That's a great system! It also helps neurotypicals understand that what they may feel is a small/big problem, may feel very different to an autistic person.
We did something like this in rehab for addiction triggers and warning signs. For some people, positive emotions were big addiction triggers, which surprised me, but hey, everyone's different! And it also really really helped to chart it out and make plans while calm, so that I have something to go on when I'm having a craving. Although now almost 4 years out the cravings hardly happen anymore :)
As a neurodivergent person with BPD + bipolar disorder I am SO sensitive to things others aren't. It literally destroys my entire week if I meet a bad nurse, and that's not just a saying. It happens. And for you to tell me I don't even have a right to my own reaction is only triggering it more. Invalidating as HELL. If I'm upset over something, it's a big thing TO ME. Who cares about other people's reactions to other situations? I'm me, and if I'm upset I AM UPSET!
Haven’t felt so seen.. people don’t show or talk about what the frustration looks like for folks who don’t get aggressive. We still experience the same things as them all inside and they have to come out somehow!
That seems very useful. My friends sometimes wonder how I can remain calm when a house fire wakes me up at 3am but then I have a breakdown when I get an unexpected phone call.
Ouch. I would have never been able to put this into words but this video just hit different. Just the other night I had a meltdown because a package I had out on my desk was not on my desk anymote when I went to open it. It must still be in the room somewhere but the more I looked for it and couldn't find it the more upset I got so frustrated and upset I had to give up looking to go have breakdown instead. It wasn't an important package, butt the fact that it wasn't where it was supposed to be (or anywhere else) was super upsetting because I had planned my night around opening it. People just don't understand it doesn't have to be important to be important to us.
This makes sense! I worked at a summer camp and one of the children was autistic and had an aide to help him. They were still building the foundation for the (traditional use of the) small/big problem setup, by having him notice problems around him and how other kids solved them, ie, whether *those kids* saw it as a small or big problem. But I wondered how much that would really be useful in the "application" phase, as even neurotypical adults don't respond well to "this isn't a big deal, stop treating this like a big problem". I think your version would work better, where the framework is based on someone's own assessment of how big each problem is, done when they're in a good frame of mind to assess it *for them*.
@@popupdriveinoh gosh yes!!! autism is not a disease, I don't know why so many people have such trouble saying "is autistic" when *every* autistic person is clearly saying that's what they want!
Yeah I hate how neurotypicals lean towards "if I think your problem is objectively small, you're simply not Allowed be more upset by it than I would be". Like come on, people are just different. Unless I actually hurt someone, you can't act as though it's bad to feel things strongly. I also wish I wasn't like this, but you being annoyed or making fun of it obviously makes it so much worse
Seriously especially when the problem solving or parameter of “big” and “small” were never clearly defined or even like mentioned. Just screaming faces. And if that is what we base it off of 😅 I think we all have a lot of big problems and small problems mixed up.
So much this. I can't describe how much trauma I have from experiencing severe distress and being told I don't actually have any problems and no one is going to help me. It instilled a sense of learned helplessness because I learned it didn't matter how much pain I was in, I wouldn't get help even if I begged. 😔
Love watching your videos. I went into cardiac arrest at 23 years old back in 2018. I woke up with short term memory loss and to this day I still misplace things and get frustrated when I can’t find them. I’ll forget what we talk about sometimes mid sentence but I still live a valuable and meaningful life.
I’m so glad to see this, because it’s what I teach my kinder students! For the little ones, I say small problems you can fix by yourself, medium ones need grownup help, and big problems need doctors, firefighters, or other expert helpers. There’s a book in the We Thinkers series called The Size of the Problem, which teaches it with dinosaurs. It’s pretty amazing.
Good grief why don't I remember any life skills being taught to me at elementary age? Other than sit down shut up do your work stand in line. Is it just that I take for granted the skills I was taught and don't remember being taught them anymore? Or has there really been astronomically more development of the early childhood curriculum around social emotional learning? (I was raised in the 80s)
@@danakchampion Yeah, my experience in the 90s was not great. Now there's way more knowledge about how important social/emotional skills are, and also somehow (finally!) it has gotten a hold in the school system. It's actually a high priority at my school and district, which is great, and a lot of educators are spending a lot of time and effort on it even if there is not time or funding for it.
Oh thank you for that really simple explanation of big vs. small problems, I was raised that independence was the metaphorical watch word, and if you didn't do it yourself,after you were taught, it wasn't getting done.
My immediate response is that sizing problems is a good idea but it means you first have to identify those problems. In a spectral point of view, actual meltdown is a very obvious response for being directly exposed to problems, while avoidance, detachment, apathy and silence is probably a far more common response to problems and will keep them hidden, even from ourselves.
Great explanation. That matches my experience, especially, because I am high masking autistic female who only is figuring this out at at 48. But it makes so much make sense.
I would like to say when I start to talk about the problem or tell other people my feelings, it’s already very severe….. but neurotypical people seem to not take it seriously.
Wow. The second example puts so much into perspective for me. I've always had a strong sense of justice and certain work activities that my place of work has us do twice a year for team bonding enrage me every time. It's trivial and doesn't impact my life at all but it's a situation very similar to that one where I just feel I'm being overlooked in favor of other people, and I know they'll be wrong when I'm right anyway! It also brings back memories of school, when I got into trouble because I'd ask the teacher to stop calling on "the stupid kids" or read during class because it was boring listening to other children try to figure out things that I already understood. I'm relieved to see that other people feel this way, even if it's something I'm still struggling with.
I had a meltdown once over not getting a packet of salt in my takeout. I felt so awful afterwards, embarrassed and frustrated, but that problem was really big for me because I ALWAYS have a salt packet of a certain brand with that takeout. The entire ritual was ruined and I couldn’t regulate through it. Now, my husband and I keep extra salt packets of different brands in the car console in case that ever happens again. Being proactive about something I know has been a problem in the past has really helped a lot with my self regulation and meltdowns.
neurotypical here, very much agree with this method. not focusing on my emotions - whether it's spiraling into them or trying to make them go away/avoid them which doesn't work anyway - and looking at possible solutions instead is how i deal with any situation that makes me freak out nowadays
This is awesome! I just started therapy and my therapist wants me to write a ranking of my stressors and the task sounded really daunting to me because I'm not sure how to rank them in a way that made sense, but now I can utilize this problem size guide to help organize the task in my brain. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah it’s madness to try and tell people what and how much they SHOULD be feeling! Some autistic and adhd folks are amazing in serious emergencies but awful with supposedly smaller day to day things like having to be assertive or have a conversation with someone who can be manipulative (speaking from experience here)! I’m constantly being told I’m getting worked up over something and I shouldn’t be. Rather than people saying how I feel is wrong why can’t they ask how they can actually help me to process it. It’s incredibly stressful being told your feelings and emotions are wrong just because they’re not typical. It just adds to the stress and makes me more likely to have a full meltdown.
Just to tell how different we are. I struggle hard with delayed emotional response, the bigger the emotion, the longer the response time. But it also makes a completly different list then yours. Calling 911(112 here in Europe) is one of the easiest task for me, because the need for it is clearly for me. Just talking about a problem to judge if and how much help I need or ask someone to do a little thing for me to relieve my mental load is one of the hardest. PS. Late diagnosed autistic.
I have adhd so I also struggle with emotional regulation problems and what is frustrating is when people discount my feelings because they know I have that issue. Since i'm not supposed to be that upset over something seen as trivial it is just dismissed and I am left feeling like my emotions don't matter to that person.
I appreciate you educating people. I ran Cub Scout Day Camp for 5 years back a few years ago and we had some scouts with different problems. Granted their parents were with them but we did not receive any training from the scout council leadership and that would have been nice. This would have helped me be a better leader and possibly give the scouts a better experience while at camp.
That is a good system and can be applied in other ways, like if we have gotten to the point in a professional setting that I am directly and intentionally criticizing someone and not tempering my words...there have been either multiple small issues that didn't get addressed very well, or a significant issue has come up that someone wasn't paying attention to.
One of the most understandeable approach to emotional regulation. That wave they usually offer to "help measuring" how one feels was never helpful for me. Ok, now I am at 5, or 7, how that changes the circumstances that do not depend on me? How how I feel changes others behaviours and actions?I do not mean to avoid considering that clearly an oytburst of rage would complicate the things, I am referring to the fact at times people are triggering and my self regulation will not change them or what they do anyway cause they do not want to see/be accountable for the problem they created. This made me triggered and go on oytburst eventually. And no, you cant talk about that when things arent triggered, cause if no problem visible, why to talk about. ..even if when it happens you are the problem, never them. This your approach with numbers instead helps rationalising rather than falling in that loop of reasoning, bless you, thank you❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Thank you ❤ As a mom to a high functioning autistic teenager who was fairly recently diagnosed, this will help us navigate his reactions that we don’t always understand. It was very visual and very to the point.
I love this chart! It's so helpful in identifying areas that an individual may struggle with. My brother and I are both diagbosed with autism level 1, but have radically different support needs and triggers so having a chart like this would help us to explain to others where our individual struggles (or strengths!) are. Thank you for the amazing content and prospective 😊
I am being evaluated for autism soon and I think I am high functioning for it but I definitely have difficulty managing emotions and specifically anxiety and struggle when I don’t have routines and sensitivity to clothes and how they feel as well as light is a big thing. But this year I had to get over my fear to a small degree of talking to doctors and I had to practice rehearsing with my mom prior to the appointment in what I wanted to say and what needed to happen for it to go more effectively. I wish more were talking this openly about this part of it
Wow this is really helpful information for me. I know people often don't understand how daunting certain tasks can seem for me. I've been explaining it on the basis of deficit of energy. Like I'm chronically fatigued from pain/exhausted from insomnia etc. so what doesn't seem like a big task to you may seem bigger to me because it takes a whole day's/weeks/month's energy. Trying to ask people to understand that way. It's been hard for me because I don't inherently understand why others find certain tasks so easy! Like I don't inherently aee where there's going to he a disconnect. Yet I'm the one that ends up responsible for bridging the gap and requesting empathy for "my" "shortcomings." I had related the energy-deficit approach I've been taking to self-suspected ADHD and cPTSD as I've been learning more about those. But I didn't know this could be related to Autism which I also suspect I am. I really like this approach and it's also more of a "different people find different things overwhelming or straightforward and that's completely valid" instead of constantly asking people to accomodate my perceived deficits. Which I don't feel great about but it's also not like I was given a course or support in what I am and how to deal with that. It's been a long hard journey. I'm so glad social media is here to make it easier for us to share what we've learned among ourselves. I'm learning so much from folks younger than me who grew up with actual diagnoses and resources and grew up in a whole different world where they're able to move ahead with theur lives instead of being snagged on all the hang ups I was raised with like about morality.
The first time something happens unexpectedly the reaction can be huge, the next time the same thing happens I might not even blink. Somethings I can handle with experience. Still struggle to tie/untie my shoe laces though! Thank heaven for slipons.
I have a very different approach. I sort the problem by importance of the consequence if the problem is not fixed, and probability of occurrence (for problems that are not yet occurred, but could...). Unfortunately, the emotion is not proportional to the importance of the consequence (I can be really upset by the loss of one of my hair ties, but not so much by not paying my bills or reclaim money to my insurance...). So I ask my husband to help evaluating the level of importance. At work, I do my best to do it myself : first I go for a short walk (in the lobby or the stairs) to calm down a little, then I write on a paper a description of the problem, the consequences, etc... That helps me a lot.
I have this difficulty as well, where a problem that should be small is very large to me. For instance, being late or having something be rescheduled or plans changing. These are my level 5 stressors. To other people, not a problem at all. My husband is very patient with me and does a fantastic job at talking me through it when it happens.
OMG THAT IS REALLY HELPFUL. I was literally thinking. 🤔 what makes it a big problem 😅 even as a child I had broken ribs and it didn’t mean I’d get medical attention but something like a test may have genuinely put me in more clear signs of distress.
Hearing you say that it's normal to feel big emotions for small problems makes me feel less guilty. Usually I feel like a monster for my feelings feeling so extreme. I always try to think before externalizing them I feel bad that I feel that way in the first place.
I also like to use the example of skill floors/ceilings in video games. Emotional floor/ceilings. My emotional floor is higher to start with, and the ceiling, most likely anyone could get to, but itd take them a lot longer and a lot more things.
Sensory irritations. Little problems that remind you of past crises. Problems that recurrently never get solved before the correction measures fizzle out.
Ooh I like that system. That's more helpful. For example, I have wireless earbuds that if I lose or misplace, I get extremely distraught over because they help me calm and regulate. It's a very large emotional reaction compared to your average person misplacing something.
Right. Sometimes when I am emotionally dysregulated having lost the remote control feels like a 6/5. I can see the difference in why I should react 5 to having to call 911 vs 1-2 for the remote thing now. If I am having a moment though things that should be 1s break my scale.
bruh prepering everythimg perfectly and not being able to find that one CEUCIAL thing is a repressed memory you dig out rn 😭😭 neurotypicals could never 😖😖😖😖
Great system! I cannot however relate to calling others "stupid" or anything like that, even when I was a toddler. I didn't like the thought of being called that, so I didn't call others that. I did however hold back other things, so guess it made things even lol
Can you do a video about self harm? Like biting yourself or punching your head. I see that a lot of autistic people do that. I self harm when I can't communicate. It would be nice a video normalizing that and with info about when we should seek medical help after self harm. I got a giant bruise in my arm from bitting and can't find any info about if it's a dangerous bruise or not.
Funnily enough I don't get particularly stressed sad or angry until like 1/10 problems stresses me way more than it should. I get called a bit rovlbotic It can even be something ive dealt with easily before but now its a nightmare for no reason.
Yesterday I had a similar reaction when my PC was operating at a very slow pace. Clicking on something would literally take 10 minutes to open, I had the same reaction as the second example in the video (mixed with some profanity) 😖
You have call 911 as a huge problem. For me it is call anybody. Picking up the phone is a huge problem, as is answering it. This is a debilitating problem.
"It's just a smell" no it isn't, its overwhelming my nasal passages and it creates a sense of panic or growing anger because my face is the most sensory important part of living and it is unpleasant to exist around you
I have no idea whats going on in this video… but regulation is something I really struggle with as autistic adult (that masks well and so people dont think I need help) Ive never come across this
I have a question related to autism, communication, and society's apparent bias towards speaking (and hearing) as an indicator of success and intelligent. In Deaf culture that bias is called autism. I was wondering if there is a word or term that is similar for nonverbal autism
Hi I am mother of 9 years old kid he is autistic verbal and no intellectual delays but he gets frustrated alot and gets angry can not control his emotions he is not going for any therapy i am thinking to send him to ABA is that right as i hear mix opinion of ABA therapy may help sometimes doesn’t. Also he imitate alot any movie he watch he likes trains he make train noise all the time and also if he has conversations with anyone he repeats that conversation later own his own, also he is in the mainstream classroom where he act like other kids with different autism kids behavior such as making other noises and other behaviors please help me what i do for him he is such a lovely kid but because not right support we are all suffering he himself tell us that my brain doesn’t work i need to change my brain and it really hurts me that we can not help him. Please suggest any ideas.
Its almost like everyone is an individual with unique needs and one size fits all treatment plans are about as good as one size fits all socks as someone with size 14 boots the people who thought one size fits all socks are a good idea deserve to be locked in a room with a karen and mariah carey "all I want for christmas is you" playing on repeat and only fluorescent evil big lights for five year
That's a great system! It also helps neurotypicals understand that what they may feel is a small/big problem, may feel very different to an autistic person.
Great point. Didn’t think about that
I'm high functioning and you need some literal insanity going on to cause too much of this effect. Or a lot of cumulative stress.
We did something like this in rehab for addiction triggers and warning signs. For some people, positive emotions were big addiction triggers, which surprised me, but hey, everyone's different! And it also really really helped to chart it out and make plans while calm, so that I have something to go on when I'm having a craving. Although now almost 4 years out the cravings hardly happen anymore :)
As a neurodivergent person with BPD + bipolar disorder I am SO sensitive to things others aren't. It literally destroys my entire week if I meet a bad nurse, and that's not just a saying. It happens. And for you to tell me I don't even have a right to my own reaction is only triggering it more. Invalidating as HELL.
If I'm upset over something, it's a big thing TO ME. Who cares about other people's reactions to other situations? I'm me, and if I'm upset I AM UPSET!
@@SamirCCat Bad vibes from this reply.
Haven’t felt so seen.. people don’t show or talk about what the frustration looks like for folks who don’t get aggressive. We still experience the same things as them all inside and they have to come out somehow!
That seems very useful. My friends sometimes wonder how I can remain calm when a house fire wakes me up at 3am but then I have a breakdown when I get an unexpected phone call.
Ouch. I would have never been able to put this into words but this video just hit different. Just the other night I had a meltdown because a package I had out on my desk was not on my desk anymote when I went to open it. It must still be in the room somewhere but the more I looked for it and couldn't find it the more upset I got so frustrated and upset I had to give up looking to go have breakdown instead. It wasn't an important package, butt the fact that it wasn't where it was supposed to be (or anywhere else) was super upsetting because I had planned my night around opening it. People just don't understand it doesn't have to be important to be important to us.
You get it. Nobody ever gets this!
This makes sense! I worked at a summer camp and one of the children was autistic and had an aide to help him. They were still building the foundation for the (traditional use of the) small/big problem setup, by having him notice problems around him and how other kids solved them, ie, whether *those kids* saw it as a small or big problem. But I wondered how much that would really be useful in the "application" phase, as even neurotypical adults don't respond well to "this isn't a big deal, stop treating this like a big problem". I think your version would work better, where the framework is based on someone's own assessment of how big each problem is, done when they're in a good frame of mind to assess it *for them*.
Sidebar but it makes me SOOOOO happy that you said he was autistic, and not that he "had autism." Thanks!
@@popupdriveinoh gosh yes!!! autism is not a disease, I don't know why so many people have such trouble saying "is autistic" when *every* autistic person is clearly saying that's what they want!
Yeah I hate how neurotypicals lean towards "if I think your problem is objectively small, you're simply not Allowed be more upset by it than I would be". Like come on, people are just different. Unless I actually hurt someone, you can't act as though it's bad to feel things strongly. I also wish I wasn't like this, but you being annoyed or making fun of it obviously makes it so much worse
Seriously especially when the problem solving or parameter of “big” and “small” were never clearly defined or even like mentioned. Just screaming faces. And if that is what we base it off of 😅 I think we all have a lot of big problems and small problems mixed up.
So much this. I can't describe how much trauma I have from experiencing severe distress and being told I don't actually have any problems and no one is going to help me. It instilled a sense of learned helplessness because I learned it didn't matter how much pain I was in, I wouldn't get help even if I begged. 😔
Love watching your videos. I went into cardiac arrest at 23 years old back in 2018. I woke up with short term memory loss and to this day I still misplace things and get frustrated when I can’t find them. I’ll forget what we talk about sometimes mid sentence but I still live a valuable and meaningful life.
I’m so glad to see this, because it’s what I teach my kinder students! For the little ones, I say small problems you can fix by yourself, medium ones need grownup help, and big problems need doctors, firefighters, or other expert helpers.
There’s a book in the We Thinkers series called The Size of the Problem, which teaches it with dinosaurs. It’s pretty amazing.
Good grief why don't I remember any life skills being taught to me at elementary age? Other than sit down shut up do your work stand in line. Is it just that I take for granted the skills I was taught and don't remember being taught them anymore? Or has there really been astronomically more development of the early childhood curriculum around social emotional learning? (I was raised in the 80s)
@@danakchampion Yeah, my experience in the 90s was not great. Now there's way more knowledge about how important social/emotional skills are, and also somehow (finally!) it has gotten a hold in the school system. It's actually a high priority at my school and district, which is great, and a lot of educators are spending a lot of time and effort on it even if there is not time or funding for it.
Oh thank you for that really simple explanation of big vs. small problems, I was raised that independence was the metaphorical watch word, and if you didn't do it yourself,after you were taught, it wasn't getting done.
My immediate response is that sizing problems is a good idea but it means you first have to identify those problems.
In a spectral point of view, actual meltdown is a very obvious response for being directly exposed to problems, while avoidance, detachment, apathy and silence is probably a far more common response to problems and will keep them hidden, even from ourselves.
Great explanation. That matches my experience, especially, because I am high masking autistic female who only is figuring this out at at 48. But it makes so much make sense.
so true, i have alexytymia and realizing that something even is wrong is a big step already
I would like to say when I start to talk about the problem or tell other people my feelings, it’s already very severe…..
but neurotypical people seem to not take it seriously.
Wow. The second example puts so much into perspective for me. I've always had a strong sense of justice and certain work activities that my place of work has us do twice a year for team bonding enrage me every time. It's trivial and doesn't impact my life at all but it's a situation very similar to that one where I just feel I'm being overlooked in favor of other people, and I know they'll be wrong when I'm right anyway! It also brings back memories of school, when I got into trouble because I'd ask the teacher to stop calling on "the stupid kids" or read during class because it was boring listening to other children try to figure out things that I already understood. I'm relieved to see that other people feel this way, even if it's something I'm still struggling with.
I had a meltdown once over not getting a packet of salt in my takeout. I felt so awful afterwards, embarrassed and frustrated, but that problem was really big for me because I ALWAYS have a salt packet of a certain brand with that takeout. The entire ritual was ruined and I couldn’t regulate through it. Now, my husband and I keep extra salt packets of different brands in the car console in case that ever happens again. Being proactive about something I know has been a problem in the past has really helped a lot with my self regulation and meltdowns.
neurotypical here, very much agree with this method. not focusing on my emotions - whether it's spiraling into them or trying to make them go away/avoid them which doesn't work anyway - and looking at possible solutions instead is how i deal with any situation that makes me freak out nowadays
This is awesome! I just started therapy and my therapist wants me to write a ranking of my stressors and the task sounded really daunting to me because I'm not sure how to rank them in a way that made sense, but now I can utilize this problem size guide to help organize the task in my brain. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah it’s madness to try and tell people what and how much they SHOULD be feeling! Some autistic and adhd folks are amazing in serious emergencies but awful with supposedly smaller day to day things like having to be assertive or have a conversation with someone who can be manipulative (speaking from experience here)! I’m constantly being told I’m getting worked up over something and I shouldn’t be. Rather than people saying how I feel is wrong why can’t they ask how they can actually help me to process it. It’s incredibly stressful being told your feelings and emotions are wrong just because they’re not typical. It just adds to the stress and makes me more likely to have a full meltdown.
I am a 27 year old autistic person who started using this tool yesterday and this has already been such great help. Thank you for the resource!
Just to tell how different we are. I struggle hard with delayed emotional response, the bigger the emotion, the longer the response time. But it also makes a completly different list then yours. Calling 911(112 here in Europe) is one of the easiest task for me, because the need for it is clearly for me.
Just talking about a problem to judge if and how much help I need or ask someone to do a little thing for me to relieve my mental load is one of the hardest.
PS. Late diagnosed autistic.
I have adhd so I also struggle with emotional regulation problems and what is frustrating is when people discount my feelings because they know I have that issue. Since i'm not supposed to be that upset over something seen as trivial it is just dismissed and I am left feeling like my emotions don't matter to that person.
"What?! C'mon, you always call on her! She's literally an idiot!" Jesus Christ, you're brutal! I LOVE IT, LOL
I appreciate you educating people. I ran Cub Scout Day Camp for 5 years back a few years ago and we had some scouts with different problems. Granted their parents were with them but we did not receive any training from the scout council leadership and that would have been nice. This would have helped me be a better leader and possibly give the scouts a better experience while at camp.
That is a good system and can be applied in other ways, like if we have gotten to the point in a professional setting that I am directly and intentionally criticizing someone and not tempering my words...there have been either multiple small issues that didn't get addressed very well, or a significant issue has come up that someone wasn't paying attention to.
One of the most understandeable approach to emotional regulation. That wave they usually offer to "help measuring" how one feels was never helpful for me. Ok, now I am at 5, or 7, how that changes the circumstances that do not depend on me? How how I feel changes others behaviours and actions?I do not mean to avoid considering that clearly an oytburst of rage would complicate the things, I am referring to the fact at times people are triggering and my self regulation will not change them or what they do anyway cause they do not want to see/be accountable for the problem they created. This made me triggered and go on oytburst eventually.
And no, you cant talk about that when things arent triggered, cause if no problem visible, why to talk about. ..even if when it happens you are the problem, never them.
This your approach with numbers instead helps rationalising rather than falling in that loop of reasoning, bless you, thank you❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Thank you ❤ As a mom to a high functioning autistic teenager who was fairly recently diagnosed, this will help us navigate his reactions that we don’t always understand. It was very visual and very to the point.
That's a fantastic technique! I will put that to use. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with issues this will really help. Thank you
I love this chart! It's so helpful in identifying areas that an individual may struggle with. My brother and I are both diagbosed with autism level 1, but have radically different support needs and triggers so having a chart like this would help us to explain to others where our individual struggles (or strengths!) are. Thank you for the amazing content and prospective 😊
I am being evaluated for autism soon and I think I am high functioning for it but I definitely have difficulty managing emotions and specifically anxiety and struggle when I don’t have routines and sensitivity to clothes and how they feel as well as light is a big thing. But this year I had to get over my fear to a small degree of talking to doctors and I had to practice rehearsing with my mom prior to the appointment in what I wanted to say and what needed to happen for it to go more effectively. I wish more were talking this openly about this part of it
This is so so spot on Kaelynn. That chart is a very smart idea! Looks like it can really help your clients 😊😊
Wow this is really helpful information for me. I know people often don't understand how daunting certain tasks can seem for me. I've been explaining it on the basis of deficit of energy. Like I'm chronically fatigued from pain/exhausted from insomnia etc. so what doesn't seem like a big task to you may seem bigger to me because it takes a whole day's/weeks/month's energy. Trying to ask people to understand that way. It's been hard for me because I don't inherently understand why others find certain tasks so easy! Like I don't inherently aee where there's going to he a disconnect. Yet I'm the one that ends up responsible for bridging the gap and requesting empathy for "my" "shortcomings."
I had related the energy-deficit approach I've been taking to self-suspected ADHD and cPTSD as I've been learning more about those. But I didn't know this could be related to Autism which I also suspect I am. I really like this approach and it's also more of a "different people find different things overwhelming or straightforward and that's completely valid" instead of constantly asking people to accomodate my perceived deficits.
Which I don't feel great about but it's also not like I was given a course or support in what I am and how to deal with that. It's been a long hard journey. I'm so glad social media is here to make it easier for us to share what we've learned among ourselves. I'm learning so much from folks younger than me who grew up with actual diagnoses and resources and grew up in a whole different world where they're able to move ahead with theur lives instead of being snagged on all the hang ups I was raised with like about morality.
That's a really good idea! Now I know why I always felt icky and frustrated when my providers tried to use size of the problem on me.
The first time something happens unexpectedly the reaction can be huge, the next time the same thing happens I might not even blink. Somethings I can handle with experience. Still struggle to tie/untie my shoe laces though! Thank heaven for slipons.
I have a very different approach. I sort the problem by importance of the consequence if the problem is not fixed, and probability of occurrence (for problems that are not yet occurred, but could...). Unfortunately, the emotion is not proportional to the importance of the consequence (I can be really upset by the loss of one of my hair ties, but not so much by not paying my bills or reclaim money to my insurance...). So I ask my husband to help evaluating the level of importance.
At work, I do my best to do it myself : first I go for a short walk (in the lobby or the stairs) to calm down a little, then I write on a paper a description of the problem, the consequences, etc... That helps me a lot.
Your channel is dope and your information is wonderful. Much love from NC!
That classification of problems makes so much sense.
I have this difficulty as well, where a problem that should be small is very large to me. For instance, being late or having something be rescheduled or plans changing. These are my level 5 stressors. To other people, not a problem at all. My husband is very patient with me and does a fantastic job at talking me through it when it happens.
OMG THAT IS REALLY HELPFUL. I was literally thinking. 🤔 what makes it a big problem 😅 even as a child I had broken ribs and it didn’t mean I’d get medical attention but something like a test may have genuinely put me in more clear signs of distress.
Hearing you say that it's normal to feel big emotions for small problems makes me feel less guilty. Usually I feel like a monster for my feelings feeling so extreme. I always try to think before externalizing them I feel bad that I feel that way in the first place.
I also like to use the example of skill floors/ceilings in video games. Emotional floor/ceilings. My emotional floor is higher to start with, and the ceiling, most likely anyone could get to, but itd take them a lot longer and a lot more things.
This is genius. It actually gives directions on how to solve problems
Dude... That part in the beginning with the gray headphones... I mean it's usually my wallet or keys but I felt that.
another one of your videos that helps neurotypical folks too. 🤗
Sensory irritations.
Little problems that remind you of past crises.
Problems that recurrently never get solved before the correction measures fizzle out.
Excellent use of a system, Kaelynn... of course me Executive Functions trip on it! But, I still really like it.
I love what you are doing! Thanks!
Ooh I like that system. That's more helpful. For example, I have wireless earbuds that if I lose or misplace, I get extremely distraught over because they help me calm and regulate. It's a very large emotional reaction compared to your average person misplacing something.
That is genius, thank you for sharing!
Right. Sometimes when I am emotionally dysregulated having lost the remote control feels like a 6/5. I can see the difference in why I should react 5 to having to call 911 vs 1-2 for the remote thing now. If I am having a moment though things that should be 1s break my scale.
Thank you! Great idea.
🤯 truly mind blowing.
Thank you for making these videos ❤
This does not have to do with the video content, per se, but it is incredibly validating to see someone with imperfect handwriting like me.
I just wanted to say this was SUUUPER helpful! Thanks honey~!
I love this so much thank you!
Thank you for this!!
bruh prepering everythimg perfectly and not being able to find that one CEUCIAL thing is a repressed memory you dig out rn 😭😭 neurotypicals could never 😖😖😖😖
Spot on ❤
This is brilliant!
Yes, also the first part is me trying to find anything, every time😅
Me too. Once I lose something it can be hard for me to concentrate on anything else until I find it.
Great system!
I cannot however relate to calling others "stupid" or anything like that, even when I was a toddler. I didn't like the thought of being called that, so I didn't call others that.
I did however hold back other things, so guess it made things even lol
Can you do a video about self harm? Like biting yourself or punching your head. I see that a lot of autistic people do that. I self harm when I can't communicate. It would be nice a video normalizing that and with info about when we should seek medical help after self harm. I got a giant bruise in my arm from bitting and can't find any info about if it's a dangerous bruise or not.
Oh my god, this makes so much more sense
I'm going to implement this system in my owh life!!!
Funnily enough I don't get particularly stressed sad or angry until like 1/10 problems stresses me way more than it should. I get called a bit rovlbotic It can even be something ive dealt with easily before but now its a nightmare for no reason.
I’m shizo and have similar problems in that area. I beat myself when I felt I was overreacting
Yesterday I had a similar reaction when my PC was operating at a very slow pace. Clicking on something would literally take 10 minutes to open, I had the same reaction as the second example in the video (mixed with some profanity) 😖
Where can we get a copy of the chart that you showed. My family members would love this. As some of us have autism formally diagnosed and some don’t
Very nice content.
Your hand writing looks a lot like mine 😊
I can't even tell you how much I related to this video
This is good stuff.
You have call 911 as a huge problem. For me it is call anybody. Picking up the phone is a huge problem, as is answering it. This is a debilitating problem.
Then I think you would put "call anyone" on #5, right? If calling someone is worse than going to the ER, then it is a number 5 problem.
@@viewbuster1979 Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to say.
I like it great solution 😊
Oh cool, think you! ❤
THIS IS GREAT
Step 6:
• *Inhale*
• *YELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!*
"It's just a smell" no it isn't, its overwhelming my nasal passages and it creates a sense of panic or growing anger because my face is the most sensory important part of living and it is unpleasant to exist around you
huge fan :33 im also autistic!!
Problems dont exist with the solution oriented mind. Only the process exists.
#kayleenn can you please please link the sheet below that you shared in the video. I definitely need a copy
I have no idea whats going on in this video… but regulation is something I really struggle with as autistic adult (that masks well and so people dont think I need help) Ive never come across this
I have a question related to autism, communication, and society's apparent bias towards speaking (and hearing) as an indicator of success and intelligent. In Deaf culture that bias is called autism. I was wondering if there is a word or term that is similar for nonverbal autism
That's an interesting of looking at Kaelynn.
I be calling the police on my aunt 🙃 hahaha
❤ you are awesome.i have such a crush on you😅
Hi I am mother of 9 years old kid he is autistic verbal and no intellectual delays but he gets frustrated alot and gets angry can not control his emotions he is not going for any therapy i am thinking to send him to ABA is that right as i hear mix opinion of ABA therapy may help sometimes doesn’t. Also he imitate alot any movie he watch he likes trains he make train noise all the time and also if he has conversations with anyone he repeats that conversation later own his own, also he is in the mainstream classroom where he act like other kids with different autism kids behavior such as making other noises and other behaviors please help me what i do for him he is such a lovely kid but because not right support we are all suffering he himself tell us that my brain doesn’t work i need to change my brain and it really hurts me that we can not help him. Please suggest any ideas.
That new thing you made makes me fell less loke im being overdramatic when things happen
:)
This is me
Its almost like everyone is an individual with unique needs and one size fits all treatment plans are about as good as one size fits all socks as someone with size 14 boots the people who thought one size fits all socks are a good idea deserve to be locked in a room with a karen and mariah carey "all I want for christmas is you" playing on repeat and only fluorescent evil big lights for five year
None of those are small problems
I’d let you rank the size of something other than my problems ;)