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How To Stop A Bully (Straight From A Bullying Expert!)
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2020
- How To Defeat A Bully (Straight From A Bullying Expert!)
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#Bullying #Bullies #DefeatABully
That teacher was a god send for you. God bless you and her
And damn that miserable teacher who ridiculed him in front of the school! What an ahole
Man, he's blessed to have that person as a counselor.
Bullying is an immature response but plenty of bullies continue into adulthood. Adult bullies are impossibly needy people. In the workplace, they often manoeuvre themselves into positions where people are forced to deal with them and they can cause maximum disruption. Employers could do a lot more, if they paid attention to staff turnover around particular employees.
Very well said. Management is for some reason blind to this.
@@X0AleeX0 The bully is going to seem like a loyal employee who will never look for opportunities outside the company. Also, they may be successful by making everyone around them seem incompetent.
I too have been a victim of this behaviour!!
@@X0AleeX0 Often times, the management ARE the bullies.
You got that right!
Hit back twice as hard. Bullies are cowards. They rely on you being timid. Confront them head on and don't back down.
I told our girls not to back down. They didn't have to win a fight--they just had to hurt the bully, and the bully would leave them alone. Then I taught them how to hurt.
Exactly .
Exactly, put them in their place.
Yup be strong , find it , as your life depends on it
Bullys dont look for a fight they look for a victim once they get a crack there arse drops and dont want any of it no more 9 times out of 10
I was bullied and it stopped only when I got violent. Same as all things, take charge, stop seeking approval and permission. Learn what is necessary and create the world you want. Life is way too short.
Absolutely agree or be verbally nasty with a truth
Johnny Depp
“One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock...”
Yeah nah. That thinking ended me up in jail.
This is a harsh truth many who promote “anti-bullying” don’t understand or want to admit. Teachers in particular are oblivious. As the result of them not taking action, kids that are bullied have to snap back. The results will vary I imagine, however in so many occasions, just making it clear you won’t stand for it makes enough difference. And that often requires aggression. Not advocating violence, just stating the truth from what I’ve witnessed.
@@Repomidnight absolutely,well said
'if you become secure in your own insecurities, no one else can use those insecurities against you'
Then it wouldn’t be an insecurity
@@angrydoodle8919
Oh, insecurities aren't just such because other people that aren't the cause of them can notice them, mock them or use them against you, like by triggering them by bringing back to your knowledge or attention what you're insecure about
What if you're insecure about tall heights ? But that you know that you don't know how to see yourself just as safe with guardrails and protective walls when you visit the Chrysler building then on the ground; and that you can consistently make yourself at least focus on the scenery and other stuff all the same "before you trip and fall off"
Tyrion Lannister said something like this but I can't remember exactly
Wear it like armor
'Don't react and the bully will stop' isn't true unfortunately. I thought the same and it was worse.
Yeah. For me it didn’t stop until I reacted back. After 4 years.
He Should Have SAID...At Different Levels Of Bullying... Not ALL Situations! SOME End In The GRAVE YARD! ⚰️ In A Box..
So true.
unfortunately at school.my grandson was bullied. head teacher told pupils not to react. when my grandson did all he'll broke loose. the bullies mum complained and we were all summoned into head teachers office. this after years of being on the receiving end of attacks. we were asked to sign a piece of paper to say you won't react and you will behave. I told him to piss off. I should have said YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.. Although I didn't use those exact words but he got the message. Oh and sometimes it's the teachers who are the bullies also.!!!! Been there done and got the t-shirt.!!
@@valerieriggins3184 As a 9 year old I had to hit someone over the head with a glass juice bottle before my daily punch stopped.
If you want to standout from everyone else, then be prepared to be challenged and tested.
Some people stand out whether they want to or not.
The The ghost
@@a_diamond f
Yes, Barrios and your light will shine brightly.
Standing out isn't necessarily a choice. I was born Latina in a white school. I didn't want racism.
Keep in mind what are the most common forms of bullying is constant criticism! This is probably the most common kind you’ll find in the workplace. Relentless criticism of your work ethic, the way you do your job etc. Watch out for constant criticism even in a marriage or a relationship, because that is one of the biggest forms of bullying there is
I used to take the bullying to heart as a kid. When I grew up people didn’t bully the same way but made snide or passive aggressive comments and I would take them in and not react outwardly but stuff them into a space like a balloon I was trying to hold underwater. Every time I added a squelched feeling it would get harder to hold in. When I did react it was often over something really small but it was the last puff that blew up the balloon. Then I met my husband. He has the most awesome way of responding to those not so nice comments. He grabs his chest dramatically and says “Oh, oh, oh, hurting! Deep breath.” He takes a deep breath and then says “Ok I’m over it” and laughs and moves on. What that did for me was so awesome as it is a fabulous way of letting the other person know that it is acknowledged that they were being not so nice without being mean back. And it lets them know that you are not going to let it affect you. I love it. Sometimes people actually apologize as they didn’t really think about what or how they said something and sometimes they just look really embarrassed.
Brilliant 👏
Bravo!
im going to start doing this. thank you.
Bullies are cowards. Swift, aggressive response basically earns respect. True in the workplace, too.
Having a over dramatic boss or co worker is a waste of time especially in the workplace.
This is exactly my own experience, sometimes it escalates politically, but whatever at this point, at least the moron is also afraid of the possible repercussions.
It starts at home, usually a parent or parents do that.
Then there are those who are neuro diverse and nothing makes any difference
What are you saying though bevause you can't be aggressive in the workplace?
I was 5yrs old and got bullied each lunch time by my 'friend' by her persistently pinching me. One day, l stopped this behaviour by tipping my orange juice over her head. And, you know her behaviour stopped- just like that! You have to be able to stand up for yourself.
She found someone else to pick on. Bullies chose the path of least resistance. They bully a person who is easy to pick on. It's convenient way to have fun. But if the person makes it too difficult to get that fun or if the bully could get embarrassed... The bully wants to find someone else to pick on
"If you are victim of bullying talk to someone about it"
Then that someone is gonna talk to the bully and the bully will convince him and everyone else you're the problem.
And the bully starts laughing at you for asking for help
Then The BULLY Meets THEIR MATCH! 💯
And then... Nothing happens.
@@valerieriggins3184 and beats you up.
My god, people! That's exactly what happened with me 😢
It’s interesting when people assume everyone does something disturbing they’ve done. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never gotten pleasure from willfully inflicting pain on my friends. 🤷🏽♀️
@@pamelahall9459 actually a person bullying someone else does give them"pleasure" out of it.So you can mess me with that b.s you posted.After all it makes that person feel like their so strong.
I was sitting at my desk at work, eating a chocolate bar. A co-worker (who was a smoker) said, "You're going to get fat." I said, "You're going to get cancer." After that, she avoided me completely. It was wonderful.
Bullies are actually very simple creatures-they only respect that which they fear.
That’s all you need to know; act accordingly.
Well said👍🏻
Bullies are simple creatures?
There are billions of variabilities of bullies... saying a human is simple to understand is just a sad statement... a bully desires control? That's true though
@@gigantopithecushominoidea8779 and to solve the problem you take that control away from them by smashing their nose to pieces and forcing them to pick up their own teeth while you record them.
That may sound good to you, but it really means nothing.
@@kylesmyle4907 Yeah. Columbine school massacre. That works. Not.
Teachers that humiliate kids are criminals that belong in prison.
So agree!
True
Complete true
They shouldn't be teaching; that's for sure.
Imma just grab my ak & finish the whole round on a "teacher but not a teacher".🌚😆
Harassment actually can be just a one-off. Ultimately you can't stop a bully unless you put fear in them. They only change masks and victims. You need to become an uncontrolled threat to put fear in them. They only respond to consequences that destroy their illusions of grandeur. Malignant Narcissists aren't rare, they are discreet.
Easier said than done ,many bullies fear neither pain nor consequences and are handy with their fists .
@@Wardads1 a bully who doesn’t fear pain hasn’t been dealt enough pain.
@@kylesmyle4907 How the fuck do you expect a terrified victim of bullying to inflict all this pain? Bullies dont generally pick on someone capable of dealing with their attacks.
I used to get bullied a lot as a kid.
(Except for when I BECAME a bully- Forever ashamed) It was when I beat the SHIT out of my bullys ( I AM a big guy, but it was about being tenaciois, not size) that the bullying from that person (and ALL witnesses) stopped.
@@chriskelly3481 Honestly I will always see fighting back against a bully as justice.
Go immediately and without hesitation straight to overwhelming physical force. Bring help if needed. Usually once is all that's needed but repeat as necessary until the abuse ends. This works every time if done exactly as described. Allowing an abuser to continue his abuse is just enabling his abuse of others.
This dude has a great sense of humor and personality, his being bullied made him stronger
Yes but I got bullied because I was too passive and thought teachers would protect me. As soon as I began to stand up for myself, the bullying stopped. Not because I'd defeated the bullies but was more worthy of respect.
That's exactly right. If you aren't afraid of them they go away (usually)
@@freedapeeple4049 sometimes that leads them to increase the hostilities.
@@User-jr7vf That's why I said "usually"
Same with me. I was picked on a lot because I was passive. I thought "kill them with kindness" would help, but it doesn't. It was only when I put them in their place did they stop.
He wasn't 'oversensitive', he was brutalized until given the tools to cope with his vulnerabilities.
In school, especially Middle and High School, looks are everything.
Once you graduate, there's an opportunity to recreate your persona, who you are into who you want to be.
My little brother was getting bullied at school , until I introduced them HARD to big brother . They never bothered him again. What the hell is with your big brothers not helping you ? I love how bullies really understand a bigger stick !
Yes everyone should protect someone being bullied.
Blessings
Soz
If you are the oldest then that doesn't help.
@@Catlily5 It was nearly 50 years ago . Back then families stuck together and looked out for one another . I am in my mid 60s , and would do it again . So yes it helped a lot .
@@derekcrymble9085 I am the oldest child so I had no one to stick up for me, but I am glad you stuck up for your sibling.
I absolutely hate bullying, I and some of my friends were bullied at school. Unfortunately, bullies do not realise that by their actions they can create a Frankenstein's monster. In most cases the bullied become introverted, withdrawn emotionally, and carry mental scars through their early adulthood. But there are also cases where the bullied turn completely the other way, and become aggressive , ruthless in their handling of any opposition or any conflict situation. Try to understand that everyone is not the enemy, it's the only way to try and heal the open wound in their soul.
I've found giving a bully a bloody nose worked too... that sometimes leads to respect...but sometimes leads to a continued escalating war....in the end I learned to show strength that the bully feared, but to let them have a face-saving way out, or way around you,...humor, a deal, an alliance, etc Ignoring works only sometimes, and sometimes to ignore " a test" is an invitation to be thought of as weak, or a chump. Everyone needs to feel respect (including you) to live in peace.
Sounds like you could be a bullying expert too.
The general advice from adults around me, including my parents, when I was growing up was always 'just ignore the bullies and they will go away'. Worst. Advice. Ever.
It also leads to an assault charge
@@tara34952 yep. They don't go away. They beat you up.
@@tara34952 I totally agree with your statement. Only standing up for yourself with often violence or the threat of violence works with these simple animals.
I hospitalized a bully in 12th grade after being regularly tortured by him for years. I was 17. He has a plate at the back of his skull now and I’m sure he remembers me well. I was almost prosecuted until the authorities saw that this kid beat me up so bad I had to have staples close up a head wound and my ear was cut in half. He destroyed my high school years. I’m afraid if I saw him today that I would likely do it again, maybe even worse.
I’m a teacher. This should be in every classroom. Important work. I am thrilled that your quality of life improved and that you are choosing to help others change theirs.
“Yes, New Zealand has a military....” 🤣🤣😂😂👍 great humor!
Yup, I caught the quick wit too.
I love that the approach is "tell the sensitive kid to stop being so sensitive." Hilarious, the bullies won ages ago and rule the world.
I think it's time for that to change.
Lots of bullies in prison would disagree with you.
@@emotown1 100% narcs always win
This is garbage advice. I was bullied all though school. A child can not stop it by not being sensitive.
Also, some advice may work for 16-17 year olds, but be totally worthless to a 8 year old.
My last 2 years in H.S. I didn't have worry about it anymore because 1) there was less general interesting in bullying me. 2) When it did happen, I learned some strategies to work. Mostly jumping in on it and making fun of myself. Someone didn't like what I did, I'd just exaggerate it.
But a 8-12 year old who is being targeted by the group each day, is mostly defenseless. And late teen/adult strategies simply will not work.
Stand up to bullies, they will run the other way. Even if you have to fight. Which is very rare.
My first bullying experience was when I was in grade one and I was physically pushed. The girl doing it did it deliberately. I remember hopping out of the line (I was in front of her) to get to the back of the line away from her. She grabbed me physically threw me in front of her and proceeded to push me again. The thing I remember was the contemptuous expression on her face. She would go from looking in glee at the other kids around to contempt as she looked at me and pushed me. She kept doing this until we got to the class.
I didn't hit her back. Why? I was terrified of getting into trouble by the teacher. I knew that if I hit her back that she would cry and tell the teacher that I hit her. She would have the back up of the other students in the class.
I mentioned it to my mother and other family members to see if there was a way I could solve this. But all they said was 'Turn the other cheek'. Don't react.
So I didn't react. This girl proceeded to bully me physically, verbally, socially and emotionally up until grade 5.
One day she was with her friend and she grabbed me by the hair. I remember slamming my hand up into her face, I can't remember if It was opened palm or a fist, but it caught her right under the nose. Pushing the nose up. And this all happened right in front of a teacher.
The bully? she started crying. Her friend looked at her in amazement. The teacher? She looked her her and her friend. She looked at me. She pissed herself laughing and walked off. I thought to myself after that 'That was all I had to do to get her to stop.'
This girl was soon taken out of the school. I suspect by her parents, she probably told them that a girl hit her.
Bullying is horrible and I am still recovering from it's effects. It is also pretty complex too. I found in a lot of cases with bullies that they are usually protected. The reason why they do what they do. The reason 'the bullied' (no I am not going to use victim, I am going to use 'the bullied' as a noun) get bullied is because they are not protected. Bullying (actual bullying) is about power. It is about 'what can I get away with' it is about 'who is protected and who isn't', it is about exploitation. 'Who can I exploit and not face any consequences?
Spot on!
Biting works, too. I bit a boy who was throwing rocks at me when I was 13. He called me a freak of nature, and I said "Maybe don't throw rocks at freaks then!"
In hindsight he may have had a crush on me, but he needed to learn that's not how to get a girl's attention!
FANTASTIC EXPLANATION!
Exactly. This is why I'm considering suicide. I'm disadvantaged and "unprotected" in every single way. Socioeconomically, socially, psychologically, physically. There's no way I won't be targeted now even after graduating school. Wish I'd figured this out earlier.
@@user-pe5xd3qh7m I know you're hurting, but you were put on this earth for a reason. Your worth is not defined by these things, it's the fact you're here alive and breathing, which takes a lot of courage. You can turn this all around. You have the power. Like the guy did in the video, write 10 things that are troubling you on the left, and on the right write what actionable things you can do to overcome this. I did, and so can you. I highly recommend seeing a therapist if you feel this way.
I think bullies are just jealous hearted people that have a personality disorder
Correct
They are indeed Character Disturbed, as Joe Navarro put it: They devalue others to overvalue themselves.
Agree! And also they're probably going through or had a bad home life.
I think most of bullies have a narcissistic personality disorder.
I feel like you guys are way off. I got picked on a lot. Nearly everyone has bullied someone, most don’t even recognize they do it. It’s an immature response to being insecure. Most bullies get bullied by someone else. An older sibling, a parent, sometimes. Instead of writing them off as evil, maybe they just need help to understand their behavior and how it effects others.
This is not about stopping a bully. It's about feeling better about yourself so the bully's insults have less of an impact. A bully must be taught that there are consequences for his/her actions. Most of the time the consequence must be pain. I've never stopped a bully by feeling better about myself, but I have stopped quite a few by selectively giving them a painful incentive. They never did it again.
Cmon, if you were able to beat bully up then he had to be very very dumb bully. Usually they know their victims abilities.
@@marguskiis7711 Yeah, just like they knew their victims' abilities at Columbine. The victims ended up killing the bullies and a bunch of other people. Great assessment.
Our two girls were taught to never start a fight. If someone starts a fight with you, you’ll need to finish it, otherwise it may continue over and over.
My girls were taught how to defend themselves if they had to. They were only confronted a few times. Our strategy worked. No bullies were hurt in the process, just their egos.
Our girls are adults now and they tell us it was good advise.
Your story is real and I experienced being picked on in school for having good grades and things like that, but I stand up for myself every time, I'm glad that you overcome bullies by being secure in yourself and dealing with your imperfections in life
Except that in my experience, some bullies don't stop until you do react. then they leave you alone. At least for a while. Sometimes I have pretended to be angry at a bully just to get some peace and quiet!
I have a friend who’s dyslexic, and I think she’s a genius. We were doing a jigsaw puzzle, and she was putting down piece after piece without hesitation. I moved to get the picture on the box, she handed it to me and asked”Oh, do you need the picture?” Do I need the picture? How was she doing that without the picture? She has so many other gifts, as well. But reading is not her forte, either. She obviously doesn’t need to.
It's not just insecure bullies anymore. People are a lot more self focused and narcissistic these days. They enjoy being better and perfect. And they act like it's all about them. They like to criticize or belittle or laugh at people to feel better about themselves. And they have to be at the centre of attention. Conceited people enjoy talking down to people. And they love making a fool out of people. Because they lack respect because they are not thinking about people's feelings. When people show disrespect they lack respect. They best way to avoid inconsiderate people is . To keep it polite with people that you are not friends with. And mind your own business and dont overshare or draw attention to yourself. Self absorbed people love making snide remarks and jokes at people's expense. Its best to smirk or roll your eyes and dont take them seriously that's what they want a reaction. Or it's best to say let's keep it polite or say mind your manners. Or let's be nice and mature adults. Or make jokes back at their expense. If you are are good at witty one liners. If not Comedians like Lee mac and Jimmy carr and Alan carr. All have good one liners.
If you just roll your eyes or act “mature”, they are not going to stop anytime soon. Also, if you make a remark, you probably are going to be punched by the bully because the they want to feel powerful and want to make sure you don’t stand up for yourself.
This is not congruent with my experience. It sounds like you're defining bulling as peers who playfully making fun and that's not a real bully. There's an insidious nature about real bullies who gain pleasure from hurting others and they don't stop being predatory because you ignore them. A bully only respond when you stand up for yourself.
More correct.
I stopped watching because he seems to be saying that if you are bullied, it's your fault. That is just not true. YOU didn't create the situation. YOU didn't prolong the situation. YOU are the victim and it is NOT your fault.
I watched the whole way through. It was terrible advice. It was either
“Become secure enough so that you can ignore them or laugh off your insecurity.” That’s called self-deprecating humour and I don’t think it’s healthy.
His ignoring example was if you have a bruise that the bully keeps poking, he’ll stop if you continue not to react.
Here’s my advice that I’ve learned from therapists, not teachers: Ignoring the behaviour shows them what they’re allowed to get away with. Enforce your boundaries. Address that harassing behaviour then and there the first time it happens. Make it clear you won’t tolerate disrespect. You set the precedent to what is unacceptable. If they don’t listen, then it’s time to show them the power of social consequences.
@@hotjanuary exactly. You were already ignoring them when they first started it
Most bullies are that way because they’ve been bullied. It doesn’t mean you let people hurt you. But responding in anger generally makes it worse. That’s been my experience.
He is teaching you to take control of the situation.
@@joanlynch5271 but you can’t take control the situation. Teaching someone to do something you’re not capable of doing, and then blaming them when they inevitably fail, is not fair. You cannot control other peoples behavior and cannot be responsible for it.
You don't have to be antisocial in order to be a unique individual. You just have to have a strong positive mind of your own.
This is a fantastic story and well said. Thank you for sharing this.
Well said
Wow, the wisdom you've gained by listening to the right person is inspirational, and thank you for turning your own pain into helping so many others!! ♡
If this guy could just go 25 to 35 years back in time and tell me these things. But really as a kid I remember it being a lot harder to not react or care. Adults were really overly dismissive about some really hurtful things.
I agree. It should never be the responsibility of the victim to not be hurt. It should be the responsibility of the bully not to cause that hurt.
@@PhoenicianPrincess88 So true, especially if u r a child. I guess she gave him copying skills, but I agree it falls back on the bully 2 change.
@@F16_viper_pilot " but you’ll wish you picked an easier mark."
Yup, just like this entire video.......
If you do not want to get bullied: make it clear someone else is an easier target......... keeping the problem at least as bad as it was (but hey, no longer your problem..... right?)
@@F16_viper_pilot my point is that this video (and to some extend that part of your statement i copied).
Is not about how to "stop" a bully, but how to aim them at someone/anyone else.
The 'tactics' presented here, will not stop them.
It will just move them on to the next-easiest target (which may or may not be, just poking you a bit harder)
And while when your mental health is at risk and 'the appropriate authorities' (in the example the teachers) are unable (or more likely unwilling) to do their freakin job,
this is a 'good enough for now'.
This 'good enough' (also known as, the reason bullies still exist) pisses me off.
No you shouldn't: "make them wish they'd picked an easier mark", you should "make them wish they'd picked a safer hobby"
If like your later post suggests, unlike this video and unlike your post i replied to,
you're with me on that one, my grievance isn't with you.
Unlike this video states, the correct response to a bully isn't:
'play dead and hope they'll continue their damaging shit elsewhere, if that fails, maybe contact your teacher (good luck with that)'
it's
'Report their ass to any authority that will step up. When (lets be real here, this isn't an *if* it is a *when*) the authority of teachers fails, the authority of a suckerpunch to the broken nose will (have to) do'
The main reason to call them for help in the first place is to gather the evidence you'll need when (again, very likely *not an if*).
They (the ones that should have stepped up/in) will blame you (which they will), for not coming to them (which you did).
@@F16_viper_pilot Yeah... The insistence that:
1: Name calling can't be dangerous.
2: If it isn't (or rather can't clearly be proven to be instantly) dangerous, actively making someone's life miserable should go not just consequence-free. But as invisible as possible.
That I have a problem with.
Compared to that, you straw manning me into claiming:
- getting someone (rightfully) arrested for attempted murder
- (passively) condoning bullying, as long as it isn't you.
are the same thing.
Is just plain funny.
I moved back to NZ from the States when I was 13 (early 90's) & had a strong accent, dorky glasses, blonde hair. Straight back into the school system in Napier and stood out like a sore thumb as some of you can probably imagine. We were poor as too, so I had rude clothes and a crappy bike so just more ammo for the douche bags to use against me.
I got messed with every single day and even though I was quick with the comebacks and jokes, some days I'd just get the bash anyway. We moved up to Auckland a bit later and when I began Intermediate, I ended up beating up a kid pretty badly for mocking me in front of some girls. I basically had a flashback and unfortunately after flipping out like that, I realized that since I was angry AND pretty strong, beating people up was far more effective than trying to deflect mockery with jokes and witty one liners. Basically I was through taking shit. It took me nearly 15 years and a whole lot of grief before I got that violent tendency out of my system.
My old man was a bit of a tough nut. He made me take up boxing in my early teens. I admit I didn’t exactly relish the idea of getting beaten up but at the time and being young I wasn’t aware of the discipline boxing required. Anyway, I was nothing special, but I learnt how to throw punches and how to defend myself. So it pretty much held me in good stead growing up. I never really encountered much in the way off bullies although I came across pals who were being bullied. As a group of young lads we had one particular kid who clearly considered himself to be the “ hard knock” within the group. But he never tried crossing me to be fair. And I was always told that I have a very calm demeanour so maybe that why people never really tried to cause me problems. I guess I was lucky in that respect growing up.
Just tell them, “I’m not responsible for your faulty perception of me!”
Perfect
It is the truth
4:58 so true. I am 40 now, I have quite a well oiled skin. I got acne and it never fully went away. But now my skin looks ten years younger than my age, if not more. I don’t have any noticeable wrinkles and quite a stressful life, I never used any products.
I have been trying, on and off for almost 50 years, to figure out what I should have done when I was bullied. This video is interesting, but I'll have to really think about it. I never did know why my bullies targeted me. I didn't react, visibly, if I could help it. A little hard to pretend you don't care when someone punches you, spits on you, or hits you with the garbage they threw. But I tried to be a statue. I had plenty of insecurities, but just which ones made me a target? I was not interacting with these people. I was merely sitting quietly on a bus. I will probably go to my grave not knowing why that happened or what I could have done differently.
Just goes to show how far-reaching the effects of bullying are. I was bullied from age 10 to 14. I'm 53 now and am finally able to speak in front of people. Coulda been a professor, but no way was I going to get up in front of people.
You were never at fault.
You will never understand them because you arent like them.
Some people just suck. It really is that simple.
They picked on you because you didn't fight back. Bullies look for people they feel won't fight back.
@@centripetal6157 I'm sure that was part of it.
“Hey ugly.”
“Oh thanks, u too.”
Ha yes! Not giving a flying feck works! 😂👍
LOL
Nice and simple! 👍
hey, half-brother, I got my looks from our mum haha
😂 lol
Bully: Says mean things:
You: I love you
Bully: what?
You: Hurt people hurt people. I just want you to know that I love you.
Bully: Okay whatever. Weirdo. *walks away and starts crying*
Had some pretty nasty people in the school I grew up with, would've just called you a gay slur. This person, while their tactics might have some value, doesn't understand bullying. Bullying is about social hierarchy dominance, so if you have the ability to make them look less socially dominant (like by hurting them) they won't mess with you. In truth its a bit ridiculous that it's even allowed to go on under the auspices of making kids tough or some other excuse for lazy administrators who don't watch the kids.
People with their head caved in & brain dead say nothing. I love you. Smash. Nope, that's not working for me bro.
Never happens. He finds more reasons to mock you.
Bullies pick on you:
Fight back against the bullies: You're in big trouble!
External psychology is already a growing cancer
Screw that! Like Madea said: "if they got me, got me, got me. Then I got to get them, get them, get them.
In the adult world bullies are much easier to deal with.
@@yogi2436 Agree, Hahaha! They get shut down easily with maturity.
@@xav6287 And the law
My family is that way too. Funny how the bullies get away with it.
I thought (hoping) this was going to be a “throat punch” tutorial.
Liverpool kiss 😂
Head butt 🤣
then a bit of Lydney slipper
Gloucestershire words for a booting
I had someone heckling me, so despite standing up to him and being assertive, the bully started raging at me and tried to provoke me to fight. I stood my ground. Eventually another bully came over and started doing the same thing.
Cops showed up and they both got arrested. While being hauled away they both whined about being the "victim" and tried to tell the cops I was the bad guy.
This was last year. These punks were in their 20s and the other guy was 40+. Pathetic that people at that age still do that sort of thing.
They probably had some kind of psychopathy, narcissism, sociopathy, or antisocial personality disorder.
I was 36 at the time.
I've had a 50 year old uncle cuss me out for no reason and call me names that he knew were deeply offensive to me. Simply because he wanted to laugh at me. People are pieces of shit.
Bullying is a way for an insecure person to feel better about themselves by making someone else feel worse about themselves, it's a power thing
If you get powerful, they got nothing
That counselor was awesome!
Get mma training, surpass his abilities, and the moment he touches or uses fighting words attack first and completely destroy him. The end
Its unfortunate but probably true.
It’s literally the only way. We like to think we’re not animals and natural instinct and reactions don’t apply to us but they do. What does the alpha wolf do if he has a misbehaving rogue male in his pack? Sit him down and try to make him understand? Ignore him? No.
Actually does not work. But you can dream on.
@@marguskiis7711 it does if done right.
Well said Tracey. 👏🏻👏🏻
Most bullies appear to be narcissists. Once a narcissist, always a narcissist, most likely. However you would deal with a narcissist is how you have to deal with a bully, because they are usually both one and the same.
What a wise woman was this counselor! How amazing that one person can make such a difference.
That teacher was an angel.😇wish we all had teachers like that that changed the course of our lives.
To the bully, “Why are you SO obsessed with ME?”
You are an excellent comunicator.... and an uplifting one!
Hi, what a beautiful soul you are! I have an 18 year old son who's on the spectrum and was bullied the whole time he was at school because he looked and acted differently to the other kids. This is such great advice! Keep up the good work Johnnie.❤
the whole logic of: " it's you're fault if you're bullied because you're too 'sensitive' " is disgusting and makes me wanna puke.
Trash
You're an inspiration and I appreciate you. ❤It means a lot to me... your resounding message
since I got bullied badly in school. Much love and light to you. 💕
So inspiring! How lucky you were to have such a brilliant and helpful teacher. Thank you so very much for sharing this, I need to make my own list and get to work!
I wish I had had your counselor when I was growing up. I'm 63 now and I've had a hard time, not at school but in my professional life, with bullying bosses.
I am getting bullied and I try no to take it seriously and it doesn't help
They hate themselves. Tell someone. If they don’t help you, it’s on record and feel free to kick em in the balls. 💚
What I did was to become super friendly, and try to make things funny when people said mean things to me, it didnt stop the bullying with EVERYONE but I was able to earn more friends, and people ended standing up for me.. I still got bullied...
Anyways, watching Naruto really helped me cope with it.
Its gonna be some painful years, I pray that you can become strong and deal with it. I'm sorry you are in pain. Keep moving foward! :)
If you have a dream , focus on getting the skills to be good in that, that will also make you feel better the way did to me!
You need to ask others to support you. Tell them to back off. Put them in their place. It will probably be jail. Maybe they will die young!
Take it seriously. If you are fat for eg , lose weight. If you are a wimp, change it. If you are just normal attack your bully. Even if he beats you up, give it your best. Or verbally attack him or bully him back.
Fight back. Cover your tracks and think in the long term. Be a strategist. Study your opponent and find their weaknesses. Think of it like a video game. The goal is to win.
Disconnect your feelings because they cloud your reasoning. Calculate their defeat, but ensure that you don't get caught. They are the villain, but you can outsmart them.
Can't explain in words how it is going to help me... Thank you so much..for changing my approaches.. Keep posting awesome things as u always do..
You are probably a lot stronger and tougher than you think you are. Fight back.
I tried it and I was beaten up by gang, injured.
@@marguskiis7711 Call the cops.
@@ElanaVital83 cops ask bully "Did you attack Margus?" Bully "No, I didn't". Cop: "OK. Thank you answering". Thats all in reality.
@@marguskiis7711 No, love. That's what you've been conditioned to believe. Stop viewing the world through the lense your bully is imposing on you. You're negative self talk ensures the bully can keep you as their toy. You must fight back. Even if you believe it's pointless. You will be pleasantly surprised with the results if you remain consistent.
@@ElanaVital83 Its not my belief, it is my experience. And I am a realist, not an idealist. I have fought with bullies almost all my life. And always lost. Thats the REAL, not some idealistic fantasy.
I was bullied by a couple of boys because of my voice. They would quack saying I sounded like a duck. One time I got so angry that I pushed one of the boys into a locker and miraculously that was the end of the bullying.
Ignoring bullies does absolutely nothing. Nothing whatsoever. It only gets worse. I tried the ignore thing, it only got worse, even teachers joined in, my family ignored it and tried to make it look like I was at fault when I talked to them about it. Even they make fun of me when they can, and they insult me when I tell them to stop.
I believe him when he said he's good with verbal communication
Bullying is a complex issue, more so than old wives tale solutions. Sometimes they are cowardly and lack self-confidence, were abused as younger kids, etc, but sometimes they are naturally aggressive, mentally disturbed/psychopaths, etc. Even in adult life, sociopaths are everywhere (especially CEOs), and they need to be treated very carefully because normal rules don't apply - they don't react like normal people. The story in the video is a valuable life lesson though, that I wish I had learnt 40 years ago (it took into my 50s to get this kind of perspective).
Yes different types of bullies may need to be identified and dealt with differently. One problem is that it's hard for kids to have control over their reactions and to be that subtle. But I think it's very important for kids to learn to deal with bullying from other kids and from adults.
Bullied lifelong. Been isolating not just because of covid. This is gold nugget. Inspiring.
WoW!! Superb presentation! I recently retired after 29 years of teaching in public schools. Man ‘O Man....I could have sure used YOU and your qualities, intellect AND character each and every year for the students!!! Thanks for your insight-appreciate you and what you’re doing-keep on keepin’ on please!
no you werent hypersensitive, the bullies are
I would suggest if someone bullies you at school you have to react strongly, even unreasonably because if other children see that you are a soft touch they may join the bully. I gave my child advise to grab the child by the collar in the classroom. Even if my child would get detention that would be fine. That bully will then think that you are unpredictable and probably leave you alone and the other children will think so too. My child was not bullied after that by this child
I realized when i was a kid that the bullies often bullied me over what they felt insecure about themselves. My epiphany was when i a kid who always in a nasty tone would accusingly say "where did u get that K-mart" in reference to your close. One day i was at K-mart and low and behold he and his mother were walking out of K-mart with clothing bags. After that i would examine what my bullies would say about me and realized that it was about them. It stopped bothering me what they said.
Johnny, you are such an inspiration. I hope you live a long, happy life.
There's only a very small step from taking this advice on board, then going the extra distance and not being concerned about what others think. Its what toaism teaches.
Life becomes very simple when your primary focus is yourself.
Just exactly what I needed right now, wow good job YT
Not reacting is a great way to stop bullies. In grade 7 a vwry popular girl, who was a bit of a bully, told me she didn't like me. Without thinking I told her I didn't like her either. And we should agree to not like each other and leave each other alone. 2 years later she was borrowing books off me. Never became friends but ignoring each worked well.
Wonderful message. I will keep this for clients who are having a hard time accepting aspects of themselves. Thank you!
Me who doesn’t get bullied: scrolls on UA-cam.
UA-cam: here’s a video on how to fight bullying.
The only reason bullies pick on certain people is because the people they pick on show fear and since they are trying to hide their own fear they will never pick on anyone who might fight back. If you ever saw a bully in action and their victim does or says anything like asking for mercy or anything like that, you will see that bully seemingly becoming more angry and abusive, the opposite of what the victim was hoping for.
But if you saw the same victim deciding to fight or saying something that made it sound like they were willing to fight if they had to, the bully would back off because bullies aren't looking for a fight they're looking for a victim that they're sure won't present any danger to them because bullies are cowards trying to hide behind the tough guy act so that nobody discovers their own fear. It's true of all of them. You don't have to fight them to stop them you just have to make them think that you will.
@@Kerrsartisticgifts well everyone in my middle school seen me fight before so they know not to mess with me physically. So they found other ways to tick me off since they know I won’t fight unless self defense. Good thing quarantine happened tho
@@Kerrsartisticgifts There was a bully in high school; I punched him pretty hard in the face, and after that, not only did he stop bullying me but all the other billy's stayed awa y from me. PS: Despite It being the hardest punch I could muster, I was amazed at the resiliency of th human face and the lack of resolve in a bully's will.
Thank you for sharing your experience with all this and definitely, I would say this would be of great help.👍
It is amazing how one smart, thoughtful, knowledgeable adult can make a huge difference in the life of an unhappy kid.
Thank you, sir. I have Depression, FMS, PPTSD so take meds-super insecure about that. Don't keep steady employment. Really insecure about it. All my bully knows is FMS. Didn't trust her so she knows very little and has decided to just make sh*t up and loudly tell anyone who will listen right in front of me. I ignored her loudly smack-talking me right in front of me with her friend. Didn't even look at them. SO EMPOWERING!!! It felt fantastic to let them yap all they want and FAIL at getting attention from me. Did it again today. I did nothing. Just a few more times and she will get bored. I'll tell neighbors other side of her-picks on them too.
How to stop a bully: 1/ say you're not afraid of him/her 2/ say if you carry on, you'll get it 10 times worse - game over
I can feel he's a good guy and he's advices are good for those with conscious insecurities but his' story is not my situation, some asshole-in-law just want to insult me indirectly, IDK, I think he's the one with insecurities or simply envious of me but I can't figure out why. I mean we're very different but that doesn't mean he can step on me right? I mean, I didn't do anything to him. Some people just want to step on you, I guess.
Yeah, this video is not about Egopaths who are irrational and will fuck up your life for no fault of your own.
www.quora.com/q/laughingatnarcs/The-Circle-of-Slaves
An effective way against such stepping on you is prayer for protection. But it should be regular. Prayer to God, which is your highest self. You can make up your own prayer or use some mantra. Even if you don't believe in it, the belief comes with regular prayer. It's actually addressing a higher power to deal with such people, when we don't know how to.
Bullying is an immature response to feeling insecure. Some don’t realize they are doing it, some feel justified because they think in their head you wronged them, and a few are just jerks. The first two you can reason with. The last one, well, is just a jerk.
Toxic families and their members buh buh and never look back ...
@@LATEXXJUGGERNUT
Great article. Thank you for posting.
Blessings
Man I can relate on working on the list of insecurities. One that I HATED in high school was how young I looked. Some people thought I was a freshman in my junior and senior years. (And people were surprised seeing me wear my cap when seniors picked up cap and gowns and were allowed to go to class with our cap on). I was so upset that day and my art teacher said "Don't worry about it now...you will appreciate it when you're older". I remember that and felt good to get carded ( 21 to go to club) and proudly showed my 30 year old ID.😁
You are right. Once you are secure in your insecurities, it takes away the power of a bully. It’s not just ignoring the bully. It’s taking away their power, you don’t care, they mean nothing to you. It doesn’t change when you get older, just more clever.
I'm so happy to hear you are doing your lectures to bring more awareness on bullying, my to Son's are now adults, but they were bullied as young children in school, they both had learning challenges, 1 had ADHD and obsessive compulsive disorder, the other had ADHD, from what I see people with are Target's, to this day now that they're adults they still have challenges although they have good jobs, I tried getting the school to help out with the bullying but not much success, when my youngest son came home from elementary saying to me if I were dead I would not be around for them to pick on me,that was it, I had some signs made up ( let's have bully free schools ) nailed them to a stick, stood out with my signs every morning in front of the school and at the end of school day, the school told me they have an Assemble once a year on the topic of not being a bully, I have a lot of ideas on this topic, a lot of kids has committed suicide do the bullying, I believe I can do a lot with my ideas, financially I can try and do it and I can......
God bless you and your family !
Misinformation about bullies: they don't have low self-esteem, they have excessively high self-esteem.
Yes. But it's fake.
I teach this to my 2 kids boy and girl every single day..but they are lucky because they have a dad that loves them unconditionally...
The power of a thoughtful teacher
I might not react VERBALLY, but other things give my reaction away- the hurt in my eyes, my stilted responses; and that's all the bully (always a woman) needs to torment me further.
So...how does one camouflage one's non-verbal reactions? Its impossible for me!
Yeh it's all in your response to stress. My response is also "freeze". Bullies response to a threat is "fight". Im trying to overcome /detox any residual core shame so that it is harder for toxic people to transfer their own low self esteem on to me.
He's right; when you react your rewarding the bully. The reaction is a payoff.
@@rosc2022 but you need to be able to not have a withdraw/freeze/wither reaction as well. I think that's the bit I got wrong. I didn't challenge her but I did freeze, withdraw and wither.
what really helped me was learning about toxic people narcissist and covert narcissist how to deal with them. If you know the tactics they use & why they act how they do makes you better prepared & gives you tactics & advice
@@jfb8552 put vital mind psychology ''the three levels of covert narcissim'' in to youtube. That helped me, I can see I was level 1 until I took the right fork at the cross roads.
Watching you I can't believe you were as you describe yourself as a child and came through that as your energy is so nice and balanced. Kids can be SO cruel! Congratulations! :D
The hardest lesson you can learn as a kid/young adult is that the way you choose to react to a jibe or joke is what is going to get you bullied. Shed your ego, learn to laugh at yourself and don't let the idiots drag you down to their level. It's not easy and it takes time but when you figure out how to do it your confidence will grow.
One thing is I ignore and walk away I don't let ppl bait me