In discussions on this topic I am endlessly discouraged by the fact that the onus is on the victim to forgive. The burden of forgiveness is placed on their shoulders when they’re told “you must forgive”. This is incredibly ungracious to a victim of serious harm/ abuse, and it is even worse if the offender is a Christian and has not adequately repented. Being sinned against is a burden enough for the victim, and yet another burden of unwarranted forgiveness is insisted upon them. I think in Christian-to-Christian relationships, this burden must be shared by both victim and offender. Gracious forgiveness can only work fully when there is “gracious repentance” - that is, repentance that contritely acknowledges and owns their sin, where they do not assume to know the extent of the harm they have caused, and where they express a desire to more fully understand the impact of their sin (this actually upholds the doctrine of total depravity, as it acknowledges the depth of their sin and the effects of their sin is beyond their own comprehension). Offenders cannot be seen to be truly repentant if their apologies are qualified or mitigated or generalised (e.g., “I’m sorry BUT”, I’m sorry IF…”, “I’m sorry FOR EVERYTHING”). Far more emphasis needs to be placed on the one who needs to repent and confess rather than on the forgiver. Forgiveness is hard enough as it is - we ought to make it as easy as possible for our brothers and sisters to forgive us with gracious repentance. Repentance ought to be in our DNA as evangelical Christians. It’s kind of what we’re on about isn’t it? It’s where we give up our pretensions and pull down our masks and allow ourselves to be forgiven. Christ is gracious when we do so.
I completely agree with you. There is much that is not included in forgiveness. Repentance is not just saying sorry. It is turning around and not doing it again, it is becoming someone new. Matt 6:14-15 is always used against the victims, but no one quotes Luke 17:4 let alone Luke 17:1-3 or Matt 18:7-9. It seems evangelical Christians forget that stumbling blocks are traps set by predators looking to fulfill their own needs.
In discussions on this topic I am endlessly discouraged by the fact that the onus is on the victim to forgive. The burden of forgiveness is placed on their shoulders when they’re told “you must forgive”. This is incredibly ungracious to a victim of serious harm/ abuse, and it is even worse if the offender is a Christian and has not adequately repented. Being sinned against is a burden enough for the victim, and yet another burden of unwarranted forgiveness is insisted upon them.
I think in Christian-to-Christian relationships, this burden must be shared by both victim and offender. Gracious forgiveness can only work fully when there is “gracious repentance” - that is, repentance that contritely acknowledges and owns their sin, where they do not assume to know the extent of the harm they have caused, and where they express a desire to more fully understand the impact of their sin (this actually upholds the doctrine of total depravity, as it acknowledges the depth of their sin and the effects of their sin is beyond their own comprehension). Offenders cannot be seen to be truly repentant if their apologies are qualified or mitigated or generalised (e.g., “I’m sorry BUT”, I’m sorry IF…”, “I’m sorry FOR EVERYTHING”). Far more emphasis needs to be placed on the one who needs to repent and confess rather than on the forgiver. Forgiveness is hard enough as it is - we ought to make it as easy as possible for our brothers and sisters to forgive us with gracious repentance.
Repentance ought to be in our DNA as evangelical Christians. It’s kind of what we’re on about isn’t it? It’s where we give up our pretensions and pull down our masks and allow ourselves to be forgiven. Christ is gracious when we do so.
I completely agree with you. There is much that is not included in forgiveness. Repentance is not just saying sorry. It is turning around and not doing it again, it is becoming someone new. Matt 6:14-15 is always used against the victims, but no one quotes Luke 17:4 let alone Luke 17:1-3 or Matt 18:7-9. It seems evangelical Christians forget that stumbling blocks are traps set by predators looking to fulfill their own needs.
But he addressed what you are saying, that’s pragmatic forgiveness