Im an INFP enneagram 4, and my whole life, the most important thing for me was to find my identity, understand why i felt the way i felt, who i am and to live by my true self. I remmember during school, trying to fit in many groups and always feeling so out of place. Also ive always felt so misunderstood, and i still do, people dont understand me or my way of seeing life (they usually think its weird), but today i kind of decided that i would rather be alone, than with people who dont understand me or make me grow. And about the melancholy part, its so real hahaha ive always felt like i would be unhappy for the rest of my life, because it feels like there's always missing something, that i dont really know what it is. But finding people who think the same way i do makes me happy haha i feel more understood!
I'm a 4w5 (supposedly). The Ni critic is savage. I don't feel special, I feel defective and that is fed by being criticised constantly for not having my life together or a clear idea of where I want to go or want to do. I certainly feel the Envy of other people who make it look so easy by comparison, who have been able to develop talents and skills because they aren't crushed by the deluge of crippling self-doubt, which in turn lends validity to the criticism I've received.
One thing I've always struggle with being an INFP 9w1 is that I crave for human interaction, but because I'm such an introvert who is socially awkward, my laziness also kicks in and I end up not accommodating to those needs. Which makes it more awkward because I hesitate while trying to initiate the first move. Also, I feel uncomfortable when people around me fight. I hate the tension and tell them I just want peace.
Hey... I am always here and so are others in this comment section. If you need anyone to connect with I am here... you can message me. I almost always have something to talk about!
Omg this is so me, I've gotta a little 4 in me but when people talk about the infp ghosting people/disappearing and I just can't ghost or why you would want to (kinda like I wouldn't want to ghosted so why would I do that to someone else) so it led me to wonder if I was an INFP.
Fellow INFP 9 here and I test as a 5 a lot. My theory for me personally is that it happens because I am trying to make myself appear 5ish to compensate for my lack of competency at Te. According to the enneagram institute 9 description 9s are kind of the chameleons of the Enneagram and can embody or masqurade as all of the other types "The only type a 9 is not like is the 9 itself." Also weirdly when I first heard of the Enneagram i thought I was a 4 because I am empathetic and feel out of touch and out of place in the world. The 4 descriptions match the stereotypical INFP also so that didn't help. I took a test though and it typed me as a 9--the 4 wasn't even in second or third place alternative in my results. I was shocked. 9 didn't resonate at all! Then I came back a few days later to reread it after giving it some thought and the second read made me angry. Then I knew, haha.
@@thegnome73 I was literally denial being a 9 and relate more to 4 and 5 but I cried right away while listening to the 9 song, thats where I know my denial just emphasized how much of a 9 I am
“If you’re a 9 you might pour yourself into non-meaningful projects and delay what really matters.” Literally AS I’m making homemade paper soap for the end of the world.
Mine is definitely 4, growing up I hate that how my mom always compared me to her friend's kids, tried to "generalize" me with other kids and not being able to see who I really am.
Totally me being compared hurts me too. I ended up writing a poem on how I feel when I am criticised or compared to someone else and now I have even started to criticise myself. I am infp-t 4w5
I have no idea what a 4 or a 9 is, but I do know that this man has a beautiful heart and that I feel like he's explaining exactly what's been going on in my head all these years. I'm so happy I found this channel today.
You said something that really resonated with me for INFP 4, about creating problems to feel alive. Wow I intentionally sabotage a lot to feel like my world is ending and get some emotional high. Thanks for that insight!
Lol I feel like this video is a good example of a 9, the way he tries to convey the message, very peaceful, empowering, including as many perspectives and viewpoints as possible, this video is wonderful, very peaceful haha
I'm a infp 9w1 and now I can understand why I am 9. We were a family of 4, with a sister. My father love my sister very, very much. My mother wanted to be loved by my father, so everything he says, goes. My sister was always trying to seek the attention of everyone, so I learned to just exist. My opinion was never expressed and I felt like I was a wall or living on the other side of the mirror. If, for some reason, something leaked out, my sister used her manipulations so no one could listen. One memory that I think about a lot is me saying that "for a family like this, it needs to much tai chi". (This phrase kind of rimes in my native language) And it's so true. The more I think, the more true I find. I had to have a LOT patience and letting me be absorbed by the walls and not being truly there, to survive my years there. If I'm a ghost, no one will disturb me, because I didn't did nothing.
I think that unlike the MBTI, the enneagram takes into consideration that people in a certain number can either be healthy or unhealthy in their number type, which makes some 4’s be totally different from each other. Also, the enneagram gives you the flexibility to be like other numbers in different situations like the 4 being an unhealthy 2 in stress. The mbti to me is very 2-d but the enneagram is super 3-d and is way more personalized. At the end of the day if we see what each way of typing (mbti & enneagram) was created for, the enneagram has more room to grow and it teaches you bring out the best of you. That’s something that I haven’t seen with the mbti just yet, like there are pages that help you know who you are but not really to work through the worst in their type. Omfg this is so long but I just read a book about the enneagram and had to say it 😂
So true! Like I think healthy 4's can sometimes look more like 9's....for example a healthy 4 will I think tend toward a more holistic way of being.....sometimes it's easiest to identify your type when you can think about times in your life where you were a mess....or a teenager lol.
“If you’re a 9 you might pour yourself into non-meaningful projects and delay what really matters.” Me organizing my pinterest folders... :D Looks pretty tho haha. I suffer for other people... I often find myself feeling sad because of my mother's life. :c Anyway I do relate to both 4 and 9 haha.
I'm an INFP 4w3. My sweetheart and my bestie are both INFP 9w1s. I am like their evil twin hahahaha (in my defense, I lived with an ENTJ for many years and a touch of that rubbed off on me). Anyway, we work together so well. Those 9s are such loveable humans omg :') They constantly inspire me to be a better human. Thanks for the video, you have a beautiful energy and good information.
I'm an INFP 4 and I do get to think a lot that I just seem not to fit in any crowd. There's also this constant urge to aim for the ultimate or to leave some sort of legacy. And it's true that I tend to question myself a lot of times if I'm good enough or will I ever be good enough, and it's this constant questioning especially when it's connected with work that often causes stress
Wow, how accurate. I took the tests and found out I am an INFP 4-w9,5 I’m half Native American/Caucasian. My father left my mom, sister and I when I was 3 or 4 yrs old. I struggled in elementary school with fitting in. It was more comfortable to just fade out of sight, or blend in till I’d disappear. Yet I foster a burning desire to achieve some kind of prominence. I struggle severely with indecision, consistency, and motivation. A balanced life is my Dream. I seek to be genuinely interested in other people’s concerns, because it’s more comfortable to just not care and move on.
I can empathize. .the vanity, the emptiness, the struggle for the need to envelop something, the anxieties and depression... But my deep solution to this is seeking the truth of life, how are we created, what's the inner purpose, is the bible truthful in its declaration of the Redeemer, what's the history behind every different doctrines, what is the Restoration Movement? By figuring this series of anagrams in history will get u closer to knowing the full meaning of life.
Thanks for another great video! I've been wondering about exactly this topic."*Everybody* is special..." As a very fourish 4, my instant response to that is to say that you're right, but that 4s are special in a special way. :-) The positive aspect is that I've always felt like I have creative and perceptive abilities that not everyone has. On the negative side, it *really* seems like everyone else is in on some big secret about how to make life work. Part of my "specialness" as a 4 is that I don't have that info -- I'm defective. If I were living in a different kind of world, I think I could live a great life with the gifts that I have. In this world, though, I can't seem to find a community and a context where what I have to give is valued. Maybe part of the 4 curse is that we can see so clearly how things COULD be -- but they aren't, and it feels unjust.
Most of enneagram tests i take says that 4 & 9 are the closest to me and when i searched it it said that 4w9 is not even possible so I'll just sit there and be frustrated
I am a 9, but I definitely take on the emotions of others like a 4. I find that I go numb when thinking about myself and my problems, but I feel the pain of others going through hardship deeply as well. I want to keep the balance within myself, but also in the world around me as well.
I’m an INFP/J 4w5 and my twin’s an INFP 9, we’re very similar except on our relationship with conflict (he avoids it obv, I’m ok with it, sometimes find it fun even)
Same. I tied for 4 and 9 on the 144 question test on enneagram institute website. I read both and I'd say they're about equally relatable... How do you feel about it now?
I can now say for certain that I am a 4. I took a workshop that explained how each number broke down in different aspects and found out that I'm truly a 4 and not a 9
@@xInfisphere It was a workshop provided through my school. We had a speaker who is very knowledgeable about the Enneagram and each type. Although I forgot their name we did receive a book called "The Road Back To You" which I recommend if you're still unsure of your type
w00t. Thanks. As an INFP 9w1 that’s the ONLY thing I feel half qualified to talk about lol. My best friend for 10 years was an ENFP 7... so that’s second?
@@GeekPsychologyI'm also an INFP 9 and feel very unqualified to talk about most things and underqualified to talk about the things I know the most about. Sometimes I push through and talk anyway and feel kind of 3ish, like I'm putting on a show of being an expert when I did all of the research the night before. Would you be willing to do a video on this particular topic? It's icky and uncomfortable but it might be helpful for us INFP 9s. I know it would help me to feel less alone in this experience. Thanks for your content :)
When you talk about 4s and envy... could be possible to be separated not from your father/mother but other people more in general? Because when I was a child I was bullied by some girls and now, more than 10 years later, I have a strange relationship with women my age... actually I feel envy and some sort of inferiority complex. Does it makes any sense? (And sorry for getting personal, hahahha).
Yeah I’d assume so. I think the “mother/father” is just a conceptualIzation of whatever “family” you were in. If you’re sure you’re an INFP and not an INTx, check out opposing hero (5th function) extraverted Feeling. Statistically, most women are FJs, so you’d probably feel resistance and disagreement with that way of life. Sure, envy would lead to feeling like you’re inferior... or maybe the opposite.
Geek Psychology Oh, thank you! :) I'm definitely not an intx xD I'm practically sure I'm an infp. So it actually makes sense, rejecting somehow the Fe... now that I think about it one of the worse experience I ever had with someone was actually with a enfj girl...
Wow, this is a bit of an aha moment for me. Something similar happened in my childhood, although I never fully made a connection with that to these feelings that I've always struggled with...until now.
I do introjection a lot as an INFP 4w5, really just taking other people’s emotions makes me feel so terrible sometimes cause it prevents me from helping other people cause I also break down when they do.
Fellow INFP here and I do feel like 9, 4 and 5 resonate with me as well, the enneagram is really lntriguing me more and more, your energy really resonates with me too ( not to mention we are both with a Judger woman haha ) Anyways I really enjoy your videos man, being french I notice that you make your english really easy and simple to understand, kudos for that btw keep killing it dude 👌🏽💯
This is something I've been going back and forth on ever since I first learned about Enneagram. Most people online typed me as a 9, but I think I'm actually a 4 for the following reasons: 1. Even as far back as elementary & middle school, I have always struggled with that feeling of "not quite fitting in", or not being on the same wavelength as everybody else. Whenever I've tried to explain why I feel so strongly about something, or tried to say something like "I am this & that, and therefore you shouldn't do that", people have tended to just look at me like I'm from Saturn & have blue skin. 2. Even though I am very conflict avoidant and appear calm outwardly, I almost never actually feel calm inwardly. I find it hard to really detach from my emotions as such. If I'm with people who I trust enough to open up to, I have no problems with stating my opinion about things forcefully. 3. I relate much more to the Frustration triad than the Relational triad. 4. Unlike 9s who tend to focus on others' needs much more than their own, I've developed an intense preoccupation with my own inner world. I have no real problems acknowledging the good in others, but I am reluctant to see the merit in embracing them. If the INFP way is the best way, than the ESTP way or the ESTJ way is, by default, not as good.
Here's my perspective on this (the first clue that I'm a nine should be seem by the fact that I'm procrastinating while watching this video):( : 1) For a long time, I was trying to guess if my tritype was 594 or 954. Now I landed on the latter 2) I learned this from a video by Jennifer Howard, who was differentiating between a 5 and a 9: She said that for a nine, their deep seated fear is that they are irrelevant, that they are not good enough, so they avoid conflict, not because they're wimps but because they don't want to confront something that will confirm their deep seated fear. (I was on the verge of tears when I heard that, which put the nail on the coffin that I'm probably a nine xD). 3) For me, I definitely struggle with anger- but I'm mostly terrified of what I could do to OTHER people if I actually expressed my anger. As you know, us INFPs can easily let our imagination go into overdrive and imagine all sorts of dark things 4) I always test as a five on the enneagram test because I am passionate about gaining knowledge, prioritize objective truth and I do enjoy debating, but it didn't seem right for a couple of reasons (not the brightest bulb, far too conflict avoidant, etc.) 5) I didn't think I was a nine because it said that nines never express their individual opinions, fear separation (not really) and are extremely easy going and lack an identity. Personally, I am extremely independent and self sufficient. However, I'm also very lazy and quite conflict avoidant, so that's why I considered being a nine. (Then again, I think that the nine is subjected to the most negative stereotypes and nines, being who they are, don't oppose it). I could keep going on and on, but I would end up just writing a book xD. I absolutely love your videos, they're very engaging and insightful and you really do have a calming presence (though I'm sure you've heard this a million times) :) :)
Wow what you said at 2 hit me close. I do have a fear of being insignificant or unimportant. Like it doesn't really matter if I show up no one will miss me any way... Hummm... I became very clear all of a sudden.
Very informative, you have such a nice relaxed demeanor and I like the way you speak. Not a lot of um or ah or other hesitation chatter. You are an authentic person, something we INFP’s prize in ourselves and appreciate in others. You commented on the guy who asked your age and you said you are 35 but like 25. I agree you look younger but you express yourself as more mature than 35. Perhaps the desire to understand ourselves works that way for some INFP’s. If you keep talking, I’ll keep listening. Carry on and keep making these nice posts.
I'm an enneagram 9. Recently took the meyers briggs assessment and am INFP. To realize my life decisions, sacrifices, risks are just a product of my personality type, and really not a meaning-of-life spiritual journey makes my whole life seem like a false narrative. Pretty depressing.
it really isn't just a product of your personality type - the tricky thing with personality types is that you tend to think it is what defines you - but it's not. It's just a description of who you are, but it isn't WHO you are. I hope you're getting what I'm trying to say: anyway, your life IS a meaning-of-life spiritual journey; it may just be explained in a way such as personalities, but in reality the personality is the result of your spiritual journey, not the cause. That's the difference: your spiritual journey is what may have brought you to your personality now. Not the other way around. Life is meaningful and yours is not at all a false narrative. :)
These videos are scary because I feel SEEN. Like I don’t outwardly show that I do a lot but there’s so much going on in my mind all the time. I’m working on outlining a project before I really start and I have a lot of stuff written down in my notes. A few days ago I literally spent hours (disjointed and distractedly, leaving and coming back) to reorganize all of them. So that bit with the making the notes pretty with bullet points and bolding was so on point and I got freaked out. But I guess it’s comforting to know it’s not just me and other people understand the struggle of half finished projects and being easily caught up in what’s going on in our heads. This is really good. Thank you!
Loved this video. It makes sense that you gravitate towards a 9 being that you live in another country. I definitely felt that my whole life living in an area where I was part of a small minority group where I had to blend in almost as a means of “social survival”. Now that I live in an area where I’m in a majority group, it’s like the opposite-now I identify and enjoy feeling like the “different/special” one 😂
I‘m a 19 years old INFP and it seems to me that I’m in a season of changing from a 4 to a 9. 🤔 I used to feel very different and had lots of sad thoughts... I‘m working on some stuff at the moment and found joy while doing so.
I'm a 9 who thought I was a 4 for a little while at first. Just throwing this out there--I wonder if your in the same boat as me and you've been a 9 all along? All INFPs have sad thoughts and are prone to depression, myself included. Part of the reason 9s seek and create peace I think is to minimize the pain they sense around them and feel themselves. 9s tend to blend in, and take on traits of other types. "The only type the 9 is not like is the 9 itself." So happy to hear your finding joy in your life! I hope you continue down that road
This is exactly what I'm feeling right now! I used to think that I'm a 4w5 but now I'm much more happier, trying to find happiness in the little things in life :)
I'm an INFP and was trying to figure out if i was 4 or 9 so this was really helpful! you helped me confirm that i'm more so a 4, but i still resonate with a lot of 9's qualities too. :)
Thank you for your perspective on this. Very helpful. Especially when you said 9s have a tendency to back out. That really solidified it for me. Glad I stumbled upon your channel. Thank you for sharing
I'm an enneagram 4 but I don't think I envy other people, and I find it very toxic to do so, if I ever envy someone a little bit I think about it as something that is not fair and that person doesn't deserve to have someone being toxic in that way with them. I used to envy more when I was younger but I kind of felt kids around me did it more and in a very unhealthy way that I realized I hated that emotion for the most part Though I think people aren't perfect so they can feel envy but they should at least try to not damage others and themselves by doing so and they should try to understand why they feel that way
I see so much of myself in you and relate to 9w1, although I'm a 4w5. You have a soothing voice just as I'm told I have too. You are spot on btw with your understanding at the 17:40 mark about equanimity with 4s. I just went through this process and was aware of it.
I feel I resonate with both. I start so many projects and never complete them but then i feel useless because I can’t complete one task. At least I know i need to push myself to focus on one task! But i can feel that would be a struggle.... Thanks so much.
Just came across this video, amongst your others. Thanks for a clear explanation of 4 (I’m an INFP 4w5) , you more clearly articulate why I think and behave certain ways. Only thing is: I wasn’t the child to try to get negative attention, in fact I tried to fade in the background at home and “open up” at school. Maybe it’s more my personal situation?
This was super informative and really helped me understand each type better. I’ve been teetering between 4 and 9 for yeaarrsss. Everytime I finally resonate with one of them well enough to settle on a type, another description/test/video will tell me otherwise. I identify 50/50 with both, which annoys me because I have a need to define myself, like I did with MBTI. With everything you said though, it made it even harder to determine my type, because it all resonated with me. I’m super confused....
Not sure what I can say to help besides think really hard about the overall pattern of your life. For me, I had several clear memories of me telling myself that I would do everything I could to not cause people any more discomfort and break the peace. Also, I thought I was a 4 because I didn’t resonate with the anger of 9... until I started keeping track of how many times in 1 day that I get angry (inside). Stupid stuff like people being oblivious to things around them really does piss me off, but I thought that because I never expressed it and was a peaceful man that I was not angry. I also avoided angry people at all costs... Lots of things that formed the pattern for me.
Geek Psychology I relate to this answer too. On the latest test I scored 12 on 4, and 11.7 on 9. Is there some definitive agreement that you can’t be two enneagram types? Specifically these two Anywho thanks for distilling this info
I’m a 4w5, used to be mistyped as a 9, I was really scared of being different, I feel so lonely for feeling different that I wanted to push that down and ended up having a lot of identity crisis...
Being an infp 4w5, this video made me feel VERY SPECIAL lol 😂! Honestly it did slap me in the face by allowing me to see myself in the mirror (a RARE, if ever experienced time for me) through your explanations of the even MORE complex examples of mbti+enneagram. Like I’m literally smh at how chillingly ACCURATE you where! So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me in a way at SEE MYSELF (#FiAuthenticity #PersonalityHackers). The 9 vs 4 explanations clarified my OBSESSIVE QUESTIONS over what mbti type I am. It’s been 6 years since Iv taken the mbti test and since then, MBTI has been ALL I CAN FOCUS ON DAY IN AND DAY OUT! I can say mbti has been an ADDICTION racing through my head almost in ALL of my internal thoughts never lapsing more then 10-20 mins to where I’m trying to “FIND MY IDENTITY”! I’m exhausted. This video was the FIRST that EVER just answer ALL OF MY QUESTIONS and Obsessions over my type. You have no idea how helpful this was for me. Like I’m in tears helpful. It’s almost like live w something you KNOW ISNT RIGHT and everyone and everything inside of of me tells me I’m WRONG when that ONE PERSON FINALLY tells you they can see the problem and I was RIGHT!!! That I’m not crazy or just plain STUPID and that I should “JUST GET OVER IT and JUST FORGET ABOUT IT”…… I almost feel like infps have the mind of someone who has been in a cult or something. Some infps seem like they are playing a role in a ‘cultish’ type environment. One INFP is the scapegoat or lost child (infp 4), or the other INFP is the golden child or the codependent (infp 9). I hope that made sense lol. Anyways thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏻
yeah my mindset has been, don't try to fit in if you are unique, it helps you find yourself instead of suppressing yourself. of course i was extremely lost as a smaller child, being very much a social chameleon and losing any sense of self that i had. im an INFP and when i took the enneagram had 4, 9 and I think 2, in that order.
I think I was a 4 in my younger days while I was in middle school and high school, but I think I’ve slowly transitioned into a 9. I don’t think I’m 100% there yet because I still see 4 tendencies, but I definitely identify with both as well. I wonder if most INFPs are this way.
+Chelsee Kathleen I think I mentioned the same thing about myself. Maybe not in this video. I think Fi just feels lost a lot and will often gravitate towards 4-like tendencies. But if you think about it like s country or the world, where you’re from (actual type) and where you like to visit sometimes have a different impact on you. Where you’re from probably has a deeper connection to your world view / fixation.
Yeah. It was my attempt to explain tritype’s feeling of “going to other types” with an analogy. I really feel like I understand 4 and 5, but they don’t have the connection like I have with 9 based on my fixation and the deeply hurried anger.
Thank you for clearing up the misconceptions and differences! I always get mistyped as a Type 9 which is such a compliment, imo! Haha. I can see how I might look like a Type 9 because I’m super accommodating and lazy as hell on the surface. But there’s this deep internal lack/shame I feel that makes me very distinct from a 9! Such a great video! Your tone and mannerisms just exude 9 energy and I love that! ☺️
I'm an infp and have struggled to find my placement in the enneagram. I tested as a 5 but resonated more with 5 and 9. The struggle is real 😂Thanks for sharing!!!
So I get INFP 9w8 on test, and I can totally see the fear of isolation or losing contact. That stems from trauma in my past (for context not for sob story, I orphaned at 17). I’m constantly at a weird dynamic in that I need independence and alone time, but I also need meaningful interaction with people. I guess that’s not so uncommon, but for me my circle is small which means I cherish them. But since I don’t socialize much with others aside from that circle, I’m in a situation where I can overwhelm them with interaction 😂. Also yes 9 can get violent, if pushed hard enough, I am aware of that myself and do my best not to get to that place. Kudos on the video, good insights for sure. You got a great voice btw, you should do read overs for extra cash.
I'm 4w3 INFP feeling not fitting in as I'm. As my 3wing drives me to action, some test defined me as a Enfj, but I never felt like that, when I read about Enfj.
thank for you this insightful video. i am an infp 9w1. i strongly relate/agree to your video. when you are introspecting it is nice to be reminded about this things. looking back i think i have transitioned from a 4 to a 9.
I have the same story of being in my 7th grade social science class and crying because of my parents' divorce. But when my friend asked what was wrong, I just told them about the divorce. I like your response better. lol
I'm biased as 4w5 (5w4, 1w9), but now I'd love to see your take on 1 and 5 in INFP. If you did 3 as well, I think you'd've covered all the common INFP wings.
I think I act more like a 9 in my friend groups because they are all infj/4 and I have to communicate for them but alone I act more like a 4 (cuz I can 🤷♀️).
What I find so interesting is that a lot of people seem to find Ne doms and enneagram 9 to be incompatible with each other. I’m an ENFP and identify a little more with 4 than 9 but I still see a TONNN of 9 qualities in myself so I find that Ne doms pair well with 9s personally.
For the INFP 4 maybe instead of being special, it may be more like " see, look at this, I am worthy". I acted this out with my mother especially. Thanks for the insight about both 9 and 4.
Enneagangsta I would say I lean towards struggling with pushing my needs down, making myself smaller to give space to other people do they will be happy and being nervous about sharing my opinions in situations because I dont want to stir things up then I end up eventually blowing up when I can no longer contain the pressure. So ridiculously frustrating....
This is a great question. Nearly all of the INFPs I’ve met have experienced trauma at a young age and I’ve often wondered if that’s what makes them and INFP because it seems to be such a common trait.
I think INFPs are more prone to emotional abuse, since they are very naive, but that doesn't mean you need abuse to be an INFP. Other types also go through this kind of stuff, they will just deal with it in a different way. For example, an INTJ may become very avoidant after going through emotional abuse, while an INFP may become more anxious and develop a fear of abandonment.
Watching you makes me realise how dreamy INFP 9s are, i know an INFP 4 and his almost hypo active then he crashes and becomes mr super lazy haha so different then a 9..
As an INFP 9w8, I have a lot of inner conflict because I want peace, both inner and outer, but my eight wing really does weigh in heavily on that violent behavior you touched on. When I get mad at those in my family, I get agressive and start fights. I shout and become physical, etc. and it makes the mediator/peaceseeking part of me just... not feel good
a four think that everybody is unique, but that not everybody are conscious and want to ‘’live’’ and ‘’discover’’ it. Maybe for fear, or for laziness or for their values (for example is more important that I am useful and compatible to the society than that I am really myself…). I don’t know… But what I know is that sometimes being in the surface, feel less conflicts inside would be nice…
The way I tell the difference is that the 9 is a gut/body/anger type, whereas the 4 is a shame type. The 4 is always struggling with feelings of shame, whereas the 9 is always repressing anger that seeps out in tiny little ways. And the 9 has a body that has a grounded energy- grounded in the Earth.
Watching this helped me to see I have a stronger 9 than 4. I am not sure what my dominant is. I believe I relate to 954 but unsure of order. I relate to the pushing down part. I struggle with this its so automatic in me. I push down or minimize my feelings opinions or needs. I am just getting to the point where Im seeing the need to change. I feel like my personality is so fluid. Like I can so many different people but who is the real me? Example: shopping for clothes, I have no style. When i shop I stand there looking at clothes and I can see myself in almost all of it, but whats the real me? I usually walk away with nothing.. its so weird does anyone else do this? Thanks for the video INFP here....
Yeah I love the ability to see all the different perspectives except when it comes to having to make decisions:) then it feels like wading thru tar!!!! What you are saying makes perfect sense to me... Thanks for all your videos you have good insights
Oooo I just had a thought if Fi is about seeing all the many different perspectives then do we need to settle with one style or one way of being or do we embrace the multifacetedness of ourselves?
Im an INFP enneagram 4, and my whole life, the most important thing for me was to find my identity, understand why i felt the way i felt, who i am and to live by my true self. I remmember during school, trying to fit in many groups and always feeling so out of place. Also ive always felt so misunderstood, and i still do, people dont understand me or my way of seeing life (they usually think its weird), but today i kind of decided that i would rather be alone, than with people who dont understand me or make me grow. And about the melancholy part, its so real hahaha ive always felt like i would be unhappy for the rest of my life, because it feels like there's always missing something, that i dont really know what it is. But finding people who think the same way i do makes me happy haha i feel more understood!
I understand!
I’m the same as you man
SAME. I can relate to everything you mentioned
Same here 😌
Same! I felt your words on a deep level
I'm a 4w5 (supposedly). The Ni critic is savage. I don't feel special, I feel defective and that is fed by being criticised constantly for not having my life together or a clear idea of where I want to go or want to do. I certainly feel the Envy of other people who make it look so easy by comparison, who have been able to develop talents and skills because they aren't crushed by the deluge of crippling self-doubt, which in turn lends validity to the criticism I've received.
Wow yes, I can see that for an infp 4w5, or even myself in one way, but more in the past. Still causing issues though.
Sounds like you might be in the Social instinctual variant (subtype).
Can i say i'm facing the same challenge as you?
@@masayus.166 Same here!
same!
One thing I've always struggle with being an INFP 9w1 is that I crave for human interaction, but because I'm such an introvert who is socially awkward, my laziness also kicks in and I end up not accommodating to those needs. Which makes it more awkward because I hesitate while trying to initiate the first move. Also, I feel uncomfortable when people around me fight. I hate the tension and tell them I just want peace.
omg me. I messaged my friends to feel secure then left it after they answered BUT then I feel horrible so I answer then
Omg are u me???????
Hey... I am always here and so are others in this comment section. If you need anyone to connect with I am here... you can message me. I almost always have something to talk about!
Omg this is so me, I've gotta a little 4 in me but when people talk about the infp ghosting people/disappearing and I just can't ghost or why you would want to (kinda like I wouldn't want to ghosted so why would I do that to someone else) so it led me to wonder if I was an INFP.
I'm a 9w8 but I definitely relate to thisss
I'm an INFP 9.... but I resonate a LOT with the 4s also 5s, in fact I tend to test as a 5 which is odd. This was very interesting!
Fellow INFP 9 here and I test as a 5 a lot. My theory for me personally is that it happens because I am trying to make myself appear 5ish to compensate for my lack of competency at Te. According to the enneagram institute 9 description 9s are kind of the chameleons of the Enneagram and can embody or masqurade as all of the other types "The only type a 9 is not like is the 9 itself."
Also weirdly when I first heard of the Enneagram i thought I was a 4 because I am empathetic and feel out of touch and out of place in the world. The 4 descriptions match the stereotypical INFP also so that didn't help. I took a test though and it typed me as a 9--the 4 wasn't even in second or third place alternative in my results. I was shocked. 9 didn't resonate at all! Then I came back a few days later to reread it after giving it some thought and the second read made me angry. Then I knew, haha.
SAME
@@thegnome73 EXACTLY HOLY SHIT
@@thegnome73 I was literally denial being a 9 and relate more to 4 and 5 but I cried right away while listening to the 9 song, thats where I know my denial just emphasized how much of a 9 I am
Im an infp 4 (469) and i tested initially as a 5 too 😄👍
“If you’re a 9 you might pour yourself into non-meaningful projects and delay what really matters.”
Literally AS I’m making homemade paper soap for the end of the world.
Laurissa Boman hahaha! I feel that. I wish I could know a 9w infp. I'm a 4w5 it's tough to identify a 9!
@@andytheindividual3862 9 INFP here!
Laurissa Boman welp. You're truly the first! You're a blessing to the world you know that?
@@andytheindividual3862 I cry more over other people's problems than my own. Haha. I don't know if that's a good thing.
Laurissa Boman it sounds like you have an extreme understanding of empathy! Do you find sacrifice the greatest form of love ?
Mine is definitely 4, growing up I hate that how my mom always compared me to her friend's kids, tried to "generalize" me with other kids and not being able to see who I really am.
getting compared to others is the worse 😔 i hear you Im 4 too
Totally me being compared hurts me too. I ended up writing a poem on how I feel when I am criticised or compared to someone else and now I have even started to criticise myself. I am infp-t 4w5
I'm a 4 too and I have been compared to someone younger than me who also happens to be an Infp too. It's really frustrating. 😩
I have no idea what a 4 or a 9 is, but I do know that this man has a beautiful heart and that I feel like he's explaining exactly what's been going on in my head all these years. I'm so happy I found this channel today.
That’s very kind of you ^^ and welcome!
The Enneagram is another personality type system. It can be really helpful!
You said something that really resonated with me for INFP 4, about creating problems to feel alive. Wow I intentionally sabotage a lot to feel like my world is ending and get some emotional high. Thanks for that insight!
It’s kinda cringe of us but why is it kinda addicting 😭😂
Lol I feel like this video is a good example of a 9, the way he tries to convey the message, very peaceful, empowering, including as many perspectives and viewpoints as possible, this video is wonderful, very peaceful haha
I'm a infp 9w1 and now I can understand why I am 9.
We were a family of 4, with a sister. My father love my sister very, very much. My mother wanted to be loved by my father, so everything he says, goes. My sister was always trying to seek the attention of everyone, so I learned to just exist.
My opinion was never expressed and I felt like I was a wall or living on the other side of the mirror. If, for some reason, something leaked out, my sister used her manipulations so no one could listen. One memory that I think about a lot is me saying that "for a family like this, it needs to much tai chi". (This phrase kind of rimes in my native language) And it's so true. The more I think, the more true I find. I had to have a LOT patience and letting me be absorbed by the walls and not being truly there, to survive my years there. If I'm a ghost, no one will disturb me, because I didn't did nothing.
I think that unlike the MBTI, the enneagram takes into consideration that people in a certain number can either be healthy or unhealthy in their number type, which makes some 4’s be totally different from each other. Also, the enneagram gives you the flexibility to be like other numbers in different situations like the 4 being an unhealthy 2 in stress. The mbti to me is very 2-d but the enneagram is super 3-d and is way more personalized. At the end of the day if we see what each way of typing (mbti & enneagram) was created for, the enneagram has more room to grow and it teaches you bring out the best of you. That’s something that I haven’t seen with the mbti just yet, like there are pages that help you know who you are but not really to work through the worst in their type. Omfg this is so long but I just read a book about the enneagram and had to say it 😂
So true! Like I think healthy 4's can sometimes look more like 9's....for example a healthy 4 will I think tend toward a more holistic way of being.....sometimes it's easiest to identify your type when you can think about times in your life where you were a mess....or a teenager lol.
“If you’re a 9 you might pour yourself into non-meaningful projects and delay what really matters.” Me organizing my pinterest folders... :D Looks pretty tho haha.
I suffer for other people... I often find myself feeling sad because of my mother's life. :c
Anyway I do relate to both 4 and 9 haha.
Polly
Same
I'm an INFP 4w3. My sweetheart and my bestie are both INFP 9w1s. I am like their evil twin hahahaha (in my defense, I lived with an ENTJ for many years and a touch of that rubbed off on me). Anyway, we work together so well. Those 9s are such loveable humans omg :')
They constantly inspire me to be a better human.
Thanks for the video, you have a beautiful energy and good information.
I'm an INFP 4 and I do get to think a lot that I just seem not to fit in any crowd. There's also this constant urge to aim for the ultimate or to leave some sort of legacy. And it's true that I tend to question myself a lot of times if I'm good enough or will I ever be good enough, and it's this constant questioning especially when it's connected with work that often causes stress
Wow, how accurate. I took the tests and found out I am an INFP 4-w9,5
I’m half Native American/Caucasian. My father left my mom, sister and I when I was 3 or 4 yrs old. I struggled in elementary school with fitting in. It was more comfortable to just fade out of sight, or blend in till I’d disappear. Yet I foster a burning desire to achieve some kind of prominence. I struggle severely with indecision, consistency, and motivation. A balanced life is my Dream. I seek to be genuinely interested in other people’s concerns, because it’s more comfortable to just not care and move on.
Definitely a 9 here haha. Took the test a year ago and cried after listening to the song by asleep at last, then stumbled upon this!
me being an INFP-T with 99% Type 4 and 98% Type 9: "Hmmmm...interesting..."
I can empathize. .the vanity, the emptiness, the struggle for the need to envelop something, the anxieties and depression... But my deep solution to this is seeking the truth of life, how are we created, what's the inner purpose, is the bible truthful in its declaration of the Redeemer, what's the history behind every different doctrines, what is the Restoration Movement? By figuring this series of anagrams in history will get u closer to knowing the full meaning of life.
amen.
Amen
Thanks for another great video! I've been wondering about exactly this topic."*Everybody* is special..." As a very fourish 4, my instant response to that is to say that you're right, but that 4s are special in a special way. :-) The positive aspect is that I've always felt like I have creative and perceptive abilities that not everyone has. On the negative side, it *really* seems like everyone else is in on some big secret about how to make life work. Part of my "specialness" as a 4 is that I don't have that info -- I'm defective. If I were living in a different kind of world, I think I could live a great life with the gifts that I have. In this world, though, I can't seem to find a community and a context where what I have to give is valued. Maybe part of the 4 curse is that we can see so clearly how things COULD be -- but they aren't, and it feels unjust.
Most of enneagram tests i take says that 4 & 9 are the closest to me and when i searched it it said that 4w9 is not even possible so I'll just sit there and be frustrated
Lol mines the same
I’m 4-w9
The mistyping section on the enneagram institute's types description really helped me to figure which one I was - a very creative 9
Hahaha same here too
Im 9w4 lol
I am a 9, but I definitely take on the emotions of others like a 4. I find that I go numb when thinking about myself and my problems, but I feel the pain of others going through hardship deeply as well. I want to keep the balance within myself, but also in the world around me as well.
I’m an INFP/J 4w5 and my twin’s an INFP 9, we’re very similar except on our relationship with conflict (he avoids it obv, I’m ok with it, sometimes find it fun even)
I am learning new words. What does conflict mean
Very informative but I still don't know if I'm truly a 4 or a 9 since I relate to a lot of things from each😔
Miryam Galvez by this response, 9
Same. I tied for 4 and 9 on the 144 question test on enneagram institute website. I read both and I'd say they're about equally relatable... How do you feel about it now?
I can now say for certain that I am a 4. I took a workshop that explained how each number broke down in different aspects and found out that I'm truly a 4 and not a 9
@@miryam8624 Which workshop? I'd love to check it out :)
@@xInfisphere It was a workshop provided through my school. We had a speaker who is very knowledgeable about the Enneagram and each type. Although I forgot their name we did receive a book called "The Road Back To You" which I recommend if you're still unsure of your type
Once again you blow me away with your insight. 100% accurate and I say this as an ENFP 4 who was in a long term relationship with an INFP 9w1
w00t. Thanks. As an INFP 9w1 that’s the ONLY thing I feel half qualified to talk about lol. My best friend for 10 years was an ENFP 7... so that’s second?
@@GeekPsychologyI'm also an INFP 9 and feel very unqualified to talk about most things and underqualified to talk about the things I know the most about. Sometimes I push through and talk anyway and feel kind of 3ish, like I'm putting on a show of being an expert when I did all of the research the night before. Would you be willing to do a video on this particular topic? It's icky and uncomfortable but it might be helpful for us INFP 9s. I know it would help me to feel less alone in this experience. Thanks for your content :)
When you talk about 4s and envy... could be possible to be separated not from your father/mother but other people more in general? Because when I was a child I was bullied by some girls and now, more than 10 years later, I have a strange relationship with women my age... actually I feel envy and some sort of inferiority complex. Does it makes any sense? (And sorry for getting personal, hahahha).
Yeah I’d assume so. I think the “mother/father” is just a conceptualIzation of whatever “family” you were in.
If you’re sure you’re an INFP and not an INTx, check out opposing hero (5th function) extraverted Feeling. Statistically, most women are FJs, so you’d probably feel resistance and disagreement with that way of life.
Sure, envy would lead to feeling like you’re inferior... or maybe the opposite.
Geek Psychology
Oh, thank you! :)
I'm definitely not an intx xD I'm practically sure I'm an infp. So it actually makes sense, rejecting somehow the Fe... now that I think about it one of the worse experience I ever had with someone was actually with a enfj girl...
Wow, this is a bit of an aha moment for me. Something similar happened in my childhood, although I never fully made a connection with that to these feelings that I've always struggled with...until now.
I do introjection a lot as an INFP 4w5, really just taking other people’s emotions makes me feel so terrible sometimes cause it prevents me from helping other people cause I also break down when they do.
Fellow INFP here and I do feel like 9, 4 and 5 resonate with me as well, the enneagram is really lntriguing me more and more, your energy really resonates with me too ( not to mention we are both with a Judger woman haha )
Anyways I really enjoy your videos man, being french I notice that you make your english really easy and simple to understand, kudos for that btw keep killing it dude 👌🏽💯
This is something I've been going back and forth on ever since I first learned about Enneagram. Most people online typed me as a 9, but I think I'm actually a 4 for the following reasons:
1. Even as far back as elementary & middle school, I have always struggled with that feeling of "not quite fitting in", or not being on the same wavelength as everybody else. Whenever I've tried to explain why I feel so strongly about something, or tried to say something like "I am this & that, and therefore you shouldn't do that", people have tended to just look at me like I'm from Saturn & have blue skin.
2. Even though I am very conflict avoidant and appear calm outwardly, I almost never actually feel calm inwardly. I find it hard to really detach from my emotions as such. If I'm with people who I trust enough to open up to, I have no problems with stating my opinion about things forcefully.
3. I relate much more to the Frustration triad than the Relational triad.
4. Unlike 9s who tend to focus on others' needs much more than their own, I've developed an intense preoccupation with my own inner world. I have no real problems acknowledging the good in others, but I am reluctant to see the merit in embracing them. If the INFP way is the best way, than the ESTP way or the ESTJ way is, by default, not as good.
Here's my perspective on this (the first clue that I'm a nine should be seem by the fact that I'm procrastinating while watching this video):( :
1) For a long time, I was trying to guess if my tritype was 594 or 954. Now I landed on the latter
2) I learned this from a video by Jennifer Howard, who was differentiating between a 5 and a 9: She said that for a nine, their deep seated fear is that they are irrelevant, that they are not good enough, so they avoid conflict, not because they're wimps but because they don't want to confront something that will confirm their deep seated fear. (I was on the verge of tears when I heard that, which put the nail on the coffin that I'm probably a nine xD).
3) For me, I definitely struggle with anger- but I'm mostly terrified of what I could do to OTHER people if I actually expressed my anger. As you know, us INFPs can easily let our imagination go into overdrive and imagine all sorts of dark things
4) I always test as a five on the enneagram test because I am passionate about gaining knowledge, prioritize objective truth and I do enjoy debating, but it didn't seem right for a couple of reasons (not the brightest bulb, far too conflict avoidant, etc.)
5) I didn't think I was a nine because it said that nines never express their individual opinions, fear separation (not really) and are extremely easy going and lack an identity. Personally, I am extremely independent and self sufficient. However, I'm also very lazy and quite conflict avoidant, so that's why I considered being a nine. (Then again, I think that the nine is subjected to the most negative stereotypes and nines, being who they are, don't oppose it).
I could keep going on and on, but I would end up just writing a book xD.
I absolutely love your videos, they're very engaging and insightful and you really do have a calming presence (though I'm sure you've heard this a million times) :) :)
Wow what you said at 2 hit me close. I do have a fear of being insignificant or unimportant. Like it doesn't really matter if I show up no one will miss me any way...
Hummm... I became very clear all of a sudden.
Very informative, you have such a nice relaxed demeanor and I like the way you speak. Not a lot of um or ah or other hesitation chatter. You are an authentic person, something we INFP’s prize in ourselves and appreciate in others. You commented on the guy who asked your age and you said you are 35 but like 25. I agree you look younger but you express yourself as more mature than 35. Perhaps the desire to understand ourselves works that way for some INFP’s. If you keep talking, I’ll keep listening. Carry on and keep making these nice posts.
I'm an enneagram 9. Recently took the meyers briggs assessment and am INFP. To realize my life decisions, sacrifices, risks are just a product of my personality type, and really not a meaning-of-life spiritual journey makes my whole life seem like a false narrative. Pretty depressing.
it really isn't just a product of your personality type - the tricky thing with personality types is that you tend to think it is what defines you - but it's not. It's just a description of who you are, but it isn't WHO you are. I hope you're getting what I'm trying to say: anyway, your life IS a meaning-of-life spiritual journey; it may just be explained in a way such as personalities, but in reality the personality is the result of your spiritual journey, not the cause.
That's the difference: your spiritual journey is what may have brought you to your personality now. Not the other way around. Life is meaningful and yours is not at all a false narrative. :)
When I get stressed out I hit my hand on the table and throw stuff against the wall ..You are spot on
Be careful!
These videos are scary because I feel SEEN. Like I don’t outwardly show that I do a lot but there’s so much going on in my mind all the time. I’m working on outlining a project before I really start and I have a lot of stuff written down in my notes. A few days ago I literally spent hours (disjointed and distractedly, leaving and coming back) to reorganize all of them. So that bit with the making the notes pretty with bullet points and bolding was so on point and I got freaked out. But I guess it’s comforting to know it’s not just me and other people understand the struggle of half finished projects and being easily caught up in what’s going on in our heads. This is really good. Thank you!
Loved this video. It makes sense that you gravitate towards a 9 being that you live in another country. I definitely felt that my whole life living in an area where I was part of a small minority group where I had to blend in almost as a means of “social survival”. Now that I live in an area where I’m in a majority group, it’s like the opposite-now I identify and enjoy feeling like the “different/special” one 😂
My test scores are always tied and so are the wings. 4w5 and 9w1. 🤷🏻♀️ Same happens with INFJ and INFP scores. It’s frustrating.
Have you researched deeply into the cognitive functions and/or the Enneagram fixations?
This is very insightful and accurate. As an INFP 4 it really resonated with my search for identity and authenticity! Thank you
+Andrea Edgar w00t. Happy to connect.
I‘m a 19 years old INFP and it seems to me that I’m in a season of changing from a 4 to a 9. 🤔 I used to feel very different and had lots of sad thoughts... I‘m working on some stuff at the moment and found joy while doing so.
I'm a 9 who thought I was a 4 for a little while at first. Just throwing this out there--I wonder if your in the same boat as me and you've been a 9 all along? All INFPs have sad thoughts and are prone to depression, myself included. Part of the reason 9s seek and create peace I think is to minimize the pain they sense around them and feel themselves. 9s tend to blend in, and take on traits of other types. "The only type the 9 is not like is the 9 itself."
So happy to hear your finding joy in your life! I hope you continue down that road
This is exactly what I'm feeling right now! I used to think that I'm a 4w5 but now I'm much more happier, trying to find happiness in the little things in life :)
INFP type 9, we are the biggest weirdos
Where are my dudes?
I'm an INFP and was trying to figure out if i was 4 or 9 so this was really helpful! you helped me confirm that i'm more so a 4, but i still resonate with a lot of 9's qualities too. :)
Thank you for your perspective on this. Very helpful. Especially when you said 9s have a tendency to back out. That really solidified it for me. Glad I stumbled upon your channel. Thank you for sharing
Black out... yeah. It’s been a long journey just to tune in a bit.
I'm an enneagram 4 but I don't think I envy other people, and I find it very toxic to do so, if I ever envy someone a little bit I think about it as something that is not fair and that person doesn't deserve to have someone being toxic in that way with them.
I used to envy more when I was younger but I kind of felt kids around me did it more and in a very unhealthy way that I realized I hated that emotion for the most part
Though I think people aren't perfect so they can feel envy but they should at least try to not damage others and themselves by doing so and they should try to understand why they feel that way
You are brilliant, keep up the good work🤗. You have an amazing soothing voice by the way
I see so much of myself in you and relate to 9w1, although I'm a 4w5. You have a soothing voice just as I'm told I have too. You are spot on btw with your understanding at the 17:40 mark about equanimity with 4s. I just went through this process and was aware of it.
I feel I resonate with both. I start so many projects and never complete them but then i feel useless because I can’t complete one task. At least I know i need to push myself to focus on one task! But i can feel that would be a struggle.... Thanks so much.
I keep switching between: special and flawed, as a 4!
Just came across this video, amongst your others. Thanks for a clear explanation of 4 (I’m an INFP 4w5) , you more clearly articulate why I think and behave certain ways. Only thing is: I wasn’t the child to try to get negative attention, in fact I tried to fade in the background at home and “open up” at school. Maybe it’s more my personal situation?
INFP and 9w1 here. Yep I should be working right now, but I just spent a couple hours watching anime😂😂😂
Great video! I'm an INFP, enneagram 9 :)
This was super informative and really helped me understand each type better. I’ve been teetering between 4 and 9 for yeaarrsss. Everytime I finally resonate with one of them well enough to settle on a type, another description/test/video will tell me otherwise. I identify 50/50 with both, which annoys me because I have a need to define myself, like I did with MBTI. With everything you said though, it made it even harder to determine my type, because it all resonated with me. I’m super confused....
Not sure what I can say to help besides think really hard about the overall pattern of your life. For me, I had several clear memories of me telling myself that I would do everything I could to not cause people any more discomfort and break the peace.
Also, I thought I was a 4 because I didn’t resonate with the anger of 9... until I started keeping track of how many times in 1 day that I get angry (inside). Stupid stuff like people being oblivious to things around them really does piss me off, but I thought that because I never expressed it and was a peaceful man that I was not angry. I also avoided angry people at all costs...
Lots of things that formed the pattern for me.
Geek Psychology hmmm okay, I’ll try to keep the tendencies of each on my mind throughout my day and look more closely for patterns. Thank you!
Best of luck :)
Geek Psychology I relate to this answer too. On the latest test I scored 12 on 4, and 11.7 on 9. Is there some definitive agreement that you can’t be two enneagram types? Specifically these two
Anywho thanks for distilling this info
Same. I feel both. I'm so confused
I’m a 4w5, used to be mistyped as a 9, I was really scared of being different, I feel so lonely for feeling different that I wanted to push that down and ended up having a lot of identity crisis...
How’d you find out your were mistyped? Did you take the test again? Glad you figured it out. Sorry for what you went though in crisis
Being an infp 4w5, this video made me feel VERY SPECIAL lol 😂! Honestly it did slap me in the face by allowing me to see myself in the mirror (a RARE, if ever experienced time for me) through your explanations of the even MORE complex examples of mbti+enneagram.
Like I’m literally smh at how chillingly ACCURATE you where!
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me in a way at SEE MYSELF (#FiAuthenticity #PersonalityHackers).
The 9 vs 4 explanations clarified my OBSESSIVE QUESTIONS over what mbti type I am. It’s been 6 years since Iv taken the mbti test and since then,
MBTI has been ALL I CAN FOCUS ON DAY IN AND DAY OUT! I can say mbti has been an ADDICTION racing through my head almost in ALL of my internal thoughts never lapsing more then 10-20 mins to where I’m trying to “FIND MY IDENTITY”!
I’m exhausted. This video was the FIRST that EVER just answer ALL OF MY QUESTIONS and Obsessions over my type.
You have no idea how helpful this was for me. Like I’m in tears helpful. It’s almost like live w something you KNOW ISNT RIGHT and everyone and everything inside of of me tells me I’m WRONG when that ONE PERSON FINALLY tells you they can see the problem and I was RIGHT!!! That I’m not crazy or just plain STUPID and that I should “JUST GET OVER IT and JUST FORGET ABOUT IT”……
I almost feel like infps have the mind of someone who has been in a cult or something. Some infps seem like they are playing a role in a ‘cultish’ type environment. One INFP is the scapegoat or lost child (infp 4), or the other INFP is the golden child or the codependent (infp 9).
I hope that made sense lol. Anyways thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏻
Aww thanks. I’m happy to have helped you find some solace in knowing your type and knowing that you’re not alone ^^
Im an INFP 4w5 dating an INFP 9. I feel our similarities but also our differences, and this video helps me understand these more. Thanks :)
INFP 9w1 here. You describe my inner world perfectly.
Infp 4 here. This is so spot on.
Thanks! I’m happy to hear that it landed :)
yeah my mindset has been, don't try to fit in if you are unique, it helps you find yourself instead of suppressing yourself.
of course i was extremely lost as a smaller child, being very much a social chameleon and losing any sense of self that i had.
im an INFP and when i took the enneagram had 4, 9 and I think 2, in that order.
I think I was a 4 in my younger days while I was in middle school and high school, but I think I’ve slowly transitioned into a 9. I don’t think I’m 100% there yet because I still see 4 tendencies, but I definitely identify with both as well. I wonder if most INFPs are this way.
+Chelsee Kathleen I think I mentioned the same thing about myself. Maybe not in this video. I think Fi just feels lost a lot and will often gravitate towards 4-like tendencies. But if you think about it like s country or the world, where you’re from (actual type) and where you like to visit sometimes have a different impact on you. Where you’re from probably has a deeper connection to your world view / fixation.
Yeah. It was my attempt to explain tritype’s feeling of “going to other types” with an analogy. I really feel like I understand 4 and 5, but they don’t have the connection like I have with 9 based on my fixation and the deeply hurried anger.
Thank you for clearing up the misconceptions and differences! I always get mistyped as a Type 9 which is such a compliment, imo! Haha. I can see how I might look like a Type 9 because I’m super accommodating and lazy as hell on the surface. But there’s this deep internal lack/shame I feel that makes me very distinct from a 9!
Such a great video! Your tone and mannerisms just exude 9 energy and I love that! ☺️
INFP 9 here, although 4 & 5 are right up there. Inner peace and finding purpose are on my bucket list! Thanks for the video!
I'm an infp and have struggled to find my placement in the enneagram. I tested as a 5 but resonated more with 5 and 9. The struggle is real 😂Thanks for sharing!!!
I am an INFP-T 4 and the feeling of being misunderstood was always so common to what I felt.
I'm glad you made this! You have explained it so very well. I am new to this and I am definitely both but more so the 4..
Thanks! Glad it was helpful ^^
Thank you so much for this - INFP type 9w1 here, I feel seen 💛
9s avoid drama. 4s are attracted to drama. Sorted!
11:24 literally me all day today 'planning' things ahead that don't really matter right now while ignoring my deadlines for this week lol
So I get INFP 9w8 on test, and I can totally see the fear of isolation or losing contact. That stems from trauma in my past (for context not for sob story, I orphaned at 17). I’m constantly at a weird dynamic in that I need independence and alone time, but I also need meaningful interaction with people. I guess that’s not so uncommon, but for me my circle is small which means I cherish them. But since I don’t socialize much with others aside from that circle, I’m in a situation where I can overwhelm them with interaction 😂. Also yes 9 can get violent, if pushed hard enough, I am aware of that myself and do my best not to get to that place.
Kudos on the video, good insights for sure. You got a great voice btw, you should do read overs for extra cash.
I'm 4w3 INFP feeling not fitting in as I'm. As my 3wing drives me to action, some test defined me as a Enfj, but I never felt like that, when I read about Enfj.
Omg, I love your hair like this. You’re so handsome and cute ☺️
Years ago
thank for you this insightful video. i am an infp 9w1. i strongly relate/agree to your video. when you are introspecting it is nice to be reminded about this things. looking back i think i have transitioned from a 4 to a 9.
I have the same story of being in my 7th grade social science class and crying because of my parents' divorce. But when my friend asked what was wrong, I just told them about the divorce. I like your response better. lol
I've never heard of this one before, but apparently I'm a 4. heh joy
Makes sense ^^
I'm biased as 4w5 (5w4, 1w9), but now I'd love to see your take on 1 and 5 in INFP. If you did 3 as well, I think you'd've covered all the common INFP wings.
@enneagangsta lol bs, that's not how this works.
I'm fairly sure I'm an INFP 9w1 - Tritype, I think I'm a 946 or 964, unsure
I think I act more like a 9 in my friend groups because they are all infj/4 and I have to communicate for them but alone I act more like a 4 (cuz I can 🤷♀️).
I agree that everybody is special in a certain way, but not everyone can have the same skill-set 4s have.
Hi, how to handle severe mood swing on INFP 4? He keeps “kill” himself....
I hope they are doing ok, I’m the same I have major mood swings but it helps when I talk to people and rationalize my feelings or meditate
Absolutely amazing video and insight you wonderful human being!
INFJ 4w3 here, and my wife is an ISFJ 9w8. This was a good description of both! :)
What I find so interesting is that a lot of people seem to find Ne doms and enneagram 9 to be incompatible with each other. I’m an ENFP and identify a little more with 4 than 9 but I still see a TONNN of 9 qualities in myself so I find that Ne doms pair well with 9s personally.
For the INFP 4 maybe instead of being special, it may be more like " see, look at this, I am worthy". I acted this out with my mother especially. Thanks for the insight about both 9 and 4.
Thanks!
“I am worthy” is a big one, for sure.
I Love this. Any insights regarding isfp 4s and 9s? I feel that a lot of stereotype about isfp is more 9 ish such as easy going, pushover, etc.
Enneagangsta I would say I lean towards struggling with pushing my needs down, making myself smaller to give space to other people do they will be happy and being nervous about sharing my opinions in situations because I dont want to stir things up then I end up eventually blowing up when I can no longer contain the pressure. So ridiculously frustrating....
This is a very useful video, thanks for making it!
what is the relation between trauma and personality? can you change personality by healing your trauma?
healing your trauma doesn't change your personality, it helps you to transcend your personality in areas where it is keeping you down.
This is a great question. Nearly all of the INFPs I’ve met have experienced trauma at a young age and I’ve often wondered if that’s what makes them and INFP because it seems to be such a common trait.
I think INFPs are more prone to emotional abuse, since they are very naive, but that doesn't mean you need abuse to be an INFP. Other types also go through this kind of stuff, they will just deal with it in a different way. For example, an INTJ may become very avoidant after going through emotional abuse, while an INFP may become more anxious and develop a fear of abandonment.
I'm INFP 9w8, my best friend is INFP 4w5. We both have SX instinctual subtypes. We are very similar, and often resemble the other type.
I'm an INFP 1w2 with a tritype 126
So I only experience the negative side of the enneagram 4 and it can be really intense.
this is to accurateee, loved it
growing up as the middle kid who had a school number one as their big sister.... i'm not surprised that i am enneagram 4w5 at all...
You would make an awesome teacher…
Watching you makes me realise how dreamy INFP 9s are, i know an INFP 4 and his almost hypo active then he crashes and becomes mr super lazy haha so different then a 9..
I feel like I do both, but my fears lay mostly with the nines.
I’m an INFP 4w5.
What’s that like?
High five
4w5 here also
Same!
As an INFP 9w8, I have a lot of inner conflict because I want peace, both inner and outer, but my eight wing really does weigh in heavily on that violent behavior you touched on. When I get mad at those in my family, I get agressive and start fights. I shout and become physical, etc. and it makes the mediator/peaceseeking part of me just... not feel good
INFP 9w8 just started watching the video
Interesting I am an infp but I relate to the infj feeling the feelings of the room wow.
I’m INFP 9-2-4 :) love can destroy me :)
INFP 4 Melancholic
So many feels
a four think that everybody is unique, but that not everybody are conscious and want to ‘’live’’ and ‘’discover’’ it. Maybe for fear, or for laziness or for their values (for example is more important that I am useful and compatible to the society than that I am really myself…). I don’t know… But what I know is that sometimes being in the surface, feel less conflicts inside would be nice…
The way I tell the difference is that the 9 is a gut/body/anger type, whereas the 4 is a shame type. The 4 is always struggling with feelings of shame, whereas the 9 is always repressing anger that seeps out in tiny little ways. And the 9 has a body that has a grounded energy- grounded in the Earth.
Watching this helped me to see I have a stronger 9 than 4. I am not sure what my dominant is. I believe I relate to 954 but unsure of order. I relate to the pushing down part. I struggle with this its so automatic in me. I push down or minimize my feelings opinions or needs. I am just getting to the point where Im seeing the need to change. I feel like my personality is so fluid. Like I can so many different people but who is the real me? Example: shopping for clothes, I have no style. When i shop I stand there looking at clothes and I can see myself in almost all of it, but whats the real me? I usually walk away with nothing.. its so weird does anyone else do this? Thanks for the video INFP here....
+Lisa Foster yeah... Fi does that a lot on its own. Fi can see itself in almost anything. Then add Enneagram 9 and it goes over 9000x.
Yeah I love the ability to see all the different perspectives except when it comes to having to make decisions:) then it feels like wading thru tar!!!! What you are saying makes perfect sense to me... Thanks for all your videos you have good insights
Oooo I just had a thought if Fi is about seeing all the many different perspectives then do we need to settle with one style or one way of being or do we embrace the multifacetedness of ourselves?
Sooo interesting I’m a INFP 4W3