When you said that you put something extra in your coke, I first thought it was red wine. You should try it, I do that sometimes, and it's actually quite good :) (and I've also seen people putting beer in it... I'm not sure about that)
I have trained myself to greet everyone and smile to random people... it is actually very nice! People are not used to smiles from strangers and they will smile back! It can truly change someone’s day.
Right.I accidentaly bimped ito someone in the street,and she turned back,smiled at me ,and talked happily. I felt the ice around my heart melt Wish I would have smiled back at least...but I didn't,I was surprised...
Maybe they don't like skyrim . For me it is one of the best game I have ever played . I used to be an adventurer like you then I took an arrow in the knee.
I feel like saying 'Hello' to some people can be dangerous. I have this freak magnet where the simplest 'Hello' will make people engage me in a 10 minute conversation about how their life sucks. It's not even a conversation, I just serve as an emotional trash bin to make them feel better. Good advice, FJ, but might not work for everyone.
Bella Vita ..my life! Haha I’m trying to get better at talking to people..and I’ve noticed how often I’m standing there listening for a prolonged period of time..often overly aware of my own shifting eyes and awkward limbs 🤣
One time, in high school, a very outspoken girl who kind of claimed center stage in my Spanish class got partnered with me and the first thing she said was, "You've never talked to me before. Do you have a problem with me?" Naturally I was taken aback, because of course I didn't. I love the culture of the town I work in, particularly in the elementary schools. I think the kids are specifically taught to say hello to all adults by name. It brightens my day. I wish I could remember all 8 million of their names. The little kindergartners just wave (around 80% of them don't speak English at home), and my first month in this district I was amazed to walk by a line of little babies and they were all waving to me. And then a sixth grader (who wasn't in band, not my student) walked by me the day of a school concert, and said "Hi Ms. Douglass! I wish you the best of luck in your concert today!" I just about melted. For me it's a release when someone says hello, especially in passing when I'm on my way to teach or do something big. It reminds me of why I'm there. My husband was a hospitality management major, I will have to ask him if he's heard of the 5/15 rule. As a Starbucks stakeholder, could you maybe tell them to make truly compostable cups, and in the mean time, have a bigger discount for people who bring in their own cup? You can do that right? YOU stay cool.
Stephanie Douglass I love when kids greet me in the hall (especially the ones that are major behavior issues in my classroom - it shows me they don’t think I’m the devil after all lol)! Names are so hard when you only see them once a week! I started putting pics of my kids in Quizlet and testing myself (yes, I’m *that* teacher) and it helped a lot.
I do the same! Photos in the TeacherKit app help too...but what really helped me was having name tags on the stand where they pick them up and then I collect them at the end of the day. Then I know who was absent without having to waste time taking roll. ;)
Stephanie Douglass TeacherKiiiiiiiit. It’s everything. But so glad I don’t have to take attendance at my school. I only use it for after-school practices roll and recalling which kid cussed me out or stole a kazoo.xD
The Smile and Nod ™ Makes you feel like an old gentleman from a black and white film but widely accepted as a polite greeting by others, avoids words with strangers if they terrify you and keeps you out of the “introverts-are-jerks” zone😄👍🏻 Try one out today!!:D
I take walks almost every day and i usually stay on my phone the whole time PURELY so I won’t have to acknowledge people. People scare me so much and drain me that I just don’t want to see them. I think after watching this, though, I will try more, because I don’t want to come off as rude. I don’t want to be stuck in my shell forever. It’s lonely in there.
I find myself prone to extremes and absolutes: there's a lot of "all or nothing" mentality in things I say and do. Social interactions are similar; I don't care for casual chitchat or small-talk. After all, I am a big picture, Ni-dom person! Doesn't mean I am "above" anyone or anything: simply means I am not motivated to do things "just because." My Fe function craves harmony, but my sufficiently developed tertiary Ti informs me when it's worth interacting, and when it isn't. If I talk to someone I give my entire attention to hear about them, to empathize with them, and reflect back at them. That takes a lot of time and energy. If I don't think it's worth it, I don't even say hello and prefer avoiding people. But this doesn't mean that "I think 'they' are not worth it." I mean, I have limited time and very limited energy, so there's very little of me to go around, and I just want to save parts of myself for situations that truly call for me. I have great difficulty explaining this to people without coming off as arrogant. People think I mean I am very valuable by the above, but what I actually mean is, most people have some affinities and preferences, and are better suited to do certain things. I am just not very well suited to strike up a conversation: my social interactions are rich in quality, but not quantity. I like building very few, meaningful relationships, not prolific casual ones.
Sharon Waltman , Thanks. I appreciate it! There is something about this channel that makes me feel positive and less ________ (I really don't have a word for this blank. It's not quite depressed, or melancholic, but something of that flavor). I don't have the courage to do a video, but after Frank James released his first podcast on soundcloud, I feel tempted to try recording myself speaking and just upload it. Though I have no idea how anyone would ever stumble upon it, given I would not share it with my first degree of friends/network on social media.
If only I could explain so eloquently what you just did to my family, friends and job without coming off as a self-absorbed arrogant freak... Well said, well said 👏🏽
I do acknowledge people that are within 15 feet, or try, usually when walking the sidewalk. I must live in a world of introverts as most people don’t bother to make eye contact. When they do I always nod. I feel like it’s one of the tenuous connections I have with the real world. Makes me feel normal. Thanks for sharing your thought.
[Sizzurrrrp!] Chris D’Elia does a great bit on how everyone thinks that strangers are the extras in the movie of your life, but really *you’re* the extra in the movie starring *them* , so why not try to get a speaking line in their movie? My dad is the type of person that greets anyone with a nametag by their name, every time he sees them. It’s a small thing, but after a while he remembers them, they actually remember him, and it’s a total power-play for those observing (plus, he gets better service anywhere he goes, because who doesn’t treat people nicer when they’re treated like a real person?). For me, I try to find something to genuinely compliment people on (in the 5ft situation) - this is mostly to women and overtly gay men, because the alternative is too easily mistaken as flirting (and also, I’m a scaredy cat). I find that it personalizes the interaction and seems more natural (for me) than “hello, I work in an accounting office”. ;) SIDE NOTE: I’m not a gamer anymore by any means, but I did just book an Airbnb specifically because it looked like a room from Myst (if you understand this reference we are allowed to be friends).
Destiny Guerra Cld be key difference between INFJ's and others - INFJ's can subjogate others in their idealism and grand visions, but naturally assume the universe within each and every person.
I do the same! Usually for women too. But also for men that I know well enough that they would know I'm married and don't do the flirting thing. Or commenting on some kind of situation happening, like, "Wow, that cloud over there is crazy!" (This is why I don't make a smart first impression, but I get people to look at clouds.)
I have not played Myst but I just googled it and it looks like the next thing I might play. What your dad does is something that I have always wanted to do, but for some reason I feel held back. I mean, why else would people wear name tags unless you were supposed to address them by their name? I guess the worry about coming across like a freak is too great. But I am gonna start trying to do that! It sounds like something out of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Basically the premise of that book seems to be, treat other people like your friends and suddenly you'll have a bunch of friends. Who knew?
Frank James Yes! Play it! Run don’t walk to your nearest 1990s PC :) My dad is most definitely someone that would read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. And you should give it a whirl! I do it when I have even the smallest nugget of confidence and I walk away feeling like a wolf of Wall Street.
‘Stay cool and attractive’ ...so much pressure! Some days I don’t even say hello to my coworkers if I pass them in the hallway. Saying hello to strangers would be easier in some way... hard to explain. I’m mostly about smiling as a way of greeting people and to show that I come in peace.
I firmly believe in acknowledging other people, and yes, sometimes it’s not reciprocated in the way I’d hoped, but I can’t help it because I know I’d want the same. Sometimes I really want to talk to people if I’m sat on a bench or something but the fear of awkward kicks in.. Also, the homeless. I always acknowledge them and reply if they ask me for anything, I once even sat with one on the pavement for about 40 minutes just chatting about life and shit. Was really profound. So yes, make an effort when you can, and you may be pleasantly surprised
I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to be nice, outgoing, and giving my energy away. I literally chose my job: hair stylist, to push me to do just that. Now idgaf. I am living for me. I quit doing hair, started my own business, and never want to talk to anyone again unless I truly want to. I appreciate the message of this video, I just spent all of my energy for so long, I need it for me now. Life is too short to pretend anymore, I need to be authentically me without any guilt! Love these videos though, so relatable!
Yes, also as a lady, it's tiring how anytime you get outside your house, there's a chance you'll cross some guy who thinks you owe them a smile or conversation. I don't interact at all with male strangers if I can help it, to avoid invasive conversations or unwelcome ""compliments"".
@@jamesgentry13 I needed a few years to regroup after decades of forced small talk for 10 hour shifts 6 days a week. As an introvert, it really fucked me up. I am now in a much healthier place and can give to others. Frank James works for himself and is in a place where he can give his energy to others on his own terms. Not all introverts have this life situation, so your blanket judgment is ridiculous.
Next time I see someone walking my way with a sour look on their face, I'll have you know I'm now considering saying to them "Let me guess. Someone stole your sweet roll."
I love saying hello to people! Or at least smiling. It's just that I don't get the chance to be out very often now. When I *am* out in the world something odd always happens to me - strange questions, people give me things (!) It has always been like this... Even as a child I seemed to 'collect' people. Strangers will often start a conversation with me and I will politely, happily or cautiously chat back, depending on the person. I really don't equate being introverted with being closed or disliking people, it's simply that I don't have the energy to *sustain* contact. Also, I'm good at making people feel comfortable, which is why they are drawn to me, but I rarely go beyond that moment. I have three essential friends, whom I adore, and I *appear* quiet if I'm in a large group of people but I'll just talk intensely to whomever is closest. Being an INFJ doesn't equate to misanthropy. To me, INFJs can be the warmest, most consoling people to be around - that's the potential we all have within us thanks to our beautiful gift of being able to read and counsel others. I recorded another video (mainly about daily writing) but at the end I said that I admired you for challenging some of the prevalent aspect/myths of being an INFJ that can potentially be limiting. I was going to edit it out as I felt self-conscious but I'm going to leave it in now! All the best, Frank. Keep making those connections, however brief. They *do* make a difference.
Yeah, that's the thing is I don't think most introverts mean to be aloof, it's just how we can come across when we're really just trying to preserve our energy. I'll be sure to watch your new video!
Frank James Thank you! That's incredibly kind of you :) I have a horrible feeling that the audio will be out of sync during the final part, which is the segment that relates must strongly to the spirit of your video. I'm hoping for a magical transformation when I export it... Also, I seem *awfully* serious in my videos so far. It's just the unfamiliarity of the situation (I hope! I smile more in real life.)
Frank James There's a thank you/apology to you in the text box :) I'm fighting the urge to say 'don't watch it!' as I am super-awkward in it but I have to learn to cope with this/be more positive...(It improves a little as it goes along.)
My brain sometimes takes a tad too long to register when someone smiles at me or otherwise acknowledges me, which makes me miss my chance to respond to it appropriately. It always makes me feel bad and I worry that I give those people a really bad impression. Other than that, I guess me taking the initiative in saying hello to a stranger depends largely on my level of confidence at that given moment and the situation.
This is so true! Small interactions can have a huge impact in someone’s life. You never know what will occur as a result of greeting a stranger...I stopped at a CVS on Thanksgiving Day this past year and I told the cashier “Happy Thanksgiving.” In response this man gave me a huge hug 🤗! This was at a time where I was completely devastated by a connection that didn’t work out. This man made me feel like I wasn’t so alone...it was one interaction but I’ll never forget it! You never know what someone is truly going through so making the effort to acknowledge a “stranger” could mean more than you’ll ever know. I always think about the fact that any person you come across could be the first person they talk to all day/week or even month depending on their situation. We are all connected by virtue of that fact that we are human...so in a way, no one is really a stranger. If you think of it from that perspective, maybe it becomes less cumbersome or anxiety provoking to take social initiative. Thank you for making these videos FJ. Not sure if you’ll see this comment, but I know you are impacting many people in a positive manner with these videos! Keep up the great work. Cheers, Danica
What’s up Frank. Your content is amazing, and I felt the need to tell you how awesome you are at articulating your thoughts. You can be so complex and thoughtful! You’ve inspired me to branch out and try new things.. and I know you’re doing that for other people too. So with all that said, thanks for gracing us with your perspectives in life.
Thanks for the reminder, Frank! A message needed for myself personally right now. I do enjoy interpreting salutations as friendliness without necessary obligation, or as brightening another person's day. I think it's easy to assume that by saying hello you are opening yourself to a big conversation (ie: a lot of energy invested), but that's not always the case, especially depending on how you say hello. I am reluctant to think that introverts "just need to be more vocal," as there's nothing inherently wrong with silence, and that thinking can easily turn into the idea that everyone needs to behave the same way. With that said, sometimes introverts can forget about the beauty in a simple and perhaps fleeting connection with another person.Thanks for sharing :)
Agree. I relate so much to this. I’m an INFJ and I say “hello” always, just because I don’t like being rude and I don’t lose anything by being polite, on the contrary, I am very caring when it comes to people in general. But the truth is that I don’t really pay attention to who is there around me or close to me. People is the least of my interests when I’m out. My attention is everywhere else except on the people around me. I don’t like attracting anyone’s attention either. I will always choose the farthest corner to sit, the darkest spot to be, the loneliest space, the quieter, etc. I go out do my things and in 5 minutes I’m done and gone. Friends had come to me complaining about me being rude for not answering with a hello or for ignoring them at some point. I’ve never ignored anyone, actually I just never saw them. They can be in front of me and I would not even notice. Now I do try to be more aware cause it saves me trouble. Three of my best friends are introverts too and the same happens to them.
Yes! Great video! INFJ here and I do this all the time. I try to Say something small to everyone I pass. It’s something I learned from running, most runners acknowledge other runners as they pass with a wave 👋🏻 or a head nod. Also from riding motorcycles, most bikers will throw you the peace sign ✌🏻 as you pass. I just started carrying that into my everyday life. It feels good not to be invisible and afraid and you just might make someone else feel less invisible and afraid at the same time. Making the world a more friendly place one person at a time...
I am the dog walker lady ... and I love how you think 🤛 I attempt to say hello to people I meet while walking the dogs ... and I pretty much use your technique of distance 👍🏻 greeting. You crack me up ... because what you say and advise ... is what I think 🤔 in my head. I have spent many years building up to the smile 😊 and then hello with eye contact greeting. I am 54 ... so you are already light years ahead of where I was at your age. Keep posting your wonderful words of INFJ wisdom 😍.
You're right! Over recent years, my introversion has reached the point of zero social interaction, except for when it's been necessary for work. And the result was feeling isolated and lonely. Recently I've been making more eye contact and initiating a hello, and initially it was difficult but the more I say a simple hello, I do feel better, more connected and less lonely. Sharing myself with others isn't something I'm used to doing, but the more I do it, the easier it gets. You have an interesting channel.
Hi, Frank. You make some good points about the importance of acknowledging others.I caught myself doing this yesterday, passing the same people a few times on a walking loop. Sometimes I look at them, smile and nod. Some days you are deep in thought , may not be as outgoing, and we hope that others will be forgiving; and those times remind us of the times when those around us don't immediately roll out a red carpet for our egos. The shoe is on the other foot. Making eye contact and hearing your own name make areas of the brain light up on a PET scan. Like the law of attraction, what you look at and expect, you tend to get. I usually go for mild humor, awareness, and acceptance of the situation in which we find ourselves, then I usually trying to inject a little humanity by saying something like "they are probably busy at this time of day," and shrug as if to say "we can handle it." I agree- I feel disappointed in myself when I don't face my self-conscious-ness and spread support. My two cents that is not worth two cents. Um -I say this with care and not disrespect- Dextromorphing- like the time I accidentally misread the label on the robitussin and quadruple-dosed myself - two t's does not equate with two mini cups- effected my cerebellum and balance. Do you have a cough? Take care of yourself. :)
That's a good point, that sometimes we're just too deep in thought and just hope others don't mind too much. Ha ha, and I didn't actually have Robitussin in my drink, just a joke.
born raised and educated in Boston, I am cordial not friendly. Most people won't speak or if I speak first they don't speak back and then I feel like I want to crawl into a hole because I preferred being aloofly invisible. Me thinks I dost protest too much. You need a talk show of you're own, You're brilliant !!!
First of all, hi Frank and all the fellow followers and viewers :) I've been watching a lot of your videos the last couple days, and you just made me comment on a YT video for the first time ever. :) I once visited a town smaller than mine, and I was really surprised that the bikers said "thank you" to everyone who got out their way. It felt so good that I started doing it. Saying hi to strangers is something that I'm only doing when etiquette rules tell me so. (And it's a lot of times, at least where I live. Whenever you enter a shop, you greet the people working there according to the time of the day, once and loudly) and it actually recalls bad memories. As a child I often didn't say hello when we came across neighbours and family friends I couldn't even recognise. And whenever I did this, I got treated as I was really dumb. I wasn't, I just didn't feel it was necessary as these people wouldn't even talk to me/didn't want to get noticed anyway. I also feel embarrassed when someone does it to me without any reason.
True story: I knew early in life that I wanted to teach. In an effort to overcome my extreme shyness as a college freshman, I forced myself to greet every single person I passed walking to class. I told myself it didn't "count" unless I made eye contact, smiled, and said hello. Out loud. It was exhausting. But it did help me find my voice. Apparently I said hello to a certain boy two days in a row. I don't remember; I was trying to greet every person. But he went back to his dorm, looked in the freshman photos to see who this girl was who had smiled and greeted him. He eventually asked me out, we dated all through college, and will celebrate our 29th anniversary this month. Folks, don't be afraid to say hello to someone. You never know where it will lead.
Sometimes I think its a defensive mechanism for when we have little energy left. My mom and sister are both ESFPs haha. So they have told me not to look like a jerk in public as I tend to especially when im in my own head. I dont have to talk really but just smile and hi. Ive gotten better at my outward appearance and it makes me more approachable when I want to be :)
Kassel Encarnacion Be prepared for the day when the E's get louder and more obnoxious around you because you've mastered demure and they can't compete with that ;) Just keep quietly smiling.
I always get told from people that their first impression of me is that I thought I was better than them/ that I was a b*tch. My close friends have come to find that I am a warm caring person who is good at listening to their problems. I have to say I really hate talking with people. I think sometimes just saying hi encourages people to give me their entire life story and then I would need to go home and take a nap. My boyfriend is an extrovert and basically tries to make friends everywhere and even thats enough for me just to be there when hes chatting with strangers. I actually have a huge pet peeve with when I'm trying to mind my own business and just wait in line somewhere there always seems to be someone who is just so uncomfortable with silence that they feel like they need to start a conversation about useless things with whoever is nearest. I then once again come off as cold and aloof...oh well.
For people I haven't formally met, it depends on my mood. If I'm feeling self-confident and energized, I will usually keep my head up and say hi to anyone who makes eye contact with me. If I'm feeling inadequate in some way, I'll usually look down more and retreat to the childish "I can't see you, you can't see me" mindset--whether I know the person or not. This can be confusing to people who know me because I actually do appear extroverted much of the time and they tend to believe it's a personal snub (or that I'm a snob) when I retreat from my social persona. Thank you so much for being you! I'm new to your channel this week and every video I've watched (completely out of order, I'm sure) has revealed a multitude of thought-provoking (or just plain fun to hear) topics and ideas.
Thank you SOO MUCH Frank! I've been doing that FOR YEARS and family has even ridiculed or teased me about that! JUST TODAY my little brother brought his girlfriend for dinner. She's been coming around for a bit since they've been dating. She's ok but...eh..not my favorite person. I was already in my room when they arrived and I came out to get something. I saw her but, like, kinda ignored her as I went back to my room. I was already tired and focusing on something else and engaging with someone I feel "eh" about I felt would take too much energy. BUT!-I thought it over, went back out, said hello, and came back. I think it's AMAZING that you posted this just as it happened to me today!! Our relationship is still "eh" and strained but at least I made progress!! Like you said, I definitely need to start acknowledging more people and get out of my own mind! Thank you for being genuine and AWESOME my dude!!
I just watched the movie "Ready Player One" I feel motivated cause in the end part of the movie there's this quote "reality is the only thing that is real" and here I am after receiving your channel notification.. oh wow. God is always watching. Thank you so much for making this video. I will try to be open with people in real life. and I'll put this video on my favorites list so that someday if I forgot I'll watch this again.. mann.. God Bless You.
I’ve thought this exact thing before!! And recently I’ve been experiencing it IRL. I’m an INFJ and introvert, but I’ve been dating this guy who is an extrovert and will strike up deep conversations with total strangers. I would never be brave enough to do such a thing, but his conversations have lead to such meaningful experiences and connections with people...I absolutely love it. Skyrim is my favorite game too, and I once said to a friend that dating this guy is like playing a video game where I’m always having crazy interactions with total strangers that lead me on these missions and adventures. Currently trying to learn as much as I can from this guy, watching what happens on the other side of taking these risks in social situations has helped a lot. Life is so much more interesting when you live it open to the possibilities.
i agree it is important at times to push yourself to acknowledge others and say hello...however sometimes (on public transportation for example) this gives the signal for some people to start talking your ear off and go overboard. it is such a balance with being polite and then not opening yourself up to be railroaded by a stranger's monologue about a random topic. (i am a nurse and someone literally started telling me all about their rash and even showed it to me.) maybe this is just too many public bus experiences that i have had. lol environment and situation obviously play a huge role. thanks for the video!
It is very true, my introverted intuition is telling me, I’m lazy on my days off from work I just want to be me and not talk at all. When u see somebody outside I feel like not talking but my extroverted feeling is doing the right thing, like greeting somebody u know or acknowledging them, Even strangers. It just have to be incorporated in our daily life. It was a great difficult for me at first but when u r used to it it becomes a habit. Good point!
Hi there, I work with my Mother selling fruit and vegetables. Your five feet away greeting is hilarious!! I had such a good laugh and your delivery was perfect! Thank you for a great start to my day! I love your videos!!
I say hello when it feels authentic. I used to feel like something was wrong with me for not being more interactive, but this anxiety went away as I learned to relax into myself. Once I expressed to an extroverted friend that people probably wouldn’t listen to what I had to say because I spoke so little. She replied “I’m so loud and talk to much that people tune me out. When you speak it’s a rarity so people want to stop and listen because they know it must be important.” Sometimes what we think as negatives are really just what makes us unique. And I believe our inner character can be seen without words or direct interaction. Though I definitely get your point that it can make someone’s day to just say hi. I’m also an INFP. I could see the pull to reach out being much stronger in someone with Extroverted Feeling in their stack.
Upon the 2nd viewing I need to leave another comment. I'm more of a Peet's coffee person. I used to get coupons sometimes for buy one get one free or something. Since I was solo, I would try to make what I called a "Five minute friend". I'd try to find another single person in line and share my coupon with them, so we could both save money. Then they would never take the coupon.(They would accept it, but not tear it up or anything). So I still had it. And then I'd find another pair of people and give them my coupon on my way out so they could use it too. Sometimes I even pay bridge toll for the person behind me. Well, once. I watched in my rear mirror as I drove away, and the person I paid for tried to pay, pulled their money back as they were told, and THEN !!! they paid anyway for the car behind THEM. Oh my goodness. I wondered how long that chain reaction went on for?? I felt good.
This was a really great suggestion! It will definitely help me mingle with my seniors and classmates. These minute gestures are always on our minds but we never implement them due to our fears and introvertness. Also, it's a very good topic to ponder upon for today. Thank you!
I need to push myself to acknowledge people i come across during my day. I always regret having not said 'hi' and i feel like a horrible person. Even pushing myself to say good morning to the person who sits next to me on the bus each day would be SOMETHING. Great advice FJ, loving your videos :)
In a space lately where this was a real pick me up [thank you, thank you], because of all the things I fuck up regularly, at least this, I mostly have going for me. I smile at people, say little bits, so often l do and yeah, it feels anywhere from good to magical. I love the connection you speak of and have been trying for it, for what seems like forever. There are times I just duck and run, so to speak, but it is just not wanting to share my bad space and I recover eventually and move toward contact again. It is like an elixir, when they smile back. Occasionally there are people that stun me with their dismissal, but generally I just end up feeling sorry for them, as even in a bad place I will return efforts even if I can't act first. And there are people who will think you are asking for something you are not, but again, worth it on the whole. I walk a loop at a forest park, and I cannot tell you how many people sort of acknowledge me at first when I smile and say hello, then smile wide when they see me again. So thanks again, dude, for bringing to my attention to the good stuff.
I started my own thing years ago, where I tried just looking people in the eyes, and smiling at them. The great thing about it, is that I was so persistent in doing this that it 1) got easier after a time, & 2) people that seemed just as uncomfortable as you on other occasions, started smiling back, and then talking. It really works. I still slip into my quiet mode often enough, but when I remember, I smile. And sometimes make another acquaintance. LOL! Or another person will "ghost" you, but I just say to myself "they're just busy" and I move on. Like you, I'm not perfect yet, but it has changed the way I see people, and myself. This was a very good discussion for us. Thanks. 😊❤️
I usually try to walk thru the public as invisible as possible, because I feel awkward how I look when I smile and if someone does engage in convo with me, will I know how to feel relaxed to reply, how will I reply.....rigidness and anxiety would take over. I have on many instances made eye contact and smile warmly, then casually blink and look down, which is ok for me but I realize it shuts down the connection right away. Guess I have to work on that better. 😊 All in all, those rare times I do engage in more open acknowledgement, I do feel uplifted and elevated in mood. Its those times, I realize I am not an ass after all and am also worthy of attention. So there is a balance. 😊
I can't believe you told us you have Starbucks stocks. That really makes you look presumptuous. I do agree that introverted people tend to appear aloof, because I have been told that. You do tell it like it is and I really love it! Thank you.
I’m in my sage years now. I have evolved to be more engaging. I was a shy church mouse at your age FJ! Y’all are blessed to have so much support like your channel!!! I felt odd and off-putting for most of my life. 3 years ago I did my typing. The puzzle was complete! Thank you for all you do! By the by- the podcast was excellent!!! 👍🏽
I understand this so hard. I make it a point to at least smile to anyone that I make eye contact with, I feel guilty if I don't say hello to people. I feel like even a small smile can make them smile for a second of they're having a bad day but then I over think it sometimes and get scared they might take it the wrong way... Hmmm... You see! I'm over thinking it! I'm an introvert, but as you've said before, we still need people! So I try my best to make the smallest moves to become better at socializing lol. Thanks for another great video FJ.
I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. I am an INFP and I am also guilty of being stuck in my head. Even when I get out, I have my mind stuck in my phone's screen. This is bad. The inner world is important but without exploring the external world, the inner world will die too. Your video is a message the world needed.
Thanks for the reminder! As a New Englander, it's more common to ignore people because being friendly can be seen as weird or threatening. It's like we all have exaggerated stranger danger, even though we do genuinely like friendly people. Even though I'm an ENFP, I struggle with being friendly at work because I get so caught up in what I have to do as a manager that I skip all the pleasantries and start talking shop right away with my crew. I know, I'm a monster. At least, on that they think so. It's something I'm working on. Good to know I'm not the only one.
Always made myself be like that! I remember on the last New Year's, we'd gone to a party and to almost every person we're crossing, I'm like hey dude, have a great new year dawg. Haha and the parents of one girl thought I was her classmate or something and we were..staring at each other for 2 seconds and I was smiling my face dead. This has never been exhausting for me. I've always enjoyed making eye contact and smiling to people. It feels good, and all of what you said. 'Thank you's and 'good day's to janitors and guards...all that jazz.
OOOH NO. Oooh NOOOH. You are a Skyrim fan. Holy moly. It is my all-time favorite. In reference to your question, I do feel awkward when faced with another human being. Ha. But the awkwardness is mostly just my Inner Me telling my Other Me to interact and be a social creature, while my Other Me is saying, "Please no." I feel this need to at least smile at another person I see...which is sometimes super weird, because who smiles at every. single. person in a certain vicinity? Me, apparently. The upshot of this is either that I feel a little freaked because I said or did something peculiar -- in which case, I would quickly forget it -- or that I feel satisfied from the conversation, having gained a piece of that person that I cherish.
I grew up in a Latino home and community and was taught to acknowledge the presence of everyone in the room by either shaking hands or doing the cheek kiss. I love the idea of acknowledging everyone’s presence but also have a mini panic attack walking into a room full of family/friends. Especially because you physically acknowledge each person’s presence both when you enter and leave a room......Getting out of rooms takes a while. When you grow up in a community where people feel less than once they leave their community, it’s an especially important ritual. You have no idea the impact you’re making sometimes. We all deserve to be seen and acknowledged. Carrying this personal expectation into daily life gets tricky at times. Thoughts of: Am I being a weirdo? frequently cross my mind. My husband’s reaction the first day he met me comes to mind. We met in a library, I outstretched my hand to say hey, he looked at my hand like I was secretly contaminating him with some disease. It was perfectly awkward. Finally, I think that this desire to acknowledge people may have contributed to me almost getting mugged in Riverside Park in NYC. I smiled at my potential mugger and then he followed me through the park. Damn me and my friendliness! Despite this moment of friendliness gone wrong, I’m sticking with saying hi to people.
Being in my own world and coming off as a jerk is something that I really struggle with. I love you idea of pretending to be a NPC and just greeting people! This is something I want to try even though I know it will be hard at times.... It is amazing how much of what you say resonates with me. I also greatly appreciate your sense of humor. So glad I discovered your channel!!
Ive noticed that when I'm in an open state of mind and go out in public people will come up to me and start telling me all this stuff about themselves right out of ths blue and I'll just smile and listen most of the time and add a little bit to the conversation. Its nice when their saying happy things instead of unloading all their problems. Its not a common occurrence but thats probably because I'm putting up the "shield of avoidance" haha.
I totally agree FJ...Saying hello could make someone else's day, week , month or year😉😊😉I met my BFF from widening out and saying hello even though she didn't speak English
Short, contained human acknowledgement. The total stranger friendly lady who simply smiled and remarked "Tired!" as she walked by me on the street. I was mad yawning. It was cute. Still, I reserve my rights to tune out and not be accosted by people telling me to Smile! There are entire sects of people in this world that thrive on telling others how to look, how to feel, and what facial expressions are permissable. Screw them.
Ugh, I hate when people tell me to 'smile' when I'm usually deep in thought. I remember at 17 I walked into a line and glanced at this tall blond gal and kind of just looked down thinking about something (lost in thought as usual) and some other guy standing next to me says 'you're pretty too'. - I'm a tall African gal. He assumed I saw the pretty girl then felt bad about myself and felt he needed to '"cheer me up". I rolled my eyes so hard I gave myself a headache.
I always say hello to those around me. I feel obligated to do so even when I don't want to. I was conditioned at an early age to do so. I often feel resentful that no one says hello to me first.
Me, too. Also, I say a pleasant good morning at work, yet even when there's only one other person in the room, as often as not they won't say anything back to me. I feel like I've just given them the perfect invitation to ignore me. Hurts, you know?
I've learned that INFJ's don't just "receive"; we also "transmit." I think that acknowledging people--whether with a greeting, a smile, or just a nod--is a great way for us to transmit our positive, loving energy into the world. People of our type have much compassion and genuineness. We desire a peace and harmony that comes from a sense of connectedness with others. If it's true that "what goes around, comes around" (and it is!) I think we have a responsibility to sow as much goodwill as we can. I enjoy making the effort to engage with those around me. I've found that, more often than not, I receive far more than I give.
I am open to people. Making a connection is very rewarding for me. I genuinely like to share that moment with someone. I have a tough time ignoring people. I feel like I'm being rude or something. However, I am generally exhausted when I come home from a trip to the grocery store. I am sorta glad when someone is looking at their phone. Then I don't have to put out that energy to try and engage them and I don't feel bad either.
One of your best videos FJ. I try to to open myself a bit more. It isnt too draining for me Thanks for giving us courage to open us more for the people around us 🙂
i used to be an adventurer like you... lol i tried that last night and had to spend about 20 minutes talking to a cahshier about how she was addicted to food... it was exhausting!
Seajay OMG yes. People are attracted to me like a magnet for therapy. Ive had so many strangers open up and tell me some really deep stuff within a few minutes and I have to process this with them. For some reason everyone thinks Im the person to clean out the skeletons in their closet.
This happens to me, but also I do that when people ask me "How are you?" I will tell the truth of the situation and why. And then I'm like, "Oh, that was small talk, sorry..."
I hold to never lying about how I'm feeling unless my safety is in jeopardy, or some dude I don't like is hitting on me, in which case, I'm great! Never been better! Thanks... Bye! If ppl just want to say Hi, there are several variations of greetings in the English language that don't take the form of a question. (Smirk) It's not like finding out I'm tired today or need coffee or that I'm not beaming sunshine out my... ok... what I mean is, if you didn't like the answer you got the last time you asked me How are you?, just freaking say Good Morning.
I think you're right, one time I was so sad and my eyes were wet and on the verge of crying and as I walked out the store another man acknowledged my sad existence and said "Have a good day" just him saying that made me feel better because I felt like someone cared
Hi James😀 I found your video by accident. ~ I live in the busy part of NYC, and I work in a busy part of town . But I get it . Say hello, why not ? It’s been on my mind . I say hello, good morning, thank you, etc. with persons I interact with in public & usually get no response. ~ But I understand that everybody has different preference modalities of communicating. Still, hello & a brief exchange, why not ? I like your ways of thinking. And you’re absolutely right ; the characters in the games all run up to each other & say “ hello “ ... how civilized 🤗
I do this more and more as I get older. I naturally smile a lot so even if I don't say hello, I will smile at them and I think it makes people more comfortable with saying hello to me first. I think of going out in public as an event where I kind of owe it to people to at the very least acknowledge their presence. We all share this planet and experience the same emotions, and you're right- such a little thing can really brighten someone's day, which brightens mine in return.
Hi! I'm a new subscriber and I just wanted to say I love getting to see your perspective of the world. I find truth in your words when you say that the world can be made brighter if we at least acknowledge one another's existence and by extension all the intricacies that come with it. In my work I'm expected to greet people and unfortunately find much of the responses to be automatic. However, there are a few who are very 'present' in that moment. I dont have to have a full conversation with them either it can just be a few words but their voice carries something extra and their eyes simply say 'I SEE you.' It's nice to have those moments at work knowing that others still see me as a person and not as a cash register.
I do this as a part of my peace building faith (seeing the other as valuable) and it is amazing the beautiful opportunities that open to you. And don't we all need more positive energy put into the world? 💜!
Personally, I find speaking to strangers absolutely terrifying. I can smile and say good afternoon to someone walking by, but anymore I would become seriously drained. It also doesn't bother me when someone ignores my existences, It actually feels like nothing but a relief. But I'm totally with you on smiling to strangers part :) I think it's really valuable to some people's day.
This video cracked me up so many times in the first two minutes, thanks for that! I believe the term is “syzurrp”. heehee. Just ask Li’l Wayne. I dug what you had to say here, though- I learned a meditation from Osho when I was a teenager that was simply intentionally greeting everyone you cross paths with, saying hello while acknowledging them as a living, sentient being that we are sharing space and life with- just like you suggested here! After years of practicing it I feel like it is a basic gesture of love and respect for our fellow humans, and it makes you feel less alone, too. Keep ‘em coming, Frank. You are rad.
I recently started doing my work in a community art studio. I'm in that awkward phase where mostly people are just a bunch of vaguely familiar faces. Some people talk too much, and don't pick up on cues. Some seem very happy with their shared "communications" of tedious BS. The desire to do so is incomprehensible to me. Some want to focus on their work, and that's clear. I respond accordingly. I feel like I've mastered appropriate levels of interaction with everyone (Over the course of the week, I see about 20 people). Off topic: There's one person who looks at me like I'm I'm dirt when I speak to her, while being friendly to others. My SO says I should torture her by being exceedingly effusive and apparently clueless and immune to her disdain. I think I might. In my past I've obsessed about what I'm doing wrong, but being older and "wiser" (?) now, I know it likely has very little to do with me, and she's just projecting. Have you ever dealt with that situation?
I feel I think way too much about how I'm coming off when I say an obligatory hello in an awkward situation. Did I smile weird? Did they know I was sort of pressured into saying hello? Do I look insane for saying hello to this random person? It's a lot of internal conflict, but I still do it when absolutely necessary or at least give a weird smile here and there.
I lived for several months on a lovely African island where people would greet me in the street all the time, complete strangers, and completely honestly, although definitely part of it was that I was an obvious stranger which made them curious, but it was still genuine and it felt so nice because it was somehow like receiving the good wishes from them, it was very spontaneous and I love to remember it, especially the kids greeting me.
Everything you said is completely spot on! It’s truly relieving to finally understand my personality, and know that there are other people out there like me. Being an INFJ can be a curse and a blessing at the same time. Seems like it anyway! I also find it hard to say “hi” and maintain eye contact. It’s like I have to quickly divert away from an interaction and retreat back into my “safety net”. Sometimes I feel like I’m so incredibly stuck in my own thoughts and feelings, that any social effort just feels like it’s not worth the probability of me saying something odd or out of context, and then beating myself up over it. It’s going to take some time, but your video really helped me fully grasp another aspect of myself that I should work on. I need to reflect only on the positive vibes that those interactions can bring. Thanks!!
this feels like you're the introverts' spokesman or something like that and this is our meeting after you've talked to the extroverts. in the beginning i could almost hear the prostests "what?? us?the jerks?!?! I'm just minding my own business!!!" but, even tho it's not that easy for me to accept and it's really not easy to do it, i will try. because i can understand, or at least i try to understand this need some people have. wE'rE hUmAnS and we were made to interact with each other as humans. it puts me in discomfort but maybe it's worth it so i can promise i will try to acknowledge others' existence more.
To answer your many questions at the end of your video, I tend to go out of my way to acknowledge people or even spark up conversations with strangers on public transport. Not always of course, just when I feel super chatty or when the person appears interesting to me. Thank you for your advice on acknowledging people in a hallway! I actually never considered the subtlety of eye-contact and smiling at 15 feet - I tend to be waving with both hands at them within 60, looking like an inflatable tube man. But I suppose that's because I'm an ENFP and subtlety isn't our specialty. I found this video inspirational and even the videos you're less happy in, I find both insightful and relatable. I'M ALREADY LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VIDEO!!! This may seem very personal, and of course feel free to answer vaguely or not at all, but how does being an INFJ mix with other personality types/groupings within your family?
Hahah I laughed so much at this XD the accuracy is undeniable. In my high school and college days I often got told how serious I was and that I actually came off as intimidating, like wth. I didn't change it much due to me being so shy and doubtful of myself, seeing how everyone was so extroverted and confident. My sisters told me last year how I had a "resting bitch face" 😂 and came across as if I hated everyone and was in my own world. Little did they know I actually knew where and what everyone was doing and talking about, I just didn't feel like talking or fit in the convo. Since late last yr I made a decision to acknowledge people, smile and say hi, even strangers outside. I actually made a neighbor old lady friend! We say hi and have a small talk everytime we cross eachother, even visited her home, who would've thought! I'm a gamer and I love Skyrim I love the examples 😂 👌🏼 Thank you for this video haha 💕 Also idk why this reminded me of Freaky Friday when the mom changes to her daughter's body and starts greeting everyone at the high school and everyone looks at her like she's crazy 😂
Thank you FJ. Whenever I walk my dog, there's usually always a lot of people around, but I always try to avoid them and never acknowledge their existence 😂 but it's cause I'm too socially anxious to say something. I also watched your video on dealing with anxiety, and i found really helpful and kinda similar to this one. I guess I gotta try it now!
Eyebrows raised, eyes big, Mona Lisa smile. This is the stock silent greeting I flash, and if there's any acknowledgement, I say "hi" or "howdy". Less awkward than silence. I adopted this years before I read that studies prove a positive response to the raised eyebrow and large eye facial expression. I also love to give people I see more frequently positive nicknames. Not fast on my toes all the time in conversation, but people have told me how nice I am (umm...really?) because I acknowledge them and say nice things about them (or their names).
Thank you kind fellow being of light by the name of Frank James for sharing your insights on the how to as to be a human being on this aqueous and verdant planet. Yes it does compute that to greet another being with the lips tilted at the slightest degree perhaps revealing just a bit of ones teeth for good measure, to emit sounds that convey one's sense of joy and pleasure to see them and eyes wide open may just make someone's day brighter.. Or upon initial eye contact they might make a beeline to cross the street and do the power walk and all the while one may say hello! Then goodbye! And bid them well on their journey. Seriously though, reaching out to others can and DOES make a difference.. Like Shazam there's a song written about it "Reach Out in the Darkness" by Friend and Lover 😜❤️
I actually just watched a video on neglect and childhood...and a behavioral scientist shows how it triggers a stressful response in our neural chemistry. I think when we get a neglected response it causes us to feel alert and uncomfortable, it kills our ego, and maybe it causes us to recall those negative, neglected emotions. I think introversion, our personalities and our feelings of unworthiness, stem from our upbringing and how we reacted when placed in those situations. Usually the kids that get ignored tend to explore their surroundings and they create and curate these imaginative stories and dialogues in their minds...as a result... they become creative. These stories, dialogues, and creations become their friends and they tend to find adults and others unreliable. With that being said maybe it's all tied to that fear of unlearning behavior that we have become so comfortable in. That behavior that was subconsciously engraved into our minds and as a result we seek to avoid those uncomfortable scenarios...We end up just playing out those stories in our heads and disregard those around us for the fear of being ignored. Then again idk I could be wrong. Also Home Alone is the shit!...followed by Shrek and Good Fellas.
Hey Frank, nice video I'm also an INFJ and I used to always say hello to people I pass by but at some point I noticed that it actually feels quite draining to me so I don't do that anymore. Sometimes I do when I feel like it and when the person I'm greeting has a nice energy but most of the time I just pretend to be a ghost like I'm invisible to people and that I shouldn't talk to them because it scares them. Sometimes people say hello to me and often I just nod that's the path of least resistance for me
I see what you are saying and I did meet my best friend in graduate school that way. I just walked up and said hi to a stranger at breakfast. It's easier to be open as a college student. I stopped reaching out to strangers after the third time I got ignored. That sh*t does not feel good. Perhaps the tides are turning in the world now. An interesting thing happened the first time I went to Aldi recently. A lady saw me looking at the carts trying to figure out how to get one (you have to put a quarter into the handle to release the lock. You get it back when you return the cart). She gave me her cart and said when you leave the store give this cart to the next person coming in. She actually wanted to start a positive chain! I liked that idea. Noone was coming in as I was leaving so I couldn't keep the chain going, but I will next time I go there.
Someone was having a good time in this vid! Lol When I was in high school, I decided that I wasn't going to do any small talk or greetings. Then a couple guys told me they were surprised that I was so nice because I came off as a snob who thought I was better than everyone else. I was horrified! You don't realize how that seemingly small gesture affects others. My mom, who is an introvert, had learned to do this to put others at ease. So I gave up my mission to avoid small talk and greetings and learned to smile and make eye contact. I naturally do now unless I am in a bad mood or in my head and don't want to be bothered. I don't say hello though. Maybe I give a nod. I do feel like I have to protect myself. I feel like it opens a door for people to share their VERY LONG sob stories, or for guys to think that I'm interested and inviting them to flirt with me. Very thoughtful advice though, Frank! You're not afraid that girls may think that you're flirting with them (or maybe that's what you want them to think, lol) or for people to dump their emotional baggage on you?
I ran into your channel by accident a month or so ago. Not actually an INFJ, but an ENTP. But this is pretty good advice regardless. Just be prepared for rejection, people don't talk to strangers as much as they used to. I should know, I'm that extrovert that drives all the introverts crazy trying to engage them in conversation.
Guys I did not actually put Robitussin in my drink, that would taste bad.
When you said that you put something extra in your coke, I first thought it was red wine. You should try it, I do that sometimes, and it's actually quite good :) (and I've also seen people putting beer in it... I'm not sure about that)
Lol!
My first thought when you said this was: awww.... that sucks! All my students are getting sick too!
OMG red wine IN your coke? I think I'll pass on trying that LOL
When ever I hear the name Robitussin I laugh out loud .. I know someone that would pronounce it wrong and say Rawbitoosin. LOL :-P
Robotripping...classy
"They'll acknowledge your existence..... because it's a game and they have to". Freaking hilarious!!!!
I have trained myself to greet everyone and smile to random people... it is actually very nice! People are not used to smiles from strangers and they will smile back! It can truly change someone’s day.
See, you get it!
It certainly changes my day when a stranger randomly smiles at me. I just find it so kind and it reminds me that there is a lot of good in this world.
Right.I accidentaly bimped ito someone in the street,and she turned back,smiled at me ,and talked happily.
I felt the ice around my heart melt
Wish I would have smiled back at least...but I didn't,I was surprised...
Yes I try to do this
I don't see how anyone can give any of Frank's videos a thumbs down.
*smh*
SMDH
Maybe they don't like skyrim .
For me it is one of the best game I have ever played .
I used to be an adventurer like you then I took an arrow in the knee.
It's extroverts giving thumbs down. Loud voices.😉
Dorinda B
Yes that's the only possible conclusion! ;-)
They're saying hellon't
I feel like saying 'Hello' to some people can be dangerous. I have this freak magnet where the simplest 'Hello' will make people engage me in a 10 minute conversation about how their life sucks. It's not even a conversation, I just serve as an emotional trash bin to make them feel better. Good advice, FJ, but might not work for everyone.
Yeah I have a freak magnet too. Just develop your freak detector I guess?
Bella Vita same.
Bella Vita ..my life! Haha I’m trying to get better at talking to people..and I’ve noticed how often I’m standing there listening for a prolonged period of time..often overly aware of my own shifting eyes and awkward limbs 🤣
Develop freak detector, assertiveness and nice topic changers i think
Yes and when it do say hi it’s quick and without eye contact 🤷🏾♀️😂
One time, in high school, a very outspoken girl who kind of claimed center stage in my Spanish class got partnered with me and the first thing she said was, "You've never talked to me before. Do you have a problem with me?" Naturally I was taken aback, because of course I didn't.
I love the culture of the town I work in, particularly in the elementary schools. I think the kids are specifically taught to say hello to all adults by name. It brightens my day. I wish I could remember all 8 million of their names. The little kindergartners just wave (around 80% of them don't speak English at home), and my first month in this district I was amazed to walk by a line of little babies and they were all waving to me.
And then a sixth grader (who wasn't in band, not my student) walked by me the day of a school concert, and said "Hi Ms. Douglass! I wish you the best of luck in your concert today!" I just about melted. For me it's a release when someone says hello, especially in passing when I'm on my way to teach or do something big. It reminds me of why I'm there.
My husband was a hospitality management major, I will have to ask him if he's heard of the 5/15 rule.
As a Starbucks stakeholder, could you maybe tell them to make truly compostable cups, and in the mean time, have a bigger discount for people who bring in their own cup? You can do that right?
YOU stay cool.
Stephanie Douglass I love when kids greet me in the hall (especially the ones that are major behavior issues in my classroom - it shows me they don’t think I’m the devil after all lol)!
Names are so hard when you only see them once a week! I started putting pics of my kids in Quizlet and testing myself (yes, I’m *that* teacher) and it helped a lot.
I do the same! Photos in the TeacherKit app help too...but what really helped me was having name tags on the stand where they pick them up and then I collect them at the end of the day. Then I know who was absent without having to waste time taking roll. ;)
Stephanie Douglass TeacherKiiiiiiiit. It’s everything. But so glad I don’t have to take attendance at my school. I only use it for after-school practices roll and recalling which kid cussed me out or stole a kazoo.xD
Hahahaha!!! That's an awkward parent call to make..."Your child stole a kazoo today..."
Stephanie Douglass Love this!!
The Smile and Nod ™
Makes you feel like an old gentleman from a black and white film but widely accepted as a polite greeting by others, avoids words with strangers if they terrify you and keeps you out of the “introverts-are-jerks” zone😄👍🏻
Try one out today!!:D
I take walks almost every day and i usually stay on my phone the whole time PURELY so I won’t have to acknowledge people. People scare me so much and drain me that I just don’t want to see them. I think after watching this, though, I will try more, because I don’t want to come off as rude. I don’t want to be stuck in my shell forever. It’s lonely in there.
I find myself prone to extremes and absolutes: there's a lot of "all or nothing" mentality in things I say and do. Social interactions are similar; I don't care for casual chitchat or small-talk. After all, I am a big picture, Ni-dom person! Doesn't mean I am "above" anyone or anything: simply means I am not motivated to do things "just because." My Fe function craves harmony, but my sufficiently developed tertiary Ti informs me when it's worth interacting, and when it isn't.
If I talk to someone I give my entire attention to hear about them, to empathize with them, and reflect back at them. That takes a lot of time and energy. If I don't think it's worth it, I don't even say hello and prefer avoiding people. But this doesn't mean that "I think 'they' are not worth it." I mean, I have limited time and very limited energy, so there's very little of me to go around, and I just want to save parts of myself for situations that truly call for me.
I have great difficulty explaining this to people without coming off as arrogant. People think I mean I am very valuable by the above, but what I actually mean is, most people have some affinities and preferences, and are better suited to do certain things. I am just not very well suited to strike up a conversation: my social interactions are rich in quality, but not quantity. I like building very few, meaningful relationships, not prolific casual ones.
Anik Muntasir Chowdhury... Spoken eloquently!
Sharon Waltman , Thanks. I appreciate it!
There is something about this channel that makes me feel positive and less ________ (I really don't have a word for this blank. It's not quite depressed, or melancholic, but something of that flavor). I don't have the courage to do a video, but after Frank James released his first podcast on soundcloud, I feel tempted to try recording myself speaking and just upload it. Though I have no idea how anyone would ever stumble upon it, given I would not share it with my first degree of friends/network on social media.
Im exactly like this too. Gotta pick and choose when to expend that social energy!
If only I could explain so eloquently what you just did to my family, friends and job without coming off as a self-absorbed arrogant freak...
Well said, well said 👏🏽
I'd like to get this tattooed somewhere on my body. I'd never forget how to eloquently say it and/or I'd just let the person read it for him/herself.
I do acknowledge people that are within 15 feet, or try, usually when walking the sidewalk. I must live in a world of introverts as most people don’t bother to make eye contact. When they do I always nod. I feel like it’s one of the tenuous connections I have with the real world. Makes me feel normal. Thanks for sharing your thought.
Glad to know I'm not the only one who recently came across this 4 year old video lol. Nice to see you, what's ur type?
@@Purplanne INFJ.
[Sizzurrrrp!] Chris D’Elia does a great bit on how everyone thinks that strangers are the extras in the movie of your life, but really *you’re* the extra in the movie starring *them* , so why not try to get a speaking line in their movie?
My dad is the type of person that greets anyone with a nametag by their name, every time he sees them. It’s a small thing, but after a while he remembers them, they actually remember him, and it’s a total power-play for those observing (plus, he gets better service anywhere he goes, because who doesn’t treat people nicer when they’re treated like a real person?).
For me, I try to find something to genuinely compliment people on (in the 5ft situation) - this is mostly to women and overtly gay men, because the alternative is too easily mistaken as flirting (and also, I’m a scaredy cat). I find that it personalizes the interaction and seems more natural (for me) than “hello, I work in an accounting office”. ;)
SIDE NOTE: I’m not a gamer anymore by any means, but I did just book an Airbnb specifically because it looked like a room from Myst (if you understand this reference we are allowed to be friends).
Destiny Guerra Cld be key difference between INFJ's and others - INFJ's can subjogate others in their idealism and grand visions, but naturally assume the universe within each and every person.
I do the same! Usually for women too. But also for men that I know well enough that they would know I'm married and don't do the flirting thing. Or commenting on some kind of situation happening, like, "Wow, that cloud over there is crazy!" (This is why I don't make a smart first impression, but I get people to look at clouds.)
Also, Destiny, your outro song is stuck in my head this morning.
I have not played Myst but I just googled it and it looks like the next thing I might play.
What your dad does is something that I have always wanted to do, but for some reason I feel held back. I mean, why else would people wear name tags unless you were supposed to address them by their name? I guess the worry about coming across like a freak is too great. But I am gonna start trying to do that! It sounds like something out of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Basically the premise of that book seems to be, treat other people like your friends and suddenly you'll have a bunch of friends. Who knew?
Frank James Yes! Play it! Run don’t walk to your nearest 1990s PC :)
My dad is most definitely someone that would read “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. And you should give it a whirl! I do it when I have even the smallest nugget of confidence and I walk away feeling like a wolf of Wall Street.
‘Stay cool and attractive’ ...so much pressure!
Some days I don’t even say hello to my coworkers if I pass them in the hallway. Saying hello to strangers would be easier in some way... hard to explain. I’m mostly about smiling as a way of greeting people and to show that I come in peace.
"I’m mostly about smiling as a way of greeting people and to show that I come in peace."
Absolutely 100% true.
For me it’s like, I just saw you a few minutes ago, do we have to nod again. And why am I the only one who ever initiates it?!
I firmly believe in acknowledging other people, and yes, sometimes it’s not reciprocated in the way I’d hoped, but I can’t help it because I know I’d want the same. Sometimes I really want to talk to people if I’m sat on a bench or something but the fear of awkward kicks in..
Also, the homeless. I always acknowledge them and reply if they ask me for anything, I once even sat with one on the pavement for about 40 minutes just chatting about life and shit. Was really profound. So yes, make an effort when you can, and you may be pleasantly surprised
I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to be nice, outgoing, and giving my energy away. I literally chose my job: hair stylist, to push me to do just that. Now idgaf. I am living for me. I quit doing hair, started my own business, and never want to talk to anyone again unless I truly want to. I appreciate the message of this video, I just spent all of my energy for so long, I need it for me now. Life is too short to pretend anymore, I need to be authentically me without any guilt! Love these videos though, so relatable!
Jasmine Marie I feel ya. Spent way too much time in my life catering to others at the expense of myself.
Yes, also as a lady, it's tiring how anytime you get outside your house, there's a chance you'll cross some guy who thinks you owe them a smile or conversation. I don't interact at all with male strangers if I can help it, to avoid invasive conversations or unwelcome ""compliments"".
I wish I named my daughter Jasmine instead of overly-popular Jessica. I thought it was too daring in 1989. Probably your age.
And you are the ones he is calling out
@@jamesgentry13 I needed a few years to regroup after decades of forced small talk for 10 hour shifts 6 days a week. As an introvert, it really fucked me up. I am now in a much healthier place and can give to others. Frank James works for himself and is in a place where he can give his energy to others on his own terms. Not all introverts have this life situation, so your blanket judgment is ridiculous.
Next time I see someone walking my way with a sour look on their face, I'll have you know I'm now considering saying to them "Let me guess. Someone stole your sweet roll."
YES
I smile and gesture, but I always seem to get hit up for $$! I have had to learn the hard way to keep 15 feet away from most people.
I love saying hello to people! Or at least smiling. It's just that I don't get the chance to be out very often now. When I *am* out in the world something odd always happens to me - strange questions, people give me things (!) It has always been like this...
Even as a child I seemed to 'collect' people. Strangers will often start a conversation with me and I will politely, happily or cautiously chat back, depending on the person. I really don't equate being introverted with being closed or disliking people, it's simply that I don't have the energy to *sustain* contact. Also, I'm good at making people feel comfortable, which is why they are drawn to me, but I rarely go beyond that moment. I have three essential friends, whom I adore, and I *appear* quiet if I'm in a large group of people but I'll just talk intensely to whomever is closest.
Being an INFJ doesn't equate to misanthropy. To me, INFJs can be the warmest, most consoling people to be around - that's the potential we all have within us thanks to our beautiful gift of being able to read and counsel others.
I recorded another video (mainly about daily writing) but at the end I said that I admired you for challenging some of the prevalent aspect/myths of being an INFJ that can potentially be limiting. I was going to edit it out as I felt self-conscious but I'm going to leave it in now!
All the best, Frank. Keep making those connections, however brief. They *do* make a difference.
Yeah, that's the thing is I don't think most introverts mean to be aloof, it's just how we can come across when we're really just trying to preserve our energy. I'll be sure to watch your new video!
Frank James Thank you! That's incredibly kind of you :)
I have a horrible feeling that the audio will be out of sync during the final part, which is the segment that relates must strongly to the spirit of your video. I'm hoping for a magical transformation when I export it...
Also, I seem *awfully* serious in my videos so far. It's just the unfamiliarity of the situation (I hope! I smile more in real life.)
Frank James There's a thank you/apology to you in the text box :) I'm fighting the urge to say 'don't watch it!' as I am super-awkward in it but I have to learn to cope with this/be more positive...(It improves a little as it goes along.)
My brain sometimes takes a tad too long to register when someone smiles at me or otherwise acknowledges me, which makes me miss my chance to respond to it appropriately. It always makes me feel bad and I worry that I give those people a really bad impression.
Other than that, I guess me taking the initiative in saying hello to a stranger depends largely on my level of confidence at that given moment and the situation.
This is so true! Small interactions can have a huge impact in someone’s life. You never know what will occur as a result of greeting a stranger...I stopped at a CVS on Thanksgiving Day this past year and I told the cashier “Happy Thanksgiving.” In response this man gave me a huge hug 🤗! This was at a time where I was completely devastated by a connection that didn’t work out. This man made me feel like I wasn’t so alone...it was one interaction but I’ll never forget it! You never know what someone is truly going through so making the effort to acknowledge a “stranger” could mean more than you’ll ever know.
I always think about the fact that any person you come across could be the first person they talk to all day/week or even month depending on their situation. We are all connected by virtue of that fact that we are human...so in a way, no one is really a stranger. If you think of it from that perspective, maybe it becomes less cumbersome or anxiety provoking to take social initiative.
Thank you for making these videos FJ. Not sure if you’ll see this comment, but I know you are impacting many people in a positive manner with these videos! Keep up the great work.
Cheers,
Danica
What’s up Frank.
Your content is amazing, and I felt the need to tell you how awesome you are at articulating your thoughts. You can be so complex and thoughtful! You’ve inspired me to branch out and try new things.. and I know you’re doing that for other people too. So with all that said, thanks for gracing us with your perspectives in life.
Thanks, David!
Thanks for the reminder, Frank! A message needed for myself personally right now. I do enjoy interpreting salutations as friendliness without necessary obligation, or as brightening another person's day. I think it's easy to assume that by saying hello you are opening yourself to a big conversation (ie: a lot of energy invested), but that's not always the case, especially depending on how you say hello.
I am reluctant to think that introverts "just need to be more vocal," as there's nothing inherently wrong with silence, and that thinking can easily turn into the idea that everyone needs to behave the same way. With that said, sometimes introverts can forget about the beauty in a simple and perhaps fleeting connection with another person.Thanks for sharing :)
Sometimes I'm so introverted that I type out great comments... and then delete them.
Agree. I relate so much to this.
I’m an INFJ and I say “hello” always, just because I don’t like being rude and I don’t lose anything by being polite, on the contrary, I am very caring when it comes to people in general. But the truth is that I don’t really pay attention to who is there around me or close to me. People is the least of my interests when I’m out. My attention is everywhere else except on the people around me. I don’t like attracting anyone’s attention either.
I will always choose the farthest corner to sit, the darkest spot to be, the loneliest space, the quieter, etc. I go out do my things and in 5 minutes I’m done and gone.
Friends had come to me complaining about me being rude for not answering with a hello or for ignoring them at some point. I’ve never ignored anyone, actually I just never saw them. They can be in front of me and I would not even notice. Now I do try to be more aware cause it saves me trouble.
Three of my best friends are introverts too and the same happens to them.
Yes! Great video! INFJ here and I do this all the time. I try to Say something small to everyone I pass. It’s something I learned from running, most runners acknowledge other runners as they pass with a wave 👋🏻 or a head nod. Also from riding motorcycles, most bikers will throw you the peace sign ✌🏻 as you pass. I just started carrying that into my everyday life. It feels good not to be invisible and afraid and you just might make someone else feel less invisible and afraid at the same time. Making the world a more friendly place one person at a time...
I am the dog walker lady ... and I love how you think 🤛 I attempt to say hello to people I meet while walking the dogs ... and I pretty much use your technique of distance 👍🏻 greeting. You crack me up ... because what you say and advise ... is what I think 🤔 in my head. I have spent many years building up to the smile 😊 and then hello with eye contact greeting. I am 54 ... so you are already light years ahead of where I was at your age. Keep posting your wonderful words of INFJ wisdom 😍.
You're right! Over recent years, my introversion has reached the point of zero social interaction, except for when it's been necessary for work. And the result was feeling isolated and lonely. Recently I've been making more eye contact and initiating a hello, and initially it was difficult but the more I say a simple hello, I do feel better, more connected and less lonely. Sharing myself with others isn't something I'm used to doing, but the more I do it, the easier it gets. You have an interesting channel.
Hi, Frank. You make some good points about the importance of acknowledging others.I caught myself doing this yesterday, passing the same people a few times on a walking loop. Sometimes I look at them, smile and nod. Some days you are deep in thought , may not be as outgoing, and we hope that others will be forgiving; and those times remind us of the times when those around us don't immediately roll out a red carpet for our egos. The shoe is on the other foot. Making eye contact and hearing your own name make areas of the brain light up on a PET scan. Like the law of attraction, what you look at and expect, you tend to get. I usually go for mild humor, awareness, and acceptance of the situation in which we find ourselves, then I usually trying to inject a little humanity by saying something like "they are probably busy at this time of day," and shrug as if to say "we can handle it." I agree- I feel disappointed in myself when I don't face my self-conscious-ness and spread support. My two cents that is not worth two cents. Um -I say this with care and not disrespect- Dextromorphing- like the time I accidentally misread the label on the robitussin and quadruple-dosed myself - two t's does not equate with two mini cups- effected my cerebellum and balance. Do you have a cough? Take care of yourself. :)
That's a good point, that sometimes we're just too deep in thought and just hope others don't mind too much. Ha ha, and I didn't actually have Robitussin in my drink, just a joke.
This is why I started to say thank you on videos. I figure thanks is a good place to start. So, thanks,
born raised and educated in Boston, I am cordial not friendly. Most people won't speak or if I speak first they don't speak back and then I feel like I want to crawl into a hole because I preferred being aloofly invisible. Me thinks I dost protest too much.
You need a talk show of you're own, You're brilliant !!!
First of all, hi Frank and all the fellow followers and viewers :) I've been watching a lot of your videos the last couple days, and you just made me comment on a YT video for the first time ever. :)
I once visited a town smaller than mine, and I was really surprised that the bikers said "thank you" to everyone who got out their way. It felt so good that I started doing it.
Saying hi to strangers is something that I'm only doing when etiquette rules tell me so. (And it's a lot of times, at least where I live. Whenever you enter a shop, you greet the people working there according to the time of the day, once and loudly) and it actually recalls bad memories. As a child I often didn't say hello when we came across neighbours and family friends I couldn't even recognise. And whenever I did this, I got treated as I was really dumb. I wasn't, I just didn't feel it was necessary as these people wouldn't even talk to me/didn't want to get noticed anyway. I also feel embarrassed when someone does it to me without any reason.
True story: I knew early in life that I wanted to teach. In an effort to overcome my extreme shyness as a college freshman, I forced myself to greet every single person I passed walking to class. I told myself it didn't "count" unless I made eye contact, smiled, and said hello. Out loud. It was exhausting. But it did help me find my voice. Apparently I said hello to a certain boy two days in a row. I don't remember; I was trying to greet every person. But he went back to his dorm, looked in the freshman photos to see who this girl was who had smiled and greeted him. He eventually asked me out, we dated all through college, and will celebrate our 29th anniversary this month. Folks, don't be afraid to say hello to someone. You never know where it will lead.
Sometimes I think its a defensive mechanism for when we have little energy left. My mom and sister are both ESFPs haha. So they have told me not to look like a jerk in public as I tend to especially when im in my own head. I dont have to talk really but just smile and hi. Ive gotten better at my outward appearance and it makes me more approachable when I want to be :)
Kassel Encarnacion Be prepared for the day when the E's get louder and more obnoxious around you because you've mastered demure and they can't compete with that ;) Just keep quietly smiling.
I always get told from people that their first impression of me is that I thought I was better than them/ that I was a b*tch. My close friends have come to find that I am a warm caring person who is good at listening to their problems. I have to say I really hate talking with people. I think sometimes just saying hi encourages people to give me their entire life story and then I would need to go home and take a nap. My boyfriend is an extrovert and basically tries to make friends everywhere and even thats enough for me just to be there when hes chatting with strangers. I actually have a huge pet peeve with when I'm trying to mind my own business and just wait in line somewhere there always seems to be someone who is just so uncomfortable with silence that they feel like they need to start a conversation about useless things with whoever is nearest. I then once again come off as cold and aloof...oh well.
For people I haven't formally met, it depends on my mood. If I'm feeling self-confident and energized, I will usually keep my head up and say hi to anyone who makes eye contact with me. If I'm feeling inadequate in some way, I'll usually look down more and retreat to the childish "I can't see you, you can't see me" mindset--whether I know the person or not. This can be confusing to people who know me because I actually do appear extroverted much of the time and they tend to believe it's a personal snub (or that I'm a snob) when I retreat from my social persona.
Thank you so much for being you! I'm new to your channel this week and every video I've watched (completely out of order, I'm sure) has revealed a multitude of thought-provoking (or just plain fun to hear) topics and ideas.
Thank you SOO MUCH Frank! I've been doing that FOR YEARS and family has even ridiculed or teased me about that! JUST TODAY my little brother brought his girlfriend for dinner. She's been coming around for a bit since they've been dating. She's ok but...eh..not my favorite person. I was already in my room when they arrived and I came out to get something. I saw her but, like, kinda ignored her as I went back to my room. I was already tired and focusing on something else and engaging with someone I feel "eh" about I felt would take too much energy. BUT!-I thought it over, went back out, said hello, and came back. I think it's AMAZING that you posted this just as it happened to me today!! Our relationship is still "eh" and strained but at least I made progress!! Like you said, I definitely need to start acknowledging more people and get out of my own mind! Thank you for being genuine and AWESOME my dude!!
I just watched the movie "Ready Player One" I feel motivated cause in the end part of the movie there's this quote "reality is the only thing that is real"
and here I am after receiving your channel notification.. oh wow. God is always watching. Thank you so much for making this video. I will try to be open with people in real life.
and I'll put this video on my favorites list so that someday if I forgot I'll watch this again.. mann.. God Bless You.
Thanks for watching!
I’ve thought this exact thing before!! And recently I’ve been experiencing it IRL. I’m an INFJ and introvert, but I’ve been dating this guy who is an extrovert and will strike up deep conversations with total strangers. I would never be brave enough to do such a thing, but his conversations have lead to such meaningful experiences and connections with people...I absolutely love it. Skyrim is my favorite game too, and I once said to a friend that dating this guy is like playing a video game where I’m always having crazy interactions with total strangers that lead me on these missions and adventures. Currently trying to learn as much as I can from this guy, watching what happens on the other side of taking these risks in social situations has helped a lot. Life is so much more interesting when you live it open to the possibilities.
INFJs can learn a lot from extroverts, I think we have potential to appear to the outside world as extroverts if we develop that side of us
Very true...
i agree it is important at times to push yourself to acknowledge others and say hello...however sometimes (on public transportation for example) this gives the signal for some people to start talking your ear off and go overboard. it is such a balance with being polite and then not opening yourself up to be railroaded by a stranger's monologue about a random topic. (i am a nurse and someone literally started telling me all about their rash and even showed it to me.) maybe this is just too many public bus experiences that i have had. lol environment and situation obviously play a huge role. thanks for the video!
That was more helpful than years of coaching, therapy and reading 100s of self help books. Still listen to it frequently.
It is very true, my introverted intuition is telling me, I’m lazy on my days off from work I just want to be me and not talk at all. When u see somebody outside I feel like not talking but my extroverted feeling is doing the right thing, like greeting somebody u know or acknowledging them,
Even strangers. It just have to be incorporated in our daily life. It was a great difficult for me at first but when u r used to it it becomes a habit. Good point!
Hi there, I work with my Mother selling fruit and vegetables. Your five feet away greeting is hilarious!! I had such a good laugh and your delivery was perfect! Thank you for a great start to my day! I love your videos!!
Ha ha, thanks Mike!
I say hello when it feels authentic. I used to feel like something was wrong with me for not being more interactive, but this anxiety went away as I learned to relax into myself. Once I expressed to an extroverted friend that people probably wouldn’t listen to what I had to say because I spoke so little. She replied “I’m so loud and talk to much that people tune me out. When you speak it’s a rarity so people want to stop and listen because they know it must be important.” Sometimes what we think as negatives are really just what makes us unique. And I believe our inner character can be seen without words or direct interaction. Though I definitely get your point that it can make someone’s day to just say hi. I’m also an INFP. I could see the pull to reach out being much stronger in someone with Extroverted Feeling in their stack.
Upon the 2nd viewing I need to leave another comment. I'm more of a Peet's coffee person. I used to get coupons sometimes for buy one get one free or something. Since I was solo, I would try to make what I called a "Five minute friend". I'd try to find another single person in line and share my coupon with them, so we could both save money. Then they would never take the coupon.(They would accept it, but not tear it up or anything). So I still had it. And then I'd find another pair of people and give them my coupon on my way out so they could use it too.
Sometimes I even pay bridge toll for the person behind me. Well, once. I watched in my rear mirror as I drove away, and the person I paid for tried to pay, pulled their money back as they were told, and THEN !!! they paid anyway for the car behind THEM. Oh my goodness. I wondered how long that chain reaction went on for?? I felt good.
How cool that you started a chain reaction!
Waw,that's super cool
Recovering Soul I like that you’re prone to random acts of kindness as I’m a similar way. I’m also a Peet’s person myself 😀
This was a really great suggestion! It will definitely help me mingle with my seniors and classmates. These minute gestures are always on our minds but we never implement them due to our fears and introvertness. Also, it's a very good topic to ponder upon for today. Thank you!
(Inhales) *I used to be an adventurer like you, but I took an arrow to the knee.*
Yeah. My arrow is in the heart. 🧟♀️
I need to push myself to acknowledge people i come across during my day. I always regret having not said 'hi' and i feel like a horrible person. Even pushing myself to say good morning to the person who sits next to me on the bus each day would be SOMETHING. Great advice FJ, loving your videos :)
In a space lately where this was a real pick me up [thank you, thank you], because of all the things I fuck up regularly, at least this, I mostly have going for me. I smile at people, say little bits, so often l do and yeah, it feels anywhere from good to magical. I love the connection you speak of and have been trying for it, for what seems like forever. There are times I just duck and run, so to speak, but it is just not wanting to share my bad space and I recover eventually and move toward contact again. It is like an elixir, when they smile back.
Occasionally there are people that stun me with their dismissal, but generally I just end up feeling sorry for them, as even in a bad place I will return efforts even if I can't act first. And there are people who will think you are asking for something you are not, but again, worth it on the whole.
I walk a loop at a forest park, and I cannot tell you how many people sort of acknowledge me at first when I smile and say hello, then smile wide when they see me again.
So thanks again, dude, for bringing to my attention to the good stuff.
I started my own thing years ago, where I tried just looking people in the eyes, and smiling at them. The great thing about it, is that I was so persistent in doing this that it 1) got easier after a time, & 2) people that seemed just as uncomfortable as you on other occasions, started smiling back, and then talking. It really works. I still slip into my quiet mode often enough, but when I remember, I smile. And sometimes make another acquaintance. LOL! Or another person will "ghost" you, but I just say to myself "they're just busy" and I move on. Like you, I'm not perfect yet, but it has changed the way I see people, and myself. This was a very good discussion for us. Thanks. 😊❤️
I usually try to walk thru the public as invisible as possible, because I feel awkward how I look when I smile and if someone does engage in convo with me, will I know how to feel relaxed to reply, how will I reply.....rigidness and anxiety would take over.
I have on many instances made eye contact and smile warmly, then casually blink and look down, which is ok for me but I realize it shuts down the connection right away. Guess I have to work on that better. 😊
All in all, those rare times I do engage in more open acknowledgement, I do feel uplifted and elevated in mood. Its those times, I realize I am not an ass after all and am also worthy of attention.
So there is a balance. 😊
Aeyla Spirit Same! 🤓
I can't believe you told us you have Starbucks stocks. That really makes you look presumptuous. I do agree that introverted people tend to appear aloof, because I have been told that. You do tell it like it is and I really love it! Thank you.
I’m in my sage years now. I have evolved to be more engaging. I was a shy church mouse at your age FJ! Y’all are blessed to have so much support like your channel!!! I felt odd and off-putting for most of my life. 3 years ago I did my typing. The puzzle was complete! Thank you for all you do!
By the by- the podcast was excellent!!! 👍🏽
I understand this so hard. I make it a point to at least smile to anyone that I make eye contact with, I feel guilty if I don't say hello to people. I feel like even a small smile can make them smile for a second of they're having a bad day but then I over think it sometimes and get scared they might take it the wrong way... Hmmm... You see! I'm over thinking it! I'm an introvert, but as you've said before, we still need people! So I try my best to make the smallest moves to become better at socializing lol. Thanks for another great video FJ.
I JUST NOTICED YOU MAKE YOUR BED REAL GOOD. Totally an INFJ thing. Also, are you sponsored by Starbucks? ;)
Yeah I make 10k every time I mention Sbux
I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. I am an INFP and I am also guilty of being stuck in my head. Even when I get out, I have my mind stuck in my phone's screen. This is bad. The inner world is important but without exploring the external world, the inner world will die too. Your video is a message the world needed.
Thanks for the reminder! As a New Englander, it's more common to ignore people because being friendly can be seen as weird or threatening. It's like we all have exaggerated stranger danger, even though we do genuinely like friendly people. Even though I'm an ENFP, I struggle with being friendly at work because I get so caught up in what I have to do as a manager that I skip all the pleasantries and start talking shop right away with my crew. I know, I'm a monster. At least, on that they think so. It's something I'm working on. Good to know I'm not the only one.
Always made myself be like that! I remember on the last New Year's, we'd gone to a party and to almost every person we're crossing, I'm like hey dude, have a great new year dawg. Haha and the parents of one girl thought I was her classmate or something and we were..staring at each other for 2 seconds and I was smiling my face dead. This has never been exhausting for me. I've always enjoyed making eye contact and smiling to people. It feels good, and all of what you said. 'Thank you's and 'good day's to janitors and guards...all that jazz.
OOOH NO. Oooh NOOOH. You are a Skyrim fan. Holy moly. It is my all-time favorite.
In reference to your question, I do feel awkward when faced with another human being. Ha. But the awkwardness is mostly just my Inner Me telling my Other Me to interact and be a social creature, while my Other Me is saying, "Please no." I feel this need to at least smile at another person I see...which is sometimes super weird, because who smiles at every. single. person in a certain vicinity?
Me, apparently.
The upshot of this is either that I feel a little freaked because I said or did something peculiar -- in which case, I would quickly forget it -- or that I feel satisfied from the conversation, having gained a piece of that person that I cherish.
I grew up in a Latino home and community and was taught to acknowledge the presence of everyone in the room by either shaking hands or doing the cheek kiss. I love the idea of acknowledging everyone’s presence but also have a mini panic attack walking into a room full of family/friends. Especially because you physically acknowledge each person’s presence both when you enter and leave a room......Getting out of rooms takes a while. When you grow up in a community where people feel less than once they leave their community, it’s an especially important ritual. You have no idea the impact you’re making sometimes. We all
deserve to be seen and acknowledged.
Carrying this personal expectation into daily life gets tricky at times. Thoughts of: Am I being a weirdo? frequently cross my mind. My husband’s reaction the first day he met me comes to mind. We met in a library, I outstretched my hand to say hey, he looked at my hand like I was secretly contaminating him with some disease. It was perfectly awkward.
Finally, I think that this desire to acknowledge people may have contributed to me almost getting mugged in Riverside Park in NYC. I smiled at my potential mugger and then he followed me through the park. Damn me and my friendliness! Despite this moment of friendliness gone wrong, I’m sticking with saying hi to people.
Being in my own world and coming off as a jerk is something that I really struggle with. I love you idea of pretending to be a NPC and just greeting people! This is something I want to try even though I know it will be hard at times.... It is amazing how much of what you say resonates with me. I also greatly appreciate your sense of humor. So glad I discovered your channel!!
Ive noticed that when I'm in an open state of mind and go out in public people will come up to me and start telling me all this stuff about themselves right out of ths blue and I'll just smile and listen most of the time and add a little bit to the conversation. Its nice when their saying happy things instead of unloading all their problems. Its not a common occurrence but thats probably because I'm putting up the "shield of avoidance" haha.
i've never stopped to think about how i feel bad by being ignored and by ignoring people
I reelly get inspired by you, man! I have acknowledge every single human being today, and feels absolutely beautiful! ♥️
I totally agree FJ...Saying hello could make someone else's day, week , month or year😉😊😉I met my BFF from widening out and saying hello even though she didn't speak English
I waved at the Mail Man the other day and he smiled and it made me smile:)
Short, contained human acknowledgement. The total stranger friendly lady who simply smiled and remarked "Tired!" as she walked by me on the street. I was mad yawning. It was cute. Still, I reserve my rights to tune out and not be accosted by people telling me to Smile! There are entire sects of people in this world that thrive on telling others how to look, how to feel, and what facial expressions are permissable. Screw them.
Yeah those people are dumb. But some of them think they are helping you out, like trying to cheer you up or something. Misguided for sure.
Ugh, I hate when people tell me to 'smile' when I'm usually deep in thought. I remember at 17 I walked into a line and glanced at this tall blond gal and kind of just looked down thinking about something (lost in thought as usual) and some other guy standing next to me says 'you're pretty too'. - I'm a tall African gal.
He assumed I saw the pretty girl then felt bad about myself and felt he needed to '"cheer me up". I rolled my eyes so hard I gave myself a headache.
Cali9000 Wow... because being pretty is at the forefront of every 17-yr old girl's mind... Now I have a headache! Lol.
I always say hello to those around me. I feel obligated to do so even when I don't want to. I was conditioned at an early age to do so. I often feel resentful that no one says hello to me first.
Me, too. Also, I say a pleasant good morning at work, yet even when there's only one other person in the room, as often as not they won't say anything back to me. I feel like I've just given them the perfect invitation to ignore me. Hurts, you know?
I've learned that INFJ's don't just "receive"; we also "transmit." I think that acknowledging people--whether with a greeting, a smile, or just a nod--is a great way for us to transmit our positive, loving energy into the world. People of our type have much compassion and genuineness. We desire a peace and harmony that comes from a sense of connectedness with others. If it's true that "what goes around, comes around" (and it is!) I think we have a responsibility to sow as much goodwill as we can. I enjoy making the effort to engage with those around me. I've found that, more often than not, I receive far more than I give.
Another goodie from the man in everyone's brain picking things out and making you feel less alone.
I am open to people. Making a connection is very rewarding for me. I genuinely like to share that moment with someone. I have a tough time ignoring people. I feel like I'm being rude or something. However, I am generally exhausted when I come home from a trip to the grocery store. I am sorta glad when someone is looking at their phone. Then I don't have to put out that energy to try and engage them and I don't feel bad either.
Hello Frank James. I am grateful for your existence and I find you absolutely brilliant! ❤
One of your best videos FJ.
I try to to open myself a bit more. It isnt too draining for me
Thanks for giving us courage to open us more for the people around us 🙂
i used to be an adventurer like you... lol i tried that last night and had to spend about 20 minutes talking to a cahshier about how she was addicted to food... it was exhausting!
Seajay OMG yes. People are attracted to me like a magnet for therapy. Ive had so many strangers open up and tell me some really deep stuff within a few minutes and I have to process this with them. For some reason everyone thinks Im the person to clean out the skeletons in their closet.
Hehehe. I'm so sorry. We need tips on conversation containment, right?!
This happens to me, but also I do that when people ask me "How are you?" I will tell the truth of the situation and why. And then I'm like, "Oh, that was small talk, sorry..."
I hold to never lying about how I'm feeling unless my safety is in jeopardy, or some dude I don't like is hitting on me, in which case, I'm great! Never been better! Thanks... Bye! If ppl just want to say Hi, there are several variations of greetings in the English language that don't take the form of a question. (Smirk) It's not like finding out I'm tired today or need coffee or that I'm not beaming sunshine out my... ok... what I mean is, if you didn't like the answer you got the last time you asked me How are you?, just freaking say Good Morning.
Seajay this is why I don't do "adventures" like that, either I get their life story or get stuck with small talk
I think you're right, one time I was so sad and my eyes were wet and on the verge of crying and as I walked out the store another man acknowledged my sad existence and said "Have a good day" just him saying that made me feel better because I felt like someone cared
Hi James😀 I found your video by accident. ~ I live in the busy part of NYC, and I work in a busy part of town . But I get it . Say hello, why not ? It’s been on my mind . I say hello, good morning, thank you, etc. with persons I interact with in public & usually get no response. ~ But I understand that everybody has different preference modalities of communicating. Still, hello & a brief exchange, why not ? I like your ways of thinking. And you’re absolutely right ; the characters in the games all run up to each other & say “ hello “ ... how civilized 🤗
You are feeling cheerful. Happy to see you inner sparkle come out 🌸👽🌸
From 2000 subscribers to 11000 in such a short time. Very excited for you. Thank for for these videos. 🙂
I just want to drink Starbucks and play Skyrim now.
Ha ha get wired and spend your whole day in your room
I secretly liked to play SWOTR and make my character as evil AF.
I do this more and more as I get older. I naturally smile a lot so even if I don't say hello, I will smile at them and I think it makes people more comfortable with saying hello to me first.
I think of going out in public as an event where I kind of owe it to people to at the very least acknowledge their presence. We all share this planet and experience the same emotions, and you're right- such a little thing can really brighten someone's day, which brightens mine in return.
Speak the truth in love. Open yourself to see everyone as a valuable creation, it shows in both verbal and non-verbal communication.
Hi! I'm a new subscriber and I just wanted to say I love getting to see your perspective of the world. I find truth in your words when you say that the world can be made brighter if we at least acknowledge one another's existence and by extension all the intricacies that come with it. In my work I'm expected to greet people and unfortunately find much of the responses to be automatic. However, there are a few who are very 'present' in that moment. I dont have to have a full conversation with them either it can just be a few words but their voice carries something extra and their eyes simply say 'I SEE you.' It's nice to have those moments at work knowing that others still see me as a person and not as a cash register.
I do this as a part of my peace building faith (seeing the other as valuable) and it is amazing the beautiful opportunities that open to you. And don't we all need more positive energy put into the world? 💜!
Personally, I find speaking to strangers absolutely terrifying. I can smile and say good afternoon to someone walking by, but anymore I would become seriously drained. It also doesn't bother me when someone ignores my existences, It actually feels like nothing but a relief. But I'm totally with you on smiling to strangers part :) I think it's really valuable to some people's day.
This video cracked me up so many times in the first two minutes, thanks for that! I believe the term is “syzurrp”. heehee. Just ask Li’l Wayne. I dug what you had to say here, though- I learned a meditation from Osho when I was a teenager that was simply intentionally greeting everyone you cross paths with, saying hello while acknowledging them as a living, sentient being that we are sharing space and life with- just like you suggested here! After years of practicing it I feel like it is a basic gesture of love and respect for our fellow humans, and it makes you feel less alone, too. Keep ‘em coming, Frank. You are rad.
I recently started doing my work in a community art studio. I'm in that awkward phase where mostly people are just a bunch of vaguely familiar faces. Some people talk too much, and don't pick up on cues. Some seem very happy with their shared "communications" of tedious BS. The desire to do so is incomprehensible to me. Some want to focus on their work, and that's clear. I respond accordingly. I feel like I've mastered appropriate levels of interaction with everyone (Over the course of the week, I see about 20 people). Off topic: There's one person who looks at me like I'm I'm dirt when I speak to her, while being friendly to others. My SO says I should torture her by being exceedingly effusive and apparently clueless and immune to her disdain. I think I might. In my past I've obsessed about what I'm doing wrong, but being older and "wiser" (?) now, I know it likely has very little to do with me, and she's just projecting. Have you ever dealt with that situation?
"Is that scissor?" Already laughing.
I feel I think way too much about how I'm coming off when I say an obligatory hello in an awkward situation. Did I smile weird? Did they know I was sort of pressured into saying hello? Do I look insane for saying hello to this random person? It's a lot of internal conflict, but I still do it when absolutely necessary or at least give a weird smile here and there.
*sizzurp
I lived for several months on a lovely African island where people would greet me in the street all the time, complete strangers, and completely honestly, although definitely part of it was that I was an obvious stranger which made them curious, but it was still genuine and it felt so nice because it was somehow like receiving the good wishes from them, it was very spontaneous and I love to remember it, especially the kids greeting me.
Everything you said is completely spot on! It’s truly relieving to finally understand my personality, and know that there are other people out there like me. Being an INFJ can be a curse and a blessing at the same time. Seems like it anyway! I also find it hard to say “hi” and maintain eye contact. It’s like I have to quickly divert away from an interaction and retreat back into my “safety net”. Sometimes I feel like I’m so incredibly stuck in my own thoughts and feelings, that any social effort just feels like it’s not worth the probability of me saying something odd or out of context, and then beating myself up over it. It’s going to take some time, but your video really helped me fully grasp another aspect of myself that I should work on. I need to reflect only on the positive vibes that those interactions can bring. Thanks!!
this feels like you're the introverts' spokesman or something like that and this is our meeting after you've talked to the extroverts. in the beginning i could almost hear the prostests "what?? us?the jerks?!?! I'm just minding my own business!!!"
but, even tho it's not that easy for me to accept and it's really not easy to do it, i will try. because i can understand, or at least i try to understand this need some people have. wE'rE hUmAnS and we were made to interact with each other as humans.
it puts me in discomfort but maybe it's worth it so i can promise i will try to acknowledge others' existence more.
To answer your many questions at the end of your video, I tend to go out of my way to acknowledge people or even spark up conversations with strangers on public transport. Not always of course, just when I feel super chatty or when the person appears interesting to me. Thank you for your advice on acknowledging people in a hallway! I actually never considered the subtlety of eye-contact and smiling at 15 feet - I tend to be waving with both hands at them within 60, looking like an inflatable tube man. But I suppose that's because I'm an ENFP and subtlety isn't our specialty. I found this video inspirational and even the videos you're less happy in, I find both insightful and relatable. I'M ALREADY LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT VIDEO!!! This may seem very personal, and of course feel free to answer vaguely or not at all, but how does being an INFJ mix with other personality types/groupings within your family?
Hahah I laughed so much at this XD the accuracy is undeniable.
In my high school and college days I often got told how serious I was and that I actually came off as intimidating, like wth.
I didn't change it much due to me being so shy and doubtful of myself, seeing how everyone was so extroverted and confident.
My sisters told me last year how I had a "resting bitch face" 😂 and came across as if I hated everyone and was in my own world. Little did they know I actually knew where and what everyone was doing and talking about, I just didn't feel like talking or fit in the convo.
Since late last yr I made a decision to acknowledge people, smile and say hi, even strangers outside. I actually made a neighbor old lady friend! We say hi and have a small talk everytime we cross eachother, even visited her home, who would've thought!
I'm a gamer and I love Skyrim I love the examples 😂 👌🏼 Thank you for this video haha 💕
Also idk why this reminded me of Freaky Friday when the mom changes to her daughter's body and starts greeting everyone at the high school and everyone looks at her like she's crazy 😂
Thank you FJ. Whenever I walk my dog, there's usually always a lot of people around, but I always try to avoid them and never acknowledge their existence 😂 but it's cause I'm too socially anxious to say something. I also watched your video on dealing with anxiety, and i found really helpful and kinda similar to this one. I guess I gotta try it now!
You had me at Skyrim, Morrow Wind, great stuff for sure... Thank you for sharing, helpful and inspiring indeed...
Eyebrows raised, eyes big, Mona Lisa smile. This is the stock silent greeting I flash, and if there's any acknowledgement, I say "hi" or "howdy". Less awkward than silence. I adopted this years before I read that studies prove a positive response to the raised eyebrow and large eye facial expression.
I also love to give people I see more frequently positive nicknames. Not fast on my toes all the time in conversation, but people have told me how nice I am (umm...really?) because I acknowledge them and say nice things about them (or their names).
Thank you kind fellow being of light by the name of Frank James for sharing your insights on the how to as to be a human being on this aqueous and verdant planet. Yes it does compute that to greet another being with the lips tilted at the slightest degree perhaps revealing just a bit of ones teeth for good measure, to emit sounds that convey one's sense of joy and pleasure to see them and eyes wide open may just make someone's day brighter.. Or upon initial eye contact they might make a beeline to cross the street and do the power walk and all the while one may say hello! Then goodbye! And bid them well on their journey.
Seriously though, reaching out to others can and DOES make a difference.. Like Shazam there's a song written about it "Reach Out in the Darkness" by Friend and Lover 😜❤️
Jose Ryan Almodovar this made me laugh out loud 😄
@vivmadly
Yes this is mission accomplished, to have made someone's day even just a bit brighter *insert toothy smile*
😄
I actually just watched a video on neglect and childhood...and a behavioral scientist shows how it triggers a stressful response in our neural chemistry. I think when we get a neglected response it causes us to feel alert and uncomfortable, it kills our ego, and maybe it causes us to recall those negative, neglected emotions. I think introversion, our personalities and our feelings of unworthiness, stem from our upbringing and how we reacted when placed in those situations. Usually the kids that get ignored tend to explore their surroundings and they create and curate these imaginative stories and dialogues in their minds...as a result... they become creative. These stories, dialogues, and creations become their friends and they tend to find adults and others unreliable. With that being said maybe it's all tied to that fear of unlearning behavior that we have become so comfortable in. That behavior that was subconsciously engraved into our minds and as a result we seek to avoid those uncomfortable scenarios...We end up just playing out those stories in our heads and disregard those around us for the fear of being ignored. Then again idk I could be wrong.
Also Home Alone is the shit!...followed by Shrek and Good Fellas.
Hey Frank, nice video
I'm also an INFJ and I used to always say hello to people I pass by but at some point I noticed that it actually feels quite draining to me so I don't do that anymore. Sometimes I do when I feel like it and when the person I'm greeting has a nice energy but most of the time I just pretend to be a ghost like I'm invisible to people and that I shouldn't talk to them because it scares them. Sometimes people say hello to me and often I just nod that's the path of least resistance for me
I see what you are saying and I did meet my best friend in graduate school that way. I just walked up and said hi to a stranger at breakfast. It's easier to be open as a college student.
I stopped reaching out to strangers after the third time I got ignored. That sh*t does not feel good. Perhaps the tides are turning in the world now.
An interesting thing happened the first time I went to Aldi recently. A lady saw me looking at the carts trying to figure out how to get one (you have to put a quarter into the handle to release the lock. You get it back when you return the cart). She gave me her cart and said when you leave the store give this cart to the next person coming in. She actually wanted to start a positive chain! I liked that idea. Noone was coming in as I was leaving so I couldn't keep the chain going, but I will next time I go there.
You make me feel like a normal person even if I'm still the weirdest person in my world and family THANK YOU
Someone was having a good time in this vid! Lol
When I was in high school, I decided that I wasn't going to do any small talk or greetings. Then a couple guys told me they were surprised that I was so nice because I came off as a snob who thought I was better than everyone else. I was horrified! You don't realize how that seemingly small gesture affects others. My mom, who is an introvert, had learned to do this to put others at ease. So I gave up my mission to avoid small talk and greetings and learned to smile and make eye contact. I naturally do now unless I am in a bad mood or in my head and don't want to be bothered. I don't say hello though. Maybe I give a nod. I do feel like I have to protect myself. I feel like it opens a door for people to share their VERY LONG sob stories, or for guys to think that I'm interested and inviting them to flirt with me. Very thoughtful advice though, Frank!
You're not afraid that girls may think that you're flirting with them (or maybe that's what you want them to think, lol) or for people to dump their emotional baggage on you?
I ran into your channel by accident a month or so ago. Not actually an INFJ, but an ENTP. But this is pretty good advice regardless. Just be prepared for rejection, people don't talk to strangers as much as they used to. I should know, I'm that extrovert that drives all the introverts crazy trying to engage them in conversation.
I am firmly in the "IGNORE ME!" train of thought.