Waiting for this one. I'm sitting in the shambles of my house, unable to move. I'm not a hoarder. I've dealt with depression for many years but this is a weird episode. I'm not sad, I don't feel particularly depressed, but I can't get up and do anything, not even a shower. I got out of the hospital after surgery almost 3 weeks ago and I have had 2 showers. I take my meds faithfully. I don't know what else to do.
While listening to this, I am reminded of how often I notice the non-depressed people around me who are functioning normally and are engaged with their lives actually doing things. It somehow opens up or triggers anger within me. How can I be like this? Where might my life have gone if I were never buried in this mental straight jacket? I feel robbed.
@mountaing0y I am in awe of people who get up before the sun and work, go to the store, clean house, make dinner every night, have fun with friends and take a shower every day. I guess I used to But now , I am just keeping house tidy, shower every few days, take care of my pets and take naps. Feels like winter will never end. But I'm doing everything possible to just get through it
Same. On those very very few days I feel sort of up, I think ‘wow, this must be how normal people feel all the time’. I’m 62 and have one of these better days very very infrequently. I wish I knew what the difference was. My life would have been so much better. Still could be better in the future but I still don’t know how to shake it.
"Torments them" perfect description! Knowing what you need to do, not able to do it, and not able to tell you why. And the piles and lists of 'to do' get longer and bigger. Tormented by it all. 😢
I have a sink full of dirty dishes, a fridge full of spoiled food, and I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to work up enough energy to throw out the food and wash the dishes. I will get it done. I’m feeling better after the last several years that were both a physical and emotional struggle due to kidney failure and depression. I’ve had problems with depression since my late teens. For the first time in 6 or 7 years, I can begin to picture myself having a clean house, not having mail piled up everywhere, and the only uncluttered space is one side of my bed that I spend all my time at home in. Everything in your video really describes the struggles I’ve had the last few years. I think I can start turning a corner now. Your videos are excellent. I feel like you describe me better than I can describe myself.
I can relate to this....And, at 59, I don't think it's ever going away. I've also been a self-cutter, suicidal thoughts, etc. Antidepressants haven't worked. Ive been on at least 5. I'm just so tired of living....I'm more or less just existing at this point. It's only for my pet's sake that I'm still here. I also have Ausberger's.
Have you tried kratom, or even heard about it? I was 40 y.o. when I found out about it, and for the first time in my life I actually felt eager to get up in the morning, just to drink this tea and do stuff. It doesn't work for everyone though, but maybe it's worth giving it a try
Was a great time of year for this video! No one coming for Xmas. Honestly, I was glad. No cooking, interactions, cleaning, decorating, etc. I laid in bed or chair 3days. I did a few things but I Know Depression episode because I didn't have to bathe, even wash my face! Did beat myself up some, but the Anxiety was very low. I'm not lazy, just deeply Depressed. Thank you Dr Scott. As always, you hit nail on head.❤
I used to be sooo active. Firefighter in a large city. Traveled the world, Repelled down waterfalls to mountain bike races. Now Im retired and have to force myself to take a shower or check the mailbox. But I do read much more than I used to, and ponder a lot. I now have a better understanding of cosmology, psychology, quantum physics, and buddhism to name a few. I often wonder if I’m depressed or just tired. Maybe there’s a silver lining in all this.
@mattggonzz just gotta find new interests not so physical. I know it's not that easy. I can barely check my mailbox. I usually have my boyfriend get it. I get so nervous and anxious And I take medicine. We will get better when it warms up. Please hang in there with me.
@mattggonzz just lean into your intellectual side more. Try learning a new language, idk ,I'm not in a position to give advice. I'm struggling to. Just maybe time to find new interests. I to am retired. I understand
This video is very enlightening. Over the last 18 months I have been in a state of depression due to family drama and domestic violence against me. I have had months of counseling, yet. I find that I relate to many of the comments here in. My house is in a shambles, I stopped living and my house has become a hoarder's house. I hate it but I can't seem to get out of bed except for the things that I am required to do. I work full-time, feed my cats, and go to bed. I buy food and then don't eat it. I can't tell you how many dollars have been wasted on food that has been allowed to go bad. Maybe it's just the holidays but it's been 5 days since I took a shower or brushed my teeth. I finally showered, etc. I'm not lazy. I'm just barely able to function. Thankfully, for the time being my work is remote and I get out of bed and go sit at my computer. I don't wish this on anybody. To anyone that is experiencing this, I hope that you are able to rise to a better place.
I feel this so hard. And I think I’m lazy. I can’t get off the couch all weekend and I panic when Sunday night comes and I have to pretend to function at work the next morning. Just the thought of showering and getting dressed feels like more than I can handle.
This is so true! My main problem is loneliness. I want to be near my children and grandchildren. I don't really want the company of others. I feel like my life is being wasted.
No plans, nothing to look forward to, no interests, no joy, no energy. Just nothing, emptiness, so I have to admit I'm depressed and that hurts and makes me scared.
I know exactly what you mean. As much as I want to do things and I imagine doing things, I just couldn't be fkd actually doing it... which makes me think that I just don't want it enough, so I'm destined to being home, wandering from room to room doing bits and pieces hoping some spark of excitement comes back because I know I used to enjoy doing stuff
I lived like that for the past 15 years, got diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder last week at 30. It wasn't really that much of a surprise as I was diagnosed at 18 with social anxiety and after fighting with it for about 6 years it finally calcified on me and I just gave up because the ever diminishing returns from trying to correct it finally destroyed what was left from my hope for a better future. The worst part is I'm not even angry anymore When I was angry I was unstable at times but at least I still tried and had some vague hope of improving... A couple of years ago I just couldn't lie to myself anymore, the reality that no matter what I do, i still end up as a 20something playing catch up all the time just destroyed whatever was left of hope for me. I honestly don't know what I'm waking up for anymore, even pursuing random hobbies just for the heck of it doesn't work anymore for me It's a perpetual cycle of regret of never properly launching, apathy and some sadness sprinkled here and there
I also don't feel like waking up in the morning. I don't feel energised. It is like a curse, man. No hope in sight. Been diagnosed with a spectrum of depression, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder and adjustment disorder. Meds or anything I know didn't work out for me. I have given up. I am thinking of alternative healing methods like reiki. I think Biofeedback will be helpful in diagnosing the exact root cause and the remedy.
@@two2truths my problem isn't that i think it's just unique to me, everyone has problems, i get it. The thing is, some solutions have expiration date. There are no "learn to properly socialise, take care of yourself and unfu*k yourself" classes for adults. I feel like i robbed myself from the best time in my life and even worse, like there is no "catching up" really, its just constantly being behind and you don't fit with younger people, you feel off, awkward or like an amusing creature when you try to pursue, for example, higher education for the first time at 30. My problem is that i'm a ghost. No past, no present, no future
@@osanda2313 i don't know. Honestly, you do you if that helps you. I'm not completely throwing in the towel but i seveeeeerely shrinked down my expectations towards life. At this point in my life i just want to make more money to at the very least make this awful life at least more comfortable and more resistant to the perills of ageing. I don't even care about dreams and purpose anymore.
@@regularguy3879True! You're not alone though. I feel like I'm still trying to catch a train that left the station decades ago, and I'm in my forties...
When I am in my deep depressed state, “waste of space” is what I tell myself. Those times where I get things done, they’re few and far between, but I do relish them.
Omg! You hit the nail on the head for me. I just couldn’t put it into words. You’re my hero! You put words to my music- so that I can understand it. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video! All my life I've been told and believed that I'm lazy. Now I know that it's not true. You described me to a T. I don't enjoy or have the energy to do anything anymore. I haven't showered in weeks, although I do freshen up with baby wipes. I haven't left my house in over a month. I didn't even feel happy when my grandchildren came for a visit for Christmas. I have had Major Depressive Disorder my whole life. This current bout of depression has been getting steadily worse for the past several months. I'm starting to think that it's never going to ease up.
As the man said: "You've been reading my mail." I don't call myself "lazy," but I am finding it harder and harder to perform simple tasks. Self-loathing is my normal mode. It is a vicious circle. Peace.
The video where you said just to survive, even if the only thing powering you is "Spite," and you are just running and existing, just out of "Spite," alone.. That video really talked to me.
@@opengnosis8555 I like the Spite thing. It helps me be pissed at the depression and not at myself. I can sort of see Spite as something to make me fight against. I'm going to SPITE depression and tell it that it's not going to run my life. It gives me a motivation. I'll be angry at it instead of at myself.
Glad I've discovered you so relatable. I've gained like over 40lbs plus I'm perimenopausal, I've panic disorder, PTSD, GAD. Plus physical problems. I act like I'm okay inside I feel useless gaining so much weight.😢❤
Wow, that pattern of being able to barely function, followed by feeling ok and driving myself too hard because I have to make up for what I wasn't doing during the depressed phase actually fits me to a T! Thank you Dr., this video really helps put it in perspective. I am also Autistic and it really hurts when I have my special interests nearby and accessible but can't come up with the mental energy to enjoy them at all and everything feels empty. It feels like all there is in life is hard work or empty horrible sitting around, no real joy whatsoever.
@DrScottEilers Every video you post touches on an aspect of my difficult life. I am the farthest person from lazy but I am so disconnected disinterested in everything that even the things that once brought me pleasure or happiness are empty & meaningless now. I don’t want to do anything & those around me just do not understand my illness. You don’t just ‘snap out of it’.
Relate to the parts about feeling bad about lack of productivity then trying to catch up ans then burning yourself out... and wanting to do things but things I used to like don't make me feel anything anymore. Wish other people understood that I am trying my best.
Thank you for this. My dauughter visited for Christmas from 3000 miles away. I enjoyed it, but wasn't able to do much with her. Just had no energy. She's gone now and I feel empty. Ashamed that I didn't go out with her much. I'm just sitting doing nothing. Bored. Uninterested in life. It's like it was when I was first diagnosed with MDD back in 1995. I stay on my meds, but here I am.
You should get a small dog to keep you company. I have 2 American Eskimos whom I live for. The puppy is only 10 months old and just had his first Christmas. You need to gradually get your strength back. 🎄 💕
Honestly not your fault plus you daughter likely still really enjoyed your time together. I went to my mum's for Christmas 🎄🎁 we didn't do much. We binge watched Baby Raindeer and watched a 🍿 movie called Four Good Days and I did the evening walk of the dog 🐶. I really enjoyed it. It's the simple things. ❤
When I take a mental health day off from work, I don't get up and engage in my hobbies. I'm not physically sick, but I also can't get out of bed. Or if I do it's pretty much to plonk down on the couch and switch on some series. But I still don't enjoy it.
My laziness this past year is 1000% depression, (I've been diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder my entire adult life)... I HATE being 'lazy', not having an ounce of motivation, discipline, inspiration, a goal, a hobby I can be proud of, consistency in my self-development, having zero will power to work towards the things I love, to learn and be the best person I KNOW I have somewhere deep down inside myself... I hate it, I hate it so much, yet it seems unsurmountable to my daily energy levels... Help... 😢
One of my favorite songs of all-time, "Lazy" by Deep Purple, says it perfectly: "You're lazy, you just stay in bed. You're lazy, just stay in bed You don't want no money, you don't want no bread If you're drownin', you don't clutch no straw If you're drowning, you don't clutch no straw You don't wanna live, don't wanna cry no more Well, my trying ain't done no good I said my trying ain't done no good You don't make no effort, no, not like you should Lazy, you just stay in bed Lazy, you just stay in bed You don't want no money, you don't want no bread"
Wow, you really made me understand. I have a product that I made under the most difficult conditions, where I had to pull myself together again and again. Now that it's finished, I'm not happy with it and I don't even believe in it, and I'm also afraid of performing in front of people. Reworking it now in order to sell it later is like a huge mountain in front of me. I know that I can do it, but thanks to you I know that I'm neither demotivated nor lazy, but rather depressed.
In my experience, reworking something you've already made is the hardest part and the act of constantly revising something and looking for the flaws in it makes you think it's a giant piece of trash. That was also my experience with writing a book.
Thank you for this video, especially. It really resonated. As you put it, "theoretically" there are things I'd like to do, basic things like self-care that I should be doing, but I just...can't. It just feels like nothing matters anymore. But I'm trying to hold onto hope that that will change someday, which is why I bother watching your videos. So again, thank you.
So much I could say about this vid but just yes. Depression (as well as other disorders) for the past 30 years. Still have memories of living with my grandparents after my mother passed away in my early teens and then my my father a few years after that. Used to sleep until 2 in the afternoon (I did go to bed quite late though), and was constantly woken up by my grandfather beating on the door and telling me to get up, that I was a lazy bum, etc. in an angry/disgusted tone. Sounds horrible and he wasn't a bad person, just most likely didn't understand depression or mental illnesses. While I know that I wasn't (even then), it still has stuck with me in part and totally affected me and the way I did many things in life, even still 3 decades later (running around, pushing myself and taking on more than I should have for everyone so as not to appear lazy, which inevitably led to severe burnout, etc ). Again, thank you ❤
These things apply to executive function issues as a consequence of neurodivergence as well. If you're both, that's a lot of feeling like you can't do things.
I hate that all I have energy to do is passively watch and scroll my phone, and when I have to activate to do real world stuff, it's kinda hard to see and understand normal speech
I'm so glad to hear this because I question myself all the time. Eventually I told myself I didn't care because I didn't have the energy to worry about it. Am I just Lazy? Too lazy to do the most basic self care and housework? I'm so grateful to hear that I'm not.
“Laziness” is not a thing in general, it’s only an insult. There’s always a reason why people don’t do things, whether it be depression or something else, like fear.
Work, and then cook and clean, and then sleep, and then have insomnia... And then.. All that energy that was there, (well really motivation and a will to do, anything), is then.. Gone... As soon as they wake up the next day.. And it is back to.. Why did I wake up? What is the point? There is no point.. And there is no end.. This vicious cycle will never end.. And the more a person goes through this and ages.. The more they are feeling good, during those days, that are basically, "just good," are ruined by that whole day they are thinking.. This isn't going to last.. Tomorrow I will feel like shit again.. And the more they are "Aware," of their selves and their moods, and the good days, when they have them, the more every new day is ruined, by that every dreary thought, that the feeling or mood is not going to last, and tomorrow, is going to suck, making the good day, suck that much more.. Everytime.
I woke up this morning with my internet cut off. Once again an unpaid bill got me in trouble. I have plenty of money to pay my bills and I want to pay them. I just don't pay them because I'm too depressed and unorganized to pay them.
I can totally relate to this concept. I feel absolutely horrible when I’m not being productive, but I have learned to just sit with myself and these moments and like a cloud it too shall pass.
i needed this video...thank you. i beat myself up daily for being lazy when in fact its depression hard at work. and being this depressed is hard work that the more i think about what i need to do for keeping a clean house or even clean my body...makes me feel worse. ive already given up on living life i know that, cant seem to find an end that i can do.
Remember everyone: if you were *really* being lazy, you'd be having a lot more fun!!! (Because being lazy is a choice, while being depressed/ burntout isn't) 💚
I find if I focus on negative thoughts, it makes things worse. Focus on what's good, positive and gratitude. I have to practice this. I don't listen to the news anymore, just the headlines.
Because I feel theres no point to keep on going..i got desires i got long term plan but i dont know how to activate the jolt. Once got the excitement, it wont be long and back to inner voices blaming and hates this kind of inner attitude. The big demotivator in my surrounding is my own family. It's so toxic Dr. Scott I take a long consideration just to decide whether i should take a shower, go to eat, and make my bed. I procrastinate a looot. The zeal is just not there. I could sleep all day n not eat when I know Im hungry
I need you to try and speak with someone who has an effect on our school system or their training. I was told my entire life that I'm extremely smart but wasting my potential for not doing my homework cause my home life was garbage. I was a problem at both home and school in my eyes when it was really not my fault.
Every disfunction's underlying reason is depression causing a discovery of a momentary escape that reflects the level of depression by the amount of its use as a marker. It's sad so denial is easier or we have to see ourselves escaping in every possible way and then see it is present in various degrees in everyone. As a realist existentialist, I think that realization makes us heal towards our new view of being human. A combination of million flaws that work themselves to a dead end every time, so it's not a promising journey to start with.
One of the best examples I can think of is playing outside with my brother and I started to not like to play with him because I felt like there was no point in doing it to me as sport is not my strong suit. He always called me “lazy” and “a spoilsport” and that made me feel worse about not playing with him and then the cycle repeats over and over.
Also when I vented to my mum, she explained to me that depression is an absolute lack of any emotion at all and used her perspective to stop me from thinking that I had depression. After watching this and many other videos regarding mental illnesses, I’m starting to consider that I actually had/have depression.
If it has gone so far that it affects your children to that extent I hope you have or will seek professional help. And at least in your least weak moments, let your kids know that you love them and make them aware of your condition and that it has nothing to do with them. There is nothing worse than feeling unloved. I think. I don't know. I wish you and all others in this comment section find a source of strength to help you forward in 2025! ❤️ So sad reading all of the comments here..
Dr Eilers can I ask you please, what if my 16 year old son never really has days of doing anything? He has ASD and I suspect burnout. He was bullied at school, started self harming, refused school, and last January had an attempt on his life. We have obviously kept him home from school, to keep him safe. Anyway he flatly refuses to ever return to school. In January in hospital, he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He has mostly refused therapy, and his suicidal ideations, slowly seem to be reducing. But the self harm continues. He spends all his days at home, on screens, and refuses any form of learning. He feels self loathing, and a sense of hopelessness. I hope his mood lifts, but he seems to not to want to help himself.
That's wild to be diagnosed with anxiety, instead of being diagnosed with somebody tried to kill you. He needs to relearn safety at a physiological and social level. Things that make him feel protected and capable of protecting himself and others would be reparative.
I don't know why nobody is talking about book Your Life Your Game by keezano. I read it last year, and it changed my life. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and building meaningful relationships can lead to spiritual growth and success in both your personal and professional life, lt helped my brother with depression, Thank God🙏🏼💟
Thank you Dr Eliers, I need this video so bad… Here is a brief horror story: I’m a committed and assiduous MA student. I’m preparing for my PhD application. Deadlines approaching. I’m an MDD patient. It’s really incredible that the most basic subject-linking verb-predicative structure could tell a whole misery 😢
For me, this appears as a solution looking for a problem. Many, many years ago I was prescribed antidepressants and still had a potentially disastrous outcome. What’s interesting is the doctors that also prescribed me literal buckets of fentanyl and OxyContin for well over a decade are still pushing antidepressants on patients (but they ran (screaming) away from opiates). I do ponder what doctors are going to do when the “downside” to antidepressants finally is shown/proven? Actually tend to their patients? What a concept!
Excellent work Doc. Been thinking for a while there was programming then I leveled it up because very young ignorant child. That programming is buried under umpteen layers of life events as interpreted by an unmatured brain. Pretty difficult to sort through. You have been very helpful. So thanks.
How often is this manifested as a result of anxiety without depression, or would you say that the depression and anxiety are co-morbid? What does general anxiety without depression look like?
Just got another dose of this thinly veiled poison at a family gathering. 😟 As if judging someone for supposedly not trying hard enough helps or motivates anyone! 🤔 It's like adding extra weights to the backpack of someone climbing a steep hill with a broken leg. Never mind that they don't recognize their privilege of walking the equivalent of a garden path with flowers! 🙄 Their judgments have a way of sneaking in and derailing me, so THANK YOU for this timely reminder! 🏋♂
Hi, I've listened to quite a lot of your eloquent and insightful speeches and they do resonate quite a lot with my situation. You talk a lot about more severe and prolonged anxiety and depression, but I have rarely heard you talk about anxiety and depression in the course of personality disorders. Aren't they frequently a cause of long-term treatment-resistant depression? Would you address this issue in any of your future videos? Thank you in advance:)
Interesting, so self-abuse is a fundamental part of Depression? It sort of confirms my suspicion that I was misdiagnosed in my teenage years. I have ADHD which was diagnosed when I was 11 and suffer from trauma and IBS since I was 15 but I basically got depression label in high school and my ADHD wasn't explained to me and wasn't treated despite that I kept complaining about being practically to focus on school work.
Waiting for this one. I'm sitting in the shambles of my house, unable to move. I'm not a hoarder. I've dealt with depression for many years but this is a weird episode. I'm not sad, I don't feel particularly depressed, but I can't get up and do anything, not even a shower. I got out of the hospital after surgery almost 3 weeks ago and I have had 2 showers. I take my meds faithfully. I don't know what else to do.
I Hope you feel better soon!
Sounds like trauma.
I blame the relentless systems breaking down , it's like Society is built to break us normal people and reward the upper class
@@Morgan313 It is.
@Morgan313 and @Kepi_Kei can you tell me more about that please because it look like me a lot!
While listening to this, I am reminded of how often I notice the non-depressed people around me who are functioning normally and are engaged with their lives actually doing things. It somehow opens up or triggers anger within me. How can I be like this? Where might my life have gone if I were never buried in this mental straight jacket? I feel robbed.
@mountaing0y I am in awe of people who get up before the sun and work, go to the store, clean house, make dinner every night, have fun with friends and take a shower every day. I guess I used to
But now , I am just keeping house tidy, shower every few days, take care of my pets and take naps. Feels like winter will never end. But I'm doing everything possible to just get through it
Same. On those very very few days I feel sort of up, I think ‘wow, this must be how normal people feel all the time’. I’m 62 and have one of these better days very very infrequently. I wish I knew what the difference was. My life would have been so much better. Still could be better in the future but I still don’t know how to shake it.
"Torments them" perfect description! Knowing what you need to do, not able to do it, and not able to tell you why. And the piles and lists of 'to do' get longer and bigger. Tormented by it all. 😢
Yes 😩😩
@lisamac8620 yes it looks like a fabulous life. But it's torture sometimes. A struggle all the time
I have a sink full of dirty dishes, a fridge full of spoiled food, and I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to work up enough energy to throw out the food and wash the dishes.
I will get it done. I’m feeling better after the last several years that were both a physical and emotional struggle due to kidney failure and depression. I’ve had problems with depression since my late teens.
For the first time in 6 or 7 years, I can begin to picture myself having a clean house, not having mail piled up everywhere, and the only uncluttered space is one side of my bed that I spend all my time at home in.
Everything in your video really describes the struggles I’ve had the last few years. I think I can start turning a corner now.
Your videos are excellent. I feel like you describe me better than I can describe myself.
I can relate to this....And, at 59, I don't think it's ever going away. I've also been a self-cutter, suicidal thoughts, etc. Antidepressants haven't worked. Ive been on at least 5. I'm just so tired of living....I'm more or less just existing at this point. It's only for my pet's sake that I'm still here. I also have Ausberger's.
You’re so strong, I hope the depression will go away. You deserve hope and happiness
Have you tried kratom, or even heard about it? I was 40 y.o. when I found out about it, and for the first time in my life I actually felt eager to get up in the morning, just to drink this tea and do stuff. It doesn't work for everyone though, but maybe it's worth giving it a try
My life has been centered around my bunny for 9 months now. I don't want to think where I'd be without her. 🐇
Was a great time of year for this video! No one coming for Xmas. Honestly, I was glad. No cooking, interactions, cleaning, decorating, etc. I laid in bed or chair 3days. I did a few things but I Know Depression episode because I didn't have to bathe, even wash my face! Did beat myself up some, but the Anxiety was very low. I'm not lazy, just deeply Depressed. Thank you Dr Scott. As always, you hit nail on head.❤
I used to be sooo active. Firefighter in a large city. Traveled the world, Repelled down waterfalls to mountain bike races. Now Im retired and have to force myself to take a shower or check the mailbox. But I do read much more than I used to, and ponder a lot. I now have a better understanding of cosmology, psychology, quantum physics, and buddhism to name a few. I often wonder if I’m depressed or just tired. Maybe there’s a silver lining in all this.
Being curious is a sign of high intelligence. You’re probably very smart. Wishing you well. 🎉
Hard to know. Hope things improve for you soon. 😊
@mattggonzz just gotta find new interests not so physical. I know it's not that easy. I can barely check my mailbox. I usually have my boyfriend get it. I get so nervous and anxious
And I take medicine. We will get better when it warms up. Please hang in there with me.
@mattggonzz just lean into your intellectual side more. Try learning a new language, idk ,I'm not in a position to give advice. I'm struggling to. Just maybe time to find new interests. I to am retired. I understand
Processing so much new information about the world.
wish you were my therapist, cause i feel like you really get how it feels being through depression yourself
Man this had me bawling. It's so relatable. I'm def depressed.
This video is very enlightening. Over the last 18 months I have been in a state of depression due to family drama and domestic violence against me. I have had months of counseling, yet. I find that I relate to many of the comments here in. My house is in a shambles, I stopped living and my house has become a hoarder's house. I hate it but I can't seem to get out of bed except for the things that I am required to do. I work full-time, feed my cats, and go to bed. I buy food and then don't eat it. I can't tell you how many dollars have been wasted on food that has been allowed to go bad. Maybe it's just the holidays but it's been 5 days since I took a shower or brushed my teeth. I finally showered, etc. I'm not lazy. I'm just barely able to function. Thankfully, for the time being my work is remote and I get out of bed and go sit at my computer. I don't wish this on anybody.
To anyone that is experiencing this, I hope that you are able to rise to a better place.
I feel this so hard. And I think I’m lazy. I can’t get off the couch all weekend and I panic when Sunday night comes and I have to pretend to function at work the next morning.
Just the thought of showering and getting dressed feels like more than I can handle.
This is so true! My main problem is loneliness. I want to be near my children and grandchildren. I don't really want the company of others. I feel like my life is being wasted.
Sometimes I tell people I'm lazy as an excuse why I didn't do something just because I don't want to have to explain why I actually didn't do it.
SuperLotus I hear that! No one wants to here our problems. Even my therapist said, "get over it", which was crushing.
@@chinookvalleyYeah. I stopped seeing my last therapist after she was unsympathetic during a period where I was feeling especially bad.
Where is the answer?
No plans, nothing to look forward to, no interests, no joy, no energy. Just nothing, emptiness, so I have to admit I'm depressed and that hurts and makes me scared.
I know exactly what you mean. As much as I want to do things and I imagine doing things, I just couldn't be fkd actually doing it... which makes me think that I just don't want it enough, so I'm destined to being home, wandering from room to room doing bits and pieces hoping some spark of excitement comes back because I know I used to enjoy doing stuff
I was called emotionally immature for being in a depressive episode. First time. Felt amazing.
I lived like that for the past 15 years, got diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder last week at 30.
It wasn't really that much of a surprise as I was diagnosed at 18 with social anxiety and after fighting with it for about 6 years it finally calcified on me and I just gave up because the ever diminishing returns from trying to correct it finally destroyed what was left from my hope for a better future.
The worst part is I'm not even angry anymore
When I was angry I was unstable at times but at least I still tried and had some vague hope of improving... A couple of years ago I just couldn't lie to myself anymore, the reality that no matter what I do, i still end up as a 20something playing catch up all the time just destroyed whatever was left of hope for me.
I honestly don't know what I'm waking up for anymore, even pursuing random hobbies just for the heck of it doesn't work anymore for me
It's a perpetual cycle of regret of never properly launching, apathy and some sadness sprinkled here and there
Im often right there with you man... hang in there, please. One day at a time, shit, one second at a time... You're not alone
I also don't feel like waking up in the morning. I don't feel energised. It is like a curse, man. No hope in sight. Been diagnosed with a spectrum of depression, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder and adjustment disorder. Meds or anything I know didn't work out for me. I have given up. I am thinking of alternative healing methods like reiki. I think Biofeedback will be helpful in diagnosing the exact root cause and the remedy.
@@two2truths my problem isn't that i think it's just unique to me, everyone has problems, i get it. The thing is, some solutions have expiration date. There are no "learn to properly socialise, take care of yourself and unfu*k yourself" classes for adults. I feel like i robbed myself from the best time in my life and even worse, like there is no "catching up" really, its just constantly being behind and you don't fit with younger people, you feel off, awkward or like an amusing creature when you try to pursue, for example, higher education for the first time at 30. My problem is that i'm a ghost. No past, no present, no future
@@osanda2313 i don't know. Honestly, you do you if that helps you. I'm not completely throwing in the towel but i seveeeeerely shrinked down my expectations towards life. At this point in my life i just want to make more money to at the very least make this awful life at least more comfortable and more resistant to the perills of ageing. I don't even care about dreams and purpose anymore.
@@regularguy3879True! You're not alone though. I feel like I'm still trying to catch a train that left the station decades ago, and I'm in my forties...
When I am in my deep depressed state, “waste of space” is what I tell myself. Those times where I get things done, they’re few and far between, but I do relish them.
Omg! You hit the nail on the head for me. I just couldn’t put it into words.
You’re my hero! You put words to my music- so that I can understand it.
Thank you!
Unfortunately this is me,I blame myself for my depression, anxiety, ptsd & complex grief, thanks for letting me know Iam not alone feeling this way 😢
Yes, but where is the answer?
Happy New Year, Dr Scott. Thank you for everything that you do. ❤
Thank you so much for this video! All my life I've been told and believed that I'm lazy. Now I know that it's not true. You described me to a T. I don't enjoy or have the energy to do anything anymore. I haven't showered in weeks, although I do freshen up with baby wipes. I haven't left my house in over a month. I didn't even feel happy when my grandchildren came for a visit for Christmas.
I have had Major Depressive Disorder my whole life. This current bout of depression has been getting steadily worse for the past several months. I'm starting to think that it's never going to ease up.
As the man said: "You've been reading my mail." I don't call myself "lazy," but I am finding it harder and harder to perform simple tasks. Self-loathing is my normal mode. It is a vicious circle. Peace.
The video where you said just to survive, even if the only thing powering you is "Spite," and you are just running and existing, just out of "Spite," alone..
That video really talked to me.
@@opengnosis8555 I like the Spite thing. It helps me be pissed at the depression and not at myself. I can sort of see Spite as something to make me fight against. I'm going to SPITE depression and tell it that it's not going to run my life. It gives me a motivation. I'll be angry at it instead of at myself.
Glad I've discovered you so relatable. I've gained like over 40lbs plus I'm perimenopausal, I've panic disorder, PTSD, GAD. Plus physical problems. I act like I'm okay inside I feel useless gaining so much weight.😢❤
This is soooo me. Thank you for this video. Barely functional. You are so right about the shower and the torment.
Wow, that pattern of being able to barely function, followed by feeling ok and driving myself too hard because I have to make up for what I wasn't doing during the depressed phase actually fits me to a T! Thank you Dr., this video really helps put it in perspective. I am also Autistic and it really hurts when I have my special interests nearby and accessible but can't come up with the mental energy to enjoy them at all and everything feels empty. It feels like all there is in life is hard work or empty horrible sitting around, no real joy whatsoever.
@computerlove87 yes.i got up and vacuumed and tidied up a bit.not alot,but trying to function. Seasonal depression is winning, but I keep fighting
@DrScottEilers
Every video you post touches on an aspect of my difficult life. I am the farthest person from lazy but I am so disconnected disinterested in everything that even the things that once brought me pleasure or happiness are empty & meaningless now. I don’t want to do anything & those around me just do not understand my illness. You don’t just ‘snap out of it’.
Relate to the parts about feeling bad about lack of productivity then trying to catch up ans then burning yourself out... and wanting to do things but things I used to like don't make me feel anything anymore. Wish other people understood that I am trying my best.
Thank you for this. My dauughter visited for Christmas from 3000 miles away. I enjoyed it, but wasn't able to do much with her. Just had no energy. She's gone now and I feel empty. Ashamed that I didn't go out with her much. I'm just sitting doing nothing. Bored. Uninterested in life. It's like it was when I was first diagnosed with MDD back in 1995. I stay on my meds, but here I am.
You should get a small dog to keep you company. I have 2 American Eskimos whom I live for. The puppy is only 10 months old and just had his first Christmas. You need to gradually get your strength back. 🎄 💕
Honestly not your fault plus you daughter likely still really enjoyed your time together. I went to my mum's for Christmas 🎄🎁 we didn't do much. We binge watched Baby Raindeer and watched a 🍿 movie called Four Good Days and I did the evening walk of the dog 🐶. I really enjoyed it. It's the simple things. ❤
When I take a mental health day off from work, I don't get up and engage in my hobbies. I'm not physically sick, but I also can't get out of bed. Or if I do it's pretty much to plonk down on the couch and switch on some series. But I still don't enjoy it.
Me too.
Thank u for your wisdom and time that it takes to inform us cuz it helps
My laziness this past year is 1000% depression, (I've been diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder my entire adult life)... I HATE being 'lazy', not having an ounce of motivation, discipline, inspiration, a goal, a hobby I can be proud of, consistency in my self-development, having zero will power to work towards the things I love, to learn and be the best person I KNOW I have somewhere deep down inside myself... I hate it, I hate it so much, yet it seems unsurmountable to my daily energy levels... Help... 😢
It's such a horrible situation to be in. All I want to do is sleep, or swear at the things I can't do.
One of my favorite songs of all-time, "Lazy" by Deep Purple, says it perfectly:
"You're lazy, you just stay in bed.
You're lazy, just stay in bed
You don't want no money, you don't want no bread
If you're drownin', you don't clutch no straw
If you're drowning, you don't clutch no straw
You don't wanna live, don't wanna cry no more
Well, my trying ain't done no good
I said my trying ain't done no good
You don't make no effort, no, not like you should
Lazy, you just stay in bed
Lazy, you just stay in bed
You don't want no money, you don't want no bread"
Man some of us depressed ppl turned into genius musicians and have talents vocally. They're so lucky
Hey man thanks for introducing me to this song ❤
Wow, you really made me understand. I have a product that I made under the most difficult conditions, where I had to pull myself together again and again. Now that it's finished, I'm not happy with it and I don't even believe in it, and I'm also afraid of performing in front of people. Reworking it now in order to sell it later is like a huge mountain in front of me. I know that I can do it, but thanks to you I know that I'm neither demotivated nor lazy, but rather depressed.
In my experience, reworking something you've already made is the hardest part and the act of constantly revising something and looking for the flaws in it makes you think it's a giant piece of trash. That was also my experience with writing a book.
@@DrScottEilers Thank you!
Thank you for this video, especially. It really resonated. As you put it, "theoretically" there are things I'd like to do, basic things like self-care that I should be doing, but I just...can't. It just feels like nothing matters anymore. But I'm trying to hold onto hope that that will change someday, which is why I bother watching your videos. So again, thank you.
So much I could say about this vid but just yes. Depression (as well as other disorders) for the past 30 years. Still have memories of living with my grandparents after my mother passed away in my early teens and then my my father a few years after that. Used to sleep until 2 in the afternoon (I did go to bed quite late though), and was constantly woken up by my grandfather beating on the door and telling me to get up, that I was a lazy bum, etc. in an angry/disgusted tone. Sounds horrible and he wasn't a bad person, just most likely didn't understand depression or mental illnesses. While I know that I wasn't (even then), it still has stuck with me in part and totally affected me and the way I did many things in life, even still 3 decades later (running around, pushing myself and taking on more than I should have for everyone so as not to appear lazy, which inevitably led to severe burnout, etc ). Again, thank you ❤
These things apply to executive function issues as a consequence of neurodivergence as well. If you're both, that's a lot of feeling like you can't do things.
I need this video. I have nothing in me.
Me too, my mom passed away on friday.
@@MartoSkorpionaI'm so sorry for your loss
@@MartoSkorpiona I'm so sorry.
❤❤@@MartoSkorpiona
Me either. Fighting it, but I'm afraid it's winning
This is spot on. Now to figure out what to do about the depressive episodes.
Sir all the things you are saying are happening in my life
Me too. Let's do our best to get out of this 💙
Yeah couldn't even brush my teeth and take a shower I was just lying in bed for 12 hrs straight
Internetspider 12 hrs or longer...
I was actually told recently that my depression wasn't a problem when trying to deal with my life struggles.
Did they tell you to "just be happy" to fix everything?
@Thalanox No. They basically acted like I could just ignore the depression and work on it later, though.
@@johnbillings5260 Well, crap.
The mechanics and operation of one's own mind is a very challenging thing to articulate.
I hate that all I have energy to do is passively watch and scroll my phone, and when I have to activate to do real world stuff, it's kinda hard to see and understand normal speech
I HEAR YOU! Im often feeling the same... hang in there
I'm so glad to hear this because I question myself all the time. Eventually I told myself I didn't care because I didn't have the energy to worry about it. Am I just Lazy? Too lazy to do the most basic self care and housework? I'm so grateful to hear that I'm not.
“Laziness” is not a thing in general, it’s only an insult. There’s always a reason why people don’t do things, whether it be depression or something else, like fear.
I get where you are coming from. I will hope and pray that you're life improves
Work, and then cook and clean, and then sleep, and then have insomnia...
And then..
All that energy that was there, (well really motivation and a will to do, anything), is then..
Gone...
As soon as they wake up the next day..
And it is back to..
Why did I wake up?
What is the point?
There is no point..
And there is no end..
This vicious cycle will never end..
And the more a person goes through this and ages..
The more they are feeling good, during those days, that are basically, "just good," are ruined by that whole day they are thinking..
This isn't going to last..
Tomorrow I will feel like shit again..
And the more they are "Aware," of their selves and their moods, and the good days, when they have them, the more every new day is ruined, by that every dreary thought, that the feeling or mood is not going to last, and tomorrow, is going to suck, making the good day, suck that much more..
Everytime.
Not sure why this video made me cry 😞
It's okay
So how do I get out of this? No matter what I try, it falls apart for one reason or another. I’ve been spinning my wheels for decades.
Theres nothing worth fighting for
Maybe not outside yourself. But YOU are worth fighting for. Much love and blessings beautiful soul.
I don’t even get bursts of activity anymore
I woke up this morning with my internet cut off. Once again an unpaid bill got me in trouble. I have plenty of money to pay my bills and I want to pay them. I just don't pay them because I'm too depressed and unorganized to pay them.
Thanks, this helps me understand what I’m going through. I wish there was a way out…
So, this is literally me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know what to do about it.
I can totally relate to this concept. I feel absolutely horrible when I’m not being productive, but I have learned to just sit with myself and these moments and like a cloud it too shall pass.
Thank you so much Dr Scott for the help with negative labels. I was doing this.
i needed this video...thank you. i beat myself up daily for being lazy when in fact its depression hard at work. and being this depressed is hard work that the more i think about what i need to do for keeping a clean house or even clean my body...makes me feel worse. ive already given up on living life i know that, cant seem to find an end that i can do.
Remember everyone: if you were *really* being lazy, you'd be having a lot more fun!!! (Because being lazy is a choice, while being depressed/ burntout isn't) 💚
we live in a sick society , I dont see a way to be happy truly happy here but I will try my best
I find if I focus on negative thoughts, it makes things worse. Focus on what's good, positive and gratitude. I have to practice this. I don't listen to the news anymore, just the headlines.
@ that can be a trap too
You can end up in an unrealistic bubble of bypassing
So moral of the story is.... I'm depressed 😞
You're a genius. Thank you for existing and helping us. ❤
So true.. depression mixed with numbness here. I am normally pretty passionate, creative and engaged, now its just..overwhelmingly nothing
Because I feel theres no point to keep on going..i got desires i got long term plan but i dont know how to activate the jolt. Once got the excitement, it wont be long and back to inner voices blaming and hates this kind of inner attitude. The big demotivator in my surrounding is my own family. It's so toxic Dr. Scott
I take a long consideration just to decide whether i should take a shower, go to eat, and make my bed. I procrastinate a looot. The zeal is just not there. I could sleep all day n not eat when I know Im hungry
I need you to try and speak with someone who has an effect on our school system or their training. I was told my entire life that I'm extremely smart but wasting my potential for not doing my homework cause my home life was garbage. I was a problem at both home and school in my eyes when it was really not my fault.
Every disfunction's underlying reason is depression causing a discovery of a momentary escape that reflects the level of depression by the amount of its use as a marker. It's sad so denial is easier or we have to see ourselves escaping in every possible way and then see it is present in various degrees in everyone. As a realist existentialist, I think that realization makes us heal towards our new view of being human. A combination of million flaws that work themselves to a dead end every time, so it's not a promising journey to start with.
Damn, but I agree and appreciate the way you put it
I am 60 years behind.
Me, too! Overwhelming to think of starting! Elephant, one bite at a time.
I'm 80yrs old, just 30+ yrs early 😂😬
Thank you for this video. Right on time.
One of the best examples I can think of is playing outside with my brother and I started to not like to play with him because I felt like there was no point in doing it to me as sport is not my strong suit. He always called me “lazy” and “a spoilsport” and that made me feel worse about not playing with him and then the cycle repeats over and over.
Also when I vented to my mum, she explained to me that depression is an absolute lack of any emotion at all and used her perspective to stop me from thinking that I had depression. After watching this and many other videos regarding mental illnesses, I’m starting to consider that I actually had/have depression.
Happy New Year Dr. Scott. Thank you for your wonderful videos. You are saving our lives.
Thank you for this video
Even when i know i got a kid i should feed and taken care for. It just adds on my burden n guilt.
If it has gone so far that it affects your children to that extent I hope you have or will seek professional help. And at least in your least weak moments, let your kids know that you love them and make them aware of your condition and that it has nothing to do with them. There is nothing worse than feeling unloved. I think. I don't know. I wish you and all others in this comment section find a source of strength to help you forward in 2025! ❤️ So sad reading all of the comments here..
I see now, reading your post again, that you have one kid. My message is still the same though. 🙂
7:40 this is literally my life! This is the only way I keep up with being a functioning member of society 😓
Dr Eilers can I ask you please, what if my 16 year old son never really has days of doing anything? He has ASD and I suspect burnout. He was bullied at school, started self harming, refused school, and last January had an attempt on his life. We have obviously kept him home from school, to keep him safe. Anyway he flatly refuses to ever return to school. In January in hospital, he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He has mostly refused therapy, and his suicidal ideations, slowly seem to be reducing. But the self harm continues. He spends all his days at home, on screens, and refuses any form of learning. He feels self loathing, and a sense of hopelessness. I hope his mood lifts, but he seems to not to want to help himself.
I'm 64 and I'm like that , like your son
That's wild to be diagnosed with anxiety, instead of being diagnosed with somebody tried to kill you. He needs to relearn safety at a physiological and social level. Things that make him feel protected and capable of protecting himself and others would be reparative.
I needed it so much❤thank you❤
I really needed this message right now.
I don't know why nobody is talking about book Your Life Your Game by keezano. I read it last year, and it changed my life. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and building meaningful relationships can lead to spiritual growth and success in both your personal and professional life, lt helped my brother with depression, Thank God🙏🏼💟
Thank you Dr Eliers, I need this video so bad… Here is a brief horror story: I’m a committed and assiduous MA student. I’m preparing for my PhD application. Deadlines approaching. I’m an MDD patient. It’s really incredible that the most basic subject-linking verb-predicative structure could tell a whole misery 😢
This is so helpful. Thank you!
For me, this appears as a solution looking for a problem. Many, many years ago I was prescribed antidepressants and still had a potentially disastrous outcome. What’s interesting is the doctors that also prescribed me literal buckets of fentanyl and OxyContin for well over a decade are still pushing antidepressants on patients (but they ran (screaming) away from opiates). I do ponder what doctors are going to do when the “downside” to antidepressants finally is shown/proven? Actually tend to their patients? What a concept!
"inward narcissism" word hit me.. it somewhat explains why i am depressed
Excellent work Doc. Been thinking for a while there was programming then I leveled it up because very young ignorant child. That programming is buried under umpteen layers of life events as interpreted by an unmatured brain. Pretty difficult to sort through. You have been very helpful. So thanks.
Thank you. I need to stop doing this to myself.
A fantastic video Dr Scott
How often is this manifested as a result of anxiety without depression, or would you say that the depression and anxiety are co-morbid? What does general anxiety without depression look like?
Just got another dose of this thinly veiled poison at a family gathering. 😟 As if judging someone for supposedly not trying hard enough helps or motivates anyone! 🤔 It's like adding extra weights to the backpack of someone climbing a steep hill with a broken leg. Never mind that they don't recognize their privilege of walking the equivalent of a garden path with flowers! 🙄 Their judgments have a way of sneaking in and derailing me, so THANK YOU for this timely reminder! 🏋♂
That's like telling someone with depression to "just snap out of it"
Hit the nail on the head.
Wow
Didn’t know I needed this. 👌😭
Yes this is me.
I appreciate your channel.
This so me ! Iam more depressed after hearing this, why didn't dr.scott address how to get out of depression?
Many of his other videos do give tips on feeling better.
@QGBFH i will be looking, take care.
Because its very situational and you should ideally talk to a professional who can help with the specifics.
This was very helpful.🙏😊
Very good topic. I plan on referring to this vid often. Topic idea: Depression vs Unhappiness.
Thank you for all your great content!
Very helpful, thank you.
Sometimes depression is actually seeing reality clearly
Thank you.
Hi, I've listened to quite a lot of your eloquent and insightful speeches and they do resonate quite a lot with my situation. You talk a lot about more severe and prolonged anxiety and depression, but I have rarely heard you talk about anxiety and depression in the course of personality disorders. Aren't they frequently a cause of long-term treatment-resistant depression? Would you address this issue in any of your future videos? Thank you in advance:)
SPOT ON
Thankyou.
Interesting, so self-abuse is a fundamental part of Depression? It sort of confirms my suspicion that I was misdiagnosed in my teenage years. I have ADHD which was diagnosed when I was 11 and suffer from trauma and IBS since I was 15 but I basically got depression label in high school and my ADHD wasn't explained to me and wasn't treated despite that I kept complaining about being practically to focus on school work.