into your home and your life.
There was a couple who were hoarders and lived down the street from me. They passed away 2 years ago. Their family is still cleaning up that property.
That is my fear right now
How uncaring, selfish and rude to put their family through that.
@@amandaathanas4027 it is not self this is a mental health issue that cannot be remedied in the snap of a finger. Oftentimes those that hoard experience a great deal of depression and anxiety and they use these items to fill in a void. This is something that needs proper help. You can completely empty out a house but that person will still have that issue because it’s deeper than just clutter. It’s an attachment issue. Instead of judging people you should try to see things from their eyes
@@amandaathanas4027 Dude my family is in that right now. My parents are in their 70s and me and the siblings have talked about what the heck we're even going to do with their house. It would take forever to clean that place out. We don't even know what to do. It's gotten dirty on the walls and carpets and it's going to take a good bit of money to even get is sellable once the junk is gone.
It’s brain and social! My Family had money. We never had a-lot of things but good quality. My Mother did massive clean out every two or three years! New towels new shoes coats hand bags etc.
my toys were donated as well!
Could hold on to a few sentimental items! We would clean the fridge out once a month disinfecting it! Hoarders do not clean!
At 9 years old I learnt to hold as a mechanism of coping with loss. I held onto things because they had "memories" and "experiences" to them. Letting go of things was awful for me especially as I didn't understand it. Sometimes it's not indecisiveness it's a coping mechanism.
9:04 I remember seeing this documentary about a woman who kept rescuing animals and she kept them in their cages and would forget to feed and water a lot of them, how it went on so long is because the shelter stopped doing a house visit because they'd done a good few visits when things were ok. What a horror situation for these animals, she should have went to jail for the pain and suffering she caused.
My mom has always been a hoarder. I didn't recognize the problem when I was young. Now as a grown up, I know what the issue is but it's too late. She's 73 now. Whenever I talk to her about cleaning and tidying things up, she gets really upset and goes "Just let me be happy and do whatever I wanna do. There's not many years left for me anyway. You can throw everything out when I die..." Tbh...if you ask me, I would really rather live in a mess forever than live in a world without her. She's my only family and life long best friend. She's not crazy. Her parents died when she's very young so she was raised by her aunt family. They treated her very well actually, but losing parents since young causing her to feel like an outsider the whole life. She says by collecting things and living in a small space she feels safe and secured. Luckily, my mom's situation is not bad compares to other cases I saw online. Our home is just mostly plastic bags and boxes of random things, in every corner, not organized at all apparently. I would say 80% of the space filled with her stuff, only 20% is mine. All I can do is at least keeping my portion as clean and tidy as possible (and occasionally I clean up and throw away some of her stuff without her knowing it, lol, she doesn't know what exactly she has in those piles anyways)
People will do anything to avoid their emotions/ stay in trauma. No, your mother isn't crazy, but she does have a problem and sees no reason to change so she won't. Nobody is 'crazy' by the way, that's not what they are implying in the interview. If it doesn't bother you then so be it.
@@misskat7437 Nobody is crazy lol ok
I think you're doing it right and being very loving and kind. Just draw a line when it comes to stuff that isn't healthy (mold, bacteria). There's no need to torture her with an improvised, unprofessional 'treatment' at her age. But since it seems to be her way to self-treat feelings of anxiety, maybe she'd like to learn mindfulness meditation, which also calms down anxiety, and that may also lessen her need for hoarding to feel safe. To those who are unsympathetic to the situation: imagine what it would feel like if you had to live in the street, without protective walls, without a blanket to cover you at night, utterly exposed. This is what it feels like for this type of hoarder to live in a clean room without their comforting things around them.
Have hoarder husband, want to helping him but get abuse by him, very hard just want to give up
@@Jingliu2305 Hoarding is actually a form of abuse to the people living in the same environment as the hoarder. Not a popular opinion, but I don't care. It's passive aggressive behavior. Even if it is a problem they have with emotional attachments, etc. I mean, all abuse is basically a result of attachment disorders. And we don't excuse those behaviors.
Expecting a spouse and kids to walk around piles of junk is self centered. And living that way is dangerous. Things can fall. All that stuff is a fire hazard. People can trip over all the stuff. I live with a hoarder too. I've gotten to the point where I just want to leave. His THINGS are more important to him than I am so why tf should I stay.
What I've noticed is that my partner buys a LOT of stuff that she never uses. Shoes, clothes, bags. Many bought years ago and never worn or used once. They end up being put away and then when there's no more storage, left in bags on the floor and on tables and chairs. Our house is over-run with never-used items.
All (or at least most) women make the infrequent “fashion error.” It’s more pronounced in a hoarder because they buy/accumulate MORE stuff. Women are coached to be fashionable, attractively dressed, and are often advised they “must have” certain clothes and accessories for “the right look.”
Couple that with compulsive shopping/hoarding tendencies and things can get grim.
Maybe your partner might be open to a fashion analysis with an image consultant?
First off, I'm a woman. One book that comes to mind is "Dress Like a Parisian", which I bought when I moved from San Francisco to Paris in only 3 suitcases! Everything had to go. Not easy at age 35. Anyways, now after many years in France I have learned to buy 1 -- JUST ONE -- very good handbag. (OK I have different ones for the seasons but you get the idea). Classic shoes. Only buy clothes in basic colours like beige, cream, navy and black. Go for a sophisticated look. That means, no cheap throwaway fashion, pink shoes, crazy outfits, the latest trends, funky jeans and so on. Tell your partner you will buy her 1 super-chic, well-made leather handbag of her choice if she tosses out 12 fake leather ones. Good luck.
I can relate with this with my adult daughter. She has so many new clothes, never worn, and then buys more. Surprising she has appreciated me going through her things (when she is not around) and cleaning and organizing them. I have also thrown some things away without her being aware, but I know she won't even know they are gone.
I'm the same. It's only when you try to declutter that one realises the extent of the problem. 😢
We've got that over here exactly same in my house with my mother
Please do a segment on compulsive shopping
Mr Man I read an article on compulsive shopping has to do with low self esteem and insecurities
I started having serous issues about 7 years ago after a traumatic event and I was working at a higher-end retail store where the focus was on fashion and buying. It has gotten quite bad and I’m working hard to get back to how I used to respond to “things and various un-valuable items”. The compulsion to shop is strong. I find it difficult to organize and stick to organizing. I believe my issues came about due to stress, trauma and depression. But sometimes I look around and I’m baffled. How did I get here and how can I get myself to overcome this problem?! One thing I noticed is that my stuff makes me feel safe. It’s almost like a kind of insulation and armor against the world.
I’m married to a hoarder. I’m a perfectionist. We are oil and water but love each other very much. So what I do is take hold of the situation and absolutely will not allow him to destroy our home. It is a 24/7 job for me. I cannot stress how bad his hoarding disorder is. He won’t go for help. When I try to throw his stuff away, even old food, he goes crazy and panics. So I throw things out when he’s not home. He will dig things out of the trash can so I haul trash to my kids house to put in their trash cans. I actually found old jars of food buried in the backyard. I happen to see the plastic grocery bags sticking up thru the dirt. It’s pitiful. But at the same time, it’s frustrating. I’m recovering from a brain tumor and I thank God that I am able to still take care of my home because if not, I would get buried alive and that is not a joke. I have to realize he is a lifelong hoarder and I will work the rest of my life to keep us in a clean and safe home. He is 10 years younger than me so when I’m gone someday, you will see him on TV 😢
Find out the trauma he has gone through to set this off. Hoarding is usually set off by some sort of loss that the person has not reckon with. Good luck to you. You are a very strong person.
Deeper, there’s old unresolved emotional stuff to deal with. There’s anxiety and fear. It’s wonderful that you guys love each other so much and that you’re there to help. 💖💕💞
In my case, I absolutely love my father who I live with and I appreciate that he’s a giver and generous and grandiose. But he lives in mountains of clothes and has many collections of every thing!
So I work on myself and keep myself really healthy emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And that is a great help. I also assist in organizing and putting fire into projects because he’s older.
But I recognize he really doesn’t want to change and his room is _his_ room And our shared spaces that need to stay sanitary are what I focus more on.
for 1 year now ive been riding my bike every garbage day and picking up stuff i thought i could use in the future.... i always need to watch videos like this, to slow me down
I felt like you spent too much time asking her to expose impressive cases. I'm in the middle of the video and I haven't yet heard about how the disorder works psychologically, or the causes or the treatments.
This is the case with every Hoarding Video on youtube 😵💫 the psychologists love just coddling the Hoarder, and treating them like a baby....when the Hoarder person is the actual toxic narcissist who holds their Loved Ones hostage with all their clutter?!😢
I think hoarding is a social disease that affects sensitive individuals. It's individualism turned toxic. When shopping is your only joy in life, it can become a problem. We are targeted by advertizements, we live in a culture that relies on us shopping.
I am a hoarder and I have recently accepted that fact and I am working on getting professional help to get rid of everything that is not a necessity for everyday life. This video is very informative and it helps
God bless you honey
keep going!
Same here. It suck’s doesn’t it? Bravo to you! 👏
I’m not a hoarder but when my house is messy for more than one day I stress out.
Be neat and clean. Your environment is reflective of everything!
As one who wrestles with hoarding, I found this most interesting however one thing I have come to realise is that putting things in categories is very hard for me. My coach sees scissors and wants them all in one place. That does not make sense in my brain. I have 3 pairs of scissors in the kitchen, one by the microwave, one for dry goods and one general purpose, I also have many pairs of scissors for different crafts, eg kumihiru small scissors for the individual twines, thicker ones for the braids and large ones for working with the braids eg macrame etc. I Also have small fussy cutting scissors one pair each for card making, decoupage, paper cutting and journaling, for each of those I have a general pair and a large pair. I also have 24 pairs of patterned scissors for my card making. I have sharp quilling scissors, med and large , I have separate scissors for my embroidery, hand and machine sewing, pinking shears for paper and for fabric and of course felting, crochet and knitting each have their own. In addition to those there are the scissors in the lounge, the bedroom, the bathroom, the medicine cabinet and on the office desk and in fairness that is just what we have started to sort out. To me that makes perfect sense, to my family, and my decluttering coach it does not make any sense and of the people I have asked “how many pairs of scissors they have” at most it is 3-4 pairs. I’m physically unable to comprehend that. Every single time a ‘helper’ challenges my need for the scissors insisting I get rid of them the more paralysed I become in even collating them, never mind letting go of a few.
I have scissors in several places like that too because I don’t want to use the scissors I use for opening a food bag at the desk for cutting paper and vice versa. I also have sewing scissors of various types. If you are using them and they are organized then what's the problem? You wouldn't tell someone who crochets and has different sizes of needles to get rid of them. Now if you don't use the scissors but think you will "someday" that's an issue.
Sometimes I think organizers see something you have a lot of and immediately think you should get rid of them because then they have "done something" without listening to the client and understanding that they do use the things they have.
When I moved I needed to downsize into a smaller space and I was ok with that. I let go of lots of stuff. What I was not ok with was her organizing things I already had organized a certain way because she thought her way was better. I don't have a lot of tools and I had them in a toolbox. She took them out and put them in a "toolbag" that is not one of those organized toolbags, just an old beach bag I had. It would have been better to throw out the bag instead of having them jumbled together and now I can't find a d*mn thing. She said that's how she had them at her house. Well whoop de doo, good for you. She organized the books on my Office book shelf so they would look "pretty." For goodness sake! Reference books for my job go together, Grishams go together, gardening, travel, etc.
She did help get rid of lots of clothes and shoes, towels, too many office supplies, doodads, and I was extremely grateful for that. I had my clothes a certain way but she thought her way was better. So I had to redo the books, tools and clothes. Creating problems for a client who is already organized but has too much stuff is not helping!
Help me get rid of things but let me decide how to store them in a way that makes sense for how I use them.
Anyway, hope you got rid of a lot of things and got to keep your scissors!
Best of luck with your process.
i understand this way of thinking
@@whyohwhy9679 I hear you, and I have learned that letting go is difficult but I have a strong sense of how I operate. Though it means many arguments with my declutter coach, ultimately it is my decision as to how I organise my equipment. For me it is simply not feasible to have to continually guess where my scissors might be because I packed up the last activity and forgot that the scissors don’t belong there. Progress is slow but in time I will get there.
@@karimcc275 precisely, I discarded a couple of pairs but have already needed to replace two of them, which is most frustrating
Oh my God this was written so well please forgive me but I just started laughing reading these sentences stringing on together about each different pair of scissors for each different task and you were so matter of fact but so precise and just the thought of all these different scissors for things I've never thought of was just really striking My Funny Bone. the way you were explaining it so matter of factly. I'm still laughing I hope you don't take offense you're a good writer and we have to laugh at ourselves
Dr Yip is extremely compassionate
I think I have a loved on who has this disorder. This has been very insightful. Thank you for respectfully covering this topic.
I have a friend that’s a hoarder and she will let go of items if she cares and trust for the person she is giving a item to. She just wants the item to be cared for or appreciated.
I can relate to that. I toss junk away but some things are more precious
I just got out of that phase. I had to realize it's really hard to find people to give things to. Even harder if you have tried that and it wasn't appreciated. I had to get to the core of why I hoard and that's because of childhood trauma and programming. Then that's another deeper story.
I quit giving things away, no presents. I realized how our consumer society plays a big role in this disorder. I don't accept gifts either.
My mom is a slight hoarder! I love her very much and I want her to stop this habit as she doesn't see how detrimental this is. I want to help her put systems in place for BOTH our sakes (I have ADHD so having organisation systems in place is crucial for me) but she doesn't see the need for it. We could be living in a much calmer home rn if it wasn't for this. I hope we can work through this together ❤
I wish I had someone like you to help me to put systems in place. Do you have a UA-cam channel because if so I d love to hear your ideas you seem really interested in helping your mom.
What is the link between hoarding, depression, and trauma? There are certain places I especially have difficulty organizing because I experienced trauma in that particular location - so I avoid keeping certain areas tidy and use them to basically "dump". While I don't think I fit the threshold of "hoarding" I feel like I can potentially understand the mindset of those who do. I'd love to hear more about the "triggers" and circumstances that cause this situation/condition.
See a professional. Be self aware. That will give you answers.
@@misskat7437 You make it sound so easy!
OCD/hoarding come from a place of pain, in one degree or another. They are symptoms of insecurity and fear.. for themselves or loved ones.. be they family.. animals.. or even the whole of humanity. It's a very sad, painful, and destructive 'protective' mechanism. It would be difficult to imagine these conditions existing without there also being some form of, possibly chronic (undiagnosed?) depression. They are, OCD in particular, anxiety driven.
@@ImperfectionGuaranteed I know all of these things of course, or at least understand there is a relationship. I'd just like to hear from Dr. Ramani's perspective since I value it!
@@misskat7437 and by the way, I have done both, and to a pretty significant extent - for YEARS. I'm highly self-aware, it's just I keep experiencing more and new traumas, so the physical manifestation keeps building and building. I can better understand how certain peoples' situations get so bad. I'm nowhere near that bad, but I can totally see that happening given the current course I'm on.
Kyle Kittleson, it's highly unlikely that you don't know anybody with hoarding disorder. We don't walk around and tell everybody! And even when we tell people they disagree with us and say it can't be true!! I've had a primary care doctor and a number of psychologists who I saw on a regular basis tell me that I'm not a hoarder! They just couldn't believe it about me. When I see them I always look neat and clean and very together. Getting help has been next to impossible for me. UA-cam videos, and my strong desire to change, are the only things that have helped me. I've gotten back to being a level one hoarder, after tipping into level two for a while, only by sheer determination and grit. I've always been able to cook and sleep in my bed although there've been times I've had to move things around in my kitchen to have any counter space. In my opinion, the mental health field has totally failed me. I know a psychologist, and engineer, a woman who works with mentally challenged people and two others who suffer with hoarding. I had been friends with each of them for years before I knew their struggles with it.
I was living in the home of a narcissist who tried to have my little dog taken away from me in order to make me go over the edge mentally. It didn’t happen. My little dog eventually passed away. I understand that my situation isn’t about hoarding but I can relate to what you were saying about being devastated . I’m still devastated anyway that she’s gone.
I’m very sorry. I just lost my little dog myself and I was shocked she died following her yearly shots
@@stevepowsinger733 I’m so sorry to hear that. My Fumi was diagnosed with two medical conditions and I had two cats that mysteriously died and now I’m suspected that they got Covid. That doesn’t excuse the fact that they were abused by two other individuals.
I meant suspecting that they died from Covid complications.
I'm a bit of a hoarder, but it's not disorder level. I just have a bunch of shit that I thought "Hmmm, that could be useful some day"... 20 years later... 😫
Luv watching your interviews you post…
Helps to see how it is for many people out there… I feel less alone.
I'm currently helping a person with a hoarding problem who is in his 80's. His house if full to the point I could hardly move thru not alone an older person with a cane. As I and a friend were cleaning things out, stacks of trash, he would not use the bath tub as stated, stove and he had bags of new items that were redundant. I have known a number of people with this problem one with over 30 cats. She also had dead cats her freezer. If there is anything I took away from dealing with people with this problem is "Perception is not reality" They all seemed to be smart and competent people who would project a competent image.
You are so on the money re: perception not being reality.
Oh they project an authoritative competent image alright, what a lark
The well behaved dog is really doing good things for me emotionally.
2 or 3 would have been a little more calming ;)
Kyle: “Have you ever found a dead animal...?”
Dog: ~squirms~
Lol, I had to go back and look at that part.
The dog did react to the question.
I’m realizing I got the two OCD and Hoarding mixed up. Thank you for this video.
I don't give anything away anymore.....now??? I just THROW! Items straight into the dumpster! I don't want to "contribute" to the PAIN! of anyone else's hoarding or helping people to develop this horrible condition of hoarding. It's soooooo painful not to be able to "let items go". This video has been very helpful in overcoming the "accumulation of stuff".
Nothing in here or the other couple of videos I've watched today about whether barriers to de-cluttering can involve the question about "how to discard". If I procrastinate about throwing something out because I worry about whether it should be recycled / dismantled and recycled in part / cleaned before being discarded/recycled (not to mention things which *shouldn't* just be discarded or put in the common recycling bin, like unwanted electronics), is that a tangential issue to hoarding?
My sister is a bit hoarder, I think she just feel unloved and collecting and keeping stuffs make her fill that void.
I have known a few hoarders, and the ones I know are genuinely good people, though they struggle pretty significantly with their mental health. They are often subject to a lot of harassment in response to their hoarding, which I suspect may simply reinforce the issue.
Thank you for sharing this. There's such a pervasive negative stereotype of what "hoarders are" that people use to villify an entire group of people wherever the subject is raised. It helps when people can point out that they can also be good people who are struggling with mental health issues and who are subject to harassment because of it.
My dad is an 81 Y.O. book/mail hoarder who also has an issue letting things go.He keeps things that have been broken for quite some time and or clearly needs to be replaced. Hence the reason he’s been living in a beautiful home for 27 years that’s never had any repairs done (looking forward to that chore when he passes away 😳). The excuses he makes for keeping all of his “stuff” is confusing/sad. I don’t see a change due to his age. I come over regularly to help, show him what I’m throwing out to build trust, encourage when he does separate/purge. I do throw away behind his back way down the street though… We are talking piles dating back to 2012. Hired a cleaning lady to actually clean up all the dust. I’ll throw all of the remainder out when he passes away, this stuff literally has inches of dust on it obviously not using it. Good luck to everyone ♥️.
I was broke and had to stay with a hoarder. I honestly appreciate the kindness in offering to have me stay, i can't thank her enough, but it was hell. I offered to clean up countless and it always ended in arguments. I eventually gave up and luckily got my standing and moved out. She's a nice lady though
Same boat, Same boat.
I have been OCD as long as I can remember. I count my eating/cooking utinciles, I only like odd numbers. I was sooo everything was in its place and my life was organized. It all started changing around 2003.
so you were OCD and now you are a hoarder, im a hoarder n I hate odd numbers, they are bad news, volume on tv has to be an even number, if i stop something cooking in microwave it has to be on an even number, etc.
My mother was a hoarder, she kept magazines and letters and bus tickets and junk mail - she also bought multiples of some objects which had relevance for her (torches- she was scared of the dark: compasses - she feared being lost and not being able to find her way home - etc) Her hoarding was kept in check while my father was alive, but when he died, Mum had no-one to keep her tidy. I found it interesting in the 'treatment' bit of this video that hoarders need to be taught to sift and sort, as I think this was the main problem with my mum. My Dad had been very good at organising things, and Mum struggled with that when he was no longer there. She hated me trying to help her, and often wouldn't let me into her house. Eventually I had to do a massive clear-up while she was in hospital, so that it would be safe for her to go home- she was in the early stages of Alzheimers by then- and didn't notice that I had tidied up! But now, following a stroke, MY house is a complete tip! My sons have moved all my things so that now I can't find anything, and I'm worried that I too will become a hoarder. I think it is partly that I can no longer make decisions easily, and I get distressed at the loss of CONTROL when my sons nag me about clearing up. I am getting rid of stuff, but it is really hard.
You can do it. In 2020! Psychological problem with hoarders (and it sounds like you developed the disorder so it may be different for you) is that they value things over people. All their things give them security. In your case, you risk losing your sons' companionship if they no longer want to come over to your house because it's such a mess. Also it seems to be putting a strain on the relationship. So ask yourself, what do you value more -- your sons or your stuff? Then act accordingly.
I’m a nurse in a dementia care facility and there is a lot in common with the brain. Just like hoarders will put their children’s life in jeopardy everyday because they attached to their garbage, dementia patients cannot remember they have children.
Awwww He called his dog the love of his life, he just got twenty percent more adorable 💕💕💕
My dad's exactly the type of extreme example you see on hoarders, he has 5 dogs, 3 cats (used to be a few more of both but they've since passed away), lives alone in a huge house, uses only a small section of it and everything else is piles and piles of junk, filth, animal feces, etc. It's overwhelming. Growing up our house was messy, but on the far low end of the scale because my 5 brothers, 2 sisters, and mom all pitched in to clean up as we went, often against my dad's insistence not to get rid of anything short of obvious trash like paper or cans. With all of us gone, it's almost unfathomable how bad it's gotten. It overwhelms me to think about.
My boss is a hoarder and I clean for him. He's such a good person so I'm here to figure out how to help him.
My uncle was a chronic hoarder, keeping clothes and bits and bobs.
I tried helping him but got nowhere. He would tell me to pass some clothes and give me the history of how and why he bought them.
My mum and auntie eventually decided to go through everything when he wasnt there. We went through mountains of clutter, newspapers, clothes, bricabrac.
He got annoyed we were doing it, but ultimately there was nothing he could do to stop us. He was older, not that mobile and couldnt aquire more garbage anyway, he eventually came around and began to like the space in his apartment.
Hoarding is a disorder of the mind. You cant help these people.
And in the case of my uncle, there was nothing he could really do to stop us. We had to clear out the rubbish. How many jumpers and clothes does one need already.
And all the old newspapers and magazines. Bye bye.
Hoarding is due to some sort of grief/tragic event that has not been properly dealt with and let go of imo
watched a lot of tv have you? they like to make stories to simplify things. How odd that you think you thought it up rather than you consumed a story.
@@M_SC Hahaha simpleton
No it's a fact asshole
Christina B You are so right in with your statements. I believe with all of my heart, that is why the person I know, who hoards, does so!! He definitely has has some tragic situations and didn't deal with them in the proper way. He also has a very addictive personality, and can be unkind, because of this. A little narcissistic, also. Very sad situation.
Is it possible that Dependent Personality Disorder is a big part of Hoarding? Perhaps their dependency on people gets transferred to Things?? And there's also the part of DPD where making decisions is hard which also comes into play in Hoarding.
I'm pretty sure i have a hoarding disorder, I have a lot of stuff and have trouble giving things up, its disorganized and when i do try and get rid of things it somehow builds up again, I often feel like I might use something so Its hard to give it away...and I love shopping. I hope I dont get worse...because right now its not that bad and I dont want to get worse..
Thanks a lot ! KILE AND DR. YIP . You are awesome 👏🏻.
I divorced my wife and one of the 4 main reasons was her hoarding. absolutely disgusting behavior and condition. untenable. impossible to live in a normal manner.
are we going to ignore the cute doggo
She is a great speaker and explainer. And its bizarre to hear her say "newspapers" considering people I know rarely buy them these days, but yes... I've seen piles and piles of newspapers in a loved ones home, stacked on bureaus, tables, counters. Yellowed and up to 25 years old. And I can't persuade them to part with them.
I find all that stuff around anxiety inducing. I don’t know how hoarders can live like that. Too much stuff suffocates me.
Because its so anxiety producing, a hoarder is immobilized. Their homes are both prisons and a safe place. Its like their homes and their life are in a co dependant abusive relationship.
Gracy Jones: So they get anxiety because of the clutter, but they ALSO get anxiety about possibly getting RID of things? I would think it would be one or the other.
Maybe they need to think about the things they give up as still being somewhere on the planet, just not in their personal space. Just like a foster person for animals, when they finally give the animal to their furever home, they feel torn, but they also realize the animal is in a place they belong and was never meant to be theirs permanently.
Maybe hoarders should start to think of belongings from the moment they obtain them as temporary, and only something that is going to stay if it continues to serve them.
well yeah it is suffocating & anxiety inducing either way for us
I wouldn't understand why "the love of my life would have to leave" ❤❤❤❤ That was so cute from Kyle
I have a friend that’s bit of an animal 🐶 🐱 hoarder - yikes
5 dogs 🐶,3 cats & she’s overly attached ( kind of uses animals as excuse not to get a job or go on vacation etc etc ). Seems odd but must be a psychological coping mechanisms
Please do an episode on AGORAPHOBIA PLEASEEEE
What if you live with a person who takes stuff out or makes messes that continually destroys any kind of organization or headway you’ve made and on top of this you’ve got a physical disability that makes it difficult to do daily tasks on top of the disorder and it constantly makes you exhausted to the point you give up and suddenly you’ve got mice or general chaos? It looks like hoarding or sloppy housekeeping but it’s really just being overwhelmed and unseen by a significant other no matter how often you point it out? How to approach this with limited $ and a refusal by significant other to go to therapy? Without just leaving, because you don’t want to or can’t? I’ve got family members who deal with this so any tips or helpful suggestions would be helpful. 🦋
I believe my husband is a hoarder and I don’t know how to help him, how to even bring it up. I often sit up at night crying because I don’t know what to do without hurting him. It is causing emotional issues for me but I’m afraid he will choose things over me and I will lose him and he is all I have. He sees my anxiety and depression and when I tell him why, he will shift a few things for a couple of days but stop for weeks at a time while continuing to accumulate.
Your dog makes me happy
I have a friend who I discovered is a hoarder. Her apartment was loaded with news papers about 12 inches high making it dangerous to walk from one room to the other. I would like to help but am not sure how to go about doing that. Her apartment is also dirty and for that reason a health concern. Her family hired a clean out company, and she put her possessions in bins. But now she tells me she had to find things and again the apartment is very cluttered. Her family also hired a company to come in and deep clean her apartment. Afterwards it would be a matter of somehow up keeping her apartment.
Seeing the title, I initially wanted to send this to my mom so she'll understand that they, especially my dad, are hoarders. (Well, my mom is more of an enabler than an actual hoarder though.) But the therapist talking about a client who had too many animals in his/her house, I can see how my mom would make this about me instead of my dad.
I had 13 cats/kittens. Actually more if I count those who died almost right away cause kittens are really hard to survive esp without a mother cat. And I'm also new to this "rescuing" thing which just started after I told a friend who rescued 2 kittens to bring them to me and I'll take care of them til they're weaned (she has a job and too busy to be able to care for kittens that needs to be fed every 2-3hrs). But then that friend ended up not adopting the kittens. So those kittens stayed with me.
A few months later, my mom saw a kitten, who's been crying for hours, outside our house in a box. So she called me and we decided to take care of it. Turned out there were more. Our neighbors' kids actually took those kittens from somewhere and "took care" of them. But actually, since they're kids, they ended up abusing the kittens without knowing it (they're too young to even properly tell me where the kittens are from. I wanted to bring it back because those kittens need their mom but.. 🤷). Those kittens were bloated from all the water that was poured to them to "bathe" them. First of all, kittens shouldn't be bathe yet because they could die from hypothermia. And so, two of those kittens died and three are now grown up and still with me.
On lockdown, I also left food outside our house since it's a time that food is scarce for people and so as to stray animals who rely on the leftovers. So doing that, there are kittens who stayed outside our house because they know they'll get food there. One seemed to be abused because it has crooked tail and is very scared when I try to get close to her. I ended up letting her inside the house, after one of my cats was killed (one of my first rescues. The ones from my friend), because I feared she'll also die. The other one, I think, already went somewhere else. And so now, I only have 8 cats left. It's still a lot though, but I'm trying my best to take care of them.
My mom tried to add one more because she thought it will help me forget about what happened but I got angry at her and said that that kitten has an owner and he looks healthy so we don't need to adopt him. That was mixed in with my anger about the house and their things. Since it's lockdown they had a lot of time to organize things in the house and I thought finally, we'll have more space. But as they do more and more "organizing", the house just got more and more cramped up. I hated it because it's becoming harder to find my cats, esp small kittens, when they hide. And because of my cat being killed, I get paranoid whenever I can't find one of them.
The thing is I'm too attached to my cats. Emotionally attached. Opposite with my attachment to people. And so I can see my mom saying, "this is you right?". And she would think that it's me who has a problem (I do have a problem though. A lot, actually.), and just continue to deny that their piling up trash is actually hoarding. They don't listen. They're always right, I'm always wrong because they're older so they know better.
you don't have to be well off to be a hoarder, items come free from skips, i first started noticing my acumulation when I was at college, im in my forties now.
I have a relative that does this. He gets angry with any suggestions to sort & discard. I can't imagine how it looks now, 6 years later. He will have to pull himself together & find a way. I could not even get momentums out after my parents passed. Yes, he occupies two houses, theirs and his and has filled them both up. Along with 3 fridges & freezers for 1 adult person.
The only thing that I'm keeping is my size 10 clothes because since I quit smoking I gained weight and I refuse to get rid f them and wishing to be able to fit that size again. I'm size 12 but smoking free.
You're not a hoarder, Ursula. 😉❤
Ursula. M you’ll lose weight if you stop eating carbs and do intermittent fasting! You’ll be so much healthier and happier too!
m R why would you tell someone to cut out an entire food group? Weight is irrelevant to someone’s health as well, you NEED carbs for your brain to function.
@@jaimerachelle2636 I agree with the first part. But weight is not completely irrelevant. A woman who stands at 5 foot 5 inches should not be weighing 300 pounds.
Edit: I was just using those numbers as a random example, not referring to the OP. I know nothing about her, I just wanted to get the point across that I don't think weight is completely irrelevant to health.
Thanks fir the comments they also helped me
I must say, I LOVE HER SHOES!!
I only realized my mom has hoarding disorder after she passed away. However its been 5 years since her passing and I'm only 50% into removing the mountain of mess in my house. While I don't actively hoard things, I realize it gives me anxiety to throw away things that are not unused or broken. Do I have mild level of this disorder too?
I would like to know if there's a comorbidity with for example depression, ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. And also if more elderly people suffer from this than younger. Maybe it's just because elderly people have had more years to hoard stuff in, but I've seen people become hoarders in old age - people who didn't hoard when they were younger.
Hoarding disorder often has other such comorbid issues overlapping.
It tends to be more prevalent in the elderly because of build up, but also because of the increased likelihood of triggers that either start it or push it into a bigger issue, things like more time for there to have been significant losses or traumas, the loss of a spouse whose influence may have kept the tendency to hoard from getting out of control (and the other impacts of losing a spouse), overwhelm from taking on belongings of family members or friends who've died, increased isolation, and cognitive decline and declining mobility and health.
Absolutely! @kg6801 is right on target!
@@wrenw1550 Thank you. I noticed in other replies you mention being part of a support group that uses the Buried in Treasures book, could I ask you about your experiences with that? There's nothing like that (that I've been able to find) in my area and I'm thinking about talking to a support co-ordinator about maybe looking into the possibility of starting something like that. I have some support, but I'm interested in a group setting as well, and also hoping to get something happening for people who might need similar help.
@@kg6801 Sure! What would you like to know?
@@kg6801 I Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything, I will reply eventually! 😄
This video was hard to watch as Kyle interviewed in such a tacky way. He seems to be more concerned with the shock factors and not ask valuable questions. Thank you to Dr. Yip for sharing her valuable knowledge as best as she could.
I’m a little apprehensive about taking advise from a person who licked the bottom of her shoes...and she does so frequently. How is that sound thinking?
I can't breathe 😭 thinking About starting! Help me!
Distress for sure! Everything she is saying! If My hubby didn't help talk sense in me. I would be buried like those shows. I'm a clean hoarder. I just buy and bring home for different reasons but it breaks my heart When watching people being made to let go! Some weeks When I'm in the mood to let go. I think Good causes donate to others who may need
It can be overwhelming. Try the book “Buried In Treasures” 2nd edition by David Tolin and two others. I’ve used it in a support group and it’s helpful. Good luck. 🫶
my dad and i are complete hoarders he is undiagnosed i have the diagnosis, dads mom hoarded cats if one walked into her yard into the cat house it went. yet she did a daily count several times a day when she fed them. my mom ransacked my room when i was staying with a friend helping her out, the night she did it.i had a severe dissociative episode, and the emergacy counselor oncall at the therapy center i was using had to be called. when retured home i freaked out and got ill, it was near my birthday so it has been almost 20 years and i am still terrified she will do it again near my birthday. we do have strong attachment to our things.
I don't like the thought of the Hoarders TV show glorifying throwing away tons of stuff because what about after the TV show episode is done, they're probably going to get upset and hoard again, they should focus more on therapy or support than just throwing away stuff.
I'm a hoarder, I've had all my stuff thrown away makes me sad, stuff puts a big bandaid on loneliness sometimes. (non gross junk, like 10 computers 4 video game consoles and 40 DVD movies)
Every single time I want stuff again and hate minimalism.
I use my stuff too for fun.
agreeed and it also gave hoarders a bad name
My brother has this disorder. He sold his house & moved back in with our parents. He collects things to the point it blocks him from getting across his room. Our parents passed away. Our Dad left 2 houses. The other house (which I cleaned he is suppose to move into that house as it is his house) . The house he's been in now for years is going to be deeded to me
He has agreed to move to his new house but is STALLING. How can I get my brother to nicely move out of my house and into his own house so I can clean my house and sell it? He used to dare my Dad to touch anything he had and it was Dad's house. My Dad fell and had to go to to the ER because of the hoarding. Then my brother got upset with a Dad for being near his stuff even though it was Dad's house. I love my brother but I can't see him getting all of his things out of my house! He collects things that are both valuable and worthless. I've got pictures and it's getting worse.
I'd move it to a storage... If your brothers new house has space id but something and mobe it on the new property. Because I'm sure your New house hes old will need some cleaning. I hope it goes Well 🌻🌻
At 54 yrs old I was told by a psychiatrist that I had Asperger’s. I went online and learned that it’s part of Autism Spectrum. My sister had entered my apartment and found piles of mail that I hadn’t opened. I was overwhelmed with sorting through all that because I didn’t know what was “important” papers to keep, and what was junk. Most were obvious junk, advertisements, but some were bills, some were advertisements from financial institutions. It was too much. She helped me sort through those, but I still have lots of other stuff in piles.
my father has strong narcissistic traits with covert aggressive behavior including manipulation - he collects money and property - he is capable of yelling at someone for spending 1 dolar in way that he considers irresponsible
I think there can be Narcissistic and Controlling and Passive Aggressive roots to some hoarding. Their mindset is: my belongings are all that matter, your inconvenience and anxiety caused by having no space to live means nothing to me, I will show you I am the boss by making you suffer due to my greed.
he's a miser
Oh my god, I just had this literally today 😢😢😢😢
@@amandaathanas4027💯💯💯💯 exactly this is it
@@amandaathanas4027 - that is what it will probably feel like...
You don't know someone with hoarding disorder?
You just don't know you do. Trust me. They don't show you.
Diane Laborio Right! 90% of my house is spotless, clean and organized but there’s this one room that company can’t ever enter. It all clean and in good condition but it’s ALL in there. Mostly clothes, handbags and shoes.
Hoarders have a hard time getting rid of possessions, they might experience intense attachments. The objects or containers are filled with stuff so those containers are unuseable. Hoarders dont have a place for all the stuff, it is disorganized.
Dad to a T. A lot of it was down to wartime experiences I think He was a POW for five years. Then there was post-war rationing. The house was a tip really. A crazy, surreal mixture of items that they rarely moved.
Probably um opposite to the people, I throw everything I don't need, sometimes even more, and later I realize that I need the thing I got rid of.
Yes I am one. Afraid of not having enough due to not having enough.
I appreciate This! Motivation would be my children. I don't want them to do this and I would like not feel so embarrassed and overwhelmed by This. I wonder what has made me this way! Hellp
That plan for how to deal with a hoarder is utterly useless. It’s almost insulting to people who have to deal with hoarders. The doc is assuming the hoarder is communicative and not a psychopath. Get ready for confrontation, yelling, blaming and accomplishing nothing. When a hoarder refuses to part with something covered in rat shit, there’s no way they’ll listen to that crazy thing called logic.
That is how it feels dealing with all you people (talking to those who this statement applies to) who believe in this new corona religion that involves daily rituals like mask wearing, staying away from other people 🙄🙄🙄and poisoning themselves with shots.
Based on admittedly limited experience, but with several hoarders, there is zero motivation for treatment. The only thing that worked was removing them from the location while clearing out and storing, with their permission when moving, and then they started up hoarding again in the new place. Total inability to throw anything away, collecting worthless/rotting/multiple copies of items. The lack of organization is to some degree a disregard for the idea that things have “homes”, i.e., a steady place to be returned to after use. Pretty hopeless, imho. Depression, need for control, nesting for security, who knows all the causes.
When someone tells me "You need to just toss everything and start over", I like to respond with "Great! Let's get going but we also need to start a shopping list. First thing to toss: my Bottle of Advil. Put that on the list. No, they're not expired, but you told me I need to toss everything. I just want to make you happy. Oh. Oh. 'Not that'. But you said 'everything'. Why do you get to be the judge of what's important to me?""
Love this
My mom is a chronic hoarder we tried to help her many times but she refuses any kind of treatment or help it's gotten so out of control and chaotic in the home that there's nobody that can help her anymore even the psychiatrist said it wasn't treatable with what she had she has OCD personality disorder and I don't know how bad that is but I wish my mother would reach out for help my brother not tried so many times but we failed and other people had failed my mother as well
No one has failed your mother. SHE has failed HERSELF, as well as her children and everyone else she knows by being so selfish, entitled, immature, disgusting, and out of control. Don't fall into that, "It's everyone else's fault but mine!" bullshit your mother is spewing, it's just more evidence of her childishness, her refusal to accept responsibility, and her head up ass thinking.
hoarder topics make me paranoid that i am one. i was with the siblings and one of them had just come from a dollar type store and was excitedly showing to us her purchase of an item from that store. she said it was nothing more than a display item and kind of a silly impulse. i asked why she bought it and she replied "it was only a few bucks so i just bought it". she clearly knew she didn't need AND that it had no usefulness, which means she knew she was throwing money away on an impulse purchase which had no intrinsic value to her except to just add to her ever growing collection of stuff. boxes and boxes of stuff which just follow her from place to place.
i do agree it's an emotional thing. it's a quick fix to make one forget the perceived lack of self-direction in their lives.
I have a friend who is a classic hoarder, supper smart guy , he seams to be able to focus sharply, and the rest is kept as "place value" so he can maintain his supper focus ,...which is integral with his personality.
I have ADHD with executive functioning difficulties. I work well within structured surroundings, but it’s almost impossible for me to organize my own home.
I agree 100% with you.
My friend doesn't hoard items she just lives in a filthy dumpster of garbage and that is 3 feet tall everywhere. I have to climb to her to get to where she sits disabled with some health issues. Of course! She also has a developmentally delayed adult that can't help. How can I explain and start cleaning with out Affending her? I know she wants help!
My mom has been hoarding for 30 years and refuses to believe it’s a problem, and doesn’t think she has any mental illness. It has driven a huge wedge between everyone in the house and me and my father want nothing to do with her now. I don’t know how to convince her to get help. She loves the garbage.
That one angle is perfect for showing the dog, and cat😅
Great video! 🎉
I came here bcs I can’t stand when people I live with don’t admit they are messy and mad when we are trying to make our place nice. This is stressful
We (husband & I) do not have a hoarding issues. We are minimalists. Learned it from our moms. Unfortunately, other relatives have that issue. We hope they overcome it all.